Weekly Vlog: When They Won’t Take Your “No”

Рет қаралды 5,489

Күн бұрын

The holidays are coming, and with them come a great deal of socializing-often around food. It can be daunting. But what’s the worst that can happen?
I have three stories for you about times when the worst did happen.
Here’s the first: a friend told me a story about being around a campfire with his family. A family member offered him something they were cooking-it was NMF (not my food). He said, “No thanks,” but the person just shoved the food closer to him and insisted he take it.
When they shoved it into his face a third time, he got mad. He was rocked by the fact that his “no” wasn’t honored.
Another story: When I lived in Sydney, Australia, I was going through the worst relapse I’d ever had. I finally put down the sugar and flour and got peace, but I was fragile. During that time, we were Baháʼí-I’m not anymore, but I was a devout member of the faith then-and frequently went to religious gatherings.
There was always a large contingent of Persians at these gatherings. In Persian culture, there is a rule of hospitality called taarof, where the host offers a guest food several times, which they turn down twice, and then accept the third time. It’s a sort of dance between host and guest. It’s woven into their culture.
I’d go to these gatherings, and invariably the host would bring a tray of baked goods around and I’d refuse, as clearly and strongly as I could. And they’d lift the tray higher and insist. And by this point, tears would be in my eyes and I’d be looking for a way to escape. It was very hard to not have my “no” respected, and I eventually stopped going to these events.
And one more: There was a man I didn’t know very well at a camping event. I told him that I didn’t eat sugar or flour. After that, he took a chunk of NMF and shoved it in my mouth. He meant it as a joke. He thought that since I wasn’t initiating the action, it was a freebie and I’d enjoy it.
I freaked out and ran to the sink to spit out the food. He didn’t get it-he didn’t understand that I wouldn’t appreciate a freebie.
If you’re not a Bright Lifer, what support can you get for these circumstances? First, there is the vlog archive. Go to BrightLineEating.com, click the vlog tab, and use the search box. There’s one called “How to Talk to Your Partner about BLE.” It can help you if someone is obstructing your progress.
You can search the vlog archives on terms like “holiday,” “Thanksgiving,” and “Halloween.” There are good tips there to help support you.
There is also support in the books: Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free and Rezoom: The Powerful Reframe to End the Crash-and-Burn Cycle of Food Addiction. Get them from the library or cheap on Amazon.
If you are a Bright Lifer, there’s even more support. We have a whole course called “Bright Line Holiday,” and it goes into depth about navigating the holidays and staying Bright.
If you’re in Boot Camp, there’s a module Called “A Full, Flourishing Life: Navigating Friends, Family, and Social Situations.” There’s also the Friends and Family video-you can copy the link and send it to your loved ones. They get an explanation from a neuroscientist-me-on why your brain is different.
Insults and misunderstandings are hard to navigate but it is not, after all, the job of others to understand what you’re doing with your food. And they may never. But you can stay strong in your “no, thank you” regardless of whether they understand.
Think about it this way: If you were allergic to peanuts, and someone made you a peanut butter sandwich, you wouldn’t eat it no matter how much they urged it on you. You would say, “No thank you, peanut butter makes me sick.” That’s helpful language because sugar and flour make us sick. It warps our minds, spirit, body, and brain.
I want to leave you with a quote from the Indian philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti: “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
We have a food landscape that is sick. People eat themselves into illness and early death. For us, it’s even worse because we have an addictive relationship with ultra-processed foods. It’s not good for us, even on the holidays.
So stay strong in your “no, thank you.” Appreciate the people who accept this and God bless those who don’t. And bring it here. Bring it here. Bring it here. We get you, we love you, we support you.
FOR THIS VLOG, PODCASTS, TRANSCRIPTS-and MORE: ble.life/d36r0r

Пікірлер: 33

@emcrone4101 2 ай бұрын

I love the peanut butter sandwich example. Maybe if someone presses you, one could say they are “allergic to sugar” then at least they would stop pressing you. But pressuring someone even after you have said NO THANK YOU is so disrespectful. And I woulda been SO ANGRY at that guy who shoved food in your mouth, how very rude and disrespectful!!!!

@dgallew26 3 ай бұрын

Its not their job to understand what you do with your food. I love this reminder

@dawncaro6902 3 ай бұрын

YES! Best thought I didn't think of! ❤❤

@rosesharon55 3 ай бұрын

Every holiday, every occasion for a get together, my husband's family pressure us to eat their food. They love pizza, fried chicken, etc. We're both vegan and try to stay away from any junk food. It makes it so hard to be around them while they're eating this stuff- not because we crave it, but because we know what it's doing to their health. We've learned to bring our own food to these gatherings and nobody is ever interested in tasting any of it, yet we are scorned because we refuse their offer to share theirs. It's gotten to the point now where we decline any invitations that revolve around food (basically all of them) and just try not to mingle. It's a shame, but it's so much less stressful for us to just avoid the situation.

@Brightlineeating 3 ай бұрын

Sending you love 🫂🧡

@joycerosa4902 3 ай бұрын

That sounds awful I guess that is why they say we choose our family

@silkenissen7409 3 ай бұрын

That sounds really hard, but lucky you, your partner and you are on the same path together! That's wonderful 😊

@dawncaro6902 3 ай бұрын

That is so sad on so many levels. Good for you both to see the benefit and follow your Bright Line pathways! Each of us have the choices, and if they choose a different path, it is out of your control. But our higher roads don't let us disrespect them as we may be disrespected. Remain strong and confident in your choices, knowing they are the better life. God bless you! ❤

@denisepellow3071 3 ай бұрын

I think this kind of pressure is more prevalent than we realize. I've had it happen . Oh take a bite of this - you have to try this, etc etc etc and no respect for boundaries and when they keep doing it you get very mad. I know I did and I will never let that happen to me again. I will say "what don't you understand about the word 'no?"

@Brightlineeating 3 ай бұрын

We're sorry you've experienced this! 🧡

@dawncaro6902 3 ай бұрын

Thank you, SPT! I am EVER thankful to have discovered your book, which eventually led to Bootcamp 2.0 for me and consequently my husband ( tagging along) . Of all the modules, this one resonates the hardest for me. I especially want to remember what you said in the very end about that this is who we are - not a short-term fad ( my interpretation)- but WHO we actually are! That makes it so much easier to deal with others who dont get it. I have searched for nearly 50 years, wondering why i couldn't separate myself from desserts! FINALLY, i know the answer and how to deal with it. God bless you - you are the answer to my prayers! I am working hard to reverse all that damage and am living a WONDERFUL BRIGHT LIFE!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ love you to pieces!❤❤❤

@Brightlineeating 3 ай бұрын

😊🧡🫂⭐

@jennifersheridan9505 3 ай бұрын

Something I found helpful is just to be confident ( even if I am not really at the time “ fake it, till I make it” type of mindset) and I say this is just how I eat and I like the way I eat! I love my food and my routine! ( which I really do love my food and the way I eat now.) 😊 #BLE bright lifer ❤ be strong my friends! ODAAT! 💙

@Brightlineeating 3 ай бұрын

🧡

@jillytiffen6305 3 ай бұрын

Just dreadful! 😝 Another form of bullying really…Have similar responses from others re my severe allergies! Since I’ve been doing Intermittent Fasting successfully with Dr. Mindy these last 6 months (TRE), I’ve had no desire for those flours and sugars at all! Am 3 stones down now despite thyroid, & other inflammatory diseases! I think I could eat this way for life! 🙏😁 Enjoy your videos! Thank you for sharing..😁👍

@fionah3433 3 ай бұрын

I recently read someone reminding us that "No" is a complete sentence. After the first "No, thank you", it can just be "no", however many times it takes. I also wonder if saying I "can't" eat sugar would be stronger than I "don't" eat sugar. I kind of like the first approach because it doesn't open up a conversation and the latter can. One could also say I don't "like" sugar/sweets or "care for" sugar/sweets. If someone thinks you actually don't like what's on offer, they may move on.

@gingeracebelle 3 ай бұрын

One time, my beautiful, always-thin older sister really needed me to eat some of her berry cobbler she made for a holiday where I was visiting. We were standing at the stove (probably my first mistake!) and I politely declined the cobbler a couple of times. She proceeded to lift the oblong glass pan full of warm berry cobbler and put the corner to my mouth. This is the same sister that would talk with the rest of my family about my weight. Wtheck!? I'm 2/3 way through your awesome, very helpful video and hoping you'll touch on why, why, why? I don't think it was the Taarof (but thank you for all you teach us, including this). Did she need me to continue to be a plus-size person for some reason? She used to make so much for holidays that some of the salads would be forgotten to be brought upstairs from the downstairs fridge - so it wasn't like the berry cobbler was a special, one-off dish, or maybe it was to her?

@gingeracebelle 3 ай бұрын

PS - I did end up eating the cobbler and probably everything else but the kitchen sink (possibly that too) after that. Is it ever ok to 'feign a sneeze' all over said food - ooh, or cough, possibly even gag??? It might work in theory but also seems passive-aggressive and not lengths I really want to go to.. My sister is also one not to want to eat at anyone else's home b/c she 'doesn't trust their kitchen, ' etc. Her and her husband visited me from out of town one time and no one ate the lasagna (his favorite) I made - the only thing that was eaten was a kiwi by my sister and she ate it with the skin on. Who eats fuzzy-skin kiwi??

@Brightlineeating 3 ай бұрын

That sounds like such a hard situation. 🫂We can't presume to know other people's motivations. All we can do is worry about ourselves, our program, and our actions. It's best to have an Emergency Action Plan and plenty of support when you know you'll be entering into a difficult situation like this one. This is definitely something that could be dug into in depth with a coach on a coaching call. 🧡

@gingeracebelle 3 ай бұрын

@@Brightlineeating Thank you so much for this reminder to bring it back to our own stuff. Wanting to figure out others' stuff keeps me distracted from my own. I'm onto myself! haha And an EAP is a great idea! We have one in place at work, having one (or more!) personally makes so much sense. A Giant Thank You!

@Brightlineeating 3 ай бұрын

🫂🫂🫂

@nancybryce92 2 ай бұрын

Hey...what she needed and what you needed, two different things.. Maybe some subtle power play going on...people can have tangled motives...they like to break your control ?? For some reason it annoys them. But thats about them, you have your own needs and some boundaries that you are responsible for...just some thougts 👍

@KDubbahU 3 ай бұрын

Susan… Your being far too polite describing the former “friend” who “shoved” food in your mouth as a “joke” as [horribly outside appropriate boundaries] He assaulted you plain and simple. Would go far enough to say it was something else…but won’t.