40 - The Deft Bowman

February 1, 2014 - The Telephone Service finally fixes the only telephone booth in town, and a submarine arrives from faraway Nulogorsk. Plus, a new campaign from the Tourism Board, we meet our station's newest program director, and strange texts from a mountaintop, if you can believe that.
This episode was co-written with Zack Parsons.
The voice of Lauren Mallard was Lauren Sharpe.
Weather: "Offering" by Black City Lights. blackcitylights.bandcamp.com
Become a member on Patreon today to help us keep making Welcome to Night Vale and get cool stuff, like Director’s Notes, bonus episodes, and even a new character named after you.
/ welcometonightvale
Music: Disparition, disparition.info
Logo: Rob Wilson, robwilsonwork.com
Produced by Commonplace Books. Written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. More Info: welcometonightvale.com, and follow @NightValeRadio on Twitter or Facebook.
HEY WHY'S THERE NO VIDEO? Welcome to Night Vale is a audio podcast. All standard episodes have no video component. To subscribe to the podcast, go to iTunes, Stitcher, or find our RSS feed at nightvale.libsy...

[@emilyholland279]

If Lauren hurts Carlos I'll cry, ohmygosh.

[@johnstoehr5340]

SAAAAAAAAAAME

[@MiscellaneousMaZ]

Honestly, if she hurt Carlos, she wouldn't last long...

[@venusthebenus]

Run, Carlos. *_RUN._*

[@whatever_cisum]

Renee Cooperider g

[@theradroach]

*_rUN YOU CLEVER BOY! AND REMEMBER ME_*

[@flylikeabeetv]

I spit out my water at that cute little "Hello Cecil!"

[@AllieRawlings]

I'm pretty sure Lauren is more interested in arranging a hit for Carlos, rather than literally hitting on him.

[@mistersympa15]

She harms him in any way, I swear, I'll rip a brand-new interdimentional hole in her head.

[@Ari-si7tv]

I'll join you. Aint no one hurting my son

[@collingentry3976]

It's so hard to tell in this show what is just funny nonsense and what is actually going to be a plot point later on

[@gwendolenseay446]

i know right?

[@auroraeve3327]

I knowwww

[@davidegaruti2582]

the answer is both

[@ChatookaMusic]

In my experience almost everything manages to be the latter eventually

[@knightofbreath-k8b]

I don't trust people who don't love carlos

[@lydiahandshy6911]

Kay kevin

[@merasmurry1460]

well i trust people who don't love. but people who dislike Carlos then there up to no good and cant be trusted

[@nekogodofwar1851]

Me neither

[@floofmcgoof8196]

I know this isn't really connected, but it makes me really happy that even though Megan was a MANS detached hand, now attached to a MANS body, SHE is still Megan.

[@maxguen4211]

Yea, TBH, though, I'd probably scream and step on her since, y know she's a detached crawling hand and all.

[@amandajohnson3531]

I have a theory that she's just related to Thing from The Addams Family

[@Abigail-hu5wf]

Megan Wallaby says trans rights

[@michaelbyrnes803]

@@Abigail-hu5wf hell yeah

[@Iamthesuperest]

@@Abigail-hu5wf well, not “says”, maybe one day though.

[@masonlacour1982]

"For this single reason, and no other, the arrival of a Nulgorskian submarine in our desert was unexpected." Why is it that THAT'S the weirdest thing I've heard all day?

[@alexanderhagle4520]

I feel like The Man who is Not Short and The Man who is Not Tall is leading up to something big.

[@SuaveNerd2000]

I mean they were also in the story about you... so who knows?

[@gwendolenseay446]

when they were in the Story About You everyone freaked that they were the Winchesters. I figure the boys would have freaked out a bit more so I didn't accept that headcannon, but yes: it's like they're leading up to something

[@TheVardener]

I can't tell if that's a play on words or an actual prediction

[@Eden.does.lyrics]

you guys are right just listen deeper

[@Nebulax_]

be careful Carlos baby... get your little Cecil to protect you

[@cayennelee5015]

Nebula LAUREN

[@hazelbellydancer]

Why are people assuming that Lauren wants Carlos? I really don't think she's interested in Carlos or Cecil. She is obviously more interested in money.

[@bulbasaurcowboy]

I think Night Vale is like an alternate universe in which the Cold War actually ended in nuclear warfare. And those left in society had to rebuild.

[@mjspresents]

This was one of the best things I have ever heard! "Then she waved her hand, which used to be her entire body." Hahahahaha

[@Creecherfromtheblacklagoon]

Maybe the Apache Tracker went to wherever the submarine came from since he came back speaking Russian?

[@1xrosexredx1]

Man, if y'all can't tell the difference between romantic interest and foreshadowing of murder, I feel bad for your families.

[@noahwilliams8996]

+Bad Raptor Since when is there a difference? :P

[@ginnyleonard8537]

+Bad Raptor you do realize there is no difference.... right?

[@bere4456]

+Fourth-Dimensional Quasar she is the best

[@justeundonut-moi.7979]

Wait I thought that was the same thing ?!

[@epiphanierosenstern5635]

He would need a family for this

[@MajikcalMischief]

Oh man, Cecil's last words before the weather were so deep. "The correct historical truth must be validated. And all false histories, brutally repressed. And until that time, the only truth we will have is the weather." In the times of fake news and uncertainty, the only truth we have is music. Kinda applies to our modern times too.

[@simsamtimtam]

Coral Schreibeck also "Because you think beauty and sentience are mutually exclusive" Ive never heard anything more accurate about our society. Fuck dude

[@neegas3490]

👀

[@gallifreyanchocolate6058]

*laughs in 2020*

[@isabellasevillaaguilera9679]

When WTNV Minute 10 has more enby representation than literally anything else

[@arturoreyescortez2476]

This is a heartwarming episode! I know Dana is still in another dimension, Lauren is planning something evil, and that someone changed the news of what really happened, but the good news is that Megan has a body! Also, the people from Nulogorsk would have been surprised with Michael Jackson's last decades of life if they haven't been killed by a nuclear blast.

[@harleyjune]

"The ocean is full of things that would like to kill you" I'm currently listening to this while playing Subnautica and can fully confirm this message. Never go to an ocean...

[@itstictac2825]

This is ultra specific but same xD helps during farming

[@Tenajeh]

We have left this place a couple million years ago for a very good reason.

[@windrunnerradiant4776]

Run Carlos. RUN!!!!! As a side note I am super happy for Megan. She deserves to have more than a detatched hand as a body.

[@EarthlyMaidenLita]

You beautiful, beautiful child, Meghan. Beautiful.

[@EayuProuxm]

For all the scary things in Night Vale, Lauren talking in a bubbly tone without background music about Carlos was the MOST terrifying.

[@imyou7764]

How much black magic does it take to murder a fictional character? (Named Lauren)

[@amberc5462]

I'm You comment IHL

[@sleepyselkiesiren]

Cecil seems like he'd be the weird uncle, but instead everyone has adopted him as their son

[@jaywolfe9659]

i like how night vale is so supportive of stuff we normaly arn't

[@eetishmeh]

Like time-travel!! :D /j

[@feverishnightmare6418]

Lauren scares me tbh

[@user-io4ps9bi9y]

Lauren scares me as well haha

[@doodlebrain6594]

I don't trust her or her strexcorp cheeriness.

[@MySerpentine]

Man, the weather is Strex-y.

[@theletters9623]

I AM SO HAPPY FOR MEGAN

[@v.v365]

head canon that the telephone booth that, when you pick up the phone, plays a song that sounds as if from a music box, is actually playing "It's A Small World"

[@toomany_bones]

Oh, that's cheery!

[@zura3395]

When she said "teeth like a military cemetery" I lost it

[@ashalynpointe9731]

"No one uses Telephone booths anymore" THE DOCTOR DOES

[@notasilentcreation7105]

*cough* Clark Kent *cough*

[@Prophecyarmour]

The Doctor uses a Police Box. Bill and Ted use a telephone booth.

[@PopishIdolatry]

Arwin used a telephone booth on the suite life of Zack and Cody.

[@vriskaserkettheif_of_light]

i remember that that was funny

[@masonyork6543]

eeeyyyyyy

[@shineyluna1268]

Megan's story warms my heart in ways I cannot describe ♡

[@RatQueenDreams]

Listening to this episode again made me think of something. It made me think of nulgorse back in the eighties when it got destroyed and nuclear fallout. I wonder if everyone got like some kind of split consciousness with they experienced one world where everything ended in the eighties decades ago and another where everything is fine and nulgorse is just weird.

[@jessmess7170]

You are not too far off! :)

[@tomdekler9280]

0:10 I can't believe he's talking from Phoenix Wright now.

[@zym5435]

Objection! How do you know that it was Phoenix Wright now and not... *PHOENIX **_WRITE_** NOW!!!!! *cornered starts playing**

[@tomdekler9280]

[the music abruptly cuts off] [still shots of the prosecutor, the judge and a disappointed look from the attorney assistant] Judge: "Please take this courtroom more seriously." [you receive a penalty]

[@kathycat4452]

OBJECTION!!

[@nelliebachesneg6655]

My name is Megan and I was listening to this in the background so suddenly in the middle of something I just hear "hello Megan!" and my heart stopped for a second.

[@motholotl2186]

3:48 My dad used to work at a place you could see a payphone from. He figured out how to call the payphone and, for quite some time, entertained himself by calling it and talking to any passersby who would pick up. One day the police came to his job to speak to him. They asked him to do the thing; they thought it was funny.

[@laurenpubillones4296]

the first time i listened to this episode I'm like "ooh a russian city, how exciting!" now I'm like wait how the hell did a submarine pull into a landlocked dessert city silly me, it came to the harbor and waterfront that was supposed to be erased from our memories

[@maybebi47]

Carlos...RUN FO YO LIFEE HOMIE

[@raksaisme]

I really like the weather for this episode :D

[@teagan4211]

WAITING FOR THE BUS IN THE RAIN IN THE RAIN WAIT WAITING FOR THE BUS IN THE RAIN

[@A_blue_Sky]

raksaisme WAITING FOR THE BUS IN THE RAIN IN THE RAIN WAIT WAITING FOR THE BUS IN THE RAIN

[@ngos2362]

WAITING FOR THE BUS IN THE RAIN IN THE RAIN WAIT WAITING FOR THE BUS IN THE RAIN

[@voidpriestess42]

Me too :)

[@emecartwright]

WAITING FOR THE BUS IN THE RAIIINNN

[@angelicfruitcake520]

I haven't listened to this in so long and my body, mind and soul is ready.

[@lonelylittledot]

I am REALLY concerned for my beautiful scientific cinnamon roll Carlos's safety 😵

[@juniperblank8201]

Nice weather we're having today!

[@amberc5462]

Kendel Banks BEEP BEEP I'M A SHEEP I SAID BEEP BEEP I'M A SHEEP X9

[@juniperblank8201]

DAMN thas me

[@FlyingAway030]

I am so happy for Meghan.

[@rottengrapes8605]

flavor town? more like can town

[@FlyingAway030]

Popcorn Kitty ive been found out

[@joshf2170]

Riddle at the start: Fear? Like, kids are scared of monsters on 4 legs, adults fear people, and every night people have nightmares and you probably love fear at least a little bit to be listening to this show.

[@AlmaChroma]

Awwwww! "Hello Cecil."

[@shanesullivan460]

Good for Megan.

[@millenniumf1138]

"Never. Go. To the ocean. It is a confounding place. It is full of death, and strife, and terror." Sounds like those marine biologists have played Subnautica, too.

[@smol_chilli_pepper]

Carlos better watch out

[@daniphantomgirl13]

Wheezing. Dont harm the Carlos bab please ;-;

[@dogfini3488]

The weather is really pretty in this one

[@MySerpentine]

+The Masked Collective . . . if that weather wasn't chosen as the most Strex they could find, my hat will attempt to eat me. And I don't even wear a hat!

[@littlebearbradick9263]

the weather is so lovely

[@blikitwig]

"bamboo wind chimes filled with hamburger" is how I will refer to all humans

[@whatdoyouwantyoutwat4133]

I just realized that being Russian in nightvale is a big deal

[@whatdoyouwantyoutwat4133]

27:23 Cecil does his adorable voice

[@rednine6431]

Hi hello it's 2020 and no one except me is listening to Night Vale right now... But! I'm russian and I just wanted to tell y'all that "gorsk" in russian means "mountain town". This name given to towns located near mountains. Although I don't know that you're going to do with this information since mountains are not real...

[@midnightstatic9437]

I m l i s t e n i n g For the first time So-

[@mb-zx4hl]

слава богу, я не одна нашла этот фандом спустя столько лет

[@Подсолнуш]

Ураа, рус фандом Найт-Вейла существует! :D

[@ty4082]

What a good explanation of basketball

[@marcom5575]

Hang on, submarine that makes people age suddenly? That was an episode of The X-Files, right?!

[@nopeg5730]

Jade K The Twilight Zone, I think

[@katinkakatinka2222]

Sure is. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Død_Kalm

[@ZZZ-xq9pk]

the weather this episode was amazing

[@rst2775]

I love that there is agender representation

[@thegoodboy8831]

favourite beginning to anything ever

[@jaywolfe9659]

i would totaly go see night vale

[@nochill1233]

Literally crying right now because the detached hand of a man got a body of her own

[@kaypuchin8168]

Good luck Meagan! You go girl!

[@Takisan111]

Russian seems to be the growing language in Night Vale.

[@christianmoralesortiz4688]

Lauren: *might do something to Carlos* Me: *sharpens sword with malicious intent* My many Erikas: *growls and make different angry animal sounds*

[@Drace90]

Worship the great pidgeon god. Or it will focus its unholy anger and wrath right on your car and bury it under eternal white stuff.

[@brendanforston3109]

+Drace90 no all hail the glow cloud

[@echadwick3916]

+Drace90 But...but.........NO. I REFUSE TO WORSHIP YOUR PETTY BIRD. BOW TOWARDS THE ALMIGHY GLOW CLOUD. THROW YOUR USELESS, STINKING, HORRID EXCUSES FOR BODIES TOWARDS THE EARTH AND BEG FOR MERCY. ALL HAIL THE GLOW CLOUD. ALL HAIL.

[@cayennelee5015]

E. Chadwick ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY GLOW CLOUD

[@lilacrot]

Hearing her ask about Carlos makes me feel so fucking sick and worried /positive

[@Olivia-ek9ib]

I want to hear more stories about this Russian town. Does that mean there are other Night Vales out there?

[@JTroupeVO]

Lauren Mallard is more jelly than my pb&j sandwich(and I'm fresh out of peanut butter)

[@SupersuMC]

I'M NOT CRYING ABOUT MEGAN! YOU ARE!

[@clockworkeclipse4689]

Anyone think the genderless spokesperson was talking about a nuke in the past? I just got to this episode, so I don't know if something answers this later.

[@forgemakesstuff2734]

*hears Lauren over-compliment Cecil and be borderline rude about Carlos* LAUREN DONT MESS WITH MY SHIP *reads comments* *grabs weapons from nowhere* LAUREN

[@selenakirby9809]

Well then WHAT am I supposed to do with this turnip?!

[@alexbeaujon6010]

13:45 for every time I need to tell people why I have a massive fear of the ocean

[@teddyincorporated]

Joseph Fink Josephs Thoughts

[@Rainbowthewindsage]

You know your tourism industry sucks, when your tourism department decides to quote the Wasteland.

[@0therun1t21]

Very nice weather today.

[@Vawk20]

Okay. Could someone explain why this episode is called the deft Bowman? It involved neither archery not oars, right? Did I miss something?

[@thegoodboy8831]

project archer was a soviet project that nearly caused nuclear war in the 80's. it was just a false alarm, but people were getting ready for the apocalypse. but alas, they had a deft bowman (or archer)

[@thegoodboy8831]

the idea being that nulogorsk is a pocket dimension that actually received the nuclear blast. also, if you listen to [best of]?, then you will realize this has to do with simone rigadeau.

[@HassanSra]

It's named after a military exercise that NATO conducted in 1983 called "Able Archer". Get it? "Deft Bowman" and "Able Archer" are just two ways to say the same thing. The military exercise was supposed to simulate ground war tactics during a thermonuclear war in Europe. NATO carried out the exercises all across the parts of Europe west of the West German- East German border, but they made it look so real that the Soviets thought that NATO was launching a pre-emptive strike on them. The Soviets almost launched their missiles because of this, but they found out that it was just a simple exercise soon enough. Night Vale has made it clear that something split reality in half around 1983 and created two timelines. One where the Soviets launched their missiles and the world ended (That's the timeline the genderless spokes-being, the newspaper, and Cecil's tape in episode 67 are talking about) and the real time line where the Soviets didn't launch their missiles. Simone Rigadeau (the transient living in the recycling closet of the Earth Sciences Building) seems to be the only one that knows about this split in timelines. She was once the head professor of Earth Sciences at Night Vale Community College, but she lost her mind and shut down the Earth Sciences department after her reality was split into two parts; She says that the "real world" was the one that ended in 1983. I just thought I would correct @the good boy about "Able Archer". It was not a Soviet Project, it was a NATO war game.

[@whatdoyouwantyoutwat4133]

Lovely weather we're having today

[@carolinea3899]

D: ....... This episode reminded me of the Twilight Zone episode that haunted my whole childhood... The one with the submarine... with skeletons inside... and the one holding the wrench.... making the banging sound that the radar picked up. Uuuuugh! (shudders) Also, Lauren is totally in love with Cecil. XD She sounds jealous...

[@carolinea3899]

lol I was naive, I was so very very naive. XD

[@taylah8117]

I don't trust lauren at all

[@miss.dannitiger]

This weather is amazing omg! Megan has a body now!!!! Yay!! 😭😭😭👏👏👏👏 omg I'm so happy

[@dinobox8002]

All I can think of now when I see the word "Bowman" is Bowman's credit score. I'm thinking of a number.....

[@fnaf2ventnoise330]

i loved the weather! it was rlly cool!

[@HermitCree]

There's a genderless spokesbeing and that makes me so happy

[@NovaStella_]

“The ocean is full of things that can kill you.” Damn, they were just a few years too early for the “There are many benefits to being a marine biologist” meme

[@dragonsherlock9875]

Okay but what if megan was supposed to be the bald man reincarnated but because he didn't die with the others, only the part of him that was dead(gone) was reincarnated. That's why Megan was only a hand

[@IbbyWondrous]

I just came to re-listen to this episode cause I liked it. One of the episodes that boarders on twilight-zone-esque creepypasta when it comes to plot. But I completely forgot that the weather for this one was a Black City Lights song, which I have been listening to for a while.

[@johnstoehr5340]

I really like the weather today 😀

[@luciana.9945]

i'm so happy for megan 🥺

[@simsamtimtam]

WHOP WHOP MEGHAN YOU GO GIRL

[@jesssam7384]

Cecil's phone is so creative

[@nataliakozie6045]

the weather was lovely

[@nekogodofwar1851]

Lauren better run. Carlos is Cecils and Cecils ONLY.

[@dr.altoclef9255]

As pointed out by Hassan Sora deep in the comments section, 'Able Archer' was a military exercise simulating thermonuclear war tactics in Europe, carried out by NATO across the West/East German border. The Soviets reacted poorly to this, thinking it was an actual pre-emptive attack and nearly launched missiles. The title here, 'Deft Bowman' is an homage to this. "something split reality in half around 1983 and created two timelines. One where the Soviets launched their missiles and the world ended (That's the timeline the genderless spokes-being, the newspaper, and Cecil's tape in episode 67 are talking about) and the real time line where the Soviets didn't launch their missiles. Simone Rigadeau (the transient living in the recycling closet of the Earth Sciences Building) seems to be the only one that knows about this split in timelines. She was once the head professor of Earth Sciences at Night Vale Community College, but she lost her mind and shut down the Earth Sciences department after her reality was split into two parts; She says that the "real world" was the one that ended in 1983" Gonna add to this, I'm also assuming that the cassettes from Episode 33 come from this other universe. This is why our Cecil (Cecil-Prime, perhaps) doesn't remember any of the events and has a different family life (Cecil-Prime mentions never having a brother, but instead having a sister, whom we learn is Steve Carlsberg's wife-). So Cecil-2 is known to have had a brother instead (perhaps in this universe there is a Stephanie Carlsberg that marries Cecil's brother and they also have a child that is Cecil's niece-).

[@Maskami]

ALRIGHT BUT I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING ABOUT A BOWMAN

[@wmlwmlwmlwml]

Anyone else feel like the bald man is Putin?

[@aljohnson9633]

DID YOU HEAR THE DOCTOR WHO REFERENCE

[@moecosplays4222]

Althea Johnson WIT WUZ ITTT

[@bonnie6866]

can you guys do a spotify playlist of all your featured songs?

[@AnnaPresman]

I guess being a weird old dude from nulogorsk is better than being a hand.