Chidera Eggerue - Why Women Are Saying No To Traditional Roles!

[@WeNeedToTalk-Podcast]

It turns out that 9 in 10 of you watching aren’t subscribed yet! 😲 If you’re enjoying our videos, subscribing is a quick and easy way to make sure you never miss out on new episodes with our expert and celebrity guests. Plus, you hitting subscribe really helps us to get the word out and help others with our content! No matter what, we love reading every one of your comments and we're so grateful to have you here! 🙏

[@ruth-annwilliams8495]

I loved your demeanor in this interview. I feel like a lot of times women with different perspectives that are outside of societal norms are attacked in these spaces. You were very emotionally secure, listened to her differing opinion although you may not have agreed and most importantly you were respectful I wish to see more interviews like this!. It was so good.

[@LisaLashaLeigh]

Done Paul. 0glad I found this channel, I usually only listen to your podcast on Amazon Music. It's nicer to watch and see who your talking to. I totally resonate with her, I'm not feeling so alone now knowing being Asexual is absolutely fine ❤

[@hajalameh]

Am 45. A 50 year old man proposed to me clearly telling me he wants me to be close to her 70 year old mom who is a a stroke survivor. I make double what he makes and work full time. I rejected him right away. Mutual friends convinced me to talk to him more. I did for six months and walked away for good. Nothing in there for me except to cook and clean after him and his mom, fulfil his sexual needs and pay my own bills too because he keeps calling me boss babe. I blocked him and his mom. I was an idiot for wasting six months and not trusting my instincts.

[@gillbenjamin47]

Good! Value yourself always

[@JeanRhodaNambassa]

Good for you

[@oyandakona5994]

You did good

[@Musa93]

Clapping for ya 🤎🤎🤎 Dodged a stray or 2 😂

[@hassanatubah3595]

Thank you for sharing, setting boundaries and looking out for yourself.

[@SharonA_14]

As a first born daughter from an African-British household, being with a man demands too much of me. I have already been raised as a second mum by parents from a young age to take care of siblings, it’s mentally exhausting. So unless a man wants to be with me to help make my life easier I’m not interested. I’m good on my own, prove to me that being with you is beneficial.

[@KushQueen9]

Don't blame you! Why should women be expected to be with a man who adds no value?

[@faatimahtucker870]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/q2e1nWp8qriLrqM

[@psat21]

I AM YOU; YOU ARE ME. I FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME WAY

[@coconuttrees]

SAME PREACH

[@YoniGateKeeper]

🙌

[@BingingInPeace-ev3bp]

I agree with Chidera that investing in potential very rarely works. Shared values is key here. It’s smarter to select someone who can improve your life instead of dragging you down. There are tons of brilliant and good hearted people in the world who never rise above their circumstances and end up using women’s time and resources to live out a fantasy instead of taking action.

[@KADIMO_]

Only when you are poor at chosing the right partner. Many women go with mundane things and end up being blinded by the physical and sex over sustenance.

[@lisafabtravels]

We all been there u end up disappointed

[@ladybug3380]

@@KADIMO_parents aren’t teaching young girls how pick the right partner.

[@AliciaRIvory]

Parents are teaching, unfortunately they are also teaching people to deceive, pretend or be unaware...pretending to be the right partner.

[@PoshemediaAfrica]

Been a victim. Never again. Find your mate… on the same level whatever that means to you

[@belle8734]

“Dating is a Choice & It’s important to interrogate those choices” for me resounds with Stevie Wonders lyric “When you believe in things you don’t understand.. you suffer”

[@ball-rf6zf]

You missed out superstition ain’t the way at the end of it.

[@ameera.abubakr]

@@ball-rf6zf love is very superstitous

[@ball-rf6zf]

@@ameera.abubakr love is suspicious not superstitious

[@ball-rf6zf]

@@ameera.abubakr love is suspicious not superstitious

[@feels1510]

I don't think we understand this huge offering of hers. Choosing to speak on these things on large platforms, accepting all the backlash that comes from it- all to show women around the world another way to operate. Her drive to uplift and empower comes from a pure place, and I so respect her for that.

[@ddanielsmc]

I can't see how you say it comes from a pure place. Do you know the quality of her character? How many parents would actually want their sons to marry a woman like this? She referred to men being a conveyor belt to her, to get what she wants. Imagine a man saying this?

[@alexissanchezbro]

She is trash, but this generation have no shame. Just Lust and greed

[@boochi7087]

​@@ddanielsmcGood thing she's not looking for approval from these men or their mothers. You really watched the entire video and didn't catch that - stop being slow and use your brain a bit.

[@user-wz3rz1zk7z]

There are men who do say things like that about women and their life experiences justify it. To each their own. There's a platform for everyone.

[@hoopandhands3328]

There isn't a mother on this PLANET, who would want her son to marry her. Forget men, there isn't a woman with a son who if they heard her here, would want their son to marry her.

[@stynicee7964]

I just love this interview. She is speaking facts as unfortunate as it sounds. I feel like she’s saying that we as women must pay more attention to the reality of the world we live in and move accordingly. We can consider “love” but it must include the practical in addition to the emotional.

[@kwameopoku3576]

Facts to u?

[@DeeperThanMyThoughts]

As someone who has been in a relationship for 16 years, married for 12 of those years, you are absolutely correct. I have been on a journey that has taught me a lot about how men operate, and how women's desire to be loved solely has betrayed them time and time again. I was one of those women. I wanted from my husband what he could not deliver unconditional love. I had to seek it from within and set boundaries being very intentional on what I would and would not approve. It took action of me changing and my new definition of self love to see this. Men are very conditional and love through the lens of how it benefits them first and foremost. If they value you, they will invest in you. Don't get me wrong my husband loves me and puts me and our daughter first. I am also very well looked after and do not have to worry financially, however, I fully understand that because it benefits him also to look after me, it makes it very easy for him to do so without resentment, because he is naturally a nurturer and that extends beyond financially. What Chidera is speaking on is correct, she understand the psychology of men and patriarchy and is intelligent to use it to her benefit.

[@stynicee7964]

@@kwameopoku3576 Yes to me and a few others out there. As I’m the only one I can control then that’s all that matters to me.

[@diamcole]

@@kwameopoku3576 No shit lol. Does someone speaking for themselves need to include that kind of disclaimer? Reading comprehension is in the toilet. 🤣

[@orfordwolf5409]

@@stynicee7964 State they are facts according to you and a few others then. It sounds like you are speaking for everybody otherwise🙂

[@heather5610]

Really enjoying this interview. Chidera's comparison of marriage to the lowest paid form of sex work, it is so valid. So many men believe they are owed sex and and cleaning and cooking and children and that women should be happy to just be asked to enter this arrangement because they are a 'high value' man. If women don't fawn over them and flock to them, men are disgruntled. Women just want to be safe and be respected. I really respect women who opt out of this system and build sisterhood with their friends, reject the idea that we are meant to have children and reject the current system in all its forms.

[@wirralh770]

The high value man wants a high value woman, not an entitled average one who thinks she's a prize

[@EssentialBalancewithAmanda]

I agree 💯 here with you. Lots of comments agree and a few expectedly defensive - because how scary to have women finally know their worth and act on it ❤

[@wirralh770]

@@EssentialBalancewithAmanda Bemusing not scary. Worth is mostly determined by what someone is prepared to pay for it. Otherwise it ends up on the reduced items shelf.

[@EssentialBalancewithAmanda]

@@wirralh770 you find it bemusing for women to know their worth? Are you ok 🤣

[@DeeperThanMyThoughts]

@@wirralh770 You've seemed to conveniently forget that women collectively bring far more value than any "high value" man full stop. Life starts and stops with us. Your so-called "average" woman can determine as to whether future generations will exist. Men are not the prize collectively. The "high value" ones offer security and stability financially, and even with that being said, women today are ensuring that they secure their own financial futures

[@elleepiphany1]

What an incredible conversation! I was happily surprised to see that she was a guest because while she has unconventional views, she's super intelligent and well-informed, so her perspective can add insight and dimension even if you disagree -- unless you're being completely close-minded. Definitely sending this to some people to watch because there's so much to bite into here.

[@khadijaknox2734]

This was a great interview. She has become one of my most favorite people to listen to. Chidera is saving lives of women across the world!

[@SD-bw4rn]

I really wish more women really knew their power!

[@khadijaknox2734]

@ Same! Unfortunately we’ve been socialized to not use it for our benefit. For those of us who have learned about our power and how to use it to our advantage. We have a duty to teach those willing to listen and share information to those who are unaware. Women are worth more than gold

[@melissamillion6869]

@@khadijaknox2734 I love your comment. I too love listening to Chidera because she helps me stand in my power, rather than be in a position of fear, pain and despair. My boyfriend obviously thinks otherwise upon hearing my thoughts and hopes I stop listening to these 'feminist rituals' 😂I dislike that standing up for yourself as a woman and demanding your needs to be met is framed as being problematic.

[@EssentialBalancewithAmanda]

​@@melissamillion6869💯✨💗your bf better be careful, he is saying things that make him sound like an ex boyfriend 🤣🔥❤️

[@Papiup18]

​@@melissamillion6869demanding your needs to be met to a man who is trying to work with you is counterproductive. You do better being single.

[@Ruby-kr6fh]

I have seen this girl around before and previously wrote her off because sometimes I find her rhetoric/delivery inflammatory and separatist. In general, I have a hard time resonating with world views that frame men and women in competition with one another. I was surprised to see how much I agreed with some of her takes here. I think it made a big difference to have had an interviewer who received her perspective with genuine curiosity and openness, it made for a stimulating conversation and opened my mind as well.

[@WeNeedToTalk-Podcast]

Starting a Petition for the Paul and Chidera talk show 🎙️

[@fionagallagherapologist5968]

absolutely !! the interviewer was wonderful

[@MrsBalfour2U]

Watch her podcast interview with Zeze Mills. That sealed it for me.

[@roseeze166]

I agree. I don't really care for her

[@warmlavender5525]

@@WeNeedToTalk-PodcastI actually would listen to that!

[@wahoo4uva]

people don’t like it when others challenge or don’t go along with the social norms they’ve accepted, succumbed to, or that they even want for themselves - whether conforming to those norms actually works for them or not. we don’t like it when people deviate from the crowd/majority. it can be confronting. and it shows in some of these comments. that’s humanity for you, though: “be like me so i can feel comfortable with myself, my choices, and with you.” it’s refreshing to see honest, self-aware, open-minded comments here too!

[@DeeperThanMyThoughts]

Comeplety agree!

[@SharonA_14]

@wahoo4uva Facts on facts!!!

[@ChelseaDust-wg6pf]

yes ! i find her viewpoints inspiring - even though she presents the complete opposite of my choice

[@AccordingToJanee]

Facts

[@sassyx2048]

Very well said. See it all day every day in the real world and virtual spaces

[@LalaDepala_00]

I've loved many men and my dream was to find a good man, marry and have kids. But men always took advantage of me. That is why at 33 I have given up on men. No more wasted effort, cooking food and waiting for him to be 2 hours late, getting insulted and abused and cheated on. The rest of my life is for me.

[@ball-rf6zf]

Male here and I can say exactly the same. The more I did the more disrespect I got. The last serious one I had cheated on me with her ex who she said used to beat her and stole her money.

[@dre22]

@@ball-rf6zfMake better choices

[@happinessisharmony4522]

No there is good men… you chose your partner wrong. It is your fault. Become a good decision maker and you find a good man😊.

[@LalaDepala_00]

​@@happinessisharmony4522People lie. A lot. Men don't say "hey I am going to abuse you" when you are dating. If I am wrong for chosing the wrong man, but you can't blame the man for abuse, you are a bad person. You would never blame a man for "chosing wrong", you would blame the woman.

[@LalaDepala_00]

​@@ball-rf6zfLet's hope that all the people like me and you eventually find eachother! 😂

[@Maryanne_Muthoni]

1:07:00 she just described something i have been struggling to explain about my sexuality, I could go even 3-5 years without sex, i am not driven by sex, i am still attracted to men but i won't have sex with you unless i really get to know you. It's not something i will rush to, i am honestly more drawn to things like hand holding, hugging, cuddling, not really sex, more of intimacy

[@MagentaPrincess]

I am like that too and i wish that i could meet a man who would be patient with me but in this generation men like to move too fast

[@Maryanne_Muthoni]

@Kanji220 yes, that's my exact problem, they just want to rush into sex or they make things sexual so fast which is so awkward and a turn off, I'm just staying completely single now

[@ddanielsmc]

​@@Maryanne_Muthonithere are men out there who are in the same camp as you. They will respect your boundaries. I was more than happy to do so for my wife. Keep your spirits up!

[@Esme26433]

I even think we are happier with those things because they are rewarding. Actual penetrative sex is mostly only rewarding for the man.

[@thembekadorcaskhumalo866]

I have been told I am weird, I also thought I was weird. I cannot sleep with a man just for the sake of it. There has to be a deep connection. And that's why I'm mostly single.

[@kittykaterickson]

I love that Paul understands the value of having an open, observant mind and giving us the opportunity to look at ourselves to see why some things don’t sit well. Then and only then can we choose to release projection and invite ourselves in to respect and have more compassion for others.

[@lapril95]

A wonderfully articulate and radically self-advocating woman. Very inspiring and im so excited about this next wave of feminism for what it means in the day to day lives of women. A lot of people seem to like hearing from her while saying "even though I dont agree with all the things she says". I'm really curious which specific parts of what she is saying people actually disagree with, including Paul.

[@funsowaters]

I think it’s in how she says it. I appreciate her mind and the perspective she brings to things but it’s all a touchy subject. Human beings are selfish and if we (men and the society) can be open-minded to an equally beneficial relationship; we would see she isn’t far from the truth

[@SummerTyme2023]

Me. I am also one of those who do not agree with everything thing she says. I think for me, it is the shock that I actually agree with more than I am willing to admit. I am still working this out with myself. Excellent conversation 👏🏿

[@ddanielsmc]

I don't agree with her view on men only helping if there is something in it for them. I've helped many people, friends, family and strangers. To say that's part of the Patriarchy I find strange. Isn't it human nature to help others. To give an example like they're doing just to try and sleep with her is ridiculous. The last person I helped was a woman struggling with putting a trolley back at IKEA. It was only after I asked if she wanted help and she agreed, that I saw she had a prosthetic arm. I'm pleased I helped her. I did nothing but help someone who was struggling. Also, she really falls down on wanting men to support financially. She's clear she wants to build her own empire and not his. I honestly run if I saw this attitude. She refers to traditional norms for women however, how does she know they are being fully observed. Some countries and cultures work differently. I see plenty of men from where I'm from do the majority, if not all, the cooking. I like when you say she's 'self-advocating'. I say something else... She's trying to paint a picture of financial gain for women being almost honourable. It's only about her gain. This isn't a good sign at all.

[@getgot3461]

​@@ddanielsmc Why would financial gain for women be dishonorable? Rules for thee but not for me huh? Lmao do y'all even hear yourselves? Women have every right to aspire to building their own empire as much as men

[@ddanielsmc]

@@getgot3461 isn't being in a relationship being a team? Isn't there a mutual interest. She doesn't say so, it's all.about her. Perhaps she's aromantic.

[@shawnlove4502]

She's incredible, and i feel seen now that as I've grown, i have less desire for relationships and i thought something was wrong with me. But it is okay to live your life in a way that works for you.

[@adim00lah]

My desire tbh, is not a relationship, but to serve God, and God said we should be in relationships. Now if you are gifted with no desire for sex and can remain celibate, then just go with that. But if you are sleeping around, and act like you don't need a man, you are fooling yourself. That's like claiming you are vegan, but eat steaks on the low. Exposing your body on the street is not healthy, either physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

[@shawnlove4502]

@adim00lah Worry about your life. That's what ppl should focus on, thy self. What someone else does is of no concern of yours.

[@adim00lah]

@@shawnlove4502 Yes it is my concern, because we are a community. This is why everything is so messed up now, we don't hold each other accountable for anything. We dont' come together for anything, we just try to rob and delete each other.

[@adim00lah]

@@shawnlove4502 We are a community, what effect one, effect the other, so I am focusing on my life by focusing on my community. Having a bunch of baby mama raising these little thugs out here effects us all.

[@adim00lah]

@@shawnlove4502 I am worrying about my life. We are a community, what effects one, effect the other. No man or woman is an island ma'am.

[@stef3337]

Chidera thank you for speaking the truth, i am so happy living alone, I found my life purpose and I spend my days painting, creating and taking care of my kids. I found marriage to be draining, constantly trying to please and give in every sense and that never being enough. I think the key to happiness is finding purpose, you can have many wonderful relationships and even intimate moments that don’t require you to be married❤

[@adim00lah]

I see, so it's about you, and your happiness, not what's best for the children. Because statistically, children do far better off in 2 parent homes. This is why Asian, Jews, and Indians walk all up an down every demographic, they get married, and stick together, and build generational wealth.

[@1720-l8e]

The interviewer is beautiful, gorgeous, refreshibg and honest. He was able to state he disagreed without tearing her apart or engaging in a battle of opinions. . She left as she came ..in tact in her own world. I have subscribes. I dont even know how this video camenup on my feed because I stay away from any sort if topic that features dominitrix. But hey, I watched the whole bloody interview. Power to this lady, she sooke her truth and held her own. Beautiful

[@minkagaston]

Chidera is absolutely right about most of this. And I get that things turned out well for his wife cashing out her retirement...but that is indeed an exception and I wouldn't suggest any woman doing that. Women are always pushed the exception and thats what most women chase at detriment of themselves.

[@lapril95]

Absolutely, I would never DREAM of gambling my retirement on a 25 year old boy. Very lucky for her that this paid off it could have been awful!

[@iwasbornunderwater]

For every one of his wife, there's 5 women who lived to regret that decision. I'm not taking that risk. Ever.

[@sunlight8299]

Time will tell if she is the exception... As Chidera said it was a huge gamble.

[@Tee-Star]

I would never ...

[@afroaffirmation]

@@iwasbornunderwater 35 women

[@desriescott3431]

I thoroughly loved Chidera, what an amazing woman. The interview had me hooked and loved the thinking outside box with such precision and articulate with her word. I was devastated that the interview came to an end. Really appreciated this!

[@WeNeedToTalk-Podcast]

So happy you enjoyed! 🙌

[@crestarose]

I’m 5 minutes in and I feel SO seen already my word! This is game changing for young black women!! Thank you for this!

[@kingtchala6832]

What does this mean exactly? I'm just curious?

[@SD-bw4rn]

Chidera is amazing! She is a necessary voice for today's black woman. And yes the host is an outlier of men. Most women who build a bear, end up getting cheated on and left when that man is built.

[@cheriew2512]

Absolutely 💯

[@MsLotusBlooms]

Only if I meet him when I don't have anything either.

[@joeydiaz5927]

You have no stats or facts tk support what you’re saying.

[@adim00lah]

What statistics are you basing this on? Actually this is the opposite of what we need. We need to work with each other, and love each other, she's recommend we work against each other. Jews, Asian, Indians are far more successful than we are, and it's because they work together. I don't know why we are so addicted to destroying our community, it's sad to see.

[@SD-bw4rn]

There are no statistics for this topic. It totally depends on the two people who are in the relationship. All relationships are a risk. Some chose to take that risk and others dont. As for me Ive built a bear in friendships and romantically. The outcome has never been favorable. Im tired. My build a bear days are over. Let somebody else do it.

[@pmirv6884]

I was married for 17 years to a woman who was a lying manipulator. I filed for divorce just before Covid started. Best decision of my life. If I stayed married, I would have had to work probably until the day I die. Now after 5 years of being single, I’m looking at early retirement. It’s amazing how much money you spend on, or because of a woman.

[@eileenwatt8283]

Lucky you got away. Ah if she got sick you would be broke and broken Medical bills are costly and taking care of her is time consuming is mentally and emotionally draining.

[@adim00lah]

Every situation is unique. The fact you stayed with her for 17 years is crazy, it took you that long to figure out she was a lying manipulator? I figured you would have found that out during dating before marriage.

[@phoenix_jackson]

Absolutely loved this because I am the ONLY woman I have heard say that women are higher than men.

[@xoeyeam]

yes, we are indeed! i love her

[@selfishgirlsgofirst]

That's crazy. Because we clearly are. That's why there's so much emphasis on dominating women and making us believe that we need to be led ,control, shamed and be attached to a male to have some kind of worth. The amount of abuse women and girls go through in this world. Is all to make women feel small and not to be empowered.

[@Jamhael1]

​@@selfishgirlsgofirst and yet, how in the end every single attempt of "empowerment" of 3rd Wave Feminism backfired in the most dramatic and unpredictable manner?

[@phoenix_jackson]

@@selfishgirlsgofirst Exactly! People struggle to hold down those that they fear or that they can't understand. There is womb jealousy and so much more. We are the givers of all life.

[@harounk8849]

So go build some shit

[@thetechconsultant]

She’s outstanding. She found a way to direct the blame on everyone else before saying things that otherwise would’ve sounded outrageous and ridiculous. Instead, she makes the viewers feel sorry for her and say to themselves, “That’s right! Stick it to the man.” I found her highly brilliant, and brilliant people make for brilliant manipulators. She should write a book on how to gaslight an audience.

[@alexaalexa2308]

They always have a way to avoid accountability

[@OkaforJoseph-c4k]

So true wat u saying 😂😂😂

[@Rixy-994]

Although I didn’t personally agree with everything said, I still found the conversation really interesting and enjoyed the different point of view.

[@benola5977]

She is incredibly intelligent, whether you agree with her or not

[@kwameopoku3576]

Long time Do u agree with her

[@ashfoyowa6689]

She's really not

[@fruitypopwhickle6806]

​​@@ashfoyowa6689 How intelligent are you, to be watching someone you regard as not intelligent? Just say you're dripping with envy...

[@gilbertomaradona9862]

She's incredibly intelligent to dumb people

[@gilbertomaradona9862]

Intelligent but broken therefore applying her intelligence in the wrong way because of it

[@EvelyneTubuitamana]

I’m 17. I have never seen this podcast before or heard of these two in the past. I actually found this video from a TikTok clip and found it interesting so I came here to watch the full thing. And I’m so glad I did. I’m only 16:57 into the video and already I am overwhelmed with emotion from being able to relate to an inspiring woman who is Chidera. Thank you for making content like this, it helps me on my own journey to figure out who I am as I continue to venture into adulthood at such a rapid pace.

[@aoifem490]

I always always value Chidera’s thoughts, even if I don’t always agree with her opinions. I’m so glad you had her come on here Paul❤️ the conversation duo the world absolutely needed👌🏻

[@dizzy763]

The definition of love cannot change, it's funny to see that people can choose to define set truths the way that best suits them. Just imagine if everyone could decide for themselves what 1km was, absolute chaos.

[@EbonyWin256]

Such a brilliant discussion! I love Chidera’s boldness about the reality of what a lot of women are putting up with in relationships because of society’s expectations. I’m a 60yr old woman and my advice to my daughters has always been to look for the potential in any man they date who is a similar age as them….in their 20s, but if it’s someone older, then they should already be financially stable. I totally agree with Paul’s partner’s decision to support him, and I would’ve done the same at that age. Unfortunately I didn’t know how to look for that potential in my ex husband, I just assumed that we were both going to further our education as immigrants, become professionals and build this fantastic life together. NOT! I got divorced at 35, and from then on decided that unless a relationship with a man is going to enhance my life, emotionally, mentally, physically and financially I’m not wasting my time. I don’t see the point in getting into a partnership that will negatively affect the life that I have built after a divorce. Self love is soo important and liberating. I love being in relationships when I have a good connection with someone but I’m also very happy on my own. I truly believe that just going along with societal norms/expectations is doing a lot of people(women especially) a disservice. Unfortunately it takes a lot of confidence to be able to be true to one’s self and go against the grain. Well done for standing in your own truth Chidera. You can’t please everyone. Thanks Paul for the brilliant discussions with your guests. Keep up your amazing work!!

[@orfordwolf5409]

It's as if it's a woman's prerogative to change the definition of things, or blame, as to suit their own agenda, or to avoid bad reputation. Even when they cheat they blame their husband/partner.

[@ldervan726]

this woman doesnt need men but dedicates her life to talking about them obsessively on her podcast

[@charlotte-x7t]

This was a lovely, lovely watch. I only saw snippets of her commentary on social media but in full conversation I agree with almost everything she speaks on. Compliments to the interviewer as well. So much value in genuine conversation between empathetic, inquiring adults. As for the topics: I once read “question everything” as advice for daughters and to date I think it’s some of the best advice I’ve heard.

[@s-for-4501]

I am 70 years old and have never been married or cohabitated with a man. I was never able to verbalize my relationship beliefs as Chidera has done. As high income earner since my early 20s, I felt that my relationships, if I married, would always be me working and contributing more financially, taking care of the home chores and taking care children. I did give up the "love" they offered but I didn't think it was a fair trade. My life has been and continues to be wonderful.

[@Emptytopfloor]

I aspire to be like you. 😊

[@eileenwatt8283]

Same here. The life I created for myself would not have been possible with a husband regardless if he had money. I would be living in his world by his rules, compromising, adopting, adjusting going along to get along just to keep him happy while giving up my dreams. I'm medically healthier being single. I see how sick older married women are who are in long marriages and it doesn't accrued to them the marriage is the cause of their illnesses.

[@s-for-4501]

@@eileenwatt8283 Well stated. Enjoy your beautiful life.

[@adim00lah]

I'm so happy she made this video, that way we can avoid her, she essentially dry snitched on herself showing that she's a gold digger, thank you so much for showing us your true colors. And what do men do for the world. Well... running water, toilets, electricity, internet, cars, building, roads, modern medicine etc.... It's crazy how she thinks all we do is come home and put our briefcase down. She clearly has misandry. I would never speak poorly about women like this, because I actually care about women, and we need them. My wife is a nurse, and she risked her life to fight covid while we all holed up at home trying to stay safe. We don't have to put others down to elevate ourselves sis. It's just sad to see someone so young so clearly hurt and guarded.

[@lucerorodriguez6842]

❤❤❤ been a follower of her and her books for a couple of years. Her work along with therapy, reading, decentering men, meditation, and yoga helped me heal and get into my inner power. ♥️

[@EssentialBalancewithAmanda]

Cheering for you Queen! 👑🔥✨✨❤️❤️❤️

[@TheJoyNichelle]

Looooooove this! Thank you so much for elevating her movement and having capacity for this conversation. Especially as a black man. This is so awesome! 👏🏾

[@chez4648]

First 20 minutes and I've learnt so much! Paul is a great interviewer, he allows guests to answer fully and his questions are so relevant.

[@Warlywoo]

I love Childera, she’s a fresh breath of air in a world which is middle class, polite feminism.

[@adim00lah]

Feminism is about equality. What she talked about was misandry. She clearly doesn't like men, she looks at us for our resrouces only. Idk why we can't get together and take care of each other, instead of plotting on how to rob one another.

[@Zi65-v7v]

Estranged from my Nigerian parents too!! And entire family. So grateful for Chidera spreading light on that topic ❤️‍🔥

[@linellinel.]

I wasted 25 years of my life trying to please my Nigerian parents and family members. Never again. This is the end.

[@PhullBodied]

such an unexpected but pleasant surprise guest!! love slumflower she's going places and I love that for her

[@nomaswazisibanyoni5949]

Assets matter - the free labour women provide in marriages demands some "payback"!! Pauls situation with his wife is exceptional - definitely not the norm!!

[@ball-rf6zf]

The guys you set your worth at ain’t asking you out bby

[@yaee123]

@@ball-rf6zfand? So what. Hold firm and to what is a non negotiable

[@nomaswazisibanyoni5949]

@@ball-rf6zf Oh gosh - you didn't have to respond.... You're exposing yourself

[@nathansellars3757]

Women will say "free labour" at the same time as paying no rent or other bills😂 that is your payment you clowns

[@ddanielsmc]

Plenty of men cook, clean, iron etc. Where I'm from It's common. This is the solution for the men. Not paying out in assets. Chidera seeks money and power.

[@warmlavender5525]

Chidera I have followed you since 2018! Love you down. 💓 Paul I have never watched a video of yours before this but you are a great interviewer! The way you talked with Chidera was so engaging and your respect for her came through so clearly. I’m a new subscriber!

[@MrsBalfour2U]

If I’m in a relationship with a man who possesses certain traits but seems to need my financial support to thrive, I’ll approach it as a business transaction. I would act as the investor, and we would formalise our agreement with contracts to ensure I benefit from any success that arises from it.

[@adim00lah]

Wow that's kinda sad. I put my wife through nursing school 17 years ago, I didn't put her on any contracts. If you are in a relationship, and you don't trust the person, you should probably just leave.

[@Petunia81]

I've never watched your videos and I appreciated that you treated her with the utmost respect, and listened to understand and learn vs listening to respond, or to judge/ make her feel like she must justify her lifestyle to you vs sharing it. I also loved your level of enthusiasm and curiosity! You all have a great rapport, and no one would think this is the first time you've spoken. My only constructive criticism is that I would have loved to listen to Chidera, the BDSM expert in this exchange, give the definition of BDSM. That would have created an opportunity for the audience to be taught new information with all of the experience, context, insight, and nuance she brought to the answers of each question you posed. Great interview.

[@funsowaters]

I’m more in love with the commentary and how Paul finds a way to explain perspectives better cos it’s important not to be distracted with who the messenger is or how it is being delivered. Let’s focus on the message and let’s be open minded to see how life can be better for both parties in a romantic partnership.

[@CreateWithAlmat]

As a First Born Nigeria Lady, I can totally relate to everything she said. In my case though I learned to put my foot down and set boundaries, still a working progress but it’s way better than before… I really appreciate your mind Chidera and how well you’re able to articulate your message, it stuck with me. Thank you ❤🙏🏻

[@LowkeyAlchemy]

This was my first time watching this podcast but I'm a long time supporter of Chidera and all of her iterations. Her books and online presence have helped me demand more from romantic prospects, and reframe my approach to money and men. Chidera is a truth teller! This conversation was so beautiful, Paul your speaking voice is incredible! So relaxing to listen to you both, as you both are brilliant and open-minded! ❤

[@happilydivorced3235]

His voice is soooo soothing. 💚

[@kirablaze]

This is a perfect example of when you invite a guest on your platform, that you are both having an intelligent open minded conversation, I have seen on other platforms where you can clearly see that the guest was invited to a lecture, not to have a conversation, where they cut off the guest speaker before they can respond to a point, so the guest has to sit back and be lectured too or they decide to leave.This is a perfect example of how to conduct an interview.💎

[@Eguwe-c7l]

This discussion has introduced me to two wonderful individuals who are capable of having difficult conversations by listening to each others point of views and seeing the world from a different perspective. I often find that the negative connotations from individuals who view these discussions as problematic are not only missing out on knowledge, but rather they miss a chance to critically think for themselves and form their own opinions of a heavily patriarchal societal ideology.

[@HeyHeyForMe]

Great interview! Slumflower is a force and while i don't agree with some of her views .... I do get in patriarchal world why her views exist, it's to combat what's going on with men targeting women and other social issues and she definitely brings conversation to the forefront

[@leticiabrowne]

I enjoyed this interview. I’ve only ever seen clips of Chidera on Shadeborough so a very limited view. She’s highly intelligent and thoughtful, naturally limited by her limited life experience but she is open to alternative views and Paul handled the conversation with grace. He took the opportunity to educate her without belittling her …. 100%

[@ashaalexis418]

I adored this interview. I pray that her voice and more conversations like this are amplified. Wonderful interview.

[@TsarOfRuss]

She is the reason why MGTOW (Men going their own way) and the Redpill community was created, she wants to be a MODERN boss babe woman, but wants a man to be traditional like he is in the 60s

[@ndumifakudze]

I just love how smart she is man. Wow. I've loved her since 2018. And even though this dominatrix era of hers is something I cannot relate to, I just still love her mind and how she expresses herself ❤

[@nikkirickert7009]

I had to step outside of my worldview and take in what she was speaking on. Releasing all my judgements and allowing my way of thinking to understand another's perspective has helped me relate to a greater audience. Who am I to judge the next person. I am far from perfect and if I placed judgement on another, I am also judging something within myself. Everyone reflects something back to us. Being judgmental is a choice. Allowing ourselves to be open to another perspective does not mean that it necessarily resonates for our life journey. People can say what they wish, at the end of it all what matters is the relationship you have with yourself. Release fear of speaking from your heart and sharing your life journey. Mindfulness.

[@YoniGateKeeper]

This was Soooooooooooo FUN to listen to! Omgggg!! So provocative. Thank you for taking the leap and inviting her in she was amazing & unique❤

[@justiceforthe3972]

We need to find the guy she dated for 3 months who broke her heart

[@orfordwolf5409]

I would love to hear his side of the story 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@darlingtiarabrands4074]

Brilliant conversation, I’m so glad you had her as a guest. It’s an opportunity for us to really listen to her as a thought leader. Her podcast is much more abrasive which I also enjoy. But this allows her to connect her views and brand to the systems of sexism/patriarchy that leads to violence against women. So women do therefore have to be careful/strategic about who we partner with in a violent/transactional society. She’s a gem! And so is your podcast Paul!

[@honeybabe07]

Good girl! And she’s clear and concise. Peckham really birthed some greats ❤

[@rachelx230484x]

Great insight into a world I am totally uneducated in. So much truth in her words but also feels so alien! As I get older I can really see how all of us are fixed in this specific roles that in our modern world really are nonsense! I do love being married though ❤

[@Gwen-v9v]

I am so happy to hear this podcast as I totally think so similar to this beautiful woman who believes in herself as a powerful person. Listening to her was like listening to my own voice speaking my truth. Unbelievable and awesome. Yes, it’s hard for many to hear the truth, challenging but you never get to know your full potential until you let go of needing someone or something to fulfill you a a woman in your full glory. God bless

[@boochi7087]

Me too!! Being a woman in a patriarchal society where men insist on dictating how we should be as women is the saddest thing. I stopped talking to a man because he claimed I was too much of a feminist, and I realized that he had the audacity to say that because I wasn't feminist enough. I enjoyed listening to this so much!

[@thabangnaledii]

Her mind is switched on. Absolutely love this interview & her ! 🌹

[@abenaoffeh-gyimah8265]

Chidera, you are an absolutely clever, brilliant, and you are becoming everything life wants you to be. I am happy to follow your work and to witness your evolution❤.

[@adim00lah]

"Strong independant woman" depends on another man's bricks to build her empire.🤣

[@poppyblue1512]

She already has her own empire. What she meant is that if you're not going to be giving her even more than what she already has, then what's the point of dating you?

[@adim00lah]

@@poppyblue1512 For love, and empire isn't going to be there for you, if you get cancer, and you sick in bed dying. I swear all y'all focus on is money, that's y'all God. Being by yourself seem fun, until you get old and ain't nobody there for you.

[@justiceforthe3972]

@@poppyblue1512 Who in the right mind would want to date her. Just look at it 🤮🤮🤮

[@ofc2024-zz6bt]

@@poppyblue1512 She owns no property and doesn't have a vehicle. The type of man she needs will pay her for her services and go home to his wife and children. No self respecting man wants to be seen with a pros.

[@ldervan726]

strong independent woman who doesnt need men but has her own podcast that talks about nothing else but dating and men

[@gutherema]

Daaaaaamn. That was an enjoyable and thought provoking experience. Paul lead the conversation in love and curiosity. I learned more from the dynamics here because you are both powerful beings than the contents of the interview. You summed it up well. We learned the importance of the following: 1. Self love and setting high standards 2. Open communication and clear boundaries 3. Listening to perspectives we do not agree with - grows open mind, respect and compassion

[@shadeofpink1]

Wow amazing podcast and a very thought provoking podcast.I feel empowered as a woman listening to Childeria. Taking back your power as a woman in society is so refreshing to listen to.

[@justiceforthe3972]

The one positive thing about her, (like most sex workers); she's upfront about it. You pay, get what you both want and that's it. It's only her misandry that gives me the ick. Some men might be paying for sex workers time through loneliness but I think most are really paying because the woman will just go away after the act. Unlike modern women, sex workers don't tell you they love you, or tell you they are taking contraception when they're not, they won't pressure you into marriage. Modern women are not upfront about what they want, and you tend to ignore the red flags. Years down the line they begin to resent the man they manipulated into the life they wanted in the first place; cheat because the husband is always at work to pay off all the debt she got them into. Of course, the infidelity is all his fault and she is the victim. Now it's time for a divorce she gets the family home and he's left to pay off the debts.

[@LeilaE-gi6zo]

Childera is very well spoken and knows how to conversate in an engaging manner. I can relate to a lot of her upbringing and fully understand the distance it can create between parents and children. I love my parents to death and maintain my relationship with them and will do forever, but it’s so hard to address things and to change your relationship. I was surprised she said her dad wrote the letter she requested especially being African, my father would see that as disrespectful, and now her father verbally expresses love, that’s beautiful.

[@somebody2409]

Would love to see her and Andrew Tate in a room together.

[@holistikkreyol8422]

She is one of the most inspiring woman I know! She is incredibly articulated. She helped me see the light and I'm grateful she could be uplifted in this conversation and be discovered on this large platform with an open minded interviewer. Plus, she's a beautiful creative and generous person! Thank you Goddess for all the women who still don't yet how you are participating in their liberation!

[@SilvanWoods]

I invested in and supported a man and he used his success to spend time with other women 😢 I am very glad to see a positive outcome from a good man so I don't feel so stupid. It wasn't my fault I was doing the right thing

[@ball-rf6zf]

I agree with you, it wasn’t your fault. While it’s natural to find others attractive, we can also choose not to cheat. This is why both men and women need to hold themselves accountable because we have a choice. I do hope a better door opens for you after that.

[@katcharles6994]

I appreciate you really listening and being open to her because it allowed me to learn so much from this conversation and is feeding into my new desire to expect more from my romantic relationships with people who are more privileged than me in this world. I was already a fan of slumflower and now I’m a new fan of you 🥰

[@iwasbornunderwater]

Her childhood is exactly like mine. Exactly. I guilt tripped myself into talking to her again but haven't seen her face to face in 6 years. She's too old to change so I'm not going to force her. The weekly phone call to check on her will have to suffice.

[@Luvurselffirst]

This isn't easy. But you deserve peace. I'm here as well with my mother

[@YTPmjma]

She’s my spirit animal! Love this episode… thanks for the interview

[@msteaguer1908]

My late cousin educated me as an older teen, "Never marry to far above you or below you." She was correct.

[@wirralh770]

*too

[@eileenwatt8283]

That sounds like "just settling"

[@gomolemokau3562]

One of the best interviews, the interviewer was impeccable, learning to listen to different perspectives however it also requires a deeply secure person to do this which the interviewer embodied, wonderful 🙌🏾

[@katt4170]

What an outside of the box thinker that really knows how to get our community to have hard conversations and debates.

[@beetee8798]

An excellent and serious conversation with many moments of levity. She has a naturally warm engagement style which actually reinforces the strength of her points.

[@ofc2024-zz6bt]

She is not being her natural self. She might have been told to tone it down.

[@RealE-G-k3o]

The real question is why don’t women just be with each other then? I mean found your own countries, city-states, etc to be away from men. Why contemplate being in a relationship with a man at all?

[@poppyblue1512]

Why do we have to create our own countries/cities/states just to be away from you??? Just leave us alone, to be with each other or single, but leave us alone and understand when we say that no, we're not interested. This comment proves why so many women dislike men more and more, you don't seem to grasp the concept of personal space, boundaries and respect because otherwise why would you be suggesting that we leave so we can finally be left alone to live our lives and mind our businesses?

[@BridgetteSimmonds]

Her voice is absolutely needed!! Loved this conversation.

[@Thato48-fqncy]

Fantastic interview, it has to be harder to enter marriage and easier to exist….. 100% agree to this

[@UncommonSC]

This was a great conversation! I follow her on Instagram and, as you said at the end, she has a gift of elevating the conversation around women's experiences with men. Her voice is truly needed!

[@ijeomapatrick9151]

Even if I don’t resonate with everything said I loveeee how intelligent, eloquent and charming she is. Really interesting conversation

[@ValleyOfKngs]

Timeline 1:27:00. it shows she can't believe there's man like this put here. Simps to the highest degree!

[@kaysmellsgood]

36:54 lol that is such a huge risk... glad it worked out but please women no

[@Wande861]

Exactly!! Good for them but no!! This is how women choose hell with a possibility of heaven instead of avoiding hell all together.

[@heyitsmorenike_]

HONESTLY! Like the woman emptied out her RETIREMENT FUND for her husband’s business - that selflessness is to another level. That could have gone left but I’m glad it didn’t

[@AliciaRIvory]

So many women do this and lose so much.

[@bellavega8048]

It’s working out…for now. He could leave her tomorrow or 10 years from now. Hugh risk so I hope he repays what he owes.

[@ThestorytellerofKatunga]

Never. I can't do it.

[@buyop9441]

What a FASCINATING conversation! Wow! Didn’t agree with everything but agreed with a fair bit. But I was hooked from second one.

[@KaceyGreene-cv1kh]

👏👏👏 she is my fave person on the internet

[@saphire2214]

Very impressed by the host interviewing skills.

[@sweetbutsaltycaramel]

I am in absolute awwe of this episode. I love both perspectives! Just beautiful!

[@mitchmvtch]

she is lovely! i loved this interview. very enlightening. her voice is for sure needed.

[@phoenixxfinancial]

Paul, if you need even more insight from an older woman, that has lived the very life she is narrating -- let me know (LOL). Glad to hear some of the younger women expressing themselves without fear.

[@Chezzalicious]

what a great episode. first time listening to this podcast, never heard of Chidera, really enjoyed hearing her story and perspectives even the ones that I don't agree with. subscribed!

[@WeNeedToTalk-Podcast]

Welcome to We Need To Talk 💘

[@rdsunshine34741]

Marriage is a contractual agreement, it always has been. I've never done it because I've never seen any reason to enter into a contractual agreement with the man i love. We keep our finances separate and keep our independence. We're together because we want to be, not because we're legally obligated to be.

[@adim00lah]

I'm not legally married, but me and wifey share everything, including our bank accounts. I guess it's because I actually trust her, and don't need to protect my finances from her nor hide from her what I am doing with my money.

[@oluwaseyidada7641]

Most African parents have never told their children they love them it's a kinda weird cultural thing. My dad never told me or my siblings he loved us until he passed but we never felt unloved. But I guess there's something different about saying it and hearing it and I plan to be different and be more vocal about it to my future kids.

[@thespiritualartofwar]

Love is an action word. A person can tell you that they love and take your life that same minute.

[@Nakunya]

❤ I had something to say about this but speechless now and loved it.

[@chichomukonde417]

"I don't know anybody that digs for dirt."...that line grabbed me by the chest🔥

[@wirralh770]

It was a dismissive remark. It's a very common narcissistic trait. He as an interviewer, should have pulled her on it. He was very respectful and calm, because a different interviewer could have pulled her self serving policies and hypocrisy to pieces.

[@boochi7087]

​@@wirralh770Sorry, dirt, but we're not digging for you. However, I am sad for any women who have let you tarnish them.

[@matthaniadelice1409]

⁠​⁠@@wirralh770how? she gave this a response during a rapid fire session. And even before this session she deeply elaborated on how the majority of her clientele are keenly aware of social paradigms, their privilege, and why they’re engaging in these play meets. The work she does isn’t exploitative. Even if it were, she is a public figure who openly discusses her stance on financial and resource acquisition. Men who engage with her know what they’re getting into. What is immoral or narcissistic here?

[@DessyDess97]

This interview was very eye opening, I agree with everything Chidera said

[@JaDawn-w7q]

For better or for worse I will love my husband. Her only love is for herself and money.

[@adim00lah]

Exactly. I love tf outta my wife. She's clearly been hurt that's why she's so thirsty for resources.

[@poppyblue1512]

Introduce him to someone younger and prettier than you and see how long he keeps on loving you lmao

[@JaDawn-w7q]

@@poppyblue1512 Is that what happened to you? There is a reason you are grudgeful.

[@zandicarter5113]

First saw her on the Madame Joyce show. She's very intelligent and eloquent in her opinions.

[@Saulus-v5p]

My father always say when there is life there is hope I never go to prostitutes because it's way too expensive when you can get it for free. Back then in the 80 in Nigeria ashawo was only three naira for 30mins.

[@eileenwatt8283]

It's not free. You have to take her out to dinner, buy her gifts, call her.

[@Saulus-v5p]

@@eileenwatt8283 I dont have to I choose to.

[@jatiquedailey3823]

You just made her point . Free sex work . And they wonder why marriage rates are dropping