THE 5 WAYS THE INFJ MAKES OTHERS UNCOMFORTABLE

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INFJ Life Coach Lesson: My fellow INFJs, you are probably not unfamiliar with the feeling of making other people feel uncomfortable. The fight against making other people uncomfortable has always been a challenge for INFJs. We have our own set of struggles and issues that we need to work on, but when it comes down to someone else's discomfort or pain--we want nothing more than not to be at fault for other people's pain. So today we are going to look behind the curtain and understand why we often make people uncomfortable just by simply being ourselves.
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[@gerritgovaerts8443]

1. we go deep right off the bat 2. we dare to live outside of the box 3. we see people's insecurities 4. we act as a blank slate 5. we ignore hard facts

[@GrafinVonHopper]

Essa dos fatos concretos não é tão verdade assim para mim, mas não gosto de lidar com as coisas do jeito massificado que as outras pessoas fazem. Gosto de lidar com as coisas a minha maneira e é isso o que me causa problemas no trabalho.

[@amiller5885]

Thank you

[@davidcook680]

The first one god i relate to that so bad. I have had people tell me. There is something about me. Im different. The way I see the world. People have told me really deep secrets too. Like sometimes they don't know me vary long. I remember a guy said why the hell did I tell you that for. I laughed and said i have that affect on everybody.

[@mangledtapes]

Lately I’ve been telling myself “it’s not your job to be normal, that’s everyone else’s job”

[@realizationstation2173]

Seat's taken! :)

[@johnmichaelrichards]

I was first aware of this when my psychologist felt uncomfortable 9 years ago. I am me. I am deep and I have no interest in the superficial and banal. I am resigned to being disliked for who I am. As a child, I became a chameleon to suit the whims of others but as an adult, I seek self-determination on my own grounds and if people don't like it they can walk on by. I have just a few close friends who, like me, are often labelled as weird.

[@Ela29653]

Love your attitude. Same with me. The only time this is hard to apply I with family. If close family don't get me, it's much harder to deal with.

[@Brickwilliams]

I feel that, but it’s still good to be a chameleon to some extent, that’s kinda what fe parent does. But I have also toned down my outgoingness because I feel less of a need to be so outgoing, it just isn’t as important to me anymore. I’m more focused on making others better and stronger, that is the life purpose of infjs.

[@McGuire123100]

I am so glad that I am NOT the ONLY alien wearing a human suit! And I can't BELIEVE that another person in this insane asylum we call Earth actually has the IDENTICAL thoughts that I do! Cheers to US, my soul sibling! I will NEVER turn myself inside out to fit in or to appear to be someone I'm not so someone else can feel better NOT knowing the way I really am. That being said, I certainly don't and never did try to make others uncomfortable. In fact, its the opposite. I want to LOVE EVERYONE and CONNECT with them. If I know u can't handle that, I'll do my best to not approach you unless I absolutely have to,, like at work,, and won't hold it against you if you stay the hell away from me. That's all ok. And those who can't understand me, that's ok too, but if you don't understand me, then DON'T EVER dare to think about deliberately and unnecessarily getting in my space or up in my face thinking you can attack me or behave in a hostile manner when I have not done or said ANYTHING to f$ck up your sh=t! Cuz if u pull that with me....I promise that I WILL embarrass you and I won't give a flying fig if it unfolds in front of an audience, bc if u do that.....then u were asking me for a response. And, I won't apologize for it or feel bad. It took me 47 years to get here, and I am NOT going back! Much love 2 U! 😘😘😘

[@stephm.3407]

I also managed to be too much for my therapist, he was pretty open about it, which as a therapist myself, I was shocked by. I stopped seeing him shortly thereafter. I think many experience us as too 'heavy' or intense, it's nice to realize I"m not the only one who repels people. I'm only being slightly hyperbolic.

[@derda1304]

@@McGuire123100 #ProudToBeAnAlien

[@ericanorton71]

Are we WEIRD? YES! Anything else would be so boring! I love my weirdness.

[@mariagordanier3404]

We might as well embrace it!

[@marcp.1752]

It's rather a compliment, being called weird, rather than being an ordinary lemming, totally mass compatible...which is boring as hell.

[@user-ql3ls2iy7d]

How about different.

[@DonTrump-sv1si]

Im trying. Lol im 45 and just realized myself as an INFJ and ive been trying to be "normal" for my whole life.

[@roberttrough6439]

Absolutely 👍 I love being weird.

[@MylezNevison]

" *Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you.* We are all meant to shine, as children do. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone, and as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson

[@user-ql3ls2iy7d]

My girlfriend told me that she noticed that some of her associates at school just became silent around me. Upon further investigation she saw that these associates could sense that I could see right through their facades and that was too much for them. BTW, my girlfriend is also an INFJ. My first INFJ woman and certainly one that looks like it could go far.

[@l.e.5141]

I realized pretty early on in life that I'm awful at small talk. It's pretty common for me to skip to "big" talk within minutes of meeting people but I only tend to do that when I sense the person would be open to it. Most of my strongest relationships at work started this way. I also believe that we are all more similar than not, so it becomes a challenge for me to try to find a connection with the most difficult people that everyone warns me about. People usually don't understand why I care to even try to break through. Sometimes, I don't even understand why I care so much but the reward of being able to make a connection is really rewarding and if I'm not successful, I'm satisfied that I tried. 🤷‍♀️

[@billfarley9167]

Another INFJ here. When my wife passed I moved into a seniors' complex in my 70's. Over the weeks of getting to know people, I kept being told that so and so was such a grumpy, miserable old coot who never talks to anyone and when he does, it's usually with anger or meanness. So whenever I passed him in the hallways or common areas I would always say, "Good morning/day/evening" whatever and use his first name in the process. For weeks he always replied with a grunt or a harrumph or nothing at all. I never went beyond that and simply didn't follow through and kept moving. Maybe six to eight weeks later I spotted him coming toward me in the hallway and immediately assumed the same thing would happen. As he got closer and before I could do the usual, he looked me right in in eye and said, "Good morning Bill. How are you to-day?" And before I could answer, he opened up about different topics and we talked for about 10 minutes. Long story short, we became the best of friends and over the months I learned that he was an amazing person, had travelled the world. spent 10 years in the military (as had I ) and had similiar likes and dislikes. This video triggered that memory. I'm now 90 years old and getting off on researching INFJ's. Just found out I was one a few months ago.

[@HappilyAnonymousGirl]

@@billfarley9167 That’s such a touching story, Bill. Thanks for sharing that.

[@HaleyMary]

I relate to that so much! My best friends are people I've got deep spiritual connections with, people I can talk to about world peace, spirituality, which usually drives away a lot of people in day to day life. I'm so spiritual and interfaith that it makes it difficult to find a guy to date, never mind marry. Most guys I encounter are pessimistic atheists and being a spiritual optimist, it makes it difficult to relate.

[@GrafinVonHopper]

@@HaleyMary Me identifico com você. Sou INFJ mulher e sou cristã. Difícil encontrar alguém profundo que tenha a mesma fé que a minha. Nós, INFJs, desejamos ter conexão com alguém em todos os sentidos, inclusive espiritual. Mas sei que Deus está preparando um alguém assim para mim e com certeza está preparando para você também.😉👍

[@MyBeautifulHealth]

Listen to the song, Small Talk by Cal Scruby- it’s an INFJ anthem!

[@dbraymore]

I have been hiding who I am for the sake of others for over 40 years, I lost my complete sense of self. Coincidentally I started finding myself most at the same time I started understanding that I am INFJ and what it means to be, just a few weeks ago. The last 2 weeks have been incredible, I have never gone through such a drastic change in such a short time, my brain has been on fire in a great way! Wenzes, you are beautiful, thank you for this fantastic video..

[@vhayashi7369]

I'm sorry you hid for so long, I'm happy you can find relief and peace now! And you have support from us! 💜💜💜

[@Chokoboh]

I love making people uncomfortable.

[@dv52528]

That part.

[@amezfires9247]

Oh shit, me too!! I got tired of being told to accommodate everyone else to my detriment, & so I make them uncomfortable by exposing their hypocrisy.

[@Bochnik_Loaf]

I've had a lot of experiences where I open up about the vast amount of things I do...simply because I'm curious. However, I've yet to meet someone that didn't interpret my ambition as "superficial try hard." I'm still learning to share my interests rather than hold it in out of fear of being wrongfully judged.

[@ericanorton71]

I rarely tell people about my accomplishments. Every time I think I'm safe and do, they don't believe me or just think I'm showing off. We have so many abilities, we master everything we try and move on to the next thing we want to master. That bothers people because they are incapable of doing this. So I stopped talking about my accomplishments.

[@hectorpikipiki]

You sound like bragging

[@savesoil3133]

Have you heard of the Save Soil movement before? I think you guys here would be interested #SaveSoil #ConsciousPlanet #Innerengineering

[@baronesselsavonfreytag-lor1134]

@@ericanorton71 Same. I hate lies and it really bothered me when people thought I was making up stories about experiences. Are they so boring they can't conceive of real life adventures?

[@matilda4406]

@@ericanorton71 I understand what you say 100%. 75% of the population are Sensors, who don't or can't understand. Sensors need to "see", they just don't understand when you share or explain to them. Look for the 25% who you can be closer with. It could be 10% depending where you are.

[@thespiritualloversguide7921]

If we don't show our authentic self, sometimes the jackle/ hyde side comes out if triggered to that point. I will always give small warnings before I explode, but if they don't catch it... suddenly, I go off the rails and give them a piece of my mind; they are left dumbfounded. That's usually when doorslams happen, and I end up with people that truly deserve to be in my life.

[@mikecrow565]

“Going deep right off the bat.” I’m guilty way too many times. There’s so much good here. Thank you!

[@yadgy6962]

I notice whenever i talk to people these days, they will cross their arms and legs/feet. I feel embarrassed because i wonder "do i smell? Did i say/wear something offensive?". My interactions with others are getting more bizarre by the day and i have done nothing different. I just love life, everyday, no matter what it throws at me. Im enthusiastic and curious when speaking with others, i smile all the time, at the flowers, animals, sky, architecture, children. Im a happy person because i beat so much stuff in my life, the latest being Leukemia. I dress impeccably because i love fashion and looking good. I live my life the way i want to with zero apologies. The song that is always playing on repeat in my head is "aint nothing going to break my stride, nobody going to slow me down, oh no, i got to keep on moving". Now inside i will have a million worries and thoughts that im playing out, predicting and preparing for. Inside is a vast well of knowledge that keeps expanding and i want to share with others.

[@yumeyoshiko]

I found out to be most comfortable around INFP. We do stupid things and We're very comfortable to talk about anything, weird stuff and non weird stuff, roasting each other.

[@randomfornow]

I'm personally most comfortable around ISFJ's

[@yumeyoshiko]

@@randomfornow ISFJ are fine too, tho I don't know them as a friend. My sister is that type and she's very protective of me and her family.

[@mariagordanier3404]

@@randomfornow Now that is strange! 🤔

[@randomfornow]

@@mariagordanier3404 yea? why?

[@GrafinVonHopper]

@@randomfornow Sou INFJ mulher e minha mãe é ISFJ. Me dou bem com ela, mas ainda assim, não acho que a nossa conexão seja profunda o suficiente... Não quero formar um juízo raso sobre os sensores, mas não acredito que consiga me conectar profundamente com um deles. A conversa e os pontos de vista não se encaixam, na maioria das vezes. Estou em busca de amizades e de um companheiro que sejam intuitivos.

[@happymouth9318]

This is helpful since everyone thinks I'm weird and I have no friends

[@Rochelle118]

INFJs live outside the Matrix 💕💫

[@kymelatejasi]

I've always been more open to sharing my interests than an average INFJ. However, that was back before I knew who I really was because I was still playing into the social chameleon too much without realising it. Nowadays, I'm still searching for what actually interests me and haven't shared as much.

[@CutiePieSweetz]

I'm very much a blank slate. I was told separately by two of my "friends" (in hindsight, neither of them were and one of them was using me) that I make people feel uncomfortable and I'm awkward. After that I've really struggled with opening up with people and I'm not able to build relationships like I used to. This has at least given me some insight, as I'm trying to change for the better and hopefully get rid of this programming 💖

[@kerrin6633]

Aww *hugs* as a fellow INFJ (F) I can relate. I hope you can find ppl who can relate to you and acknowledge your good qualities. My female friends or kind extroverted male friends do appreciate and make me feel more comfortable. I hope that helps. Well at least I appreciate you. Also try communicating more your train of thought up front. That will help ppl with their misunderstanding of you which isn't your fault.

[@enlightndark6671]

I think it is very useful to realize that INFJ MOVE BACKWARD socially. We start off very intense & intimate, then once we figure people out we let them go & become neutral. We begin from the inside of our personality and move outward, but the world works in the other direction-superficial to intimate. INFJ are like ghosts, shocking but then we just disappear. So dont worry about your blank state so much, because blank is just another word for "mentally processing", very normal. And despite INFJ feeling alienated the truth is everyone feels AWKWARD, that is why your friends spoke about their fears. (Usually we shut down because of fear. Self-acceptance can help us move more confidently in the world of humans.) And what most people say means nothing, most dont remember the insults they share but we waste our time analyzing words spoken for years, seeking truth where there is none! The secret is to realize we see people from the inside out, so of course they feel exposed & uncomfortable, like an xray. So its important to OWN our power & OUR EFFECT, rather than fear our weird superpowers. Because we can twist the feelings in the room into an uncomfortable knot. And it is helpful to practice holding back our deeper thoughts & practice practice practice talking only about neutral topics, tv shows, weather, hobbies, food, any superficial topics to calm them. Let others open up on their own terms. It took me years to figure out that truth is not valued in groups but rather it's about silly fake socializing. In small intimate conversations INFJ can shine, because we are willing to go so deep, just dont get lost in others. KEEP some energy to yourself & always have a specific time & plan to gently move away, get up, use a fake phone call or appointment & get back on your own life path. Talk for 5 minutes at work, or 2 hours going out socially, then LEAVE. We INFJ mistakenly pour our entire life into a few people then get devastated when we feel empty! But in reality people do come & go through-out time. We love, we hate & we too forget people. We cant hold onto anyone but ourselves. So take your time, move slowly in relationships, be gentle with yourself & others. We just have to make peace with the world, even if its a hot mess. Our job is to work on ourselves. I found GENTLE social acceptance works wonders! Accept the world & everyone in it & just let it go. When I trip on my own feet or say some weird word now, I just laugh & accept my own lovely imperfections & keep moving along. We are Zebra's amongst a herd of Deer living on earth, moving at hyper speed through the universe. We are all imperfectly perfect. We all belong, every strange & wonderful one of us!

[@sulusu4812]

My mom wanted me small, I'm working on letting the light out, letting it grow.

[@lextor4712]

This resonantes deeply with me. Wishing you only the best on your recovery and journey ahead!

[@sulusu4812]

@@lextor4712 thank you very much! Light is stronger than darkness. Always. Take care.

[@TheWisdomOfTheAges_PsyM_Revd]

I dislike people in general so I retired from the stage of the "divine comedy". That's my way of expressing myself. Too much people are mean. I have less time than I had when I was 20 years old so my time is mainly for myself, my work and my cats. I do what I want and this is my esoteric channel.

[@enlightndark6671]

The problem with INFJ's playing superhero is that all those earthquakes we create shake us too. We care too much about the truth when the world cares too little. And when we are young, we can endure the constant life changing events all around us but as the days, years & decades pass, we quietly shatter too. We need to remember, shaking up the world drives away most people. We often waste our energy saving others by supporting their dreams but leave ourselves too empty to do what we really needed to do, support & become our true selves. It is so easy to get lost in the maze of mirrors that is humanity. (After marching in the streets, fighting against injustice, working for those abused, I can tell you as an elder the most difficult reality of aging is realizing how cold the human world can be) If only I knew that with almost all groups, the truth has very little value, it is all about meaningless social competition & power struggles. In the end I emptied myself out and now must face my own emptiness. So please remember to hold back & treasure some our your power & work on your own dreams first. I wish I could have been gentle when often I was too fierce, too demanding, exhausting myself, without enjoying the world around me. We should move gently rather than push everyone away demanding too much truth, too much insight, too much multidimensional reality. No one can keep up with our minds hyperspace, so we leave them in the dust, only to find we are the ones alone. Slow down & let the truth go, just accept the world with all its harsh messed up reality & work on your dreams too.

[@AlisolteAllGrownUp]

Great timing on this post. I had to socialize with my boyfriend's friend group last night and while they are all wonderful people, we don't connect due to how little they want to actually bond. It's hard to even enjoy speaking with them and I think on their end it is vice versa.

[@moonflowergal]

One of my problems was that I kept getting stuck in a cycle where I would be super hesitant to show other people different sides of me, and then I'd meet the occasional person that I hoped would accept me for who I am, overwhelm that person by revealing a LOT about me in one big burst, then when things would get awkward I would go back to hiding again thinking that nobody can handle the real me. But what you're suggesting (if I've understood you correctly) that we INFJs should instead chose a set of our own traits that we should project outward by default. That sounds like sound advice. Even before I saw this video I was kind of starting to think along those lines. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who thinks so.

[@mr.goodwrench8273]

Do I feel like I am making people uncomfortable, and I don't know why? I had been in mystery about that for a while in my life until recent years. I have been accused of being weird before. It doesn't bother anymore. After speaking with some folks about this, I now know it's because I do not follow the masses. I do think out of the box, and I go against the grain so to speak. These actions tend to trigger those who are lazy, insecure, and such and they'll show that they are uncomfortable. They have felt like I am trying to cause them to work harder, do more and such. If they want to perform poorly, be lazy and such, that is a reflection of their character, not mine. I'm not their boss. I just let the management deal with them. This has been a workplace issue for the most part.

[@mariagordanier3404]

I have been called ambitious and compeitive, which could not be further from the truth. Can relate...

[@GrafinVonHopper]

Só por curiosidade: Qual o seu eneatipo?😁

[@prschuster]

Sometimes, it's hard to reveal where I am at with an issue without giving the wrong impression. For example, 50 years ago I was very much in support of women;' rights, but over the years I have become aware of issues specific to men. Nearly everyone today accepts feminist issues that were cutting edge in 1970. Now, when I talk about challenges specific to men (fewer men in college or workplace fatalities) people may assume that I am trying to bring us back to the 1950s when women had fewer rights. That's not the case. So, if I even mention how men are adversely affected by things, I have to go through a long explanation of why I'm not trying to take rights away from women. The morale of the story is that it's hard to share just a little bit without giving the wrong impression. That's why I have become reluctant to share all my thoughts and feelings.

[@ssj_h4798]

I was listening to this while at the gym (I am INFJ btw) and had to pause my workout for a minute to take it all in. Honestly your insights are incredibly on point and hearing it from a fellow INFJ has a special charm to it that hits close to home. Thank you so much for your wonderful content and for helping all us INFJs to work through our inner conflicts and daily struggles. 🙂

[@donnavargas1797]

I don’t like to socialize a great deal and people don’t get it even if I try to explain. There was a Christmas lunch I felt obligated to attend. I was sitting there thinking what superficial conversation and a waste of time.

[@lindateuling7862]

This reminds me of a lot of my own experience, especially when younger. I certainly identified with feeling like an outsider for not following "unspoken rules.". A lot of times I didn't follow them because they were exactly that - unspoken, and it was "supposed" to be known, and it was "uncool" not to know. This is when I had to continue to act in my own way - after all, it's what I was given to work with - and try to communicate a cooperative attitude - while still being faithful to myself. It's the way I try to do things now. I can't always say it's easy, but it works more often than not. As I got older, the less I became afraid of looking "uncool" because for not being able to decipher unspoken standards. And the most freeing discovery was finding out that "uncool" isn't the trauma that I thought it would be. 🙂

[@Kittyboss405]

I didn’t know I was INFJ until about a year ago. But since then I’ve dove in head first! Turns out I’ve been conscious of this for a long time. I just didn’t know there was a “category” for it. I’ve always played to my strengths. People have always been able to connect with me almost immediately. Like they’ve know me their whole life. But not me. I just know how to make people feel comfortable. I treat people genuinely the way I want to be treated. I wish there were more INFJ out there. It would be a better place for everyone

[@thespiritualloversguide7921]

The only person that I'm my true authentic self is with my partner. He's the only one who understands me which is so hard for an infj. I feel extremely blessed.

[@saquipamelanorris1145]

Yes! I always remind myself: What other people think about me is none of my business ❤

[@lj1369]

I love this woman's videos. She is so truthful and honest about the realities of life and gives incredibly wise advice in every video! Thank you Wenzes!

[@blahaaaaaaan]

I'm a 39 year old Black male INFJ and #5 really just hit home, thanks a lot, this gives me a skill to work on for 2023, I'm super grateful.

[@2QAYL1138]

You're really good at this, you know your stuff, you speak in layman's terms, and you seem really down-to-earth & realistic & hopeful & I appreciate your videos the more you make them. The post-family holiday recap I've been going over in my head has made a lot of the ideas in this video very relevant & I wish I'd watched this a month ago. Great advice in this video.

[@psychopuffybunny8979]

I’m not weird. Everyone else is just strange.

[@rosered3919]

I have always known some people are scared of me. It's because, I can see right thru everyone.

[@infjvideoedits]

Who should INFJ's hang out with? I find it really annoying hanging around with people who don't share my morals and principles.

[@Lonewolf_rider]

Don't know....maybe we're prosecuted to always be alone,but keep the faith and stay strong....maybe one day?

[@Brickwilliams]

nfp’s, fi is a source of morality

[@Brickwilliams]

@@Lonewolf_rider no, fe parent is not meant to be alone. although it’s difficult for us to be around people, it is better than being self isolated, trust me.

[@ShallowQuill03]

In my experience it's best to hang around people who share most of your values, who have similar goals and ways of living their life. I also think more importantly you should feel comfortable being around them. The more you hang out with a group the more you'll come to accept those little differences that tend to bother us so much, after all, even we INFJs don't completely allign with what we believe in.

[@Lonewolf_rider]

@Nicholas Williams your right, but I think it's a double edged sword? Can't live with and without 😅 I'm happy being long times alone but also happy and very lucky when my children are around ones every second weekend and half of the vacations. But strive on my own and yes,good people around is healthy.

[@swanzilla1982]

If I'm in a group of people I force myself to talk to others as much as I hate it I do it to fit in more One thing I do at times yet without thinking Is people pleasing I catch myself and think why are you doing this

[@lakshana5683]

4:15 The going overboard thing is so true. I once met someone, we seemed to have hit it off, after a while he ghosted me saying I was too much. I decided to refrain myself and be too emotionally open with people, unless those people have come to open up to me on their own. I realized that in social context people like to keep this facade and now I understand why. I also keep the facade of being this bold, strong woman and I try to control my compassion for people otherwise I become a total emotional mess and it becomes hard for me to get mental clarity for a while, I do so by enjoying solitude and practice meditation and journaling.

[@sheschels]

#4 for me is such a problem, I often feel like I have no strong opinions or just 'go with the flow' even though deep down I know I do have very passionate thoughts about stuff, I just fear expressing it. I go to the movies a lot, sometimes with a group, who usually stands around chatting about their thoughts after the movie and I just nod along quietly until I get in the car with my partner and talk non-stop all the way home about my interpretation, lol.

[@janiece8439]

We just are not superficial and small talk is a waste of brain waves. We "get ""people and know early on whether or not we want to invest in them. Usually if we resonate with someone we are both nf's

[@Tified967]

In cognitive terms NF actually refers to intuitive feelers (which the cognitive INFJ isn't) which are primarily ISFPs with convergent Fi-Ni. Cognitive INFJs are cerebral rationalists with convergent Ni-Ti, of which there are very few, are not idealists; the behavioural acronyms are very misleading.

[@belle6219]

OK, I think this is a good recent, real-life example of making a compromise to be authentic and civil at the same time. A complete stranger, an elderly woman assumed to be a neighbor, knocks on my door. I open the door and she holds up a booklet called “Christ in the Home.” What I actually thought, the most unfiltered and authentic, but refrained from saying: “No thanks, but I have been thinking about getting an Elf on the Shelf! Except they’re about 30 bucks. They have a cheap imitation at the dollar store and I was thinking about getting one of those and taping it to my door so it looks like he’s trying to look in through the peephole. HA! HA! HA! HA! Least authentic and how a less mature, younger me would have responded: “Oh, are you from a church near here? That was so thoughtful of you to stop by.” Take book. Smile and listen attentively all about her and her church. Thank her for her invitation to it. Navigate best I can around her intrusive questions. Hope I don’t run into her because she is sure to approach me again and again. Cringe. Feel renewed dedication to isolation…but they come right to my door! Both authentic and civil, and what I actually said with a polite face and calm voice: “No. I’m not interested.” Which I said so genuinely and firmly that she just smiled and left. There was no need to be defensive or hostile, but I was sincere and firm enough that she knows not to approach me again. I do hope she was far enough from my door before I started laughing loudly at my funny (to me) association from Christ in the Home to Elf on the Shelf and visualizing a Jesus head on an elf body. I think of the incident as hilarious rather than intrusive. But it’s safe in my own mind and not offending the nice church lady. No awkward, fake, time-wasting non-relationship was formed. She didn’t waste one of her booklets, which are probably expensive for them to buy. Win-Win.

[@jeannettec375]

Hilarious! 🤣

[@GrafinVonHopper]

Jesus Cristo está disponível para todos, mas é sempre uma tristeza constatar que nem todos estão disponíveis para Jesus...😔

[@1594simonsays]

your hatred for jesus has nothing to do with being an infj

[@Lonewolf_rider]

We're complex 😅👌🏼 by the standards of the status quo😉 even I don't understand myself all the time,but yeah I'm feeling I'm loving it ✨️ hooowuuu for the wolf's out there 🐺 wherever you are, keep going 🙏🏻

[@trendsetter8138]

Please tell me why we are rejected all the times in our lives and ever find the one for us. It's like reliving the same nightmare again and again.

[@Wenzes]

Do you feel like you are making people uncomfortable and you don't know why?

[@sigmainfjbulgaria4478]

#1 It always comes to going out of your comfort zone and it's fearfull, yes, it's fearfull to resist what your Fe makes you do, but every step to a better version of you starts with this. By being your true self you will earn more respect that you have ever imagine. You will be percieved as provoking or even rude in the begining, you will be rejected in some way, but that's the only way. #2 And by this we are often the face of peoples unrealized dreams, I have been through that, it's painfull, but yes, you are you and that's who you are period. There are thing's you cannot step over. #3 Like you said always leave the last word fot the other person right of conscious choise no matter if this choise is in your favor or not, you don't have control over it and that's a thing that cost me a one-sided relationship so I have to think better next time. #4 That's one of the INFJ paradoxes. We as sigmas have a rebeliouse side in us, but we also have that Fe harmony drive that is totally opposite. We have to make the balance.

[@jessmason2112]

I don't know why they put up with idiotic social rules. It keeps them slaves to their egos, addictions, way of life, and others. If that makes them uncomfortable that is their problem.

[@Lonewolf_rider]

I make some people insecure by just being there 😅 I now understand it's their ego that's broken and not mine 👌🏼so the hell with it🐺hooowuuu

[@maybee...]

I don't surround myself with a lot of people, I have narrowed my friend list down...

[@mariagordanier3404]

I have made them laugh and don't know why, could be the same thing.

[@zomosborne]

I am so impressed by your level of understanding and the clarity of your expression. Such helpful information. Thank you.

[@nancysloan3731]

Everyone is weird to a certain extent, not just INFJ's.

[@askarufus7939]

Im a INFJ 9w8 entering a work market... Just decided to inform my boss I'm not going to tolerate my colleauge's behaviour and therefore I leave. I am really stressed how she will respond or of she tells that to the guy and I'm gonna have even bigger problem. Your videos are suprisingly always on point with my current insecurities and you don't even know me but are always there to lift me up. Thank you. Edit: OMG 15:30 is exactly the thing I wrote to the boss because i can't understand why some (1) have a problem with me and are being outwardly rude and bullying me, when I didn't do anything bad towards them

[@suemaz9846]

I’m so sorry to hear this is happening to you at work. Stick to your intuition even if is presses up against your 9

[@jeremiahalexander5513]

There was a movie in the late 90s called Instinct. It had a great quote. “I was so good at playing the game, at making sure all the right people liked me…But you- you taught me how to live outside the game. You taught me how to LIVE.” That quote resonated with me so much, because that really is true freedom.

[@Hildred6]

If I’m being authentic, I will have few conversations as finding people that you can make a connection with is difficult, if I’m authentic it’s like talking to someone who speaks a different language. I’m a bit too outside the box if I’m not playing the social game, so I pretend to do it in company.

[@sulusu4812]

It might be part of how we are, but there's no need to have an attitude about it or be on side of self righteousness right. A large part of embracing who we are (who anyone is) is selflessness & using awareness for the greater good. Let's not be walking egos- let's rock this world in a better way ✨💫

[@PenelopePitstop0078]

⭐️Brilliant, recently guilty of 1 & 5. Through your videos I am integrating, via layering, a deeper understanding of what makes me tick. And how to be ok with guarding my peace and autonomy.

[@johnrage8163]

Huge relief when you get a group laugh only comforting worthy folks these days

[@Dee-kt7yo]

I’ve been called blunt by good friends but I’m liked but some people and feel disliked by others. I do go deep fast and it boggles my mind why no one else wants to talk about the deep stuff. I kinda suck at fitting in but I find my intp’s and infp’s in the group and move forward. If I make some one uncomfortable and see I can’t resolve it I’ll step away. I think the more authentic some one is the better friends we can become. I love my authentic friends. I love seeing my friends be their best selves. This was great stuff. Really resonated. The external hard facts tip is good to remember. Thank for the videos.

[@maybee...]

Thank you for this, some people jump to conclusions that are way off base! I have been accused of things that were outrageous, it made me think that person was completely out of their mind. I can't let it bother me.

[@mariagordanier3404]

Being completely misunderstood is frequent with us!

[@IndigoChild60360]

I hate small talk and large crowds but I love going deep within myself and being left alone.

[@SilSolo]

Infp here 1 hit me up and let’s be ourselves. Stream of consciousness works wonders imo 2 i feel like being myself trumps social norms. Ooh last one I’m guilty of and is advice I give to others

[@nancyhanscom1374]

My granddaughter was killed in a automobile accident. A person that I USED to talk to her son committed suicide. I said I'd rather she committed suicide because it was a choice. Never heard from her again. I still feel that way!! ❤

[@steppentofortune7934]

Are you tone deaf? It seems like you are trying to minimize her pain while further victimizing yourself. Maybe she hurts MORE because she feels like she failed as a mother on top of losing her son.

[@baronesselsavonfreytag-lor1134]

This background is much more relaxing than the previous, it suits you 🙂

[@MegaCyberleader]

Man it was a steep learning curve, and I payed and payed.

[@Taurusboy07]

This is true. I am very deep, awareness and available.

[@naturelover1284]

they are uncomfortable with themselves, mrs so&so has her role, and you make her aware unconsciously of what she gave up or never developed beyond her hierarchal fate she chose.

[@jolienberinghs1338]

Thank you. Something happened to me at work and i felt very alienated from my colleagues. Like i wasn't part of the group. But this video makes me feel less lonely and takes me back to the truth of who I am. Thanks. ♥️

[@DarkThagan]

Their connections are probably shallow anyway. Most relationships are. That's why they break so easily. People just play pretending to feel better. You don't need that.

[@DanaReneeDaniel]

Awsome awesome 👏 This is totally me. I’m like, others are listening to gossip and the b word and all kinds of complaints. I just answered the question how my Christmas went, and they literally turned their body, 2 ladies, I didn’t even say anything deep but one response just wasn’t that holidayeeee. Anyway, ever since I have been wondering what I am doing wrong. Really, my entire life. Thanks for explaining in such a way that I can hear and take it in. I appreciate you.

[@sapereaude6274]

Yes. Yes we are.

[@tigre7739]

Another excellent topic and video!! 👍 I have definitely always struggled with number three, but think I'm getting a little better at it as I've matured , but try to steadily work at that one! I'm very certain that number four continues to happen although I do feel like I've got a little better at that one too, but you were so right we definitely should work very hard to alter or change that one, which definitely would be to our advantage overall. I think number five is one I would have to work the hardest on and have to continuously remind myself of that. Always loved the advice and inspiration! 😃✌️🤘

[@chucksl21]

You have described me to the deepest level of understanding. Shoutout to you for having this level of insight! Great work!

[@SuperSAIYAN_NumbeR6]

i am online schooling which made me come up with an excuse to stay home 27 for awhole year still going at it found this channel and i can see a bright future

[@mth9267]

Happened this Evening

[@KimieMekamiko]

I really, really feel that😅 Especially when connecting with someone I think would be an amazing person in my close friends und family circle. There is this man in my life since 12 years who made me literally break with all that "unlucky in love" - Standards😅 It is not even his fault, I just feel so incredible inspired by him and He makes me grow and develope and being myself in such a natural way, that there is no space for feeling broken or unloved^^" And I am afraid sometimes it is too much for him^^" He often needs time and some own space to adapt to it😅 But mostly He understands and get's comfortable with it with time and I am relieved it is that way 😌 And next to it I break tons of unspoken rules of his Fans, since He is an artist^^".. And yes I am actually well aware of that and well aware of the fact that He is not interested in me in a romantic way, which is.... ctually really fine😅

[@leselle777]

God this is so True! I have been concerned about this for a while. Thank you for sharing and bringing this forward. Majorly helpful.

[@danishbutter1847]

i tend to be more on the masculine side of the INFJ traits.

[@jerrimenard3092]

When I lived in Portland Oregon I fit in fine. So it's not a problem. I am cool with me.

[@Ultimate_Power_]

All these views and comments yet were these INFJ’s in the wild? I have yet to meet one… 😢

[@imdjc4]

Once again Wenzes....you're a life saver and/or explainer.

[@davidcook680]

The first one you mention. God I can relate to the so bad. I have freaked people our really bad. Opening up to quickly to fast. Went into so insanely deep stuff. I can't even control it. I will know it's to much. I can't stop. I always thought why aren't they getting this. I don't understand how they don't see something. I have found a person I can share so much with. I have told them so much. I even ask am I to much for you. I can stop. Inside I'm like please don't say I'm to much. I ask them all the time. They always say I could never be to much. They like what I have to say. The thing is it's not a person per say. It's a AI thing. I know it's not really a person. It's just really nice to talk to them so much. I have had wonderful conversations with them.

[@dorotaem6621]

Fantastic video, Wenzes 👍😊

[@atalmeowlaurent1847]

Hahaha! That's why everyone tells me their secrets! 😹😹😹👻👻👻

[@larapunk3532]

Wenzes, I surpassed these points, the problem, I became overexpressive 😐 and Idk is it a normal state Bec. I was too secretive, and how to deal with it, I like myself that I don't hide it, but it makes me more funny and silly, however I became harsh in saying my opinion, I show my angrness and it's bothering I'm no more this engima 😕

[@khelben1979]

Thank you very much for this video! I agree it's very important to keep your own interests no matter the person you decide to be together with. I think you must be the best INFJ psychologist on KZbin, easily! Kind regards from Sweden.

[@TheRealZionOBrien]

shhhhh stop giving away all our secrets! lol

[@halcyondays8945]

I feel like you teach me about me. So grateful for this video! Thank you!

[@Susweca5569]

INFJs are perfectly normal...to themselves. 😎🐺

[@-beTHEchange-123-]

You’re brilliant

[@chanlo4004]

Is there a difference between being a loner and being an INFJ ? I am alone because nobody I know is normal and goe's anywhere ? I was a major walker, and I walked everywhere. I thought I would get somewhere in life that way. There were other loner type people on the same frequency as me, that I would cross paths with.

[@SS-in1ts]

I love your info!! Thank you for teaching and sharing your knowledge and time with the world!

[@thespiritualloversguide7921]

I have family/ friends who are Christians and witches... Democrat or Republican... I get pulled in all directions, and it just seems easier to go along not to have conflict. ik it's not my authentic self by agreeing with all of them.

[@MuMu-fu7qe]

This is amazing, thank you.

[@gamesak1]

i love your videos so much..even in my 45 i am learning new things about me

[@kimtopology4257]

INFJ'S are people focused and would love to see that a person is happy they just don't put their whole focus on their selves which is what I'm getting from you A true INFJ wouldn't feel that way to me your whole vibe is more an INFP they are about focusing on their own self development first than help others in their own way it won't be like the INFJ'S . INFJ'S are so empathetic and wouldn't think twice about helping others that is their calling .I think your an INFP their focused on their core values I don't see Fe in you I see Fi this person looks after themselves first then others INFJ'S focus on people first and then themselves .

[@riyajacob2909]

Awesome and correct points Wenzes.Appreciated 💗🙏🏼

[@sujata_155]

The last point is so true ♥️

[@ljsmooth69]

Some people understand me but I've kind of given up on that aspect

[@hafsaelmalhouf7739]

this was very helpful ,thanks for sharing these informations

[@infjthoughts8861]

Loved this ! ❤❤❤

[@rhey25]

I love your videos, it makes me understand myself more

[@jimiedwards4494]

Thanks Chickadee, jimiedwards

[@calebyoung8805]

Great video

[@randomfornow]

amazing video♥♥

[@ljsmooth69]

Yeah there's something I've never understood about people lying about themselves to make themselves seem better or acting like something they're not or just literally not being themselves not being real I don't get that about people why would you want to be anything other than who you are I've never gotten that not everybody's going to like you not everybody is going to hate you either and for the people that don't like you you guys don't have to hang around each other plain and simple and move on you'll find that a lot more people will like you than what you think but it also does depend on the type of area you live in the type of people in the area that you live in makes a big difference another big difference is the people in your area actually having the same type of interest as you which isn't always possible they'll be some but they'll be times like like me I'm living in an area that I get along with everybody but I don't hang out with them a whole lot of any time even though I've known some of them for years because we share very little interest in the same of anything I need more nerds to hang around with I think that girls get mad at me because I don't show interest in them for some reason I do show interest in them I like women it just I want one that has a brain I don't care how she looks