What are Keir Starmer’s Milestones?

[@alansmith3700]

Closing line was a scorcher 👏

[@Timlagor]

Raising Living Standards: the question isn't "how much?" but "for whom?"

[@robertngreen6]

I have given up watching the news - it's far more incisive and truthful to watch Matt's (and Jonathan's!) version!

[@ellicel]

“Conquering, colonizing, and looting…” Ah, the good old days! 😂

[@rickatatastan2695]

"Mr Soros funds all sorts of organisations that make children doubt the history of the country" - Nigel Farage.

[@neiltitmus9744]

How are those marbles coming along

[@AnBreadanFeasa]

I wonder what's the Irish/Hindi/Arabic/etc word for "schadenfreude"?

[@ben-fe3zy]

thats a lot of children he's pledged to get ready for school each morning.

[@DemonDethchase]

@@ben-fe3zy most of which will go hungry, but if he'd be showboating if he were to fed them too.

[@weswheel4834]

Enjoyed you telling Jonathan off for the Dad jokes ;)

[@Alex-cw3rz]

On a more serious note as a town planner I would like to point out that there are 1.1 million homes with planning permission not being built. The planning system is not perfect but it is developers not planners that are the issue. There plan is for 300,000 homes a year. But it is common to not even get 300,000 homes applied for a year and even then at the moment 86% are granted. More houses will be given permission and not built than will be refused permisison.

[@neiltitmus9744]

As a new build site plumber 30% of the lads on our old company werelayed off as demand for new homes was low after the intrest rates rises so and it's still very slow on site for everyone left as far as I can make out from conversations.

[@Cider4144]

How about we fund councils to build those permitted homes and offer them as council houses to clear the waiting lists and offer folk an alternative to rip off Tory landlords?

[@SusannaSaunders]

That would be the preferred option... But selling them after a fews years at a reduced price is not a winning game plan imo. They need to remain council property this time around and not as an avenue to save £50k off the cost of buying a house at the tax payers pleasure...

[@Cider4144]

@@SusannaSaunders Agreed. Right to buy, if allowed at all, should be at market value plus 5% and the councils have to use the income to build more houses.

[@imaginitivity7853]

They should forfeit the land after a set period after planning is granted if houses aren't built. Then it can either be resold or used for building council houses. It's just another example of private sector exploitation of common goods at massive cost to the tax payer for very little benefit. They usually don't even build the required infrastructure or affordable housing stipulated in the planning

[@pancakingon]

Condolences to the Beastie Boys

[@Grim_Beard]

Damn, you got me with that kilograms line.

[@tsr207]

Topical , clever and professionally produced - Matt excels at a rapid response to the pronouncements of the mad people we have given power to. Starmer has had more launches than a Clydeside shipyard !

[@JSmith19858]

Like a Clydeside shipyard Labour have done nothing since the 1970s

[@sarkybugger5009]

It's the 'Land of the Fee.' If you have enough money, you can get anything in the USA.

[@andrewmoorhouse687]

They’re trying the old IT trick of turning it off and on again! Brilliantly satirised as always Matt. I particularly loved the “Next up…” ending 😂🤣

[@jeaniebottle6758]

Pinewood studios, where fiction & fantasies are filmed.

[@Cider4144]

Starmer today was like listening to a wannabe trendy middle manager 25 years ago. Management speak key words were thick and fast and as meaningless now as they were then. We all know that we're just shoveling shite from one place to another and paying billionaires for the "privilege" of doing so.

[@Agent_Pumpkin]

Excellent yet again!

[@seanduggan3453]

Stunning end there @mattgreencomedy. And Jonathan Goodenuff aceing his summary of Keir Starmer's non reset building blocks, milestones, and happy thoughts.

[@nickbarton3191]

Starmer has millstones, not milestones.

[@RichardFraser-y9t]

Because the 'Edd stone' went so well.

[@rotinkerbell]

Land Of The Free - Home Of The Paranoid.

[@smorris12]

Excellent, as always. Keep it up!

[@sandrafrancis3631]

😂👏👏love the end bit!😂👍👏

[@davidmcculloch8490]

Jonathan should win reporter of the year. Too much honesty for the mainstream channels.

[@luftwaffle3451]

Brilliant! As always!

[@stevemartin239]

Brilliant Satire Matt....as ever.Thanks for telling it as it really is!

[@weswheel4834]

Bitter blow to the Beastie Boys :D

[@eddieharris6004]

Nimby speaking here....don't want more homes, stretched hospital waiting list's, strain on local infrastructure, destruction of green belt etc etc.

[@TheBearAndHer]

One of your best. Thank you.

[@MarkSmith-pr7js]

This one is particularly excellent Matt

[@adewhite731]

Wait, is that “raise living standards” or “RAZE living standards”…? 😮😂

[@notadoctora7956]

Superb as usual

[@MattGreenComedy]

Thanks again!

[@maco3716]

Excellent as always

[@RossDonovan]

Brilliant 😂

[@12theotherandrew]

Absolutely normal political bollocks.

[@karlstone6011]

Yeah, he says he'll build 1.5m homes, but if he's anything like the last lot he'll actually demolish tens of millions!

[@Timlagor]

It's amazing how good androids have become but the eyes still give it away

[@sparrowbe4k802]

Well done to Matty. That was a very balanced piece. To actually hear a leftwing lambast their own is sooooooooo refreshing.

[@eddieharris6004]

Is Labour still a left wing party?....not by the definition in my old dictionary, more Tory light.

[@erebusvonmori8050]

What has Starmer got to do with the Left?

[@rosemarystewart7405]

Another brilliant one Matt. Took funny! Quite like the Naysayers myself!!

[@martinradcliffe4798]

Rachel Reeves and Liz Kendall. Oh, sorry-I thought you said millstones.

[@williamfence566]

Ouch ! That last statement

[@primenumberone133]

Genius! ❤

[@ai-d2121]

Brilliant Matt. I am Dutch and have no clue what this was about but it was funny. Is Starmer not your PM who thinks Proportional Representation is not an issue? And is Ukip still Nigel Farages hobby?

[@Welgeldiguniekalias]

Britse politici vinden evenredige vertegenwoordiging vooral een goed idee als ze in de oppositie zitten.

[@realhorrorshow8547]

Farage is now leader of Reform UK (Ltd). A grift far more profitable than UKIP.

[@clivemortimore8203]

57 kilograms.

[@SkyEcho7]

😂😂😂🤣😂 Fresh Starts, Reboots & Ctrl Alt Delete Correspondent

[@MyKharli]

He forgot to say netanyahoo is our real prime minister .

[@philip2180parker]

Sorry, Milestones or Millstones ?

[@johnclements6614]

Ed stones.

[@philip2180parker]

@johnclements6614 👏👏👏

[@vencik_krpo]

Land of the free of thought, more like…

[@roderickmain9697]

9 stones or 126 pounds. Sounds expensive. Setting your milestones sounds a bit like building Stonehenge. Leave it a few years and you end up with very little structure everything is scattered everywhere. Nice one Matt.

[@SaveEarthPlsBeKind]

Mile-stones. How old fashioned, should be kilometre -stones. :-)

[@eddieharris6004]

NHS dentist needed, not more police....perhaps better policing.

[@frankydaulman2291]

Ahh, much clearer, I thought he'd announced new millstones, phew!

[@JustME-ft4di]

We need an Anti Greed Coalition.

[@HektorBandimar]

As someone who leans to the left, it pains me to say that Labour have screwed up their last bite of the cherry, Oligarch backed politics is lurking just over the horizon. 😢

[@DemonDethchase]

10 pledges to become party leader 5 missions to become prime minister All lies to achieve more power

[@weswheel4834]

@DemonDethchase Had that word changed it's meaning now?

[@neiltitmus9744]

I listened and learned ,and dint like what i heard as it said nothing

[@SusannaSaunders]

Ah! Success then! 😊 that is after all exactly the intended outcome. To give the viewer a warm fuzzy feeling that they are being guided by a safe pair of hands into a brighter future while not actually doing anything substantive at all... Like PR for example, reform parliamentary process and set standards for MPs...

[@mityaboy4639]

Beastie Boys maybe… but Starmer is rolling stones … i am just worried that they will turn into grave stones of his goverment… and those will be heavier than a Lead Zeppelin … i will ac/dc myself out

[@tamara3984]

Not sure I like an anchor who translates 9 stones as ~57 kg instead of 58kg 😤

[@jeff__w]

Instead of channeling JFK and choosing change “because it’s hard,” how about choosing change because what’s been going on for the past 14 years _hasn’t worked._ (And some changes, like maybe dropping the absurd “fiscal rules” which create a so-called “£22 billion ‘black hole,’ which has no basis in economics, would be pretty easy, in fact.)

[@VinceLammas]

To be fair, the shortage of money in current-year budget provision has absolutley nothing to do with "fiscal rules".

[@JustME-ft4di]

Please don’t encourage ppl to use Milestone as a verb. It will catch on. Very disturbing!

[@Smoothjock]

Not sure, but perhaps the MILLSTONE is what he was left by the Tories; like Brexit and an NHS being prepared for selling off at a knockdown price.

[@chrisdavey8378]

He is lying

[@bthjf12003]

Must be the subject - dull so dull.

[@hugebartlett1884]

To quote John Kennedy,almost,is the height of self delusion,like comparing himself with Trump,or heaven help us,Napoleon. His fantasies know no bounds,his ambitions exceed common sense,his existence is an insult.

[@VinceLammas]

Actually, you might want to know the analogy reveals how his ideas are shaped by the work of an economist who sets out the role for an active government ...

[@paul29961]

Click bait

[@nadimovitch9237]

Click bait. No comedy here.

[@TwinPotMan]

Brilliant - reaching yet another milestone in superlative satire 🪦👍