What Being A "Nice Guy" Actually Signals To Women - Dr Robert Glover

[@ChrisWillx]

Hello you savages. Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - chriswillx.com/books/ Here’s the timestamps: 00:00 What’s Wrong With Being a Nice Guy? 05:54 The Origin of Nice Guys 15:06 Using Aggression as a Masculine Tool 22:15 Are Nice Guys More Orderly? 28:06 Why Nice Guys Keep Things Hidden 38:54 The Solution is Not to Be a Bad Guy 45:02 Alain de Botton on Nice Guys 48:37 Why Women Aren’t Complaining About Nice Guys 58:38 What Nice Guys Need to Know About Female Attraction 1:05:23 The Role of Emotional Tension 1:13:54 The Importance of Playfulness 1:25:42 How to Rehabilitate a Nice Guy 1:30:50 Your Most Formative Sexual Experience 1:39:59 Best Practices to Help Nice Guys 1:46:23 Where to Find Dr Glover

[@YZ177]

54:21 Balloons :) But yes, I think we as nice guys often, try to be nice, and hope we get rewarded that they will be nice to us as well, but it does not always work towards your favor in the end. What does society want men to be, what kind of men are woman attracted to, they often dont align.

[@TheNiceGuyShow]

Great work Chris

[@Doberman_6773]

@@YZ177 "What does society want men to be" - As a man not all that much younger than Dr. Glover, I had 2 messages drummed into my head while growing up - Message #1 - "Always do whatever you can to help others, *even if it might not be what's best for yourself* " (Yes, the part in bold was explicitly expressed to me multiple times); Message #2 - "Don't be a burden to others." Dr. Glover's book was instrumental in helping me break this conditioning; I no longer tolerate relationships where the give-take is grossly imbalanced. I also no longer speak with a significant number of family members.

[@hanikafoury8194]

😊😊😊il i😊😅😅

[@EricMHowardII-yh1rn]

Is it possible that some men had to develop a new spirit because the old one gets broken after two to four years of development ?

[@dh8148]

What sucks about growing up as a nice guy is, even when you try to establish boundaries for yourself, your perception of what's fair to yourself and what isn't is so skewed because you've lived so long neglecting your own needs. So even if you feel like you're sticking up for yourself, you still might not be sufficiently.

[@seekingishwara737]

Wisdom

[@MrFrankEast]

One of the most aggravating things when dealing with people you knew before. Suddenly your being sensitive when you won't stand for people treating you a certain way.

[@hkaayaakuu]

Yeah never enough! I just give up

[@oddstuff6137]

It will come with practice, eventually it will shift your frame of reference but can be very uncomfortable

[@alenaadamkova7617]

With the neutral non-judgment mindset, you actually become happy, becoming appreciated by the right people and stick with them. by the way practicing love empathy and gratitude more than 50 percent a day, increases health and immunity iof your body, your mind become more creative free, and people want to be in your company. But the chemicals and hormones of your body improve so much which should be your goal as well, you want your mind and body to feel free healthy and happy. Practicing happy joyful mood in 4 days increases your immune system by 50 percent. So dont ask Should I act happy because of the society standards and trends. Ask yourself Should I be loving a good person for the health of my body and mind.

[@johnwilliams4545]

I've know this since my 20's, I'm in my 60's now. What I know is that women do not know what they want so there is no point trying to be anything but yourself.

[@FreedomfromFeminism]

Or that "what they want" changes with their 'feelings' of the moment.

[@catocall7323]

I reached this conclusion in my thirties it was a little painful at first but then my relationship with women improved. Lol, they give the worst advice.

[@alenaadamkova7617]

With the neutral non-judgment mindset, you actually become happy, becoming appreciated by the right people and stick with them. by the way practicing love empathy and gratitude more than 50 percent a day, increases health and immunity iof your body, your mind become more creative free, and people want to be in your company. But the chemicals and hormones of your body improve so much which should be your goal as well, you want your mind and body to feel free healthy and happy. Practicing happy joyful mood in 4 days increases your immune system by 50 percent. So dont ask Should I act happy because of the society standards and trends. Ask yourself Should I be loving a good person for the health of my body and mind.

[@johngalt6838]

Was insecure and blue pilled......too late now but I don't give 2 forks......so the rest of my days will be cool.

[@FGF-om6nm]

Women want what they want & it changes often BUT one thing theu ALWAYS want, is what other women have because REMEMBER....... women always think the grass os greener elsewhere

[@hawleygriffin1800]

I learned from my mother my needs didn't matter and that asking anyone for anything was rude and selfish. She was absolutely furious that I wasn't a fully functioning adult by the time I was 4. We all walked on eggshells around her out of fear of triggering her wrath. My life was safest, the more invisible I could be. I learned not to matter. 67 now. Had a girlfriend for a little while 40 years ago. I've been lucky to have done well financially, but I've lived so long on my own I don't have the skills I'd need to be able to be in a relationship. Pretty sure it takes practice, and I never had enough options to get the "at bats" I'd need to learn.

[@MA_KA_PA_TIE]

You still have a long time to change things. My father only had me at 55. Fight!

[@drishy94303]

Definitely blaming on external factors will help. Jokes aside you better step up to the plate and start swinging. Even at those pitches outside of the zone. Good luck.

[@graywalkerjoin3rdparty74]

On the plus side you didn't have to experience Parental Alienation, or being used and abused by predatory Women. Sometimes things just suck. You didn't miss as much as you might think. When it works, it's great from what I hear. Most of us aren't that lucky.

[@BitterTast3]

That sucks man, I know what it’s like to have a mom like that. I finally had enough around 30 and kicked her out of my life. Being raised that way can really put a bitter taste in your mouth about seeing other women as a prospective partner.

[@sjmiller6012]

It took years b4 I fully understood how fundamentally different wmn are. You surely have some ppl skills. Sxx is fun. Companionship is/can be fun. Why not give it a go? Be careful not to invest too much.

[@LadyMarigoldWithers]

It took time and practice but stopping people-pleasing has been the best thing I ever did! So much happier 😃

[@TheNiceGuyShow]

It takes time to overcome people-pleasing tendencies; it's hard-wired in us. Good stuff

[@alenaadamkova7617]

With the neutral non-judgment mindset, you actually become happy, becoming appreciated by the right people and stick with them. by the way practicing love empathy and gratitude more than 50 percent a day, increases health and immunity iof your body, your mind become more creative free, and people want to be in your company. But the chemicals and hormones of your body improve so much which should be your goal as well, you want your mind and body to feel free healthy and happy. Practicing happy joyful mood in 4 days increases your immune system by 50 percent. So dont ask Should I act happy because of the society standards and trends. Ask yourself Should I be loving a good person for the health of my body and mind.

[@andrebaxter4023]

Nice job. It’s definitely freeing.

[@Sx-xy2zi]

How did you learn it ?

[@sentiment201]

💯

[@Astral_Dusk]

Must admit, his book changed my life - being pathologically nice is destructive and might be behind some of the mental breakdowns out there. Being more "personally selective of giving a fuck where it matters most" genuine and honest with myself and the world has improved so many aspects of life. Engaging the bold voice of personal boundaries/values/goals/vision/heart, regardless of the varying degrees of emotional intelligence and maturity out there. If an adult is always temperamental, eggshells, loose cannon - that lack of emotional regulation is their problem and it helps to always keep that emotional ownership mindset with confrontations to keep the boundaries firm and focused. Children require genuine mentors to provide a rite-of-passage into emotional maturity and being genuine themselves. The real man has that full spectrum of flight or fight or stand-ground self control.

[@chipcook5346]

Yes. Well said.

[@whenpigsfly8178]

I think it extends well beyond the personal sphere too (or is the result of multiple 'nice guys' collectively). e.g. mass immigration and putting women and minorities on a pedestal is a very well known modern virtue signal by the Left, but has its own major pathologies for society.

[@lennard5393]

Sounds good

[@markaurelius61]

Being inauthentic is draining.

[@bradd188]

What’s the name of the book ?

[@Katherinedesilva21]

I'm a single mum and im constantly listening to talks like this to figure out how I can raise my son to be his best authentic masculine self. So this is a thanks from the single Mums who are conscious of trying to play both a mum & dad role and understand what 'dad influences ' we need to try implementing. I really want to avoid the negative side effects of a son been raised soley by his mum

[@GUITARTIME2024]

You can't ever make up for the fact his dad isn't around, but you can offset much of this by teaching him that he can be a good guy without being a weak pushover ("nice guy"). Teach him to find strong male role models in life (at work, school, etc). Teach him to choose his friends carefully because it's a reflection of who HE is. Teach him to move on from women who show signs of being mentally ill, needing constant male attention, or who have a general anger towards men. Finally, teach him that his time and attention are valuable, and only people who deserve it will get it.

[@gbd-oq1rz]

Where’s the dad

[@mnmz8393]

You, as a woman, can never, ever replace a man.

[@Mike-pq7sg]

The best advice I can give from a man raised by a single mother is to get him involved in a combat sport. Boxing, Kickboxing / Thai Boxing, Wrestling / Jiu-jitsu. This will give him three really important things: time around other men - especially older men that he can use as a role model, self confidence by being able to protect himself and therefore less likely to be pushed around, and finally self control. Channelling his frustrations healthily will result in him less likely to act out and become difficult or poorly behaved at home or at school. If you have a brother then it would be beneficial for him to spend time around them or your dad. Some things a woman won't be able to teach a young man, I had to learn most aspects of being a man myself. I wouldn't recommend it because its a difficult path that leads to a lot of mistakes and some of them cannot be undone. It takes a lot longer to establish yourself as an adult when you are learning things in your 20's when your peers did as a teen or younger.

[@nalianalianalia]

​@@Mike-pq7sgA brother or a dad won't do anything if they don't want to. Guys don't want to take responsibility for members of their own family (like their grandkids or nephews) anymore.

[@ricasso777]

“Self love is the only antidote to the chaos of existence . And if you don’t love and care for yourself and your own needs , you will cause unnecessary suffering both you and others “ Jordan Peterson .

[@islamisthetruewaytogod6812]

Hello ! May Allah protect and guide you to his light and happiness in this life and the hereafter, God bless, Ameen. Excuse me for giving a little presentation of Islam, because it is very misunderstood nowadays, especially on those « Antichrist's » times, where media and politics are mixed to distort history and truth. And terrorists (puppets of the Antichrist) who misinterpret verses, out of ignorance and political motivations, and take them out of historical context (just like radical atheists do by the way) don't help either. Thank you very much for your time. First of all, if you have any questions regarding Islam and yourself, just open the Quran randomly, and you will find the answer in front of you, like a miracle and a sign from God. Islam is an arabic word that means the Surrender to the One and Only God, our Creator, Protector, Provider, who gives us life and all that we have, we are safe and sound by his will and grace, we are His and to Him we return, and we have to thank him in this trial life by submitting to him by our free will, or later in the Day of judgment when it's too late to save our own skin. Islam was the original Religion descended to earth from heaven with Adam and Eve (peace and blessing be upon them) in the beginning of humanity. and was passed to people with the succession of the 124 000 prophets and 315 messengers of God to all nations and civilizations since, passing by Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Ismaël, Joseph, Moses, Aaron, Joshua, David, Solomon and Jesus (Peace and blessing be upon them) during the history of mankind, the last replaces and completes the previous, until the succession of the last messenger of God fourteen centuries ago, Muhammad (Peace and blessing be upon him) to complete the noble morals of all mankind, to bring humans and jinns out of darkness into light, and to purify people's religion and belief from corruption and polytheism, and return it to purity and true monotheism, like it was in the times of the prophets (Peace and blessing be upon them). Many Religions that we know nowadays, at their beginning were true and under Islam, initiated by one of the prophets of God, but their original teachings, history and scriptures have been corrupted over time with falsification and polytheism, or lost and replaced with false ones. That's why Islam is the only Religion accepted by God nowadays, which consists in bearing witness that there is no god besides Allah (God in Aramaic, the original language of Jesus and the Gospel), and that Muhammad is His servant and messenger, just like Jesus and Moses and others are His servants and messengers. Never a messenger of God said he was God or literally son of God, it was the people after him who changed the words of God and corrupted the Religion. God is unique and absolute, He does not need to have a family and sons or to associate anyone else with His kingdom, He can simply create whatever He wants, everything belongs to Him, and to Him everything will return. Allah said in Surah Al-Mu’minun : “God has never begotten a son, nor is there any god besides Him. Otherwise, each god would have taken away what it has created, and some of them would have gained supremacy over others. Glory be to God, far beyond what they describe. The Knower of the hidden and the manifest. He is exalted, far above what they associate. (91-92 / Translated by ITANI). Allah means the one and only God, the God of all prophets and creatures, the creator of the universe and mankind, and the Master of the Day of judgment, where our destiny, Hell or Paradise, is decided based on our faith and deeds in this trial life, and above all, Allah's mercy. Allah said in Surah Al-Ikhlas : In the name of God, the Gracious, the Merciful. Say, “He is God, the One. God, the Absolute. He begets not, nor was He begotten. And there is none comparable to Him.” (1-4 / Translated by ITANI). Allah said in Surah An-Nisa : O FOLLOWERS of the Gospel! Do not overstep the bounds [of truth] in your religious beliefs, and do not say of God anything but the truth. The Christ Jesus, son of Mary, was but God's Apostle - [the fulfilment of] His promise which He had conveyed unto Mary - and a soul created by Him. Believe, then, in God and His apostles, and do not say, "[God is] a trinity". Desist [from this assertion] for your own good. God is but One God; utterly remote is He, in His glory, from having a son: unto Him belongs all that is in the heavens and all that is on earth; and none is as worthy of trust as God. Never did the Christ feel too proud to be God's servant, nor do the angels who are near unto Him. And those who feel too proud to serve Him and glory in their arrogance [should know that on Judgment Day] He will gather them all unto Himself: (171-172 / Translated by Muhammad Asad). Allah the Most Merciful said in Surah Ali-Imran : Behold, the only [true] religion in the sight of God is [man's] self-surrender unto Him; and those who were vouchsafed revelation aforetime took, out of mutual jealousy, to divergent views [on this point] only after knowledge [thereof] had come unto them. But as for him who denies the truth of God's messages - behold, God is swift in reckoning! Thus, [O Prophet,] if they argue with thee, say, "I have surrendered my whole being unto God, and [so have] all who follow me!" - and ask those who have been vouchsafed revelation aforetime, as well as all unlettered people, "Have you [too] surrendered yourselves unto Him?" And if they surrender themselves unto Him, they are on the right path; but if they turn away - behold, thy duty is no more than to deliver the message: for God sees all that is in [the hearts of] His creatures. Verily, as for those who deny the truth of God's messages, and slay the prophets against all right, and slay people who enjoin equity - announce unto them a grievous chastisement. It is they whose works shall come to nought both in this world and in the life to come; and they shall have none to succour them. (19-22 / Translated by Muhammad Asad).. God said : Say, “We believe in Allah, and in what was revealed to us, and in what was revealed to Abraham, and Ishmael, and Isaac, and Jacob, and the Patriarchs, and in what was given to Moses and Jesus, and in what was given to the prophets from their Lord. We do not differentiate between any of them. And to Him, we surrender.” (2:136 / Translated by Community) Salam (Peace) -----------

[@PseudonymAliase]

What have you done to once again smell the sweet nectar of life? I just recently started acrylic pouring art. Although basic it changes my whole perspective. It washes over the negative and gives me something positive through the contrast of colors. What it teaches me is that there is something more constructive to put my mind to. An eraser to my toxic reality. When you're ever feeling toxic pick up a new artistic ability. Regardless if your body is feeling phobic against it. Facing your phobia might actually change your entire mindset!

[@matthewcoombs3282]

Spend too many years being nice. A people pleaser. 12 years ago after a shitty bullying boss and a divorce I became a self centred ****. It is amazing to learn the power of saying no and putting your own needs first. Very liberating to find out most people back down and you get what you want. I no longer care about being liked and am fine with this

[@TheNiceGuyShow]

Great work

[@alenaadamkova7617]

With a neutral mindset, you actually become happy, becoming appreciated by the right people and stick with them. by the way practicing love empathy and gratitude more than 50 percent a day, increases health and immunity if your body, your mind become more creative free, and people want to be in your company. But the chemicals and hormones of your body improve so much which should be your goal as well, you want your mind and body to feel free healthy and happy. Practicing happy joyful mood in 4 days increases your immune system by 50 percent. So dont ask Should I act happy because of the society standards and trends. Ask yourself Should I be loving a good person for the health of my body and mind. You attract people who think like you, because they will enjoy your energy and humor and loving attitude.

[@lanctermann7261]

One benefit of aging is caring a lot less for sex and thus just letting people freak out and walking away from all the bullshit associated with it. My mantra now is "who cares".

[@DodgaOfficial]

Right? The whole fucking time, I was terrified that ever insisting on my way would make people leave, but it's quite the opposite, people are desperate to not have YOU leave or be displeased once you set up the power dynamic properly

[@islamisthetruewaytogod6812]

Hello ! May Allah protect and guide you to his light and happiness in this life and the hereafter, God bless, Ameen. Excuse me for giving a little presentation of Islam, because it is very misunderstood nowadays, especially on those « Antichrist's » times, where media and politics are mixed to distort history and truth. And terrorists (puppets of the Antichrist) who misinterpret verses, out of ignorance and political motivations, and take them out of historical context (just like radical atheists do by the way) don't help either. Thank you very much for your time. First of all, if you have any questions regarding Islam and yourself, just open the Quran randomly, and you will find the answer in front of you, like a miracle and a sign from God. Islam is an arabic word that means the Surrender to the One and Only God, our Creator, Protector, Provider, who gives us life and all that we have, we are safe and sound by his will and grace, we are His and to Him we return, and we have to thank him in this trial life by submitting to him by our free will, or later in the Day of judgment when it's too late to save our own skin. Islam was the original Religion descended to earth from heaven with Adam and Eve (peace and blessing be upon them) in the beginning of humanity. and was passed to people with the succession of the 124 000 prophets and 315 messengers of God to all nations and civilizations since, passing by Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Ismaël, Joseph, Moses, Aaron, Joshua, David, Solomon and Jesus (Peace and blessing be upon them) during the history of mankind, the last replaces and completes the previous, until the succession of the last messenger of God fourteen centuries ago, Muhammad (Peace and blessing be upon him) to complete the noble morals of all mankind, to bring humans and jinns out of darkness into light, and to purify people's religion and belief from corruption and polytheism, and return it to purity and true monotheism, like it was in the times of the prophets (Peace and blessing be upon them). Many Religions that we know nowadays, at their beginning were true and under Islam, initiated by one of the prophets of God, but their original teachings, history and scriptures have been corrupted over time with falsification and polytheism, or lost and replaced with false ones. That's why Islam is the only Religion accepted by God nowadays, which consists in bearing witness that there is no god besides Allah (God in Aramaic, the original language of Jesus and the Gospel), and that Muhammad is His servant and messenger, just like Jesus and Moses and others are His servants and messengers. Never a messenger of God said he was God or literally son of God, it was the people after him who changed the words of God and corrupted the Religion. God is unique and absolute, He does not need to have a family and sons or to associate anyone else with His kingdom, He can simply create whatever He wants, everything belongs to Him, and to Him everything will return. Allah said in Surah Al-Mu’minun : “God has never begotten a son, nor is there any god besides Him. Otherwise, each god would have taken away what it has created, and some of them would have gained supremacy over others. Glory be to God, far beyond what they describe. The Knower of the hidden and the manifest. He is exalted, far above what they associate. (91-92 / Translated by ITANI). Allah means the one and only God, the God of all prophets and creatures, the creator of the universe and mankind, and the Master of the Day of judgment, where our destiny, Hell or Paradise, is decided based on our faith and deeds in this trial life, and above all, Allah's mercy. Allah said in Surah Al-Ikhlas : In the name of God, the Gracious, the Merciful. Say, “He is God, the One. God, the Absolute. He begets not, nor was He begotten. And there is none comparable to Him.” (1-4 / Translated by ITANI). Allah said in Surah An-Nisa : O FOLLOWERS of the Gospel! Do not overstep the bounds [of truth] in your religious beliefs, and do not say of God anything but the truth. The Christ Jesus, son of Mary, was but God's Apostle - [the fulfilment of] His promise which He had conveyed unto Mary - and a soul created by Him. Believe, then, in God and His apostles, and do not say, "[God is] a trinity". Desist [from this assertion] for your own good. God is but One God; utterly remote is He, in His glory, from having a son: unto Him belongs all that is in the heavens and all that is on earth; and none is as worthy of trust as God. Never did the Christ feel too proud to be God's servant, nor do the angels who are near unto Him. And those who feel too proud to serve Him and glory in their arrogance [should know that on Judgment Day] He will gather them all unto Himself: (171-172 / Translated by Muhammad Asad). Allah the Most Merciful said in Surah Ali-Imran : Behold, the only [true] religion in the sight of God is [man's] self-surrender unto Him; and those who were vouchsafed revelation aforetime took, out of mutual jealousy, to divergent views [on this point] only after knowledge [thereof] had come unto them. But as for him who denies the truth of God's messages - behold, God is swift in reckoning! Thus, [O Prophet,] if they argue with thee, say, "I have surrendered my whole being unto God, and [so have] all who follow me!" - and ask those who have been vouchsafed revelation aforetime, as well as all unlettered people, "Have you [too] surrendered yourselves unto Him?" And if they surrender themselves unto Him, they are on the right path; but if they turn away - behold, thy duty is no more than to deliver the message: for God sees all that is in [the hearts of] His creatures. Verily, as for those who deny the truth of God's messages, and slay the prophets against all right, and slay people who enjoin equity - announce unto them a grievous chastisement. It is they whose works shall come to nought both in this world and in the life to come; and they shall have none to succour them. (19-22 / Translated by Muhammad Asad).. God said : Say, “We believe in Allah, and in what was revealed to us, and in what was revealed to Abraham, and Ishmael, and Isaac, and Jacob, and the Patriarchs, and in what was given to Moses and Jesus, and in what was given to the prophets from their Lord. We do not differentiate between any of them. And to Him, we surrender.” (2:136 / Translated by Community) Salam (Peace) -----------

[@aesophare9466]

This man right here saved my life. His book punched me in the gut several years ago when I was in a very unhappy marriage. I read and re-read until I had the courage to face the lies I had been telling myself and others. He gave me the courage to put an end to a bad situation and stop making excuses. Thank you Dr. Glover. You led me down the path to a fulfilling life and gave me the strength to take the first step.

[@islamisthetruewaytogod6812]

Hello ! May Allah protect and guide you to his light and happiness in this life and the hereafter, God bless, Ameen. Excuse me for giving a little presentation of Islam, because it is very misunderstood nowadays, especially on those « Antichrist's » times, where media and politics are mixed to distort history and truth. And terrorists (puppets of the Antichrist) who misinterpret verses, out of ignorance and political motivations, and take them out of historical context (just like radical atheists do by the way) don't help either. Thank you very much for your time. First of all, if you have any questions regarding Islam and yourself, just open the Quran randomly, and you will find the answer in front of you, like a miracle and a sign from God. Islam is an arabic word that means the Surrender to the One and Only God, our Creator, Protector, Provider, who gives us life and all that we have, we are safe and sound by his will and grace, we are His and to Him we return, and we have to thank him in this trial life by submitting to him by our free will, or later in the Day of judgment when it's too late to save our own skin. Islam was the original Religion descended to earth from heaven with Adam and Eve (peace and blessing be upon them) in the beginning of humanity. and was passed to people with the succession of the 124 000 prophets and 315 messengers of God to all nations and civilizations since, passing by Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Ismaël, Joseph, Moses, Aaron, Joshua, David, Solomon and Jesus (Peace and blessing be upon them) during the history of mankind, the last replaces and completes the previous, until the succession of the last messenger of God fourteen centuries ago, Muhammad (Peace and blessing be upon him) to complete the noble morals of all mankind, to bring humans and jinns out of darkness into light, and to purify people's religion and belief from corruption and polytheism, and return it to purity and true monotheism, like it was in the times of the prophets (Peace and blessing be upon them). Many Religions that we know nowadays, at their beginning were true and under Islam, initiated by one of the prophets of God, but their original teachings, history and scriptures have been corrupted over time with falsification and polytheism, or lost and replaced with false ones. That's why Islam is the only Religion accepted by God nowadays, which consists in bearing witness that there is no god besides Allah (God in Aramaic, the original language of Jesus and the Gospel), and that Muhammad is His servant and messenger, just like Jesus and Moses and others are His servants and messengers. Never a messenger of God said he was God or literally son of God, it was the people after him who changed the words of God and corrupted the Religion. God is unique and absolute, He does not need to have a family and sons or to associate anyone else with His kingdom, He can simply create whatever He wants, everything belongs to Him, and to Him everything will return. Allah said in Surah Al-Mu’minun : “God has never begotten a son, nor is there any god besides Him. Otherwise, each god would have taken away what it has created, and some of them would have gained supremacy over others. Glory be to God, far beyond what they describe. The Knower of the hidden and the manifest. He is exalted, far above what they associate. (91-92 / Translated by ITANI). Allah means the one and only God, the God of all prophets and creatures, the creator of the universe and mankind, and the Master of the Day of judgment, where our destiny, Hell or Paradise, is decided based on our faith and deeds in this trial life, and above all, Allah's mercy. Allah said in Surah Al-Ikhlas : In the name of God, the Gracious, the Merciful. Say, “He is God, the One. God, the Absolute. He begets not, nor was He begotten. And there is none comparable to Him.” (1-4 / Translated by ITANI). Allah said in Surah An-Nisa : O FOLLOWERS of the Gospel! Do not overstep the bounds [of truth] in your religious beliefs, and do not say of God anything but the truth. The Christ Jesus, son of Mary, was but God's Apostle - [the fulfilment of] His promise which He had conveyed unto Mary - and a soul created by Him. Believe, then, in God and His apostles, and do not say, "[God is] a trinity". Desist [from this assertion] for your own good. God is but One God; utterly remote is He, in His glory, from having a son: unto Him belongs all that is in the heavens and all that is on earth; and none is as worthy of trust as God. Never did the Christ feel too proud to be God's servant, nor do the angels who are near unto Him. And those who feel too proud to serve Him and glory in their arrogance [should know that on Judgment Day] He will gather them all unto Himself: (171-172 / Translated by Muhammad Asad). Allah the Most Merciful said in Surah Ali-Imran : Behold, the only [true] religion in the sight of God is [man's] self-surrender unto Him; and those who were vouchsafed revelation aforetime took, out of mutual jealousy, to divergent views [on this point] only after knowledge [thereof] had come unto them. But as for him who denies the truth of God's messages - behold, God is swift in reckoning! Thus, [O Prophet,] if they argue with thee, say, "I have surrendered my whole being unto God, and [so have] all who follow me!" - and ask those who have been vouchsafed revelation aforetime, as well as all unlettered people, "Have you [too] surrendered yourselves unto Him?" And if they surrender themselves unto Him, they are on the right path; but if they turn away - behold, thy duty is no more than to deliver the message: for God sees all that is in [the hearts of] His creatures. Verily, as for those who deny the truth of God's messages, and slay the prophets against all right, and slay people who enjoin equity - announce unto them a grievous chastisement. It is they whose works shall come to nought both in this world and in the life to come; and they shall have none to succour them. (19-22 / Translated by Muhammad Asad).. God said : Say, “We believe in Allah, and in what was revealed to us, and in what was revealed to Abraham, and Ishmael, and Isaac, and Jacob, and the Patriarchs, and in what was given to Moses and Jesus, and in what was given to the prophets from their Lord. We do not differentiate between any of them. And to Him, we surrender.” (2:136 / Translated by Community) Salam (Peace) -----------

[@MrMichael0212]

Dr. Glover helped me rebuild myself after my first heartbreak, I’ve got nothing but respect for him

[@islamisthetruewaytogod6812]

Hello ! May Allah protect and guide you to his light and happiness in this life and the hereafter, God bless, Ameen. Excuse me for giving a little presentation of Islam, because it is very misunderstood nowadays, especially on those « Antichrist's » times, where media and politics are mixed to distort history and truth. And terrorists (puppets of the Antichrist) who misinterpret verses, out of ignorance and political motivations, and take them out of historical context (just like radical atheists do by the way) don't help either. Thank you very much for your time. First of all, if you have any questions regarding Islam and yourself, just open the Quran randomly, and you will find the answer in front of you, like a miracle and a sign from God. Islam is an arabic word that means the Surrender to the One and Only God, our Creator, Protector, Provider, who gives us life and all that we have, we are safe and sound by his will and grace, we are His and to Him we return, and we have to thank him in this trial life by submitting to him by our free will, or later in the Day of judgment when it's too late to save our own skin. Islam was the original Religion descended to earth from heaven with Adam and Eve (peace and blessing be upon them) in the beginning of humanity. and was passed to people with the succession of the 124 000 prophets and 315 messengers of God to all nations and civilizations since, passing by Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Ismaël, Joseph, Moses, Aaron, Joshua, David, Solomon and Jesus (Peace and blessing be upon them) during the history of mankind, the last replaces and completes the previous, until the succession of the last messenger of God fourteen centuries ago, Muhammad (Peace and blessing be upon him) to complete the noble morals of all mankind, to bring humans and jinns out of darkness into light, and to purify people's religion and belief from corruption and polytheism, and return it to purity and true monotheism, like it was in the times of the prophets (Peace and blessing be upon them). Many Religions that we know nowadays, at their beginning were true and under Islam, initiated by one of the prophets of God, but their original teachings, history and scriptures have been corrupted over time with falsification and polytheism, or lost and replaced with false ones. That's why Islam is the only Religion accepted by God nowadays, which consists in bearing witness that there is no god besides Allah (God in Aramaic, the original language of Jesus and the Gospel), and that Muhammad is His servant and messenger, just like Jesus and Moses and others are His servants and messengers. Never a messenger of God said he was God or literally son of God, it was the people after him who changed the words of God and corrupted the Religion. God is unique and absolute, He does not need to have a family and sons or to associate anyone else with His kingdom, He can simply create whatever He wants, everything belongs to Him, and to Him everything will return. Allah said in Surah Al-Mu’minun : “God has never begotten a son, nor is there any god besides Him. Otherwise, each god would have taken away what it has created, and some of them would have gained supremacy over others. Glory be to God, far beyond what they describe. The Knower of the hidden and the manifest. He is exalted, far above what they associate. (91-92 / Translated by ITANI). Allah means the one and only God, the God of all prophets and creatures, the creator of the universe and mankind, and the Master of the Day of judgment, where our destiny, Hell or Paradise, is decided based on our faith and deeds in this trial life, and above all, Allah's mercy. Allah said in Surah Al-Ikhlas : In the name of God, the Gracious, the Merciful. Say, “He is God, the One. God, the Absolute. He begets not, nor was He begotten. And there is none comparable to Him.” (1-4 / Translated by ITANI). Allah said in Surah An-Nisa : O FOLLOWERS of the Gospel! Do not overstep the bounds [of truth] in your religious beliefs, and do not say of God anything but the truth. The Christ Jesus, son of Mary, was but God's Apostle - [the fulfilment of] His promise which He had conveyed unto Mary - and a soul created by Him. Believe, then, in God and His apostles, and do not say, "[God is] a trinity". Desist [from this assertion] for your own good. God is but One God; utterly remote is He, in His glory, from having a son: unto Him belongs all that is in the heavens and all that is on earth; and none is as worthy of trust as God. Never did the Christ feel too proud to be God's servant, nor do the angels who are near unto Him. And those who feel too proud to serve Him and glory in their arrogance [should know that on Judgment Day] He will gather them all unto Himself: (171-172 / Translated by Muhammad Asad). Allah the Most Merciful said in Surah Ali-Imran : Behold, the only [true] religion in the sight of God is [man's] self-surrender unto Him; and those who were vouchsafed revelation aforetime took, out of mutual jealousy, to divergent views [on this point] only after knowledge [thereof] had come unto them. But as for him who denies the truth of God's messages - behold, God is swift in reckoning! Thus, [O Prophet,] if they argue with thee, say, "I have surrendered my whole being unto God, and [so have] all who follow me!" - and ask those who have been vouchsafed revelation aforetime, as well as all unlettered people, "Have you [too] surrendered yourselves unto Him?" And if they surrender themselves unto Him, they are on the right path; but if they turn away - behold, thy duty is no more than to deliver the message: for God sees all that is in [the hearts of] His creatures. Verily, as for those who deny the truth of God's messages, and slay the prophets against all right, and slay people who enjoin equity - announce unto them a grievous chastisement. It is they whose works shall come to nought both in this world and in the life to come; and they shall have none to succour them. (19-22 / Translated by Muhammad Asad).. God said : Say, “We believe in Allah, and in what was revealed to us, and in what was revealed to Abraham, and Ishmael, and Isaac, and Jacob, and the Patriarchs, and in what was given to Moses and Jesus, and in what was given to the prophets from their Lord. We do not differentiate between any of them. And to Him, we surrender.” (2:136 / Translated by Community) Salam (Peace) -----------

[@MalcolmTibbs]

Robert Glover literally saved my life. I’m so excited to see him as a guest on the pod.

[@actiondefence]

Me too. This American marriage counsellor wrote a book 30+ years ago, about me!!! He didn't just change my life, he saved it.

[@davescott9062]

No more Mr. Nice guy was a turning point for me, read it 3 years ago, your last two interviews have been so full of exactly what I needed to hear, thanks.

[@TheNiceGuyShow]

Glad it changed your life, it's a game changer

[@alenaadamkova7617]

With the neutral non-judgment mindset, you actually become happy, becoming appreciated by the right people and stick with them. by the way practicing love empathy and gratitude more than 50 percent a day, increases health and immunity iof your body, your mind become more creative free, and people want to be in your company. But the chemicals and hormones of your body improve so much which should be your goal as well, you want your mind and body to feel free healthy and happy. Practicing happy joyful mood in 4 days increases your immune system by 50 percent. So dont ask Should I act happy because of the society standards and trends. Ask yourself Should I be loving a good person for the health of my body and mind.

[@Hubbard61]

DR. Glover and "No more Mr. Nice Guy" blew my mind even after years of self work and being in my 40's. A must read for all men.

[@snakedogman]

I'm a milennial (43 years old now) and my dad was not neccesarily a nice guy but he just didn't ever teach me anything about life, love, women, mindset etc. I feel my generation was generally left really free which was great in one way, but looking back I could have definitely used a bit more structure, a bit more direction and someone giving me a (loving) kick up the butt sometimes, especially in my late teens and 20s which I mostly wasted drinking and partying. But by then my parents had divorced and my dad just didn't really engage much with me and my brother, always more lost in his own world and interests. It's sad because my dad is really handy, he can build stuff, fix stuff etc. And he never taught me a single thing about it. I love my dad btw but he hasn't been the best father figure.

[@collegerebel]

My dad's the same. His idea of raising me was that he paid for things. Never taught me anything, but he believes he taught me to tell right from wrong. I learned that from fiction, not him.

[@user-gj4zy2gl7k]

That is exactly how my dad is. He always says “I paid child support” but he was never around to teach me anything. He is a carpenter and he still didn't teach me anything.

[@mormegil84]

Yup. My dad taught me nothing. Not sure if that is a common trend with Boomer fathers. As a Millennial, I feel like the internet finally raised me when I turned 16. The internet was just starting to grow back then.

[@pantherman8719]

In the same boat, just some years younger. My dad started showing me some things as I had already grew up but I felt it was a lot later in my life. So it was really embarrassing learning things about cars well into adulthood when most guys knew how to drive in their teens.

[@ZARDOZIAN1]

I am 45 and my father was the same throughout my childhood. The Dr Spok idea of children raising themselves gave boomer parents license to passively parent.

[@punknoodles0]

This answered so many questions but also confirmed: I am not built for relationships.

[@Ace.0.0.0.]

Maybe not in your current state. However, if you want a woman in your life, then improve yourself.

[@raminMTL]

@@Ace.0.0.0.how about a guy in your life son?

[@georgekitchen7046]

Im 44 and haven't dated in 2 years. I've accomplished more in these 2 years than the previous 8 when I was in a relationship. It feels good to be in control of my schedule.

[@d.l4055]

@@georgekitchen7046 Now You're cooking...It's not as hard as others NEED for it to seem.

[@treviancalhoun7693]

Not built? You know you can rebuild yourself right? We’re non personal beings who’re forever changing. Whatever you feel & believe is what you will become as well as what others will expect of you

[@blackbeardtx371]

I dont like to throw around "this book changed my life" as rule, however this book truly changed my way of thinking and gave me so much introspection it truly changed me for the better. Highly recommend No More Mr Nice Guy

[@TheNiceGuyShow]

It's a game changer for sure

[@donnyg1984]

Don't be a nice guy. Be a GOOD MAN.

[@DTreatz]

Be a bad boy tbh, you get to sleep with them easier and faster

[@TheNiceGuyShow]

Indeed, good over nice

[@donnyg1984]

@@DTreatz delayed gratification > immediate gratification

[@Astral_Dusk]

A lot of hard truth hits in life legacy after someone passes and there's certainly more honor in "he was a good man" compared to "he was a nice guy." "Good man" practically beckons for tales of real impact and respect. Greater awareness of living a greater legacy now is fuel to be the good man, being the nice guy/tolerating/settling can be more blissful to the fact that life is finite as if we just endure what's soul crushing and that's it... it's not respecting the nature of being a man, really living our rich personal structure and adventurous boldness to unfold a great legacy.

[@donnyg1984]

@@Astral_Dusk Ain't that the truth. The impact of our actions define the story behind our legacy, for better or for worse. We are here for just a moment, but one moment has the potential to live on into perpetuity

[@moeezkazmi821]

This book changed me from the nice guy to person who can fight the whole world all by himself, because fears are normal and is okay to be scared but never letting anyone disrespect you ever again

[@sportac]

Could you share a bit more? I've often thought about how people have told me I'm 'too nice,' and I've heard it said in a negative way, like, 'You shouldn’t be that nice.' Lately, I’ve been reading this book(begin 2 days ago) that resonates with me, and I’m seeing a lot of similarities. I think this means I’m just starting to make changes.

[@islamisthetruewaytogod6812]

Hello ! May Allah protect and guide you to his light and happiness in this life and the hereafter, God bless, Ameen. Excuse me for giving a little presentation of Islam, because it is very misunderstood nowadays, especially on those « Antichrist's » times, where media and politics are mixed to distort history and truth. And terrorists (puppets of the Antichrist) who misinterpret verses, out of ignorance and political motivations, and take them out of historical context (just like radical atheists do by the way) don't help either. Thank you very much for your time. First of all, if you have any questions regarding Islam and yourself, just open the Quran randomly, and you will find the answer in front of you, like a miracle and a sign from God. Islam is an arabic word that means the Surrender to the One and Only God, our Creator, Protector, Provider, who gives us life and all that we have, we are safe and sound by his will and grace, we are His and to Him we return, and we have to thank him in this trial life by submitting to him by our free will, or later in the Day of judgment when it's too late to save our own skin. Islam was the original Religion descended to earth from heaven with Adam and Eve (peace and blessing be upon them) in the beginning of humanity. and was passed to people with the succession of the 124 000 prophets and 315 messengers of God to all nations and civilizations since, passing by Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Ismaël, Joseph, Moses, Aaron, Joshua, David, Solomon and Jesus (Peace and blessing be upon them) during the history of mankind, the last replaces and completes the previous, until the succession of the last messenger of God fourteen centuries ago, Muhammad (Peace and blessing be upon him) to complete the noble morals of all mankind, to bring humans and jinns out of darkness into light, and to purify people's religion and belief from corruption and polytheism, and return it to purity and true monotheism, like it was in the times of the prophets (Peace and blessing be upon them). Many Religions that we know nowadays, at their beginning were true and under Islam, initiated by one of the prophets of God, but their original teachings, history and scriptures have been corrupted over time with falsification and polytheism, or lost and replaced with false ones. That's why Islam is the only Religion accepted by God nowadays, which consists in bearing witness that there is no god besides Allah (God in Aramaic, the original language of Jesus and the Gospel), and that Muhammad is His servant and messenger, just like Jesus and Moses and others are His servants and messengers. Never a messenger of God said he was God or literally son of God, it was the people after him who changed the words of God and corrupted the Religion. God is unique and absolute, He does not need to have a family and sons or to associate anyone else with His kingdom, He can simply create whatever He wants, everything belongs to Him, and to Him everything will return. Allah said in Surah Al-Mu’minun : “God has never begotten a son, nor is there any god besides Him. Otherwise, each god would have taken away what it has created, and some of them would have gained supremacy over others. Glory be to God, far beyond what they describe. The Knower of the hidden and the manifest. He is exalted, far above what they associate. (91-92 / Translated by ITANI). Allah means the one and only God, the God of all prophets and creatures, the creator of the universe and mankind, and the Master of the Day of judgment, where our destiny, Hell or Paradise, is decided based on our faith and deeds in this trial life, and above all, Allah's mercy. Allah said in Surah Al-Ikhlas : In the name of God, the Gracious, the Merciful. Say, “He is God, the One. God, the Absolute. He begets not, nor was He begotten. And there is none comparable to Him.” (1-4 / Translated by ITANI). Allah said in Surah An-Nisa : O FOLLOWERS of the Gospel! Do not overstep the bounds [of truth] in your religious beliefs, and do not say of God anything but the truth. The Christ Jesus, son of Mary, was but God's Apostle - [the fulfilment of] His promise which He had conveyed unto Mary - and a soul created by Him. Believe, then, in God and His apostles, and do not say, "[God is] a trinity". Desist [from this assertion] for your own good. God is but One God; utterly remote is He, in His glory, from having a son: unto Him belongs all that is in the heavens and all that is on earth; and none is as worthy of trust as God. Never did the Christ feel too proud to be God's servant, nor do the angels who are near unto Him. And those who feel too proud to serve Him and glory in their arrogance [should know that on Judgment Day] He will gather them all unto Himself: (171-172 / Translated by Muhammad Asad). Allah the Most Merciful said in Surah Ali-Imran : Behold, the only [true] religion in the sight of God is [man's] self-surrender unto Him; and those who were vouchsafed revelation aforetime took, out of mutual jealousy, to divergent views [on this point] only after knowledge [thereof] had come unto them. But as for him who denies the truth of God's messages - behold, God is swift in reckoning! Thus, [O Prophet,] if they argue with thee, say, "I have surrendered my whole being unto God, and [so have] all who follow me!" - and ask those who have been vouchsafed revelation aforetime, as well as all unlettered people, "Have you [too] surrendered yourselves unto Him?" And if they surrender themselves unto Him, they are on the right path; but if they turn away - behold, thy duty is no more than to deliver the message: for God sees all that is in [the hearts of] His creatures. Verily, as for those who deny the truth of God's messages, and slay the prophets against all right, and slay people who enjoin equity - announce unto them a grievous chastisement. It is they whose works shall come to nought both in this world and in the life to come; and they shall have none to succour them. (19-22 / Translated by Muhammad Asad).. God said : Say, “We believe in Allah, and in what was revealed to us, and in what was revealed to Abraham, and Ishmael, and Isaac, and Jacob, and the Patriarchs, and in what was given to Moses and Jesus, and in what was given to the prophets from their Lord. We do not differentiate between any of them. And to Him, we surrender.” (2:136 / Translated by Community) Salam (Peace) -----------

[@treviancalhoun7693]

@@sportacmeans you are letting people run over you, not speaking up & not leading yourself. Instead, you’re being led by others desires & expectations of you

[@Robert_Westwood]

As someone who grew up with constant conflict due to a mother who is probably a borderline personality disorder, and thus as a young adult, I dated a woman who became like my mother and started relishing in creating conflict. This has led me to become quite conflict averse. Because the constant conflict is just exhausting. It's easier to just be alone and solitary than to deal with other people's shit...

[@stoneneils]

i have bpd too and i know you'll give in if the sexual attraction is there lol.

[@MHLivestreams]

I avoided my mother, healed, and moved on. Strengthen personal boundaries, and life improves.

[@d.l4055]

Looking for advice in all the wrong places is a lot like looking for love in the same fashion. 1 Cor 7:28 But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. NIV

[@treviancalhoun7693]

You don’t have to be alone. You just move on from the people who don’t respect your boundaries after you express them if you choose to do so. After that move on to new people who match your energy, not to isolation

[@evan4280]

shit, that 'im gonna die if I don't fix this' feeling is so spot on. im embarrassed for not quite seeing it so pat and clearly before

[@timelapsega]

There is nothing wrong with being kind and generous, it's when you take it too far and become a doormat and say "yes" when you really want to say "no" that it's problematic. "Don't light yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm."

[@timmartin7664]

I just treat people, the way I liked to be treated, Be nice to me and I'll be nice to you. Seems like a very easy concept. No decite, no ulterior motive.

[@hoyttle]

Dr Glover is the reason I am where I am today. I've read his book too many times to count, and as a recovering nice guy, I still pull new insights on every read. I got out of a bad relationship, set boundaries with family, and am succeeding in my career. I still have a lot to learn, and when I start getting complacent, I come back to his wisdom for a swift kick in the butt. I refuse to leave behind a legacy of "never making a fuss." Thank you Dr Glover!

[@szililolabu]

Holy crap, you got Dr Glover on! His book, No More Mr Nice Guy is one of my three all-time favorites! Nothing else like it out there. He was ahead of his time.

[@forgedbyfirecoaching]

Exactly! I’m one of Dr. Glover’s coaches and helped him build his men’s community, Integration Nation. I’m grateful to get to be mentored by him daily!

[@SamBKearns]

FYI, I do know of another book like it called The Naked Truth by Dan Munro. The Naked Truth is also a people pleasing recovery book, but goes deeper on shameless honesty as a whole-of-life lifestyle and is also much less gender specific. Not saying it's better than Dr Glover's book. No More Mr Nice Guy is much more focused on romantic relationships for men, and if you are a man that's probably the best place to start because relationships are likely the thing that is probably causing you the most grief. The Naked Truth is a great follow up read though.

[@Student_of_Success]

Your drive to get out content is unmatched! You and your team are making a fantastic difference in the world. Thank you for all the hard work.

[@naveenreddy61]

❤❤❤i❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@ExKUKicker]

Always live by the philosophy..."Don't mistaken my kindness for weakness!" And make sure those involved in your life understand that fully...No exceptions!

[@websalsero]

Being authentic is the key factor. But is not easy, when you are dating, trying to get together with someone and want to do everything right. But I think, at the end of the day, you got to be yourself. Either she likes you or not. I am again in the middle of it and I hope I can act accordingly.

[@c.curmudgeon2834]

Just being yourself doesn't work for everyone.

[@d.l4055]

@@c.curmudgeon2834 Sure it does. If it's done "RIGHT". "To thine own self Be true" was intended to be more than a borrowed or short lived philosophy. Trouble will always come when no body's willing to be Wrong even when there's only one who's trying to decide. Especially when it's hurtful.

[@Samialjundi]

The best book isn’t the best selling, it is the one that changes your life. Dr. Robert Glover changed my life 4 years ago and I can’t thank him enough

[@ArizonaMFI]

This information has changed my life. I am now a certified coach. I have enjoyed sitting in that room and learning from Dr. Glover.

[@TheNiceGuyShow]

Glad you become a coach too ;)

[@chetp8423]

I grew up in an abusive and neglectful environment and grew up with insecure attachment. The resulting weakness I displayed in relationships was appalling. I would do anything for scraps of love shown to me by my wife. His book was about ME - I’m reading it now. Fortunately I was not too far gone and am beginning to find my voice and stand up to others. I separated from my wife and largely flipped the power dynamic. Just yesterday I called out a bully in a discussion group I’m part of, and it felt GREAT! And I’m not becoming a jerk.

[@MrFrankEast]

The main beauty and the beast problem is that only mature introspective women understand what a good man is. A kind strong man with the capability to be a monster. But that doesn't mean hes a dick to everyone else. Immature (most) women want a guy whos an asshole or even possibly abusive to other people just not her, so she feels special. And you just can't have this, you cant have your cake and eat it too. If hes abusive to the waiter/mechanic/random person in public not only should you expect him to be abusive to you as well you objectively deserve it if you knowingly get with him.

[@leviathanv3135]

The balance between two dysfunctional extremes is true self acceptance. Recognizing it’s not your fault.

[@SolarJakee]

His book changed my life. By far the most practical and implementable "self help" book I've ever read. If you exhibit any of the traits he talks about (people pleasing, trying to be perfect, hiding anger etc) I *highly* recommend reading No More Mr Nice Guy. It will be game changing.

[@grillinman84]

I am thrilled to see Dr. Glover as a guest. No More Mr. Nice Guy started a journey for me more than 2 years ago that has changed my life and trajectory completely.

[@the_eerie_faerie_tales]

When he speaks of men hiding themselves, it made me think of what sick or injured animals do- they know that if they show any weakness that others will perceive them as the prey rather than the predator.. even if they could get help in time and recover, they choose to hide and possibly die (but at least not being attacked). I suppose the analogy to humans could be metaphorical, whereas if a man hides his true self, his true self "dies".

[@CraZy291]

this hit brutally close to home

[@Just_a_Lad]

Yep I prefer my nice hiding place at home on the couch rather than being judged or attacked constantly by bad egocentric people. The couch is nice though ;)

[@the_eerie_faerie_tales]

@@Just_a_Lad well I hope you have some good books to keep you company! ☺ I really only leave my domain to work/run errands or go for a walk lol I'd rather travel the world just through books 😆

[@Just_a_Lad]

@@the_eerie_faerie_tales That's nice, whatever makes you happy. Life is too short to do things you don't like. I too prefer a nice quiet stay at home alone time in comparison with crazy noisy party time with bunch of people I don't particularly like, nor they like me. Whether I'll read book, or watch a movie, write a story or learn some new IT skill or make some music I'll always find something to do. A walk in the nature is also nice. Introverts, unite! :)

[@the_eerie_faerie_tales]

@@Just_a_Lad nice! sounds like you have some interesting hobbies. yes agree.. a quiet night at home much more preferable to a raucous party.. I even stayed home and read all night this last New Year's Eve.. one of the best NYEs I've had 😆

[@flynnoflenniken7402]

Yeah, had a dad who was always angry and randomly yelling at me all the time and a mom who did the same sometimes but was usually busy grading papers, so I internalized that I am a nuisance to others, and I spent most of my childhood hiding in my bedroom, escaping into video games, and trying not to bother anyone. Now I'm a 34 year old virgin shut-in who's never had a girlfriend or held a girl's hand or been on a single date. I have no friends. At least I've stayed fit, and I have money, so it's not completely hopeless, but man the mental blocks are powerful. Feel like I give every girl the "ick" because I come across as harmless. They can smell the lack of a spine on me. Yeah, I should really see a therapist I think.

[@autoclearanceuk7191]

$5K and Pattaya will change your mind.

[@roberth4395]

Another textbook example of parents who had narcisstic personality disorder. Look these up: Narcistic peronality disorder Covert/vulnerable narcissism Grandiose narcissism Scapegoat Golden child Codependency You will need the help of a psycholpgist and the damage is permament, but you can succeed in life. Only if you do what you want and actively work on getting and staying in a relationship. Good luck in your healing journey!

[@InTheSkyGirl]

Please do find someone to talk to. I want to to find someone to love, man. You're young but life is short! If I could also recommend one other thing, get out there and socialize. Volunteer, bowling, karaoke, take a dance class at a local community center, join a church group (they have non-denominational churches of you aren't especially religious). If you have some work friends, hang out one night a week. It's hard to go alone, so find some other single dudes and have fun. You may or may not find the one, but you will have some fun, meet new people, sharpen your social skills and build confidence. You just never know. Good luck to you

[@dh8148]

Gotcha beat. I'm a 37 year old virgin, though part of that is due to not focusing on women. But part of it is also because I definitely have a "nice guy" problem. I've made improvements over the years but still don't think I am where I should be. I tend to avoid conflict until I am cornered and left with no choice. I have trouble speaking up at work when people aren't carrying their weight. When people make microaggressions towards me, I pretend not to notice. But, on the other hand, if I am clearly disrespected, I will throw down and fight back. My problem is that I always doubt myself. "Are my coworkers really slacking, or maybe busy with something else?", "Is he/she making stuff up like I think she is, or am I wrong?""Did he/she really mean to come off that way?", etc. I want to be fair to people, yet I think I often cheat myself in the process.

[@mormegil84]

A lot of dudes are virgins later in life now. There's nothing wrong with that. There's a severe distinction between being a virgin and being an incel. All the best to you and I hope you meet someone. Life is brutally lonely nowadays.

[@normalman8447]

Being a doormat. Not having boundaries. Accepting every female behaviour as okay.

[@Cass-gi4kk]

That’s cos it doesn’t make us feel safe. We need to feel protected.

[@TheNiceGuyShow]

Yep, not attractive

[@normalman8447]

@HelloOki "Women behaviour" isn't how you say it. We say "male behaviour" and "female behaviour"

[@barryshaw7304]

Maybe in some cases but in some you dodge lots of bullets! Life is not a foot race! It's a marathon...

[@ryant6134]

I am reading his book and absolutely agree with everything he has said. I am a recovering nice guy and codependent as taught by my mother. A few things have helped me to change. One, I clearly express my wants, needs, and boundaries unapologetically. Two, I have hobbies that mentally and physically stimulate me, in particular I love jiu jitsu and working out. Three, women are no longer the center of my life. Four, it takes practice and I am constantly learning and trying to improve myself.

[@TommyGunz327]

Never be afraid to say no. If you don’t want to do something just say no period

[@wendellbabin6457]

​@@TommyGunz327Like the gym and hang out around gray or bald ex-jocks that still get the (now older and serially-divorced) ex-cheerleaders. Who are usually the only age appropriate women left that aren't morbidly obese.

[@runkus6136]

Ive been labeled nice since I was a young teen. Its genuinely just a part of my personality but the difference between how i behave vs. what being described is that Im no pushover. Im good in a scrap and Im perfectly comfortable in a fight. I dont mix words in conversation, Im not intentionally cruel but I see no value in lying. And what is generally the biggest point here is I have no problem walking away from people who arent making a positive impact on my life. Im nice, not soft, and I think theres a conflation between the two which just doesnt fit with myself and people like me (of which i believe there are more than people think).

[@stephanperkmann7913]

Same bro

[@tellesu]

Yep but most people are too stupid and shallow to see the difference.

[@runkus6136]

@@Stierenkloot Making a point. A point I care about. Why comment on a comment you dont care about?

[@jaredmello]

There is a difference between nice and kind. It sounds like you are more kind.

[@runkus6136]

@@jaredmello I call that word play friend, or maybe splitting hairs. If someone acts nice but is not genuine then they are simply manipulative. If someone shows kindness, empathy, patience, and understanding and genuinely care for their fellow man I belive it is fitting to give them nice as a title. In the end I feel people argue so much over the specifics that they overlook the point, are you displaying your true colors or is this a facade? Call it nice, kind, or even good, these are all synonyms for the same core character traits if they are indeed genuine.

[@davidvazquez8225]

The topics about toxic shame in his book really did it for me. His book is ahead of it’s time and timeless altogether

[@MrWalkingResume]

I grew up a “nice guy”. Adverse to conflict. I put on a lot of muscle and gained fight experience. Still nice just with the capacity for confrontation now.

[@emate8422]

I wasn't nice guy but definitely muscle and martial arts are life changing

[@chronometa]

Keeping boundaries is pretty huge. My middle ground is that i make sure not to state my needs when angry. Be stern and assertive

[@forgedbyfirecoaching]

Loved hearing this episode with Dr. Glover. Like many, he helped me so much on my personal development journey 5-6 year ago. I’m now one of his certified coaches and helped him start and run his men’s community, Integration Nation, that he talks about at the end. He’s a great man and I’m grateful to be mentored by him daily!

[@tomsellout9576]

I grew up with split parents who lived 250 miles apart. Spent most time with my mom who didn’t pay much attention to me and invalidated my feelings and needs after my other siblings were born to my step-father. Never felt like I fit in. I became a people pleaser and a “nice guy” while also developing BPD. It has taken me years between working on my career, building myself up from homelessness and constantly failing in my relationships to finally come around and realize that being nice doesn’t get you anywhere and it’s manipulative and toxic. I’ve learned to stop giving a fuck about unimportant things, and not apologizing for my opinions. Caring selectively and only putting my efforts into people that reciprocate. I’ve been working on setting boundaries and hard lines for myself to walk away from situations. It’s helping but there’s a ways to go. I wish I had known this 10 years ago.

[@d.l4055]

I can agree with the Manipulative part. We all come from the womb trying to manipulate those we discover in the new world once we instinctively correlate a response. Some people never get past the Crying magic...

[@ManTalks]

The Legend. Great to see him on the show.

[@GThu1]

43:42 I think this is the best advice a man can get. Universally. I had to learn this by the hard way, because no one told me this clear way. After the moment I stopped seeking validation of the woman, and natuarally act the way what is also described in this video (seeking my goals confidently while also liking what I'm doing), woman came by themselves. On that point, I was about 35, having way too many rejection. Now at 44, I'm very happy. I have to boys and this will be one of the most important knowledge I'll teach them.

[@kjetilknyttnev3702]

Stop being nice. Have backbone, integrity, solid boundaries, and kindness for the deserving. Don't put up with crap! Reward good behavior, and make sure bad behavior has consequences! Cutting out people who do not appreciate your kindness is the best way of being able to keep being kind, but to the right people.

[@seanwieland9763]

So who is teaching women to not be usurious, demanding, and scolding?

[@EmiLovesShakespeare]

I know this conversation is geared towards men, but wow am I hearing so many gems that apply to me as a woman too. And I'm only 30 minutes in. "Getting in your own way" Creating a "mess around you" due to fear of success, even if you believe you're capable Home environment where at least one person's needs are deemed more fragile and therefore important... Such a great conversation, please have him back on!

[@shaynewaugh2111]

I am afraid this will be lost on too many people who watch this video.

[@actiondefence]

The book No More Mr Nice Guy is now required reading for any woman who wants to be with me. You want to get to know me, read this book then come with me on my journey

[@youtubedrifter5594]

This isn’t for you.

[@EmiLovesShakespeare]

@@youtubedrifter5594 😂

[@youtubedrifter5594]

@@EmiLovesShakespeare 🤣🤣🤣 thank your god you still have a sense of humor

[@seangallagher4498]

This podcast hit home… a lot of self reflection that I’ve buried down because I rarely ever try to think about this stuff. Underrated podcast episode

[@christophermirkovich7290]

When Robert Glover discussed covert contracts I had no idea that was even a thing and I don't even think people realize they're doing it

[@HeinousAnusOG]

I find I become a nice guy when I’m with the wrong woman fundamentally. Walking on eggshells, avoiding conflict, just because… I can’t be bothered and enjoy the convenience of regular sex. Thanks for the insight, I know how to avoid this now 🙏

[@vcollapse]

The book helped me make major changes in my life in the last year, relationship wise, job wise. I’m so grateful I read it.

[@MPop-jg9mg]

I tell my sons to be good men. I explained to my ex that he has been conditioned to be a “nice guy” and that he needs to stop putting women on a pedestal. I’m an almost 44 year old woman, I see you wonderful men. I want see men heal❤️

[@sincerelaughter1561]

That’s it. The pedestal. Only way to overcome that is time alone and seeing the value you carry. Men, we, too, can be just as valuable and wanted. Allow women to put effort to attain. Makes you more valuable

[@anonymous06329]

Basically a nice guy is a people pleaser

[@TheNiceGuyShow]

Yes

[@MylezNevison]

Not necessarily, there's a caveat... Pleasing people is not inherently bad in itself, it's when it goes overboard, beyond reason, and the intention behind it is corrupted.

[@forgedbyfirecoaching]

And then some.

[@maaziy_ghaziyIYI]

Not every people-pleaser is a nice guy. I've seen some who aren't nice at all, in fact rude, and still have a knack to please the people to get what they want.

[@bradleyspinks7922]

It's more like pleasing others but when it doesn't make you happy

[@magnemoland1710]

Life is short. Don't waste it living someone else's life doing what they want and trying to please them. At the end of your life you will realize you've made a terrible error terrible mistake. You only get the one life. Do what you want to do, go where you want to go, don't go around trying to please people. Be nice, don't be angry, but stand up for yourself and do what you wish, live your life. This doesn't mean that you can't do things that other people ask you to do once in a while. However, in general you know what the right thing is to do, Don't be dissuaded from your own life to try to somehow please others. Don't live a life of perceived obligation in some imaginary world that only exist in your head. So to sum it up be nice, but don't take crap from mean people and stand up for yourself. Also, stand your ground if you really believe in something. If the people around you whether it be family or loved ones or friends, if those people actively speak against you and your beliefs then they are not truly your friends or loved ones.

[@JustinRM20]

Easily the best guest you've ever had on this platform. Seems like a genuinely good man with a very easygoing way of explaining his logic. Loved it.

[@kordontheimpaler22]

If being a kind man is problematic then maybe it’s the world we should question.

[@benfisher.awesome]

He doesn't say don't be kind. "Nice guy" is a specific archetype, it doesn't mean don't ever be nice.

[@CraZy291]

Being a "nice guy" is all about covert contracts, which means being "nice" only in order to get something from the other person. Worse, even expecting them to reciprocate, without them ever consenting to that contract. Being friendly is something that's coming from the heart, without you expecting anything in return. Kindness for kindess' sake.

[@Margriet101]

Yea Jordan Peterson calls it agreable people. You need to be agreable around infants he said. So sometimes you are just born with traits. We can not all be stuborn leaders because we already have enough off that😅

[@Truthseeker-iz3dj]

We should all try to be more like Russian men. Look how they conquer territories. That's not nice, and they are winning.

[@johngalt6838]

The world is dysfunctional and primal. We just lie about it.

[@js4266]

I think it's about finding balance. Personnally, I strive to be polite and respectful to everyone but I'm also pragmatic and wary of human motivations. I will use assertiveness and controlled forms of agression if necessary. It seems to me that too much kindness and excessive politeness lead to naivety and weakness.

[@idakt]

This book changed my life and set me on the right path. Shout out to Dr. Glover

[@Sir.DavidBruce]

*That Podcast is a treat.* *I have a lot of these problems and try to change them and I agree with most of the conversation.* *This can help so many people feeling helpless, just because they are being ''nice'' (which should't be a bad character trait)* _Nobody should lose their heart but everyone should definetely learn how to protect it._

[@EugeneMurray-z1b]

'If by the end of your life you haven't made enemies... It means you never stood up for anything or anybody' Winston Churchill

[@Ryansrevenge__]

I have to say this interview gave me soo much revelation. I now know the reason why I am a people pleaser. Now I must take immediate action to change this behavior. I can’t advance in anything I do in life at the moment and I’ve been trying to figure out why for soo long. Right now my instinct is to blame everyone but myself. But this is my fault I’m 30. I just wish I was aware of this problem much sooner in my life.

[@ifgfqageneration6939]

Chris you are doing a great job for young men. Well done! I needed these interviews 30 years ago.

[@lordstark9075]

As much as I try to get better, meditate, work on myself...it never occurred to me that female approval doesn't really exist. And it's such a comforting thought, given I've looked for it insatiably over the years. With that being the case, let's finally seek for our own approval! We are going to make it, brothers.

[@Gnomleif]

The one about a lot of the decisions nice guys make being driven by shame and/or anxiety hit so close to home my windows rattled for a moment. It also made me realize that despite all the time I've spent working on myself, there are areas I have avoided because I fear success. Definitely some food for thought for me in this one.

[@autoclearanceuk7191]

woe do you have to be ashamed about ? I am sure, nothing.

[@_6-6_]

Being nice is when you’re trying to get something Being kind is when you’re selfless and don’t expect anything in return

[@grantrutherford6783]

I have a similar saying: Being nice is a performance for social cohesion. Being kind is easing someone’s burden. (The latter only working when you have the wisdom to understand the burden and how to ease it bc sometimes burdens are there for a reason.)

[@mormegil84]

Being kind in a one-sided relationship, though, can be a massive drain on you.

[@u4iadreams]

So kindness is being a doormat, gotcha.

[@followthefiddledavidbathen6012]

​​@@u4iadreams nah. Completely disregarding your own needs and wants is not kind to yourself at all

[@obviouslyasockpuppet]

Why shouldn't I expect anything in return? I'm not giving anyone what they want unless I'm also getting what I want. I'm not that nice.

[@radioactive.11]

Just recently started listening to your interviews and this one really blew my mind and really connected with me, I grew up with the authoritative mother with everyone having to walk around on eggshells with her and the nice dad, the resentment of doing everything in life correctly and not getting what I want and so much more, honestly might watch this again and take notes

[@BK_CDN_Scot_71]

It seems like courage, confidence, competence, assertiveness and self-esteem combined with kindness and empathy -- while avoiding being a simp -- will do the trick.

[@davidwarburton2915]

That sounds easy enough. 😐

[@philaman1972]

As I see it, there are two prime goals for every human being: a) be healthy; b) be happy. Everything else is 3rd. Pertaining to this video, my recommendation is to always be yourself and do not change for anybody!

[@dennisnewton9384]

In the past few days I’ve watched dozens of Dr Robert Glover interviews and Chris Williamson has managed to bring out a massive amount of value. This is my 2nd time watching. Keep up the good work

[@MikenMc]

“Be nice until it’s time not to be nice” - Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse

[@TedsHoldOver]

Just be authentic - 'win' or 'lose', at least you can live with yourself.

[@seekerofthemutablebalance5228]

Jordan Peterson said it like: you should be able to be a monster or monster slayer and then control it and choose to be nice/kind

[@khps9176]

"A real man should be able to tear the spine out of another man, and hold a baby right after." "A real man turns into a blood thirsty monster to protect those he loves, then becomes the most loving and caring partner."

[@MichaelWestgate]

I’m not even halfway through this conversation and I feel like this is the most valuable interview that Chris has ever done regarding what I need to know. Thank you, Robert for your insights. I’m looking forward to looking further into your material.

[@razzyybabyy]

I know this is geared towards men, but it really helped me understand a lot about why I react the way I do when interacting with potential mates

[@Biosynthnut]

I try to avoid arguing, because what will come out of my mouth is going to be very sharp.

[@goodlookinouthomie1757]

There is good wisdom out there that you never argue with a woman. It's impossible. What you do is listen, make sure she knows you're listening, say "I understand" and "this is really important to you huh?". Then go and do what you decide is best and she'll respect you a whole lot more.

[@citizensnips3850]

​@goodlookinouthomie1757 Accurate, you just treat a woman like a child and you'll succeed

[@Michael-it7nx]

@Bio, 👍That reminded me of a quote, “When I throw dirt , I lose ground”

[@darmy713]

This talk is either going to save my own personal relationship or help me in my next one. Thank you Robert.

[@Cocomixermachine]

This man, Dr. Glover, practically saved my life.

[@LightYagami_99]

I read this years ago. I actually was not able to follow the recommendations and paid for the willful ignorance at a later time. I circled back to his book and I realized that he is absolutely correct. Especially the chapter on partner selection and parent dynamics. Btw. To those telling men what to be in the comments, you’re missing the point. Men as individuals need to choose themselves and determine their identity not be told what to be.

[@paulrevereIV]

Oof the “being scared of success” hit hard. I’ve been making music for 25 years, been producing music for 10, and had multiple friends ask why I haven’t committed to a job in music… the only step I haven’t taken is looking for that job that I have the skill set for and settle for a labor job that is well below my ability. The idea of rising to the skill level I actually have is terrifying…

[@nobodyknows3180]

The If...Then clause really caught my attention. If I meet everyone else's needs, then they will meet mine. Both parties have to be in on that, but with Nice Guys (like me, yeah), the other people don't know about this 'covert contract' ---- so being butthurt and resentful follows ---- and the other people neither know about it or care. So yeah, Nice Guys ARE in fact being deceitful, because they are harboring negative feelings which they blame on others.

[@danielu1763]

I appreciate the brief comment about the direction that NPR has taken. I once enjoyed listening to the in depth reporting and less biased point of view, those days are in the past.

[@perfectifmelancholy]

Growing up, I was told that it's important to know when to show respect and kindness and when to be mean. Never have been concerned with "appearing" to be nice or good, or catering to others as of their emotional well being hinged on my behavior. If that's true, it's still a them problem.

[@BRUCE_the_MOOSE_]

If someone doesn't appreciate your kindness and decency, then they don't deserve you. Simple as that.

[@truthteller4442]

Something that’s never talked about is, women teaching women in modern schools is one of the most tragic things that has ever happened to males. This has NEVER happened to men in our entire human history, until recently, over the past hundred or so years. All you’re taught it how to be obedient to women, from a young age. You go from one woman teacher, to another woman teacher, to another woman teacher, etc. Men used to spend all of their time with their father’s hunting, fishing, farming, learning life skills, and most importantly……LEARNING HOW TO BE MEN.

[@KD400_]

Exactly

[@whenpigsfly8178]

And using chemicals to mute male drive/emotions in the schooling period of men's lives.

[@GraceHarwood88]

No, they didn’t. Women have been at the helm of children’s education since the Victorian times. It was considered an extension of childcare. Before, it was mothers with the other women folk of the smaller towns and villiages. Women were the first teachers in factory schools, teaching basic letter & numbers. They mostly taught obedience, so they’d be obedient workers in the factory. Men/fathers taught skills, of course. Trades if they had them. But as teaching goes for most YOUNG children, it’s always been a women’s domain. Why do you think there’s the concept of “women and children” in the same bracket? Fathers voluntarily chose their work, hobbies, other vices over being present for their children, considering every part of child-rearing “women’s work.”

[@jonnjones8263]

Thats an excellent point I never thought about. Holy shit.

[@GraceHarwood88]

There was a period where the working class children, who also worked in the factories, were bringing home a wage on par with his fathers and it caused quite a friction between them within the household. The idea sons and fathers were in some masculine utopia in the past is pretty mistaken. A lot of the fathers were abusive and cruel, who bred abusive and cruel sons. Other men, mentors, clergy etc were influential of course, in shaping a “good” productive man, useful to society.

[@gingerj4440]

One of the issues with nice guys too is that you aren’t actually learning about them or collaborating in companionship. They want you to pick everything so they can agree with you and then look for potential acts of service they can do for these covert contracts they’ve developed. You start to pick up on how inauthentic they seem and feel very alone in the dynamic and move on to seek actual collaborative companionship. It’s less about pliability and more about picking up on how inauthentic they are and if you’re being vulnerable and realize they aren’t sharing anything with you it becomes so misbalanced it is uncomfortable.

[@autoclearanceuk7191]

Or you could ask them about themselves.

[@gingerj4440]

@@autoclearanceuk7191 yeah obviously. The assumption that isn’t happening is simply an assumption, it is. It just doesn’t go anywhere because they don’t know the answers.

[@_Erendis]

Re the advice to just turn off your internal censors and blurt things out.. Immediately made me think of that scene in Seinfeld: 'Hi, my name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.' 'I'm Victoria! Hiiii!' 😂😂😂

[@rice_rice_baby]

This is coming at the best possible time - I just got No More Mr. Nice guy in the mail yesterday, was planning on starting it this evening and lo and behold, Chris uploads an interview with Dr. Glover. Synchronicity is a real thing.

[@jaredmello]

Great interview guys! That creating tension part is sooo important. I coach mostly women these days, and they definitely need that. Also why they say you can do anything to a woman except bore her.

[@smgrist]

I really relate to this chat like no other. Perpetually assisting others without asking for validation and in fact telling people to not let on I assisted others. 🙁

[@6ugust925]

I’m a nice guy. Listening to this book. “ I’m like , wow . I’ve been wrong in so many ways “. 🤦🏽‍♂️

[@GHOST91991]

Unfortunately i'm a nice guy everything that has been said in this i relate to. I've noticed growing up that women respond to guys who ignore or don't want them, but then do the opposite to guys who don't ignore them and want them. I will have to learn to be a bit of both at same time.

[@Deadly_fox512]

I'm legitimately a nice dude, a kind man. That being said, I don't tolerate bullshit. I do have my hangups and trauma, I'm only human. I had a woman recently that said "you're a nice guy, but you don't tolerate my shit and will call me out on shit, but you can also talk to me on a human level." Mind you, I've been pretty successful at casual dating and sex, even post marriage. Being nice to get what you want and expecting shit from it is different than being a nice person and not asking for anything in return. I will help you but fuck me over more than once and it's dueces we have to part ways. I'm not going to waste my time.

[@TheNiceGuyShow]

Such an important podcast for helping me heal and recover from the nice guy syndrome. Great work guys

[@ziahreid9269]

That part about not letting yourself have any needs really hit home for me. I need to remember to accept help when it's offered more often.

[@BillBrent]

Was listening to this during my workout and had to stop several times to fully acknowledge the things I was hearing. I even yelled "oh $hit!" a few times (private gym, just me and GF) and had to explain why. Somewhat enlightening and frustrating to have someone basically describe your childhood and issues in relationships and exactly why it all played out that way. Going to see my therapist next week with basically this podcast as notes to discuss and what to work on.

[@nope3015]

Dr Glover’s book should be MANDATORY reading for every male over the age of 13. I read it at 40 and it helped me take extreme responsibility for my health, peace and my relationships. Absolute game changer for humanity.

[@josephweimers4021]

Guys don't be a nice guy(doing things for others approval and feedback). Be a kind guy like captain america who does things because he has morals and integrity. Like he said it. I don't want to kill others. I just hate bullies or I don't want a girl , I want a girl that wants me. A man of honor and integrity carries himself confidently and never let's other bully him. Women find that super attractive.

[@johnnyparatrooper1326]

I was taught to be nice and eventually I’ll find my way in the world. In fact, I am just taken advantage of quite often.