What Caused My Schizophrenia? 🧠 - Living with Schizophrenia

Hi!
In this video I thought I could talk a little bit about what may have been the cause behind me developing paranoid schizophrenia as a 20 year old.
Living with schizophrenia has greatly affected my life and sometimes not knowing what causes it can feel difficult to handle but there are some risk factors that we do know increases the risk of developing schizophrenia and in this video I will talk a little about my own backstory and risk factors that could have played a part in me developing schizophrenia.
thank you for watching as always! ❤️
contact: [e-mail]
#schizophrenia #mentalhealth #livingwithschizophrenia
Equipment:
Camera: iphone 13
Editing software: Final Cut Pro
Thumbnails: canva, procreate
Music: epidemicsound
All of my music is from epidemic sound! www.epidemicsound.com/music/f...
Instagram: @mrsearlgray

[@jbtrails8883]

I ended up getting schizoaffective disorder from prolonged chronic stress and physical and emotional abuse. I cracked up one day and ended in a psychiatric ward. After that I’ve had the disorder ever since. I also had predisposition from one parent, but the Doctor told me that stress and a lifetime of abuse was the culprit. To think that still today people are so ignorant to say that people who don’t want to have children are selfish and horrible. Those people were never abused by parents. Sometimes when I’m doing bad I resent them. It’s funny how evil people destroy others and it’s the good people that end up paying for the broken plates. Much love to you Kimberly💚

[@KimberlyHallberg]

thank you! Sad to hear that you can relate. thank you for watching and for sharing, I wish you the best! 💚

[@emmelinesprig489]

Those tissue layers are called “meninges” in english. It’s where the word “meningitis” comes from. 🧠 Many people speak of mental conditions as if they are always unavoidable, determined purely by genetics from birth. It’s often nature + nurture, not just one or the other. Thank you for bravely sharing your experience and perspective! 🌺

[@KimberlyHallberg]

oh thank you! and yes I agree that nurture plays a bigger role in mental illness than some wants to believe. thank you for watching! ❤️

[@thelonglines]

I can relate to a lot of this, especially the part about hating the fact that an encounter with a disgusting narcissistic individual can have a profound effect on one's mental health. This world is not a very nice place, especially these days. Thank you for sharing this.

[@KimberlyHallberg]

thank you for watching! sad to hear that you can relate though.. I hope you have a nice week!

[@Jazzypurr]

I have a firsthand account of dealing with a narcissist and it is even messier and uglier when you add mental illness. The times I was screwed around gaslighted and tried to tell my therapist what was happening only to be met with doubt and disbelief and asked if I was still taking my meds as prescribed!!!!

[@KimberlyHallberg]

@@Jazzypurr oh wow thats so unprofessional! 😳

[@Jazzypurr]

@@KimberlyHallberg It was totally unprofessional but the thing that bothered me most was the systemic stigma at work! She automatically assumed it was all in my head because of my Schizoaffective Disorder!That was the day l decided to shop around for a better therapist and fire the one who didn’t seem to care 😊

[@KimberlyHallberg]

@@Jazzypurr yes, very unprofessional for that to be their first thought! I hope your new therapist is better. 😊

[@norberto169]

I have schizophrenia and i just wanted to say thank you for reaching out us schizophrenics needs to branch out

[@KimberlyHallberg]

oh thank you for your support! 🥹💚

[@Dana-lj4zy]

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I, too, have been abused by my father which was a catalyst for my mental illness.

[@KimberlyHallberg]

thank you for watching! sad to hear that you can relate... sending you a hug! 🤗💚

[@Jazzypurr]

Just… WOW! We have some common ground here. I have early trauma from the age of two which set the stage for a succession of trauma reactions. I am an extremely sensitive person which makes me predisposed to mental illness in the first place. I often wonder just to what extent our emotions and trauma and stress affect the physical structure of our brain and in turn can cause these conditions. I have been been ill since I was seventeen, but I can recall incidents that were a little off kilter or questionable from the age of eleven onward.

[@KimberlyHallberg]

sad to hear that you can relate to having trauma in your childhood, I do believe that stress (especially in children) have a bigger role in people developing mental illness than we think.... thank you for watching! have a nice day! 🥰

[@alexandermatthewsmusic]

I had my first psychotic break around 21... My mother went overseas to live when I was 13 and I'm 43 and haven't had a girlfriend since I was 19... Just mentioned that because if I had had one big happy family all along maybe a wife and kids by now it's hard to believe I'd develop schizophrenia... Anyway I would think it's very situational and also genetic...

[@KimberlyHallberg]

its sad to think about, but there's also not much you can do except trying to move on but thats also hard to do sometimes.. thank you for watching! 😊

[@HandsomeJigglypuff]

Kimberly, I really appreciate you sharing your story because I can definitely relate. I am diagnosed with bipolar 1 with psychotic features and I grew up with a physically abusive father. Some days I thought he would murder my mother and brother. He never hit me though but it was still traumatizing to witness. You're so strong for going through what you went through and I look up to/respect you a lot!

[@KimberlyHallberg]

thank you! sad to hear that you have also suffered from trauma, I wish you the best! again thank you for watching and commenting! 🥰

[@jessewright3790]

I was diagnosed with schizophrenia after I left my dorm in college to go to a psych ward. I'm pretty sure my narcissistic roommate was a major cause of it because one day he would be nice and another he would be mean. I don't trust anyone.

[@KimberlyHallberg]

Sad to hear! I wish you the best! 💚

[@elcapitan24]

sounds like stress induced psychosis, it's a wonder why you're on drugs. a sane world would try to make your life less stressful or help you find ways to become stress tolerant. same with me. i shouldn't be on meds. just need to learn how to handle stress.

[@KimberlyHallberg]

sadly no meds have never worked for me, I just hope one day that the medications become better. thank you for watching! 🥰

[@partyishredhead]

I am so sorry you had to go through any of that in your childhood ❤

[@KimberlyHallberg]

❤

[@liberavitluna8530]

Thank you for being so open about your mental illness! I think it is really important for those of us that struggle with these issues to speak out when we can because that helps break down the stigmas!

[@KimberlyHallberg]

thank you for watching and yes I agree with you, I truly believe that education will eventually break the stigma around mental illness. 🥰

[@HearMyWords]

Hi Kimberly. I'm new to your channel but I love seeing your strength in making your videos. I know what it's like to have experienced trauma from a narcissist. When you stated how you hate to admit that your illness is a part of the trauma from him, I really felt that. I know that feeling. However, by calling him out in this video..... you have taken back your power from him. You are so strong, wonderful and beautiful. That is why over 2,000 people love your channel. You are amazing.

[@KimberlyHallberg]

hi! oh wow thats so kind of you to say! 😍 sad to hear that you have also been the victim of a narcissist, I hope you're doing better now. again thank you for your kind comment it really warmed my heart! 💚

[@HearMyWords]

I'm alright. I struggle with a lot of the same things you do - like going out places, trying to motivate myself to do things. I'm surviving though.

[@sofiaj1]

Du är fantastisk! En riktig förebild för många som lider av liknande psykiska diagnoser, har egna erfarenheter om att ha psykoser och dina videos är otroligt fina och informativa❤️

[@KimberlyHallberg]

Men åh vad glad jag blir! Tack så mycket! 🥹♥️

[@AgnesBalla9602]

There is an illness called PANDAS and it is an autoimmune inflammation of the brain that causes phsychiatric symtoms such as delusions, hallucinations, anxiety, ocd, and many more. So brain inflammation can definitely be a cause or trigger for mental illnesses.

[@KimberlyHallberg]

oh I didn't know that! very interesting!

[@lenajazuk4231]

You seems to be such a sweet person young woman Thank you for making videos ❤️

[@KimberlyHallberg]

Thank you so much! have a nice week! ❤️

[@Yeodoongiiie]

I am so sorry you have such a father. that's horrible. I am very proud of you for going "no contact" with him. that's a big step. that's something that is very hard to do in some cases. sometime we are "trauma bonded" so it can be hard to cut the cord. then in other cases i'm sure it just feels like a huge relief. amazing how our brains will try to escape or just can't cope and it feels like it just breaks open. that's what it felt like for me having my first psychotic episode. like a switch had been turned and all doors were open. never to be fully closed again. thank you for telling part of your story. must not be easy, but you are really brave for opening up sweet Kimberly. sending you hugs! I hope you are doing ok in Sweden with all this crazy weather. take care and i will see you next time 💕

[@KimberlyHallberg]

thank you for watching and commenting and for your nice words! 🥰 and yes, even though I never want contact with him again, it still hurts to have a missing parent because you do or did care for them despite the hurt that they caused... again thank you for watching and have a nice week! ❤️

[@Seriouskai]

Ibland är det bra att få kunna prata, och dina videor har gett mig mer insikt i psykisk hälsa vilket i sin tur hjälper mig med min egen diagnos. Det har varit värt mycket för mig, jag är helt öppen med min diagnos inför folk utan att bry mig om stigman, och hoppas att så småningom finns det så mycket gemensam kunskap bland de flesta folk att man slipper stereotyper åtminstone. Ha det fint!

[@KimberlyHallberg]

tack så mycket! vad glad jag blir och håller med dig om att med gemensam kunskap kommer vi bryta stigman. 😊

[@dag118]

My mother was a bipolar paranoid schizophrenic, one doctor said if her celiac disease was diagnosed earlier, it may have helped.

[@sebastianliwinski222]

Gut issues is a major factor on mental health,sadly physicians don't believe in it!

[@mainipetersen846]

I think you are amazing. My son also as schizophrenia and I wondered where it came from. Was it drugs or did he suffer some trauma? He has lost alot of memory and isnt functioning well like you are. You are so clever. Imagine most of us speaking english as a second language like you and reading all those books

[@KimberlyHallberg]

oh thank you! thats so kind of you to say! 🥹 I'm sending both you and your son my best well wishes! ❤️

[@pianno55]

Dear Kimberly, thank you for sharing this with us. I am so sorry for what you've been through.. I am sure it was tremendously hard growing up with a "parent" like that and you most certainly didn't deserve it.. You are coping very bravely with your illness, and despite everything I can just tell that you are one kind hearted and gentle person ❤ I wish you all the best. Warm regards from Zagreb, Anja

[@KimberlyHallberg]

thank you for watching and leaving a comment! 🥰 i hope you have a nice week! 💚

[@thatgirlwhousedtohavereall5549]

Thank You for sharing this personal experience.

[@KimberlyHallberg]

thank you for watching! 🥰

[@indigoblue4791]

Sending love and bestest wishes too you! I have several mental health conditions. Like you I had a traumatic childhood. We are strong, determined and super self aware as a result l believe. You are wonderfully courageous, speaking out and sharing your experiences. I'm very happy to have found your channel. 😊😊😊

[@KimberlyHallberg]

oh thank you! I'm sending you my best well wishes to you too! ❤🥰

[@robertstone8056]

GOOD VIDEO KIMBERLY!

[@KimberlyHallberg]

Thank you Robert! 😊

[@ariahathaway5517]

Thanks Kimberly... I remember your video about your dad and am very sorry you had to go through all that:( i agree that trauma seems to be a factor when developing schizophrenia when you have the disposition... You look lovely and I enjoyed the video although I wish you didn't have to experience all that trauma... A big hug🤗😊

[@KimberlyHallberg]

thank you Aria! sending you a big hug too! 🤗🥰

[@mizachs]

Very interesting topic. Thanks for sharing!

[@KimberlyHallberg]

Glad you enjoyed it! 😊

[@mangographics225]

Found your post very informative and insightful - thank you for this. Blessings for a wonderful future.

[@KimberlyHallberg]

Thank you! 🥰

[@mandia469]

Mines is genetic. It runs on my dad's side of the family. But my onset that i experienced in 2012 was due to trauma. From then until now, has been the longest time this disorder has been the most pravelent in my life, with me having to take medicine on a regular basis and if i go long periods without them, i start to unravel bad. I was oringinally diagnosed with this at 15, with me living a pretty normal, med free life up until then. I spent my teenage yrs trying to get healing with meds and such with hopes of being able to get off meds and function the rest of my life without them. I did accomplish this at 20 where i did go off meds and lived a normal young adult life all through out my 20s. But then my 30s hit, trauma hit and changed all that. So now i have to stay on my meds or i will unravel and go into mental crisis after awhile! Thats my story

[@PammyJ6107]

Hi Kimberly, thank you for being so open and telling your story. Hope you are feeling better each day! Looking forward to seeing your next video :) Have a great week!

[@KimberlyHallberg]

Thank you so much! have a great week too! 🥰

[@SueB42]

Good to see you again!

[@KimberlyHallberg]

thank you! 😊

[@mikaelareilly-nelson5273]

a close friend of mine was recently diagnosed with schitzophrenia. She had a major psycotic break about 5 months ago. I feel as though she doesn't remember me. She treats me as if she doesn't know me and We've been friends for 3 years prior... Sorry what my question is. How long did it take you to recover from the first psycotic break? Or does it even work like that?... how long after a psycotic break did it take to be able to address/know you had one?... Did you experience memory loss? And if so did you gain any memory back?

[@mikaelareilly-nelson5273]

Sorry and thank you so so much for sharing all of this. I'm finding it very helpful and hopefully will be more helpful

[@KimberlyHallberg]

Hi! sorry to hear about your friend... of course this can vary a lot from person to person but for me it took a couple of months of meds and rest for my psychotic symtoms to lessen. psychosis do tend to come in "waves" or episodes. I didn't experience memory loss like that but now I don't really remember much from my first years of being sick, I mostly remember the psychotic delusions and sleeping a lot. as for knowing that I had psychosis, it took some months again with medication and therapy to really recognize that what had happened wasn't real, it was mostly hard to have to realize that you're so sick that you can't differentiate reality from psychosis... Im sorry if im not making sense here but I hope you understand! I hope your friend gets better soon, have a nice evening! ❤

[@gypsyskyy9451]

Hi Kimberly, thanks for sharing another great video, you always look very pretty, and your hair is lovely! I liked your winged eyeliner too, something I havent been able to learn how to do! Thanks for always explaining things to us about your mental illness. I learned a few things. I grew up with trauma and developed long PTSD, and severe depression, and dissosociative identity disorder, so I can relate to some of what you have had to go through. I think you sounded good and looked good, so keep up what you are doing, by sharing your experiences with PS. You are helping so many people. Take care, hugs from Mary Ann 🤗💙💛💜🤍

[@KimberlyHallberg]

oh thank you Mary Ann! you always leave such nice comments! 🥰 said to hear that you can relate to the things I talked about but I also hope that it perhaps will make you feel less alone! again thank you and have a nice week! ❤

[@gypsyskyy9451]

Yes, it does help me to feel less alone. Im so grateful to you for your honesty. And youre so kind. oh, does music help at all? I find the kind I like to listen to does. LOL Have a nice week also! 😍@@KimberlyHallberg

[@KimberlyHallberg]

@@gypsyskyy9451 thank you! 🥰 and yes I think music can be very helpful since it can decrease stress and make you less anxious etc ❤

[@gypsyskyy9451]

😍@@KimberlyHallberg

[@SeriNe-fj9gh]

So happy to see a new video! ☺️ Have you considered starting a therapy to process the psychological trauma? I imagine that your symptoms could worsen initially. I think it also takes a very competent therapist to help with that. Interesting video 💗☺️

[@KimberlyHallberg]

thank you! 😊 and no I haven't had any therapy that has been specifically for trauma and I currently don't think Im in that much need of it, time has healed some of the wounds so to say 💚

[@SeriNe-fj9gh]

⁠@@KimberlyHallberg Interesting and good to hear! :)

[@RP-bm5fh]

Genetic vulnerability with trauma can definitely contribute to the development of schizophrenia.

[@kalaiselviramaiah3854]

Hai kim good to see you, looking cheerful there is glow in your face

[@KimberlyHallberg]

Hi! and thank you! 😊

[@SchizophrenicFilms]

What program did you use to make your KZbin thumbnail. I like how you took the background out behind you and used raindrops against a gray background as a background behind you.

[@SchizophrenicFilms]

Never mind the question. I see you posted that you use Canva to make your background and Procreate.

[@KimberlyHallberg]

exactly! but I use canvas pro, so I pay 12 USD to use it 😊@@SchizophrenicFilms

[@abdulhye5052]

Thank you very much. how are you now? I respect your bravery. you stay healthy

[@KimberlyHallberg]

im slowly getting better again I think! thank you for watching! 🥰

[@Richer159]

Do schizophrenics always have intrusive thoughts and delusions, or it happens only during psychosis

[@KimberlyHallberg]

intrusive thoughts can happen anytime but delusions are a psychotic symtom. 😊

[@LouiseFalt]

Hugs ❤

[@KimberlyHallberg]

thank you! ❤

[@areebairshad4543]

How do you deal with flat effect when you're not exercising

[@KimberlyHallberg]

Do you mean energy wise?

[@dagrun3821]

Blir helt gråtfärdig när jag hör detta !

[@KimberlyHallberg]

åh men du snälla gråt inte! tack för att du tittade och ha en fin vecka! 🥰

[@dagrun3821]

Detsamma !

[@KimberlyHallberg]

@@dagrun3821 tack! 🥰

[@Richer159]

Also, if a person is in psychosis, can he be nice and normal to some and mean to others at the time of psychosis

[@KimberlyHallberg]

yes of course. especially if the person has paranoid delusions against others.

[@nemo3874]

you have no accent at all, really good English!

[@KimberlyHallberg]

thank you! 🥰

[@Omegared_o]

id say apologize first stick em up to it and make em wratsle em down for that apology if ya choose to i guarantee unless hes EVIILLLLLLLLL idk haha trying to give a top down view one more convo with an abuser would help plus if you find hes a better off person you could sustain a relationship and therapy videos etc could be how you can positively deal with the stress something mabne you were never able to do as a kid