What does my Wife WANT from ME!?

What does my wife want from me? That is the question isn't it? I had no idea for 6 long years, and then my marriage collapsed and I spent thousands of dollars in counseling and hundreds of hours reading marriage books until I finally figured it out. I know what my wife wants from me. Don't forget, few marriages end due to an abundance of intimacy and trust and friendship and connection and emotional attunement, millions of marriages have died due to a lack of those things. If I refuse to prioritize them, then I am on a path that only leads towards divorce. When I arrive at that destination, I might feel shocked, but the warning signs were there all along. Don't be like me. Learn how to save your marriage before you lose it.
How to turn her on: • How to get HER in the ...
#marriageadvice #anxiousattachment #communication
If you ever want to support my work bit.ly/3FWA1Ez

[@whtdrgn33]

Geez....this video should be a commercial during the super bowl. Every real man should watch this and soak it in.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Thanks Kain!! That means so much!

[@cher8136]

AMEN 😂

[@therockermom59]

If all of us women chipped in $2-3, we could buy all the advertising time for the next Super Bowl, NBA championship and Stanley Cup!!

[@jaquiecarden562]

@@therockermom59- Count my $3 in! 🙋🏻‍♀️

[@casbah2100]

A real man gets his life in order and leads his family. Bad men listen to this kind of feminist take advice. This is empirically proven in the failure of Western marriages. Which are ostensibly adhering to these feminist false contracts such as being purported by Jimmy.

[@theladyamalthea]

This is SOLID advice! I just want to add one caveat: If you have been neglecting your spouse for a very long time, like 10 years, they will not immediately be grateful if you suddenly start helping around the house and showing empathy. They will not trust that it is genuine, so be prepared to spend MONTHS consistently being the New and Improved version of yourself!

[@sholbk]

I don't know about you, but if my spouse had neglected me, he would not have been my spouse. I have high standards. I would have jumped ship around year 2. Thankfully, my husband is a good guy. We've been married for 30 years.

[@theladyamalthea]

@@sholbk Thank you for that flex…

[@adlundy1]

So true

[@Janna_Ash]

@@sholbkunfortunately many of us don’t get out right away or early on. Which is most of us are here watching this lol.

[@positivelybecky142]

I agree with you! What I think a lot of people don’t know or understand is that we sometimes put up with things because we are just resigned to it or just legitimately don’t know how to change it OR feel like we’re doing it all alone. It has nothing to do with whether or not someone has high standards or not… Some of us have a real fear of abandonment or rejection and are dealing with things like insecure attachments. Me personally, I never learned how to speak up for myself because that was not something that was allowed in my household growing up. That puts all parties at a disadvantage.

[@emilybailey4283]

My husband watched this with me. It resolved some hidden griefs. I wasn't sure I could share this with him or if it would bring up more problems. We went grocery shopping after he and I got off work. I hadnt had breakfast and could only eat a handful of chips at lunch. I told him I was hungry and he told me to wait until we got home. It was about 7:00 at night. We stopped to get gas on the way home and I said I was getting something to eat and when I came out he apologized. He said, "I was telling you to wait because I knew I could wait. But you didn't get breakfast, you hardly had a lunch, and you were hungry. Im so sorry. I wasnt thinking about your needs." This is as a result of watching your video. Thank you for making it relatable! Thank you for sharing it!

[@idkwhodos2840]

Isn't it amazing how a little thing like that can mean so much tho?! Keep working on it 😉❤

[@AGoogleUser-im2xw]

Is your husband for sale?

[@jordanbellingham-6795]

This video changed my life and saved my marriage. I know your only qualification is “I’ve had a lot of therapy” but hearing this from a normal bloke sank in to my misogynist brain instantly and made me tear up thinking how I’ve been such a man baby my entire marriage and not listened to my wife’s issues. Now I will be a real man and show how compassionate I can be. How selfless I can be. Thanks mate.

[@ndavies9384]

So happy for you!

[@rebeccacampbell585]

Yay, I hope you're getting improvements!

[@xDiananas]

This makes me really happy to read. Hope you are following through! And you don’t get caught in the « need to be perfect » because you don’t! Hope you are doing great since last time you commented. And as someone said in another comment, if you have been neglecting her for many years, do not be surprised if she isn’t suddenly « restored ». You really need to be consistent. Hope you took any kind of help you could. Videos, books, courses, masterclass, etc if you felt lost or are not sure. meet_the freemans give good advice! They have a podcast too! And they indeed, seen through all the couple sessions they did, it’s mostly men who don’t keep their promises or follow through and accuse their wives of nagging when they are just trying to express hurt, neglect, disrespect. I so so wish you all the best and get the best ouf or your marriage.

[@serenasapphire8883]

I agree with you, Jimmy really has a way of getting thru to your emotions and he makes me cry too! Also, I agree with you that because he is a "regular guy" I have so much hope that he could get thru to so many men is a way that no one else really could. Jimmy is very powerful in his" I am just one of the guys speaking to you as if you were one of his friends" with so much wisdom and in a way men can hear it especially with this video there is also humor which helps the medicine go down. I wish I could send this video to every man. I hope Jimmy's videos will make an impact an create a movement of change in the world. Because sometimes people find it hard to find empathy and understanding but once they do then they can have the real deep love with their partners that they were craving. These videos are like a manual or a how to guide to acting like a great husband and getting great result. Very amazing. I really loved reading your comment! I agree!

[@sonnenschein553]

Great comment. ❤

[@a.littleblue2890]

🌟 Don't tell her that you love her; tell her WHY you love her 🌟 Unexpressed gratitude reads as entitlement Thank you!

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Thank you!

[@-starguara8386]

I watch you then I send them to my husband he tell me why are you sending to me I said oh I don't know maybe it will put a light bulb on in your head but no worries I'll watch them alone. and I walk away and continue to watch all utubes I enjoy them and some make a lot of sense to me why he is the way he is.

[@angelae6064]

I can’t even send these to my husband without him feeling attacked. This one is just what he needs to hear!!

[@starlajene6188]

Expectation without Effort equals Entitlement

[@janicepederson3421]

Thank you I have showed some of these to my husband.....the ones with porn and betrayal

[@andziagreen4922]

This video should be played multiple times during pre marriage classes.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Thank you!!

[@Zen_Viniti]

YES ! ❤

[@alycewich4472]

🎯💯

[@angieblake3424]

💯

[@angieblake3424]

Imagine if these videos were required premarital classes before marriage...I bet the rate of divorces would decline drastically.

[@expectingnewlife]

Can you make a video for husbands about "adulting"? The one point I disagree on in this video is about the chores. Don't ask her to give you instructions on what to do. Look around and figure out what needs to be done. Do what you would need to do if you were living single. Start there. Asking her to figure out a list and tell you what to do and how to do it is just giving HER more work. It's adding to her mental load, not relieving it.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

This is so true. I guess what I meant to say is for both of you to sit down and talk about all the mutual chores that need to get done and then decide who is going to do what.

[@expectingnewlife]

@@JimmyonRelationships that makes sense. 🙂 The book Fair Play does a good job of identifying all the random life tasks in a household. Have you heard of it?

[@JimmyonRelationships]

@@expectingnewlife I have! I just haven't read it yet

[@nancymontalvo9612]

Yes my son really needs this!!

[@lilacsilverwing]

@@JimmyonRelationships please please dive into it, and her podcast interviews. It’s raw and cuts straight to the point.. AND she talks about how we as women need to give our partners the space to learn and grow vs meet them with resentment when positive steps are taken

[@ChristianOne]

Whatever you did to get her...is the same type of stuff you need to do to KEEP HER.

[@JaelH7]

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@kicsms_science3729]

Oh my goodness, you said THE EXACT THING. Sometimes I feel like my husband pulled a bait-&-switch on what he used to do but stopped.

[@ChristianOne]

@@kicsms_science3729 Pretty sure you are NOT imagining it. Men seem to see marriage as a finish line like mounting a deer they hunted on their wall and think all their hard work is over. Their reward is you serving them for the rest of eternity. They seem to not understand reciprocity...the back and forth...give and take of everyday life. I would take him back and get a refund. Lol...if you buy a product at the store, got home, and wgat was asvsrtised wasn't in the box... that's either a mistake or fraud. Either way, it will require a discussion and let it be known to him...that there is the potential for rerurn. This ain't what you signed up for.

[@neilharding1]

Not necessarily: my partner's emotional needs changed completely after our first child. She didn't communicate this and I failed to notice; as a result our relationship went from flourishing to almost completely dead.

[@ChristianOne]

@@neilharding1 good point...keep up on communication for sure.

[@charliemvrphy]

A little over a year into my relationship with the greatest woman I have ever met. I’m intentional about being the best husband I can possibly be to her and for her. Thankful I found your channel. This advice did not fall on deaf ears.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Oh my gosh Charlie, I rarely get these messages! But I appreciate them so much! I’m so grateful for your relationship! You deserve an amazing one!

[@lili.h1813]

God bless you both Charlie. 🌷

[@brendarewan7441]

This is the key. Jimmy’s messages are great but if the husband doesn’t make the choice to do what he teaches it’s useless.

[@MontRoMMancer]

You get it. You absolutely get it. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share your experiences in a way that is accessible, relatable, and accessible.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

This means so much! Thank you for saying that :)

[@michellekiley6578]

I love this, but I'd add to watch what happens with your wife when you add these things. It's amazing the changes you'll see in her. My husband made one change and I noticed how different I felt. I wasn't as cranky. I wasn't as resentful. I wasn't nagging. I was more kind. More affectionate. More motivated than ever to be better. All it takes is to start!! Make the first move if you want it to work. It's worth it!!

[@JimmyonRelationships]

I love this!

[@kicsms_science3729]

I would add, if you go ahead & do thing you were asked to do, there won’t be any reason for nagging.

[@dawnwessel8459]

As for the chores... Do the damn dishes and don't expect a cookie afterwards... I do the dishes, zero fanfare. He does the dishes and he expects a gold star...

[@buffuniballer]

No, he said @12:49 that we should be thankful for what the other does. Therefore, if he does the dishes, THANK HIM. It goes both ways. You cannot say that what he wants is invalid and then expect him to treat what you want as valid. If he wants a gold star, what's the harm in giving him one? How do you make your relationship closer and stronger by withholding the gold star?

[@anthill1510]

@@buffuniballer Because he is not a child doing an extra effort. He is an adult in a relationship doing his part of everyday chores. Again, there is two parts to this: He is not a child and she is not his mom or teacher, giving gold stars for anything and chores are neccessary things that need to happen every day, not something an adult should be praised for doing. If you want to thank each other every day for doing chores, fine. But if you think the woman should praise the man if he does some everyday chore and not the other way round you have some very strange ideas how a partnership and managing a life together should look like.

[@buffuniballer]

@@anthill1510I think partners, male or female should appreciate what the other does. Even if it's something that needs to be done, if the other person does it, I don't have to and vice versa. And for that, I'm grateful. I'm curious why you find gratitude strange? Why have a partner if you are not grateful for them and what they do?

[@julerry]

My husband did some laundry once, I asked him "what did you wash", he replied "my work clothes'. I said "oh, so you just did YOUR laundry. Cool". 🤦‍♀️

[@misbehavens]

@@anthill1510if you treat him like a child, he’ll continue to act like a child. If you treat him like a man, maybe he’ll act like a man. The key to developing new habits is positive reinforcement. Instead of awarding him a “gold star” like a child, try mentioning how much you appreciate it, instead of criticizing when he doesn’t, or maybe try some other kind of reward fitting for adults 😉.

[@phyllisboegeman5168]

Hey Jimmy, I shared with my husband of 33 years, last evening, that I was going to begin sending him your videos. I have been saying the EXACT things that you’re saying in your videos for about 20 of the 33 years we’ve been together. I’ve felt very neglected and lonely, and all of the things you talk about. It amazes me that my exact words are coming through your mouth. And coming from a guy who turned it all around, is also a fabulous speaker, and hilarious to boot. You are the best. Thank you for sharing your God-given gift with me. 🙏💞🙏

[@inthelandofmorethansmall7582]

13 years here and I'm amazed too!!! It's crazy how this Man is saying EXACTLY what we've been saying for years! (It's actually crazy that a man like him even exists, to be honest... 😆 I admit I didn't believe they existed!) Just him validating my thoughts, fears, concerns, and attempts makes me feel like, "Okay! So wait, you're saying I'm NOT crazy?!? And I'm NOTthe only one?" 😂😂😂 Jimmy is amazing. I'm so glad he decided to do this and it's free and we found him!

[@tinamcclenahan8775]

100% AGREED!!@@inthelandofmorethansmall7582

[@tbryant3685]

💯👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽"ACT LIKE ITS IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO FIND OUT" That line right there, chefs kiss

[@maryl8753]

For someone who is not a trained therapist you speak an awful lot of sense. In fact you make more sense than schmanzy therapists who charge a fortune .I wish you had been around all the time my husband was making me feel invalidated, disrespected and unimportant while he had all the time in the world for what he wanted. Unfortunately too late for us but I really hope men hear your message and don't not just mess up their marriage, but also their wife's mental health .

[@alycewich4472]

💯

[@susanparker9877]

My ex was heading to work for a long day driving snow plow and I went to kiss him, as I always did. He pushed me away, saying I was going to make him late. He broke me with that. When I tried to talk to him over the following days, he clamped his eyes shut, clamped his ears shut, and lay like a 'mummy' ignoring me. I started packing my bags and left. He still has no clue why I left.Thank you for this profound video.

[@dianebarron8362]

SUSAN , I WOULD HAVE PACKED HIS BAGES AND PUT THEM IN THE SNOW.

[@alycewich4472]

As Dr John Delony says, "Behavior is a language. What is he/she saying to you by their actions." When I first heard that comment, my mind was blown. So THAT'S what he or she was saying to me! It has changed my life for the better. EDIT: punctuation correction.

[@susanparker9877]

@@alycewich4472 He was saying that I was not his priority... I was devasted.

[@dcickelli6114]

Your content has the potential to change the trajectory of families for generations to come. Thanks for what you've done with where you've been.

[@gigglefitz001]

Not going to give you my whole life story here but we're at negative 7. We're in counseling and I feel like it's barely working. I sobbed the entire time I watched your video because it validates exactly what I want and need and shows me it's not impossible to accomplish ❤️

[@JimmyonRelationships]

I’m so sorry Kelsey, my heart breaks for you guys, I know how hard that is. But I’m so so proud of you for being on this new path. You’re going to succeed. I’m in your corner!! ❤️

[@michele6624]

❤

[@Jimoutdoors]

You have a gift! Thank you for sharing it. My marriage is awesome and my wife lets me know she feels the same. Tonight I vacuumed, cooked dinner, played with our 4 kids, worked on our land, and brought her some hot chocolate in bed while she was reading with our son. My goal is her happiness everyday!!!

[@dianebarron8362]

I AM JEALOUS . THAT IS THE MARRIAGE I DREAM ABOUT

[@alycewich4472]

Please share your experience with your guy friends so they can experience this in their marriages also.

[@kfenstermaker6]

I’m sorry, 1 year ago!! Where has this been?! Yes! SOLID ADVICE! 🤗

[@ssmbookworm]

Every time I watch your videos, I am encouraged that I was right to leave my husband of 4 years, despite loving him still and having a child with him. I'm reminded why I never want to go back to that situation where I'm begging on my hands and knees for the scraps and having his mother tell him it's all my fault and him agreeing. I'd rather be single than in a relationship like that again. Thank you for the strength, validation and encouragement. And you're right: all we want is a fraction. As long as we we see that you're making a sincere effort, we're satisfied.

[@jtrosser921]

Hey Jimmy - realizing I've been the problem all along and just starting this journey. Hoping it's not too late for my wife and I. Your content is great and has really opened my eyes and translated what my wife has been saying all along. I'm not sure why it didn't click until now, but I think I get it. Tips on creating an emotionally safe environment for me wife to share? Also any suggested reading for helping strengthen and grow my relationship. Appreciate it.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Dude...this is amazing. I hope you don't feel any shame or that I'm trying to attack you, etc. I'm so proud of you. Accountability (on both sides) is so vital. I think you would love the book 7 principles for making marriage work by Gottman. Read it and please let me know what you think (email me or something). Emotional safety is ALL about "Do I feel like I can trust my partner to show up? Do I feel like they care about what's going on inside of me? Is it safe for me to express how I feel (even if it's a negative emotion) and be vulnerable without them dismissing me or making excuses or attacking me:" You answer those questions with yes for each partner, the end result will be emotional safety. how do we achieve that? Through self reflection and accountability and emotional maturity and curiosity and apologizing for our own destructive behaviors. (Both partners doing this obviously). Pretty much what the majority of my videos are about. Anyways, feel free to reach out and chat anytime. [e-mail]

[@jtrosser921]

@@JimmyonRelationships appreciate the response. Will be picking up the book and giving it a good read. Thanks again and I’m trying to continue the work. Needing to be more authentic myself as well. It’s been an issue that I’ve been conditioned to be a people pleaser and not showing true feelings and emotions. Been a big problem. Working on that as well. Hoping I continue to grow.

[@dkdoodle]

I’m guessing it didn’t click before because when it comes from another man it seems to get through for some reason. My partner is the same way.

[@xWabbli]

You described it so well. But my partner will never see this. Because he refuses to understand me and gets all defensive, so I can’t send it to him- he would just take it as an attack. But keep it up, man. You’re amazing!

[@justkenzie]

"Thank you" is something I hear most when my cousin comes to stay with us. He's full of thank-yous! It makes me realize how not used to it I am lol.

[@annaburns2865]

I have been trying to figure out what to do about my marriage. So many people say “just leave.” But I can’t just leave. Because I don’t want to. I want it to work. And so does my husband. And right now, that’s enough. It’s not perfect, it’s so the opposite. But as long as we both care, I’m not ready to quit. I’m so glad that I found your channel. Because before that I didn’t know how our relationship would survive. But now I know that it’s possible. That’s enough for me.

[@apollofateh324]

Keep in mind that you can love someone with all your heart and still not be compatible with them. If that's the case, then redefining the relationship might be a better thing to do, rather then trying to fit each other into roles that aren't really working.

[@kateroth7154]

I LOVE the part where the man looks in his magazine for those words but cant find them! OMG perfection!

[@marygalofre]

Dude you are epic! I'm so amazed at your transformation! Fabulous work you're doing for society!

[@Peyitforward]

All of this information is spot on!!! Quality! 💯 However, if the man we’re married to is continually falling into the sins of addiction (from high-inducing substances to FB reel back-to-back dopamine hits), adultery (acting on his lust via p-rn & mast-bating), etc, the chances of them putting in the hard work are going to be slim to none. These idols are blinding, a veil. Repentance is the 1st step to transformation that transcends time. Idols have to be broken & God put back in His rightful place so that pursuing marriage in these beautiful ways can be out of an overflow, not just another “chore”. Until then, this is information likely falls on deaf ears. And that makes me sad! 😩

[@alycewich4472]

🎯💯 It makes me weep also. The Church needs to wake up and tell our men and women what a godly relationship looks like. That includes calling out the sin/addictions in our midst. Then, as marriages are healed and restored, others will be beating on our doors for the cure, Jesus Christ!

[@ArtAbsurdist]

Jimmy- you are going to change so many men’s lives forever with the information in this video. You’re doing great work!

[@teresalowe271]

Thank you so much for putting this together. I sent this to my husband and I hope he actually watches and hears what you say.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

I hope so too! Thank you for commenting :)

[@ARS-fn6px]

And if je doesnt hear what this youtuber is saying, that should tell you something aswell. Good luck.

[@janicepederson3421]

I sent it to my husband too

[@Woman_of_God_37]

Thank you for incorporating the God into the conversation.

[@nicholescreations]

Just found you and can’t stop watching! I’m always looking for ways to share with my husband how we can grow and connect but there are so few resources that really hit home like your videos have! Thank you for also sharing the Word! I appreciate your wisdom and sharing your own experiences. I also love that you have a great sense of humor- that will help my husband alone keep learning and watching your videos! Thank you! God bless you and your wife for helping so many others!❤

[@christinedlgRGV]

I truly appreciate you so much. I wish my partner and I had found you before we split up after 10 years together. Sadly, we didn’t. I am sharing your channel and FB with so many friends and I sure hope they can hear you. Also, you crack me up and I appreciate the many moments of laughter. I hope you get a book deal and a netflix series! 🌸

[@janixadejesus]

You are the marriage whisperer!!!! So grateful for your ministry

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Thank you so much!! I still have so much to learn but I'm eager to learn and help any way I can =)

[@bethanyholder1521]

This is so well communicated. I always struggle to articulate my thoughts, feelings and needs to my husband and this video will be a great resource. I’m curious if your wife would ever consider making the female version of these videos? I know I fall short in my marriage and would love a resource such as this that’s directed toward wives and how we can actively work toward a healthier relationship with our husbands as well.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

I love your humility and desire to show up as your best self in this marriage, that's so amazing. I know you have a lucky man over there! I've asked her, she says shes camera shy. lol Thank you so much again for the kind words!

[@alycewich4472]

@@JimmyonRelationships THANK YOU for listening to her on this! Just because it's your gifting and passion doesn't make it hers and visa versa.

[@huladancer2180]

I didn’t know I was entitled to all this effort and support from my husband! And now that I do, things are gonna be different around here.

[@steamguyreviews3497]

You're not entitled to any of this.

[@apollofateh324]

​@@steamguyreviews3497you aren't entitled to women in general mate, keep that in mind as you scroll through your "red pill"/"alpha male" internet feeds. If you can't be a decent person, why would anyone want to be with you at all?

[@brendarewan7441]

The problem will come when you let him know. 😢

[@nicksshitbro]

Yeah youre not entitled to this. All you can do is show your husband and hope he's able to connect to Jimmy and what he's saying. I happened upon him after waking up and have been in tears since I realized im messing up my relationship and my girlfriend is totally justified in her issues with me. Gotta get 'em before he has his coffee and puts his shields up for the day.

[@inthelandofmorethansmall7582]

I don't think you were listening to what he was saying... Are you doing all of these things for him? That would be the first step. If you're not then you absolutely shouldn't expect ANY of this FROM him. These videos are for spouses who are broken in every way because we've given EVERYTHING to our partner. We've studied and searched and tried and tried and tried and tried... We've nagged and talked until we are blue in the face. We've been gaslit into believing that "we just aren't doing enough". And even WE aren't "entitled" to any of this. In fact, NO one is ENTITLED to ANYTHING in life. And you have a very bad future in store if you don't drop that word from your vocabulary pretty quickly. 😢😢😢

[@kayleighjolley7874]

I'm going to say don't ask her how you can "help" her with the chores. That verbiage alone insinuates that it's HER job and you're doing HER the favor. You both live in a space. It's as much your job as it is hers (unless you've previously agreed on how you divide up very specific tasks...but just because she does it more doesn't mean she agreed that it's HER job). Ask "How can I work with you more around the house?" Those little rhetoric changes add up to a huge shift in becoming contributing partners who work side-by-side.

[@inthelandofmorethansmall7582]

"What do I need to do?" And then after you give them instructions, they need to parrot that back to show they understood. Then they need to learn to anticipate those same things next time. I'd the stove is on fire and the baby is crying, the phone is ringing, the dryer just buzzed, someone knocked at the door, and company will be there in 5 minutes, why do I need to a tell a GROWN MAN that he needs to PICK ONE?!? 😂😂😂 I mean, this is a Grown Man who can figure out the Stock Market a d complicated video games by googling "how to". This is a Man who can fix any engine, drive anything, use any tool, build anything with his bare hands... But he doesn't know how to answer the door while also putting out a small grease fire? Granted this is also the same person who can't figure out that a "clothes hamper" isn't an AREA, it's a "basketball goal" and you don't "get points" if you don't "make it in". Same for his pee and the toilet. It's bizarre. They can go to work every day. Work 8- 20+ hours. Hard physical labor. Sweating and freezing in the heat or the cold. But they can't do anything once they get home. Even though - according to them - "house work stuff" is "soooo easy". Well if its that easy, then why can't you help for 5 minutes? Or is it soooo hard that you're too tired to help? Make up your mind, ya know? And if they are willing to EXHAUST themselves beyond the point of exhaustion for Work in exchange for a payment, then why can't they do a TINY bit of work in a marriage? Yet for some reason they still expect to "get paid" in the marriage. (Whether that's sex or supper or kids or clean clothes or just not being alone, ut ISa benefit /reward/ payment that they think they don't have to work for.)

[@jillbishop3826]

Dead on balls accurate. And hilarious Binge watching here after finding you on tik tok.... people listen up 🔥

[@JimmyonRelationships]

You're so kind Jill!!

[@noreenhostetler4531]

Helping me , but husband won't work on anything. Feel used & neglected & alone. He stone walls all the time. Always in defense mode. But, I will keep watching amazing videos & share with others❤

[@kasarajaxen5793]

I wish You were around YEARS AGO when I was struggling in a relationship in which my partner didn’t know what I meant by “connection” Bless you and your work. It’s so valuable. Thank you 🙏🏻

[@stephanielasnoski606]

This will save a lot of marriages. Hopefully my husband actually watches it because he would actually learn. Most current men never had a father that told them all of this. Our culture has fallen so far from God's instruction! He guides us to beauty if we have the faith and courage to follow Christ's example! Thank you for this brother!

[@samanthaprest2296]

Stumbled across your channel after seeing one of your Facebook reels, and my word! I feel so seen and understood by your videos! Mine and my husband's relationship has not always been great due to both of us having past traumas that made it difficult for us to really understand each other. We're finally to a point where things are much better and we're both healthier individually, which makes the marriage much easier. But some things you mention in your videos make me realize things I still need, but don't necessarily know how to put to words. Apologies are one area of struggle. My husband tends to believe apologies are useless. His philosophy is that changed behavior is the best apology, but I don't think he realizes how important apologies are to me. As someone who grew up with a VERY narcissistic father who never believed himself to be in the wrong, it's extremely important to me to see my husband ACKNOWLEDGE out loud that he was in the wrong. But due to his own past traumas, he has a hard time with it, saying, "it's obvious to both of us that I messed up, why do I have to say it?" And my response is pretty much always "because I don't KNOW you see that you were wrong unless you specifically say it. It helps me feel validated to hear you acknowledge that you hurt me and that you're sorry about it"

[@JimmyonRelationships]

This is so good Samantha! It's so so important that we look within and realize all those little things that we "NEED" to feel emotionally safe and prioritized. Don't stop that journey! The reason he can't apologize is because he is having a very hard time disassociating his poor behavior from his view (or your view) of himself. Does that make sense? He doesn't hear you saying "your behavior was bad", he hears "I'm bad". It's all rooted in shame at the end of the day. He might very well be disconnected from all that stuff happening inside of us, but at the end of the day, we cannot be disconnected with ourselves and then expect to be connected to another person. ya know? Keep up the good work, keep telling him how much he means to you, but also keep pressing him to not dismiss you or blame you or get defensive when at the end of the day, you're just looking for some reassurance and some accountability when we all mess up, which we all do. But how we repair and reconnect determines whether the relationship goes the distance. Read Hold me Tight by Sue Johnson, it's amazing. Let me know how I can help in any way. =) Proud of you both.

[@JML542]

​@@JimmyonRelationships What would you say in response to a SO who, after hearing a vulnerable explanation of how you felt after being treated harshly, responds with, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but it's your choice." (Basically, "you're responsible for your own feelings, so what I did doesn't matter")?

[@jordankimberg1]

I didn't get to 50. Guys do like lists, btw. Or maybe that's just me. 1. Affection 2. Help with mutual chores 3. She wants to be loved in her love language 4. She wants you to listen when she says something is important to her (and perhaps apologize if that is where it went) 5. Appreciation 6.

[@JML542]

Also, 🔸️Deal with your own trauma - get the help you need to heal 🔸️ If you don't understand the words, look them up 🔸️ Become emotionally intelligent through educating yourself 🔸️ Initiate relationship and communication in your marriage 🔸️ If you don't know how to do that, do the research to find out 🔸️ Treat her in the ways that won her when you were dating unless she expressly asks you not to. 🔸️ Leave and greet with a five second (minimum) kiss 🔸️ Be curious instead of confrontational 🔸️Prioritize intimacy & emotional connection 🔸️ Be consistently helpful (and if I may add, don't use it as a weapon in the next fight) 🔸️Validate & empathize with her 🔸️Tell her what you love about her / why you love her 🔸️Daily practice kindness, respect & consideration towards her 🔸️Be gentle with her, don't treat her harshly 🔸️I'll add: DON'T commit adultery (whether real or virtual) 🔸️Understand that if, due to your previous harsh behaviors towards her, she doesn't feel that you're safe or trustworthy or including her in a mutually respectful team, doing acts of kindness won't be trusted until you've established consistency in valuing her. 🔸️Practice habits that demonstrate your love and respect for her 🔸️Thank her for everything she does behind the scenes 🔸️ Be the lead repenter / apologizer 🔸️Be the lead servant 🔸️Take the lead in asking hard and embarrassing questions and be willing to hear the answers 🔸️Value her above yourself 🔸️Look for ways to be selfless 🔸️ I'll add: Listen to your wife!! If she's trying to explain that you're doing something that hurts her, take her seriously. She is the Canary in the coal mine. She is pre-wired to be more sensitive to her surroundings as she is on the front line for protecting her children. If she finds something hurtful or unsafe and she tries to let you know, and you ignore her or make fun of her or tell her she's nagging or just unreasonably complaining (my SO would say, "bit**ing"), You are destroying your marriage relationship. You have become untrustworthy and unsafe.

[@songteller]

I'm a lesbian, and my straight women friends suffer so much because of this stuff, and I hate seeing it. This is very well said.

[@leahtreck1083]

Aloha Jimmy, your shadow self ALWAYS makes me laugh! Sooooooo true. Thank you and your beautiful wife for hanging in there 💝💙.

[@julietoneill1268]

People want marriages to work but not do any hard work like they put in their business, work, football or friends but they expect a different result 🤷‍♀️

[@inthelandofmorethansmall7582]

My husband once told me "Marriage is supposed to be easy. Its not supposed to be this hard. No one works THAT hard for a marriage. Why do you keep picking fights?!?" (And for the record, I am not a "fight picker". I am a "fight avoider". 😂 I avoid conflict at all costs. He said this after I asked if we could talk about "us" for a minute. That was 11 years ago and I've been gaslit ever since.)

[@alycewich4472]

@@inthelandofmorethansmall7582 I'm so sorry for your being gaslit. I know the feeling well. But YOU can choose to get well. Be aware that it may cost your marriage if you do so. It did mine. But by the time I called it quits I was strong enough and recognized that change was hard to impossible for him and I couldn't deal with the gaslighting and betrayals anymore. It still hurts to think that by his actions he showed me that he didn't love me, even if he said the words. Everyone and everything else was more important than I was and he was not willing to put in the work to change...

[@EEEEEEELE]

😢.. How can this go viral to ask men in the world? We need more happy women and men in this world

[@polikocheva]

You're gold, I have sort of a request. Would it be possible if all you say can be seen in a written form, so hat non English speaking users can also benefit from understanding it? Like a website/blog, you can also monetize on it with ads, and it would be great for those that can't speak the language or who learn better from reading than from videos. There is much I'd like to share with my other half and you say it so well 😊😊

[@Janna_Ash]

I wish your videos were in Spanish. You’re always spot-on, and say everything I’ve said to my husband. Apparently it’s too late for my marriage, but I hope in the future I find a partner that has the ability to self-reflect and has this much awareness. I’ve tried so long, but he’s “tired of trying” - when the reality is that he’s a typical dismissive avoidant type, and his “trying” doesn’t even meet the standard for bare minimum in my eyes. At this point I’m just trying to be kinder to myself and forgive myself for accepting less than I should have for all these years.

[@slcollazo.2911]

Jimmy, I love how you present your information, along with the humor. I'm a Life Coach and published Author, who enjoys learning continually. I also recently left a relationship that was leading to marriage, as I had become unsafe emotionally in it. Honestly, having to do all of this in a marriage is a little overwhelming for me at this stage in my life. I am absorbing all that you are sharing , (which is correct and biblical), to determine if I REALLY want to go through this in being married. Right now, the answer would be, "no." I prefer to stay alone with Jesus by my side and continue growing, learning, and doing what I'm called to do. Will I ever marry? Someday, but not anytime soon. Thanks for all you're doing to help others. 👍🏻

[@dianebarron8362]

Slcollazo: so true, and don't forget YOU CAN BRING YOURSELF FLOWERS AND TAKE YOURSELF DANCING.....

[@andih6658]

One thing i wish would change. Most days i walk the kids to school. On the odd day my husband works from home. He drives me and him to get the kids. But he never/rarely gets out the car to collect them with me. We are parked and safe so, why does it hurt so much that he will not come with me to get our kids from their classes.

[@sj865heartparis]

Thanks for showing me how little my husband cares for me. I have tried for years and years. At this point, it's sad on my part, because we have been living together but separated for 12 months and he hasn't done.a.thing..... he don't love me and never did. Clearly.

[@alycewich4472]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You can and will survive this. Seek professional help if necessary. I find Jimmy has a great channel to help all of us grow into our authentic selves. It's hard, hard work, but it's worth it! (my husband is now my ex for similar reasons...

[@gloriadonahue7241]

It's not a complicated question! They just love MAKING it complicated. Women want to be treated like all human beings. because you know what? we ARE human beings! Not a hard concept. But made into a difficult problem because THEY WANT IT TO BE A PROBLEM. They want her to be a problem because she's not agreeing with him or handling the situation the same as he would in this particular moment. Start by REALLY LISTENING-Respect...why is that such a hard concept? It's NOT a hard concept. THEY WANT TO MAKE HER A PROBLEM. That's the point of the complaint. If women consistently treated men in the same disrespectful way, from the time they were born (and were capable of being honest) they would be able to see the truth of what is really happening.

[@alycewich4472]

The family man magazine! I LOVE that magazine as I am a handy human who happens to be a woman. Thank you, Jimmy, for your astute takes on relationships in marriage. I tried and tried and tried to connect with my husband, only to be turned down again and again and again. Finally, his other interests and betrayals became too much for me to stay. I didn't say until X number of years do we part, I said until DEATH do we part. Unfortunately, he did't care enough to change the trajectory of his life. Even after almost 20 years, I still grieve the loss of the picture of our life that I had when we said "I do."

[@abc111xyz]

Thank you so much!!! I will include your tips in my DATING PROFILE ... so that men will know just in the beginning what I as a WOMAN NEED. Bcs I made the experience in the past that e.g. look, appearance, hobbies, interests, job, kisses and s**, furniture, zodiac sign are WORTHLESS, IF SOFTSKILLS AND MINDSET (as described in your video) are inadequate and un-aware. Thanks for now HAVING THE WORDS TO EXPRESS MY NEEDS 😊👍💃

[@deanaburnham9571]

❤It's great that those psychologists have written books that led to general help in therapies. And I'm even more glad that their work led to YOU getting it right and together and making these videos---your message is the pearl of great value that this society need desperately! Thank you.❤

[@A_n_n_E]

I am watching this video as a wife to be, for myself, to be better for my husband to be, i think these advises are for both part of the couple ❤

[@crazyredheadbeyotch8125]

Are there really men out here who actually do these things? Please, for the love of all that is holy, send one my way. Looks don't matter. Money doesn't matter. These are icing on the cake. (cake = the foundation, icing = the extras, the "perks") I just want truth, realness, communication (effective!), mutual respect, loyalty...companionship with someone I can finally trust with my heart and mind. Why does this seem like it's so much- like it's TOO - to ask for in today's world?? Ugh. Frustrating and lonely af. 😒😮‍💨😕

[@tymofiyzhuromskyy8541]

😂😂😂 I LOVE THOSE INSERTED CLIPS

[@ilianamunoz4872]

You are SO on point. Totally! Every couple in a relationship should see this, and every woman should send this to her man. Having your partner say they understand how you feel, but then go on to putting it back on you just shows they do not really understand how you feel. This video is another prize. 👍💕

[@amyoppenheim2711]

I am blessed to be able to share this one with my husband and thank him for doing this already!!!❤

[@PastxPresentxDarcy]

This is legit one of my favorite videos on the whole Internet.

[@Dynamicmovementacademy]

Bro this is legit! Im so busy between work and ministry, I cannot figure all of this out on my own and it never comes to mind at the right time I need to use it.. It helps to have lists like this! Thank you! Totally subscribed 😊

[@alycewich4472]

On airplanes the instructions are, "put your mask on first so that you can help others," or something of the sort. As a pastor/ministry leader YOU need to keep yourself rested and healthy to help the people that you shepherd the most. Even Moses needed his father-in-law to point out that he was wearing himself out caring for all the people, so he needed to delegate. Even God Himself RESTED on the 7th day and made it holy. Does HE need rest or slumber? No. It was a pattern for us to follow. The only way you can make this work is the MAKE the time to rest and reconnect with your wife and children. Otherwise you will end up like the over 50% of pastors/ministry leaders that crash and burn an empty shell of a person and when he/she does, there's a pile of rubble where a church once was. No WONDER people are leaving the church with wounds like that. Remember, NO is a complete sentence. People will take as much of you as they can get. Since most have no idea how much time you spend anywhere, they think you only have the one job on Sunday and pretty much have the rest of the week off. Don't let that happen! We as THE CHURCH need you, but we need a rested and peaceful and whole person. So please MAKE the time to reconnect. Write it in your calendar and make it stick! Build a group of other godly people who can step in and help. One church I belonged to had a Steven Ministry where volunteers took a 2 year course on how to minister to others and then were assigned to be available to people in need. As far as I know that ministry is still available.

[@LakeVermilionDreams]

I'm not married. I'm trying to build a relationship with a gal who seems like a fantastic match for me. This channel has been so helpful and inspirational! Could've used this advice decades ago and I might have been able to get married to one of my exes instead of blowing up those relationships!

[@constantinaguentensperger3799]

Wow!! Such important information!! Great video!! Loving through listening instead of getting defensive (feeling attacked), showing appreciation and kindness. Have courage to lead. ❤

[@Laura_B__]

Well, I think personally I'm pretty easy to please...what I really want is to be treated with respect, not talked down to like I'm a pathetic moron every time I try to express an idea or ask a question. I would be really, really happy if my husband would stop talking to me like I'm a moron, and having that wide-eyed look on has face like he's ASTONISHED I'm so stupid. It's so deeply ingrained in his personality though, I don't think he will ever stop.

[@apollofateh324]

My guy, you need to leave. If he's never gonna stop, you're basically choosing to keep having that relationship in your life. You can make a different choice, one that would make you happier down the line.

[@dianebarron8362]

Laura. It made me cry . My husband has proved he doesn't respect or want my opinion either I am going to take myself to the movies and buy myself flowers and maybe pack his bags.

[@geniekaram22]

I wish more men were vulnerable like this. It's like you were in my head.

[@-living4jesus4ever-]

Love that you are faithful in your covenant and honor your 4 beautiful children as a result also as well!! Awesome testimony!! Love the Philippians 2 passage, amen!!!🎉

[@bremenschmidt2437]

Oh man, I wish my man would have given me appreciation and respect and actually listen to me after he asked me how my day was instead of going back to his day!!

[@alycewich4472]

Or, worse yet, after telling him all about my day, he asked again "So how was your day?" That experience allowed me to see he never really listened to me, he just appeared to be doing so.

[@eeeee3031]

Jimmy. Thank you for being so insightful and most of all amazingly articulate. Your video expresses so many of my hurt experiences in my last relationship. I was saying "yup" all the way through this video. Jimmy is spot on.

[@ginamariecarle]

Thank you Jimmy for being so open, honest and transparent. You give such great advice.

[@marciekelly4586]

Thank you so much! Appreciate both you and your wife walking this path to speak up for truth and love! Keep up the good work!

[@aliciabolton2839]

I really love your content. Thank you for all that you put out. It’s spot on. The only thing I’d suggest is scratching the word “help” from conversations around chores and childcare. Men are not helpers to women, unless there is a particular arrangement where this is the case. These things should be the responsibility of both people.

[@fbeshir1163]

Thank you for sharing this with us ❤

[@elizabethananda930]

Brilliant! Thank you. I love the way you present it too, with the (you) other responding, sometimes hilariously informative. 🤣👍 Learning so much from you.

[@jessmarie148]

came across your videos and i know God placed u across my phone just at the right time. you've helped me get my words and feelings out properly, i'm just so thankful for you and your wife. your videos are saving my family.

[@myrealnameisawareness]

wow. i wish more guys were like you. thank you for putting into words what i thought was impossible for the male mind to understand. i feel that the masculine provides a safe space to the feminine energy, but the power and love the feminine holds gets overlooked because logically the masculine sees no value. it is a choice men dont even know they have. when i talk to women about this, or i am in an empathetic space of oneness with a woman, it is like another dimension and ive hardly ever seen the average man come even close to accessing that dimension of oneness and intimacy. its sad that we are taught to be inspired by a man's strength but not to be budged by a woman's vulnerability. it is the next step to the human evolution and how a man TRULY knows intimacy. sorry i blabbered on. i just realised only by watching your video that all men have this issue. thank you. felt like i was heard just by listening to you talk. subscribed.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

This means so much Maya. Thank you for sharing your perspective. It wasn't blabbering at all. It was insightful =)

[@andiemwright]

Dropping TRUTH BOMBS!!!!!

[@mattluzernie2013]

Wow this is everything i have always wanted to tell and talk with my husband about. Thank you for this video

[@JimmyonRelationships]

My pleasure!! :)

[@nancyleefenicchia5075]

Wow! This is incredible! Thank you!

[@YOU-niter]

👏❤️👏 If only ALL Men were as clued up as YOU Jimmy❣️😕

[@Denise_Becker]

This is all so true! The sad part to me is WHY can’t men think to do those things in their own? We shouldn’t have to give them a list 😢

[@esmee6308]

Some men, and women too, never had enough examples of healthy love in their life to be a good partner themselves. They’re require a bit more communication no matter how generic the advise. My partner comes from a much healthier dynamic than I do, and I’m playing catch up and he often has to remind me of the obvious to him or dumb it down to a list. And when he does I no longer feel I’m grasping at straws and actively work on improving our relationship.

[@alycewich4472]

Because we are wired differently! We as women don't think as rationally as men nor can we normally figure out how to do some things that come naturally to men. Women are naturally social creatures, in touch with our feelings, we nurture others and raise the next generation of humans, sometime to the detriment to our own self. Men are naturally wired to be our protectors and the head of the family unit. They are ready to conquer the world, or at least their part of it. They want to FIX things, not listen to our emotions. It frustrates them to do so. Can they be trained, yes. Jimmy helps them to do just that. But we, as women, need to help men with understanding what our needs are. Just as we need to understand what men's needs are. And yes, the bedroom is a very big part of their needs... But we also need to know that they need us to be proud of them, for working to supply the needs of their families, for their part in raising our children into solid members of society and their courage in the face of adversity. Several men, Brandon Tatum and Charlie Kirk to name a couple place the blame of the lawlessness we are seeing in our schools, colleges and streets are directly due to fatherlessness in our homes. So IMO both sides of the equation need to be able to understand the needs/wants/desires of the other and work to be better spouses to each other to get to that golden wedding anniversary celebration without becoming a shadow of ourselves, lost in misery, hanging on by out fingernails. Being victorious to the end!

[@entrustedfellowship]

My brother you understood the assignment thankyou.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Thank you so much! Means a lot!

[@angelrader]

I wish my husband would watch these. I send them to him in desperation but he just doesn't care.

[@alycewich4472]

I'm so sorry that he doesn't care. It hurts to not be heard.

[@debbiesander4149]

Love your videos!! You are nailing it. I’m going to show this to my husband 😬praying he will hear what you are saying.

[@janemarlo4978]

Perfect Power Punch! Nothing else needed ...somehow this one video seems all-inclusive!

[@shannellekrebbs1767]

Wow this was AWESOME!

[@user-uz4qn6nt7b]

Thank you. Your work deserves even more views

[@dianederita2758]

I just love and enjoy watching your videos. Brilliantly creative and humorously made! Great blessings to you and your family. Pure gold.

[@debblouin]

I had a conversation with my husband about unexpressed expectations. I told him having expectations isn’t wrong; not expressing those expectations and getting angry when they go unmet is where people go wrong. That doesn’t absolve us from paying attention and being respectful and understanding. What women want: to be seen and loved. Sex alone is not love. How do we know this? Porn; it’s prevalence and content.

[@alycewich4472]

🎯💯

[@carolross3594]

I am so proud of you.

[@benrupp04]

Man amazing channel. I stumbled on your content at a time when I really need some solid advice in my life. Thank you!

[@michellearseneault_youthstald]

I'm going to argue that asking her what you can do to "help" her with the chores is the absolute worst thing you can do. They aren't "her" chores. Stop "helping" and take care of your home.

[@vanessamaiato3894]

Amazing. You have nailed it. Right on. ❤❤❤

[@ladyofspa]

Love your humor 😂😅 Amazing Amazing discussion. This is a keeper!!! Excellent contributions.

[@islandlass74]

Oh my this is so true! Lacking!!

[@harmagician1]

I think Dr. Emmett Brown captured the mystery nicely when he said, "The time traveling is just too dangerous. Better that I devote myself to study the other great mystery of the universe: women."

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Love it! 😂

[@apollofateh324]

They aren't a mystery, men just don't care to listen. And then they wonder why they are so confused about it all the time and why women are angry at them. Idk man, it's not like she literally told you multiple times already 🙄/sarcasm

[@alycewich4472]

🤣😂🤣

[@celialedressay7765]

You’re good ! I like the way you say things … I hope not only women watch your videos 🤞. It keeps me practicing my English ( you’re perfectly understandable for non native speakers 👍). Hugs from France

[@rachelbrown2685]

Although you are speaking to husbands, I found this helpful as a wife. Thanks. I appreciate the humor in your videos as well. Maybe some couples could simply improve their marriages from thoughtful KZbin videos from Jimmy that gives practical and specific advice like this one instead of expensive counseling. Great work Jimmy!

[@jadelorenzohendricks7063]

Beautiful! Next time I’m watching this, it’s with a notebook and a pen. Time to get to work! Love is a verb!