What Hurts a Narcissist? | Narcissistic Injury

[@ShadowKing1993]

What hurts a narcissist the most. Not engaging with them. It hurts their ego because they believe they deserve your attention. No matter what they have done to you. My ex is a narcissist who constantly tries to pursue me. I gray rock her. It drives her crazy. I don’t care about the gaslighting or smear campaign. Ignore them and move on.

[@Nat-oj2uc]

It hurts them but definitely not the most

[@flightydancer]

The truth injures the narcissist most deeply.

[@catshouse6192]

seems anything godly hurts em

[@ritamccormick5244]

They couldn't handle what they put us througg.

[@Coach-Daisy]

but when they date another narcissist they get just that

[@explorer0213]

They hate to be ignored.

[@christianconservative2227]

this explains why he hates me so. i discovered his facade first!!

[@RawMotivations]

Yes

[@hidingfromghosts7869]

Absolutely! When I discovered undeniable proof of who the narc is and what she had been up to she completely spiraled out of control. Rage followed by depression, love bombing followed by the silent treatment. Her behavior became very erratic and crazy. Eventually she launched a smear campaign and disappeared but not before making it clear how much she hates me. All because I saw her for who she really is.

[@CBrown86]

You are also the person he is most afraid of 😊

[@Sekouguru]

Yes they hate that the most. Being found out by supply.

[@cherrybacon3319]

Anything a Narcissist can't control can cause a Narcissistic Injury. An 'injury' can cause them to hoover more so, to love-bomb more so, to rage more so, to smear more so. To discard more so. 🍒

[@nickbargas7352]

If the narcissist is aware that he/she is portraying a fake persona by showing a fake mask then that means the level of denial is so high to the point of splitting. It's not only a personality disorder but also a split personality. "Splitting is a psychological mechanism which allows the person to tolerate difficult and overwhelming emotions by seeing someone as either good or bad, idealized or devalued. This makes it easier to manage the emotions that they are feeling, which on the surface seem to be contradictory." What that means to me is that narcissists deep down inside are in constant pain, the way they attempt to avoid the constant pain is by using others to reinforce their fake persona. It's no different than a heroin addict shooting up to forget about the trauma in their life. So sad for narcissists and their victims. Just a lose lose situation for all involved because of the fragility of their ego that won't allow them to take personal responsibility. There is no need to inflict pain on these tortured souls, they do a good enough job at it on their own. The best revenge is to live your best life as far away from them as possible and never look back.

[@annaa6259]

Well said on splitting! They are delusional , I believe its psychiatric disorder

[@bigsisjudah9516]

I agree with you 1000%. I'm going thru something with my husband right now ( we are separated) but reading ur post u tou he'd on something my husband told me awhile back. " I'm hurting " but he couldn't or wouldn't tell me from what. This marriage has been a tormenting struggle! Angry outburst raging just from the tinest thing, and sometimes I don't even know what. He's been delusional, he's lies all the time, he's cheated, he's left me for God only knows. I've tried to move on several times. We ta, k and if I dont agre, he starts the smear campaign against me. I have since let him go after he raged at me yet again, and again I've gotten a barge of nasty text messages that I don't bother reading because I know he's spirling. I feel sorry for him because he's chooses not to go to therapy and heal. I start mine next week. It's a sad state for these people...smh

[@cosmicgirl9164]

Good points, very good revelations!

[@mariondudek564]

"Narcissists don't care" is the best description ever They damage the people that love them the most, because they don't care. What they care about is their image and what others think. But the people they live with know the real truth behind these charming chameleons.

[@OkitoyiJoy]

Not even a chameleon but a rain bow

[@Oceansgreen]

Absolutely well said, you are 100% correct.

[@KJxxoo]

My narcissistic ex cheated. The other woman found out about me and reached out to me. I told her true facts (e.g. that I knew our relationship was on its way out but he was still contacting me, sending me gifts, etc), and told her to do with that info what she wants. I was done by that stage. He rang me in a fit of rage telling me I had to tell her I made it all up, if I didn’t he was going yo destroy my life, every future relationship I had, call CPS on me to have my kids taken off me, you name it he threatened it. I just laughed and said “you made your bed, you lay in it”. I knew he had nothing on me. I haven’t heard from him since.. he hasn’t tried to destroy my life, it’s like he just wiped me from his past. Obviously realised I no longer cared and wasn’t going to buy into his bs anymore. That was the most freeing moment of my life, after 6 long years of his crap.

[@nancyquinones4122]

I am almost 10 months out. I want to thank everyone on these feeds, lives, and on KZbin that has conversations about this. It has helped me KEEP my power and stay no contact, which is HUGE! I actually have had many narcs in my life, so this education is eye-opening for me. The best revenge is no contact!

[@tribblegirl2]

Continue to stay strong! These narcs come back at random times for random reasons. I'm glad you got out :)

[@amritha6180]

And also it's important to get rid of our pattern which makes them attracted to us .......so that our energy itself bash them from reaching us

[@tenikaleigh7152]

These narcissist is a pitiful human being. I'm so glad I got out, I finally got the strength to leave. I'm glad I found out about narcissist.

[@caur739]

From what i have understood they have what is called 'cold empathy' they understand people's feeling from an intellectual level just not on an emotional level

[@beeman7711]

That's how I am, but I'm not a narcissist, fortunately.

[@therollingstone9701]

Honestly guys, if you don't share kids with a narc, consider yourself lucky. Don't cry, don't beg, don't whine, just dump the narc and make sure you don't get another partner that lives on the narcissistic planet. If you share custody with a narc, then it will go from "very hard" to "extreme" level of court battles, depending if the narc wants to steal the kids from you or if he only just wants to complain about you all the time but not have the kids around all the time. The "child stealing narc" is the worst, and courts usually favor their victim narrative. That situation is the worst you can get from narcs in my opinion (apart from getting murdered by a sociopath of course 😅).

[@minajeetjemineetje3002]

Their reaction is always out of proportion, do they really think this is justified because they feel so hurt inside? 😢

[@RawMotivations]

Yes. It is to protect from the shame and guilt.

[@amirulzamri7833]

Most of the time you don't have to do anything just be you.

[@Coach-Daisy]

it's hard for a narcissist. they've told way too many lies that they have to undo all of them and that's not easy to do. narcissists do not want to change because they think it's easier to get their way being a bully and using people.

[@amirulzamri7833]

@@Coach-Daisy It's hard for anyone to change. I always imagine life is being a plant. Do you want people to water you because it's easier or you want to grow your own root to find water beneath you? It's super sucky our brain is just used to having easy things in life because it's just what it does and familiarity enhances that. Narcissists doesn't want to grow up. They want to be the children. Continue being given things without trying to earn them.

[@Coach-Daisy]

@@amirulzamri7833 they steal things and they are chronic liars yet they age and they age very fast. They know they are not children but they are purely evil.

[@savhanna]

@@amirulzamri7833 yeah it's funny how karma follows them, especially when you don't lift a finger

[@chocolatecookie8571]

What hurts the narcissist the most is to have no mirror 😅

[@emmamonroe3311]

That’s happening right now due to what he did to me. I had no idea & now here I am. Thanks Ben. It makes total sense. & there is no backing out of this and he knows it.

[@lynnschaeferle-zh4go]

The narc I was married to got worse with alcoholism and age. I divorced after 20 years because he was getting worse and worse. He pushed me to cheat and installed a ring doorbell hoping to catch me doing something I wasn’t. He has no friends so when 5 strange guys showed up to help me move out it was the best narcissistic injury. If he had socialized with me he would have known that the guys are married to my friends. The real injury he incurred was when he got fat and I stayed fit. I could still make love and he was too drunk and fat. So he went to the strip club. That was my fault too, because at the same age as as him I am too old to be an object of desire.

[@lbY123]

I found that calling out the truth of how cool he thought he was and that it’s obvious everything he says is a lie and he’s not the person he likes to pretend actually seemed to make him more drawn back to me. What really hurt him and was unforgivable was throwing back at him the fact he feels his parents don’t care and he’s a disappointment to them. That was the thing that caused me to be totally cut out for good

[@nadinecolbath5584]

🎯🎯🎯!!!!!!!! Thanks, Ben!!! Since I'm stuck here, I've been dishing out what he gives me, and it's not even phasing him!!! I even catch myself when it comes to emotions. I try to be stoic like him, but he hasn't even caught on to what I am doing!!!! HOW CAN A NARC BE SO BLIND?????!!!!

[@RawMotivations]

Because they don’t care

[@reneegardner2286]

the games end when you stop playing along 💯

[@deb2319]

@@RawMotivationsBen can u please do a talk on how you learn to understand to now "give a care" so curious what you dis-covered in this area. Much appreciated.

[@Coach-Daisy]

@@deb2319 he said God and therapy and he's right.

[@Coach-Daisy]

another person cannot change a narcopath or narcissist.

[@Prometheuspredator]

I found for myself that a simple difference of opinion or you have a different idea to something causes a huge explosion of rage from my ex malignant narcissist brother. He is truly dangerous to humans and animals.

[@P03ticJustice]

Yet your name is predator

[@kigzman1745]

Yes. Difference of opinion is a major injury.

[@a.d.b535]

Ive started to publicly embarrass the narc for misbehaving.

[@krisannaviglione1364]

My soon to be ex narc and I own a business together. I do not work there I have a different career. I used my resources after we were married to start the business and completely trusted him. His deceit and fraud is going to be revealed through a forensic accountant investigation. He will be held accountable for breaking laws and having no compassionor empathyfor our employees and customers. Sickening.. Shame is coming and he has already lost control. Praying this divorce is over soon. With God's grace and guidance I will prevail in the end.

[@resilient8788]

I did it, I defeated him! He's buck naked..yuck I might add. One of his last text he sent to his former drug and alcohol counselor of all people was, " I wouldn't f that fn b for nothing, she's trying to attack my body." Wow, that was a far stretch from the truth I might add. He did tell me he forgave me for calling the cops on him though. Lol Note: I filled to have his squatter self evicted from my home 5 months before but he wouldn't leave due to covid backing up the court date. You're right though, especially the last part of video. Never respond to smear campaigns as they are a premeditated set up. Toxic people are their own karma, truth will eventually show in time, especially with a narcissist as they live their whole lives as a lie. Those that want to believe them may well be as toxic as they are or just don't care and like drama ( flying monkey's). Not everyone deserves to be in one's circle of life and that's okay. Be happy with who you are, always trust your instincts and uphold your boundries and self reflect as not to attract another narcissistic / toxic person again or at least know the red flags and avoid, not ingore them.

[@Peanuts76]

I am Narcissist myself and i wanna heal, that emptiness and depression make me do some stupid and unhelpful things in real life.... Long story short, it was caused by childhood trauma and abusive family, i do wanna love somebody it just i know that i will hurt someone i love, and it makes me feel like some stupid shit, that depression and loneliness, sometimes i misinterpreted myself as empath because i was easily cried looking at people suffering and poor life situations....

[@prietagarcia1155]

Have your thought of looking for professional help? Are you capable of feeling love for someone?

[@Peanuts76]

@@prietagarcia1155 probably Dont idk

[@deb2319]

Coping skills- processing skils is a learned behavior...so if they were not raised to openly disucss life issues they will for sure be stunted until they can figure out how to cope and process, they need therapy and to self-parent emotions to be able to relate to others...but some of them just love taking advantage bc it works to their benefit. Great Talk Ben!

[@athena1047]

getting them to help themselves is almost impossible here. So many times I have asked him to accompany me or go yourself. His response was basically they will take your side.

[@winfieldwinfield5450]

"With great power comes great responsibility." Ben Taylor is now Uncle Ben lol.

[@RawMotivations]

Lol 😂

[@homenhungry4987]

The malignant narcissist who runs the church I go to, he can't stand being ignored. Once, I didn't acknowledge him or say a thing to him for 6 years. When I finally said hello, he cried, "You hurt me so MUCH!!!" To make them suffer, IGNORE them.

[@marlamarkushade4261]

And why exactly would you want to make a person in your church suffer?

[@the_veronica_k]

I just want to say THANK YOU 🙏 Your channel is really helping me understand so many different aspects of what is happening in my relationship. It’s so great to be able to hear what’s happening or what the narc could be thinking or how they are manipulating me by hearing it directly from the horses mouth (so to speak)…without all the psycho babble. I worked out that my bf narc is a narc some time ago and could never quite work out how I fell for it all. I’m pretty intuitive, switched on and speak my mind, but I got sucked right from the very beginning, and whilst my grandiose narc uses KZbin as his greatest tool & platform to gain publicity & exposure to portray his well formed mask to over 120k followers that think he’s this amazing, funny, and a mental health ambassador, it appears that KZbin is also his greatest enemy… because I am working everything out from videos such as yours and his abuse and control of me are slowly starting to lose their grip. None of his followers would believe the shit I have gone through…sometimes I wish I had EVERYTHING recorded ALL THE TIME, because exposure is his greatest fear. The tears and crazy-making is unbearable and reactive abuse is his biggest weapon against me to make me appear “psycho” to others and to blame me for the breakdown of our relationship over 14 months so far. He uses my reactivity to his antagonising and abuse to call me everything from crazy to dramatic to a victim, when I’m crying from his cruel words, put downs and game-playing. So THANK YOU for being strong enough to be willing to share your story and for committing to changing for the greater good of not just your wife and yourself, but for the thousands of us out there watching & learning from your content. I can’t believe you don’t have more followers!!!!! This should be headlining globally so we can all recognise these toxic people and call them out on their bullshit, rather than buying into the mask they present publicly. They would likely start actually seeking therapy to change if they weren’t able to get away with the shit they actually manage to get away with.

[@edirnefiaht5291]

Let God do the exposure you focus on healing and distancing yourself from him.

[@mellowyello44]

Thank you Ben. This is really helpful. Interesting regarding not wanting to play games...... I had a narcissistic friend who would lose their sh*t when we played cards bc I’d always win. Obviously this behavior did not stand alone, but I never tied it in.

[@RawMotivations]

Very true

[@gionagrace6279]

Omg!! Those card games...they go nuts if they lose!

[@gionagrace6279]

Omg!! Those card games...they go nuts if they lose!

[@valarielewis64]

@@gionagrace6279 much less lose at backgammon 🤣

[@jacobbaker4545]

Why do narcs target people they barely know? Not in a romantic sense but just plot to ruin a practical strangers life?

[@deejames1st]

IMO Varies based on the narc and the current fuel they have in their life. Something about you could have led to them sensing you are a potential source of fuel. Something you have could be something they want and they think giving you a hard time could help them get it. Sometimes they’re upset at something else going on and sense they can take it out on you. Or perhaps they are just bored and your reaction is the entertainment. Remember negative attention is still attention

[@OneWhoKnowz]

Yeah I was told I caused the most mental anguish because I wanted her to be accountable for her behavior she told she never experienced that no she did she told me a few times and she stays away from those people who wants to tell her who she is and it hurt her so bad that she stopped talking to them and she was sad and crying for days. I now know I was causing a narcissistic injury. Now I know and she is completely unaware but her mother was super duper critical

[@frankbujans5901]

My narcissist my ex-wife one day I did not fall for the narcissistic stare I ignored it at a party she did it to me three times I pretended like I didn't see it after the third time I was on the ground as she attacked me pure blinding rage that's what happened when her toxicity did not affect me they go ballistic when their actions have no impact on you they feel as if they have lost all control it is terrifying to them

[@cupcake0480]

So what happens when they are completely exposed to the community they’re in with hard evidence and everyone sees the truth about them?

[@RawMotivations]

Great question, let me answer that in an upcoming video!

[@soulwriter7039]

@rawmotivations Thank you so much for everything you’re doing to help. Respectfully, just thought I’d let you know the thumbnail image for this video created a major PTSD/trauma trigger. It took everything I had to click anyway so I could let you know. I hope this helps for future videos. What you’re doing in the world is so important! Thank you again.

[@minichanti]

Being able to observe the narcissist in his maximum splendor, at his peak, and at the same time observe real data about this stranger which is carried about all day just like a newborn baby in a self-propelled perambulator, gives us the best understanding of what being a mechanical entity like narcissists are, is all about. If they are not hurt to see themselves, who will bother to waste energy to "hurt" a dead body?

[@lesaaustin9379]

I love love your videos. You keep it real and that is why I follow you. Thank you for all that you do 💯❤️

[@resilient8788]

I used to always hear, " stay away from my mother, she will try and break us up." I'm sure that's his go to line on his current supply.as he fears exposure hence the premeditated smear campaigns one gets long before the discard, or in my case the discard flip. I got countless text in the end

[@resilient8788]

I hit send too soon. Anyway, one of the text read, I'm going to go out looking for some cocaine and a hooker." My response, good luck, and make healthy choices". Lol He hates being made light of, yet another narc injury. N covert ex now tells everyone, "nobody will ever talk to me like I'm twelve again." Well, no one should ever have tell someone to take a flipping shower at least once a week at the age of 54. Yep, he doesn't play that role with his current supply. He's dresses better and is clean...ugg. I have him blocked on all media as it's nauseaing to view his victim role play. He learned to hone those manipulative skills with each new supply I suppose. Another one he sent, in capital letters I might add, was " I want you out of my life forever!!!!". He's now in narcissist collapse as he has stage 4 cancer. Not that I would wish that on anyone but, still I'm lucky to not be in that private hell as nothing or no one will ever be enough for him or his need for never ending supply of servant services.

[@gratefulforabundance9043]

How does an innocent baby grow into a child and an adult narcissist ? What has happened in their past to make them so ?

[@RawMotivations]

Lack of processing guilt and shame, abuse and trauma

[@rgbosteen3944]

You are draining an exhausting listening to you

[@l0rdcroissant]

yup seen her spiral but figured it's just an act and she's got someone else only not as close as to what I offered her. not falling for the victim act any more

[@Mightyjoe_901]

When they're going in their narcissistic rage pull your phone out and record them they almost s*** on themselves

[@Marmalade000000]

Hi Ben! You are amazing and you explain everything clearly and concisely. However, I have one question: in my personal experience I have realized that narcissists lack empathy. How did you eventually teach yourself to have empathy - to actually FEEL for other people? Thanks. This will help me understand the psychology behind narcissism and recovery.

[@anthonymaled6796]

Question ?? I stood the narcissist women I was seeing and then she blew my phone up and I had another female answer my phone and then gave her the silent treatment, will that cause a narcissistic injury? An

[@RawMotivations]

possibly

[@rgch-raw729]

Thanks Ben

[@robin2319]

I don’t want to have to break no contact and have to tell him how much I hate him / love him and Can’t be with him ever again

[@ketikatz]

My son's bio completely ghosted me till paternity and then tried to say I never answer Yet I have all my messages trying to get him to communicate the whole time whereas he deleted that so he didn't realize I still had those messages And since he found out he's been panicking trying to find a way to blame me for his none communication and it's making him slip up more and more Making it way too obvious and he's trying to avoid me being around anyone else in his close circle without him by using flying monkeys to try and get close to me I'm smart though and won't let them in which made him panic more I filed full custody qnd he suddenly tried to qct like he cared but has seriously not even asked how my son is doing In mediation he slipped ssaying his family doesn't even know he exists qnd the mediator did a double le take and asked him why and his response was "I just don't talk tp many of them outside holidays" yet has bone my son is his for a year now so she didn't buy it Next up is court so I'm curious what she wrote down and what the judge is gonna think He's falling hard over this and I'm not even lossing an ounce of sleep over it

[@tribblegirl2]

When a genuine "I'm sorry, I screwed up, what can I do right now to start fixing this?" would suffice. Narcs are the worst!

[@ketikatz]

@@tribblegirl2 exactly!! If he would have apologized properly after the paternity test and show genuine interest in getting to know my son, we wouldn't even be in this situation But that's just not how narcs operate 🤷🏻‍♀️ so I stopped putting effort in if he can be bothered with a simple "hows the baby"

[@Sally-ih6ls]

Do you have any videos on adult children marrying narcs and how the narc disintegrates the spouses family relati9nships and why?

[@RawMotivations]

I don’t think I do

[@simsim876]

This would be an extremely good topic as it happens in ALOT of families I know - had to cut ties with all extended family members of mine for peace. It’s deep how it affects and destroys families..where the smear campaign never ends. Unfortunately it was Intergenerational from my mum and dads side..30 years later coming out of a ‘controlled environment/cult’ allowed me a new life :) but lots of healing, inner work, reprogramming and re parenting and living life alone as I find myself and my new tribe.

[@drashtipandor3569]

Hii i just wanna get over this emotional that he has left me with ?? How to get over a Narcissist hurt and left behind me broken?? He moved on easily why can't i ???

[@RawMotivations]

Because you have feelings and emotions and they are addicted to the next high. Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at rawmotivations.com/one-on-ones

[@michelleelfazzate178]

I recorded the narcissist of his lies of what he said that I had said about my friends,I then played the video Infront of him and my friend,I never heard or seen from him since

[@flaco0526]

Is there such thing as clarity with the aftermath of having a toxic relationship with a narc? There will always be that PTSD in the back of your mind. However, this chick (mentally matured) told me not to compare her to other females and that she won't punish me for my past mistakes. So it's a toss up with women.

[@josephzicaro9913]

Can the grand exposure you mention at the end of the video be used to address and correct all toxic behaviors at once? Or does it just cause the narcissist to become depressed and hopeless for years?

[@RawMotivations]

Typically it just makes them run and not confront themselves.

[@josephzicaro9913]

If it's all the people in their life that matter, the people that the mask is designed for, then where would they run?

[@DebRoo11]

​@@josephzicaro9913anywhere. Most likely Tinder to find someone who has no idea who he/she is 😅

[@aminaismail3738]

Hi Ben, is nasistism spectrum? If so could you explain top/bottom end and how nearer are they to get help and change

[@RawMotivations]

Thank you for your question, ill answer this in an upcoming video! Meanwhile i hope this video helps answer this kzbin.info/www/bejne/aZqbp6iinLGngbc

[@abdulc5726]

Not reacting

[@mandeetee71218]

I always had this issue when I was with my ex we would be talking and I wouldn't even know that I was arguing with him all of a sudden there would be a giant argument out of nowhere and he would say things like so random and then he would make it sound like whatever he said went with the things we were talking about and I would respond and when I would respond he would say it wasn't towards me it was about something else why was I snapping he would also do this thing where something would be a certain way or he would go around a subject but say everything but calling it what it is and I would bring it out and say well this is it right here and he'd say I never said that but you don't have to if you're doing all the things that mean something and insinuating then that's what it is he always play dumb with me and acted like he was so dumb and stupid he's going so far as to say that it's a demon and it's not him doing the things he's doing and he sees demons he may do see demons but every time that he starts with his crap it can't just be there's a demon you can't blame other people for everything every single time something happens he will go and just completely act like a different person

[@Beanp2025]

Is it good to publicly name and expose a heinous narcissist? It's the horror of the injustice of having evil repeatedly done to the victims.

[@DebRoo11]

Would only make you look crazy and irrational and vindictive. Truth comes out on its own.

[@robinchilds7492]

He is telling everyone he bought me a car. I'm making the payments but it's in his name too so I plan to give it back

[@brendaNoregon]

Losing my mind I feel like I'm going to die

[@tcbroussard9562]

Brenda, pray about this. Get on your knees and ask Jesus to see you through. Watch the videos and get educated. If you feel that it’s too much take a break from the videos and get out more. Find things to keep your mind off that person.

[@brendaNoregon]

@@tcbroussard9562 thank you for that!

[@nicholecornes1915]

Are you ok???!!

[@brendaNoregon]

Some days worse than others​@@nicholecornes1915

[@foolmeonceshameonyou3105]

How do you know if a narcissist would hurt you physically?

[@nancyochoa3389]

There demons get away

[@ovimorar]

Cannot cause a narcissistic injury unless they already diagnosed with NPD.

[@suzanne4396]

Narcissistic Injury - I outed him to several long- time friends about his lying and physical abuse of me; Shamed him publicly. He came back I did it AGAIN, to hockey buddies hed known for 35 yrs.- He came back I told his Wife ( when i found out about her ) about his cheating for 8+ years; she kicked him out in Dec. of 2022, He came back. Right now, he's " injured," 🙄because I didn't talk to him for almost 3 days BECAUSE OF something he said 4 days ago. He'll be back. Like a herpes sore that just won't go away (!!!) he'll be back. He just has to punish me first. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄😶😶😶😑

[@kimgordon3695]

You're text book COVERT

[@Sally-ih6ls]

Most of these are couple relationships

[@Coach-Daisy]

narcissistic families breed them

[@lesaaustin9379]

I love love your videos. You keep it real and that is why I follow you. Thank you for all that you do 💯❤️

[@RawMotivations]

Thank you!