What I learned from the weirdest day of my life

[@jobriq5]

It’s summits all the way up

[@rasmusn.e.m1064]

That's a peak way to summit up.

[@geraldjacobs7824]

You win the internet for the day. Congratulations. 🏆 🎆

[@djoakeydoakey1076]

Ah, these summit puns are mountain up.

[@amandasutherland626]

Such a valid point!!

[@leo_warren]

and Turtles all the way down.

[@purpleanarita]

As someone who currently does not have a dream and has always felt lost for not having one, it is so weirdly comforting to hear someone like Hank say "Dreams are a tool that should be abandoned the moment they cause problems". It makes me feel validated in a society where dreams are so glamourized and I have none. Thank you, Hank, really.

[@fnapis]

Dream small, I dream of what I want to do next day, next week or next month. Take it one step at a time. It's not about the destination, it's the journey that matters.

[@HungryBaozi]

Same here.

[@vlogbrothers]

Dreams are just one of many sources of motivations and, I think, not the best one. Curiosity is better, IMO.

[@toddysseygaming]

i never really had any proper dreams either. just one step/day at a time and you will eventually be where you need to be

[@triciac.5078]

Ok now I don’t feel so weird either. I mean I dream, but those are of having magic, time travel and being part of a big movie. Those aren’t dreams like they’re talking about. I like Hank’s advice, stay curious. That I think is a better way to live your life.

[@biddywink12]

"You have no obligations to your former selves" 🤯 Wow, that resonated!

[@vlogbrothers]

I did a whole talk on this once, search "Hank green XOXO"

[@MustBeTuesday]

This line really gave me feelings and made me wonder if I don't want to be a musician anymore. But I identify so strongly as a musician! Oh no!

[@triciac.5078]

I went down the rabbit hole and found the link to what Hank referenced: kzbin.info/www/bejne/ooHXoKOsqN2gkLssi=OG7aCtQLPB7XGO5R I do recommend it, just like agriculture!! 😂😂😂😂

[@Foon2Death]

This was deeply comforting

[@mooxim]

I seem to remember a vlogbrothers vid by Hank where the main focus was the idea of obligations to a former self.

[@icygubler]

Not only does my former self no longer exist; the world my former self lived in is GONE. Solving the problems of my current self > fulfilling past me's dreams.

[@quackandcat]

+

[@UnlaunderedShirt]

"one cannot step into the same river twice" both because it's different water all the time, but also because you are different all the time

[@marskristin]

That's such a great point. There's been wars, global recessions, plagues, new ways to communicate since my former selves developed some of their dreams. Radically different times!

[@icygubler]

@@UnlaunderedShirt and you change the water by stepping into it, just as you change the world by existing in it.

[@vlogbrothers]

My old dreams don't even make sense in this world...

[@turtle4llama]

Soft serve AND hot dogs?! King, you were living the dream and didn't even know it!

[@ssatva]

I think it's more valuable as a chosen destination than a consolation for an awkward obligation, but so very yep.

[@margicates553]

They also had strange cheesy bagels and gambling machines, and claw machines and you could get a milkshake but you weren’t really supposed to hang out there and drink it.

[@burnyizland]

I used to go to one that was in a dairy queen!

[@Tazallax]

As Mitch Hedberg said, "I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."

[@CrazyMonkeyCrap1]

+

[@cutelittledevil88]

+

[@Jesse__H]

+

[@silverrraven5349]

my dad and brother love to quote mitch hedberg, i've never seen anyone else who knows him

[@ifination]

R.I.P. Mitch. Look him up. Seemed to achieve his dream of stand-up comedian success, got enough money to get enough drugs to wreck, and end, his life

[@BlakeLeasure]

John and Hank really just embodied “it’s not the destination, it’s the journey” for two whole days

[@rohmahassan3014]

I've loved how this pizzmas the vlogs have felt like such a continuous conversation. They've been sticking with me throughout the day and it's exciting to see the conversation continue whenever another video is uploaded.

[@vlogbrothers]

It has been really nice, but also hard!! It means I can't pre-make anything!

[@gelfling]

​@@vlogbrothers The feeling of conversation continuity between the vlogs is something I miss from the early days. Thank you for doing this extra work right now, it's very fun and nostalgic! 🥰

[@cjspurg]

I agree! It’s been so nice to have more conversational less… curated(?) videos. Like pizzamas requires just going with whatever’s top of mind, not considering options and planning it out. I’m really enjoying it, it feels more like chatting with a friend.

[@Mark_LaCroix]

I agree. It's like a slow-motion podcast.

[@anymouse8221]

I would argue that the only obligation that we owe our former selves is to treat them (and others like them) with compassion.

[@ames522]

Yes, this is a very good point.

[@shelbymckay1713]

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[@StrainOfThought]

Hearing Hank say that felt like such a gut punch. Nobody else cared what was happening to my past self; his statement sounds like another variation on "What, you still haven't gotten over that?" type rhetoric designed to sweep past trauma under the rug. It's the obligation to our past selves who suffered that makes the desire for justice meaningful. Otherwise we're just failing to forget on demand when society requires us to put up a facade of normalcy.

[@delirium_noodlearms]

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[@treblemaker33]

This is a REALLY great message. I made several phone reminders to watch it again over the course of the next year so I don’t forget

[@vlogbrothers]

Wow!!

[@TheRatsintheWalls]

Thank you for indirectly pitching me this idea. I'll be doing the same.

[@emilyfaith4061]

This is a fantastic idea!!!

[@AndreaCrisp]

​@@vlogbrothers I was going to say it's going on my Favorites Playlist. I've lost my identity in multiple ways the last 2 years and it's been extremely devestating. Since it's tied in with health issues it's extra complicated. I really needed to hear this message. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.

[@fictionalhuman]

+++

[@madelinekaa6135]

the real summit was the no longer useful dreams we abandoned along the way

[@TiffanyErnst09]

This is so important. I have always been a girl with a dream: get a PhD position studying fish. 5 years ago I got that position after 20+ years of dreaming and is has taken me a lot of time to get over the feeling of "wait, what was the point" when I got there a realized how hard it was and how it wasn't going to be perfect and amazing and exactly how I always dreamed. In two weeks, I will become a Dr., having completed that dream, and I'm so proud and happy but I'm never tethering myself to just one mountain ever again. Just a whole mountain range of endless hikes, enjoying all the views on the way and maybe seeing some summits if I get the chance ❤

[@kts8900]

Congratulations Doctor! The next problems you solve will be the social, professional, and fishy! There are always more things to find out about "fish."

[@IrisGlowingBlue]

^ Congratulations Doctor!

[@dgill441]

Congrats Doctor! Also - coincidentally - having a mountain range of dreams is a great way to visually describe ADHD 😂 I have that and I often am amazed at people like yourself who can devote so much of yourself to one goal! It’s such clustered for me sometimes 😂 Best of luck hiking!

[@myself248]

Hey that was two weeks in the future, three weeks ago. Congratulations, Doctor?

[@francescakyanda9182]

I think the thing that pushes me forward the most consistently is curiosity: what’s gonna happen? What am I gonna read or learn? What’s out there? Then again I am a sociology student so this might not be widely applicable 😂

[@vlogbrothers]

Yes! Curiosity is the purest motivation!!!

[@Alicia-zf3nq]

Somewhat same with me. As a former social psychology student I'm constantly curious about different cultures and perspectives and learning about different people is what keeps me going.

[@othamneil8958]

Curiosity and excitement is the best motivation. I remember someone saying as a way to solve procrastination, is to overcome fear and replace it with excitement. Because the biggest driver of procrastination is not laziness, but fear. And the opposite of fear is excitement

[@jimgurucactus]

"You have no obligations to your former selves" is something I didn't know I needed to hear, but we're here now and my life is better for having heard it.

[@trentrice6977]

As a middle-aged guy, I only now realize how profound that really is. Thanks, Hank.

[@Taradiddlethegoose]

I had one dream as a child: living in a home with a table just for doing puzzles. I have achieved that dream

[@rainahatcher]

and real mountains have little peaks! often the “summit” is only marginally higher than many other spots you journey to along the way. Enjoy the bumps! thats what makes it interesting, I personally prefer a good winding trail, not straight to the top steep summit climbs.

[@armerls]

As someone who has achieved her “dream” career and is deeply unhappy… I needed this!

[@TKButterfly]

Such a good video! Also the biggest of gold stars to the DFTBA team. I'm sitting here in my pizza hoodie... during Pizzamas in AUSTRALIA

[@vlogbrothers]

Woah!!!

[@dragonflies6793]

We wore our Pizza Mort shirt today while giving a presentation on tuberculosis!

[@HarshitWise]

@@dragonflies6793 Pizza Mort from this year?

[@dragonflies6793]

@@HarshitWise no, from two (?) years ago

[@ashtuatara]

I completely agree with Hank about dreams here. That being said, I do dream of having in-unit laundry.

[@untappedinkwell]

as someone who recently realized the in-unit laundry dream, I hope you get to see it realized soon too.

[@puupipo]

Hank, that XOXO talk you did years ago on this exact topic had a profound impact on my life and remains something I go back to every once in a while to remind myself not to feel obligated by the dreams of my former self. Thank you.

[@AUnicorn666]

Name of video?

[@michaels.3709]

"You have no obligations to your former selves" I'm stubborn. I know this about myself and it's part of the reason I'm sitting here writing this. I've never viewed this personality trait as a flaw, nor have a viewed this as a strength, because, frankly, it's been both. I also miss my younger self. I miss the person I used to be when awe and inspiration carried me though my days instead of morning coffee and jaded momentum. I miss when I used to know less and, because of that, believed I was really really good at things. The sky was the limit, the future was pure potential, and I could be or do anything. It was this version of myself that wanted to do science; that wanted to study physics. It was this version of myself that wanted to understand _exactly_ how the world worked so that I might be able to do something _truly new_ with that knowledge. So I'm here, watching your video, 12 years after I started my physics journey as a freshman in college, procrastinating writing the second-last chapter of my PhD dissertation, and I hear the words that I've struggled to accept for over a decade. I wanted to quit. In some sense, I should have. Grad school doesn't pay well and I don't exactly have "buy a house and start a family" money. Nor do I have anyone to use that kind of money with. In other ways, it's good I didn't. Nature is a monte carlo process. Chaotic systems fully explore their phase space and their trajectories through it are space-filling curves. All motion follows the trajectory of minimized action. The universe is a vast, rich, uncaring dance that spans billions of years, millennia of millennia of millennia, and we get to be the intricate, rapid, complex details that play out on its surface. I've solved problems and used mathematics that most folks never get to see, yet alone understand (though I have forgotten much of the details), and that provided me a rare insight into just how hard it is to understand how the universe works and just why it takes so long for people to do _truly new_ things with it. I've struggled with it and fought with it and it's made me a more humble person than I ever could have been without it. Everyday throughout this journey I've been hanging onto the thoughts of a young boy who wanted to know everything. Everyday those thoughts turned into judgements. They weren't scathing. They weren't deep or moving. They were subtle. "What would _he_ think of me now?" "Would _he_ be proud of how I used all that effort _he_ put into learning?" "Would _he_ like me today?" I'll never know, because "he" no longer exists. That young boy who wanted to know everything tried, grew up, and realized it's a fool's errand to think such a thing was ever possible. The sky _isn't_ the limit, the future_isn't_ pure potential, and I _can't_ be or do anything. Even just learning enough to do something _truly new_ takes a lifetime of commitment, and that only works out for a uniquely creative subset of those who try. I'm not staying in physics. I have no place here. Part of it is the work culture, part of it is the field, part of it is a personal preference, and part of it is realizing the cost. (And a significant yet less philosophical part is the fact that a post-doc position doesn't pay enough to buy a house these days). While I've spent 12 years learning physics: My grandmother passed away, our dog passed away, my brother got married, at least five sets of friends have gotten married and I have another wedding to go to in November, one of those pairs now has a toddler, my parents have retired, and numerous other, smaller things that I also either flew home for, or didn't know about until after the occasion. I've lost touch with friends, grown distant from family, missed the kinds of spontaneous things that happen when people who care about each other live close to each other. I've forgotten hobbies and have gotten worse at others. Yet I've made new friends, some I'll keep for life. I've grown closer to others. I've prompted moments of spontaneity and helped others do the same. I've found new hobbies and have experienced the hobbies of others. I've grown, changed, and life has, as it is wont to do, been lived, but on a vastly different trajectory than if I had decided to learn something else. I paid for my life _in my life._ The cost of choosing is all the other choices that could have been made. The cost of time isn't age, but possibility. There are days I regret the choices I've made, and other days where I cherish them. There are times where I mourn the lost moments, and others where I celebrate the moments I did have. This isn't a reflection on the specific choices I've made, but a reflection, I think, on the real tragedy of life: Life, in having been lived, lays to rest all the moments that could have been but weren't. Our former selves were the ones who chose what we did. They were the ones who laid to rest all the other futures we may have had, but can no longer. They had a _plan_ and the choices were made in accordance with it. In a sense, they paid for one future with the others without knowing the value of any of them. "You have no obligations to your former selves" is a hard truth to accept because, I think, when we do, we admit that, whatever plan we once had for ourselves either no longer matters, is no longer possible, or was never a good plan to begin with, all of which are admissions that leave us without a plan. So I think it makes sense, at then end of all of this, that dreams are only tools and should be replaced as soon as they're no longer helping us. It makes revising the "master plan" that much less stressful: You're not giving up on your dreams, you're improving them to match better with the constraints of both reality and the goals of the person who is still here to do them. Thanks, Hank. I think this helped. How? I'm not sure, but it feels like it did.

[@theinventiveidiot]

You are awesome, never forget this.

[@janTasita]

This is a really beautiful way of looking at things. I started studying mathematics around the same time, though I left academia after getting a masters degree. I remain unsure whether I would have been better off carrying on to do a PhD, even though I know there's a high probability it would have been an unpleasant experience for me and ended in total burnout. I'm just now, several years later, rediscovering my love of the subject as an amateur. It is a slow but worthwhile process to accept that it doesn't really matter what could have been in the face of what is.

[@BixLovesMiley]

Wow, that text was so beautiful. Thanks for putting Hanks words into perspective by giving them a context. I too gave up an academic/professional dream - although earlier in the journey. In the past few weeks through some conversations, the doubt crept up in me, if it was the right move - if there really was no other way to reach my goal - but your comment resonated with me in a way of making peace with the fact that the time I've spent on that path isn't lost time, and realizing a goal isn't to be reached - not with the resources at hand - is a success in self-knowledge.

[@sarahleonard7309]

Somewhere in that whole process, you also became a very good communicator with the written word, and that is not common. That doesn't just come with the territory. Based on what you just wrote, I suspect that this choice is one that your future self will not regret. Good luck!

[@deadlyshizzno]

Thank you for sharing this story

[@eileen7303]

it's possible you just ended my existential crisis with this video... solving problems for self and others. yep, that feels like it's the point.

[@philipclapper268]

"You have no obligation to your former selves" THIS!! I've often been wrapped up in what I thought I wanted, or what a previous version of myself thought he wanted. Realizing that we evolve, change, and don't need to hold onto dreams, as you define it, has helped to free me and make me a happier person.

[@badazzledhippo6010]

I turned 29 on Sunday and it's just a weird time in my life. I simultaneously feel very young and older at the same time. Obviously, I know that 30 isn't old. But as a cis woman, there's a lot of pressure to start thinking about starting a family and begin having my life together in my early 30's. Children, buying a home, and settling down were all "future me" dreams. And now I'm getting to "future me" state and I'm nowhere near ready (specifically financially ready) for those things yet. It's caused a lot of anxiety. Like there's a ticking clock and I have to rush to get to where I think I SHOULD be right now. So, thank you Hank, for giving me some perspective and encouraging me to let go of the dreams that are no longer working.

[@TheDanishGuyReviews]

I am in my thirties now, and I have realised by now that "settling down", "having kids", and "being a high-earner", are society's expectations, but not my dreams. So I've become okay with not having any of that. And since society is sometimes my parents, I'm so grateful for my cousins' 8 children, who my mother can be the doting aunt for. Takes off 100 % of the pressure for me about having children of my own.

[@KayleeDavisBlueBox]

hey, i'll be 29 in a week and i get you! if it makes you feel better, it's also strange as an afab person in a relationship with another afab - there's *still* societal pressure to find a man and start a family and have kids, when i know that not only that's not going to happen for a number of reasons, i also wouldn't enjoy it. but it can kind of feel... "what else is there", you know? if you're not starting a family or even getting married (yay for living in a country with no formal same-sex relationships recognition), and you don't really want a "career" in the current understanding of the concept... what should you do? what markstones are there? good luck to you, i know you'll figure it out. ❤

[@cobaltpterodactyl]

As Tim Minchin said in his graduation speech, "be micro-ambitious."

[@VioletEmerald]

I need to listen to this graduation speech, as a big Tim Minchin fan who didn't know he had one of these... that sounds great lol

[@cobaltpterodactyl]

@@VioletEmerald He didn't intend it, but it's his work I've watched the most!

[@TigerAceSullivan]

1:25 i love the idea that theyll get back to you... Eventually.....

[@joju997]

Great timing to release this on the eve of Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year. It’s perfect for self-reflection.

[@DavidPlass]

L'shanah tovah

[@egancurry]

Hank did you just single handedly solve every philosophical problem I have had for the past several years of my life because I think you just solved every philosophical problem I have had for the past several years of my life.

[@shellh929]

2:30 Sparkle Temptations sounds lit

[@Fimbleshanks]

Omg Hank, my current big life change revolves around moving into a lower apartment that has a washer and dryer because that is a huge problem solve for my family. I've always had more in common with John, but for the first time I can relate to Hank on a deep, personal level; on the desperate need to have my own clothes washing appliances.

[@Kinan.Eldari]

I think John's and Hank's videos of yesterday and today are some of the more significant ones they've ever put out for at least me. Thanks you two, sincerely

[@ItsRoseForYou]

4:10 Not Hank calling me out for watching this video instead of showering and going to bed

[@fairygurl9269]

💞

[@dizgabrielle]

i am not generally a youtube commenter, but in a rare instance of my youtube algorithm suggesting videos not related to what i am searching for being helpful instead of annoying, it led me here, and i just... really needed to hear this. i am working through a lot of stuff with my therapist right now that is very pertinent to this topic, and we even had the "what's the point??" conversation just this week. "you have no obligations to your former selves" may or may not have made me burst into tears. idk. i've followed y'all since the Early Days™️, and have always felt like you both have very poignant things to say, but sometimes the simple idea of "i have a washer and dryer now, and my previous steps led me there, and let's take a moment to appreciate that instead of chastising ourselves for not having All the Things we wanted before we fully understood how the world works or what we actually need" is exactly what someone (me) needs to hear. thank you, friend -diz

[@Woodshadow]

I recently gave up on my dream and needed to hear this. Put the dream on hold really. I climbed to the top of one summit, saw two options thought I should climb the big one realized I wasn’t ready for that and climbed the next one which put me on a path to another cool looking summit. I can always go back or switch my goals but I don’t need to feel bad about not achieving the one when I am still chasing realistic and enjoyable goals

[@isomeme]

Bravo!! Your "You have no obligations to your former selves" came to me when I was around 40 years old as "I'm not required to be like myself". It was a thunderclap of revelation, and my life has been better for it ever since.

[@marskristin]

Tattoo this on my frontal lobe @ 3:11-3:20: "You have no obligations to your former selves. They know less than you, and they also don't exist." eta: and dammit a tableslapping AMEN to Hank's conclusion statement!

[@danielames7611]

"You have no obligations to your former self" - Thank you for bringing this to my attention. My former self is a often a jailer disguised as a teacher.

[@MohammadAliQK]

these last 2 videos are literally everything i love about this channel.

[@Vanta_Blue]

Hank in full on rant mode is amazing. And makes several good points! ♥

[@bmckelvy5717]

“Dreams are tools” is a perspective I don’t think I’ve ever heard before. I like it.

[@wezul]

You know, I wasn't super interested in the Book of Good Times. I thought it was a neat project and wished you all success, but didn't think I'd get one for myself. But you make a good point here, we all need to connect with ourselves more. So I just backed the project and am going to get a copy for myself, and one for my mom for her birthday. Thank you for all that you to Hank, and that also goes for John. You two make the world a better place for being in it.

[@maymorning8504]

This video is so good. A tiny thing that helped me: I’m trying to write a novel right now and to do that I need to write of course, but I also need to read a lot and not spend all my time scrolling. I downloaded the Libby app and have been reading tons of library books on my phone in the time I would otherwise have been scrolling. I logged six hours of screen time yesterday and the awful thing is I probably would have done that anyway, but because I have Libby now, 5 hours and 40 minutes of that six hours were me reading the entirety of Lincoln in the Bardo by George Saunders, a brilliant book I fell in love with and would not otherwise have read. This is way more helpful to me than getting an ereader or physical books because unfortunately I will wind up reaching for my phone over those, but if my phone is already in my hand that urge is satisfied. Sometimes your brain needs baby gates!

[@ames522]

Yes! Baby gates for brains!

[@rachaeld.510]

I’ve never had a specific “purpose” for my life. I just know I want to help people and that’s all! Hank, you said exactly what I’ve been feeling since middle school!

[@EmmaAus]

I think this is probably one of my favourite VlogBrothers videos... Thanks Hank ❤🌻🌈

[@green7023]

When he said that your former self doesn't exist and you don't own anything to them, I related so much cause I've been thinking a lot recently about my life goals, i look back to older "life goals" lists on journals and such, and i don't feel the same way as i did back then to them, so i ask myself "should i still go towards them?" And this video helped me answer question, NO. Thanks Hank❤

[@BeeCeeJay]

"You have no obligations to your former selves" is such a powerful sentence, and it's only made more poignant by the fact that I watched you say it while wearing my fancy new Pizza John blanket hoodie. The former self that bought it did right by me. Thanks guys! DFTBA!

[@timgehrsitz3267]

Hank I'd like you to know that this completely changed the direction of the fantasy book I'm writing because one of the focal points in the book is a mountain and its summit and I never considered adding a second summit and yet it's so thematically on point. Thank you

[@Iceyowns]

This is very helpful to hear. As someone who has struggled with not having dreams or goals for a while, it's much nicer to think about 'what is the problem to solve now?'

[@kaitlynclawson8517]

Hank is on a journey of meaning!

[@possiblywonderful]

What a tremendously good video yet again. There were so many parts to which I exclaimed out loud into the room to myself and my houseplants, which in itself is uncanny, because I was parts agreeing and parts being amazed by how you put those things into words so wonderfully.

[@franny5156]

I love how this channel can provide two different perspectives on topics. They bring two opinions to a topic and both think it through and back it up and show their thought process. You can see how people with similar backgrounds and similar/interwoven lives have a different view on dreams and what motivates them. Like some of it is intrisic to them as people and personalities and maybe mental health disorders. But some of it is also the different experiences one makes in their life and how they might learn different things from it. It's really valuable to see what things shape peoples opinions and get a different perspective. I'm really bad with seeing things on the internet and then being like yeah that sounds reasonable without questioning my own opinion and point of view. Sometimes it takes a while to see a different view on the same topic if you don't look for it and only then being like I'm not sure what I should think. Thanks for being thoughtful and sharing it with us. It helps

[@rek8193]

Honestly when the topic flows seamlessly into the ad it feels like a betrayal of my trust.

[@connorking984]

That's pretty real, like when the person seems bothered by doing the sponsor if feels like they don't care that much versus making the ad good feels like they care more about the ad working than the video being it's own thing. Good ads are good but it's dubious

[@flam1ngicecream]

I get that. Real Engineering irritates me a bit for that reason. But I don't mind it as much on this channel because it *makes sense* for Hank to talk about his book in this context. He's not transitioning from mechanical engineering into why you REALLY need a VPN.

[@runningcow]

That's just my signal that it's time to ignore or close the video.

[@magsimags]

it almost feels like the person advertising didn't care about me or the topic at all and was just waiting to spring an ad. it feels like there was an ulterior motive all along

[@HavocHank]

Hank, I find resonance, and a little bit of comfort, in your perspectives on this matter. Thanks. - Hank

[@gameXylinder]

I have, to my knowledge, watched every single Vlogbrothers video since I found you back in 2010. I have enjoyed them all, but I have favourited very few. This one has just been added to the list. Thank you ❤

[@wanderlking8634]

I suppose one danger with breaking promises you may to yourself previously is you might not have as much confidence in following through with your current promises. Then too, if you have kids I wonder if "Abandon your dreams as soon as they cause problems" is really the message. What sort of problems? Is the dream worth putting energy into dealing with those problems. Sometimes it might be. I think you have to balance pragmatism with idealism in life and this feels like an aspect of that same balancing act. Great video though and a great thing to think about and discuss.

[@IrisGlowingBlue]

Yeah, I think my problem with this video currently is that there's a Wildly varying scale of dreams. Though, also, I feel like Hank meant this in good faith and generally wasn't thinking of those ones - he means like..... I don't know, getting a particular job or a car or some shit. Past you may have wanted that, but current you doesn't have to. Not long-term meaningful life commitments.

[@AUnicorn666]

I took it more as hank meaning to quit dreams that cause problems for who you want to be, like instead of quitting everything hard he means more so like quit if it isn't what yoi want to be anymore or it hurts you more to pursue the goal than it does to change the goal

[@Byeuji]

I've always framed this as a difference between "goals" and "expectations". As a child, I felt chained by expectations, and at the same time Hank was meeting his ex in Manhattan, I was falling down from all the expectations I knew I'd never be able to achieve. When I started to define expectations as "goals with a time limit", like "I'll graduate from college by the time I'm 30" instead of just a goal of "I want to graduate from college", the massive stress and anxiety of living up to expectations (whether ones you have of yourself, or ones others place on you) started to evaporate, and I was able to move past that depressive period. Similarly, I found that I needed to define myself quite a lot, and quite descriptively, in order to allow other people to help me on my path. But it was far too easy to accept the definitions other people had already created or applied to me, and it was also easy to define myself out of opportunities unnecessarily. As I get older, this has changed slightly to focus almost exclusively on seeking happiness, something that always seems just over the next hill, but always narrowly eludes me. But when I look back, I can see that I am happier than I was, even if I don't feel happy "yet". So the way I've started to rethink my goals is that I only seek goals that will make me happier, I no longer accept other people defining me, and critically, I try to *only* define myself when it will actually serve to make me happier. I love seeing Jon and Hank's perspectives on how they're navigating these same obstacles and conceptualizing them to move past them. At this point, I feel like this is just how getting old works, and I have to stop trying to get to a summit and instead try to enjoy the climb. I might never get to the top, or I might get to the top and pass it entirely without knowing. But the hike will end one day, one way or another, so I might as well just enjoy it.

[@pedrostormrage]

3:31 "Life is filled with a string of summits, and they are simply solutions to problems" That is a really interesting view in that it solves the question "What is the point?" by design (I also like the lack of loyalty to dreams, since overcommitment can lead to a sunk cost fallacy). On the other hand, some summits are basically unachievable ("solving death", for example), so nothing's perfect.

[@ecamiran4004]

I recently came to turns that all the things I was expecting myself to do were things I hated. I have no idea where to go from here, but realizing I can let go of all the things I told myself I had to do at least lets me move on for once.

[@amasterofone]

I can't tell you how freeing this was. People have made me feel bad my WHOLE LIFE for not having a "GOAL"tm and I'm just not the type of person that has always been working toward a specific big dream. I am 100% a problem solver and it makes sense now that I'm thinking about it that when I am trying to fight that nature and be a GOAL person that things don't work. THANK YOU!!!

[@MaeveByTheWaves]

As a brand new very overwhelmed PhD student, I very much needed to hear this.

[@mangafreak09081]

I finished my PhD this year so I'm wishing you all the best on your journey Dftba

[@albumorienteddungeons343]

there's so much whiplash packed into that statement about your laundromat

[@Shoopew]

As someone Going Thru It™, I really did need to hear this. Thanks Hank.

[@NerdsmithTV]

"You have no obligations to your former selves" is such a profound, and powerful idea. I love it so much, thank you for putting it out there.

[@dragono6399]

i specifically remember deciding to keep my dreams vague as a youngun to prevent my future self from feeling dissapointed or beholden

[@geenskeen]

did it work?

[@shethewriter]

this came at exactly the right time for me ❤

[@theninjacow]

"They don't exist" in relation to your former self is such a good line. Never heard it put this way. This could also apply to your future self.

[@geenskeen]

eh, it's typically not a good idea to behave as if your future self wont exist

[@theninjacow]

@@geenskeen Not what i meant at all, you said 'won't exist', I'm saying in this moment they 'don't exist'. I just meant in relation to making decisions for whats best for you now in this moment instead of dreaming up some ideal future in your head all the time.

[@leaseinlife5250]

Well, this video hit about 7 different emotions that needed to be addressed

[@zipzap8937]

In this new perspective on the economy of attention and what it means to be motivated and to create I would just like to say this. I have given you hundreds of hours of my attention over the last fifteen or so years and in exchange you have made my life measurably better for the challenging insights on life you have acquired and are willing to share. Thank you Hank and John!

[@melneedsherspace]

Shout out to Hank for saying exactly what me and my friends needed to hear in the final 48 hours before the first of many postdoc fellowship applications are due.

[@noaerrr]

“You owe nothing to your former self” is genuinely such a useful thing to hear

[@keneola]

That was a bar (or 2)!!! "You have no obligations to your former selves. They know less than you, and also, they don't exist!" - Hank Green

[@SolaceEasy]

Joy comes from living according to your values.

[@Tunality]

I really needed the re-frame of solving my current concrete problems being more useful goal post then attaining a vague amorphous future goal. I mean it’s crazy how much just clicked and how many bad feelings and doubts just fell silent for me. Thank you for this!

[@josiedurruty6457]

I would just like to say that my pizzamas blanket hoodie arrived today, and I SWEAR it has a scent of pizza......

[@morganaalexander8672]

Hank...buddy. I'm in the middle of an existential crisis about the career that I love and my overwhelming burnout and the other dreams that directly conflict with my career (like traveling). I did not need to hear that I'm not obligated to my dreams. Because the mental panic that set in when I instantly thought, "Book the plane ticket, your 17-year career will still be here," was a little too real.

[@simonmeadows7961]

I'm a little along that path. After burnout, I left my job at the end of August and am now interrailing around various countries. At the time of writing, I'm about to check out of a hotel in Stuttgart and get on a train for Strasbourg. This wasn't actually the dream. I was supposed to go via Prague & Vienna, but they got flooded. Dreams change, but if you need to look after yourself so you don't get (more) ill, then doing what is necessary is rarely bad. Just expensive. This 6 week tour is still to cost about £11k.

[@LeahCola1]

seeing your event back in 2011 about "the you of today owes the you of yesterday morning" changed my life and love that you are repeating it here!

[@alexmckeon8037]

You answered the question I posed in my journal this morning! Thanks so much!

[@gabysm11]

🤯 This is exactly what I needed right now. Thank you, Hank.

[@Formosus2001]

Thank you. Needed that one today. particularly You have no obligations to your former self.

[@MarkThePage]

I have unfulfilled dreams which have caused a lot of damage to me. Some I've abandoned for having found something better, like making friends instead of winning a tournament. But others have been too central to my self-identity for too long to simply discard, though they do go on the back burner for times. So to an extent, I feel that being able to abandon dreams is a luxury for those who are finding enough opportunities elsewhere.

[@krysserickson4596]

I needed to hear this!

[@Lilliandria]

I really needed to hear this. Thank you, Hank.

[@TheeDeeM]

I love the quote that you don't owe your past self anything. Loved it when you said it on XOXO, and I love it now.

[@meremeth]

Wow.. this video was exactly what I needed to hear Thankyou hank!! I spend a lot of time feeling guilty and embarrassed for giving up on past me's dreams. Solving problems for myself and my community is a way better goal !!

[@moriahpainter]

Hank, this might be my favorite video you've ever made. I really needed this. ❤

[@TitusW]

Really puts into a new perspective things I've been struggling with last couple years. Really needed this. Thanks for the video, Hank!

[@thegeekpanda6549]

as a student close to graduating this came so close to home. Thank you hank for this spark of hope

[@r.l.howard8459]

Thank you John, Thank you Hank 💖

[@zoeeunderwood]

i love this next chapter in your Journey Of Meaning, needed this today Hank

[@BrianHutzellMusic]

Wow! This is exactly the video I need right now! Thank you!

[@AIwaysTired]

Yea definitely needed to hear this

[@galacticmess7050]

Thank you so much hank for the whole vid and especially the part about abandoning dreams once they start causing problems and finding new ways of defineing success. I've been having a rough couple of weeks in relation to that, and I really needed to hear "you have no obligations to your former selves"❤

[@anymouse8221]

So glad bundles were added! Thank you!

[@kiowabailey971]

Thank you so much for saying that it's okay to abandon dreams. That struck me in a way I had no idea I needed, and I hope it's helping other people too

[@KnowArt]

yesss! no loyalty to your past self. And in fact, a large part of 'personality' is loyalty to your past self! and you shouldn't do it!

[@isabelab6851]

I so love your perspective on what is the point. As someone who is 61 and has had so many changes in my life, I truly appreciate this conversation. So many things change in life. What you thought was so important in your earlier years does not matter any more. I like goals as a way of aspiring to be a better person, not always what we thought yet a more complete person, with all its foibles and joys. Being here is what matters. Making a difference is what matters. Thank you

[@andrewhill2570]

In everything I do I am engaging with myself trying to solve problems for myself and others. It sounds like I'm doing alright according to your standard. I needed that reassurance. Thank you!

[@Namjiook]

So, per Hank, success is essentially the Apalachin Trail, a series of summits. You hike is as long as you want, going up and down the mountains (smaller than mine in the west, but still beautiful), enjoying it as you go. Each summit is an accomplishment, but you move on to the next one once you reach the top as there’s always another summit to reach. You stay on the trail as long as you want and as long as it is good for you. Somebody else out there could write this better, but that’s how it worked in my mind.

[@leela9003]

I think you wrote that very well indeed, it's beautiful!

[@josher887]

4:36 just like our segue to our sponsor 😂

[@celestialapparitions]

I've been enjoying this pizzamas so much.. started watching you guys when I was like 13, now I'm 20 and trying to navigate through the child-me dreams and the now-me reality... both this video and john's left me with a noticeably better attitude about my life afterwards. I'm so grateful to be part of such an insightful and hopeful community as nerdfighteria.