What I wish I knew BEFORE I went no contact with my mom

If you've gone no contact with your parents or are thinking of doing it, I hope you'll find this video valuable. Sending you love and strength. ♥️

[@TopFlightFamily]

It was so powerful to read all of your stories here. Thank you for sharing. And I’m so glad this video reached you. ❤️

[@stephaniewilliams8169]

I totally agree! You can’t choose who you are related to, but you can choose to disassociate yourself from even family members who you feel are toxic.

[@Ladyj588]

I don’t ever comment but this was excellent!! People just don’t get it…. You don’t miss what you never truly had… Also the possible hope is SO true. Counseling made me realize that you should never be abused by anyone no matter who they are. Thanks SO much for this !❤

[@cjpetersen3239]

So many of us out there… narc mom and no dad (even if he was full time at home). So glad you and your sisters are close.

[@Demischel]

So true.

[@CC-hj4vq]

Coming from a tight knit family I was definitely one of those ppl who would judged situations like this. Thank you for this perspective.

[@hyacinthcarter6359]

Wow, I went no contact with mine over 20 years ago and it’s been the best thing I ever did for my own mental health and stability Good for you. I truly know what you feel

[@thejoehillexperience]

Wow this was a very deep perspective. As someone who has a good relationship with my parents, it’s difficult to imagine something like this but totally understandable. Thanks for sharing!

[@msbarnes1281]

There are so many people that are struggling right now due to the unspoken hell they’ve endured at the hands of their parents, siblings and other relatives. It’s sad but it’s a hard truth. What’s even more sad are the people that shame US for choosing peace over people. I will not feel guilty for choosing ME. Thanks for sharing your truth. I know that this will help others find the strength to choose themselves❤

[@sistamoe]

This is such a great discussion that people are afraid to open up about. Thank you for sharing!

[@leilaroa3477]

Thank You for sharing. I have no relationship with my parents because They are abusive . I create my own family

[@samiranotta]

Amazing!!! I completely understand and agree with you! I’ve had to do similar things in my life to keep my peace and do not regret them at all. Thank you for talking about this and bringing awareness! ❤️👏🏽🙌🏽🙏🏼❤️

[@annaburch3200]

This comes up in my list just as I get back from my parents' house, delivering groceries to my dad to take care of my narcissistic mother, with dementia. I hardly speak to her anymore. I had to, for my health and safety, cut back on my interactions with her. As her dementia gets worse, and her "nice" filter fades, other people are FINALLY realizing that everything I said she was doing to me is actually true. They aren't forcing me to have a relationship with her as their interactions with her are more difficult, too. But I do have friends who don't know my parents that react to me like you said. They just can't fathom the fact I don't want to be around my mother. It's exhausting. You do what's best for you and your beautiful family. Sounds like the girls have lucked out with the grandparents they have had. All the positives!! 👍😊

[@liveinwisdom3610]

Thanks for sharing, can relate to so much to what you said. These past years, I have learnt to prioritize myself, narcissists, will shame you, for prioritizing your own basic needs, and setting boundaries. I will be be going no-contact, this year. Wish you and your family nothing but the best.

[@aadubs6739]

I grew up in an exremely conservative Fundamentalist family and just made the decision to no contact with my parents. My experience seems very similar to yours with not having grief over fixing a "broken" relationship that was not worth the time to try and have a close relationship. They will not change obviously, but thank you so much for sharing!

[@hawaiibound62]

Omg I'm so understanding of this situation!! I've left my mom Years ago. And my kids do not see her. It's just healthier that way. And I have no regrets!❤

[@dianajennings9286]

I love that from what we see you're an amazing mom regardless of your upbringing.

[@hl236]

Well done for sharing this intimate and sensitive internal dialogue. This is real content that is unspoken but relatable to thousands. Keep it up! Family relationships can be very difficult.

[@erickarenee3118]

I completely understand! I have had no contact with my dad since my teens as well. No one will ever understand why someone makes that decision. My daughters have never met their grandfather either.

[@linda_and_tony]

Dam this video really hit home for me. I grew up in such a toxic environment with my mom and dad that when I got married and left to live with my husband and his in laws it shook me how caring they were. There was no sort of if I do this for you you have to do this for me vibe they just genuinely wanted to support my husband and I try to give their life experience so that we could thrive together. I’ve mostly cut them off of my parents from my life and always felt that obligation to reach out but deep down I knew to the core it was better for my relationship and my mental health. Thank you for sharing your experience.😊

[@verityc6504]

Bravo for being able to express your feelings so well. So many people can benefit from your video.

[@marleneprescott895]

Thank you for sharing this personal part of your life. In recent years, I have experienced the narcissism with long term friendships and had to make difficult decisions to terminate them. They bear heavily on your mental health.

[@zephyrkhambatta]

You're right, they just don't get it. The line about the expression on their face is priceless LOL!

[@enzosf]

I’ve been no contact with a borderline mother for most of my life with a few brief lapses because I had much younger sisters who didn’t know me. I’m the only one to do so. My brother hasn’t spoken to me most of our lives. My sister committed suicide and the other is religious and.. odd. But I can’t say I regret not having kids but I certainly avoided that possibility because I didn’t want to make that decision for them and their grandmother. But I also couldn’t ever leave her alone with them. I’m glad you’re being open about this.

[@cydneystephen2814]

Wow. Sorry you went through that. But No room for negativity and toxic behavior. It’s unfortunate but totally understandable; sometimes have to distance yourself from certain family and friends. And yes, some friends become family more than blood. Thanks for sharing 🤗

[@AngiesAnticsandAdventures]

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that you had/have such a difficult relationship with your parents. There are times when you have to create boundaries and even disconnect from people to maintain your peace and happiness. No one knows for certain how they will feel in the future about the decisions they make. The best we can do is make the best decisions in the moment based on the information and evidence in front of us. ❤❤

[@whatistishaupto]

I’m so glad that you & your sisters stayed/are very close!!!!!!

[@chinaberg]

Thank you for your honesty.

[@goku4658]

Needed to hear this. Thanks for putting this out there!

[@triniigowego]

Thank you for sharing this perspective, your experience.

[@Never_Had_a_Friend_Like_Me]

I love this video! You’ve explained it perfectly!

[@HowardT1879]

Every thing you said is so true. Thanks for sharing this.

[@Artistvora]

Thank for making this video. It's so important for all of us who went through this and have felt so alone about it.

[@OblongPolkaDots]

I didn't know I needed this but I did. Thank you so much for sharing. I really mean that. Thank you.

[@theressataylor889]

OMG You have told my life story and sentiments to the T. I mean alllll of it. I have wasted my entire life living for everybody but me. Thank you for this totally different but needed to be said video that I'm use to seeing on your platform.

[@amikailua9504]

Thank you for sharing what many would not utter in fear of the uninformed well intentioned responses.

[@MisterLevius]

Wow thanks so much for your transparency. I can def relate to family members who need a no-contact treatment, protect your peace!

[@tiarawillis5677]

You did the best for you and your family. All you can do now is fill your heart and your families hearts with love and happiness.

[@007Liesbet]

Thank you for sharing.

[@yolandahall4587]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING!! I KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO LIVE WITH A NARCISSISTIC HUMAN BEING, THEY HAVE SOME DEEP ROOTED ISSUES, AND YES YOU HAVE TO DO NO CONTACT WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE NARCISSISTIC, I TOTALLY AGREE....🙏💕💞💕

[@tracylee4451]

I found myself crying watching this. Both of my parents are deceased. I was estranged from my father, but I did have an opportunity to see him before he passed. Your saying how emotional you were stemmed from the little girl in you I could 100% relate to. I had a good relationship with my mother. She passed in 2023. After her funeral, I made the decision cut off the rest of my family members so I have no siblings, nieces, nephews, or cousins. There are only 5 people that I will talk to periodically because they have been wonderful to me, but I can't really be around them because I don't want anything to do with the family I no longer wish to associate with. It hurts, but it's the best decision for me. Stay strong ❤

[@_LauraElizabeth]

Adding this to my watch later!! I went no contact with my mother 5 years ago and hearing from others is always a blessing. I look forward to watching this when I have time. Thank you so much for sharing 🙏

[@angelab9187]

Thank you for sharing! This is a topic so many people have to deal with but those who haven't gone through it don't understand.

[@soitsLala]

Wise and well said 💖💖

[@jz8635]

Thank you for sharing your insight on no contact with parents! I really needed this especially with a no contact relationship with my father as well as other relatives. No one will understand the negative energy they bring into your life and cutting them off was the best thing. Yeah sure, sometimes I would have dreams that they weren't that bad and would reconcile with them but that's the glimpse of hope one has unconsciously.

[@leesluvsplants9074]

I love this new direction and will definitely follow along. I definitely agree with setting boundaries that make for a more meaningful life. I agree that protecting your children from a toxic relationship is priceless. I applaud you !!!!!

[@rj4356]

🎉🥰 Luv the new vibe! Thanks for sharing! I totally get it, been there. Wow.

[@2sunnymomma351]

Hugs!! I know this all too well!! Proud of you for establishing boundaries that bring you peace 🕊️!! Even more so choosing not to have your children witness you tolerate such poor treatment of yourself!! Thanks for sharing 💪🏻💖💪🏻

[@newattnow]

Such a good video. I can totally relate to everything you said.

[@reallifehomeschool]

Wow! Carmen! Thank you so much. You said the channel was going in a different direction, and I still cant tell which direction that is... but I'm liking it. Loved it before... also loving it now. Good for you on making a huge pivot when the time was right for you! You're one of my KZbin friends!

[@Bea-Beez]

Yes yes yes! I can totally relate. Thanks for putting it out. Sanity first.

[@Midlife.magic.therapist]

My mom is a Hong Konger too. I also don’t have contact with my Danish dad - I totally understand you ❤Today I’m the very best parent to myself, it’s a blessing. My mom has been mental ill since I was 10 years old but we are close🥰

[@AfrinetNYC]

I think we're related. Can I join the sisters group chat? Seriously, I understand completely. I have the same 'no contact' relationship with my mother. Thank God my sister and I are close like you and your sisters. Like you said, many who have great relationships with their parents won't understand. When I listen to people talk about their great relationships with their mom, I say in my head 'does not compute.' I never speak about my mother unless someone asks me about her. And, like you, my relationship with my mom cannot be fixed. Many years ago, I prayed and gave it over to God. I pray for my mom daily.

[@samjones4327]

Thank you for sharing and being so honest and transparent with us Carmen Top Flight Family 4 ever!! I appreciate all that you guys do for us. Peace & Blessings!🙏🏽

[@mztweety1374]

God bless you. I am almost 50 and I just started unpacking me and my brothers childhood trauma… long story short The only thing that made the 80s tolerable in my family was music. and my cousins and being able to stay out of the house because God help them, my parents were a train wreck… Hard-working, good middle class people but an absolute train wreck emotionally.

[@Yaw_Jr]

Hmmm - glad you're living (what seems to be) a well-balanced, self-aware, and fulfilling life. Thanks for sharing.

[@LindaFennell-nz7el]

Thank you for sharing. I experienced a similar situation with my Mom. We did work things out because I extended the olive branch. With all due respect, she was emotionally immature. I am grateful that I did showed love before she passed. I truly respect your journey. You have a beautiful family. ❤

[@reallifehomeschool]

Also, loving your new channel photo!

[@cocosjourney848]

thanks for sharing

[@yaowsers77]

i get having a difficult relationship with your parents. i had issues with my parents when i was younger. luckily, my mom was amazing and things got better. i'm sorry you had to go through that but i'm so glad you have a great relationship with your sisters. good for you for cutting out the toxicity in your life.

[@NaturalAmi]

Love this and glad to know I am not the only one ❤.

[@skqq3250]

This topic is so so heavy. At least you didn’t have to deal with step parents. You are helping a lot of people today with this content. These feelings will take a long time to iron out. Life is not a light switch. Bless you and bless your In-laws.

[@carolynwilson7806]

You explained everything so well. I had a great relationship with my father but the same as yours with my mother. I was not strong enough or I had too much guilt from her to do as you did. I even went into debt taking care or her in her final years and I don’t think she appreciated it at all because everything was about her. She never really had any consideration for me. People with normal loving parents cannot understand.

[@rhondalockrey9592]

Totally understand. I had a no contact with my mom for about 6 years she never understood why even though I wrote her a letter explaining why there was no contact. It was easier for me to talk to her again for family functions but things are at a peaceful place now because I don't expect anything from her to change & I keep her at a distance & in her older age she has mellowed. I expect nothing from her would never be able to count on her I am ok with that. If people are not happy in life they take it out on those closest to them. You have to say to yourself I would never allow anyone to treat me bad that includes parents its abusive & toxic we reached our limit. We now have children to raise & our own sanity to keep. Sometimes you have to put yourself first for survival.

[@TheNyivaperspective]

I totally understand

[@blkmamba]

Well this was a hard right turn for this channel, content wise, but I enjoy your content and how you tell stories so I am along for the ride.

[@mrsmanzoor]

I know you’re talking about a serious subject but your jewelry is 🔥

[@enkayar718]

😂

[@sharn3lly]

No lies told 💯💯💯

[@ZA-lf4rz]

This video came right on time

[@yogsfrancis2805]

Freedom from family and detachment of our experience is freedom in this life. I am very happy for you😊 even the Buddha had to detach himself from our limited understanding of self identity. May you always experience peace and contentment in your life.

[@catchyusername3083]

1000000000% !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PERIOD.

[@MelissaC269]

Damn. All of this. This is my story. Just change Chinese for Peruvian. Thanks for sharing and keeping it real.

[@opaljohnson4762]

Thank you for sharing. Not all parents are parents, and some people just do not get it.

[@MichelleDiana]

There are no words for how sorry I am to hear this and read some of the comments🥺 My x husband is a narcissist and has turned 3 of our 4 kids against me💔 dunno when I’ll see them again but the door is always open ❣️

[@Demischel]

I agree with you. I wish I could have gone no contact with my mom years ago. She is now 83 and diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. I had to learn through therapy that she, before being diagnosed, was never going to change. I now wonder how I will feel once she passes.Thank you for sharing.

[@simoneandrews215]

SPEAK ON IT - no contact 10 years in the Caribbean families

[@alieellersmith]

That is so heartbreaking that your sisters don't talk to your mom either. She really screwed up, losing so many amazing people. So sad.

[@lunabella606]

I know exactly what you’re talking about. That’s why I have no children . Sometimes people don’t understand that not every relationship is the same as theirs

[@autolargue]

This is very much like me and my sister. I did patch things up with my parents. I also spent thousands of dollars on a psychologist though.

[@SimplyCasualSony]

No contact with my Mom too as an American Mexican - I agree with you.

[@Wheelztotheworld]

🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@jessbest3151]

It's quite the same within the African culture and I can relate but I couldn't go "no contact" with my mom. I love her but sometimes I don't like the person she is if that makes sense. I wish we had a closer relationship. I understand the emotional abuse!😢

[@unconventionalleo]

All very well said. Plus a reminder that I have unwatched seasons of Bojack Horseman!

[@DarkZamuz]

Powerful and thank you for sharing. I've had a great relationship with my father who pass away 2 years ago, miss him a lot, but ever since his passing I have been having an on and off relationship with my mom, that it started to affected my mental health to the point I started drinking everyday for more than a year. She had a not so nice attitude during my younger years but it really showed after I got married. When I was diagnose with diabetes this year is when it clicked to prioritize myself and my health because I still have young children and I want to see them become the wonderful adult humans they can be and overall enjoy each an everyday in happiness. I still text her once in a while but it's far in between (she lives 15mins away from me) so it's kind of hard to completely shut her but seems like finally she is understanding the signs of (if you have nothing nice to say, stay away and only reach out if you really need to) attitude that I'm sending out to her. I must say I am feeling much better after finally taking my ground, stopped drinking, started exercising and overall just practicing good choices.

[@mikiewifnoe360]

There is no reason to tell people you no longer have contact with your mom, father, sister, brother, or anyone else. My husband when we met, I asked about his family, and he said his parents were dead. A few years on, he mentioned one day, he talked with his mother today. I was surprised, but when I told him he said they were dead, he said dead to me. So if you say they are dead, you do not even have to try to explain the no contact.

[@tetttettamilli6761]

😳

[@Come_fly_with_tee]

Did you ever feel like the feeling is mutual between you and your parents as far as them not missing contact with you ? -also why make a video about it if they were non factors in your life ( I was just curious because this topic seemed so random from your usual ‘ happy ‘ content ) -thx

[@robertparsons313]

People don't understand you can't "patch things up" with a narcissist.

[@TopFlightFamily]

This!

[@lynnebutler173]

I had two great parents, difficult with mum and now she has dementia. I'd never tell someone to 'patch things up' If you come to me to say you've gone no contact with a parent/s then I'm going to tell you that it can't have been an easy conclusion to come to with so much pressure to patch things up, but I'm never going to judge anyone for that. Sometimes cutting family off is the best decision you can make.

[@aznbourgeois]

Interesting video here! I disagree with you since I've recently gone through this exact same scenario.. I felt exactly the same way but when we lost our dad I realized what a mistake I made not staying in touch with him. He never got to see my son grow up which is my biggest regret. Kids need to know they have family outside of mom and dad. Frankly I think you're being selfish.. just bc you had a poor relationship with your parents doesn't mean your kids will. It's called unconditional love.. they love you maybe they don't say it or express it but you should know as a mom to your 2 daughters you will love them even when they are at their worst! I wish you the best!

[@liveinwisdom3610]

You do not know her experience. Stop gaslighting her experiences. You have no clue what she went through.

[@aznbourgeois]

@@liveinwisdom3610 Lolz OK but she shared her story on YT so as a sub I get to comment, right? Hv a nice day!

[@jmcclain64]

⁠@@aznbourgeoisThat’s something that should’ve kept to yourself. You don’t know her full story and just because you’re a “sub” doesn’t mean you get to gaslight her. Clearly you didn’t listen or absorb what she had said. She clearly stated that not everyone is going to have the same experience. And it’s her responsibility as a mother to protect her children from people who may abuse them. But to say she’s selfish is ridiculous.

[@aznbourgeois]

@@jmcclain64 Something I should of kept to myself??? Maybe she should of kept her story to herself instead of publishing to YT? Pls check on the definition of "gaslighting".

[@MoInTheCity03]

@@aznbourgeoisHUSH

[@sondraking902]

Sad your grandchildren have no relationship with their grandparents.

[@IOSARBX]

Top Flight Family, I love this! Can we be friends?

[@sxyblnd2002]

Family should always stick together and have each others backs. Its your generation that were spoiled. Got trophies just for participating. You are the ME, generation. Anything bothers you or goes against your wants you, just get rid of, even if someone is just trying to help you. Parents deserve respect. They have done for you. If you are a parent, I hope your children go no contact with you as they get older. You will learn what true pain feels like, not just....me me me and throw your parents away like trash.

[@justjan1]

So if someone was being treated in the same way by their partner and/or kids you would tell them to stick it out? No one purposely cuts out their parents because of a "tough time", children have an innate desire to love their parents, so when they break away you have to really question what made them do it.. tough time is one thing but abuse is another and only people who have been through it can understand.

[@sxyblnd2002]

@@justjan1 By their kids, yes, stick it out, you are family. By a partner, no, its just a surface relationship.

[@lynnebutler173]

@@sxyblnd2002 Parents 'deserve' respect? Laughable if it wasn't so awful. 'Stick it out' smh. So, let me see if I have understood this, you think that being abused by a family member, in every way imaginable is ok, but cutting off contact because of that abuse, is not ok? They should just 'stick it out' and keep contact because that person is family? Wow, just wow. That smacks of someone who has no clue about what happens in families.

[@sxyblnd2002]

@@lynnebutler173 coming from a cat lady. I think I will just ignore.

[@annsharon1838]

​@@sxyblnd2002calling someone a cat lady is a compliment and not an insult 😂😂😂

[@brooklyngiraffe]

It takes a lot of courage to share this, and I am so glad you did. You touch on so many relatable feelings and experiences. Thank you for sharing ❤