What is Codependency in a relationship | Addictions and codpendency | Codpendency and Mental Health

[@tumelozar]

I love this. It's very complex. That's why people should do things from love other than from obligation. It really is difficult.

[@dr.beckyspelman]

Thank you for watching

[@o.g.2716]

I keep rewatching this. Helps me understand myself and my feelings so much better. Thank you for this video !

[@dr.beckyspelman]

You’re welcome. Thanks for watching.

[@sabrinalennox2004]

This is the best explanation of codependency. I finally get it. Thank you!

[@dr.beckyspelman]

Thanks for watching, please subscribe to our channel

[@viper_db5727]

Thank you so much for doing these video's.. Your helping me understand myself and my illness so much. I think I'm an em-path. I have narcissistic traits and I'm extremely empathetic. I have CPTSD from multiple traumas in my life. My dad was a severe alcoholic (very functional) and I was the one he took stuff out on. I was never good enough for him.. In his words. ''You've been nothing but trouble and a pain in the ass since you where a toddler'' Thanks Dad. I was constantly reminded how 'Not good enough' I was throughout my life until his death.. From toddler!.. I'm 49yrs old now. RIP Dad. That's a long time. There where 2 things that he did approve of and big'd me up far too much about. 1 was my talent in music. I was a music GOD to him. Though I had plenty of other 'greater' achievements. Sadly no. 2 was when I could drink and keep up with him and his mates. All alcoholics, All Royal guards too. 1 of my greatest achievements was kicking alcohol. But he never even acknowledged that. Or any other achievements. I still don't feel good enough for anyone to this day. And now I have the added complication of CPTSD. So you see. I really need to learn all this to have a normal relationship. Which I really want to have. I have 2 ex'es, 2 children with each. And I'm just about managing to co'parent as a single dad. Both my ex'es I believe are narcissists and where extremely abusive. Also putting me down all the time. Even though my last ex and I have been separated for more than 4 years she still tries to get 'supple' from me. I can't cut off from her because we share custody. Crazy!! I love your video's and don't know what I would do without them.. Thank you..

[@dr.beckyspelman]

Thank you for your comment, we are glad you find these videos helpful

[@Elethia441]

I hear you! This adaptation pattern makes so much sense given your life experiences! We were raised to earn love, safety, acceptance.. then we attract manipulative people who are more than happy to put our good services to use in return for emotional scraps.. which continuously confirms that we are unlovable AND worthless & no good because apparently we aren't even capable of earning basic human decency. I think what therapists often get wrong (because we happen to make it there angry and overwhelmed) is that our prime motivation is to control others by encouraging their bad behaviors. NO, we put up with too much because we are genuinely convinced that everyone is like us: if only we experince acceptance and love, it will be enough to become the best we can be.. and since we are so accutely aware of what that might feel like, we are overly giving and helpful.

[@cianoregan3037]

❤

[@cianoregan3037]

❤

[@cianoregan3037]

❤❤ 16:41 16:41 😊

[@matttherat8309]

Hey thanks for having such a neutral & informative video. I’ve watched quite a few and some of the creators can be very harsh towards codependent people~

[@Elethia441]

The worst pairing is codependency - narcissism.

[@dr.beckyspelman]

Thank you for your comment, we hope you enjoyed the video

[@ezazkhan4233]

yes sir

[@ezazkhan4233]

must problem

[@lamisalasri3344]

Wow I love this video. It explains a lot thank you for sharing.

[@PeterMurphyceltic]

My mother was an enabler for years without knowing it

[@dr.beckyspelman]

Thank you for sharing

[@mitnavn78]

My codependat wife just ended a 17 year old marriage and immediately after the divorce in a rebound relationship. My problem with alcohol is gone after she left and I am feeling much better.

[@CyberDataWeb]

Why didn’t you deal with YOUR alcoholism?

[@joshmichaels269]

Thank you for the info. You explained this issue very well.

[@kayligo]

I’m an under achiever due to the poor parenting you described who battles depression and anxiety. I really trying to change it. Anyways great video.

[@FroggyFrog9000]

thank you, great vid.

[@babycakes8434]

I didn't know that I was codependent in my relationship for so many years. I was able to leave eventually. Now I am learning about it. I don't know how to change myself. I am happy solo now, but I worry that if I get into relationship I will want to cater and give all to the person I will be with. I worry that eventually I will loose myself and resent the other person when they won't give back as much as I do, I will resent myself for giving too much and so much. My mother is codependent and my father is a narcissist. I didn't have a good examples growing up. How do I form healthy relationship in the future?

[@dr.random8920]

Thank you for this :)

[@mrvalentine206]

Can you do a video about what happens when the parents complain to children about the other parents an how it changes them

[@jacknjill3000]

So what do you do when you’re in a codependent relationship, if you decided to not contribute to your partners bad behaviors? Put your foot down and stop enabling or leave the relationship bc I find when you keeping nagging your partner to stop and they keep doing, what left is to leave. I’m sure you’re explaining all this in the video, but this just crossed my mind bc I have codependent tendencies. But with a healthy person, that also translate to being a great partner. So it can be tricky and can both partners be codependent by putting each other first or is that healthy. So by thinking you should be a giving and loving person in a relationship could be a trap with the unhealthy person. So should one become more selfish and less enabling in all relationships? Or is it only with abusive partners? I’m a bit unclear and possibly always thought giving my all was a part of a healthy relationship, in which I didn’t see from my parents and grandparents. So I went opposite of what I grew up seeing.

[@cbensch]

This is a really good question. And this is what I’ve been working through recently. The key here is setting healthy boundaries. Which can be very scary for someone who doesn’t know how or what they are or how they’re phrased. As an example, if the “bad behavior” is something that goes against your moral and ethical core values, you simply can’t tolerate that behavior without building resentment. So the boundaries are an expression of your needs. Let’s say the bad behavior is invalidating your feelings when you’re expressing them. A boundary can be, “It’s hard for me to express myself and to hear ‘Oh that’s ridiculous you’re so sensitive.’ That invalidates my feelings. I feel validated when I hear things like, ‘I see this is important to you. Tell me more about that.’ I need that from you. When I don’t get it I shut down. Will you work with me in this?” Boundaries aren’t ultimatums. They’re designed to keep the good in and the bad out to protect you. An ultimatum would be, “If you keep invalidating me I’m leaving you!” A boundary is, “This is how this type of communication hurts me. I value us. These are my needs.” Yup. Gonna be awkward and weird. Think about how many people you know personally that could use more boundaries and more expressions of needs. A bet it’s a lot.

[@sunbeam9222]

I think in a healthy relationship you give of yourself freely and because it's reciprocated and flowing back your way it's like the tap is always on you give love you receive love, it's a source with constant flow. In an unhealthy relationship you give of yourself freely but you're not reflected that back in similar way and so you keep giving but soon realise your own cup is getting dry and you don't feel rejuvenated as you should and you don't feel self love as you should and before you know it you're disregulated, sad and confused.

[@johnc1280]

I have a good friend who describes himself as a codependent. And he just impetuously got himself into a relationship with an alcoholic. Need I say anymore

[@bjjonez6711]

You are absolutely stunning very smart and articulate

[@dr.beckyspelman]

Wow thank you that’s so nice of you to say.

[@sharronschafer2213]

Thank you

[@PeterMurphyceltic]

Codependents with children can be as dangerous as the addict Unfortunately I'm speaking from experience

[@dr.beckyspelman]

Thank you for sharing

[@jason9199b]

I’m the codependent and my wife is the sex and love addict. I feel like my codependent behaviors come from love and commitment and support to her and my marriage vows and at least in my case not a need to be needed. When she was sober we were the happiest and closest we’ve ever been and I was incredibly happy and content. But when she is in active addiction my codependent and caretaking tendencies come back. How can I break the cycle of codependent enabling behavior and still stand for my marriage at the same time?

[@joshmichaels269]

Did you figure it out? I didn't...

[@jason9199b]

@@joshmichaels269 We eventually divorced.

[@aishabashir8556]

I am a codependent and i am aware that my husband is not a narc i just got married a month before with my boyfriend of 11 years but my mother is a covert narcissist... And i find it out few months before. I was scared as hell that i am a narc and was on verge of ending my self for being a born narccistic ... I ended uo here at ur vedio. Now i know the truth but i dont know how to emend my ways i just get triggered alot and this is causing issues in my new relation and now some time he reacts and i get so hurt.i cant find that method to help my self and am still living with narccistic family as due to covid i cant go and live with my husband.... Its a huge fight

[@vt6spd]

Is it still codependency when the partner has left, but you continue to seek their approval in your head by acting in ways you think they would approve of in hopes they will come back?

[@itcantalk]

Who enabled the editing in this video? It is distracting... nice plants tho

[@alisontill7677]

Relationship happy Jessica till boyfriend Thanks

[@tumelozar]

What can I do if my partner and their mother have this type of relationship and it's their way of expressing and receiving love ?

[@genderdystopia019]

My mother would offer to purchase cocaine for my father just to get him to mow the yard before a family event. Doesn't help that she is a narcissist, so destroying him for her own gain was never a thought in her mind. My father being numb with a substance always gives a perfect excuse.

[@supermenthol5531]

Are you a model .. beautiful 😍

[@dr.beckyspelman]

Thank you for your comment

[@gilbertcouto8537]

Interesting, where is the behavior of her her support in making income? Where was she? This is all bullshit. Definitions created to paint one another. Tell the other side of yhe story , wheres the mans side .