What is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?

[@jackhume1525]

I would sometimes get episodes where I wouldn't believe any of my relationships were real. That everyone was pretending to be nice to me and that no one actually wanted to be friends with me. It would go on for days and basically it was RSD teaming up with my depression and anxiety to become a nasty combo. I'm so glad I got on the meds I'm on now.

[@farojaco]

Yeah man, is insane

[@isabelladeangelo8474]

I get this too

[@kayodagamer]

yeah its a horrible feeling i sometimes stop talking to people with me

[@thebard5019]

are you me?

[@lizzuuu3831]

I GET THIS, TOO. Reading that someone else experiences this makes me feel less insane.

[@hollydueck3209]

I have NEVER been able to have a confrontational conversation without crying, I’ve been shamed so much for how I react in tense situations my whole life and in my twenties I’m finally getting diagnosed with ADHD. Thank you for this, for the first time I feel like I’m not crazy anymore

[@LuciaBrezianska]

Me too. I didn't know it at all, I feel so relieved.

[@wtfusernamecrap]

You're not, and I'm happy for you getting diagnosed in your twenties. Took me longer. I wasn't allowed to cry as a child. Boys weren't supposed to. So I resorted to anger and violence. This coupled with ADHD means I have never been able to have a confrontational conversation without feeling existentially threatened and then wanting to burn the world down. So exhausting. It really is a primitive feeling that cuts incredibly deep.

[@ranc1977]

Crying can also be HSP. If we start to quickly put labels, this is called hypocognition and hypercognition - and it can lead to misdiagnosis.

[@HollyMolly337]

Yes! I thought it’s just my character or that I can’t endure stressful situations, but now I understand that it is not. Sometimes I even have to explain that I’m not being harassed, nobody’s dying etc., it’s just how I react to things.

[@teachweb69]

Whenever someone has dumped me even after really quite short relationships, I feel like crying and I feel so pathetic about that. And I create a kind of false shell of invulnerability that is probably way too extreme, but it comes across as completely weird

[@colleendeis928]

That instant "wave" of dread that washes over your whole body and the physical pain and pressure in the chest. I think of the phrases "heavy heart" or "my heart sank to my stomach". In that moment, the situation feels UNBEARABLE. Expecially when it concerns someone I admire or value their acceptance and approval. Letting people down, being a disappointment, loosing trust or respect - those are my triggers.

[@robertstan298]

OMG yes that describes it very well I feel less alone when I see people relating, even tho paradoxically, dear lord I don't wish these experiences on anyone.

[@DavidCruickshank]

"That instant "wave" of dread that washes over your whole body " that is such a perfect explanation of it.

[@charitysmith5245]

Omg 100%

[@fortheho4d]

100%

[@capie44]

Spot-on for me too. A tsunami of dread and guilt. .

[@rhi3864]

i think the most compelling thing i read about RSD is that it's a specific kind of "complex" (repeated) trauma. a book i read called "complex ptsd: from surviving to thriving" coined the term "emotional flashback" in the specific context of childhood trauma, and that people who suffer abuse and neglect frequently "go back" to the emotional states they experienced in childhood (helpless, furious, terrified, heartbroken). i do not know a person with ADHD who does not have a litany of insults that they have been called by the people who were supposed to care for them most . you basically grow up being gaslit to think you are lazy, inconsiderate, and incompetent by your superiors (family , teachers, bosses, partners ...) . any reminder of those times where you have been criticized would then lead to an "emotional flashback" where the pain of what you grew up with is brought up over and over . this leads to behaviors like: fawning (people pleasing), freezing (task paralysis, disassociation, memory pproblems), fleeing (avoidance), and finally fighting (bursts of anger), which are all parts of the RSD experience . please note that i am not a therapist , and cptsd is also "new" in terms of research , but i found it compelling when i read about it

[@kawag6356]

Wow so true for me

[@CBKaehny]

I'm one, no insults from caregivers.

[@marypower1261]

This is so huge for me i have been isolating as much as possible since at least 2018. Long before covid.. And I've had it since childhood - actually since birth i'd say. And it is there in the background, ready to ruin everything EVERY. THING. Have cut off contact with people who hurt me over and above what i can cope with - usually those cut-offs are permanent - or at least prolonged for many, many years. It is impossible for family, friends, strangers to ever understand this, i don't understand it myself 😞 actually HATE myself for it... 65 years old and it gets worse, not better. More recently have become increasingly afraid of getting upset in public. Rarely leave the house anymore, it is pure awful

[@FumeStar]

wow and now im crying lmao

[@codydagg2259]

Complex PTSD is fascinating honestly. I think I make a good case for a good portion of my issues to be centered around it. (military veteran)

[@camilla8129]

Mix RSD up with abandonment issues and you got probably the biggest pain I've ever felt in relationships. Had a huge breakdown last night, cause I was so convinced that some friends I deeply love find me annoying, and I still have that feeling. It's literally unbearable

[@HighTimesTrader]

Camilla, same here my friend. Head up

[@somedude6420]

ahhhh 💩, here we go again

[@HaHaLooLoo]

yeah :(

[@GoblinSkater]

Happened to me when my friends stopped talking to me

[@ritasasaki9625]

Oh boy, i same situation amd same feeling.

[@wurdnurd1]

When I was young, like 8 years old young, an older friend (who I looked up to enormously) told me that no one like when a person invites themselves to things. To this day (35 years later), I struggle to get outside my bubble with people, partly because that "advice" cut so deep and runs through my head on a loop. The rejection is real, yall.

[@kyrgyzsanjar]

Fuck that person, pardon my french. The music festivals, for instance, is a perfect counter example to that. The more you invite yourself to gatherings and circles the cooler you are.

[@Llkolii]

Omg I have the same, but at 14 when I was trying to be more confident and talkative bc i was so shy, opening up about this shyness my 'friend' turned around and said 'all you talk about is yourself' lol 10yrs later I'm still scared to tell people how I feel. I can't connect emotionally to people at all I don't trust them. Many bad experiences

[@JordynLaRee]

Yes when people criticize us we take that criticism & we don’t ever forget . It becomes a part of who we believe we are. & my feelings always go back to “that’s right. I’m not normal.. I don’t deserve to be happy.. I’m worthless. Etc..” it sounds dramatic & it is but we literally can not help these feelings & emotions.

[@Taterpatater884]

I had a kid tell me in Jr high “no one was talking to you” cause I tried to jump in their conversation cause I found it interesting. So the rest of my life to now (40s) I don’t initiate conversations, join in conversations etc until someone talks to me directly. And then people think I’m weird and/or stuck up.

[@ilovenycsomuch]

Wow yes. I’ve always been very self-conscious about overstaying my welcome in interactions or not picking up on when ppl don’t actually want you hanging out talking to them, so I’ve been very self-conscious, hesitant, & conservative with my interactions with ppl that I don’t know well & don’t truly know if they like me… so everyone lol

[@melbapeach162]

I feel like I’ll always claim to be “happily single” because I literally cannot face the RSD. It’s bad enough with friends and family.

[@andrewg8992]

Ah man, me too... I say I'm staying single and "working on me", but I just can't handle what it does to me in a relationships when RSD kicks in. It can send me on such a bad spiral.

[@fearsomefawkes6724]

Big hug. You are loved, even when your brain says your not.

[@sanetvanart]

How do friends even be possible?

[@highbred]

I feel you, I have the same. "Happily single" it is haha

[@bay0002]

😕 oh I see there’s a whole community of us 😅

[@JoshuaMNeff]

The first time I read about RSD, it was like sunlight bursting through dark clouds and a big light bulb going on over my head. You're right, identifying it helps, but it doesn't make the feelings go away. I usually do my best to create space to not engage, to cool down and look at the situation and see if maybe it's not as bad as it initially felt. But before knowing as much about emotional dysregulation and RSD, I did a lot of damage to relationships by lashing out or completely shutting down over perceived rejection. One of my least favorite aspects of ADHD.

[@magiv4205]

Agree. It doesn't lessen the pain whenever my usually well surpressed inner hurricane rears its ugly head, but I've gotten remarkably better at dealing with the aftermath. I can get myself back under control alot quicker - or, when I'm in a setting where I feel safe, I can let loose for a bit and just sob my soul out, and it feels like a mountain has been lifted off my chest. I can be so much kinder to myself and don't hate myself as much afterwards. Before, such a moment could've sent me spiraling into a full on nervous breakdown and possibly put me out of commission for weeks.

[@leticiacarneiro8814]

I just learned it trougth this video, and it felt exactelly like that!!!

[@wolfgills1187]

RSD mixing with depression and anxiety is one of the most brutal things in my experience. The tiny set off from RSD, propelled by the anxious overthinking, and then thrown into the deep end of depression and su1c1dial ideation. The worst part is when you realize it genuinely was something that everyone forgot about, yet you're mulling it over and over again, even into the next week, even month. I had an episode of it yesterday and I'm still reeling. Thinking about what happened makes my heart race, I feel cold all over, and I genuinely get nauseous. I really hope other people don't have to deal with it as intensely as I do, but if anyone reading this can relate, please remember that you're not alone.

[@trecianablake2858]

I’m suffering so deeply from this and it feels like I won’t make it.

[@peachy_lili]

RSD is my biggest struggle other than time blindness. imagine how I felt today when I saw a tweet from someone I admire, saying ADHD is 'overdiagnosed' and therefore not real. the irony that I felt RSD over that is not lost on me. I am done being told I'm making it up. I've been coping with this for almost 40 years. it is not in my head. I have broken down crying in a recording booth because a new voice director used a mocking tone of voice with me for no reason. I've been getting called 'too sensitive' my entire life and there is little that will make a person feel more lonely than being gaslit by the entire world that you're just making it up for attention. nobody wants to be 'the girl who cries at the drop of a hat'. it ain't cute, it ain't fun, it doesn't endear people to you. yet here I am. I'm realizing I've been in isolation for so long because I can't stand feeling RSD.. it hurts me on an almost physical level. people *genuinely like me* and yet I can't be around them for fear I'll feel my gut drop and reel from emotional pain over the slightest little comment. genuinely struggling to find a psych my insurance will cover who will help me through with some CBT.

[@theresarezac7502]

What is Time Blindness? If it is completely losing track of time and thinking you still have 15 minutes, but 12 have already gone by , I might have that.

[@BlahajGoesNom]

I was gaslit by a toxic online community that made things up which lead to my account getting banned in which I asked the GM (game master) for logs, they ignored me and forums banned me, really disgusting tbh.

[@BlahajGoesNom]

@@theresarezac7502 yes, thats exactly what it is.

[@joyceecyoj.]

I feel you! this is so relatable. Be gentle to yourself!

[@mrgenry6055]

That is so sad..

[@TheMegafirefish]

For those with ADHD, the saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" doesn't really apply. Instead, it often leads to the development of unhealthy coping mechanisms.

[@ilovenycsomuch]

Omg so glad you said that. I’m always told things like that & to develop thick skin, grow from it, this _ led you to where you are now, forgive & forget, let it go, move on, learn to just “stop caring” what other ppl think, blah blah blah. Like with all the hurt I faced from guys I dated in the past, no I’m not glad it happened & led to my current boyfriend… that was a lot of fucking needless pain I went through, I didn’t gain ANYTHING from suffering through that. If anything it scarred me with baggage & FAR worse self-esteem & core beliefs about myself that I carry to this day

[@LucySplendid]

This is magnified if real emotional neglect was experienced in childhood. The internalising of pain leads to burnouts and even lower self esteem.

[@heavenlycute]

I am so incredibly happy that I've found out about RSD - I have gone through my entire life trying to please everyone, even if these are people I don't even like (I was diagnosed with ADHD this year at age 43)! Whenever I have my friends over, the moment they leave I am worrying about things I might have said or done that they didn't like 🙁

[@defenda1]

Sometimes I notice my hurt reaction and feel childish or emotional, I'm in my forties too and it bothers me that this stuff bothers me. That's why I love these videos and comments like yours, they remind me it's just a brain thing, a good night's sleep and a fresh perspective helps us move onwards.

[@LucasRobert-ns3nj]

I was severely traumatized years ago as a teenage, got diagnosed with ADHD. Spent my whole life fighting ADHD. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.

[@Morrisbraga-jm9lc]

Congrats on your recovery buddy. Psilocybin is so misunderstood and underrated in the psychiatric world. So glad your wife introduced this healing g modality to you!Thanks for talking about this.

[@CathieGomez-mp8sk]

YES Dr.alishrooms 💯

[@MarcWilliams-dz7ik]

How do I reach out to him? Is he on insta

[@ChristopherEric-fr8im]

Yes he's Dr.alishrooms. My daughter did straight shrooms in few days. Made her whole! after words, no more addictions, pains, ptsd and depression. It helped us.

[@ElizabethMicheal-fu8xn]

So many people are saying this... i wish there were readily available in my place. My partner is currently in an in-patient rehab for a perc/caine addiction. He still smokes cigarettes and now has taken up hookah vaping in there. He's looking for a proper reset treatment. I believe shrooms will help him this is something I will definitely go into. I'm curious as I'd like to ensure he can be helped and I would like him to not do much shrooms either...

[@laurynasidla]

I don't understand why you have so little amount of subs. You definitely explain everything very well, even better than some other really popular adhd youtubers! Keep it up, please!

[@adhdjesse]

Thanks so much!

[@Christfemme]

@@adhdjesse I definitely subscribed. Thank you for explaining everything so well! I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult in my 20s, and I am now in my 40s. There is so little actual good advice or understanding for those with ADHD.

[@KuroNekoXIII]

I recently was diagnosed with ADHD, and because our phones listen to us the term RSD has appeared in my recommended anything. Let me tell you that RSD is the story of my life. I went to be evaluated because I realized this past year, when my room mates got a kitten, I was deeply offended and hurt that the kitten seemed to like me less out of the 3 of us. She still lets me pet her, and is friendly towards me. I had a similar issue with a dog I raised years back too. And I have had other events in my life that have felt like someone stabbed me in my heart because of being rejected/betrayed. And if someone doesn't text me back within a normal time-frame for them, I am having full blown anxiety-depression fits. Learning about RSD is really opening my eyes to a lot of my behavior all my life.

[@JennyMary00]

This a an absolutely FANTASTIC description of RSD. I can totally relate to this. I am a therapist with ADHD. I played this to a client yesterday who is 75 and has been in residential care for 12 years. Prior to that, she was constantly in psychiatric care Dx with BPD, Depression & Anxiety. I strongly believe that at the heart of all troubles is a chronic inattentive ADHD which unfortunately the psychiatric profession exacerbated. She scored nearly 90% Adult ADHD (ASRS-v1.1) Symptom Checklist. She’s also has a trauma history but as we know, some people can move on from such adversities, but others cannot. Many women historically have been diagnosed with Borderline personality Dx due to how the ADHD manifested if the underlaying cause had not been recognized and managed. Due to the inability to understand the condition, as you mentioned this often leads to people suffering from a secondary condition like anxiety and depression. We of course had no idea at the time as to the extent of women particularly who had this condition. This client would’ve been delt with very differently now if she’d been a young woman today. She cried and fiercely nodded when I played her this. I hopeful if I can encourage her to develop some insight into her ADHD, she might be able to take some control over her emotions and more importantly her engrossing ruminating thoughts. She’s certainly not unintelligent, the challenge will be that she’s been like this for many many years, and it’ll be a real test for her to instigate change.

[@paulvickers7997]

This is my life. Thank you for helping others with this. I feel so alone with it, everyday is so hard, I have so much but cannot manifest what I need to thrive, and I cannot give back to others what I want. You are doing such an amazing job, thank you

[@joannadebella9743]

I am really struggling with my ADHD lately. My anxiety, or so I thought, has been out of control. I feel things so deeply. I have just started learning about RSD and this is something I truly struggle with. Knowing the label doesn't in itself make it better, but now I have a starting point on how to work on these issues and learn strategies. So many things you spoke about in this video resonate with me so strongly. Thank you so much for sharing!!!!!!

[@abj136]

For me this manifests as avoidance. I can be very shy when I don’t know how somebody else will respond, and this makes it difficult to form deep bonds with people, or make work related connections.

[@SK-is2ux]

🌸 sometimes I WISH I could be able to keep my mouth shut. I don’t mean you’re lucky or anything, I know it’s hurting you very much in its own way 🥺 I’m just saying I am the walking example of “open your mouth and remove all doubt” because before that I may have thought or felt that they didn’t like me or disapproved of me, then I open my stupid mouth, and I make sure that that’s true

[@dotcassilles1488]

Bingo! Yes I am different with people I grew up with who I feel safe around versus strangers or people who have hurt me in the past

[@Ahahahahahah2]

I fully understand where your coming from, I deal with this exact problem everyday..I will say tho the more you challenge it the less it shows its face, I've found working internally on not really caring what people think of me does help. As I said just challenge it, I always find myself asking if I'd rather not say anything and come off as rude and arrogant or run the risk of being rejected by attempting to say hey or how's your day going ? Personally I'd rather try an be kind and get rejected than the other way around This sometimes works me but everyone's different, however I thought I'd still comment and just share..basically when your confronted with this type of thing, just treat yourself how you'd treat your best friend Comfort yourself how you'd comfort a friend thats going through a similar situation. All the best :)

[@robinsky139]

I always burst out in tears and rage after feedback and rejection. I never realized that it could be RSD.

[@JustOneGirl81]

Same. And it have ruined a lot of communications. People don't wanna communicate then. They don't understand.

[@HobbinRob]

So much fun when you have ADHD and BPD. I remember bawling my eyes out at work over some mild criticism and a confused co worker saying "this is not a normal reaction you're having". Que a fresh wave or RSD!

[@EvanBateman1]

I was diagnosed with BPD just on its own, and the RSD and abandonment fears are a nightmare to battle. Having ADHD on top of that seems incredibly challenging, i hope you’re managing okay.

[@HobbinRob]

@@EvanBateman1 Honestly not too bad! Most if the time. Having really a good life and I hope you are too. I do wish my brain wasn't quite so dysfunctional but I've somehow made it work.

[@jennacat13]

I give up trying to make friends. My ADHD & RSD keeps me behind a window looking at normal people having a normal life but that’s never going to happen for me.

[@MarieWilliams-t9w]

Hi I was exactly the same way. I started doing small stuff to get me getting my life back in order. Like getting a cleaning job and then going on online dating sites. And going to bars alone. What has helped me with my rsd is to understand that people are too interested in themselves. And just say and do what suits them and will just put their feelings first. I have learned that people won't talk to people if they don't want to talk to them. Thats why it's best to keep it polite and mind our own business. Little steps can help to make life better. And not to care less about what other people say or do. Because what other people say and do is all about them.

[@Cnsalmoni]

I realized too, that it seems like everyone either doesn’t even remember the event I was obsessing about, or did not perceive anything negative in the interaction-let alone have the slightest intention of rejecting me. It’s still painful, and the rational part does not make my feelings go away, but it allows me to give myself time, no matter how long it takes, to sit with those deeply painful thoughts and feelings, acccept them, and tell myself (when I am able) that I am not alone, that other people who experience this are beautiful, kind, loving and deeply sensitive people, that like you, the world would be so much worse without us. Yes, the modern world makes it harder for us to exist, but it doesn’t mean I have to reject that part of me. Those traits helped our species survive, and it’s none of anyone’s business in the modern superficial and emotionally vacant world that I feel this way. It’s who I am, and if I need to withdraw, then so be it. That’s my choice, and I love myself for taking care of myself that way.

[@ihthgn3853]

Sometimes taking a step back to rethink things over is like giving you time to gaslight yourself. I always say, if I felt it, it was definitely real. It’s a superpower that we have. We’re able to pick up on negative vibes directed as us.

[@Mirthe4390]

Yes. Your so right. How can we use this superpower for our advantage tho? I struggle with this...

[@Boomercon3000]

I was just thinking that it might help if we weren’t right about the actual intentions of people, 95% of the time.

[@lindseylazo423]

man, i'm experiencing this right now! i really hate having to choose groups because I often ask a bunch of people if they're in a group already, and they normally are; i tend to get left out and then have to find the people who also have been ignored/rejected from groups. it's really frustrated to feel on the outside so frequently. i know that people aren't trying to intentionally not invite me to their group, but it feels like a betrayal for as hard as i work to try and build relationships with others and communicate that i'd like to work with them.

[@triplemoyagames4195]

One thing that helped me, is to try and avoid to take it personally, It can be difficult but once it clicks, it helps immensely. Because the knee-jerk reaction, is always to take it personally

[@ZealMania456]

I have been diagnosed with BPD because of this feeling, I never felt like that diagnosis fit. I really feel like most of my symptoms of my diagnosis, depression, anxiety and bpd could come down to ADHD

[@woodpeckerme]

Or autism.

[@danismithmn]

I have also been diagnosed with BPD. That, and bipolar disorder in the past. I'm glad I'm finding new things that are helping me understand my brain better.

[@elektra81516]

I thought I had BPD as so many of.the symptoms of it match up with my experiences. But I do have a lot of ADHD symptoms too. I think it is the ADHD.

[@thestarswillshineagain1824]

I was also diagnosed with BPD, but it's actually ASD, I didn't get an adhd diagnosis because u forgot to send in my school reports 😭 but I do feel like I have adhd too. Not sure if the RSD is down to the undiagnosed ADHD or just Autism? I'm not sure if you can get it if you have autism

[@ranc1977]

CBT must be banned, it is producing misdiagnosis.

[@BhadBishopp]

Thi video is amazing. It's like talking to a friend. This is such a big problem in my marriage because I take everything to my heart that my husband says. Sometimes it hurts so deeply and he is just standing there like... unable to understand how I can get upset from such small things. Also let's just appreciate that emerald green eye color!!!

[@thehomebird999]

I’ve spent thousands on private psychiatrists and medication. This is the first time I’ve seen someone identify not just symptoms of RSD, but actually suggest strategies & coping skills to deal with the feelings. I needed this so much, thank you for helping ❤

[@basementdwellers5688]

Thank you to all of the people who took the time to describe how they feel when this happens to them. Now I know how real it is-that I’m not imagining any of these feelings. Know that it exists means we have a chance of figuring out to deal with it. ❤

[@torsk1997]

I'm super stressed, that explains why my RSD is so bad right now. I didn't know it effected it that much. Thank you.

[@nafstalgic]

This is by far the most REAL and RELATABLE video I’ve watched on RSD, and I’ve watched a lot. So extremely helpful

[@dearkappy]

I was having a bad day and going over the sadness i seem to carry with me all my life and then this video was on my homepage. I didn't even know there was a term for it. I've been thinking my emotional reactions to such situtions were a sign of codependancy but this explanation fit how I've been feeling all my life 100%. Thank you for sharing the knowledge in such a simple way. Your productivity for ppl with adhd video has also given me a better understanding on how my brain works.

[@Jagger580]

Have you ever considered doing a podcast about ADHD? I really think it would do well. I first heard your video on Toxic Productivity and a lot of that really resonated with me and I felt like someone truly gets it. Keep up the great work.

[@adhdjesse]

Thanks so much! I actually do have a podcast called ADHD Nerds at adhdnerds.com

[@hopecreekranch365]

Thank you for talking about this!!! It has been the most destructive part of ADHD for me. I’ve ended relationships and quit jobs because I’m convinced the people around me are just pretending to like me, but they really want to break up or fire me. And then I’m shocked when they’re shocked I’m leaving! Ugh!!!!!

[@DavidThorpe]

The amount of jobs I've just thrown the towel in on because of this behaviour is quite astronomical and lead me to become a freelancer / contractor. I really enjoy the way you talk about ADHD, very relatable and great work!

[@postmalonalisa420]

I bet we have the best resumes

[@farojaco]

Insane... it's exactly what i felt since i was a child and a teenager. I always remember that when i felt hurt by someone in my family that i really loved, i couldn't helped it and started to cry immediately, even if i wanted to contain my tears it was just impossible to do.

[@freerangethinkingpodcast]

Hi! Alex (1 of 2 ADHD Creators) here to say thank you! Since I am learning about Neurodiversity, ADHD and all those implications, I am blown away by what it is to learn out there. And: How much I am able to understand myself better after 48 years of struggling with ADHD, Aspberger and Aphantasia. Learning about Aphantasia was the first real eye-opener to me. Suddenly I understood that others perceive the world not like me. Connecting the dots in hindsight is still really helpful and healing. Even more powerful is the ability to understand myself and others much better. Raising the quality of relationships and interactions on a whole new level. Thanks for explaining so much! I am going to dive deeper into RSD.

[@ratsarekool]

I think I have undiagnosed adhd and Ive always struggled with my intense reactions. It especially sucks when its a joke that someone makes that I interpret as criticism. I sorta knew this existed but just in the form of the phrase "sensitivity to criticism" and never looked into it. Seriously feels so validating to see that this is real when you've been called "dramatic" or a "buzzkill" or told you "need to calm down" or you're "overreacting" your whole life. I could name so much more but you get the point. It is really frustrating doubting yourself. You just described my experiences so well thank you for giving me a word for it I just never really knew how to tell people especially since talking about my feelings especially after what I deem as criticism is so hard for me. Thanks for reading to whoever did 👍hope you have a nice day

[@his_geodz]

the rsd workbook by tom jeyco is very useful available on amazon

[@Midekai]

Honestly I used to think I was just having an episode of being overly sensitive or emotional, but these experiences that you described definitely validate some of those feelings me and my friends with ADHD have. Thanks for the video 💙💙💙

[@danismithmn]

I've lost and abandoned so many relationships because of this. I found this video a couple weeks ago and my therapist and I have been talking about it. I've already been working on how to use what I've learned to control my emotions and Dysphoria.

[@PrettyShooter]

I can only say infinite thanks, I thought I was hypersensitive, but I never felt completely defined by that word, and now I understand everything, my whole life... it's ADHD.

[@HaHaLooLoo]

i understand my whole life now too :(

[@SS-in1ts]

LOVE THIS. Something that helped me learn to practice was self compassion vs self pity even though I didn’t recognize it as pity. Labeling it as RSD will add to the self centering and compassion without taking it personal ♥️

[@teji_teji_]

The withdrawal part resonates so much with me. I used to think I just wanted to "make moves in silence" but I realised I just never told anyone what I was doing so I can't be criticised if I don't achieve it

[@noctoi]

Gods I love neurodivergent KZbin. Thank you for this. I used to deal with this by overachieving and fawning. Since my disabilities and chronic pain really ramped up after getting COVID a couple times I'm definitely more in the "hermit so nothing else can harm me" category. I've been told I'm "too emotional", I need to "grow a thicker skin" and stop "overreacting" all my life. I KNOW my reaction to negative stimulus is often disproportionate, but knowing doesn't mean it doesn't FEEL. It's literally like I've been told I'm due for the gallows in 5 minutes just after being told I've been pardoned. It's betrayal, it physically HURTS. It's a massive torrent of adrenaline, instant fight or flight, and the worst grief you could imagine all hitting in a split second. Neurotypical people can't comprehend it any more than people who've never had one can comprehend a migraine is more than a headache. It's not an overreaction, if anything what they see a a monumental attempt at me trying desperately to NOT react because I know when it passes I'll THEN be hit with disproportionate humiliation and self recriminations. I wish I could say it gets easier to manage, but it really doesn't. It gets easier to tolerate and easier to hide, but the trauma every SINGLE TIME is just as bad. It's like you're grieving but the people you care for the most are causing the pain and you therefore have no support getting through it 😢

[@NascimYT]

I just found your channel last month, and man does this video hit home for me. RSD has absolutely wrecked my life in so many critical areas over the last 25 years. I first learned about it last month from the How to ADHD channel, and I ended up ugly crying for an hour. Naming this thing and knowing that it exists has been helping me part ways with decades of guilt and phantom failure pains. Thank you so much for sharing this Jesse.

[@jyotivyas9286]

😮😢you described Me Accurately So Much Thanks. 😊❤Brother.

[@robforrest9083]

Even as a teenager , if someone said something negative to me I would break down and cry. I could not help it. It was so embarrassing.

[@cynthiareneejewels]

i’m 66-Eureka!! this makes so much sense to me. And it is helpful to hear it described out loud.

[@baronmorris]

I just learned about rsd. I have fairly severe cptsd... But, looking back, rsd has been the worst part of it. It's probably not for everyone, but it is astounding how much a prescription I just started is helping take away the feeling of doom, the difficulty breathing, the downward spiraling loops of negative thoughts... Guanfacine, a blood pressure med that also reduces adrenaline, among other things. Worth looking into. Day 2 and I feel reborn. 🙌

[@Frosty-273]

Reducing stress is the best part about this video please do try this as I have and it really does help. Doing Weights, EATING a LOW sugar/processed foods diet. I am so glad I came across this video as I have suffered with this my whole life lashing out getting in fights due to triggers within me exploding 🤯 ❤🙏

[@seanritzenthaler9208]

This is my first time hearing about this and HOLY SHIT IT EXPLAINS SO MUCH. Like I've literally lost relationships over this kind of thing. I really wish I knew this sooner.

[@francisfrain6385]

Yup whenever i feel irritated or irrationally pissed at someone i immediately feel so guilty and ashamed of myself because obviously that person doesn't deserved that emotional response. Knowing there's a name for what i experience has been very helpful to come to terms with this

[@nui7567]

Thank you for these videos, to everyone in this community. This aligns a lot with my childhood, specially the bottling up emotions; but what I was mostly sensitive to was to feel the disappointment from others. It feels like my world is crumbling around me. I never spoke about what I felt, never got angry, or defended my feelings, even if the malicious intent was more real than not. The thing is, I became a chronically people pleaser, and even more, I distanced myself from everyone. I remember thinking as a child and teenager 'nobody truly likes me, they're just pretending'. And when it became real, I was devastated. It's been a while, but I believe I'm healing. But in this; until today I still hide myself from everyone as much as I can, sometimes because they bother me, sometimes because I truly don't want that feeling of being a disappointment to the people I care about. And distancing myself from them often disappoint them, so it's recursive. I tend to grab one person and maintain contact with them daily or hourly, at most two people. While I can't say for certain that I posses ADHD, as my psychiatrist says that I'm more leaning to a more than decade chronic, treatment-resistant depression (and all the anxiety and low dopamine it comes with), I am virtually in the same place. But it's just the opinion of someone around here. If this happens to resonate with someone, I hope this makes you less alone, truly.

[@slymarbox]

my god.. I thought no one felt like this other than me. I've never seen anyone notice or express this feeling and hearing about it from you is so calming. I don't know why but I don't even like typing this because it feels like I'm being a sensitive average sad guy on the internet and yeah. I can't type more but thank you.

[@mandimillermarkandroidwils6108]

Wow!! Thank you… I’ve studied psychology for many decades now and I’ve never heard of this. I can identify with this 100%.!!!!

[@Bekind1969]

This just happened to me at work. We never talk politics but I said something that someone didn't agree with and the look on her face towards me crushed me. I then tried to say things to make sure she still liked me and as soon as she said something nice I felt much better. Crazy emotion.....it was killing me inside.

[@joetaylor9051]

Omg you explained verbally what i couldn't😢im a 36 male diagnosed with ADHD at 7 I'm so grateful and thankful because I can now actually show people exactly, how I felt my whole life including now, I never could explain it in words😢😢 I truly thank you🙏🙏🙏 from the bottom of my heart you do not know how blessed I feel for watching your video I was just scrolling through KZbin I am not subscribed but I am now just because that is the least I can do and I will show everybody that I know I can show them your video and say that's exactly how it is with me and my temperament and ADHD and just yeah thank you so much 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@Maimelodie]

I bottle up, feeling absolutely awful and hurt. I then cry about it or get depressed once I'm back home alone. And I do all the mentioned things to avoid such confrontations. Pleasing, overachieving and withdrawal ((( It feels so freeing to finally understand what is happening to me.

[@judymiller5154]

same here

[@dmargot2828]

This is a new aspect i've recently learned of. I applied it to all the past situations where it seemed like I was reacting irrationally to what I perceived as criticism. (Whoa, you just said those exact words as I was typing them) and I realized this is what was going on. I just thought other people could control it better than me and I was weak. What a crazy relief it is to know. 😪

[@danielaardila5081]

I feel like I'm opening my eyes to something that is going to help me so much in the future. I've had so many situations in which how I react is basically unbelievable to me, especially with anger that comes from frustration. Thank you so much.

[@alessazoe]

Man, you really explain all those adhd bits SO well, thank you!

[@Caitlin_Peters]

I so wish I had found this video a long time ago.. so glad to know this is something that doesn’t only happen to me 👀

[@rellikpd]

I never thought I had ADD/ADHD... not even a little bit... but semi-recently my counselor mentioned she believed I had it... and... now... This is the second of your videos I've watched... and the first quarter of BOTH videos of you telling about your youth growing up, or how you handle situations... It was like you were telling my own story and it freaks me out.

[@chrisklinetob7389]

OMG! Before watching this video, I had NO ideal that RSD was "a thing". I took notes throughout the video and in doing so, I began to recall SO MANY times in which someone said something to me our about me which I completely took as an insult when the FACT is, what they said was a COMPLIMENT! Sadly, at the time and then over and over for years, I'd renumerate about the pain it caused and worse, what was said should have STRENGHED my self confidence instead of hurting it! This is an "ah-ha" moment for me. Thank you Jesse!

[@olgaiushkova2454]

such a relief hearing this discription. All my child and teenagehood i was told by ma family: look at you! your're psycho, go and treat your nerves! Everybody except you behave, you're the only one wierd. And I still (40yo)hear it sometimes from my mom. I've been a year with my adhd (it's still not an adult diagnose here) and a year on a path from I'm flawed to I'm ok, there are planty of us, being burned inside when questioned. Thank you!

[@obara7366]

I found your through twitter, and for most of this year have been subbed to your mailing list, and I'm glad to have found you on YT again months later. Thank you so much for all of your content, it means the world to see so much support from someone who gets it when ADHD might be the single worst thing about my life.

[@babystudios0101]

Ohhmygoodness!! Finally!!! Yasssss...this is me!! Finally.... this is is meee...I'm in tears...

[@KarelVenter]

This is me. I associate SO much with this. Just hearing someone exactly describing this demon tormenting me brings tear to my eyes because you feel SO alone, and no one close to you can understand

[@sarahmaxinegeorge591]

Knowing about RSD is so helpful! I’ve always felt so alone on this, and you talking about this makes me feel very seen. I experience this a lot with my BPD, as well.

[@karlamcdonough146]

I’m 47, diagnosed at 46. Only now am I starting to understand myself through videos like this, thank you ❤

[@MC-pg2ko]

I've only just become aware of RSD. I have always suffered from this condition but put it down to me being overly sensitive as this is what I was being told. My response to anyone who triggered the emotion was to distance myself, repress my feelings or avoid socialising. This led to me having fewer friends until I more or less gave up on friendships altogether. I couldn't cope with the intensity of the emotions or the rejections. I put this down to growing up with an overly critical and controlling mother. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I think I spent my entire childhood and adolescence seeking her approval. I never got it and don't believe I ever will, now that she has dementia.

[@JordynLaRee]

You just explained my life right down to the mother with dementia. My mom is starting to show signs of it. & just like your mom she never gave me any kind of validation only ever criticism.

[@VincesArtDesigns]

As a 20 year old college student, my mental health is trash. Just got on adderall which has been life saving. Anyway, my fear of rejection was so bad. It was controlling my brain from functioning. I thought I was crazy. When my therapist brought up RSD, I literally cried, cried like a baby. Knowing I actually have something, knowing I’m not crazy changed my life!

[@JoseMabok]

Brother! 63 and you’re taking me to school. Thank you! I thought I was just fucked up. You’ve been reading my texts. I Have learned to change spaces and even quit slamming the door on my way out.

[@R0S3inC0NCR33T]

I just got out of a four-year relationship where this was something we were both suffering from. She withdrew from me to avoid being hurt, and I took that as a rejection and got more hurt. Which of course made her withdraw more, without ever communicating what the problem was. It felt like every bit of negative self-talk I had was being reinforced at every point. I’ve been working through the grief and the low self-esteem in the wake of this, but I can’t help but be reminded of that rejection every single day. I don’t want it to always be like this, and logically I can remind myself that it won’t be, but emotionally I can’t let myself believe it.

[@Charlie-re9ok]

This video just explained what's gone wrong in my life for the past 6 months. Thank you

[@Charlie-re9ok]

Even for my whole life actually but yeah. Great video

[@myishenhaines1706]

My goodness. This is me. I’m in awe. Wow. I have cptsd and am autistic (self diagnosed autistic). And I can finally put a word to these intense failure emotions I feel from rejection. Wow

[@phiehub234]

what i love about the video made by adhders and for adhders the most - we know the best how to make it and how to talk so all of the adhders watching this and listening to us do not lose attention. thanks for the video! glad to have all things rsd well explained in one short video 🥰

[@Stellarstar_.]

The way I understand soooooo much about my self with learning about this. (I’ve been crying the past 30 minutes)

[@telefellavision]

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

[@cranma0125]

Found this video after this kind of situation I had yesterday. I work in childcare (internship through my education), and I've been there for 2 months now. I had the BEST week last week, everything went so well and I enojyed myself so much. But yesterday, when a child had fallen and started to cry, I sat down and picked him up (he's a toddler). My co-worker gave me a tip really nicely on how to comfort him better; it was a good tip and it made perfect sense, but it felt like I had been scolded or something. I felt so uncomfortable and hurt, I almost wanted to cry. I felt it for the rest of the day. I haven't been diagnosed with ADHD but I'm seriously suspecting it

[@vibesmom]

This is the struggle of my life- it’s painful in a way I can’t express.

[@wardington2]

What a great video. I'm just starting my ADHD Inattentive type journey & RSD hits home very hard. I cannot say what I want to say (I've always had the conversation in my head many times) something completely different comes out, mostly something stupid, only for what I hear is a negative comment or criticism..... That's it, I just close down (fight or flight in my head but I don't actually do anything) & often lasts for days on end. Almost like a sulking child..... I'm 52 & I've had many years learning how to mask everything..... it's such hard work.

[@DawsonLoudon]

THANK YOU! This has been on the tip of my tongue for most of my life. Knowing it has a name and is experienced by others just lifted a bunch of weight off my shoulders.

[@robvantour9757]

Best Video on RSD, I was looking for a good video to explain it to my wife. Finally, the search is over. This video is perfect!

[@jen52869]

Phew this is so validating. I have lost so many friends (I feel like I don’t have any friends but I can’t tell if that’s reality or rsd or bdp). Basically I don’t know what’s real anymore and it’s making life real hard to manage.

[@TheDamianG]

I used to describe the feeling as I have a glass shield and the minute it's broken through rejection feels as if I'm being assaulted and I shut down instantly and I go into a personal safety bubble almost instantaneously. It's a big reason why I am scared to fail or go for what I really want.

[@naananature]

Thank you so much. Now I understand myself more. I'm the one choosing withdraw completely as I found it more peaceful and happy.

[@thatanimatorguy599]

This makes me cry knowing that I'm not alone in this, I feel this every single day.

[@joshladd-h2t]

Finally going down the rabbit hole of education for my ADD and my entire life makes way more sense now! 44 and have only had three 3 relationships my entire life. RSD is why.

[@JMPDev]

A variation of the silent reaction: you are aware that your reaction does not match the feelings you are feeling, and that it doesn’t match up with past evidence, based on what your conscious rational mind knows. You feel shame for feeling them, and none of the negativity you are feeling is actually focused on them, but rather yourself for even feeling that way. For having had expectations that did not match the situation. You retreat and people see it as you having been offended, when the only offense you took was with yourself.

[@SEATACx]

I'm so glad I found your channel. You put so much into these struggles that people with ADHD deal with. This one is something I suffer with constantly, so it's nice to have a way to work with it and know what it is. Thank you for this.

[@Acorn905]

This really helps ^^ I get really hurt by youtube comments lately like if someone says what i'm feeling doesnt make sense or if they take it as a joke it makes me really mad and sad. I just don't get why poeples can't be nicer and more understanding and then i get mad at myself and ask myself why cant i just care less about what this stranger thinks about me? But when i realize i shouldn't care about what others say it makes me see that i can like what i want and even tho constructive criticism is good i need to separate whats worth getting mad at and what i should ingore and classify as a troll or meme

[@featherlikescartoons5098]

Thank you for making this. Kind of started sobbing a couple minutes in, this just means so much to me. I've been trying to figure out for a bit why I have such extream reactions to things, trying to figure out if it was just something with me or some neurodivergancy. I'm actually really far on the crying end of the spectrum when it comes to reactions. I'm not a very angry person (a fact that makes it difficult to relate to any kind of emotional disregulation, as they're often described with the anger example. The sadness/tears reaction is mentioned occasionally with this kind of thing, but rarely enough that I find myself doubting my self-diagnoise a lot) This makes me feel a lot better about my reactions, knowing that it's not my fault. I felt so pathetic whenever it happens. This also explains why I reacted to rejection like I had deep-rooted emotional trauma at eight years old. Fear of rejection and people-pleasing is something I can relate to a lot

[@dianavillegas1959]

People pleaser: check! Withdrawing: check! Def not overachieving in any way, though work-a-holic might count. Feels too good to go above and beyond. I think I try too hard, especially to overcome all my ADHD symptoms so when someone criticizes my efforts, it really hurts. Great advice though, I'm huge on giving myself space and time to respond. I've missed out on catching on when someone likes me and I'm single as a result now. I'm overly cautious about not misconstruing interactions as a result of that time and space which causes a lot of missed opportunities for me. I'm still trying to find a soft spot between delayed reaction to avoid over reacting and living in the moment. Very difficult to balance. Any advice?

[@AshlynnAspires]

I used to cry a lot when I get scolded, teased. I thought I was just extremely sensitive and a crybaby. I still get really hurt when friends give me constructive criticism.But now I know the reason why.

[@hardworkingdiva]

Holy crap! This is my partner and I when we have arguments. It’s like the Spider-Man meme of pointing at himself. 🥴 This is honestly great. We decided that a therapist would be a great idea for us and this just helped me see why we need someone who is versed in ADHD couples.

[@jithinlakshman9605]

My people pleasing habit was horrible. I do anything to make them happy. No boundaries. I can’t imagine loosing anyone. I had no self love . It was really terrific.

[@owlexb1124]

You're back!!! Jesse, your Toxic Productivity video has been the most helpful video I've seen since my diagnosis back in March. So glad to see this in my feed today.

[@xaviermcgettigan8968]

This video is really helpful, I very very recently got a diagnosis and my doc said he thought RSD would be a big aspect for me, and so much of this rings true, especially turning into a people pleaser and overachiever. I suddenly got very emotional at the strategy to remember the past relationship with the person, this weirdly had never occurred to me and will be such a helpful tool going forward. I wish I'd known this sooner, that's where the emotion came from I think. Anyway! Thanks for the great insight, you've got yourself a new subscriber 😊

[@vickywitton1008]

I am watching this in the hope that it will stave off the panic attack that keeps threatening to overwhelm me today

[@ShaneYoung]

Thanks, Jesse - this resonated deeply with me. I know many people don't like labels but to give a name to this helps me rationalise my behaviour, even if I take time to calm down first. I'd like to think it might help loved ones have some grip on why I am the way I am, too.