Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) and ADHD

Do you hate the thought of being rejected? Do you take it personally when someone gives you constructive criticism? Do you often feel like a disappointment to others or to yourself? When you were a child, were you constantly getting in trouble because you were unorganized, messy, forgetful, and/or hyper? You may want to check out this video.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is an often-overlooked ADHD trait. In this video, I describe what RSD is and what it's like to deal with it on a daily basis, which areas of your life can be affected by it, how and why people with ADHD develop RSD, and ways we can "fix" it.
Not to be confused with "emotional dysregulation", RSD is very specific to people with ADHD (and Autistic individuals in some cases.)
*Please note that I am not a doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist, or anything of the like. I'm just an adult with ADHD and I'm REALLY into researching and learning about ADHD. The purpose of my videos is to educate others about ADHD, whether they are diagnosed, self-diagnosed, undiagnosed, or just looking to be supportive of a friend with ADHD.) I try my best to make my videos inclusive and accessible. Please feel free to send me an e-mail if you feel I am not doing so.

[@Imwalkinhea]

I’m literally 21 and still think about a joke that didn’t land in 6th grade😭😭😩

[@signaturemove1976]

Hii Ashley , I want to improve my English , I think you are a native English speaker , I am from India, can you please help me ,

[@giginilsson]

i'm 46. i still think about that joke i made when i was about 8 that my friend's mother rolled her eyes at. 🤝

[@johndoe4907]

@@giginilsson Yaaa I am 43 and still cringe about things I did or said when I was younger....gotta love the ruminations.

[@zeruty]

I'm 38 and still think about rejection or presumed rejection from elementary school.

[@tamekawolden5823]

⁷⁷⁷⁷⁷

[@melon3173]

I burned my notebooks, a bunch of letters I wrote, poems, drawings, anything I had written to express myself because I was afraid someone was going to see them.

[@cutepuddleslime8201]

...I feel so horrible for you 😢 I'm so sorry for the fear that you feel 🫂

[@heedmydemands]

Did it make u feel better? Because if it did then it was good

[@whatsyoursinx]

If i had a dime for every time I've been called "overly sensitive" .....

[@Leggs013]

Sounds Like Me .( Male )

[@redrumcoke2363]

My dad tells me that I'm "always looking for the hole to fall in." lol

[@wendyalaffe3542]

OMG me too!!!!

[@anyatranter5588]

What if it's a boss who is just being rude,and you don't have close people to share it with.

[@ach1ntt806]

The fact that kids with adhd suffered 20,000 more incidences of rejection really got to me. No wonder by the time I got to middle school I turned into the weird kid who barely interacted with the other kids and just stayed in the fringes as much as possible and no wonder that led to extreme introversion and social anxiety down the line. This one really hit me in the feels. Thank you for this!!

[@Supwisconsin]

Im 41 now and have RSD but I didn't have negative parents. Actually, I think back and it was quite positive. I think this study should be taken with a grain of salt because RSD gives a perception and did RSF create the negative parents or did the negative parents create the RSD? I think it could be the latter or even both. Just my thoughts. Best wishes!

[@teresaharris-travelbybooks5564]

​@@SupwisconsinTHANK YOU, for saying this. All of the videos I've watched so far, will predispose adults with ADHD and RSD blaming their parents for everything.

[@BlackthornBetty]

Um...people in authority should recognize your disability and give accommodations accordingly. We should be treated differently because we *ARE* different.

[@ahumblewaffle]

RSD is maybe the biggest thing that's been messing me up all my life but I only just recently found out what it was. Thank you for this video!!!!

[@ahumblewaffle]

Okay I actually meant more emotional dysregulation, but RSD is another of the big ones for me. And man did the "stupid joke that keeps you awake at night for the rest of your life" anecdote hit home lmao

[@i_do_random_stuff]

Same

[@whatsyoursinx]

Same!!!

[@chrisoldham2772]

Im in tears, THIS is what Ive struggled with all my life. I been diagnosed ADHD w/Torette's tendancies-its one of why im on SSDI. I dont guess we made it THAT far down the list. Ive heard the letters RSD thrown n bounced but didnt even know what they stood for. the RSD symptom is "nail ta board-spot on" my life's story. As I write this the struggle continues and I will be talkin ta my doctor about referring me ta his shrink. I moved here couple yrs ago and THIS has kept me from seeing a doctor til last month. I give God the glory n praise fer allowing me this far through life without killin someone or myself cause there were real close calls. However I know its time ta see someone again. I smoke a bit of weed but my party days are gone and im not taking anything for RSD or ADHD. Thank you for this channel and God be with ya.

[@mopnem]

Yup

[@anthonyoh9629]

"You're going to sit and think about that joke that no-one laughed at until 4am for the next 16 years" is 100% me. I found you by searching ADHD on Twitter.

[@Zosio]

Oy. I'm having yet another one of those neurodivergent "Wait, not *everyone* does that?" moments. Very well made. Thank you!

[@marcypan8219]

Don’t forget “if you lost/forgot something, it means you obviously didn’t care enough about it.” I love singing, but at one point I was constantly forgetting to attend my singing lessons, and being accused of not caring enough about them was seriously painful. My parents almost stopped paying for them because they thought I just didn’t care.

[@rose1527]

Omg. This is horrible seriously, my dad used to accuse me of not caring about school, and blamed me constantly for forgetting homework and stuff like that. I actually did care lol, I was beating myself up constantly for not meeting my own and my parent’s expectations.

[@someguy34231]

i quit piano because it hurt so much to be scolded for not being able to practice. eventually i resented it

[@marcypan8219]

@@someguy34231 I quit piano for the same reasons, I now would be open to learning it again but only on my own terms.

[@MellowBellow1]

But in that instance, if you love something and constantly forget to go. …. A neurotypical person would think you were being passive aggressive. It’s true. And it’s reasonable for a parent to stop paying for lessons if you keep forgetting to go. The thing is to remind yourself better if you love it. And someone else is paying. ….

[@MellowBellow1]

@@someguy34231 but why didn’t you practice? It’s “normal” to practice and commit if you’re interested in something. … and you are/were interested in piano. You can’t blame your parents for wanting you to commit to something you like. …

[@amyyyamy]

Reject other people before they have a chance to reject us. Now it makes sense why I would call in sick for feedback talks and quit jobs before they’d even have the chance to talk to me.

[@nicoles912]

i struggled my entire life with this, thinking i either just had really bad social anxiety or was crippingly over sensitive. it was so painful, and it really wasn't until i was diagnosed with adhd that i realized this was a symptom... hope everyone struggling with it is doing okay.

[@LacrosseSpaz2757]

Congrats on your diagnosis 💓 it can feel so extremely isolating, but it brings a lot of comfort to know that we are in this together

[@blinkrogue1344]

So is THIS what I'm experiencing, not social anxiety... I went to the doctor because I couldnt work. I had daily meltdowns, atleast 2 every day at the work bathroom, so I had to quit for me own sanity. I tried many jobs, but they all had the same problems. everyday waiting for the Buss, all I was thinking about is how I stand, breath, where I look, and just try my best to blend in a crowd feeling as a 4 meter tall person, very uncomfortable and just agonizing. Sitting on the buss, I had to sit at the very back if I wanted to feel some peace, as I could almost "feel" their gazes drilling into my back head if someone sat behind me. Every day at work my mind was filled by a feeling of uneasiness, as my every single move was precisely calculated to never be an inconvenience for anyone around me, while being sure that those I try to please already hates my guts My psychiatrist told me that I had social anxiety, and that only exposure would help. I tried to explain that I have been getting a lot of exposure that only reaffirms my bad thoughts, because my bad thoughts was about the daily interactions that litteraly happend everyday.

[@rose1527]

Me too, I thought I had social anxiety until I learned about RSD, and I was immediately like “oh THAT’S it”. Social anxiety never 100% made sense for me, but I didn’t know how else to explain the overwhelming intense dread and fear I would get at the thought or small chance that someone would think I am weird and not like me. It was such a giant lightbulb moment when I heard about this, it basically explained my entire social experience lol.

[@freedomfitness8720]

I’m probably one of the oldest ADHD people on here. I think I now know why I “ghost“ people. Wow.

[@inquisite472]

Me tooooooo

[@alyssarushton6890]

You are the first person on KZbin that has explained this feeling 100% correctly. This is how I feel every fucking day . I want to quit my job every single day because of this constant torture of thinking everyone hates me

[@AlexiHolford]

I am so sorry you experience this so deeply and constantly. 🥲

[@spicychai]

It just hit me today what RSD is and I came here for clarification. I’m so glad I did she really did say what I’ve been needing to hear for so long. So many tears and so many jobs later I’m starting to see a pattern. No matter how hard I try to control it, I can’t help it.

[@Dancestar1981]

It’s been my experience my whole life

[@taramisue6349]

Same.., Same

[@michelleellis6815]

Yes I feel like no one likes me I am only finding about this at 38 what the actual I always felt so alone

[@janielstewart]

I am a female in my 40s that was recently diagnosed with ADHD. Lately I constantly ask myself, how the heck I didn't know I have had ADHD my whole life? It is so liberating being diagnosed. I am extremely greatful for that. RDS has been a giant challenge for me. I can't remember being alive and not struggling with it. I have always, always, felt unworthy and focus all the wrong happening in my life onto myself and trying to deal with being so very insecure. Being self aware of the problem and knowing that this is a result of my ADHD and not bc I deserve rejection is a huge, huge step. My ADHD is extremely internalized and even though I am fearful of others judgements and them finally finding out I suck, I am still a people person. I just love people. They intrest me and I truly am curious about them. So I consider myself a socially fearful people person who's symptoms are extremely well hidden outwardly. Bc I present in this way, ADHD did not have a negative impact in friendships and bullying, although my social life has always been anxiety filled. I was and still am scared that people will finally find out how stupid and idiotic I am. I tried and still try so hard. But again, no mean words directed towards me in my life from friends and family. I wonder if the etiology or reasoning behind RDS is truly increased chance of being bullied bc of ADHD or if most ADHD people have RSD bc of the brain physiology and it is exacerbated or reinforced by the bullying? But whatever the cause, everyone who is struggling, know that you are not alone. We understand the struggle. Fight and push through. You are so worth it.

[@lisastorey7928]

Wow! This is a symptom of my ADHD that I've been suffering from my whole life and just learned about it for the first time watching this video! I only got diagnosed in my 30's, so learning all this stuff about myself is crazy, in hindsight I've probably lost good friends over the years because I took their rejection of me too seriously.

[@sebastiansanchezmendoza7523]

Hi! I'm also diagnosed just this month. What treatment are you doing?

[@spicychai]

Something that makes RSD difficult to handle is reading people. I try to rely on body language but it doesn’t always line up. Something I do to reflect on myself is look at how they treat others vs me. Some people treat everyone the same and others they are clearly treating me differently and that’s when I get in my head either over thinking or figuring out how to breath and focus on something else 😣

[@na.di2023]

💔💛 Your comment is smth I wanted to read

[@heroickyle7572]

This is how i feel with people i deeply care about. Rsd is a joy killing enemy in times where i could've genuinely enjoyed my time with them.

[@BarryWeirdBastard]

I've always struggled with this. If someone stops talking to me I panic and blame myself and get so upset and try to work out what I did wrong. Often I just don't know what I did so I just grow some more shame about being 'too much/ too weird/ annoying'

[@i_do_random_stuff]

6:03 thanks mom. You also forgot about "Your going to fail all your classes" and then going into everything that will happen if you do fail.

[@djhrecordhound4391]

Yep, it didn't help that mine was a covert narcissist (everyone loved her, but in private to me she could be scary af). The very real "voice of doubt" until her passing.

[@meatstack]

47 years old, and my therapist introduced this concept to me today. Your video nailed it. Damnit

[@MegaInfinityBand]

I think the thing that bothers me the most about RSD is that people believe that like “you’re just being sensitive” and that you just grow out of being like that? As if I control that. As if I want to cry when I’m rejected or can regulate that emotion. It’s not something I choose on purpose to react that way. I would absolutely love to not give a f*** about anything ever- but I can’t. I was just watching a video about why Rory Gilmore grew up to be an entitled millennial- that she couldn’t handle rejection and losing. Yeah she couldn’t but don’t you think both her and her mother are adhd coded? And I felt so angry that rejection sensitivity was supposed to be something blatantly connected to my generation. I don’t think it is, it’s me- that’s who I am. And I try to do everything I can deal with this part of who I am the best I can. I go to therapy every week and that can help. I’m painfully self aware lol This is a great video. Thanks

[@ranc1977]

"I think the thing that bothers me the most about RSD is that people believe that like “you’re just being sensitive” and that you just grow out of being like that? " Yep! And CBT explains it away also like it is a matter of courage and being strong. This way CBT is equating our trauma with our personality - as if we are weak and sissy and abnormal for being abused and traumatized and that it is something which can be changed through Deficiency motivation. That is why CBT must be banned, it is adding up to trauma and it is re-traumatizing us. Toxic society is like CBT - it is explaining rejection sensitivity as being sissy and weak while being rude and loud and intrusive is explained away as "strength" macho, alpha, healthy and something that brings money, profit, success and fame. Which of course is not true - toxic people are parasiting on nice kind scared traumatized people - and that is the only secret of their profit and success. Once traumatized people become educated about Rejection sensitivity - they will quit toxic people and narcissism will be destroyed - once it is not supported by uneducated traumatized people like us.

[@lis9290]

I wish I could have all the other symptoms of ADHD minus this one. It’s fucking awful. I feel like I’m too sensitive for this world. I intensely fear embarrassment. The feeling is so painful it’s hard to describe. I STILL remember saying something in front of my class in grade 3, and the whole class including the teachers erupting in laughter because I didn’t realize what I said was the wrong word to use. It’s traumatizing lol. Also, my job is working in a call centre and even after 14 years I get intense anxiety before every call comes in, dreading being yelled at or sounding stupid for not knowing something. So no, exposure doesn’t help.

[@jgregg7100]

100% agree about jobs and never feeling comfortable, no matter how long or how go you are

[@blaszizzz]

I'm 32 years old and I'm literally crying listening to this, as if you were describing my life. I'm still awaiting proper ADHD assessment, but I was diagnosed as dyslexic at 9y and present with so many symptoms it's crazy. I'm so afraid of rejection and critique I get stressed out when things aren't 'perfect' but if I know I won't be able to do something to my standard (which of course takes forever, due to the constant distractions and chronic procrastination) I will avoid it at all costs. It sucks, I really wish I could force my brain to work the 'normal' way and stop self-sabotaging

[@OurgasmComrade]

So if RSD is rooted in childhood then that means that Ayhuasca might be able to treat and unwire RSD because Ayhuasca can be incredibly powerful in healing childhood trauma in the right setting. Also Gabor Mate's writings on trauma and upbringing related to ADHD are interesting as well

[@pranoyprasad5846]

I was a dumb kid because of undiagnosed adhd. It impacted every area of my life, be it communication, learning, social skills, relationships, motivation and emotional regulation. I felt like shit most of the time and I hated myself. I abused anything that made me feel good and I literally had no self control. It was all or nothing for me. Medication has helped in a little way but I hate that sooner or later you either build tolerance or have adverse effects.

[@PresidentPixel]

This makes sense! I have ADHD and I feel like I’m worthless garbage to people. I always feel like people hate me and are plotting against me, my dad was emotionally abusive toward me as a child so I feel like it may have stemmed from that along with some PTSD of sorts from other events in my life. Nice to have an idea of what is wrong with me.

[@jamilabrownie]

You are literally me

[@redrumcoke2363]

I'm sorry to hear about the abuse, for each of you. Hope you have the support you need.

[@na.di2023]

Nothing is wrong with you, like nothing is wrong with tree that was under hurricane, fully good tree with injury, love

[@kr3642]

Me too. It's worse with other women. I have autism, adhd and ptsd.

[@veryde_3356]

This is the reason I freak out once a year bc I think all my friends hate me and why I am super anxious with meeting new people and especially colleagues.

[@WhatintheADHD]

I've been there ❤ just try to start working on noting your feelings!

[@michaeljoynt2836]

oh god, when you got to the Gym part, I am totally with you. I can only use the gym at work (when its open non pandemic style) if it is totally empty. If there is someone there I NOPE right out of there after pretending I went in there just to check on something and leave, because even the act of walking in and then right away back out is intensely nerve wracking. I will go so far as to go into the locker room to use the toilet just so it doesn't look like I am just walking in and out of the gym. How about shopping, if I go into a store and NOT buy something I feel so awkward like are they gona think I'm stealing something? what if security stops me?!?!?!?! even though I never shoplift, I was actually stopped once by security AND I had bought and paid for something, had a key made, paid for it at the register in the back at the key making desk. Security stopped me and my friend accusing us of stealing that key... long story short, my friend shouting he was gona sue their asses, and me digging out the receipt we were allowed to leave, without so much as an apology, but he even went so far as to say, well, you better watch it, I got my eye on you two... So that was more than 30 years ago. And I think about it every time I go shopping.

[@redrumcoke2363]

I definitely have many of those types of feelings, but they aren't super intrusive. For instance, I try my best to avoid eveyone in my condo building as best I can. I know I have anxiety in scenarios like that because I fond myself humming/singing random songs during those times. I can't quite tell if that is any part of RSD and ADHD, or some sort of anxiety related co-morbidity. I'm not a doctor, but you might want to look into Generalized Anxiety (GAD), Social Anxiety (SAD) or Avoidant Personality (APD) Disorders. If this kind of thing is frewuent and gets in the way of your life. But then, I singing and humming random songs almost all the time anyway. lol

[@Katm0m]

Jax introduced me to this channel and this explains it sooo well!! I’d thought it was “just” anxiety.

[@WhatintheADHD]

Definitely not just anxiety! RSD isn't in the diagnostic manual for ADHD and it definitely should be!! I'm glad you got something out of this video; thanks for watching!

[@RunescapeElijah6578]

Story of my life. Finding out as an adult that I might have the ADHD explains sooooo much about my life and I just hope its not too late to turn it around.

[@djhrecordhound4391]

@@RunescapeElijah6578 Same here. I didn't get diagnosed until my early 40s. Many articles said I'd be depressed for finding out so much later in life, but I was as relieved as I was happy to know I'm not a complete eff-up.

[@heatherrhodes1703]

I have very severe RSD. I'm listening to you explain the rationale for where it comes from and I think there must be more to it. I have inattentive ADHD and when I was young it was crippling. It's much, much better now that I'm in my 50's. All that's left is some executive functioning problems (dyscalculia, word retrieval problems when speaking) and difficulty sticking with a task without getting distracted. Back when I was a kid, I went completely unnoticed by EVERYONE because I was silent and still and kept to myself and was usually off in space somewhere. I preferred solitude (still do), I was fairly neat, having a compulsive need to calm my whirling brain with a neat environment. No one said boo to me, much less constantly criticized me. I have always been super hard on MYSELF. When I look at my old report cards, every single one of them says, "Heather could do so much better if she would pay attention and do her work." My parents got those report cards and didn't berate me. They just filed them away and shrugged their shoulders (which I'm actually glad for. If they had badgered and yelled at me about my grades and homework, I'd have felt like such a horrible loser and I think that would have negatively affected my mental health). All that being said, the explanation that tens of thousands more negative comments leads to RSD just doesn't hold true all the time. I saw a video that talked about a difference in the size of the amygdala affects our control over our emotions. I believe what you heard, but I don't think it's the only reason.

[@Ivy-vi3gf]

I was also wondering...I have extremely strong RSD, but also being a non hyperactive type, o did not get those specific 20k+ negative comments. So i also look more into the connection to brain chemistry and wonder....

[@Avatar_Sokka]

I was diagnosed with ADHD as a very young child, and i feel a little annoyed at my pediatrician for not explaining the actual impact of adhd, and i honestly didnt know that rsd was even a thing, but i very clearly have it, seriously awesome video, you explain things in a very easy to understand way.

[@WhatintheADHD]

Thank you for watching and for saying this! That seriously made my day! I'm so sorry you've struggled with this, but I hope you're able to find the right tools to help yourself cope. 🥰

[@yanyingya]

Their only knowledge on ADHD is a robotic definition from some college textbook. They don’t care enough to actually explain the impact unfortunately.

[@borleyboo5613]

I am RSD triggered when everyone in my family are chatting on the family WhatsApp. They will be joking and fooling around with memes and stuff, and then I join in and send a ‘funny’ or say something. Result......the chat comes to a grinding halt. I feel I want to leave the family WA group but that would probably be ignored as well. It makes me so damned ANGRY!!!!!! I feel they also have a group without me. Jeez!!! They most probably haven’t.

[@erinjoan2070]

I’ve only just stumbled onto this. It’s answered so many questions. I do this too! Feel left out in my family messenger group too

[@torif3793]

I've only ever thought there was a possibility I could have adhd, and have done as much research as possible as to try my best to not self-diagnose/assume without any backup. but this is the first description I've ever heard that actually hits the nail on the head on how my brain works, it's a little confusing as I've always pegged it as social anxiety, but it's so so wonderful to know someone else knows what it's like to think like this, it's exhausting.

[@torif3793]

this comments all over the place lol but the jist is that I'm confused by how exact this is to my life but also so overjoyed to know I'm not insane for being like this, as I've never met anyone who's actually understood what it's like to think like this all of the time

[@zippityzoop1478]

Is this why I’m constantly insulting things that I actually like when I talk about them

[@gmdiona7341]

you made me cry with the critical things adhd children hear... I did miss the 'you could get so far if you just tried harder'

[@els1f]

5:50 yeah, that was a _little_ too accurate. 😨 I had to pause and calm myself🤣

[@gaugea]

same haha 😭

[@secularsongbird9344]

Does this relate to why I was extremely shy as a child? So much so that it made it hard to function doing basic things. It lasted well into my 30s and can still get me once and a while. I was always embarrassed to stand out or be noticed or even of stuff that makes no sense at all. I was embarrassed of my phone number as a kid for crying out loud ;)

[@b1rds0ng57]

I was exactly like this too! And still am, but to a lesser extent. I would do whatever I could to be as small and invisible as possible because I was TERRIFIED of being spoken to- especially if it was in a group situation... *multiple people all looking at me and waiting to judge my response to the question "how are you?" So terrified that my brain would shut down and I couldn't think of a single word to say. My dad would always (jokingly) tease me about how quiet I was. Many others flippantly commented on it throughout childhood. So naturally I believed this was a bad way to be and people wouldn't like me. It obsessively stressed me out for years and years. I would say that I didn't have much of a "fun" childhood because most of it was stolen away from rsd, fear, self- loathing and just this pervasive overarching thought of "there's something wrong with me" So I hear you, and I feel your pain and the years of suffering 💜🫂

[@bridgetoneill487]

Yes!!

[@michaeljoynt2836]

ouch, sometimes I wonder if I really have ADHD then I see a video like this and think, oh yeah, 100% adhd. The bully thing, I was always ALWAYS picked last for everything. In grade school I was tiny, I didnt have a growth spurt till I was in 10th (high school) grade where I went from 4 foot 6 to 6 foot 4, my poor mother needing to buy me all new clothes almost monthly. I developed a defense mechanism where I always look angry so people won't approach me, and I avoided social gatherings that weren't anonymous like a dark shady bar where everyone just stairs down into their drinks. also became an alcoholic with another addiction I am still not 100% comfortable sharing and at 47, turning 48 on Friday I have only just stopped 2 or 3 weeks ago. My childhood f***ked me up bad and I am only now getting my stuff together, getting medical help, hoping to get therapy one day but for now, antidepressants that make my tinnitus worse and hard to pee with some adhd meds that I really cant tell if they are working or not.

[@TheAubreyLynch]

Ugh this was hard to watch because it was full of raw truth. I’m saving it and will watch it a couple times. I’m really working hard on this after a lifetime of being completely unaware of my RDS reactions (I’m talking 50 years plus of over reactions) AND after over 30 years of therapy I’m quite angry than I’m only hearing of this ADHD component now. At least I am now aware and working on it daily and I am noticing improvement everywhere. Well, better late than never SMDH. This video was very helpful. Your humor and candor was just the best. Gotta laugh at it, lovingly… ❤

[@wtfKwaku]

What about.... “you need to watch what you doing, I’m not getting you that all you gone do is break it, how can you live in that room when it’s like that, this the third time I told you to do something, when you gone get it together?” and one of my all time favorites... “you sit in here on that computer or game all day but can’t pick these clothes up off the floor” All this while searching the interwebs “how not to be lazy” then find out years after school and college as a 30 year old that you not lazy or hardheaded you just have adhd.... Ohhhhhh so what about these core beliefs I developed?? 🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐 Because now I’m controlling, thin skinned, self conscious, emotional, and a perfectionist because I don’t want anyone to say I didn’t do something right. Lol adhders we feel each other’s pain! We got this!

[@jenna2026]

I know if men who are rejected or had lack of love (especially when they are teenagers or young adults) grow up to often reject other women later on. The reason is PTSD makes them fearful of a real relationship so they end a relationship when it starts to get serious. They become hollow inside and superficial because they did not experience real love at those developing ages. There are countless examples of this.

[@omniscientnegro6585]

Dam descirbed me perfectly wtf

[@sheldonlamey7010]

Wow finally there's a name for this anxious feeling I've been having all my life ...it did start as a child... Imagine going through your life not know these things... these videos are like a map to guide you through life..... Your work is vital to all of us that are wired differently 👌🏾💯👍🏾🇺🇸🇯🇲👏💂

[@katyameowmeow]

I’ll be honest, I’ve started watching these videos after I had a completely avoidable conflict with a friend that ended up hurting them, partially as a result of my RSD 😥 when I realized what I had done I felt so tortured, it’s one thing to imagine rejection but another to be confronted with something horrible you’ve done without realizing… and ironically enough, the same condition that partially got me into this mess made me feel like my world was ending for an entire day. I don’t expect anybody read this. I just needed to share somewhere….

[@veronicanaumov2981]

This video really made me understand this problem better, I have ADHD and even though I’ve known since I was like 8 years old their have always been certain issues I struggle with that I thought no else also had. Like I now get why I was so fearful of interaction, growing up it’s because of this problem. I always knew why I was scared but it never made sense to me other than be a big fear of mine. It really affected how I saw myself and this fear basically controls your head because you’re scared that a single screw up is going to lead to rejection. It goes under acknowledged but how we grow up affects who we become, I 100% agree it’s not exactly our parents fault but that reaction of “why are you always so messy?”. It hurts, it hurts a lot more than we actually say it does and even if it’s so small it feels like a knife wound to the gut. Its difficult to explain accurately, but the fear of being rejected and hated is so pervasive that when people are genuinely kind it shocks me because that is a reaction that is unexpected to me. It might be completely normal, but that fear is so big that even the smallest act of kindness feels huge.

[@second0banana]

Coming to this way late, but I think it's important to note that ADHD has a strong genetic component so a lot of those negative messages are parents being afraid that their children will struggle like they (or the another parent) did. Internalized ableism becoming externalized ableism!

[@accidentalaerialist371]

Anyone else with ADD/ADHD diagnosis experience this primarily around romantic relationships? I don't experience this with trusted friends and family (they know I'm odd and still choose to be with me), strangers/new people at parties (they really don't know me) or at work (confidently competent, work with machines, which seems to help) - but holy cow - a mess with a romantic relationship. Excellent at taking something that is working just fine and torpedoing it!

[@johnhallam8905]

I call them my hand grenade moments. I am an electrical engineer I work with m/c to. Same with relationships

[@accidentalaerialist371]

@@johnhallam8905 I have a second date tonight with a man who is also an engineer. The first date went well-ish - such a spaz when I'm excited. I'm like Cinderella, as we have a time limit. Meds started wearing off around 10, it was a struggle to kind of maintain. At least we are dancing tonight- movement tends to distract everyone! Hopefully, as an engineer, he will understand about system quirks 😊 Thanks for sharing!

[@TheBigBoopy]

Almost had a full on panic attack at @ 5:38 because of how accurate those words were. This is a great video that's making me think over some of my experiences. I appreciate you friendo.

[@bingolingo222]

I can only imagine how many dates, girlfriends, job promotions, school dances, proms, going out to bars/ clubs with friends,making new friends I missed etc all because of this

[@johndoe4907]

Yaaaa I have learned how to use every part of my ADHD in a positive way and to great success....to the point where I often think the final "D" in ADHD is wrong....and then RSD.....so frustrating and disruptive to my life...especially relationships/friendships.

[@frogs3338]

“Why are you so messy all the time?” “You’re so lazy” “You need to clean your room before you do anything, it looks like a tornado went through here” “You lost something else? AGAIN?“ “Why can you never remember anything” “You need to take some responsibility” Yep, heard these all the time

[@user-dh4sx9rx1r]

It’s sad that so many things like this goes unnoticed in life,and it’s one of the biggest reasons why it can become such a huge problem.

[@yujinkim8223]

Not me crying at 1;40am listening to this -- it is very validating. Kinda happy tears. Kinda resentful of my past - tears. Big hugs to my past me!! She did her best

[@Alwayslearnimg]

I Did not know what this was until recently. I have ADHD. And I have this definitely do some extent. My mom also had it, and I bet she was suffering with that her entire life and never knew it. She always said she was “nervous” and finally at some point she would admit she was depressed later years. But all this and all of her sensitive … all the jobs and all that. Wow

[@purplemonkeydishwasher3263]

I was always told “Purple, you’re so weird”, and I always took it as a compliment… probably as a defence mechanism. Now I tell my kids “Let your freak flag fly!”

[@indmych]

I'm not sure why the algorithm gas been so frequently showing me videos with RSD in the title and I don't know why i chose to click on this one. But I'm glad I did. Some new info and a lot of relief over someone kind seeing my experience and feeling less alone. Your presentation is comforting. Thanks. Also, I watch a lot of KZbin spread over a dozen interests. In fact, KZbin has now become one of my interests. You're doing a great job here! People think it's easier than it is. I hope you're proud of the result. In addition to the well lit, well framed image with a thoughtful palette, your pacing um outline um storyboard/script works great! Top tier in all those structural ways. Additionally there's a comfortable presenter factor that you have in spades. Carry on, this is important information that you convey well.

[@krystleboss8573]

I get that we are all responsible for not being disproportionately angry and that’s fine. But I’m not sure why, when a NT person offends a ND person, why the ND person should apologise & get over it but if NTs are offended by a (harmless) ND behaviour, they are allowed their feelings & NDs again must apologise & do better.

[@fineartlifestyling]

You are right, it’s disproportionately unfair and these types of “psychological aids” are actually unhelpful and destroy the NT person’s mental well-being. Both parties have to work at it and yes this means the ADHD person needs to be accountable to some degree because otherwise relationships are one sided, unfair and it will destroy the relationship or become superficial. It’s unhealthy if it’s a one way street. There is also a limit to a NT person’s understanding and compassion and in some cases it can enable the ADHD person to take it easy on themselves since the NT will always forgive

[@danielsteffe3271]

Thank you for this video. I just cried, because I feel understood. Thank you.

[@alluneedislessthan3]

Bro you didn’t have to act out those rejecting messages so well. 💀

[@vazzaroth]

I felt myself shrinking into my skin yet again even just in the examples section...

[@robberydraws]

You have just describe my primary school years, high school and my adult life. Are you a psychic? Thanks I understand myself a little bit better now.

[@MellowBellow1]

They didn’t mean it the way you took it. “. …. “You are 100% responsible for you’re own RSD”. … beautifully said.

[@citizenprayer5644]

Thank you for the video Sydni (and for the respond to my twitter story). I had an extreme RSD episode a few months back when a horrible misunderstanding resulted in me being banned from a gaming guild, discord group, and a Twitch Team I was a member of. It was absolutely HORRIBLE. For the first maybe 48 hours after the incident my brain was 100% on fight or flight (fight) mode and running off of emotions only. I legit went through the entire mourning and grieving process, and when I responded back to the person who did this to me, I reacted horribly and said some very very mean and negative things. Anyone else may have felt a little anxiety and may have been a bit upset, but, oh well, we move on, right? Nope. My anxiety was through the roof for well over three weeks, I was severely depressed the entire time, facing episodes of mania and sobbing multiple times the entire three weeks. Even a few months later, I'm hurt by the incident, even though I and the other person both now understand it was a misunderstanding, the amount of pain experienced on both sides leaves us anxious. It reminds me of a sports player who breaks a bone. It's hard to get past that mental rut. On one hand, you're not hurt anymore, but on the other hand you mentally can't trust the strength of that arm/leg and you favor it, even though it's not hurt, or you deliberately fail in an attempt not to be hurt again. RSD is real, my friends. And it's a total *****.

[@WhatintheADHD]

Ugh, I FEEL this! I went through something similar on Twitter last year. The wrong person took a tweet of mine the wrong way and put me on blast, leading to pile-ons, canceling, blocking, messages telling me to kill myself, etc. "Normal" people would've been like, "yeah this sucks, but it's just the internet"... but me? It still haunts me and gives me extreme anxiety and self-doubt. I'm with you, friend. You're a valuable being on this planet no matter what.

[@adhdjourney5157]

@@WhatintheADHD Hi there! Thanks for subbing to that channel. That's actually not the channel I intend to make content on. It's this one! It's cool though, I subbed to you on both :D I need to actually sit down and make some videos though, just never get around to it. You know how it goes lol

[@megawatts16]

What really sucks is I'm an extravert, and have suffered with this since middle school after my 5th grade teacher actively told me she hated me, i already hadsome rejection issues but that was the kicker. As to comment on the youtuber whom took the time to explain this, i love your energy, i can see that you have been through alot and i wanna give you a hug, thank you for taking the time to explain this to an audience so clearly and enjoyably. This world is to hectic without knowledge and i appreciate knowledge gifters.

[@lesil1000]

At the gym I only use the machines because I don’t want someone to see me doing something “wrong” and I get worried when someone’s nearby because I don’t know if they’re waiting for me to get off the machine

[@markhounsell123]

Thank you for talking about this it must of not been easy. Rsd of me is the worst part of having adhd. My childhood was very hard and was bullyed every day for being different. This was not always by other kids but adults/teachers. I lose most of my family when i was really young to illness. So the feeling of being abandoned and rejected is so high add adhd and its a nightmare. I become a people pleaser and lost myself. This also made me a narcissist magnet. I would think they where my friend but it was just because i was easy to use.

[@MarioMamTess]

I've been researching ADHD a lot over the past few months since a friend suggested looking into it, and I definitely think it's a strong possibility for me. I am a little worried about getting tested for it since I have previously been diagnosed for ASD (Autism), Anxiety, and OCD. But hearing about RSD really helps me feel a little bit more confident in the idea of having ADHD (I know it's not solely tied to ADHD, but that's where I hear it talked about most). I feel like everything you explained is really relatable to me, from the hurtful words I've heard, the bullies, and feeling like everyone is always watching and judging me for everything I ever do (at least in the presence of others). I'm hoping to get tested for ADHD in the near future, but I am a little worried about being told that I'm too anxious or depressed to be diagnosed. Like, what if I go in and they tell me that it's just my anxiety, or if they tell me I sound more depressed than anything? I don't know if I'm worrying too much about it, or if it might be what could happen. (Also, to be clear, I don't *want* to have ADHD, but I feel like it explains a lot about me. I'm mostly just looking for answers, since I feel like it describes me way too perfectly. Also, I'm sorry that this is so long.)

[@WhatintheADHD]

Hey! Sorry for the late reply. Getting diagnosed with depression and/or anxiety before getting an ADHD diagnosis is very common as they are comorbid! I'd definitely talk to a doc about it. 🥰

[@bianca4829]

Hey, my suggestion is getting an evaluation. I was diagnosed at 8 and I’ll tell you that you’ll feel so much better under treatment. Depression and ADHD usually go along, but I suggest getting the ADHD treated first. Some psychologists want to treat depression first but this is not the right way to go about it. In my experience depression is a result of not meeting expectations because of the ADHD. So get evaluated.

[@Dancestar1981]

You can have both ASD and ADHD I have both

[@shrimpinpat]

Thank you. I was aware I overthink, worry, and count myself out more than the average person but I didn’t know the name of what it was called. I was out in special ed in the 4th grade because of my ADHD. My mom fought the school and got me out but still faced sitting in the hallway, rejection, sit still, be quite, calm down every single day.

[@AlexiHolford]

What happened to you in the 4th grade is really sad! I am sorry that happened to you.

[@shrimpinpat]

@@AlexiHolford they also told my family I’d never graduate yet I did and not only high school but also college. So ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ showed em I guess

[@AlexiHolford]

@@shrimpinpat - I am glad you didn’t let naysayers make you give up!

[@colleens.279]

This explains everything I feel. It also doesn't help when said fears do come true and you've been through people constantly watching you and making fun of you. Also being excluded and talked bad about because one person in the group didn't like me.

[@SwahiliSpicE]

Things are making more sense now that I have started researching ADHD and RSD. I am 34 and have never thrown a party for myself or children and my eldest is now a teenager. I feel so bad about this but I never knew why my feelings of fearing rejection seem to be more amplified than that of others. I wish I came about this knowledge earlier, not only to help myself but also to reduce the effects of it towards my family.

[@alexxx4434]

The issue is that because people with ADHD act differently, feel 'weird', other people will judge or at least comment about you behind your back.

[@digitalhindsight9822]

I know that I probably have RSD because her saying that I need to be responsible for myself/mindful felt like being chastised 😅

[@JohnVDenley]

Love that this video has zero down thumbs on it (as the time of writing this) I don't think I've ever seen a video with more than 100 likes and no dislikes! Amazing!

[@WhatintheADHD]

I've thought that too! Watch, I bet that'll change soon! 😂 Can't please everybody.

[@KuroNekoXIII]

Thank you for this. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and RSD started coming up on recommendations. RSD is my personality at this point. Doesn't help I've been directly rejected several times through life (in my 30's). To the point have I been unable to physically speak & felt like I had been stabbed. This past year I was deeply hurt & offended that a kitten seemed to like me least in my apartment with roommates. I definitely have a lot of work ahead of me.

[@5wami]

Great compilation, kudos girl, especially when you know how hard it is to organise them facts and data to make such quality content (for ppl with ADHD). Because others don't know or want/need to understand. Great work. 👍😃

[@WhatintheADHD]

Thank you so much! This really means a lot to me since I've been putting so much work into these videos. Appreciate the feedback!

[@5wami]

@@WhatintheADHD keep going, keep it coming. We should have been school mates.

[@Dancestar1981]

It’s so bad that it left me with PTSD from trying to be in the workforce

[@rickmerciner19]

Just so you know I think everyone feels that way at the gym. Thankyou for the video. I've felt this way my whole life and I'm just now recognizing that it's not my fault for being way to "sensitive"

[@monsterfromid66]

Excellent piece! I was bullied right through Primary and Secondary School (I'm in the UK). This continued into college where I was nicknamed The Nutter (Oh how I laughed!). You'd think it might stop there, but no, the bullying continued in the workplace. I blamed myself of course. This has led to a particular problem on social media when I was in contact with someone who reminded me of my mother in their interaction style (my mother had NPD). Despite our communications not going well, I persevered because I thought it was my job to placate them and try and make them like me. It was inconceivable to me that they seemed to loathe me. Needless to say, everything went to hell. Lesson learned? Don't try and change someone who doesn't want to be changed, then take a step back, and examine your own behaviour and reactions. Congratulations on a superb channel. Keep up the good work!

[@Dancestar1981]

Bullied all my life now 40 have both ASD 1 and ADHD Inattentive Subtype

[@SiaraAvocado]

Yo. That shit made me cry . When you were saying the negative comments we heard as children …. As I now have a 5 year old son and am saying these things to him as well and I’m hindering and not helping. 😢thank you. I will continue my work on rewiring myself as an adult and helping him function better in life

[@hunnybSue]

I was badly bullied as a kid, and abuse at home. most days I was yelled at for something. my father would tell at us to clean our pigstys (bedrooms). I'm still messy now as an adult. I can remember being the angry kid who reacted and got punished for it. I have nothing to do with my siblings now, I don't feel I need them. school was a nightmare, I couldn't focus and struggled. I had learnt not to ask for help, so I quietly failed. my reports always said I was unassuming. I was the kid who was bullied why put myself forward and open myself up for more. I have recently divorced after a 20 year marriage. I'm so much happier on my own. I don't do social groups the fear of rejection is too strong. I have also been in and out of therapy for over 30 years. it hasn't helped. I can't let anyone in, those walls are staying up. after about 6 months, my anxiety starts creeping in. any gesture, or some form of body language I will take it the wrong way and I'm gone. with my last therapist it was a very different story, right from the first session I never felt comfortable, it was like I shouldn't have been there. I did mention something that was a major trigger. fast forward about 5 months, she set me a task I looked at the sheet and said no I'm not doing this. she ignored me. my son was waiting for me and on the way home I disassociated, it was very scary. I looked over the task again when I got home, it also mention changing this and if this happened change this. something else I can't handle is inconsistency. I got so angry I threw the paperwork in the rubbish. at my next session I said I threw the paperwork out. my therapist then says, oh but I thought you could do it you're very creative. it involved drawing. I was teased mercilessly at school hence why it's a trigger now. I was upset when she said that, and of course took it personally. yes it was a test but I didn't feel supported at all to be able to get past it. I knew then it was time to go.

[@frustratedsoup5481]

Is anyone not going to mention all those medals in the back? Man, I LOOOVEEDD looking at that. I was pretty much distracted looking at that through half the video. But your video is great! Love how you're chill and clearly explained this well. Thanks!

[@rokeishiarodgers7205]

Yeah I felt that way about the gym... I got a membership and then I went in the evening and saw so many people and I was instantly turned off because I didn't want to be seen.

[@megs4193]

This is huge for me, I didn't get diagnosed until I was 49 in Tasmania Australia one of the hardest places to get diagnosed as an adult..and until very very recently you could not even approach medication, because it wasn't just a hard no it was a hell no..when I was 9 I was given a heap of books by my nan, 1 was about Jesus friend of the children, thus was born my first hyper focused thinking that worked, that's not what I thought, I always thought there was something wrong with other kids...what I developed was a great sense of compassion....an inability to hate or hold a grudge, such a tremendous sense of right and wrong, if kids were fighting kidds close to me would tell me before the teacher, I stayed that way my whole life, I'm not even sure which came first, the emotions backed up by the book or visa-versa but if someone was a bully or mean they needed to be prepared for the lecture from a 9 year old that could only rival their parents, how they were better than this, how nasty their behaviour was, how they could be helping people. I'd sooner cut out my tounge before I hurt someone, so I'd bombard them with angry compliments, which was confusing for them, but effective 🙂 now I can mind my own business, I just stick to the compliments, and they have to be true compliments, my rejection comes in the form of looking a way I feel others find acceptable so I can continue to connect with them, it was the only compliment I ever got, it was irrelevant to me but seemed to be important to others...5 years ago I started to get a mystery swelling on my face, it change everything, I've had support workers for a type of body dysmorphia ever since, I believed, no-one will listen or take me seriously now 🥺🥺🤦‍♀️ and I'm still tearing up this moment after years of help, I can make it stop short term, but the belief has always been there..sorry this is late and long 🙂 thank you 🐨🇦🇺🦘💞.

[@spicychai]

I’ve been trying to understand this for over a decade. Ever since my first job I would challenge myself to keep trying to have a good day everyday and get better at impossible socializing. I’m 28 now working at a sub shop. Making sandwiches for people and working with 5-6 coworkers all day is sooooo draining. No matter how mentally prepared I think I am, no matter how many pep-talks I give myself, without fail I will over react to an obnoxious customer and embarrass myself making me feel even worse. After learning about adhd for over a year it hit me today what RSD really is. I have to say this video was perfect. You hit every point I needed you to and I could tell by your thumbnail that you were the perfect person to relay this info to me. Thank you so much for helping me ❌⭕️ I’ve been the most depressed I’ve ever been lately but adhd videos keep me going. ❤️

[@WhatintheADHD]

Hang in there, friend. I can speak from experience that it gets so, so much better. ❤

[@spicychai]

@@WhatintheADHD thank you 🙏

[@kevinarmstrong8690]

Very informative and really hit home. Many of the things you talked about I went through in my childhood and it still follows me today. Knowledge is power when dealing with RSD/ADHD. You know there is something wrong with how you think/feel but you don’t know what it is or where it came from. People pleasing is how I coped with RSD.... which is not the right way to deal with this. It bottles up your emotions and it puts yourself last and others first. Which goes against the number one rule of loving yourself and making sure you are ok. Lazy is one word that I remember growing up. Not finishing things....in my own world are things that come to mind. That hits hard when you are growing up and trying to find yourself. Now I have a 4 year that I think has ADHD ... more of the hyperactive+ inattentive part of it. After watching your video...I realized I was being the parent that is constantly on my little one for the not listening, interrupting, having 3 sec attention span. Lol. She gets it honest. But those 20,000 more negative thoughts that lot of people myself included go through everyday when dealing with RSD. I am going to take another approach. Knowing there is problem, knowing where it came from, and fixing it before it gets worst. KNOWLEDGE! Thank you for the insight. Good stuff.

[@Bahamaria]

Thank you for this video. I cried when you gave all the examples of what ADHD kids hear all the time. RSD didn't make me reject others, though, but it turned me into a huge people-pleaser with zero boundaries :(

[@ericblanco4146]

This is one of the biggest adhd crosses, right up there with rumination. It can make you avoid people who have good intentions and are actually trying to understand.

[@TheGoofygirl67]

Thank you so much for this. I’m recently diagnosed with ADHD and RSD, this is very helpful. Xx

[@woerwaks]

On the good days, I remember to remember something about judges… in gymnastics, they are people who assign the scores out of 10. If you have done well, that also carries a score and may well be 10/10 sometimes. So sometimes judgement is a good and fair thing and can genuinely be something that helps us see how we might improve. The kicker is that everyone else in the competition AND the judges themselves are also people, who also get adjudicated. Therefore if i have done my best and they still feel they have a need to spew judgement (aka lash out), they are the ones with the problem, not me. Biblical truth: speak the truth in love. Seems easy but is one of the hardest things to get right, right? It all starts with healthy self-talk i think. Great vid and channel - thanks!

[@patrickgeorgegalvin7763]

This explains so much when I do thing on my own!!!!!! I'm ok when with people but on my own I'm crippled with this. I literally get this in the backcountry when camping when I'm literally not going to see anyone for days and I get woried about stupid shit

[@cetaceous_rex]

I've already learned a bit about about RSD, but this really drove home just how omnipresent it's been in my life. Woof.

[@theleftyboater]

Very late diagnosis at age 40…. This video hits different. Honest to god when you mentioned the negative comments towards us it hit me hard… Loving your videos. Thanks so much

[@Dancestar1981]

It’s not only a fear before it happens but is often reinforced by how society treats us. Circumstances are negative and we respond accordingly. So our thought patterns are negative. That’s why CBT doesn’t work on those with ADHD. It’s because they’ve got the science backwards. Life would be better for us if people considered our responses to situations would improve if people followed the rules of positive dog training

[@sohollysings]

omg thank you so much for this. this seemed like you were talking to me personally. i’m going to take this to my therapist because it explains everything lol

[@d1ggs757]

This is exactly how I feel in the daily . I never knew the term . This is hopefully a start to healing .

[@Dancestar1981]

All so familiar but I was undiagnosed I have Aspergers, ADHD Inattentive, Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, and RSD. I have been bullied my entire life and I’m 41

[@ellascott9401]

wow, i never knew about this until now. i have severe/moderate combined type adhd and this is HUGE for me.

[@wutsit2yuhhuh246]

3:18 starting to work in a kitchen this simple explanation literally explains everything in my head

[@wutsit2yuhhuh246]

Although my coworkers are getting upset with me. I'm so scatterbrained (walking back and forth) and just so happened to walk up on my coworker and boss complaining about how often I ask them to repeat themselves. My ultimate nightmare happening in my face real time. I've learned recently that I care way too much about other people's perception of me.

[@hellieweird123]

I am very outgoing, not worried about social interactions in general...but when it comes to work- disappointing others or disappointing myself, people not respecting or liking me etc....I've had to do a lot of work. Trying to stop being a people-pleaser. And perceiving everything my partner says as a "telling-off" or criticism, rather than an innocent comment.

[@daijajean4446]

i just want to stop feeling like everyone hates me

[@jessoman]

Geez. When you listed the categories I'm like... Nah I'm good. Then you gave the examples. They were almost exact examples from my life!

[@mag6521]

Thank you for talking about it… it’s such a real and painful thing to go through

[@TreasuredMessenger]

Just used this video to process my emotions around rejection, thank you so much for keeping it light, i sobbed when you mentioned the critical words that my parents and teachers would make me feel growing up, i internalized a lot of it and often would self police and not live the way i wanted. I appreciate you.