What is Relationship OCD (ROCD)? | ROCD Explained

#OCD #RelationshipOCD #ROCD
In Today's video one of our Psychology Assistants and OCD Counsellor's Saskia Huntley explains what Relationship OCD is often known as ROCD.
Click here to watch OCD beginners guide video: • Obsessive Compulsive D...
Dr. Becky Spelman is a top Psychologist in London, Becky is the Clinic Director for Private Therapy Clinic which has clinic's based all around central London including; Harley Street, Wigmore Street, Bank, Earls Court & Canary Wharf. Becky uses Psychodynamic Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) and Mindfulness to treat a range of difficulties with a particular interest in Borderline Personality Disorder and the difficulties that go with this condition such as relationship difficulties, anxiety, depression, low-self esteem, social anxiety, fear of public speaking, fear of intimacy, interpersonal difficulties, anger, body image issues, eating disorders and addictions.
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[@aguy559]

ROCD is pure hell. One minute I’m giddy and acting like a teenager in love; I’m 47; and the next I think that I don’t belong with her, want to be single, etc.

[@BlueThunderboltsiren]

Dude. I'm 19. It's been 3 years since I've dated anyone, and I just started dating not long ago and I can relate.

[@aguy559]

@@BlueThunderboltsiren Try to work on your OCD before you get serious with anyone.

[@namanrawal5849]

Wow nothing else describes me so well. It’s utterly confusing.

[@afterallthistime__8676]

Honesty you have no idea how much relief this video has given me. I’ve been in 4 serious relationships and I’ve had ROCD jump from one to the other and only now, at 32, do I know what it is that I’ve been suffering from! All of the 4 relationships I ended, even though I was heartbroken, because I couldn’t cope with the intrusive thoughts and the crippling anxiety that came with them. I wish there was more help available or this area of OCD was more well known! I’m now on a journey to try and help myself so I can have a long term, fulfilling relationship!

[@jaclynjoseph720]

Wow this is my experience though I shut down the relationships forming from the first months. It's nice to know there are others who deal with the same thoughts and things. Im sorry for the things you have been dealing with and best wishes on your journey of recovery and finding a healthy relationship! I'm also trying to work through all my stuff and wish for the same!

[@alexanderrodriguez5]

I understand you. Today I feel a little bit sad because I talked to my therapist about those intrusive thoughts and ROCD and she had no idea about it. I felt hopeless...

[@webtraveler0774]

Same here my mind allways give me reasons why i would be happier with someone else its a vicious cycle.

[@tutranwatkin9834]

😊

[@kaylasavanna]

This is the most helpful video I’ve ever seen on the internet

[@onlineperson123]

This is very helpful, thank you for creating this video.

[@sophiajan6642]

Thank you, this is really useful!

[@dr.beckyspelman]

Thank you for watching

[@jenbentz]

What is the difference between ROCD and the splitting and compulsions that can occur in Borderline Personality Disorder, due to extreme fears of abandonment and frantic efforts to avoid it? They sound very similar.

[@koskap35]

Very interesting. Thank you very much 🇬🇷💕

[@rowceo]

Thank you for this video

[@makeupstar1215]

I think I might have ROCD I have been with my bf for 7 years and this just popes up 8 months again with intrusive thoughts that I don’t love him, that I’m not attracted to him that I can’t feel connection anymore. I do know now I love him so much. But I do find myself still obsessing about his flaws like his stomach and then I’ll research ROCD and rewatch videos over and over to feel comfort… so you think this is a compulsion ?

[@linnandersson5623]

I’m just like you! I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years and last year i started to have these anxiety and thoughts/feelings(?) that i’m not inlove with him, if he’s ”the one” etc.. this comes and goes, i can also have periods when i’m scared that he will lose his feelings for me and so on.. I also read alot on the internet, watching these videos, looking at him and trying to feel something! I want to be with him, but i’m scared that my feelings are gone cause i don’t want them to be.. it’s just sad and exhausting!

[@sneaky2311]

I think both of you guys should get tested for ocd. The therapy helps a lot I heard.

[@saskiahuntley3303]

Hi Michaela, please do contact Private Therapy Clinic if you’d like to book a free initial 15 min consultations to talk more about this! I can imagine these thoughts are very distressing

[@saskiahuntley3303]

@@linnandersson5623 Leea, please do contact Private Therapy Clinic if you’d like to book a free initial 15 min consultations to talk more about this! As I replied to Michaela, these thoughts must be incredibly distressing but ROCD is definitely treatable with therapy!

[@franniesbooksandadventures7607]

I’m have the same thing and I’m talking to a therapist about it and it is ROCD for me

[@bocabral1433]

The pharmaceutical medical field titles it as you give it. But I remember 50 years ago all of this was a natural occurrence of one spiritual emotions. Thanks respectively, Bo

[@GJ-pj4mj]

Fear?

[@MadManEtv]

I'm devastated seeing this now. I have all of these symptoms and ended up completely cutting the woman I loved out of my life because I was worried ide hurt her again because I don't know how to get on top of these problems. if anyone can please help me.

[@patremagilbert8787]

I have ocd too. Thanks for this video

[@thatgirl5630]

I have access to therapy through my insurance but I am scared to go and talk about ROCD and have my therapist not even know what that is and b like “ummm that’s not real? U probably just don’t like them” or I’m scared or just paying too much attention to the problem and making it a big thing. My ROCD comes and goes it feels like and idk if I want to make it a big deal and feed into it, I just want to cope with it myself and have it fade away :/

[@Penguin9796]

me too!! but I think we should both aim to find doctors who understand ocd and rocd and if they don't, find someone new

[@Penguin9796]

you're not alone, at least remember that.❤️

[@isabelmuller6725]

i feel the same

[@brandifjoy]

find an OCD therapist! my therapist has made things worse in my opinion since she doesn't know about ocd

[@Yourmom_dotcom]

I am diagnosed with OCD, but am just now realizing that my intense relationship anxieties and intrusive thoughts are probably tied into my OCD. I know I have attachment insecurities so I always just attributed these symptoms to that. I’m noticing the examples used as romantic partner obsessions tend to lean more toward the partners perceived flaws, or the person with OCD’s attraction to their partner. But is it possible for the obsessions to be kinda flipped around? While I do experience some of the obsessions listed, it’s a lot more of me obsessing over my own flaws and my partners attraction to me, like I will obsess over if they are only pretending to love me, pretending to be attracted to me, when really they find me repulsive. Even though I don’t have any evidence to back that up, and in fact, have all the evidence that should disprove those things. I attributed these constant anxieties and intrusive thoughts to my relational traumas and attachment insecurities, but can this cycle also be attributed to ROCD?

[@marlowemain]

i so relate and wonder this as well

[@joaosousa6950]

self esteem issues. I am the same, so what I found out recently as a 34 year old male, is that we actively search for the triggers to sabotage our well being and relationship. But yes, ROCD is just a part of OCD, and rears its ugly head when we start to get attached to someone, bcs we perceive it as so important.

[@joaosousa6950]

I lost track of thoughts. but more than the reason, I think the most important is to find strategies to deal with it. Good recovery all!

[@namanrawal5849]

This is a great question. I don’t personally think that way because I’m more focused on perceived flaws of my partner. But I grew up with body dysmorphia because of a lot of bullying. Somehow I wonder if one morphed into the other. I’m wondering what the relation for you is, although it FEELS to me like this is ROCD just flipped towards yourself but still about the relationship.

[@Yourmom_dotcom]

@@namanrawal5849 since u posted this I’ve been seeing a different therapist and yes, I think you are right about that! I’ve done a lot of learning about OCD and realize a lot more of what’s going on. It is horrible and I hope I can learn to navigate it with more ease sometime in the near future. Lately my thoughts have also started to be about his flaws, not just my own. It really likes to play wack-a-mole, doesn’t it? 😂

[@Nicole-yx8ms]

Thank you🙏 I've heard many people say that ROCD can cause us to feel totally unattracted, even repulsed by our partner, and go from feeling "in love" to numb, annoyed, etc. Many have talked about how those feelings consistently shift back and forth, but my attraction and loving feelings have been totally shut down for over a year and a half. Can this consistent loss of good feelings towards them still be an effect of ROCD?

[@dr.beckyspelman]

Thank you for watching!

[@Nicole-yx8ms]

@@Nimra1222 I wouldn't give an answer either way.. I'm still very much "in" it, but I am getting professional OCD help now, which I now can't recommend strongly enough.

[@Nicole-yx8ms]

@@Nimra1222 thank you for your kindness!💖

[@sophiedowdell7388]

Very interesting thank you!

[@TyCat7]

While I do relate a great deal to a majority of these symptoms, I will add that my (potential) partner focused obsessions are usually more positive than negative. It isn't so much as doubting, but more about that constant comparing or more of a "hyperfixation" if you will that comes as a neurodivergent trait. That would be another thing to mention is how R-OCD is still OCD and is still part of that neurodivergent web usually associated with autistic spectrum traits.

[@KinoWShorts]

Will there be a recording?

[@vansi595]

I made an appointment with a psychiatrist-psychoterapist after struggling with what I think is ROCD for a year now, maybe more. Her characteristics say that she works with OCD but I am afraid she won't be familiar with ROCD and will disregard it and provoke the worry that I actually don't love my partner...

[@dr.beckyspelman]

Hi Vanessa, it does need a skilled therapist who really understands ROCD to help with this. If you know you love your partner when you aren’t anxiety just ensure you make that very clear to the therapist and be confident that it’s just the anxiety that is telling you that you might not. This can be difficult of course when there is doubt in your mind.

[@vansi595]

@@dr.beckyspelman Thank you! Lately I have been preoccupied by doubt and anxiety. But I do remember these moments, sometimes even a day where I was at peace and things felt perfect. At these moments I am even able to sense a thought or a doubt trying to creep it's way into my mind and just say that I am not giving it any power to ruin the moment.

[@gabrielakarl3859]

I have ROCD and limerence with my therapist. GOD help me

[@Penguin9796]

do you do virtual therapy? and if so, what insurance do you take?

[@dr.beckyspelman]

We do offer therapy via video call and phone. We also take insurance but each practitioner has different insurance companies they accept. Please get in touch with us and we can find the most suitable practitioner for you, we offer free 15 minute phone calls with members of our team, just email [e-mail] to book your call

[@honeykumar5448]

Pls mam make a video on HARM OCD😭😭😭AND tell me how to cure it permanently

[@dr.beckyspelman]

Sorry to hear this, we can offer you a free 15-minute phone call with one of our therapists to discuss treatment options available, please email [e-mail] to book your call.

[@lizziemaughan7615]

This is probably a lot of anxiety and ocd playing with me but I need advice I’m scared , so last week I felt strange me and my boyfriend had a Chinese takeaway he made himself sick so every time I’d eat I’d have anxiety that omg what if I’m gonna make myself sick and have an eating disorder I was already anxious last week then I was talking to someone about the situation with my boyfriend been with him 6 months I’m not deeply attracted to him I don’t love him or have crazy feelings for him but I love how we are together I love him for who he is he treats me well I love what we have i don’t wanna be with anyone else I don’t want him to either but iv been crying pretty much everyday hardly can eat or sleep constantly getting anxiety because I feel that okay then if I had friends and a social life would I care about him but when I wanted to be friends with these girls I still wanted to be with him anyway before all this I was fine so was he I’d never hurt him but it’s like I’m getting anxiety is it fair staying with him bla bla when before all this I was fine iv told him everything we both wanna stay together but can u grow to love someone who your not deeply attracted too he’s not ugly he’s not my type but he’s cute I love how we are with r sex situation I lost my virginity to him in Oct 2021 and it just feels like somethings going in and out of me the only time I get pleasure is when I watch porn and rub my clit I always used to wanna have sex with him but I hardly do it as I don’t feel no pleasure I care about him I like him a lot obviously since iv been like this everything with us feels strange like iv lost feelings for him that’s obviously because my anxiety has been high but when everything calms down things will grow am I lying to myself am I a bad person I want things to go back to how they was with us last week I was anxious anyway so it took something to trigger ocd and get me all worked up I’m trying not to cry and after this I’m not talking to anyone about it cuz it’s feeding the anxiety if I can be okay today as I was yesterday then maybe this time next week I’ll be fine I just don’t wanna cry for anyone who’s had intrusive thoughts ocd or whatever you’ll understand what I’m talking about when u can eat or sleep constantly crying u feel like ur going insane it doesn’t matter what anyone says really it’s the same thing going on in my head

[@mandymorgan8103]

How do I get help for my son, he is extremely ill with HOCD, he is literally loosing the want to live, it’s heartbreaking

[@ashleyandrews6377]

🥺 I don’t want to feel this way

[@AJ_s000]

How do you feel now man?

[@GardensoftheAncientsHerbal]

I like my partner but it’s just she is obsessed with her bird and she can’t get her stuff together and it’s driving me nuts I’ve tried to ignore it I’ve tried to help her out I’ve tried to kinda just go with the flow and just kinda do a little bit of both but she just can’t get her head together with this kind of stuff and it’s to the point where it’s dragging me down because it’s wasting me money and wasting my time we’re not having a good time we’re not going out she doesn’t manager time well it’s to the point where she doesn’t manage the time at all it’s so bad we can’t really do anything and then when we finally do do some thing she’s obsessed with her bird because she’s got like a parrot and she can’t be away from the parrot for more than three hours or she starts freaking out because the parent Hass to be taken care of in a specific OCD way that she can’t just like get over her head and I used to own parrot only reason it died was because someone came in and accidentally crashed in the door so it’s not that I don’t understand how to take care of a bird it’s that she’s obsessed with the bird and we can’t do anything. We go out on the lake on my boat and we’re out there for an hour or two and like we just get we spent an hour driving out there we put the boat in the water and as soon as we start pulling away from the dock she starts concerning herself them are we gonna go home fast enough are we going back for the bird on time I have to put in the bed at a certain time while blah blah blah blah blah and we can’t do anything like every single night it’s like having a child when we don’t have a child and then when it comes to my kids none of that stuff matters because she’s so concerned with her two animals she’s got a cat and a bird that can be set up so we can go out once a week or something and go do something can’t even do that soon as we get away from the house in it and we hit four or five hours away from the house and like I wanna do something it’s not just being tied within a 30 minute drive away from my house we can’t do anything we can’t go to clubs because as soon as it’s too late oh it’s too late I got to worry about the bird I had to worry about the cat I don’t want to stay at your house tonight because I want to make sure my bird and it’s like this every night and then she doesn’t want to bring the bird the bird comes in the birds live at the foot of the bed the birds literally right in the living room with us every step we go she wants to bring it with us to the hotel room when we go to the beach she can’t just put it in a place that houses the bird for a couple days and have them take care of the bird basically everything she does this bird is in the damn way and we can’t do anything because she’s so concerned for slumbered she bought that she got obsessed with over Covid because she was trapped in the house with it and now it’s basically like it’s a baby to her that’s never going to grow up and I just can’t do it and you know I don’t wanna sit there and think I’m being obsessed but this is just over the top I can’t do it.

[@lebre.]

Dude… are you ok? Did you finally break up?

[@waseysaad843]

I want an ROCD person to be in love with me cause i like it i know I'm weird but i like it like that 🥰