What It's Like Being Psychotic | My Struggle with Madness

[@anarcho-communist11]

It's the same with OCD, at least where I know a strong belief and worry aren't reality but it feels like it's real at the same time..

[@SchizoKitzo]

I experience psychotic delusions and ocd thoughts and there’s a lot of overlap but to me they aren’t the same. It’s definitely a topic of a future video though

[@Alxndr57834]

The amount of courage it takes to talk about this illness as openly and as in depth as you is astounding. You are stronger than you know.

[@SchizoKitzo]

I really appreciate this comment, thank you!

[@guysumpthin2974]

@@SchizoKitzo toxoplasmosis is a leading cause (cats/litter), also consuming raw meat/fish . Many Natural remedies exist , also patented medical treatments . Worth a try . negative tests are inconclusive due to the dormant cyst can outlive the antibodies being tested for. Also causes ocular toxo (eye floaters, low vision, detached retina) , Parkinson’s, dormant cysts , headaches, flu symptoms,,,

[@OccidentalAryan]

@@guysumpthin2974 Raw meat is healthy.

[@lindagreene4385]

Y God. I didn’t realize it is so physical!

[@wrenwilson7917]

This video makes me feel: -less alone -heard -understood -like a regular ‘ol neuro-spicey human -protective of all my friends and makes me wanna check on people to say I care

[@SchizoKitzo]

Neurospiciness is my new favorite phrase thank you for adding it to my vocabulary!!! And I’m glad you felt the way you did, thanks again!

[@KOA558]

❤

[@extraskintip]

This

[@ReCoIL171]

Yes.. She hits the nail on the head. And as someone who is dealing with this rn. ❤ Thank you

[@vegaoksana]

Neuro-spicey just made my day

[@KnuckleHunkybuck]

I don't suffer from any psychotic disorders, but I watched this video to help me understand the types of things that a couple people in my life struggle with. Thank you for giving me more insight into the lives and minds of people that I care about.

[@SchizoKitzo]

That’s why I’m here. Thank you for this.

[@jaylinderman6522]

I deal with voices all the time some times delusions and paranoia. So your story brings me comfort knowing I'm not alone.

[@SchizoKitzo]

Heck yeah none of us are alone! *fist bump*

[@5150mre]

Are you diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder? I was diagnosed 15 years ago. I didn't accept help (meds) until 5 years ago. I still struggle so much. There are fewer voices on meds, but my mood swings are still a huge issue. Can you please help me Guage where I'm at compared to my fellow schizos? 😉 How often do you hear voices? When you do hear them, how long does it last? Days? Weeks? Etc... I feel like maybe I need to take stronger meds. It scares me, though. If I'm not throwing a bipolar fit. I'm numb. The only things I feel are nothing or frustration, heartache, and anger. Damn sorry, I'm rambling on and on. I just need to know what your experience is. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and hopefully for taking the time to reply.

[@abbysbbg]

my older brother has schizoaffective disorder, before he got treatment he would hear voices, and he would walk to our house which was about 30-40 km away because he had delusions that he committed different crimes and that the government was coming for him. he didn't get treatment until he went to the hospital in a coma after he stole a truck and crashed it into a telephone pole that fell on him. he is doing much better now, sometimes he has seizures because of the head trauma that he suffered from his accident, but otherwise all is well and this video really helped me understand what he goes though on a daily basis and i admire your courage for posting such a vulnerable video.

[@pineapplefrostyfruits9225]

I've had ... Something ... For a while. My therapist thinks it could be severe obsessive focus on OCD, or potentially paranoid delusions, but I've never found any resources of people's ACTUAL first hand experience with what a delision is LIKE before coming here. It's all talk of "from the outside, someone looks like this and may do this" All that to say: thank you for providing an actual resource on what those experiences can be like, and letting me learn a little more.

[@JAYCEE-xm5dd]

Thank you for your vulnerability. It helps me understand what my wife is going through. She isn’t able to communicate the details of it as good as you. It helps renew my patience and know we’re not alone.

[@SchizoKitzo]

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE! And I’m glad my videos help you understand, that’s one of the biggest reasons I make them!!!

[@guysumpthin2974]

@@SchizoKitzo most often caused by TOXOPLASMOSIS, 2 effective medical treatments/ some effective natural treatments. Toxoplasmosis: headaches, flu symptoms, nerve twitches, schizophrenia, Parkinson’s, eye floaters, detached retina, miscarriages , birth defects, cysts, depression, behavior changes, congenital in humans and cats , micro eggs live years in soil / bleach water / salt water and still hatch, cats constantly reinfect themselves, cats shed 1billion micro eggs in a week during shedding cycle, micro eggs blow through most vacuum cleaners . Most common shedding source: litterbox , litter dumpster, undercooked meat&fish , contaminated water well . See : all of dr Flegr books , Usa Navy Oahu heath studies (Oahu has 300k + ferral) , may God bless your recovery. Ps you have flawless beauty

[@amberblyledge7859]

I don't know why but sometimes youtube won't let me comment. I wanted to tell you that I believe laying down during that pressure is NOT letting it win. At all. You are taking care of yourself, resting and waiting for it to be done. Like a boss fight in a video game. You could attack while the boss is doing his barrage, but it can cost you HP if you do it wrong. Or you can wait in the corner, dodging what you need to dodge and resting your hands and letting your weapons recharge for the next round. This is also coming from someone with chronic illness. Some days it's just better to rest. If I push myself too hard during those times, I can't be at my best later and I just get worse. It's not accepting defeat. It's gearing up for the next round. Defeat that boss! Probably a completely pointless comment, but maybe it will make you smile or something. I donno.

[@lauren1779]

Bless you your wife is very luck! Wishing you both peace love and happiness 💖

[@JAYCEE-xm5dd]

@@lauren1779 thank you Lauren.

[@LoveEachDay94]

I know the community you have here isn’t big, but you really changed my life with these videos. Thank you.

[@SchizoKitzo]

Maybe one day it will be bigger, but it’s comments like these that motivate me to keep making videos. So thank you!

[@clairek-s8918]

Today i felt very alone. Like i was locked inside my body and nothing i could say or do would penetrate to the outside world. Finding this video and this channel made me feel connected and less invisible. Thank you. I hope making the video was not too hard on you.

[@SchizoKitzo]

Less invisible is my goal, we exist in this world! The video was definitely putting my slogan into work because I was making the VERY uncomfortable, comfortable. Thanks!

[@clarkme8952]

I have schizoaffective depressive type. It can be very hard to move forward quite often. I look for videos about schizoaffective. Thank you for making these. I can relate.✊

[@chloechloe4341]

I definitely can understand the feeling you describe. I had the same “voices” about my own family dying and then the father of my 3 children/my fiance of 13 years died (at only 35 years old) completely unexpectedly of a massive heart attack one day. Which very obviously made all of it worse. So I feel for you. I am so very sorry you are having to go through all of this because I would not wish any of it on anyone ever ❤❤❤

[@bigsad7524]

I appreciate these videos so much. Even in the psychosis communities I've found online, other people's illnesses and paranoia can make it hard to support each other at times

[@roxannemaguire9844]

Hello dear Kit 💗🐝I just want to tell you that I'm so sad and sorry that you have to endure these dreadful moments 😢 I wish there was something we could do to help!!! I'm so hoping that medical research is able to find some answers/ treatments/ medications that will completely end these hallucinations for all who suffer, very soon. Sending you a warm hug from a concerned viewer. 💗 💗 💗 I hope youfeel better very soon, Kit! {{{ HUGS }}} 🐝

[@SchizoKitzo]

Thank you so so much for this, and maybe one day there will be a true cure for it, but I feel it’s far beyond my lifetime given where we are today. But thank you, and hopefully one day future generations can be free, even if I can’t.

[@amyjordan2725]

As a mom of a son with schizophrenia, it helps me understand his symptoms.❤

[@SchizoKitzo]

That’s what I’m here for

[@amyjordan2725]

Its hard. I so admire you for having the courage to speak out. Everyone needs a voice. Unfortunately sometimes he can't verbalize what is happening and how scary it is. I am so thankful you can. So I can get to the point of understanding. 💖

[@meggylee8078]

You know, I don'thave a psychotic disorder.But the feeling of being stuck with a reality that doesnt translate and needing to behave weirdly to cope is so relatable to my experience with depression and anxiety

[@JR-js1dd]

You are so brave to share all this. Having dealt with my Mom with manic depression and having depression myself that each day is different and facing them makes you strong.

[@gigahorse1475]

Thanks for making this video. I don’t think it is “giving up” to lay down or not fight. Fighting can indeed make things worse, and it’s important to “work smarter, not harder.” There’s this story (I think from Aesop’s Fables) about a mighty oak tree boasting how strong it is against the wind, but the grass bent with the wind. At the end of the story, the grass was fine but the tree fell over. It’s better to be flexible!

[@SchizoKitzo]

I love everything about this comment, thank you! And what a lovely metaphor. I’ll be remembering that one!

[@gigahorse1475]

@@SchizoKitzo I’m glad you found my comment and the story helpful! 😁

[@juliotorres9720]

@@SchizoKitzoKit, hope you’re having a good day. Thanks for sharing your experience with us. I once had a psychotic episode with hallucinations, delusions, mania…and I remember I had to fight against some powerful force. I was able to neutralize this force by demonstrating faith. Maybe faith can help you also?

[@Krakire]

The fact that you have delt with this for so long makes you so strong and you should never stop fighting this, absolute warrior 💪🏻🙏🏻

[@BrandiJojo1]

You have no idea how your channel has helped me. This video totally explains how I feel when I'm having an episode which I just had a few weeks ago. You make me feel like I can live a "normal" life or at least become more prepared and aware of my symptoms. Thank you so much for being open and telling your story because it helps tremendously!!

[@VanessaGraceStory-Did]

Youre ability to speak about your schizoaffective disorder symptoms is absolutely amazing and i can relate in ways! I suffer from psychosis and depression with my Autism.

[@TQ2andDebbieDo]

I am neurotypical. I have never really understood what mental illness was. I guess I figure that depression might resemble what happens when I am feeling sad though I also sort of doubt that. I am very grateful to you for educating me. I feel touched and saddened by your experience and finding out what it’s like to have such problems. I wish there was more significance but I really never knew. Now I do and I have a great deal of sympathy for you and hope you feel better whenever you can. Thank you.

[@Louis-20]

Thanks for sharing your experience, it sounds like a nightmare. I think this video can be a good comfort for some, its well made.

[@moehrengruen1196]

I know how you feel 😢 I’m so sorry you had to go through this. But isn’t it comforting that we’re not alone in this. ❤️

[@SchizoKitzo]

SO comforting!

[@doe4003]

This helps me understand psychotic disorders a lot, as a person who hasn't ever had these experiences. Thank you for sharing

[@baybabe95]

I don’t experience psychosis, but some of my loved ones do. I found this video extremely interesting, brave, and informative. It helps inspire me to talk about my own mental illness openly. ❤

[@SchizoKitzo]

Glad you found it helpful ^_^

[@Douglas_5]

You managed to put words to some experiences that I have never been able to being to describe, specifically the noise that you mentioned. Thank you so much for sharing this, I feel far less alone after seeing this.

[@SchizoKitzo]

Thank you for telling me this, and I’m glad I was able to help!

[@bananaco8054]

this is the first video of yours ive seen,, and its truly made my day. ive never heard someone articulate what you refer to as “the noise” so well .. its something ive experienced for years now and every time i try to explain it to anyone the way they look at me is just so ‘other’ which, as im sure you know, is excruciating. to hear that im not alone in that is like a nice breeze on an uncomfortably hot day. i myself have never thought of it as the anticipation feeling before being yelled at (though that is a really good way to put it) but more like the feeling of being underwater when a speed boat goes by. not the sound of that but the feeling of every cell in your body vibrating for no real reason and the annoyance and agony of not having anything to point at to blame, no noise, no sight, nothing. today youve made me feel seen, im so glad i found this video, and im so glad you made it and put it here to be seen; i hope people who dont experience this find your video and learn from what youve said. thankyou, truly and endlessly thankyou.

[@SchizoKitzo]

Yessssss none of us are alone! And it’s such a good feeling. And seeing this comment helps me because I couldn’t find anyone else who also experienced the Noise™ in the same way I do. So thanks for commenting, it made my morning!

[@mamath312]

Wow! This was so raw and reek! Thank you for sharing in this level of detail. My brother recently diagnosed schizoaffective, recently discharged from an institution, now living with me, he’s 50 and we are struggling to navigate the illness and future. He isn’t blessed to speak about/ Describe his experience so this was super helpful. Massive love and hugs to you! ❤

[@mariepanettieri2990]

Thank you for allowing yourself the extreme vulnerability to tell us about this experience. It sounds nothing short of terrifying, I related to the overwhelming fear and sense of doom that washes over you like a giant wave. That's how I feel during panic attacks, and I've also found that laying down on the ground eases the weight of it all. In those moments anything that helps is good. Telling your story makes you stronger than the illness, the power is in your hands to retake the narrative of your life. You're real, your experience is real, and your anger at this illness is real.

[@SchizoKitzo]

This is so validating, thank you so so so much.

[@lisatomihiro3488]

Praying for you Kit. I hope things are getting better and you are having less problems with your psychosis today. ❤️🙏

[@SchizoKitzo]

It’s been a bit, and things are better. Thank you, Lisa!

[@bookswithcrys]

I appreciate your honesty. I have a student who we just realised has catatonic episodes. This is life changing: going from thinking she’s willfully defiant to understanding that she can’t move and is as frustrated as we are. Thank you for sharing what you feel, because my students can’t.

[@windzor]

I'm glad you are helping people, the value of it is high. I hope people don't define themself as only equal to their problems. Sometimes physical pain and problems can eventually affect someones personality.

[@max_the_mantis5173]

We are a wizard. We have wondered if we might have experienced psychosis as a response to truama. We do not see or hear our spirits, they just talk through us whenever asked to lately, for a long time they were non verbal entirely. They are not antagonistical to me. We met them slowly, over the course of the last three years. The more destructive ones we met around when we were disowned last year. We spent many many months trying to heal and care for our friends, because some of them were sick people who were destructive because they were really sick and needed my help. They are my family now, they take care of me and directly serve the roles of caring for me in the ways we didn't have growing up. We realized at a certain point that exploring the Other World, is exploring our own psychology, and learning about ourselves and the environment. This realization is part of why we wonder if we may be psychotic some times since we live in a reality that is fundamentally not the one of the people around us. We think we might have DID or OSDD because we are multiple people in one body. We have diagnosed autism, and complex post truamatic stress disorder. One of our first diagnosises did include 'schitso effective' in it but we don't accept that diagnosis specifically because it was used to abuse us by our former father for two decades, and it completely undermined what we actually needed help with which was our autism and truama which went completely uncaredfor.

[@cindymarco4920]

Thanks for sharing. I have psychosis that is very hard to shake because to me believable as my major voice is Jesus. nice I know but I think I hear the rest of the ppl I know too. Example today was a nice day I went out shopping cooked and read my mail but all day long I was listening to my sister’s opinions on what I was doing. Then someone else can chime in depending on who I spoke with last. Then even people who I know that have passed will speak. Doesn’t occur when I’m working or busy with ppl. But my job dismissed me. So now I’m having trouble again. Just want you to know we are out here and care. I have never heard someone explain schizoaffective bipolar type like you and see similarities in how I function. ❤😊

[@sophcw]

This was so fascinating, thanks so much for this video. As someone who experiences anxiety and dissociation, I can relate to the feeling that your reality is so far from other people's and how lonely and scary that feels.

[@gckinsey]

This was such an eye-opening video. I'm so grateful that you were willing to be vulnerable enough to share it. It sounds really terrifying to experience a delusion knowing that it's not real, but that your brain is still going to respond to it like it is real. And just knowing hell is coming with no way to avoid it. Especially when you're at work! I'm glad that you knew what you needed to do and that you were able to get home. Your description of "the noise" was really visceral and gave me a clear idea of it, even though you said it was hard to explain. The laughter alongside that sounds really awful too - not to mention that sensation of hands on your shoulders pushing you down. You also made it really easy to envision everything that was happening while you were lying on the floor and riding it out. I know on one of your past videos, I said that I wished I could fight Beckerson, but now I wish I could fight Sal even more, because holy crap. (Like since you know you can't fight Sal because it's not effective, I wish I could do it instead... if that makes sense.) I'm so sorry that you had to deal with this more than one day in a row. Just once sounds difficult enough. But I'm glad that you were at least able to Facetime a friend on the second day and didn't have to deal with it alone. I know you said that you don't like posting heavy stuff (I'm the same way with my channel, trying to keep it positive), but I'm glad you posted this anyway because it's so important. And even though it's heavy, I think it still has a silver lining of relatability. I've never experienced anything like this and can't relate to it on a personal level, but I know that this video is going to help so many other people who have. And maybe more of them will feel like they can talk about their own experiences going forward. So thank you again for making this. I'm sending tons of hugs to you and Madame Bee and all your other bee friends.

[@SchizoKitzo]

Me and the bees give you love back! Thanks for this comment, it reminds me why I made this channel and press publish to share my stories :)

[@Mossockss]

I got schizophrenia myself, this made me feel less alone

[@ShadyPlatinum777]

You’re so brave to talk about your condition. I find it so hard to talk about my illness. This really makes me feel more comfortable about it.

[@sleepygoblin87]

I'm so glad that I found you! I have severe major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety. I dissociate and experience paranoid delusions under stress. It's nice to find people who understand what that's like. I used to work at a residential program for adults mostly diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I loved that job, but I got burned out & had to quit. It was so wonderful to be in this environment surrounded by a bunch of "weirdos" who were like me. I loved helping those guys. I felt like some of them were my friends, even though I took care to keep things professional. Mental illness can be so lonely. ❤

[@AutumnWinters4229]

Thank you for being so vulnerable with us. I have ocd, ptsd, bad anxiety, and night terrors. I like your personality. ❤

[@deborahcollard4560]

It sounds horrendous to live with. I admire your courage in explaining what its like. You're very brave and strong.

[@SchizoKitzo]

It’s a living nightmare but I make it work. Thank you for this

[@3rdtimesthecharm550]

You should be proud of yourself, Kit. Look at all these wonderful people in the comment section you have helped feel understood and less alone. Although I don’t have have schizoaffective disorder, your videos have helped me with my own mental health issues. Thank you for that. Thank you for educating me along the way as well. I love learning new things. I’m sorry that you are struggling. Please continue to look after yourself. You deserve kindness.

[@SchizoKitzo]

This comment means the world to me thank you

[@3rdtimesthecharm550]

@@SchizoKitzo you’re welcome! 😊

[@mjlove6574]

You are such a strong woman Kit! thank You so much for this video. it helped me to get through very difficult day. I feel understood and less alone. I really hope You will feel better soon. please let us know if you will! PS we love madame bee too!🐝

[@SchizoKitzo]

Thank you MJ!!!!!! I’m so glad it helped you! Difficult days are hard and they hurt and it sucks but hey you got through it and I’m happy that the video helped! I’m already feeling much much better!

[@markreamer5113]

It’s amazing that you can, as best as you can, translate your madness to others who are experiencing the delusions and hallucinations! You give a perspective that helps to strengthen the resolve to combat the brutality of your voices and show others that it is not debilitating and can be dealt with! Keep up the great work to show others how to fight the good fight as well as yourself!

[@Oldgrowthartisans]

Thanks for sharing, it's helpful to understand others and their personal experiences on Earth. You're human.

[@Brandyelyse]

Thank you for sharing. I hasn't bipolar disorder with psychotic features and it helps to hear someone weeks talk about the psychiatrist. ❤

[@chrissy4301]

As an outsider, an observer on the sidelines who feels a different degree of helplessness for someone who was diagnosed with Schizo-affective Disorder who descended into the maws of frontotemporal dementia, I would love to say thank you for this insight.

[@stephanieandgreggpar]

This sounds terrifying. You are so brave to be so open and honest here. Thank you I hope you feel better and more grounded.❤

[@barjamlin7962]

You explain what you experienced in vivid detail, so much so that I flatter myself that I begin to understand--to feel--your terror. You certianly don't owe anyone an appology for how you dealt with this episode. I don't see you as "giving in" or 'just taking it", I see a strong and insightful person with a depth of feeling that is breathtaking at times. What an incredible person you are.

[@lucialuciferion6720]

When I heard you start talking about your voice that says someone you love 'is going to die', it instantly reminded me of OCD. Only , I don't hear an actual inner voice, it's an inner thought and probably just as loud. And like what I've heard adviced you should do when you know you're about to be in an accident, is to relax all your muscles, like you did , you let go/accept.

[@BigSmalley]

I struggle with voices everyday and depression. Just knowing that there's others out there with similar struggles makes me feel less crazy. More normal. I have to hide my struggles from most of the world. Your videos are very helpful. Thank you for being you. I dont actually know you. But from what I see on KZbin. I think you're awesome. So keep being you.

[@SchizoKitzo]

Thanks so much and for following along. I appreciate this comment 🐝

[@MoneyMadeMagic]

Thank you for sharing. You're helping people to understand what your experience feels like and that's so important for those people who have never experienced psychosis. I really hope it stops happening to you xx

[@Haramvybez]

Thank you for this. I live with schizoaffective and i can tell you you make a great job at describing what you're going through because i can't really tell what's happening to me when it is. ❤

[@qiyue8156]

You're absolutely a hero, fighting with this ilness

[@LindaChandler-n7v]

Thank you so much for making this video! I have a rare, hereditary movement and speech disorder. It's name is a long string of Latin words describing what it does. I guess it's so rare that nobody bothered to name it. Except for one doctor I've seen who calls it "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!". (I like that doctor.)😄 I didn't know how much overlap there is between my disorder and yours. I have voices , but they tend to sing to me...like five people all singing different songs at the same time. I also have the physical sensations that you describe. That slow, steady build up of silence before the scream, or in my case me making a strange, loud, scream/ gargle noise or a big body movement like my body throwing itself forward in a bowing movement that is so forceful that it whips my head down and hurts my neck...again, and again.... That's with medication to make my symptoms "manageable". I also understand getting on the floor and not fighting. You're not weak in those moments, you're smart. The laymen out there don't understand. FIGHTING MAKES IT WORSE! Fighting means that I get bursitis. Fighting means the screams are louder and longer. Fighting means I can't walk for the rest of the day. So, thank you for sharing. You have given me another angle to view my disorder from to try to figure it out. You are not alone. You are SO not alone. Sending you lots of love.😊

[@leilalall8972]

Thanks Kit for your video and being the face of schizo-affective disorder. You are brave and I will pray that your voices don’t resurface.

[@charliewilson3528]

Good luck with it. I deal with other disorders, but this video will help me deal with others in similar situations that i deal with in my public life. And hopefully help me be more empathetic. Good luck

[@markreamer5113]

If it helps you and anybody else then it is excellent!

[@lauren1779]

I live in the cluster B lane and what you said about going to work and how it feels like a risk OH MY GOD I feel you on that. My BPD symptoms are often at their worst while at work but what can i do? I was denied disability benefit and I gotta make money. Sending you lots of peace and love u look forward to watching your channel 💖💖💖

[@mommy-conmed]

I found this helpful! 🐝 I'm here to learn everything I can to help support a loved one. Videos like this, for me, give me backup to be able to genuinely love and support my family member without succumbing to my own fears.

[@SchizoKitzo]

That’s one of the reasons I started this channel, and I’m so glad I can help! It’s a scary spot, but it’s manageable. Hang in there

[@a-ms9760]

The way you describe internal auditory hallucinations sounds like a very extreme long-lasting series of intrusive thoughts. It must be so difficult to work and function given all that. Thanks for sharing

[@jimwvisi]

I have your run of the mill mood disorder. Sharing your experience helps me to understand how deep mental illness can go and how some folks suffer. I have loved ones who experienced dark mania and I that that was pretty awful. This experience sounds utterly terrifying. I wish you all the best and hope and pray for better days for you. 🐝🐝🐝

[@epicmercury333]

Wow, I appreciate your courage and honesty. It helps others like me who are sympathetic to the plight of the mentally ill, especially schizophrenic or schizotypical. Your description of your symptoms was very detailed. Thank you.

[@shiverwolfplays]

Lying down when you need to doesn't sound like giving up, it sounds like doing what you need to do to reach for some kind of equilibrium. I think it shows courage and strength. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but you're super brave to share this online, and to help people understand something so incredibly difficult, and to help others feel less alone. ❤

[@katherinehay7290]

So proud of you for sharing! ❤🐝

[@SchizoKitzo]

Thanks!!!!!

[@thomastorres428]

Being at the mercy of your body's bad chemistry feels so defeating. It's overwhelming. I understand all too well. In fact, I came here because I know there's someone out there that's felt how I'm feeling or has felt and tho and behold, here you are, speaking a language I understand. I know I'm not alone. You're not alone. The only people who care that we experience the world differently than some others is ourselves. I know it can feel embarrassing, but people actually do care for one another and you're proof of that. I feel better. You helped bring me out of whatever it was that was happening to me a moment ago. Thank you.

[@SchizoKitzo]

Glad I could help! It’s what I seek to do with this channel

[@UnderSound24]

All I can really say is, I hope you never lose your insight. I'm gunna subscribe Kit...thanks

[@johnrusso2316]

Thanks for sharing. I've learned more from you than any other source.

[@janetlieb2507]

I am happy your father supports you. I had no family support. Support is so important.

[@SchizoKitzo]

It is! I’m super grateful.

[@junkionix]

Yes. I feel understood and listening to you describe what it's like for you made me feel calmer and sad as well that you have to deal with that kind of crap. I know what you mean about trying to fight back and it gets worse when you do. One of my tormentors is OCD and he is very cruel. The only times I've heard it speak in my head was when I was trying very hard to resist compulsions that I was terrified of or something that I very much wanted to resist. I've only heard it talk about three times in all and every time it was just awful. I have also heard Satan laughing in my head. He was laughing at my misery. It sounds like you've been through a lot of terrible things. Hearing you talk about the fear that was so intense, I experienced something like that last year. It's terrible and even if you're like "Why am I so afraid all of a sudden?" that doesn't make it go away or it didn't for me. I had an anxiety attack over that one and called the paramedics to come and check me out. It was rough. I sympathise. I also understand about some of the things that are too hard to talk about. My 2021 attacks were that bad, I try not to even think about it. I respect you for speaking out about your troubles with mental illness.

[@damnablethief]

Mine are buzzy and really hostile. Yo you're brave. It's helpful to hear someone talk about it. Keep it up.

[@SchizoKitzo]

You got it!

[@kavimontanaro7976]

🐝Thanks for that - I admire your frankness and courage so much. Your description of the 'noise' was very reminiscent of nightmares I had as a child, a feeling of impending immensity. I would wake screaming and try to describe the feeling to my parents. It was also a physical feeling in my gut, and I've talked to people who have panic attacks and they say the physical and emotional effects happen together. It's a huge drag but analyzing it and trying to describe it is clearly helpful, it provides a little distance from the feeling when you reflect on it. And that's what you have done here, so again, thanks!

[@SchizoKitzo]

Glad you found it helpful! And thanks for watching 🐝

[@siemprealways]

Sounds so traumatic yet u r so strong, brave and intelligent that know that u r going through a psychosis and you endure. I hope you find more relief as u age, i wish u so much peace and love and light, always 🙏🏽

[@SchizoKitzo]

Supposedly SZA gets better in the 30s but I can’t find anything on PubMed confirming this. I’m gonna be 30 soon, so I’ll find out 😂

[@daphnevandermeer9344]

Thanks for posting this kit! It must be really hard for you to live with and talk about too. *Internet hug* 🐝

[@SchizoKitzo]

It is, but it’s what I set out to do with this channel, and I’m definitely putting the uncomfortable in “making the uncomfortable, comfortable” ! Thanks for the support!

[@melissavillalobos4197]

I appreciate your strength to share this with us. I can't imagine the suffering you go through. My heart goes out to you and is with you as well as my prayers. It's not fair. I'm proud of you for your strength and ability to share

[@SchizoKitzo]

It’s scary to talk about stuff like this and post it, but there is no bravery without fear and I seek to make the uncomfortable comfortable :) thanks for this

[@caineelliott7039]

It does help see I've been on my own since 12 basically raised myself I'm 21 now but it does help because been trying to get help for years all the wrong help but literally what u said today help because Idk what's wrong but everything u said I have some things very slightly different but all Ur vids I've watched has all been everything I completely relate to have a understanding what it feels like for u haven't got that from anyone because no one wishes to understand and they have no problems that come close to relate to but hearing ur doing better with meds does make me wanna try again because I can't live like this been self medicating because the doctors just waste so much time spent 2 and a half years of trying to be worse off but it's been 3 years since then just needed someone to relate to instead of people who have no understanding just a slight one this is the last vid I'm probably gonna watch but thanks for actually helping, anyone who has schizoaffetive disorder I really think this will help them if they ain't getting help or tried years ago but gave up, thanks for the vid tho ik how hard it is to get the words out

[@tripbennett458]

Very brave of you to share your experiences so openly.

[@LHP069]

Thank you for sharing your difficult experiences, you are stronger than you think. Keep going sister ❤

[@bthack1821]

I hear me. I tell myself that my wife and/or kids were killed in an accident. I hear people scream at me and I relive traumatic experiences in my life without the ability to control it. I had no idea that I had an issue. I had questioned if I were schizophrenic for a long time, but I shut the idea down because I am rational and understand that I deny my delusions and that is not characteristic of schizophrenia. I have been experiencing a bad physical ailment for a long time now and I've noticed my mental health had declined a significant amount. I've destroyed relationships, feared my friends were conspiring against me or that my toddlers resent me. I discovered schizoaffective recently and I found your channel today. I have spent the last two hours listening to you describe my mind to me, even down to the crippling neuropathy that has taken me out of commission. Thank you for this. I think I need to make a phone call.

[@SchizoKitzo]

Best of luck on your journey, and know you’re never alone, always. I’m glad I could help. Stay strong 💪

[@SomeSortofUsername-ey4uh]

Your video came up in my recommendations and I wanted to thank you for taking the time and consideration to share these experiences. It was well articulated and informative given the restrictions in language to convey emotional experience and sensation.

[@SchizoKitzo]

Thanks for watching!

[@TortillaLila1]

I struggle with the same Feelings you do. And I don’t think are diagnosis is a Curse , You just need love.

[@Fisherman-dz9cd]

Your courage is amazing I haven’t commented so far but you help me a lot I have schizoaffective disorder too and it sucks ❤❤❤

[@TibiSum]

I think dropping to the floor is brave and smart. It can't push you through the floor, or it would have already. I love hearing you talk about the sensory side of this. I've only had one psychotic break, super long ago, actually 31 years. I didn't have any way of knowing then that walking into fear was what would eventually help me. Well, that and the right meds, neurofeedback, whatever therapies I try from sources I trust. disclosure is so hard, but it is healing, for the person themselves and the community listening and feeling less alsone. Thanks so much!!!

[@kristijohnson1216]

How incredibly alarming. Like a very bad acid trip coming out of nowhere. Just having to ride it out.

[@yoitsmelchor]

this video resonates with me! thank you for making this video

[@Kapplerartbloomingdale]

Flashbacks and ptsdc can appear real and live. Like nightmares while coherent and yet knowing you are freaking out.

[@crazylikeafox1000]

You are beautiful and I pray you find peace. I hope you find some way to rest and control these terrible episodes.

[@fascher_]

I appreciate you making this video. I've been wanting to learn more about psychosis, and how it's like, and the way you described it helped me to understand it the clearest yet. Thank you.

[@danz9093]

Thanks for filming this. I've got BP1 w psychotic features, so it feels like there's a lot of crossover. There's always a couple of people on FB and discord groups that seem to have good personal insight whilst experiencing an episode, so it might be worth checking out some just for a further sense of community. I've seen one or two other vids of yours and have enjoyed them as well, so consider me signed up!

[@BareBohemianBeauty]

this video was so eye opening bc it showed me how different things are for all of us living with schizoaffective disorder. my psychosis is such a different ’process’ if that makes any sense at all. i have made mental illness videos but never got into what i knew to be psychosis bc i didn’t have the dx yet. you are beyond brave for getting online and doing this to help others and yourself. i wish i had a better comment to leave but that’s it bc rn i’m in the middle of being convinced my late ex bf is with me, hanging out and watching my every move. so yeah 🐝

[@a.mie.533]

You are so breathtakingly GOOD at verbalizing and describing your delusional experiences that I'm completely stunned after listening and don't know what to make of it. (And yes, it WAS the first of your videos, I came across =D ) I was so drawn in, that I almost experienced what you were talking about! Did you have those delusions while under medication?! That must be horrifying because it probably feels like you simply can do NOTHING about it, right?! I'm suffering from anxiety and depression, so I can relate to a certain degree but not entirely, of course. Sharing that stuff is really brave and important, I think!

[@SchizoKitzo]

I seek to educate through storytelling so thanks for this!!! As for your question, this did all happen while I was on meds, but I knew it wasn’t real, even if it felt real, so real. And that’s the value of my meds. When I was originally dealing with religious psychosis (delusions and hallucinations) I didn’t know it wasn’t real, and that’s what got me into trouble. But thanks to therapy and meds and a whole lot of coping skills, it’s more of a “crap gotta go somewhere where I can let it run its course and then get back to my life” kind of thing. It’s still awful, and I still hate laying on the floor for a while, but it’s not nearly as bad as it used to be. The reality is a lot of people with schizophrenia spectrum disorders still deal with symptoms on meds, they’re just less frequent and more manageable. Like me. Hope this helps answer your question!

[@a.mie.533]

​@@SchizoKitzo Thank you so much for your reply! The thing is: My father took his own life when I was 10, supposedly to an untreated severe depression with a possibly psychotic episode. Hard to reconstruct - was at the end of the seventies. Although highly intelligent, he refused any medication - which was extremely dumb, in my opinion. It could have saved his life - and made ours easier. So, my own mental vulnerabilty certainly stems from there - genetically as well as in terms of adaptation to adverse circumstances. May I ask what you think about genetic disposition vs. environmental influence with this whole topic?! I'm thinking of that a lot ...

[@leahjoyner3376]

Thank you for sharing this video, Kit. It helps me understand what I’m going through, through your experiences. While I haven’t had many hallucinations, I do have delusions that can cause me serious fear and mistrust and paranoia. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder around 5 months ago and I’m still learning about this diagnosis and myself with it. Watching videos like yours help me realize I’m not alone and can live and cope with schizoaffective disorder. What are some other videos about coping with the symptoms? Stay awesome! 🐝 PS, I love the bunny headband!

[@BLOBJOB59]

i relate s so much, mainly with the disconnect from reality. i genuinely cant trust my own emotions and experiences anymore.... its like im somewhere outside of reality, in a fog of delusions and anxiety, fear etc. at work its the worst. i have to leave before i completely breakdown and become catatonic and im too afraid to tell anyone. the only people that know is my non, brother and a few friends. its so lonely in this fog.

[@SchizoKitzo]

It’s easy to feel alone but you aren’t alone I can assure you that. Hang in there!

[@horizonblack]

If this is you psychotic, I am fucking impressed. I could not edit a video in your current state. You are AWESOME!!! Also. 🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

[@SchizoKitzo]

It’s amazing what a little bit of spite against a condition and it’s symptoms can fuel!

[@RyceTV]

Thank you for sharing. I have a job where I RP with civil servants, mainly cops. I usually describe it as keeping cops off the news. Usually I role-play as a person who has a severe mental illness. I usually browse KZbin trying to find videos that will help me understand intellectual disabilities, but this is the first one that I feel is very helpful. Though I've been told that my acting is very real by the cops who have experienced situations with persons with severe mental illnesses, for the first time, I feel confident. Thank you.

[@SchizoKitzo]

I am so so glad I can help you with your role. It means a lot to hear this as it’s not my usual audience! Super cool that you get to do it in a way that’s seen as realistic. Stay awesome 😎

[@davidvomlehn4495]

Wow! I know it's awful but you are coping so well. You go through it but eventually it ends, every time.

[@cyberz213]

thank you for sharing! I hate that you go through that, but it's nice to hear someone else describe the same thing. especially the whole "why don't you fight back?" aspect, I know what you mean, it's just safer not to.

[@crippledhippie329]

Thank you for this. I’m trying to understand how to actually help my good friend when he’s finally ready to reach out to family and friends… he’s had this disorder for a handful of years and last year became homeless trying to run away from receiving help.. I miss him so much. Also you are beautiful!

[@keewadium]

i dont have a diagnosis, but i know for sure i experiecne some sort of psychotic thing, im just waiting for the funds and time to get to a doctor. This video was exactly what i needed having just come out of a 4 month episode and im so so happy to have found your channel. It makes me feel less alone and a little less crazy for naming my hallucinations😅

[@SchizoKitzo]

None of us are alone ^_^