What narcissistic trait do you see in yourself? Find out Dr. Ramani's...

[@mikejarrells431]

I had them all. I succeeded in a toxic society. I sacrificed myself to serve others (people pleaser). Now that I'm retired I'm trying to resuscitate my authentic self. I'm reconnecting with my inner child who I abandoned and neglected. Don't settle. We got this.

[@AmosWales]

well done for confronting it

[@jfdc8432]

Inspiring! Love the word/idea of resuscitating. Yes! Our authentic selves can be revived/resuscitated!

[@harini2004]

Were you trying to please everyone, or just people above you? Did you treat subordinates with respect?

[@mikejarrells431]

@harini2004 I did treat subordinates with respect. I started at the bottom. I know what it's like. My empathy was my weakness. It still is. People take advantage of it.

[@tishie42]

I thought I lost all my empathy after the narc but it turned out I just have boundaries now. Every sob story isn't my problem and I am not the doormat anymore. My boundaries have shocked more than the narc but also other people who just were taking advantage of me. 😊

[@leeeah5010]

Love this, I feel the same way! 👍💪

[@marysisak2359]

Yes, boundaries. As Dr. R said yesterday we are not their savior, therapist etc.

[@ArtistNorth]

Yes so tried of being everyone’s unpaid therapist….now focused on listening and caring for myself…its amazing how much more time I have now that I am not allowing my time to be sucked by those who by the way are usually not doing anything for themselves…constructive that is

[@ceilconstante640]

I am highly NOT Narcissistic. But am happy that I've reached the point of eroded empathy. Most people are only about themselves and fail to consider the needs of others so now I speak up to protect myself.

[@PsychoLOSZKA1]

Mu narcissistic father said also „I am highly NOT narcissistic” while empaths who I know were not sure at all…I remembered that, it also can show something …

[@anitah3258]

I thought I was narcissist because I thought every time people got upset or any kind of reaction to what I did/said was about me. I made all reactions about me. They did X because I did Y. I've learned a lot with you (Dr. Ramani) and my therapist.

[@brookea518]

Keeping it real with Doctor Ramani! She always addresses these sticky issues. So grateful she has the courage to do it. My gosh I wish I could have coffee with her (tea for her)!❤

[@leeeah5010]

I definitely struggled with overanalyzing myself, I have a huge fear of being anything like my past abusers.

[@alltheliliesbloomed]

If you have a fear of being like them: it's just an intrusive thought (although I know that these thoughts can cause a lot of anxiety and self-doubt..). Truly evil people fear of being caught, not of being evil.

[@leeeah5010]

@alltheliliesbloomed Thank you, I really appreciate what you wrote!

[@alltheliliesbloomed]

@leeeah5010 ❤️

[@kat-75]

I've not lost empathy, but I have lost more patience and have zero tolerance for evil thieves, abusers, criminality in general, zero vileness.. None, zero.

[@Lisaann8699]

Same

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

@@kat-75 me too but there’s so many D- many of them!!🥲

[@stephaniealicia-y3i]

Same

[@brightbite]

Exactly. Your eyes are tired but you are not blind.

[@songwolf108]

I must confess I’m so envious at how easy it is for the narc to self promote, where as I fail miserably at this! As an artist I really need to learn this, but finding it very difficult, even writing this was painful…geez & freez!

[@caroleminke6116]

Confidence in yourself is a fake it till you make it issue & that’s OK

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

I’m glad you shared ty

[@PenninkJacob]

I finally figured out how to fight against narcissism without compromising my values of honesty, integrity, fairness, empathy, joy, compassion, caring, loving, being there for loved ones, decency, good faith, trusting, high standards for myself and others, productivity, discipline, courage, etc… The way to fight against them is to first use discernment to identify them, then I will have zero patience, give them zero chances, and have zero tolerance for them, in other words - be an adult. Give up on them permanently and without anything they could ever do to repair the relationship. We have to make narcissism NOT work for them! Thx! 👍❤

[@esthergoldberg6407]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@PapillonBleuNoir]

Absolutely this! I realized that as we grow and mature, this happens to all of us, since we're children - we want things to go our way, but society and the people around us show us in many ways that certain things aren't acceptable, even when it sucks for us. We all have to accept this to a certain degree. Narcissists simply think that those rules shouldn't apply to them and they should have all they want all the time and not be uncomfortable ever. And we collectively, as a society, need to show them what is acceptable and what isn't and the pain and discomfort of that is something they should learn to deal with. We should never allow them to get away with more than they're due. That's the only way to put a stop to narcissism.

[@mlcarey1000]

I allowed myself to become the victim & held on to it. I needed validation from others to recognize the severe mental & physical abuse I was experiencing. It did take alot of abuse for me to wake up & decide I deserved more in life. Today, after 28 years of freedom, I am grateful & proud of the awesome woman I am. I still make mistakes. Im human & flawed. I recognise my fragile weaknesses and habits. Now, I am not afraid to address them, try to change and forgive myself. I love my freedom to be me.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

❤🎉❤🎉❤🎉

[@seckhoffable]

You know when it starts working. Isn't it great?

[@kristenmitchell2118]

I am an autistic person and one myth about autism is that we do not have empathy, but I have too much sometimes it is hard for me to go outside. I believe this is why I gave my ex chance after chance even if his anger was controlling our relationship. I still don't know if he is a narc, but he has many of the traits.

[@brian-d-berentsen]

Do some autistic people have overwhelming emotions that cause them to 'shut down' or is it more a case of overall sensory stimuli?

[@kristenmitchell2118]

@brian-d-berentsen For me it can be both, however too much sensory stimuli can cause me to have a meltdown.

[@PrivateEye_007]

I'm sooo grateful for you Dr Ramani, you have helped me to keep being empathetic & realize I am sane 🤍🤍🤍

[@dbt2910]

Omg! Yes, lost empathy. I'm so angry, exhausted, more than 8 years solely responsible for narc mother. Life on hold. But I want to move forward. Everything Dr Ramani said here is so true.

[@Pamela-k5u]

So true. My empathy is doled out to the right people now. I no longer give it away.

[@CP-pe9ul]

I keep score....it might be the same thing as holding a grudge, but it helps me with establishing patterns, which I find very useful when making decisions for my own self preservation.

[@seckhoffable]

Yeah, that's me too. And people are shocked when I say, "remember the time when you..." and they say they don't, and why does that matter anyway? And I say, "You're still the person who did that."

[@moniquejackson7741]

Wow, this is Brilliant. "The great fear is: What if it IS me? What if I've complained about them, but it actually is me? And then this takes us to that complicated conversation about this so-called idea of "healthy narcissism", and you KNOW I do not love that term. I understand why people use it or say it, but there is really no version of low empathy, selfishness, entitlement, excessive need for praise, grandiosity, envy, arrogance, and taking advantage of other people that is ever going to be healthy. I think there's healthy ego. There's certainly healthy assertiveness. There are healthy boundaries; but that stuff is not narcissistic." I'm having trouble wrapping my head around the idea that these truths need to be stated. We've all experienced how, once in a blue moon, a narcissistic person will do something empathetic, or helpful, or insightful; but we KNOW that person has not changed. But if WE, once in a blue moon, do something narcissistic, we automatically question ourselves. It's about the number, frequency, and not owning of these traits that determines narcissism. "It is complicated and messy."

[@suef52]

If you self reflect then you are not narcissistic. They do not do this.

[@sage9836]

After getting away from a narcissist I discovered I have a 'big" personality which I need to attenuate at times. But I like being loud and proud.

[@vc7770]

After all the trauma and abuse... yea i hold a grudge too. Proudly!

[@jokerlovesyou1861]

Me too 💥 💥 💥

[@drebugsita]

They’ll claim that enacting your boundaries is just you holding a grudge. It’s not, it’s wisdom

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

Well if they want to call it a grudge. I’d call it self preservation 😢

[@phyllisjunemillerjohnson15]

One thing about living with a narcissist is that it's a mirror of what I don't want to immulate

[@marieborchardt2910]

I'm certainly not perfect and I'm ashamed of some things I've done and said in the past, especially when I've felt like I've been treated unfairly. But, I'm able to look back at myself and try to find a better way to deal with disappointment. I'm able to say I'm sorry when I'm in the wrong. I'm able to move on, but not forget my past mistakes. I have empathy, I don't have to like someone to feel sorry for the narcisstic people they have become. Since I've left several narcissistic relationships behind me, I like myself again, I feel free.

[@sharonletts88]

In the 1960s, before they had names for my disorders, my mother would say that I was vain, because I needed everything a certain way. For years, I carried this with me, thinking there was something wrong with me… But the reason why I needed everything a certain way was because I am on the spectrum with OCD. Many people are in denial about their psychiatric diagnoses, but I considered mine a gift. Without the criteria, I was going to end up just a crazy lady who needed everything a certain way.

[@biondna7984]

After long listening to my parents, especially my mother, verbally shredding nearby people's physical traits (weight, hair, etc.), and growing to hate their smug judgemental-ness, I STILL silently critique people's appearances (Could she trowel on the makeup any thicker? Oh my god, does he really think that comb-over helps him?). Then I remember my parents did this loudly enough for ME to hear. The message was, you're not lovable unless you look right. My appearance remains very important to me, and for health issues, that can be good. But I know people have stories. Some women keep their weight up to avoid re-experiencing sexual predation from men; my dearest living friend has done this. So I've got the seeds, all right. I'm just keeping them to myself 'til I might get rid of them.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

I get it! Today I saw the chocolate pillsbury dough boy standing at the bus stop. Yep I do that too. I also do it to myself and tell myself be nice!! 🐝 nice!!!

[@roseannesolis1417]

Loved this so much! Exactly what I NEEDED to hear at this very moment. As if God is trying to reassure me that I am in the right direction by escalating all my concerns and refusing to be gaslighted by narcissistic people around me that never seems to have an idea about self-reflection. I pray that someday, they will finally realize how harmful they can be for others. 🙏

[@laurabaker7454]

This is a great explanation of the gray areas in the survivor’s thinking.

[@southwestmystic]

Thank you for posting this. Its so helpful. I have a know it all attitude, turns out im autisitic with comminication issues. I am a super empath, i just define love more realistically that NTs. I was with narcissists who loved this because it made them smarter, but they used this condescending trait i accidentally held onto ... Against me. Lesson learned... The hard way! I am also a bigtime dreamer and manifest like nothing for the ones i love... This is now something i keep to myself.

[@m.artpilgrim8378]

I think that a lot of empaths have trouble balancing standing up for themselves versus doing harm to others, even if it is narcissistic people who are out to harm them. And so they hold back, rather than become evil to deal with evil and erase it from their list of problems, even though, at the time, they could have totally defeated this jerk. But if you do take up the sword, then you reflect and say: "Did that person just convert me to being a monster, just like they are?" "Am I now a narcissist?" As humans, good people can snap when their pain threshold has been exceeded time after time. My three main thoughts on this are: 1. "Self-reflection is a good thing." Through self-reflection, we can choose whether and how we can transform ourselves, and correct our behavior. 2. Underlying values, if not manifested, can still be transformative and lead us to change if we think about it and deal with how we do not like what we just did. 3. Asking this question, honestly, is a great thing. Life mistakes are great teachers for changing us to be better and wiser the next time.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

I was brought up Christian, 30 years ago I let it go. But I still think about archangels. They fight evil. They are not evil but they know their enemies.

[@eviep2]

Then, since narcissistic people may lack self-awareness, would they even recognize or question their own narcissism? I might be wrong, but if you have the ability to reflect on your own behavior and how it impacts others and actually care, then chances are high that you are not a narcissist.

[@pmandr29]

Exactly.

[@bvgg833]

She literally says in the video there are self aware narcissists She has videos on her channel about it And the whole world is talking about narcissism. Its a household term

[@pmandr29]

@@bvgg833 Regardless of what she claims, saying that there are narcissists who are self-aware is an oxymoron, and I don't buy it.

[@songwolf108]

@@eviep2 Since narcissism is on a spectrum maybe there are some who are self aware, but not common to the disorder… just saying!

[@Nickelodeon81]

When I'm going through a difficult time, I often forget that others around me also have issues to deal with.

[@AmosWales]

I have a chronic condition so its very important to me to continually assess or "watch" myself . This has been conducted over the years without me really knowing the definitions and so I relied on gut feeling. I have watched many videos in this channel and this particular one helps to sum it all up. Its a time saver for me. I realise that my struggling was itself self perpetuating over quite a few years - creating more suituations, struggles, and determination- in part designed by society. I was always looking for a way out - an outlet of any soret beit cycling for hours, handgliding, working in the city - a stark contrast to living in the countryside. I am now embarking on new ventures (of a non phhysical sort). I say well done to you all for educating yourselfs and acting on what you have identified. I think its fair to say that you too have that 'gut feeling'.

[@sushmayen]

I put myself first sometimes.

[@esthergoldberg6407]

We all need to ..thats healthy

[@TroyDanielStoverALXander]

Dr. Ramani, your insights are always so helpful and empowering. Your approach to understanding narcissistic behaviors and offering practical advice is truly transformative. As someone trying to navigate challenging dynamics, your content has given me clarity and strength. I’m a volunteer with the California GOP, and with a new chair elected, I’m excited about the direction we’re heading. I’m also working on an initiative to bring IBM back into high-tech manufacturing, alongside developing solar-powered products like solar laptops, USB-C & barrel battery solar GPUs, and other sustainable technologies. Millian Patterson could be the next California governor, and I’m hopeful that these innovations will align with the state’s future leadership. Thank you for all you do to raise awareness and support healing!

[@derekstevens8293]

I was just thinking this the other day. Thank you for explaining this very complicated subject. I was with a narcissistic wife for 17 years and still trying to divorce her smh. But thank you

[@Rico-RR]

This is valuable 💯

[@MysticFIREFLY]

Thank you for this chat. I needed to hear you today. Like #1.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

Totally what I needed to hear right now as I work on healing and resetting myself after narcissistic abuse. Taking myself back! 💪🏼 Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@rossanderson5243]

It is an anathema to growth. It's harmful destruction versus personal growth and attack on freedom. I want people to be themselves and find it disturbing they can't.

[@BantaWoods]

You covered these, but here's the ones that resonate with me most: My empathy for them, and for the public in general, is slowly waining over time. As well as hateful thoughts of telling them off or giving them a punch in the face. I am unable to walk and can barely lift a gallon jug of water, so, I could never actually physically do it....it's still the thoughts alone, and how G_d sees them, that concerns me. I actually feel this long term situation may prevent me from entering heaven.

[@AllGood1199]

Thank you for this

[@Plumduff3303]

I grew up surrounded by these monsters. I know how they think but and here's the difference i choose not to be like them. Kindness,love and peace ❤ beats their cruel small minded loveless lives. Have a wonderful day people

[@sumangalasunkad8497]

Thanks for this. It gives a lot of clarity for the over analysing folks who identify themselves.

[@brian-d-berentsen]

Thanks, as always, for the wisdom Doctor Durvasula! Love.

[@kasdnkol]

My greatest narcissistic trait is that I hate perceiving disrespect from people. Let me explain. When I think someone has disrespected me (my boss telling someone to finish a job I started, for example), I get really angry. I have to tell myself that it's not necessarily a criticism of my abilities. I usually can work through these emotions. I also recognize howtoxic it can be. Sometimes, while I'm in the middle of that, I'll snap at people unjustly. Later I apologize, some damage is still done. After learning about narcissistic rage, I was scared that I was a narcissist. After some soul searching, I don't think that about myself anymore. I still struggle with unjustified anger, though. And I really hate that quality. I know that it comes from insecurity, and I know what causes that insecurity. Knowing isn't changing though. At this point, I think it's just something I have to accept. I just don't accept that it can control my life. 8:45

[@kkryz]

It's my birthday tomorrow. It springs up on me. 10 days after the death anniversary date that is a ptsd trigger.

[@Seanus32]

Maybe a point worth making is it's hard to say when you were on the receiving end of 'transference/projection' .. things then get muddled. However, sometimes being too locked into my own stuff and not being open enough to others. It happens from time to time.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

It’s hard to ask for HELP!!

[@Seanus32]

@@SherryTomlinson-r2y It involves plenty inner work and then you can shrug it off. Being mindful and self-aware makes all the difference.

[@aliceroberts1980]

I sometimes talk about myself too much but it’s because I so isolated I don’t have anyone to talk to but my daughter. I have been neglected for 40 years. I upsets me when people look at me funny I hate that I do things that I pick up from my narcissistic husband. So I isolate myself even more because I don’t wanna offend anybody. I have less empathy because I’m exhausted I’m tired all the time I can barely me a parent. I save all my energy for my daughter that my first job . It’s when they hurt you on purpose and they’re enjoyment of their people pain lying and tell your wife that she a crazy b!tch for 15 years because he did something or said something hurtful than can even admit it and they blame you for what they did to you I can admit when I do something wrong or I mess up I feel I’m human I make mistakes. That’s what lets me know I not the narcissist. I was raised by one so I probably have traits of it .

[@lt827]

As I was raised by a narcissistic person and had a narcissistic older sibling, I have always thought I could have caught the 'narcissistic fleas' in some way because of the bad examples set for me. My worst one is probably the need for external validation. I believe this is largely caused by how my mother did things that made us emotionally dependent on her and her approval.

[@alltheliliesbloomed]

Humans are social creatures and I'd argue that all of us need some external validation from time to time. For narcissists though external validation is like oxygen and they will completely disregard the needs of others to fulfill theirs. You seem to have insight so I don't think you're that kind of person (even though we're strangers on the internet but I'd give you the benefit of the doubt 😉 )

[@lt827]

@ thanks. I don’t think I am narcissistic but it is very hard for me to believe I am good enough if no one else says so.

[@alltheliliesbloomed]

@lt827 I know the struggle.. If people are projecting stuff onto you long enough, you may start to believe it yourself. I actually have OCD and one of my 'themes' for a while was a fear that I actually might be narcissistic which was terrifying for me since having a meanigful, close, lasting & healthy relationship is one of my dreams and I even asked my therapist at one point to do the test for pesonality disorders with me (she did and told me that I'm not narcissistic although I scored high in BPD traits and had some dependent/HPD features as well). But narcissists don't see their maladaptive patterns as a problem because, in the majority of cases, they have very little or no insight at all and engage in projection and blame-shifting instead + they often see empathy in other people as a sign of "weakness" and look at those people with contempt

[@alltheliliesbloomed]

@lt827 And if your family of origin is toxic, some of the 'narcissistic fleas' may have been simply a survival strategy for you...Self-awareness is a virtue but self-compassion is equally as important imo

[@bigparade]

Most of us can probably identify with the concern of losing empathy after years of being in a narcissistic relationship. The fatigue and confusion that emerges around the time you realize you are suffering can absolutely trigger the fear that you may be a narcissist. I have wondered if it is inevitable/inescapable if you are brought up in a narcissistic home

[@caroleminke6116]

My mother really went down that road but she was always a vulnerable narcissist probably & just got worse

[@angelahart1479]

Thanks again. Great video.

[@yuu_miran]

Thanks for this video, Doc

[@marysisak2359]

"Narcissistic strands", I like that. Whenever I see a homeless person, drug addict or alcoholic I always think "But for the grace of God go I. After listening to this I realize it was the narcissistic strands in me that made the difference.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

Interesting?

[@MariannKnudsen]

To be honest my inner support system that makes me rely on myself and acknowledge myself can be too vulnerable at times which means I sometimes need too much acknowledgement from others. It is especially so while applying for jobs and getting many rejections. Sometimes the rejections make me wonder if I am as good at my work as I write in my applications and resume. I don't like being depending on orhers recognition, I'd rather all the time rest in myself and get the acknowledgement from myself because this way I feel like being like "them"

[@TorgerVedeler]

I think my people pleasing is itself sometimes narcissistic, because I wind up neglecting one person to make sure everyone else is happy, meaning no one winds up being really happy. And this leads to my feeling guilt because I think it’s all my responsibility to make everyone happy, and the whole damn cycle starts again. One of the best people I’ve ever known actually told me to stop giving a damn about everyone, and painful though it was to hear, he was right.

[@caroleminke6116]

Yup

[@jojoberrypie6580]

people pleasing, learned not to do that, and I used feel hurt if I got no validation. I feel like nobody likes me, and they believe the person who has a problem with almost everything I do. I guess I have felt like I want to be verbally abusive to some people. I don't, it would be bad for me. I think avoidance, I am shut down and so intimacy is hard for me. Im not sure if that is passive aggression, I have been accused of that, but I really feel there is little in it for me.

[@brandynuance7791]

Looking back, I think I ruined my marriage bc I am my mother’s child. And with further reflection, I’m certain my husband and I came from narcissistic-ran households and parents. We were both damaged, but I realized that I mirrored my mother’s patterns of being rigid. I hope I’m different enough and that I was only mirroring the example I grew up with 😔💔

[@Infinitesimal-ho7it]

I feel like I do try to set some things up for myself, maybe to the point others might be sacrificing (possibly unknowingly) for that to happen. I try to be up front about such things with people I can trust, but with people that don't seem to care about me or I feel will abuse information, I will withhold information. I feel like not only going through regular life dealing with others' narcissistic moments, but with a malignant narcissistic situationship, has made me have to learn the game and have to dip my toe into narcissistic tactics. I handled the encroachment of that situationship in a narcissistic way, because I saw that the narcissist in question was trying to smear me and play mind games with me. So, I did a thinly veiled tit-for-tat. Then, the situationship turned into a war of nerves, and I feel like I've had to really choose to withhold info or tell little lies to get to a place where I could feel relatively safe again. After years of dealing with that war, I might still withhold info if I get the slightest hint that someone might use info against me or to leverage me. And most of the world feels like that to me now.

[@happyjmc]

Lack of empathy

[@csfiskus610]

I treat empathy, my peace and energy like currency and believe not everyone is entitled to it or deserves it.

[@MagnysAa]

Love your videos, and enjoy you do not contaminate them with music 👍

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

I will manipulate and have gaslighted. And no I’m not a narcissist! I have a empath as a friend.. we get to laughing when asked are you trying to manipulate me!

[@Jan-m4n1q]

Learning something new about myself watching this Huum. Somethings I could have a better attitude towards myself. And take a step back if I get to angry and run lol

[@Sci-d9c]

Not me! I can’t self reflect and Im very compassionate! I don’t like when I’m speaking and someone cuts me off! I like to complete my thoughts. I can’t stand Narcissists.

[@themagicchi-ve1nq]

When I feel stressed out I can be controlling. This is one of my coping strategies from childhood that was very effective back then. I try to practice non interference now, but once in awhile the control comes up. I want to fix everything so I can be comfortable.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

I’ve been accused of holding a grudge or being forgiving after finally standing up for myself and staying strong in my boundaries after years of narcotic abuse. I can’t take it anymore and am prioritizing my well being despite the enablers trying to shame me. How do we distinguish between holding a grudge or just finally keeping our boundaries?

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

@@costelloandlizzievolk2233 holding a grudge and boundaries kinda go hand in hand for me. It might change and it might not

[@blakematthews9608]

I will often overshare my problems with anyone who will listen in order to feel some sort of validation that a) I'm not crazy or b) I'm doing the right thing.

[@cherrybacon3319]

I developed a lot of bad habits in order to survive being with my Narcissist because I lacked the education and courage to do what was right for me, and not what was easy. 🍒

[@ChantelleCarson-zo7eg]

If not forgiving is holding a grudge. Then there is lots of us. I can forgive someone when i truly see someone making amends, showing remorse and retribution. Changing to make the situation better so the pattern is not repeated but with a narcissist this never occurs. They ignore and take no access for the hurt they have inflicted.

[@PaigeSquared]

Forgiving is about whether or not we are still hung up on it, whether or not we allow it to tax from our daily willpower and energy. Forgiving is NOT forgetting; it doesn't mean we don't change the way we interact with the other person, it doesn't mean we continue speaking with them. Forgiving a person ONLY means you don't expect them to make it right; to forgive, we decide that the other person doesn't owe us anything, because they're not capable of providing it anyway. We don't want to waste our time and energy barking up the wrong trees. We won't forget and pretend it didn't happen, that is blatant denial. To pretend it never happened and "go back to normal," is the "forgiveness" of codependency, where we are shamed into "not rocking the boat," and setting aside our needs and our reality for another's comfort. No, that's not forgiving. That's abuse.

[@LOVEJOYMakan]

It's difficult for them to teach me... little empathy

[@PURPLEHEARTS19]

THANK YOU Dr. This message CERTAINLY helpes me understand ME more and determine whether I am a true narc or was I having Narc experiences. I will say, it is definitely a conscious choice, whether or not to go down the dark ugly path of a True narc as opposed to being in the higher vibrational spirit at least thats what resonates for me. ❤

[@NolaCaffey]

About holding grudges, which I do, too. If the opposite is forgiving, it is conditional on repentance, i.e. acknowledging the error and changing behavior, even if hurting or offending me wasn't the person's intention. I struggle to forgive if they don't admit it was wrong. No repentance, no forgiving. Otherwise, the behavior will continue. The problem is that repentance seems to feel they admitting they are a bad person, rather than the behavior had bad consequences. This officially makes me a pain in the butt.

[@theaspiebridge]

I know as an Autistic woman I so need validation for my Autistic needs. If people don’t validate the diagnosis then complain that I have a particular trait of it is so painful. They want me to change that issue.

[@ChantelleCarson-zo7eg]

The person that i loved never existed it was all a mask. I still feel love for the person i thought he was, but i hate the real person. I have my watched my children cry and wonder why he lied and broke our family. He goes on with life while i try very hard to help mend their hearts and mend my own at night alone in bed. I can never forgive what he did to our children and me. It was absolutely inhumane.

[@7difbz]

I have the trait of superiority and judging others.

[@JanikaRichards]

Thank goodness! I find myself sometimes seeking too much validation. Yet, I empathise (sometimes too deeply) with beings (people&animals). I am also too critical sometimes _overly perfectionistic. I was afraid that I might be one of those monsters...

[@privateprivate8366]

I have narcissistic traits and ticks. I’ve always known that I wasn’t at the lowest end of the spectrum. But, I know there are major narcissistic traits I don’t have. I don’t use deception and manipulation, to use people. I, sometimes, have more respect for their lives, than they do, for their own. I feel I have a lot of empathy, but more for animals, than for people. People just look like they’re doing their darnedest, to ensure you have that stretch between disrespecting them and acting as if you actually do. Sometimes, it feels I have just an appropriate amount of indifference to people, that it’s simply healthy, in a narcissistic world, that I have to plow through each day. Sometimes, narcissism is like trading cards. Like which traits in the DSM a person’s has, that they might want to trade for another. It’s also a matter of opinion. I know someone who’d feel I’d score a 10 out of the criteria. But, that’s based upon the fact that they’ve given up on their life, have decided to put up with their narcissistic family and, other than work, they might live rather monastically. Me wanting anything out of life, because I am working for it, then, becomes a tall order and something only an narcissistic person would do. People size you up and decide what you should advocate for, for yourself, and what you deserve. It also may have nothing to do, with the self-respect you have or the work you’ve put in. I’m OK, if that type of person might think of me, as a narcissist. Because they would only be content, if I were receiving crumbs. So, what do I feel is my worst narcissistic trait, although not technically listed in the DSM? Vilification of others. I saw this in my mother, as she aged also. Now, I will say that, often, I’ve found that people fulfill what I think of them. Still, I feel I get ahead of the game. I’m a strong INTJ so, we pickup on patterns. I am often right, when I see where things are heading and, often, people don’t like that about me, because they don’t want to hear bad news. This causes me to feel as if I’m right. I do try to refrain and leave things open to other, better possibilities. But, I am not good at this at all.😆

[@kkryz]

I'm thinking about my grudges.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

@@kkryz I’ve got quite a few and just recently got another one 😉

[@Binyaminextself]

Great point on what minor self centered traits look like

[@MunkeyKung]

I suppose I tend to view myself as better than most in many ways, so ego. But in no way whatsoever do I feel entitled and I still remain very insecure about too many things.

[@mattiaswendel5684]

Richard Granon speaks about this two day …

[@teenindustry]

I have empathy but I grew up with well off parents and worry that I am kinda entitled as I love“ the finer things”

[@lisalambert81865]

No matter what you do or say it can’t be twisted to be good or bad by the other persons interpretation or perception. There’s a difference between human reactions to things or feelings and true npd. When you look for a red car all you see are red cars.🤔

[@lesliejoyce1944]

There’s a narcissistic narcissism “expert” who says being in a relationship with a narcissist turns you into a narcissist, too. Agree?

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

@@lesliejoyce1944 no but I can act like one a bit. Depends on their intelligence.. too - mirror them back at them

[@simplybyzyree574]

Hello Dr. Ramani hope you are well. I want to ask if there’s a differ between a narcissist and avoidant. I am confused. Hope you can help me out. Thank you.

[@rebekahstramel]

The narcissist i'm dealing with owns "It's Not You".. its kinda ironic ngl

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

@@rebekahstramel my father was a psychopath. He got me into psychology when I was a teen. He read all these psychology books. And would go on an on about them. I found it very interesting. Though looking back I realized he was learning how to get over better on people. He wasn’t learning self growth- self awareness

[@Judyjlefebvre]

I get we all have some narcisissitic traits. I don't know what my narcisissitic trait is. Purhaps it's low tolerance for stupid people & judging them as such.

[@kimberleyshott8970]

Thank you for this Vulnerable Honesty, Dr. Ramani. Your Messege in 2025 is Essential❤💯🕊

[@Jesse-q3l4e]

I trust her but I'm still upset.... Idk what to do

[@pmandr29]

The notion that holding a grudge against someone is narcissistic is BEYOND ridiculous to me.

[@Jan-m4n1q]

Yes I think I have less empathy and walking around angry. I don’t like that however that’s me now.

[@eleganteventsspublicrelations]

💜💜💜

[@Gardenwitch1954]

I have too much empathy for everyone except the narcissist.

[@karenb.9199]

As a Christian, I see narcissism and the sin nature as the same thing. Selfish self-centeredness and doing things without regard for others are what underlie narcissism, but they define the sin nature as well. We come out with a sin nature and have to tame it. For instance, you don't have to teach a toddler to be selfish, you have to teach them to share, be polite, and show manners. This sin nature is what Christians allow the Holy Spirit to convict them about and work to change in them.

[@jokerlovesyou1861]

Im extremely sensitive and defensive

[@SonOfMorning]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@shibamchatterjee9892]

Dr Ramani there is a video on the net "IS DOCTOR RAMANI SECRETLY A NARCISSIST "

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

@@shibamchatterjee9892 narcissism is sooo twisted-twisted-twisted- twisted- twisted and twisted

[@minakoa7178]

If you judge someone for only working 40 hours a week- you may not be a narcissist (you probably are)- but there’s definitely something wrong with you. That’s something you need to change. That screams grandiosity, lack of empathy, self righteousness… so many things.

[@ufuomat3295]

I'm reactive

[@kat-75]

My Lord will get vengeance for me

[@Mama-brama]

Narcissistic people won’t wonder if they’re a narcissist. (Empathy)

[@apstrad]

Is the desire to be appreciated by your adult children a narcissistic trait?

[@tishie42]

I am curious about this too. I don't want them to walk around saying I was an awesome mom, but if the opportunity arises, I wouldn't mind them saying I was a good mom. 😅🤷‍♀️

[@ojuice54]

I think appreciation requires relationship… you should desire a good relationship with your adult children. How do you regard them? How do they regard you? How would you describe your relationship? When you spend time together, what types of things do you do and talk about? If that dimension of the relationship doesn’t even exist with your adult children, I doubt appreciation is in the picture.

[@theliftexpert]

Yes , this is a very narcissistic trait because a healthy parent would be focused on making their adult children feel good about themselves and their unique abilities. You have to give honest and natural positive energy to others and then it will just honestly and naturally flow back to you❤

[@sb7278]

I think being appreciated for your efforts is a normal part of maintaining healthy relationships, but when your desire for recognition becomes excessive and is needed to build your sense of self-importance, tied in with self validation, then narcissistic warning bells should probably start ringing...

[@apstrad]

@ Exactly!

[@RavenStealstheNight]

I hate when ppl say healthy narcissism... There is no such thing. It's like saying healthy psychopathy, healthy abuse, healthy bulimia and anorexia...