What Psychosis is really like

What psychosis is like based on my personal experiences.
If you want to understand more about psychosis, please take a look at my other videos. I live with lifelong Bipolar Type 1, so I’ve had manic episodes.
To join the waiting list for my book, visit: mikemcdonnell.co.uk

[@solisshine5764]

as someone who struggles with being open about mental health struggles i really appreciate you being so open and public about what you’ve gone through

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

Thank you so much for your comment! 💚 I promise to keep them coming to spread awareness and make life just a little easier for all of us who struggle. Please feel free to drop me a message at any time, either suggesting videos to post or if you just need someone to talk to and support you.

[@MatrixEvolution17]

Respect you talking so openly about this. I've never had psychosis but have family members who do so it's very insightful to learn about. I think the part that scares me most is that when you fall into psychosis you might not even notice it or realize that it's happening. Makes me wonder how many people have it but don't even know they have it.

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

@@MatrixEvolution17 Thanks so much for your comment 🫡 Completely agree on your point. Also makes it very hard to diagnose, hence why it’s my mission to spread as much awareness of the condition as possible!

[@ThePieFairy91]

The way you put it: gradual elevation of energy that (like highly caffeinated and cocaine) overstimulated; heightened awareness; confidence... These are textbook "mania" signs too! Add in talking fast, not sleeping, and shaking like a crackhead chihuahua. It's so bizarre to hear somebody describe something I experience SO thoroughly and with the perfect words. The way it sneaks and builds is like smoke; it trickles in unnoticed at first, and by the time it's noticed, it's usually by a consequence and not the issue itself - with smoke, one smells smoke before they see it, and by then it's already filling a room and a fire is raging; and then psychosis is noticed when the behavior is so odd that it impacts others, but the real issue is what's causing the psychosis. Sorry I'm rambling! o((>ω< ))o

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

Thank you for your comment! I’ve just filmed a video on what I think caused my psychosis, looking forward to posting that one 😀

[@janutellet]

I was watching a video showing the controversy of the CEO of Scentbird, and funny enough, this video was recommended. Thank you so much for sharing, I had psychosis back in 2020... I hope to never go back again.

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

I haven’t heard of the CEO of Scentbird. Is it something I need to watch too? 👀

[@janutellet]

@@itsmikemcdonnell it's worth a watch, as I feel like her behaviours ticked many boxes of psychosis, yet undiagnosed/untreated. penguinz0 posted about this as well, but the other KZbinr is more neutral about the whole thing: kzbin.info/www/bejne/qnjYY5qBepplZrssi=aAfBmIcU0-RIPbqM

[@Theplaylist510]

OMG MY PSYCHOSIS STORIES ARE SO HILARIOUS 🤣 I’m literally doing journaling to process all the stupidity.

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

😆😆 I’d love to hear more! I wish I’d have journalled, I did take some pictures which will remind me of some of the funny things I was doing 😆

[@youngorangee]

lmao, I thought I was Jesus too bro, it happens to the best of us

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

😆😆! + Cheers for commenting bro

[@user-mk5sn6ow7k]

Me too. I thought I knew everything

[@chrisknowles5358]

Thanks for sharing your story, and keeping it short and to the point!

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

Very welcome Chris! Glad you enjoyed 😀

[@arabellarain5186]

my manic episode last year was very very similar to this.

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

Isn't it crazy how many of us seem to have similar experiences? I'd love to know more about your day-to-day thoughts and others who've been through episodes like this.

[@arabellarain5186]

it’s very comforting to know im not alone in such an experience although i would say that episode of mania was very enlightening to me personally and mainly very euphoric. i suffer from cptsd on top of bipolar and i personally suspect i have borderline as well and recently have been struggling with a pretty intense bout of derealization. ive experience dp/dr for over a decade but the past week has been particularly scary and bordering on delusion (at moments im thoroughly convinced that no one and nothing around me is real and im completely alone). makes it very hard to feel true connection with people. i appreciate you opening up and being vulnerable with this video. hearing others describe things very very similar to what ive been through does serve as a really big comfort that maybe im not alone after all. thank you for sharing your experiences with us and letting me open up here!!

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

@@arabellarain5186 That’s amazing of you to have the courage to share what you’re currently going through. I wish you the best in your journey and health. I’m always here via comments when you need to talk and can find more contact details on my website. I don’t know about you, but I think there’s a real shortage of lived experience ambassadors online. Would you agree? I’m thinking about creating an online community/channel which brings us all together to support each other. Do you think that’s a good or bad idea? Thanks again for your comments 💚

[@arabellarain5186]

@@itsmikemcdonnell thank you, its really been weighing on me and its such a relief to just get it out there. i think thats a wonderful idea and id personally love to be a part of that!!! there is a real lack of community with mental health issues like this and it would be so cathartic for many people i believe to have a place where they can be vulnerable and open up about mental health and such. thank you again, i really appreciate ur kindness and support

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

@@arabellarain5186 Don't worry; I'll make this my mission to create. Sorry for the questions, but do you think I should make it specifically for those who have experienced mania or open it up to anyone with mental health difficulties? I'm just conscious of it being too loose. My initial thoughts are a low-cost slack, say $5-$10 monthly. The small membership fee to negate spammers and re-invest in our community. I'm open to any suggestions you have!

[@commo55]

kudos to you for sharing and being so open. there's still such a stigma, so you being willing to help normalise these experiences but just as importantly, simply be honest, is so powerful.

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

Thank you so much!!! 🙌

[@evelynesimon5758]

So grateful you have decided to do this, also very positive wider population is ready to hear it.

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

You're very welcome Evelyn! I'm just in the process of uploading my next video now on Bipolar

[@lolareyes9242]

Thank you for making this video. My partner is currently experiencing the same thing, and I’m trying to understand psychosis in any way I can so I can support him. Would love to hear about your recovery journey and what you do now to take care of yourself.

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

You’re very welcome and thank you for your feedback. I wish you and him the best in his recovery 💚 Stay calm and by him always and everything will be okay. Those videos are on their way, I do a whole load of things now so there’s a lot to pass on to you. All the best, Mike

[@WellnessWithAbs]

Love the honesty 💛

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

Thank you wifey ❤️

[@markharrist2174]

Great video, very well spoken. Thank you for sharing.

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

My pleasure! Glad you enjoyed it 😀

[@carktok]

Thanks for sharing the experience. Way more brave than some of us who've had similar experiences. This gives me some confidence and encouragement to do the same.

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

You’re very welcome 😀 that’s my aim! The more we can all open up and talk, the better and more accurate the care will be which we receive. I think there’s a lot more out there who suffer than we’re aware of. All the best, Mike

[@dl4037]

Very interesting, thanks for sharing this with us, such videos really help to create better understanding of such things, from your description of that agitated, awaken feeling I can really understand, how that can affect the brain in such a way that people start believing these things.

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

You’re very welcome! Thank you for your comment, I’m glad you found it helpful 😀

[@benzapp1]

Great video

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

Thank you Ben and thanks for joining the waiting list too 😀

[@sarahhibrahim]

I'm currently experiencing a psychotic episode. I have moments of lucidity every now and then and it's so hard, really, I wish I didn't have them and just be completely immersed in my so-called "delusions". It is extremely difficult and confusing having moments of awareness. You're description somewhat alligns with mine. Thank you

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

Hey Sarah! Thanks so much for sharing this in what can seem like a strange time. Please stay relaxed and avoid stimulants such as caffeine if you can. I’m confident you will be back to normality in no time if you get enough sleep. Is there anything else I can do to help?

[@zentofroez]

I had an episode of psychosis in 2019 due to epilepsy. I had been drinking, smoking and took my anti-epilepsy medication. Next thing i remember was being driven to the hospital as i was seizing and my mom telling me i’d be okay while flying down the highway. Then nothing, then waking up in the hospital when people were injecting me with a thick iv because i kept pulling out the smaller IVs. So eventually, as time passed and i recovered partial consciousness and awareness and recognized i was where i thought was a morgue/ hospital room and a shit load of people tryna take care of me when in reality it was only 5 nurses, all of whom i couldnt see their faces. I know it sounds ridiculous, but i saw their faces as blank blurs or smudges but they all had halos. I started calling em angels and was cussing like a sailor and screaming. Eventually, they sedated then i woke up again hours later, in a room with my girlfriend who I recognized fully and my mom. Everything was also incredibly bright, like staring at the sun bright, when in reality it was the middle of the night to which i, according to family, threatened my nurse with violence, stood up, ripped out my IVs and tried to run out of the room. I was then sedated again and came to again hours later in the middle of the day. The weirdest about it was when i would come to in partial consciousness, i would be in the middle of the sentence and become very very stressed as i didn’t know what had been going on for hours that had passed. Then i started hearing voices that weren’t there, which my brain assumed why my wife’s dead dad who was telling me "calm down and shut the fuck up because they’re going to send you to the psych ward." After a while, i started to finally become fully aware, specifically when i wanted to use the bathroom and nurses said im a falling risk and couldnt go by myself. So i had to poop in a portable potty they bring into the room and wipe my ass. The most mortifying moment of my life. Once i was discharged, i learned about all of this except for a few tidbits that my family informed me on, like my violent outbursts, calling everyone angels, praying to god for death and admitting to an affair i had that never actually happened. Psychosis is wild and terrifying , but it’s very comforting to hear other peoples perspectives and their experiences.

[@upperechelon9776]

Very much appreciated, please do more like this. I have lost my mind shortly while on mushrooms and the striking part is that it also makes you question every thought you ever had. Like it sounds convincing all of a sudden that every thought you ever had before was made under completely false presumptions. As I am probably not predisposed I snapped out of it within minutes but I always wondered if now that I kind of know how a psychosis of sorts feels, if I would be able to recognize it again and at least control my actions even if I cant control my thoughts. But since it was a terribly frightening experience, I never tried again. So I would love to know if you had, shortly before your relapse, a sense that it is happening again? I can imagine one would not be able to notice as this is affecting how you perceive things. It is mighty scary to think you dont really control, but are instead lead on for better or worse, by... yourself.

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

Thank you so much for your comment! I promise to make more content like this; I'm just in the process of uploading another video on Bipolar type 1 and how it feels. I hope you enjoy it. I completely get what you mean, I too had similar mushroom trips, I quit any form of drugs, drink, smoking etc during my recovery. So, I'm now proudly around 450 days sober, and it will stay that way now. To answer your question, I think so, yes; from what I remember, I could feel my thoughts wandering almost like a dream state and thinking, oh god... I have this long-term, this is me now, and it's uncontrollable. But, then I temporarily snapped out of it - maybe a few days? Then, the relapse occurred. Hope that helps!

[@MrScandinavio]

You are soo handsome. Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@vivienm2037]

Interesting video, thank you for making it. I haven't had a psychosis or I am not borderline, I am at the other end: chronically depressed and on antidepressants for several years now, in and out of therapy. So when you said you felt this heightened energy and you couldn't stay still, I was like 'damn, I could use that some days.' 🤣 Jokes aside, I am happy you feel better now and that you are doing great. I'm interested in the book as well.

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

You’re very welcome. Thank you for your comment and I’m glad you enjoyed it! 😀

[@zubeidamohamed2916]

Is psychosis permanent? Do u understand what u have done. Thanks

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

@@zubeidamohamed2916 Oo great question! I just answered that here!! kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y4DGnmOCjZmiraMsi=i3zSwjH360ymVFPZ

[@Archferumphis]

You could do a video that would contain some clips of these Instagram stories. Would be interesting to see and hear you discussing them further!

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

@@Archferumphis That’s a fantastic idea! However, unfortunately I deleted the Instagram account which removes all of the stories archives 😬 shame really. Thank you for the recommendation though, please let me know if you have any others 🙏

[@idostuff5766]

Thank you for sharing your story i experienced similar symptoms to you thinking I was god lol

[@tyd4671]

I relate fully

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

Thanks so much for your comment! Crazy and amazing to know you experienced similar thoughts and feelings to me. We’ve seen another side 😮

[@Justin-mb7lx]

haha that point of being hunted down by agents/government officials cus i had realized something others didn’t happened to me too, in hindsight it seems very funny now

[@DanCowmanYo]

Thank you for sharing this. As someone who suffers from bipolar, I agree with most everything you said, though it's obvious everyone experiences psychosis differently. For instance, I never thought of myself as Jesus Christ, but something more along the lines of "someone doomed to be an example for humanity." As if I would one day be put on a mass trial (think Amber Heard, but long before the trial ever occurred or was even a thought); or that people from the future had specialized technology and can see me in real-time from 2254, and that they were judging me. It would get so bad that I didn't want to function. I take medication now and have been in therapy for years. I'm really OK, honestly, despite what my fictional KZbin character portrays. (Really, Dan Cowman is just an act.) I'd love to see you cover how the media creates exaggerations regarding these illnesses. For example, I consider Billy Chenowith from Six Feet Under to be wayyyyy over the top, though I've certainly met people like him (they're rare and need serious, serious help). Keep up the good work! I look forward to hearing more from you.

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

You’re very welcome! And thank you so much for commenting and sharing your story. I’d love to create a video on how media exaggerates people with conditions like we do, but I don’t watch much mainstream media. Do you have any examples I could use? Maybe I could do a montage video and give my thoughts on these 🙌

[@MyDrummingHead]

Thank you for sharing. Have you experienced any feelings of shame when coming out of psychosis about strange things you did? Its 4 years since my last episode and I still struggle with embarrassment and shame

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

You are very welcome mate! Oh absolutely. I went live on Instagram stories 5-10 times each day during psychosis, doing some very embarrassing things, which included smoking and eating the remainder of a cigarette butt. As you do... 😆I tend to laugh about it now amongst friends and family. If you don't laugh, you'll cry, as they say! At the end of the day, we can't control what we were going through, so it's safe to say it wasn't you and wasn't your fault. You can only control the present, which shapes your future self. You've got this, my bro.

[@MyDrummingHead]

@@itsmikemcdonnell I did some strange things on social media too! I think it's where most of my shame lies because without it probably only close friends and family would know I was ill, but with it it's up there for everyone to see. Thank you for sharing your experiences so openly, it makes a lot of us feel a lot less alone! Best of luck for the future 😊

[@stefand5034]

I don't quite undestand it. How did you end up in the hospital? I had gone through a massive psychosis episode that lasted for more than 4 months 10 years ago, I wasn't not able to sleep in my bed, had completely lost any sense of self identity not to mention the fact that at that time my brain got hyper functional to a point my body couldn't make sense of its own functionality, I was functioning on a mental hyper drive 24/7 for months in a row! I've had a few minor reoccurring episodes since then, but I am not the same man anymore. I didn't seek help from professionals, although one night I was thinking of calling 911 because there was an invisible monster staying in my house inflicting horrible images in my head..I wasn't afraid to die, I got scared because that thingy wanted my soul, didn't know how to respond.

[@youngorangee]

I also thought I was Thomas Jefferson

[@the_prophecyyy]

I thought I was immortal 😂

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

Me too, it sounds like it's very common!!! I genuinely pulled a whole fire door off the hinges of my room in the hospital, that can't be easy to do hahah

[@the_prophecyyy]

@@itsmikemcdonnell holy shit hahah

[@freelancer_farida]

💕💕💕💕

[@user-zv4nv9kn3h]

Are your thoughts and feelings was „positive“ or „pleasant“? Or just neutral for you?

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

Fantastic question, I should have included this. For me, all very positive. I didn’t feel negative at all during the episode. However, once I’d come out of the ward and was sedated on heavy medication I had depression and once or twice suicidal thoughts. That was a tough time, but we managed to get that specific medication changed and those depressive thoughts started to fade.

[@user-zv4nv9kn3h]

@@itsmikemcdonnell thank you for answer. I heard from Doctor that “mental illness” thoughts are always kinda positive and we feel it like part of ourselves. And there are no doubts that it can be “unhealthy” or “wrong”. I have this sometimes, just like u described in video, feeling that u have a lot of energy and all is going “right”. But sometimes I also have except this feeling something strange, that “tell” me “hey man u need to stop and think maybe or have a rest”(that’s how I interpreted this).

[@ashanticlarke3891]

Ur cute

[@theJellyjoker]

People thought I was delusional conspiracy theorist, then Epsine happened. I wish I was delusional conspiracy theorist and that stuff was fake. 😨

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

Yeah… Things like this don’t help do they? 😆🤣

[@theJellyjoker]

@@itsmikemcdonnell No, no they do not. 🙃 😅 Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean nobody's after you. 😅 Nice try FBI! Not today CIA! 🤐😶😶‍🌫 It's all paranoid conspiracy theory psychoses skizo posting... r... right? 😅🥲 I'm gonna go have a nice relaxing smoke on the back patio. 🚬 Cannabis helps calm my crazies down. 🤪 YMMV though. 😜

[@1MNUTZ]

Are you on any medications now

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

Hey mate, I’m not now no. Recently, I managed to reduce all meds to zero. I was on Olanzipene (anti-psychotic) and Depakote (mood stabiliser) for a good few years. Are you taking any medication at all?

[@1MNUTZ]

@@itsmikemcdonnell no i was on antidepressant escitalopram and a benzo ativan and when i came off it it caused psychosis and akathisia as well as a bunch of other stuff. Its been 40 months now since i initially had the "discontinuation syndrome" from stopping the medications. Im doing a lot better than before but still not what i was like before the meds.

[@1MNUTZ]

@@itsmikemcdonnell no i was on antidepressant escitalopram and a benzo ativan and when i came off it it caused psychosis and akathisia as well as a bunch of other stuff. Its been 40 months now since i initially had the "discontinuation syndrome" from stopping the medications.

[@1MNUTZ]

@@itsmikemcdonnell i tried replyin but youtube keeps deleting comments

[@meganthemom]

Did you believe in God prior to your psychosis?

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

To be honest, no and I never have. Strange one really… But I believe we know what “good” is and we all have that inside us!

[@94alhf]

I don't think there was anything wrong with you. You didn't need pathologising or institutionalizing. You needed a shaman to breakdown what you were going through

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

Somethings were out of my control unfortunately

[@jenborisov782]

What diagnosis did you receive in the end? Is it bipolar disorder?

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

Yes! Exactly, Bipolar Type 1. 😀

[@jenborisov782]

@@itsmikemcdonnell At what age was the onset? And does it run in your family? If you don’t mind me asking questions. Kind regards from South Wales 👋

[@jenborisov782]

@@itsmikemcdonnell Mike have you read about fecal transplant for bipolar disorder treatment? Please, read Jane Dudley’s story (it has been published in a medical journal).

[@itsmikemcdonnell]

@@jenborisov782 I don’t mind at all! I was 22 and there is no history of it running in my family, no. Feel free to ask as many questions as you like 😀

[@honeyfurfarm2182]

​@itsmikemcdonnell were you taking an antidepressant during or before you started to experience this? Or take any illicit drugs? Mine was set off by an antidepressant.