What’s your funniest Dungeon_Master.exe has crashed moment? 4

[@pulsefel9210]

bard: *hits on everything as meme accurate as he can* party: *gets to royal court, sees the queen* bard: *begins to treat the queen with absolute respect, no pickup lines* DM: ...so youre not gonna try this one? bard: i have SOME standards! when you get used to the meme bard but he suddenly pulls standards out

[@noneofyourbuisness1679]

The implications of this are multi-fold and I love it

[@funnyblog100]

Its possible the bard didn't want to seduce a married woman. That and if the king found out he would lose his head.

[@pulsefel9210]

@@funnyblog100 never said anything about her being married

[@funnyblog100]

@@pulsefel9210 I guessed. I mean she's the queen right? I figured there would be a king unless she was a widow.

[@noneofyourbuisness1679]

@@funnyblog100 Never said he didn't hit on any other married woman or anything more dangerous than a king ordering his execution. Clearly the queen is different story XD

[@egorsdeimos3523]

Dungeon master made a femboy kingdom but I mentioned how he had to voice said femboys. It was like that moment in ratatouille where the chef reads the letter with increasing concern. He then stuttered for a few seconds before finally being able to talk about how he dug his own grave.

[@icey_doggo3691]

*lacrimosa intensifies*

[@s.e.111films3]

“I see this as an absolute win!”

[@egorsdeimos3523]

@@s.e.111films3 as did I, I cannot wait to marry a femboy

[@Daniel_Coffman]

I feel like that's a, "Congratulations. You played yourself." XD

[@jallen3775]

Heaven, no just the moment of realization of one's own mistake leading to other's realization that they have have been given gold by a fool

[@puglife658]

Ok hold on. What did that first dm expect to happen? When a container starts ticking, your immediate reaction isn’t going to be “open it” it’s going to be “holy shit this is a bomb get it away from me”

[@TotallyRealistic]

While true, the characters technically don't live in a world where bombs tick.

[@godofzombi]

@@TotallyRealistic Even so, if a container starts to make suspicious noises my character's reaction would be "Mimic!" and also chuck it overboard.

[@user2C47]

​@@TotallyRealisticIn most worlds, I would consider it very plausible that mechanical timers exist.

[@DripMinis]

I was the DM. Campaign was just starting. Players are set up to meet an important PC, but are soon informed he is dead! Players went completely off the rails from what I planned and eventually broke into the embalming facility to find an empty coffin and reveal a plot point intended for many sessions later. Pretty much ran the rest of the session on improv. They even managed to rescue the master embalmer who wasnt even intended for the campaign. Just goes to show how important it is to have a list of NPC names at the ready.

[@crazyhercules9442]

I would’ve loved to have been a part of that. That’s awesome. And you sound like an awesome DM, bro.

[@Bobertgrimlin]

👍 good job

[@Ravenqueen22]

Two words: Hamster Ball. Our GM set up a dungeon where our party was trapped in a room with slowly rising water that could drown us. After the rogue regained control of his abilities, our wizard cast the Force Bubble spell and we escaped. Our DM, realizing what the wizard had done, took a small breath before saying the following: "You manage to Hamster Ball your way out of the dungeon. I never thought I would say that, as a GM, in my game".

[@michaelleader633]

There was a point where the villain who was supposed to last until the end of the campaign was taken out by our rogue with backstabbing while attempting his long breathy monolog. The dm was utterly shocked we had done this so easily, but rolled with the punches smoothly as a demon that had been possessing the villains body popped out, used power word stun, gave the group the finger and said in the most insulted voice. "Rude..." before flying away with his tail between his legs. Well played sir, well played! 😆

[@witherslayer4239]

So a moment like this happened two days ago. It wasn't during a session, but during character creation for an upcoming campaign. My DM made us roll a d100 for lineage, lower being better/more powerful/higher class. I rolled a 1. My DM then stuttered for a full minute before falling silent. With me rolling a 1 on that d100 my character is the great-granddaughter of a divine spirit. The entire party erupted in laughter and my DM was extremely frustrated.

[@sandgunslinger2739]

That DM shouldn’t have made it an option if they didn’t want it to happen.

[@Phoenixoflife56]

2:07 to be fair the DM should’ve seen that coming usually the first thing that comes to when you mention that you her ticking is usually a timed explosive.

[@Habilonion]

9:20 I know that elf! I was part of that group! she is an awesome character and very fun to play with, and there is no exaggeration in that story. Though the fucking dragon was so determined to fight that it still sent its army in. It was a glorious fight and ended with the Dragons children dead and their army deciding it was not worth the hassle, turns out the dragon only wanted the land because its children were asking for it, with them dead he could focus on his war with a Green dragon and so he just left us alone.

[@mushroomkrakowski2161]

Whoa that's cool !

[@Habilonion]

@@mushroomkrakowski2161 thanks, it was a fun campaign and it came to a lovely end recently on session 99, my friend that submitted that story is likely going to submit more.

[@RealSlendyBoi]

That first DM should've known what they were gonna do when the thing starts ticking like a damn bomb. 😂🤣

[@LocalMaple]

Finale, level 15, session 16. We made the DM.exe crash nearly four times! The BBEG had both the Orb of Chaos and the Deck of Many Things. The Orb allowed him to control fate to reroll any chance to the result he wanted, including d20s, damage dice, and whatever cards he draws from the Deck. However, the chaos squared was creating instability in the planes, and a rift directly to Cthullu was threatening to open. We had an Orb of Law, which could negate via proximity and leash the Orb of Chaos, as well as undo all the chaos the two items caused. But before we could undo the damage, we would need to retrieve the Orb of Chaos from the Evil Sorcerer BBEG. The DM planned for us to fight our way through his keep, past our rival party, and end in BBEG’s throne room with his Iron Golem guards. I called in a favor from the merged Orc Tribe from 3 sessions back, for them to join us in the finale assault. DM.exe crashed once. I then used my Familiar to signal the Orcs when to attack, as we snuck up the cliffs, prepared the last of our Dust of Invisibility from Session 2, and used a Broom of Flying and a Bag of Holding to crash through a window and take BBEG by surprise. DM.exe crashed a second time. Halfway through the fight, when the Iron Golems were defeated, the BBEG was in an invulnerable globe, and neither group could hurt the other. We decided to trap him inside a Force Cage the moment the globe dropped, as well as break the bottle he gave us from session 11 inside the cage with him. The one that we didn’t know contained an angry Efreeti. DM.exe crashed a third time. After that, we beat the BBEG, and undid all deaths and effects related to the Deck. Including reviving the BBEG, and undoing the Balance card he drew during the Sorcerer’s backstory. The DM.exe almost crashed a fourth time.

[@niekatheunknownweirdokid]

Jesus poor DM

[@joefloggg3257]

The level of mental shock is amazing

[@captaindrunksparrow3690]

It was alot leading into our first campaign. Our DM is writing a book and set our story in it. We make it to the location in the note every member of the party recived and apparently we talked to every npc he didn't prepare any dialog for. The look on his face was priceless. All in all great story so far.

[@doomsdaylamb5226]

My party and I were venturing down into the depths of a dungeon under a windmill when a sand trap appeared and covered the place in sand threatening to bury us. After some deliberation I realized every player spoke at least one unique language to the rest of the group. 9 languages in total (the wizard was very proficient) could mean only one thing. We started swearing in 9 different languages. Made an diplomacy roll. (18) The DM rolled a few dice, slowly getting more and more agitated before announcing “you have hurt the sands feelings, it recedes.” Our most used strategy quickly became the swear. There was that other time I was the DM and they rolled nat 20s for a homebrewed summon enemy stone I gave them as a joke. It went from finding the lost treasure to finding a way to escape Cuthlu.

[@lyfjkrz2634]

For me, it was when they killed the BBEG of my campaign the second session. It was pretty weak, I might say, but their force was their soldiers' one. Rogue tried to sneak in and kill them. I said: Roll with disadvantage. Two Nat 20's. +4 they had in Stealth. Then, a Crit. 16 damage + 10 from the ranger that helped. This was a wizard, and I decided to make them weak, but powerful. They had 25 life. At the time, it wasn't presented as a villain, but as a high-rank of an army. Now, without villain, I completely changed the narrative, villain and even the cities they would traverse.

[@gnarthdarkanen7464]

Campaigns like this are often better "cultivated" to a rougher "sketch" than a finite plan. Players (and by nature PC's) are an unpredictable bunch. If you're going to grow a villain, plant seeds early on, and let them compete for supremacy in their various ways... If you're going for a planned and pre-built BBEG, NEVER EVER present them before you're prepared to engage the party and potentially get them killed... When "planting seedling" villains, create a variety of "types" to experiment with how THIS Party responds to them, and the version of evil that most motivates the Party to act... What do they consider a threat? How ambitious are they REALLY? It can be one thing to use petty mob-bosses and minor ambitious nobles or old family grudges and feuds to tune up the Party for adventuring in your general setting, and another to propose by stories and criers the various kinds of evil that are wandering unchecked in the world for them to focus upon... It also (Outside of Characters) can help you as GM build a better estimate of everyone's goals with the Game... Is it a properly ambitious heroic story, a beer and pretzels fantasy frolic with some virtuous antics to let off steam, or a chaos-driven pasta-throwing contest for "plot" that might put any Soap Opera to shame??? Sometimes the Players don't even know how to articulate what they want in a Campaign... SO it's worth fiddling around a bit in lower levels, where shenanigans can be "functional" somewhat and find out where they seem to derive their greatest entertainment. LISTEN to Table chatter, rather than restrict it. People WILL let you know what they like and want, and even who they are if you let them. ;o)

[@sundae_z]

I admit, the one with Liayra and the Cleric was really cute and dramatic. And now I want to know what happened next.

[@Scorpious187]

Hey! Liayra's player here. Two sessions after that fight, Liayra and the Cleric ended up getting a room together at a spa as part of their reward for saving the city, and they had a long talk about some things that happened during the attempts to repair the magic circles (including Eliea, the cleric, not listening to Liayra and casting a spell to heal someone instead of turning one of the dials to try to fix the second circle, which almost ended up killing the party). Eliea thought that Liayra was mad at her for not listening. Liayra, however, explained that she was scared that she might have lost her that night, before she got the chance to tell her something important. She took a few moments to find the words, and then said, "I've never had anyone in my life. I've watched other people, but I've never understood it for myself. But then I met you... and for the first time in my life I understand why so much is written about it, so much is sung about it, so much is said about it... because I love you, Eliea." Her response was "My dad always told me that he married his best friend... up until this moment, I didn't understand what he meant. But now... I think I do. Because I think I love you too." And then they cuddled together in the spa, nude (as you do)... and then went back to their room at the inn (as you do)... and cuddled and fell asleep. *_They haven't even kissed yet._* Lol. But they're together now, and that's what matters. (Also Liayra promised one of the kids we were originally trying to rescue that we'd adopt her once we had our own place.)

[@sundae_z]

@@Scorpious187 That is so freakin' adorable! Thank you for telling me!

[@agr0nianTV]

@@Scorpious187 Beautiful

[@RebelliousKorlath]

I was the one who submitted the 300 Goblins vs 300 Zombies incident!! Thank you so much for reading it! QuQ

[@Mytkos910]

I named 3 npcs in one session Jack. I kept forgetting that I had used that name already.

[@grim-the-archangel5477]

Well it happened not too long ago. Me and my friends were fighting a “miniboss” who was a demigod we were meant to fight at about level 8-9. We were level 4. Our wizard was trapped and couldn’t move, but he could still cast spells. He held the demigod in place and me and our rouge started beating the shit out of him. His first faze was over quickly as the rouge did a sneak attack on the enemy. Over and over again. And the second case lasted a bit longer, but it still wasn’t much of a challenge somehow. Anyways after we killed him the DM just sat there in silence for about 5 minutes then started going again, calling us idiots for doing that, but he was impressed. That’s my DM.exe has crashed story

[@marcusfabela3024]

I got one. So I was playing a wizard or something and I was doing a one shot in a place called the “game room” we had a brand new dm and we were fighting a wizard that went rogue and was taking over a whole city. We had defeated the wizard and with his dying breath he had tried to cast a spell. It backfired and summoned a monster that I can’t remember the name of but from what I remember it was a tornado of animal mouths,feet, claws, and wings. (I’ll let you take a guess or maybe the comments can help) the monster had something else too. If the monster managed to catch you. You would die instantly no saves. The dm slipped up and said that it had a movement of 10 ft. I realized that I can cast ray of frost to stop it in its tracks completely. And since it was a cantrip I could use it infinitely. I told this to the dm and he was furious and suprised at the same time After about 2 turns of me freezing it. It died from my ray and the dm said “how do you want to do this” these weren’t my words exactly but they give the general picture “my ray of frost goes into the monster. One second passes untill poof it freezes completly and turns into a smoke cloud.” That’s one of my favorite dnd moments and now ray of frost has become my favorite cantrip since then

[@alyssavanderklift9296]

you know you've got a dnd table of pure and utter chaos if their shenennigans are bad enough to TRAUMATIZE the in-game gods...

[@samuelwrynnbrawner.1210]

My favorite GM Breaking moment was during an undead uprising campaign. I was playing a Warmage Wizard and was up in the levels (around 17). We had been dealing with lesser liches and one of them was a rogue who had such a ridiculous AC and a get out of jail free card. This one in particular has been stealing artifacts after our dungeon crawls that could be used against the BBEG. We found his tower and attacked it when he wasn’t home, hoping to destroy his phylactery and force him into battle. Only to find out, his get out of jail free card IS his phylactery. So I tried my hand at spell crafting to make a spell to destroy any phylactery in a 5 mile radius. But to do that I need forbidden knowledge, as in if I picked up a book of necromancy then I would be hunted by the church. This was the DM’s way of telling me that he didn’t want that annoying rogue lich to die. Fast forward a few sessions, and we just killed one of the major liches in charge of a necropolis. Using a teleportation spell we got out of there and ended the session. The next session, only 3 of the 7 players showed up so we had a one shot involving the hogwarts triwizard tournament. I asked if this was in cannon and he said yes. I had to hide my gleeful smile at that. Doing some arcana checks the cleric and I come to the conclusion that Harry is similar to a phylactery, so I made a plan. When we (being me as I was the only proper caster because clerics don’t count as a proper witch or wizard and the other guy was a champion fighter) got to the end I cast invisibility and let that ritual finish to the DM’s confusion. Why would the Chaotic Good wizard who tries to alleviate suffering let Harry suffer. When the ritual finished and the death eaters were summoned I spoke up with, “I cast wish to turn Voldemort into an apple that will grant the total knowledge to the eater.” And picked up the apple and ate it. The DM then informed me that my alignment is now CN to which I shrugged. I proceeded to kill any DE in the yard teleported back to hogwarts and catch the open portal home. The DM then told me that the magic I learned was useless without a proper wand. To which I asked, “How similar is a horocrux to a phylactery?” The look of confusion itself was funny as he blue screened for several seconds before it fell into a look of abject horror. I had the knowledge I needed to create my phylactery killing spell and I didn’t bend any of his previous rules.

[@user2C47]

I know it's probably too late, but wouldn't you have also gained the knowledge of how to build a wand? Bringing in foreign magic that doesn't yet have known counters could be pretty OP.

[@postapocalypticnewsradio]

PANR has tuned in.

[@lordumbreon1723]

I was the DM for this one, I was introducing a new players character to the rest of the party and one of the party members, they were playing a homebrew race called a Paper simulacrum, had said they were "made out of fucking paper" que the new player taking this to their advantage and saying "what do you mean your Fucking Paper?" And while the rest of the party was debating it I was kneeled over laughing with not a thought in my head except that sentence repeating over and over, its still a recurring joke to this day we're when a little comedic relief is needed someone will say those two words and everyone will start laughing

[@disableddragonborn]

4:11 You know you did something brilliant when your DM becomes the embodiment of a meme.🤣

[@possibly_gandora7417]

"Are you sure you want to do that?" "Yes"

[@CT-2172]

I, a blind cleric, accidentally killed 2 people, released an eldritch god, and made the god more powerful in the first session and my character is none the wiser

[@jakeand9020]

I was DM, doing the old meet the BBEG in the beginning, beat them down and do whatever he had come to do pretty much ignoring them because they were too insignificant to even acknowledge. Well, the Dragon really, not the BBEG himself. The level 2 players killed him and his 4 level 5 bodyguards. Complete freak of the die rolls, I had to scramble to get that campaign back on track.

[@tazman2253]

3.5 playing my standard elf wizard. I always took prestidigitation as a spell even though I never really got a chance to use it. So this game our Dm built the world and had specific areas that were supposed to come into play at higher levels. We wound up having to run from an encounter so after escaping we hid in a large cave. there were a few holes in the cavern that had sunlight trickling through not much but barely enough to see by. Well we at level 3 discover this cave happens to be the den of something like 10 vampires. Enter my wizard prestidigitation creates a mirrored spinning ball (yes I made a disco ball) so now this entire cave has true sunlight every few feet making no space where a vampire can really stand without staying in the daylight. The DM just sat there blankly for about 10 minutes while trying to figure out how hes going to handle the fact that we took a area that was supposed to become a problem around level 10 or so, at level 3.

[@Wyndsetter]

I was the DM (Storyteller) in a Mage: The Ascension campaign. One of the players had a character who had a severe distrust for the NPC I played, and brought in occasionally, to further the campaign. The next step involved the players retrieving an item from my NPC's house. Upon arriving and knocking at the door, she cordially greeted them, and invited them in. The character wants to sneak in and stand behind her unnoticed. Straight 10 rolls. He succeeds, pulls out a gun, aims and pulls the trigger on my NPC. Every player at the table, as well as myself, sat there, wondering what the hell just happened, for almost a minute, before I pick up the dice for an attempt at saves. No such luck.

[@bayleybenson2030]

So, week after ghosts of Saltmarsh came out. Dm was a big fan of sea adventures (we had done two 3.5 ones by this point) and he got the book. Since we don't usually care about what setting a race is from, I decided to play my first 5e changeling. One of the first parts of the module is fighting your way through a smuggler's den. Well, we did that, found some good loot, and decided to find out who was paying these guys. Maybe my companions had noble intentions, but I was a lawful evil weapons smuggler myself, and I smelled blood in the water. They also worked for me and had to do what I said. As a bard with high charisma and deception, infiltration was a success, with some more bluffing to make my two companions out to be new hires. We boarded the galleon, where we figured out fully what was going on. Then, i requested a private audience with the captain, who was in charge of everything, the captain trusted the man I was disguised as, so he agreed. Now in the room, and telling a false tale about how the smuggling was getting hard, I stabbed the captain in the back. The last thing he saw was his friends face morph into his... And then, with a nat 20 on deception, I proclaimed the now dead captain as a shapeshifter, here to kill me and take my place. Dm stuttered for a minute, before trying to look through the module seeing how much content I just skipped with these stunts. Since hes not the best reader, I also had a copy and was helping him get some details right. Turns out we skipped in total, pretty much an entire chapter.

[@callousTelegnosis]

I got a fish as a "get well soon" gift for my friend character The DM didn't think I would even do it in the first place so he was gobsmacked a bit

[@f.ah.c2114]

We had to get an antidote from a paladin. He said he would only give it in exchange for our hexblade’s cursed sword (the guy we had to save was not an exemplary citizen, so he didn’t feel sympathy for our cause). The guy was stronger than us, and for lore reasons me and our ranger couldn’t openly fight him; the point of the DM was for us to steal and being sneaky. Warlock had other idea. He made a deal with the paladin: he would give him his sword upon his death, and would allow him try kill him. However, he had to keep the antidote intact until then. The phrasing was weird, but the DM either didn’t notice or was intrigued. He agreed and the Paladin swore it in the name of his God. Warlock then attacked, and cause he swore to keep the antidote intact, the Paladin couldn’t use it as blackmail tool without breaking his oath. But he was stronger and the rest of the party couldn’t help. How did the warlock defeat this foe?? Well, I will just say my DM had a rude awakening as to why you give almost all NPCs true sight when a hexblade is the party. Darkness/Sentinel/Devil Sight is truly a charming thing.

[@MagicalCrow]

I was the DM in question here. The players were given the option to either drink tea that was VERY heavily implied to be poisoned (like I all but said hey this tea will kill you) or go down to a spooky murder basement that they have a chance at surviving. Well as the party was descending the stairs, the sorcerer grabbed the pot of tea off the table and chugged it. It was one of the few moments I was genuinely stunned speechless by my players’ stupidity. I couldn’t form an actual thought for like 5 minutes other than “are you sure?” They were sure. By all means it should have been an insta-death but the player was known for being super whiny (was later kicked for consistently being a problem player) and I didn’t have the energy to deal with it so instead they were comatose for the rest of the session

[@OfficialLucianoTV]

My first time playing dnd I made a character who was a "Dragonsmith" (Mechanically a warrior). My entire personality was that I did not care about anything unless it had to do with dragons or blacksmithing. My DM even made a blacksmithing mechanic just for me so that I could make random gear outside of combat. We had several funny moments such as threatening a random goblin npc into joining our party as a courier before eventually renting him to a brothel (+5 silver everytime we visit that town). But we once ran into a dragon which was supposed to be extremely large and visibly unfriendly. We were still level 5 or so so this was clearly a moment of "Hey, play sneaky and don't fucking go near that area." Instead I had my character run up to the dragon and profess my love for its beauty.... Nat 20. We now have a Super Mega boss dragon that is probably the strongest thing in our campaign which we can summon to ANY fight for 500 gold. This story got even better when my character decided that we needed proof of completing some random quests (I think they were hunting bandits) so I summoned the dragon to bring the bandits corpses to the mayor of the town as proof of completion.... I was banned from the town and given a bounty for raining dead bodies on top of the mayor's house.

[@isimiel3405]

My friend decided to have a wizard dangle his hallfing druid over a pit full of zombies with a silk rope so he could "whack em with my fire sword" three guesses what happened

[@mattozzie836]

Oh I've got a great one for this! So this was a while ago when I first started playing DnD5e. I joined a campaign that was already going but had lost some players and needed more. I joined as a warforged cleric. The world, by that point, was dealing with a civil war between the gods with mortals stuck in the crossfire. Now one thing that needs to be understood is that, other than spells like revivify, the DM didn't really do material components for spells. We just didn't need them. That was his first mistake. With this being my first time playing as a cleric (war domain), I stumbled upon an amazing spell called glyph of warding. For those who don't know, it has a couple different uses, but the one I focused on was the fact that glyph of warding could be uses to turn a small rock into what was basically an improvised Fireball. The glyph could make anything I put it on erupt into a 20 foot sphere of either cold, acid, fire, lightning, or thunder damage, dealing 5d8 damage. What you also need to know is that the campaign had travel time. We were using an airship to basically travel across the continent to get the macguffin. So I asked the DM if, before we went traveling, if my character could find tons of small rocks to gather and use for casts of glyph of warding. I'd used it during a combat and basically it allowed me, as a cleric, to have a sort of Fireball at my disposal. The DM was fine with it! His second mistake. So during the travel time, I made sure to point out to the DM that every day, my cleric would use all three of his third level spell slots at the end of the day to make three 'glyph bombs' and store them in my bag of holding. And I did that Every. Single. Day... For a month (31 days). Towards the end of the trip, just over a month into the travel, we ran into trouble. Two gods were fighting below us in the sea and things weren't looking good. One of the gods ran while looking real rough and the other noticed our airship. We managed to figure out that this was not a god who would let us live, as he was already looking up at us. (They were enormous at that point, super-sized bodies fighting out at sea) So I had a brilliant idea. I told the DM that I wanted to upend my bag of holding and dump out all the contents within. I'd lose some stuff and gold, yes, but it would also drop the roughly 93 'glyph bombs' I'd made during the travel. I'd made them with the special trigger that, once I said the keyword, they would explode upon contact with the next thing they hit. So as I upended the bag while directly over the god, I shouted the trigger phrase. The DM just went silent. I don't think he'd actually been keeping track of just how many glyph bombs I'd been making, so when he asked how many I'd dropped I told him 93, he just froze. And then I dropped the real bomb. Each bomb did 5d8 damage. 93 bombs doing 5d8 each meant that the god, already wounded from fighting his fellow, was about to take 465d8 damage of mixed acid, thunder, fire, cold, and lightning damage. After a long break to figure out what the fuck he was going to do, we reconvened and he revealed that I had basically just dropped a magical nuke upon the god and that it was very, VERY dead. He also banned me from ever using glyph of warding without material components after that. But it was so worth it. Also, can't remember the exact damage the rolls would have done, but it was more than a thousand damage.

[@silverfoxbro4168]

I was playing a Book smart Warforged Ardent (Blaster caster) that was in stasis for the past 300 years or so. After being found and awakened by a group of adventurers, he joined the party to learn street smarts and day to day etiquette, as well as just trying to find his place in the world. Fast forward a bit, and we passed a group of adventurers while we were leaving for a quest. The group was rude and brash, but we had more important things to do, so we moved on to our quest. When we returned back to our hometown we find that one of our party members Child has been kidnapped due to magical prowess, and that the wife was killed during the kidnapping. The guards described the suspects and pointed us in the direction and we immediately pursued them. Some of the guards were in tatters and others were dead, but we were already leaving despite their pleas of apology. We catch up to the group, absolutely melt the barbarian, kill their druid with necromancy, and disable the other two. We recover the child and have him look away as we proceed to gag the disoriented murder-kidnappers, and then double bind them with rope and break each of their fingers to prevent any possible casting. We return to town in total silence, and the group breaks up to do various goals. Brian, the Warforged, takes the two bad guys back to the guard captain alone. He drags the bodies in, calls for the captain and wakes the bad guys while removing their gags. The captain is shocked and relieved that they're dealt with- But Brian just stares at the captain, prepares his acid mace, and hands it to the Guard captain. "Make it right. You failed to defend your city. I need to know your capable of taking care of threats to our home, for everybody." The DM was shocked, and the Guard captain was emotionally distraught. Dm didn't even make me roll, he was so surprised by this that he validated it as a successful persuasion to prove his worth. The bad guys began to plea for their lives while Brian continued to stare at the captain in wait. With tears and a mental break, the captain began to wail into the bad guys until they were nothing but acidic mush. "Good. Now do a better job." Brian walked off with the captain berating him in tears, challenging him to a duel. Brian accepted with few words, and just accepted the blows from the captain. The captain likely gained PTSD, but the city guard was bolstered from there on out, and we certainly didn't have any more home invasion murders. Brian was TN at the time.

[@paperip1996]

In my current campaign, we've spent the last several sessions in a city beholden to a tabaxi who they worshipped as a god incarnate, due to being the only person in the city who could use magic. He ensured nobody could challenge his rule by confiscating all magical items within the city and executing anyone who performs magic or speaks of other gods while within city limits - our goal was to breach the magic item vault and have our way with the goodies within. Only problem is, the only access door to the vault was at the end of a walkway suspended over a pit containing a tarrasque. On our initial scouting mission to case the joint, our ranger successfully made a deal with the tarrasque that when we returned in a few days, if he agreed to not eat us we'd break the magic on the chains imprisoning him. Fast forward to our most recent session just a couple days ago, and the heist we've spent three IRL months planning is finally on. We arrive at the pit and successfully unchain the tarrasque, but we run into some trouble cracking the vault door to the treasure room. We take too long, and the false god tabaxi and his retinue of guards show up and catch us by surprise. I'm a Cleric who always tries to de-escalate a violent situation, and often serve as the party's face so I don't exactly have much offensive presence - but the thing is, my goddess *highly* disliked this pretender. Before the tabaxi even had time to question who the hell we were, I cast Command - and he actually fails. I only get to issue a single word, and if we were going to avoid being obliterated by his half dozen guards, it had to be *perfect*. I think the DM was expecting me to tell him to "surrender" or "flee", since I've gotten good mileage out of both of those in the past. But after mulling it over for a moment, I give the tabaxi my order: "backflip". Silence from the DM, while the other players break into hysterical laughter. It takes him a couple minutes to finally come back online, and ask me to clarify what the fuck I thought I was accomplishing. "Well, he's on the walkway, with his back facing the pit, right? So on his next turn, he has to attempt backflip." "Alright, but he's out of shape from his life of luxury. He has to beat an acrobatics 15 with his -1 Dex to go that far backwards." 19 on the die, my friends. The tabaxi smiles warmly, hurls himself ass first away from us, flying clean off the walkway and down into the pit with the recently unrestrained, extremely pissed off tarrasque he's not just been keeping prisoner, but actively taunting and refusing to feed for long periods of time. He didn't last down there very long. With the tabaxi dead, the guards' priorities very quickly shifted to fleeing from the tarrasque, while we got to have a little looksee in the vault. Unfortunately, the tarrasque's rampage almost immediately starting bringing the temple down on top of us, so we were only able to grab a couple items at random before having to get out of there. I'm sure the DM is pleased as punch though -this is the first encounter in over an IRL year we've killed an enemy instead of befriending them or convincing them to surrender (even if it wasn't how he was picturing it in the slightest to shake out).

[@thewonderlandsystem6276]

I can’t begin to describe how much of a joy this was to read. Thank you so much for sharing such a fun and cool story!

[@leadingauctions8440]

The funniest topic he covers. Give us Part 5!

[@thatoneguycalledrey474]

We were dealing with a Lich. The Lich agreed to leave our party alone for now, but my wizard character was having none of it (we had already dealt with this guy one too many times). I counter spelled the lich’s plane shift, and attacked, entering initiative. The fight didn’t go well, but our party also had a plane shift. We retreated to Elysium. This had already derailed the session the dm had planned, and he just stared at us for a solid ten seconds (dm.exe has crashed) as we set up camp in Elysium. The variant aasimar in our party that had the plane shift then sent us back to the material realm after a long rest (in Elysium) to go on a quest for a deck of many things (we had a map), which we successfully obtained. Then we plane shifted BACK to Elysium, took ANOTHER long rest, and then plane shifted BACK to the material realm to where we were at the beginning of ALL OF THIS, and we were able to continue the dm’s originally planned adventure. Shout out to my dm for dealing with so much whiplash in a single session, and dealing with my domino-effect in a great way. It was a very memorable session, to say the least. Edit: typos

[@HikariHellion]

This was right at the beginning of the campaign. I had found myself in a party of murderhobos who had lied about their murderhobo tendencies to get in a campaign. The barbarian was at the bar, and ordered a drink and meal. When the DM (as the bartender) told him how much it cost, the barbarian flew off the handle about the fact that he had to (gasp!) *pay* for his food. He got into an argument, which very quickly resulted in the barbarian saying "I'm gonna kill the bartender!" The DM had to put things on hold to first EXPLAIN to the player that JUST because you don't want to pay something doesn't mean committing murder. That didn't get through the player's head, and the DM put himself on mute so he could figure out a way to make sure the barbarian DIDN'T kill the nice bartender. His solution ended up being recycling a character he'd played as a PC in a previous campaign, and the barkeep turned out to be a 20th-level retired paladin who kept his battleaxe (or was it a warhammer? I dont' remember) behind the bar for situations such as this. Later that session, we ended up getting banished from the entire TOWN due to my party members' bad behavior. (this was the same party I set on fire because they were putzing around with a bunch of goblins, and refused to listen when I told them to GET OUT OF THE ROOM I was going to cast fireball in)

[@briarwolf0501]

I played a tiefling bard who kept a journal. When the dwarf cleric tripped an ogre, she wrote: "Dear journal. Best moment of my life? Cleric tripped an orc and that thing face planted so hard he dug the trench we buried his friends in." My brother (DM) set the journal aside, froze, then busted out laughing for five solid minutes.

[@ColmKonyndyk]

The dragonborn was a known alcoholic who would regularly get drunk and throw up for hours at a time. One day, we came across the river of Bacchus, and guess who realized it first... The dragonborn. So he refuses to keep on going. Long story short, we ended up throwing him into a sack and drowned him in the river. The DM did NOT like that, and he ripped up our character sheets, we deserved it though😂

[@do6631]

Had set up a side story to cause problems for characters where one of them was wanted for murdering a noble's son. She had done it for good reason. They'd been dodging wanted posters and one day ran into a patrol that had been sent to their home to arrest them. My thought was they'd probably fight the guards and knock them unconscious. I knew they wouldn't kill them as that wasn't their style. Then they would continue on their current quest. What happened instead? She surrendered to the guards and went back with them to the city for trial. I was not ready for that and neither was the group. I had to come up with a whole story line for what was going on. Why it had come up now. How it had been discovered and all of that. It turned into a completely wild subplot with the local lord running a strange mine where he was enslaving anyone who wasn't human. I hadn't planned for any of it and it was so weird watching the group react to her demanding they arrest her and take her back for trail. More than one of the other party members told her if she was found guilty they would kill everyone in the town.

[@jokhard8137]

I was the DM. My players pushed through a dungeon crawl session 1 inside a Githyanki slaver ship travelling to Tu'narath, ending with a boss battle with his crew at the bridge. They had been clued that there was something else going on at the ship (an infiltrator), who revealed himself just moments after the boss was struck down to steal his Legendary level artifact and activate it to transport them instantly back to Sigil, to escape reinforcements arriving from the Githyanki capital. As the infiltrator starts to walk away, the party's Warlock casts Hold Person on him to steal the artifact in turn. The infiltrator rolled a Nat 1 to resist the spell, allowing the Lv3 Warlock to become the lucky new owner of the Legendary level artifact, which as a consequence derailed the entire direction for the campaign I had in mind :) But hey! Rarely do PC's start exploring their character arcs already in session 1!

[@shanbruland]

I love your outros man, they give me a spot of hope every week. But thank you especially, for today's. I needed that, and you're absolutely right about us dnd loving weirdos.... We keep each other going, and we are not alone.

[@jettblade]

I was the GM of a Jade Claw game. It was a homebrew game and the first ever game I ran. Had the party tasked with tracking and killing off these rebels to clear out some criminal charges or to get some coin. One of the PCs was playing a bounty hunter with that particular skill set. When they encountered the first group of these rebels they immediately wiped them out. The bounty hunter started to collect the rebels heads as proof as the job was complete. I made the mistake in telling the player the heads would rot before you could turn them in, also it wasn't necessary to bring the heads in. The player turned to me and asked the thing that broke me, something that I had to physically walk away from the table for five minutes and still haunts me to this day. "Can I roll cooking to smoke the heads?". When I got back I said something I never thought I would ever have to say, "Yes. You can roll to see how well you smoke the head." He rolled good and when we ended the game he still had 6 smoked severed heads in his inventory.

[@evilauthor9953]

My DM had a set timeline for events. He broke when one of the players broke his timeline. The BBEG was supposed to be some huge otherworldly thing. Events were happening in the background totally unconnected to us or our actions with the plan being that we were getting stronger and building allies and would eventually be strong enough to face the evil. DM had peppered the world with clues and every player had at least one faction or political connection they could call on. The plan had been we'd all go our separate ways and come back after a three year time skip having either become a leader of our connected faction or at least able to call upon it and we'd take an alliance of armies to fight the bad guy together. We even had a lesser scale battle where we led four armies against a fight to trap a primordial so DM could test out how hard it'd be run his idea. Then came bard. I still don't understand why she did it, but while doing one of her personal quests, she climbed inside the black void alter at a yuan ti temple, fully submerged herself so she went to the Fugue Plane, and pledged loyalty to Dendar the night serpent...our BBEG. The entire timeline got advanced two years and she immediately kicked off the doomsday clock countdown. Two players lost their characters as they were now NPC working to further bad guy goals. One resumed playing a character who had retired, the other had to roll a new character. DM had us roleplay amongst ourselves while he tried to make sense of what to do next. We finished the session and took a two week break so he could figure out the consequences. Only got to learn the old plan since DM said there is no way we can go back to that plan now and we're on a new accelerated timeline.

[@lemongaming152]

About a year ago, my friend wanted to play a d&d campaign, so my mother asked her friend from roller derby to dm a one shot for us. I don't remember all the characters, but I was a rogue. The campaign was filled with fighting, licking frogs, and almost dying because frogs don't want to be licked. The story was something like preventing an assassination by killing members of a secret meeting, but we ended up finding out the guards who hired us had lied, and the meeting was a peace treaty. We went back to the tavern we started the campaign at, discussing our next move, when we saw the guards approaching in the distance. The thing is, throughout the whole campaign, I kept trying to hide in the shadows and sneak attack my opponents, but they kept seeing me hide and breaking my stealth. However, this was my moment! This was when I would finally leap from the darkness and bury my dagger in an enemy! I dove under a table just before they came inside. Somehow, nobody noticed me, and they just walked up to my friends with the big reveal of their betrayal. In the middle of it, the guy speaking to us looked down, and noticed this elf dressed in all black reaching out from under a table towards their leg with a dagger. That is the best way I've ever started a barfight.

[@EpicFailLawlKat]

I didn't know I needed this today, but I did. Thank you, Brian. 💜

[@13thMaiden]

I think the DM from the same story had the same idea as one of my DMs back in the day. Similar set up, though the fight was in a tavern and instead of a stowaway, our thief was 'betraying' us for the miniboss cause "reasons". Anyways, it was a chest or a sack, I can't remember, but it started ticking. But rather than throw it, our half-giant warrior roared 'GET DOWN!' and THREW HIMSELF ON IT! Turns out it was a clock. A magical clock that he crushed and now cast a weird ass spell that started making us as a party go back and forward in time at random times. (Think like quantum leap) ...that was an insane game 😂

[@michaelcampbell110]

The message at the end ❤ thank you. I really needed to hear that

[@sampy901]

Ship arrives at Port, "where's our shipment of magic alarm clocks!?"

[@rainofkittens]

This is great timing because this just happened last night. Context to start, I'm running a semi difficult heavy Dragon based campaign. 6 Ancient Dragons of various Elements, all around CR 26, attempting to resurrect their God "Chaos Dragon, Eater of Worlds" Which is basically a beefed up Taimat. I carefully provided the players the means to level very quickly, high level gear, custom abilities for each character, and opportunities to upgrade their equipment based of their creativity. Also, each player has 2 sets of characters that have been acting independently from each other to cover more ground at slaying the dragons. Switches between characters almost Every session. Prior to each 6 Dragons, resides a Relic room with a crystal orb to weaken the Dragon. Of which has been tampered with to harness the Dragons Power, giving "Eater of Worlds" a second option for Resurrection. On With the Story. With 4/6 Dragons down and on their way to #5, they come across The "Self proclaimed hero, Lynx" (Over Powered PC I designed). Well they manage see through his lies after I rolled a Nat 1 on deception. Now knowing that he has not been slaying any Dragons and tampering with the Relic rooms they Attack. As his health reaches half, The Cleric decides to use "Create or Destroy Water" to Destroy the Water within Lynx. This leaves me flabbergasted. Being as the human body is almost 70% Water and his reasoning is valid, I begrudgingly allow it. They Now Loot this characters legendary gear. After said fight and leveling up to 20, They move on to the Storm Dragon Velore. During the fight, our Cleric uses Divine Intervention to get a nice boost for the fight. With the Dragon Dead, it's life force and power gets Transferred into the orb Our Monk is carrying. Slight Context, Monk had currently destroyed 1 orb gaining dragon enhancements. Bear Assassin from the other Party, has Eaten 3 orbs gaining dragon powers and making him a Catalyst to resurrect "Eater of Worlds". So now is where DM.exe stops working. Monk pulls out all the ridiculously overpowered equipment from Lynx, places it in a pile, and smashes it all with the crystal orb and turns to me saying "So what kind of boost am I getting for this?". Before I have a chance to respond, this is then immediately followed up by our Cleric casting "Resurrection" on the Dead Dragon. Since Veldore would be expecting to be Resurrected by the Eater of Worlds into the Realm of destruction and not know the difference, I felt obligated to allow it. I tell the Cleric to role for race, rolls human... Being as humans and Dragons are Mortal enemies in this campaign, well he can't exactly be on the Dragon side anymore. With all of that, and being darn near speechless, I end the session. I now have to figure out how to incorporate legendary equipment into Dragon enhancements aswell as create a custom companion with the abilities of an Ancient Dragon...

[@makenatowner1849]

This is GOLD.

[@nightmage2586]

I was the DM. The campaign was near its end, as the heroes had reached the city where their quest would end. They were attempting to escape an evil empire, called Vathinia, because the warforged paladin had very important information that would make the empire extremely powerful. When they got there, they were told to locate someone called the “Doctor.” At the city, the party does the basics. They shop, they look for food, and our monk steals some money. After a while I ask what they would like to do now. The warforged says, “Let’s go the Technik headquarters.” Now mind you, the Techniks are a military faction for this empire. They specifically specialize in creating warforged and weapons, and they would be the only people in this city that would know the warforged paladin by sight. My player wanted to go because of his backstory, and he hoped to find his creator. I was stunned. I thought they would start asking around for the Doctor, but I was a fool. They go to the Techniks and the warforged is immediately identified and captured. The other party members flee and escape on horseback. With the warforged captured he is brought forward to a Technik council who attempt to extract the information he has. Instead, the warforged deletes his entire memory. The Mcguffin is erased, the party separated, and one of the members is a complete blank slate. I ended the session right there.

[@atomkuehne]

I, as the DM, had a .exe has stopped working moment but I didn't let my players realize. The barbarian got tired of the slow detective work and decided to try and advance things on his own. The party was looking into current events and a fey lord one of them knew to be in the forest right next to the town they were in. The barbarian walked right on up to the forest, knowing full well that the fey lord can do some of his fucky magic on them (they were only level 5 iirc). This didn't break me as I foresaw him doing this kind of thing, but what I didn't forsee was him just giving the fey lord his name. As anyone who's familiar with traditional fey mythos knows, you never tell the fey your name. After he did that I kind of just went on autopilot as I had to contemplate what the fuck he just did. Thankfully that fey lord was planned to be a neutral being, leaning more towards benevolence than malevolence, but if he did that with a different fey lord I had planned... Needless to say, the barbarian now has an unbreaking bond with that fey lord whether or not he wants it.

[@clankingciupaga883]

We, the players, were facing off against a Chuul. We're rolling really badly, so we get bored in the middle of it and then start talking about how butter is made, like full in-depth conversation on the process of butter being made. DM just stood there looking between us, this has been the first time he had players on the most crazy tangent. That tells you a lot about how that session went.

[@mattm.4861]

i was GM'ing a Only War game a couple years ago. The players were Imperial Guard soldiers at their base of operation. And one player the Sergent/ squad leader, thought it would be funny to poison the food in the messhall so that everyone on base would come down with diarrhea. Literally the entire base minus, their squad, was shitting themselves.

[@KumiChan2004]

Ohh crap baskets. I'm going to laugh so hard at this.

[@makenatowner1849]

A friend of mine described the organs of his character in all the wrong ways, since the character was essentially a goddess with the mind of an 8 year old she didn't know how organs are supposed to look inside the body. Broke everyone there, including my own character who's seen what she thought was everything.

[@captmonkeyball2580]

My DM for our school D&D game always made us roll a save of some sort due to the fact that we were idiots and we played for fun instead of an actual story (I feel bad for the DM now for my shenagins). We had discovered a bottle of mysterious liquid that reject the laws of physics by floating out from it's container and hovering. I, being the idiot and drunk dwarvern barbarian, decide to drink some out of the air, and succeed my con save to do so. The effects werent worth remembering but my friend with me decides to try and down the rest of the bottle. He rolls on disavantage and gets 18 for his final roll. Our DM just broke and starting hitting the wall with his fist and paused for a good 5 minutes before he decided that my friend got a teleport ability 3 times a day, and only a short distance. Was halarious to watch him break down. Btw we only ever missed 1 save out of like 25 total.

[@aaronscott7467]

Space opera setting, our party picks up a distress beacon from a space ship landed on an asteroid. Noticing something was off about the whole thing, one of us asked "does it have a doorbell?" The dm took a second, then told us to roll a yes/no die. "Yes, there is a doorbell." "We ding-dong ditch the space pirates."

[@deoxysman9854]

Tree dragon scales. LOL. Try bed dragon scales. Yes, a BED DRAGON, a dragon made out of a bed, that has a feather breath weapon, A FEATHER BREATH WEAPON.

[@Scorpious187]

I've played that module! I couldn't believe that thing was actually legit, lol.

[@sparrowflyaway]

DM was running a community game on Twitch where Twitch chat controls the actions of the one character(RobertHartleyGM if you're interested, the previous episodes are on KZbin under the same name, campaign's called Twitch Tales). We were trying to bring back a live creature for a menagerie/zoo, and we rolled well enough to find a LITERAL SASQUATCH. All signs were pointing to us not being able to bring this thing back unharmed. We have magic Augury dice that we can use to kind of take a tiny peek behind the DM screen, those said you can't bring this thing back. Rob was POSITIVE there was no way we could bring this thing back. But chat... oh, the chat. One absolute genius in chat by the name of GusGus looked in our backpack, noticed a random Potion of Comprehension we'd found really early in the campaign, and said to pour that on the meat we brought hunting and then leave it where the sasquatch would find and eat it so that it would be able to understand us. Rob could barely string a sentence together for a few seconds, it was great! He gave us Inspiration for the idea too, and then we executed the plan and brought Sassy the sasquatch back to the menagerie without a single scratch to either of us! We did then promptly undo that hard work less than 12 in-game hours later by trying to feed Sassy, but still! GusGus was for sure the MVP of that session. We were SO PROUD.

[@Syrvaal]

I have one DnD moment that I still love. One of our characters got a homebrew ring that could enlarge or reduce at a tap. (Multiple taps for multiple tiers) SO I first wanted a kaiju battle. This happened rather quickly, so my need for that was fulfilled. However.... The monster that was defeated in this 'kaiju battle' was a huge kraken. So being the devious little twerp that I am I used the ring to shrink the kraken down to something that could be carried. A session (or was it two) later the town was attacked by a small army of drider enemies. While our tank ran and drew the agro, another party member flew the shrunken kraken up and dove, unshrinking it and smashed almost all of the small army under it. The DM went quiet while desperately crunching numbers. The lot of us players were laughing, and the DM reminded us that this is why we don't get nice things. He then killed one of us for revenge.

[@ericb3157]

"combat Wok"... somehow that made me think of an old online comic (no longer available) where someone made the mistake of TELLING the enemy his backstory: he HAS to use ONLY improvised weapons because he's under some sort of curse that would kill him if he ever picked up a proper weapon... (he appears to be wearing a saucepan as a helmet) so...the enemy says, "here, catch!" and tosses a weapon to him, hilt-first! yes, he caught it, and that was the end of him!

[@gaysarahk]

I was a bit used to a system where character generation was randomized, and you could roll for *anything* with it. So, my first or second session playing under a new GM and in a new system, I ended up asking, "do I need to roll to grow a mustache?" I had asked this question right as the GM was rolling an attack against another player, and he said, "that question was so stupid, it made me forget what I was rolling for." That enemy never finished that attack.

[@SomeRandomKydd]

Technically wasn’t DnD, homebrew ttrpg my school was doing. There were two DMs, one in charge of combat and one in charge of story. I had a weapon called The Tome of Voidsing that summoned a Void Fireball for 3d6+3 damage. It was kind of cracked but also had a Difficulty(negative modifier) of 3 to use. I realized that because its fireball is summoned a few inches above the book, u could press the book against my target and summon the fireball inside them. 😊 Two shot the final boss. When I asked the DMs if I could do this, one looked at the other and went “You made this weapon! What does it do?” ‘…I don’t know….’

[@aliksanon6491]

Had a ranger that was using a custom wildmagic surge homebrew(of my creation) it used a d10000 and had a LOT of effects on it, one such effect was increasing the target creatures size by one. So the party was tasked with raiding a suspected cultist/drugdealers lab to see if they were the ones causing the undead/infected epidemic. As they start the raid they cause a lot of noise so now they have to both fight their way into the compound while fighting off the horde of infected that is now gathering on the outside as the slums were mostly overrun by then. Douring this the ranger decides to shoot arrows at one of the stronger versions of the enemies, and with 3 shots rolls the SAME EFFECT each time, increasing the monster by 3 SIZES turning it into a tarrasque sized monstrocity. So the party dips out from the compound through the underground and regroups as their allies fort in the middle of the city, but the order has already started evacuating the entire city since a GIANT zombie is now leading the horde towards the city and it has already smashed its way through the outer walls AOT style, so thats the story of how one wild magic surce ranger managed to create an avengers level threat and condemn an entire continent to be overrun by the infected as they main HQ of the order fighting them was annihilated by a 20 meter monstrocity.

[@videogameunderappreciateda8174]

My favorite is a long story. Our wizard bet his soul that he could remove all the sand from a beach city. He then immediately found he couldn’t even with magic. So he went to a necromancer for help, would told him to pour mysterious black liquid onto a specific guy. This liquid turned the innocent man into a huge beast that was in agonizing pain. After the wizard, most the party, and the beast started to destroy the city I went up to the mayor and started to interview them. Surprisingly the person who broke the camel’s back was actually the dm himself because he responded nonchalantly to the entire scenario (I can’t remember exactly what he said though). The entire thing was a beautiful mess and I loved it.

[@wander1ngw1zard83]

I DM.exe has crashed in a curse of Straud game when the evil party that had sided with Straud decided to think about the consequences of their actions and promptly got TPKed by him I literally took a five minute break the scream

[@darknightjester]

When myself and a one friend a party of 2 at the time managed to completely and utterly level an entire city block to the ground while our PCs were drunk and my friend cast magic missile blowing up some liquor and getting us both arrested for multiple counts of in game murder and arson

[@pelipoika88]

Our party was approaching a friendly city. Behind us was an advancing enemy army. Instead of, you know, continuing to safety, we hid to let them pass us instead of risking a fight. Our DM had to come up with a way to get to that city by the next session. Funny thing is that I had posted a meme about party ignoring the obvious choice and doing something stupid just before that session.

[@vitor14ir]

my group was hired to protect some sacred artifacts that were being displayed at a festival. The weapons and artifacts were out in the open for the public to see, so protecting them would be extremely difficult. or at least that's what the DM thought, our group had an artificer who forged perfect copies of all the weapons and artifacts and I was playing with a spell caster who had a spell called magical aura so we put the copies on display and the weapons and artifacts were safe with us in a holding bag. Before we make the exchanges, we remove everyone from the place and use magic to isolate it so that no one sees us making the exchange and to give more credibility we put protective spells on the fakes and take turns 'protecting' them. the DM had to give us a point of inspiration for each one because there was no way he could continue the story without 'cheating'.

[@trippyvids4609]

I was a chaotic evil male goblin warlock in my friends homebrew campaign where we were taking part in a festival. Because of my background i was afraid of being discovered and killed i resorted to wearing the rotting skin of a human as a disguise and because of my high CHA score, everyone thought i was just a gangrenous child. The Dm said there was a few events we can participate in and one of them was a beauty pageant. I signed up because goblin gotta goblin. There were 3 events; Talent, Nightwear, and a question. I rolled okay on talent and cast mirror image and did an irish jig. For the nightwear i thought it would be funny if i went out as my goblin naked with only the skin mask on him. As he makes it to the stage everyone looks in horror and i panicked and said in a goblin voice " My daddy went out and killed a goblin and skinned it for me to make a onsie and he left all the little bits because of artistic integrity!" (If you dont know about male goblin anatomy i dont recommend looking into it) Both my DM and I was expecting this to go south but I had rolled a 24 for deception and everyone in the room rolled real low. My DM started laughing into his hands as i was the only one to roll incredibly well for that portion of the contest and he didnt know how to handle it. Eventually he said they all stood up and gave a standing ovation while yelling "Yeah kill the goblins!!!". My goblin went backstage scared out of his mind because of the angry mob he accidently created that will kill him on sight now.

[@Swedeinaboonie]

Spankntank again. We were sailing away from robbing a massive vault and setting fire to the neighboring buildings for a distraction. I cast darkness on the ship making it pretty much invisible in the night.

[@whippygecko1963]

Probably when my Paladin decided he wanted to fight a Dwarven god of greed, in his temple... underground... took about 5 minutes and this is one of few instances where it was perfectly fine to meta-game because he almost died... and he had plot armor. He no longer has plot armor.

[@vasheskaaronsar1568]

In our campaign 13 cursed undead knights tried to set free undead dragon god from Carceri and caused a lot of mayhem just for that. Our party tried to stop them and free poor unfortunate souls from their curse. My tabaxi bard has such a sharp tongue and insightful mind what all bad guys went to REEEEE-mode or straight up to ugly crying. When BG tried to hit the party favourite cat, they ignored all other enemies, which basically turned them into simple target. And that tabaxi was really fast. Only 1 bad guy actually harm her, and get brutally beaten to a pulp by the rest of the party. After that DM started to hide his bosses from our noble heroes.

[@samuellawrencesbookclub8250]

1 shot campaign, party of 4 all L2, we had been lured into this town under false pretences, the mayor of the town decided to test the party and set 6 guards on us. The DM wanted to get us used to combat, the party was mostly beginners, and figured it'd end with us all getting knocked out. Instead we defeated the guards, combo of lucky rolls, and reckless use of Bardic Inspiration, and the party's Lawful Good Paladin decided to attack the gnome medic who was preventing the guards from full on dying. Result, 3 of 6 guards dead, the mayor ran away, we had to question one of the surving guards to get back on track with the story. Took the DM a little while to get us back on track

[@kayq3231]

Wagon wheel gets stolen during the night. Paladin, cleric, and rogue decide to go search for it. Wizard (me) and bard decide to stay behind and guard the camp. Bard gets the idea that we don't need a 4th wagon wheel if we can counterbalance the weight of the luggage. DM turns to me and asks if I try to stop him. "DM, we're 2 halves of a whole idiot. I'm helping!" A few rolls later and the DM says, "you hear a popping sound and you're convinced it's progress," right before the wagon breaks.

[@missipenix]

My DM (my 63 year old mother) heard, "That just confuses and intrigues me," as she was walking by, recognized your voice, and shouted, "Don't you even think about it!" I'm not sure if she was talking to you or to me, but now I want to create a fight club arson incident lmao

[@Serperior-Deoxys]

In my homebrew game, key word being Homebrew, one of my players has a patron named Saris. Saris has 3 different bodies with 3 different domains, Saris rules over summoning demons, Schroe rules over raising/creating dead, and Cuil rules over the levels of Abstraction. The player can use the phrase, "I give you a Hamburger." To activate Cuil's ability to change an object using levels of abstraction, 3 times a day, with the result determined by a D10,000. So, recently they took a petrified Abyssal Chicken and chanted the phrase. I rolled a 9,999 on the D10,000 so... um... yeah. Spent about 5 minutes collecting myself before I went into my room and grabbed a MHW figure. My Shara Ishvalda figure... So now they have a pet dragon that is nigh unkillable.

[@Bardocsbigone]

You don't want the elf doing your taxes you want the elf paying your taxes

[@Lothak]

My DM had us on a ship that was supposed to be raided by a slaver ship to which we got captured to move to the next part of the campaign. How ever he wasn't expecting my sorcerer to cast flaming sphere on a ship.... made of wood with no fire resistance. That ship burned to the waters... he was at a loss of words due to a sorcerer 10 lvls lower then every crew member on the enemy ship just wiped them all (20-30). Campaign ended 2 hours in for a 5 hour session so he can rewrite the whole path we needed to take since it was so unexpected.

[@poorrichard9123]

Fighting bug guys in their nest, which ended poorly as almost all of my spells are fire. I burned down the entire nest, all the minions, and the BBBG (Big Bad Bug Guy). The best part is that the spell was a cantrip and it was firebolt, so excellent spell economy.

[@amorencinteroph3428]

>Identifying the big bad too early. I did that in an on again/off again campaign with a Savant (5e 3rd party class). There was a female knight riding a dragon, and because she was a knight, looked important, and my character was a noble whose backstory was serving in the King's Army, I asked to roll History if I recognised her. He allowed it, at a high DC. My History check is +8, with an extra 1d8 thanks to Savant. He couldnt say no to the 30 I got.

[@Phoenixoflife56]

13:42 idk what that dm was thinking in giving the party a level 20 undead wizard with a OP spell like that so that was their first mistake and the second mistake was failing to realize it’s very likely that the one use spell would be used inevitably and could cause massive damage.

[@Ty27Sp]

I got one this time, actually two on a row, so this is going to be long! Also, first time sharing (and sorry for my english)! System was Pathfinder 1E, we were in a homebrew campaign. The three PC were a Callistrian Female Prostitute-Cleric (which I don't remember the race, probably half-elf) who worked as a tank/healbot (and actually caused a friendly fire accident with my PC, story for another time), an half-elf male Bard who was basically the prostitute of the party (another story, another time) with a side of buffing and face and, finally, my pc a human electro-enthusiastic and socially awkward Kensai Magus who was the main damage source and librarian. Basically a not so standard three-members Lv.5 party. Our party was assigned with the task of reach and investigate a temple shrine were (without our knowledge) a world-ending powerful witch resided. At the shrine, we found the guardian of said witch, who we tried to reason with to let us pass through. After the conversations were broken, fight ensued. That was a boss fight that the DM thought would last at least 7-10 rounds, the boss would even stall with invisibility. He lasted four rounds before he got turned to ashes by me, all to the DM bafflement, but he didn't broke. Not at all. What broke our DM? The most logical and simple question my Magus asked to the other party member. "So... wanna go to a tavern?" - "Yeah, cool. Let's drink on this fight." We wanted a relaxing downtime, after two dungeon, a dragon diplomacy encounter and two boss fight in a row. But little did we know that the DM actually crashed. He went silent for at least 5 minute before narrating a completely improvised tavern scene (which was the most hilarious tavern ever, props to him). The second story is overlapped to the first one. During said encounter with the guardian, our party gain enlightenment and with that we raised to mythical tier 1 (the campaign was implied to be mythical), so we had to choose a mythical feat, path and path ability. To your information, the Mythical paths are... well, tight if we consider the amounts of official classes Pathfinder 1E has, so while the other two had no problem choosing the path, I had to work around it and became a Archmage/Champion and as path ability (considering who the DM narrated my enlightenment: my magus in an infinite library of eldritch knowledge) I chose Flash of Omniscience. Dear Lord Flash of Omniscience. I asked the DM if he was cool with it, he was. I asked again if he was really sure, he was. Now, as I DM myself I knew how wrong it could go. "You and I both know you'll going to regret this." I said. "Yeah, I know. Still, go for it." So my Magus became omniscient at level 5. And what could any reasonable person do with that pow- "Guys, I know how to become rich." - "Explain further, Alin (my Magus)." And that's the story of how we crashed an entire casino, winning the jackpot after going all in with our resources. The DM crashed. He couldn’t believe it; we had the average treasure of a lv.20 pc at character creation, all at level 5! Have to say, he was cool with it. We got a castle full-staffed, new weapons and enough money to, basically, live without working. That was one of the funniest campaign I've ever played. tl;dr: Always have a tavern ready. tl;dr 2: If you give a player the power of omniscience, be sure he'll abuse it.

[@lizgranado4239]

This is a small DM.exe crash, but it makes me chuckle. Best part is that it was a self induced crash. Friend was the DM and my group was in a basilisk infested area, and we were trying to escape from 2 baby basilisks that were chasing our wagon bound party. Our druid was driving blind and telling our horses to not look at anything so we wouldn't get petrified. We're almost to the exit and our DM has us roll to see if we could make it out. We managed to pass...but she managed to roll low enough for both basilisk babies that we escaped without having to fight them. She was so dumbfounded by her own roll that she showed us the nat 1s she rolled. We told her that she could have us fight the encounter anyways, but she stuck to her roll and had us fight the mama basilisk instead shortly after.

[@MatchieMun]

I have two. One where I was the DM and one where I was the player who caused it. First one we refer to as Roll for Windex. I had to stop for a good ten minutes to search online for what the heck you roll for that and then consider all of it. All because the player wanted to see outside. Second is me straight up deleting a boss fight with a single chocolate truffle. Previous session with the Windex player as the DM, everyone had gotten this special truffle that was basically an on demand Wish spell. My pacifist, fun loving bard after having tried and failed diplomacy with the BBEG ate his and wished for the patron to be reimprisoned indefinitely. I literally Thanos snapped the final boss out of existence by eating a chocolate truffle. Nothing else.

[@thehumanperson7448]

We did a one-shot that was a dream, for Halloween. We all woke up in a bedroom, with a scroll on the dresser that read, in part, don't unlock the door for anyone. The door was, in fact locked. The following took place: "Don't unlock the door for anyone." "Well, we're anyone." "Does anyone have feather fall?" Dragonborn: "I do" "Then we're jumping out the window" Turns out, she had an army of goblins waiting for us in the hallway. She rolled with it, but she was quite annoyed with us for that decision.

[@Jessie_Helms]

Spoilers for Curse of Strahd. Rictavio joined the party in Vallaki and went to the church with them. He brought his monkey to try and make it easier to talk to the kid. “Van Richten sends the monkey over and gives him a little toy.” _the rest of the party_ “Uh… who?” “Oh… _wait”_ The big secret about the weird circus man spoiled by a slip of the tongue IN HIS INTRODUCTORY SESSION

[@lulospawn]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through heartbreak. You of all people don't deserve that.

[@nekospaw]

railroaded into picking up The Bloody End (Arms of the betrayer for Bane, senitent morningstar, tries to force me to subjegate others - forces me to carry it). DM crashes when I ask another party member to open a bag of holding and nail a willpower check to thrust it into the bag and let go. We have a quick break, gets hand waved as when i wake up from next long rest, it's in my hand again and I get balled out about it by the weapon, threatens me etc. etc., ace willpower when it tries to make me swing on party mates.

[@instantpurple1282]

Oh boy. I was the DM. I created a Castlevania-esque world, with an enchanted forest that was spider infested. I decided that the webbing would be neurotoxic with mushroom spores, oils, and a magic veil over these woods. This veil would protect the forests effects and stop fires- we’ll get back to that. Like the first story about the octopus mob boss, my players decided to burn it all down. They then dissipated the field with multiple dispel magics, and anti-magic fields and set the place ablaze. *again.* The worst part? They set the next encounter on fire *again.* A small wooden hut with hags inside. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, maybe I need to take a break from DMing.

[@merkavamkivm3373]

One time a party I DM'd, decided to rob a bank. They seccesed, now, what do they do? Where do they go? Nowhere, they decided to stay and sleep *inside the bank's safe* because "it's safer than a tavern". Yeah I had a minute of a mind.exe crash.

[@jordanmarshall2148]

During our last session, the halfling rogue said he wanted to hide in the barbarians loincloths to surprise the goblin. I said screw it, roll for it. Swear to god, Nat 20…

[@thatonedndnerd]

My school has a d&d club that I’m a player in. It was the start of the year and most of the players are pretty new and it’s the dm’s first time dming. We started with a one shot because not everyone was able to make it after session 0. We played the granny’s apple pie one shot so if you’re going to play that spoiler warning! Our team is pretty chaotic overall, A wood elf bard who eats everything, a warlock teefling who is the quiet type, two rouges (one teefling and one high elf), and myself, a Dragonborn monk. Like I said before most of us were pretty new so instead of fighting the goblins to get the recipe back to the wizard…. We convinced the goblins we were tax collectors and they were commuting tax evasion by not sharing their recipe. After a Nat 20 persuasion roll from our bard while trying to convince these goblins, we got the recipe. The thing was that there was one secret ingredient written in invisible ink and we didn’t know that because all the goblins would say was “lemon and fire.” I was the one carrying the scroll back to the wizards tower, and when we got there he exclaimed that not all the ingredients were there. I went out on a limb and asked if there was a fire lit, there was, so I stood there with the recipe open for five minutes in game as the writing slowly started appearing. We got our loot and went on our way. By far my favorite one shot though and I love telling the story of it.

[@XtremeXC29]

First campaign for this group, first session, my second time DM'ing. The players were experienced and I warned them that tend to make my campaigns a little more difficult. I want my players to think outside of the box and get creative. For their first mission they needed to venture into the mines that the local town was for to abandon because a Minotaur cult had taken them over. After their first encounter, they were ready for a long rest. They find an a side path in the mines that ends in an small open area. One way in one way out. Their presence if very much known as one of the minos from the first encounter got away. Upon further inspection they notice that this small area seems to be nest like area with bones strewn about, obvious foot prints, etc. They choose to take a long rest here. I had to ask them multiple times if they were sure they wanted to take a long rest in THAT specific spot. They still did. They almost died.

[@c-gunz4482]

Just got home from a game, finished the combat for the night by picking up our Gnome Barb by his ankles and swinging him over my head into the final wererat we were fighting. Our DM was just like wait, you wanna do what? I rolled STR, got a 21 after bonuses, the Barb rolled a 24 on the attack and he was finally able to hit something from the top down. Our level 2 characters split the wererat in half on a crazy team combo to finish our second game night!