What’s your funniest Dungeon_Master.exe has crashed moment? part 5

[@milliman4]

Well we turned our one-shot into 2 hours of 'Hero House Cleaning Co.', going from house to house with a bunch of brooms and buckets trying to clean houses (we didn't successfully clean a single house), and the DM had this expression of disbelief, sadness and a bit of anger the entire time. I'm the regular DM, so I know how he feels when stuff doesn't go to plan.

[@CaseyWilkesmusic]

When that happens, you look at the people around the table. Decide if they are smiling and having fun. If yes, DM.exe should start running in “improv-mode”. The rest of the players are after all.

[@stephenstonge7968]

It's ok.. it's that way when l try to clean too. 🤣

[@cultofloki8361]

We were playing Strixhaven and a bag mimicappeared on campus. On the FIRST TURN, the barbarian picked up the mimic and rolled a 22 on animal handling. He literally picked it up, said “you’re my friend now”, made it his pet. On the first turn. I’m pretty sure DM wanted to kick him out at that very moment.

[@sentienttapioca5409]

Oh my god, I love that. I only played a couple of sessions in Strixhaven, but my group's MO was definitely just to attack first, ask questions later. A pet mimic sounds way better than a minor bloodbath.

[@christopherrogers532]

Wonder if anyone has built a character around collecting things like mimics and making use of them? O_o

[@GZilla311]

@@christopherrogers532Isn’t that just a Pokémon trainer?

[@ericb3157]

reminds me of a fan-story, where a player managed to make friends with "the living gazebo"! NAT 20 on the negotiation check, her FIRST decent roll of the session!

[@LazykidsWorld]

@@christopherrogers532 Gotta Catch Em All Strixmon!

[@NobodyThatsIt]

"I convince the Hydra the poison is a tasty drink." NAT 20. Yeah, my DM didn't like that.

[@GymbalLock]

While playing Advanced Dungeon and Dragons, we fought a group of skeleton archers. The DM had his own crit and fumble tables. One of the skeleton archers fumbled, and the fumble result was "critical hit, self". The DM stumbled for a bit as he tried to figure out how a skeleton archer could injure himself with a longbow. Eventually, he described the arrow ricocheting off the cavern walls and impaling the skeleton's head.

[@jessegd6306]

Coulda had the bowstring, the rather heavy bowstring on a longbow, snap and take a small chunk of the bow to violently fling back and bludgeon the skeleton archer right in the face.

[@LeFrogForever]

(Something to know before I explain. My character is a Druid and my party is on a quest to kill the evil king) My party was in a palace and we were making our way to the throne room. After awhile of searching we came across a huge door which we knew was the entrance to the throne room. So I wild shaped into a fly and flew under the door. On the other side was none other than the evil king, sitting soon his throne. So naturally I thought of a plan. I flew up to the evil king, and crawled into his ear. He obviously started freaking out so he tried to shake me out. I had to roll a strength saving throw to hold on. I rolled a nat 20. I continued to crawl deeper and once I couldn’t go any further, I shapeshifted into a giant elk effectively blowing his head clean off his shoulders. DM was speeches.

[@vikrambal6247]

I get so happy whenever I hear a story about Delkes because I remember him form other videos.

[@MrRipper]

Delkesh is my fav also

[@Scorpious187]

Mine too. But I'm biased. XD

[@Herik_]

4 players, we were fighting a hydra, none of us had access to fire damage, im a level 1 fighter/4bard, decided to light a fart in fire by casting prestidigitation on it to cause a small flame+gas, was asked to roll to hit, nat20, Dm asked me to roll damage treating it as a firebolt (2d10) since we were level 5, but with the crit rolled 4d10, rolled all 10’s did a total of 40 fire damage thanks to a fart

[@TheNoobRapter]

This was not a DM but a player.exe crashed moment. In a call of cuthulu game the party has been invited to a fancy party. They where going around asking information from people about attacks in the forest nearby. One of the party members tries to liven up the party by going to a piano and playing jazz music. The DM states that almost like magic the players can only seem to play "the entertainer" on the piano, like something is stopping them from playing anything else. Players.exe has stopped working. It took like 30 min for the party to understand that something otherworldly was stopping them from playing jazz music.

[@ericb3157]

reminds me of a fan-story where some players who were annoyed at a lousy DM started singing an extra-silly takeoff of that already silly song "i told the witch doctor".... the DM LITERALLY waved a white flag!

[@minimishapsgames894]

This one just happened. We like to up the ante on Wild Magic and use the Internet of Many Things table for a million extra things that can happen. Level 18 characters had BBEG (our 'verse's version of Bhaal) trapped in Magic Circle, and there is a legendary NPC from the ancient world helping with the fight. The Paladin worships a deity of Wild Magic and decided to try and boost the NPC hero's weapon. The session was running out of time, so everyone knew that what ever I read for the Wild Magic effect would be the cliff hanger. I read it and involuntarily gulped. The effect: "Every caster within 20 feet must immediately cast a spell from the highest slot they have available. So a 9th level spell from the apcalypse demon, a 9th level something from the legendary hero, and a 5th level spell from the paladin will all go off at the beginning of next session. Here's the part that the players don't realize yet... The paladin boosted the hero's weapon, the hero has only player targets for their True Polymorph because of a stipulation made in the contract with the demon (in a prior campaign), and the poor demon's "Power Word Kill" only has one possible target inside the Magic Circle...

[@AndrewBrownK]

"internet of many things"? googling this returns a bunch of non DnD stuff, but I want to know more

[@kylethomas9130]

I am also intrigued by new wild magic tables to incorporate into my games.

[@minimishapsgames894]

​@@AndrewBrownK We often turn to the Net Libram 10000 Random Magical Effects online pdf, but are working on a generating system that builds the effect from 4 percentile rolls that we hope to have published to DriveThruRPG before the end of the year. Sort a MadLib meets Mad Scientist kind of thing.

[@minimishapsgames894]

@@kylethomas9130 We often turn to the Net Libram 10000 Random Magical Effects online pdf, but are working on a generating system that builds the effect from 4 percentile rolls that we hope to have published to DriveThruRPG before the end of the year. Sort a MadLib meets Mad Scientist kind of thing.

[@phillosopherguitarist2673]

TLDR :-)

[@naomihatfield3015]

Our DM finally had the party cornered, and sprang a yochlol on us, point blank. We were dead, we knew it. The ranger was planning to teleport away, the sorcerer and the rogue were already on low health, the barbarian knew he was screwed. The DM rolled for the monster to attack…..and his face fell. He pulled up a table, and in the most pitiful voice announced that the yochlol had….banished itself….to the fire plane. That’s when he said we had to take a break, and he went outside and cried. Still totally epic moment in that campaign.

[@blakeetter280]

Had one a lot like the bar tender one. So we’re fighting a demon lord in the throne room of the paladin kingdom, a kingdom ruled by paladins and clerics, obviously. The royal guard is around fighting grunts leaving us to defend the young princess, who was weakened cuz we just retrieved her heart and gave it back seconds ago, and her father who was the 72 yr old cleric king. We arrived halfway through the fight so we didn’t know how it got started. Well I had picked up a cursed sword from the previous demon lord (it was a theme) and the DM said I couldn’t use it because it would posses my mind. So I found the corrupted captain of the guard and used dominate person on him, success, then gave him the sword. Because his mind isn’t his own the sword can’t control his body and because it requires touch it can’t take over mine. DM crashed the first time. Eventually we killed the demon and we’re just RPing the speech from the king. He says thank you yada yada nothing interesting. Until the fighter blows up and yells at the king for not fighting. The DM, king, and my character all point out that the King is elderly and couldn’t do much besides die. Fighter argued he should have died honorably instead of hiding (huh?) so the whole argument keeps getting worse. No idea why the fighter was so mad but here we are. Eventually the princess decides enough is enough and tells him to stop or else. The fighter says he’ll fight the princess. DM crashes the second time. See the DM likes to make his NPCs as OP as possible with random home brew because they’re not supposed to be fought. The first bartender was a lvl20 warforged artificer with several legendary items for example. The princess was a lvl15 paladin. We were like lvl10 (whatever level sorcerer gets lvl5 spells at). So right before the fighter could cause an incident, and die, I cast sleep on him and had him collapse in front of the king. We then apologized and dragged him off. He got mad because it was ‘in character’ and we shouldn’t have stopped him because he just wants to roleplay consequences. I said my character is consequences.

[@robertpowell1464]

I think the big one I had was from when I gave the party a 'duplicators box'. A magic item that could duplicate any item (some exceptions) placed within if it was given a magic casting. Originally I had thought itd be used by the artificer to make more bombs only, but they immediately started duping the other loot in the room. I paused so long thinking about what I'd done that one of the players asked if I wanted to nerf it. I said "Nah, its the way it is. But don't expect that box to be around forever." Figured out in my head a story reason why it'd dissapear and how many uses it'd have before leaving and let them at it. It was kind of like the random weapon crate from COD zombies, only minus the evil laugh and randomness. The party spent most of their loot on mid grade gear wich should see them through some tougher times.

[@evandurham8908]

I can relate to the "Oh you 4$$hole, that's brilliant" bit as the forever DM.

[@unevennoble9363]

So one time in a oneshot, we had to fight an oni (without any magic so it couldn't fly away and escape the arena) and then my character, a Gnome Artificer named Aritix Reese, cast Grease under the oni. That oni failed *EVERY. SINGLE. DEX SAVE. AGAINST. SLIPPING.* And that poor creature just kept slipping and sliding in the grease and never even got to attack. Then our centaur blood hunter killed the oni, and the DM just sat there, completely silent, with a facepalm, as that oni was meant to kill one team, and the last team standing won. Ultimately, the centaur blood hunter was on my team, so my team won, and the Githyanki my character, my mother's character (a rabbitfolk wild magic barbarian) and the centaur represented (the gith was a jolly fellow) won the right to kill the mind flayer that was captured. And turns out, the other Githyanki, Foana the Honest, cheated thinking she was superior. And she lost. To a Gnome with a goofy British accent. My gnome ended her whole career both figuratively, by incinerating her pride by saying she had an ego, and literally, by completely immobilizing the oni, allowing the Jolly gith, who gave provisions to survive to both teams btw, to win, and preventing her from officially becoming an adult, at least until she finds another mind flayer.

[@gabrielcanavese]

One time we were playing 3D&T (Brazilian system with lots of anime bs) and a whole city was invaded by a horde of zombies. We went to the graveyard and discovered that a lich was trapping souls in a orb for his master (the BBEG) and was the reason behind the zombie attack. He was monologuing about his plan and how his master would use the souls to basically start the end of the universe and if he succeeded he could make the new reality as he liked. Then, the character who was basically a child says: "wait, but it's your master who will have the power" Thats the moment the DM.exe crashed and he went completelysilent The whole party started to reason with the lich backing up the child logic. The result: the lich realized he was being used and that he didn't want to be the bad guy anymore, he released the souls to the afterlife and went away. We avoided a huge combat with him and a zombie horde using basic logic pointed out by a 12 year old

[@Aki_Angry]

In Curse of Strahd, one of the characters was a young Aaracokra WM Sorcerer, with a childish but almost Kafkaesque brightness to her personality. Outside of combat. casts a spell. gets a surge. fireball on self, we all laugh because it's the classic. That's casting a spell. Gets a second surge, somehow. Rolls a 1 on the 100. Cute a very insane bit involving going to the astral plane, aging a bunch going from child to sultry cougar on the spot, Going back to the astral plane again, another self fireball, becoming a plant, levitating, and a variety of other things. It was "everyone_at_the_table.exe has crashed" moment. One of my favourite moments as a dm ever.

[@181dude]

So this one just happened. Im playing in my friends campaign to fill a slot for a player who couldn't make it to the game to help out during a boss battle. From stage left enters my glass cannon lvl 6 dragonborn wizard! (Her CON is +1 and ive consistently rolled minimum hp per lvl) (order of the scribe if you're curious) The party consisted of a ranger, warlock, cleric, a fighter, a bard a paladin/fighter and my wizard. So we find ourselves in the lair of the boss. Unbeknownst to us is that it is a demi plane, relevant later. in said lair is the boss, a homebrew psionic creature that was essentially a cenobite mixed with a medical droid, and hes about to cyt into an important story npc. We conversate for a while and its pretty clear he's planning to experiment on the npc, as well as the party, and attempts to cast a sort of misty step spell to teleport our warlock into a nearby cage. The spell causing a humming sound before popping the target into the cage. I see my opportunity and cast counter-spell, instantly dispersing the lvl 2 spell. The boss summons a big minion and initiative is rolled. After a though fight involving twi more big toughs the boss brought in, im down to couple of 1st lvl spells, and one last 3rd lvl spell. The boss character has been beat down pretty good by the party and his two remaining minions aren't looking too hot either. Boss character;" I've played long enough with you all, its time for me to go." The familiar humming that precedes his teleport spell starts up, signaling his imminent escape. Me: "COUNTER-SPELL!" Dm.exe crashes, please restart. The boss is now forced to attempt to leave via a demiplane door, with tthe party almost successfully killing him before he does so. We do however kill his minions before he escaped. Not sure if i almost derailed the campaign by killing the bbeg, but it was still fun to see the DM pause as i foiled the escape plan.

[@atomictomfoolery4400]

Damn this happened to me once. I’m not very old (16M) compared to a lot of players & DMs , just wanted to try Dnd out. During my campaigns last session, while I was in the middle of the SUPER imposing speech of the bad-guy, and I have to do an accent (the villain has a American voice, I’m British). During this speech I hear some of the players whispering about my voice, but I brush it off. Then my mic messes up and I hear my actual voice. Yeah, slightly disappointed that I sound like a five year old with a Texan accent during the genocidal megalomaniacs speech about killing kids for the sun god. 😬

[@EriSenshur]

You don't understand how hard I laughed thinking about a toddler with a british-southern accent trying to act intimidating. I'm not much older than you (22m) and I can safely say, this was me as a child LMAO

[@MattHew-rq8zw]

28 male here, with a generic monotonous voice, who tries to voice act a skeleton bard (lich-to-be), in pathfinder 2E. English being my 3rd language, is what it is... but can you believe that my mic makes me sound like a tired youth with sleep deprivation. XD

[@DrewcrewAnimations]

This are just so entertaining 😂

[@georgeclinton4524]

I was the GM. My buddy would literally just wander through my campaigns being a jerk and killing anyone he felt like. He had the Devil's own luck. He was 'Fuck around and find out' the character. . .except no matter how much BS I would throw at him he would legitimately roll his way through combat and not just win, but completely annihilate the encounter. Once in Cyberpunk 2020 by session 2 his gang leader had had enough of his shit and sent him and the other PC to raid some offices. Gang leader and 2 PCs head out. Gang leader says, 'You go in the front, you go in the back, I'll watch the street.' Gang leader has set an ambush to kill my buddy at the front. As the PCs approach the building other PC says, 'No, fuck this. We're switching.' My buddy says, 'Ok.' Ambush kills other PC and my buddy kills the ambush and completes the job. Gang leader reassesses his worth, plus he's out 2 soldiers from trying to kill him. Later gang leader has him bodyguard his sister while a gang war my buddy started rages and says, 'Do not have sex with my sister. I will kill you.' Cut almost immediately to my buddy and gang leader's sister back at her place. One thing leads to another, she's flirting with him, says she hates when her brother tries to control her, and they retire to the bedroom. A corporation he screwed over has sent a 4-man hit-squad to kill him. 2 men have rappelled from the roof and 2 have broken in and are outside the bedroom door. Man outside the window bursts through. My buddy rolls insane initiative, even faster than the chromed-up assassin. My buddy stands up and punches him in the face so hard it 1-shots him and he goes flying back out the window with a caved in face, dead before he turn in to jelly on the pavement(they are on the 9th floor). Other guy outside freezes when he sees this. The glass breaking was the signal for the 2 guys to burst through the bedroom door. He again rolls insane initiative and 1-shots the 1st guy through the door with a kick to the face. 1st guy's corpse flies into 2nd guy, knocking him to the ground. As 2nd guy struggles to get up my buddy picks up 1st guy's automatic rifle and says, 'Can I shoot him in the dick?' I sigh and say, 'Yeah, roll to do a called shot to his groin.' He decides to fire full-auto, from point-blank range and kills 2nd guy. . .by shooting him in the dick. (Side-note: My buddy shot a lot of people in the dick that campaign. Lord knows how many cyber replacement genitalia he was responsible for.) After being frozen in fear for a single round the 2nd guy outside the window find his courage when he hears the gunshots, comes flying through the window. . .and my buddy immediately shoots him in the head. My buddy stood up mid-coitus and murdered a 4-man hit-squad of chrome-junkies. . .nude. That corporation now thinks it's too expensive to try to kill him. My buddy pretends he thinks the hit-squad was there to kill the gang leader's sister and says, 'Tell the boss I protected you,' puts on his clothes, grabs the hit-squad's high powered weapons and leaves. The gang leader's sister calls a body chop-shop and makes some decent cred selling the chromed corpses. GM.exe has ceased working. . .oh, yeah, there is still a gang war going. 3 packs of 6 rival motercycle gangers are rolling the streets looking for anyone from my buddy's gang. The rest of the gang is laying low. The gang leader offers my buddy up as a sacrificial lamb/peace offering. Calls my buddy and tell him to come to HQ. My buddy gets spotted on the way there. 6 gangers riding him down with12 more converging. . .except my buddy has 18 grenades he took off the bodies of the 3 hit-squad members. I start sweating , and say to myself 'It's okay. There's no way he can take out all 18 gangers during vehicle combat. He has to miss once. . .right?' If you could have seen the random bounce rolls he made for those grenades. Every single one took out at least 1 ganger, sometimes 2 or 3. He killed them all and still had 4 grenades left. Seeing my buddy roll into the warehouse unscathed after hearing the absolute mayhem going on in the streets they throw him a party. The gang war is over because he killed 2/3rds of the rival gang. His gang leader is happy because he takes over the rival's territory. Other PC gets pissed at my buddy for being a jerk to him at the party and says, 'I'm going to steal his motorcycle.' He fails his perception check. My buddy has a hidden Level 10 thumprint scanner with a brick of C4 strapped under the seat. Other PC fails his damage soak roll and is vaporized. No matter the campaign he was always like this, and every time I just decided it was time to kill his character he would roll insanely well and come out practically unscathed.

[@vitor14ir]

my group was hired to protect some sacred artifacts that were being displayed at a festival. The weapons and artifacts were out in the open for the public to see, so protecting them would be extremely difficult. or at least that's what the DM thought, our group had an artificer who forged perfect copies of all the weapons and artifacts and I was playing with a spell caster who had a spell called magical aura so we put the copies on display and the weapons and artifacts were safe with us in a holding bag. Before we make the exchanges, we remove everyone from the place and use magic to isolate it so that no one sees us making the exchange and to give more credibility we put protective spells on the fakes and take turns 'protecting' them. the DM had to give us a point of inspiration for each one because there was no way he could continue the story without 'cheating'.

[@eldragon5247]

Playing through Icewind dale and a fishing town was struggling to ...fish One of our players tried to help and instead of a pole hook and line he used rope you can imagine how well that went

[@ericb3157]

that last one reminds me of a story where a party was walking down a large pipe and one player noticed some liquid on the floor. his FIRST thought was to try to set it on fire. the DM hinted, then told them outright, that the liquid was EXPLOSIVE and that setting it on fire would *launch them out of the pipe as if it was a cannon* !

[@ghost_craftinganimates813]

TLDR: Players Manifested a Dynamite shop and did a magic trick to blow the head off a Gyrados. DM here. We were playing in my homebrew world of Ersevion, and the players had just reached a port town. Basically in this campaign the plot was that portals opened from the sky dropping video game characters from different worlds into theirs (one of the players was a homebrew Enderman Cleric from minecraft as his race) In this town is was perpetually raining (which meant he had to buy and umbrella) and what I had planned was for the enemy to be a Raging Gyrados that the town just reffered to as a sea serpant. When the players arrived in the town, one of them asked, "Is there a explosives shop in town?" Me, wanting this new world to feel more fleshed out, asked him to roll for it... Nat 20. SOOO I thought up that this port town was also home to the base location of "Boom Boom's Boomsticks INC" they then purchased 3 sticks of dynamite at a discounted price, and then bought 2 small rowboats to get out of shore. In one boat was the Enderman, a tortle druid, and a reborn sorcerer, and in the other boat was a elf cleric and a Human fighter. They go out and the Gyrados rears it's ugly head. My players then describe their plan. First, the Reborn Sorcerer got into the enderman's fannypack of holding (Item they got in the last session) and grabbed the tortle druid (who we said for shits and giggle was canonically the size of a tortle) and held the tortle out of the bag of holding as bait. So for perspective, there was an enderman on a boat with a fannypack that had two old grey hand's popping out of it holding a turtle. The gyrados took the bait and dived at the boat to attempt to eat them, and as they did this, the enderman lit the 3 sticks of dynamite on the boat, the Reborn pulled the tortle into the bag, and the enderman used his racial feature to teleport away onto the Other boat. Cue Dungeon_Master.exe not responding. The Gyrados chomped onto the boat, swallowing it whole as all the players saw was it making a suddenly horrified expression before it's head was completely blown off it's none-existent shoulders. They then promptly made a business deal with Boom Boom's and were on there way. It was beautiful and horrifying and they loved it

[@archellothewolf2083]

I crash my GM.exe regularlly, usually through various purposeful shinanigans. But this last session it wasn't even my fault. My GM told me to roll a d100 while fixing a magic multi-planar door for some fey folk and if I rolled the same number as him something cool might happen. I took him a hot minute to recover from us rolling a 1/1000 roll, and now I'm probably going to become the champion of a banished god and finishing an unresolved questline from his previous campaign.

[@EriSenshur]

You better keep us updated!!

[@stellaleicht4035]

Its a 1/100 not 1/1000 chance to roll the same number on 2 d100s

[@archellothewolf2083]

@@stellaleicht4035 nope. yes each dice has a 1/100 chance of being the same number but that doesn't make the equation a 2/200 chance becasue you're not taking into account all possible combinations. you can roll 1/1, 1/2,1/3 and so on and so forth until you get to 1/100. this means each number on the first dice has 100 separate numbers it can pair with. That's true of all 100 numbers of the first dice. This amounts to much greater of possible outcomes than 1/100. I know there's an equasion out there for calculating the amount of all possible outcomes to get the exact number but I've put too much energy into this response this morning. Hope you have a good day.

[@hkfifty871]

@@archellothewolf2083 No, it’d just be 1/100, because the number you’re matching isn’t predetermined. In essence, the first roll is irrelevant, as it has a probability of 1. Only the one to match it actually matters. In other words, the question isn’t “what’s the probability of rolling (insert number) twice in a row” but rather “if one roll was (insert number), what’s the probability you roll the same?” Which would just be 1/100.

[@santiagolozoya3439]

I love how archello tries to correct you thinking he was smart

[@NexeL_NKC]

So, we’re a couple party members short, two couldn’t make it due to being sick. Me and the three other party members make it to the study of Mormesk, the wizard who lived in Wave Echo cave. We tried to recruit him. DM.Facepalm.EXE has started. We all had a great laugh, but we’ll see if it worked. We ran out of time before we completed the dungeon, so we’ll have to wait two weeks at the time of writing this to know whether our efforts worked.

[@swordmaster2305]

and were they ?

[@robertreilly4433]

Third Session of the campaign party level 3, we were traveling to our next destination when we stumble upon a giant barbarian high on bunkif (this worlds equivalent of crack) he flew into a rage when he recognized one of our party members and accused him of stealing his wife. Fast forward to the end of the fight and most of the party and the villas were pretty beaten up (the encounter was more difficult then the dm anticipated, although this may have been caused by our druid casting bed of thorns directly under half the party on accident). As the villain was on his last legs and about to strike the killing blow to the 'wife stealer' on his next turn our sorcerer at level three crited on a guiding bolt and through other means dealt 65 damage and Kamehameha'd a hole directly through his chest. The dm stuttered when he had heard the damage count as he intended for this villain to become a reoccurring one, but instead he had just been vaporized. this caused the dm to get up from the table and exit the room for a few minutes while the party was collectively dying irl. TLDR: Supposedly reoccurring villain gets smoked on first encounter with low leveled party DM.EXE crashed so hard he left

[@Tom8201]

This is from earlier today. At the previous session my character had picked up some rotting meat. Today we were going up against the final boss which was a Thesselhydra. I threw the rotting meat at the Thesselhydra which made the DM pause because he wasn't expecting. The meat didn't really do anything, but I was able to land a hit on the Thesselhydra. The next player managed to kill it ending the campaign sooner than my friend the DM has expected.

[@tinydiicethief2227]

I became the bbeg in a game i was playing as a hexblade barbarian, i had been away for awhile so that was how i was to be rejoining, i think i was meant to lose the fight cause it was heavily in favor of the other party. The fight was set around a ritual meant to fully revive the god of death that was slowly making an undead army around most of the existing continent. The only thing keeping me alive was a few minions spawning once in awhile and having a darkness area i could see through and use while raging to impose disadvantage on attacks against me. Eventually I was whittled down very low on hp and had maybe 1-2 rounds left to live unless i was spared by the party, which i doubt would happen. So i made a last ditch effort to survive and ended up sacrificing myself to revive the dead god, which had our dm sit for a moment, then leave to go talk to the other dms and lgs owner about what to do with what i just did.

[@morissaedwards7348]

Just got done celebrating My birthday, and this was a great way to end my day. Thx guys, I hope y'alls evenings and days are as warm and fuzzy as mine was❤️❤️

[@arlenfreeman3439]

10:43 Took me a moment to realize that the DM shot themself in the foot and this was a consiquence that would have happened even if the session went exactly as they intended.

[@GymbalLock]

I played a goblin among other adventurers, and we were supposed to fight a group of goblin raiders. Instead of fighting, I ridiculed the hobgoblin chief, and challenged the raiders that I could lead them to more glory than a non-goblin. A natural 20 persuasion roll, later, and our party had their own goblin army, which immediately swarmed the hobgoblin and killed him. This completely derailed the DM's plot. The next few sessions were centered on training and equipping our goblin army, and using them to complete various mercenary tasks for us.

[@otakubancho6655]

I can just picture the Tabaxi as Captain Barbosa!😆😆😆

[@phantomwraith1984]

Our party had to collect these shards of Tzeentch. We had a temporary alliance with said daemon god. We beat one of the main bosses who dropped the shard on his death, but the Bretonnian drunk in our party being yhe drunk who NEVER listened to the briefing the DM gave us, he decided to immediately smash the shard the second he saw it. All the plans our DM made were completely thrown down the drain as our critical campaign item we needed was now destroyed

[@captainbrainius6273]

That's just classic Tzeentch for you.

[@sherylcascadden4988]

No stories from my personal experience, but I did have a DM who would tell about the group of players that attacked and demolished a .... Gazebo.

[@cdesigner9178]

My DM has a system within his game called "The Rule of Cool," or RoC for short. A RoC is a real mechanic that lets us pull off some crazy bullshit when we use one, allowing us to do nearly any crazy plot we come up with short of insta-killing a boss. It is rewarded to us to use in the next session by us all voting who did the best RP that session, or he'll just give all of us one when we are about to go into a particularly rough combat. We have had many times where we have broken the game with these, though the DM is all for it, since he set this 5e game to go beyond level 20 (we get to multiclass). The DM often throws a lot of custom and crazy stuff at us (we fight gods on the regular), but also lets us pull off crazy stuff and gain crazy stuff (our wizard eventually got an artifact that let him have all of his spells prepared at all times). It's a balance. My favorite moment of "DM.exe has stopped working" is where we fully broke the DM for a solid 5 minutes, give or take. We had fallen into a trap set by our wizard's old evil mentor, a very powerful necromancer, who had summoned an army of the undead and allied himself with some very power people. We were at the bottom of a lake, and the necromancer used a very powerful homebrew ability that allowed him to dispel the Water Breathing spell we all had on us. We were all drowning. Then the wizard got an idea. He had the Wish spell, and has had a LOT of luck with not losing it whenever he casts it. So, he used his RoC to just... wish the lake away. We were drowning, so let's just get rid of the water. The DM just shut down. He didn't know what to do. He was SO EXCITED about this location and encounter, and the wizard just poofed the lake away. After recomposing himself, the DM said that the lake would be restored later on through precipitation, but for now, we weren't drowning. The fight was still very tough, with it going for 2 sessions, much of the party nearly dying, and the fight ending in the destruction of the undead army, the necromancer absorbing the powers of the artifact he was using to control said army, and the two sides agreeing to a nonaggression pact between them, but I still love the look on our DM's face when the wizard pulled that off. He has a knack for pulling off this kind of stuff. Fun fact; through a series of deals between him and the DM, this player's dragonborn wizard has 6 sets of Biblically accurate angel wings, complete with eyes and mouths on the wings, as well as many arms and tentacles, and has merged with a Robe of Eyes to always be able to see in all directions.

[@afkclips2702]

One of my players asked me what does the dark mist taste like in the cellar. It was my first time dming I literally paused for about 10 seconds. And just looked at them and said why.

[@Gamewizard13th]

I recently crashed when they played jumped into the water to hug a mermaid........................ And I should have expected it but it finished the scene and it was enjoyable. That player ended up having access to infinite citrus because of pure chaos of my game. i love my party

[@Kill_Millz]

You should def turn this into a podcast ngl

[@Legendi-chan]

My DM starts lagging when a simple math problem appears and its funny

[@ozs83]

We were playing a TTRPG called mutants and masterminds 3e, one of the PCs was Adam, the first human but also the one who will eventually decide who will win the war, the devils or the angels. The problem was that every time Adam died and reincarnated he would loos all of his memories and experiences with both the devils and angels and so he never made the final say on who would win the war. Unlike Adam, Eve who was an NPC would also reincarnate but will keep here memories and will always try to be together with Adam. The player of Adam didn't really like this character as he and the DM were not on the same page with his powers so a new character was created and Adam was killed off. Now for the DM.exe crash: One of the other PCs was an agent who took Eve to "The Edge", a bar located on the edge of a cliff where you can watch the sun setting over the ocean. The PC had a heart warming talk with Eve and said he is walking away to let her be alone, but soon after that he said "I pull my gun out and shoot her at the back of her head". The DM was so shocked he had to take a 15 min break to get over it.,

[@sillerbarly4927]

Once was asked by a player if they can make a weapon out of 200 Iron pieces( they were originally disguised as 200 platinum pieces, they just looked like platinum but were the same shape as one). Of course me being a good DM had to research first how big is a platinum piece, then try to figure out how much metal would exost in a Nickel, the cannonical size of a platinum piece, then had to research what could be made with 100 grams of iron, and found out it can only make 1 short sword or 2 daggers. Suffice to say i had to go through 1 mental break down ontop of going down the rabbit hole of how much material is used to make weapon. That is also tied to the time I decided to try and find out why Mayonnaise is a possible substance for a Jar of Alchemy, and what the hell you would even use 2 Gallons of Mayonnaise for.

[@adamhunter1223]

Always happy to see the return of Delkesh

[@BlazeGamma]

It occurs that in my second session running Pathfinder's Rise of the Runelords, my warpriest, who is a player who I've known to be a bit too clever for her own good, often to her characters' detriment, looks to me and says she wants to "Waterboard the goblin," using the create water cantrip. I blue screened for several seconds. I eventually was able to collect myself long enough to decide, sure, but she'll have to go through THE GRAPPLING FLOWCHART. I'd figured that this level of struggle would not be worth it, but sure enough, she goes through with it. Despite not being specced for combat casting, nor for grappling, Cayden Cailean willing, she somehow manages to get through to the point where she has the bugger pinned somehow manages her concentration check, and casts create water, directly into the goblin's pried open mouth. She got dropped by one of the goblin's buddies the very same round, but I've gotta say, the entire experience was one hell of a thing to behold. We're almost through book 1, and the war priest has already been killed by a save or suck spell, and while the disease that hit her was resolved, she's been rendered bald, likely for the entire campaign, and I can't wait to see what sorts of shenanigans she, and the entire rest of the party, get into. To this day, my discord status is still "I want to waterboard the goblin", because the moment will stick with me forever

[@samzilla1281]

This happened last night. We're in a side quest to get the items to create a body for the soul in a cursed sword our warlock/artificer picked up. We're level 14 currently. We unlock a door and there are two stone golems. Our party is pretty big, a warforged artificer, a kitsune warlock, a human fighter, a human artificer/warlock, a human bard/rogue, a demigod bard, and a haregon that I don't remember his class. The haregon went first. He can summon 8 pixies who can cast polymorph. They turned the golems into chickens. It took the DM about five minutes to reboot. Especially after the warforged decided it would be interesting to drop the chickens down a seemingly bottomless pit.

[@Mwilli2132]

Literally last session when I informed her that I can fire both barrels of my double barrel at once, dealing 18d4 damage if both 9d4 attacks hit, for a max of 72 damage, and a minimum of, well, 18.

[@Dr.Aardvark]

My players just set fire to the carnival they are trapped by a magical barrier in because I tried to indicate the crowd was magically being made to ignore them. They were extremely paranoid at this point as one player almost got trapped outside the barrier, and I described them as being surrounded by "light threads of magic, but not as sturdy as the main barrier". Eventually they tried to burn a hole in the veil between them and the crowd with Flaming Sphere, which passed through and lit the nearby tents. Now I have to figure out what happens next. Luckily I improv a good 70% of everything because my players keep me on my toes with these kinds of shenanigans regularly 🤣

[@justcri]

something that made EVERYONE crash in my last session, it was just yesterday as well we were being followed by a weird big snake lady, we were in 3: me (aberrant mind sorcerer), a nature cleric and an arcane trickster rogue, all at 7th level the rogue was invisible and was trying to find a way to make me activate my telepathic speech and i understood it but you can only activate telepathic speech with someone who you can see at 4th level i took the magic initiate feat because i wanted find familiar and i summoned a bat, bats have blindsight, they can see through illusions and invisibility, so i pulled out my bat familiar and saw through its eyes to see the invisibile rogue so i could speak telepathically with her

[@justinhermann4926]

Little over a week ago on the third session of this new game we encountered a high Fae of the Winter Court. She used domination to make my Dwarven cleric kneel but was more interested in the traveling Noble in our party, not caring she just forced me to break my oaths. I went ballistic. I smashed her in the face with my warhammer and critted. I then grappled her and forced her head through the portal she had entered by. I turned to the GM and say "holding her part way through with my left hand I smashed the portal frame with my hammer". This was a major NPC who was supposed to bother us for quite some time. Unfortunately she survived, but our GM is having to take 3 weeks to figure out how to proceed from here as she had to run from a couple sixth level characters.

[@blakeetter280]

Any time the players do something smart and actually work out an encounter in less than twenty minutes XD

[@lichguard]

Every single character that I come up with has fire related spells except one that is my rogue. Who after a tournament I had to roll a d100, I rolled pretty high and was then asked to pick between 2 items. A pair of uncommon or rare daggers or a mystery item. Keep in mind that in my group my rogue was the most reasonable and logical of the group. I chose the mystery item... turns out the mystery items were legendary magical assassin blink daggers that can with a thought reappear in my rogues hands. Everyone was shocked and my dm was confused. I have since then used those daggers to kill things from fish to bone devils

[@aaronfraley1686]

Old WEG Star Wars D6, our first long campaign. My group was very creative and occasionally lucky, which seduced me into handing out Character Points (+1 die) and Force Points (double your dice). Instead of throwing them all into stat building, the force sensitive character stockpiled his points, which I had overlooked out of naivety as a new GM. I spent weeks writing a new BBEG, criminal syndicate, maps, and plot filled with intrigue and twists intended to last months, and the creme de la creme, a custom starfighter with unimaginable stats the accomplished heroes would wail and gnash their teeth are confronting for the first time. All but for that crafty Padawan, who in the first session of the story arc, spent nearly all his character and force Points to fire one. Single. SOLITARY. Quad laser cannon burst and cause multiple criticals (6 on a D6 caused you to roll again) to accumulate something like 147points to hit and my ship, my beautiful, beloved starfighter..... It was my jaw that hit the table that day and I was utterly unable to continue. I had no backup plans and the experience taught me a hard lesson to improve my improv lol. RIP Rich/Shyvek

[@cassiemoyles4177]

"You know a deathclaw but woth green scaly skin" .....so a gatorclaw lmao

[@cassiemoyles4177]

That story might have happened before Fallout 4 came out though tbh

[@postapocalypticnewsradio]

PANR has tuned in.

[@RheaGotGreened]

The first session of my current campaign, the 2'4" thalasynian (homebrew possumfolk race) spores druid crawled INTO the rear end of the troll they'd just killed, looking for any loot they could get from it. I decided that they found a single gold coin that turned out to be made of lead

[@simulated0.0]

When in 5e I intimidated a building with a nat 20. He made the guy on it drop a ladder for me to escape the guards

[@7maGic094]

So wrote an encounter where the players would run into some cult members would have hostages and kidnap one of the party members, he makes a strength check, failed it, but then the warlock used puppet to make the party members run back and cult members keep running in the direction they were going. The wizard then casts fireball about where the cultists ran to. He burns 3 cultists and 4 women

[@terrafirma5327]

My thoughts on players who want to run ahead or scout for the party... I usually don't allow it. All the cases I allowed such things involve the player trying to monopolize the overworld travel, and in some cases DENY other players a chance to interact/roleplay. Such as... robbing/killing a villager that the party would not have approved of being killed. In general I allow the person that scouts the best to boost a group score but the group stays together when traveling. Also, the most perceptive person can have advantage or some other bonus against being ambushed. Then if an encounter does happen, I roll to see which player noticed it first so they can start the RP (unless otherwise obvious).

[@egorsdeimos3523]

Oh nice, glad to see I made it in!

[@Jade_Dragon]

Not quite crashed, but regrets his life. He put a Deck of many things in the treasure room. It was our first boss fight, but we had been buffed to level five. My character, a hexblood who grew up with cursed magic and dead things, was not dissuaded by the creepy box. An NPC drew two great cards, the one that gives you wishes (and he already had found an genie bottle, so that was six wishes, because he got max) and the one that boosts stats. Another character choose to draw, and got sun. I'm likely going to get some poor, enemy npc to draw for the deck next. Any other character I have wouldn't have let her friends touch it before she figured out what it was, but this character saw nothing strictly wrong with it. After the NPC drew their second card, I could see the regret on our dm's face. He is a fan of "no take backs" (our paladin would have one shot the boss, but the dm miss calculated the damage, and didn't realize until later. We rolled with it. And, we were down a wizard. You screw up, and he will have you face the consequences) It was so much fun, and made me appreciate him a bit more

[@graywolfofpiece]

DM here, while running a pathfinder game, there was one NPC who got themselves possessed by a wrath spirit. The short explanation of this is that they had a... rough childhood and, not knowing how to deal with it, they embraced there suffering to the point that it took on a life of it's own. Now, rather than fight the wrath spirit, which was what was intended to happen, the psychic of the group goes: "I want to enter her mind as a mindscape." For those who don't know, a mindscape is basically a way to lock two minds together and for them both to interract. This was... not quite what I was expecting, but I'm fairly good at improv, so I said sure. So, while everyone else is fighting the wrath spirit, the psychic enters this girl's mind. The mindscape ends up being the house she grew up in, with her mother being the personification of what drew her to this point. The way the psychic was supposed to deal with this was to guide the NPC's spirit form out of the house while avoiding the mother, as this would show her someone actually cared about her. What she did instead however, was give the spirit a hug. Since it's a mind scape, yes, you can do that. She then gave her this awsome speach about how she was loved, and cared about, and how her childhood and how her family thought of her was not what truly defined her. I'm a sucker for roleplay, and also, she did something that had the same effect as what I was trying to have happen. I sat there for like 2 minutes just going... uh... um... Because now the whole encounter was made null in the span of 1 turn. Maps, planning and balancing just completely not needed. For extra cuteness, the spirit form in the mindscape was that of the child, not the full grown person.

[@DJBlackNGold]

Last night I was doing a smaller session for a couple of my players for their own little story as they broke off from the party to rescue another member who had been captured. I had an npc accompany them and the player whos PC was captured played him since he's the kind of character they love - a neurotic evil demonologist who is working with them because the bard and paladin (both warlocks of the same subclass AND patron) were tracking down their party member at their patron's order and that demonologist had tried to sacrifice their patron for power and, more or less, is now their BITCH. Anyway. They were on the way to the paladin's hometown where I alluded there was a chance they may encounter his former employer that his patron helped him escape- his planned BBEG. On the way they roll a random encounter of a group of pirates fleeing a group who stop to offer the party to trade. I just roll a random shop, as I tend to do, and one of the items was the Mirror of Life Trapping. Once I get to that the paladin speaks up. I want to make it clear, our paladin has a naturally pretty gruff baritone voice. He gets real low and just asks "how much for that mirror?" and after I explain what it does from an identify from the bard.. I can HEAR the cogs in his brain turning. "I wonder if I could trade one boss for a favor with the other.".. I planned the boss showing up and confronting the party after they finished their goal of saving their party member before he died (they were too late sadly, but I had discussed this with the party member ahead of time and we have a dungeon crawl planned to reclaim his soul so he can be resurrected) and while they were resolving that it would be a conflict and one of those "you're all wounded, low on spellslots.. This may be a fight that you don't have the energy to take on" I had to completely replan the fight ending as him saying that shook me to my CORE and now I'm both terrified and laughing at the prospect of him simply trapping his BBEG in a mirror and giving it to his patron as a present. No fight- no big conflict. Just slurp, into a mirror and he's now the world's largest trading card.

[@supriseddragon6737]

It's really simple but I still gain a shit eating grin every time I think about it. My group was trying to contain a riot and I was not only the one with the most muscle but also a giant compared to the rest of the race I was. Naturally that lead to me being the target for attacks. A Molotov was thrown at me. Rolled to catch it. Nat f*king 20. That alone made me smile but I wasn't done. I looked the DM dead in the eye and said this: "I pull out the burning rag and drink it." Everyone stared at me like I was crazy and I was laughing at their expressions.

[@Karagianis]

"I have the chef feat, I'm proficient with chef's tools, so shouldn't that give me proficiency to hit people with a frying pan?"

[@egorsdeimos3523]

Technically that would be more like tavern brawler or something

[@DemonKingDrago]

My family was playing the resurrection of tiamet. My mother was dming and she had called me "The Module Breaker" because I had Killed the Adolescent Blue Dragon by paralyzing it midflight and after it takes the 20d6 fall damage had the party goodfellas the shit out of it, start a kobold spy ring/rebellion within the dragon cult by finishing their cult leader by spitting at her (dart hidden in mouth and crit succeeded) and convincing them eastern dragons are more powerful, and finally telling the druid to use a portable hole to drop 95% of the offering out of the flying island by climbing down the ice. Each time this happened she had to take 2 weeks to figure out how to fix the module after i curb stomped the story with my antics

[@littlemiddleanderson]

I did this to myself. I have a homebrew campaign setting that my players have really been enjoying. I set them to have to do a fetch quest for a god that would turn out to try and destroy the world. We played a couple sessions and then scheduling issues put us off for about 2 weeks. We come back and play and I give them the fetch quest. They agree and start negotiating payments. It's a little cursed in a way that any who sign or have the money spent on them are required to bring the creature or have their souls forfeit upon their death. Que a teleport spell later and one of the players PULLS THE CREATURE OUT OF THEIR BAG. I forgot that I had given them the creature and due to a past campaign the god couldn't sense it when it was near. They had done exactly what the contract said. Bring the creature to her. Not give it to her just bring it to her. They tricked the god (me). I will never live that down

[@chris-tianmothman]

Someone intimidated a guy to get access to his truck, so he could blow it up. In the parking lot of a motel. Full of survivors. In the zombie apocalypse. Completely out of character too. I, the DM, was speechless for 10 full seconds, hands over my mouth, before screaming "WHY!?" And the dude refused to elaborate before eventually backing off of trying to do it. The session coincidentally ended less than 10 minutes later. My brain was mush.

[@darkphoenix539]

Long time ago and I don’t remember all details, we were around level 15. During one campaign we were fighting BBEG In volcano, party consisted of 5 players, Human Paladin, Human Cleric, Elf Warlock/Druid, Tiefling Rough/Bard and Goliath Monk, after entering arena all exits were blocked by molten lava flowing from ceiling preventing any escape attempts, after 5 rounds we were near TPK, and BBEG had all his HP (basically we didn’t, hit him ONCE), so we decided all or nothing, monk somehow grappled BBEG and we burned all possible buffs to powerup our Paladin and debuff BBEG, I don’t remember exactly what was the roll but with all buffs end result was 53 (+/-2), and HE still missed. 5 players simultaneously screamed “WTF DM?” DM calmly explained that this encounter was rigged to force us to escape … “So you wanted us to escape from volcano, through waterfall of lava, chased by BBEG almost twice as fast as our slowest character and able to almost one shot half of our team?” “Well … Yes” “And how we were supposed to do that?” DM.exe stopped working

[@otakucon]

I put raggedy Ann and Andy as a joke. They got adopted by hags and Andy got warlock and monks ranks. They took Andy to 2 separate boss battles. Both battles were huge class monsters and Andy on both times rolled a nat 20 to GRAPPLE AND PIN THEM. So yeah Andy is 1 more giant grapple away from some kinda title

[@crazyjplays3392]

These are always fun, but I'd like to see a video of "DMs what insane War Crimes have some of your players committed?"

[@wschnabel1987]

Pulled a scene right out of Star Wars The Phantom Menance. Said 'ROLL A 1!" as my DM rolled for a critical save for his villain, if he succeded he would have wiped the party out. I pulled a sith mind trick out of my butt and sure enough he rolls a 1, and just gives me a 'WTF just happend here?!!" look. The people I was playing with just looked at me the same way at first and started laughing for a solid 10 mins. The DM also has a rule where if he confirms the fail with a 1 he rules it the same as confirming a crit with a nat 20 and doing max possible damage. He confirmed it, and threw the d20 into his garbage disposal.

[@darkspinegaming8213]

So me and my party are currently doing a homebrew campaign and it's safe to say they are an interesting bunch, if not down right mad. So our party consists of a Changling Cleric who looks like a rabbit, an edgy Aasimar warlock, an Air Genasi with super speed, an Elf whose a pyromaniac and a Bloodhunter Pirate woman (My character and basically a werewolf pirate). So we had all been exploring this lost underground civilisation and had made our way into some ancient facility from ages long past that used to belong to the Celestials (the Aasimar's ancestors) we met up with this NPC who was a were rat and was trying to get to a gene altering room so he could remove his curse. We helped guide him down into the facility battling our way through many traps and left over abominations from failed experiments that the Air Genasi had accidentally released by pressing every possible button on every possible control panel they found. We eventually came to a giant pit that lead to a endless void (The Astral Sea) basically it was like Space. Our changling was super curious and that's when the Elf and Air Genasi both said to her that she should jump because their might be space whales down the hole. Now might I that the changling wasnt the brightest character ever and after rolling for it ended up jumping into the pit and falling further and further into the astral sea. DM.exe has stopped responding Our Aasimar warlock sprouted his wings and took flight diving into the pit to save the cleric which luckily upon rolling successfully he did so. He flew the both of them back up to the platform the rest of us were standing on and the cleric began to tell us that there really was Space whales down there to which surprised the rest of us because it was only a joke. At that time the Elf and Air Genasi attempted to push the Warlock off the ledge as a prank but failed their strength rolls and instead fell off themselves. DM.exe has stopped working again The Air Genasi used levitate on the Elf causing him to hault in place while the Genasi herself was still falling and tried to aim for where the Elf was and upon a lucky roll cast dimension door on the two of them and reported to safety. The party found this entire scenario hilarious while our poor DM had no idea what was going on anymore.

[@palloproductions3198]

My DM had given me an army of 20 level 3 wizards. Most of them were Div wizards… anyway for the final battle the DM was describing how the forest came alive into an army of Treents. Yeah, every single one of my wizards cast firebolt on them… we had a lot of ash to prestidigitation away…

[@Amayawolf_01]

Technically the end of my group and the hiatus of the campaign. My brother's character was a necromancer, and a cult cornered and offered him power if he helped them craft a vessel for their new god, not knowing the rest of the party was nearby because most were hidden upstairs and I was pretending to be a normal cat (long story). This was all done over a call, and my brother didn't hear the fact that he was allowed to walk away unharmed since we had inadvertently helped this cult before and they were grateful, so he agreed for the sake of his character living. The other players misinterpreted this as us veering into an evil campaign, and when he asked if that was really what we planned to do two of the players were pushing it, while me and another vehemently opposed and my brother was silent (he was multitasking so he couldn't be constantly active in the action). The DM went silent for like 30 minutes while we argued amongst ourselves about whether we did or didn't want to go evil, and then finally said he would have to put it on hold while he changed things. In reality he was just done with the shenanigans of the two players advocating for evil and always pressuring everyone else so he deleted the server and then told my brother and I that he would take a break but wanted to continue with just us eventually. It's been at least a month now with no news on resuming, but I don't want to pressure him since he's a forever DM and the whole thing was draining for all of us minus the two problem players

[@blademon6]

I was playing Pathfinder Wrath of the Righteous; we had just left with our army to go take Drezin back and we were told to make a perception roll, both I and another player rolled Nat 20s, making it so that we immediately notice the shady and treasonous actions of an NPC that was a spy for the demons. GM.EXE restarting, we had just derailed all the secret problems and backstabbing he had planned for the first half of the crusades.

[@ashbradshaw6835]

I accidentally summoned a goddess. We had to take a 15 minute break for the DM to do research on said goddess (If asked I'll share the story!)

[@Helix_Slayer07]

Please do share this story it sounds really interesting!

[@dragonduke5872]

More recently one of my players decided he wanted to try to DM, so I(DM) wanted to help him set up a one shot and one of the characters decided to play a twilight cleric…well if you know anything about the twilight cleric’s channel divinity at the end of everyone’s turn who is in a 30 ft radius of the twilight cleric gets 1d6+cleric level(we are all level 12) temporary hit points so the DM monsters were barely dealing more damage than we were healing. The new DM was clearly annoyed but started focusing on killing the twilight cleric, and my redemption Paladin just said no and kept changing the damage to himself. DM visibly angry, but his monster rolls a crit and for a second he thinks he’s won…the ancestral guardian barbarian says “actually that attack does 14 less damage” and my DM loses it he walks out(he came back later but I straight up thought he was gonna leave)

[@axecarver]

Not really a crash, but I did glitch at the time. For a simple one shot I ran to get the hang of the game, a buddy of mine wanted to be something silly. I said sure, thinking its just a one shot and he loves to be a chaotic jackass, but without derailing. His aim is to rock the boat as far as he can, without tipping it and drowning us all. He played an Aarankokra turkey and only said "Goble goble" for the entire evening. Maybe its because I know the dude for about a decade, but I was actually able to make sense of his rambling, and he was able to make actions and rolls. One such action did make me go: "ooh.... kay." The party found a passed out Gnome against a tree. They were unable to wake him up and didn't wanna just heal a random guy. The turkey then made clear by gobling that he wanted to peck the Gnome. Sure, roll for unarmed strike with your beak. Nat 20 with max damage. On a commener. I just looked at the group, my notes, back to the group, the ceiling and then said: "Well he's dead.", while looking at the turkey player. The party just laughed it of and took the gnomes clothes to put on the turkey Afterwards they stole a car without an engine and made the turkey player pull it with a pseudo dragon.

[@shante2131]

My first game. My lil bro was Dm. I was playing an earth genasi rogue with trust issues and no people skills. His name was Ign Gneis.(geology name :)) He had just watched a potential new friend blow himself to smithereens to save our level 1 party from a ton of dark dwarves and was now facing the potential new friends family to tell them why their adorable son/grandson wasnt with us. Ign handed them a book on grief from his pocket library saying they would probably find it useful while looking a bit dejected. Took my lil bro a solid 5 minutes of double take and exasperation to reboot and demand the party leave and never return.

[@kylethomas9130]

So I gave my party the Bag of Beans, (slightly modified, but still very chaotic) and one of my players gives 2 beans to the little girl they rescued from goblins and told her to plant them in her garden. I'm waiting until next week to roll for those beans.

[@MangaManiac]

So I was playing smaller campaign of an old game called Cult. My character was going to be introduced to the party as someone who had been isolated inside the old bunker the group of nitwits had broken into. As my character was scurrying about trying to stay away from the party one of the players spotted me and went "Stop or I'll......... *Shrugs and then shoots* ". And then proceeded to roll a nat one, which in this game means a critical hit. They then proceed to roll 3 nat ones in a row. Meaning that they trippled the damage and managed to shoot my character in the back of the head. Instantly killing my character who was going to be their only lead and help inside the bunker to have even a remote chance against the BBEG. The DM faceplamed himself and sat like that for 5 minutes. Until they went "You know what, screw it. You missed. The gun jammed. Because it is going to take forever to figure out a new character now and I don't feel like dealing with this bs". The rest of the party, including myself, proceeded to laugh our asses off. Good times.

[@theonewholives5414]

I'm just going to record this here for posterity sake just so that it exists in some kind of semi-permanent format I was DMing with a group of my friends it was like sessions three of a one shot that I was running that had them hunting down corrupted deities in a desert after defeating one of the gods they found a certain magical item that I made for them that I thought was harmless because every single one of my characters had the alcoholic trait so I thought it would be funny if I gave them a goblet that turned whatever you put it into it into wine and then the chaos began they somehow found a way to use that goblet to defeat three out of the seven gods that I made them fight and one time I made them fight a water goddess and they defeated her by scooping her like bailing her like she was a boat filled with water until she died then they then use the water that they scooped out of her as a healing item and I later made them fight a fish God and in order to get to the fish God they had to get to the bottom of an oasis in the middle of a desert you know what they did they tied a rope to the goblet and they threw it into the oasis and waited let's just say two natural twenties and an 18 later the entire Oasis turned to wine killing almost every single Monster in it all at the same time because they required water in order to live and then in the same session I had wrote over three pages of dialogue for an Abyssal creature of Darkness that I created that was trapped inside an orb I had prepared for them to do literally anything I don't think I had ever wrote as many much dialogue are prepared as many possible events for what my players could possibly do then they did the one thing I never could think of my friend Gary the archakra monk says 1 minute into walking into the room I scoop the orb with the goblet and I just broke because as the DM I had no idea what I was supposed to do I was just completely in shock that was literally like the last 2 hours of the session I had planned I have been defeated by an item that I gave them as a joke not one but at least seven different times not to mention when they used it to torture somebody.

[@theonewholives5414]

Not to mention the way that they got to the bottom of the Oasis was by going back to a city they had visited previously convincing the sultan to buy all the wine out of the Oasis and then proceeded to make three sacks of platinum coins off of it in profits the entire time the monk was planning on robbing The Sultans of Vault but unfortunately we never finished that campaign

[@egorsdeimos3523]

Tl/dr, maybe a summary might help

[@theonewholives5414]

@@egorsdeimos3523 this was an 8-hour D&D session this is the summary

[@billbishop6109]

This one time the town of Leilon was being controlled by devils disguised as mercenaries, and the party was going to have to fight their way through to the tower. The party was hiding at a mansion hidden in the nearby forest deciding on a plan, when I suggested we use the church that was on the property, which was an instant fortress. My first thought was to drop it on top of the tower, but the fortress has to be placed on a solid surface. So I said “how about the floor of the second story of the tower? “. So with the use of polymorph and wildshape to make a couple of giant birds, and an upcast invisibility, we flew in under the cover of darkness, the warlock jumped into the scaffolding surrounding the tower, ran into the room, placed the church mini on the floor, activated it and misty stepped out. The tower exploded sending shrapnel flying everywhere. The DM had to call the session early because we broke the scenario so badly he had a lot of work to do before we could continue.

[@Scorpious187]

What the... I was reading through the comments and saw your name and had to stop and do a double-take because that's my DM's real-life name. Lol.

[@Joshh-uk1ww]

We once had a campaign go so bad that the DM quit, I a player took over in his place, made it infinitely better, and the former DM rejoined as a player.

[@Kantohammer]

My players found the bad guy’s diary. I made a joke that there was something about “hunky boys.” There was a changeling in the party. So they morphed into one of the hunky boys in the cult so the party could set a honey trap.

[@Natt_Skapa]

I was running a murder mystery and after a player intimidated a drunkard and got no information that player decided to kill said drunkard

[@megatronjenkins2473]

Your DM story here, 5 gold.

[@imuybemovoko1143]

Ran a campaign in a sort of scifi-fantasy setting that was our solar system but reskinned for d&d and enough into the future that people lived on random moons and junk in most of the solar system. At the end of the first session, a cargo ship that the party had just booked passage on got attacked and destroyed by a mysterious force, leaving only the party as survivors. They took an escape pod and flew it to Phoebe, the nearest inhabited moon, crashed with the family of an NPC they fell in love with before I killed her, and set about exploring the capitol of the planet, New Boston, for the second session. At the end of that one, they witnessed a massacre by the king of Phoebe's secret police force which essentially involved them using geas spells to cause a protest movement to combine some ingredients that they didn't know would cause them to self-immolate. Session 3 went pear-shaped because they pieced together what they'd seen with a bit more investigation and some very good insight checks, and then the cleric, who was a Warforged and had a built-in phone/internet connection (a common thing retired Warforged have in this setting), decided to try to scan for encrypted transmissions and hack into anything they found. Nat fuckin 20. So they find a transmission that proves that 1. the secret police exist and 2. they're behind this. And leak it, along with what they've pieced together about the chemical mechanism and the geas spell, to some revolutionaries. Who have a huge damn network. And promptly go _veeeeeeery_ public with this information. They do a bit more investigating into the incident they saw, leading to an attack by a few agents of the magical secret police. They defeat them handily, but a bunch more are on their way so the party is on the run across the city. They fight their way to a safehouse, where they crash for the night and take a long rest. And while they're resting, Phoebe becomes a fucking war zone overnight. Mass protests erupt over the revelation, which the king's people respond to with extreme violence, which prompts the people to do the same. This latter part of the session was supposed to be the party meeting with some consequences for a scam they ran before they boarded that cargo ship. But everyone who was going to bring these consequences about was either dead or involved in street fighting. So instead they basically had to sneak their way across the warzone the city became and to where they were scheduled to go in order to leave Phoebe and meet with someone else. _That_ also almost went very badly.

[@Garbukan]

I was the DM while deployed in the middle of the ocean. My players had just learned that that an NPC and friend to the players was on his death bed. This particular NPC was an artificer, and had machinations running all over the place. After doing some RP where the NPC passed away (from old age) I began wrapping up the session. “And as you walk away from Patrark’s tower, there on one of the windows you see a mechanical owl. Softly and somberly it lets out a ‘Whoo’” One of my players, an Orc druid/barbarian, very quickly responded with “I look up at the owl and say ‘The names Fang’” immediately sending the players into laughter. My brain was still in sad mode and the switch of my narrative moving to laughter just completely fried me. DM.EXE has just crashed. After a quick reboot, I finished off the session. My players still talk about that moment to this day as “one” of the times they managed to break me.

[@angelacuna7885]

I was the DM, the party where a warlock pact of the blade reborn, a spore druid tabaxi & a dragonborn fighter arcane archer, they once went into a white dragons lair and were too low lever to defeat, so they chose the give up the dragonborn and said they would be back with food for it, they never returned but that's not were it ends, the player of the dragonborn made a new PC of another dragonborn barbarian but was injured so badly most of his parts were replaced with tech, either way they were being hunted by the former dragonborn who was now working alongside the white dragon because they didn't kept their word, when this happened the party was now at a higher level and choose to fight an adult white dragon, in all my campaigns I allow max damage for critical instead of just doubling dices, because sometimes you can roll super low and the criticals don't feel special anymore, but you can see where I'm going with this, the warlock roll a 20 twice because of thirsting blade and did over 200 damage in just one turn I explained he blow a hole in not only the dragon but the mountain as well, my jaw drop and one of my epic boss battles was nothing more than a pebble in their way, I crashed, after that every encounter was more difficult in how to approach a fight and not just standing there taking hits, they still did pretty well but never again like that one time

[@ericsanders9847]

I want more from the Deadpool group and also I would love to play a secession or two with them

[@ceo3238]

I currently have this monstrosity of a character I'm running in a friends campaign. He's a level 4 blade singing wizard, which I've designed to be a melee wizard. The very first combat went the following: Me: I run forward 60 feet and make 2 attacks DM: "You can't dash and attack on that same turn, you'll have to take a seperate dash a-" Me: "I've got haste from [other player] activated" DM: *long pause* "ok make your attack" Me *i do so* "alright now i run 60 feet back" DM: "You're out of movement speed, haste only dou-" Me: "I have longstrider, bladesong, and mobile." DM: *stares at me wide eyed for a good 10 seconds* "ok then the monster will make a attack of opportoun-" Me: "Mobile prevents attacks of opportunity." DM.exe has crashed Later in the combat he makes an attack for a 24 to hit, he starts rolling damage when I remind him that I have a 27 AC with shield DM.exe has crashed again

[@VeraTheTabbynx]

If you're going to give it a number on the die, be *fully* prepared for a player to actually roll it. That DM who had players roll lineage and bluescreened when one rolled great-grandchild of a god was an idiot

[@waynehawley9052]

I was playing a Warhammer 40k ork campaign... We broke into an imperial army fortification... the weirdboy (psycher) walks in saying "have you got time to talk about our gods Gork 'n Mork?" GMs *DM.EXE has crashed... attempting to reload DM.EXE... While the other players simply stare at him.... including me

[@acetraineraster5171]

I've shared this story on the subreddit but let me give you the actual dialogue of what happened. The party is fighting a rakshasa. I get asked "can me and the bard take our actions to make something?" "Well, that depends on what you're making." "We want to take the bard's rapier, one of his fake mustaches, and a length of rope to make a cat toy." "A... cat toy?" "Yes. A cat toy. And use our movement to back up, dangle it, and call the rakshasa out of the alley." "...what do you say to call the rakshasa?" "pspspspsps" *a solid 45 seconds of silence* "Y'know what? Make a persuasion check." *I roll insight; it's pretty high! 24. I think, "Well, there's no way they're beating a 24"* *they roll a nat 20, and with the bard's +6 persuasion, that's a 26* *another 60 seconds of stunned silence*

[@peacecatis1923]

me---"you come across a perfectly clear lake a circle so clean and beautiful it almost hurts your eyes-" War forge--- "I throw a pebble in the lake" Me--- "ughh fine. ok as you pick up the stone you see a deer with huge antlers of crystals and a shimmering coat, as you are about to throw he looks at you as he walks twords you across the water. do you still wish to throw it?" Party--- . . . War forge--- can i pick up the gnome and throw him? Me-- Uhhhhh Gnome--- YESS (I don't remember the exact spells they used but sheesh there was alot of power behind that throw) War forge--- I throw him at the deer. Me--- but. . . (in campaign the deer is a god and theirs about to be a dramatic scene ;-; )

[@FASAfan]

Anyone know the classical music playing near the end? Siri can’t recognize due to the narrator overpowering it!

[@gyll4201]

I used the item that my warlock patron gave me to release them from their imprisonment when a boss had me on 8hp in the final arc of our campaign. I was instructed to stab a wooden dagger into a tree after we had finished our mission to stop the release of Levestus. My patron was on board with this and seemed to be a more chaotic neutral deity. We were getting our collective booty cheeks clapped by a Devil and this boss had a personal grudge against me as I had previously broken its arm while interrogating it when it was disguised way earlier in the campaign. My turn in initiative came up and I was on 8hp and it was looking very rough for me. Looking at our Talespire board, in the middle of a fortress in a literal circle of hell, I asked "Hey DM? Is that a tree? DM: Yeah, Why? *insert monologue here with me taunting the massive devil followed by me stabbing the wooden fae dagger into the tree" DM:"Wait What.....( audible 30 second pause)... Ok, we are gonna take our scheduled break now as I need to evaluate what the fuck you just did to the universe." 20 min later... The energy release from the explosion and summoning of my patron one shot the boss, but also destroyed our airship and killed most of our crew.... so yeah... that was fun.

[@jameskelly-smith1279]

I have a Player.exe has crashed story. Not from me, so some details will be wrong. Somewhere in a dungeon, there was a riddle written in the language orcs use. The only person who understood the language was the Half-Orc Barbarian, Threeda who had intelligence of a brick (e.x. They canonically could only count to three). The player playing Threeda somehow rolled enough to correctly answer the riddle. It took a good few minutes for the person to figure out how Threeda would be able to solve it in character. Here's what they thought of; "Threeda does not understand the riddle. She just sees a large object in the way of progress. And this makes her mad. 'NO!' she screams, while banging on the object. 'NO! NO! NO!'" The correct answer to the riddle was no.

[@Cortanis001]

Well, this video is a year old but hey I've got one for you anyway.... We were running a DnD 3.5 campaign with a "guest" DM. Our usual DM who's the walking forever DM cliché wanted to get to play as just a player for once. I had long since earned a bit of a reputation as a bit of a problem. More to the point I do not appreciated forced situations people are openly not comfortable with, being rail roaded into no win situations, and other similar issues. Our usual DM had swapped out with one of his other friends so he could play, had warned the guy about doing things like that, and my specifically warned him about my particular antics. Rather specific to my antics is that I generally do play nice and we have a fun time. Our group however had become accustomed to me being effectively the safety net/the line you do not cross or I would stop playing nice and start wrecking the offending overreach in the game. Our usual DM had specifically told him not to pull distasteful antics and we were playing with long standing characters of ours. He had warned him that if he tried to permanently off anyone other otherwise sabotage things that he's effectively hit the undo button after the campaign was ended. Apparently, he took this the other way around and chose to do exactly that as he presumed the forever DM would just undo it anyway while he disregarded how everyone else felt at the table. For reference since people always try to question how what I'm about to say can even be done, I'm going to provide a little citation now. For reference, 3.5 has the Complete Arcane book. Pages 138 and 139 includes the items for Magic Tiles, Skull Talismans, and Spell Wafers as well as the outlines of creation and use of such items by players. Point is they're all working concepts and explanation of destructible items designed to release a spell effect when destroyed. That being said, as a caster I had taken to playing with spell tiles tipped onto the end of blunted crossbow bolts in small vials so only the impact would destroy them. The construction of the things is a bit overly complicated so I'm going to skip that part along with some of my more extreme antics I had previously done with these. Anyway, I had taken to making about quarter sized wood and cheap ceramic coins as spell tiles for this kind of thing that could be easily destroyed on impact. I kept an ammo bag with what were effectively glorified padded pog tubes lined in the thing and some pre made bolts. This was also a mundane bag so I could stash it in a bag of holding that I also kept so the thing wouldn't be exposed while I only carried a reasonable amount of tiles/arrow outside of the bag. Things had slowly escalated as far as the antics over a couple of weeks of us playing causing open arguments at the table. After about the first week of this, our forever DM started to notice that I was stocking waaaay more ammo in these spell tiles than what I would ever need or usually be given access to least I pull something. Usually our DM sets HEAVY restrictions on what I'm allowed to have and do because I tend to maximize the effects when need be and he doesn't want to give me something I'll render outright broken.... we generally agree on that funny enough. XD That being said, I've had a tendency to use other spells as effectively blasting caps to cause damage and set off the rest of the tiles in a load. You'd be surprised how effective Acid Splash can be at level 16 with 8 of them stacked on top of each other going off at the same time on a single bolt. Cantrips can really start to do some major damage like that and are easily mass produced as tiles in that sense. So I tended to load mostly with stuff like that and resort to those when faced with beefier problems. That being said, at the time I had been using a lot of my spell slots to just produce tiles daily instead of using the spells to build up my ammo reserves and set up something I was expecting to happen as the conflicts at the table escalated. Forever DM had noticed this after a while and just gave me "that look" because he was starting to kind of guess what I was possibly going to pull. So after weeks of the bs antics this entire thing culminated in facing the BBEG of the campaign in a fairly wide open monastery while he was flanked on both his sides by some beefy body guards. The "guest" DM had apparently kind of spilled the beans and our forever DM had taken him aside to very explicitly go ever in detail what this encounter was going to be and the fact that apparently he had set it up as a no win instant loss scenario. Our forever DM had agreed not to spill the beans and didn't but most of us had already guessed how this was going to go down by then. As a matter of tracking on my ammo, I was required to keep a separate smaller note pad with the counts of tiles and when I created them as a matter of accounting and balance. We rolled initiative and came out on top of it due to catching BBEG by surprise because we came in the "wrong" door in the place. I didn't roll as well as the rest of the party but I still got my turn before BBEG. I used my turn to throw my entire ammo bag at BBEG and he caught it. The "guest" DM took that as my plan to disrupt the thing thinking I had intended for the bag to break something and go off. Most of the party had some ether meme level gag ranged attacks or had proper ranged attacks. The DM took the opportunity to in character start monologuing at us and gloating about how we failed to harm him.... He was so overly cocky about it that he used the entire group's turn to do so. I just looked at the table and said "bag." Everyone immediately knew exactly what to do and everyone attacked on the bag. No surprise, they hit the bag and the collective nuke went off. That's when I just whipped out a calculator and my note pad. Started rolling dice as I started to read off each of the spell tiles in it and when they were created. I had into the triple digits of cantrips in the bag, almost 50 fireballs, about as many other spells at the same level as the fire balls, and a bunch of assorted other ones I can't remember anymore. In short, it rendered BBEG into little more than a memory spread in dust as well as his guards. The "guest" DM absolutely LOST it. Took him a while to reboot after the totals were calculated and he realized I had derailed his entire plan there. After he got done rebooting he started screaming, stomping around, and even broke a glass table throwing things. He was "kindly" invited to leave especially after his behavior and we never allowed him back again. After this all went down we referred to this as the "Satchel Charge Incident" until I stopped playing after I moved.