What To Do If an ENFP/INFP is Distant

[@justcallmejon22]

Just found out about your channel from the collaboration you did with Joyce Meng 2 years ago! I appreciate the way that you describe things in that video as well as this one. In regards to Fi and understanding, this quote had helped me through a lot when trying to relate to other people and I feel like you said it a few times in this video. "...People can only meet you as deeply as they met themselves..." -Mat Kahn Keep up the great work! You got a new subscriber 🙌

[@heritage.home.crochet]

You raised an new thought for me those who don't have Fi find it hard to relate to this...it never occurred to me that this is a thing. I think this is even worse for INFPs since they have dom Fi and can easily have their emotions rocked. But for those who aren't NFPs, Fi is just such a personal thing and such a subjective experience that it feels like a fingerprint, and it feels like no one could possibly understand exactly how we're feeling and relate to exactly what we're going through. It feels burdensome to have to share it with others because there's to much to try to explain...and then if the person tries to find solutions for us, it's just making the situation worse for us. It's much easier to introvert and deal with the emotions alone. And then when we come out, we'll be as good as new, if not better.

[@CrystalDuan95]

yes! that's why this video is for those people. i'm trying to help them use their fi. bc if you don't have fi and haven't gotten in touch with your own, you cannot interpret this behavior at all accurately and assume the worst bc in an Fe/Ti-only lens, it means "Fuck off i hate you"

[@heritage.home.crochet]

@@CrystalDuan95 That's so interesting...wow. So...is that why people think some ENFPs don't know boundaries because when people ghost us, we hunt them down? Rofl

[@DanBurns89]

Being on the other end of NFP distance often, this is definitely helpful advice on what's happening for them.

[@CrystalDuan95]

yeah this has def gotten mixed reviews... i want to impart that there's hope about eventually having life reunite you back but it did take people making me question my worldview even when i was distant to come back. but it cost those people so much of their own self respect in the process? (usually someone w more Ti than an FP). so this is rly part 1. i need a part 2. lol

[@sonicxis4ever]

Your video was really interesting to watch! I'm an ENFP and I feel like what your describing is more of how INFPs pull back. The only time I pull away from people is if I'm mad at them. Something very important to understand about ENFPs is we place high value on other people. Relationships are really important to us. Oftenf times I give a lot of myself to other people and If i don't get that reciprocation, I'll start to get angry and resent them, so I'll just avoid them and pretend they don't exist. Its the way of getting my energy back and also a way for them to reach out and see what's wrong. Of course its better to tell them whats bothering me but I found that it doesn't work and ends in an argument. I'm normally the kind of person who expresses how I feel and typically I talk out my problems.

[@heritage.home.crochet]

This really resonates with me. When I'm going through something it's like a bear going into hibernation, the laws of nature tells me to go be alone and introvert, introspect and understand what happened to trigger me... And when I'm out of it, it's amazing to see how the outside world is just hustling and bustling while my inner world has just caved in a little. I literally didn't know that this doesn't happen to everyone. What happens to other people when they go through intense emotional upsets?

[@CrystalDuan95]

they need to process it externally with other people for it to feel real. they get caught up in not knowing how to regulate themselves

[@sonicxis4ever]

What's your MBTI? I'm an ENFP and sometimes I do want to be alone but I found that I've always wanted to reach out and talk to someone about my feelings. i feel like what she described in the video is mostly INFPs.

[@sonicxis4ever]

@@CrystalDuan95 I'm actualy like this! I'm an ENFP

[@heritage.home.crochet]

@@sonicxis4ever I'm an ENFP 😁. INFPs do the same thing because we share the same preference for our feeling function, Fi- introverted feeling. Having that function means you like to process your feelings internally and on your own. It also means that you are more concerned with what you yourself value, as opposed to what others or society as a whole values. Because of this, many people with this trait feel like others can't possibly understand what they're feeling and thus... usually don't want to share it with others unless they can relate in some way; I think Crystal says that in this video. We just fall off the face of the Earth lol. But that doesn't mean we don't like to talk about our feelings to others, we totally do, but once we've figured them out and understand them for ourselves. For me, it's like I get stuck and I can't move forward, associate with others, have fun...do anything until I have sat down and figured out why I'm feeling triggered. I quite literally go in a dark and quiet room and just let my mind ruminate until I figure out what happened, what triggered me, and why I'm feeling this way.

[@heritage.home.crochet]

@@CrystalDuan95 This is interesting, since commenting on this video, I've been doing a lot of research on functions and Fe users are confounding to me in a lot of ways. But there is a need for all of us in this world, so I still value them. I have actually found some benefit in trying to learn from them. Trying to imitate their way of being easygoing, and considerate of others has helped me not be so... Individual and now I'm more of a team player. I don't just do things and say things according to my personal values, I try to think how this may unsettle or affect others. It's really helpful. People aren't so afraid of me now haha.

[@wadagascar]

This. As an INFP, I think your advice nails it. In the moment, I often have a hard time articulating why I'm pulling back or have this visceral need for space when I'm processing things. Sometimes the expressed (or even unexpressed) expectation that I need to explain something or allow someone to be there for me in a way that may be helpful for them in similar situations (but isn't at all for me) can trigger this feedback cycle of either further avoidance of that kind of person, and/or keeping me in this holding pattern of not actually being able to process whatever it is I need to process. But kind of like you pointed out, I personally mostly notice this kind of response with certain types, and its usually types that, albeit with good intentions, feel like they need to DO something or be MORE there instead of just tapping into their own introspection and allowing space for that need.

[@intj1782]

How long does it take for ENFPs to be their normal self once again? I have an ENFP best friend who's being distant from past 4-5 months and I'm not getting it "why?". I have given her space, I tried talking to her, I asked her if I did something, I introspected and checked upon myself to see if I did something wrong and I'm not getting the answer - I literally did everything I could. I hope she's well. It's fine if she doesn't talk to me and doesn't want me anymore in her life. I just want her to be happy.

[@learningadab]

I'm an ENFP who has been distant for a while now. Your final paragraph is exactly the thing that would warm our hearts and which we love you for. Thank you for thinking through so many options and being so considerate about your friend. Keep them in your prayers but also try not to waste energy thinking too much if there's anything more you can do if they've decided to check out. If you can remain open to their return in future while wishing well for them as you continue with your life, that may be a good state to be in. Thank you for caring!

[@intj1782]

@@learningadab Why are/were you distant?

[@CrystalDuan95]

@@intj1782 0:57. Immense shame about prob something else. if yu haven't gotten much answers about it being something you did, it's a journey she feels she *has* to do alone. hopefully your help as an INTJ giving her Ni will hlep her in whatever tf it will take to solve this.

[@brocklytodd5317]

I think at that point the friendship is probably over.

[@heritage.home.crochet]

I'm intrigued! What would make you think that the friendship is over?

[@brocklytodd5317]

@@heritage.home.crochet I think because the Si they might never forgive or forget idk

[@heritage.home.crochet]

@@brocklytodd5317 Oh, like in the case of someone offended them or hurt them in some way? If so, yea I can understand that. It's hard to trust that someone won't hurt you again if they have done it 1 or more times. So...better to just cut them off, let them change and grow some more and then start fresh if the paths cross again lol...otherwise, have a nice life!!

[@brocklytodd5317]

@@heritage.home.crochet Yup I think so. By the way what is your type?

[@heritage.home.crochet]

@@brocklytodd5317 ENFP 😊😁, yours?