What to Do When Someone Gives You the Silent Treatment | Effective Communication Skills Training

[@TheWizardOfWords]

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[@nylaspeaks7272]

Don’t engage with the person that is doing the silent treatment it’s a form of abuse

[@nylaspeaks7272]

Hist Ory Good stay away I don’t like that passive aggressive nonsense...they are looking for a reaction...don’t respond ignore

[@amazonqueen5694]

I have a person at work giving me the silent treatment I just ignore and stay away her

[@oshensview]

No it's not abuse. People who say it's abuse are just insecure. There's no greater sign of someone not wanting to talk, than not talking. Also, if someone ignores just leave them alone. I hate when people keep trying to talk to me when I ignore them because I sincerely despise them and don't want to deal with them.

[@nylaspeaks7272]

O'Shen's View it’s carnival season but I got a comment for you but right now me wine

[@oshensview]

@@nylaspeaks7272 Is the comment gonna be super long? Simplicity gets it.

[@courageousone4234]

Silent treatment is all about control!!

[@NaimaG12]

This should be taught in school. Emotional abuse is often overlooked.

[@sunshine-sm6nf]

yes, thinking what I would tell a child , ask what is wrong and if they keep giving you the silent treatment, find someone else to play with!

[@wintermatherne2524]

Manners should be taught by parents. The schools job is reading, writing, and arithmetic.

[@Hilary945]

When a person gives me the silent treatment, I usually like to permanently grant their wish. I won't be held emotionally hostage. Either communicate with me like an adult, or I will be done with the situation.

[@monikathomas4985]

Great video! The one thing I have to disagree with is telling them ‘when you’re ready I’m here’. If they are using silence as punishment, then you remove yourself and then YOU decide when you’re ready to talk to them again, since they were the ones that started this passive aggressive ‘attack’. They don’t get to have that power

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Monika, it's really not about power in this particular instance and it isn't about your punishing them by doing to them what they did to you. You can't cast out darkness with more darkness.

[@noeldee9236]

@@TheWizardOfWords as far as I knew everything was ok until it had been months than I asked if she was coming to visit as I moved states and she said in June . Than I hear nothing at all . No communication at all as to why . This is the second time and I refuse to go through this again .

[@mojamurphy4905]

My mother did this to me for up to two weeks at a time when I was a child....along with physical abuse. I'm 55 years old now and realize that I frequently see myself and respond like a victim. IDK how to get through this. I find human interaction so threatening and painful. I have learned to be alone most of the time. That way I am not stressed by other people.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Michelle, of one thing I am certain, and it's the hardest thing to do in these situations--if you can work on forgiving your mother, it will relieve you of a great burden. Yours is a heartbreaking story and one that is repeated all too often. Unfortunately, broken people make for broken parents. And the result can be damaged children, unless you take control and refuse to be a victim. If you need help in getting away from victimhood, go for it. Please, don't give up. 55 is young and way too young to have to learn to be alone. Dan

[@mojamurphy4905]

Dan, Thanks for your response. It feels good to be heard. I won't stop trying to heal. I'm just tired and a little overwhelmed by people today. I love your videos. They are important to me. Thanks for helping. Big big hugs.

[@MsBettyRubble]

Michele, you are not alone! Same thing happened in my family. I struggled with forgiving my mother for decades because I couldn't find a way to do it that lasted. Look up Mario Martinez. He has a great technique for forgiveness that's helped me so much! I hope it can help you too.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hi MsBettyR: I'm going to look up Mario Martinez as well. Forgiveness is important to health and happiness. I'd be happy to learn all I can on this topic. Thank you for taking a moment to respond to Michele. (I was eavesdropping.) Dan

[@bookmouse770]

I got this from my mother as well......then when my x did this I couldn't take it, I understand.

[@michelecraig9658]

I think there is a difference between someone who needs time to think (be silent to think properly) and using silence against someone to punish them.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Absolutely and I hope I addressed that sufficiently throughout the video. There is all the difference in the world between these two things. Dan

[@deegeorge1020]

Michele....agree but that has to be communicated in a loving and respectful way and a timeline should be shared and honoured.

[@yotheophilus5979]

agreed. If someone brings something heavy to me, I need time to process that, and I find that just saying that I received the letter or voicemail, etc, but I need a few days to respond works best for me. I’m a communicator but when too much is stacked up at one time, I slow down.

[@monikathomas4985]

Yes in the first case they would typically communicate to you that they need some time, which is absolutely fine. But you can usually tell when someone is using silence to punish you, which is not fine

[@amandakropen3273]

Punishment it is! Silent treatment because you won't kiss their a$$.

[@carolloraine223]

Walk out the door and never look back. I won't put up with that kind of nonsense!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hi Carol: Sometimes it's not that simple--e.g. when the father of your children uses the silent treatment, or when your children themselves use the silent treatment or when your boss uses it. You might want to put a stop to the "treatment" while maintaining the relationship. Walking out the door is easy, but it's not always best.

[@McFraneth]

Lucky you for being economically independent and with your own lovely home. I'm not.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

@@McFraneth yes, you have to detach from caring about it while still being under the same roof. Not easy but if you've nowhere to go and no money when you get there, the only solution is to train yourself to not care that this one person in your life is not embarrassed to act in such a passive aggressive way. Good luck x

[@GS-st9ns]

I had a friend who took me to dinner and during that time he just decided to shut down and give me the silent treatment. I don't know why, but I never went back it felt creepy and abusive and he had no clue that that was creepy and abusive. He thought that's just how he gets his way . I've never seen him since even though he's calling. That's something I don't want in my life. When a person is new to me, I meet them at the destination/restaurant just in case.

[@jayesimond9301]

Passive aggression is indeed aggression. Got no patience for this type of behavior, and have more respect for ppl who speak up their mind (while civil) to work out differences.

[@cprime4097]

Wow! Worked right away. I had unintentionally offended my bf and didn't know it. That's why he shut down, stopped talking to me. I used your advice and within less than a half hour he contacted me and we had a conversation about what happened. I apologized and told him that I wish he just would have told me that I had offended him. He told me that he needed time to calm down so he didn't say things out of anger. We talked about being respectful to one another going forward. And we are on the same page now, back to the I love you's 😍

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Wonderful to hear Oh For. Thanks for letting me know :) Dan

[@bethhughes4709]

I find emotional abuse worse than physical abuse.I have been thru both of them.

[@sarita4021]

I agree! I have been through both too

[@iramsavir5631]

Indeed it is. Nothing hurts as much as heartbreak.

[@island661]

The silent treatment is a weak person's ammo. It's someone who has poor communication skills. It's NOT a highly intelligent individual.

[@PsychedPerspective]

This! Weak, Poor, Immature and Pathetic.

[@thenewyorkcitizen]

I disagree. The silent treatment should be used as a last resort. If someone does not respond to respectful behavior and you have been fair. I use this tactic when someone is treating me me as if I am an endless source of patience and understanding.

[@island661]

@@thenewyorkcitizen Agree, but that's a different circumstance.

[@nickw22689]

@@thenewyorkcitizen we call those people energy vampires

[@amandakropen3273]

No kidding! Dumber that a doorknob!!

[@TallMichelleWithTheLongHair]

Also, narcissists are good at this

[@oregonangel1962]

Silent Treatment z the NARCISSISTS SPECIALTY!!!

[@theultimateman7231]

A narcissists is great at this

[@Kimosabe-]

Yes, yet they cannot bear it when you do it to them. Sweetest revenge on earth against the demons.

[@GraceConyersDirtologist]

I resort to silence a lot as people tend to talk too much over the top of me. I'm glad you addressed that side of the problem as well since it tends to be a habit for a lot of people I work with.

[@staceykersting705]

Me, too! If ppl interrupt, I'll immediately stop, even mid-word. Usually gets their attention, and they allow me to continue.

[@sharkitty]

I can relate!

[@billybatchelor2863]

When someone starts interrupting you when you're talking, don't stop talking until you finish your statement. I tried it and it works.

[@heatherconway2032]

But technically this not “the silent treatment”-that’s different.

[@graceandglamor]

I love this strategy, and wish I hard learned prior to being a victim of this abuse for a WHOLE YEAR by a coworker at a former employer. I would also add that if you have this conversation in private first and they don’t stop, you may need to ask a mediator (supervisor, HR, etc.) to be present for a second conversation.

[@bookmouse770]

this is good, but the problem is when you're married with small children you sometimes can't leave, have nowhere else to go, or don't want to wake up small children to take them with. Then it becomes a decisionmaking time if one should get a divorce or not if this keeps happening over and over. This is very serious, and this is what did cause me to leave my husband in the first place. Noone understands the reasoning since they didn't physically harm you.....emotional abuse is just as real.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hi Bookmouse: I think more and more people are finally beginning to understand that this is a form of abuse and can be terrible to live with--especially if it is a spouse or a parent who is RELENTLESSLY giving you the silent treatment. And you are right that it becomes a much bigger problem when you are married with children, and can't easily give distance to the relationship. I'm happy for you that you ultimately were able to distance yourself from a spouse that would continually do this to you.

[@bbearsmama]

bookmouse770- I am so sorry you are in this position. Do you see a time in the foreseeable future when you CAN leave and be financially independent from your husband? Does he do this to your children? THAT is the dealbreaker right there for me-I won't put up with much concerning myself-but when it comes to my kids-NO WAY! This is so damaging to who they are and damages their feeling of self-worth. I am not in your shoes-but I know that I would not be able to tolerate it from my perspective. I would search for a way out and also get your kids into counseling. Would your husband go into counseling? I'm sure he doesn't think there's a problem. But you do have some degree of control. If there is not a way for you to be financially independent right now-start making plans for ways to be independent in the future when your kids are older. Meanwhile-take care of YOU and your kids. Seek counseling-read books on this matter and EMPOWER yourself and KNOW that you and your precious children do not deserve this.

[@ByeBye-yx6ym]

Glad you left. It doesn’t get better just longer

[@pbtconsultants1761]

bookmouse770 i know exactly how u feel.

[@bernieoconnell5515]

Absolutely.

[@nevilleboone8]

This is a very great video, I have experienced this before and it hurts really bad. Growing up and in a relationship.

[@tonikennedy9812]

I don’t speak to some people at work unless it’s business because I will not tolerate their innuendos and backwards insults. I give them a few chances, then when I realize it will continue, I distance as far as possible. I think this is healthy for me.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I think it's healthy for ANYONE who can distance themselves from toxicity to do so. I'm with you :)

[@debbieevans7427]

Yep I did. I have just pulled myself away completely. Our relationship is totally broken down.

[@plerpplerp5599]

Silent treatment is a form of sulking. I usually say "Are you sulking now?" If I get no answer, then I say "I'll take that as a yes. So I'm out of here because if you can't tell me what I have done to make you sulk, then I am not interested." Then I leave. That usually provokes a reaction.😉 Aternatively, I say "Oh good. The silent treatment. Now I can get a word in edgeways" and then just laugh and carry on as normal. I use humour to defuse situations. It works, mostly.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

rymd, you are not putting up with it, and that's the main thing. It sounds as though you've found a pattern that works for you! Dan

[@ram1brn]

you are an abuser

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Really? I see it differently. Can you tell me ram1brn why you would say that to rymd pojke??

[@plerpplerp5599]

I just find that kind of behaviour disrespectful, childish and annoying. I choose not to tolerate it. If someone upsets me, I tell them. Behaving like an adult is the best option. There is no need to sulk. However, behaving like an adult does not mean behaving like someone's reprimanding parent either. At the end of the day, no one can make you FEEL ANYTHING. You do have a choice in how you react. Of course, we are all different: just because I would not behave in a certain way does not mean that other people would not or should not.

[@GoldhartStudio]

You can simply say that you see, that the person is not ready to all and that you will talk to them , whenever they are ready. Then you leave and do not come back. As you do the same thing over and over again, it obviously does not work, the more so you let another person to control the situation a d that it is exactly what a narc wants. Just say that YOU are leaving and YOU will be ready to talk to them . And if you say it with a light heart and loving attitude, you will show how it should be. But if you state that HE /SHE gives you silent treatment, they just see that they got you. And they really did.

[@smoochypooh7700]

Oh s#$t! I’m a disher of the silent treatment! Gotta figure out how to stop being this way. I didn’t know it was so abusive.......very Eye opening!

[@MsBettyRubble]

Good for you for seeing an opportunity to improve and take action! That's awesome and a beautiful trait to have.

[@eliezeretecap]

The silent treatment is standard female behaviour, specially younger women love to do this type of bullshit drama. Instead of communicating what's wrong or what's upseting them they expect everyone else to read their minds.

[@smoochypooh7700]

Eliezer Well, I’m not young by any means! Just repeating the same thing I saw growing up. On this channel to gain knowledge and continue to improve in this life. It’s not a dress rehearsal so I’ll do what I can to learn and grow so that I can pass it on within my own circle of influence - and so on.

[@knottydizziedevil9425]

Eliezer I've seen pleanty of men do this, don't hate we are all here to learn how to be better :)

[@GS-st9ns]

Amy Tupper that is big of you to admit that you're a giver of the silent treatment. But, I wonder do you know why you're giving that silent treatment? I have met people who do give the treatment, but I never asked why. I guess I didn't like them enough to care so I moved on, but won't always meet a person I don't care about enough. Adults anyway. I'm a lot better with children

[@yotheophilus5979]

I told a significant person that when they did ABC (a criticism about my character) I felt hurt. It happened while my mom was on her death bed, & I was not able to be in my normal mode of helping support for that particular needy friend. I was honest and not hurtful at all. For 8 days the person gave the silent treatment, ignored what I shared. Instead of continuing to wait for response I sent a question asking if they were going to respond to it or not. Response was “no, I’m not going to respond, because I’m too hurt by ‘what you said’ “. Whole thing was flipped into me as being the offender. Since this person had continuously acted like the victim in just about all their relationships they’ve explained having with dozens of others, and I habitually had been the giver, the comforter, the main encourager, I should not have been surprised by the flip. But when I acted surprised that once again they not only played the victim but used that moment to manipulate, and play mind reader, throwing whopper insults, whopper accusations, and then basically telling me to “have a nice life” along with “goodbye” and that they were no longer going to be a “punching bag”, the accusations were so many and so very very far from reality that I was not able to respond. I did not have a history of speaking badly to the person, I was not selfish, I was not condescending, impatient, or unkind. All I could say to that friend that I had not ever had a conflict with in 12 years is “I got it. OK.”.i later received a tacky Christian self help video that introduced me to Jesus, “the one you’ve been waiting for all your life”. The sender knew I had been a string believer in Jesus for nearly 20 years. It was a passive aggressive insult to top off the others. I didn’t respond. I never heard back from them and it’s been one year. My mom died but that long time friend never asked if she made it out of ICU. All I could gather was that that friend was not as good of friend as they had liked to frequently tout the friendship was. It seemed to work only when they were on the receiving end of getting personal support from me. But whole thing flipped when I was in a place of needing compassion and understanding. I could have chased after them and tried to fix things but it appeared to be something that would likely repeat. I said my own goodbyes without any contact and I don’t believe it would be wise to go back. They made a choice to cut off the relationship without having one in person conversation. I guess I let them know that I heard them and I accepted what they said basically.

[@twinklingeyes58]

I love love love your videos! I’m learning so much from them! Thank you! My parents did the silent treatment to each other growing up. It was awkward, weird and as an adult I do too, when someone insults me or embarrasses me or makes me mad. I shut down till I cool off. I hate the awkwardness. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I never knew it was emotional abuse. I always pray nobody notices that I’m not speaking to a certain person but they always do! Thank you for letting us know there are better ways of dealing with people!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Marisela, if someone is embarrassing or insulting you , and you walk away until you cool off, that is not emotional abuse. Now if you come back and don't speak to them for a MONTH, I'd say that is not a communication technique; it's shutting down and you would be better served by addressing the issue with the person who was insulting you. You could use a spotlight question such as "Was it your intent to embarrass me?" and my guess is that will lead to apologies all around. I apologize for not making it clear that if someone is digging at you, and you feel like blowing up, it is a very very good idea to step away from the conversation--but when you return, don't employ the silent treatment. I hope I've clarified my own thinking on this, Marisela. Thanks for writing and giving me a chance to be clearer. Dan

[@sunshine-sm6nf]

A 4 year old I work with said it perfectly when a child would not talk to her, she said IT IS MEAN!

[@lgrillo]

I don’t know. I often stop engaging in conversation with a particular person in my life because it does, in fact follow a pattern. They are extremely forceful and relentless about their opinions that I feel my options are 1) agree with them entirely, 2) get into a giant fight or 3) stop engaging. I end up just closing off entirely, not to be abusive, but rather to protect my own mental health. I’ll usually murmur something like, “I see that you feel strongly about that,” and then try to change the subject to something benign. It’s exhausting.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Lynn, you're not describing the silent treatment. You are simply withdrawing for self-preservation--not intending to be hurtful. You are not punishing.

[@virginiafonacier1678]

I have a friend like this,she used to get always this "my way".but now i stopped reaching out and i'm done.

[@priscylamello7149]

I do leave after a week of silent treatment. But I left forever

[@amandakropen3273]

I did too!

[@thesurfinsuricate]

this is good tips if your dealing with a normal person... (to say to a narcissist that the silent treatment is a form of abuse would be to admit that they are doing things right.)

[@TheWizardOfWords]

True, the surfin. But if you're dealing with a true narcissist, I'd have to wonder what benefit you are getting from the relationship in the first place.

[@thesurfinsuricate]

​@@TheWizardOfWordsTo be fair your video didn't mention narcissist, i just got directed here after watching some clips about narcs. In first place / the benefits... Of course you don't get any benefits, you get misery and you will be tired. But sadly sometimes life can be a bit complex... I guess those that are in a relationship and isn't to tied up (e.g. children), if you suspect your partner to be a narcissist - Run! But even in that (easy) case I think it's still easier said than done to leave. The narcissist is a maestro at this game and if he or she doesn't wont you to leave there will be a no holds barred fight. Everything you are, everything you said, what you like/ dislike, your friends and family, guess even threats in some cases will be used against you... But yes I agree - Run, it's better to take some damage and be free. Lick your wounds... When it comes to a family member a parent in my case, it can be a bit more tricky to leave. First of all your life can be intertwined, area, relatives and so on. Second you have been programmed since childhood to put yourself on hold, it can be hard to break that habit. Third I my case the times i have broken contact I have been forced to break not only with the narcissist but also a big chunk of my family. If your okay with that, well it doesn't stop there, no - e.g. when i was a kid my pet cat might "run away" some days after I had told my parent to f*** off (guess hidden and looked away in the basement). Parent - will you help me to search for the kitten? As a kid it can be hard to be hard and say - f*** that kitten, I don't care. As a grown up my grandfather / grandmother might have a well-timed stroke and had to go by ambulance to hospital, (both where victims, they lived in fear and danced to the narcissist every tune, they could have a fake stroke on demand (they had some real strokes also, hard to know from start when real, when fake)). And even if it isn't fake e.g. this autumn my grandmother died, when rest-home called to say i needed to come, yes i guess i had a choice be a cold bastard and say screw it I wont hold her hand the last week because that means i have to met my narcissistic parent, but then its the legal stuff, estate inventory and that you cant escape... Yada, yada, yada... Breaking with a family member isn't impossible but it can be hard, trust me, I live like 8 hour drive away and its still hard. (And even when I've gone on a five year radio silence, that isn't a victory it's a tragedy). Again this is life and life can sometimes be a bit complex...

[@TheWizardOfWords]

@@thesurfinsuricate You are so right; I simplified the matter. There are situations in which running would be to your detriment, so you have to learn to defend yourself from the narcissist getting into your head. I do hope you can find a professional to help you cope because you just outlined a TON of relationship challenges. Please seek the help of someone you can trust and talk to on a regular basis. You can't change the narcissist so you have to change how you're seeing him/her and how you are reacting. You can only change YOU (which you no doubt already know by now) but it sounds as though you need some help doing this, before you drive yourself bat sh** crazy.

[@thesurfinsuricate]

@@TheWizardOfWords No problemo! Thankfully i manage to cope, haven't gone bananas yet hehe ;) Loots of people have it far worse than me. -Change how you're seeing him/her, so true. -You can only change YOU, also true. thx and best regards from Europe.

[@romeo7smith463]

I have done it myself to people. It was done to me at work ,even tho I apologized early on the silent treatment went on ,the shift was 13 hours long. I can honestly say it was the worst shift of my life and it was very painful. I learned how incredibly horrible it is to do that to someone. My apology was early on and still the person continued to let me suffer in silence. I will never forget it as long as I live and I would like to think if someone apologized to me I would not let them continue to suffer.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

The silent treatment is far worse than yelling. When someone is overtly angry and yells, you have an opportunity to respond. The silent treatment is not only mean and passive-aggressive, it is childish.

[@TomekFior12]

uhg. But what if you live with the person. You leave or go to your room, but then it rewards them by having you leave your own home.

[@themisanthropechannel8052]

Ostracision is obviously abusive, I don't know why people don't understand that. In my case i used to feel like there was something wrong with me for constantly being ignored. Then i got some cognitive behavioral training and found self esteem through it. Now whenever I'm ignored i just distance myself from the offender instead of hating myself for their bullshit.

[@GoldhartStudio]

They do understand, that is why they are doing that.

[@nevilleboone8]

Thank you for this response.

[@rohithreddy75]

No its a form of power tactic,Thats why real power is not depending or not needing people. That is what spirituality is.

[@sarahostrinsky4595]

Whether its good or bad, you don’t know. I love your honesty

[@dmdm9232]

It's not always possible to remove yourself from the room. Sometimes both individuals need to be there because of work or whatnot. I think it's important to discern the situation and often, simply going about your own business is best.

[@stephanys6509]

I used this strategy with my friend. It feels so empowering. When you do this......I am ready. Everything on the internet says if they ignore you then they are a narassist. You have me given me hope and hopefully a healthy friendship.

[@normadeluna3349]

Wow this is so powerful. You are amazing. I got it. You almost make me cry. I was wondering why I been hurting so much. My chest hurts he gave the silent treatment last weekend. It was horrible he is a person I been talking for 9 months. And he didn't talk w me for 3 days. And I felt horrible my chest was hurting I became hopeless. I felt anxious I felt literary my heart was hurting me. And I been hurting and praying and praying and praying. This really hurts me. I been doing a lot a research. But today I found your video. And you are the only one that talks about. The chemicals release and it is true. I been feeling like a victim. Thank you so much. God bless you. And thank you for the revelation. Praise God.

[@boredshrimp9425]

"Don't permit it " How ? I cannot force her to speak to me, and isn't it considered begging ? When I'm given the silent treatment, I grey rock my narc, in a way that says "wether you talk or not to me is the same, it doesn't matter" I also think it's an opportunity to train on LC since I cannot leave her for now

[@ivymckinney5160]

Thanks so much! I want to forward this to someone who needs it so bad.

[@AmazingAutist]

Ivy McKinney Then do so.

[@clairee4939]

Chuckle...you're like me, maybe. I can get quite sanctimonious in an argument. I am trying to be more honest with myself about my feelings and this tendemcy to do this

[@macaroniandcheese8892]

This is common with groups of people. Someone might unintentionally say something stupid or make a joke that's not funny and everybody get's quiet to make that person feel awkward. Sometimes people will combine this with gaslighting when you try to call this behavior out.

[@nvaranavage]

There is also a difference when someone gives someone else the silent treatment when someone else is badgering them into giving an answer that they want to hear. Especially when the person has calmly explained that they did not want to discuss the topic because they didn't want to accept their reasoning at all. It would be helpful to know how to properly handle someone who can't accept someone else's opinion or answer to the question that was presented.

[@MissLondon.born.1965]

I had a ex who would do the silent treatment, I would say What's wrong? Then after a time,he would Nothing don't worry about!,Then I would say oh good I'm glad I don't have to worry about it,see you later!..Got rid of that one ASAP.

[@olgamorris5815]

Thank you. I have been having communication difficulties with my mother. Very fustratiing. I been avoiding her in order not to argue. Thank you for this very much appreciated information.

[@browneyedgirl4285]

My coworker has NOT talked to me for 2 months now, her cubicle is right next to me and we used to be really good friends

[@browneyedgirl4285]

Phoenix see I work part time because I have 2 little kids at home, I have a sneaking suspicion that my coworker has badmouthed me to the other 2 women in my department as those 2 have been less friendly to me, I know they are not important enough to stress about, but it’s still an isolating experience

[@ayak1048]

@@browneyedgirl4285 you ask the to stop gossiping about you Dan has a video on this

[@AlgisKemezys]

Thanks so much for the Silent treatment answers.

[@plerpplerp5599]

The funny thing is when women give men the silent treatment, it usually takes the man a few hours to realize that the woman has stopped talking! 🤔

[@sharkitty]

Guy: talks for an hour straight Woman: listens but gets interupted or spoken over Guy: wow I feel like I really know you

[@vickichadwick7508]

Is this because he’s not listening to begin with?

[@kimberleyhollyman90]

I relate to this, all of this so much. I have (the last few years) become the relentless person; as well as having always been... well, the other.😓 I like the way you impart your message. So many people do so many videos online; sometimes i just don't vibe with the person or their advice. I appreciate your straightforward approach. Thank you.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks for sharing, Kimberley. I try to give words, not theory, because this isn't a class; there is no test; there is only life.

[@siobhan3472]

I usually combat it by affecting a positive and cheery attitude and pretend it’s not happening. They want to manipulate you and I’m not playing!

[@wehulscher423]

I needed this, my niece and nephew and uncle and both has done this to me. For years now and i felt the ways you have said my mom also did to my sister's and I ty so much for posting these you have been giving me peace that i have been looking for ❤ you are a a blessing i needed

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you WE. Your comment means a great deal to me. Dan

[@usa4287]

[@PamelaBrooks2020]

Wow! I really needed to hear this! Ty Dan!

[@tinasarahhofer3853]

This is such a priceless advice!!! Thank you so much

[@CourtneyPoe]

Funny enough, this happened yesterday between my mom and I- perfect timing , Daniel, thank you a bunch!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You are most welcome! Daniel

[@avelineb8239]

I really appreciate your videos Dan (recent subscriber!) and am learning SO much (especially from the specific scripts and examples you give) about how to deal with more "normal" people (i.e. non personality disordered). At the same time I can relate to many of the comments from folks here who are in relationships with cluster B personality types, having been married to one (and unfortunately, for me, with whom I currently 'co parent') and also raised by parents who have many traits of narcissism/emotional immaturity. Many years of therapy and continued hard work. Your video would have been hard for me to swallow a few years ago and might have set me toward further harm with people around me at that time. I have skimmed through some of the comments and can relate to folks who may be triggered by this video. Discerning who you are dealing with and their patterns of behaviour is so key. I have a great job (and very fortunate as single moms go I realize) but I find I struggle greatly with navigating the 'normal' social stuff that comes along in work settings and friendships. Asserting myself and bringing "me" out more verbally is hard to do. Would love to see more videos on this. I am glad to continue my personal development with you. KZbin rocks.

[@ikkarus87]

Yes! Finally a good video. I was sick of hear other unprofessional advice on youtube ranting and saying "just leave", "ignore them", etc. Thats not effective communication either, but just mirroring the same behavior.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Glad it was helpful!

[@wannabecarguy]

If you use the silent treatment tactics. Go get professional help. Until then I consider you a vilan.

[@isobelndoro]

😂🤣🤣

[@JoesVinylShow1980]

I don't tolerate passive-aggressive behavior. If I got to figure out what I did wrong because they won't tell me, and they are not responding to your sincere apologies and explanations, I end it.

[@fazbell]

I can think of situations when the "silent treatment" would have been most welcome, both at work and in relationship settings.

[@fazbell]

I usually say: "why would you say that?" and follow up with "tell me more". LOL

[@margaretohara7250]

Dan, I just found your channel recently and it is so very interesting. Sometimes, when it comes to communication, we may be dealing with undiagnosed autism or nonverbal issues. Some people with these issues are functional in other areas. Some Introverts, from what I read, get exhausted around people. Am not medical person - only what I read from some experts.

[@jaywellington6504]

Timeless advice from a very wise person. Thank you for improving our lives and giving us peace and strength. 💕

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You're welcome Jay. My message is one of peace, strength and mindfulness through communication.

[@zaramalik1]

@@TheWizardOfWords long distance relationship he gives me silent treatment bht with small text like yes no ok or good morning goodnight and when i confront him he said nothing happened i am not give you a silent treatment so my question is what was that

[@raineinjapan]

Thank you for sharing your knowledge to us! I love your dedication and passion in your videos. Thank you so much Dan. God bless you and your family.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you so much, Rainebow, and blessings to you and your family as well.

[@margaretohara7250]

Thank you Dr. Dan - this is so educational. Hope you are in the schools to educate young people.

[@philchristensen2787]

Dan, you know amazing things - thanks for sharing them!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Happy to share them, Phil. And please feel free to pass them on :)

[@breem4998]

What do you do in an online conversation if this happens?

[@esmereldapinchon1422]

Tune the person out. Forget about them until they resurface.

[@esmereldapinchon1422]

Tune the person out. Forget about them until they resurface.

[@esmereldapinchon1422]

Tune the person out. Forget about them until they resurface.

[@cheesychan3226]

My mom has BPD AND NPD. It's day 3 and she's still not talking. It was after a really stupid argument over a TV dinner. I'm just confused. But letting it go. I'm not actively talking to her or anything, I'm just ignoring her. She did the same thing for a week when I was a kid . That time it was becuase I brought home slushies but she was hurt because she didn't get any. Thing is, I asked her if she wanted one but she said no. I know it's not good. And it's sad to day I'm used to her impulses and emotional abuse. Thanks for the advice !

[@myselfme767]

I'm so glad I found your channel! Great and very helpful content!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Happy we found each other, GG.

[@breakthroughmoment1647]

What if they're a narcissist and they do it on purpose, randomly ALL the time as a manipulation tactic just to gain control over you? So, if you, the interlocutor are not provoking it and the onus is clearly on THEM unequivocally, then how should you respond, assuming it's a relationship you're stuck with (at least for the time being until you are able to leave) such as parent/child, husband/wife, employee/boss, etc.?

[@staceykersting705]

YES! YES! YES!

[@AmazingAutist]

Log it. Call them out.

[@dwhoop7045]

Breakthrough Moment That is what I'm dealing with right now and still looking for that answer..

[@bbearsmama]

@@walkbyfaith3362 -If it's a spouse-I would start looking for ways to achieve financial independence so that you can seek freedom. Start teaching your kids NOW that this behavior is not normal or okay in any way. Let them know that it is NOT their fault and they (or you) do not deserve to be treated in this manner. You don't want this cycle to be repeated. Meanwhile-get yourself in counseling and read all that you can on it. It will give you a broader perspective. It's hard to see things clearly when you're in the trenches.

[@iamzmodel]

Well you just excuse yourself and do what you do and ignore it. I tend to say "Ok, I'm not doing this." or just "Ok." and leave. And of course get away permanently as quickly as possible.

[@cindycleland7026]

Dan, I did exactly what you suggested in this video, I told my daughter that if she was going to cut me out of her life, only texting when she wanted and not telling me why she was so angry with me, then I won't play that game and when she's ready to have a grown up discussion with me I would meet her at any therapist office, just say when and I'll be there. She blocked me after that over a year ago and text blasted her brother angry because he didn't tell her that I was badly hurt at work. I asked my sister to pass it along because I couldn't tell if I was blocked or just being ignored. I live alone, am 65 years old and got a disk herniated in my neck at my job. My daughter is 35 years old. I thought she cared about me but she still hasn't talked to me or asked how I'm doing. Because I'm blocked there is nothing I can do. I will not ask her brother to be a "go between " not fair to him. Any suggestions? My psychiatrist says there is not much I can do.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Cindy, if your daughter will not discuss things with you or tell you why she is angry--all you can do is keep your distance, as you said you would--and be there if she needs you--but not before.

[@erikaahello0880]

Yesterday evening my husband found out something wrong I did to hurt him … he wouldnt speak to me I still served him dinner and left his clean work clothes ready for him on the dresser this morning he wakes up and leaves for work STILL not talking to me 😢 Im starting to feel angry and starting to feel like maybe I should react with the same

[@TheWizardOfWords]

No, please, don't go down to his level. It won't serve either of you. What you want to do is sit down with him and spotlight his behavior and ask him how long he wants to keep it up. If he's going to keep it up forever--you have to ask a few other questions about your relationship. You might need to go a little deeper into whatever you did to hurt him.

[@erikaahello0880]

@@TheWizardOfWords I know what I did to hurt him . Yesterday I walked up to him to attempt to talk he listened but I got no response from him and he walked away… I apologized to him and i admitted to my wrongs. Today he is still not talking to me idk what to do anymore. Hes coming home from work today and im supposed to serve him up dinner ??

[@tandafadel1127]

Actually I had a situation with a collegue since then she start talking harsh to me despite me trying to be polite and trying to speak establish the relationship. But she is harsh and sometimes shoot at me and sometimes just insult me when we are working and I (in her opinion) did something wrong. So I started fleeing the contact with her to the point today we don't talk. So am I giving her the silence treatment. I mean at some point I am just not comfortable talking to her because I'm afraid she will start again

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Tanda, you aren't giving her the silent treatment. That is something imposed upon the "offender" as a punishment. From what you described, you are giving the relationship what it needs--distance. And that is PERFECTLY fine :)

[@tandafadel1127]

@@TheWizardOfWords now she has quit the job i just wish her good luck. I'm just sad we didn't have a better relationship. But i want to thank you your video are really helping interact more confidently with people.

[@sagenosnibor9173]

Ive dealt with type of abuse for way too long in my marriage. So happy i finally found the strength to leave that prick!

[@JimmyJaxJellyStax]

They'll make excuses about "attention issues" but wholeheartedly listen to the next person in the room.

[@JimmyJaxJellyStax]

"It's not you, it's me (when around you)."

[@thedon8176]

wow!! you have a Way with words. Thanks for the Communication inhansment. You are Fantastic👌

[@susiefreckleface7087]

my husband is relentless with his rationalizing his points. I then go silent to defend myself and think through a way to bring back common sense that is not the irrational points I'm being hammered with by him.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hi Susie: You are not giving him the silent treatment, and you're not trying to "teach him a lesson" through your silence. You're not being abusive at all; you're safeguarding your sanity. You're buying yourself time to think and then hopefully returning to the discussion with your rational points at hand. Or you could always say "Enough, Bradley. I'm not going to be persuaded by this line of thinking, so I'm moving on to another topic. How was YOUR day?"

[@cl6239]

An effective narcissist would be all over this, lol, unfortunately. If you're dealing with a narcissist, please don't waste your time explaining things to them and give them LOVE FROM A DISTANCE like this guy talks about at the end of the video.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hi Happy. Hopefully if your boss is a true narcissist and making you miserable, Yes, you'll give the job distance. My communication strategies are not to be mistaken for psychiatric advice for handling truly mentally unbalanced people. These strategies are for people who are in a situation where others are treating them badly, but they are not being abused in the clinical sense of the term. Any real clinical abuser is a person from whom you should RUN. Communication strategies and psychiatric advice are two totally different things. The former is my field of expertise; the latter is something I would never presume to offer.

[@cl6239]

Effective Communication Skills With Dan O'Connor Thanks for the clarification. It isn't a boss for me, but family and lovers... I attract narcissists. Learning how to speak to them without losing my own cool is a challenge. Nowadays I run from them but just yesterday my ex narc tracked me down just to speak with me and I was very uncomfortable. I won't get caught up on the legalities of a restraining order so I've just been nice (which I prefer to be to everyone) but he mistakes kindness for weakness, and interest.

[@bbearsmama]

I agree-this works well if it's someone with whom you don't have much contact (like a relative you see a few times per year). If you deal with someone like this daily-there needs to be a plan to gain freedom from them. Sadly, this doesn't work if a child is being abused in this manner. If you are a parent and are allowing someone to treat your child this way-make.it.stop! This is NOT okay! NEVER choose the well-being of your child in exchange for the company of an abusive adult. As a parent, your number one job is to protect your child's well-being. Someone who behaves like this is not good for your child or for YOU! Both you and your child/ren deserve MUCH better!

[@triston9312]

@@cl6239 ,next time u say to ur ex...I m busy ,gotta go somewhere...bye,nd leave immediately

[@amelittaberretta9109]

I have been subjected for decades by two people close to me - , With Silent Treatment. it has made my life a nightmare of ongoing fear.,! As they know where I live.

[@MsBettyRubble]

This is a great video! And it makes so much sense looking back on my childhood. My mom used the silent treatment all the time when my siblings and I were growing up. Sure enough, everyone in the family behaves like victims to this day! Children don't always have the option to leave though or say what you suggest. Do you have advise for kids suffering under this? I've received the silent treatment as work. It's usually after I've been assigned a great project or gotten recognition for doing a good job on something and a jealous co-worker gets angry. Because I don't require the need to talk and be chatty at work, I'm relieved when ppl like that stop talking to me. They're typically toxic ppl anyway. But the negative affect comes when those ppl are in control of important info that they don't share with me. Then it becomes tricky because then it's a power play. Luckily, I've always been able to work around them. Total waste of energy though.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

MsBettyR, my heart goes out to children who have to endure this from parents. You're right when you say these particular methods are generally for adults. To a child enduring this horrific behavior from immature parents I would say "Honey, as you put up with this behavior, remember three things. 1. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU, even though it feels like it is. This horrific behavior is about whoever is exhibiting it. 2. TRY TO FORGIVE YOUR PARENTS, and remember you forgive them for YOUR sake, not theirs--so you can carry on with your life. And 3. When you are an adult, BREAK THE CYCLE and treat your own children with love and understanding. Of course the advice would be for parents doing this--they're the ones with the problem. But their problem is poured out on their children and that is tragic. Dan

[@SS-in1ts]

❤ this is hands down the best video I’ve seen. Thank you for the helpful details.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You are so welcome!

[@angief8597]

Purrfect reminder!! Always very helpful and so purrfectly timed! Just happened this morning, and I feel I handled it less than graciously. I stated; Really? No comment is your response? I'm done here. I did not redirect at all and I am certain that was interpreted as being angry or snippy verses frustrated and hurt. It is very difficult to back track and redirect correctly with the missed opportunity. However, that is on me, not the other party. Again, thank you!

[@staceykersting705]

Wow...I'd say u nailed it! I'm thinking sometimes, if ur too open, and reveal your hurt n frustration, it cd be a big win for certain ppl. ps...I'm not really qualified to identify narcissistic behavior, but it IS a fascinating research topic.

[@KalpanaSharma-o5k]

Very good video. I wish I had this info sometime ago but I am glad that I have it now

[@LL-rk5lv]

I just found you, and it is the perfect time, I have a lot of marital issues due to a very abusive mother in law, I am not talking to my husband bc he doesn't know how to talk without yield

[@carolloraine223]

Im speaking from a personal level. And yes...its that simple!

[@karenthompson9492]

You have become more than I a teacher to me but more I love you and thank you for your love unrestrained and so thorough in your diligence . Remember who you are... Remember who you are.... Yess Dan O'Connor does

[@deborahwilson6970]

When I am silent, it may be because I am processing why I am angry and don't want to say something that I will later regret. Being silent is not necessarily abusive, and the last thing that I want is somebody pressuring me about a particular issue. Any anger that I am experiencing may not even have anything to do with the issue at hand. I may simply need some space to decompress. This is where knowing a partner's disposition is important. Is the silence being used as a weapon, or as a means to avoid undue conflict in the relationship? I would rather hear something like, "If you would like to talk later, let me know." That gives both of us an out without it necessarily being about the issue. We can run, swim, journal, or do whatever it takes to sort out personal emotions before returning later to a calm discussion.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hi Deborah: I agree with you and hope that I made that distinction clear throughout this relatively long video. Dan

[@deborahwilson6970]

The problem with the video is that it immediately labels the silent person as the abuser. There is no distinction made until later. New Earth Wellness, in a following comment, addresses the same issue. An individual who has been verbally abused in the past can immediately shut down and go into silent mode. Or the person may have been listening. I have not always said, "Please give me time to think." Emotions do get in the way. It is good that you did say to walk away. Nothing is worse then hearing, "Tell me what's wrong," when I don't know myself. Please leave it at "When you are ready to talk, let me know," instead of trying to force any particular issue. What caused the silence may have brought up more important issues that need to be addressed at a time when both people are calmer.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hi Deborah: It is true that you have to watch the entire video if you care to hear what I'm saying. The silent person is never labeled the abuser. The person who gives the silent treatment as a communication hammer IS. That person is different from someone taking a moment to think. I think that most people know the difference between a quiet person and one who is giving them the silent treatment to "punish" them emotionally, but just in case--I made the distinction in the video and hope it was heard/seen. Having said that, there are thousands of people (and I've heard from many many of them) who struggle with partners that will not discuss things, but rather go into silent treatment mode until they are good and ready to come out of it. People on the receiving end of this treatment need a little communication help, and that's what I tried to give them in this video. If people find my communication scripts/tactics useful, I hope they employ them. If an individual finds they are not useful, hopefully that person will look elsewhere for something that helps in his/her particular situation.

[@deborahwilson6970]

Most people know me as fairly calm. It's not like I get angry that often, and hand signals can be a effective communication tool used with friends. I do understand the idea of the silent treatment used as a weapon. I've actually tested to see if the person was listening. I didn't say I couldn't be stubborn. If you're not going to listen to me, then I'm going to do what I'm going to do. Guess what? I discovered he was actually listening. That was a long time ago. It's harder when communication is by letter than face to face. I've always been independent anyway. I understand the particular issue you are dealing with is more along the lines of Jane not talking to Joan. I'm not going to carry messages between Jane and Joan simply because neither wants to talk to the other. They need to work out their own communication issues. I refuse to get caught in the middle.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Deborah, why would you carry messages between two people? I'm not sure where this idea came from in the first place. It's rarely if ever a good idea to get involved in the personal issues of other people.

[@carolorsmond8642]

Thanks so much for getting into the subject and the point quickly & upfront! Ive had 3x 3 women just coldly not speak permanently but was leaving both jobs (years inbetween) and I left with nose in air, smiled, waved to others not them & left. I had given both the option to tell me what I did & both ignored me. The one later saw me in town & bent over backwards being nice so I forgave her & we parted in peace. So recently a friendly tenant suddenly ghosted me to my face, but when she saw I was annoyed with her longterm leaking drains, aggressively asked me if I had a problem, I freaked out and let her have it, bad language & all & stormed inside. Im always sorry when I lose my temper but I know what she was doing for months, normally I would apologise but she knows what she was doing. Her little boy age 7 waved to me - behind his mom's back yesterday and I waved surreptitiously back from my door lol Said woman is 37 and Im 68. I felt from the first day I moved here that she wanted my place for her friend or someone else. So sad too bad Im not budging. Let it be

[@Yadeehoo]

8:30 Has anyone you know ever changed their mind after you said that to them ? I can hardly imagine anyone answering : Omg, yes, you're right, I was being passive aggressively abusing with you and it made you feel bad, now I feel bad about it, and it has enhanced my compassion levels, i will definitely be more considerate in the future. This happens in the movies with morals, not in real life.

[@TKG729]

What happens when people give you silent treatment in a situation when you are not arguing, at some point I was with a group of friends and I believe one person didn’t like me and gave me the silent treatment, at the time I decided to evade that person; but I feel like I gave in, that person “won” that I didn’t want to hang out with my friends because of that person’s presence making me feel uncomfortable

[@TheWizardOfWords]

TKG, ignore that person and enjoy your other friends. He/she can only "win" if you give them that win. Make a conscious act of will to be uber-nice to the offending person, regardless of how that person treats you in return. An d whatever you do, don't avoid your friends because of the offending individual. DON'T DO THAT.

[@Red-hot-sonic-fan]

Something I need to work on . I didn’t know it was abuse. Not trying to hurt others, they just hurt me so badly I don’t have words to try and fix things, don’t know where to start or after we keep having the same argument about the same thing for years with no change, I hate to nag about the same topic everyday so I shut down and go to my safe place inside of myself

[@ampgbvm8627]

I give silent treatment after I have tried and tried and tried to polite and patient with a bully and I am done. Once I have reached that point it because I am not going to try anymore, not going to waste my time on that person anymore. In the 29+ year of working- only have done it once. She was the office bully that was just not going to stop and the supervisors did nothing because she was their little mole so they let her get away with everything. So I was done. Didn’t want that person in my life in any shape or form. Didn’t talk to that person for five years. Two years she sat right beside me. It was not a abuse- it was survival. That person was so toxic. Stopped wasting my time. I tried to help her “adjust her attitude” with me many times and it was no way this person was going to change their behavior towards me. She was a manipulative narcissist and I was done feeling forced to deal with her just because she sat right beside me. We didn’t work in the same department the was no reason to engage what so ever.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

M C--context is everything and I understand what you did and why you did it. That is very different from someone giving the silent treatment as a form of "punishment" to someone with whom they SHOULD be engaging. Kudos to you for figuring out how to survive.

[@effentjes]

My adult daughter (36) has not talked to me since last August. She has given me the silent treatment repeatedly, whenever I say something she does not approve of, or when she expects me to read her mind about what is bothering her. This has been going on for years. She would not talk to me for days, then weeks, and now she cut me off and told me she doesn't have to give me a time line, and it's on me, because I got angry, and she is done with dealing with my "issues." I have done everything wrong. I begged and cried, and she only upped the ante. Now she told me she will file a restraining order if I continue try to contact her. I have never gone to her home or to her work without her permission, so her reaction was totally uncalled for.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Effentjes, let her go. Your persistence in contacting her, your tears--are lost on her. Let her go and in time she'll come back. Pushing the matter won't help.

[@babyboy181]

I am Learning so much from YOUR Videos !!! Thank You 👍

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Glad to hear that!

[@misterhot9163]

Just simply call their bluff (if you can) and walk away.... I’ve done it before and it’s very liberating.

[@marilynl2545]

Wow...you have given me such knowledge thank you so very much

[@budgirl1368]

The silent treatment is brutal, especially at work. There is a coworker who is doing this to me and a few other people at work. It came out of the blue also. It’s really taking a toll on all of us. I’m ready to leave my job sadly 😩

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Bud Girl, don't allow someone else's behavior to cause you to quit your job. Perhaps if you talked to her privately and asked her what gives?

[@ericsesame6321]

I'm so happy I discovered your channel. I'm a Resident in Marriage and Family Therapy, and your channel provides wonderful insight into specific situations. Subscribed!

[@SuperDrumsforever]

Your videos are gold. So much wisdom that is grounded in reality.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Many thanks, Drumming.

[@lePeachfuzz]

Dealt with this since childhood. Should you still apologize to the other person if 1) you're not even sure what triggered them to resort to silence, 2) this is a pattern of bad behaviour and 3) they don't demonstrate self-awareness even when at fault? I don't want to feed their belief that I'm not enough and/or they're rarely if ever in the wrong to any degree, and don't want to enable their behaviour. Thx!

[@ram1brn]

people who give the silent treatment are loners at heart . As one who does this If I quit talking to you it means I'M DONE leave me alone . The abusers to us are the one who feel the need to get a response from us . it is very distressing to us and breeds hate and contempt from us. We simply do not care anymore when you have driven us to the point of silence .

[@TrishaHeron]

I think personality types need to really be considered as well. Introverted/thinking personality types who go silent might just be drained or are hurt/overstimulated and decide it is best to withdraw. It might never be anything about asserting dominance or something over the other person. It's just about avoiding the fire to avoid getting burned, or stepping away to de-escalate or recharge yourself. Regrouping later with a clear head and considerate approach with this type is best.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I agree, Trisha, however withdrawing to regroup isn't gaslighting. Gaslighting is not a form of self-preservation; it's a form of manipulation and it is that behavior that I'm addressing. I totally agree that sometimes you have to withdraw to take a breath. Totally agree.

[@LauraWilliford]

Trisha, I hear ya. Disengaging is more about self stabilization than punishing. At my work, we're there to complete a task and we are working as a group of people on a task. When conversations diverge from the work at hand and get really distracting, it's just easier to say I've had enough to myself, pull my attention back to working and refocus on the task. Luckily there is always someone else willing to further an off topic discussion in our group and I can withdraw. Some folks can read the situation that you are no longer interested in delving into those distracting topics by your withdrawal or they miss it because they are too focused on themselves and their point of view being voiced. Nevertheless, I always weigh the effort it takes an introvert like myself to resolve an issue to the likelihood I will or will not succeed at getting that person back to work, which in the case of a coworker to coworker relationship, they are adults and are responsible for their own efficiency or lack thereof, ie manage thyself. I won't ignore them while we work to complete our task but I will refrain from idle chit chatting until I can free my energies from work. In regards to personal relationships, if either my spouse or I are holding back conversations, then it's understood that either one of us is too upset to converse civilly OR we are brain dead and can't form coherent sentences. If it is because someone is upset, pushing any further conversation results in emotional explosions and it's best for us to cool off. If we're brain dead, one of us will fall asleep before the other wrestles out what they mean to share. Around here in New England, if anyone stops talking in a disagreement, they assume you have conceded your point and now agree with theirs. Gotta love that salty bravado.

[@Librasister333]

What do you do about people who hold you hostage to their mood?

[@leonaadamson]

Linda R. My mom

[@lizmccall7306]

Start laughing and leave the room

[@leonaadamson]

Liz, that is the best reaction to an asshole!!!

[@Librasister333]

Ok. I will try it. 😋

[@marlanaedwards5296]

In June I gave my folks the silent treatment because they sort of had an inconsiderate attitude toward me about my heartbreaking situation about a guy that I loved so much. I tried to talk it out 3 times & never gotten anywhere. You know how it is with toxic families. Saying the same ole negative trash. I gave them a week of silence out of mercy. Because I didn't want to be sassy or cursey mouthed.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Well as long as you did it for self-preservation, Mariana-- that's quite different from doing it as a punishment :)

[@marlanaedwards5296]

@@TheWizardOfWords Thank you.