what you don't know about femininity ► Stef Sanjati

[@JarvisSensei]

I'm not trans but I'm disabled and I totally get what you mean about performing. Every single day I have to put on my happy face and pretend to be ok because other people feel uncomfortable around sick people. I'm tired. So so tired

[@JennWanderer]

Same with me. I don't want to be a burden so I push extra hard, and smile through the excruciating pain so no one notices it.

[@JarvisSensei]

@@JennWanderer girl I feel you. If you ever need to rant my twitter user name is the same..feel free to DM me if you need someone who gets it to rant to

[@eddyviolet9422]

Hiding depression around people at work was exhausting, i can only imagine how much it sucks to hide pain all day long

[@JarvisSensei]

@@eddyviolet9422 oh honey I feel you. I have CPTSD, like Stef actually, and depression and anxiety on top of my physical problems. I often think if people knew how numb I was they'd think I was an alien

[@lorenzwinterhoff8049]

I feel you. There are many days my disability makes me want to cry, but everyone else is tired of hearing it!

[@Sarah-lv6ms]

I just feel like personality traits shouldn't be associated with femininity and masculinity anymore, ya know? People should just be their authentic selves and it's not labeled as masculine or feminine

[@MrTonyJ]

As a heterosexual man I remember growing up unhappy with my voice because it was not deep enough, and feeling like I needed to act like I was some sort of an alpha male, which was completely not me. There is nothing wrong with body modifications or changing up your style to make yourself happier with how you look, but this is totally different from trying to conform to something so that other people will accept you, when the image you are trying to project is not who you really are. Thanks for talking about this. This is wonderful, Stef.

[@skyrasmus4760]

Your healthy and respectful masculinity is such a wonderful quality that I hope other hetero men pick up on after watching this and reading your comment. Thank you.

[@silver4831]

Don't hold your breath male culture is horrible

[@AnglkprJ11]

You have taught me a few things about my life, and I am 62 years old...

[@tarsusbroughton7055]

Yeah 48 and just wished I had' ve embraced this about myself in my early 20's

[@ashlxx1909]

awwwwwwwwww

[@septumpunch7797]

We all learn things at every stage of our lives! It's good stuff!!

[@katelyn6989]

Only a couple seconds in but I love the backdrop. Super aesthetic

[@StefSanjatiOfficial]

thank you!!!

[@katelyn6989]

@Mike Tonon That's a nice compliment thank you

[@yvonnedrennenreid6830]

I am a girl and it is very hard for me to be girly. I keep thinking I am not pretty. But I am teaching myself just because I don’t wear makeup and dress clothes I am pretty and perfect in my own way. Stef you have taught me how to love myself. THANK YOU. Aka yoyovonnie

[@notallwhowanderarelost7577]

Ditto! I am the same.

[@garrickb2762]

Hi Stef.. I love your videos & wanted to ask you a question??

[@vegasmanic8609]

Pretty, is what a lot of people expect. Beautiful, is how people perceive you. That's why I think, most people perceive you. :)

[@augustorvz3543]

Yeah, you can learn a lot from Stef. She looks great.

[@silver4831]

What's wrong with dressing up or wearing makeup?

[@katiemossi5975]

Girl, I know you're target audience is transpeople but Im a "cis-female" and this video is so helpful!! I struggle with mental illness and you inspire me to be my best self! 😘

[@doctor_owl]

That's what so many trans people are trying to teach society - gender affects all of us (whether we like it or not) and we can ALL benefit from understanding each other better! Trans people are just walking proof that not only does gender not have to define us, but it goes far beyond the simple binary confines we've been brainwashed to believe. Cis people shouldn't have to be squashed into the gender boxes either! ;)

[@rodri4620]

i´m a brazilian trans girl and i like you and your videos very much!!!!! Thanks create your channel

[@l-crazy-l]

Your pretty c:

[@captainkeg4947]

Damn you're cute!! You on Kik?? 😍

[@l-crazy-l]

Joshua Ellis kick really bro ?

[@captainkeg4947]

@@l-crazy-l Yep!!

[@l-crazy-l]

Joshua Ellis no bad Joshua bad

[@Alexwhywest]

It's so upsetting. I'm a transguy, I'm only 14 and I live with my aunt. She keeps trying to force me into blouses, girly clothes, PINK brand clothing etc. Etc. I'm punk rock. It's just how I dress, but she doesn't understand that not everyone wants to dress like a 40 year old woman.

[@Mimi-sf5sq]

Don't say you're "only" 14. There's a lot of life in those years. Use it as a learning experience as how NOT to treat people or talk to them. Put your Auntie in a bubble of love and light. Ask for her eyes to be opened with understanding and peace where you're concerned. Blessings.

[@skyrasmus4760]

Fuck that noise. Stay punk. If you're being forced into those clothes, rip them up, spray paint them, put studs on them, make them into patches and sew them into something that will show her how wrong she is to do that to you. Keep fighting the good fight.

[@luke-fh9gf]

Stay strong man

[@Hanaconda_Aquaponics]

"and non-binary people are just excluded from the whole narrative" Yep, this sums up my experience. Well, there is some magical ideal NB look which doesn't really exist...

[@jordanleigh-yu8pz]

As a cis woman, I greatly benefitted from this, especially with what’s been going on in my life right now. Thank you

[@jwosborne4262]

Stef....this IS the absolute BEST conversation I have ever heard. I cannot tell you how much I LOVE your observations on life etc...At 70, I have finally allowed myself to allow myself to finally creep outside of my "truly masculine" self and toa allow myself to be the feminine person I have ALWAYS wanted to be. I love you Stef. Always have...lways will. Jackie.

[@sofiggy]

Ugh, as a trans girl this topic is so difficult to navigate. And it's not even that I care if my expression makes people uncomfortable, it's just that I care if my expression makes people see myself as who I am. And most of the time, it doesn't. I know passing is a whole concept in and of itself, but I feel like I can't express any tinge of masculinity, else I be misgendered and called a guy. And it's that pressure to not hear that language said about me and making ME very uncomfortable is what makes me feel like I have to be 100% feminine, 100% of the time. I wish I could wear a t-shirt or sweater or whatever and not have it bring me down, or have me NOT think about it whenever I am around other people, but that "click" explained in the video hasn't happened yet, and I hope it does click in soon.

[@jaybird2828]

I don't know if this will help bring some peace or perspective, but I'm a cis female and I occasionally get misgendered because of the way I present (short hair, small titties, and very little regard for gendered clothing). The pressure or anxiety to not let that happen is something entirely different for trans women, something I can't imagine, but just know that sometimes even cis women don't "pass" when they're expressing in a way that's perceived as more masculine. You're just as much of a woman in a cute sundress as you are in a big old thrift store sweater. Rock whatever makes you feel good, your soul shows through. ✌️

[@janej1696]

EXACTLY! Anyone who says passing doesn't matter is going for a utopian paradise where people are respectfull of each other abs don't judge and hurt each other.... As long as things are what they are, I'm going to work hard to pass because people TREAT ME BETTER than when I didn't. Noone gives me ugly stares or yells, or loudly misgenders me any more.... Because my voice is well trained and my look is just right not to stand out too much, not look too girly like I'm trying relive my preteens or not enough so things like my shoulders stand out.... And people are wonderful to me now by a factor beyond compare to my early transition... Just is what is and as long as that's the case, I'm going kero on doing what doing cause it helps my mental health and personal safety not to be target of all that revulsion. I don't see that changing any time soon cause the ones that would need change... Well, they aren't listening to this channel or that message, that much is for sure! Lol

[@silver4831]

Those who say passing does not matter are simply wrong.

[@leahdragon]

Ayyy you mentioned non-binary people 💕 Thank you for the inclusion!

[@captainkeg4947]

Love your look!! First thoughts were Blink from X-Men. 😁

[@alisschretien1210]

to me it seemed like she said at the start of the video nb dont suffer because they can present how they want and dont have social pressure wheb its false. it kinda made me mad. she didnt bringed any example for us to relate too in a way. idk if she support nb or not, but it isnt really inclusion when you talk about them without acknowledging the struggle they went to. i often expected to be more masculine, and i do like men clothes, but i can also enjoy a dress.

[@leahdragon]

Aliss Chrétien she never said that though? She said that non-binary people get excluded from the conversation of how trans men and trans women need to exude masculinity or femininity to appear valid. She BROUGHT us into the conversation. She literally says at the end that she wants people of any gender to feel like they can wear whatever they want and feel comfortable. She did acknowledge the struggle of non-binary people by saying we are often excluded. She can’t really speak from a non-binary perspective though as she is simply not non-binary. Stef does support non-binary people and she has said this in the past. Like she’s even done videos with non-binary youtubers too and compared experiences. I think you may just be misinterpreting what she is saying in all honesty.

[@alisschretien1210]

@@leahdragon probably, but it sounded that way, because yes non binary are often expected to present as the opposite of their birth gender or as the perfect mix of both, wish can be hard when your not born with androgynous appearance. anyway, it just seemed like she didnt aknowledged that in the video, by saying they are excluded from that conversation. maybe its just misinterpretation, but im not alone thinking this way

[@leahdragon]

Aliss Chrétien I agree. Due to being AFAB I often felt pressured to look as masculine or as androgynous as possible and it took me a long time to accept I could still dress feminine when I wanted to despite being non-binary so I understand what you mean. But often non-binary people are excluded from this conversation as we are either seen as ‘not real’ or people just don’t really know about the pressures we face unfortunately.

[@dylannrae553]

I’ve been avoiding makeup for practically a year now in an effort to look more “androgynous” all the time even though androgyny is not an important goal for me, simply because it’s often the only presentation that gets validated for non-binary people. Thanks for this video, and for pointing out the lack of consideration for non-binary people in conversations like this. I needed to hear it. (And I also need to go buy some new makeup, now) 😂

[@Fool_of_a_Toque]

100% this, thank you so much for sharing you're experience!! I'm nonbinary as well, and also navigate those feelings of needing to present androgynously so that others take me seriously, and I feel like that pressure isn't talked about enough. It's taken a while to understand that I'm as nonbinary wearing baggy shirts and jeans as I am in makeup and dresses - they're just different expressions I chose to share with the world, and deep down I'm just me. 😊

[@yanipagan2875]

Stef... This statement about femininity was so perfect. From the ones like me that born and feel as woman to the trans woman this is a statement that we all have to follow. I think you are helping and you will be helping many many people with this video!❤️

[@maryyancey7167]

Even tho I watch your videos all the way thru, my favorite part is always the end when you do your little "And just remember..." inspirational quotes. They really set the tone for my day. Thank you for being you stef! 😍

[@stardolphin783]

Omg YES IKR

[@charlotte_stevens]

You're such an intelligent and inspiring woman. I think your messages speak to more than just the trans community. Thank you! 😘

[@abigailjean-mariefletcher1063]

Huge change from april of last year in you.....you are the first woman i found and the one who helped me realize through your courage that its ok to be real to who we are inside

[@pauline1809]

she is the first woman you found?

[@abigailjean-mariefletcher1063]

@@pauline1809 yes the first tran female i found on KZbin....i never had an interest in youtube until last year and found one of her videos and instantly subscribed now im happy to say i have been enlightened by transitioning being an option to come out in my life and live free and happy as the person i feel has been trapped inside my whole life....so yes i thank stef for her part in saving my life.. Prior to turning to KZbin i was on the verge of blowing my brains out....now im in the care of several professionals who are assisting me in a slow transition process.....

[@hatchetbat]

For the nonbinary people, they do get pressured to look a certain way. Our community, sadly, pushes this idea that nonbinary people have to look as "neutral" and without gender as possible; They are told they have to look like a blank slate. Obviously, that isn't true. I'm a nonbinary person but I am more masculine, but that does not revoke my nonbinary identity. It is the same as you are saying, Stef! Your clothes =/= your gender. I'm only mentioning this because it seems like you aren't aware of the struggles of NB people (which is fine! you just didn't know). I love your videos so much!! Thank you for doing your best to put this message out there!!

[@deadmeme7359]

That is so true or some people try to look more towards the opposite

[@Hanaconda_Aquaponics]

I feel like there's a non-binary stereotype that you need to be an androgenous looking person with short hair died a bright colour and facial piercings who wears flannel shirts over low cut feminine tops. I've encountered quite few NB peeps and I've only ever met one who looks close to this description. I typically wear feminine clothes because they look good on my body.

[@daisychains6866]

She did say non-binary people don't even exist in the (cissexist) narrative -- and trying to fit in the gender binary one way or the other, always choosing the lesser of two evils and never being able to be me, is basically my whole life story. And when I d-- it will probably because of this; my s--c-d-lity gets worse with every year.

[@samijo3381]

Daaaaamn. I’ve never heard someone explain why trans women ARE women and trans men ARE men better than you did at 3:45. Brilliant!!

[@StefSanjatiOfficial]

Thank u!!!

[@captainkeg4947]

Sami Jo you're absolutely beautiful!! You on Kik?? We should chat!! 😉😍❤😝

[@Blake1720]

Really? That was a horrible analogy.

[@samijo3381]

Catherine it’s 40 against 1 here. I guess everyone is entitled to their opinion though.

[@NejiTenSasoAiko]

I’m a cishet white girl, and I’ve been saying for years now that femininity doesn’t exist. When they’re born, nothing in women’s personalities and tastes make them different than a man. That’s a construct. We’re all humans, and that’s quite sad but we principally build ourselves in the way that society tells us to, and we all should question that. Thanks for that, Stef. You’re amazing 💖 (Also there might be mistakes in that comment, english isn’t my first language)

[@heatherb6]

I'm on HRT, and transgender, and you inspire me stef. I love you dearly

[@StefSanjatiOfficial]

I love you too!!

[@smilescomeforfree5855]

Same and same!!

[@strawbself]

first off, i want to thank you for making this video. you’re intelligent, well spoken, and explained this concept so well. you verbalized it in a way i had always thought but couldn’t find the words to clearly express myself. this video is a resource for me now, i already know a few people i’ll send it to in order to jumpstart this conversation and allow them to better understand me: how i think and why i express myself the way i do. i’m afab nonbinary and i have had such a hard time figuring out what truly makes ME comfortable in terms of gender expression & masculinity/femininity/androgyny. i feel immense pressure from my family despite the fact they kicked me out and i spend most of my time away from them now. easter is on sunday and i’m spending it with them even though i’m atheist now. growing up, my parents would buy me an easter dress every year and there’s always been an expectation to dress formally but also in season (for spring). i don’t currently own any dresses. i got rid of them all (handed them down to my sisters) after i was forced to wear one to a graduation ceremony and had the worst dysphoric experience of my life. i don’t know what i’m going to wear when i see them. i don’t shave my body hair because i feel more comfortable with it than without but i know they’re going to judge me and maybe even confront me about it. on top of that, if i don’t dress formally and femininely they’re also going to judge/possibly insult me to my face. this video has reminded me, assured me that i should wear what i want to wear for me, not for my family. if they are uncomfortable with my body hair or androgynous clothing, that only reflects poorly on them. and maybe i should stop going to these family gatherings in the first place if it’s going to continually take such a large toll on my mental health and overall well-being. family shouldn’t judge you for being you and being comfortable as yourself, they should support you and accept you. i’ve never had that though. hopefully, i can teach my sisters that they don’t need to perform for anyone. i hope they’ll look up to me and won’t fall into the mindset of judging me like the rest of our family. i will always stand up for them , their autonomy, and their comfortability (i already have; our mom told my 10 y/o sister that she has a unibrow, mustache, and hairy arms and legs and forcefully plucks her eyebrows and bleaches her upper lip hair). moral of the story, this video came at a perfect time. the inhibitors my family has placed on me to stop me from being myself don’t actually have any power over me. i deserve to be happy. i deserve to be comfortable. i deserve to be myself.

[@crimsonpriestess]

I’m just starting my transition and this is very important to me. It’s hard being vulnerable. Thanks.

[@oliviadoyle3623]

I feel trans people(women especially) find it extremely difficult to express themselves while passing at the same time. Body building for example.

[@teslaelizabethxoxo8516]

That’s the tea I felt like I had to be so feminine all the time and wear the most feminine stuff but over time I realize I like to wear more loose comfy clothes but I also like really long nails but I get judged for that because “I’m trying too hard” we usually can’t win but I am glad I’m not the only one who feels this way.

[@nimgnos7325]

I have been saying this for YEARS! my nephew came out as trans (ftm) a whole ago and he is so fixed on people perceiving him to be male. No matter how much I told him that it doesn't matter because at the end of the day he is the only one who needs to accept himself and he needs to forget about whatever anyone else has to say. Femininity and masculinity and gender roles are a social construct

[@ands1894]

This is an important topic both within and outside the trans community. Definition, expectation and expression of femininity and masculinity-doing gender and enacting gender roles. The real challenge, sometimes, is how to reject gender stereotypes without being invalidated by the mainstream society because the inherent desire is to simply fit in.

[@flelwinbroom1440]

Yes! Yes! We each are a unique combination of DNA - I think that our self identity comes from much deeper than our outward traits.

[@deanna7621]

so extremely validating for the trans community and for the cis community. Love the embodiment of the concept "I am complete." Love the idea of feeling like yourself!! No matter what that may look like!!

[@georgekourou3296]

at this point i can easily say that im IN LOVE with your mind and your Spirit. probably one of the best influencers on KZbin that really influence People to do the right thing for themselves!! thank you Stef you're the best ❤️

[@itsmeJeanii]

This is an unfortunately not talked about enough topic. You articulated this topic so well, and I'm going to share in hopes that more people will listen to your words, and think more deeply on who they are and if they feel happy with who they are being.

[@sarahdavis2372]

I’ve watched you since you first started on the journey and you are inspiring. The fact that you live your truth but always have been open about all of it is so amazing. I would love to see a video comparing your photos from pre transition to now with the timeline of the changes.

[@gladfan1989]

💜 This is such a big help, Breadmom. Hugs and love.💜

[@wlwcats5810]

love you girl your energy is unmatched😭💘

[@NinJaFREAK17]

Thank you. I prefer to dress more on the masculine side and sometimes on the feminine. It just depends on how I'm feeling that day.

[@WebVManReturns]

Same.

[@Anominess]

The topic of masculinity and femininity is very interesting especially if you also talk about gender. No your gender should not be defined by anything except how you perceive yourself. Especially not how you look. Your look is an expression of who you are and you can look however you want. The thing you just have to accept, no matter your gender, is that people might perceive you differently so you might have to correct people. But who cares! As long as you feel good!

[@liliaeable]

I've been watching your channel for awhile now and I too had this personal growth where I have shut the inner critic up about what is or isnt "feminine enough". I really relate to the idea of feeling like you are performing a gender role instead of just being yourself. Or feeling limited by your gender presentation on tuesday when friday doesn't feel the same. I realized by watching you and others who are on their own journeys that I don't have to adhere to the images the media gives us. Its honestly so freeing! Thanks Stef

[@abbybarry6183]

Wow Stef, amazing video! I’m a cross dresser (MTF) and have been very confused about my gender identity lately. Your word in this video describe exactly how I feel! It’s so refreshing to hear that I’m not going crazy or something. But thanks so much! You just got yourself another subscriber, girl! :) -Abby

[@reee3057]

I agree but i am very tired of people getting defensive when they find out i like to behave like a stereotypical woman, this is an important message, but it is also important for people to know that _some_ people actually *enjoy* being like a stereotypical woman or man.

[@aloyfranz388]

I'm a non-binary trans man (I really don't want a penis haha) who loves things that are considered feminine (make up, dresses just to give some examples) and since most trans men I see are super masc (nothing wrong with that!!) sometimes it's really difficult to accept that this is just the way I am and that my identity is still valid. Thank you so much for this video (and so many more of yours) I really needed to hear this ♥️

[@joetheplumber55]

I couldn't relate to this more! As a trans girl, the first few years of transition I was constantly performing femininity to get people's conditional acceptance, and now I'm finally learning to breathe and just accept myself instead of seeking it out from others

[@tarawhyte9283]

I was thinking about this yesterday! I recently found your channel and I think you are such an inspiration to humankind. I fluctuate between wearing dresses and traditionally "girl" things to wearing things that are considered traditionally "boy" things and I feel comfortable in both as a cis female who identifies as a woman. I wish more people knew that IT IS FINE to present yourself in any way that is comfortable to you. Because really, who would it even be hurting? No one. You're only helping yourself and showing others, who might feel more pressured to fit their "gender roles", that they can be themselves.

[@Sugah2]

Thank you, Stef.

[@keepyupy2334]

Sugah feel you on that one... sigh

[@perfectlyhopeless]

As a nonbinary person, femininity is something I've been fighting with for years. I used to *hate* wearing makeup and dresses and skirts and the color pink. Femininity pre-coming out was something I utterly hated because I knew IDing as a girl wasn't right for me. When I came out I was heavily influenced by the enbies I saw on tumblr looking perfectly androgynous with dark clothes and short hair, and it was something I ended up reaching for because I thought that's how I was supposed to be. It took me the next few years to finally realize... I like the color pink. I like wearing dresses and looking pretty. And neither of those things change the fact that I am nonbinary, reclaiming femininity has helped me find comfort in my own skin whether I'm wearing frumpy neutral clothes or flowery dresses with makeup

[@Buttonsbeauty]

Personal comfort within and without your gender is universal and I love your perspective!! That pressure and expectation is absolutely real and really I’d even dare to say that our binary construct of what gender has become, is so limiting and frankly damaging to people who naturally can’t fall into it. And the number of those people who feel that way are probably more than we realize. Even as a cis woman, performing “ideal” femininity all the time is exhausting. I can’t even imagine how it must feel for trans women.

[@numberonedad7924]

i love this video! it's a great sentiment and makes total sense. as a trans guy, i constantly see things like, "this is how cis guys walk, make sure you do it too" or "don't wear these things; they accentuate your curves" and i don't think that's super helpful. if everyone had the message of "do what /you/ want, because that's what matters in the end", i think the world would be better and people (especially trans/genderqueer people) would be a lot happier.

[@GamesAndShips]

It took me years to learn this and you have been a big part of my journey, learning to do gender MY way. I wear skirts because they are comfortable (cis-woman, instead of just shunning all things feminine on principle), but I wear them with boots/sneakers and geeky shirts, I do my hair if I feel like it but don't sweat it, I wear jeans and baggy shirts or dresses and cardigans, anything that is comfortable, and that is me.

[@sukkusu]

I've always dressed how I felt comfortable. That has varied from day to day, and throughout the years, especially as I lost weight. As a child I always wore baggy clothes and hoodies. Now I wear whatever I want, and sometimes it's a dress, or a t shirt and jeans, or jeans and a nice blouse. I have never cared if I looked feminine, nor if anyone perceived me that way. If you don't like the way I look then that is your issue. I don't dress for you, I dress for me. I'm glad you stand up for everyone and speak about these issues. Thank you Stef!

[@lexymalczewska3622]

I have a friend who often wairs dresses, but sometimes wheres jeans and a leather jacket and that kind of thing, and when im around her, nobody judges my appearence! And she is really supportive and kind. I later realized that the reason i dont get judged when im around her, is because last time someone made a bitchy remark on her appearance, they got slapped really hard. With the help of her, and this video, I feel a lot more comfortable with being me! Thank youu! ❤❤

[@ghostedits.mp4451]

This is very informative thanks you! Edit: also thank you again this really inspired me to love myself! You are very nice and helpful! I’m very thankful

[@StefSanjatiOfficial]

I'm so glad I could help! Thnk you darling!

[@jasgrea4616]

I love your realness. An your truth about love yourself first.. Honestly I could watch an listen to read the back of a cereal box an just be in awe... I love everything thing I know about you an you always inspire me daily... one day I'll have the level of I love myself like you do.. you're so cool an awesome Peace an Love

[@danin8568]

I’m a tomboy and even though I’m not lgbtq+, I’ve had people pretty much tell me what hobbies and fashion I should be into. It’s never stopped me from being myself, but it does get you down when you’re constantly combatting others. I’m tired of being expected to treat men like they are malicious. I’m tired of feeling people’s judgement over my career/interests because the main demographic is men. I’m tired of people putting limits on what makes me a woman. Thank you for sharing. Be yourself, love yourself, and continue to share your true gift to others. You are an amazing speaker. You speak right into people’s hearts and you’re so well spoken, articulate, and deliberate with your language.

[@beccap9573]

As a very tall female, I have struggled my whole life until recently about femininity. I always felt really masculine because of my height and my “bulkiness” i think it’s very important to spread this message to every person. Being comfortable in my own skin took my whole life to discover. I had to find my own beauty and my own shape of femininity to finally be happy. And because of this, I have a beautiful outlook on life and I have lasting relationships. It matters. Thank you for sharing!!

[@jay.kay.]

You are you! Genders, femininity, masculinity, etc. are social constructs. They do not exist in nature. And you, Stef are amazing! We've grown a lot together in 4 years :)

[@hayleygarcea989]

Hey stef, noticed you havent posted in a while. Been listening to your videos for a while, but this is the first time ive commented. In older videos you said you read all your comments; not sure if thats still the case, but if it is i just wanted to let you know youre loved and im sending good thoughts and vibes your way. I cant overstate how much youve helped me through my last couple months, as im sure youve helped many others, and i hope you know how appreciated you are Love you bread mom!

[@spooch3257]

Hi Breadmom. I used to watch your videos a long time ago. when i first transitioned, your content was a place of comfort for me, where there used to be a lot of self doubt. I'm coming back to your content after a dark period where i isolated myself from most mediums. and you're still as empowering as i remember. thank you for everything. wish me luck.

[@coreymartin969]

❤️❤️ so thankful to have found your channel!! I’m 30 years young and starting my transition. You give me that confidence that everything will be alright. Hard but right.

[@ApandaLynn]

You are wise beyond your years. I am a straight female with children, and I can relate to this. I've never been very feminine, and have always been drawn to quite the opposite for myself. As a child, no one had ever told me that was ok. I embraced it anyway, but there was always pressure to be a certain way, as girls "should" be. Only recently I have worn pink for the first time, and enjoy wearing some makeup. I love your message of being yourself; it is powerful, yet wholesome. As someone who has always "walked to the beat of my own drum" thank you for this awareness. I wish I had heard this from someone when I was a child. May we all be our truer selves!

[@qur1578]

You uploading just made me smile. Love you Stef ❤️

[@ashleydowling5965]

Your advice resonates with me. I’m a cisgender female and have my own style that I find sexy and feminine. Your advice hits home with me about being comfortable in my own skin and expressing my true self. I’ve never been truly comfortable with myself and more concerned about what others thought. I’ve been slowly feeling more confident in myself and watching your videos has truly helped me with that. Thank you for your advice. Thank you for your genuine care for others. I’m so glad that I found you over a year ago. You’re like a breath of fresh air. ❤️

[@theawolfamily4458]

This is the best I’ve ever seen you look and you seem to be doing really well emotionally and mentally❤️👏🏽💪🏽 So happy to see you thriving the best way that works for you it’s super inspiring😇👑 Stay positive you look beautiful and May God continue to bless you and yours as well as anyone reading this🙏🏽

[@CharpyTheHedgehog]

I'm three years into my transition and (whilst I experimented in the beginning) I now never wear makeup. I find it a chore to put on and take off and I don't like the way it feels on my skin. I'm much more comfortable without it and, ironically, I actually feel more feminine when I'm bare-faced. I've had people say to me "why did you transition if your not going to wear makeup and be girly?" 😔 The reality is I transitioned so that I could be ME, not so I could go from being trapped in one box labelled "BE A MAN OR ELSE.." to being trapped in another box labelled "HYPER-FEMININITY IS AN OBLIGATION."

[@nataleericks257]

This is one of my favorite videos of yours yet, and I’ve been watching pretty much since you started this channel. I love where you’re heading with your message. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and helping us realize our personal power.

[@kitlandcosmos8445]

I didn't know I needed this until I watched. I'm a transman who wears traditionally 'feminine' things (i.e make-up, tights, etc.) and I'm 100% comfortable in my masculinity, I have been for years. So when I clicked on this video I thought that it would have no real effect on me (I just love watching your content no matter what the subject is) but you've really inspired me, Stef. I've been in love with decora/fairy kei fashion for years but have never really had the confidence to wear it. Now you bet your ass I'm gonna go out in a full pastel rainbow outfit and have a great time. Thank you, Stef!

[@kouyounn]

I really needed this. I'm transmasculine/non-binary, getting married and I've been sick to my stomach for months about what I'm going to wear because I can't wear a suit. I know the message of this video is to do what you want but I can't really, so I have to make a compromise, and this video helps me accept that I can look more feminine for a day without breaking my identity. I know people are not going to respect me as I am but I know I will LOOK GOOD which is the goal, so I will try not to care and take it well when I'm being called beautiful and try to be comfortable with looking more feminine for once.

[@DOCTOR_SONG]

YOU are Authentic YOU. That's one of the qualities I love about YOU most.

[@elizabethpink]

This is the reason I’m so glad my parents raised me the way they did. I’m cis female (for the sake of clarity), but I wasn’t raised to “be a girl”. I was raised to value honesty, kindness, and courage. I was taught all three can take many forms. I was taught always to stand up for myself, and others should they need it (and it didn’t need to matter if that person was male or female, young or old, etc.). My siblings were all raised the same way, no difference in messages between my sisters or my brother. We were taught simply to live honestly and to care about ourselves and others, to embrace who we are as individuals, and to love and accept ourselves. As such, I grew up to be the smallest, feistiest, silliest, most confident person I know, and I’m only too happy to help others eliminate the shackles society puts on them. Boxes are for objects, not people.

[@Emily-em8wz]

thank you for this video! im a trans guy, im 17 and im only out to two people, and i constantly worry im “faking” because i 1: cant dress how i want because of my situation, and 2: dont necessarily identify with the ideal of what a man is supposed to be, ive been struggling a lot with these two things recently but this video just cleared my head a little bit and helped me to feel better about everything. all my love

[@EARLMARX3]

I am 59 and dam you are an ancient soul. You are so wise. This video made me cry. Every person needs to see this video.

[@Iceyowns]

Thank you for talking about this. I often get so frustrated with how society defines male/female/masculine/feminine that its led me to question my own identity. All I want to do is be able to wear a suit and a flower crown without getting strange looks, is that too much to ask?

[@emzgr8768]

I'm like a chameleon when it comes to my style and apparently that makes me less feminine because I'm not 'girly' 24/7... a fucking joke!!! Loved this watch, you're what this scene needs, talking only the truth♥️

[@Paintergrl1313]

Stef, I hope you know that no matter what you go through off camera you are such a positive influence in your videos.

[@yesterdaydream]

I reject McDonald's asking me if I want a boy or girl toy in my Happy Meal. Seriously.

[@TheMaddestHatter234]

don't we all want a boytoy? (I kid, I kid)

[@janej1696]

So kids that want a truck instead of a doll shouldn't be able have it? I mean my child is a boy and he would flip out if he got what he sees as a girl toy... BTW, they don't call them "boy or girl", they call it "truck or doll" toy....

[@yesterdaydream]

@@janej1696 Everyone should be able to get whichever toy they want! My McDonald's always asks "boy or girl" unless they've only got one toy option. I wish they would ask "truck or doll," and if your store does, that's awesome.

[@janej1696]

Is not just my store, more that there is someone not trained in yours, you might contact management cause that isn't their policy. .. Want evidence? Got Uber Eats? Pick any McDonald's select Happy Meal and look under options... Truck or Doll... Not trying make any drama, I promise, just autistic and get hung up on details, sorry!

[@yesterdaydream]

@@janej1696 Understood, and I believe you!

[@kizoulove1234]

You look so happy and pretty! Now that's out of my system, I really enjoyed this topic and I'd love to hear more of your thoughts about how you want to express your femininity. Love seeing you smile!

[@singularity1648]

As a Trans woman I was definitely afraid of my arms being muscular because I am skinny so I look very strong. I've only been transitioning for a year and 2 months and I'm definitely fine with them. I have reached that point of being fine with. Org masculinity and femininity. Very happy to see you're fine with yourself and fulfilling your role as a mentor to our brothers and sisters. I love you Stef.

[@KoriChyann]

Omggggg you literally took the thoughts out of my head !!! This is something that me being trans myself struggle with because I don’t like to wear make up everyday and sometimes I don’t feel like doing my hair but at the end of the day I STILL LIVE MY LIFE IDENTIFYING AS A WOMAN. But people get it misconstrued and put so much pressure on us because that’s how the world thinks of us. Like I’m still human am I not allowed to have lazy days? I know that I’m not perfect so it doesn’t make me any difference. But I love this video. I love you

[@AllieInspired]

I had a full circle moment recently. I am a cisgender female, but I have a very small chest. I have full hips, but my body has a very boyish look. I grew up being called flat chested and more. At one time, I considered a breast augmentation, but I decided it wasn’t right for me. Recently, I began a vintage Etsy store! I found that my small upper body is perfect for modeling ALL vintage pieces. I can even fit into kids’ clothing. I realized it is such a blessing to have an “abnormally” small chest because it gives me options! I was told many times that I wasn’t woman enough because of my small chest, but now I know it’s just another form of femininity. 🤗 Large and small chests are all beautiful and it’s amazing how many shapes and sizes women come in. ❤️

[@monasharda9812]

Love it ! this is not talked about nearly enough, so thank you for talking about it and relating it to everyone, not just trans folk 💓 trans girl here, I’ve been thinking about this since i began my transition three years ago. I mean, there are so many ways everyone is pressured to perform, we could continue to peel the layers off that onion for the rest of our lives. Tbh, I didn’t see the point if i weren’t doing it for my sake, if it wasn’t what I wanted, or what made me feel right, comfortable, or good ... why 🤷‍♀️

[@brenthastings7881]

I'm a double soul or as I been told a twin spirit. I often thought I was born in the wrong body, but no I embrace the duality that is my male/female sides. I see a future of true self expression with no hinders of other's opinion for they too will be freed of fears. I see myself as trans-spirit for we all come into this life with a heart, and Stef your heart ripples across the multiverse and lights the way! Much love from this lil bun!

[@jlunar2795]

This is so important stef.. In my case I'm a trans girl pre transition and I've been working so hard to remind myself that I don't have to reach any social standard to be me and to express my feminity the way it is. At the end of the day we are so much more than our appereance and I guess that's been what keeps me faithful in the future.. I love you so much and thank you for speaking the truth!💕✨🌼

[@Finn-ps8st]

all through my childhood, i not only did things that made me uncomfortable to conform to gender roles, but i didn't let myself realize how uncomfortable these things made me. Watching you and your channel definitely helped me realize that it's okay to want to be a different way. Now i let myself wear what I want(to my parents approval, of course), and I act the way that I feel.

[@theRiver_joan]

“Let’s be real about femininity and masculinity, they aren’t real”. Oh my god my inner Judith Butler just ignited. Wake me up inside, bread mom!

[@SarcasmAndVerbose]

Thank you for making this video, I'm a trans guy but I'm not naturally very stereotypically masculine and mostly discovered my gender through resonating with more androgynous and/or feminine men, but I often struggle to present as anything but very masculine because I'm already sort of trying to break out of being seen as a woman by other people. That being said, I want to work harder to present the way that feels more expressive of my sense of style instead of what I think other people want me to look like for them to be comfortable calling me a man. This video really helped motivate me! :)

[@LaynieFingers]

I had a hysterectomy at 28, and I spent a lot of time on a hysterectomy support board (hystersisters helped me get through it). But one day another woman who was facing having a hysterectomy asked me how I was dealing with not being a woman anymore. I was blown away, because to me my gender wasn't wrapped up in whether I could bear a child. We had a huge conversation, but I don't think I got through to her. At the same time, a good female friend was having bottom surgery, and we talked about the similarities between us: we were both female, both of us needed hormone replacement, and our genders were absolutely not about our gametes or our clothes or other people's perceptions of us. Her life was very different from mine, but we are both genuinely women. I don't know if this will help anyone, but I hope it does.

[@vancetoepke5022]

I'm a trans man and this actually is really helpful. Like it's so much of a load off my shoulders. Helped with mental health coming from yourself not from others.

[@Rebberfoon]

wow, I refounded you thanks to emilia, don't know why I stopped watching you.. but really glad found you back!

[@netheritetanto]

this is something I really needed to hear. as a trans man, I want to wear more "feminine" clothing but there are times when I am too focused on just being seen as the gender I know I am to be focused on things that make me happy. I'm trying my best to start wearing more "feminine" attire again, because that makes me feel good. thank you so much for this video, Stef

[@spearman4712]

Thanks for the video! 0:59-1:20 I relate to this a lot. I don't want to be discredited as a woman if I appear "feminine" so I hide the things about me that seem stereotypically "girly" and focus on the things that seem "manly." I play video games, I write software, I have no plans to be a stay-at-home mom. I don't give dresses, skirts, hair styling, or make-up a chance. I'm afraid that if I do something that's "feminine" in front of someone I respect, then they'll assume I'm nothing more than a stereotype. No, it doesn't make me happy. (I just wanted to write something honest.)

[@wd5082]

STEF!!??? It's Nov 2020, WHERE R U???💞😢

[@NathanCassinvideos]

Thank you so much Stef, this topic is SO IMPORTANT. I'm currently working in a primary school and I'm always teaching kids about gender misconceptions. YES, boys can cry and be caring. YES, girls can lead and be strong. Oh and another example : a woman who had breast cancer and had her breast removed is STILL a woman.

[@tiffanyw3064]

This is good, well said. I had forty years before transitioning, so when I transitioned I knew what my style was, I love dresses. I can't wear them at work, but out of work I'm wearing a dress, 40 below doesn't stop me, under my overalls racking leaves I have a skirt, that's me, I love being a trans woman. We just have to be who we are, not someones view of what we should be. Tiffany

[@Auritilien]

I am complete without clothes, without peformance, without embellishment As nb and "missing certain milestones for someone my age" this really spoke to me on several aspects. I know I don't need to be anything but myself but the reminder did good to me. Thank you, Stef

[@spriddlez]

So true. Cis girl here who had so much internalized misogyny I wore clothes that made me uncomfortable for years before realizing it was because I saw girly clothes as 'bad'. to my younger self, only 'shallow' or 'superficial' women wore makeup, dresses, heels. But I love the way I feel in a dress. Pants are so uncomfortable for me. I became so much happier when I stopped worrying about what my clothes said to other people and what they said to me.

[@chelseahanson3514]

Absolutely love you bread mom. I was really sad and concerned when you didn't post new videos for a while. This video was fantastic, as usual. Everything you said resounded within me. Thank you so much for making this video on this topic. I hope the message you shared reaches and helps everyone who views it. Much love from rural Montana state.

[@saramosher5340]

Stef I adore you so sincerely I started watched you years ago just because I was, as a cis bi woman, kind of confused with everything. I did a minor in gender studies but academic papers, while super valuable and interesting, don't quite resonant I to an empathetic way You're amazing You're so real and honest and genuine. I've learnt so much from you about trans facts and issues and life. but I'm also learned a lot about just a dang person, and a woman with insecurity, and self confidence. Thank you for your content. Forever a little bun I Canada. Ilysm

[@lunagrace4014]

seen this video a while ago, and it was such an inspiration, and helped me so much over the years, and brings me back to basics to what really matters, and not to worry so much on what society has to say about me, thank you so much love your videos

[@MaxxxIndiiigo]

Thank you so much for this love, thank you for being your authentic, unapologetic, beautiful self. (and encouraging others to just be their authentic and beautiful selves and well) Also, thank you so much for speaking on these things and explaining things so amazingly well.♡ (Also, beautiful lighting/background and aesthetic ♡)

[@MaxxxIndiiigo]

This just feels like such a comfortable and natural chat!

[@Kovukingsrod]

Brilliant video, thank you for this message Stef xx