What Your Love Style Says About Your Childhood

What do each love styles say about your childhood? Have you ever wondered how your childhood affects your relationships when you grow up? When it comes to relationships and dating, everyone has their own way of showing love. According to attachment theory, the things we have gone through as a child, and our childhood trauma can tremendously affect our love styles, attachment styles, and relationships.
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Credits
Writer: Merinda Quegan
Script Editor: Kelly Soong
VO: Jenny Lea
Animator: Intella
KZbin Manager: Cindy Cheong
References:
Neal, J., & Frick-Horbury, D. (2001). The Effects of Parenting Styles and Childhood Attachment Patterns on Intimate Relationships. Journal of Instructional Psychology, 28(3), 178.
Yerkovich, M., & Yerkovich, K. (n.d.). What are the 5 love styles?
Retrieved March 9, 2020, from
www.howwelove.com/love-styles
Favor Needed!!! Help us share this video to someone who might need it!

[@Psych2go]

Which love style do you relate to most in the video? Comment below, and if you find them accurate!

[@demerjidemerji5618]

Avoider

[@hey_this_is_a_handle]

ZehAlberto comment

[@salama3laikom940]

Pleaser

[@trashtaste7816]

Bread? 🍞

[@somedude5422]

What if you're like, a combo of them..

[@Lol8922]

6. The Batman: - Your parents are dead.

[@redqueen3449]

Damn...XD

[@levi35oh]

You win the comment section today king

[@uhhi5712]

Not really funny, but somewhat accurate

[@halguy5745]

I feel bad for smiling after reading this

[@umaru-chan8808]

666 likes-

[@creatlysse]

"Did you ever use your imagination to escape the negativity around you?" "Being fully present is too painful" *I came out here to have a good time but honestly I'm feeling to attacked right now.*

[@starsister4420]

I find a lot of the population like that, they cannot look at facts of circumstance and choose to not see truth or believe some lie.

[@joncampos5551]

Creatlysse My escape was to “enlighten” people who thought my parent was “so cool, I just love hanging out with them”. I exposed their shit every chance I got.

[@alexandermagne5644]

I couldn't relate to that part more 😂 I am always in my own mind daydreaming just to make time pass

[@poppyhead3785]

That’s why people do drugs to escape

[@starsister4420]

Creatlysse I would rather know the truth than an illusion. Better choices come with truth.

[@carysrubio7246]

I cried when I heard the description of pleaser's childhood, because the love style did suit me, because my dad treated me exactly in that sense. He controlled every aspect of my life... Growing up in an emotionally abusive home led to that :( I have dealt with a lot of toxic friendships because of it, I just wanted to be everyone's friend and solve everyone's problems

[@bastig333]

I also got very sad because it fits to my gf and I was imaging her as a small girl going through these types of situations and I can still see it now when she's with here family

[@innageorgievadoychinova578]

I'm sorry that happened to you :( Remember that the only opinion that should matter in life is your own. You have the ultimate authority, you will live with the consequences of your actions so there for you should be calling the shots. This world is a big big place, there are too many people and you cannot please all of them. But you needn't. You need only please one-yourself. Once you figure out what you want, then you can find people who want the same. Don't ever find people and adapt to their ideas if they go in counter to what you really want, that seldom leads to a productive relationship.

[@PiscatorLager]

Exactly. And it sucks that there seems to be no way out

[@romain8336]

Same

[@angeleye4253]

If u are that way, change!…narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths will eat u for lunch! They look for giving, loyal, forgiving, vulnerable ppl!.

[@BeeBuggie]

I'm definitely the vacillate one. I tend to idealize the idea of love and relationships, and if someone doesn't meet my perfect expectation I lose interest almost immediately. My mother was always there for me whenever she could be, but she was a single mom with two kids trying to make a living, so she wasn't there for me a lot when I was dealing with emotional struggles such as losing friends and getting made fun of. She was unpredictable a lot and it was difficult to keep up with what she wanted, because it varied depending on her mood. I was really sensitive and cried a lot over minor things as a child, and I could tell almost immediately by the time I was 7-8 whether or not they were acting strange and if they were distancing themselves, which made me extremely insecure about myself and I hadn't even gotten close to puberty yet. I often daydreamed of going to different places, such as the cartoons I watched and stories I made up, this started when I was around five and is still continuing to this day. I've never felt so called out. It's as if you read my entire childhood within seconds.

[@vghr6100]

Hope you get past this condition, because it will be detrimental to your romantic life down the road. There's no such thing as perfect in reality, even if it is just expectations.

[@TheGreatResist]

My childhood was very similar to the op. And I may have a bit of victim because of abusive step father.

[@curlsheadd]

you wrote my childhood within seconds. you described me.

[@crossXFaed]

It's not just the parents, it's the classmates and peers too

[@nothisismyopinion]

Based

[@pablo9239]

Is that a star wars reference?

[@pinkhood1572]

Relate

[@oreaali6434]

But your parents are who raise you. They are the ones that should care for you and love you. It’s the environment you are in more. Friends are different topic.

[@caileemile.bagcal8277]

You can call fix it in one day buy doing *GUN* G-etting to talk to them U-nite with ur best fam N-o doing stuff that they might hate

[@Annie-oz2ct]

"The Avoider" me: *baby i'm not even here, i'm a ✨hallucination✨*

[@sal2975]

Who said that?!

[@emimew]

Fr as soon as I start catching feelings I starts distancing myself...

[@GalaxieLeaf]

@@emimew yeah, same, now my bestfriend is hurt since i try to avoid him as much as possible [•,◡,•]

[@emimew]

@@GalaxieLeaf lmao, I started catching feelings for my best friend so I stoped texting him and started avoiding him, because I feel like things would become awkward and I’m a idiot...now he is hurt too

[@GalaxieLeaf]

@@emimew same, now i actually have no feelings for my best friend from all that avoiding, idk what to do now since he's also avoiding me thinking that i hate him and im better off this way :[

[@willstanton7823]

Is there one where you have a HEALTHY love style? You know, you are able to please others in moderation while attending to your own needs as well? And you're able to set boundaries to avoid being controlled? This style seems to be missing if you ask me.

[@HartyBiker]

Yeah exactly. This list basically assumes everyone grew up in an abusing home or with absent parents. What about the majority of people that just grew up fine, without any major issues?

[@russiasgreatestexports4026]

@@HartyBiker why would you be really watching this video then? You likely have the stable healthy mind to self assess and analyze your own love style. Go to a therapist, do further research. If you didn’t experience abandonment, neglect or abuse, it’s unlikely you’re watching a KZbin video for comfort and understanding.

[@HartyBiker]

@@russiasgreatestexports4026 curiosity

[@GalenWillettMusic]

Maybe the result is that we exhibit all of these styles, but not to such a degree that it causes major problems in our lives and relationships.

[@goldenk3y]

@@russiasgreatestexports4026 Gatekeeping feedback behind trauma is a great way to stay mentally unhealthy

[@georgeblair4797]

My parents raised me really well, my only problem in childhood was experiencing bullying, I have mild learning difficulties and in school other kids rejected me and thought I was stupid, i felt incredibly lonely in school and had low self esteem, then at 18 I started gaining confidence of who I was, and now I’m an extremely confident young man with good social skills haha

[@kpopstan1450]

Me just chillin': KZbin: Lemme remind you of your shitty childhood

[@esthervip]

i think it can be helpful 😅🧡

[@tyruslarue8668]

😂😂😂🤣🤣

[@soramikami4383]

@@esthervip okay but I had to clean up all their messes and had to watch my baby sibling 8+ hours a day. Also my parents hated me and expected me to cure cancer. They also gave me acute depression and a lack of self worth. I was spanked with a metal studded belt at age 7. It just reminds me that I wish I could have had loving parents, so it makes me sad.

[@bunnylifestory9754]

@@soramikami4383 that was not a good childhood but I hope it get's better you know it probably will

[@gabycurio8527]

U make my day!!!! 😂😂😂😂

[@sooyeon_ah]

her: “they don’t allow themselves to feel emotions in order to protect themselves and oft-“ me, an avoider: ENOUGH

[@grimpillar2516]

Avoider as well it hit dead on👌

[@Jasmine-ee1mv]

s00yn LMFAOO LITERALLY

[@hanna-uo8zx]

right bro I was like SHH

[@coolhandluke1503]

Same, but that's ok.

[@jessicawhite3810]

Not an avoider but I live with one and that is them to a T lol

[@ice-soup1912]

Definitely the pleaser love style. Having a narcissistic mother made me always question how she would react in situations where I had to make a choice. Her emotions/reactions to my decisions always dictated everything I did in life, until I realized what she is.

[@sliphstream4927]

Whoa. Same here. Looking back, I realize that instead of making the "best" choice, I would make the choice that would please my narcissistic mother. Doing so would evoke a positive reaction andmaintain the household peace at the cost of causing me to have internal turmoil

[@niamhflower4121]

100% a pleaser, raised by a single dad who had a lot of pressure on him to be a good parent (along with his own mental health issues) which he often projected onto me. We have a good relationship now and I do love him to bits for all he did for me, but I even still lie about small stupid things to keep him happy and prevent him from shouting. So glad I found my husband who will clock when I'm just answering or acting a way to make him happy and will offer solutions that will be good for both of us❤️

[@StnkyDinky]

The pleaser Me: Me: I gonna pretend I didn’t see that

[@phoebefwallace5999]

Like what was the reason for attacking like that

[@YoungFraggle]

Ah ha ha

[@cuppycake8231]

I felt attacked ;3;

[@aldencoley6841]

Yep I’m with ya

[@mariefranz9832]

me

[@green_kinsley6419]

Haha I don’t have a love style The first one “the avoider” Oh no

[@irunasoft]

yuck i don't even know what is my affection style

[@josegaca00]

Omg same

[@turtlecos6038]

So the valillate is a mix huh...

[@OutsideTheTargetDemographic]

F

[@mattstraub3508]

you got a chuckle out of me lol

[@adriaanvanvuuren8581]

I think I mainly fall into the avoider category. Showing little emotion has always been a trait that I've had as a kid. I ended up learning how to show very little emotion during primary school. There's a lot more detail to it, of course, but that is about the gest of it.

[@Evxngelo]

Same bro, I can feel emotions and express them but usually I just keep a straight face and it really makes me feel uncomfortable, when someone shows weakness or cries in front of me

[@FNBLiJon]

Yeah 😞

[@sitadevimuthkhod3034]

I hope these videos make current generation treat their kids with more love and attention ❤

[@luigisaccountant6363]

No one: KZbin recommendations: HEY REMEMBER HOW BAD YOUR PARENTS MARRIAGE WAS

[@lovelyotter8390]

big fat mood

[@strydergreenhalgh6227]

@Luigi’s Accountant Hey I think we’ll get along just fine

[@hina-5401]

yes 😭😭😭

[@gali8844]

Deadass

[@thefallen2538]

Why can i relate to this so much ????!!!

[@naveenabinu2415]

"Did u ever use your imagination to escape the negativity surrounding you?" That's my life literally everyday

[@Andrea-ju9gr]

Me too

[@CloudyMelancholy]

Same here..

[@Txahnaa]

That’s where I live lol

[@amberaugust6]

Same

[@looni401]

@everyone here *gives you all a huge virtual hug* please smile more often and remember that you can always escape that environment, pretty soon, I love you all 💜💜💜

[@butterfly_waltz]

The Avoider type hits home and really hard. I am always self-reliant, and emotionally independent.. This is juuuuuust too accurate~

[@Eliokyn]

I've been through some of these attachment styles, now I love myself enough to handle situations better and I a healthier way :)

[@neemohwairimu9845]

Most adults have not recovered from their childhood and its sad.

[@Psych2go]

What advice would you have for these adults?

[@whisper3856]

Psych2Go I have advice for what not to do. Do not repress what happened. Do not ignore, play down, or whatever happened during your childhood. I’ve multiple traumatic incidents when I was younger, all of which have formed into something significantly worse, because I’ve ignored them for many, many years.

[@fieryrebirth]

@@Psych2go As Whisper said in greater detail, self-honesty, self-realization, and introspection are a start, but that would require a moral compass in terms of finding balance.

[@faeaphrodite4757]

@@Psych2go My advice wld be to support your inner child now, in the ways you weren't protected as a kid. Give yourself the love/ compassion/ stability & whatever was missing. A therapist can seriously help with this healing process and connecting to your true self.

[@laurenmtz7014]

@@faeaphrodite4757 i would say the same thing. You worded this perfectly👏💙

[@honeydewmoon6448]

That moment when you realize you’re childhood fits every category

[@loliwinston1007]

Yup..

[@louispratsundrnning9710]

Ye me too >.>

[@amandacastevens7182]

Forreal

[@Sergedfabre]

I'm still in my childhood and it matches all the categories

[@subarashii_underdxichi6787]

Mines the opposite cuz none of these meet mine-

[@shurebearys3482]

I expected going into this video to learn more about what kind of person is my type but end up in tears due to the fact that all the points mentioned in this video is basically me in my daily life

[@GLASSB182]

It seems I'm usually the avoider when it comes socially or to long-lasting friendships (probably after living with my father). But with intimate relationships I ultimately become the pleaser (definitely after my over-affectionate mother), then if they want some distance I automatically feel confounded and become the avoider again by shutting myself up. This video has been really insightful. I know I must improve, and this video has helped understand myself better. I will have to work more and keep myself in check when these tendencies happen by being more open on how I'm feeling and why I do.

[@ac34116]

high five on that

[@yousramahdy550]

That's actually great !

[@cor7ger7g43]

"As a child, you grew up with a parent who was overly protective, angry, or critical." Hispanic Kids: *We were taught to respect the church, and to fear the chancla.*

[@olga.a.]

JAJAJAJAJA la verdad

[@angelomordini6779]

COR7G ER7G same for Italians 😂

[@Long_Live_T4C0]

Now you're giving me flashbacks.

[@DuhDee]

The chancla 👀 nuff said fam

[@rainydreams3957]

For some reason I barely got the Chancla it was anything in their hand I literally almost got smacked by a spoon once

[@Link2edition]

Video: "there are 5 love styles" Also Video: "All 5 mean your parents are terrible"

[@UnexpectedWonder]

Pretty much.

[@RealTempe]

No parent is perfect And that is something I've learned since adulthood. There is no book on how to handle every single situation it's something you have to learn through trial and error. My parents had me 8 years after my next closest sibling and still had no clue what to do in a lot of situations but I would never call them terrible

[@anniiieehh]

@@RealTempe if you wouldn't call them terrible, is because they probably weren't terrible. Lucky you 😋

[@aiiiia9971]

All parents are terrible appearantly

[@countryboyiloveu420]

For those in the replies, not everyone has good parents. Not every parent is perfect but that doesn’t give you the right to judge how others perceive their parents.

[@napox34]

I'm definitely a pleaser but it's difficult to admit to myself that I'm also a victim.. I'm working on it, I'm learning to say no and to not comply. I've reached some of the goals I set for myself and I'm really happy with my new approach to relationships in general. I'd say that also peers and teachers from your childhood really influence the type of relationships you develop during your life

[@daddyrat2462]

im so proud of you for being able to reach those goals, you’re doing incredibly great. ❤

[@yousramahdy550]

That's Great!

[@donaldcuck8973]

Fuggin mad appreciate you G. Helpin me try figuring out an improve myself from day to day. Trying my best to drop the negative stuff pushed onto me over time. Someone’s gotta be the understanding person eventually

[@nerozeid]

When your head says “I don’t need comfort and support from my parents. That’s a selfish thing to want.” And then you realize. YOU ARE FRICKED UP.

[@klausspierling4472]

Hehe me, "people who need stuff from their parents need to grow up." I've had this belief since I was like 14 or so

[@emoticonfeliz2129]

My parents were the kind of "Just deal with it" "you're so annoying" "so what do you want me to do about it huh? Bear with it" kind of parents so I just grew up detached from everybody struggling with my own shit alone or letting it go with any random stranger who'll never meet in person

[@alastorscrustycumsock274]

Yes

[@alastorscrustycumsock274]

@@klausspierling4472 dude I'm always thinking that

[@klausspierling4472]

@@alastorscrustycumsock274 yeah man, I don't feel like getting things from parents is normal, legit would rather starve then ask them for anything

[@froggie7999]

"The Victim"/"The Avoider" Me: *Looks away*

[@elliestark1864]

exactly😖

[@fancytwice7230]

Literally

[@reshminair3032]

Meee

[@fitzx6585]

same

[@enemytotheking]

Same😞

[@Sonofgod384]

I had a ruff childhood but I was put with the right people and was taught to give love and I was very blessed to be with the people that brought me up ❤

[@RKNGL]

Vacillator here. What was described fits the way I approach everything in life not just love. It feels like a prison of your own making when you build something up and then all you can see is the cracks.

[@kai-vg5jp]

“you’re a victim” “you’re a wizard harry”

[@emmar3367]

I'm a what

[@angelyj.7807]

Sounds alike so close enough

[@phohueshanemichtavy7886]

Did anyone else read this with Hagrid’s voice in there head before they could even realize it was him? Same

[@emimew]

I just choked on my saliva 😂

[@oxycodin2253]

Listen here you fat oaf! Im not a fucking wizard!!

[@duchi882]

Its interesting how much Parents can influence their child. _"Parenting done properly is a Heroic act"_ indeed

[@Psych2go]

[@VideoGameStarChannelSupreme]

Yeah, definitely agree there.

[@enzoqueijao]

It's all because of the parents! Your anxiety, your financial stability, the gas emissions, the market crash! The parents caused all of it!

[@thomaslevy2119]

Sounds like a quote from "The Incredibles 2" movie. And true.

[@myself2noone]

Well yeah you're genes all come form. Not that supprising. What's amazing is that a good chunk of your personality is based on nothing more then developmental noise.

[@diywithcaren1302]

This shows how much of a great impact our childhood has. Growing up our early years create the base to what we are.

[@elvastroud4100]

Thank you for sharing it explained alot.

[@slab9034]

"did you ever use your imagination to escape the negativity around you?" *me, with maladaptive daydreaming:* **coughcough**

[@andireskyfebriani2652]

I’ve them to :))

[@nainethe1871]

Me, trying to shift: ahahahah *yes* but actually no

[@Idk39432]

SAME it's so bad too idk how to stop it

[@lourdesd945]

YES YES samee like,music helps to escape reality very often :(

[@ywyywanaha5538]

@@nainethe1871 SAMEEEE

[@waterspigot8404]

“How accurate can these be?” “THE PLEASER” “oh.”

[@Koubles]

Ye, I’m certainly most aligned with that one myself, but I would consider myself being pretty good at handling conflict depending on what it is. Physical conflict ain’t my strong suit though. It does feel good to me when I make someone else happy, been like that since I was buying candy for all my friends back in grade school, guess these things just stick with ya.

[@SUB0SUN]

Ah Shiite just realized I’m the pleaser everything matches me 🤣😅😭

[@Alfredo_413]

YEEEAAAA PLEASER GANG PLEASER GAAANG WHO GETS OFF BY MAKING PEOPLE SMILE? PLEASER GANG OH YE

[@judgementalorangejuice796]

Well shit. Same.

[@maa174]

Me too :'

[@creativeflame_]

110% the pleaser and that’s the danger bc you can be taken advantage of, so I’m trying to work on that. The comfort thing was the most eye opening to me bc I was unaware of how much I put others before myself and it all roots down to my childhood consisting of high expectations

[@stevemcelmury4618]

Great program, thanks so much!

[@sagebauland4276]

I love how every single love style is negative and spawns from a toxic childhood

[@Tsumeta]

Idk but I relate to each but only not the controller lol

[@kayleeberry4081]

Lol this whole channel always loops around to a “traumatic childhood” 🤣

[@sagebauland4276]

Why am I like this? Psych2Go- yOU hAd baD pAReNts

[@xrrgr]

kaylee berry it’s true tbh

[@brendancorey4163]

Because love is an unhealthy obsession at best, and pure shit at worst.

[@mariamx6676]

*“What your love style says about your childhood”* *Me with a zero love life: click*

[@cadenflynn1587]

Let me be the second Same 😔

[@unrealreality9819]

The third same 😶

[@rustypickle1156]

4rd same 😔

[@soup6128]

Well would you look at that this is the 5th “Same” 😔😭

[@elizabethidk4041]

Sixed same 👁️👄👁️

[@reneelayden7703]

At various times in my life, I've been all of these. It was rough but I think I learned a lot. And I've changed!

[@everardmendoza7722]

The pleaser is incredibly accurate for me , my dad was super over protective of me probably because of where I grew up (Compton Ca) and my mom was super critical and judge mental of me and only expected the highest of standards. I’m 24 now and have grown a lot as a person and can see myself becoming more of an avoider now .

[@dudeman4071]

Top tip: can’t be abandoned if you are alone. Got to think ahead of the game

[@sneepsnorp1883]

Modern problems require modern solutions

[@--thatbih]

Adapted this solution when I was 14 and so far it has worked😎

[@eagora5757]

*avoiders high five ✋*

[@danielpopadic4314]

Can't miss something if you never lost anything xD

[@cjpeery]

Can’t ever be loved if you don’t try. Regret it when you’re old alone and uglier.

[@Unicorns_gachasL]

Me thinking I won’t fit any of them: *the pleaser had entered the chat* Me: 👁👄👁

[@youtubenutzer1263]

Same hahah

[@kiriyin5891]

Lol

[@issywindsor]

Like why is this so true

[@TheQuestion1001]

Same

[@yeetcity2704]

I'm with you in that boat

[@tiffanyfranzmann2372]

I feel like I display a variety of ALL of these. And all childhood situations described were present in my childhood home.

[@joahbeal3256]

Lol, gotta love it when every description they give fits youe situation 😅

[@xbladex-dk6hj]

“Did you relate to any of these symptoms?” Me. Aa yes ALL OF THEM

[@ILoveStudsandSpikes]

Glad I'm not the only one. I also have D.I.D. so I have actual different love styles at different times. Scary accurate about the childhood reasons tho

[@rebekahkersey4286]

Same

[@user-tf9ip7sr2b]

Same 😶😢

[@woob9287]

U good?

[@KrystleM]

Same

[@alexagray6307]

Welp, this is why I refuse to ever give birth. Giving to some child MY problems, diseases and dysfunction would be too much, straight up cruel.

[@sumbynum]

I second and third that notion...

[@otters1103]

yeah thats why i think before people have kids they should be in therapy or something because it just seems extremely reckless to have children when you arent emotionally/mentally ready or healthy

[@alexagray6307]

@@otters1103 yup, true that. I wish we had laws to protect children from being born to the wrong people...

[@tasiadonaldson2542]

I wish I would have been thinking this way before having children 🤦‍♀️

[@MiaogisTeas]

Oh, an avoider. Can't even get yourself straight, or admit that you're cracked. We're all cracked, honey. Grab some tools and get to work

[@codewithnacho]

Very insightful!

[@kennethgmurphy2923]

Very good . Right on spot.

[@jackleventraur5040]

The moment you realize you are all five types and had a terrible childhood

[@memecult3639]

Same

[@shubhamthakur4271]

😂😂😂😂😂 same here 👍

[@tokyo7012]

oops im rlly sorry for u dude:((

[@yvonnecampbell7036]

Yep

[@wisd00mwitch]

Same here.... sending lots of love and good vibes to all the survivors out there 💗🖤

[@dumpster9048]

“Haha, I had a smooth childhood, there’s no way I’d be able to relate to any of these” 1. Avoider Me: 👁👄👁

[@Thais-zl8ch]

Agreed

[@MR._BEAN35]

shit ,I thought I was the only ONE!😡😡😂😂😂😂

[@Helenfvb]

Shit, same

[@parislorquet4880]

😂😂😂😂

[@TauroIshikawa]

A MOOD

[@mastercrota3628]

I am numb to my feelings, but I wanted this. I can express myself to the fullest if I feel the need to, or that yearning feeling in my heart to do so, like laughing or deep, silent sadness. In relayionships, I acted as the rock to lean on, but learned to be straightforward with my thoughts, so I think Id fall in a grey zone

[@TheMineshifter]

Number four is an attack on myself and i wont stand for this! Great video these are helping me understand my self n my issues a ton better.

[@azula9830]

its hard being "the avoider" type. Because im just scared to show my emotions,and its hard to see people who likes me slowly losing interest

[@unicornsparkleswirl7564]

I'm a pleaser

[@eliezeretecap]

The avoider sounds like a pleaser who just gave up.

[@KaushikBala333]

@@eliezeretecap they actually are like that from birth....it is hard wired

[@mayomagyo6229]

Plotwist : i dont feel........

[@moatydaddy]

man I’ve gotten to the point of not knowing how to handle/show my emotions that there are some things I don’t even feel anymore. and the rare times when I do want to try and share my emotions with someone, I either feel immediate guilt after sharing the smallest details, or I physically can’t bring myself to say anything. it’s kind of pathetic but I literally cannot help it

[@tikitak2052]

“The Pleaser” ... “Usually has overprotective parents...” *...* “Seen as the Good Kid...” **sweating** “Lies to avoid conflict...” I FEEL CALLED OUT???

[@Unknown-lk6ip]

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[@ianwonderwood5372]

Same :(

[@aytchemil]

ahah same

[@adriasagues7265]

we do be the best

[@vmaggot1200]

Same bro

[@Handlename735]

I would like to say that your videos helped me a lot. Not even this one I haven't seen it yet, but especially the abandonment issues videos. I read this type of comments sometimes and I'm like oh that's nice. But now I know that it really really helps. I don't know if it's even realistic, but I have a feeling that I am like at least 50% cured or something if not more. I think a thank you is not even enough. When I have money I will send you something. Thank you very much

[@AWSRWS72]

Definitely all 5.. wow what an eye opener... Helpful yet very sad too...

[@neemohwairimu9845]

This channel is like free therapy and makes you understand yourself better, makes you see why you behave the way you do.

[@humanthatexist8257]

Ik 😁

[@Booine949]

#facts

[@br2891]

📠

[@LateNightrains]

Yup!

[@fana-zq7wt]

Ikr

[@DB-wb1tz]

Where’s the “I become so anxious when given any attention that I isolate myself despite my crippling loneliness and extreme touch deprivation” option.

[@mousiesolace2193]

OML YES

[@BombshElle_7]

Avoidant/victim? I feel better. It may be that self love and worth will lead to less anxiety and closer relationships

[@jennycherry9327]

This one is definitely the avoidant because i do the exact same.

[@kittymewmewziscute4459]

OKAY BUT SAME

[@marianna380]

:( I'm really sorry

[@kelvinkoay3729]

very informative and very ear-catching voice too!! thank you so much!! finally the previously sleepy voice narrator isn't around anymore..... now, i am more alert watching Psych2go !

[@Rukifellth2792]

Combination avoider & pleaser with high levels of empathy. I tend to lock emotions away but sync and mimic those around me. If people are happy, I am too, if someone in front of me cries, its a twisted combination of wanting to cry with them plus a strange urge to laugh.

[@KJ-pu8dw]

The more I learn about psychology the more I find out that I was emotionally and mentally abused as a kid.

[@Celeste-jh2lj]

Same and im still stuck in denial that it could ever happen to me. My therapist is making me process stuff now

[@gabrielathane7898]

Im still a kid and i knew something was completely wrong with my family but watching these videos help me grasp exactly what it is. Btw im a pleaser :c

[@justineparsons3800]

Same

[@chumbomcwumbo9640]

I'm convinced that there's some middle ground between "normal" and "abused". Like I would never dream of accusing my parents of abuse, yet obviously they did something very wrong, considering how both of their children turned out, and the bizarre, uncomfortable dynamics that continue to this day.

[@colesultemeier9605]

Yeah same

[@h0zi3r]

Me: “wow im none of these so far!” *the pleaser* me: *nervous sweat* Edit: Whoa 2.2k?? I know some things are hard to change, but I hope one day you guys realise you can treat yourselves better 😔🌸

[@BigTone121]

Sailor Kat lmfao relatable fam

[@itsdianachan]

Same here, tho i can't remember if my parents were overprotective...

[@vickyrain7738]

S a m e,,

[@KikiSpaghetti]

I'm in this picture and I don't like it.

[@yvescastles127]

Same same dude :,)

[@evavargas5826]

#4 is spot on.

[@user-xl6pn6xy9r]

These videos are great! I am just beginning to understand my self and how I can free my self from my abusive and violent father , I finally "heal".😊

[@fudwgemar]

"The pleaser" Me: *worried laughter*

[@RaiGuyyy]

FudwTM I relate to it but just not the bad parents part, my parents were so ridiculously nice to me as a child

[@chocolatelilac718]

I feel like a clever blend between a victim and a pleaser

[@sydneyjohnson322]

Bro, like can you please stop calling out my life story, damn. 😂

[@IanGamingM]

Same

[@Suileglas0415]

Number 4 gang

[@dahli8043]

Let's be honest, you didn't search for this, it was in youre reccomendations

[@BigSocksProds]

ok so what

[@smileyfacegr6691]

It'd be weird if someone tried to find this video

[@sliveriousthegamer1174]

Yep. This is recommended, but it totally doesn't relate to me. I am like a completely different group from any of these, probably because of age.

[@sol886]

It was

[@null2010]

C o o l

[@aandersson650]

man I used to sneak around in corridors, up the stairs, do weird things like putting on the tap to mask teh sound of me opening the fridge, having the tv in the background and whenever someone came in the living room quickly put down my phone or pretend to just be getting up from the sofa, to seem productive or whatever. I was quiet in my room and talked with a low voice online. And while playing games or something I would always have an ear on the outside. Switching tabs to something that looked productive incase my door was opened suddenly which happened a few times. Most often when I had done something or acted bad. Even just watching a movie or practicing guitar I got as a gift I tried to be quiet. I would also lie about what I had been doing some days, to escape the "you should be out more" or "what were you doing there" discussions. When other family members had arguments I would sit in my room playing with legos or whatever, tensed up and as quiet as I could. I just tense up, try to make myself invisible and just compromise or chose whatever leads to the least amount of conflict. Altough I dont get it as often now, but people tell me to lower my shoulders and not be so tense. I realize now I still prefer more muted colours like dark blue, black, dark green or gray and do have anxiety. And I just try to be nice instead of confrontative. I haven't had overprotective parents, maybe clingy ones, just unpredictable I think. Emotionally unpredictable, sometimes clingy. I do feel like im monitoring emotions and have a hard time to say no, but I also relate alot to the victim one. Idk what type that makes me

[@CG-yb6zj]

Therapy and accountability helped correct #2 & #5, still processing but not entirely ruled by #1, #3, #4

[@jonathanrobinson198]

“The pleaser” Me: *nevrvous laughter* “Seen as the good kid. Had parents with high-” Me:Stop calling me out!

[@chocochar19]

i have never felt so personally attacked as when she talked about the pleaser 😂Every single thing made sense though 🤓

[@Hehehheehensjsjejwj]

RIGHTTTTT

[@iafozzac]

Yeah, it was like Me: oh, it doesn't seem like I'm any of these per- Her: the pleaser Me: uh-oh

[@sandydossantos441]

iafozzac me too!!

[@daniellewalker256]

I wasn’t seen as a good kid because I had ADHD lol but the overprotective parent part and the comforting parents when something bad happens was like “woah”. My mom’s anxiety drove me insane as a kid. Also am very bad at saying no and constantly have to fight the urge to lie about dumb stuff for no reason.

[@Nicole-bo5ey]

I’ve always used my childhood as an excuse whenever a relationship of mine does not work. But it is also my responsibility to learn from that and change.

[@flurryquackers9356]

which are you?

[@luisdibarrasanchez1704]

it's definitely not as easy as it sounds

[@l.3ok]

@@luisdibarrasanchez1704 Nobody said it would be easy, actually it can be pretty hard, but that doesn't change the fact that it is your responsibility to learn and change it.

[@tuckerlennon203]

This is a very positive and self aware comment, I’m happy to see someone who isn’t hopeless in difficult situations and knows that they can come on top if they put in the effort and don’t pretend that the world is against them❤️

[@Nicole-bo5ey]

@@flurryquackers9356 I’m actually the avoider and vacillate type, and it has been difficult to grow out of it.

[@tylerdoop]

Every single one of these hit really hard for me.

[@eyestotheskies]

I am definitely a people pleaser who had insanely strict and overprotective parents, and was always pressured into apologising before a conflict with them could be resolved. Even when i felt that i hadnt done wrong. My parents and i get along well now, but it definitely left its mark.

[@zelle8941]

"they don't allow themselves to feel emotions in order to protect themselves" That hits hard.

[@flimsyenthusiasm5769]

Divorced parents are wild bro.

[@doctorasuda1717]

😔

[@kukio9179]

Well I am an avoider but my childhood was normal

[@Hyderagean]

Remember: abuse is a cycle. Your abuser didn't abuse you just because they were born evil, they abused you because they're taking out the abuse that happened to them on you so they don't have to feel it anymore. You don't break the cycle by fixing those people. You break the cycle by choosing not to become one of those people when you become one of their victims. And hopefully one day, they'll see this video or have an equivalent experience, and choose to break their own cycle for themselves.

[@nailahsuccess7785]

Neglect vs abuse

[@excalibur800]

Well yeah surroundings is involved with personality, but some people really are just born with hormones that have high or low reactions to certain situations..So technically people can be born evil, like having a psychopath disorder for example.

[@ntellaS2]

it depends. My best friends mom has narcissistic personality disorder, even though her parents raised her and her brother very well, educated them pretty good and weren't abusive at all, she treats my best friend like shit and is extremely abusive.

[@Vibes4Life536]

@@nailahsuccess7785 neglect is abuse it’s a type of abuse (at least I believe so)

[@angellightraven8257]

@@ntellaS2 she might be narcicistically psychopat by genetics or she was not educated in ethics and morals

[@beckywood2635]

When I heard the description for the pleaser my mouth dropped. Because it was a perfect description of me.

[@nonabusiness4932]

This one hit close to home... my childhood fit all of the list

[@AK-jl2wm]

Is anybody else afraid of relationships because you could easily see yourself being a bad partner or being toxic?

[@foxbatman1396]

I could imagine me easily ending up too clingy, to avoident, or too pessimistic, and I wouldn't want my partner to be stuck with any of those. That's one of the reasons I avoid relationships.

[@ft.jackjimmy7282]

I avoid it but also wants it at the same time, I just have an overall insecurity that it would take a miracle to love a statistic like me.

[@Anonymous-dt9ti]

You're not alone ;-;

[@elgekok560]

yeah considering how easy it is for today for someone to call you an abuser

[@moodymoods9261]

@Apple Cruz being clingy isn't that healthy You gotta respect boundaries But there are people who like clingy partners so

[@Dandelion32]

Me: "I'm that one" Me: "and that one" Me: "...and that one" Me: "and...that one" Me: "also that one..." *nervous sweat*

[@AC_Decoy]

Sameeee

[@Crow30]

I’m an all in one package

[@Crasher99TK]

Yeep welcome to the antisocial social club, where we are all sad, angry and confused all at the same time, ahh but we have hugs

[@BurnMassive]

@@Crasher99TK but do we hug?

[@avahauge9552]

me

[@GamingPerks]

"The Good Kid" hit home so hard.

[@carmenohnefarbe]

at some point in the video i remembered something my parent did that i completely forgot about. and it actually explains so much

[@Karina-zr4kj]

me realizing I’m somehow all of these 👁👄👁

[@tsukarikaoru]

Same

[@antoinettetruss1991]

Literally

[@FFMA28060]

Y e s .

[@Jtanonimato]

Exactly.

[@sky_woman111]

Same here

[@Alex-hj1vk]

I'm a pleaser. I have a hard time saying no and I never ask for help. Sometimes I feel like I'm burdening other people with my existence, so I stay quiet, nonconfrontational, overly courteous (like saying thank you over and over and over) and I walk fast lol.

[@beatrizteixeira4220]

same here ! thank you and sorry are the words that I've said the most in my entire life!

[@yourdad3113]

Me too and it's hard, it sucks and it hurts sometimes.

[@irawoajamu2200]

@Alex I'm also a Pleaser and I understand everything you wrote same

[@michaelabartosova3688]

same...

[@Nothinghere0035]

Same, but i say sorry more than thank you.

[@Isa-Bellaa]

My love language is words of affirmation, quality time, and acts of service ❤

[@matthewcox7985]

"Refuse to hand it down / the legacy stops here." Melissa Etheridge, "Silent Legacy"

[@labelle4497]

'You grew up with a parent who was overly protective, angry, or critical' Hi Mom!

[@archdevil7472]

Hi both of my parents and most of my family!

[@hanimacchi]

hello mom and dad goddamnit...

[@maackiimoo]

Same here!

[@adorakeys]

Hey dad!

[@strawberrieqq]

Hi Mom!

[@cr0wz_]

“The Pleaser/The Victim” *sweating intensifies*

[@oggimain7302]

When you were standing in the wake of devastation when you were waiting on the edge of the unknown with the cataclysm raining down, insides crying save me now you were there and possibly alone. Do you feel cold and lost in desperation you build up all the failures all you've known remember all the sadness and frustration and let it go, let it go. And in the burst of light that blinded every angel as if the sky had blown the heavens into stars you felt the gravity of temper grace falling into empty space no one there to catch you in their arms Do you feel cold and lost in desperation you build up all the failures all you've known remember all the sadness and frustration and let it go, let it go. Do you feel cold and lost in desperation you build up all the failures all you've known remember all the sadness and frustration and let it go, let it go let it go let it go let it go Do you feel cold and lost in desperation you build up all the failiures all you've known remember all the sadness and frustration and let it go, let it go.

[@user-sg7gj5pe1i]

me too...

[@rheenamaybelmont4115]

Pleaser 🤧🤚 jesus my cold is killing me

[@catalinaarteaga7208]

I'm The Pleaser :/

[@katzes14]

i didn't get much from this video, considering i felt i could pretty strongly relate to all of the love styles and my childhood fit every category.

[@allyalysia]

damn bro “the pleaser” hit hard i would’ve never thought that i’d relate to that sm..

[@anajuliasimoesbroglio2020]

I’m afraid I will mess up my future kids like everybody’s parents did

[@stormblade3408]

When your heart's in the right place, youre already halfway there to being a good parent

[@tescobakery1927]

Can't be a bad parent if you don't have kids. Big brainnn

[@blazedeck5914]

That's why I won't have any kids

[@xmaggiex4329]

Same here😬

[@elliestyles3155]

Ana I feel so as well. But showing up and doing the work everyday to repair those negative attachments to the past is the only way forward, and we must go ahead one small step at a time!!

[@blopolot3885]

I didnt expect the childhood to fit so well but it did I am the pleaser and that childhood is perfectly pictured

[@leonardoluchici704]

I got the controller love style since there were some pretty traumatic experiences in my life (harsh bullying) which resulted in me needing to toughen up and rely on myself since my parents were unable to help me in case something happened. I sometimes regret for being such a controlling jerk, even though all I am trying to do is to keep my loved ones and myself safe from harm. And because of a lot of failed relationships I have become cold and distant to everyone.

[@jamesturner2834]

Me2

[@punkcatz7]

Google: Why can't I hug someone properly? KZbin:

[@user-my8qj]

Amy Njoroge lol literally me I was thinking about getting a pet just to cuddle bc I'm so lonely :3

[@highmay3590]

@@user-my8qj do it, if you have the physical and financial means to. I doubt you’ll regret it

[@user-my8qj]

@@highmay3590 i'm still thinking about it..I'm working from home and Anything/anyone around me moving distracts me so easily so idk if that'd be the right thing to do..

[@cruelsummer1842]

@@user-my8qj i want to move out and when I do and have a stable life I want a dog so I can feel like I’m loved by someone

[@ilikehotcheetosig]

Same

[@Natasha-qx1cg]

0:45 - The Avoider 1:36 - The Vacillator 2:43 - The Controller 3:47 - The Pleaser 5:04 - The Victim

[@leshie687]

Thanks for the timestamp

[@paul-ye3ut]

I don't wanna sound like I'm virtue signaling but the pleaser fit me incredibly well and I think if more people were pleasers it would be a better world

[@justmoonie140]

The avoider and vacillator are definitely me. But the lifestyle of the pleaser is also what I went through. So I guess I'm all three? Im 18 so I still have a more time to resolve myself and learn to self love

[@paul-ye3ut]

@@justmoonie140 I have always been a pleaser but I kinda regret that but I can't get mad at myself I guess I'm just a victim of circumstance

[@justmoonie140]

@@paul-ye3ut very true, never get mad at yourself for something that was out of your control and you didn't understand it fully. Im still a people pleaser as well to this day. Somethings that just trigger me to saying "sorry" or "its my fault" when its not. So I'm trying to stop myself from doing so

[@jalalEldeen]

Being the pleaser I can confirm what you said is true. In my childhood I’v always comforted my family by lying to them, as they used to overreact on anything I do. I’v always got beaten from my parents on things I don’t know the reason of it.

[@Brunette_2005]

The Vacillate hit the nail on the head. It fits so much to me