The Attachment Theory: How Childhood Affects Life

[@sprouts]

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[@princetonshot]

I've always been jealous of those who could express their emotions to their parents and get a ton of encouragement and support. If I ever tried opening up about my feelings I'd get called stupid and just be totally disregarded:/

[@takesalotta112]

This comment hit home hard!

[@SSYoutube777]

✌️❤️🙏💖

[@mihaelamestereaga8900]

Same situation 😔

[@RoosSkywalker]

I am not allowed to cry.

[@princetonshot]

@Jeff Z Bye

[@toastym6791]

I think one of the most shocking things i learned from my friends was how open some of them were with their own mothers. It just baffled me when i would sit down and listen to a friend talk about how her mom reacted to a picture of her crush or something and i just had to sit there and pretend like my mind was not being blown at the concept of people talking to their parents about things!

[@samanthalane4891]

Totally can relate!!

[@kammooo2882]

Hello!! I am form India 🇮🇳 The same situation prevails in my life too. But it's more difficult to face discrimination between son and daughter by a mom. When it's comes the relationships of brother with other girls she won't scold and remain quiet calm. Whereas I am even ask to stay away from any friendship with boys. I feel lack of connection and attachment with my mom. 😶

[@jujuthebest]

I feel envious of these friends 💗

[@rosamarydeayala2314]

Parents do the best they can, they give their 100% even if you feel you only received 5%. Start forgiving, take what you received and now take the responsibility for what you want to become. You can heal your past; it's relieving and you deserve it!

[@RottenDoctorGonzo]

@@rosamarydeayala2314 I've been trying to heal for many years, so.

[@dionnaly7186]

I remember my friend talking to her parents so freely... I was so surprised because it looks so unusual and weird. But then I realized that they’re normal parents.

[@shakthimamathi124]

The same happens with me too a lot of times!

[@yumpie100]

as an asian i didn’t realize how strict our parents were til i went abroad to study. But i think, knowing why you’re being the way you are helps a lot

[@The666VampireGirl]

yeah same. i saw a friend of mine talking and having fun with her mother, and i was like "is that even possible?"

[@lucyk2634]

I talk completely freely to my parents whole my life! I can say them anything and I always do that, and my friends don't understand how I am not afraid of judgement or anything by my parents. I just don't, I now they will understand me for everything, and even if they disagree they know they can't stop me from doing that. Our relationship function in the way that they will try to explain me why I shouldn't do something and what can happen to me if I do, and then I usually don't do bad things because it's my choice and I choose that way.

[@lucyk2634]

@@SatanenPerkele I just hope some day some of you will raise your kids in that way! Because of that I share it.

[@bananapancakes311]

I’m 29 and a SAHM, my son just turned 3 years old and I just realized from this video he is securely attached 😊❤ wonderful start to the day!

[@sprouts]

That is awesome!

[@JB-bm1to]

It’s a weird feeling for me. I (34) had my oldest (now 16) when I was 17. I was trying to figure out the world, was working 2 jobs, and she spent a lot of time at daycare and with sitters. I’m a sahm now and also have a 13, 12, and 2 year old twins. I can see the difference being at home makes. I love my oldest daughter, and we have a close relationship, but I can literally see the differences from this video. I’m happy to be in the position I am now, and happy the other 4 are securely attached. But I’m sad that I couldn’t do this for my 16 year old. I’m here now, and have been but I feel like it was unfair to her to never get the same mom the younger kids get. :(

[@AnnaKarena]

Both of you are amazing You have no idea how good this is that your baby is securely attached! Good job mamas ❤

[@lightworker2956]

Great job, glad to hear that.

[@Dannykim722]

This is why educating parents to be good parents are far more crucial than educating the children.

[@cestmagnifique7932]

any one who has watched the Supernanny show can notice 99% of times parents are the problem

[@cefirodewinter9086]

Totally agree

[@ptrblz]

Some parents would blame the child.. the narcissists.. they will look at you and say what have you done 😀.. well, um..🤔 me ? 😀..

[@jbtechcon7434]

Don't worry, the state will provide everyone's parenting soon.

[@sharmac2504]

How can one be a good parent if they're never there? I think the point of the video is displaying how feminism has failed children. It's saying children need their mothers in their early years.

[@bakugokatsuki6019]

"To avoid fear, you must avoid showing feelings" That hits close to home.

[@Coco_xoxo]

Same, but like how do we reverse this? 💀💀

[@bakugokatsuki6019]

I wish I knew

[@FumbleAIBO]

@@Coco_xoxo , I don't think we can 😟

[@ningdong8399]

@@Coco_xoxo by keeping everything to myself

[@dexine4723]

I'm so used to hiding my feelings that I end up having to fake the right responses in social situations, which is exhausting!

[@afefktari8826]

Some parents have no idea how much they messed up their children...

[@blahblahablah1172]

Afef Ktari I’m sure they’ve had it it the same way, no ones ever taught them.

[@carolineobrien6301]

Afef Ktari The parents may have had a difficult childhood themselves.

[@3bigbignig-abandoned]

@@carolineobrien6301 That's not an excuse.

[@wololo817]

And even if you confront those parents about it, they'll often downplay it or get defensive or make up excuses, etc, etc.

[@carolineobrien6301]

No, it’s not an excuse but they may have been majorly traumatised. It tends to be generational, unfortunately.عبد البر آل سيّد

[@simonnilsson8375]

My mother had this great idea that if I ever started crying, she would leave me in a dark room by myself, until I stopped crying and came to her, So I did but were never able to express my trust and feelings towards her. She had great care to me.. but I’m not sure about living me in a room to cry, rather than coming and hugging me. I haven’t received a hug ever, but I wish for one.

[@emmah7465]

I hope you get the biggest hug soon, and even that you'll make a friend who will hug you a lot and show you how loved you are!

[@guzelfetkulina9599]

How wrong are all these “theories”. One that i hate utmost - leaving child crying until he stops himself, not coming and comforting him. I see it often around, i just come and comfort these kids, i dont give a damn what their mothers think about me. Or not letting ur kid to cry by saying he looks ugly when he cries or that he only brings problems, which makes person grow up as an adult who simply cant cry even in the most critical situations. Many people should avoid parenting imho((

[@stefaniakonstantinidou981]

How did she have great care to you if she could not even hug you? Know the truth and the truth will set you free. Their parenting sucked bc th3y were ignorant. My true father is God, He has healed me and never let me down

[@stefaniakonstantinidou981]

How did she have great care to you if she could not even hug you? Know the truth and the truth will set you free. Their parenting sucked bc th3y were ignorant. My true father is God, He has healed me and never let me down

[@stefaniakonstantinidou981]

How did she have great care to you if she could not even hug you? Know the truth and the truth will set you free. Their parenting sucked bc th3y were ignorant. My true father is God, He has healed me and never let me down

[@setareblackcat3632]

When he said "to avoid fear he should avoid showing feelings" I felt that

[@mariatimoteo2462]

How lucky are we

[@mytimedied8231]

@@mariatimoteo2462 ha?

[@pinneapplegirl9698]

same

[@lg403]

Now I know why I act the way I act ....

[@jrenzstuv9749]

This is why I never/rarely confess how and what I feel, then I remember my childhood a bit, being scolded for little mistake

[@MZ-ji4bl]

This is why basic child psychology should should be taught in high school or something. Maybe if kids are taught about this, they will keep it in mind when they become parents themselves. This is so important and I wish more people were educated about this.

[@lexixx4809]

It is a optional class at my high school! Child development- but it talks about early child-parent relationships and a little about child’s mind / psychology

[@MZ-ji4bl]

Sm D wow that’s great! they should definitely implement it into more schools worldwide

[@theproudking]

In Finland we can study this:)

[@miguelhasenergygoat9667]

@@theproudking fuck Finland we luv AMERICA

[@carolinarizzi169]

They offer psychology in my high school and of course we delve into child development and all but its just really skimmed over and teens dont pay attention, theyre just there for a grade

[@karenlumanog1128]

"Heal before having a children so your children don't have to heal having you as a parent"

[@jrock293]

Wow solid amd strong facts

[@sarateixeira2561]

I didn't... And now I'm so scared of my kids hating me like I hate my parents 😔

[@AmateurAthleteAllDay]

I’m just going to screenshot your quote so I can give proper credit when I use this.

[@karenlumanog1128]

@@AmateurAthleteAllDay hello. I read it somewhere too. Altho I didn't know who originally said it.

[@cassidywilliams3458]

@@sarateixeira2561 yes, same here. I thought I was pretty secure but I didn’t really know what I was in for, now my daughter is definitely anxious avoidant… learning now is what’s important I think. I’m trying so hard to be a better mother than I was. I hope it counts for something.

[@ashtonsquires3102]

As we prepare to welcome our first baby into the world in a few months, I’ve been processing and exploring my childhood traumas and things I disliked about how I was patented. I feel like I pulled on a sweater string and the more I investigate the more I realize how I unhealthy my childhood was. It’s amazing how it’s shaped my self image, negative outlook and encouraged shame and self hatred. I’m so thankful to be processing all of this before our little one comes so I can be more encouraging and supportive as a parent!

[@spiderbite7849]

Congratulations on the baby :) It took me many years to begin unravelling my ‘perfect’ childhood and understanding all the disfunction. ‘Running on Empty’ by Jonice Webb really helped me.

[@xinnasinpatria3202]

It happened to me with my first pregnancy, I can say children are big teachers, listen your baby emotional needs with the heart and go to therapy you'll be a very good parent.

[@aliasgirl9]

As a mom of a 19, 16 and (almost) 12 year olds, I’ve been on a very crushing journey for several years only to have found a name for it in the past couple of years, attachment theory. To be honest, I thought everything was going great until I started being ambivalent and feeling detached from my oldest when he was young. My 2nd child though was what I would call my sandpaper child. If you know anything about sandpaper, the different grits determine how rough or fine the surface gets worked. He rubbed me the wrong way and was so hard for me to parent. But I tell you what!…,he is exactly what I needed to shine a light in my toxicity. A point came where I had to give up parenting him or find answers. Thankfully I don’t give up. The hurt, pain and tears I’ve gone through have all been worth it! My family is not the healthiest but we all talk to each other and work on understanding each other as well. I am confident that my children will grow into fine adults and God-willing, parents themselves. My contribution is that I did the hard work of breaking the toxic patterns I could. I always remind them they will hopefully have the chance to do the same one day. I told them arhat they will one encounter “junk” to deal with and they can come to me and talk about whatever they need to. You’re on a healthy start - a start I didn’t have. Congratulations on your little one and God bless you on your journey. If you’re interested, look up Dr Gabor Maté and his work. His book When the Body Says No is phenomenal!

[@leonalee3579]

We need to have more empathy for people who lack certain emotional skills, or came from broken experiences, and just wants to be loved, whole, and embraced as part of the human race.

[@reggie2886]

Fr my family calls me emotionless, coldhearted, etc but tbh i just don't know how to express my emotions lmao

[@ley_la9554]

Thank you

[@IraqieGirl541]

Autistic children, ppl who get bullied etc

[@dbbj4205]

Unfortunately, difficult people make it difficult to do that. I am in the disorganized pattern (CPTSD). Finally getting real help with an excellent trauma dr. All others were a dismal failure.

[@404_d3]

even our parents and grandparents, usually broken too, super rewarded or ignored

[@ImusakHctividar]

If I ever met someone that said they loved me and wanted me to be happy, I'd think they were crazy or trying to trick me.

[@zakimaqsood7258]

Kinda similar here lol

[@lisamikky1696]

😭😭😭 I'd give you a hug, but you'll think I want to trick you too...

[@alliengoy2853]

You are loved and cared for 🙏

[@jayanthis947]

Exactly 😶

[@asajjbenchpress]

I know. 😢

[@danielleneal469]

I got really emotional when I watched this because children are so special and we can hurt them so easy

[@ACEsMatter]

Danielle, that's why ACEs Matter. We are looking for people like yourself to help teach others about the importance of this ....)

[@Artist_of_Imagination]

@@ACEsMatter great!

[@inezdescheemaecker1587]

Same! I just watched this being pregnant 36 weeks and with a 14 month old toddler and got so emotional because everything I am doing now matters for the rest of these babies' lives!

[@borealernadelwald]

I got really emotional, because I saw myself in the anxious disorganized one. I avoid social situations, got lowself-esteem and I don't think I deserve love. All that thanks to my parents being emotionally unavailable (and me being bullied when I was around 10 years old) My parents - at least my mom - meant well. Me and my brother were well cared for. We often went on the playground with our mom, went on holidays and everything, but I never really felt loved. Never felt that there is a connection between us. I still (I'm in my thirties now) don't love my mom - I don't hate her either, she is just a person I know and occasionally talk to. I tried opening up a bit more about my anxiety and depression a few years ago, but she showed no interest in the things I told her. So I stopped trying. I do have two friends I can talk about that stuff and in general things are improving, but it's a LOT of hard work to get it done. Apologies for rambling on like this. I guess I talk so rarely that sometimes things just spill out, haha.

[@borealernadelwald]

​@@MightyGimp Thank you. I never know how much talking is appropriate so I tend to apologize if I think I might have overstepped a bit. It's admirable that you try to help! With these things outside help often doesn't do that much, sadly. In my opinion the important thing is, that there is someone that supports you, someone that tries to understand. Broken people can't be "fixed", but they can be encouraged to help themselves. Of course everyone is different and what helps one person might be the wrong thing for the next. I hope I don't sound too preachy or anything. It's an important topic to me and people (me included) often have the urge to try to help the people they love and care for... but sometimes you just can't do anything, which can be super frustrating and the reason the friendship/relationship fails. I don't want that to happen to anyone else, because I know how much it hurts. Thank you for the wishes! I'll work hard to accept & start loving myself. It might still be a long way, but I've come so far already. I hope your partner manages to overcome her demons as well. She is very lucky to have you, you seem to be a very kind and loving person. (you even took the time and energy to encourage a complete stranger, thank you for that!) It makes me happy to know that she has someone that cares about her and I'm sure in time those deep scars in her soul will fade. I wish you all the best!

[@humangecko]

I don't think I'll ever recover from the rage I felt when I realised that some people just get to wake up and live their life as well balanced individuals with the integral life skills already installed but my parents were too busy being angry that the 4 children they chose to have costed money and acted like children so now I'm in therapy and have no idea how to be a person without feeling performative

[@whatrtheodds]

The day you forgive them is the day you will be set free. I promise you'll able to live just as the people with love in their lives. Because forgiveness is love and love is powerful ❤

[@thelordismyshepherd1366]

@@whatrtheoddsvery true , there is hope . But it takes work and it’s not easy necessarily. The pain gets worse before it gets better. But it is worth it.

[@dfayeart]

@@whatrtheodds Never forgive those who abused you.

[@Vampirekittiz]

Forgiveness is bullshit. If your parents fuck up your entire life then you shouldn't be expected to ever forgive them

[@thelordismyshepherd1366]

@@Vampirekittiz if you want to be bitter and angry for the rest of life that is probably good advise. If you want to live in peace and happy then forgive. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself not for those who hurt you. That is common misconception. Someone said something like this, “ holding on to resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to feel its effects. “. We can be free of the pain through forgiveness.

[@irenelala]

This shows how important parents are!! Dear stay-at-home-mothers (or fathers), DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU, YOU AIN'T DOING AN IMPORTANT JOB!! To the business world you are just anyone. To your children you are EVERYTHING!!!

[@UniqueGeekFreak]

Hear hear!! "Mother is god in the eyes of a child" 😊 I work with children in school & kindergarden and see the consequences of what happens when the mother abandons her child, ..... (leaves the child every morning, separation anxiety & my colleagues hardly even touch the children and raise their eyebrows everytime I give them hugs or am kind & loving to them, I know the importance of physical touch to infants all the way till the day we die, a child needs minimum 8 hugs a day, 12 is best, it makes them smarter & healthier, and it shouldnt stop there but continue until we die :) ...The Father is very important ofc too, but the mother is most crucial, she is by nature the nurturerer & her body & mind has like a connection to the child unf a father does not as strongly, almost like a psychic connection. I think that's also one of the reasons they force fathers to take parental leave to force the mother away from the child. They want our children to be raised by the state & serving the state, obedient weakminded communist citizens owned by the state

[@vmm5163]

There are some vicious mothers out there who demand their right to work, at the same time putting their tiny babies in daycare. I've seen a six week old baby dropped off at 7am and picked up at 6.30pm 5 days a week - it broke my heart seeing this. The babies cry all day. Mothers should raise their own children. I love seeing comments like yours 👍❤

[@DaMaster012]

Which is why it baffles me that so many women so eagerly ate up the shit sandwich lies of feminism when that misanderic female supremacist movement told them that the key to being happy was to go into competition with half the human race, squander their biological gift of procreation, and become wage slaves and tax hosts for government parasites. Honestly, this shouldn't be that hard for us to combat: "Hey ladies, which life would you rather have? Do you want to embrace your feminity, find a good husband, live rent-free in his house, start a family with your gift to create life, and with every smile and hug you get from your children, you'll know they are the verse you have added to the symphony of life... Or would you rather deny and forsake your nature to get a bi-weekly paycheck?"

[@DaMaster012]

@@UniqueGeekFreak Concurrently, one of the ten pillars for communism as outlined by Karl Marx when he ghost-wrote _The Communist Manifesto_ for Satan was to destroy the family so that the state could become the universal parent.

[@doedoebeast191]

@Veg Patch--that sounds good in theory, but how can my wife and I make enough money to pay rent, food, car, insurance (all the must-haves) while keeping our son home everyday? He goes to daycare 5 days a week from 730-415. we keep him home whenever we can. but I work full time, wife works part time plus school full time and all the grandparents work too. I know my case is far from unique so exactly how can you shame parents for simply trying to afford the basics. I mean where do you live or are you just lucky enough to have all those basic things giving you the time to not put your kid in daycare? id love it so much if you had a realistic answer to this, forgive me if im skeptical. you think I like taking my son to daycare that much? I spread out my vacation days just so that I can keep him home with me from time to time. I cant believe youre up there shaming parents for simply surviving the best way we can with the economy we live in? 2 parents working full-time at jobs a little higher than minimum wage is barely enough to raise a family. then school on top of that. What is your answer for this? id really love for you to explain how a mother or father could stay home and still afford all of these things.

[@irtizairti]

"So, many broken children living in grown bodies mimicking adult live's."

[@austinrichards1740]

Facts

[@sadebilly]

Whew.

[@damianrayner3171]

amazingly said!

[@da-r5399]

You have cut me deep with that one.

[@bhavikaagarwal_]

🤯 wow

[@sameermahmood8302]

Parenting should be a subject at school.

[@critio8824]

Agreed

[@capivara6094]

Absolutely.

[@teachermama3897]

I think you mean parents should be intentional at parenting that they invest in educating themselves to be great parents. Children aren’t supposed to learn how to be parents, so they don’t need parenting to be a subject at school. But I do agree with the heart of what you’re saying. There are courses called continuing education that equips and empowers people to be great parents.

[@anticlimacticorangejuice6118]

@@teachermama3897 Perhaps in the last two years of high school learning how to care for younger children could be beneficial to creating healthy parents later in life. Your brain’s elasticity and ability to learn is much higher before the age of 18, so if knowing basic communication and parenting skills with babies could be taught earlier maybe it would be more likely to stick and be a strong memory. This plus sexual education could create less teen moms and dads.

[@ripnagrover1091]

Totally agree. we are studying whole lotta unnecessary things but important life skills like parenting, personal finance etc. aren't taught.

[@Maxi.Dounut]

How many else here grew up in a home with an emotional absence, where parents rarely talked about or showed much feelings? Because of this It’s like I miss a kind of emotional “recipe” that everyone else has learned to create and maintain social relationships that I don’t have. Like I want to communicate feelings but I just don’t know how to.

[@duhakhan1517]

same problem, bud.

[@raquel6220]

Me too..

[@OtakuFanGirl]

I had that sort of. My Dad was either jovial or angry. He never talked about feelings and was difficult to talk TO about feelings. Everything felt surface level. My mother was emotionally dysregulated thanks to mental illness and every one of her emotions was ramped up to 1000 and I got the brunt of it all. She talked to me about ALL of her feelings, but mine were unimportant. So now, I CAN express my emotions, I'm just always too afraid to or figure no one else cares. I also have emotional dysregulation thanks to ADHD, but I'm aware of it so I work to be better for my daughter. It's hard and I'm certainly far from perfect, but I hope I'm doing a better job than my mother.

[@danhosmer1401]

In college, I learned that neglect is more damaging than abuse

[@dipa7196]

Exactly 😢

[@pablov9934]

Is incredible how anyone can become a parent and shape the life of other people, that's a huge responsability and most people take it as a game.

[@Aiibh]

Ikr my parents raised me completely horribly..i am 15. I have commitment issues despite not even having my first relationship. I am pretty positive that i don't want a child, not because i don't want it, but because I don't want add another person with miserable life to this world, I've had enough and it ends now and here with me.

[@bevreid]

You are SOOOOO correct!!

[@traumaprotector]

yeah, they take it as a game in society, where not getting married and settled and not having children is looked at weirdly. so many people here just do it to stop society's whisperers from getting to them.

[@bevreid]

@@Aiibh i felt like that also 100%. Then I'm 1990, on my father's 50th birthday, he shot my mom to death and then himself. Husband and I changed our life plan and added a daughter. I'm so soooo glad we made that decision. It was my way to change generations of destruction and add a blessing to this world. And my girl was a Navy medic, served with Marines at Camp Jejune, and she's now a registered nurse.

[@shoelessbandit1581]

I think the craziest thing is people just making children out of wedlock and just straight up abandoning them. I couldn't imagine being such pos

[@Bumper-er4ss]

One thing I love about this video is it shows you don’t have to have horribly abusive parents to grow up and have issues stemming from childhood. Having an overworked yet well-intentioned parent can be enough.

[@donnagryniewicz5318]

That's the worrying thing. I am trying to do the best for my child, I am in now way abusive and have the best intentions but I feel I question whether my actions are negatively affecting him and therefore my parenting doesn't flow naturally .. even if you mean well, you can easily get it wrong :(

[@Bumper-er4ss]

@@donnagryniewicz5318 I don’t feel as though I’m in a place to give advice or accurately critique, I’m an 18 year old kid in college. That said by informing yourself and evaluating your actions in order to better care for your child I feel you are taking the best course of action to ensure their development is healthy.

[@anki3336]

@@donnagryniewicz5318 I am not a parent but one thing I have come to understand is that if the intentions stem from love and that love is shown which is genuine acceptance for who they are but also correcting them when they are wrong is appropriate and needed. Showing lot of love and care most of the times and tough love when required is the what parents should do. Its that balance that might keep a person from becoming one of the extremes of entitled/ self unaware or emotionally inept and with low self esteem.

[@parittramandal2797]

​@Anki d you should be a parent, you will do great! :)

[@anki3336]

@@parittramandal2797 Thanks! hope so.

[@blissh808]

When I was a child, I was not allow to express my feelings because in my culture, it considered disrespectful or impolite. I am a mother, I allowed my daughter to speak her feelings freely. She and I have a very strong and tight bond. She is 22 years old now. She is disciplined, honest, empathy, compassion, down to earth and has a good working ethic.

[@sprouts]

Thank you for sharing, Bliss!

[@Aliaahmedd]

Well done for not becoming like your parents. You could have choose the easy route but you ended the cycle there.

[@zaineb4241]

Good for her ❤

[@happystart4587]

nice. good job💜💜

[@hagerzerban7564]

U deserve your name❤️❤️❤️

[@jonathansmith3031]

I was raised only by my schizophrenic grandmother in a shack until age 10, was kept home schooled and isolated, and after that I bounced around the foster care system. It would take an entire novel to outline how messed up my childhood was and the effect it had on the rest of my life. Now I've been married 14 years and I'm retired at 44. We never wished to bring children into this crazy world so we didn't. I mostly give God the credit for my success. Moral of the story: the world is unfair and nasty. When life beats you down, get back up and keep going. (Yeah, I stole that from Rocky Balboa.) I wouldn't trade my weird upbringing for a normal one for a second. It gave me resources to draw from that most people will never understand. Be thankful for whatever you do have, don't be bitter and NEVER give up.

[@edithbannerman4]

@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?

[@ericonion3561]

Yeah, it's horrible how bad the system is. The adults who are just there for their paycheck do so much more harm than the good people can fix.

[@binahl2c248]

😢 Bless you

[@crazykins9361]

I LOVE THIS! “I wouldn't trade my weird upbringing for a normal one for a second. It gave me resources to draw from that most people will never understand. Be thankful for whatever you do have, don't be bitter and NEVER give up.” My mum had a bad childhood and has never gotten over it. Blames her upbringing for the abnormal upbringing I had and feels guilty about it everyday. As a child I knew my childhood was different to everyone else’s and had no idea how messed up it would make me later in life. I have mental health issues but I’m happy with who I am and I wouldn’t be this person without that upbringing. I’m actually grateful for it!

[@ildar5184]

Maybe you should write a book. Your experience is definitely something worth sharing.

[@deepanshukaushal1499]

Some parents even after totally messing up their Children act as Victims . Just because they were raised the wrong way doesn't justify their wrong Parenting.

[@dovesandrravens]

It’s not a justification, but it is highly impactful.

[@celtictarotreadings333]

Yeah but that’s why we got to break the cycle of bad parenting

[@Keepingitfr]

No apology can erase the memory of the “victimized” child. If you are under 40 you have stopped to think rationally. we are a society coming from war, exploitation and oppression. Even in North America. And not to mention the information freely available then that is been growingly more more available. So the younger generations are in a reversed lack of knowledge. And until you walk a mile in a persons shoes, we should always been more understanding and compassion for the older people. Then you will understand they are just humans have human experiences too. And in fact it was in a lot of cases worse than what you experienced. It’s just evolution people. I am thankful it’s improving. And in the past you were not allowed to talk about mental health issues or abuse within a family. It was considered embarrassing. So be great full and thankful not righteous.🙏❤️🇨🇦✌️😎

[@BASEDacid5150]

It's a habit formed over years someone has to be the generation to start the change and honestly it is slower to change for the good than for the bad....we don't tend to remember as many good things that happened as kids as bad things

[@SaystheTruth3]

Yep my dad....

[@creatureoftheeast3331]

I was shamed and punished when showing emotions and now have an anxious avoidant personality. As an adult my mother blames me for not being emotionally open with her and blames how distant our relationship is on me. I didn't chose how I was parented but I still somehow get all blame...

[@namrataswain7971]

I know exactly how that feels

[@violaraviola]

The worst is that even other people blame me because I am not “enough emotionally open” and I don’t show my feelings, and this makes me feel bad too. They don’t understand how hard it is.

[@Hitsugix]

I had to hide and lock up my (mostly positive) emotions in my childhood and teenage years, because my alcoholic abusive father would use them against me. I am 36 years old today and I don't think I'll ever be able to express them freely again. It's just gone.

[@diya___v]

I know how it feels. I can't express my feeling because of the fear of being judged.

[@wolfycross4711]

I'm not 100 percent sure what my problems are half the time and when I can pinpoint it my mind somehow finds a way for it to not make sense (for example: when my mom found out I was looking up things about depression she told me I wasnt then said "well was it worth it?" And I got confused and she took all my stuff. Then when I went back and said she did that she said "I would never do that" . I cannot tell if this truly happen or not.) Anytime I tried to hold anyone accountable for anything I would question if it was just me and I was just trying to blame others EVERY SINGLE TIME! I dont know what's wrong with me. I'm very distant from my mom too and she told me very subtlety that it was my fault. Is everything my fault? Idk

[@2degucitas]

I made sure I snuggled and interacted with my kids when they were babies. I struggle with my insecure attachment and didn't want them to have the same. I'm not a perfect mom, I just try hard.

[@alanreyes3451]

you are a good mom : )

[@peachyjamlol1055]

Pls continue to do this

[@benjismalldu95]

It's just ALL about trying hard

[@oliviasarah5803]

Me too 😊🌈

[@proudchristian77]

Yeah lady ,awesome good job , its not that hard to be nice and not hurt , keep trying ok 💖⭕

[@fluffysugarpops123]

other kids can talk to their parents about everything and when I try to have a normal conversation with my parents it always ends up in huge arguments and I've learnt that the only person who's there for me at all times is myself, so I don't bother telling my parents anything, I rather keep everything to myself and let it destroy me from the inside

[@stefaniakonstantinidou981]

Turn to God and let Him heal you. He is our real father. He healed me of cptsd and depression

[@ildar5184]

Are you an extravert? I also have been keeping my innate thoughts and ideas to me for my whole life, as there's never been anyone around for me to share it with without toxic replies/mockery as a response, but I don't find it uncomfortable. I like the world of ideas, dreams and aspirations I've built in my head, that no one has access to (and that no one can criticise or mock). It's like a stress reliever, for your mind just to be able to wander by itself from time to time. Also, the beauty of the internet age is that you can be anyone, and there'll always be people here like you. You can even start blogging, where you could share your ideas or thoughts, and eventually there will be followers who will be on the same page with you.

[@g.strobl4458]

Don't let it destroy you. Use whatever crutch you have at hand (e.g. music, art, diary-writing [preferably in code], letters, ...) and save for therapy. It's very hard, I am sure, to discover, say, that you are more of an adult than your parents, or perhaps even to find you are safer away from them. Be strong, find somebody else who is trustworthy, and wait till you are free to live on your own.

[@stefaniakonstantinidou981]

@g.strobl4458 very good advice

[@iiCounted-op5jx]

same

[@philmaguire8158]

I grew up without any emotional or physical contact with my parents even though we all lived together throughout. I had my first hug at age 18. My instincts wanted to push the person away. Thankfully this wonderful person stuck with me and slowly showed me how wonderful it is to feel love and affection. We’ve been together for 40 years now and have 2 children and 3 grandchildren all of whom are very loving balanced and confident. This just shows the power of love can overcome a history of neglect if the circumstances allow. I still have deep seated issues, which are mine to own but my life is wonderful and I count my blessings everyday that I’m able to appreciate the true value of love. Especially love for your children. Allowing them to grow with confidence and wonder.

[@sprouts]

Wonderful. Thanks Phil for sharing this with us! 🙏✨

[@shinihahaha4142]

This is wholesome actually tho yea feeling sorry for ur childhood. I'm teen and my childhood was just like spent on without freinds, pets , crying myself to sleep in night, day time being bullied and didn't dare to tell my parents or share any of my emotions. Basically I'm a robot Today afaird to be myself in public but fighting ✨

[@claireconolly8355]

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@mandeep3.14]

@@shinihahaha4142I relate a bit. It can be hard when it doesn’t come naturally but talking about things is better than keeping it all hidden away and struggling on your own. I hope you get to a secure place ✊🏼

[@dylanengo7152]

This truly gave me hope, thank you very much

[@AndreastheRed]

While this comment section is sad, it is also lovely how kind everyone is being to one another. Now that is unusual on the internet.

[@sprouts]

I agree. Thank you AndreastheRed, for writing this!

[@aurelioleonmorales9353]

Is easier to empathize when we share a common kind of pain

[@Bingojingo646]

Home of the blues!!

[@dk6173]

We are more alike than we are not.

[@stonytina01will-not-be-ban78]

It's a circle-jerk of crybabies. Nothing new there.

[@J52d-g]

One of my favorite parts about being a dad is when my kids are telling me something and they accidentally call me ‘mom’. It makes me think that I occupy the same safe warm place in their brain that their mom does.

[@topkek8090]

This is so precious and wholesome, thank you for sharing. I really hope my son has the same relationship with his dad

[@xVanillaxBerryx]

Im so happy that your kids have a dad like you 🥹 that sounds so sweet

[@zadock6370]

mom. hey mom.

[@marteumar8429]

It’s more likely to mean their mom actually raise them and you are, like most males, a hobbyist dad. Their mistake is probably not because of trust but simply because they spend more time with the mom,

[@J52d-g]

@@marteumar8429 why did you have to go burst my bubble?

[@sprouts]

The Attachment Theory just won a film prize at TREFF, Tromsø‘s Education Film Festival in Norway. The jury gave us a prize for Best Open Access Education. 🎉🎥🇳🇴 Thank you all for your support!!!

[@jaligawesa]

Congratulations 🥳

[@sprouts]

@@jaligawesa thanks

[@satishdahiwale8641]

Wow congratulations 🖒🖒

[@Feri9]

This is amazing! congratulations and well deserved ! Can I ask what software is being used for making the animation? it's done beautifully.

[@eevakirke9101]

velli bra!

[@justtam321]

One of my biggest struggles is being a mom and a boss. It has drawn me to realize how invaluable time with my child is. My company is not worth a fraction of the time with my kid. I'd hate for her to think her nanny is her safe space because mom was too busy handling other people's needs. This video was extremely informative. Thank you.

[@annarawlings6841]

I'm a nanny and that's a frequent thing mentioned in our nanny conversations at the park. We often wonder why people have children, since they just hand them over to us and barely see them.

[@justtam321]

@@annarawlings6841 I could list many reasons, none of them justifiable: 1. The comfort of a high income;dual income home is difficult to swap for a lower income standard of living. 2. The love for one's job and the the thrill and reward for advancement. 3. Societal pressure not to look like a failure. None of these reasons are good, because essentially you're selling time with your child. I'm praying to sell my company one of these days. Edit: I do go home very early, which is such a blessing. Although I still work from home, but at least she's there with me and I can take her to her extra mural activities and perform them with her. It's difficult but necessary and an absolute pleasure. Thank you for doing the job you do. I hope you love that child as if he or she is your flesh and blood.

[@disha1456]

I am on maternity leave and scared to go back to office! Watching all these videos make me anxious!!

[@justtam321]

@@disha1456 You'll be okay ♥️ Children become attached to working mamas as well. Just be present when you're with your kid ♥️

[@disha1456]

@@justtam321 Yeah I agree…present at the moment 💯💯

[@netra7383]

is there any parent actually watching this?? If so you've my huge respect thank you. Edit: Had to edit this.. Never once I thought there would be so many parents actually watching this.. Gives me hope for a better future. And all you mommys and daddys you go guyss... You're strong, powerful and beautiful. For those parents having it hard sending you all love and support.. Thank you

[@happyemoji6553]

What if they’re watching this after already ruining the child’s life? Does your huge respect still apply?

[@netra7383]

@@happyemoji6553 i think yes cuz atleast they're trying to be better towards their kids... Even after all the hurt they do if they correct their mistakes and apologize to their kids then it'll help the kids.. Yes my huge respect still remains if they're watching this realize their mistakes and understand their child better.. And if they're watching this just to mock their child again they don't deserve that child.. And they're no different from other parents who sucks

[@sarahryan422]

My son is 7 months old. My mom died of cancer when I was 14, I watched her suffer. After that, my dad became abusive towards me and our family fell apart. A bunch of other stuff happened too but point being...I know I have a lot of emotional and mental baggage and I don’t want to push that onto my son. So I’m trying to educate myself to be a better mother and break the cycle of a broken home and heart.

[@netra7383]

@@sarahryan422 i love you.. Plzz take care.. I'm sure your son will be very proud of you and you have my huge respect

[@ashleyr2425]

Parent of a two year old here :)

[@iluminameluna]

I remember breaking into tears the day I found out I was pregnant with my first child. The nurse asked me if I didn't want him or her. I told her it wasn't that, but that I was terrified of being a mother like mine. She told me that the fact that I felt and thought that way meant I wouldn't be, but that I needed to educate myself, or take classes. She then proceeded to give me a book, I can't recall atm, but it gave me a head start. I went to every class, read a bunch, and took on what seemed sensible to me. I feel so, so grateful for that nurse. My boys are adults now. I made mistakes raising them, but they weren't the ones my biological mother made. I truly loved my boys and nothing in the world would've made me hurt them like she hurt me. I'm glad she died before she met them, or they met her, because she would've hurt them as well. It has nothing to do with my forgiving what she did, or anything of that kind. She was the master of the universe and anything she did was her right. I disagreed, and that was, in her mind, the slave rebelling. Until the end of time.

[@sprouts]

Thanks for sharing this with us!

[@ankitaggarwal8366]

"master of the universe" these type of people are the absolute worst.

[@adunniadebayo3332]

😂l

[@DougieBarclay]

Is your mother my mother-in-law? Holy dooly 😂😢

[@elizabethhoeppner8881]

Agreed, I just did the opposite to my parents and did fine

[@brittneynicole6611]

My mothers parenting style set mine. She was a non attentive, non emotional mother…. Which in return gave me motivation to have kids to have someone to love. It took forever but I have my beautiful baby and I hug her and tell her I love her and realize where I needed the most attention growing up and put it forward. Some kids aren’t as lucky I’m thankful my time being alone growing up changed me.

[@adshaj]

Watching this with my 9mo son plays beside me and he looks up and smiles at me. I’m gonna do it as best as I can baby boy 💙🤞

[@j4r3d29]

Please take care of him. My mother destroyed me.

[@UFO_808]

@@j4r3d29 How?

[@j4r3d29]

envy beats By being neglectful. Abusive, both mentally and physically. And marrying bad men who hurt me.

[@sofielalice8317]

Cheering on you💜💜💜💜

[@ferris_wheel9868]

Mista J That sounds like a really destructive environment!! Is there anyway you can get out of it or ask someone for help? No one should be treated that way!

[@Chicken-ev1ln]

I always hated myself for being jealous of my friends who could talk to and act around their parents like they were best friends

[@thepovdweller]

mng mng OMG same my mom always told me that fear is the best way to control a kids behaviour.She would beat us and then she reminded me that she was not my best friend. African culture is the worst

[@v5in88]

Chicken y’know I was only attached to my dad but after for a few or soo year, when my dad didn’t came back and I heard about his true colour, I was betrayed, I was forsaken and the same guy that I call him a “friend” not just any ordinary friend, but my first best friend, since that I started to hear my mom and my dad’s brother to the phone, and it hurts me to see my dad becoming sooo hostile towards other and how shit he was, and that was the time I lost my only friend, a friend I could look up to, a friend that taught me to love others, respect others, be humble and to love God, now seeing him like this is sad to the point that I’ve started to change, my academic progress is starting to get disruptive as everytime I wasn’t as optimistic as before and I started to get depressed overtime (which happenened before) and then I started to envy my friends and everyone around me, cuz how talented and worthy they are, I started to find myself my own spot but alas it ended up having a feud with one of my friends and that I hurted one of my bestfriend, to the point he cried in his house for 3 days straight, but it was obviously my fault and once we get to confront each other, I couldn’t tell him the reason of my insecurities, he might think that’s bs or stuff like that, regardless we did manage to be friends again, but the feeling of it still remains

[@varalakshmi4243]

You have to reach out....orl3se they won't recognize you l9ve them back You have to open up ..,trust me they are getting old and aren't engeritic anymore.... Every relationship aren't preferct All have problems ...u should prioritize ,let go nd understand them I know it's hard trust me u wouldn't wanna regert it later that u didn't spend enough time with them Just open up while u can...just go for it.

[@yourehereforthatarentyou]

@@varalakshmi4243 i like the way you type

[@trashchild5945]

Can relate, my friend has the nicest mom and dad while me over here pretending I do

[@FemmeinBloom]

I think that, any parent who has “failed” their children, was also failed by their own parents, as a child. It’s a terrible cycle. Our parents are not the superheroes we once coveted them to be, they are mere mortals with human flaws. Most parents, do the best they can with what they’re mentally equipped with. If a Mother is anxious avoidant, she will love her children in the same manner. Not because she’s cold and calloused but bc that is her truest perception of maternal love. Once we understand this, we can develop compassion for our parent’s shortcomings, heal ourselves from early trauma and eventually break that generational curse from being passed down to our children 💜

[@csamp2855]

The best part of being a parent is not doing the unwanted things our parents did! :)

[@FemmeinBloom]

Carmen Sampson True indeed! I don’t have any children yet but my driving force for healing & therapy was telling myself everyday that the curse stops with me! My daughter will never endure an ounce of the family-tied trauma, I did growing up. Not if I have anything to to with it.

[@csamp2855]

@@pink_cyan239 I totally agree with you. Its a sad cycle. At some point the cycle must be broken...to me...if you know what abuse feels like..why abuse?

[@pretato9989]

I don’t think it’s that easy. My biological father had a normal childhood. Nothing special. His sister (2 years older) turned out great. Still he did some things that no parent should do. You can’t blame everything on their own parents. Sometimes it’s the person themselfs.

[@hiwiyoukhana4345]

That was very kind and wise of you.

[@timojohn9773]

I am in a weird position. I have a strong attachment to my mother, somehow, I don't feel like i can tell my family anything. I have never talked about my feelings, like literally never. Then my sister got sick when i was 15 and almost died. I know this moment broke me, but I live quiet the good life still. I life a good life with good relationships to family and friends, somehow, i can't really build new deep relations. Physical contact feels especially unnatural to me, except for my niece and nephew. This video has succefully explained a lot and confused me even more emotianally. 10/10, would watch again.

[@skilganon]

If you haven't already, have you looked into the autism spectrum as well? I have Asperger's, which isn't fully understood, but is a mix of genetics and environmental factors, and this video just showed me a bunch of my environmental factors

[@Nesggy]

@@skilganon I've looked into it and talked about it to my family. they made fun of it. I've been scared of seeing a psychologist for years

[@skilganon]

@@Nesggy Even the rare members of my family that aren't trash were surprised/argumentative (e.g. are you sure?, that can't be true) when I was diagnosed. I was told by a psychologist to look into getting tested, and as soon as I started discovering what Asperger's Syndrome is, it made perfect sense to me. I'm still as depressed as ever, but at least I understand better why now. Basically what I'm saying is don't be scared, if you think it might be a possibility, try to find out and best of luck!

[@Nesggy]

@@skilganon I'm not just afraid of getting a diagnosis for Asperger's syndrome. I'm afraid of talking about my feelings, my experiences in life, the relationships, how I'm dealing with depression (even though I'm undiagnosed) Btw I'm supposed to start therapy sessions but I think I missed the call appointment, I have to restart again and sign up and wait a few more weeks

[@thembekadorcaskhumalo866]

I feel like your situation is the same as mine, except that I don't have a close relationship to either of my parents.

[@honeycomb2852]

I hate when parents say "I had it way worse than you” like that doesn’t mean what you do to us doesn’t hurt Edit: omg!! I was not planing on getting this many likes thank you soooo much!

[@11Venus_]

This this this

[@babyspice0206]

Exactly, less worse is still bad for a human being, especially a child whose brain is still developing.

[@captaingalaxy5265]

Isn't that also really the point of life/generations To make life easier for the next generation

[@gemeraldsouls125]

Yeah :'[

[@eonniengantuk106]

@@captaingalaxy5265 I agree

[@dayanajiselle2586]

Watching this during the quarantine. It’s been hard working from home with a toddler and this gave me a wake up call to be a better mother while I’m at home. 😢

[@sprouts]

Glad to hear that! It’s damn hard. Be strong! You are the most important person in someone else’s life.

[@Karincl7]

Hey give yourselve a break your doing the best you can.... no worries

[@jessbelieves752]

Self awareness is key.

[@nessrineboukhari0167]

please do your best to make your child a secure person , may god protect both of you!

[@lisamccurry4003]

hang in there Mama you're not alone

[@imatugwaddle2291]

I'm 67 years old. I've never been married (and never even had a decent "healthy" relationship). I have no children. My father was a sexually abusive alcoholic. My mother was an angry, screaming neurotic (and lived in total denial as to what my father was doing). It was only a few days ago that I even heard of RAD. This explains a LOT about me and my life. I don't know whether to be happy or sad to learn about it. My entire life, I have never known love. I fill my days doing charity work, then come home to my little house and seven cats. (Go ahead and laugh; I know I'm a living stereotype.) Still, they are the only living creatures I can love, yet I dread the day when each one of them will die. Every night, when I'm lying alone in the dark, I think about suicide. At least then the painful voices and memories will stop. If it weren't for my cats, I would kill myself tomorrow. As I said, I'm 67 years old. It's too late for me, but at least now I have a name for why I am what I am.

[@faariashaikh255]

Oh sir/ma'am, Im extremely sorry for what happened to u. Im 18 years old girl. I had a terrible childhood too. I cannot focus on my work bc of some shit going on in my life. I feel u. I won't blame you for you realized things lately. Its okay. I don't think so you are living a bad life. Its incredibly beautiful. People like us can understand each other bc we are going thru same stuff. Wish u all the best!!!

[@xyrene7189]

I'm so sorry.

[@charlottelamb5375]

i am sorry! i wont laugh at you. there are lot of people wont. i see you are a good lady who has a big heart for people and cats. you are important to them :)

[@MissingYouChris1987]

Oh my gosh, my heart absolutely breaks for you because I can feel such pain in every word you express! I’m so sorry you had to grow up with parents like that

[@bevreid]

It's never too late. Never. Think of discovering this information as your starting point Friends are family you choose for yourself. You've likely got lots of living left, if you don't decide to end it early. Keep learning, keep volunteering, put your newfound knowledge in practice.

[@Skerriie]

wow it’s just incredible how this describes my family- growing up, my dad was very abusive, never home and my mom was always busy. Which I understand, he was always working, and drinking during his free time so to me he was emotionally absent. I grew up with my 3 siblings and i. I can’t really remember much of my childhood, but all I can sense of it is crying and anxiety. My older (first born) brother basically raised us, we were always around him. As of right now he seems to be doing fine, he has a job, very social, many friends, and surprisingly a high-self esteem. My sister (2nd born) she’s pretty stable right now, has a job and always goes for what she wants no matter what. Growing up my parents and older brother would constantly bash her on how selfish and moody she was. And then there’s me (third child) I was known as ‘obedient’ and ‘quiet’. I can’t really explain everything here, but the outcome perfectly matches me. My self esteem is very low, I’m in constant fear everyday so I avoid everyone, which is why I have no job, although I’m only in junior year of hs, I don’t do good with relationships in general. Don’t worry, I’m in therapy so I’ll be fine :) I just need time to heal. Last but not least, my little brother (4th born). He was born too early, and he had trouble breathing/other heart problems. Later he was diagnosed with autism, so he spent most of his time in health centers, different schools, doctors etc so he was never really close to us. As of now, he’s very socially anxious, but he’ll become better. My little brother (5th child) was born years after everything happened, he’s 7 now, he’s a really happy child, and has a great bond with both my parents. I’m glad that he got to experience that :) My dad has become a better person now, and I’m great full for everything he has done but the damage is far done. I’m still trying to heal, forgive and let go but It’s hard, It feels as if all I’m left with is mental illnesses.

[@galapagoensis]

It is not an illness, it is a consequence, we cannot go by life labeling everything not ourselves otherwise why bother even looking into yourself if the labels are already there for you? See? Don’t buy into these sort of things too deep. Just remember, your therapist is just as human and messed up as you are but in a different way. And a cautious advice I would give you from my experience, the moment your therapist decides to become suggestive as to what you should be doing then he/she is not doing their job or don’t know how to do it despite their good intentions. A good therapist only listens and works with that you have to say.

[@marcusgreen1529]

I heard a great quote when I was young. "The way you are now is your parents fault. If you stay that way, it's your own fault". life changing.

[@dbbj4205]

Meh, harsh and way over simplified. I am glad you weren't damaged enough to understand. Understanding one needs help, going through the process of finding the right help and then the arduous process of discovery and moving through it is for the lucky person. Not easy and not quick.

[@hamstersdailylife4938]

@@dbbj4205 yeah it’s not as good as some think it is. It’s more complicated than that.

[@lalureheathers730]

harsh and toxic, it is not easy to change. Not your fault if you don't change, it's very difficult.

[@EmyN]

It really is

[@syifafa]

@ally but sadly most of adults problems now in career, relationship etc was began bcs their "undone bussiness issue on their childhood/teenager bcs of lack treats of their parents"

[@malavikaharikuttan8492]

My parents never said " I love you " or has kissed me or never let me show my emotions(not to mention my house itself is abusive) . They would think I was weak or something nor even bothered to understand what i was saying . So when I see other kids' parents do all these things it makes me feel weird or really surprised. So basically I grew up to be emotionally vulnerable and could not even express my feelings half the time ,which ultimately lead to breaking up with my boyfriend. Now I'm trying focus on my issues and trying to be a little better day by day

[@sprouts]

All the best Malavika 🙏❤️

[@brianwalsh1401]

Unfortunately a lot of people have dealt with this behavior from their parents. They were taught this by their parents. I encourage you on your recovery from a "less than nurturing" environment. Two 12 step groups have been helpful to me ACA and CoDA. I wish you the best. I'm also grateful we live in a time when we can work on our family of origin issues and starrt to heal so we don't pass it on to the next generation.

[@Lawnchairolympian]

Saaaaame!! My mother was awful. She’s dead now and I miss her but then I’m like, why? She was a horrible mother. She doesn’t deserve to be missed. She screwed my sister and I up for life.

[@gordondavis6168]

We’re your parents Klingons? My parents were the same way.

[@likithahs7198]

I am also facing the same issue from my parents now I also trying to solve the issue day by day .i wish u all the best malavika

[@blinky8876]

My parents NEVER told me "I love you" so whenever someone tells me ily I feel super awkward and weirded out like tf is this,, also when I hear my friend's parents being too nice with them it just feels wrong

[@vvelvettearss]

Blinky I feel your pain. it's better now but I remember several times when I was younger I tried to say "love you" to my dad and he responds with "like you a bit / you're not so bad yourself " etc as joking because he is naturally dry sarcastic humour and at times I wanted to hear it n it hurt a little I wasn't even that young but still left a mark I'm the same if someone says "I love you " not that anybody really does. I know this guy online who seems smitten with me I don't believe it tho and he called specifically to say that and j got angry and said he's wasting my time I need to go. if anyone does I just don't believe them or don't respond it's barely in my vocabulary I'm and I sadly autistic but haven't had any support with it hardly so I've kind of just accepted fate now to say it's been a hard journey would be an understatement so I can relate to what you're saying I don't think that there is much hope for me to be anythung more than a hermit and hopefully I'll manage to not go broke

[@blinky8876]

@@vvelvettearss im sorry to hear that :(

[@leahjohns3842]

I can relate. I can only think of one time when my mom said it. I won't let myself get emotionally attached to anyone, except for one person. (I'm glad I see my counselor again next Wednesday! She is wonderful!)

[@brassbelle4528]

That is so sad, I’m so sorry to hear that. There’s a man in our town (super sweet old guy who runs the pharmacy) and he keeps these little sheets of paper on him. He hands them out to everyone, and they say “smile, I love you and God loves you” We run a produce stand and I taped the one he gave me to our counter so that folks who might need to see that can ❤️

[@ly7316]

Yeah my childhood was actually good and affective but my parents rarely say "i love you" so for me it's embarrassing too

[@outpost31737]

You've just described my early years to an absolute tee. Lost my Dad at two years old. My older brother was ten so although he obviously grieved the new reality did not stop him from forging a successful academic career he was considered the golden boy and the clear favourite whilst myself and my middle brother were left out in the cold. I don't think there's an excuse for poor parenting the damage it has done to me personally is immeasurable. My attachment style is simply anxious!

[@thibautg78]

Mothers who show affection to their children, you have my whole gratitude. Huge respect to you. You are the most important people in our societies. Thank you.

[@sleeplesshead602]

This is one of many reasons why I refuse to get married in early 20s. Most of my acquaintances make jokes about how miserable you are if you are still single or not having plan in getting married soon before the age of 25. I'll be 24 next March 2019 yet have no interest yet in marriage because there are a lot of things I consider, including parenting. I have traumatic childhood, witnessed abusive things from my parents, brother. I get scared every time I think about it. So, in this time of my life, I only want to fix myself first before I commit to live together and build family with other person.

[@kuramakenshin4209]

That's a very responsible plan. I wish you all the luck

[@sleeplesshead602]

@@kuramakenshin4209 thanks! ❤

[@evanmarshallryanfemali7725]

I will be 30 this year and I still have no desire to get married nor have children.

[@sleeplesshead602]

@@evanmarshallryanfemali7725 because it's all about the personal decision and don't let other dictate you what to do. 💪

[@theimmortalsleazus8057]

I wish i could but my past means ill probably die in my 60s or 50s

[@Sarah-rv6pf]

Conclusion: I need a therapist.

[@amitrajput6904]

Don't believe in such flawed theory. Actually such theories are designed and made so that ppl feel there is a problem with that and they seek therapist or may be psychiatrist. This fuel their money need and these theories are for their benefits not yours.

[@agentcocoa1328]

@@amitrajput6904 I know that feeling, psychiatrists is nothing but the doofus of science, You pay them to make you high, There's an already cheaper alternative for that

[@MLBlue30]

@@agentcocoa1328 I don't go to therapy to get high, I go to get some much needed perspective.

[@avaiblehandle]

@@MLBlue30, exactly... but too bad that not all therapists are able to help or don't want to. I houp you have a good one and they make you feel better:)

[@areyoukidding1693]

Sarah ..I had therapist but found meditation and the app Calm a lot more helpful. It takes some practise but you develop an inner peace and better understanding of yourself and life.🧘‍♂️✌️

[@theheartbeatseries]

That's a great observation! I completely agree that educating parents is essential since they're the first influence on a child's life. However, I think it’s also crucial to equip children with tools for emotional regulation and resilience as they grow. Even with well-educated parents, children face unique challenges outside of the home. By empowering both parents and children with knowledge, we can create a more supportive environment that nurtures growth from both sides

[@jenkinskatrina966]

Wow. I watched this for my kids and ended up learning about myself.

[@KariMaleesha]

You are an amazing parent 💜

[@jenkinskatrina966]

@@KariMaleesha Thank you!

[@skalamgirkabir7291]

@@jenkinskatrina966 you are actually a great parent for actually giving some time from your life into learning and becoming a better parent, most parents don't even bother to watch and learn about parenting and get over with the "these are for those who will have children soon", "parents always know the best and do the best for their children" and "these are just biased things to make our children brats and create distance from us" mentality and children will watch them and learn to become better parents in future

[@alasr1029]

Amazing feeling to find your thoughts being reflected in another's words.

[@resurgem]

That is because we are all children. Just old children, still trying to make sense of our complex early lives.

[@toukofukawa1166]

I hope everyone reading this is having a good day. I'm coming out of this struggle right now, trust me, it does get better.

[@munanoah5879]

Wish you a good luck

[@marinaom8641]

grand slamwich thanks for sharing

[@TaoScribble]

That Kirby avatar made me bust out laughing, so my day's already better. XD

[@lexheart5877]

Thats good for you!

[@Red-Magic]

I wish I could go back in time to my childhood, to fix the moments that will effect the rest of my life.

[@mybbacjk2377]

same 😥

[@keziahlagrosa9400]

You don't have to go back in time to fix these things. 'Cause you can start taking control of yourself now and decide if these things will still affect you or if you'll become more than what you are right now ;)

[@lifesagift9843]

Same and I'm barley 18

[@estheradao]

Same

[@robertoh3633]

Maybe with hypnosis

[@lilianaerhan2820]

The video is great, but the comments with people's life experiences and the realisation that I experienced the same thing are what I find most fascinating. Gratitude for your sharing. Amazing, truly!💕

[@deepmarsh]

So glad my baby boomer parents treated me the way they did so I could spend the rest of my life figuring out why I have so many problems

[@cattta561]

Lmao yup

[@paulofurtado81]

Hahaha gave you something to do so you dont get bored, im the same.

[@LouchanArt]

What I try to keep in mind is that parents like this didn't really get the chance of having a healthy childhood either, and that translated into their way of taking care of their children. Summing up, it's a domino effect and only stops if you can ackowledge your mistakes, stand up and are ready to correct them. But at the end of the day (I know you may have been through terrible things and I'm sorry about it) don't blame your parents OR yourself. Be ready to make the changes you want, which can only happen in YOU.

[@nettie444amc]

deepmarsh saaaaaame.. but we’re just so damn ungrateful 😂

[@nettie444amc]

Big 2una ok boomer.

[@beeminor2108]

But I also think the interactions we face at school when we are young shape our future as well. I had a secure relationship with both of my parents, but due to feeling like an outcast and getting heavily bullied at school, I felt conflicted and lost my trust in people outside of my safe place. At home, I am securely attached, but outside in the real world, I can be either of the three insecurely attached traits. I think this theory can extend to our relationships outside of parental roles.

[@xocoolchickxo]

I agree so much, I had similar experiences in school also

[@xocoolchickxo]

I agree so much, I had similar experiences in school also

[@Angelalex242]

This. This is what did me in.

[@visorseen8954]

I learned martial arts and practice gun manipulation due to school bullying, and this is years later. So yes, childhood experiences at school do affect you in adulthood.

[@dreamfaller6372]

Agree. I have an amazing mother. We have such a great relationship. But in school I was always more of an outsider. Nowadays I‘m just a complete loner. Like, I literally have no friends. Well, I have one but she lives far away and we only talk every couple of months. I could probably drop dead tomorrow and nobody except my mom and my grandparents would really care. Sometimes I wonder if one can die of loneliness. Maybe someday the heart just stops beating or something.

[@howardmarshall3110]

Actually this is a really great insight into why Paid Parental Leave is so important. -at least for the first year. It would be cost effective in the long term to Governments, because having children and adults who are emotionally stable is better for society in both employment and personal relationships, less work for police and costs to welfare, education, justice and health systems. Of course it also allows the opportunity for secure bonding between mother/father and baby, which is such a wonderful time of parents life, without having the stress of financial hardship. A NZ perspective anyway.

[@Angora573]

That was my first thought after watching this video. I now live in the UK which has quite generous parental leave but I used to live in the US where I knew plenty of women who were back in work just two to four weeks after giving birth with their baby in full time day care! When people ask how come Americans are so f'd up I always tell them about the lack of paid time off for parents and the awful day cares over there, these two things have damaged two generations at least of Americans.

[@howardmarshall3110]

@@Angora573 Yes that sounds pretty sad really, you might wonder what the point of having children was!!! No chance to establish breastfeeding which is great for baby's health, secure attachment and bonding. Going back to work 2-4 weeks after birth must be bad for the mothers health too as this should be a joyous time in a new parents life. I know its a reality these days for people to stay afloat financially. UK n NZ new parents are lucky in that respect

[@sansewai]

NZ only has 6 months of paid leave though, used to only have 3 until not long ago. Early childcare is the most expensive in the OECD and most centres are sub-par compared to the European ones. I'm a European living in NZ so I don't compare NZ to the States for example, that's the lowest bar to compare yourself to. The people here also don't know how to express themselves properly and quality communication skills are non existent. Poor mental health is a public health issue and to top it all the parents these days seem to have a child-centered approach to raising their kids. I've never seen this many mothers stay at home until kids go to school, putting immense pressure on the father to provide which is so time and energy consuming the kids can't possibly benefit fully from their presence. Children also have really poor literacy and numeracy skills and I could go on but that's off-topic.

[@stellalewis9855]

@@Angora573 UK system only works for people with good jobs , usually two parents , many poor paid families can't afford good childcare still ,it's not readily available in all! Areas

[@randobudgetgaming]

I'm from India,my friend asked for leaves for Honeymoon. Manager (we call team leader, a mamager, jk *we're aked to call tl a manager*) rejected becuase of work load (bcos tl incentive was on stakes).

[@deepanshukaushal1499]

Guys , I think I have overgrew my childhood traumas , When I started earning for myself ,I started realising the mindset behind there actions. Not all actions can be justified but yes I am grateful for my Parents for providing for me. Some mistakes was made along the way but the end turns out to be decent . So it's all good for me. As I see them grew old , My heart does ache somewhere. It's my turn to take care of them and I will do my duty towards them honestly. Every one has their own demons to fight but you just need to overcome them not always fight them , just let it go . All the very best to all of you.

[@sprouts]

Thanks for sharing your part:)

[@damatamoros7399]

This is true, I was a teen mom and I can see the difference between my 2 teenagers and my toddler today. Breaks my heart, I was too young to understand what I know today.

[@thaleee3125]

🥺

[@lageena8642]

I know this is late but I want to say that this resonates with me as a young mom with severe mental health issues, including postpartum depression. I feel like I have failed my child to the core. I am seeking therapy but feel like the damage has already been done. It's so hard to heal when you're a parent trying to raise a whole another human being.

[@LaYoutuber954]

@@lageena8642 same , my daughter is about to be 9 now and we’re making changes .. slowly but surely . I know I’m 9 years late but hoping I can help change something idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@boyoroyo]

Wow. does anyone else feel upset or down-right mad over getting something you had no control of, or is it just me?

[@elconquistador98]

Ya boy Roy Not just you. I was so angry for 3months I could barely function.

[@Real46]

I could. In other times, maybe. But now, after many years, after seeing my best dreams and ambitions destroyed and made impossible, I realize that life is like a card game: you are dealt a hand and must play. Some get a good hand, other get a very bad one and have no chance to win. All we can do is play as good as we can, do our best with what we got and see if we can at least earn something. No use in getting angry and complaining, it doesn't help and makes things even worse. We rather try to prevent others from getting similar handicaps. And it saddens me seeing the world today, with the very important family values being destroyed, single mothers, children poorly assisted, divorcing parents. All those people who don't know and cannot understand the importance of a functional family. Because they didn't feel the lack, they don't realize and don't know what they received from their parents and therefore diminish their importance and act irresponsible. And there those, having lacked the benefits of a functional family, don't get to realize its importance because they don know what they missed. As it goes, we will have a lot of company in the future.

[@shanamendelsohn2198]

Ya boy Roy fun fact: if you make a conscious effort, you can change your attachment style. I’m no expert, but you can definitely look up videos/articles on how to do it

[@latifaal-dhaheri690]

i feel so mad

[@dishachakraborty2184]

Nope, you are not alone

[@rafaelalodio5116]

That explains a lot, it's a shame that my father really did what he thought was the best way of raising me, but it just made me insecure, avoidant and lonely. Thanks dad.

[@George-ie1si]

My father was the same as he was raised that way, and take into account that our parents had to suffer the tragedy of war, my father was a teenager when our city was bombarded and they went for a couple of years without food and at the threat of death at any moment. I have four grown children that I am close to but not as close as I want to be. I managed to raise my children only slightly better than my dad my parents did, they did the best with what they had to give and I love them for that. I probably failed my children in many ways but I was always a good provider. Yes if I was to be a parent now I would do much better but like my daddy I did the best I could.

[@lifewitholliethegsp9203]

Hurt people, hurt people. God showed me that my father did the best he could with his own circumstances. I forgave him and my life changed. It took a couple of years. Our relationship is much better too, I pray for him all the time, he is a very angry person, but he is my earthly dad and I cannot abandon him, he is hurt. If I though he raised me hard, I can’t imagine what he went through. Don’t victimize yourself, move forward and forgive.

[@zsuzsannabrezovai2754]

Probably he had an even worse childhood than you. This doesn't help you but you might feel empathy with him one day.

[@moonacrefalls4439]

No worries , he’ll is full of dads. Remember that ass beating he gave you once to many times... yup he’s in hell for that. Full of dads

[@soroushjm1011]

@@George-ie1si نه دادش خیلی بهترین کاری که از دستشون بر میاد نمی کنن بعضی ها فقط عوضین

[@kathleenkirchoff9223]

I learned about this while pregnant with my first child and it shaped my parenting all for the better. It was very evident in my professional life as a teacher. What we have done as a society has crippled so many kids especially in the last few years. Early daycare and PreK is emotionally wrecking kids. So they can't focus on learning because their insecurities. Teachers spend more time on behavioral issues than actually teaching.

[@Saad-ih3ys]

This channel is gonna make me one hell of a good father someday

[@calvinrivera49]

Niiice

[@aunacarasi571]

No coz he's too busy making videos

[@vmm5163]

I bet you'll still put your baby in daycare though

[@eggshells652]

Veg Patch daycare is not at all bad, it depends on the care provider, also I love Amy's like smoke lioness was a great album

[@sign543]

Saad - Let’s hope. The problem is...so many people go into parenting truly believing they are prepared, but as soon as you’re in the midst of it, you don’t recognize the mistakes until later. That’s the trouble with perspective. It’s easily lost. I experienced a horrific childhood, and while I did not repeat this with my child, I did make mistakes that I was entirely unaware of at the time I was making them. I’m not even sure there is a way to be totally prepared. It’s never quite what it seems like it will be...you only find out what it’s like once it’s happening, and often that’s just far too late.

[@anneugartechea7650]

Wow! 40 years of study and therapy in 7 minutes! Well done,

[@EstherKala66]

I was a securely attached till experiencing continuous abandonment by my 'friends' in primary School. Sometimes it's not the parents that break us but other kids

[@ningdong8399]

or our exhusband

[@stephme2686]

This is true..

[@hibosmo]

same here, i don't trust nobody now

[@sabrinadungan3807]

I wondered that too.

[@simonthewarrior]

This is my fear for my daughter

[@StrideOrDie71]

I’m 52 and my mom went back to work when I was six weeks old. She sent me to a grandmother-type babysitter and TO THIS DAY finds it “so interesting” that I would cry and scream and fuss when she came to pick me up. Well lady, maybe because she took care of me all day and I didn’t want to come home with you, a stranger? Ironically, her name was Mrs. Smith. She watched me for three years and I’m pretty sure this is why I don’t have a “maternal” relationship with my mom. Did a lot of work in my 20s to undo the “damage” and I’m happy, healthy, and have been in a wonderful marriage for 23 years. Never had kids though as I figured I would unwittingly be like my mom. I know better now, but I didn’t want to risk screwing up a child.

[@jekylljekyllhyde821]

Those things seem screwed up. You must be a really good person

[@lesleygrabowski3676]

I spent 3 tough years to have my baby due to fertility issues. He is 5 months old and everyday he amazes me and I have so much love for him. I ask of nothing in return of him just that he carries a kind and empathetic heart in life, that he is happy and lives his life to the full. It breaks my heart so many babies and children don’t get the love and emotional security they need from their parents. People tell me he is lucky to have me, I correct them and tell them I am the lucky one to have him.

[@justinebreezman6763]

Just take good care of him, make sure he gets the attention and the love he needs. Hope you and your family are fully healthy and happy. :)

[@hiwiyoukhana4345]

God bless you

[@racieldelosreyes8492]

God bless u and ur family..especially ur son😚 about me, i wasnt loved enough by my parent, my father left us when i was just 2 yr old, and my mom taking care of us and my 4 siblings, she love us but not so love bcoz she doesnt value our education.. now i have one child, a daughter and i love her soooo much! She's my whole world, I will do everything for her and i want her to finish school and have a great a great family someday😊 i promise to myself i will be a good mother and friend to her until my last breath..😊

[@harshitakhatri9002]

This is so nice to hear ❤️

[@Mirsab]

Parenting should be a compulsory course for pregnant couples. Even it's their 4th child etc

[@Rycamcam]

I'd argue especially if it's their 4th child etc. I don't think people with more children equates to being better parents. In my case, being the 3rd child was very strenuous on my development because my parents weren't able to adequately juggle all of the responsibilities of properly raising that many children well simultaneously.

[@honkhonk8009]

that woudl only work in sweden or canada, since the governments there are culturally fitting a completely different role. Government in America is regarded as a simple societal cog, where in other countries their considered to be the backbone of society.

[@uzmaahmed.catmoon]

Well said

[@brianwalsh1401]

Parenting courses would probably help but the most important thing is the education to the self. This means we need to learn how our backrounds affect our behaviors. Then work on any unresolved issues so we don't pass them all on to the next generation.

[@celtictarotreadings333]

Instead of teaching parents how to feed and change a nappy they should be taught the important things. Parenting classes at the beginning of every stage of the child’s life.

[@improvementondemand4922]

"If one member of family has a problem, whole family has a problem." This video is great to see and hear mainly for parents - easily to understand thanks to concrete stories. Good job done here!

[@stellalewis9855]

I've never seen a family that does not have a problem at all , what are we in heaven?

[@kyrielee8757]

@Stella Lewis of course all the family have problems and it's up to them on how they solve it. What she means is if one member of family has a problem like siblings fighting, husband and wife cheating, financial problems and ect. that can affect the whole family.

[@ragerancher]

I was brought up in a household with a mother who was emotionally unstable, witnessing a drawn out and violent divorce over years, starting from before I went to school and ending when I severed all ties with her at the age of 15 and moved to living with my dad, whom I have a close relationship with. It's quite sad looking at this and being able to empathise with a lot of what is being said here. I'd like to believe that, should I have kids, I'd give them the best start in life I could.

[@janehayes2778]

My mother died of an overdose when I was 3 and left me with an aging 47 year old father and two adult aged siblings. I've somewhat always felt as though I was simply the scraps of my parent's broken lives. I had always been jealous of my siblings, I always felt as though they'd gotten the normal life I so badly wanted, but even then they had suffered through our parents' rocky marriage- riddled with infidelity and drugs. Please think before you procreate, not everyone is meant to bear children.

[@sprouts]

Thanks! 🙏

[@hiwiyoukhana4345]

I hope you are doing better today.

[@naylisyazwina6836]

sadly lots of teens have intercourse early and a lot get accidentally pregnant and doesn't want to kill the living thing inside of them so I rather wait until I'm married. Even if you wear protective, accidents can happen so it's better for the accident to happen when you are married than when you are a teen. Chances are people are more financially able when you are married and have jobs than when you teenagers. Abortion is pretty scarring for a teen too.

[@Maz-zb9uf]

@@naylisyazwina6836 being married doesn't not guarantee that kids will not have issues

[@sitcomchristian6886]

@@Maz-zb9uf But it offers a more likely positive outcome. That's worth something, I think.

[@thiresia]

Go back in your childhood to hug and comfort that kid you were. Use your imagination to see your adult self talking with love to that child easing any stress. It will add tones of relief ❤️

[@chinamonkee1478]

tried that,it makes it worse

[@justdev8965]

An admirable advice. It didn't work for me. I have tried to meet "him". It hurts to a point where words become completely useless. I always run as soon as I "spot" him.

[@justdev8965]

@@chinamonkee1478 ❤️💕

[@2CheekyRabbits]

@@justdev8965 I really felt that response. The little one running away needs to be “caught” and just held until they calm down. No words necessary. Just a firm loving embrace. I’ve been there. An indescribable feeling is waiting on the other side of that. 🙏

[@thiresia]

@@2CheekyRabbits thoughts cause emotions. You created a beautiful picture and you made even me feel sweetness. That child you were also, I bet ❤️

[@arcticgem2800]

One important thing to note is you can have a good childhood, but also nightmare teenage years, the critical years that form your development to an adult. A lot of parents will give you more than enough attention when you're a young child, but then neglect you when you're a teenager and only focus on the smaller children. You can feel insecure and burdened with having to be "independant" and learning to do everything on your own. Parenthood should be a life-long journey, not a journey of a few years.

[@collectivemindsunique7945]

Thank you for that perspective

[@vihariii4754]

YES YES YES YESYESYESYES!!!!! AS A TEENAGER GOING THROUGH THAT I AM FEELING THAT WAY RIGHT NOW IT HURTS SO BAD !!

[@mohammadalikhaled2548]

Very true

[@The_Eiliyah]

Love that!

[@apersonwhohasnothing]

damn so true

[@ain6435]

It's funny how i was the very positive person and a social butterfly kid at 5 then suddenly flipped into a very negative thing at the age of 9.. I always believed it was the fault of my sibling that came when i was 5 but watching this vid had me on a realization that my siblings did not bother me or even demanded me anything when i were there for him, but my parents actually pushed the responsibility to me because i am the eldest sibling and a daughter at that.

[@lovelz.777]

Did i find someone with similar story-

[@Juno-nw9cw]

This is me :(

[@nomegalljcsak]

Same here…

[@prossiearinaitwe4768]

Have been thorough the same and am extremely tired of everyone includinv those i love.

[@2014kaydee]

God I’m so glad I’m realizing how messed up my childhood was and how much it is effecting me. I have a 6 month old son and his birth broke me. I thought I had postpartum depression, but after going to therapy all these months I realized I’ve always been depressed and a difficult birthing and health complications first few weeks home after giving birth coupled with lack of sleep highlighted those issues. I think I’ve taken a step in the right direction being a stay at home mom for the purpose of being there for my son as much as he needs in the foundational years.

[@njrom2975]

Did u got your pregnancy unplanned or was your pregnancy planned? Do you have a husband or are u just a baby momma.? Can he provide ? are u ready to be a mom? Do you have a home? How is your relationship? Those things can contribute to your post partum depression. A planned baby and a secure marriage and job can reduce or prevent depression. But if your pregnancy is unplanned and you don’t have a good relationship with your family or husband/lover . You’ll definitely be depressed because you would worry about you and your sons future .

[@tbreadner5696]

@@njrom2975 ´do you have a husband or are you a baby momma ‘. I would throat punch someone who had the nerve to judge my marital status because I had a baby. Female humans only need one thing from males when becoming a Mother. everything else is just female humans sharing the gift of a baby with male humans. Providing for that baby and supporting the woman that gave you that baby is a privilege to a good man. We are not in anyway lessened by the absence of a male, nor are families of varying structures who love their children less than a traditional ´Mom and Pop and a couple of kids ‘ nuclear family.

[@lageena8642]

@@tbreadner5696 absolutely agree with you. This person doesn't know what they're talking about. I have PPD and other mental health issues despite being married and having the typical 'nuclear family', and that doesn't mean s----. It is awful to generalize.

[@s.stevens4520]

@@njrom2975 Seriously? Take your judgements and misogyny elsewhere.

[@diegoserrano8302]

i think i have all of these disorders, my dad abandoned me when i was 3, then my mom abandoned me when i was 5, then i moved in with my grandma, then at 7 i moved again with my dad and his wife, both abused me physically and emotionally. now i'm 25 and i'm trying to change my life with the help of Louis Hay books. All my life i've been called weird, crazy, different, awkward and many times it really hurt me, but now i'm learning to love myself and stop caring about what people say or think, because for me my life is about healing the wounds that are still open from the past, to be able to put all my tiny broken pieces together and rediscover myself so i can give my life a direction.

[@farahkara5406]

I know this is kind of random but I really hope that u'r doing fine now u are definitely worthy of love for who you are as person I think we own that to our abused selfs 😔

[@diegoserrano8302]

@@farahkara5406 thanks for the comment beautiful

[@farahkara5406]

@@diegoserrano8302 yes yeah definitely as I say that to you I might be trying to convince my self of it too maybe one day she will be loved

[@ndiacarter6386]

Diego I am sooooooo sorry that happened to you!!! I have to tell you about Jesus. When I was alone, felt I had nobody to turn to He was there. He's always there and loves you soooooooo much Diego more than you can ever fathom. His love surpasses any human love, He is the epitome of LOVE. I challenge you to try Him for yourself. He will keep chasing after you. He's the shepherd that will leave 99 sheep to find the 1 and that one is you Diego He loves you, you aren't what happened to you, maybe they didn't want to claim you but God wants to claim you as His for free. He just calls for us to repent, turn from our sin and turn to Him. He will give you true direction. Jesus Christ is the way the truth and the life. God bless you Diego and I'm praying your you!!

[@indigochild6079]

I love Louise Hay ‘s books too!!!

[@MrMisanthrope_]

Now, tell us how to fix ourself?

[@sprouts]

one way is by practicing new habits.

[@knowledgefacts274]

@@sprouts make new video on this please

[@dumazroy3462]

My answer to fix oneself is to understand which of the examples best characterizes the self individually. If you look at yourself positively, continue being so and learn more things to keep you in such a state. Do not worry about your down days, they come and they go. Choose to be positive as best you can. If you feel more negative, realize that what you feel you lack is indeed within reach. You may have lots of negative emotions, but all those emotions are simply energy in motion. Yes, they may be used to fuel negative thoughts, or they can fuel your creativity. You can use that overwhelmingly negative energy to draw, to make music, to exercise, to write poetry, anything that requires energy, you can use negative emotion to fuel. This also goes for those who feel in the midrange between positive and negative. In short, how one uses their energy determines the actual end result. If anything, do not deny your negative thoughts, use the energy that they bring to accomplish anything, even small things that give you a sense of accomplishment.

[@khaartoumletstalk9037]

'Boundaries' book by Henry Cloud is interesting self help book. The "Love Yourself" is a vague thing, I agree. How about defining it like this: "How much self care am I operating?". People who are secure and OK are operating self care, e.g. diet, safe sex, exercise, saying when annoyed, speaking out about being taken advantage of to stop it, avoiding toxic people when they know from experience what it leads to, Faith like yoga or Buddhism or Church?, going out to see people, reading, .... Just generally, if we can't define 'Love Yourself', we can define the manifestation of it by our level and commitment and consistency of Self Care. That was what I thought about that measures it. Hope these help ; ) K

[@sprouts]

We did make a video on Habit Change: kzbin.info/www/bejne/rJXSYZtpebaEo9k Hope its of any help here.

[@CherryMochaKittyProductions]

I emphasize with a lot of you, we're NOT alone. It's so validating and satisfying to hear people who went through similar experiences like me....

[@kallista2182]

"frequent eye contact" me who hasn't looked my dad straight in the eye for a majority of 17 years of my life: 👁👄👁

[@harshitakhatri9002]

That's so accurate and relatable 😂

[@SirusStarTV]

Yeah, sitting at the same room not talking about anything

[@Son-vy5rl]

same, I don't even call him dad anymore, we're just roomates

[@Eybicidi3]

Huhu. It's hard..

[@kallista2182]

i just logged in again on this acc and im so sad that a lot of u are relating to this T__T it will get better

[@heylook2084]

For those who feel like inside a 'prison', stay strong because there is always hope in the world of the unknown.

[@maven9323]

_TBH I cared more about my cat (who passed away) than my parents back then,_ they made a life without taking it seriously as if ita a game, *it was like placing an untrained predator on wildlife and expect it to do something*

[@dazz_ling3703]

Thank you

[@last.journey]

There is death And actually a good times So it's is impossible to be in one mood Even the most horrifying things that could happen you still get good time in it And vice versa it's a law like death

[@mitchlixlove5462]

🥺

[@Allegory101]

No shit

[@RockStarKelly8118]

My bonus daughter has Reactive Attachment Disorder and it was excruciatingly difficult to have a kid who self soothes and so a hug would make her worse. now she is such an empathic sweet young woman. looking at these videos still remind me how huge stability is in a child's life. my kid loves to snuggle up together watching movies and talk about any and every thing. The way we treat these children who need safety love and security can help change their life trajectory. appreciate these informative videos!!!

[@ashmacc7868]

"Bonus daughter" I love that ♥️ and am totally gonna start using it when referring to my partner's 2 daughters.

[@achatwithgoitse]

You're amazing

[@akanshajain9731]

What are the symptoms of RAD? How human behaves in such condition?

[@azerith221]

Bonus daughter. It's sure one way to call a daughter

[@Distrações-r1v]

"O que não pode ser comunicado à mãe, não pode ser comunicado à si mesmo", isso foi potente e esclarecedor de tantas maneiras. Faz total sentido.

[@jackiel7726]

👍💯😩

[@sidk8976]

I think the worst thing about growing up with emotionally distant parents is that when you become an adult and have kids of your own, you're not gonna know how to be there for them because your parents were never there for you.

[@hamstersdailylife4938]

Imo you really shouldn’t have kids if your childhood was messed up. It’s just the same cycle downwards no matter what.

[@GraceAdeniyiOlamijulo]

I think an individual can *learn* to be there... Just that it may not be as easy as it should have been

[@littlelady9801]

@@hamstersdailylife4938 if that happened human natality rates would drop to 0

[@nala6846]

@@hamstersdailylife4938 Nah... future parents can prevent that cycle by going to therapy to resolve their childhood trauma. Videos like these which will at least provide things to do and not do as a parent are also free to watch on youtube.

[@dancingphalangesmz]

Nah. My dad was an asshole his whole life and never said I love you to me or my brother. My parents conversations consist of nothing but small talk, and I am married to an amazing man who I tell I love you to every day and have a beautiful baby I cherish. Cycles can be broken. Go to therapy if you need to

[@gw1999]

“What can’t be communicated to the mother can’t be communicated to the self” that will definitely stick with me

[@achatwithgoitse]

So funny, I grew up not liking friends who were too close to their mom and made them into friends. I thought it was odd, but they had a closer age gap with their moms, my mom had me at 35 so it was different and I'm from a large family. But from this video I'm realizing its a good thing I guess lol! Still digesting it.

[@bluekeahi3240]

Its at that moment I realized, im fucked I never tell my family anything truly honest

[@hatakekakashi6278]

I know my parents love me very much in their heart and there is no doubt about that, but why i don't feel i'm loved by them. There is always gap, of conversation, of affection, of warmth, of closeness, of enjoying moment together. Now, i dnt want it anymore. I am tired of all of it. I know they love me and i also love them endearingly in my heart. But I dnt want to be burden to them anymore. I want to go far and settle there. I think thts way i'll have peace of mind. Little advice: love your child whn u have time, once they grow up, dnt blame them for not looking after you. They may be just tired of waiting as me. It was your teaching and schooling. They learn it from you.

[@srushtimunjal950]

I think we have same path of past emotional relation with parents!😑

[@nayla206]

I relate a lot. I know my parents love me but its so hard to love them back because of all the trauma and neglect. Sometimes I would think that they’re not that bad but then they disappoint me again. Its an endless cycle and Im already so tired of it. Im young and I cant go anywhere right now so I have to wait longer.

[@justbreathe7573]

I recently lost the only remaining person I was attached to. I'm scared to explore, which is not at all me. When she was there, I didn't fear anything except losing her, now that I've lost her, I'm fearing everything else. Wishing for courage and strength. 🙏🏽

[@sprouts]

I’m sorry for your loss 🙏

[@moonchild_7852]

I told my grandma after telling her about my worsening mental health that "just because you went through things in your time, does not mean you have inflicted the same things on us. Shouldn't you be making sure that we have a better life than what you went through". And yeah, I was scolded a lot after that, and never have I cried so much that day. The gaslighting, insults, emotional & mental trauma just seem to ruin me slowly day by day and she doesn't understand because there's no such thing as mental health to her. If I even look sad she would tell me to smile immediately, without even asking me what was wrong. I told myself I would be a better person than she ever was. I would be the person who "little me" needed to have.

[@indigoziona]

It's really brave to say that - I find it so miserable that people have the view that they suffered and therefore their children should too. I don't understand why people wouldn't want their children to have the very best chance at growing up to be healthy.

[@pgr2gamer]

hope youre doing better today

[@PieroMinayaRojas]

Narcissistic sociopaths everywhere

[@yanamooncraft]

🌻

[@joseassumpcao624]

Well, I'm very positive I'm in the first group. My childhood was a very happy one, and a "safe place" for my mental health in times of trouble. I thank God and my parents for that.

[@24POWERS]

That’s great you should tell more people about that.

[@elisaryde1688]

Same here. My parents were both amazing and still are. Very thankful to God for that and after watching this and reading comments even more so. My parents had nine kids and have an adopted son. Ha my parents have kinda adopted a few people just because they needed family. Makes me love my family even more if that's possible.

[@psplayer1344]

Thank your parents. God isn’t real.

[@gumdrop4869]

@@psplayer1344 God is real, but you just don’t know him. You know of him, and it shows. God bless you

[@nunyabiz7732]

I frequently ran away from home for up to a week at a time when I was a teen. I ran straight to my best friend's house. The only place that felt like "home" and her family was the loving family that I did not have at my own home.

[@dwbush777]

Parents, in most cases, unconsciously bring and use their own childhood “traumas” in raising their own children, creating generations of irrational beliefs, unhealthy negative emotions, and destructive behaviors that children develop. But, it’s important to remember that although we think we are a product of our past history of experiences, we always have a choice.. If we take time to explore our past experiences and how they shaped our thinking, feelings, and behaviors, we really can get to a place where we can choose new ways of thinking and feeling, and choose behaviors that constructively help us reach our goals in life (I.e., relationships, work, family, religious, lifestyle, health, etc). Remember, you can overcome early attachment issues with caregivers and teachers, and have the life you ultimately choose. Go for it! It’s never too late!.

[@MelissaS106]

You can't choose to inventory yourself and how your actions are affecting your children if you don't realize that you have twisted emotions and beliefs due to, in my case, being raised from age 1 in a domestically violent home and enduring sexual, physical, emotional abuse, neglect and abandonment. I'm now 52 years old. The anger and rage that I burried so deep was triggered when I was 47. Over the past 5 years ive learned a lot about myself and realized that I caused my oldest son to be debilitated by trauma due to my neglect and abandonment in his childhood. I think we as a people need to rethink school and what we're teaching our future adult. Mental health and life skills should be our top priority. Mindfulness self love and self awareness are things I've never heard of until the fear, anger and rage were let out of their mental cages. So I didn't have an awareness that me sleeping all the time, to not perpetrate the twisted way I was raised onto my own children, would or could cause them to suffer. I didn't have a clue, however, that this is what I was doing until the c-ptsd was triggered at 47.

[@imadsarrakhi8021]

For me, there is that one aspect that undelies my relationship with my parents up to now. I am afraid of showing my positive and happy feelings for fear of spending bad days right after that. It happened so many times because once they get so comfortable around u, they just tolerate all different behaviors on their part. Keep it strict with them and goal oriented was the safest way out of a toxic relationship that undermines the development of a good self image

[@BB-ry2gp]

So basically spend adequate time with your newborn, give them love and attention. Instil confidence and enable them to be adaptable to what life throws their way. Make them know themselves and know they are capable of anything.

[@kevinparsley6806]

right. its not enough to make them.. essentially.

[@BB-ry2gp]

@P Ciprian I'm a new father, with a career as well as my wife. It's our equal responsibility to embed grounding values to our kids, not just to create a brighter future for them but for all who they interact with. We are the King's and Queens of our minds. Let us breathe deep and take control.

[@twoscoopz4944]

not just newborn but 0-2 years at least.

[@BB-ry2gp]

@P Ciprian When you're the master of your mind and emotions and you have God with you, nothing can penetrate you. Kids will do what you do, not do what you say. Rules are not meant to be enforced- you don't train your kids, you raise them... instill them with core values and behaviours, help build them to be kind, confident and resilient and let the rest flow. All the best @P Ciprian- remember you are a King my friend.

[@audreygibson8307]

No, more like being there for your child from infancy and beyond. Being a parent is a lifetime responsibility. But the MOST pivotal years for securing attachment are from birth to age four.

[@Jana-fs2qf]

I think my boyfriend is like this. He’s very emotionally distant and even tho he is well-liked and has many friends, he can’t connect with them in a normal way. And he’s either extremely clingy and possessive to withdrawn and empty

[@meaeoh2235]

Jana, you'd be careful with him. In some cases, more often than not, love is not enough

[@lucelletumulak7094]

Maybe he is a narcissist

[@LegioXXI]

sounds like borderline to me. This "push & pull" behavior (being very clingy at times and then distant and dismissive another time) is typical for borderline. Borderline can have biological and/or mental causes, but here are good therapies available.

[@Jana-fs2qf]

​@@lucelletumulak7094No, I don't think he's narcissistic. He just needs constant attention and reassurance that he is loved, and he's really insecure

[@Jana-fs2qf]

​@@LegioXXI He is in therapy and has been for a while. I believe he has depression and severe PTSD, but I can't be sure. If he was diagnosed with anything, he didn't tell me.

[@Jeanelle_Char]

I believe I have all three insecure attachments. I’m done blaming my parent though. I’m an adult now so I just have to figure it out.

[@sprouts]

I think not seeing yourself as a victim and taking life into your own hands is a very good place to start! All the best to you!

[@kingofthehillawa5331]

I feel you

[@ninadylan4649]

Me too..I dont know where to or how to start

[@elitemangudai1016]

People born into dysfunctional families are at a disadvantage from the beginning. They have to fight through the problems their parents cause while normal families develop thrive and progress healthily.

[@angelcandy6703]

Great start there, accepting your responsibility as an adult. I know far too many people still blaming everyone and everything for their unhappiness....you just have to move on from the past. The past does hurt most often, but you will find a positive way to vent.....that’s key to recovery

[@SandhyaTanwar-k3j]

Watched the whole video, THANK GODS I have a loving family, I took it for granted earlier my sister and my mother are my closest and I love my dad as well. I am just so lucky I can express my self and I can be my true self.

[@amandanascimento7530]

My mom got depressed when I was 2. My dad used to work all day, so we spend the day at home, but I was always alone cause she locked herself inside the bedroom and that made me so anxious and afraid of losing her. Then I started to wake at the middle of the night and got into her room, cause my dad was there too and I could feel safe and loved for once in a day. That happened for 7 years, then I start to sleep only after she give me a kiss and cover me with the blanket. Now, as an (almost) adult, I feel so anxious, insecure and lonely. Being anxious has always being part of my personality. I'm not that good with english, sorry:/

[@sprouts]

Hi Amanda, I am sorry to hear that. It is great thought that you are aware of your emotions and of their root. Being able to look at the difficult things we go through in life is an important first step in healing. Wishing you all the best!

[@Rafenbeger24]

Que coisa Amanda, espero que você consiga superar isso algum dia...e n precisa falar inglês necessariamente n, esses gringos não fazem isso por nós.

[@andikamaghardene3075]

hola Amanda. Siento tu dolor. usted no está solo.

[@andikamaghardene3075]

@@Rafenbeger24 Not all people are gringos. Most of the world are filled with other cultures and languages. Like me. I appreciated what you said to Amanda though. My mother tongue is Afrikaans. Ja Rafael ek waardeer jou woorde

[@7777VANITY]

Never apologise for your wording in English... you should be very happy of yourself to be able to speak 2 different languages 😊 💙👌🏻

[@bryan_mancia2549]

Crazy how: How I act now is dependent on years I can’t even remember

[@TaoScribble]

I remember because it never stopped or changed. ._.

[@lifeisweird-8081]

I would do crazy things or even pay to not remember my childhood

[@redwarrior2963]

I'm still traumatized from childhood and I'm 18.

[@cockycookie1]

@@lifeisweird-8081 except when you want to work on yourself and run into all kinds of mental blockades. I think it's better knowing and being able to move on than not remembering a thing but still feel all the triggers, at least from my experience.

[@evanrutherfordlazyahole9079]

Some parents get off on the idea of owning their child through codependency and never think of the long term consequences.

[@cassieh5506]

My dad

[@VengefulPolititron]

think my mom is co dependant. dad is narcissist covert so I'm codep narc. idk. I'm def borderline. cant control my behavior

[@Mitzi73]

I was a victim of this. I almost 50 and I have had to separate from my mother as much as I can just so I can find myself and be an adult.

[@brianwalsh1401]

@@VengefulPolititron You can work on your issues and little by little regain your authentic self and heal your wounds. ACA/DF and CoDA have been helpful for me. Find a good therapist if you can.

[@ewwmorons]

Worse if they think of you as a tool to get their dream they failed to achieve. "I only want you to get this job" or "Getting your master is useless, 9-5 is the best". Then they expect your salary for them only. That's tiring tbh