The High Cost After Disconnecting From A Narcissist

[@SamanthaHamlin-mp8kv]

NARCISSISM DESTROYS LIVES.

[@marian9410]

its a frekin disease. I felt like a trapped animal in a net last year before I decided to finally get out. The more I was wrestling and trying to explain to them, the more the trap closed. I suddenly figured that not only were my father and brother big time narcs, But my sister turned out to be a rotten egg. Covert narc, machiavellian, playing me for decades, the worm. The siblings now have the mother in their pocket after the father passed. I don't stand a chance and let them all go. I hope you are out of the cesspools that are out there....

[@michellehill718]

They try with all of their might, wealth, and power, and then punish individuals publicly for surviving all of it and for still not being anything like them, impressed, or remotely confused about anything they are doing, have done, keep denying, and seem to have no plans to ever stop doing. Their arrogance, vanity, and brazenness are astonishing, to say the least. Inside they must be beyond empty and hollow. Where would any of them be without their many flying monkeys to do their bidding for them? It's so deep and beyond interesting to me. A case study in and of itself. And, rich fodder for a variety of prayer work and much needed and related ministry! Never give up! 🕊️❤️

[@DanielB-uy6ye]

Never surrender

[@dcikaruga]

Been through it myself, and this scumbag belongs in prison, but sadly, the police are a disgrace.

[@pennylynch913]

Yes i went through hell!

[@Dr.Dark78]

Just remember, no matter the cost of disconnecting from a narcissist, it is always worth the price in the end.

[@Juke582]

Most definitely! The sooner the better!

[@kericaswell6084]

I agree but mine got our daughter and it's been devastating. I wasn't financially in a position to fight it and I am full of health problems after the abuse. Our courts protect and believe their lies. They are awful human beings.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Being completely me; no apologies, no explanations, no defending myself. What a relief not to deal with dad(since August); no more heartburn; this channel is my antacid!

[@hunterfishergather6879]

AMEN!!!

[@walkingwithAbraham]

That’s not true . We need to make decisions based on many factors

[@rontiemens2553]

“The narcissist is a deranged individual.” That is a key truth.

[@kathleenmorrison8450]

Any cost of disconnecting pays for itself real soon when you start experiencing peace and freedom from abuse! Anyone who believes the narcissist lies about you aren't worth it anyway.

[@jxn1056]

So so true!! ❤

[@marybusch6182]

Peace and freedom includes better sleep and more time to address your own health.

[@brendamoore1190]

Well said.

[@pam2727]

I look forward to that day. thank you for your message.

[@Outdooracademe]

I left so many narcs behind years ago. Unfortunately they are having an upswing and now I'm blocking them from my YT channel. These people are so incredibly sick. They are out of control.

[@anyways661]

Grown people can't think for themselves, would rather talk about you than talk to you. Sneaky backstabbing cowards can have each other.

[@user-vt9kd4no8j]

“would rather talk about you than to you” sums up my life surrounded by a bunch of narcissists 😏

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Well said 👏🏽

[@ay-tj7pj]

Narcissists are mentally ill people. They can't see people winning & happy.

[@steadypace1262]

I agree narcissists don't deserve quality people in their life.😉

[@Bernsmooth]

This is why you have to be content with your own truth . That’s what matters most.

[@debragibbs9347]

The narcissist believes ANY thinking that is different from THEIR thinking/distorted reality IS "distorted thinking"!

[@lemostjoyousrenegade]

Right? The one who has attempted to gaslight me and tried (several times) to revise history called ME delusional. What a SAD joke! A real comedy/tragedy! 🎭 They project and lie like crazy. I’ve even wondered if they were showing signs of having Alzheimer’s or dementia. I don’t wish either of those illnesses upon them, but it does run in their family, on both sides.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

That something is wrong with everyone else. That the boss is unreasonable, the police are after him(maybe he shouldn't have broken the laws!), he pretends I don't exist. I still get heartburn thinking about him. I was born to a narcissistic dad. For 60 years, because I don't think like he does; I am perceived as the problem. Whatever. His loss of supply!

[@gwdavey]

I disconnected from my narcissistic mother in 2019. I have experienced so much lashing out and smear campaigns. Now 5 years later and my father and siblings don't speak to me any longer. They're convinced that they must protect our fragile, innocent mother.

[@cheryllryan8440]

They have to protect the lie

[@Juke582]

They made you the scapegoat!!! Had it happen to me. There was a guest on here who has a great scapegoat video I learned from and healed that! Dr Wise I think? It’s worth viewing!

[@Juke582]

When my overthinking narcissist father died in 2019, I felt a sense of total freedom with a weight off my shoulders I did not ever expect! It made me happy 😃 I realized I got the devil 👿 off my back! The evil is gone! My mind can take a sigh 😔

[@Juke582]

@@koma4050never give up once you leave as later the kids will realize they were tricked! They will be back to you!

[@BarbzSA]

So sorry. I've been no contact with my mother for about a decade. It's very painful when you are abandoned by close family for her. I've had to form close friendships and it does help hugely. You can find 'kin' out there

[@andy.hello.6602]

Don't give a narcissist an inch ....give them nothing.

[@damaris7687]

Absolutely nothing

[@LaMesaC]

NOTHING

[@scottzuccone3023]

Man, the radical acceptance is mind warping, lonely place to be. It was 17yrs before Jesus Christ showed me what was on: she's 61 now. It is now 19 years, and the attacks & abuse are getting worse. I'm 62 and 5months old. I refuse to spend what time God blesses me with such an evil, hateful (demon)?!

[@mosaicowlstudios]

Oh yeah, if you give them an inch, they'll clobber you down screaming, "where's the rest of my mile!?"

[@nicselectronics81]

No weapon formed against me shall prosper.

[@rochellet1333]

Amen!

[@denicehaley9902]

Amen and amen‼️🙏

[@QuantumEffectResidue]

If the person's a family member and they start waggling their tongues and turn the other non-saved family members against you then you've lost nothing because they're not saved and living for God to begin with!!

[@ryanjeanes5253]

@@QuantumEffectResidue Saved from what?

[@catsaretasty]

Narc motto😢

[@gazoo7411]

Do not let the Narc control you, no matter what. Its not worth it. Stand tall and be strong........

[@hchayes9431]

I wish that we use narc because it takes my spell check so long to spell narcissistic personality disorder😮

[@valleygirl2530]

@@hchayes9431. NPD works!

[@scottzuccone3023]

I'm getting better at looking at my wife with curiosity, as she is a hateful covert narcissist I live with; there is no cure, but Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

[@douglasspringer1665]

@@hchayes9431 NPD works.

[@Ayebaybaye]

It hurts when it’s family, your childhood friends and romantic partner. Woke up to narcissism 4 years ago. Thank God.

[@michellehill718]

It's never too late to wake up!!!

[@julies634]

I get it. I see most of my childhood “friendships” in a totally different light now.

[@happyhealthyblessed]

I know it’s horrible when it’s your parents your sisters then marrying into a family full of narcs. It’s ok! I had to learn a lesson. I’m out and free and happy!! God pulled me out of that nightmare. I thank God!!

[@debracappiccille6485]

I agree but I will tell you. My father, siblings, husband and so called friends are/were all covert or malignant narcissists and I have been hurt beyond measure but the absolute worst hurt is my daughter. I can’t……🥹

[@valleygirl2530]

Good for you! Keep it up, don’t be tricked by others who might have any power over your life. I’ve discovered that my weaknesses have been financial and thus came the Rescuers bearing gifts and Control.

[@InvisibleWarrior279]

Recovery is hard. There is just no way around it. But it still beats the hell out of the alternative which is accepting abuse for the rest of your life. Keep on keeping on folks!

[@michellehill718]

Indeed! And, keep going and growing anyway, no matter what! Why? Because, we're worth it!!!

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

Yes.

[@everett552]

It's a good feeling when you no longer care what they think or say about you. The high cost I had to pay was to get my mind back right after that chaotic, disturbing situation I was in, that I tried hard to save. When I got tired of the hamster wheel, I jumped off and didn't look back. The work I did to restore my self esteem, self confidence and face and resolve my past issues was HARD but it was well worth the cost! Thanks to the Most High God and coaches like Dr. Carter. ❤

[@SusieBear-ji3hq]

Amen way to go that's exactly what I call it too the hamster wheel smh he's in jail it's the most peace I've had in 2 years thought I'd be more determined here's my opportunity to escape my finally put an end to it and I'm telling him now I'm gonna bail him out wtf is wrong with me I'm gonna blow it I can't afford to do this if I do I know it will be biggest mistake dear God please help me.

[@SusieBear-ji3hq]

Do I have death wish self destructive behavior I literally almost hate him I can't stand being in his presence he literally makes me sick he has made my life miserable help

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

It's been extremely difficult to heal my mind after 42 years of marriage. A year out and I have asked several times how in the world did I endure as long as I did?

[@nancytwigg4631]

"Harsh". That sums it up. Cruel, dehumanization. When their messages seep into your psyche, they double down on their dosing and doling pain shots. Killers! They aim to rob your soul. Don't YOU take it out on YOU! This is the highest of costs, when all the collateral damage makes you self-doubt, self loathe, second guess all your abilities to move on. The strength you had before is still there, under those layers of pain, shock, trauma and sadness. From this day forward, dig down deep. Find yourself, find your good, and grow from it. My doctor told me it will take at least 3 years...Im approaching year 2, making progress, but triggered so easily...the pain remains...but striving for the daily gift available from God. The essence of love, dignity, civility, and respect.

[@ellensunden2778]

Stay strong and steer the course! You're words of wisdom ring so true!

[@nancytwigg4631]

@ellensunden2778 Thanks Ellen. Harsh hits hard. Together on Team Healthy, we soften the blows. Sending out to our survivors, my love, and our truth. We go each other's back.

[@BlackSheep380]

I'm on year 10 and still struggling in certain areas, such as being too open and loving with people who then stab me with their fiery darts.

[@cookiemama4]

​@BlackSheep380 The Narc I work with as co- caregiver, has been punishing me daily with gaslighting. She always removes things and keeps them, or brings them back later, saying, "It was right here!" Every one of a thousand jabs seems so minor to others, but it's like uncovering yet another piece of evidence of a crime scene, to the target!

[@ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox]

You are so right. Ppl throw Narcissism around today and over use it. As adult children have grown up in a pattern of hating on their parents and blame them for everything. But true Narcissistic abuse and I mean abuse that can be on a continuum of measured. But it's painful regardless it's called abuse emotionally, mentally and the desire to shift all blame and false accusations. Slander smear campaigns everything in this video

[@douaa1934]

Being free from the narcissist Creating your opportunities is priceless Staying true to yourself 🙏🏻

[@NikkiGRocks4Ever]

Yes there are high costs leaving the narcissist. You will get through it if you persevere and don’t give up. In the end, you will gain important things such as freedom from the abuse, peace of mind, your health, your self respect, your dignity, and fulfill your dreams, goals, and destiny.

[@hunterfishergather6879]

I hope so Nikki. I have gained some worth back; but emotionally I'm not sure Ill ever be normal. Praying for that miracle...

[@NikkiGRocks4Ever]

@@hunterfishergather6879 It’s a process. May God bless you and help you so you can lead a fulfilling life. ☮️

[@TheObtemperare]

The world itself is saturated with narcissism from media to pharma to personal relationships to self doubt it’s quiet a lot to unravel I think that’s why people love animals so much.

[@monabarber2335]

I’ll take animals Amy day over Humans , and at 64 I have My whole life once I left home at 22 ! I’ve been extremely happy staying away from the Human Species 😊❤

[@mmmmarada]

I love the ending about love and peace. I am in the middle of breaking up and it's like a 4D chess game, and I just let him know I know everything he did. It's terrifying, but I needed to do that for my sanity. I want to keep focusing on the fact that this will end and I can have peace and stability again some day soon.

[@rascallyrabbit]

the narcissist is a deranged individual ... perfect

[@DanielB-uy6ye]

This I do know :D

[@georgycolson6743]

Thank you for confirming that I'm not crazy...it's hard to experience the stuff that a narcissist puts you through 😢

[@tbunnyshy1]

They likely smear your name while intermittently trying to hook you back in with fake kindness. After all, they need a supply to fulfill their needs. My mother was crying because I am moving out soon. I am 53. She is simply going to miss the role I play in her life. It’s disgusting.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Wow! You're moving out soon. I'm so pleased for you! I think this is your time to shine 🌞🌈🌟

[@mousiebrown1747]

Don’t go back!

[@tbunnyshy1]

@@amandaliverpool3374 The goal is by June. Amanda, I can’t thank you, Dr. C. and all of Team Healthy enough for the love and support for the many months I have been here. There are still a few steps to take, a process with more paperwork, (I just got home from seeing my caseworker) but I will soon be free! 💕❤️🎉🕊

[@minoozolala]

Yes, the crying, etc., is just another manipulation.

[@wordsaladd]

Why are you 53 living with your mom? You kinda smear yourself there. As they say "if the eagle doesn't leave the nest, they become a turkey" Sorry, wish you well moving forward!

[@Alfonso-sing]

After I left my narc husband, he went door to door to my neighbors' homes in our subdivision and lied to them about me. He told them I was secretly married to another man and I was having many extramarital affairs. And THEY BELIEVED HIM. He absolutely destroyed my name, reputation, and character. It was totally humiliating. Needless to say, I was only married to him for one day before he took off the WHOLE mask. The marriage lasted for 6 months. I have never been so hurt by a person before. I didnt even know these type of people existed. Narcs have the heart of a BEAST. These people have NO HEART. THEY ARE HEARTLESS. THEY ARE DEMONS. SOULLESS. EMPTY VESSELS. DEMONIC.

[@annastone5624]

I’m so sorry you experienced this! How awful! 😢 😢😢😢 I hope you are ok now 🌸

[@jimbear8888]

They really are😢

[@LaMesaC]

Going through same timeline married and now divorcing due to his greed, adulterous activities, and DV, sneaking around, impulsiveness, addicted history, no integrity, vindictiveness.

[@MargaretWark]

My ex has turned everyone against me, but I am still glad I divorced him!

[@NavyChief1999]

My God! 🙏🏽

[@angelamwatts]

That's exactly right. You can't have it both ways. Meaning that you can't have a healthy relationship with a narcissist. I had to move on, what else can I do? They are mentally exhausting. There was no other way, I really tried. There's nothing, absolutely nothing that you can do. 😢

[@brendamoore1190]

True! You can’t fix them no matter how much you love them. This doc is so right in what he says.

[@a_dieu_toujours]

Mentally exhausting is the truth. And physically you show it when looking in the mirror unrecognisable to yourself. Peace is everything it ripples into all areas.

[@ambds1975]

And it isn't worth trying to defend yourself. :( it's like a finger trap, the more you struggle, the worse it gets.

[@marian9410]

yep went through all of that last year. Trying to plead with my mother and my sister after my narc father passed. The brother I went no contact with already a while ago because he is a vile piece of entitled narc who has fleeced the parents. Still the mother loves him. Turns out my sister was the worst of all, playing all sides all the time. covert machiavellian style. I felt like a trapped animal in a net . The more strength I showed, the more they classed me as 'difficult' ghosted me and the like. what a cesspool.

[@Pier77Tampa]

And if the narcissist gets angry or controlling, they will blame everyone else like “you made me do it” including their own children or loved ones

[@taniadolphy5122]

I ghosted the narcissist in my life. It seems to have worked for me. Hopefully, that person stays away forever.

[@robbisson1]

They always hoover and try to come back. I divorced my narc about 22 years ago. She's still trying to find out about my life through friends. Aka flying monkeys

[@lindabaer6603]

When I broke away many years ago, I lost a mother who was never really there. It was a good move.

[@jmvwegnerpriest]

I feel something similar, that it would be a relief not to have to deal with her💔. When your mother has never been a person you can go to for comfort, but the opposite just sees you as a vessel to dump her trauma on, it is heartbreaking but I have always felt relief to get further away from her. It is draining to the core to have that role reversal and try to parent and emotionally regulate your mother since childhood.

[@marian9410]

I only just broke from her and the two narc siblings a year ago. I never wanted this and it hurts like crazy. the siblings I don't mind anymore. But the MOTHER? She is in their clutches and to be honest has shown a lot of narc signs herself. What a cesspool. I am 59 and can't believe I have wasted so much love and energy on these you know what's.

[@endorphinrider62]

She may have been 'biologically' a mother but nothing more...

[@amarbyrd2520]

Grateful to be seeing this topic addressed -- I don't think it's just me who believes strongly that this is something we should be warned about by experienced and caring mental health practitioners PRIOR to getting bombarded with the advice to "just leave". A lot of us are hit with "just leave" not just before we're advised as to what the cost might be, but before being able to gather any support -- and we're often rebuffed * when seeking * support because nobody ever told us how many "family and friends" around us were going to turn out to be enablers & flying monkeys who liked us just fine in the position where we were, in part because it meant that then THEY were not going to have to take any abuse

[@Juke582]

It’s always better to just leave trust me!!!! It only gets worse until they plot to kill you!!! Your mental health suffers greatly the longer you stay! I am 62 and having gone through it staying when I should not have really destroyed me! Now it’s very hard to trust anyone and I isolate from the world! If you start over early and work on why you got into a toxic relationship and heal your childhood wounds, you still have time to change the narrative!

[@cherobinson6371]

I think many are trapped especially in small remote settings and the Man is the narcissistic and the bread winner and he’s often at least threatening physical abuse and in most cases does Slap the Victim around.

[@steadypace1262]

I heard the word "deranged" at least twice in this video and it's what I needed to hear today. The scripture "don't throw your pearls before swine" came to mind again while listening. Silence should be the order of the day when you are in close proximity to a deranged person like a narcissist.Thank you Doctor Carter for your good advice us Survivor's need all the help we can get.🌻

[@nancytwigg4631]

Angered is found in the word deranged. You are so right!!! Stay away, break away, these deranged people cause harm and are so dangerous. Stand clear!

[@steadypace1262]

@@nancytwigg4631 Thanks I'm heeding your warning. It's very hard when a covert narcissist stepfather has turned your own son into his enabler. Covert narcissists are evil-minded they love pitting family members against each other.🕊

[@marian9410]

@@steadypace1262 my mother is in the clutches of my narc siblings and before that of my narc father before he passed. She has been lying with fleas and has them herself now. All the goodness that I once thought she had is GONE

[@a_dieu_toujours]

Reminds me of the French word ‘dérange’ … meaning ‘to disturb!’ 😅 sadly true

[@gypsyhorsesense]

I know the cost has been very high for me. Physically and monitarily. Some of it there is no coming back from. However the freedom that I have to chart my own course is priceless. Though I still have anger and resentments, its worth it.

[@freedomforusa1658]

I think its the anger and resentment thats like a virus thatll corrupt the mind, leading to a destructive lower brain function. One could loose their mind being overwhelmed and then continue on in biterness and resentfulness. Very damaging seeds those two are. 😮

[@gypsyhorsesense]

@freedomforusa1658 for me it's the ongoing financial cost as well as the intentional damage to my health that is at issue. However it did indeed take me a while to heal from the abuse emotionally. And even a decade out I'm still working on the core wounds(severe childhood abuse and trauma) that made me a prime target for the abusive ex ro begin with.

[@kathpercy7941]

Yes this is me at the moment such a high cost losing other relationships and financially smear campaign is brutal so angry and resentful mixed in with grieving trying to accept the lack of justice of the pain and destruction caused by a 30 year marriage full of his adultery and abuse on every level 🙏💕

[@MS-lg4yr]

I’m paying this price now, and I only filed 6 weeks ago. He is trying everything to destroy me through using our children, my church, everything that is dear to me. I’ve homeschooled my kids for 10 years and he took over their school 2 months ago so he could say he’s in charge of their education and claim I’m incapable of teaching them. He is self-righteous, his family supports his every move. They are spreading lies that this is all my fault (despite his infidelity our entire marriage) because God never allows divorce. There is absolutely no depth they will not stoop to in order to annihilate me. It is psychotic actually, no other word for it.

[@DanaP3335]

I could have written this post in the same situation even down to the homeschooling. He took it over. Sons turned their backs on me while giving support and attention to him. I am left with hurt, pain, and a sense of injustice. The narrative is I am to blame, the problem and poor dad didn't deserve this. He admitted he forced me out, takes no accountability for our marriage ending and our debt. The blind support is hard to see as a stay at home mom to lose my relationships with them at the manipulation of their dad. How has he twisted everything in his favor? Master manipulation and nothing sticks to him, he is slimy and evil

[@Summer_Harvest]

I really feel for you both. Homeschooling can only work if family doesn't work against you. Both parents should put in! I'm not saying school is better. I had a principal ask me to take a call from a complaining parent!

[@MKayMoore-oy6hs]

Consider the book of Exodus. That’s the best documented divorce in history. And when you leave that marriage, follow the example in scripture, continue allowing His love to flow through you as you will find new supporting circles.

[@PyrPupMom]

Keep trusting God, He can bring you through! Remember the story of Joseph in the Bible! He was severely abused by his brothers, and then lied about and falsely accused, but God not only worked it out for good; God used him to save many lives!

[@nicholecornes1915]

YOU STAY STRONG! The whole family IS SICK! BE proud that your a better person

[@mousiebrown1747]

I allowed my crazy family to ruin my life; I went back home to help my mom, when she was crying on the phone about being lonely, etc, etc, etc. PLEASE, if you move away/get free, STAY AWAY! You can’t save others; you must try to save yourself. You’re not a firefighter & you can’t carry relatives out of the burning disaster of their lives! If you come when they call for you, you likely will never be able to shake free again, and you will be everyone’s scapegoat.

[@f.frederickskitty2910]

My husband is a narcissist and so is his mother. He went no contact with her in 2016 and there is an absolute irony hearing him talk about his reasons for this because he has inflicted all the same behaviors on me for decades. 🤔

[@marian9410]

yep my sister went on and on with me about how our father and brother were narcs and isn't it so obvious and then it turns out she was a player, strategist, the worst of all, operated covertly all the time pretending to be the saviour of the family dynamic. I had to let go of her. It was ALL A SHAM

[@LaMesaC]

Same with me and my narc abusive husband now divorcing him.

[@annmariekeim9553]

It really is a high price to break away from narcissists. For me it was my narcissistic mother and her toxic family The lived in a small, isolated town where they could created their own alternative reality in which I was the scapegoat. Even though I took heavy losses . I left behind a town I could never claim as having grown up there or knowing people. I refused to accept being the scapegoat. The chaos, jealousy ,raging of a disordered mind is something nobody should have to accept. Narcissists rob you of so much that you need to protect your dignity and peace .

[@user-vt9kd4no8j]

Exactly just exactly what I went through and the damage is extensive but I’m still standing like you. thanks for giving me hope for today

[@autobotdiva9268]

wow really? i gave 2 farts

[@christinerobertson9596]

Got away from my psycho mother who is smearing me to her hospice workers and adult protective services. She says she wants me in jail. She hates that I'm not held captive to her abuse. This aint easy. It's easy to create lies , but they can become extremely serious and dangerous. Husband and I lived with her to give her a nice home, but we had to escape to camper van. She fires her nurses, caretakers, and social workers if they say something she doesn't want to hear.

[@jpatterson829]

This has cost me all relationships with my grandchildren and other family members. 😢 But I am strong and keeping my distance and rebuilding my life. Thank you Dr C.

[@juliebarrett8903]

Us too. Losing our grandchildren has been excruciating, and yet, being removed from their parents has been so peaceful!

[@Gardenwitch1954]

Me too.

[@Gardenwitch1954]

❤

[@sandiish64]

Us as well, it's absolutely heart breaking that we seldom see our grandchildren due to our sons wife.

[@MarianneCatherine]

Me too! Stay strong! 🙏❤️🙏

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Disconnecting from a narcissist can be painful. But, we need to do that so that the healing can begin. I actually feel less alone !!!

[@christinelamb1167]

It's interesting how we can feel less alone when we're alone, than when we're "with" a narc.

[@nancytwigg4631]

So true, Amanda! So true.

[@ladyleaner200]

Yes so painful, esp when it’s your only son and you love your grandchildren so much! Let’s all be here for each other dear Amanda!

[@juliejen2605]

And this is why, at the end of their lives, they don't have that many people around them. Freedom will always be better than being in an abusive relationship with a controlling unempathice person. It's miserable in these relationships.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes to all you say here.

[@donnakelley1202]

Thank you Sir for your videos. They mean a lot to me. When I was young living with my family I didn't know what Narcissist personality disorder was. I had parents who treated me like an orphan child that was dumped on them. My mother was so cruel to me when no one was around no one would believe me if I tried to tell them. She had a river of hate flowing through her, just under the surface. She let me know, when I was in grade school, I was the reason she was sick. Many times my older brother bullied me, hitting me threatening me any time he wanted to. Once when I asked Mom to make him stop. She lashed out at me blaming me for her high blood pressure. Her exact words were "I wouldn't be sick if it wasn't for you. You're the reason I have headaches. Your the reason I have high blood pressure". My brother took that as permission to go on hitting me threatening me, you name it. He stole food off my plate when I was a child leaving me nothing to eat, he tried to molest me when I was 13. I stopped him by telling him I would tell the neighbor hood gosip and she would tell the whole neighborhood. And later when my father died he cheated me out almost all of my inheritance after I spent years taking care of Mom and Dad with no help from him or his wife and adult kids. Yet I was always the bad guy. Your only hope to have a decent life is to get away from them. The sooner you leave the better you will be. They never change. They never learn. They never care...and you will never get a fair break from a narcissist. I waisted years of my life trying to prove to my mother that I deserved to be loved. She never learned . My advice...Don't throw your life away trying to get love from a narcissist. Don't waist your life on anyone who doesn't treat you with kindness and respect.

[@denisem4575]

❤ to you! Your words ring true to me & are very familiar. Always felt I had to prove that I was worthy of existence. Never living my life, always doing whatever anyone in my life wanted, even when it wasn’t something I was interested in. Programmed to believe what I wanted didn’t matter. Feeling if I didn’t do what everyone else wanted I’d be tossed aside & not have friends or family. Woke up to this insidious reality 4 yrs ago & decided to change my reality thanks to people like Dr. C. At 59 I’m actually starting to feel like I’m living MY life. Better to have lived than to not have lived at all right?! Meaning it’s never too late to break free & start living 😊. 💛 to all the survivors out there

[@nicolemctavish9089]

I, too, lost most of my inheritance to my thieving, narcissistic uncle when my mother died. The financial loss was painful, but it was even more painful to realize that a man whom I had loved all my life, couldn't care less about me or my wellbeing. I, also wasted many years of my life trying to convince my narcissistic mother that I deserved to be loved. She never learned, either. I'm glad that you have come to terms with the abuse and have learned to require kindness and respect from others. Bless your heart! I wish you all the best, and I am certain you will now have it.♥

[@29Janice]

I just recently and painfully learned that my dad and mom were abusive to me while I was growing up. One of my younger sisters bullied me along with my parents at times. They took my spirit away. At 71 years of age I'm still trying to get away from my narc sister. It's terribly painful. I hear what you're saying. I'm so glad that you got out. ❤

[@Summer_Harvest]

​@@29JaniceDid you recently remember, were you told, or was it through understanding the dynamic?

[@29Janice]

@@Summer_Harvest I did a deep dive into my past when my sister told me how to apologize for something I wrote about her on FB 7 years ago. After a stay in the mental health ward 4 years ago I've been going to both group counseling and one on one counseling. So the deep dive has made me sick mentally, emotionally, and physically. It became apparent that I was raised by a narcissist dad and an emotionally abusive mom. My sister is a narc, too. My counselor told me that what I experienced was enough to kill my spirit. Now I know why I've tried to commit suicide 7 times. God is who I live for now. There are 167 miles between my dad , my sister, and myself. Dad is still alive at age 98 but he's no longer much of a narcissist.

[@bettylougreen6987]

I wish you had this channel thirty years ago. I spent thirty years being attacked verbally by my father. He was beyond cruel. This channel lets me know that I’m not alone and he wasn’t ever going to change. I had wonderful people in my life help my healing. It helps so much to understand this, thank you for this channel

[@racebannon96]

I got out but there was collateral damage. The ex-wife turned our oldest daughter against me years ago, Parent Alienation. The daughter is just as hateful and vindictive as her mother. The good news it is peaceful and quiet here without drama. Good luck to all.

[@whistlinfreedom]

Snap.... parental alienation is grim. Peace of mind is bliss ❤

[@wadesnyder6871]

same situation 35 years later vindictive!

[@whistlinfreedom]

@wadesnyder6871 24 years under my belt sndvi have broken free thanks to Dr. C. n studying narcissism. Sucks lemons when it's your kids and the x has poisoned them. No one promised us a rose garden.

[@hurricaneaquatics]

​@@DenisGuay99Record her and get those kids out of there. If you have recordings of her alienation and abuse, you can take the kids from her and clear the brainwashing.

[@AffectionateSeaOtter]

Well, I have a qs. for all the fathers alleging that the mother was the alienator. Why do you guys just 'run away' without having a proper talk with your children? If nothing else, they will at least remember you cared and respected them enough to stop and talk to them instead of bolting out of their lives. Because after you abandon them that's all they will remember. Please acknowledge your own hand in the pain and struggle your children go through instead of just dumping the entire blame on the other parent. Thank you.

[@freeandfabulous4310]

I’m the mean and bad one maybe even crazy for not wanting to attend my sisters wedding to a convicted drug felon, not wanting to be around my other sister and her bone breaking former husband, not caring about my aged father who was nasty abusive and neglectful his entire life. Not understanding cousins who deny their sexual abuse, keeping my kids away from those family members who continue the drinking and drugging cycles of the past. The smear campaigns have been stoked by my own sisters and brother but given all that I’m the mean one…It’s all so crazy.

[@Bea-wb9uk]

And that is the bright side of seeing that you are NOT around them and the salacious drama cycle. Thank God. Good insight. Thank You and Dr. C.

[@mousiebrown1747]

It is crazy, so build a new family-style support system from people who like you.

[@LibertyStation92106]

People are so evil sometimes. Sorry you have all that to contend with. I woukd NEVER vote for a lnown malignant narcissist, sadist, rapist, liar, thief and con. Yet, there are those who will separate the severe mentally impaired... as "personality". I don't get it when it multiple, UNtreatable personality DISORDERS, STARE us in the face. UNBELIEVABLE.

[@MsGeorgiabrown]

So thankful you protect your children at all cost

[@brettcordes3602]

Why would you try and control who your sister marries?

[@hujinja]

You can only control yourself and who YOU are. Don’t let them corrupt that too. Be strong. Be yourself and those that can see the truth will do so.

[@jds6964]

I tried to "talk" with my narcissist mother by sending her what I felt was a well thought out 6 page letter. She got drunk and blew it all out of proportion. I am 59 years old and I have finally given up trying to have a productive and meaningful conversation with my mother. She is 87 years old and she is not capable of meaningful change.

[@Mylife-g2z1g]

Yes the narcissistic tax can be expensive. But what value would you place on your well being? Your wellbeing is priceless!! Pay the tax and move on!!

[@MargaretWark]

The cost of leaving has been great!

[@Summer_Harvest]

The dream of a healthy family, connectedness.

[@junehall2177]

Yes, I agree but not pressurized connectedness, just the desire to stay in touch.

[@Steaphany]

The Narcissist that I was married too tried to ruin my reputation by outting details about me that it thought would be damaging. Well, to it's horror, everyone already knew the "secret details", it was nothing new for anyone that the Narcissist spoke to and even worse, no one had any issues about the "secret details". Later, the Narcissist sent coworkers to commit arson, vandalize my home and property, commit assault on me personally and the thugs ran screaming back to the Narcissist as a shotgun intervened. ( The Narcissist thought I would never defend myself )

[@usewisdom2]

good on you. maybe the narcissist needed a taste of that medicine too.

[@Daily_Bread84]

😮 wow! I am glad you are okay.

[@cassiebennet4262]

That's psychotic.

[@BlackSheep380]

Narcissists are usually strong advocates of govt gun control/confiscation. Now we know why.

[@Summer_Harvest]

​@@samanthamariah7625we found our screen bent and knew. They had one of the kids do it. The one that did told and also told how they made keys.

[@Hatbox948]

I have a lot of baggage left over from my time with the ex narc. Some of it I'll never be free of. Disconnecting does remove you from their verbal abuse, lies, delusions, etc., and for that I'm thankful.

[@Juke582]

Amen 🙏 such peace ☮️ is gold!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Don't forget how far you've come 🌞💕

[@jeankipper6954]

When I left the Hell my family was, I knew that they would blame me for everything. And the kitchen sink. And lots of stuff they made up. The only thing I could have done was to hang in there, continuing the very sick family dynamic. I had to choose between honoring that, with my very life, or, honoring the life I was given. Nothing about that was easy. Nor even yet, decades later, for some things. There will never be fixing what they did. Even if they were still alive, they would never acknowledge their damages. Yet, I have lived a rich life. With, as Dr. C would say, a limp, an accent. But far, far better off than staying in Hell with them, as they demanded. Perfect? No. Much, much better? Absolutely.

[@astrarai-thesobercoder]

Narcissist abuse and Family Scapegoating Abuse is difficult to work through, let alone explain it to others unless they've experienced it. Sending you a virtual hug.

[@millyGraves]

My youngest daughter has pegged me as narcissistic. I'm not sure what a narcissistic person is like. Maybe I am. I Am 64 and live a simple life and believe in giving without taking. I am guilty of trying to help and maybe that is where I have gone wrong. Maybe by giving her the freedom to put 5 or 10 years of space will be the only way to make her happy. After 6 months of not hearing from her ,I hear her in my sleep crying and I can't help. I wake in the night and can not settle my mind. She says she has bipolar 1 and 2. Has borderline personality disorder and that I don't listen or support her enough. If this makes me this incredibly uncaring, selfish person that I now understand a narcissist to be I am confused. I am going to write and let her know I love her,but she will read it as I want back in and that I will try to manipulate her. I NEED ADVICE ...may be I should just allow her to walk away, do my greaving and hope she can have a good life. 😢

[@annemariegodden]

Watch as many Dr Les Carter and Dr Ramani videos you can before your decide. Best wishes @@millyGraves

[@dnk4559]

Well said!

[@notaclue822]

I don't get why so many people readily believe them. Can't they see how inappropriate it is for them to put so much energy into involving a bunch of third parties in something they don't belong in? They are so good at making people think they need to be taken care of when it's the farthest thing from the truth. Control is right. What's with That? Why do narcs need it so badly? It must be awful to be them actually.

[@joanndeck4315]

Our govts do it ALLLLLthe time….look at these wars….and ppl fall for it

[@Ra_vee9132]

People often do figure out something is wrong with the narcissist eventually, especially if you are silent. The whole “he protesteth too much” thing makes them gradually uneasy. I have had people who were smeared to act uncomfortable with me in the early days of our split but who warmed up and moved on, as my ex continued to rant on about me. He is often considered to be “too emotional“. The only faithful steward at his side is the new wife, who immediately took his side the moment they met and reinforces his opinions. Still it might be necessary to remove yourself from the social circle to minimise the impact of the narcissist smear campaign.

[@suap309]

I cut off my whole entire family and had to walk away from them to save my sanity. I did it very late, but better late than never. I'm part of two large support groups. One is for adult children of dysfunctional families (there's millions of narcissistic mothers out there) and the other is for estranged adult children. I still suffer from the emotional abuse neglect and abandonment from my narcissistic mother with my physical health and mental illness. It's a lonely life but I nearly ended my life because of her abuse and bullying for 18 years. She would have been happy to kill me. I won't let her win and ruin me. I have God, my support groups, my emotional recovery, my friends and 2 loving cats. I am strong and brave to keep going after everything she's put me through. I see her as if she's a small disabled wild animal that can't walk or help itself to eat. She's totally reliant on others and very pathetic. I'm glad I am the opposite of her - loving, honest, trustworthy, respectful, caring and kind. X

[@PennyDavis-cm9tl]

Thank you for being so open and honest.. I'm going to reread your post several times. You are awesome,brave,and powerful.❤

[@gazelle3635]

Dr Carter, thank you so much for this. Everything you said and reading everyone's comments here is so helpful. I feel validated. I have no family except the evil malignant narcissist father. I have no support system which makes it so hard to get out. Lots of depression and anxiety. But Im encouraged through videos like this and relating so much to everyone's comments. I feel less alone.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

#TeamHealthy

[@user-vt9kd4no8j]

Yes that’s why I’m here, everyone sharing their painful stories and working together in the comments. 💟 someone else understands …

[@nancytwigg4631]

​@@user-vt9kd4no8jHang in there. We are all in this together. We are so much better now, knowing what we know and what the good Dr. C. offers us. Go TH!

[@Lailat854]

I hope you can go to therapy!!! I did and I actually in the end chose not to divorce. BUT I am totally psychology and emotionally detached! I am financially independent, and have always been, but boy it took a lot of work. But what a wonderful wonderful place to be - completely free, travelling when I want and to where I want, working, having my life time friends and my family. Please get help dear❤️

[@HowAboutThat3]

You are not alone. We are here. It is imperative to find just one person who gets what you're going through. I have what I thought were several good friends, but none of them can acknowledge what it's like to be narcissistically abused. The ONLY friend I have who really gets it is across the planet and I've never met her in person! She has saved me. We save each other. You can find that someone somewhere. It's the start of a new life... :-)

[@davesmj23]

You really understand it. One of the Best on You Tube.

[@usewisdom2]

Absolutely

[@nancytwigg4631]

You got that right! The best.

[@MagicalCreations-fw7pj]

Today, you absolutely cannot predict or pick them out of a crowd or in a group. Sometimes, if not often, they come as the most fragile, benign and seemingly harmless of vessels. Like very elderly and frail but WOE, those are the most skilled. In fact, the more vulnerable they may seem the more poisonous they are. It's a different world that we live in.

[@glorytogodhomestead3495]

It’s a great thing to be lower than useless to them now. So happy they will not call on me.

[@ginnywalker184]

Living with a mother who was diagnosed with mental health issues was extremely difficult. From a very young age (5-6) I did not agree with most of the decisions my mother made because they didn't make sense to me, and I would later hear my parents talking and my dad asking my mother why she made that decision. That was all I needed to confirm my 6th sense was accurate. Never once did it ever enter my mind that maybe my mother was a narcissist, but she was always very cold, favored my younger sister (middle child), blamed me for everything even if I didn't know what she was talking about, and as I grew older she did a lot of damage to my credibility with my family by telling outrageous lies; she would twist a perfectly innocent conversation into something that never happened and didn't even resemble the encounter. My younger sister recently told me I was very negative about our mother; I was shocked. By telling her what I experienced I was merely seeking some understanding from my siblings (there were 5 of us, me being the oldest daughter, 2nd child, I have an older brother). My mother passed away in February 2017 but I felt no loss because I had lost her when I was about 4 and realized then that she did not love me and it made me so very sad but, even at that age, I knew I could not let my mother see me cry so I'd go outside where she couldn't see me and cry my tears because I felt no love and so badly wanted to "fix" whatever seemed to be broken. It only got worse as the years went by, and she even once told me that everything bad that happened in her life was my fault and it was too bad I had lived. How can a mother hate their child so much? I know narcissists are incapable of love, but it's still difficult for me to understand. I'm trying my best to heal and find what Dr. C shares very helpful. I think what has saved me is that I never followed her thought processes and went my own way even at a very young child; I just Iearned very early on that if I didn't tell her what I thought, how I did something, or what was happening that she would not be any the wiser and I was correct. I pray for the wisdom to understand all this and am SO thankful that my mother taught me how NOT to treat others; she was a very excellent example of very bad behavior and cruelty and I do not want to be like that. I hope I heal before I die; I'm in my mid-70s and want to be free of her evil.

[@valleygirl2530]

This one has hit home for me. You’re NOT ALONE. Remember that book from the 1990’s “Mothers and Daughters” I think. It was suggested to me by a therapist to read it - but I couldn’t/didn’t because I was either in denial or I blamed my (ex) husband for the situation. My mind was blocked against negative thoughts about either parent. I knew how hard parenting was so I gave my Mother a big Pass. Looking back I see her reality and that her style of parenting daughters was so skewed by the way she herself was “parented”. Maybe I made excuses for her thus denying the negative patterns she passed down to me. Kids don’t know any better. Adults need to.

[@ginnywalker184]

@@valleygirl2530 It's so good to know I'm not alone because I often feel alone. My sister closest to me in age told me I was so negative about our mother and all I did was criticize her; what I now realize is that she did not understand that I was merely relaying to my sister what I had experienced. Sadly, both sisters blame me for the bad relationship I had with our mother and it was not me, it was our mother. The only one who saw the truth was our younger brother because he, too, was abused, but his was both physical and mental. Sadly, he passed away in 2018 so I no longer have that sibling support. I WILL survive!

[@jmvwegnerpriest]

❤‍🩹So very sorry for your pain. My mother is not a narcissist, not sure what is wrong with her as my parents insist they don't need any mental health support. But whatever it is, it results in her rejecting me completely. She wants to spend time, but only to tell me who I should be, how I should think and even the correct way to feel. My brother is just as messed up as I am. It is very painful to be rejected by your mother. So much love and courage to you💗!

[@ginnywalker184]

@@jmvwegnerpriest Thank you. What I have found, through experience, is that we often do not associate narcissism with our parents, which is where I found myself. My mother was diagnosed with mental health issues and I simply felt that was the issue; I was SO wrong. Your mother (or parents) may simply be covert narcissists, but I'm not a professional in that area, just have lots of experience with how destructive they can be and they simply don't care. When my stepfather passed away my mother did not shed one single tear, and when he was in the hospital dying from cancer she told me and my sisters that we were absolutely forbidden from going to see him; wrong thing to tell me because I went every day until he passed. Needless to say, my mother never once visited him in the hospital. She is stone cold, colder than the coldest iceberg, when it comes to feelings and has absolutely no empathy for anything. Thank you again for your encouraging words. I wish you well and hope both of us heal from our negative experiences.

[@susanbennetttellstales7998]

I still find it nearly impossible to cry. It's a real pain; crying would bring relief.

[@robinchilds7492]

I was fortunate that we lived 50 miles apart. He didn't know my friends and family so he can lie as much as he wants. I believe in karma.

[@cedrichapman]

Happy for you but Karma doesn’t exist. I can hugely tell it.

[@BifidokKefir]

@@cedrichapman "Karma" is just a way to say "You reap what you sow". And it works that way definitely.

[@brip557]

Looking at your dog resting behind you and listening to your soft spoken voice is comforting. 💗

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you, and Gus thanks you too.

[@cindyreinhart9552]

I understand this! I grieved for over 2 years for 3 grandsons who are still alive. The pain damn near killed me. Over 3 years now of zero contact with my daughter's family. I'm feeling better, but not every day yet. She knew how to hurt me and she did.

[@christinelamb1167]

That's the sad thing, they know HOW to hurt us, and they enjoy doing it. I pray you will one day be able to reunite with your grandsons. ❤

[@sherrydickie8459]

They absolutely know how to rip your heart out! Take the grandchildren! I haven't seen my granddaughter in almost 2 years. When i did see her and her mother in a store last month, my granddaughter was not allowed to speak to me. Shame on my daughter for brainwashing a 6 year old child!!

[@cindyreinhart9552]

@@christinelamb1167 Thank you sweetness.

[@cindyreinhart9552]

@@sherrydickie8459 Indeed. Hubby and I had been given some real shark teeth for my oldest grandson. (9 yr. old who loves sharks.) We parked where we knew his bus dropped him off. We got to give them to him...but I think his mom found out because they moved. I eventually found them but I stay away so the boys don't get in trouble. It sux. I feel for you sherrydickie. I do. Heart broken is an under statement.

[@JihongLi-v4j]

For dignity, respect, civility, free soul, inner peace, leave those evil toxic ppl even with some financial loss as soon as possible.

[@BlackSheep380]

Most often, the complete loss of an inheritance, which always goes to the Golden Child.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

We should have nothing to do with evil. Nothing to do with narcissists. Thank you dr Carter 😊

[@RickP-y2w]

The narcissist always says you're the problem and need help, not them. And everyone knows you're this or that negative thing. They fabricate narratives trying to make you believe everyone knows something is wrong with you, not them. It's so absolutely insanely childish. They ruin relationships even though they end up losing the most. It's almost unbelievable. No normal adult acts, so I'll rational. 😢

[@BaraSchmidt]

There may be a cost to disconnecting from a narcissist, but I hold fast to the FREEdom it brings! Thanks Dr C! Hi SIR GUS! Hey TH!

[@nancytwigg4631]

I love that! Cost vs. Free. "Tap your heels 3 times" the most valuable answer you are looking for has been with you all along. Your freedom is yours!!!!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Well said 👏🏽

[@nancytwigg4631]

​@@amandaliverpool3374 Thanks for being an intergral ingredient in our Team Healthy curative. An elixir of experience and support. DR. C .Take the daily dose offer by our good doctor. Thanks, Amanda@

[@BaraSchmidt]

@@amandaliverpool3374 🙏🏻🫂👋🏻

[@gazelle3635]

This video is one i will keep coming back to watch again and read the comments again. It really hits the nail on the head.

[@DHW256]

After 46 years being confronted by Mom's deceitfulness and habitual pursuit of victimhood, I finally understood there was no way to gain her love and approval, and I walked away. I'd never heard of narcissism at the time, but it was obvious all other strategies were exhausted. This didn't end her projection of the shame and embarrassment of her lifelong failures, but I was no longer there to be confronted by her, and I had a lot more time for people who love and accept me. I wish I'd known about narcissism many years ago, as I was one of two of her children to directly confront Mom about her problems, and we paid dearly. Perhaps if we'd been able to put a term to her compelling behavior, then there could have been a way to get her the help she needed. It's doubtful she'd ever agree to seek help, but at least she'd know that we knew, that everyone knew.

[@Elicia341]

How do you get away from Narcissist? They are everywhere! Once you’ve been damaged by numerous narcissists, you become hypersensitive, hyper vigilant because you never want to experience that abuse again and also that’s what happens with trauma. You are so aware of the characteristics, you never want to experience that pain again, you discover that narcissist are everywhere and you get to a point where you don’t want to leave your house or engage with anyone because of the pain you have already endured. It’s like you’re a target

[@MsGeorgiabrown]

Get therapy

[@joelandrum9803]

My narcissist is my daughter. That's painful! She is now 53 years old and her narcissism has split up our family and landed her very close to going to jail. She has had husbands I never met and children who think the worst of me, and even some children I have never met. I have not heard from my daughter in years and blanch at the thought of getting yet another letter. BOL to everyone who goes through this.

[@usewisdom2]

You're better off without her in your space. Move on and grow your beautiful life in peace.

[@tmo.48]

"Return to sender" those letters

[@DaleMeinardi]

I’ve been asking myself off and on for 30 years why am I still putting up with my daughter’s contempt. I wish we could see more advice on this dynamic. We need a support group for mothers of narcissistic daughters.

[@sherrydickie8459]

I totally agree! My daughter is the narc in my life as well. Just plain MEAN!

[@Summer_Harvest]

​@@DaleMeinardisupport groups that would support a one way attempt to save a relationship won't work. I can see it's always been one way for my daughter, her way!

[@pikieragland2987]

My MIL has completely slandered me with everyone on her side of the family and it hurts so much that they have chosen to believe her lies.. But these same people don’t even want to have her come for a visit and give us a break because she lives with us full time.. I just have to suck it up and ignore the divisions she has caused so that I can have some sort of peace .. I’m grateful for my husband who defends my character at every turn because he sees his mother for what she really is..

[@paradisefamilyvlogs3426]

I'm living this. I can corroborate every word Dr. C stated. The never ending abuse prompted me to file for divorce. And remarkably the abuse escalated. The smear campaign began years before filing. And the filing led to physical aggression and rampant financial abuse (fraud, hiding assets, stealing, etc.). I've tried 3 times to escape from him. And you know what I've come to realize, escaping is the justice. For him it's such a horrendous defeat - achieving escape, that's the justice my friends. And if you've made it, YOU WON!🎉

[@cindysunley5992]

Heavenly Father, thank you for sending this man to me today of all days. I will continue to live in Love and Peace. To keep pushing the hurt away. Thank you Dr Carter!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Stay strong, Cindy.

[@tywandathomas8524]

They speak so well that they go unnoticed…25 years in this mess. My son talks like him

[@aaronkwolfe]

Lol. High cost for me was 9 years of guessing and waiting, attorney retainer and fees above that, a bit over 1/2 of the selling price of marital home, a bit under 1/2 of my retirement investments, and holding a sizeable, but worthless check (made out to both of us that my bank would only deposit to a joint account that went away at discard). But the freedom! Oh, the freedom!

[@rosannearcher6706]

FREEDOM,YES, FREEDOM!!

[@THRASHMETALFUNRIFFS]

Richie Havens opening WoodStock - FREEDOM! FREEDOM! ... but since we haven't seen the video yet, I'm not sure if this one will be just the financial abuses and toll on networth through divorce and custody affecting earning potential and stunting future gains or it could be the high cost of lost potential through lifetime abusive controlling parents that set up their kids for failure and disappointment and the many many more intangible effects; such as the damage to our health through either of those situations.

[@Summer_Harvest]

Aaron, I can't imagine. Was most of that time period waiting until the children graduated?

[@Summer_Harvest]

​@@THRASHMETALFUNRIFFSI think the part about continued or worsening impact on the family members is a real concern. I would like to hear a success story.

[@aaronkwolfe]

@@Summer_Harvest No, the girls had already graduated, and my son was starting his senior year. I’m thinking the elapsed time was a misguided attempt at preventing me from “moving on” toward remarriage. She imagined all sorts of wild things.

[@nicolemctavish9089]

Thank you, Dr. Carter!!! You truly understand this evil that is narcissism. It has brought me abuse, separation from loved ones, and decades of pain and confusion. Please keep talking about it so those of us who have suffered so much for so long can retain our sanity and move forward with our lives. Thanks to you I have found my bearings and I am finally truly free. I have suffered huge losses but I have survived and I am now thriving. I am dedicated to dignity, respect, civility, peace, love, and kindness, all of which are foreign to narcissists. I am sad for the narcissists I loved, but I cannot make their choices for them. I can only live my life as well as I can, and that is what I'm doing. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your guidance.

[@heather4yashuah746]

2019 cut mother and sister and “friends “loose.They still can’t stop stalking and talking regardless of blocking

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Let them yammer. In the meantime, live into your best version of you separately!

[@jimbear8888]

Thank you Dr. C !! There's no way to communicate with narc's because when you try its always, somehow your fault. Im really at the end of my rope! God is my strength 🙏

[@venusrising6554]

Hi Dr C, Your observation about the N's arrested emotional development clicked. I watched a parenting instruction video on establishing discipline with a 5 year old using a time out bench. It was astonishing that 2 parents (enablers) were totally intimidated allowing their 5 year old to run the show. It took the parents 3 & 1/2 HOURS to keep retrieving their screaming 5 year old from all over the house to sit on a bench for 5 MINUTES. The only "time out bench" for a Narcissist is boundaries, grey rock, no contact etc. It's like the now adult, Narcissistic, smarter, manipulative, devious 5 year old is running the show surrounded by enablers. Unreal.

[@RodeDanny]

I faced massive betrayal from parents and siblings, I took the loss and moved on. Now 2 years later, they want to reel me back in. Nope not gonna happen. I'm going full no contact.

[@konradm7776]

My ex-wife is paranoid and narcissistic. We broke up many years ago and she tried to blackmail me by using my love for my daughter. Unfortunately for her, our daughter saw the light and with the help of the court, I took the child away from her and now I am a proud father, although the child came out of it bruised and I have a lot of challenges with it. Either way, the narcissist is left alone and doesn't know how to deal with it. And this is her karma

[@istateyourname4710]

My narc's passive-aggressive bashing continues & has been thrust upon my adult children. It's been a DECADE since the divorce. He gets triggered & the games begin. A recent 'disclosure', designed to hurt me, caused me to bother for about 36 hrs. Then, over it. I consider this a big stride & an example of healthy healing. Not fully there, but in progress!💜

[@aaronkwolfe]

Progress is the key word here. You can, the N cannot. I often say, baby steps, in the right direction, is still progress. Something that has helped me, is their predictability in behavior. I get a wry smile at expecting what their next move is, and seeing them do exactly as predicted. It’s like “I KNEW you’d do that.” Dr. C and TH has helped me see the patterns to predict accurately. I smile a lot more now. I wish the same for you.

[@istateyourname4710]

Ty, Aaron.

[@elainesmith5313]

I love this video! From my view, I would have chewed my leg off to get out the Narcissist Family Cult. It was worth the risk, and I so glad that I broke away. Don't care what they say!! Iam Free At last!!!!! Thanks Dr. C.❤

[@roxymovie3938]

Everything in life has its costs, so what is more worthwile for you? Staying or disconnecting? Do you prefer ongoing frustration or do you prefer joy? Do you prefer tension or do you prefer peace? Do you prefer ongoing arguments or do you prefer harmony? Do you prefer control or do you prefer freedom? Do you prefer losing yourself or do you prefer finding yourself? Do you prefer being dependend or do you prefer being independend? Do you prefer lie or do you prefer truth? Do you prefer being used or do you prefer being useful? Do you prefer taking responsibility for others or do you prefer taking responsibility for yourself? Do you prefer living in fantasy or do you prefer living in reality? Do you prefer ongoing anxiety or do you prefer freedom from fear? Do you prefer constantly doubting yourself or do you prefer trusting yourself? Do you prefer living by the opinions and values of others or do you prefer living by your own opinions and values? Do you prefer being cut into pieces or do prefer being whole? Do you prefer criticzing or do you prefer praising? Do you prefer shrinking or do you prefer expanding? Do you prefer being stuck or do you prefer thriving forward? Do you prefer isolation or do you prefer integration? Do you prefer ongoing harm or do you prefer healing? You can make your own cost use calculation by asking yourself lots of questions - and please feel free to add other questions to my thoughts so that this list is able to grow.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Such wisdom here, Roxy!

[@roxymovie3938]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you, Dr Carter.

[@Whatsthenextstep2]

Beautifully said! Thank you for sharing this!

[@Juke582]

So spot on! Hope many read this Roxy!

[@whistlinfreedom]

Do you prefer peace of mind or slowly losing your sanity? Peace of mind is worth the pain of breaking free, every time ❤

[@vmoore1088]

"There's good in me, and I'm going to live into it" Thank you, Dr C!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're most welcome!

[@karenhope6986]

Heartbreaking not to see grandkids...again.

[@Boss_Lady.325]

Same here. I lost 3 grandchildren over this. Gutwrenching

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's especially heartbreaking.

[@rcmoonpie1967]

Immediate family is the worst. Pastor Robert Jeffress from First Baptist Church in Dallas said this country has a fetish on family. I believe it, I've lived it. Anytime I complain about my mother people acted like I was the problem. I was born in 67, and she stayed in bed with depression for the better part of 40 years. She was a teacher, but as soon as she came home she hit the bed, weekend she stayed in bed. When she retired she make the bed her permanent place. I have no siblings or children, the entire burden was put on me to take care of her. Every time I moved out there was some problem and I was either called back out by the police, or I just had to resort to moving back in. I'm 56 years old, she's been dead for 10 years, and I still scream at her as if she's still here. She was the major reason I decided not to have any children. My parents divorced when I was 16, my father was an abusive alcoholic so I never saw him again. Normal people just don't understand how lucky they are 😔

[@lovecyril999]

4:48 Absolutely yes! He ensures I pay a high price for leaving him, and I have seen a side of him I never thought possible...all the things Dr C describes here I've experienced since I left. I also lost a ton financially to him in the settlement agreement, BUT it is all worth it to get myself and my life back.

[@victoria9663]

5:20 absolutely. My narc dad "cut contact with me" a week after I cut contact with him. It is like quitting a job and then the boss saying "i fire you first!".

[@kaiserlink7644]

I disconnected from a narcissist today actually, or rather I was disconnected with. Thank you so much for this I needed it today, you have no idea

[@janetklumper6048]

I am so proud of you, stay strong, you deserve a good live😘👍

[@matthewwozniak9138]

Haters gonna hate, but lovers love on.

[@darinsmith2458]

This goes with what you say.. Allowing that peaceful place within to guide.. When something goes against that to check in with that peaceful place to see what that has to say..

[@shareenbornemann9126]

I recently broke ties w/narc sister. Probably will not see frail 90 year old mom again either, but she is a flying monkey, and can be angry and verbally abusive as well. For me it came down to risks vs benefits. I'm sad, I pray for them and have forgiveness. The guilt is gone, replaced with peace. Thank you Dr. Carter, you're a God send!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I stand with you, Shareen.

[@avrilboardley3062]

I lost everything when I divorced a narcissist. I lost my children, half a house, insurance policies ( in other words a fair divorce settlement) and my family.

[@marysuzannajayne1340]

I can’t believe how closely you describe my narcissistic sibling. She literally contacted family members we hadn’t spoken to for 30 years and told them intimate medical details about my mother, because she was asked to step down as POA when I stepped in to take over. And she is an attorney??? But at the end of the day, her ego was hurt, so she lashed out and made up so many lies about me, my children and my sick mother. I’ve not spoken to her since 2017. And my mother only has me now, the rest of the siblings followed my narcissistic sister.

[@deannesullivan5392]

Thank you so much Dr Carter. Watching your videos has helped me tremendously. I believe you are God sent. I've been dealing with a malignant narcissist sister living with my 88 year old mother who is passive aggressive mother who has all my life has showed favoritism to the other sibling who is the malignant narcissist. I finally set boundaries and set my life free starting today!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Stay strong!!

[@daleg4299]

Hey Doc, This was such an unflinchingly honest description. Most therapists (likely in their effort to help) try to sugar coat and minimize the costs. You don't and I so appreciate that. Many thanks!

[@animalboy71]

I'm 7 months out of a Narcisistic relationship. We have a child and it can be so difficult at times. It seems the kinder I am the meaner she becomes. She keeps hooking me into things just to make sure she has power over me. It's so exhausting to deal with. I just want the best for our son and she just wants what she wants.

[@PT13Pilot]

Spot on as always, Les! Agreed. When I finally left my suspected covert, there was plenty of collateral damage, you have to expect this. Mutual friends, her family, etc, just stopped talking to me at all. Assuming her smear campaign was a good one. While it adds to the pain, the freedom from it all is WORTH IT!!!! And anyone you loose as part of it that listens to only one side, wasn’t worth keeping anyway. I’m moving forward daily with healthiness, Doc! And I’m living into it! With a lot of wisdom from you! Thank you👍😇

[@lizmackie4004]

You and Dr Ramani explain this to perfection 👍 Great videos puts a heck of a lot into perspective

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad you think so!

[@olderandwiser333]

Thank you so much Dr C. I'd like to point out that this is not always, or perhaps not even usually, a "one and done" situation. Even with the passage of time and a whole lot of healing and moving on, in some situations it is impossible to remove the narcissist from your life entirely, with the result that new wounds are inflicted and you have to go through the process of letting go, healing and moving on, over and over again. Also, thank you for being one of the few people who talk about how it is not always the parent who is the narcissist. Coming to terms with having an adult child who is a narcissist, is a whole other level of dealing with a society that assumes that whatever is wrong with a person is the fault of bad parenting. Not to mention that few people ever understand that it may be necessary for a mother to walk away from someone she gave birth to. Blessings to you and yours.

[@flatlandah52]

I won’t truly relax until I get the news that“my” narcissist has died. He delights in messing with my mind, gets his jollys by ruining people who don’t fawn all over him…. Btw… he’s a beloved ( by many )pastor…

[@Summer_Harvest]

I totally get this. ❤️‍🩹

[@amypalafox7315]

😱

[@Summer_Harvest]

@@amypalafox7315 The pastor part. My ex has ALS. I'm not in a hurry for him to pass. I hope he owns up to his past actions. It would be best for his daughter. He is on the prayer list at church. My ex MIL has had a lot of white washing she has done. Sorry, I can totally see how that sounds awful but I validate flatlandah's feelings. My ex locked my daughter in his car and beat his girlfriends face against the windshield. I was on bedrest for early labor when this all went down. My daughter, his girlfriend (broken teeth, nose, black eyes) in my apartment with the police. He tried to come in and was met by my husband who had to hold it together waiting for police. I couldn't make any sense of my daughter's hysterical call. When she came all she could say was she 'was' so beautiful. She fell asleep and the sergeant came back the next morning. She,was pressing charges. By that time, my ex mil promised the girlfriend she could go stay with her and he wouldn't be there. He was. She wouldn't press charges so the sergeant went ahead with it. We don't know what people have lived through.

[@Anne_Myriam_]

I just want to *feel* *OK* again 💔

[@gailfagan7579]

My son and I had a disagreement 4 yrs ago around C-19, vax. He and my daughter-in-law stopped speaking to us and we moved on and it's been difficult. I've been praying for a Godly intervention and we received a text Dec 18 that they had just has a baby girl. It was totally unexpected as they believed she was infertile. We believe that was the intervention we were asking for. My son is so controlling, angry and has been telling others, including some marriage counselling 'therapist' that he was abused, beaten by me as a child. I was so shocked and angry because the truth is, my sons were very privileged, spoiled actually. Anyway, my husband took a box of books, baby things from my son as a gift to the new grandchild. I did not go and there's been zero contact, not even a thank you from either of them. I did see recent photos of her and it's broken my heart to know I'll likely never get to hold her or be a grandmother. I'm shattered by all of this. It's really a level of character and spiritual assassination. I was in Costco yesterday, heard a baby cry and saw a woman that I thought was my daughter-in-law. I fell apart, started crying and terrified of what I'd say or do if it was them. I know I don't deserve this and I am praying for my son to experience a prodigal son awakening. I was born to into a violent, narcissist father home in 1952, rejected before I was even born. Unwittingly raised to be a great source of 'supply' to my family and friends. Loving, generous, solved everyone's problems, put them all ahead of myself. This is the result. The pain is excruciating and my only other prayer is to be taken home to be with the Lord. 🙏✝️💔

[@proudamerican2133]

I lost a granddaughter too. Son a narc like his father, I pray for her and my poor daughter in law.

[@aaronschmidt9753]

That's a major red flag and a breach of confidentiality that you would 'know' what your son and his therapist discussed.

[@gailfagan7579]

@@aaronschmidt9753 I have not breached anyone's confidentiality. How do I 'know' that he's been affirmed by a professional? Simple: his response was rage. I did a LOT of my own work as I had children 40 years ago coming to terms with my own abuse. Back then the priority was for me to recall the hidden details, feel the pain, own my own feelings but put responsibly where it belonged then finally forgive my abusers. It is the ONLY path to stop being a victim and finding true healing and peace going forward.That is not how therapists are trained anymore. They 'affirm' everything you say. It's not about healing yourself, your relationships. It's about justifying your own rage, cruelty and keeping it alive. That's my experience. But thank you for your immediate personal judgement of me, my experiences. Also, Dr Jordan Peterson has mentioned this phenomenon as well. Everyone's a Vic time these days it seems. Hurt your feelings? Well you just discard that 'villain' completely. Cancel culture for your family, divorce your parents, that's the new thing these days.