When culture PROJECTS Narcissists: The PAINFUL journey to RADICAL ACCEPTANCE

`What do you do when you realize the narcissistic person in your life won’t change-and there’s nothing you can do about it? In this video, we’ll explore the raw reality of radical acceptance, the crushing powerlessness it brings, and how culture can make it even harder to face. If you’ve ever felt trapped in a cycle of trying to fix the unfixable, this one’s for you.

[@itslizmcmahon]

Cultures not only protect narcissists, but reward them over and over, as you've taught us.

[@nancymiddha5663]

😢😢 we should let them alone

[@TheStoicSage365]

Radical acceptance is such a profound concept. It teaches us to release the need for control over what we cannot change and to find peace within ourselves, even amidst the chaos caused by others. This video is a reminder that true freedom begins with acceptance.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

True

[@JenDoRight-zy4ev]

Beautifully said Darling

[@lindalou4858]

❤😂🎉 Absolutely, we did nothing wrong, and discarding if finally freedom, yet moving forward, all of a sudden, more toxic folks come out of the woodwork. Losing your children whilst alive is a burden again accepting. ❤ true love I believe was letting go of everyone who are prisoners trapped in a system not of their making. "I never worry about anything I can't control " Man words I speak certainly triggers honest responses making it simple for me to make choices. Once the clarity of where I stand 😂, I do me ❤

[@heiker1351]

Maybe radical acceptance is to accept that the prison we think we can't escape has two sides, like everything else. They designed it, they ordered it, but we built it, bit by bit. They always make us do everything, they don't do the work. They lie to us, but we believe the lies. The prison is made of nothing but fear. Once we overcome that we are free. Freedom is something we feel, it's not outside. There are always necessities outside, there is no freedom in a material world. True freedom is immaterial. Fearless people can't be ruled, they can't be imprisoned. That's the truth they fear the most.

[@jimmoore8951]

And why acceptance and commitment therapy is such an important alternative for mental health practitioners

[@judithargitay9860]

For me the most challenging part was when I finally faced the fact: there is no love in these relationships. Zero. Nada. It was painful as hell, mostly as it involved some of my family of origin. It is a real grieving process. But having gone through it you will never be the same and you can never "unsee" the truth. That is where a healthier, more peaceful world starts.

[@caroleminke6116]

Self love starts where narcissists end.

[@redg8]

I'm sorry to hear you had to endure the experience at the hands of your family of origin, but glad you have seen the light. I can relate, having gone through a similar experience in which three lead perpetrators orchestrated a swift ambush that involved effectively kidnapping my seven-year-old daughters. Now 13, they continue to suffer, as the enablers on both sides of my family of origin continue to work on them. I am moving in the right direction toward the path you seem to have found. Even today, six years later, when I recall in detail the surreal nature of the planned events that were clearly intended to permanently separate me from my daughters, I still feel my stomach drop. Wishing you all the best life has in store for you.

[@zacharytrundy5842]

That's where the gut punch hit me. To realize that the woman I've been married to for 42 years really didn't love me. The grief and depression put me in the hospital.

[@redg8]

@@zacharytrundy5842 I'm sorry. Clearly this was a deeply traumatic experience, a far cry from what you believed you were choosing more than 42 years ago. For anyone who has not yet fully reconciled the deception that took place, it can be somewhat helpful to remind yourself that it is not a reflection of your intrinsic value. The person who betrayed you was incapable of loving anyone.

[@Know1uknow-g5h]

Over 20 years ago I cut out a Ziggy one-panel from the local newspaper. It said "If you always expect disappointment you won't be disappointed." This sums up my radical acceptance of my dealings with narcissists.

[@christelleny]

What helped me reach radical acceptance was to understand that narcissism is a CORE personality. Just like MY core personality, it will never change. No one could turn me into an extrovert who recharges in a night club, or a taker who puts herself first, or someone who doesn't care about suffering. The likelihood of a Narc changing is about the same as the likelihood of an empath kicking a puppy for fun!!! We can't change them, we can't help them, we can't unmask them. The best we can do is respect ourselves and love ourselves enough to protect ourselves. For most of us, that means leaving. Peace, strength and growth to all. ❤

[@anonymousa-uy1hk]

👏👏👏Well said! There’s literally nothing else to add to this statement.

[@MarissaMonroe-t8s]

@@christelleny I wish I could leave, but I want to be a part of my son’s and grandchildren’s lives! I wish he would divorce his Narcissistic Wife, and then I feel guilty for wishing that! 😔

[@rosecowan1556]

I’ve learned radical acceptance two years ago. Radical acceptance saved me from internally suffering. It took awhile to learn radical acceptance but I am ok! Protect your peace & find a happy place.

[@marthacrawford70]

@@rosecowan1556 I’m always at awe of those who accomplish radical acceptance and actually find peace. I can’t do that unless I move to other country. Which I’m considering doing in the next couple of years. I plan to move to Australia, where the narc and his flying monkeys cannot go. They’ve been stalking me, coerced my employers, coworkers, friends, family and even my medical team. I find peace thinking about a life free from them.

[@rosecowan1556]

@ Thank you!

[@lesabrydson2526]

​@@marthacrawford70power Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150👋🙌🙏🤲❤️

[@themuslimthriver]

At some point in the relationship/s, radical acceptance hits you pretty hard after multiple attempts of trying to make it work and getting burnt out. Ultimately, you have no other choice. I believe after reaching radical acceptance is when you truly are able to move on.

[@AvaJulani]

100% correct ... this is when people with the opportunity to go No Contact will no longer feel guilt , shame , zero self doubt , and seriously don't care what cultures and societies have to say, criticize, and "advice" ... sadly many victims are stuck for life, and many victims end their own life as in (su i ci de ))) ... If anyone who can get out, stay out, and heal, then be very thankful to finally escape those seriously poisonous horrors.

[@youngblood8540]

Once you get involved in a romantic relationship with a narcissist, you become a DEAD MAN WALKING!

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

Yep

[@sushmayen]

It's very painful to know that they don't change and can't be fixed but the pain that they cause is more.

[@Alison-o9d]

Seems like they will forever look for opportunities to cause pain. Anytime they were nice to you, they were doing it as a “favor”. Those favors make them feel bad and will be called in at some point. They never forget.

[@LaniBanani]

Radical acceptance so key to the results of the Smear Campaign more then the relationship with the narcissist. It’s the relationships you lose from the Smear Campaign, whether children, parents, friends, colleagues, managers, pastors etc. radical Acceptance that people believe lies so easily and will not even come ask your side is very hard to deal with. Of course parental alienation is the most tragic (along with extended family).

[@rubberbiscuit99]

I have been through more than one smear campaign. I still grieve over some of the people I lost. I believed they cared, but they wanted to believe the lies about me more than they wanted to make an effort to find out what happened to me, from me. Heartbreaking, esp when it's a sibling, or someone else you really trusted.

[@Freestyling77]

​@@rubberbiscuit99l understand your plight. I'm going through this now

[@IsraelXOX-gh9mr]

Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didn’t hear you. Depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If it’s been long enough, you’re likely to drop the request right then and there. They will promise to do it, but never follow through. If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you don’t buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction. An argument will ensue The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character. The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved. At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you don’t really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction They give you what you asked for, BUT There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but it’s the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time you’re getting ready because you’re going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. “I did x for you, so you should do y for me.” No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the “special” things they were doing for you weren’t so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done digitalinvestigate@gmail. com

[@beverlyballard3845]

We, the scapegoat, are often, and most times LEFT to live life with the REPUTATION we, behind our backs and all around us, were given by folks that had a 'stellar reputation' that NOONE would EVER believe would LIE, tell half ruinous truths, and slander to ruin their own----- SO IN THE WORLDS EYE, IT MUST BE TRUE ! At least to those who prefer to go along so they themselves go free and 'loved'. Thank you Dr. Ramani, you have great purpose. I love you!

[@marthacrawford70]

@@beverlyballard3845 I feel you! The smear campaigns affects how people treat us regardless of if we react or not. Normally, I couldn’t give a 💩what people think of me. But, when it directly effects one’s economic status I can’t help be care.

[@Laura61420]

Since very little, I have always thought there is always a solution, except for death.... however after years of dealing with a narcissistic family, now I know what is to feel powerless and I have dive in deep to radical acceptance. The way I cope with all the grief, is just telling me that they will never love me the way I did, and sometimes that I created a fantasie of a family that never existed in reality, only in my mind. Thank you so much

[@caroleminke6116]

Dissociation is common but now you get to face the music & stop believing in the happily ever after ending

[@snowqueen24]

I thought about death to escape the abuse, too. But I told myself, "I'll get my freedom one day. And after my narcissistic parents die, I can make a choice if I want to sell my mom's house." Have you said something like this to yourself?

[@Scorpiobird1107]

Going through this right now - brutal. Can’t wait to get to the other side.

[@MandyGerrans-s9u]

Me too😢

[@meganbroad6981]

🙏🙏

[@ruthslater6364]

Know that you csn do this. Get ready for a battle you have never felt before. But you can get through the other side. Just k iw the narc will make it a point to destroy you and have flying monkies that believe all the lies about you. Just accept it but move on.

[@MM-xw1jm]

It becomes a guant relief when you accept the reality, over time. It takes time to adjust to what you thought you had was really non-existent. Dr Ramani is the best guide and shows you how to not beat yourself up for falling for these "%&$#@"

[@deborahrobinson6553]

I can't imagine how terrifying it must be to not even have the choice to get away, or to abandon your children. I recently learned about all the horrors that have a name- narcissists. It explains a lot, and nothing. It seems everything we were taught was bs. You can enjoy being alone, others won't do unto you as you do them. And Monsters are REAL.

[@moniquejackson7741]

It explains a lot, and nothing. That says it all. Well said!

[@LisaEichler-Johnson]

Exactly monsters are real! You could not pay me to be so callous and cruel to another human!

[@ChimmyChooChoo]

Radical acceptance has made me feel more powerful and in control than I ever have.

[@never4saken165]

It’s unfortunate, well fortunate for others but unfortunate for me that people don’t understand the struggle a survivor of narc abuse go through.

[@alimccreery755]

I understand it👍 you are not alone

[@PrettyGirlDiscernment]

My sister used to tell me my mother has changed before I blocked her too bc she actually is a narcissist too. That's why they're best friends and I'm the black sheep.

[@victoriaboell5155]

Totally. It's my husband and his 87 year old mother.

[@PrettyGirlDiscernment]

@victoriaboell5155 see they never change. 87 and still a stunted narcissist. My mother is 60.. and not an ounce of wisdom of a real mother figure. She acts like she's in high school and I'm here frenemy. She acts like I owe her everything I have bc she birthed me. But I didn't ask to be here!!

[@thecrystallibrarian]

Ditto ... 77 y/o mom and 47 y/o sister ... best friends and both narcissists.

[@PrettyGirlDiscernment]

@@thecrystallibrarian smh

[@StrawberryFieldsNIR]

I have that dynamic as well, mother being the more definite covert narc, sister a more subtle social narc. It's like they tag-team being each other's flying monkey. Fun times (a lifetime of it).

[@NarcissistHex-nf9eq]

Accepting the things we cannot change FREES US to focus on changing the things we can. What I discovered is with God anything is possible.

[@agnideva8227]

Radical acceptance was the topic I really needed to hear about today, thank you for giving me new terminology to orient my recovery around.

[@TrentReeves-c2k]

Astonishing video as always, at first i wasn't really into watching such relationship experts video, but it turned out to be a blessing in so many ways, 10 years ago i was with a narcissist and i broke things up 4 years ago, found someone who truly cared for me and i messed things up because i was trauma bonded. then i started watching a lot of youtube videos and some christian videos about relationships and marriages, i learned a lot, and something actually happened as well, i was able to get my ex back with the help of watching matthew hussey videos and reaching out to a spiritual counselor...

[@GregMunro]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i have been battling with a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended a year ago, and till now, I am still in the crossroads on what to do, it is really sad.

[@TrentReeves-c2k]

it's difficult to let go of someone you love, like i said, I watched so many helpful videos but the key was the spiritual counselor.

[@GregMunro]

What spiritual counselor? How can I reach him or her?

[@TrentReeves-c2k]

Her name is Shelly Renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@GregMunro]

Couldn't find her on youtube, but saw her website online, i will reach out. thank you

[@graemesutton2919]

Radical Acceptance is what you do when there is no other choice except despair

[@kathryncothern3433]

My radical acceptance is…it’s on them, not me. It wasn’t my doing or fault for their behavior and what needs work inside themselves. Radical acceptance that it is not my responsibility for changing or appeasing those with narcissistic traits and behaviors. Radical acceptance is knowing that I was able to walk away with myself intact along with a long list of lessons learned … for myself and for relationships. Radical acceptance is knowing I am moving forward and looking forward to all the new chapters. ❤

[@LPoppy2023]

We are in a sad state as a nation. Your expertise Is helping me grasp what we can do and what we-can’t to stay sane with what is happening to our country by these individuals….

[@ruthslater6364]

Things are changing now I can feel it. You can fight back now and talk which we weren't able to do for the past 4 years.

[@moniquejackson7741]

"It's not JUST that a Narcissistic person won't change, but what is more important to recognize as part of Radical Acceptance is that YOU can't do anything to change them. Once you get your head around that, that may be where, as pain and grief-filled as that recognition is, that you finally turn the corner on healing." Thank you so much for these wonderful and powerful insights into how this built in powerlessness is core and can affect healing for a lifetime.

[@inacuro9385]

Dr Ramani thank you for everything!!!

[@dcruz7123]

Honestly, I don't know which one is worse. I divorced to save the four children we share, and instead lost custody. I was a stay home mom for 10 years out of a 13 year marriage ( 27July 1991 - 13 July 2004, and finally separation 23 May 2003). I was working part-time, then working at the Indiana School District as fulltime E.S.L. and that job alone was tough, as all the immigrants were my students, I can speak Spanish, but not the languages from Turkey, Chinese, or Saudi Arabia. I was given the job in 2003, based on the majority of immigrants from Mexico back then. When I was in a shelter in Columbus, Indiana with my four children. An attorney who came to the shelter told me my kind was not liked, and if I told anyone what she said, she would deny it. I thought as an American Citizen that I would be treated fairly. My ex-spouse was arrested for a DV, while he was a soldier at that time. I had gone to a domestic violence shelter on 6 different occasions with my children through our years of marriage. I had to keep quiet after his DV arrest, or else he told me, he'd lose his rank, and we'd suffer financially with our children. My court documents says mother (me) is indigent, and custody is granted to the father, who shows a more stable home with his new wife (she is wife number 4, and he is currently divorced from his 5th). I have never remarried after him, he is the only spouse I have had in my life. I am the one who has paid so much child support, too. I live in so much pain, emotionally and physically now. I joined the Army after losing custody. I have a medical discharge, and it's garnished. My ex-spouse has done all this to only hurt me. I pay support, and yet I was never given the mother/child relationships. He isolated them from me. When the two eldest grew up, he was upset that they did not go through him to reconnect to me in July of 2014 (children born Nov 1992, Jun 1994, May 1996, and Sept 1998). My life has been nothing but pain. I was molested as a child by my Dad and other church members, and it's separate, none of them knew that the other was molesting me, which started at 5 years old. Just because I was molested does not mean that I had all the knowledge there is to know the details of sex either. My Dad was front page news in the Tucson papers back in April of 1989. None of my peers knew, my nickname in high school was "Smiley". My Dad died in prison in June 2000. Yes it hurts that my own Dad was the biggest hypocrite, in the strict religious way he raised me. I wish he would of fought his own demons, and protected me instead. No One sees that I married a man who is like my Dad, and the cycle continued, and the justice system failed my four children and myself. My child that was diagnosed with ADHD and an IQ of 76, is treated so badly too. My grown child cried in tears to me that I chose a idiot for their Dad, a Dad that only cares about himself, "Dad worked so hard for his 100% military disability, but never acknowledged mine as my custodial parent." My grown child is right and has suffered with so many jobs and no one know the child was in Special Ed from Kindergarten to 12th grade. I do blame myself for being ignorant and believing all the lies my ex-spouse told me. The little bit of peace I do have is priceless, compared to the manipulation, and demands of his desires that I could never do. I call their Dad, The Green eyed monster from New Castle, Indiana. I met him when he was stationed at Ft. Huachuca at Cochise College. (He has green eyes, and yes our four children are biracial, Dad is white, and though my birth certificate from California says Caucasian, I am brown).

[@pille2847]

❤

[@marthacrawford70]

@@dcruz7123 The Sam thing happened to me my kids. The only hard part of radical acceptance for me is accepting the loss of my children and the overwhelming guilt as I helplessly watched them struggle with the control of the narc.

[@dcruz7123]

@@marthacrawford70 No child can ever be replaced. From Nov 2005 to July 2014, I was granted by an Indiana Judge and got to see them once in July of 2008, however after that visit, never again, until my two oldest contacted me in July of 2014. I can never get back those year. My two youngest out of the four believe my ex-spouse and have not a thing to do with me. My youngest has my only grandchild and she turned 9 years old in Jan 2025. I do not know her. It's all an unexplainable LOSS. My oldest child not only is angry at their Dad...the anger is at me too. My oldest opened the van door while on the highway, crying "Why did God do this to us?" I pulled the Dodge Caravan over quickly to a stop on the shoulder, my oldest was almost 13 years old in that month custody was granted to their Dad. I had to explain that God did not do this, a Judge did, a Judge is a man with power and the Judge gave you four to your Dad. My oldest is 32 years today and it hurts to hear about their Dad never acknowledging our child's ADHD or low IQ. Doctors in Beech Grove, Indiana diagnosed the child too back in the 90s. I grew up without a Dad, and my child who has ADHD did too. I didn't have the money to fight. When I was in the Army and $881.00 per month was withhold, my own superiors couldn't believe I joined "to hand my check over" is how it was stated to me. The barracks was a roof over my head, the dining facility was cooked food by someone else's elbow, NOT mine in all the hard work I did as a mother without a paycheck, or insurance or nada (nothing). I wasn't on my hands and knees scrubbing a floor, or doing all the cleaning up after meals, and maintaining a home anymore and don't get me started on all the laundry I did for a spouse and our four children...it's UNPAID WORK and as a mother I'm worthless because of no paystubs to show in a court...no health or life insurance either. I WORKED so hard with nothing to show for it. It was all taken from me. My LOSS is so Great. Anyways the washer and dryers are downstairs at the barracks, all I had to do was buy soap and do my own laundry. I did way more work as a stay home mom, and I too was the wife of a Army Soldier from 1991 to 1994, he exited in 1994, and his previous service time of 1988 to 1990 was with his second wife that he got pregnant at age 16 and he was 21 years old, so they got married and he joined the Army. I learned this later, I always assumed she was wife number 1, but I'd find out in 1997, when my ex-spouse was a Missing Person from Jun 1997 to Oct 1997, that she was wife number 2 with 1 child, and I was his 3rd wife with 3 children, my 4th child is a reconciliation child, where he promised he'd change. I now know he will NEVER change. I am so sorry you too are enduring the same kind of pain, loss and sorrow. May the higher power you believe in comfort you. 💗 Always let your children express their truth, even if it hurts. My ears were filled last night from one of my own about their Dad and how their Dad is such a selfish person...along with other things I can't write here. People if you think I get joy...NO...it adds to my sorrow, and I have to regulate myself, because all that ugly is a part of the child, I didn't create these children alone.

[@MandyGerrans-s9u]

Thank you Dr r Ramini ❤. This is so hard, accepting we CAN'T change their behaviour is so sad. I wish I could just switch my brain off most days and not think about the' nice' times together.

[@nancymiddha5663]

i wish i could remove the year i met him

[@AvaJulani]

Cultures and societies force people to be wholesome, "wholesome family, parents, children, friends, jobs, ect" ... many victims and enablers fake it, and victim shaming, and protect those evil narcissists because enablers are fearful and don't want to be "negative" ... Radical Acceptance is a lonely journey because no one believe the victim/survivor ... hitting rock bottom and everything needs to happen so the only person who truly believe the victim/survivor is the self, the internal compass, one's own body, one's own emotion, memory, and soul, a hero and a light from within. 💖💫

[@caroleminke6116]

They fake it? Ya think?!

[@AvaJulani]

​@@caroleminke6116 Stop being rude and act like you're the know it all. You know nothing about me. If you cannot politely and respectfully agree then go elsewhere. I don't care if you're young or old, respect is a 2 way street. If you're bored or lonely then go watch a movie or go get a healthy hobby.

[@Hans-OttoHase]

Dr. Ramani, please talk about „poisoned gifts“ if you know what I mean. My Narcissist wife, for example started to reward our daughter with Lego sets for practising piano, and one time my daughter didn‘t want to play it my wife raged and kicked all the finished Lego sets to pieces in front of the crying child. She also gives me expensive presents or books hotels for us and then threatens to destroy the presents or go to the Hotel with someone else if I don’t act like she wants. I think this might be something of a narcissistic pattern.

[@bellaluce7088]

Accepting the things we cannot change FREES US to focus on changing the things we _can._ THAT'S where our power is. 💪 I cried hysterically during the movie Not Without My Daughter with Sally Fields because it showed me what motherhood *should* be that I never had. To anyone with a child who was taken from them withOUT the possibility of return, I hope it's some solace to know that science shows children who are well-loved and attuned to in infancy carry the biological and emotional benefit of that their entire lives. YOU gave that to your child, even if you can't see them now. 💖💖

[@matteblak6158]

I am 50 weeks into radical acceptance. The last straw was when it was when I was told that I would be involuntarily celibate for the rest of my marriage. I am grateful that I am stronger in the midst of it, but I hate the feeling of coldness in me.

[@1supernatural11]

This really was the missing link for me. Thank you for this message and for all the hard work you do to educate this community. You are a light in the darkness.

[@dennism8346]

harsh truths delivered in an candid detached format. here's what's going on...and it totally sucks.

[@carrikartes1403]

For me radical acceptance is founded on the fact that we are all flawed and broken. That we all are better for acting loving even when there are people that don't deserve or value a loving attitude. That I feel best about who I am when I act loving as far as I am able (I am not always able). So my loving attitude is not for the other person or to change the situation it is to change me. So that I am not stuck but free to be my best self.

[@QuotablePerspective]

I'm very thankful our children are grown.

[@patrickbinford590]

We don't LOOK for pain in radical acceptance, we just DON'T go by way of the "Big R" in REJECTING the feelings ASSOCIATED with pain. ♥️

[@michaelbarstow]

I have come to the radical acceptance my step daughter (16) will not change. we ( my wife and I) wish we could turn her over to the state. For years we been emotionally, financially, and physically abused. She is currently in a long term care children's home. We are terrified of what she may do on return home, and we can't turn her over to the state with out loosing are lively hood. I sit in wait every day of what crazy tragedy comes next.

[@michaelbarstow]

To add context She has had 4 court dates, probation, and physically assaulted her younger brother to keep quiet. She has made multiple clams of SA of several people over the years. She's destroyed are lifes and lifes of others. I grew up with narcissistic abuse and I've been living with it again. I'm supposed to be strong but I need someone to be strong for me im hopeless.

[@aliciasisley]

This is so relevant to what's happening in our country today.

[@jeffstrang3842]

Whoa, ok I just connected so many dots in my life/head. Thank you, thank you 🙏🏻🥹

[@jeffstrang3842]

5 DECADES ends today

[@teesyinnyang101]

Radical acceptance is accepting that the serenity prayer is what that’s about. Essentially if you know you know.

[@juliebryson4998]

Thank u dr Ramani.

[@beddabattona]

Thanks Dr. Ramani 💚

[@GirlPower342]

Thank you so much for this video. Very validating! I only got through my custody situation because my ex abruptly got bored with following a parenting plan and stepped back. However, I will always describe the experience as getting raped by the legal system. Thank you again for bringing up the harmful ramification related to lack of awareness about narcissistic parents in most custody processes. This issue needs so much more of a spotlight on it and awareness raising for professionals who work in these systems. Thank you again.

[@kimberleyshott8970]

Thank you for this Auspicious Gift ❤

[@MsPowerfull23]

Wow thank you Dr. Ramani. Thank you once again right on the spot.

[@patrickbinford590]

Is there perhaps a new power found in powerlessness, that is "outside the box."

[@susanbradleyskov9179]

Since I accepted long ago that I cannot change other people, why is radical acceptance in the case of narcissists so hard for me. Is it the acceptance of powerlessness? Because I have to believe that I can get out of the situation and build up my life and my real self again.

[@JB7567CT]

It burned for me. I had to sit with the burn and keep directing my hope to the truth. It took me years and no contact. I miss my sister deeply. I like my new heart-shaped scar. ❤

[@MM-gk5of]

Amy Carmichael, long ago missionary to India, said, “In acceptance lieth peace.”

[@redg8]

Excellent video. The notion of radical acceptance discussed here dovetails beautifully with the core tenets of stoicism. With regard to enablement by family courts in the United States, I can attest to the importance of embracing acceptance when faced with insurmountable challenges. I have not seen one of my daughters in nine months, despite an order for shared custody. You can do everything right from a legal standpoint, but acquiring appropriate, enforceable relief takes so long that the kids age out of the system. This appears to happen by design to ensure the enablers earn their paychecks.

[@susanamonteiro3000]

😢 It felt like you were talking about me, and to me.

[@sparkygump]

You've lost weight and your hair looks great, Dr. Ramani.

[@sarahshahid9295]

Thanks 🙏 a million. God bless ♥️

[@TheMonfab]

Hi! Maybe you already have done a video on the topic. If not; how would a narsissist act when they have learned that they have a terminal illness and a short time lift to live? What are they like at their deathbed. Do they ask for forgiveness or take accountability or is it nothing to hope for? Thank you so much for helping with your work ❤️

[@publicserviceannouncement4777]

4:10 Unless your therapist is also a narcissist and unfortunately it does happen sometimes. They have the perfect supply as their clients and they know they are a vulnerable group of people. Sick. Other therapists just don't know about narcissistic abuse and being told it's not how you believe it to be is like being gaslit all over again.

[@deborahswart1718]

It took me literally decades before cld admit to myself, that I come from a toxic, narcissistic fam. system.

[@Freestyling77]

You didn't ASK to be born into it so now that you're aware, free yourself from any guilt & shame you may be carrying

[@patrfuhr]

Wow... this hits home so hard!

[@kitty.k1924]

The grief loosing children and nothing can be done is like getting a terminal diagnostic....powerlesness ...exactly 🤐

[@harmonyvaneaton4101]

I have this exact conversation with mothers all the time. I'm autistic. The fact of the matter is that nothing can be done legally, because laws are set up in ways that are very wrong. Similar to the laws that allowed slavery. Nothing could be done legally, within the systems that supported slave ownership. It will be a multi generational battle to end these wrong systems, just like it took a very long time to end slavery.

[@privateprivate8366]

This here is why I know I’ve not been in the worst narcissistic situations, although there’ve been a few. Because, despite the flying monkeys, enablers, and the general world view that a narcissistic target is to simply understand the assignment, I’ve been able to do something about most of them. They’ve also had to endure radical acceptance, even if they simply had to pass away, with none of their intentions coming to fruition. Fortunately, I’ve neither taken the stance, nor put up with the idea that I’d have to radically accept that someone’s going to simply move into my life and toss it into a blender. I’m also not naive though. I know that, as I age, that could change. But, not taday, Satan.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

There’s no pain like the one of losing your child because you have had it with a narcissist.

[@dddamaged7501]

Custody cases should be ruled by a blood test for oxytocin, which equals empathy. The 2 parties need to cuddle for 30 seconds and see who has oxytocin.

[@sanityisacozylie]

God bless you

[@AtosaR]

It definitely is painful especially when I see my N father and sister treat my nephew and niece so poorly...always controlling their tiniest behaviour and extremely harsh with them in front of company. They don't listen to anyone. They have no real empathy for these kids and use them as pawns to show off. It's ironic that my sister had the hardest time with our father's controlling behaviour, and now she has turned into him. 😔

[@BeeBeeBell]

I feel like this also applies to the current US political situation.

[@NarcissistHex-nf9eq]

Oh that's kind of funny would you elaborate?

[@angelamartin2336]

😢”Accept the things I cannot change”

[@TheGeorgenc40]

It's interesting looking back how I embraced the Radical Acceptance of the narcissist towards me during the intense love bombing stages and I felt like I could do no wrong. It wasn't so easy to embrace Radical Acceptance of the unacceptable behavior that drove us apart. Radical Acceptance only works for me as a boundary to Live and Let Live away from being in a narcissistic relationship.

[@Boyhowdy875]

Call them out Doctor! 👍🏻

[@moniquejackson7741]

So Brilliant. Survivors have so many challenges from every direction. Should the title be When culture Protects?

[@danielhagerty7153]

I was wondering if you could do a video on how we can protect the next scapegoat in the family? My brother is raising his kids the same way we were. My niece is 6 and she's the scapegoat. She can't understand why she gets blamed for everything and having been the scapegoat myself, it's breaking my heart.

[@whims6278]

Honestly bless you for recognizing that and being a voice for your niece ❤ 6 is such a fragile age- my eldest is 7 and she has such big feelings that are getting more nuanced and complicated, and I can't imagine how it would feel to be going through that transition into school and feeling a lack of support at home. She is lucky to have you.

[@marthacrawford70]

Yes, the powerlessness! Especially when you know the narc parent is psychologically abusing your child. That’s where we are. My therapist recommended “radical acceptance”. Not and pleasant path.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

It’s a horrific path. I am sorry you and your child are going through this.

[@paulamarion2672]

It does feel powerless and painful

[@xhantidyonase747]

Radical acceptance is liberation.

[@a.m.126]

It's worth testing people sometimes.I mean the testing in a good way. Let's say I bring up a topic: victim role, martyr role.If they can't respond meaningfully to this, then they probably don't want to break out of their own victim or martyr roles, perhaps they don't even realize that there's something to break out of, and I can't be without a victim or martyr role with them either. So it's not worth developing there.

[@stillirise6086]

PROTECTS

[@Thedisgardedoptimist]

I suppose the biggest question is what have you learned from all this and are you willing to implement it.... After all, the choice is yours.... Always...

[@WithAnEss]

QUESTION: Do children have the capacity for knowledge and understanding of radical acceptance?

[@MarissaMonroe-t8s]

I have a lot of resentment toward a 12 Step Sponsor who abruptly abandoned/Ghosted me. Any advice appreciated. Other people have offered to be my Sponsor, but I’m Leary after this. I still see this Sponsor in online meetings and she is a talking the talk, and runs the meetings sometimes. But she hasn’t returned my calls/texts in over a month. It feels dishonest. I’d like to call her out in an online meeting, but I know that wouldn’t be appropriate. Can you advise me in how to handle this? Is this common in 12 Step Programs? I was really hurt by this. 😔 Does she sound like a Narcissist? We didn’t have a falling out and I wasn’t very needy. It’s unsettling seeing her. I think she’s a hypocrite. Thank you for any advice. 💜🙏

[@MarleyLeMar]

I've been sponsored and been a sponsor. Just a thought to consider. I'd get a new sponsor---my choice to initiate--and work this through with them to find a way forward. There's a lot in the literature that addresses things like this, even the serenity prayer. I think you're brave to face this head on. For me, it would be resentment prevention. Hope this helps.

[@MarissaMonroe-t8s]

@ Thank you for responding. I haven’t found anything in the 12 Step Literature about Sponsor’s Ghosting Sponsees. Can you recommend literature that covers this. If she totally went MIA, I’d be concerned, but to see her in online meetings acting like some kind of guru is confusing.

[@MarleyLeMar]

@@MarissaMonroe-t8s I agree, it's confusing, and worse (shame), if you're C-PTSD like me. My best thinking is that the way you approach it might depend on the 12-step fellowship you are in. For me (just my story) there was a pamphlet on sponsorship that helped. The only thing I can add is, please don't hesitate to change sponsors or to get a temporary sponsor. It's all up to you, how you feel comfortable. If you're not feeling the love right now, there could be an accountability buddy or a spiritual advisor as a bridge. I hope this helps.

[@MarissaMonroe-t8s]

@@MarleyLeMar I struggle with C-PTSD from childhood SA. I made myself vulnerable to this woman and she abandoned me. She didn’t fall off the wagon or go to the hospital. I see her in online meetings and she’s on her Soap Box. It feels Narcissistic to me. How does she justify her continued treatment of me to herself? Doesn’t sound like an honest person in recovery. ❤️‍🩹

[@Smartbeautifulawesome]

Why are they like this everyone is full of bs…

[@dr.poojaparmar]

❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@maggie6152]

How are we supposed ro make a better world snd fight these people if we just roll over and accept it? I understand in specific personal scenarios that you have to accept there is nothing you can do, but how do we break the cycles of abuse and societal support of these horrible people?

[@erinloughran6578]

Thank you Dr Ramani. hope you are consulting for the government. I'm sure you are fully aware that we are all in a narcissistically abusive relationship with Trump and his cronies. I often think about how important your knowledge base is about how to navigate this. Please help us!

[@BearfootBob]

I wonder if there was less narcissism in the ancient past because narcissists had no legal protection

[@harmonyvaneaton4101]

The most traumatic part is being treated (or your children being treated) like a piece of property. Public property, private property..... When humans are property without individual, personal rights to freedom or escape from a person, situation, or place.... that's a type of slavery. It is.

[@freebie808]

Here's to hope 😢😢😢😢😢😢😂😂😂

[@leahjacobson9253]

Dr. Ramani, is that a typo? Should it say "protects"?

[@PenninkJacob]

Ok, agreed, understood, about the powerlessness, but then you have to tell me WHAT IS THE POINT OF LIFE then????????? thx 👍❤ Maybe we should just accept that they really are superior?...

[@RedandBlackS10]

What happened to all the warnings about "this is for educational purposes only and not to be used for diagnosis"? Did certain people finally get the message? "Connect the dots"?

[@KayLin-b9d]

I can't give up that's my life.

[@rosiestar3074]

Can someone help me... I have been attempting to use the deep technique with my toxic person & they keep hassling me. There's also a cultural issue in we don't talk about this. However I am feeling really unwell & ignoring the constant onslaught is hard when the messages keep coming... I would be sooooo grateful if someone has an idea ♥️🙏 thank you 🙂

[@nowhere_else_to_go_]

Dr Ramani talks about how the DEEP technique can make the abuser angry. She talks about it in a few videos, but the main one I can think of is in her interview with Lisa Biyleu (Lisa changes the title on the video regularly, right now it's titled: Say These Exact Words To a N to Gain Back Control). I've had this issue, too. Boundaries can make an abuser more relentless... Which is why boundaries are for YOU, not for them. You have more inner peace when you go DEEP. You may not have peace with the abuser... But you have more peace internally because it's almost like you are no longer handing your soul over to them.

[@nowhere_else_to_go_]

The interview is on Lisa Biyleu's channel -- if you end up searching for it :)

[@rosiestar3074]

@@nowhere_else_to_go_ Thank you, I actually watched that video years ago, just forgot about it. I will check it out again tomorrow ~ 🙂

[@lorianttila9698]

I'm certain you have no control over what ads you tube runs with your videos but if you do, your moderators may want to reach out. The movie preview they just showed could be quite triggering for some viewers. I found it extremely disturbing. It is a horror movie. I don't know name had to turn it off

[@craigmerkey8518]

I can appreciate the concept of "radical acceptance", of letting go a little. However the word acceptance seems like agreement. To me "acknowledging" or "recognizing" the traits is as far as I can come. It is understanding vs excusing, I do not accept the behavior!

[@wonderwoman5070]

Pls, Don't have children with narcissistic people.Take your time with new relationships,at the first red flag,gtfo Alone is really not that bad,trust me

[@mikejarrells431]

I'm really trying to heal, but I'm starting to think humanity is naturally narcissistic. I can't fix people. I can't fix society. My only option is isolation. Pericles said you might not be interested in politics, but politicians are interested in you. I'm not sure building my cabin in the woods and going no contact is going to protect me from mentally ill politicians. Should I move abroad (China)?

[@lesliejoyce1944]

We are the walking dead.

[@LOVEJOYMakan]

Please help me. How to be normal and live at peace with others, to be acceptable and remove this nacissist character. It's embarrassing.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

I thank Dr Ramani for giving me the verbal tools to use in these situations. Don’t be embarrassed please you’ve been conned by a master of manipulator!

[@darinsmith2458]

Powerless is step 1 in any 12 step program.. ACA talks about powerless and helpless.. Step 1 is difficult for ACA because we are also helpless.. Our parents were our Higher Power.. How are we supposed to trust a Higher Power?

[@nepdisc3722]

how do I become a narcissist so I can just be happy

[@ACH-z9m]

Exploitation!

[@merlinwizard1000]

39th, 28 January 2025