When healing from your narcissistic relationship BACKFIRES

[@signsfrombeyond4863]

When you finally heal one of the hardest things is having to release the dreams you once had, your ideas about love and romance, and having to reassess the idealism you once viewed humanity with.

[@Stephanie-rf2qp]

What i'm going through right now. It's so painful to see the world more clearly, and to see how cold it can be and how terrible some people truly are

[@hazeleyes2381]

so true!

[@jbilotta]

Damn. Isn’t that the truth!

[@KellyKristin]

@@Stephanie-rf2qp some people are terrible, but there are also really good people in the world too. I know that feeling of the coldness, I almost feel like my expereince let me see the polarity so I could appreciate the good more. sending love to you

[@debsabatino311]

Signs Frombeyond perfectly stated.

[@lindaevans4215]

The key thing to remember is that everything is a game to a narcissist. There is no such thing as a casual chat over a coffee.

[@alexxx4434]

And now, after being educated by Dr. Ramani, and knowing and seeing all the narcs' tricks, I get my adrenaline pumping when dealing narcs - it's like: "Challenge accepted! Game is ON!"

[@adriancampbell630]

Exactly, everything is calculated with them. They will come to you as if they are loving, kind, and caring and then boom! They say or do something inappropriate that leaves you regretting to continue to entertain this hopeless demon. They have to get you to put your guard down so they can attack! Sick people.

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

Everything ❤❤❤

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

Hell no 🙏🏽🙏🏽💯💯🙏🏽🙏🏽🙌🙌

[@AshaGlenn]

"If you have the AUDACITY to heal I can PROMISE you they are not going to be happy about that!" ....that is the truest statement of them all! And they literally look at you like "how dare you?!" And it is their mission from that moment on to put you back in your place.

[@moirosalina]

Exactly!

[@Singlemotherafterabuse]

@@moirosalina yup m.kzbin.info/door/rm82-tPLRZZhyikGqyK7Yw

[@celestesaunders2858]

I stayed in an abusive marriage for 32 years until I had the courage to walk out one day after he went to work. Tried counseling again while separated for 9 mos. It wasn't till he verbally attacked me while I was having a migraine during a counseling session and the therapist did nothing that I finally got it. As we were leaving she asked how was I doing. I looked at her and said like I've been punched in the gut. Boy was she surprised. After that I got courage to tell him off was time to talk about divorce. His reply was whatever. I forced him into divorce mediation. I knew I would take huge financial hit as I was primary income. He got the house, money and turned my daughter's against me. It's been 4 years since I walked out and 1.5 years since the divorce. I can tell you I feel like I have reclaimed myself. But like you said when I had to encounter him for a funeral service or was unsettling.

[@louisafoster1640]

Dont go anywhere near them. That way they can't manipulate you!

[@AshaGlenn]

@@celestesaunders2858 wow I'm so glad you are reclaiming your life!

[@barkingmad50]

I left. I healed. I didn't let the narcissist back in. I let the NEXT narcissist in. It was all so comfortable. Familiar. Wonderful at first, eventually horrific. It's so hard to break the pattern.

[@barkingmad50]

@Ashley T Divorce him emotionally. Do the legal stuff when you can. Live...& learn.

[@charlottejohnson2695]

Ashley T please watch Dr Ramani videos on litigating with a narcissist. Deep breath and keep your cards close to your chest

[@noreallyihearyou837]

And Lisa A. Romano has some good videos about how to get through this pandemic. Keep your powder dry so you can be as effective in court as you can. She recommends not exactly gray rock but strategic polite indifference if you are literally stuck in the same house with someone and can’t get out for a short span. It’s not a strategy that works forever but probably will serve you here. Sending you good vibes.

[@lorettanericcio-bohlman567]

Good to hear Ashley! That feeling will keep getting stronger with no contact, no looking at his social media (as they all have one) and continued focusing on YOU. Feels selfish at first- feels great and strong after awhile. 💐💪🏼

[@jackyp1893]

I recently went through this. I remember from the first date with a recent ex (lasted 3 months), I got a huge unconfortable twinge in my gut but brushed it off. I even straight up told him I felt like I was seeing myself backslide in my healing in that connection and he told me I was wrong. Your body *knows*; and if you don't know how, learn your body and energy so that you can detect narcs. Just keep trying to heal, and trust yourself.

[@lovettatobeyea190]

Ahh I’ve been No Contact for 4 months, and my Narc hit me up twice in the past 2 weeks! 🙄I guess the quarantine has him bored. I ignored him both times though 💪🏾🤘🏾❤️

[@bren9193]

Hell yeah! Keep being strong💪🏽

[@ingiashialorde8240]

Good

[@annwe6]

Stay strong ❣️

[@ZodoLeeka]

Well done, stay strong.

[@ndumi-light]

Good for you!! 👏🏽👏🏽💚💙💜

[@taotaostrong]

Don’t let them fool you. It’s analogous to an addict thinking she can have one drink after a period of sobriety. It feels like you’ve got the poison “under control”, but you don’t. I’m sending love and strength to anyone reading this. 💞

[@priyankajadhav1029]

Thank you dear❤😘

[@publicserviceannouncement4777]

Totally!

[@hup1699]

I like the way you think

[@anatremoco9018]

I open my eyes but i have to be in the same house of my parents. It´s very hard to heal in the same place that you got sick... Thank you for your words, Tao Tao. :)

[@taotaostrong]

Ana Tremoço Oh wow! I am sending you so much love right now. Congratulations to you for even being able to recognize the problem while you are still so physically close to it. Just remember that what they try to tell you about yourself is NOT TRUE. They’re like a program in the Matrix: there’s no use arguing with them. They are stuck in their own loop. YOU, on the other hand, have a choice. You know how awesome you really are. If it’s physically safe for you to do so, just act bored when they try to bait you. They’ll seek energy elsewhere. Don’t be surprised if they turn on each other. My narc family ate each other alive when I left them and they couldn’t pick on me anymore. Oh well. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@jos.4276]

You've changed. They haven't. They won't. No contact is a 'forever' choice.

[@456inthemix]

Yeaph!

[@hectorcastro9768]

You have to accept that you are not dealing with a stupid person who is going to have a great time with you and your team for the next two weeks and then we could have a big head on the way to work and then we will give you the pictures of the day off the court date

[@blueshoes915]

I was always planning on healing so I could be around my NPD mom at family events and not let it affect me. The past few months, I have healed to the point where I have no desire to even put myself in that toxic environment. I’m done.

[@realhealing7802]

@@blueshoes915 Very smart move. Stay away!

[@veraagustin5078]

True point there

[@gioovannabp]

Hi Dr. Your existence saved my life. I can't begin to express how important you are to me. You never saw me, but the impact you have in my 22 year old life is HUGE. I was going through all of this, it's been a month since I went no contact. Have good days and some side effects of my body detoxing still, but all I can say is that you are the reason I never gave up, even after all the hurt that has been caused to me. I love you from the bottom of my heart. ❤️ It's hard guys, but it's for our best.

[@sarahalessa78]

god, that touched me. Wishing you all the best in the future. Stay strong🙏🏽

[@Erdbeere8841]

❤️

[@aishanisrivastava5139]

More power to you

[@rustyjeep2469]

❤️❤️❤️!!!

[@janeeyremachado9390]

Stay strong, and don't quit listening to Dr. Ramani. I am also going through this right now, after my partner tried strangling me. I thought he was the love of my life....and until recently I thought I deserved him hurting me emotionally and physically. Stay strong for you and for all of your supporters. God bless my friend.

[@SirenaChicago]

I moved across the country, I’ve had therapy for almost 2 years now. I received an email in January “heart to heart conversation with the whole truth call me”. I deleted the email. My devaluation and discard all happened in one night. God protected me when I wasn’t protecting myself.

[@imdifferent7294]

😇🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@kellyleighread807]

He will be there. I know that the Holy Spirit took me out of my 36 year's of marriage bc He heard the groans of my heart. It will be 3 year's next month. I'm thankful to be out of the evil, taking care of myself has been difficult.

[@blgallas]

@@kellyleighread807 when I flex my house for the last time, I slept on people’s couches for a year. I was so broken, I couldn’t think of working to take care of myself (renting an apt). I did get a job and ended up being sexually harassed by 3 men in the company. My female boss cane to my house bcui couldn’t stop crying. She wanted to put me on disability. I said no and later went to give my notice to leave ( a friend had to help me recognize I could rent an hour apt)

[@blgallas]

@@kellyleighread807 sorry hit the wrong button. As soon as I gave my notice, I got a job I the apt office and God blessed me. I’m telling g this to say it didn’t happen overnight but Our Father will intervene for you. He will give you new strength to do the things you need to. Father in Heaven, bless my sister with the things she needs. Bless her with the strength she needs to go out and conquer her fears. Help her to remember that You always love her and will not fIl her

[@kellyleighread807]

@@blgallas Thank you for your prayers.

[@dinasimone9815]

Its like with highschool bullies. They still evoke the same feelings in you even after 20 years.

[@itsmimi1544]

Yes!!! 20 years later, I still feel the damage done.

[@sueb6662]

So true.

[@SENone-wu5cd]

And those are traumas worth addressing with a therapist to make you stronger (they're vulnerable places so be on your guard).

[@CH-jz2xz]

@@itsmimi1544 mine is 15 years later. I am still doing gray rock method bec we have a child together that has special needs. It is extremely hard.

[@darkweblou1891]

Yes!

[@migguds]

Dr Ramani!!! Why are you always so timely? Thank you thank you thank you.

[@springfauna1465]

Dr Ramini totally ROCKS!!! She can't help it! 😊❤️

[@Kathleen-p1l]

Miguel Adrian Delos Santos agreed!!! So many times I am thinking something and bam! There’s a video on that very topic!

[@migguds]

@@Kathleen-p1l man, i don't feel so alone after this video. All love xoxo

[@Kathleen-p1l]

Miguel Adrian Delos Santos have a beautiful day!

[@hectorcastro9768]

@@Kathleen-p1l Bam exactly !!!!!

[@serdoubleyou6239]

Understanding narcissism caused me to have what some people refer to as a religious experience. I realized what happened to me, I realized how sensitive I had been, I realized what happened to society. My third eye opened and I was shaking and laughing and crying and it felt like my brain was running a virus scan and deleting toxic dead ends that caused confusion and doubt. All that remains is the anxiety I can't control when someone is gaslighting me, but at least I know what is happening and how to defend myself thanks to Dr Ramani and others.

[@hectorcastro9768]

Some people are just so stupid that they have no idea what is really going on ! Especially when they are really being played at their own game ! They are going to get the revenge of the sith you have been working on ! I'm not going to say anything about this but I will be able to get away with it !! Love you too

[@vivianaaugustin4154]

@@hectorcastro9768 wow really and that right there gives you your fix of grandiosity for the day. Pitiful

[@nehasharma-dy7ml]

Felt like you spoke my mind..... I feel the exact

[@NishantShyamGoutam]

You said exactly what I have in my mind and you said it better. I Thank you for this as I thank Dr Ramani for the help.

[@Alpinewild444]

this happened to me too daniel! it was as if a switch turned on and as my husband stood over me his fist clenched over my face, me backed into a corner, literally. suddenly every bit of fear left my body. i stopped cowering and put my hand out and said GET BACK. i told him i knew what he was and what he’d been doing all along, for years. all the silent treatments, lies, cheating, isolation, rage...just like you, my brain was racing, firing, connecting every. single. dot. i saw it all. his rage diffused. i saw him for who he really was, a cowardly bully. he stepped back, shrugged, smirked, and walked away. i thank God for Dr. Ramani and everyone here too, thank you for putting into words so exactly my experience too!

[@rainbowkitty1996]

As a recovering alcoholic, there are many similarities in the healing process. Struggling to not have a drink, changing your lifestyle, finding your true self, and so on takes a lot of time and effort. No matter how strong of an urge you have for relapsing, that moment of weakness becomes your strength. It gets easier as time goes on. If you have the urge to reach out to the narcissist in your life, pause for a moment and ask yourself is it worth it and what are negative consequences that will occur. Healing is tough but it’s worth having a better life than falling back into a black hole.

[@Nevaehh5000]

Guys, your losses are NOT your abusers wins. That was the hardest thing for me to understand and when i did, i finally started to heal. What i mean by that is, when you mess up in life or you lose other friends or just anything bad happens to you, that does not make your abuse any less valid. You can get into a fight with someone and be wrong, that doesn't make your abuser right. You can lose 1000 friends but that still doesn't make your abuse, your fault. I used to be scared of losing friends, arguments or even followers on instagram sometimes because i felt like my abusers would see that and laugh at me and tell other people in order to justify their abuse, i felt like they would say things like "huh see she is losing friends by the second, doesn't that prove she's a bad person?". I had to take a step back and realise that im a fucking human being who makes mistakes and if my abuser wants to blame my future mistakes for the abuse they inflicted on me prior, then god riddance, whoever thinks that something i did wrong AFTER my abuse, is the cause for my abuse, is an idiot.

[@FluorescentRebel]

Thank you

[@CristinaAcosta]

...”you don’t fully exhale...”. A huge red flag from one’s body when the mind is overwhelmed.

[@StaceyHeathxoxo]

Never let down your guard with a narcissist. They are always waiting for the crack in the 🚪 door. Demons they are. They know how to trigger you. Any reaction gives them supply.

[@sarahalessa78]

crack in the door is the perfect frame. They want to intrude in and take up room in your space. They are like smoke between your bare hands.

[@gracescicluna1182]

that is why i havent said anythng about he manipulated me into the relaioinship

[@rishikaarora6104]

"You never should spend more time with someone who is not good for you than you need to" it hit me hard !

[@makaylahollywood3677]

When the circus comes to town, stay home and watch netflix instead. (healing is all about knowing)🙂

[@CecilRyuTaekwondo]

I screamed “NO!” and threw down my phone when I saw a Facebook invite from a narc I knew back in the day. 😂

[@ArtTalkWithSharon]

I screamed "DEVILS!!!" and run away from my phone when I saw that Caller ID.

[@shawnparker1207]

i got one too no doubt a reminder

[@rachelsimbhu4383]

Great move !! So happy u didn't fall 4 that crazy person again !!

[@KushQueen9]

Haha!!

[@AngelKrystalStar]

Yes, 20 or 30 years or forever. I think the potential to feel the anger is always there because of the things they've done.

[@retake1697]

@Poison Ivy I joined your club 15yrs I'm now out of it👏🙏🏻

[@retake1697]

@Poison Ivy Thank you!❤

[@jeffreylocke7592]

That's what happened to me after 9 years of healing, thinking I could go back be nice and burning the hatchet. Nope flat on my face again now 3 more years of feeling stupid as hell. Now I'm starting therapy and setting stronger boundaries for a better life.

[@mezazis83]

Its tough realisation of broken illusions (in my case hope for creating family,loving relationship ,enviroment for kids to grow up in). Its hard to let go the fact that "narcs" are actually "empty shell" and had no regrets or will to take responsobility for their actions. You are doing great job for comming back to your self love and healing!! I know sometimes it feels like loosing game,but most important you dont give up on yourself!✨

[@rustyjeep2469]

big facts... they will try to suck you back in and if you fall for it they'll just be even worse than before.

[@MrSpiritsurf]

Dr Ramani has a sense of humour that's both unique and strangely empowering

[@leeboriack8054]

My narc relationship left me bewildered as to what was real and wasn't. I was afraid to trust myself let alone anyone else, so I withdrew from life to avoid another mistake. Not good! You must forgive yourself and build a strong circle of good people.

[@Lynkoto.]

I'm healed and in no way shape or form do I feel like talking to my ex. Not angry at him. Dont hate him. Just simply no value in doing so.

[@jgjones105]

Wow! So timely! 5 months ago I had filed for divorce after being subjected to infidelity and 12 years of emotional abuse. He came crawling back, I let him back in.... but nothing changed. Hated myself for allowing this to happen. You’ve just shone light on that whole situation. I’m proud to say the divorce papers will be done in 2 weeks, I will still have to face him so he can get his things... and I’m going to watch this video daily if I have to remind myself of all these things. THANK YOU. ❤️

[@vannamarie8430]

After I healed, I tried to date again and I was very with drawn from the relationship I was in with someone new. In fact, I’d rather be alone. I have also decided to never have kids because of what happened to me. This is my life now, being alone and at peace is my new life now.

[@FromThe3021]

My like is to show support in general but I feel like your comment is not cool. Are you letting the narc win‽ Is there's no future for anyone genuine to share life with you and treat you right? Keep healing - Zxxx I'm sorry if that comes across as rude. I was accepted I would be an older father over a single one co-parenting with the devil. 38 and I might miss being a father at all, I get it but too read there's someone in a similar situation opting for a life alone just kills.

[@DynamiteDezzy]

My older sisters exactly same as you , shes been single like 5,6 years now......Her Ex guy she was with was alot older (mid 50s) & grade A narc Creep, was controlling over her & played mind games constantly & would openly flirt with women in bars, restaurants in front of her then accuse being paranoid & crazy, he secretly beat her too (she kept it secret)....Anyways she was convinced he was sleeping around because always on his phone,laptop & would close windows down when she was in room & he was taking extra shifts (Taxi driver).... Eventually one day he slipped up & forgot to sign out his Email & my sister logged in & found he was on loadssss Casual sex sites & Swinging sites, she logged into them with his password he had lots women he was meeting up with😐Using his Taxi driver job as cover, She wanted to vomit & felt utterly disgusted because they was still sexually active at time & so she had go get tested at clinic etc☹️......Soooo yes i 100% understand you having & wanting be alone,single✌️

[@thequeenb6156]

I have major trust issues after dealing with my narc

[@norapeace6526]

Derek Wright damnnnnnnn that’s messed up. I’m so sorry for your poor sister. She may need therapy. I know I did.

[@DynamiteDezzy]

@@norapeace6526 Hi there , She never went therapy though your 100% right she should of, especially with stuff she told us after she endured after she finally broke free of his control (she told us he once barricaded the front door of there apartment because she told him she wanted to leave him & he had lighter, gasoline & said hed set himself & apartment on fire ) guy was completely nuts , but to all us was charming & a real talker in person.....My sis always been stubborn & never got therapy , though she had to get restraining order as he kept trying message her & started driving around area we lived & would go to local corner shop etc😱..... She's now got a small apartment as close to us possible, to feel safe & even now she still convinced hes around ( prob suffering from PTSD) just 2 weeks ago she said he was parked over the road in his taxi cab🤷🏻‍♂️ watching her.........Btw am sorry if you went through simliar stuff & i hope your healing & recovered from the bad experience ✌️😔

[@garyb.8137]

Wow! First there’s grief. Then there’s relief! Then there’s indifference! Now Ive arrived to where I can trust my intuition ! iNow Im really healed. Grief, relief, indifference, intuition! Forget the past but not our lessons learned from it! Thanks doc. Your wonderful!

[@uppercut147]

Ooooohhhhh GIRL. No lies detected LOL. I really did allow myself to talk to the narcissist again after I felt healed and it was a big mistake LOLLLL. I mean I handled it fine and we're not talking anymore and never will but wow wow wow did it trigger my anxiety just interacting with him again, however briefly.

[@vivianaaugustin4154]

Unfortunately after 3 months of no contact thinking I had healed and he had changed I allowed him back in my life only to feel the same horrible gut feeling when he subtly tries to hurt me with words. Then mocks me for reacting. I'm very disappointed at myself for going back to that undesirable place.

[@uppercut147]

@@vivianaaugustin4154 I feel you. I was beating myself up on the way to meet mine after I'd turned him down twice already (he made fake IG profiles to message me from, I'd had all his main contact info blocked). Then I decided hey, you know what, I'm tired of beating myself up over this. He makes me feel awful enough, I'm not going to gang up on myself too on top of what he does. It still took a few days for my anxiety to calm down and for me to stop feeling ashamed for giving in on his 3rd attempt to get me to see him. But, hey, in our defense, narcs are RELENTLESS so you almost have to throw them a bone just so they'll stop harassing you. I mean I know better now and I would say the frustration of the harassment is less awful than the sick feeling of giving in, but eh. We can't beat ourselves up as long as we continue to learn.

[@uppercut147]

@RealestRealist Yeah, sometimes the only way to know where you still have weak spots in your defenses and psychological boundaries is to have them tested. And it became a good opportunity to really understand why the only appropriate response is to just always block, block, block the second they try to come at you with a fake number or fake social media profile. Morbid curiosity be damned. So. Not. Worth it.

[@vivianaaugustin4154]

@@uppercut147 you are so right. The goal is to continue to grow, set your boundaries and don't let them see you sweat because the moment they do they feel some sense of accomplishment that they were able to break you down.

[@uppercut147]

@@vivianaaugustin4154 Yup. And they have such a warped perspective of other human beings anyway that there is ZERO reason for their opinion of us to matter anyway. You may as well ask a llama what they think of you.

[@michelleb40]

Oh, to feel indifferent at some point. That would be heaven. Thank you for the wisdom Dr. Ramani. You have helped me so much.

[@ItsPouring]

How ON EARTH, did you know to post this - I was feeling this then immediately felt the anxiety coursing through my body when I imagined being around them again. This is perfect timing - I could kiss you!! Thank you, Dr. Ramani 😘

[@mrstlc68]

My Narc asked if I would call him about something. I just couldn't do it the anxiety that took over me. I told him no.

[@Singlemotherafterabuse]

Good for you for saying no. This may help m.kzbin.info/door/rm82-tPLRZZhyikGqyK7Yw

[@Kathleen-p1l]

mrstlc68 it’s been a couple of months for me. A million and one times I have broken NC it feels like. The last interactions became vile AGAIN and I finally got it through my head that this person is simply never going to change their behaviors with me. Of course they are great with everyone else but me.... I refused to let my new year start with them. I went NC by changing my number, blocked gmail. Off all social media. I got an email a couple of weeks ago from their work (first time they used this address) asking me to call them. I did nothing. Then another asking and them giving me their number (as if I don’t know those numbers by heart). I have done nothing. I started thinking I can just email back to see what they want! I used to get hard on myself for watching these videos. No. I will watch them to the day I die if I have to, in order to knock sense into me. We ALL know those horrible, HORRIBLE feelings we get when we interact. I was never myself around them. Your comment just made me want to respond and I want you to know we are doing great. I love the yes or no boundaries rule. The answer is either yes or no. Don’t have to get deep. Just yes or no. I will not break from all of this hard work by answering to a ridiculous Hoover.

[@sanciaanderson7950]

mrstlc68 omg me too . I have to unfortunately stay in touch cause he’s my sponsor and still very married to me ,even though I know he’s with a new supply but can’t travel to meet her as she’s in the. 🇺🇸 . I would send the message and then switch my phone off cause I didn’t know what kind of spiteful response it would be

[@candulagirl7817]

TY mrstiic68! U had the strength to say the words...awesome for u!

[@priyankajadhav1029]

@@Kathleen-p1l "I WAS NEVER MYSELF AROUND THEM" that really hit me. I was never myself around them.

[@angelacapranica7701]

Every time I am around my “narc”, my heart races, I become nervous, panic attacks etc. This is after I went back after two months...I do feel worse than before.

[@tinlaa7519]

I was like that too, back then. Everytime im around her, my stomach turn, my heart beat very2 fast even tho i was just sitting down, i got nervous and the back of my head aches. Its like ptsd. Thats one of the many reasons i left

[@tigermagda]

Best decision I took in my life was to decide I didn't want kids with my narcissistic ex. So no contact for life and hopefully all other lives on. He tried to be a regular at my place! I had him running saying, "sorry but you're definitely not welcome in my life".

[@l.5832]

I did such a good job at calling out my narcs that they discarded me and won't even hoover me. That's the way to do it :)

[@katarzynagrabosz2709]

I don’t wish them bad and I can even wish them good , just never ever want to have them in my life ...I wish they stay away from me !

[@richellepeace4457]

So, not only am I a victim for 25 years, now I get to go through all the work of fixing it... So much for a future. They are demons sent straight from hell wearing meatsuits.

[@barbarahopf5821]

This is exactly what I needed to hear Thanks again Dr. RAMINI for helping me heal from over 60 years of narcissistic abuse.

[@monicaconstantin5625]

60 years 😯🥺omg i hope you are enjoying your time now

[@TouchofShunshine]

I am so happy that I found this channel. I am normal.

[@fabulousworlds1428]

I was surprised when I realized that I still have that fear in his presence. What is it about me? What is it that triggers my insecurity? I figured it had to be his eloquence. Thank you Dr. Ramani, it is so true that our body and each cell in our body simply rejects these kind of characters. Our body has a consciousness of its own. Smiles, Diana

[@elisabethmorrison6045]

The feelings of discomfort means for me ..They have so many demons attached to them. The demons know your weakness..so dies the narc. Stay away from them

[@lisalambert81865]

When I decided to heal me, I was raised by a narcissist mom, married one and dated a few, I started dating a man right before starting my healing, well I didn’t know he was a covert narcissist, I wasn’t use to that kind, when I figured out he was I could see how he was trying to derail my healing, then my ex Narc and the current Narc started competing against each other and coming at me in their own ways, even projecting on each other. It finally came clear and then I started using every interaction with them to not only learn and educate myself but measure my healing by them, ie what I felt, why I reacted that way, how well I handled the interaction and how I felt as I walked away. Dint beat yourself up about a slip, just look at why you slipped there. In life we will always encounter different types of narcissist so we have to up our game😉. No really see the flags, don’t doubt yourself and know you are worth more then this sh*t. And yes they will try to sabotage your healing. None of this is about you with them so view it from the outside, you’ll see a lot more of the truth. Best of luck and good wishes for all. Oh and the feeling of indifference is wonderful when darling with them.

[@vhayashi7369]

Lisa Lambert, yes that is a brutal thing to go through when nearly Everyone we get close to is a narcissist. I had the same experience, a narcissist family growing up and then a narcissist alcoholic husband, who abandoned me with a baby and child, left me for a girl he cheated with. My next relationship was even WORSE, a covert Narcissist and like you I was tricked Because I didn't know anything about narcs especially covert! I couldn't even get the basic necessities that I had from my husband! Made me feel even worse which I didn't know was possible! They both Refuse to admit they are wrong and make excuses. The ex husband is in therapy Because his boss recommended it and he quit drinking. I thought he would be a different person but he still doesn't know how to process feelings. Wants a relationship with the kids but not an intimate one with me. The person I loved betrayed me without me doing anything Wrong, I was punished for having his children and raising them now alone. It's a pain that never goes away. He reached out after 7 years to get my hopes up thinking he has changed because he is in therapy. Nope!!! Still same person, only wants to see his kids because he is lonely since his ex dumped him.

[@lisalambert81865]

vhayashi The things these types of people do to people without a care, is beyond cruel, my first husband the father of my daughters hasn’t even tried to see his kids since they kids now grown, has never met his grandchildren. It wasn’t easy but they are better off for it. Yes I believe coverts cause more damage then the overts. But day by day we can heal, but never believe they will.

[@frolickingelf]

Perfect Timing! Can you talk about the “Crisis Hoover” and the flying monkeys that result when you remain no contact? The heat has been turned up and all of a sudden there are sooo many “emergencies.”

[@erinriley7987]

Stay strong!!

[@mmanda515]

Since you understand what's going on & could predict... Try to think of it like some game. That the more you don't respond & react, the more they will bait with, to get one. Like a kid having a tantrum & complete meltdown because they aren't getting their way (prob for first time) & believe they eventually WILL. Imho..... let 'em go all the way to throwing up if they want to..... Knowing you won't be there to clean their mess this time! ;) Be strong, be well.

[@carolschurter3737]

On point as usual Dr. Ramani!! Thanks.

[@blueshoes915]

I would block these people for the time being. The heat is turned up. I think narcissists are absolutely loving this pandemic situation. It’s weakening people to their hoovering and a perfect excuse for them to pretend they’re concerned. At the very least, it is irritating and at the worst, it’s dangerous and potentially fatal. I’ve heard stories of narcissists who are possibly infected, trying to infect others. As far as the flying monkeys that result from you staying no contact, they’re in full force also. I agree with @mmanda515. It’s a game and you need to win or rather make sure they don’t win. You can do this, stay strong and take this time as an opportunity to show yourself self love. Choose you. Start calming and healing practices like meditation and trauma yoga. I like to dance it off. Also, love your screen name. 💕

[@frolickingelf]

blueshoes915 Thanks so much Blue Shoes! Your screen name is super fun too! I took your advice and blocked em’ (feel the guilt and do it anyway). I am going to learn how to use my sewing machine (made a hat lastnight just by following a KZbin tutorial). Stay safe!

[@jasmine65]

I started the healing process about a year ago after started listening to your videos. 12 years went by with horrific self doubt and rumination after the narcissit broke up with me. I even developed an addiction that was hard to break. Now I feel like I'm myself again. I've started studying and I understand why I was so unstabel. Thank you Dr Ramani 🙏💗🙏

[@mrarntoh]

Dr. Ramani you've helped me focus on my healing, I can't thank you more, I have become stronger and taken back my control and confident and firm with myself.

[@janswimwild]

This is so spot on! No contact is the most powerful gift of healing that we can grant ourselves. That physical feeling of suffocation and edginess in a toxic space or with toxic people is the warning sign that protects us from being sucked back in, it is the gift that we need to keep us healthy. Thank you for making it so clear!

[@jazgem1083]

I'm just getting out of my 3rd hoover. I feel so dumb, yet at the same time, I've learned so much about myself and why I keep choosing to have this person in my life. Leaving the relationship, learning about abuse and getting over the heartache was just the tip of the ice burg. Focusing on myself and my choices instead of what he's doing to me has allowed me to see where I needed to draw stronger boundaries, not through words, but through actions. I'm also able to look back and see where I was emotionally unavailable to myself and have been able to work getting in touch with many of the emotions I've had to suppress due to a lifetime of abuse. I think the key is to not give up and look at any backsliding as an opportunity to see where improvement can be made.

[@dianak2153]

JazGem don’t feel dumb. I think it is extremely difficult to be strong when facing a narcissist. Every time he hoovers me I feel weak and bad about myself for the rest of the day or days. The hoovers won’t stop. But we also can’t give up. You will heal!

[@jazgem1083]

Diana K Thank you Diana😘 In hindsight I should have made an escape plan but I had no idea what he was capable of until I left. I was totally unprepared for how extreme things got, and fast. It was the lull and peace of what I call “honeymoon Hoover” that drew me back in. With him being the breadwinner, my health issues and three kids, not to mention the promises and begging...it was just too tempting when all the commotion stopped. This time I’m a little more prepared though. I think the hardest part has been that, coming from a family mix codependents and narcissists. I don’t have any much support. I’ll be happy when I’m on the other side.

[@dianak2153]

JazGem yeah, I understand where you’re coming from except I don’t have any kids with him. I’ve experienced many honeymoon Hoover’s though and every time I learned that he hasn’t changed, he just keeps on learning more about my vulnerabilities. The thing is you can get through this. I really wish the best for you! Message me if you’d like 😁

[@herahagstoz6934]

Thank you for this! 💗 Had a anxiety attack and destabilizing moment happen this morning and I was so frustrated that once again my body’s emotional fire alarm went off and I felt bad about that. The reminder that it wasn’t my fault or something preventable is so helpful. It’s also very reassuring to know that my alarms were working and I am not broken. Any normal healthy person would feel horrible about someone treating them like a failure or dirt simply because you didn’t perform the way they insinuated you should in order to be a good person. Being able to quickly recognize this and then make corrections so that you aren’t blaming yourself or letting it become a negative reinforcement burden to carry the rest of the day ruining your mood is awesome. A jerk is a jerk and now I can move on. 🦋

[@laurieyarnell2197]

Thank you...I just cut from a narcissist...I need anything and everything you can tell me.

[@Pittsa86]

You’re a wonderful person. Thank you for this talk.

[@georginaburrows]

Thank you Dr, this video couldn't have come at a more perfect time honestly. My abusive ex and I work at the same hospital, and last week he came up to my floor while I was working. I turned around and there he was, standing about 4 feet away from me; I was caught completely off guard. My instincts took over and I ran off panicking then started hyperventilating and crying. Luckily I have great coworkers and they covered for me/made sure I was okay, but because of the way I acted, the rest of last week I wondered if I just went back to square one. I realize now that my reaction was normal. Thank you for your wisdom as always!

[@jennybergconsulting]

This is one hugely important message. I was healed, did an incredible healing journey that was not at all easy, not even close, AND OH SO WORTH IT. Now I am exactly where you say, and I feel weak and uncertain again. Thank you, I will thrive again because of this video (and my inner strength). From the bottom and depth of my heart, thank you!!! ❤️

[@eponymoususer8923]

Omg you said this perfectly! Unhealthy people SHOULD feel uncomfortable around predators. Those are GOOD instincts that come from your achievements of health that apply to ALL predators. They will apply to the narcissist as well! I'm glad to know not to fall into the trap of despair at a perceived lack of progress!!! Thank you!

[@Lil-Be]

Perfect timing for this video, Dr. Ramani! Now, due to the Covid-19 quarantine, when we have more time at home and more time to reflect, I guess many people may get an idea to check on their ex. Since most of us are humbled by the situation around, we may want to have a "heart to heart conversation", be more forgiving and understanding. The narcissistic ex may also feel lonely and bored now and this could be a trap. This is the time when they can appear even more charming since they need their supply, compassion, and warmth from "empathetic suppliers" more than ever. I know, it can be very tempting to reach out and check on our exes, but if those past relationships were highly toxic, it is absolutely no worth to do it. This is the time that we should focus on healing, even more, focus on people who are close to our hearts, who genuinely love us and need our support the most. In this difficult time, we need to be stronger than ever for ourselves and for our loved ones. We can't effort weakening our immune system by interacting with toxic exes and doing things that will only sabotage our efforts to heal. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for being such a great inspiration! Stay well and healthy.

[@springfauna1465]

Well said!!!

[@MF-se1zl]

I had exactly the experience she described last week. After months of non contact I meet my ex in person to discuss a serious situation with one of our grown children. I thought I was healed enough to go through this encounter with minimum damage to my mental health. I was totally wrong just being in his presence made me physically ill. He devalued me by not looking directly at me during our whole conversation, dismissing a personal health topic and not even saying goodbye despite being in the presence of our children. It's been a week and I am definitely worse than before our meeting. I will recover for sure, and I learnt my lesson! No matter how much healing we achieve nothing good comes out of our going back to contact with toxic people.

[@sabrinamourarodrigues8322]

Oh... I can speak from own experience: I had a narcissistic "friend". The relationship at the beginning can be captivating. But as time goes by, it doesn't take long to realize that it's a toxic relationship. She was always 'right', always the 'best' and only wanted compliments. Then the arrogance just got even worse. If someone else disagreed with her, she was a victim and the other was always wrong. I felt so suffocated that I put an end to the "friendship". Thanks for the explanation! :)

[@eugeniamccarthy8]

You’ve helped in not to focus on the narcissist, but on me. Thank you 🕊❤️

[@joystarrick3145]

I left him a month ago. Moved to Illinois from AZ and I cry nonstop. I feel like I’m gonna have a nervous break down.

[@theresafowler9000]

Dr. Ramani , I value your clear way of thinking and your exacting communication. Your videos have been helping me so very much. Bless you. You are a gift to the world

[@noreallyihearyou837]

Pure gold. Listen to her, people. Dr. Ramani speaks the truth.

[@Jo-xn2cs]

This is exactly where I am at--thinking and believing I'm healed. I can have a conversation with him, be around him, even enjoying his company. Then, I always find myself questioning his motivations, wondering if he cares that he hurt me, wondering if he ever loved me, what that looks like to a person like him, etc. I don't want to be sucked back into the maelstrom of who he is. I want to be whole.

[@caffeinejones3513]

I can relate to getting pulled back in. I got a little "cocky," and let an ex get close for a minute, and I did feel it in my body. I felt icky. After some energy-cleansing meditations and discussing it with a friend, I found it to be a good lesson. it gave me a sense of where I'm at on my healing journey.

[@DJCoolK1d]

I’ve needed a video about this for a long time. I did this & it feels like relapsing on a drug. I thought I was strong enough & then the abuse really stripped me of that self love & reassurance that I built up after a long while. I’m currently scrapping & crawling from rock bottom after losing not only my self esteem but my financial security as well. Really difficult. CPTSD is a son of a gun. Strive on, folks. Strive on.

[@stephaniepowell1458]

This happened to me! I thought I was strong enough. I was pulled into a BIG mess I wasn’t prepared for....I now do not feel I have to EVER see that person again. I don’t have to prove I’m better or strong 💪🏽

[@jessicazuniga6984]

This video makes me feel better I've been beating myself up for months wondering why I didn't stay away. When I broke up with him I genuinely 100 percent thought I was out and then BAM! he shows up and I'm right back here again all that hard work for nothing.

[@happy2livelifedavis140]

Great! Great! Great! I love your delivery and presentation! You are helping a lot of us. Thank you .

[@mortidorum]

You are the best, Dr. Ramani!

[@starlaeuropa]

He can't hoover me anymore after I blocked him and his weird family a couple of months ago - and with the current crisis, he can't get anywhere near me (every cloud really does have a silver lining). I am still healing and trying to pick up the pieces of my life, but I don't ever have to see him again. The idea of having him in close proximity makes me feel sick and "crawly", so no chance of hoovers working even if he were able to find me again. I would rather have coronavirus than ever have to interact with him again...

[@alsam8522]

Thanks for this. So needed. Every time I get an email from my ex husband I feel a little sick and think, “Oh no, what now!” I did think of it as a kind of relapse. This makes me feel so much better.

[@narcvictim7309]

It happened to me. After 9 months of no contact I thought I was healed and contacted him again and boom, every progress I've made just disappeared, we even ended up getting married. This is like a nightmare.

[@redefiningmyself8598]

The trauma bond can be broken. Stay strong with your commitment to healing process

[@sabi2970]

"I am the one who is responsible for all your greatness." OMG... how true!!! Everything .... from the weight of my flesh, to my job, to my knowing how to speak English ... everything, literally everything was counted for by the Narcissist. I was thrown down like anything!

[@dianet3994]

"How dare you! I am the reason for your greatness." 😤

[@susielee8101]

I thought I was totally healed and agreed to stay friends but when I was confronted by his evil stare again I got cold chills in my spine so I decided to block him again ! Trust your gut feelings. It never lies to you but is there to protect you. Even being friends these monsters can find ways to hurt you.

[@eboli7146]

Dr Ramani, thank you so much for these detailed, eloquent and compassionate videos, they are extremely helpful and I am beyond grateful.

[@fly4uron]

Wow Thank you so very much Dr.Ramani.I have absolutely no intention of going back to any situation where I have been bullied and humiliated.I have walked away and I fully intend on staying away from toxic people Especially my sibling who I am not going to let back into my life now that I see how hurtful she can be. If I run into a toxic person I will avoid them at all costs and not engage them at all I think that I would be re-traumatising myself if I allowed anybody back into my life who I have had unpleasant experiences with.I am just thankful that I now know what I know and I will always be on the watch for this kind of dysfunction .It took me a very long time to extricate myself from a very very toxic environment and to finally feel what it feels like to feel free and not have to worry about walking around on eggshells or be treated differently.

[@hectorcastro9768]

You are still interested in lying to them regardless of what you are doing !! He has already been f you a couple of days already and it's what he said that he would be able to do

[@fly4uron]

@@hectorcastro9768 Sorry what are you talking about?

[@aestopiaetic]

i keep getting back together with my narc and everytime i leave him , i feel empowered, stronger and don't care, but his sob stories always reel me back in! The longest i stayed away was 1 week, and i sincerely felt like he finally let me go, but then came the flyin monkeys and degrading my name! I knew going no contact to him was the key to me succesfully leaving him but i felt the need to defend myself to him and there was i back in his evil grip once more! We've been back together 3 days, and it's been calm, but im just WAITING for an outburst from him cause it always ends with him getting mad over something so miniscule, that I end up leaving and blocking him... I feel so small when im with him.. but i also feel like, in time i imay be strong enough to completely let it all go.

[@colletteforde8138]

be strong easier said than done take back ur power wear that grown🙏🏾💪

[@tauruswinds37]

Trauma bonded

[@debrac1688]

This is my favorite of your videos, Dr. Ram. The opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of love is indifference.

[@ambiguousprophetess5742]

Recovering is painful and lonely. I have to keep reminding myself that I've got me, no matter what happens. And if that statement feels disappointing, I have a lot more work to do. It feels never ending trying to be better. I'm exhausted.

[@sociologytuition8983]

I am actually going through this..... Been 2 weeks I left and here I am begging him to take me back... I am addicted to him.... The lonleliness is killing....

[@zaviahopethomas-woundedsou9848]

so spot on!!! I healed not knowing my SIL was a very sadistic covert vulnerable narcissist. She said something cruel at a family reunion, I confronted her. It blew up really bad and she showed me how seriously controlling of my family by blood, not hers, she is. She even said to all of them when I was out of the room I should not be invited back again to my family reunion! Yet over 98% of issues that came up during family reunions involved her. I had one brother walk away disgusted when she said that, he told me. I have not spoken to any of my family since accept the one brother. That was five years ago, none of them have attempted to contact me! I am so glad I walked away from the toxic mess. Even the one brother I do not spend a lot of time with. He has a small clue of narcissists but it is small.

[@springfauna1465]

There's no way I want to be in his presence again, and cryptonite (spelling?) is an excellent description of what he is to me!!! What a great word to keep in mind!!! Thank you so much for saying this!!! And thank you for your continued support!!! Namaste ❤️

[@dianeaishamonday9125]

*kryptonite 💚💚💚

[@princessmommy8]

Dr ramani, you are an angel 😇

[@AkaSara]

When she said "feel good enough to talk to the narcissist again", I was like 🤦‍♀️ Fuck I was maybe going to do that before seeing this video.

[@thereallisa1]

There is no way you can possibly know how much you are helping me. Thank God for you Dr. Ramani. I owe you my sanity and happiness 😪

[@frailingbadly]

Perfect reminder, thank you! I may well soon be healed, nearly there, but my narc ex husband never will be. The thought of seeing him, hearing his voice just fills me with horror. I am doing well but I never want to put myself in harm's way again, he is so dangerous, kryptonite. I shake and my legs get wobbly anywhere near him.

[@LuluAce]

Thank you so much Dr. Ramani for making these videos. Im currently healing from being in a toxic narcissistic relationship and your videos have been a god sent. I have learned so much and it has helped me heal. Every time i feel a bit weak and i think about my ex i watch some of your videos and all is good in the world again! I become aware of all the toxic things i was dealing with again and I stay away, far away!! I remind myself of all the reasons why i left. So I really just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your amazing advice and information. Many blessings to you.

[@Suvikki74]

"Thought bubbles drifting your way.....I hope you are doing well, safe and healthy during the midst of this global pandemic." Yeah, I am not going to fall for that. I know that his rage is there.

[@bohunkjunk2514]

Don't they always have such a way with words and know exactly what to say to you to reel you in? sounds just like mine...

[@PRodgers-eb1mu]

Oh, Dr Ramani! Thanks so much for this. I was doing really well with almost no contact. But my mother started a different campaign that got to me. She said she didn’t remember the letter I sent 15 years ago that started my painful healing and realization my parents would never change. Even though the back and forth went on a long time until I finally quit. She got to me. Wrenched my whole being. I debated with myself if I should resend the letter or not. She said things like, “Sometime just drop by; we would love to see you.” Are you kidding me?!?! Never! I felt ALL those emotions you talked about. My hands shook so badly I couldn’t crochet to get my mind off it. I ended up crying in a little pile of sweat! After more than a week of suffering, I had a horrible dream of a monkey obsessively biting at the backs of my legs and drawing streams of blood! I woke up with the answer. Stop this crap! I decided to ignore her pleas. My husband is the stop gap between me and my parents, so I can go no contact. Thank you for this uplifting (out of the abyss) message! I so deeply needed it!

[@BC-xo3hf]

I love you so much. Thank you for all of your time in making these videos. I for one can tell you how much I appreciate it. Not having a parental figure in my life any longer because of this.. no contact. You are a role model of mine.

[@doellt4753]

I like what you say, it is a help. Your kindness is really tangible. When thoughts are weapons, my bullet-proof vest is my laughter!

[@robinsena2479]

I wish God will protect me with never letting me meet this person again!!

[@windchimeisland]

Lord, I intercede for Robin; speak Your Word that everything obeys because You’re God and block this person out of their universe. Forever.

[@artsydoll888]

Robin Sena he will

[@PPMOCRG]

Robin Sena You can protect yourself. 🙂

[@rllght]

Thank you so much Dr. Ramani. I agree with you wholeheartedly on this one. Leaving the abusive narcissist behind feels like mental travel on a one-way-street. There is no turning back, and never should be. Don't ever let your guard down if you ever encounter that person again.

[@PureWater-w7c]

That disturbance we feel is a warning sign from the Holy Spirit. You will feel it but when you walk away you have immediate peace. In the meantime I am going to irritate the narcissists, by telling the truth. Their arrows are going to go right into their hearts. Eventually over time in 2018, God sealed my heart. I was sharing the truth and a woman went off at me, weird thing is that, that arrow that was shot bounced right off my heart. I felt it in the Spirit and my heart did not get a fright. I felt so free after that. If someone is cruel then they don't deserve to be around you. Bottom line. Leave the narc to the narc. 🤣

[@dafynlynn6229]

Amen

[@bheard4u]

Yes ma’am. I felt immediate peace. I was sad but so grateful for the peace I felt

[@princessmandy1757]

Jesus is my only hope... And the things u say are 100% true

[@Cathy-xi8cb]

It only backfires if you haven't accepted that there will NEVER ever be a healthy connection with that person, you haven't accepted that this person will ALWAYS be a danger to you, will be MORE ANGRY that you are healthier, and if you haven't learned effective strategies to protect yourself from dangerous people. If you can accept and learn all of those things, know that it will take a huge amount of energy to engage with them safely. This is a very high price for engagement.

[@Tee2089]

I really needed this. I almost reached out because I felt like I healed enough to do so considering this Covid period. But I had to ask myself why I wanted to dig up the old bones of this relationship. Was it because I hadn’t healed? Shouldn’t I be able to reach out if I have truly healed. That threw me into a whole depressive spiral because I thought if I haven’t healed by now will I ever. So really this truly helped me to put things into perspective. I am so grateful.

[@agnieszkaagath9517]

It was very releaving when I've learned to gray rock, realised that I wasn't about me but about the person, that I'm not responsible for pleasing them or for how they chose to feel and respond to me being who I am. Still it still hurts that I've had to go through such experiences with my mother. Even though my mother is 16 years dead and I'm 60. It always get harder when it's about close family.

[@danikeebler1662]

Once I got into recovery, I thought things would get better......they got worse. I opened up a lot of old scars that was painful. I also had a ton of pain and grief when I washed off the window and saw outside clearly. I saw how much I had been through and how far off the healthy path I was. Oouch I am all about going back to go forward. I have changed but they have not. Going back to them shows them no matter how awful they treated me, they have the power to wooo me back. It can also escalate because they get worse to dig at me deeper as well as see what is now being "allowed" and new buttons that need to be found. Healing doesnt have to ever involve a narc up close and personal.

[@sabastiantaylor7209]

If your not sure if you are fully healed yet or not. When you don’t care or have emotions towards the narc. Most ppl think hate is a strong emotion. Feeling completely indifferent towards the narc is a much more powerful emotion.

[@mifnp8887]

It took me a LONG time to go from hate to detachment but I did it. Took 12 years.

[@sabastiantaylor7209]

MIFNP they say it takes twice as long to heal from an emotional traumas. I’m not sure if that’s true but I grew up in a severely narcissistic home. I had a lot of time alone to think. We moved all the time. As much as I hated moving and starting a new school all the time. I learned the most valuable lesson. I ought not to care what people think of me. Doing the right things and allowing outcomes to just happen because things always work out in time. I learned very early in life the only thing constant is change. We allow others to create that change in our lives or we control the change and direction for ourselves. Basically you give control to emotions and events or you control them yourself. I was with my narc for 12 years and I was happy until the end. I decide how long I’m going to allow myself to be sad. I looked at picture. I remembered all the bad times and good. I thought about all the signs I missed. Most importantly I learned to read all the signs that I overlooked or naively just missed all together. I have experienced very type of abuse you can experience in life. Emotional, physical, sexually, etc. I don’t know how I stayed so naive for so long. I give credit to God fir that but the Lord also said we should be very wise. True forgiveness is the key to life! Forgiveness is for us (the victim) to heal. It is not for those that abuse us. I read that in the Bible and it hit me like a ton of bricks. At first it was the hardest thing to apply but I have done it for so long it’s just second nature. Our emotions are there as warnings. They are a very key ingredient to protecting us. However they should never be the driver to making decisions. They should be the catalyst to get us to think out our situations, traumas and/or concerns we have or that come up. So many people live completely emotionally based and just go through their entire lives not dealing with what they went through. So their entire life becomes a band aid of bad decisions and then they go through life making bad decisions based on what makes them feel better fir the moment and not seeing or putting in the hard work/extra work to see the big picture and have long term happiness. I am very happy for you that you left and you are now released of all that cane with it. I always say. We narcs are victims. You wouldn’t blame the person who was raped because they are the victim. Fir some reason the victim always takes on all the guilt pain and suffering. We as victims ought not to take on that burden because the other people are the abusers and we are the victims. That’s where emotions get messy. But thinking out the situation and realizing. You are the victim and you ought not to take on any of that negative weight is essential. Good luck to you and may your joy be filled!!!

[@Priyaahandle]

U r a life saver. Rightly said after healing we do go and confront the narc. And it feels awful. All the work we have done to heal becomes zero. We start justifying their behaviour. U r so right. No contact and never to break come what may. Oh God it seems to be toughest thing on this earth.

[@user-ii3vn8tn3q]

Most pertinent for me, but all so good. How to stop looking for the Narc in everyone, now?

[@CreaticityIsLife]

Thank you for speaking to this. Very helpful topic. My observation is that a narcissist isn't primarily motivated by winning themselves, they are primarily motivated on making sure the other loses. This insight has helped me understand why it's never going to feel OK to engage - even a win/win solution will be unstable if the narcissist perceives the other as winning in any way. They can't tolerate that - they will undermine that win with everything they have even if it also costs them. And they will also feel entitled to blame the other for any losses they experience. It's not possible to negotiate with a person who believes the other side deserves nothing. Literally, nothing.

[@berries8691]

Dr ramani please make a video on narcissits silent treatment.. You have covered many things related to narcissim.. I wanna hear you explain about narcissits silent treatment