When I decided to leave my alcoholic husband

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Love Over Addiction

Love Over Addiction

Күн бұрын

WHEN I DECIDED TO LEAVE MY ALCOHOLIC HUSBAND // An honest and vulnerable video I made for my Secret Facebook Group. We are a loving group of women who are encouraging one another and healing together.
P.S. I know this is KZbin but please don't judge me for not wearing makeup.
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“How to Stop Putting Your Self-Worth in the Hands of the Addicted”:
• How to Stop Putting Yo...
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“Your Safe Space When You Love Someone Suffering From Addiction”:
• Your Safe Space When Y...
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• When I decided to leav...

Пікірлер: 779
@shannonbyrne8126
@shannonbyrne8126 Жыл бұрын
This video is so helpful, bern married 30 yrs, I am just so tired of it all. The man I married has disappeared before my eyes.
@shellb623
@shellb623 6 жыл бұрын
I'm in tears right now. I'm married to an alcoholic. 5 years is enough. Thank you for sharing this.
@laamux8967
@laamux8967 6 жыл бұрын
shell B You are so beautiful and worth the world. I stayed with an emotional abuser, they make you feel like they're the only person that could ever love you. There are so many amazing people out there, including you. You need to set or write down goals for yourself and the type of person you are looking for and never lower your standards. You. Are. Worth it.
@JC-fb1tv
@JC-fb1tv 5 жыл бұрын
Me too! Saddest roller coaster ride I've ever been on in my life! I made the final decision to call it quits before the new year. I could NOT fathom another year of stress, anxiety, uncertainty and just UTTER CONFUSION anymore. I didn't know who I had become because of all of the crazy drunken episodes I was forced to participate in; but more importantly I did not like the person I had become as a result of the madness. To ALL going through this never ending INSANITY... GET OUT while you have the courage. We can love the alcoholic all day long, but if they don't love THEMSELVES enough to get help; then you will forever be in a vicious cycle of HEARTBREAK! #TRUSTIKNOW #SLOWPAINFULDEATH #FINDYOURSELF #LOVERYOURSELFFIRST
@sandraragbir4195
@sandraragbir4195 5 жыл бұрын
I stayed with my Ex 25 years I have 2 sons I went through the same . Now my life is much better nothing much to worry about am happy
@Christ_walks_minstries
@Christ_walks_minstries 4 жыл бұрын
My mother has been in one for sixteen years. The verbal abuse she endures is beyond saddening and makes me cry every time. There used to be physical altercations when my dad was under the influence but thank God my he’s stopped. Alcohol is purely a substance from hell and has no spot in a relationship. I could go on and on about the many heartbreaking things I’ve seen the substance do but I just wanna let you know you’re not alone.
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 4 жыл бұрын
@@Christ_walks_minstries Our hearts go out to you and your mom for what you've been through. That's absolutely tough. Abuse of any kind isn't okay. Learning boundaries is so helpful, especially when they start to be verbally abusive. Many women who have been in the same situation will turn around and either leave the room or leave the house for several hours and do something *they* want to do. This also gives some 'cooling down time'. xoxo ~Laurie
@debbiel2098
@debbiel2098 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing. They say Alcoholism is a progressive disease. In 30 yrs, my Husband went from a couple of beers after mowing the lawn, to a six pack, to a 36pack a week, and recently adding hard liquor into the mix. He sneaks alcohol into the house while I'm in the shower or run to the store. He's destroying himself, and it's dragging me down with him.
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 4 жыл бұрын
Hi Debbie! You're absolutely right - it's definitely a progressive disease unless they get help. We're proud of you for taking these steps by looking toward your own healing. Keep it up and make sure to practice lots of self-care and set boundaries. These are so important when you're with someone suffering from addiction. Sending many hugs to you, sister
@theflyestangel
@theflyestangel 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you 🙏🏽 4 years it took me. Hard and so painful 😣 but I couldn’t take it anymore
@xochitlduran4650
@xochitlduran4650 2 жыл бұрын
I hope you are doing better .I was in your situation but through prayer I was one of the lucky ones because I believe God instead of man. Love you my sister 🙏❤️🙏
@shannonbyrne8126
@shannonbyrne8126 Жыл бұрын
This is my exact story. I want to leave but don't want to give up my house. He always threatens to sell it. I know it's silly but I have worked so hard to get to where I am & why should I lose my home because of his actions.
@jarkachalmovianska7812
@jarkachalmovianska7812 11 күн бұрын
​@@shannonbyrne8126 honey you are going to lose more than the house. You are going to lose your life. Your health, both mental and physical, more money, time, opportunities, friends.
@joannajo20jo84
@joannajo20jo84 2 жыл бұрын
I’m going through this now. I’ve been with my husband for almost 29 years. Met him when I was 14. Didn’t realize he was an alcoholic at the time. Just thought he was socialize drinking etc. then it was getting worse and worse. We have 2 kids and although they are young adults, I’m still scared because I don’t make a lot of money and the cost to live is expensive. But, I don’t want to stay. It’s effecting my health. I pray that I can gather the strength. Thank you for your story!
@sexygabby30
@sexygabby30 Жыл бұрын
Of course you wouldn’t know you were a child like me I’ve been knowing mine since I was 8 years old. However things progressed. Ohhhh for the worst the older he gets. Mine now is recently locked up. Yet I have health issues. Can’t work which most women become assed out. We have no help at all honestly especially if you’ve lost everyone. But I don’t care I have to heal, And so do you. You got this. We got to get our power back. The problem is disappointment.
@DustyRoadz
@DustyRoadz 10 ай бұрын
I’m an alcoholic. I watched your video to remind myself just how lucky and blessed I am that my gf didn’t leave me once my addiction got out of control. She should have left a long time ago and if she had , I couldn’t be upset with her. Your video reminds me of what it’s like for those that the addict hurts in his or her life. Don’t ever feel bad about leaving a situation like that. If someone refuses to seek help or refuse to do anything to stop the cycle of addiction then he or she leaves their loved ones no choice but to leave
@jarkachalmovianska7812
@jarkachalmovianska7812 11 күн бұрын
What prevents you from quitting. Or leaving her. Set her free.
@pumkinpie8730
@pumkinpie8730 Жыл бұрын
I just LEFT TODAY....LADY I THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO... I should have left 2 years ago when God told me to but I didn't because I wasn't ready. But two weeks ago I made the final decision and moved out today I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me I feel happy and sad at the same moment. I actually cried because I was so happy. Not because I was sad but because I was happy
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 Жыл бұрын
You've got this! We're proud of you for taking this HUGE step for your own healing and future xoxo
@marykirchner262
@marykirchner262 3 ай бұрын
I've been married to an alcoholic😢 he promised he had changed he wasn't that person anymore. I knew 3 months into the marriage there was a problem. Year-and-a-half I left him left him for a month I gave him the ultimate going to rehab or I was going to leave. He did go to rehab but he couldn't wait till it was over to go back to his drinking. He always has an excuse will never hold himself accountable for his actions. It is truly sad when you really care about someone😢 it's been 4 years. I've got to find the strength and leave the guilt behind and move forward I am no good to anybody I need to take care of myself.
@nenab936
@nenab936 3 жыл бұрын
This struck home. I have been with my husband for 7 years and married only 9 months. I never lived with him prior to being married so I never realized how bad it was until I got married or maybe I chose not to see it. Before getting married I lived a very independent life so I didn’t spend night and day with him to notice the alcoholism. Once I got married I started noticing the patterns and it progressively got worse FAST, and I mean extremely fast. He began binging on weekends from 6 am to nighttime and drinking more on week days after work. I no longer recognized him. I begged, I pushed, I screamed, I argued, I prayed, I did everything possible to get him to stop. Nothing ever worked. They will never stop unless they want to. I was always truly knew that but I thought I could convince him before it was too late. He got extremely bad last weekend and I left him at his brothers for 4th of July and spent it without him and slept the next few days without him and wasnt around him. Something clicked, I was sooo at peace these days. I decided I needed this peace again in my life and i refused to let him drag me into the deep hole he had dug himself in mentally and financially. I filed for divorce this morning. And I feel so at peace. There may be people who may say I gave up too soon, and I may have. However if there one thing that my parents taught me is to put myself first and to never lose my self-respect getting caught up loving someone. I made a promised to myself the very day I said “I do” that would never lose myself at any point of our marriage no matter how much I love him. And for me 9 months of forgetting my self-worth was enough.
@writeousrhema
@writeousrhema 10 ай бұрын
I am SO happy you didn't give him a year of marriage. Totally not worth it. My ex tricked me too about his alcoholism. I left him 8 months in
@charlottescott9823
@charlottescott9823 8 ай бұрын
I’m having an epiphany on today. I’ve had a tonsillectomy last week and let’s just say my husband started back drinking badly again while blaming it on his residents at his job being “abused” and “dying”. Every time I get sick or need surgery, that’s when it gets worse and worse. He can make people hate him and then he can play the victim at the same time. It’s pathetic. His first wife abandoned him and his kids. The kids deserved non of this from him being a drunk nor her being a drug user. I will do all I can to get custody of them. I also have my own kids.
@GRIMxREAFER
@GRIMxREAFER 5 жыл бұрын
Remember they love alcohol MORE than the family/marriage/relationship. If the alcohol was replaced with something else or someone would you still put up with it?
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 5 жыл бұрын
That's a very true statement! ~Laurie
@AppleBottomJ
@AppleBottomJ 4 жыл бұрын
Being an alcoholic is a disease. It's not that they don't love you.. the drink consumes them and controls their life.
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 4 жыл бұрын
@@AppleBottomJ That's very true, too. It's hard when it has such a firm grip on those we love. ~Laurie
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 3 жыл бұрын
@@nikenhouston1662 Hi there! You can send us an email to: Info@LoveOverAddiction.com
@El_Roi75
@El_Roi75 5 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your video. I’m married to an alcoholic. I’m in tears watching this video bc I want out so badly, but I feel stuck. I’m going to get out one way or another.
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 5 жыл бұрын
You've got this, sister. You're a strong and brave woman. Never forget that
@olympiastargazer4469
@olympiastargazer4469 4 жыл бұрын
I feel the sama way
@urvashipatel5214
@urvashipatel5214 4 жыл бұрын
5 yrs living with an alcoholic bf.its getting worse...cant do anything.if he dies i will be in big trouble....he doesnt understand and leave ..its my house ...i cant call authority ..
@lionelworthy9525
@lionelworthy9525 4 жыл бұрын
I’m the same I get blamed as the reason why she drinks
@kelleyknight73
@kelleyknight73 3 жыл бұрын
I feel the same way I just got engaged but for the past couple of years I’ve been dealing with the verbal abuse from him and towards my kids it’s so depressing and heartbreaking I don’t even have the mindset or strength to be happy about the engagement I really just want out and hopefully once I get myself together by the end of this year I’m leaving I love myself and my kids more than this if I don’t get out I don’t know what’s going to become of me I’m having really bad anxiety on all kinds of medication it’s horrible😢
@d.m.schwarzer3729
@d.m.schwarzer3729 2 жыл бұрын
you were lucky! When I got out I realised I had no friends - and all "our" friends stuck to him being co addicts. I had to start from scratch
@jarkachalmovianska7812
@jarkachalmovianska7812 11 күн бұрын
But you did it🎉 congrats
@jordanklivansky3634
@jordanklivansky3634 4 жыл бұрын
I ended my relationship 5 days ago before seeing this video. It took me 5 years to truly understand that my relationship was toxic and unhealthy. Your video gives me solidarity with my decision. I am truly in love with this man but not in love with what he has become. This addiction to alcohol has consumed him. I know I cannot rescue him nor should I have to. It is his path of destruction that I choose not to join. I only pray that he finds the root of this addiction and healing. I pray that I find healing as well and learn to trust again and recognize what healthy love is. If anyone else is struggling know that you have the strength to leave, know that your health is more important, know that you deserve nothing but the best, and know that if one does not love and care for themself they cannot care for you. I truly hope this helps.
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 4 жыл бұрын
Hi Jordan - this is so eloquently stated. Thank you for this. We're sending you lots of love and support
@lizvaldez9470
@lizvaldez9470 4 жыл бұрын
My divorce was final a few weeks ago after 5 yrs of broken promises and lies. Found an empty bottle of rum in his back seat and found the receipt from that morning. This truly was the last straw; when they are no longer dependable or loving or kind...it’s time. My heart breaks for each and every one of us including “them”. I believe they truly have no idea that we’re even hurting. I creeped on my ex husbands Facebook and he posted something about cheating. Never once did I ever cheat on this man but I’m sure in his mind I have. And maybe that’s his way of dealing with my boundaries. If I cheated, then he wins. But honestly, I have zero desire to open up to any man anytime in near future! I’m still a nervous wreck over this nightmare but I continue to pray for guidance and peace. And I’m finally feeling some much needed peace.
@user-cv4bl3oz5n
@user-cv4bl3oz5n 4 жыл бұрын
I’m trying to leave we have been together 6 years married 1 in June 2019 I am financially dependent and with covidw-19 it’s hard to find a safe job right now... I don’t know what to do may have to move back in with my parents I can’t deal with the abhorrent behavior he has done unspeakable things to me while under the influence
@prernapathak281
@prernapathak281 3 жыл бұрын
Your story is similar to mine and i m myself in an way to move on from my alcoholic partner coz he evrytime chooses alcohol over me and reacts like he hadn't done anything wrong and ask me to not react on his alcoholism coz it's very normal. He is not able to stop himself and he thinks that there's nothing wrong in that but I m totally depressed now trying to move on but he always calls texts me even k had blocked him.. yesterday I took the decision to never turn back
@gugusharma5490
@gugusharma5490 10 ай бұрын
Right
@suzyq9263
@suzyq9263 3 жыл бұрын
20 years of back and forth. 28 years married. Today, I'M DONE and kicked him out. Coming out of hiding at 56. Yes please!! Now, right now. My family is finally aware of what's been going on. I'll NEVER get healthy with him here. I already feel unchained. Thanks for sharing.
@attibatti4281
@attibatti4281 3 жыл бұрын
I'm there today as well. I wish you all the best in the second half of your book.
@SD-qz9yh
@SD-qz9yh 2 жыл бұрын
Excellent video. Living in a crappy alcoholic marriage for 12 years. Our three sons are nearly adults. Feels like it’s time to start making decisions for me .
@BadmintonBombshell
@BadmintonBombshell 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this. I split with my alcoholic boyfriend over 2 years ago, but everything you articulated I have felt. It's so confusing dating someone with an addiction - you love and hate them at the same time. Ultimately you have to put yourself first.
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 4 жыл бұрын
You're absolutely right - putting yourself first is so important
@deonnesingh5309
@deonnesingh5309 6 жыл бұрын
Recently had my moment of clarity and decided to end it with my alcoholic partner. He gave me tears, stress and cruelty with his raging alcholism on top of a year and half of having breast cancer and chemo. Was all about him. Last straw was im having a double mascetomy now and he made plans for overseas trip with mates before even finding out my op date let alone recovery or support time. Selfish, self centred, manipulative and plays the victim always. I hope you all have the light bulb on moment too. Every moment you cry, punish yourself and waste on them is a moment that you will never get back. Dont let yourself wait until you have a life threatening diaease to realise that.
@michaelheery7427
@michaelheery7427 5 жыл бұрын
love that LIGHT BULB MOMENT..
@compartista
@compartista 4 жыл бұрын
So sorry to hear about the double mastectomy, I hope you are doing well, and that your happy and healing. God bless you.
@cam8619
@cam8619 4 жыл бұрын
You are the definition of strong what a warrior! Hope things worked for you!
@TiffanyWestNyc
@TiffanyWestNyc 7 жыл бұрын
Going through the same thing with my boyfriend he said he'll never stop drinking. He is the sweetest guy but not when he's drunk! I need to find a way out I'm losing myself and my life
@amykurianowicz2902
@amykurianowicz2902 7 жыл бұрын
Tiffany B I feel the same!
@lifetobelived9102
@lifetobelived9102 7 жыл бұрын
If he says he will never stop drinking then that leaves you with no other choice than to leave. It will not get better with you there.
@TiffanyWestNyc
@TiffanyWestNyc 7 жыл бұрын
Life tobelived you're right thank you so much. I have a plan and I'm leaving soon
@lifetobelived9102
@lifetobelived9102 7 жыл бұрын
Good I went through a lot of therapy to get that point. I realized I didn't want to be lifetime member of Al-non. It will be hard when you leave but it won't be in your face every day. I still care for my after 3 years but it doesn't mean I can live with him. I don't really don't to him only when it applies to our child which we both agree on this. I am about at the point to start dating and I have been going to some interest groups that have nothing do with dating on Meetup.com. It is good that you have a plan because I just jumped, My mom was my emotional support but she passed away at the same time as I separated. Good luck and there is an other side. I am finding out that men actually do like to talk to me and have some interest in what I say. It is sort of a shock because I started to believe I was a bit of a dud.
@TiffanyWestNyc
@TiffanyWestNyc 7 жыл бұрын
Life tobelived you're so lucky I don't have a support system. I live far away from my family bummer. Also he's mom didn't believe me! I'm so happy for you go on okaycupid as well good to meet guys there! Online is the new way now.
@glamourinc
@glamourinc 5 жыл бұрын
Struggling with depression because of my husbands addiction
@chicagolatinabt
@chicagolatinabt 5 жыл бұрын
I suffer from PTSD because of my husband of 34 years drinking and we have been apart for 2 months and starting divorce process. Go to Al-Anon and an open AA meeting. Trust in a higher power to bring you peace and understand it wont happen over night. Talk to someone at your church (?), family , friends. You need to take care of yourself first and let the alcoholic take care of themselves. We deserve better even though it is an illness. Pray for him and all addicts. Don't be codependent anymore. tell him to get his ass in rehab and hold him accountable and make the necessary changes for you. PEACE of mind is what we need and alcoholics are one step closer in the grave every day and not living life.
@michaelheery7427
@michaelheery7427 5 жыл бұрын
@@chicagolatinabt u do not believe in high power..
@rohanlevy8521
@rohanlevy8521 5 жыл бұрын
Lita you're depression has nothing to do with you're husbands addiction. Take ownership of you're problem and seek help if needed.
@michaelheery7427
@michaelheery7427 5 жыл бұрын
@@rohanlevy8521 you are a GENIUS..
@bidjemieferdinand8573
@bidjemieferdinand8573 4 жыл бұрын
Me too
@tressalynn8261
@tressalynn8261 5 жыл бұрын
Dealt with this for over 16 years. I have come to the conclusion that I have to divorce him. We have been together 25 years, but the addiction is getting worst every year. I am heartbroken.
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 5 жыл бұрын
Hi Tressa - my heart goes out to you for all you're going through. It's so hard watching our loved ones battle addiction. Just remember you're a strong woman. One step and one day at a time. You've got this
@olympiastargazer4469
@olympiastargazer4469 4 жыл бұрын
My story as well. I'm devastated!
@CatWoman6
@CatWoman6 4 жыл бұрын
Samuel Arellano so true...😢
@CatWoman6
@CatWoman6 4 жыл бұрын
Tressa Lynn I am heartbroken too and I need to leave.
@phatpat7714
@phatpat7714 4 жыл бұрын
I know the feeling. I’ve been with him for almost 20 years. I want to leave him but I stay with him because of our kids. They are happy because we are a family . I feel miserable seeing my husband drunk everyday. He doesn’t think he’s an alcoholic. He says he’s not an alcoholic because he works . He says alcoholics don’t work and he works .
@bobivanski5635
@bobivanski5635 6 жыл бұрын
I’m so sad when I listen to this. I was an alcoholic by the age of 23. First beer was at 9-10 am. One day something just clicked in my brain and I knew if I didn’t stop now this was my life until I died. I quit cold turkey I’ve never had a drink in 23 years Thank god I did t have a family at the time so the only person who suffers was me. I really hope things work out for you. God bless you and your family.
@prernapathak281
@prernapathak281 3 жыл бұрын
Well done.. 👍🏻
@aygo2011
@aygo2011 5 жыл бұрын
Its hard when you do reach out to his family for help and they reject it, reject what you are saying . Then you are left alone, especially when you have no family of your own to turn to 😢
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 5 жыл бұрын
That's really hard. And unfortunately, that's really common. Families don't want to admit that their son or daughter has a problem. And they may even want to blame _you_ for causing it in some way. Which isn't true at all. It can feel so isolating. We have women in our Secret Community that have experienced the same rejection. They support and connect with one another and create a "chosen family" of their own that truly understand what it's like. It's profound and mind blowing to see their growth together. If you want to read more, here are a few blog posts that might help you: loveoveraddiction.com/stop-feeling-crazy/ loveoveraddiction.com/how-cleaning-and-addiction-are-related/ loveoveraddiction.com/the-worst-relationship-advice-from-good-people/
@urvashipatel5214
@urvashipatel5214 3 жыл бұрын
6 yrs i am living with an alcoholic man he is my ex but out of kindness i let him stay . Slowly his alcohol got worse to the point he was urinating and shitting all over n me cleaning up i asked his family to help but no one came then i asked his friends all just gave advise n i couldnt tell the authorities as its illegal in the country i live to cohabit man n woman... so i was scared to death if he died after his alcohol binging i was going to b in prison n maybe deported... i was wasting my life for this asshole btw he had married n i even contacted his wife but no one cared as long as he was sending money back home that he saved on rent... so financially n mentally he was abusing... then one day suddenly i had an idea n told him u r being shifted to another dept we wrk together... so that got him thinking n he decided he suddenly decided to go back home 4 a holiday ... thats exactly the moment i was waiting for .. finally i will pack his things n change the locks... no more being in this hell....
@tom1949213
@tom1949213 3 жыл бұрын
You did the right thing. When I took my wife of eight years to the alcohol rehab, my qestion was this: I drink with her. So, why is she an alcoholic and I am not? The answer from this expert in alcoholic rehab shocked me. It was this; we just don't know why. We can only say if you drink, one day you may not be able to quit. That day forty years ago I stopped drinking. My wife, whom I loved, had a rehab romance with another alcoholic some 14 years her junior and left me a month later. God will give you peace, but only when you separate yourself from the alcoholic. I know it hurts to hear this for many, but that person you love has already left you. I hope this will help those who are dealing with this. God bless.
@BuildingMakingDoing
@BuildingMakingDoing Жыл бұрын
May God bless you, You deserve some peace.
@melindasmith3713
@melindasmith3713 Жыл бұрын
@@BuildingMakingDoing u want to talk now
@Sincerely_lish
@Sincerely_lish 9 ай бұрын
...that person you love has already left you. I need to repeat that in my mind.
@Thula_Impala96
@Thula_Impala96 7 жыл бұрын
My "I am truly done with this ish" moment finally came after my ex stole around $800 from me and when I confronted him, he blamed me and said that I was 'nickel and diming' him. He never saw or heard from me again
@kaylacummins
@kaylacummins 5 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this. I really needed to hear it. I just broke up with my alcoholic boyfriend and I miss the few times he was sober. I also feel relief that I don’t have to worry about if he’s drunk, high, or using drugs anymore.
@sunnydaysahead3401
@sunnydaysahead3401 11 ай бұрын
I feel this in my heart what you said about the guilt of not being happy and I am ready to be who I want to be just pray for me I'm on my way outta this situation 14 years I love him but I'm done ready to leave himself to himself and take my kids. I'm gonna become a archeologist it's what I have always wanted to be. I'm 34
@mrbusbi2
@mrbusbi2 5 жыл бұрын
I'm with an alcoholic. Just reading this and thinking about leaving him makes me tear up. I feel I'm in a loose/loose situation. My heart will be broken no matter what.
@teresaroxanne1296
@teresaroxanne1296 5 жыл бұрын
Same here
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 5 жыл бұрын
We're sending you lots of hugs. Take things one day at a time. When you start working on your own healing and self-care, you start to feel stronger and braver and it becomes more clear on what will be best for you and your situation.
@markosdelatorre
@markosdelatorre 4 жыл бұрын
Look up al anon speakers here or meetings in your area, they really do help. You are not alone.
@mightyhannibal6297
@mightyhannibal6297 4 жыл бұрын
It is amazing what we can heal from. Believe it or not, heartbreak rarely lasts forever.
@tinkdyer4715
@tinkdyer4715 4 жыл бұрын
I feel exactly the same. Which I guess is why I am currently putting up with it. I love my man so very much, he is the love of my life. He is the dearest sweetest man, until he's drunk. It is literally Jekyll and Hyde. He's in 3 modes as a constant: waiting to drink, drinking, hung over. He does it because life is overwhelming to him. I'm sad for him. The thing that resonated the most for me was the constant up and down, I feel I will have the moment of "that's it, I'm done" at some point, when I look into the future, I see it without him. So really I'm just prolonging the inevitable. But those good days, are so good I'm reminded of how much I truly love him. Which makes it so hard. I wish I was stronger, and could just rip that plaster off!
@keysyun1430
@keysyun1430 3 жыл бұрын
"out of his mind looking at me. He wasn't clear, he wasn't present. He was in another world, he was glazed. That didn't feel good..." and the FUCKING SMIRK. exactly why I'm thinking of leaving mine.
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 3 жыл бұрын
That's definitely hard (and frustrating) when they do that :(
@jaxdrummer25
@jaxdrummer25 7 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing this. I left my gf on xmas due to her drinking. It is sad to see an addiction take someone over and you cannot do anything about it. You have to be strong and trust that you will be better without them : ).
@ziaullah6548
@ziaullah6548 6 жыл бұрын
Hi Justin, I had the same issue. I do not drink and my partner drinks. She totally changes to a different person when she drinks. I have one very simple question if you share your experience with me. How will I know that my GF is alcoholic? Because many people drink and this make me confuse totally!
@kylerspencer1709
@kylerspencer1709 5 жыл бұрын
Justin calfee could we talk I am going though the same problem and would like your input
@d.phillipsracing4981
@d.phillipsracing4981 4 жыл бұрын
I need to do the same bro.
@prudencepeacebustamante3896
@prudencepeacebustamante3896 Жыл бұрын
I'm a husband I'm not an alcoholic but I've been through an alcoholic household I can't blame the people leaving this kind of toxic life.
@sunnylilme
@sunnylilme 6 жыл бұрын
My god. I needed this today. EVERY HOLIDAY IS THIS. it's so isolating, no one understands. Such drama. A decade in, 4 boys.. Such a scary decision. Especially since I'm SUCH A CARETAKER, bit of a whooped dog now.
@senaitsmith8437
@senaitsmith8437 3 жыл бұрын
The same here
@jarkachalmovianska7812
@jarkachalmovianska7812 11 күн бұрын
Why 4 kids? You must have seen it from the beginning...
@user-dp3gg8ox2b
@user-dp3gg8ox2b 6 жыл бұрын
Michelle thank you so much! It felt like you were telling my story about how you kept your husband's addiction a secret and how your family liked him! I have three children. The youngest is 4 months old. And I've recently decided to leave my alcoholic. I don't have a job and was very dependent on my husband. But now that my parents know everything, they promised to help. I'm gonna do it! It's wonderful that there is a person who knows what I'm going through! And as you said you were worried most about saving your kids, this is what I also feel! Thank you! You should make more videos!
@jsabri6324
@jsabri6324 6 жыл бұрын
Can I ask how you are doing? I am in your situation, and I know that I have plenty of family support; I don't want to, but I'm near the end of my patience.
@layal2258
@layal2258 5 жыл бұрын
This is exactly my story struggling every day with my alcoholic husband it's very very hard
@ea8330
@ea8330 5 жыл бұрын
People who use alcohol and substances like that are usually in a lot of pain deep down. Doesn't justify what he did, but it's very hard to break out of self destructive behavioural patterns.
@sunbox4700
@sunbox4700 5 жыл бұрын
I'm in deep pain too bit I don't drink!
@missjocelynmj
@missjocelynmj 4 жыл бұрын
This is so true.
@carolflower8015
@carolflower8015 3 жыл бұрын
And a lot of them are just having a ball at their lobbied ones expense
@danielabaigorri
@danielabaigorri 6 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for this video.. breaking up with my alcoholic boyfriend today, I needed to hear someone else that shared the same feelings I’m going through. But this is just what I needed to hear. Thank you.
@MrChidorinagashi10
@MrChidorinagashi10 5 жыл бұрын
Daniela Baigorri did you end up moving on?
@maakabhosdatera4058
@maakabhosdatera4058 4 жыл бұрын
Ur beaitiful 😘😘😘😘😘😍😍
@madammarites2022
@madammarites2022 3 жыл бұрын
I think I'm doing the same..thanks for your comment. It gives me more courage
@babietee86
@babietee86 6 жыл бұрын
Thank you. I have a 6yr old & am pregnant to an alcoholic who recently relapsed on pot and made the decision to cut contact. My father is also a pot addict. Your story hits so close to home. Especially the bathroom. It summed up my fears for my babies and reminds me of my child hood and why I need to make the right choice. I really cant express how much your words affected me and i am so grateful. Today I was missing him & feeling so down. I can feel my strength & resolve returning.
@lauracarver3196
@lauracarver3196 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for speaking truth. I was in a relationship with a man for 11 months who told me he was in receovery from Alcoholism but the truth was he was an active alcoholic. He moved into my place this last February and this crazy abusive cycle with him began. He was not able to keep his nice guy facade up and I saw that i was with a man who was abusive with his anger towards me, played the victim, blamed me and always came back saying sorry but his behavior never changed. We were getting therapy for our relationship and he was working on his childhood issues but it was all a game. I would set boundaries and let him know that his behavior was not acceptable and this is not what i want in this relationship. I had a God moment and started praying that if I was not meant to be with him give me a sign and show me who this man truly is. Well 2 days later came home after my work shift and he was drunk. He hid vodka behind his spare tire in his car and was living a secret life. He told me and my therapist that he is not struggling with Alcoholism and is close to God and he is helping him. I knew after this been the 4th episode that he had drank it was over. I did call the cops before 2 times and he ended up in jail but nothing got him to hit a bottom. I am done now and do not deserve to be lied to and abused anymore. I have done a lot of work on myself over the years and I saw the signs of an abusive man with an active addiction. I am grieving for what I thought i had but at the end i believe God was protecting me. Hope my sharing can touch someone else. Love yourself and do not accept abuse anymore. Hugs for those who are still suffering. ❤❤❤
@macupgrlxoxo
@macupgrlxoxo Жыл бұрын
Omg! This sounds EXACTLY LIKE my experience to the t! I ended the relationship with my alcoholic ex Aug 2022. I called the police on him for assaulting me. He physically held me down on our bed and bruised my arms while he was in a drunken rage. He still continues to contact me. I have blocked him on social media platforms. He still continues contacting me through texting apps. He wants to reconcile. I will never go back. No way! He was supposed to be in a treatment facility getting sober but he checked out and is staying in hotels for now. I suspect he will move on to some other poor woman soon. I just pray 🙏🏻 he can get sober before doing so. No one deserves to be abused.
@mmac8379
@mmac8379 6 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much. I left on Christmas too. The hardest and best decision I made.
@LizzSwizzle
@LizzSwizzle 4 жыл бұрын
I just found this. But I'm ready to leave. After almost 12 years with an alcoholic. I'm not wasting anymore time with the lies, and the addiction. I don't care if I have to claw my way out.
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 4 жыл бұрын
We're so glad you found us, and we completely understand. You've been through a lot over the years. We're sending you lots of love and encouragement as you move forward with your future. You've got this! xoxo ~Laurie
@amtagt2811
@amtagt2811 3 жыл бұрын
I should have paid more attention to all the red flags before signing papers with my husband. It’s not even been a year of marriage & the lies about the drinking are just driving me crazy. I don’t know what to do. I offer to support him through any counseling & to buy him books, but he’s always making excuses that he either “needs” to drink or smoke pot. He lies to me about it ( which hurts even worst) but says it’s my fault he lies because of the way I react when I find out. I used to get angry, but realized I needed to just walk away and not let myself get mad. I just get so disappointed in the person that I thought I married. I’ve tried giving him space, but the lies still come.
@rev.jimjonesandthekool-aid4488
@rev.jimjonesandthekool-aid4488 3 жыл бұрын
You engulf him.
@s.sflower
@s.sflower 3 жыл бұрын
My husband tells me he lies to me bcus of the way I would react too!!! Wow.... how are you doing now?
@jennyfincham6736
@jennyfincham6736 4 жыл бұрын
This so resonates with me. I have been out now for 5 years after being married for 16yrs. I’m finally getting back to my old self after all the lying and secrecies to protect him. Love your self ladies just the way you are.
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 4 жыл бұрын
We're so proud of you for all the hard work you've done to get back to that place of feeling more like your old self. Awesome job, sister! xoxo ~Laurie
@sandraragbir4195
@sandraragbir4195 5 жыл бұрын
Start taking care of yourself and the kids forget about him because alcoholics always promise to stop drinking and they never do. All they do is make sure their stomach is filled and you are the last person they think of. I had 25 years of that and am not going back. Stay blessed Michelle because the kids deserve a better life
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 5 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for reaching out. We're proud of you for taking the steps needed to move forward with your future and not turn back. You're a strong woman
@sandraragbir4195
@sandraragbir4195 5 жыл бұрын
Love Over Addiction i did not know i was so strong until I said to myself enough is enough I needed to get hold of myself and move on for the sake of my two sons build a home for us and if I have to live 20 years again I want to live it in peace and at least have a little happiness which I deserve and not worry every day about him after all my Ex is an adult not a child anymore who chose this life . I worked and provided for my two boys. Am so stress free now
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 5 жыл бұрын
@@sandraragbir4195 I love everything you just said. You absolutely ARE a strong woman and I'm so glad you know your strength. You definitely deserve to live in peace and happiness. You go, sister!!
@tvc153
@tvc153 2 жыл бұрын
I left mine 2 months ago and moved to the Midwest. I thought that day would never come I felt so trapped. But I did it and I am so happy I did.
@Thundertoast123
@Thundertoast123 6 жыл бұрын
YES!! I can relate to everything you are saying!! The back and forth, the changing my mind every day, every hour for years. I decided about 3 weeks ago I was done, it’s over. I am waiting until after Christmas to let him know because he will ruin Christmas for our kids to get back at me for standing up to him finally. Wouldn’t you know after I decided this he started actually being nice. He didn’t help more or anything he just stopped all the name calling, criticizing, blaming. In the past I would’ve doubted my decision and thought “well I have no right to divorce him, he’s being nice now” but instead I just thought “this is not how he usually is and he has not changed. I’m just going to enjoy the peace bc it won’t last” sure enough when I was trying to communicate about having him help me put our triplets to bed (he is always downstairs drinking while I put them to bed) and he of course became OFFENDED that I would even think he should have to help with that. HE is tired at the end of the day. When I said “so am I” he accused me of saying I work harder than him and I’m accusing him of being a absentee father. During his tirade I almost felt relieved -yep there it is! He is not someone I want to be married to anymore. I can completely say to myself in 5-10 years that I have no regrets, I did everything in my power to save this marriage, it wasn’t enough and I am done! I am amazed at how light and at peace I finally feel after all these years!!
@myrasmith7611
@myrasmith7611 5 жыл бұрын
Mama Georgio zzz zone and good for you
@TxHoneyBee
@TxHoneyBee Жыл бұрын
Good for you. How are you doing these days? Any update?
@JednaJedinaJa85
@JednaJedinaJa85 2 жыл бұрын
I am so freaking proud of you! I wish I had the power to do what you did! I am just so exhausted of seeing my boyfriend drinking his life away. I can’t do it no more.
@michaelheery7427
@michaelheery7427 5 жыл бұрын
Do not argue with an alkolic man or woman. Jusy QUIT WHILE YOUR AHEAD and walk away. I been in the GUTTER MYSELF ONE TIME. GREAT VIDEO AND COMMENTS. TKS
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 5 жыл бұрын
Hi Michael - thank you so much for watching and leaving your comment. We appreciate it tremendously!
@michaelheery7427
@michaelheery7427 5 жыл бұрын
@@loveoveraddiction54 oh i been down the gutter many times. Never been to jail. But looking back i always KNEW IT WAS WRONG . LUST WAS BIG PART OF IT TOO. HERE IN IRELAND ITS EVERYWHERE.. IT AMAZES ME PAIN HAS NO MEMORY. AS U SAY HE WAS SIMILAR GOT BETTER FOR A DAYS AND LAST FOR MONTHS. WISH I KNEW THE ANSWER. {1} CHANGING FRIENDS .
@rebirthstyle82
@rebirthstyle82 5 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Its such a huge secret, that he begged me to keep, when I finally understood he was an alcoholic and there is noting I can do to change it. I'am now in the process of starting my new life. Thank you again and many blessings
@lovecrystal9144
@lovecrystal9144 Жыл бұрын
Wow! Thank you for your transparency. I'm going on 8 years in a relationship and 2 years married. I used to drink with my husband, just not as much as he drank. I'm so exhausted from cleaning up the mess my husband creates when he binge drinks. He was incarcerated as of yesterday due to having 3 DUIs but drank the night before after having been sober for almost 2 months to "deal" with the situation. Well yesterday around 4am while my 6 year old daughter and I were sleeping (she slept in the bed with me that night while her dad was outside drinking), we woke up to my husband blacked out drunk in the bed with his penis in his hand urinating on the both of us. My daughter was extremely upset. I had to drive him to the County jail later that morning so he could turn himself in and I told him what occured earlier that morning. I'm going to inform him that we're separating when I pick him up. We had a conversation about 2 months ago and I told him if he's ever in that condition again around our daughter we were separating. Since he was going to jail I decided to officially have the "separation conversion" after. I don't know what I'm going to tell my little girl but this CANNOT go on. I already feel horrible that I allowed this to go on for this long.
@TxHoneyBee
@TxHoneyBee Жыл бұрын
Mercy! Did you divorce that crazy man? You need to protect your daughter. He sounds like a predator. I wouldn't doubt that he'd harm his own daughter, sober or not. He is a disgusting man.
@carinaasberg6236
@carinaasberg6236 4 жыл бұрын
10 years. 10 years of a complete mess. Destruction of everything beautiful. I’m done. He was knocked out by the dinnertable, where my grandchildren are sitting, at christmas eve. NEVER again. Never again. This is the second time I watch this video, first time was over a year ago, and I love you for your compassion. Thank you, for beeing such a beautiful person, I hope you and your family prosper♥️.
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 4 жыл бұрын
Our hearts go out to you for all you've been through. I can only imagine how difficult that was for you and your grandchildren to see. We're sending you lots of love and support xoxo ~Laurie
@carinaasberg6236
@carinaasberg6236 4 жыл бұрын
Chris Farley I’m sorry to say you might need a realitycheck... what you are saying is that it’s ok to hurt the ones you love for the need of a rush. Thats the poison of addiction, the family disease.. I will pray for you. And your family.
@carinaasberg6236
@carinaasberg6236 4 жыл бұрын
Chris Farley And of course it’s not me who need to get him to do anything. It’s he who needs to want it...
@TxHoneyBee
@TxHoneyBee Жыл бұрын
I just broke up with my fiance. He has been struggling with addiction. He used to drunk drive, even with me in the car, for months, even when I was pregnant. I had an abortion because it was obvious that I was so unsafe. He had two DUIs before we met, but he swore he was done with that lifestyle. Then his behavior escalated, and I believe he was cheating. I broke up with him and demanded my things back. He drove drunk to meet me and hit another driver, cracking their rib, totaling the cars. I tried to show him support and grace at his 'rock bottom', but even when he was forced to be sober for court, I was still unhappy. The horrible abuse I faced haunted me, and there was no way that I would be okay with him ever. He even confessed that after the court issues are over, he'd like to drink again. That was it for me. I broke up, and I'm free now. Never again.
@AF-zm2ch
@AF-zm2ch 2 жыл бұрын
You got that right! This is my main issue right here! I been under an alcoholic for 13 years and no ring. We have 3 children and one that needs medical attention on an hourly basis. Trying so hard to keep the family together but but fts.... I cant do it anymore at this point the alcohol and eating up all the family food...the vomiting in the early a.m......watching him come home from work everyday with a 12 pack...when that's done he walks across the store to get another 12 pack ....22 cans of Michelob before the night over with smh....Im silently focusing on myself and planning to get away ASAP once I get the rest of my coins together. It's time to fight back and start loving myself while Im still young ❤
@yukomattingly
@yukomattingly Жыл бұрын
I wish I had a wisdom to hire a private investigator to check my alcoholic husband’s background before I get married since I didn’t see any red flags. He grew up in an abusive alcoholic family. Anyway 5 years ago we decided to separate after 37 years of marriage. I became as crazy as my alcoholic husband, I went to see a therapist for 9 months and have attended Al-Anon meeting for 6 years. He got 2 DUIs and I couldn’t take any more chaos and insanity of alcoholism. I’m happy living alone, my stress level went down so much. I just needed peace and serenity.
@njmacy2
@njmacy2 6 жыл бұрын
Michelle, I turned to your video for validation and a pep talk to stay strong following the breakup of, my 4-1/2 year relationship with an alcoholic. So many things hit home with me--the anxiety of never knowing what he might inappropriately do or say in public or with my family and friends; If he would remember to show up for something important and what condition he'd be in; to remember the drama and disappointments of his lying, cheating, blackouts, passing out; the frustration of listening to him repeating himself, forgetting things important to me that I had told him; his inability to have a true conversation that wasn't interrupted by a stupid joke; the lack of affection, empathy, the disinterest in socializing or weekend activities; the blank expressions, the way I put my life and happiness on hold to dive into his darkness in an effort to pull him up. I left him many times, and the last time 6 months ago, but I still have times when the memory of this talented, smart, fun, affectionate and thoughtful man is still in there somewhere and needs help and support amd how can I give up on him now... What I needed was a reminder that it is impossible to help someone that doesn't want to help themselves; would rather drink to forget than face dealing and resolving things that have hurt, disappointed or angered them in the past. So thank you for sharing your story, resolve and strength.. You have helped me today.
@MIssAhh1
@MIssAhh1 6 жыл бұрын
njmacy2 oh man, I related to this so much. Except im still in the relationship 😥
@detert08
@detert08 5 жыл бұрын
njmacy2 couldn’t have said it better!
@detert08
@detert08 5 жыл бұрын
AlicesInput same. Ever last word. But I’m still here. My husband is passed out drunk upstairs.
@MIssAhh1
@MIssAhh1 5 жыл бұрын
Emmy Nicole yeah, i’ve been promised “he’ll change” again, I remember when i used to believe that and not just roll my eyes but while i still have that glimmer of hope i cant bare to leave him! Its soo difficult, and nobody thats not goong through it would understand.
@KP-vl1to
@KP-vl1to 5 жыл бұрын
This is so realatable. To the world, and my kids, he's a thoughtful, wonderful man ..
@chris77777777ify
@chris77777777ify 4 жыл бұрын
Good on you girl. Anyone who drinks everyday will bring you down. My Father is a heavy drinker & he drove my mother to death, she died drunk in a car crash. He’s nothing but a loser. Don’t be around a bum. & never blame yourself.
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 4 жыл бұрын
My heart goes out you. That's absolutely devastating for all you've been through. Sending you many hugs
@tiffw3314
@tiffw3314 4 жыл бұрын
My alcoholic husband and I (I don't drink) are divorcing after 21 years. Thank you for this! Families and spouses of alcoholics and/or addicts have a lot to heal, and I hate that. I am SO proud of you for having such courage to leave when you did! And you are so beautiful without make up! I agree about the secrecy. It would be interesting to talk with a group of spouses of alcoholics to compare the things you did during the marriage - not having people over, not going out and enjoying life, attending kid events alone, etc... I'll bet there are so many sad similarities.
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much!! xoxoxo We know this is a hard time right now with a divorce, but we're proud of you for taking steps for your own healing. You've got this! We're sending you many hugs
@audreyalicia2093
@audreyalicia2093 6 жыл бұрын
Thanks so much for your testimony. Blessings to you and your family and many wishes for your continued success!
@kb54927
@kb54927 5 жыл бұрын
I am so tired of being the sane one while he gets to check out and party I think today was the last straw for me when he picked up my daughter from school today drunk now I have to adjust my work schedule to pick up my daughter and I’m so tired of having to adjust myself and he never has to change
@olympiastargazer4469
@olympiastargazer4469 4 жыл бұрын
My life as well? He gets to party from the time he wakes to the time he knocks out! So tired!
@sidorkomarina1
@sidorkomarina1 4 жыл бұрын
I'm watching it again and I have finally moved out. Struggling badly with next step. It's been 13 years.
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 4 жыл бұрын
You've got this, sister xoxo Change can be scary, but just take things one day at a time, and one step at a time
@hannahaltig6355
@hannahaltig6355 4 жыл бұрын
I'm going to be in your shoes here soon- we have got this! We have to stay strong!!!!!! One day at a time♡♡♡♡ all the blessings♡
@sidorkomarina1
@sidorkomarina1 4 жыл бұрын
Hannah Altig it’s so hard! It’s been four months since I’m out and all I can remember is the good stuff.
@browndolluk
@browndolluk 3 жыл бұрын
@@sidorkomarina1 are you still free, or back, I'm 10 years in now myself.
@talithaleah6563
@talithaleah6563 4 жыл бұрын
I can relate to so much of this. My alcoholic and I have been separated for four years, but I have to talk to him about the kids sometimes and it leaves me feeling anxious and produces a strong threat response. I hope someday his verbal abuse won’t hurt me anymore and I’ll realize his perception of me is warped by the alcohol haze he viewed me through for so long. I stayed with him for years, even following two strangulation attempts, but most of the people in our lives had no idea. How did I become a woman who stayed? How did I run away in the middle of the night to save my life, and go back the next day? I didn’t think I was that person. I stayed too long. I will never get those years back and have so much healing still to do.
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 4 жыл бұрын
Please give yourself some grace, sister
@talithaleah6563
@talithaleah6563 4 жыл бұрын
Love Over Addiction thank you for your kindness 💗
@clairesandethanabt9097
@clairesandethanabt9097 3 жыл бұрын
I'm done with alcoholic partner for 5 years.Im courageous to leave him with 4 years old and 2 years old.Get it in this kind of people it will ruined your well being.Greatest thing I've done in my life I need to save myself for my children.Thanks God I'm out of that hell
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 3 жыл бұрын
You absolutely ARE courageous and strong. Sending you many hugs (and lots of high-fives) as you move forward with your life with your kiddos xoxo
@pamzig
@pamzig 4 жыл бұрын
Wow! Thank you so much! I’m in such reverence to you and this video for popping up. I recently had that moment, 2 weeks ago. I was DONE. I packed up and left that night. It’s like a trance, today the dust is settling and I’m worried I made the wrong decision because I miss the 2% sobriety he would give me. It is so comforting to know I’m not alone. The support was amazing, and no one even knew what I was going through. Thank you!
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 4 жыл бұрын
We're so glad this episode resonated with you and came to you at the right moment xoxo Just know that it's normal to feel that you may have made the wrong decision by leaving. We've been there before, too. But trust your instincts. Take this time away to really concentrate on your own healing. There's nothing saying you couldn't get into another relationship with him in the future (if you/he want), but take some time for *you*, sister. ~Laurie
@sallysmith8081
@sallysmith8081 2 жыл бұрын
Was taught to think of others before myself. Married at 19 to a 20 yr. old who quickly became a severe alcoholic. (I am 74 years old now) At a very naive 27 yrs. old, had two children and a husband who drank after work every day, came home from the bar and collapsed on the couch, occasionally waking up to pee in the corner of the living room. Weekends were nightmares. Use your imagination. Figured he hated being married, it was my fault. I told no one, all thought he was a great guy. I believe I had what they called in the old days a nervous breakdown. Couldn't eat, couldn't stop crying (which he would shake me and say stop), and one day I sat in the backyard and had an hallucination of the bushes coming towards me and enclosing me. A friend took me to a doctor, who was a psychiatrist, immediately. He was very frank. He said, "It's not you, it's your husband. Get out." Long story short, I did. My family blamed me, my church offered no help, I was poor. I was on my own. But I didn't care, because it felt like a huge weight off my shoulders. I went on to a wonderful life with my kids. He didn't. You can't fix some things. Save yourself and children.
@melissamaguire4476
@melissamaguire4476 6 жыл бұрын
Thank you.. I needed this so badly. Enough is enough.
@latonyam-turney7814
@latonyam-turney7814 3 жыл бұрын
I recently separated from my husband. We've been together 13 years, married for 3 years. I just couldn't take it anymore. And the whole lifestyle that goes with it. He was getting worse as we got older. The roller coaster ride. He seemed to only stop when he had a health scare, but would return right back to it. I had 2 nervous break downs. My mom was alive for the first one and came to my rescue, but I dealt with the second one through therapy. Speaking of therapy, I gave him an ulitmatum. I said the only way I would even consider rebuilding something with you, is if he goes to therapy on a regular basis. He has yet to sign up at the VA, he's a veteran. And yet, he cries, saying how much he misses me and our puppy. I'm staying with close family, thank God because it is a blessing to be with family,. I miss him, but hate what that drug (base) does. I feel 'unbalanced' because he was my other half so to speak, but I feel relieved NOT to be sitting wondering where he is and when/if he's coming home. I left a beautiful 2 bedroom apartment with a balcony but you learn that material things can't measure up to your own sanity. I still pray for him, I don't hate him, but my heart feels sad for him. But I have to save myself. Felt like he was pulling me down....
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 3 жыл бұрын
Hi Latonya, this is Laurie. I'm so sorry for all you've been going through. That's absolutely tough. It's hard watching a loved one suffer from their addiction. We're proud of you for working on your own healing and moving forward with your life and future. That's so important. We're sending you many hugs xoxo
@candicemckenna158
@candicemckenna158 7 жыл бұрын
Very motivational. Thank you for sharing your story!!
@MichelleFondinAuthor
@MichelleFondinAuthor 6 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing this and being so vulnerable! :) So glad you came to peace and made a decision for yourself and your kids.
@urfavvcatcher
@urfavvcatcher 7 жыл бұрын
I so admire your courage. I hope to find it for myself someday. I'm in the same situation of going back and forth for 6 years now. And yes, you do look beautiful, and you are beautiful inside and out!
@stephanie71
@stephanie71 3 жыл бұрын
Im married to an alcoholic now and I hate him. Hes psychotic and Im looking at ways to move out when hes at work. I also work full time which makes it harder but I have to get out.
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 3 жыл бұрын
Hi Stephanie, this is Laurie. I'm so sorry for all you're going through. First and foremost, please know that your safety and well-being are the most important things. Below are links to 3 resources that are free and helpful: 1. National Domestic Violence Hotline - www.thehotline.org 2. Crisis Text Line - www.crisistextline.org 3. Women’s shelters - www.womenshelters.org/ I'm also going to post links to two podcast interviews that Michelle did - one with a financial advisor, and one with a divorce lawyer. Many women have found the advice helpful in both episodes. loveoveraddiction.com/financial-advice/ loveoveraddiction.com/tips-from-a-divorce-lawyer-if-youre-leaving-or-staying-with-your-partner-who-suffers-from-addiction/
@nuriaalvarez6244
@nuriaalvarez6244 6 жыл бұрын
Hi Michelle, sending you a big hug. I can relate to your story. God Bless your family.
@marid.7121
@marid.7121 2 жыл бұрын
Wow thanks for sharing it feels a little better knowing there’s other women out there that have gone thru similar experiences. We’ve been married over 12 years and share 2 kids. I’ve been hopeful and waiting for such a long time for him to change and I’m afraid he may never actually change. How many more years should I spend trying to help someone who doesn’t seem to wanna change. He says he does but it’s very short lived. It breaks my heart bc I see so much good in him but my life has been consumed by this. My days are spent wondering whether today will be the day I get my wonderful sober husband back and it just seems like I’m living a fantasy. There is so much disappointment, frustration , anxiety, sadness, fear and even guilt that festers inside me. It’s turning me into a bitter angry person. Enough is enough. He just got arrested…again… and I’m so tired of dealing with problems. I just don’t know how to stop loving him I think about him non stop and it drives me crazy bc I know it has to be done. I feel so alone and I hate talking to my friends and family about it bc I know what they’re gonna say and it really doesn’t help. I just wish it was easier but I guess that’s just how life is. So many years sharing my life with someone just to let it all go.
@henricofam
@henricofam 2 жыл бұрын
Going back and forth. That just resonated with me so much. And before you know it, years have passed again. Time wasted
@Anndkfjrosldm123
@Anndkfjrosldm123 4 ай бұрын
This is the second time I watch this in the span of almost 3 years. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m still trying to get the courage and financial stability to leave 😢 thank you so much ❤
@skpy8249
@skpy8249 6 жыл бұрын
I am so glad you had seen this big red flag, and you acknowledged it and you just knew it was dangerous. You are strong keep going, dysfunctional relationships are not worthy of you.
@JoanneIonita
@JoanneIonita 3 жыл бұрын
I am crying hard right now. I totally felt everything you said. I have been married to him for 10 years and I have asked him to leave.
@margaritaperez2429
@margaritaperez2429 7 жыл бұрын
I wish I could talk to you. This is one of the most amazing things I heard in a long time. Your message was sent to me in such a appropriate time
@pawntucky
@pawntucky 6 жыл бұрын
Good for you for making that decision and following through. I found that when I did the right thing, help came; I'm not saying the journey was without challenges, but like you said it was "so freeing and so empowering". You cannot assume how others will react, for me it was very positive. I hope this encourages other women.
@chocolate4135
@chocolate4135 4 жыл бұрын
it's especially hard when he spends all his money on alcohol and starves me, won't buy me food
@sunnymorning228
@sunnymorning228 3 жыл бұрын
Words cannot express how thankful I am to have stumbled upon your account. I really needed to hear this.
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 3 жыл бұрын
We're so glad you found us, too!! Sending you many hugs xoxo ~Laurie
@imelda9787
@imelda9787 2 жыл бұрын
Am in marriage for 6yrs with an alcoholism husband have been in tears and I have never seen the happiness of marriage.. Thanks for your story madam am planing to quit my marriage for the sake of my two kids, I have a business but its not yet picked anytime my business will be stable I will separate with him. Am really tired
@mountainmommarealestate2205
@mountainmommarealestate2205 7 жыл бұрын
Wonderfully put, thanks.
@ba.p3139
@ba.p3139 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing. And I’m glad you took that apology back. You look joyful and free! ❤️❤️
@MissC716
@MissC716 3 жыл бұрын
Omg thank you for your transparency! I needed to hear every word of this.
@happydays803
@happydays803 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this. And girl, you look good with no makeup. I’m going through the same thing right now. I love my husband and I’m trying so hard to hold on to this marriage. But there are always problems when the alcohol is involved. I mean heavy drinking. And you have me thinking. Especially the part when you said you don’t play when it comes to your kids. Kids shouldn’t have to see their dads, stepdads, stumbling in the house so drunk. It’s sad.
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 4 жыл бұрын
Hi Kisha - this is Laurie. Michelle will absolutely appreciate your compliment
@happydays803
@happydays803 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much 😘
@drea2167
@drea2167 5 жыл бұрын
Wow! I'm in such anguish right now! You've pin pointed everything I've felt for soo many years! I've been in this relationship for 18 years! And it still hasn't changed...I moved out and was separated for a year because I had enough...and ended up allowing him back in...ended up getting pregnant and now we're living with each other again and the patterns came back again....😥 I don't want to go through this again with another child...I feel like a yoyo with my emotions. He agreed to counseling but I don't even know how to reach out at this point. I've burnt alot of bridges with family and friends because of him. And I'm ashamed because I let him do this to me again 😭
@11rs11
@11rs11 3 ай бұрын
I wish I could like this video a thousand times and keep it posted somewhere I could easily rewatch it. Can't believe someone else has gone through this and thinking the same thoughts as me. Its been so hard and isolating.
@jennifere4641
@jennifere4641 3 ай бұрын
I married in '94. I thought drinking neat whiskey for a guy in his mid-20s was strange. But he was charming, a good dad, a good provider.... but as a tea-totaler I became the designated driver with the kids sleeping in the back, him passed out in the passenger seat. He was being a responsible man since he wouldn't drive drunk. He'd drink ice-cold beers after cutting the grass. Weekend barbecues with friends/family were the perfect time to drink and pass out and be out of commission the entire Sunday. The girls and I would spend sundays alone. I now realize he was a functioning alcoholic. He gave me the silent treatment from 2018 and the verbal abuse began. My girls told me to make a decision, so I left in 2021, divorced 2022. Now my adult daughters (in their late 20s) only see their dad.... I've started over 🌈but I lost my girls. I pray they see the light🙏❤️❤️
@jackilynpyzocha662
@jackilynpyzocha662 Ай бұрын
My mom divorced my dad in 1974, best day of her, our lives! Dad later apologized since we (to grown kids) got the brunt of it. I appreciated the apology.
@GraceChatting
@GraceChatting 7 жыл бұрын
Hi Michelle, so sad for you and your family that it finished this way, but you have learned so much about the horrible dynamics of alcoholism. Blessings to you in this new chapter of your journey. I'm sure you are destined to do great things :)
@ttrimble89
@ttrimble89 6 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your words. I ask my self everyday, should I stay or should I go?
@TheDiamondtwins
@TheDiamondtwins 6 жыл бұрын
Taler Trimble me too!
@sandraragbir4195
@sandraragbir4195 5 жыл бұрын
Taler Trimble if you are going through the same thing the best thing to do is to leave. I went through the same if I have to live 20 more years I want to live it in peace. Everything in this video reminded me if my past life with my Ex
@michaelheery7427
@michaelheery7427 5 жыл бұрын
My sister spend 100,000€ on treatment centre she is 70. But i always remember her as a kid for telling lies. She does not want to know me as im in aa.
@benclatworthy5745
@benclatworthy5745 Жыл бұрын
Id be happy if my spouse only smoked weed... its the alcohol that's breaking me! I dont find weed to be an issue, its nothing compared to what alcohol does to you, it destroys relationships!
@mobopolo
@mobopolo 6 жыл бұрын
You are not alone
@skyofstarrs
@skyofstarrs 5 жыл бұрын
You have no idea how much your words have helped me
@thetruthfree
@thetruthfree Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing. I don’t feel alone and somehow supported after hearing what you went through. I’m in a similar situation as you were in; leaving, after 9 years, my lying, alcoholic, verbally abusive boyfriend. I’ve know for years I’ve wanted out, but I’m financially dependent on him and don’t have family I can go to. I’ve asked him to leave our home; he’s now staying with his parents. Please pray that I become financially independent and that I not be afraid and let him come back. I know staying with him is not what I want. Thank you again!
@christophergreen1908
@christophergreen1908 7 жыл бұрын
I'm an alcoholic and I have put my wife through to much unnecessary bullshit. Thank you for your story. I can understand to some extent what you had to go through. Be happy
@avafull
@avafull 4 жыл бұрын
Did you stop?
@kimberlypayne-brown2820
@kimberlypayne-brown2820 5 жыл бұрын
I thought you looked pretty. I did not realize you came from the gym. I really appreciate you telling your story. I needed to hear that. Thank you so very much!
@Lisalea330
@Lisalea330 6 жыл бұрын
That is a beautiful message... I’m going through the letting go.. stirring up the mess vs the 30 year comfort for him zone
@saskiaguy1940
@saskiaguy1940 5 жыл бұрын
That was such an incredibly moving and honest Truth sharing message. Thank you, it really spoke deep within me
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 5 жыл бұрын
Hi Saskia - thank you so much for watching and for your kind words. We're so glad it spoke to you. You're not alone
@tatianaesslinger975
@tatianaesslinger975 2 жыл бұрын
I feel convicted.... I am the same way. Trying to make my marriage look like we are the perfect family. Longest my husband was sober, if he was, was 9 months. He is back to drinking 3 bottles of wine in one night, during the week. Some weeks he will drink 3 to 4 days out of the week. And he is so hateful towards me. He has been to rehab, didn't help, we have done and are in counseling and not working. I'm tired, I have been kind and brought to his attention and he calls me a liar and crazy. Im broken. I have been dealing with this for 3 years. And it's been nothing but emotional abuse. I have caught him in bed with another woman, found he was doing cocaine, and when he is not drinking wine he is getting high off pot. He is never sober and I'm so miserable.
@iamme7664
@iamme7664 2 жыл бұрын
Please leave for your own sanity… Do you want to go through another 3 years of this..? Do you want to go through this with children looking up to you wondering why Mommy is crying all the time? Please leave now while you can. You caught him in bed with someone else, what else do you need???? An STD? Girl, run.
@TxHoneyBee
@TxHoneyBee Жыл бұрын
Tatiana, how are you? I hope you're okay. You deserve better, dear.
@tatianaesslinger975
@tatianaesslinger975 Жыл бұрын
@HoneyBee honestly I had to let him hit rock bottom to realize that he was going to lose everything. I put everything in my faith and trust in the Lord. It was hard, but my husband has been sober from Alcohol. He is on medication that keeps him from craving it. It truly has been a blessing. Thank you for your kind words 🙏
@amandareed3074
@amandareed3074 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing your story. Being the spouse of an addict is so hard and its even harder to walk away when they don't want to get help or change. I'm looking forward to getting healthy again....
@loveoveraddiction54
@loveoveraddiction54 4 жыл бұрын
That definitely is so tough. Sending you many hugs and lots of support as you move forward in your own healing
@beinghumanz9
@beinghumanz9 Жыл бұрын
You are so beautiful!!!! I was just thinking that and admiring you and what you mentioned in the end I am taking it as a chance to share it with you!!! Thank you so much for this beautiful video. Sending lots of love
@MandyRosey
@MandyRosey 6 жыл бұрын
Thank you soooo much for this video. I am in a similar situation with my alcoholic husband. I have been married for 9 years... well, 10 years this coming March. He loves to sneak alcoholic beverages 24/7 behind my back and then is verbally abusive to me..and a couple times physical. Sometimes I wonder why I continue to stay....maybe bc I have two kids with him, he's the sole provider.....not sure bc when he is sober he is normal again. It is so tough and I struggle with this decision to stay or leave every year that passes. I wish someone could tell me what to do but I know no one can except myself, and when I am ready. I feel like he will never change... The thought of being a single mom and doing it all on my own really terrifies me. Anyways... thank u so much for this video. I just subscribed.. :) I hope there is a video on here somewhere of how you started out on ur own with your babies. :)
@Sincerely_lish
@Sincerely_lish 9 ай бұрын
Thank you for the realness. Relate so much to it effecting my kids. Same here. Drunk outtings with kids. Passing out everynight in front of kids. I worry for them more. The effects its having on them. Dealing with this in their life.
@freedomforusa1658
@freedomforusa1658 5 ай бұрын
He pegged you as easy victum because you were smart, strong and successful. He broke you down and bound you like he was an evil spirit for ten years. You finally broke free!❤
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