The impact of having an addicted partner on your mental and emotional health

[@haliec4713]

I dated 2 men in a row with addictions. I thought after the 1st one it wouldn’t happen to me again but it did. I was financially, emotionally, sexually, physically traumatised. A basket case by the end of it all. It has taken me nearly 3 years to feel that I can now function. I still isolate a-lot if I feel overwhelmed. However for the first time in my life I’m very happy to be single and so much more at peace. I will never again enable another person. You do you is my new motto. I’m not responsible for a grown adult in any relationship in my life. I’m responsible for me and me only.

[@marymcquillan6417]

Me too. Both ex partners, the most recent was addicted to alcohol - he has hurt me so much verbally, emotionally and on our last night, physically. But there weee so many good times which causes the confusion and bond. Single life from now on for me. I also joined a local Al - anon group which has been a great support. Good luck ☘️

[@salmon3345]

I’ve been in an on and off relationship for 2 years with a functioning alcoholic. I’ve always gone back to her because I feel so guilty. I would always think that she’s gonna get her shit together and everything is gonna be great. I finally had to let go! It is so hard but I have to let her go because I also have an 8 year old daughter and she has 2 kids of her own. I just can’t anymore. Your videos are spot on. Thank you!

[@TheSLK1973]

I am finally free.....if had a year of my love, forgiveness, understanding and patience......thankfully i began to despise him....all the lies and heartache is over.....i have my peace again...x

[@flowerydaze4246]

This video helped prevent me from entering into a relationship with an alcoholic. Thank you

[@kbsyoutube3304]

Count your blessings!

[@kornkid2004]

The part you said about their lack of awareness when it comes to the damage they do to those around them, I wish was understood by everyone… I was told time after time “it’s only me that I’m hurting” but couldn’t be further from the truth.. thank you

[@HeidiRain]

Thanks Mike!

[@kornkid2004]

@@HeidiRain thank you!!!

[@mermaiddiyartist8119]

Yes. Thank you. Bc my partner doesn’t see the hurt he gives out

[@tinblessing8]

You are living your life's purpose, Heidi. You shine in your role as a seer and a straight talker.

[@HeidiRain]

That is awesome! Thank you!

[@KaliLinuxx]

being w an addict/narcissist impacts you in ways people do not imagine. even long after escaping these people its a life sentence they gave you. the trauma never ends. and the recovery is a lifetime even for the non substance abuser.

[@HeidiRain]

So true!

[@eumorphiaartemiou5748]

Pot addicts don't seem to want to quit at all

[@alexme1014]

How true hell are your not blowing up ! What a fucking amazing channel !!!!!

[@SharonHarris-ne7os]

I am "hooked" on Heidi now😂. You have given me strength like you don't know. My husband of 24 years has relapsed. 6 1/2 years into our marriage he relapsed but I didn't know until then that he was an addict. He hide that nugget until it came out. He didn't go to treatment but he got better and stayed that way for another 12 years until 2021. He's 61 I'm 52 and I don't want to look back over my life and be filled with regret over the things I missed out on trying to "hang in there". I am finding strength in your videos. You are the best!!!!

[@HeidiRain]

Hi Sharon! It’s so great to meet you here ❤️

[@shelbysanders9209]

I was so close to absolutely giving up on myself and my partner. Then the universe kept putting your videos in front of me. My father was an alcoholic which left deep scars. I never healed. A year ago I fell in love with an addict and those scars reopened and got worse. It’s time to start the healing process. Thank you for doing this work.

[@christinecortes6342]

I think the biggest thing that hurts me the most is the lying and disrespect !!! I can’t deal with lies , I am a person that hates it , I raised my kids to always be truthful which to me is super important, builds trust . So I feel like I’m losing it because I am starting to uncover all these lies and now I feel like my whole relationship is one big lie and where does it end , what’s the truth or lie sooo lies to me is the worst . Makes you question EVERYTHING !!!

[@Godiswith_HER]

Yes. It’s horrible. It’s my first time experiencing this. All the lies lies lies. I left him. Thank God.

[@lorimcdevitt1506]

Same here. Just realizing that for years all he did was lie and use me for years. Hes angry now that I created boundaries… No, Im done…tired of being used and taken advantage of. For years I did damage control. Now I hope he hits rock bottom soon. Its exhausting..

[@lorimcdevitt1506]

This is EXHAUSTING!

[@christinecortes6342]

@@lorimcdevitt1506 omg it is , once I distance myself from it all . Went back to my life before him . Joined the gym again and worried about me he finally came around ! Almost 4 month sober now and omg he’s the man I met . Now I have to deal with the effect of the alcohol, we are working on it , but once I walk away emotionally and stop focusing on him he saw I had enough . Hence the thing with forming boundaries. It’s a total 360 . He does so much more around the house and focuses on making mends for the past 5 years of our marriage which was lost to the alcoholic side of him . My boundary set now is he drinks and I’m out !

[@DiMPath]

The part where you said not to trust what the alcoholic says is gold! Wow! Yessss intuition. Yes, I have that radar. Yesss...gaslighting! I was feeling guilty because I thought my fear and distrust made him relapse.

[@HeidiRain]

AW! I am so glad you know it's NOT you! you can trust your intuition!

[@kerri-jopatterson8976]

My cracked out ex fiancé would say the dealers robbed his bank account knowing he went on a 5 day drug binge and spent it himself smh

[@lorimcdevitt1506]

I learned this as well. My family member and lifelong friend both are recovering and told me this. They told me alcoholics will say anything they can to get themselves out of a situation.

[@beckyallen9742]

I deserve to enjoy my next 20-30 years. I need to learn to focus on ME. And who is that person? I struggle knowing he’s going to be evicted and be living in his truck. He won’t even have gas to move it to a new Walmart but trust me my mind KNOWS it’s about ME.

[@lovedbeyond6422]

Let him!!!!

[@MamaSaidHomestead]

You gave me the strength to leave my husband today after 13 years of abuse. You woke me up in ways I didn’t know. My children and I thank you so much.

[@HeidiRain]

Im saying prayers for you and your children and sending you hugs and love. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@marid.7121]

I don’t know how you do this but it always feels like you are describing everything I’m feeling. It’s such a relief to know I’m not going crazy. Everything I fear and struggle with is a direct consequence of having this person in my life. What’s sad is I was 19 and he was 24 when we met, I’m now 32 and I feel that I never got the chance to find my own identity I just got sucked into this role of a fixer. It’s a long story but he had just come back from Iraq in 2009 and he was truly a mess. The alcohol abuse was numbing his pain and it has been ever since. I wanted to be here for him but after 12 years it has seriously worn me down. So sad bc he has such great qualities. It’s time to think about my future and my mental health. I know it’s gonna suck to detach.

[@lorrainehagan9044]

I relate to all of this! Some i knew but other parts i didn’t. Recently, kicked him out and ended the relationship. There are financials you sort out and this will be emotionally hard, harder not to let him back in. I just want my peace back. I will get there. Its the transition that i am dreading.

[@janicevick9088]

I feel like a pathetic loser. I’m a beautiful 50 year old woman with two awesome boys. I’m in love with an alcoholic, cocaine, gambling addicted. He’s not their dad and at this point I’m not relying on him for anything. I could end it right now and the only thing I would have to deal with is the heartbreak. He’s my friend, we have tons of fun together. And have a great friend group, he’s a beautiful human and his addiction is killing every part of him. I understand there is nothing I can do for him. But yet I’m still here. I don’t know why I won’t end it. I don’t know what I’m afraid of.

[@HeidiRain]

Janice, I'd love to help break you free.

[@glowieokenney7915]

I’m in the same exact situation. I’m feeling soooo sad about my husband.

[@glowieokenney7915]

I’m 50 too. 1 daughter

[@ambivalent5842]

I am okay knowing he is a grown a--man. I will not be his mom , therapist or police officer! He will have to come to his own decision. I'm about personal responsibility. I think going through a separation and divorce, with my ex's mid- life crisis , helped me learn about letting go. Stepping back and letting another person deal with natural consequences, and or owning their own sh-t! You are so spot on with actions over words. It applies in many other areas as well!😉

[@ambivalent5842]

I have no clue why a line went through part or what I wrote😆

[@sisterhoodoffreespirtis6327]

🎉😢thank you for posting this video . I recently had to block my bf who is addicted and send him back home . He has been delusional and gas lighting so bad. . Delaying healing and scared to get into rehab . So I had to make the hard choice to choose peace . Finally had the strength today . Totally grieving . He recently od on fentanyl. I had to give narcan and administer cpr mouth to mouth . When he woke up he blamed God and asked why I brought him back . 😢 so here I am growing and grieving . Hard to let your beloved go, however I was getting sick from him. Declared boundaries and watching your video to survive . I’ll miss him truly and I told Jesus I love my partner . I hope for the day of healing for him . I feel like a widow , I feel I lost the battle . Releasing , learning , healing ,

[@PETSSouthAfrica]

A sponsor for a co-dependent partner of an addict! Yes! I never thought of that.

[@dela5354]

Watching your videos I laugh I cry I learn thank you so much I love u

[@HeidiRain]

@@dela5354 thank you love. ♥️. I love your comment. It made me feel seen.

[@kimmathe6701]

Other roles that I took on were: Uber driver, nurse, mommy, caretaker, grocery shopper, etc. Etc. paramedic( bringing him to ER for OD) nutritionist.( he had diabetes and food addiction) house cleaner etc. etc. I trusted and believed every lie. He was not trust worthy. I lost all my friends. My entire life in his retirement centered around the progression of the disease. I was conditioned to caretake with both parents unwell from a young age. He died from this disease and I'm healing from fibromyalgia, anxiety , PTSD. Having no boundaries and coedependency and not loving ourselves. IS very dangerous. You loose yourself. Alcoholics are addicted to the bottle. Sadly, we are trauma bonded and addicted to them. I now am 62 , healing from the abuse , trauma that I've endured and it will take time. Please take seriously what's being stated in these videos then you won't have to live years or decades of your life with someone that loves the bottle more then you.

[@HeidiRain]

Thank you so much for sharing that with all of us. I am so sorry you experienced all of that. And I am so glad you are in the path to healing. Sending you a big hug. Love to you Sister.

[@andreflavell3453]

i sailed to another country. i couldn’t save her from drinking herself to death . i’m 60 she is 47 . was a beautiful educated woman with 3 boys . now homeless and her x husband bringing up her kids with his new wife . she is going to rehab apparently in a weeks time . but she is living on a car with another homeless person ( msn ) in my time with her she would hook up with guys . i’m a old fool and it broke me

[@glowieokenney7915]

My husband put his hands on my neck last Christmas Eve. His alcoholism is literally beyond out of control. His alcoholism has really affected my 15 year old daughter within this year. Adam sweeps it under the rug. He has never had a conversation with our daughter about his actions. It’s been 25 years together. My heart is literally broken. I’m at my complete bottom. Do you do individual counseling online? I would love to work with you!

[@christinecortes6342]

Before I found that everything going on with my husband was alcoholism I thought it was narcissistic personality and I really brought this up . Omg he was running with it and was like I think this is it I’ll get counseling! Dude was going with it because I guess that was better then admitting the drinking issue . I am an analytical person so I watch , research and try to find an answer to a fault , it consumes me but it also revealed the real issues and all the lies . Now we are at this point where I know what’s going on and not sure how to move forward with all I learned . It’s leaving me overwhelmed and lost .

[@mashudutshikovhi1257]

Being an analytical person over someone else’s behaviour is part of being a fixer. Hope you can get over this and heal too

[@LorraineWelch-v6q]

everything you have said is exactly how it is with me and my alcholic husband

[@suzannemaroney4579]

They can be sober for years, yet still have all the characteristics of an alcoholic!!!! So done.

[@rawanmasoud9799]

Why ?

[@lorrainehagan9044]

@@rawanmasoud9799underlying issues and/or personality disorder.

[@nealehanna8858]

I just wanted to say you are absolutely wonderful, I’ve been dealing with this for 7 years now looking for answers with my alcoholic wife…it’s been absolutely crazy, 26 trips to detox total and 11 trips to the hospital…..use to have 3 houses and now just one due to the detrimental financial abuse this has on money….im in therapy now and your channel makes more sense than anything I have found…thank you!!! I’m getting better for myself.

[@HeidiRain]

Thank you Neale. I’m so glad to meet you ❤️

[@christinecortes6342]

I totally agree that you do lose who you are !!! I’ve even told myself that I will not let him consume me , not to allow him to take up soo much head space . I know what’s right but I’m now fighting myself . I’m holding it together and losing it at the same time ! It’s crazy I want to be okay when he’s not okay !!! I need to learn to let it go which is the hardest thing for me and I think it’s because I feel lied to and let down .

[@ambivalent5842]

Glad I'm here, not because it has " gotten that bad " but to be forwarned with knowledge. You are providing a part of that armor! Thank you

[@belindawickens4391]

Thanks for your direct strategic advice.This is what us codependants need.We have got so lost in their addiction that we are unable to think and make decisions.This has helped me enormously.So pleased its not wishy washy advice of practice self care or detach with love.You qualify it and make it an accessible language for me to actually understand.I never understood what detachment with love ever meant,so you giving me a road map with practical guide is essential. Have got out after 42 years of living with the damage, chaos ,pain and emotional turmoil caused by my alcoholic spouse.

[@iramirez6159]

Your videos are always right on point you amaze me that you name everything i relate to. I've been with my gf for 5 years she's an addict and i love her. I have compassion and understanding that she needs help and addiction is a disease lately when i talk to her i dont mean to and I wanna talk to her right but i cant even talk to her without it turning into an argument she stuck with wanting to do everything her way. And it doesnt work and she doesnt see that.. I used to have empathy and sympathy for homeless people when i would see them in the street but lately i dont feel anything towards them. I feel numb towards everything i used to be a very happy person, kind of social, i had a life and now I'm very serious, i dont really talk to anyone and i feel stuck in this like blah mood. I wanna get over being angry and resentful.

[@sherrybrutkowski6988]

Same

[@Angel-sc3go]

You won't stop being resentful till she changes

[@lilmissraeofsunshine9757]

I feel so alone. I have NO ONE to talk to. I've been shamed for distancing myself from my addict husband. He became abusive and finally decided to go to rehab. For my safety I let him check in on his own and because of that I'm now a pos. I've blocked anyone who associates with them because it's always them making me feel horrible for the choice I have made to stay safe. I'm so frustrated and lost😢

[@thiaann7650]

You are helping me heal my heart and mind. I want out so bad but my codependency keeps me tied up. I'm picking at the knots in that rope and will escape to a better place. Thank you a million times over!! 💜💜💜

[@Kathryn_M]

I just discovered your channel. I know this is an older video, but this is what I needed to hear today.

[@HeidiRain]

Always in Divine time! 😍

[@arlenebuckley1912]

Thank you, you are amazing ❤

[@HeidiRain]

@@arlenebuckley1912 thank you Arlene ♥️

[@michellewilson1301]

You rock!!! I need all of this right now. 37yrs of marriage. I need help.

[@HeidiRain]

@@michellewilson1301 ♥️

[@dbabee22]

I am so happy I found your video! I have been every bit of the 6 and didn’t even realize it till now. I met my boyfriend during his sobriety and I keep holding on to that. He relapsed 3 months ago and I am at my wits end as of this week. This was the first week I spoke up to him on how I feel and the first week I started seeking help for myself. You gave me such a sense of power after this video and I really appreciate you for that💗

[@magmag6739]

This is so eye opening, when you say exactly the same things of what is happening in my life. Thank you

[@kq2191]

I’m the one that looks at the bottle line, to see how bad my nights going to be. Dysfunction junction is also my word, lol I want to sign up for your classes, your program makes so much sense! It’s so refreshing to have someone understand what I’m going through. Your right regardless if he get sober, I’m damaged and need help.

[@deederby1542]

Totally amazing advice Heidi 👏 i have recently had to remove myself physically from my husband who's drinking heavily and I've been struggling with hurt and guilt. But I'm working my own recovery at the minute and I'm so glad to have found your channel..thank you!

[@HeidiRain]

I'm so glad you're here and thank you so much for leaving this comment! 😍

[@menasiak7173]

Thank you for all this information & support. I love how detailed you are with a sense of humor. Following you now on out :)

[@colleenmorrissey6227]

yes I'm trying to see the behavior past the words. feeling guilty about not trusting, this person has done so much stuff and hurt me a lot, and is angry at me for some reason?

[@PandaHead602]

21-27 I was w crack addict and now 37 never had another relationship.

[@MacyLuv]

They don't see how crazy they're acting and I am madly in love with the real them. The PAIN. It hurts SO FUCKIN BAD!

[@mashudutshikovhi1257]

Addiction is part of the real them. You cannot separate it, and you shouldn’t lie to yourself hun.

[@ambivalent5842]

I'm in a relationship with a 31 year combat vet. PTSD and two TBIs. Aaaaaand yes AUD. I will attend my first alanon meeting next Wednesday. I'm up on the prev. Two and learning about his addiction. It is his choice and addiction, and I okay stepping back and setting boundaries. I appreciate your videos

[@maydonegan2372]

Mic drop...... I love that 😂

[@HeidiRain]

Looking forward to seeing you soon❤️

[@rachelc1490]

Really hit home about the giving and helping and supporting and it never being reciprocated. I had a come to Jesus moment when I didn’t recognize who I’d become in the relationship. I was letting things slide and making excuses for him left and right because it was like he was two different people and the sober side of him “would never treat me like that”. But it doesn’t change the fact that that’s the treatment I was experiencing. So hard. Now he’s in treatment and I’ve set firm boundaries and taken my own power back. Thanks for what you do❤️

[@mercip7581]

Wow that hit on everything I’m going through. Glad I found your KZbin site.

[@nicolaowen999]

Yes!!! Especially that part where you addressed...well you're accusing me I may aswell do it then....there's no point in me being sober..😅 on point 100%

[@56gallows26]

Thank you I related to a lot I heard a lot of this

[@HeidiRain]

So glad to help!~

[@donnahandscomb4712]

Another great source of information and comfort 🇬🇧

[@HeidiRain]

Thank you Donna❤️

[@meech9160]

thank you your helping me my ex girl left me on her addiction and all alone im was trying to make since of it

[@Greenephoenician]

This is amazing

[@Eva_M444]

Excellent points. Bless you for making this channel.

[@dela5354]

Thank you you are really the best

[@marcyrivera4480]

Dogs actually do have a memory. An alcoholic pretend they don’t have a memory. Facts!

[@HeidiRain]

It can be hard to tell what's selective and what's real. That's true.

[@massielmartinez1579]

Im so grateful for you

[@HeidiRain]

Thank you love. ❤️

[@mercip7581]

My partner has a friend/ business partner that I truly despise who feeds bs to my partner that im the toxic one In our relationship and that my partner can drink as much with her and never come home and it’s should be allowed cause it’s ok in the friends eyes Only because they also abuse alcohol and Have been separated from their husband because he is a full blown abusuve alcoholic that she continues to support in everyyway. But then claim ptsd from the alcoholic husband And how bad Her relationship was with him. Things really got worse in my relationship ever since this toxic friend influenced my partner 3 years ago.

[@steelcitystyle7654]

I love listening to you!

[@briannacampbell4790]

You are speaking to my situation

[@HeidiRain]

I see you ❤️

[@sineadmcnamara4418]

Great content Heidi. Keep up the great work 👍

[@darlenemolina8958]

Love you I put my mind on straight

[@lili9863]

I really appreciate your videos , thank you🙏

[@HeidiRain]

My pleasure

[@Headridden]

Thank you

[@Bythesea449]

I feel like my partner has gaslit me. He told me the other day that “I’ve only lied to you four times since we moved here.” (Two and a half months ago). He told me that his cousin has been with an addict for five years now, and how she never gives up on him. It makes me question if I am over reacting or not, because why can’t I just help him through this rough patch. But when he tells me he will be home and I wake up at 4am and he’s not beside me, or when he says he is out running an errand and is gone for 5hrs then comes back high, I can’t imagine being okay with it. I feel lost in this tunnel and I question whether or not I should just be okay with it because he is sick.

[@Godiswith_HER]

No! Please leave him ❤ you need to take care of your mental health . It is crucial.

[@mashudutshikovhi1257]

No. Do not be okay with it! It is not your sickness to cure. You need to heal and fix the parts within you that led to the attraction with the addict in the first place. Take care of yourself

[@TheHaggis106]

Your awesome helped me a lot thanks

[@christinarosado1832]

I relate to you so well! Ty.

[@HeidiRain]

Hi there! Nice to meet you ❤️❤️

[@lraze1]

This is SO helpful and supportive!! THANK YOU!! XO

[@melizabethelliott6356]

How does one contact for a private session?

[@brizi7131]

Thank you.

[@vickiwheaton7784]

Now that I am leaving he has apologized and has accepted responsibility for his addiction (gambling)and the lies , the abuse emotional although he still won’t open up and show me his finances

[@vickiwheaton7784]

It is making leaving harder and he wants to still have some sort of relationship with me

[@lorrainehagan9044]

@@vickiwheaton7784been through this. Won’t apologize and when he finally does i get sucked back in. Kicked him out. Trying ti stay strong and not let him back in.

[@robinziccardi3433]

Wow I’m such a fixer!!!! ☹️

[@rhondamaples3330]

So much you said made sense , i need to look at my self and my healing especially about the dog bite like thats hurt is the past get over it when it was ony last week