"When I Was A Kid" by Shane Koyczan and The Short Story Long

From the album "Debris" by Shane Koyczan and The Short Story Long
Vote now at www.shanekoyczan.com and decide which song from "Debris" gets made into a video!!
Video submissions email (details below): [e-mail]
Album Available at: www.shanekoyczan.com/store/debris
Patreon: / shanekoyczan
KZbin: goo.gl/hm1qJz
Soundcloud: / debris
When I Was a Kid:
Words by: Shane Koyczan
Music by: The Short Story Long
Shane: voice
Glenna: piano
Corwin: drums
Jesse: bass, glockenspiel
Jordie: cello
Maiya: ukulele, voice, accordion
Daniel Lapp: trumpet, trombone, phono-cello, flumpet
Josie Patterson: tuba
Shane Koyczan and The Short Story Long are:
Shane Koyczan: words and voice
Maiya Robbie: guitar and voice
Jesse Lee: bass and voice
Jordie Robinson: cello and voice
Glenna Garramone: piano and voice
Making a new video and you get to decide which one!!!
Many of you already know that we put out the new album just a short while ago. Thank you all for supporting it... we've gotten some incredible reviews and wonderfully positive feedback. I really love this album. I love it so much that I couldn't decide on which video to make next. See where I'm going with this yet? We opened with a video of "For Many" and are now considering which piece should follow it up. In all likelihood this will be the last video I produce (They're an increasingly expensive commitment with no monetary return... I do them because I love doing them... just can't afford to keep doing them.) So with all of that out in the open I want to invite my fans to make this decision. Your support has meant so much over the years and I'm often asked why I haven't done a video for this piece or that piece... trust me I would do videos for all of them if I could. How it breaks down is this. We're going to release the album on KZbin and Soundcloud. Two tracks per week with just a static image of Scott Waters wonderful cover art. When all of the pieces are finally online voting will begin on www.shanekoyczan.com.
There'll be a list of the tracks and each visitor will be allowed to cast their vote for the piece they'd most like to see made into a video. Please keep in mind that we don't have access to grants and are not crowd funding this project. Our budget is a modest 8k which I pay for myself. So please don't expect Michael Jackson's Thriller. Another angle to this little tidbit is that we will be accepting submissions from creators who might be interested in making the video. Animators, graphic designers, filmmakers... Pixar... whoever you are... If this is something that interests you and you believe you can work within the budget... it's all yours. Submit some of your work to [e-mail]; the band and I will go through and decide which style we'd like to see applied to the chosen track. Something you should consider before making any commitments is that the 8k is in Canadian funds, which is currently laughable outside of Canada, so I hope you're up for a challenge. If you do feel like cushioning the meager budget you can make a pledge on my Patreon page / shanekoyczan . This will likely be the first and last project I release via this site but every penny helps. Okay... I've talked your ear off long enough. Hope you've all been making beautiful steps toward your bliss in this new year. Hope to see you all in it.
Cheers, Shane

[@vandelium]

"I gave myself a hall pass for every broken promise" ~Shane Koyczan

[@Snowolfpup04]

•Decaying_Rose• ♡ "But all this, is just debris"

[@husnainhaider3781]

"I get altitude sickness from just standing up for myself" I have been trying to find these words for so long to describe how I felt in school.

[@aidanwalker7634]

same here

[@tape6744]

Yep

[@gemrigdon435]

YES SAME

[@evelineowo9244]

Husnain Haider Same

[@mikedoser8452]

Husnain Haider I feel you nam

[@fynnleyreader3511]

"I'm still not brave enough to have an orgy/but I rock the slumber party/come nap with me." Probably my favorite lines.

[@ohspanky3974]

"...And I was like, Fuck you! This is Skeletor!" Best. Line. Ever.

[@amethystthenightwing6989]

"You're only twelve! So i'm impressed."

[@JustAWolf.]

I’m impressed.

[@infochan9333]

"Under the bed is not a good hiding spot" you should've told me earlier *is holding shattered heart pieces*

[@gay7261]

Idk why... but this just sound stupid to me. What you said, I mean.

[@infochan9333]

Izaya Uke Orihara meh idc this was like right after a breakup and I really shouldn't have done anything tbh

[@TheDarkPledge909]

*gets the glue* well now you know for next time :) life is one great big learning experience for us all, so let's put everything back together and keep going.

[@anactualbird6801]

@@TheDarkPledge909 I know... When I get through this, if I graduate the school of Life. When I throw my graduation cap into the clouds. I can see another world. So beautiful. The truth. I don't really know what it is anymore.

[@daedaluscaedis5947]

Hello internet person. You probably will never see this. But no matter, I'll be here. Sending my concern.

[@erickane8163]

ive never seen a human more beautiful than you shane I swear to god

[@mochiloverrussia2052]

this is very accurate, seeing your profile pic

[@oceancurrent6571]

+eric greene your beautiful

[@erickane8163]

Unknown Username thank you id like to think you are too

[@justyourlocaldork2126]

eric greene yep

[@miguelsilva1405]

"Smarter than the average bear motherf*ucker"😂😂😂 nice

[@miniwassabis1752]

xD

[@cynthiacheatham8844]

True

[@michellekam4003]

yeah

[@azybes6510]

Miguel Silva i Know it

[@gemrigdon435]

YAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

[@user-fr6xu1kq9g]

When I was a kid, I hid my heart under the bed because my mother said "If you're not careful, someday, someone's gonna break it." Take it from me, under the bed is not a good hiding spot. I know because I've been shot down so many times I get altitude sickness just from standing up for myself. When I was a kid, I could fill a bookshelf with every different way they would tell me how not to play. They'd say "It's time to start putting childish things away." And I was like, "Fuck you! This is Skeletor." But more and more they made me believe that our hearts are like door knocks, and that's where we get the sound of a beat. And I'll never get to meet the man inside me if I can't stand still long enough to be there, I'll never make it anywhere if I keep running away, I'll never know myself if all I ever do is play nikki-nikki-nine doors, don't wanna be a man. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a man. I wanted to register retirement savings plan that'd keep me and candy long enough to make old age sweet. I wanted two left feet so I could dance circles around important issues until way past my bed time. I'm not saying I don't have opinions, just that others were less likely to argue if they were as tired as I was, fatigued as to amen what a good night kiss does to kids, it puts weights on our eyelids and returns us to a place where reason and imagination lace together shoes who's tongues stick out at stillness and beckon us to move forward. As a kid, I was always drawn toward moonlight, despite an armada of adults who insist I must set my days according to sunlight. I would lay in bed, and fight sleep, believing if I shut my eyes, even for an instant, I would miss out on something amazing. Turns out I was right. I have seen stars stamped into the night like cookie cutter designs. Drew lines in-between each one, inventing new constellations so that when somebody asked me, "What's your sign?" I could point to mine, the one hanging over the first door past the finish line, and say "It's right there. The one marked exit." Because one day all this getting ahead bullshit will be over, and people will start looking for me, and I'll be there. I'll wear my best flashing red and you, you will stand winner circle thorough-bred I will un-thread the screws that would put you throughout this life, then smile and say, "You made it." When I was a kid, I traded in homework assignments for friendship, and gave my friends a late slip for never showing up on time, and in most cases, not at all. I gave myself a hall pass to get through each broken promise. And I remember this plan, borne out of frustration from a kid who kept calling me "yogi". Then pointed to my tummy and said, "too many picnic baskets." Turns out it's not that hard to trick someone. And one day, before class, I said "Yeah... You can copy my homework." And I gave him all the wrong answers that I'd written down the night before. He got his paper back, expecting a near perfect score, and couldn't believe it when he looked across the room at me and held up a zero. I know I didn't have to hold up my paper of 28/30, but my satisfaction was complete when he looked at me puzzled and I thought to myself, "Smarter than the average bear, motherfucker." When I was a kid, I slid love letters through the slots of lockers that belonged to my secret crushes, built paint brushes from the tiny hairs that stood on end every time I saw them. My brain stem finally blooming with thoughts, I connected dots and made masterpieces, each brush stroke a thesis dedicated to the explanation that you, not knowing who I was, was only because anonymity made it easier to be brave. I dipped my brush into a tidal wave I hoped that would one day wash over me. I can guarantee, if you've ever had a secret admirer, it was someone very much like me, who loved someone very much like you. It was someone who wanted to tell you how much you meant, how every second we spent thinking of you was simply the cost of getting us through the hard times, we saved nickles and dimes hoping our first date would be with you. So with the disappoint of love, we gave up comic books and video games, I promise you, every guy I've ever met remembers the names of the ones they loved first, then our thirst for love continues, as we cross the deserts of maybe, believing we will find an oasis of yes. Acquiesce, yes... We probably should have just said something, but we were chicken shit. We let the fuses of our hearts explode every time you walked on by. When I was a kid, I did stupid shit. Ripped the woman's underwear section out of the sears' Christmas wish catalog, and blamed it on my granddad. He did end up covering for me, and had only this to say. "You're only twelve! So I'm impressed. But take it from experience, don't hide that under your mattress." So I didn't. I hid it in the empty box of a board game that I never used to play. And on the day that my grandmother eventually found it, she reamed him out for hiding pornography in his grandson's bedroom. The impending doom of the truth set upon me like a dying sun sending its last ray of light over the horizon, and aimed directly at me. He didn't say a word. Incurred the full wrath then laughed with me later, saying "It's like your heart. It doesn't matter where you hide it." Lovers are like little kids lifting up rocks, looking for an insect, they will find that shit. When I was a kid, I trusted myself enough to know that one day, I'd be a man. One day I would have a childhood for a past and a future for a backup plan, that every gauntlet I've ever ran was a potato sack race, in which time would chase me further towards an ending, I am bending myself back to the beginning, reminding myself there's no winning any race against yourself, slow down. And when the kid in you falls, turn around, pick them up, dust them off, then continue. Trust me, you are gonna need that kid. You are gonna need someone to remind you that every weed is a flower, just trying to make shit work, that every jerk you ever encounter is just another someone who somehow forgot that it's okay to need a hug. It's okay to be afraid. When I was a kid, I played hop-scotch with the lines they drew in the sand, landed on the conclusion that second hand clothes at least to the benefit of experience, and I've got one hundred and thirty seven hand heart, broken apart and stitched back together at the seams. I've cartwheeled across balance beams, made from the broken finger bones of people who could not let go of this life. I still love the night. I love the fact that if you squint your eyes just right, stars look like porcupines of light, stumbling across the dark dipping their quills into the night, trying to write apologies for all of the unanswered wishes from the times we once wished upon them. Sometimes, I still wish. And most times, I wish I didn't have to. I wish I didn't have to wish. So I guess what I'm saying is that I hope, I hope I never forget that kid who grew up inside me. He just seemed to laugh a little bit louder, smile just little bit longer, loved a whole lot stronger, world's first official awesome monger, taking awesome from door to door, "Take as much as you need. Don't worry about me, I got more. I've got a candy store filled with whatever it's gonna take to make tomorrow sweet." I got two left feet and no bed time. I'm still not brave enough to have an orgy, but I rock the slumber party, come nap with me.First one to fall asleep loses, first one to fall asleep wins. The race stops at the start and the finish line is where it begins so this time first one to lose wins. I know we never meant to turn our hearts to garbage bins. It was an accident. I know the headlines of us giving up were a misprint, and really just bad reporting. I know we've been boarding up the windows from the outside in, we've been doing it ever since they told us to start letting things go, and I know we got into the habit of throwing everything away, but your heart is a door knock. And every time it beats, it's just that kid's way of asking, "Can you please come out and play?"

[@cripix1774]

DUDE KUDOS TO YOU SPENDING THIS TIME TO WRITE THIS SHIZ

[@highfunctioningsociopath3767]

YO, KUDOS MAN, THAT'S FUCKING DOPE! THIS NEEDS MORE LIKES.

[@afaerfeathers2291]

Thank you, you wonderful, glorious man. You are amazing.

[@darktalonisstrange1737]

Good work on typing this

[@nimbus2171]

p.s i was the person who wrote the lyrics on the lyric website "genius" xD i accidentally put two spaces between the lyrics "I got two left feet and no bed time. I'm still not brave enough to have an orgy, but I rock the slumber party, come nap with me.First one to fall asleep loses, first one to fall asleep wins. The race stops at the start and the finish line is where it begins so this time first one to lose wins. I know we never meant to turn our hearts to garbage bins. It was an accident." and since i wrote the lyrics, a lot of people have copy and pasted it, i can always tell from the extra space between those lyrics idk, i don't really care if people copy and paste the lyrics, it just annoys me when people take credit for things that aren't theirs. idk lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@chill2197]

My friends asked me why I listened to Shane Koyczan, I got new friends because if the others think these speeches are weird they are bullies who don't want anyone to stand up to them. Turns out I was right. I had a problem with a dude who wanted to actually copy my assignments so the night he wanted me to give him the answers the next day I listened to this and an evil smile came upon my face.I took the advice from the story and prevailed against the bullies. These speeches help me get through life.I sincerely thank you, Shane Koyczan.

[@gay7261]

'they are bullies who don't want anyone to stand up to them' not necessarily.... but in some cases, maybe

[@tjthebigdog1169]

I know how it feels to have somebody that would beat you up if you didn't do their homework. I had a kid who did the same thing and after that day at school he tortured me with comments and made rumors. And after school he ended up opening my skull open with a rock. He had a friend that held me down and he bashed my head with a rock.

[@drewscherle5266]

"fuck you this is Skeletor" Shane you are a legend

[@user-wv2vv8yy6f]

haha

[@spaghettipeaches]

Yaaas

[@charliekincomer7252]

Drew Scherle The 100th like lmao that's how much I agree with you 😎

[@savannahgallagher8463]

I need to cry, I need to cry, my heart is weeping but I cannot, everything in locked up and I can't cry to let it out... I grip my heart and beg that I can get a chance for warm tears to stream my face and for me to weep but I just can't...

[@radhair3049]

This is my internal struggle when i hear something real sad

[@sockthesockpuppet]

me when I physically cannot cry:

[@stingray3297]

scream instead, yell at the top of your lungs. Tears are only an over exertion of your emotions, not a validation of your pain.

[@melon1674]

"Your heart is a doorknock,and everytime it beats,its just that kids way of asking..can you please come out and play?" The last lines always gets me and brings tears to my eyes. Everything about this is beautiful,this is a masterpiece

[@izzy-random]

It is...

[@thedrunkstork1851]

I'M NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING

[@rydawg871]

What about my crying?

[@thedrunkstork1851]

TheCanadianDeer it was a joke

[@rydawg871]

The Drunk Stork nah i'm just saying you used the wrong "you're"

[@thedrunkstork1851]

TheCanadianDeer ohh welp I'm embarrassed...

[@gemrigdon435]

We are all crying bitch

[@uhoh7408]

Slam poetry is my life

[@aphroditedaughterofzeus3133]

making poems of how people treat me is my life.

[@uhoh7408]

if i did that heres how it would go " trash.. THE END "

[@tylerphillips5350]

Aledia Geehan SAME

[@meghanemily7030]

I can only hope to grow up as amazing as you.

[@oceancurrent6571]

I feel the same

[@mariasonitis1085]

I feel ya bru 😂

[@thesmiler8621]

Yep

[@ashtonix3308]

You already are. You just have to believe in yourself.

[@emilyrobinson7667]

Same

[@cipheracen5088]

When I was little I would play by myself with my friends But no one ever saw them except me I would question everything, even the things not meant to be questioned I’d sing and dance to my favourite song then get sick of it and move on I grew up just a little and learned the world is always against you and there is no one else who is exactly like you no matter how much you wish it You never find what your looking for but you’re not ready to give up so you use and discard and keep searching People wonder what you’re looking for “Fame? Money?” “No” I tell them I’m looking for my friends I’m looking for that one person who knows what I’ll say before I say it Who’s read every book and seen every show I have. I’m looking for my friends. That no one else saw. I grew up again I learned that it’s not the world that’s against you it’s the people That everyone hides their true self and you never really know anyone You only ever see what they show you People say they’re for real They say “I hate fake people” But we’re all fake to everyone else How I act varies depending on who’s watching I change my play to fit the audience with no regard to whether or not not it’s even mine anymore I realize I’ve changed it so much I don’t recognize myself. So I change again This time no one else recognizes me. They say “what happened?” I say “nothing. I just realized I should keep looking” I keep searching for my friends who left when I was so young, impossibly young. I find people who almost fit and I decide to settle for the second best. Those people leave and I am stuck with no one again. I promise myself that I’ll find someone someday. I’ll find that perfect person. I’ve become such a good liar I can’t tell if I’m lying or not.

[@camsterling8704]

The bits and pieces from his Ted talk presentation of his "to this day" poem, the memories from the first time I saw it... The tears... Thank you Shane for inspiring me and saving me. Thank you

[@wcglass]

Shane is the reason I started writing, something I used to hate. You helped me find my voice and even though you probably won't read this I wanted to say thank you.

[@justyourlocaldork2126]

william thompson me too...shane has helped me though so much...i used to wright story's but not poetry...ive started weighting....yeah

[@monstercuevas9857]

I still cant write but I figured out singing about my problems to myself works when I cant write something

[@something813]

I always hated reading and writing. Then I got the most amazing teacher, And started truly reading. Falling into the this world with characters I’ve never met, and places I’ve never been, but I feel like I have. It feels like home. Now all I do is read. I’ve been told to never bring my books into school before because of it. I remember hearing this poem when I was younger, right before I really got into writing. Now I write poetry and short stories and one day I swear I’ll write an award winning book. Hopefully. Any time I need to get back into writing, I go back to this. I’ve probably heard it hundreds of times. He truly is inspiring. Anytime I hear his work it makes me feel so emotional and inspired. I don’t think I’ll ever forget him. Ever. He truly got me into writing.

[@ThePageOfSpace]

I like to listen to his voice when I need to calm down its just so nice

[@cringecringe4598]

describes every kids experience in school, no matter how big or large, no matter how old or young, no matter how popular or how hated, this describes there experience and people wonder: ' why do kids hate school?' this song holds the answers to all questions like that.

[@officialninjachannel]

Your grandfather was a cool dude.

[@x4us7ynx35]

lol

[@maxwellw6653]

Samuel Newsome you just made me cry cause I just watched heaven or whatever and remembered about the grandfather

[@MaxPlaysGame]

Samuel Newsome yeah

[@NoWay-ig4sp]

he was with his jerky

[@nightshade_v76]

Tbh if I did anything like that my grandpa would have smacked me upside the head.

[@LittleBigOrb64]

"I'm bending myself back to the beginning. Reminding myself, there's no winning any race against yourself, slow down..." Thank you so much for finally telling me this. I need to tell a good friend of mine exactly those words... he is driving me crazy sometimes with rushing

[@caitlynyoo9756]

oh god ouch dear lord Wtf how did he put everything into words like that holy shit

[@jmanuiopyt3823]

Let's Not his brain is a dictionary of all of these phrases that are inspirational

[@spillingink6905]

Your poetry is so inspiring. You just opened a new career for me. Thank You! Keep spreading your amazing words. Your words are beautiful and they run through my mind each day. It's so deep. Your poetry has helped me through so much in life. Again, thank you.

[@emmabrittainn]

Shane I have been depressed for so long. I thought about suicide until my friend showed me "To This Day" every day I thought about it I would listen to it and feel so much better because The way you write every poem is exactly the worlds that I think.

[@whomstisthis]

I remember when I was in middle school and first heard this. I remember how depressed and uninformed I was on who I would grow up to be. I come back to it now and remember the time I wrote poetry that drove a grown man to tears because of my experiences in that year. I remember how insecure I was in my own skin. Today, I stand tall as someone who knows for the most part who I am, and what I want to do with myself to make my artistry known. Anyway, thank you

[@kyle_aaronsbro6280]

THIS IS SO GOOD I LISTEN TO IT ALLLLLLLLLLLLL THE TIME

[@charliekincomer7252]

Kyle_ AaronsBro I do like every day, isn't this the best one? 😍😍😍

[@exphuman9794]

"I wish I didn't have to wish..." 😍 🌠

[@cc7877]

This is so emotional. Ever since my parents spit up, I had had a love in emotional poems. Now, this. This made me cry of happiness. I can't express my love to this. I don't share my feelings enough, and this inspired. I CANNOT EVEN BELIEVE THIS HAS BEEN HIDING FROM ME FOR SO LONG. I am done speaking. I'm showing this to all my friends who can't seem to live life to the fullest. Friends who have problems, Like me.

[@randomalienok6654]

I am a kid and this has given me a little more hope

[@Man-bt9xk]

such creative lyrics. this could inspire me to draw one thousand pictures. the words roll so gently to my mind.

[@tohru741]

Shane, you truly are an amazing man. Not only in your poetic way of speaking, but in the way you have described your life. You may hear this a lot, but you, are an inspiration to all of those people who have to suffer, just like you have. You are able to convey the feelings so many people can't even begin to put into words, and for that, so many of us are thankful. Thankful that we found someone like you. Because Shane, you're somewhat of an ambassador to those who have suffered through depression, bullying, and the many other topics that you have described so vividly in your poem-like stories. So thank you for what you do Shane. From all of us, thank you.

[@jwlapham8154]

I agree. This guy scratched at every thing bothering me.

[@thesummoner6750]

Shane, I'm really impressed with your spoken word poetry. Your deep thoughts inspire me to take my writings to a whole other level. You've won my respect and I've now subscribed to you. I look forward to hearing what you got planned next.

[@Max_Whitaker]

When I was a kid, I hid my heart under the bed because my mother said, if you're not careful, someday, someone's gonna break it. Take it from me, under the bed is not a good hiding spot. I know because I've been shot down so many times I get altitude sickness just from standing up for myself. When I was a kid, I could fill a bookshelf with every way they told me how not to play. They'd say it's time to start putting childish things away, and I was like, fuck you, I am Skeletor. But more and more they made me believe that our hearts are like door knocks. And that's where we get the sounds of the beat. And I'll never get to meet the man inside, if I can't stay still long enough to be there. I'll never make it anywhere if I keep running away, I'll never know myself if all I ever do is play Niki-Niki-Nine to where I don't wanna be a "man". When I was a kid, I wanted to be a "man". I wanted registered retirement savings, plan that would keep me and candy long enough to make old age sweet. I wanted two left feet, so I could dance circles around important issues, until way past my bed time. I'm not saying I don't have opinions. Just that others will less likely to argue if they were as tired as I was. Fatigued as to Amen what a good night kiss does to kids. It puts weight on our eyelids and returns us to a place where reason and imagination laced together shoes whose tongues stuck out at stillness and beckoned us to move forwards. As a kid I was always drawn toward moonlight. Despite an armada of adults who insisted I must set my days according to sunlight. I would lay in bed and fight sleep believing if I shut my eyes even for an instant I would miss out on something amazing. Turns out I was right. I have seen stars stamped into the night like cookie cutter designs. Drew lines between each one inventing new constellations, so when someone would ask me, what's your sign? I would point to mine. The one hanging over the first door past the finish line and say, "It's right there". The one marked exit because one day all this getting ahead bullshit will be over. And people will start looking for me and I'll be there. I'll wear my best flashing red and you will stand winner circle throughout bred I will unthread the screws that would put you throughout this life, then smile and say, "You made it". When I was a kid I traded in homework assignments for friendship, and gave each friend a late slip for never showing up on time, and in most cases not at all. I gave myself a hall pass to get through each broken promise, and I remember this plan born outta frustration. From a kid who kept calling me Yogi, then pointed to my tummy and said, too many picnic baskets? Turns out that's not too hard to trick someone and one day before class I said, Yeah, you can copy my homework. And I gave him all the wrong answers that I've written down the night before. He got his paper back expecting a near perfect score and he couldn't believe when he looked across the room at me and held up a zero. I know I didn't have to hold up my paper of 28/30. But my satisfaction was complete when he looked completely puzzled and I thought to myself, "Smarter than the average bear, Mother Fucker"! When I was a kid I slid love letters through the slots of lockers that belonged to my secret crushes. I built paintbrushes from the tiny hairs that stood up on end every time I saw them. My brain stem finally bloomed with thought I connected the dots and made masterpieces. Each brush stroke a thesis dedicated to the explanation that you, not knowing who I was, was only because anonymity made it easier to be brave. I dipped my brush into a tidal wave of I hope this will one day wash over me. I can guarantee if you've ever had a secret admirer it was someone very much like me. Who loved someone very much like you, with someone who wanted to tell you how much you've meant, how every second we spent thinking of you, was simply the cost of getting us through the hard times, we saved nickels and dimes hoping our first date would be with you. So the disappoint of love we gave up comic books and video games, and I promise you every guy I've ever met remembers the names of the ones they loved first. That our thirst for love continues as we cross the deserts of maybe, believing we will find an oasis of yes... Acquiesce... Yes... We probably should just have said something, but we were chicken shit. We lit the fuses of our hearts and exploded every time you walked on by. When I was a kid, I did stupid shit. I ripped out the women's underwear section out of the Sears Christmas catalog and blamed it on my Grandad. He ended up covering for me and this is all he had to say. "You're only twelve! So I'm impressed, but take it from experience, don't hide that under your mattress." So I didn't. I hid it in an empty box of a board game I never used to play, and on the day when my grandmother eventually found it she reamed him out for hiding pornography in her Grandson's bedroom. The impending doom of the truth set upon me like a die in the sun sending it's last ray of light over the horizon and aimed directly at me. He didn't say a word incurred the full wrath, then laughed with me later, sayin' it's like your heart it doesn't matter where you hide it. Lovers are like little kids lifting up a rock looking for an insect, they will find that shit. When I was a kid, I trusted myself enough to know that one day, I'd be a man. One day I'd have a childhood for a past and a future for a backup plan. That every gauntlet I ever ran was a potato sack race in which time would chase me further toward an ending. I am bending myself back to the beginning. Reminding myself there is no winning any race against yourself. Slow down... And when the kid in you falls, turn around pick them up, dust them off, then continue. Trust me, you're gonna need that kid. You're gonna need someone to remind you that every weed, is a flower. Just trying to make shit work. And every jerk you ever encounter is just another someone who somehow forgot it's okay, to need a hug. It's okay, to be afraid When I was kid, I played hopscotch with the lines that's drawn on the sand and landed on the conclusion that second hand clothes, at last benefit of experience, and I've got a 137th hand heart. Broken apart and stitched back together at the seams. I've cartwheeled across balance beams made from the broken finger bones of people who could not let go of this life. I still love the night. I love the fact that if you squint your eyes just right, stars look like porcupines of light, stumbling across the dark, dipping their quills into the night. Trying to write apologizes for all of the unanswered wishes from the times we once wished upon them. Sometimes I still wish. Most times I wish I didn't have to. I wish I didn't have to wish. So what I guess I am saying is that I hope, I hope I never forget that kid who grew up inside me. You just seemed to laugh a little bit louder. Smile just a little bit longer, love a whole lot stronger. World's first official awesome, taking "awesome" from door to door. Take as much as you need, don't worry about me I've got more. I've got a candy store filled with whatever it's going to take to make tomorrow sweet. I've got two left feet and no bedtime. I'm still not brave enough to have an orgy, but I rock the slumber party, come nap with me. First one to fall asleep loses, first one to fall asleep wins... The race stops at the start and the finish line is where it begins, so this time first one to lose, wins. I know, we never meant to turn our hearts into garbage bins. It was an accident. I know headlines about us giving up were a misprint and really just bad reporting. I know why we've been boarding up all the windows from the outside in. We've been doing it ever since they told us to start letting things go. And I know we've got into the habit of throwing everything away. But your heart is a door knock, and every time it beats. It's just that kid's way of saying... "Can you please come out and play?" These are the lyrics!!

[@skylaraera1268]

I've been bullied for years. Im listening this after a couple of days that the memory's stopped , this does remember me of it and I saw how stupid i was about not saying anything... The people who bullied me are now trying to get me as a friend, what is never going to work. My school didn't did *anything* about it but now i have 2 best friends. And im scared that im going to hurt them... Can someone help me please? Thanks for those people who've read this hole text and commented on this!

[@abbyoremmabelliveau6391]

_”When I was a kid, I hid my heart under the bed ‘cause my mother told me if I wasn’t careful someone’s gonna break it. Take it from me, under the bed is not a good hiding spot”_

[@SanjayKumar-uy3zi]

Thank u

[@BluecarKing]

Such a good beginning line.

[@aubreyreist5183]

Oh my lord this is beautiful, I've been playing this over and over since I found it. Where has this man been all my life?

[@SmokeystarOriginal]

This is absolutely beautiful

[@satanisslacking924]

I can't express how much this relates to me. Brings back childhood memories... makes me sometimes wish that I never grew up from the little ball of sunshine. I hope that I could pic that kid back up... I'm missing the happy days. When rain was just another reason to play outside. I miss being happy like that. But this poem brings up great points. If only everyone could hear this and take it into consideration. It make everything a little bit better.

[@gh0ul_.528]

I cry every time I watch this and trust me I watch this every time I don’t love my self every time I lose that kid. I just want to say thank you. Thank you for making this because if you hadn’t I would have never walked back and picked up that kid. Thank you Yours truly, D.R.

[@Faces189]

Shane Koyczan...I love ur poems they help how to put words together..Even though i am a second language learner.

[@pinkmoxii218]

I would be crying at night.... not being able to sleep... after hearing this. once I fell in love... after that I would listen to this in those nights that I cried and if my heart was shattered...and my heart will calm...and regain its self... knowing I'm not alone...

[@shaylachartrand5095]

Lines I relate to “I get altitude sickness just for standing up for myself.” “As a kid I was always drawn towards moonlight” “When I was a kid I would fight sleep because I thought that if I closed my eyes I would miss out on something amazing.” “When I was a kid I traded homework assignments for friendship.” “Turns out it’s not that hard to trick someone.” “I connected dots and made masterpieces.” “We saved nickels and dimes hoping our first date would be with you.” “When I was a kid, I did stupid shit.” “You’re only 12, so I’m impressed.” “It’s like your heart, it doesn’t matter where you hide it.” “When I was a kid, I trusted myself enough that I’d grow up to be a man.” “You’re gunna need someone to remind you that every weed is a flower.” “It’s ok to need a hug, it’s ok to be afraid.” “I still love the night” “Sometimes I still wish, and most times I wish I didn’t have to.” “Take as much as you need don’t worry about it I got more.” “First one to fall asleep looses, first one to fall asleep wins.” “We never meant to turn out hearts in garbage bins, it was an accident.” “And I know we’ve gotten into a habit of throwing everything away.”

[@nyxyoshiki1237]

Wow Mr. Koyczan...I've been waiting for another one but right when i got up? So that i could lay in bed and forget a few things and just sit there listening to THIS. This was well worth the wait. You're my favorite spoken poet, and the one who introduced me into this realm of poetry I adore everything you write, thank you :D

[@rogelioreyes2417]

God, the way you seamlessly stitch words together in a manner of which to convey a series of words that would otherwise be lost among others is absolutely beautiful. Not everyone may know your name or who you are but I can guarantee they've at least heard your most popular piece "To This Day" but I've heard your other works and I love them all. Words are powerful and yours are like a tank round to the gut. Keep it up Koyczan! I eagerly await more of your work.

[@jellyjar4026]

*When I was a kid* I was innocent.

[@sashpotable]

I broke up with my girlfriend last night, I didn't know what to say. But Shane you gave me the rhythm I needed to tell her to forgive me. I'm sorry Rebecca.

[@liamb1453]

um

[@rebeccak9597]

It's ok

[@tankaliciousthomas325]

I've watched 3 of these. My tear ducts stopped working. 👌

[@monandavaable]

This send chills up my spine when I hear things like this. I smile, I cry, I hope, I wish, I see, I see it can't be. I see that the future runs too far to reach it, and when it finally slows down, you want to run back, but there's a crowd pushing you closer, closer and suddenly, the futures a cliff. You try with all your might to get through the crowd, but it grows ,and they get stronger as you grow weaker. And soon you're hanging off the cliff by your fingertips, and they pull the fingers off, one by one until there's the last finger left. Then you see the light, high above, you realize the future wasn't what you should be heading for, it was the light. Then you smile, and you slam your hand back up, you push through that crowd and run to that light. You sprout WINGS, and you fly, you fly high above, and when you reach it, you grab hold of that light, and it brings you down that cliff , ever so gently. Then you see the future and it runs to YOU. You accept it with open arms as we fit each other like a key in a lock with a hug. The light wraps around you, picks you up and take you up, and you smile, cause this is how it should end.

[@kyotee3778]

The way this video makes me feel is so indescribable. It’s incredible, I could talk about it for hours. From the music in the background, to the words, the way he speaks. Everything. I adore this so much.

[@madisonjohnson2331]

I've seen your "To this day" video, and I got to tell you, it was truly amazing. I'm only 11, so people might say "you don't understand real pain, you silly little girl." but I have, and that video and many others you've made are very amazing. You're a inspiration to me and many others. keep up the good work.

[@kingstanless3412]

i went through a very dark stage a couple of months ago, and i began to listen to your poems, i have two of your albums on my phone that were constantly on repeat to give me the strength i needed to pull through, and here i am, after coming out of that stage and in a relationship with a girl that means the world to me im listening to you again but in a new hope, you helped me so much and if you ever tour into Australia i wish to be there and i want to meet you and thank you for just being you and reminding me its okay to be the "bigger" kid in school. I want to thank you for being my guiding light and although you personally werent there i felt you guiding me with your words and that is the biggest thing for me, so if you ever read this, Thank You.

[@damienbutler8122]

Found this 8 years ago, I’ll still listen to it multiple times a day. It puts all my emotions into words that I can’t ever seem to find. Damn near saved my life.

[@BT-vq1xv]

i have showed many and all this and they have been motionless when they knew they were wrong that they were wrong they were wrong that they were alone because theres beauties in this world like this this is beauty because dont we all wish we were loved and we are even if its by one we are loved thank you shane

[@KoderKat]

Wow.. All I have to say is just... *Wow*...

[@FalseChordScreamer]

I've been listening to this every other year since I found it because it's always resonated with me a little. But this time, this shit hit a little bit different. Thanks, Shane, for saying the things that need to be heard.

[@greysonjensen6779]

Gorgeous and insightful as always Yesterday I shared my first poem in class, everyone said it was amazing, my best friend cried, and the whole time I was just trying to make it sound like you. You're my inspirational and everyday I write to make myself better. Thank you. Thank you so much, I've finally found something I can be truly proud of

[@charliekincomer7252]

Asher Jensen aaaah I, as a stranger, am fucking proud of you! lmao

[@gears2burn]

Woohoo love your poetry Shane you're awesome

[@mamaletm5865]

This probably was the most my heart has been touched, I'm not gonna lie, I cried so much, and I still am. It hurt so much to listen to this. This is amazing

[@figgie118]

I love this so much. i have cried listening to some of you poetry. You have kept me going on some of my worse nights.. You are my hero to be completely honest. Your words are powerful and and i have connected with so much you have written. I could never thank you enough.

[@paranormalping7182]

Nothing can express how much I love this speech.

[@hannahfranks7331]

I freaking love this man. I sit in school listening to him all the time. He's so great. GAH! I love him! I love when it says "When I was a kid, I hide my heart under the bed because my mother said if you're not careful someday someones going to break it. Take it from me, under the bed is not a good place."

[@hartboiz6724]

It doesn't matter how much the haters want to dislike, because 5 seconds in, And they can't stop listening. 4k to 20..... absolutely beautiful

[@sweetdolldoodle2438]

Shane is one of the only people that can find their own voice and use it to show the world that we can be the same. From birth we are the same, but the world made us think differently so then some of us succeed and others... Not so much.

[@vocalincident7947]

His poems get me through my day.. He inspired me to start writing four years ago and I haven't stopped since

[@Nala_Bruno_JuJu]

I remember listening to this 6 years ago with my friend in high school. I am no longer friends with them. I have now lived long enough to look back on my life and i appreciate everything this did for me in high school even if its been probably 5 years since i listend to this before now.

[@hahayeon]

Listening to Shane Koyczan is my therapy

[@popcornkitten1384]

WTF THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!!! HOW DOES THIS HAVE DISLIKES!?!?!?

[@henkkahenrik4183]

Popcorn Kitten13 missed likes and accidents? i know i myself have accidentally disliked vids i love few times while listening to them. i don’t always even notice it. especially when i listen to stuff while going to sleep and accidentally roll somehow and hit dislike.

[@briannatalmadge4297]

I listen to all of these and I can't go through my day without listening to at least one. Thank you for making my day better and inspiring me to try and do more good and for the lift every single day. I'm your biggest fan!!!

[@bloodmaged]

Damn, i remember watching this a few years back crying about it because i couldnt imagine the pain this person has felt. Cut to a few years later i cant even cry to it anymore because its the most ive ever related to something. Crazy shit.

[@gracel8874]

I’ve been listening to this since the day it came out 😭 I absolutely love your poetry.. you’ve inspired me and helped me become a better version of myself. Even if you don’t see this your gift is appreciated more than you think 💕💕

[@pathetichrrr1889]

..he's so amazing..I love listening to him, because hes not afraid to say "hey these are my story's and thoughts" it's amazing what he can say. his videos are so inspirational..

[@hannahfranks7331]

I love this man's speeches. They speak to me on deep levels and the way he talks draws the listener closer. He has so much compassion and understanding laced in his voice during his speeches. The first I heard from him was "To This Day" and I cried because it spoke to me so much.

[@hannahfranks7331]

I cry when I hear any of his speeches because of how deep they reach.

[@hannahfranks7331]

I love "Every weed is a flower.. trying to make shit work.."

[@Skittles16447]

thank you shane, we all really appreciate you and your beautiful poetry

[@bns2486]

Every year I remember this and come back to listen, it’s resonated so much with me and is honestly the most beautiful peace of art. This holds so much nostalgia that I cry every time I listen lol.

[@thesleepydot]

I just love this so much. I can't stop listening again and again (okay, not necessarily the same day). It's amazing.

[@amaryllis1826]

I'll be honest if it is truly possible to use others work for what I'm talking about, if I ever am able to do a speech during graduation. I'd resite this, or do the same topic with different points, because this will always be good for one of those.

[@jordang8730]

Shane, at this point, you've touched millions of hearts. I want to thank you for your dedication to make this world a better place.

[@dumbbitch8248]

..you have an amazing voice.. it could calm me even when I was angry.. it's a voice that would match these sort of stories.. good job.. you've been born with a beautiful voice.

[@edgarmedina1751]

when I grow up, I'd love to express myself through the beauty of spoken word for a living as like you Shane koyczan

[@elovely991]

I love this so much... It's so poetic, and holds the deepest truth at the same time. Keep that kid in you; you'll need it. A lot.

[@raykeitel6944]

You paint your words so beautiful. I’ve never heard something so amazing. You make me rethink the world.

[@anguspoppleton7005]

i really desperately want the lyrics to this poem

[@stardust6717]

Here !!! I posted this last night, It has the lyrics. 26blazingwolf.deviantart.com/journal/When-I-Was-a-Kid-LYRICS-636183837

[@anguspoppleton7005]

26Blazingwolf you my friend are an absolute legend!

[@universityuniverse4918]

Angus Poppleton captions

[@mixednarwhal]

This really motivated me and I’m not sure as to why or how but I really needed some motivation because It was ripped out of me along with my confidence years ago Thank you ~one of many

[@tentedclover4996]

There is no dislikes, maybe this guy is actually the best guy on KZbin

[@panosstephanie]

dude i literally cried to this because i always hide my heart under the bed

[@bayselevin697]

When I was a kid, I used to think pork chops a- NO I DONT WANT TO CRY

[@hannahdonnelly3965]

Your words always touch me. Your writing has so much emotional depth to it. You have created characters and made them come to life. They have a life of their own now and they speak to me every time I watch one of your videos. Your writing will live on forever Shane Koyczan. i have been listening to your work since Dec 4 2013. i was having a rough birthday and my sister showed me the to this day project by you. For 8 whole months i would listen to it before i went to school it made me stronger. Thank you so much.

[@Julie-ye1yi]

Shane your poems are so beautiful and inspiring I'm so glad I watched to this day because without it I wouldn't have your poems to listen to when I'm having a bad day or a dark time

[@dannyblackheart1973]

His poems are so beautiful, funny, amazing, they are just something that can't always be described by a few words and I just love his poems.

[@karma7757]

I cried so much listening to this. While your stories are sad, and so meaningful, there is humor in it, and I love it.

[@shortstripe1804]

every time I hear your work it never fails to move me to tears..

[@nasreenelmatari4338]

Hey Shane, I doubt you'll see this comment but I felt like I needed to say this. I watched your videos in middle/high school (specifically "To This Day") when I was at my absolute worst, on the brinks of suicide, with multiple undiagnosed mental illnesses. It brought me to tears every time. Fast forward to today, I am a professional counselor working on getting a PsyD in Forensic Psychology. I live for helping others the way your video helped me, the way I was never helped myself. You helped make me the person I am today, I like to think I am where I am because of you. I don't know you and you don't know me, but I need you to know how much your words affected me. I recently found these videos again after forgetting about them and they all brought me back to my childhood self, bringing tears to my eyes. I saw my growth and pain and struggles with every word you spoke. Thank you Shane.

[@larkspurstudios7359]

i first heard this when i was 11, when depression first started to take hold of me. this and every other one of your poems is what got me through it and what still gets me through it today

[@scaradechi]

Years and this still makes me cry and helps remember I’m alive.

[@scrapscribbles2475]

Shane? I know you, and you won’t see this, neither would you care, and this goes for everyone... But.... Thank you... Thank you for doing what you do... Thank you.

[@cassandratorres7672]

You have an amazing way with words, somehow soothes my soul. Beautifully done

[@artiemauve7025]

I don't usually comment things, but I need to get this out. Thank you so much for writing this poem. In fact, every piece you've written stole my attention. And every second of listening is worth it. Mr. Shane Koyczan, you've inspired me to write poems, trying to pour out my emotions. My Honors Freshman communications teacher showed us your TED talk "To This Day" performance, and it touched my heart and encouraged tears, mainly because when I heard you talking, I found myself listening to my own voice as well. I've been considering doing some spoken-word poems myself, however, I can never physically bring myself to speak. Maybe that'll change, maybe not. But... anyway, thank you so much. You've touched my life, as well as the lives of many others. With every word in which you poured your passion (or witty humor) into, you shine light on the world, banishing everyone's dark demons to run and hide. Thank you.

[@frederickroy5383]

I listen to this every 3 months cuz its one of the vids that calm me somehow