When In-Laws Don't Respect Your Boundaries | Ep. 243

[@Suecaroline7]

Extremely relatable, especially when Katie mentioned how hard it was for her mom making all these “different” choices. That’s currently my life. This year was a year that I learned so much about boundaries and how to implement them. About to have baby #5 at home, while homeschooling and raising modest girls and a little gentleman. Loved this episode! ❤

[@lindsaystrawsburg8689]

i would love to learn from you! we are struggling over here

[@thepuffinpanda9139]

Timely episode. Please keep is in prayer as we are going to have a boundaries conversation with the in-laws after Christmas. No, the holidays aren't the best time but we really don't want to drag all of this baggage into 2024 and they have said some pretty unacceptable things lately. I'm so excited to not have this hanging over my head anymore!

[@saintamerican6105]

Praying that Christ speaks through you guys so the message is pure and clear, I am also in your same shoes. My in laws will grill my husband about MY parenting when I’m not around haha

[@alyssaamundson4265]

I know the feeling! You can do it!

[@Mamasalgado69]

We are going to do the same thing before Christmas! Know that you are leading the way for generations of unconditional love and healthy boundaries, what a blessing. I’d rather do the hard work so my kids don’t have to grow up uncomfortable! We’ve got this, through Him we can conquer anything♥️

[@joannatripp7831]

So, I just wanted to throw this out about children's church and Sunday school and also about the Sunday school for the twos and threes.. having experience in all of these areas and working in children's church myself and having worked in the little kids Sunday school. Our church works in such a way that the kids actually get an age appropriate Bible lesson that oftentimes goes directly along with what is being preached in the sanctuary... They do songs appropriating to the lesson. They have color sheets appropriate for the lesson and they do crafts according to the lesson. They often also have missionary moments and things like that that are all working in conjunction. It is much more of a value to have the kids in there than have them coloring through a sermon that they're not really gathering anything from as really little ones. And I'm saying this having sat in through services as a child and having our children sit through services. I'm not saying never have your children's at few church. I think it's very very good. And starting at 6th grade all of our kids are in the sanctuary with us. I value that. And instead of saying well we'll just take our children out and they can color in big church. It might be more of a value to come to your children's director, children's pastor and talk to them about it and maybe offer to help them find a curriculum or make lessons for those kids. * In addition, there are other times throughout the year where they can be in the service. Our church used to have an evening service and our kids always sat in the evening service with us.

[@cderry10]

This comment 💯

[@AlexHuffman-b2c]

Thank you for your transparency on this issue. Many times I have been made to feel I am being overdramatic because I won’t “let loose” and “have some fun without the kids”. But as God’s appointed protector of my children, I don’t take lightly the responsibility of keeping them safe, and therefore I won’t let just anyone watch them. Thank you for speaking frankly about it.

[@saintamerican6105]

19:37 👏👏👏 thank goodness I am not the only parent out here willing to stay home and shelter my children from worldly people or places, AMEN! Plz pray for my Husband, he doesn’t have discernment (yet) and will force us to go to places or be around certain people even smokers, I need to pray harder!

[@RCGWho]

You can't get away from sin. It resides in you and your children. Teach Your kids love covers a multitude of sins AND discernment.

[@dailyoccasions9539]

I enjoy every thing you two share with all of us in social media land. My kids are grown I had no clue how to raise them to be Christians. I am helping raise my granddaughter and all the wisdom you all share is helping me with my sweet granddaughter.🙏 Merry Christmas

[@olivia11467]

Thank you for making this video! I’ve heard so many other people suggest that each spouse needs to be the one to confront their own parents. That statement never sat well with me. I agree that it needs to come from the head of the home!

[@saintamerican6105]

Hearing a couple THAT BOTH COME FROM HARMONIES PARENTS talk about something I struggle with is something i am highly grateful for!!!

[@cirelo1896]

well you make it sound so easy,😆sometimes I wish we could have a do-over with all this. Pray for those of us that this didn’t come easily, it is my hardest cross to bear in my marriage. I think a lot of the issue for us was my husband didn’t “leave and cleave” which caused a great deal of conflict between us and with his family.

[@steffa648]

😂😂😂😂 I have to say as soon as the video started I noticed Katie’s hair and I was thinking “wait! Are they putting an old video up?” Then quickly realized no this is current 😂

[@cindyflinchbaugh7155]

Wow I love this insight. I will be watching and listening to this one several times before I share with my husband. Thank you

[@cassiegrannemann1624]

It's very hard having parents and/or in-laws who are Christian but are "looser" with morals and convictions. I don't let my in-laws babysit for the reason you said in the video. We can't expect them to stick to our rules so we must take responsibility ourselves and just not do that. The part you said about inviting them in is something I should take to heart, it is just hard when they can be pretty rude and make lots of insensitive comments. God has done a lot of work here already and we still have some work to do ourselves.

[@patriciabellah9392]

I agree except the food allergies. Yes it's they're house but if they know it's an issue then they should be watching that child.

[@buffalolifesavers]

I agree that this has to be an exception because it is medically dangerous to the child. Depending on the severity, it can be like poison or life threatening. One of my food allergy kiddoes has ended up in the ER twice, once from a slip up with a grandparent babysitting. Not everyone understands how serious food allergies can be, especially the older generations.

[@AN-jw2oe]

So funny, as a fellow mama, the first thing I noticed was Katie new bangs! ❤❤😂 and hilarious that you just cut them, I randomly do that too! 😂

[@KathleenBottrell]

It’s funny, the first thing I noticed about Katie was her bangs 😂 Men and women are so different! Love you both 🙏🏽

[@myfatherisgreater120]

I appreciate your candid honesty. Important subject!

[@biancasalas4774]

This is great stuff! How did your parents handle each of your emotions if you or your siblings were upset or bummed out that you couldnt participite in certain events like your cousins could? Thanks

[@lindsaybarlow7946]

Your bangs! Yes, you look amazing with bangs!

[@mariyakaducey]

I agree with most of the things but not allergies and any food restrictions because if those rules aren't followed and violated, kid can end up in hospital, or doesn't grow and physically develop in a normal way or get a health issue that will be damaging him/her in a longer run (it is my example and still struggling with health because of the choices of grandparents who didn't listen to my mom). With rest of the thing I totally agree with you and support everything you were saying. We just had a hard situation with our parents. We stopped letting them spend time with kids one on one just because they didn't want to support us in our choices for kids and always violated something that we asked not to give to our kids. We didn't drive kids to them because we needed a caregiver or have time for ourselves but because they were asking to spend more time with their grandchildren. And they wanted to see our kids few times a week and I could drive them only one time a week and only for couple of hours that really disappointed them. When we figured out that they are violating every rule with the kid, we just stopped driving them to their grandparents and tried to change everything by inviting them to us so they could spend time with kids but with me or my husband around but they refused coming to our house because we bought "very old house"(1958) and they didn't agree with our rules. so they took whole situation as offense and left state where we live. They also thought that it was me who turn their son against them😂 (that is not the reality) and few years later still don't communicate with me.

[@belight1521]

Have you ever considered taking your kids to a ‘moms day out’/ daycare when you had a new baby come into the family? How do you manage recovery and caring for newborn with the rest of your babies needing you/ your husband at the same time ?

[@ilovejesus533]

Great podcast! I'm curious about the convictions you have about veggietales:) ??

[@lithopheliax61x5]

Ok, but what are veggietales...?

[@ilovejesus533]

@@lithopheliax61x5 its Christian cartoon movies

[@RCGWho]

@@lithopheliax61x5 Kids videos with a character trait and bible verse in each one with a story acted out by vegetable characters. Google it.

[@Dana-mb1hd]

@@lithopheliax61x5a tv show

[@Elise-E]

You did a great job cutting your bangs too ! Lol they look great❤️

[@laurfred2742]

Fabulous episode. You made so many great points. I agree!

[@joannatripp7831]

However, I just loved this topic and I think it is a super valuable conversation to have!

[@HR-rm1dw]

I'm really curious why Katie doesn't like veggie tales? I really respect your opinion.

[@Elise-E]

Not working on Spotify for some reason? Thankful for you guys and great topics!❤️

[@RepentAndBelieve1437]

I enjoyed this podcast ❤

[@matteahankins9194]

Can you explain your issue with Veggie Tales? :)

[@rachaelmilne5574]

This was so good! Thank you 😊

[@RCGWho]

I agree about leniency when you're having a babysitter. It's one thing to give some general, non-negotiables (ahead of time) like no Disney or cartoon network etc or no peanut butter or wheat/gluten. But you can't walk in with a 40 point diet and a to the minute schedule and expect people to remember it all or comply. We had company for a week once who were doing no screens with their child. They would not let their child watch bible videos or veggie tales. I don't know what your issue is with veggie tales, but it beats Disney or cable TV. We also had guests once that were militant about msg and would not let their children eat my homemade meals I prepared (which involved bouillon and sausage. The children were not allergic!) It made things so awkward. She was going into my kitchen and making them meals. I want people to be comfortable in my home, but this was weird. If your child has anaphylaxis, you can be more rigid. My husband has a peanut allergy. When you enter the avg american household peanut residue can be on cookie sheets, kitchen rags, countertops, faucet handles, blenders from smoothies etc It's just a risk. You come in, pray, don't touch a whole lot, then wash when you get home. Small children dont know to be cautious about all this.) My worst babysitter experiences: 1 woman took my kids in her car with no carseats to a movie she didn't ask if she could take them to. Another time, a neighbor babysat. I didn't know she was an alcoholic. I came home to wide awake children, the heat set to about 80, and a drunk babysitter. We had I think 1 bottle of booze for baking and she put it in her soda cup and drank it. So, it's reasonable to expect those lines don't get crossed, but not entire itineraries. So, moral of the story, ask your babysitter (grandparents or otherwise) if they are planning to take your little ones to a trash movie without carseats, or if they are planning to get sloshed.

[@1bluegreen2]

No, maybe at 14.... when they have gotten MOST of their morals FROM THEIR PARENTS. they will likely loosen up when the kids get to late teens... these early years are CRITICAL.... and they need to vigilant because many people wear a mask.

[@laurens8623]

Can I ask what's a boundary with water?

[@RCGWho]

It's one thing to not want the people in your family that you don't know well to babysit. But not bringing them to a family Thanksgiving meal is really rigid. Keep your eye on your kids. There are so many people there, molestation would only happen if they took them to a back room. It comes off so superior and self-righteous. Sin is sin. I know we in the church think homosexuality is worse than our self-righteousness, but it's not. I'm just getting that at 56. It's 1 thing to homeschool and guard against molestation, it's another thing to hide your children from real human beings their entire childhood. My Dad was unsaved and my parents were divorced. Should my mom have fought to never let me visit him because he had HBO, girlfriends, playboys, cussed, drank, and smoked? You're children will hear 4 letter words, dirty jokes, arguments, politics etc. When should they be exposed to these things? Their first job at 16? College? I don't think you guys understand how isolated your upbringing was. There are many wonderful things about your family and in many ways your parents knocked it out of the park. But I'm seeing a missing element in the philosophy. We are to know God, make Him known (thru hospitality, evangelism, and missions), and pass this on to the next generation. I feel like the second part of the equation is absent in an extremely isolationist family philosophy.

[@shb8212]

I totally agree. The nuclear family focus is a bit of a cancer in today's world and it's harmful because I think biblically, the model has always been multigenerational and missional (as long as there's no abuse).

[@RCGWho]

@shb8212 I like Francis Chan's approach. He adores his wife and kids, but he has no desire to be an isolated, picture perfect family. He's even put his kids in public school in San Francisco of all places. Brave or crazy! He's just all about the Gospel and turning outward. And I'm relatively certain he's not hiding his children from "sinners".

[@shb8212]

I have no idea what the dynamics are between families are but I feel its such a shame that you live so far from the grandparents by choice. Splitting up the family like that robs everyone if more than we realize. As long as people are respectful I think it's ssssooo healthy for grandparents to be apart of the next generations lives. Same with cousins and such... I would love to have that option. We are so much more resilient when we have that support system.

[@alisongriedl205]

I think if you’re taking advantage of family to watch your children for free, then yes, you need to be more relaxed and go with “their house, their rules”. I enjoy parts of your podcast but then you go too deep into the hateful part of religion which is actually the exact thing I’m trying to protect my children from with my extended in-laws. I want my children to know my love for them is unconditional, not only as long as they believe exactly what I do. I wouldn’t not love my child if they were gay. Thou shall not judge, but that seems to be exactly what you are doing which is contrary to what Christianity is supposed to be about. There’s now so much hate instead of love, support and caring.