When it's Noah's flood but the only place open is Joel Osteen's megachurch

[@robby7337]

I feel like Zach's able and willing to turn the entire Bible into a skit, and I'm inclined to believe he will succeed.

[@yodaman8015]

willing and able to make the entire bible into a skit (HEY YOU EDITED THE COMMENT AND STOLE MY JOKE!!!)

[@michaelhubbard623]

he already did

[@patricialee76]

He could do both of the (conflicting) stories about who killed Goliath... simultaneously.

[@forgingluck]

I'm so here for it

[@terrnoisrp8894]

Can’t wait for the story of Esther. Get to see his acting skills in actions playing as a woman. (Aka putting on the pink hoodie)

[@gideonbrown4215]

“You’re Jewish; dig a tunnel.” “Abraham was the first Jew, we’re not there yet.” “Tomato, tomahto.” I like the subtle implication that Joel Osteen hasn’t read the Bible. Nice touch.

[@haltaenni]

The Bible also doesn't exist yet. The Torah was written by Moses.

[@ffffffffffffffffttttttttttttt]

​@haltaenniAccording to tradition, yes. But the earliest written record we have of the Torah is around like 620 BC or so, if the story of King Josiah finding the Book of the Law has some truth to it. The Greek Old Testament was written around 550-300 BC. Way after Moses. Anything earlier was likely Hebrew oral tradition.

[@mystey1]

So what nationality was Noah? And how did Abraham become jewish?

[@haltaenni]

@@ffffffffffffffffttttttttttttt Well the Old Testament wasn't originally Greek. A lot of it was oral law, but there was written Hebrew as well.

[@haltaenni]

​@@mystey1 Noah was from too long ago for there to really be a record of his nationality in the modern sense, but he was directly descended from Adam and Eve. Abraham became "Jewish" when he made his covenant with God. He wasn't really "Jewish" in the literal sense, that wasn't a thing yet. I don't think Judaism really became a thing until his descendants, the Israelites, made it to the promised land. Nervermind, at that point I think they were still Israelites, the term Jewish probably comes from them being descendants of the Kingdom of Judah, so Israelites stopped being a thing when the Kingdom of Israel was destroyed by the Assyrians, and then the followers of God were just Jews. Or something like that, I'm not sure.

[@markgaumee]

The way Joel is constantly referring to himself in the third-person🤣

[@jelita_]

I don't know who Joel is (read the except at the end of this video though)and I am not in the house USA, but yeah , it's weird to call myself in the third person 😂

[@yodaman8015]

3 is a crowd? well i guess no letting in the holy trinity

[@terrnoisrp8894]

The ironic isn’t it😂

[@T3WI]

Womp womp should’ve bought his book

[@redgit9905]

And simultaneously it is 1

[@Rafaelzio]

​@@redgit9905 Yeah but there's already him AND his ego, so full capacity already

[@thegamerguys1367]

ah but if he rejected them, then he's rejecting the concept of the trinity. Seeing as how he doesn't seem to care about heresies though, I'm inclined to think he would happily reject the concept of the trinity

[@pickled_sneeze]

I'm choosing to believe this is 100 percent how Osteen is but Zach is still being nice about it

[@Alec0124]

Didn't know who he was until this skit, but yeah sounds accurate.

[@securatyyy]

Pretty sure he was the dude who denied people shelter in his mega church during the hurricane.

[@karthiktirumala1773]

@@securatyyynot only that, he closed the church doors during Beryl and the winter storm in 2021. Biggest hypocrite ever.

[@catburner1896]

3:48 “God’s not here, but Joel Osteen’s here”

[@aaronk8440]

I’m glad he provided the title of that article for context here cuz I was real confused as to what this was for.

[@terrnoisrp8894]

The only people crazier than Joel not letting people into a church during a flood, were the people defending his actions.

[@Xeem_Pad]

It wasn't a public nor state-owned chuch, was it? Would you let an unknown man into your house during a Snow storm? Yes? Congrats, you have a 50% chance of getting unalived

[@haltaenni]

@@Xeem_Pad You get a bunch of random people in the church on any given Sunday, why not let a bunch of people in during a hurricane?

[@idaniluz652]

The only people crazier than those who defend Joel not letting people into his church during a hurricane, are those who unironically say "unalive" instead of "kill" or "murder". Too sensitive?​@@Xeem_Pad

[@terrnoisrp8894]

@@Xeem_Pad it very common practice for churches to have their doors open, especially during emergency. If it wasn’t a social norm then people would not be so critical of it. Practice what you preach.

[@NoNameNoWhere]

​@haltaenni The people coming in on Sunday are far less random. In general, people aren't obligated to use their own property to help others. The people claiming that's the issue need to re-evaluate their morals. The problem is that his church relied heavily on donations, plus Joel's a dishonest snake oil salesman. He screwed his followers preaching the importance of giving to the community, but didn't demonstrate what he preached.

[@Vfdking]

10 out of 10 Joel Olsteens recommend ignoring the screams of the damned

[@catloverplayz3268]

Finally 10/10 recommended something

[@BellCube]

“Abraham was the first Jew, we’re not there yet.” *ignores the crosses everywhere*

[@hackman669]

Funny 😅

[@TheLobsterCopter5000]

He would have been one of the innkeepers who turned Mary and Joseph away.

[@JaneAustenAteMyCat]

But they did it because they were full, which is reasonable

[@silverpact1008]

@@JaneAustenAteMyCat Joel Osteen is also full. He's got himself, and his Ego. And three is a crowd. Can't have that.

[@gideonbrown4215]

That sounds like a great sequel.

[@demented001]

"How many (animals)?", The response sequence... I have no words to describe how perfectly timed and delivered it was...

[@ij1376]

1:44 Me: Say it. You gotta say it. Say It. SAY IT! Zach: All of them. THERE IT IS!

[@patricialee76]

"During the immediate aftermath of Hurricane Harvey in August 2017, Osteen was criticized for not making Lakewood Church, a 606,000-square-foot, 16,000-seat former sports arena, available as an emergency shelter for those displaced by the storm.[48][49][50][51][52][53]" But to be fair, how many wet, alligator-bitten refugees did YOU take in? Do you even own a ShopVac? Brilliant channel.

[@nola281]

But the carpet was new.

[@danielcesar664]

you and ryan george are keeping the quality content alive everyone else its doing drama videos or reactions to the drama

[@bjornnilsson2941]

Steven He is really good too 👍

[@dabmachine1]

you know anyone else? haven't found any

[@168toretiro]

if you mean like political and stuff, i don't know. but otherwise - MIKEY & WYATT and the gang

[@lastyhopper2792]

Chris and Jack is waaay funnier and has more quality than these two, imo. But, their upload schedule is one video per month if I'm not mistaken. I really love their Santa Clause and "umm, in English please," sketches. They're so under-rated thanks to KZbin's quantity > quality algorithm.

[@dabmachine1]

@@lastyhopper2792 I like the white room from chris and jack

[@beanie3427]

I'm a Christian and I admit that many of Zach's videos have always been a bit of a guilty pleasure for me, even though I have usually skipped some of the religious ones. But the message in this one has my Christian guy stamp of approval. I find the prosperity gospel charlatans and scam-preachers like Joel Osteen, Kenneth Copeland, Creflo Dollar, Jesse Duplantis, and Benny Hinn to be utterly insidious. And they all need to be called out, especially by other Christians. But I'll certainly take it from a secular dude like Zach too lol.

[@patricialee76]

If your gods are afraid of criticism, they're not real gods. Don't be afraid, Asherah can take a few jokes. (After all, she's putting up with you pretending that Yahveh divorced her.. 😊

[@someonerandom704]

guilty pleasure? Zach clearly knows a lot about Christianity, watching his videos shouldn't be guilty at all. I'm glad I left the church, man.

[@Idk_what_to_put_here_3]

@@patricialee76Christians only have one God fyi

[@Leyrann]

I'm not quite sure Zach is secular. He seems too knowledgeable of the bible for that, and maybe I'm just cynical but I feel like most atheists who make jokes about Christianity tend to cross into disrespectful territory on occasion, which Zach doesn't.

[@solar0wind]

​@@Leyrann Maybe he grew up religious and became agnostic/atheist later on.

[@syn4441]

That last "I'm Joel Olsteen" had me cracking up like Humpty 🤣👏👏👏

[@xiaowei1]

Build a church, and they will come... but if you don't have money, you're not getting in.

[@SuperMrHiggins]

I'll bet we can still get a few people to come.

[@SuperMrHiggins]

*snare*

[@hackman669]

Merica in a nutshell 😅

That frustrated groan 😂

[@tenshiart24]

Ikr LMAO that was intense

[@TheBestDog]

I bet I could make Zach groan like that again 😘 😋

[@HenryMusgrove]

As someone who knows nothing about the Bible, this channel is giving me all my information.

[@thedutchbrothers1866]

This is not about the bible but about a recent event, i think.

[@fisheyefilms2512]

Great book. Should definitely read it.

[@llegoman9873]

Not the best source for biblical knowledge but definitely not the worst.

[@kevinclause4p55p5]

Thanks for the context at the end.

[@cosmicgamingunlimited]

“Joel Olsteen thinks you should make like a tree, and GTFO” - Biff Tannen

[@Seraphim653]

These videos are literal peak and I’m loving the consistency so much

[@S41L0R]

bro had to script a laugh at his own joke thank you zach

[@pauls7154]

0:57 😂I suspect Zach is a veteran. That’s a drill sergeant line.

[@erikhermansen3431]

I bet the tables at Joel's are all bolted to the floor.

[@AssetH8ut2]

Make like a tree and…..ugh, gonna have to go to an Irish bar after that one.

[@Dr._Bo]

Noah's reaction after "dig a tunnel" sent me😂😂

[@168toretiro]

yeah, what's that about?

[@lestercrowley666]

@@168toretiro I think those jews in Brooklyn who dug a tunnel.

[@Jenifer_R_]

Thank you for explaining who Joel Osteen is, and what he did, at the end. And it cleverly forces a rewatch. Kudos.

[@antonionnam6594]

Zach laughing to his own skit script is amazing😂😂

[@Jeffreydefinitelynotdahmer]

Not Zach casually flexing his KZbin money 😭

[@someonerandom704]

I tried counting the money in his hands, looks like about $2k

[@Jeffreydefinitelynotdahmer]

@someonerandom704 stop pocket watching 😂

[@michaelpowers6632]

That’s probably prop money, I don’t think he’s that arrogant. Or he could be flexing hard AF 😂

[@someonerandom704]

@@michaelpowers6632 the money looks real enough that otherwise it would be potential counterfeit. He probably went to his local bank and withdrew $2k. That's not a lot of money really, I've made tuition payments higher than that.

[@marcberm]

I was today years old when I learned that the ark story legit includes seven pairs for some animals... Let alone that it seems like the single pairs were in the miniroty.

[@Magick1an]

This was still too nice for Joel Osteen lol

[@mmmisterslsl]

What's bigger? Noahs ark or a texan megachurch stadium?

[@terrnoisrp8894]

Right now Noah Ark…..give it a few more years though. Pretty sure one of thoses stadium will be the size of a military base.

[@haltaenni]

@@terrnoisrp8894 And if it's in Texas it could be armed as well as one too lol

[@mystey1]

Joel's ego

[@hackman669]

G​ot his mind on his money and his money on his yacht and a plane or two😅

[@Algreion]

A daily streak of zach's videos? Sign me up

[@Slumberputsdwellanend]

A streak my friends, is what we have been experiencing from the past weak

[@razzle1964]

‘Joel Osteen’ isn’t a name that travels too well across the pond but a quick ‘google’, along with “… get the fuck out or, buy my book THEN get the fuck out” is fucking hilarious.😅😉✌️

[@Tubeytime]

Zach single-handedly keeping the printer paper companies in business

[@RobertWatson-k1j]

I can't fully express the disappointment I felt, that I needed to check if Joel had done this twice.

[@AlexanderEllis-x7v]

1:33 😂Was that a tower of Babbel joke

[@maddoxjust1064]

Zach flexing with his money and making a god skit smart move

[@epicsusan5548]

The little thanks for watching at the end. My guy, thanks for uploading!

[@CrazyAnimeGamer2]

Joel Osteen Super Fans coming after Zach in 3,2,1. 😂😂😂😂

[@lforlight]

You got an audible chortle from me at the "build a tunnel". Amazing.

[@SpaceSoldier248]

2:59 have you seen the actual design of the ark? it's extremely stable, and waterproof

[@isabelshoemaker1327]

Ah I see he heard about how Osteen tried not to help during Harvey. Thank you. Never forget.

[@tc6818]

I was expecting Joel to list all the animals he'd accept. And they would all be common protein sources served in US restaurants. "Hey Noah, do you have any BBQ sauce? How about A1?"

[@Octopuscoast]

Two frogs , two sloths , ..... 😂

[@SpaceSoldier248]

Actually, you would only need one creature from the whole cat species, one from the whole dog species, etc., and take young dinosaurs.

[@mafia_boss_neto]

Not the mgachurches....

[@Mr.Stricken]

03:25 Nearly spat out my drink

[@shadyadel553]

As somebody who has never heard of Mr Joel, I would have appreciated it had you led with that headline shown at the end lol

[@badrumajeed4702]

Damn his consistency is frightening

[@terminator6950]

We knew eventually, Joel Osteen would show up

[@168toretiro]

i laughed a little too hard at the choices he made when considered to take some animals in

[@divinelittledevil]

3:32 PFFffttt!

[@zydrox]

love the daily Zach Star Himself videos :D but who is Joel Osteen?

[@RelativeConfusion]

He's a megachurch pastor in Texas of Lakewood church. A church he took over after his father's passing despite (and this is just what everyone thinks, who knows) having no call to ministry.. so naturally, he isn't great at preaching or following the Bible. It's a real shame to see actually- his father was an incredible man, I sometimes wonder what he's thinking on the other side...

[@zydrox]

@RelativeConfusion that... so is he like... rich and egotistical?

[@RelativeConfusion]

@@zydrox Yeahhhhh kinda

[@kiro4279]

Noah saga returns!

[@thevillager8339]

I guess this is how I get my news nowadays

[@lukemeck]

3:10 haha talks in 3rd person about himself to show superiority 😂😂

[@Da_Dingus]

Would’ve been so much better if it was Kenneth Copeland instead.

[@cipherthevcuber]

I thought this was about that painting of a wave in a chapel looking place lol

[@blindknitter]

'God's not here.' Even Joel Olsteen tells the truth once in a while.

[@bondymagnomous3544]

The picture at the end should have been at the beginning.

[@themightyironoak]

Im starting to believe this is more how the bible actually went down

[@insanejughead]

"I'm Joel Osteen" We all needed that.

[@TheGeekState]

Bros on a grind to make content, and im here For it!

[@douglasmacneil4474]

This is exactly how Osteen would act

[@northchurch753]

Been waiting for a dunk on megachurch pastors

[@TheTexican05]

As a lifelong Texan, can confirm: this is what Joel Olsteen is truly like. The scarier question: How does he have so many “followers”? 😎 👀 🐑

[@juliusapriadi]

Thanks YT for pushing an Osteen community post right after this one.

[@spacelasertech8359]

We're never getting past the tunnel thing, are we.

[@kevinclause4p55p5]

The audio sounds great.

[@MB-eb9ed]

That ending reveal holy shit

[@planet_tuffle]

Oh no not Joel Osteen 😂

[@Samuel_Burgess_]

I remeber you having daily uploads last december too! Is this some kinda trend?

[@haltaenni]

I think it's a tradition for advent or something

[@joycejohnson6771]

Some KZbinrs participate in Vlogmas, which is uploading a (generally) short video every day in December from the first until Christmas. Zach does daily skits because he's a skit channel, not a vlog channel.

[@seansmith6255]

This is about harvey Wasn't that like 6 years ago Zach does what he wants when he wants

[@Sekir80]

What was that boat horn? A retrofitted oil tanker?

[@morkovija]

at least he didnt have to hold on the line

[@RelativeConfusion]

Joel is not the man his father John was 😮‍💨

[@grantgallagher1096]

Can a video be made about the pope abusing his power during the crusade

[@yveltal_says1854]

Wasn’t there a pope that liked to watch horses copulate? Maybe that could make for some good material idk

[@MJAndRecreations]

Him and landokalriz needs to collab

[@kaloyanslavov]

When are we getting the sequel to the Passover sketch?

[@CrazyGamingYT56]

Love your content keep up the great work

[@kingmss3265]

His books are not actually bad , they kinda make sense .

[@alexsoo501]

Damn, I’m so early the pastor hasn’t returned yet

[@extropiantranshuman]

let's not forget katrina

[@Octopuscoast]

I so love this channel ❤

[@Chi_The_Cat_0]

We used to watch that guy. He seemed legit, at first.

[@kylebowles9820]

Im totally here for this

[@Acts238.]

James 1:27: "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

[@TaurielTheElf]

I mean, the church is on ground level, so not sure how it would help with the flood...

[@davethesid8960]

Wait, I Noah guy...

[@ammmm0o0o0]

i think that guys name is Joel Osteen

[@kakumee]

Wow nailed joe osteen.

[@ctpaul1261]

Good job using humor to excoriate religious bullshit. We need more of this. Thanks Zach!

[@HarryLarsson-b2n]

3:54 its reverb not echo

[@sculkyyOld]

i sometimes pass this guys churches while driving through the city and I hear stories of how he flies from place to place via helicopter and I just think... how? and why?

[@ic236]

Imagine not practicing empathy and compassion? Which is many mega churches unfortunately

[@darkflux]

dude, Joel Osteen's been around HOW long?! since the Bible?!