When People Won’t Forgive You After Addiction

[@pamelaliegh]

It’s not that they don’t forgive you. It’s that they remember the pain and hurt you caused them the things you stole. While happy that you’ve gotten you life together for now, they will at all cost protect themselves from that ever happening again.

[@charliedays]

THIS! As hurtful as it may be that people won't let go of your past easily, it's not about forgiving, but about how you made them feel during a period of time. You always may have the willingness to forgive someone, but will never forget about how that person would make you feel. This is what really counts, and you can't blame others for your own actions. Just the harsh truth! Just move on to new and different relationships because what's done is done, and cannot do much about it.☹

[@mocowan6642]

A character on a tv show I watched said something about this. “Well, in AA, making amends is essential. But sometimes the other party is gone or they refuse to forgive us, so we practice living amends. You live the best life that you can, do good where you can, help people when you can, be of service. You can't change what you've done, but you can change who you are and improve your life. It's hard to explain why living amends work, but they do.”

[@sinda_hella]

I have a niece who is currently on her 4th attempt at rehab to beat a meth addiction, which stemmed from childhood trauma. I’m currently foster caring for her daughter. I have to say that some of the issues that I see happen that affect her daughter really make it hard for me to forgive. I get to see the damage this is doing to this little darling. When she falls off things have gotten chaotic. She drops contact with her daughter, which then triggers negative behaviours in her daughter (who is only 6 years old). I’m really pissed off that I’ve had to step up and care for her daughter (no other family member was willing and/or able). I’m bitter about the fact that this poor little 6 year olds behaviours are affecting my 9 year old, who has a moderate level of special needs. I do love them both very much, but the impact this is having on my life and my family makes it really hard to not just say f**k it and walk away from my niece.

[@IncredibleIceCastle]

It’s perfectly within your right to walk away. Debatably, until your niece is in a period of considerable sustained sobriety, her daughter will suffer more by being in close proximity to her biological mom’s instability than out of sight, out of mind. You clearly have your niece’s daughter’s best interests in mind! Keep being awesome

[@MsRotorwings]

You and your nine year old must come first. Keeping your niece in your life is keeping your niece in her mother’s life, which, ultimately, may not be the best for her (the 6 year old) long term. Perhaps it would be best for your niece if her mother’s parental rights were terminated? 4th time in rehab? How many chances are you going to give her before you realize it’s not your problem to deal with?

[@KarMa-ws3ll]

Wow its so great that you care for your niece. But may I ask: Are you allowing contact with the mother ? Or do you HAVE to let her meet her? Because that seems like a rollercoster for the little girl . Wouldnt it be better to have stability (for the "cost" of no contact")? Also: You care for her. You have a daughter to consider. Why does the family which did NOT have stepped up and chose a blind eye for your nieces suffering have a say???????

[@PhilSallaway]

Join Ala-non or Narc a non. things will get better

[@the_healedgoddessproject]

I would like to offer this to anyone who reads this. I have lost many friends and family to alcohol and addictions, but by the grace of God, at 43 I’ve never fallen into addiction or alcoholism myself. When my daughter, who’s now almost 18, lost her dad to an overdose three days after her third birthday. Having to raise a 3 year old on my own while managing the grief and anger of knowing that my innocent baby was going to have a life of knowing her dad chose drugs over her. I prayed so much for God to soften my heart and help me to minimize the pain she would experience from her dad’s choice. Just a few months after his passing I started going through his belongings and I found a letter he wrote to me. It’s hard to even think about the moment I began reading that letter without being overwhelmed with emotion. It was that profound as a life changing moment. In that letter he thanked me and told me how much he thank God for me and that his baby had a mom like me. He said that he believed our daughter was his purpose in this world and that God picked a woman with such dignity and strength to raise a child with a man that has addictions. He told me that my unconditional love and never treating him like a junkie meant so much to him. He said he knew he didn’t deserve all forgiveness ide given him and it helped him to feel close to God while battling demons for his life. (I apologize if this is a lot to leave in a message)i remember knowing in that moment what I needed to do. From that day forward whenever my daughter asked questions ,or we would spend time with his family, visit his grave, or just in an ordinary moment sharing with her from LOVE who her dad was. How much he loved her, the things and places he loved, the music he loved, thw sports teams he loved. When she was old enough I started talking to her about his death from the perspective of an illness until she could understand addiction. Then on her 16th birthday she came into my room and asked if she could get her first tattoo. Now I am the cool mom, but not that cool, … until she showed me what she held in her hands, was what she wanted for her first tattoo. It was that letter she had found in my memory box in our basement. She wanted to get in her dad’s handwriting ‘I love you’ how he had signed to me. It was an overwhelming confirmation and sense of profound relief that it was true. The path of healing. True healing is and will always be love and forgiveness. But first you must heal and love yourself and I promise you if you stay true to that, put God first, trust him, your reality, how people see you on the outside will reflect how you’ve changed. ❤God bless all of you who have had the courage to fight for your own lives even if no one trusts you or believes in you. Never doubt the angels who lost the battle are supporting you and guiding you. You are warriors and there is nothing more powerful then a person who heals and escapes addiction with their life. Keep going ! You are not your addiction!

[@reneewagner9808]

Not sure why I'm so drawn to your content, but here I am. Always look forward to new videos. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.

[@sinda_hella]

He’s an awesome vodcaster. He’s very engaging and you can feel that he has allowed himself to really connect and understand his journey. Such an amazing level of self-reflection.

[@M-Marie89]

I agree. He is so good at this!

[@Melissa-d6n-b1d]

I agree. He is and has something special. My personal favorite you tuber! Love this guy.

[@COYBIG1967]

Probably because you see someone trying to change and being open and honest and even more wanting to help others . Thats what draws me to these videos however I also have had addiction problems so there’s that too

[@DjDobleU809]

I think it's because he comes off as sincere and honest and is easy to relate to. That combined with charisma and clear articulation skills creates easy and refreshing to digest content.

[@themiddlekath]

This is extremely relatable from the perspective of bipolar disorder too. The shame of being dysregulated and frightening to others is hard to heal. Like addiction recovery, I found that healing from a mental breakdown does require a “climbing out of the hole” and finding self forgiveness, self love, and radical acceptance of what is. Since my diagnosis 5 years ago, many of my friendships have changed. Not so much because of my diagnosis, but because of the healing work I’ve done since. I am up-leveling and I no longer put up with the bad treatment I used to accept. I am a doormat no more. The isolation post-diagnosis is very real and very hard. I also have multiple addictions, the worst of which are sugar and codependency, supplying self-absorbed people. I relate to this video on several levels. Thank you.

[@NurseJanice]

Spot on! Its taken 6 years for my family and some friends to understand I am 6 years out and doing well! It's difficult and I have just started to understand and let go for people whom where friends but actually weren't! Guilt can eat away at us and so important to love and accept ourselves! Forget about others! And work on ourselves first! Thank you as always! Resent email hope to hear from you soon!

[@allisonkime5398]

I would love to see you become a social worker, therapist, addiction counselor, etc in your next career!

[@bokaratom]

You have been given a gift that has benefited yourself but there are hundreds or thousands or maybe millions of people that you could help. Don't you have to do that? ✌🤠

[@Iceblade269]

Unfortunately felons cannot become therapists. I do not know about social workers. What he can do is speak to other drug addicts about his experiences. He can go to other prisons and try to reach people that way. He can also host NA meetings for other meth addicts

[@EmRozey123]

@@Iceblade269 Depends on the type of felony and the state😉

[@kylekirchmusic]

There's that old quote: "trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and a lifetime to repair." Trust puts us in our most vulnerable state. You're saying "i fully trust in you to have my back, both present and away." That's huge. So when it gets shattered, the thought of rebuilding, sometimes, seems too mentally and emotionally taxing. I've definitely been there, and I've also been the person that broke it. The last thing you should do is ask "how do i fix it?" As you said, look inward, learn from it. Rebuild yourself first. Then approach the situation. Apologies don't mean anything when they're coming from someone you no longer trust. Become the person that YOU would trust. It's hard. I did a lot of soul searching over the last few years. Learning to be less angry, to be more present in my relationships, to commit more. All of those things (or lack thereof) have definitely stifled some relationships or even ended some. It's never too late, but the work must be put in, and the number one factor, with all change and forgiveness, is time.

[@joelbolton7252]

All of this^

[@lynnees9828]

I took an Amtrak from Miami to NY trip with my young daughters many years ago. I was nervous. To my surprise a man next to me was in recovery as well. Who'd have thought the stars would align that way. We shared coffees and wonderful conversation. He was on his way to CA to make his last amends to his 4th child, after being sober for twelve years. He had been a severe alcoholic for most of their childhoods. I guess, it takes time and, for the most part, ppl can be forgiving. Sometimes it doesn't work out though. I have another man I knew. His mother would not allow him at her death if he was drunk. He was. He could not forgive himself until he began to sit beside others that were dying alone in hospice. There are other ways you can make amends, I want to say, to live a full life. We are fallible. There is no shame in that. PPl change often when we change but sometimes they will always carry the hurt caused by years of our abuse. Ask yourself, what purpose does it serve to hold on if they will not hear you or see your change. Easier said then done, I know. Meditation helps, as well. I wish you peace in your heart.

[@DemonEdge82]

Same stuff happened to me, unfortunately while it might hurt a bit it is what it is and you gotta understand that you just can’t come back from some stuff. So long story short make new friends and surround yourself with people that care about you.

[@WarriorGramma]

Good talk! Here’s a thought. As long as it took me to trust you again, is about how long I hung in there during the dark times. And then I had to say goodbye and leave your guilt in your hands. Trust is earned. Then it isn’t.

[@robynschroedl1336]

Nice to see you Brian. This is a great topic I imagine some bridges cannot be rebuilt for some people. And for others, being on the other end as in the non addict part of the relationship, there is so much fear of relapse for them and losing them again. Or being disappointed in them again. My husband is an alcoholic. And I find myself not even considering him quitting anymore even though he often tries and is soooo much better than he used to be. It’s almost too scary to hope that he could ever become sober. It causes me more pain and suffering when the relapses happen. I know it’s not right, but it’s easier for me to believe this is as good as it gets. I read a book once called “codependent no more”. And while I did find it slightly heavy in the department of empowering someone to leave the addict, there was also great advice in how to give them their addiction and no longer needing to feel the feelings of disappointment because that is theirs not yours. But also being able to love them for who they are. And not taking on the baggage of their addiction. Does that make sense. lol. I’m on nights lol. It’s basically saying. I love you. But I’m no longer going to suffer because of your addiction and I’m no longer going to try and change you. It’s up to you to do that. And I no longer let it dictate my happiness. Hope your well. And as always wishing you all the best with your continued recovery, your channel and all the great things that are surely coming your way ❤️. You’ve got friends in Canada if your hiking ever takes you up this way🥰

[@Teenywing]

Yikes, those can be very risky professions for those who were addicts. Maybe the riskiest of all jobs. ❤❤

[@ValerieFelitto]

,I've been sober 15 years no.relapses My family never thought that I could change. My mother died still thinking I was that person who used...we lived 3000 miles away from each other. I was .very sad.but there was nothing I could do

[@diannebrett4074]

She knows

[@Melissa-d6n-b1d]

Maybe ask/look for signs from whatever Higher Power you can conjure up. Maybe you can find a way to feel that she sees/knows your heart now. Maybe her spirit comes in visits from her favorite bird (or yours), rainbows, butterflies, or a song. I'm sure she must know the goodness you've become.

[@DemonEdge82]

I’m so glad I got sober before my mom died, it’s a big relief for me. But I agree with the other comment I’m sure your mom knows and is watching you from Heaven.

[@cqbarnieify]

I have over 29 years of sobriety, yet I still have a strained relationship with certain people. Fortunately, it’s only a couple of people, but it still hurts. All I can do is forgive myself, and graciously allow these people to exercise their right to stay away from me.

[@pamelaliegh]

There is nothing gracious about you leaving them alone. You save yourself from a restraining order. That’s all.

[@milly7787]

@@pamelalieghLol no need to be a dick.

[@pauli2169]

Maybe people are staying away because they were hurt emotionally and also want to protect themselves and their families from the chaos and possible drug related issues. You have been sober for 29 years but before then a lot of trust was possibly broken. It can be difficult to understand but you are 100% correct in saying that it is their right to deal with you how they feel is the best for them.

[@Melissa-d6n-b1d]

"Get to your life and pay it forward" Another nugget of goodness from you, my friend. Simple but profound truths summed up so succinctly. Always thrilled when i see your face with something new for us!

[@1NJen]

Great video as usual… I have one thing to say about this.. the sooner we can forgive ourselves.. the easier it is for us in recovery. When I was fresh new to my recovery.. I was so ashamed of everything I did in my addiction. It would just eat me alive.. day in day out. But as time went on I learned to forgive myself for the terrible things I did in my addiction. It makes it easier for others to forgive us if we ourselves forgive our past. I love your videos Brian.. you’re amazing.. keep it up my friend. 💕😊

[@joelbolton7252]

You and I shared the same issue. I just wanted to go to bed, I was in so much emotional pain thinking of the past pain. It was unbearable until I began to forgive myself. Still working on that today...

[@agilitypoodle99]

Hi Brian, love your channel! I started watching you in March and can relate so much. So on this topic. I have found that at this point (coming up on 3 years sober), it is far too painful to try to keep mending relationships with people that are “done” with me and absolutely refuse to see the progress. It’s painful to be around them physically because I can feel the judgement, they are constantly causing me stress and pain by refusing to see all the damned hard work I have put in. That’s their loss. I lost my dad very suddenly and unexpectedly at a year and a half sober. I’m doing this for myself and for him and no one else. I will NEVER return to those habits and I KNOW that. It becomes far too mentally draining and like a weight pulling you back. You have to be kind to yourself and cut those relationships off. It’s okay, I promise ❤ I am a little lonely yes, BUT, I am far happier without the stress and extended trauma they would be causing me right now and why?! Why would I endure that just to never be believed? Nope. Do yourselves a favor and just move on! Let em watch or not watch. Idc. But the relationships are done. I tried. I lost my dad who was everything to me and my biggest cheerleader. One of the last conversations we had was about this specifically and he said “Britt, don’t worry about what they think or do. Just keep going, prove em wrong and it’s their loss” and that is exactly what I have done!

[@TheDailyDoseofMentalHealth101]

Love your channel bro. Never give up and time will heal the wounds

[@joelbolton7252]

God I hope you're right man...

[@benburns5995]

Hi Brian, thanks so much for talking about Alex's concern and struggles from your Livestream so quickly. I hope that Alex can find some comfort and that anyone else in a similar situation can find hope as well. I think you brought up some really good points and the one about building new relationships was great. If your family, that is hurting, sees their loved one working hard to rebuild their life it may help build trust to rebuild a relationship back to before addiction took over their life. It is so important to always give people you encounter the benefit of doubt about how they react to you as you never know the struggles they face in life. Thanks again Brian. Cheers.

[@Johnkostercreative]

Great video! So glad you’re sharing your journey…and let us know when you’re going live again, please

[@jennreed8027]

I’ve been sober for 3 years (I had a relapse in 2021) and I was living with my older sister at the time. I worked very hard to maintain sobriety and I’ve excelled in life so much! I got a nice job, car, and now my boyfriend and I are buying our first house together. Although my sister and I still talk, if I look at her funny or if I’m overly tired, she puts a guard up and asks if I’m “still on that stuff”. To this day she still does this no matter how much I’ve proven to myself and to others. I don’t take it personally anymore… like you said, it’s their right to decide how they let you into their lives. My sister is family so she can’t get rid of me that easily but I’m sure if we weren’t blood related she would never have spoken to me again.

[@tofusamurai22]

This has SO MUCH practical wisdom -- Thanks, Miles! 🙏

[@davidc8694]

So thoughtfully, artfully stated. Kudos!

[@kylekirchmusic]

Oh also Harumi sounds great! Solid choice. Always nice to hear good new music :)

[@hellokeroppi5406]

They forgave you, but it doesnt mean that they need to be around you. The only people that can trust you are the new people you meet after you are trying to become a better person. Good luck!

[@JeffreyOwenRoscoe]

Another excellent video, Brian, thanks for putting it all out there for us...again! This is a tough topic for me too, because it very clearly illustrates just how powerless I can be in the face of my addiction. One of the hardest things for a control freak like me to accept was that, not only is my addiction/my disease trying to kill me, but it constantly seeks to destroy everything around me, including those I love, as well as the very love we share. And as painful as it is to acknowledge that, it does serve a twisted sort of purpose, and that's to remind me that, even though I've done everything I possibly could to heal broken relationships, in the face of my disease, it just may never be enough. Its at that point that I pray--for those that are suffering as a result of my addiction--that the Universe/their HP/Whatever heals their hearts, even if it means they're outta my life.

[@cathycowell1759]

Really look forward to hearing your videos. Thanks again. Love from England ❤

[@lauriecalkins781]

Almost 2 years clean and one of my adult sons still doesn’t talk to me. Helpful video. Thanks! I’m doing all I can to be a better person.

[@hollikeillor596]

Thank you for your videos. I feel a type of catharsis listening you talk about Before and Present as my little brother was an addict and ddint make it out. I'll keep watching!

[@Ingloriouspodcast]

I’m in that place... You rock, dude! Keep up the great work.

[@kathypeaceful]

Hiromi is fantastic. Thanks for the recommendation 👍🏻

[@tammytilander1790]

I think you are very brave and your whole presentation and first hand experience couldc help someone take the first step. The first step could be an addict to many things not only drugs. Keep working hard at your addiction and remember it is one day at a time. ❤❤❤

[@stephenlan5450]

If you, robbed, swindle, lied to,destroyed family and friends; its easier to move on with new relationships and those not screwed.

[@Teenywing]

I also love commas.

[@DemonEdge82]

@@Teenywing😂

[@joelbolton7252]

Brian, thank you for this. I have been 100% alcohol free (cold-turkey) since Jan 1, 2024, and it was because I was damaging very important relationships by letting alcohol dictate parts of my judgement it should never have. It finally came to a head and I swore never to let it ruin the ties that had bound me to people I cherished. I've never been more free, more healthy, and mentally clear in my 37 years alive. Sadly, a very important friendship I once had with a dear friend of mine was lost, and it was very painful to endure. I was blocked from their life, even though I (over)apologized, and that likely spurred some of the resentment that keeps us apart to this day. What you, and others here have said, is exactly the truth. While I am no longer the person I was who caused all that pain, they still may not want anything to do with me, and that is their choice and right I must respect. I know I am infinitely better as a person than I was, but that is something I know to be true and am faithfully demonstrating each day since that time that I was the complete opposite. I crossed boundaries and did not do a good job of communicating changes I made on my own to never let things like that happen again, and whether or not my friend recognizes that, believes that, or not, I cannot control. I said my peace, and moved on with my life, though ruminating hard in dark mental spaces about their approval of me, or what others would think of me. All I know now is that without alcohol, I would NEVER make those mistakes and cause pain to people like that, and I'll never go back to a place in my life where that's even a remote possibility. I don't know if my friend will ever forgive me, and that's ok and their rightful choice to make alone. While we had a great friendship that was not always marred by my errors in judgement, sometimes just one time is enough, the damage and disrespect lingers in the mind possibly stronger than the good times we had. I would hope they would know I have my life together now, and I never intentionally meant to hurt them, and as you said Brian, there are things inside them that too that could have possibly cemented them not wanting anything to do with me. I cannot know everything of their past, or their mind. The difference now is that I know that I love myself again, and I'm giving the gift of a good life to myself for REAL, for what feels like the first time in my life. I'd love to have a renewed friendship again with them, and I hope they are in a place of self-love and wellness without me, however, my wholeness in life is starting not to hinge on the idea of their acceptance as much as I valued that. I own fully what I did in the past, knowing I am better today, and maybe one day my friend would/could see that in me. Regardless, I will honor my friend by continuing to grow and make new relationships, and I'll sometimes lament my past as we all tend to do from time to time, but I know I have a new life to live. I am so proud of you and thankful for your wisdom. Stumbling upon your channel was a gift from the Universe, and I hope with all my heart that we cling to each other to uplift and heal. It's the only way we can truly live in the short time we are given. Best Wishes to you Brian and everyone here sharing their thoughts.

[@kathypeaceful]

Thank you for sharing this. Very good information. Very helpful and full of hope.

[@santafilipina9020]

Unless and until you acknowledge the pain and grief you have burdened them with you will never be forgiven. Even then, there is no guarantee of reconciliation. Just accept it.

[@TheStormBolt-gf8qi]

Kinda messed up tho but I know

[@jfxl1977]

Wow! This is such powerful guidance! Thank you for sharing! Having come to this video from the future of your experience hiking the Tahoe Rim Trail, I wish everyone needing motivation to dig out of their addiction could see your journey. Thank you so much for doing what you are on this platform. We need more of this.

[@stephenlan5450]

The guy I’m talking about, my brother, always did this but never to his friends or family. He used to supplement his income through theft, but nobody knew. When people became aware, no one trusted him, so he focused his skills on friends and family where there would be no consequences.

[@michaelturner5722]

Your shares, and speaking are helpful to hear, congratulations on your sobriety. I am coming upon 9 years, on holiday right now in a small Italian village far from a meeting. I’m using my BB, texts with sponsor and sponsee and….. listen to you speak. Grateful….

[@minimalisticbutrealistic]

Your reasoning and ability to explain things will be very helpful for all involved in these unfortunate situations. I enjoy your content and I know you’ll succeed and thrive in whatever you put your mind to. 🙂👍🇨🇦

[@jennynicole3]

Thank you for these wonderful insights in this great video

[@candaceflores1528]

I was told early in my journey ..in order to get sober and stay sober that some people will walk away from me and I will also have to remove some people from my life...it's just a fact....❤❤❤

[@tbheady73]

My advice to the person posing the question is this: 12 steps. Even if you don’t want to make 12 step your way of life, the whole purpose of the steps is to get right with yourself, get right with the world around you, and let go of the rest of it. Going through the steps, even if it’s just a one & done thing, can help you get on the other side of that guilt and shame. Give it a shot - nothing to lose!

[@sharonscott1776]

The choice is to use for that first time, then the more u use ur brain changes and turns into an addiction. Trauma happens to a lot of people and not everyone turns to drugs or alcohol. U choose to use that first time, u can choose to get help to stop also. Not all addicts had trauma, it starts with who they hang around etc so there is a choice.

[@Teenywing]

I truly do believe that all addicts have trauma. Significant trauma. ❤❤ of the hundreds I’ve known, every single one had trauma. Dependant and addicted are two very, very, very different things, in my opinion. ❤❤

[@carrieelyea4126]

I really like your videos. I had a family member in same situation as you.

[@smokeskull]

I quit cold turkey from a 5 year opiates prescription from a doctor. I knew i was in trouble when my doctor moved away and my new doctor wouldn't renew my prescription. I didnt want to visit my problem on my wife and family so i bit the bullet and quit.

[@taragrace4656]

Great work! Many users are super selfish.

[@smokeskull]

@@taragrace4656 it was my problem and mine alone. I took the pills. Nobody made me swallow them.

[@ianmcluckie2336]

Well done, Buddy.

[@miketaylor9969]

Forgiveness and restoration is completely opposite issues ,

[@MissUnderstoodasAlways]

Great topic!

[@sarah.j.777]

Wellll.. life presents problems for every person to deal with. so if you showed up as a selfish addict and imposed even more problems onto people who already had enough to deal with it's probably safe to say you're not going to be their favorite lol

[@MeddowsMercury]

My father has been using most of my life. He was in jail for most of my life, until I was about 11. Every few months he will relapse but sometimes it isn’t super bad, but around April I was finally allowed to start taking ADHD medication ( I wasn’t allowed for a long time because my mom didn’t want me to turn out like my father) and my quality of life improved so much. For the first couple weeks my mom kept it with her but then she finally allowed me to keep it in my room( but I had to keep it in a hiding spot so my father couldn’t find them) and then a few months pass and I notice every month I am a few short which I thought was odd but don’t say anything to my mom. But then one afternoon I went to take my meds and only a couple were left (it was a brand new bottle of about 84) obviously my father had stolen them. He denied it at first and blamed me and tried to convince my mom I had done something bad with them. He confessed though and My mom was angry at first but then forgave him. Now my mom has to keep them on her at all times even when she is sleeping. But somehow I’m the bad guy for not forgiving my dad. But no matter how many times my dad tries to ‘apologize’ to me i will never forgive him. He is a lying, stealing, gaslighting, disgusting human. He has ruined my childhood and my life. I hate him. Since my dad wasn’t around when I was a kid I had to be the second parent to my siblings. I never got to be a child. He also has stolen thousands of dollars from my mom and grandma. He also is the reason we were homeless as a child. I will never forgive him, even if he gets his life together. Just because someone apologizes doesn’t mean they have to be forgiven.

[@jeanwonnacott2718]

My brother ghosted me years ago. He stopped drinking, said he understood addiction now. But I can tell he is drinking again. I don't want that chaos anymore. So we don't speak.

[@chuck4714]

This is so relevant to me!!! After my second relapse a friend just abandoned me..... I decided to just move on and ive been sober since and haven't talked to them since. Its been around 4 years

[@MsRotorwings]

When you’re done, you’re done. It gets to be too much. Time to move on. It’s important to set boundaries.

[@FP65]

I’ve never had a family member become addicted to drugs, but it happened to a close friend of ours. He went from a dear friend who we had so much fun with to a total monster. He destroyed everything and everyone in his path and my husband and I were affected peripherally. We pulled away from him and then ironically he never forgave us for pulling away from him, even after he sobered up. He holds a grudge to this day. What did he expect; for us to hang out with him during his monster faze and let him destroy us too?? Nope. He’ll just have to resent us forever.

[@brygram]

Stay Sober; make new friends and create your new family of good minded people. Keep away from incorrect influences, and setup guardrails for your mental health. Find the root cause(s) for your previous slides, and avoid your triggers. As an observer, watching a few of your videos, I get the impression that you do not know the exact nature of your slides, or have not discussed it with your audience. Self protection, self survival, not hiding addiction.

[@Fg5x3]

I love this!

[@alexandereisen3486]

How do you move forward?? One step at a time brother. That’s the only way

[@Bailark]

This is going to sound more negative than I intend, but I can't think of a better way to say this. It's not like never forgiving. And, we have all heard the saying about touching a hot stove and not wanting to touch it a second time, right? With your addicted friend, it's like touching a hot stove 75 times, and not wanting to touch it a 76th time. It's not about the number of times someone may relapse, but rather, it is about the ground being paved with lies. One lie leads to another, and another, and another. The gaslighting gets you to question your own perspective. The cold rush that you get when they offer to babysit, dogsit, or housesit for you. It's about a sort of close your eyes, turn your back type of trust that has evaporated, and is replaced with a wariness that one can't maintain 24-7. My mom used to say, "forgiveness is a gift that you give to yourself", and she's right. Forgiveness is for your own emotional well-being. It is not about renewed privileges or whatever for someone who has transgressed. If someone asks you for forgiveness, they should be asking for you...and not for themselves.

[@joelbolton7252]

100% agree

[@janharris8672]

It's good to see you back with a new video.

[@Ken-er9cq]

It is difficult question. From other people I know their experience with drug addicts has not been good because they will always choose buying drugs over friends. I was also seeing a psychiatrist about something else, and he had a large number of patients who were taking methadone. A number of them were not good people to be around. They didn’t seem to care about anyone else. On the other hand there are a lot of former addicts who have become successful.

[@melaniemarrone9521]

I feel like its just a consequence. Most if the consequences can be reversed, some cant. Use it as a reason to keep going...you dont want to lose the relationships you have built.

[@michaelwalker2492]

A small percentage of people change. Must don't. They just might get better at their act. I cringe when they act like the victim, when they did the hurting. Words are easy. I want to see action. Repay debts. Volunteer your services. Be the giver, not the taker.

[@sjgrall]

What’s interesting for me is that I’m on the flip side of this. I forgave a former addict, and he wanted nothing to do with me. Even sent the police after me for reaching out. I was stunned. A new level of self sabotage? Thoughts?

[@GrimaceTheCat1]

Did he ask for your forgiveness? THEY are supposed to seek forgiveness from the ones they wronged. Just telling him you forgive him could seem like you’re looking down on him and showing pity, hurting his pride. Idk just a thought

[@sjgrall]

@@GrimaceTheCat1 it’s a thought, but no, he did not ask me, nor would I require that. He did reach out to some, but not me. His choice, his loss.

rebuilding the trust worthy behavior is your work. may take years..it is directly proportionate (if not exponential) to how long someone has been untrustworthy. its not that folks dont forgive you...they dont trust you....and are waiting and watching for a culmination of trust worthy behavior.

[@stephenlan5450]

Once in a great while he’d give you a small amount of what he owes, promise up and down that he’s grateful for your help and fully intends to pay you back. Then, about a week and a half later he’d be back with a crisis story asking for 2,5,even 20 times what he just gave you.

[@Luke22022]

Brian, I enjoy your videos and your wisdom. Do your beliefs come from within naturally or are you repeating lines that you've received through therapy while recovering? You have great insight into motivations. Maybe you have found your new career?

[@lillyrose3545]

How do you not have experience where your addiction destroyed a relationship? You lost your wife, and her father’s death who you were so close to. I am amazed that you didn’t think of that.

[@TejanaDama]

Are you involved in AA/NA?

[@panam747]

Once I got clean and admitted I went from pills to "heroin," I lost a few friends. These were people I had known for years! It broke my heart. I'd never stolen from them, but I've decided there is nothing I can do about it!

[@stephenlan5450]

He owes me tens of thousands of dollars, then proceeds to charge thousands on my mothers credit card, buying gift cards to sell at pawnshops for cash and stick her with the bill. Robs his own brothers wife jewelry of pieces her dead father bought for birthdays and graduations never to be seen again. Surprisingly still comes around in an attempt to do more damage !

[@debbiebarrow7557]

You mean the guy in this video??

[@stephenlan5450]

No

[@debbiebarrow7557]

@@stephenlan5450 My apologies

[@Aerykian]

When I got clean I was fortunate. I had to make amends to only two people. One of those was my sister, just paid her some money I owed her. The other one still has not accepted my amends 5 years after I made them. Given the monster that I was I can't say I blame him, but that's life on life's terms. I'm making living amends by living right and helping addicts in recovery.

[@valerievantonder5015]

The first thing you need to do,is to forgive yourself.

[@kellyfitzpatrick7763]

I’ve watched a good bit of your videos. I’m not sure if I just missed it but how and/or when did you start with heroin and meth? BTW, I am a fellow RN in the OR.

[@markaumann5336]

You have to let them go because no matter what you say or do they will NOT want anything to do with you--in fact, they will treat you as a stranger. Move on get your life together a "fresh" start and build a new one with out the addiction---you have to understand that what you have done is really baaaaad!!! And a lot of relationships will be unfixable.

[@kareneroberts8676]

I'm more than 1/2 way thru this video but want to stop and comment. You have suffered greatly. B/C of this and your sincere desire to change, you understand others' sufferings. Your insights are based on life experiences and truths about human nature - your nature and others'. The person you are today is the real you continuing to emerge. But you were not always able to be who you really were. Pain has a way of holding people back!. People learn to hide themselves behind a false mask. But once the false mask starts to come off, you begin to see who you really are and want to become. Getting honest with yourself and your failures, can be threatening to others. Sadly, there are people "out there" who don't want to face issues in their lives or allow others to get back up in the game of life after mistakes have been made. But as was stated YOU get to choose whom you want or don't want in YOUR life, as well. Just as others may want to distance themselves from those re-building their lives, their distancing becomes a gift!. It frees you from THEIR negative mindset. It takes courage to change. Sometimes you have to lick your wounds alone. It hurts when others reject you, but remember, "THEY" also have issues. Surrounding yourself with new friends, new people is therapeutic. It takes courage to walk alone, but many times it is necessary. I'm new to your site and want to review past videos to more fully understand your journey. As an RN, I have an understanding of some of the pressures you were under. Thank you for sharing your life with others, with such a depth of honesty. You have my respect.

[@hollishill-wu9nu]

Well... considering your experience you seem so in touch with reality. Thing is you've spoken about you're many experiences mostly during and after your troubles but not where or how you came to or began to use drugs. At what age did it begin, was it at a party or get to gather or did you begin smoking weed? By the way you are a very youthful and nice-looking young man.

[@Teenywing]

I thought it was only me who wore the same 5 t-shirts on rotation. I swear, we could be siblings. 🤓😊

[@lucror314]

Not sure if you’ve covered this before, but do you plan on returning to nursing as your career? Is it possible?

[@Amaturetech3048]

Go with God! He will love and accept you as his own!

[@kimberlyh9583]

❤❤❤

[@stephenlan5450]

I’m not sure it was drugs because after a bs story about his wife taking him to court, and me giving him a ‘loan’, he is on vacation in the Dominican Republic with his girlfriend.

[@saolairde396]

Brian I’m surprised that there was no fallout from your friends/family didn’t your wife divorce you? Isn’t that the ultimate rejection based on your drug use?

[@macaccount4315]

I cannot forgive my ex for his meth use because the lies and cheating will never allow me to trust him again, ever

[@montehill1364]

You’re pretty impressive. We have a lot, in common. I kicked tobacco, then I kicked a meth habit of at least a 16th, injection, a day, then my spouse of 21 yrs, abandoned me. I’ve restored me life, completely, using the sale of our house, for $50K in dental implants. Now, I’m drinking. Next challenge; here, we go. By the way, you’re still a Nurse. You have an inclination to help. You’re still young. You need to become a therapist. IMO.

[@ginnythwaite]

i disagree. Some of us knew we were going to be addicts, I know I'm not the only one. That is deeply honest. "The root of all addiction is the addiction to the pain of not being seen" John Lamb Lash.

[@TrudyPatootie]

*To my former addict ex:* *I will forgive you for all the pain you put me through with your addiction. The pain* *you put me through with your "White knuckling" was horrible. "I am clean and sober* *and you are still a B*tch days..."* *Your abuse is shown to me daily in the scars that I bear. Your infidelity made me* *not being able to trust men for awhile. That said, "I walked away from you 20 years* *ago and built a new life without you.* *You are now remarried to a lovely wife. I only wish you the best life has to offer,* *but the nightmares of your abuse still haunts me as I lay next to my loving husband* *Yes, I forgive you, but in my deepest recesses of my heart, my soul does not.* 😢

[@DustinKeating-yk3vq]

My cousin lost his mind from meth all he does now is walk back in forth in his back yard. From who he used to be to who he is now it's like the old him is dead because that person doesn't exist now he's talking to aliens and walking back in forth in his mom's back yard

[@ValerieFelitto]

Ibe❤1

[@allenhanford]

I really like your content but I don't agree with your advice on this one. While it's true that factors outside you have an effect on your bad behavior, you're doing everyone a disservice by making excuses. If someone has cut off contact it means you effed up, hard. Do your best to communicate the apology, own it 100%, and don't wait for a reply because they don't owe you one. If they don't respond they either can't let go of the hurt, or more likely, they don't want to be around if you relapse. That's their decision and you have to let go of the outcome. Your act of kindness to them is honoring their decision to leave you behind.

[@rachelsebree8524]

You wanna be my bf Brian? I love you

[@jmurry6695]

God bless Ben, your friend. We're all sinners and hypocrites, everyone of us, except Jesus and His Mother.

[@No2ndHandInfo]

Try some humility & anonymity- living your way into gd thinking real world- with no acclaim

[@NsaneATL]

you need me

[@caliborn6884]

Careful for word salad.

[@ctfinneman]

The people who wont forgive you probably wernt your greatist fans to begin with. In a way you have been given a gift of knowing who your true friends are.