Shame As A Prison

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A sad reality about Complex Trauma is not just that it results in shame; it's that the shame becomes a prison, keeping us from changing, growing, becoming healthy. Tim explores the many sophisticated layers of security in this prison that all work to prevent us from escaping - from growing.
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[@Kittykittycatcat78]

It seems like shame is the ultimate abusive relationship

[@Lyrielonwind]

What an accurate description of the shame spiral! The details of singing while cleaning and remembering my siblings making fun of me. For some reason, in my family singing for the sake of singing and expression is a sign of madness and showing unexplained joy for being alive is shameful. How bitter they were at seeing joy! How miserable must be a person to be bothered by someone else's joy! Thanks again, Tim. I'm going to save this piece of art because I know I will need to hear it again to battle and not get stuck in any trench.

[@saulbeiza7303]

Me too dam

[@Lyrielonwind]

​@@saulbeiza7303 This is now the second time I hear it 😂

[@Indrid_cold777]

Indeed , this is actual artwork made out of Truth.

[@rltreasure]

My shame started with controlling, threatening and verbally abusive people in the form of two hate filled parents! Shame on them!

[@andriyandriychuk]

Same to me. Always criticised

[@drc0816]

Lots of THAT in this world. Know you aren't alone. 😢

[@fleabag6477]

It feels like i just cant change, I know I'm aware of my shame, my people-pleasing ways, my control issues, perfectionism, caring too much about the opinions and thoughts of other, I am paralysed and stuck in anxiety, I feel hopeless some times so I try my best to keep to myself now and isolate myself, being around others is so so exhausting I am always on alert, always on edge

[@Johannastairwellstudio]

Same

[@caq1116]

Oh my God, You have said exactly what I think 🤔. We will win, brother. It is a large path buy We will overcome. (My first language is Spanish sorry 😊)

[@louisecampbell2628]

OH MY you just descibed me😮

[@williamstark9568]

Your english is better than my spanish. Celebrate your accomplishment!

[@caq1116]

@@williamstark9568 Oww thank youuuuu. I will improve. By the way, I hope You get better :)

[@starbright1400]

If only you were my therapist 30 years ago, wasted decades on "therapy" that went nowhere 😢😢😢

[@MarkThrive]

Same! I used to be resentful in so many ways for those wasted years! What a story we will have as we finally become grounded... integrating our parts and becoming emotionally regulated! Don't give up... you are resilient ❤️‍🩹

[@CorePathway]

Most therapists are clueless or are cowards. Go to a new primary care physician and they will do a medical history including family history on the first visit. If therapists did the same, first visit, it would be FVCKING OBVIOUS what the issues are. Now the resolution isn’t easy, but at least the WHY would be out in the open.

[@helenwarren5217]

I have lived with shame so long.I am 79 years old and think it's hopeless.I have been to therapy for years.I thought I was done with it but when I got into a relationship with and emotional toxic relationship with a narcissist.The shame is worst than it has ever been.I relapsed in that relationship but I have 9 yrs now but it's so painful .l feel like a imposter in recovery.

[@Johannastairwellstudio]

Same

[@patoclas4058]

Please be careful with the term 'emotionally regulated' ... sounds robotic

[@TrueSelf1111]

Physically sick in stomach after listening. This is my thinking forever. It feels very hopeless to get thru. I do have some help & have lost so much in past year.

[@gasmith7486]

Stop beating yourself up for being human!!!

[@teresapotts3476]

...easier said..than done.( sigh)

[@Lyrielonwind]

Try to use it to be more compassionate with yourself and keep fighting that mean inner critic which is a recording of your abusers who don't want you to move forward but keep you stuck. ❤

[@MarkThrive]

Highly recommend finding a trauma therapist to heal the childhood CPTSD. If you find a good one that has survived their own CPTSD they will help you reparent yourself while addressing your daily triggers, flashbacks thru EMDR, or similar modality. Over time you will notice your inner parts integrate and emotions regulate... nervous system becomes more grounded and self compassion becomes a daily occurrence. The toxic shame and inner critic wont continue to direct our behavior in 4F's...Limbic brain. We will become more goal oriented in healthy self care... we will be more curious and compassionate toward self and others! We will develop a new purpose for living! Don't give up! You are resilient! ❤️‍🩹

[@TrueSelf1111]

@@MarkThrive thank you. Good advise. Doing emdr. Therapy. Healing course. Inner child work. Very slow. Hard.

[@tammyhiatt1804]

This makes me wish that I ran away when I was younger. My parents have destroyed me.

[@jfreemanoliver1]

Your parents didn't destroy you. They helped you to understand how to become a better you. We have to change the way we speak to ourselves

[@robynmarler1951]

I tried to run away 3 times, but I had no planning or survival skills, I just got caught straight away and everything ended up worse than before. Now my favourite daydream is about how I could have succeeded in running away. I also feel that I was destroyed by my family. Obviously I'm still here but my life is a lonely nightmare.

[@CM7777...]

Sure, you can sugar coat it and lie to yourself.​@jfreemanoliver1

[@user-zz4ph7fb8y]

This man is a God sent. You just described my whole life. I just realized that all my guilty feelings are nothing but shame and fear 😢

[@robertafierro5592]

There's aback story to every problem that pops up. Years long resentments run deep. Best thing I ever did was to leave.

[@tammyhiatt1804]

Oh how I wish that I had run away when I was younger. I knew something was wrong but I thought it was me. It was my parents, who should never have been able to procreate.

[@harami6767]

I've been living comically literally in this prison for the past 5 years. After failing the grad school, I came back home and locked myself. I even stopped checking my social media accounts under the heavy shadow of shame. At first, I genuinely believed that it was just a break to figure out my true calling. I would let myself to be, sharpen my skills, and come back stronger. I was tragically naive. I glamorous prison break plan had been nothing but the sinister, gulish plan of Shame's head of torture office, agent perfectionism. It took three to four years that I yielded to this fact that i am here for a lifetime. The prison is my life. I will keep listening to you, though. For a moment, I almost remembered the taste of hope.

[@elissipy]

This isn’t a temp 5 year thing, this is something that people with complex PTSD and childhood trauma experience throughout their life

[@richardcardinale7152]

Yes , I took a similar road , for more than. 10 years. Now I overcome all my fears and anxiety and I'm walking on earth like a little God that we are all. Probably be a coach is a good idea finally

[@nathaliejoseph4068]

@@richardcardinale7152what help you?

[@user-dd9wo9im6p]

THANK YOU!!! You are answering questions I have had since I was a child and throughout my years. The way you explain it is very easy to understand and comprehend. This information has magically opened my eyes to the cause and effects that has controlled my entire life. But not no more... I can now see others going through the same and will definitely send them your way.

[@leslieleslie1284]

shame is hard to identify when it has always been the norm.

[@user-dd9wo9im6p]

@@leslieleslie1284 you are 100% correct. The good news is that we have time to practice so we control the monster instead of it controlling us. Can't allow it to make excuses for us not to succeed...

[@MarkThrive]

Yep! I agree 💯...We had no capacity to understand what was taught to us... we normalized it. Tim is sharing science!!! Neuroscience- the brain can be rewired via neuroplasty.

[@user-dd9wo9im6p]

@@leslieleslie1284 So true, interesting though I never thought of it as shame. Shows how easily a person can be manipulated and groomed. That's the scary part of it all...

[@Cameron-qm6yp]

It's tremendously hard but worth it. You are worth it.

[@Lyrielonwind]

And so you are 😊

[@skjelm6363]

You gave my apathy a name - I now can see my "prison" and why I struggled for nearly a year now to get help. I thought it was depression without the black cloud - but it is/was shame all along. Whatever, big thanks to you, I listen to a lot of your lectures, but this one hit the spot. Thank you very much!

[@anamikaawasthi450]

I forgot all my childhood experiences and always puzzle later in life for my own wierdness Thanks to Tim,for bringing back my memories,now I know how all my life decisions make sense

[@Shandra9]

Shame is a the #1 tool of the demonic. This is why, in my personal opinion, we need to have a relationship with some unconditionally loving higher power, at the core all of this is spiritual but we must also use practical tools. I've noticed that many people with cptsd are triggered by talk of God becasue we were spiritually abused. I've found that healing a relationship with God was key in getting out of the shame prison.

[@melissahay328]

Really good point ❤

[@mr.increediblle7964]

I was definitely spiritualy abused and forced to go to every Church event. Where i come from, there are 7 to 8 hour overnight church events and my mom made me go to every single one of them.

[@bodymindsoul60]

It seems to me a majority of society is afflicted with shame. A shame filled society we live under.

[@gameaudioshaman]

Thank you and the person who wrote the dairy for reading it.

[@AdriAna-sr8yb]

I'm exhausted burned out in my 8 years old marriage. I had a 9 months of trauma counseling 4 years ago as a community church helped me to access for a very low fee. I'm married to a man w a TBI front lobe very verbally aggressive, disrespectful towards calling me names. He is also very secretive about his past and often goes out for long hours behaving like a single, not married person. He drinks with buddies almost every day and lie to me often. It seems I'm his 4th of 5th wife, I'm not sure, I thought I was his 3rd wife. I just can't take it anymore he crushes me often and I'm unhealthy passive to my circumstances. I'm full of shame in my marriage and need to have courage to leave him. I need to get rid of this heaviness I'm carrying around and start to run free to the goal of my race. I'm 61 years old and feel so old and so tired. I pray wisdom enable me to stand for myself and find my voice and space again. I don't trust people, I avoid people and have a tendency to keep to myself to feel safe but I need safe kind people in my life. I need prayers to walk away and feel free to laugh and enjoy life again.🙏

[@LeaveYourAbuser]

I left after 19 years. My ex-husband who was verbally, emotionally, physically, and financially abusive. I was told by an angel that came in human form “RUN!!!!!”

[@punyashloka4946]

​@@LeaveYourAbuser at least you can heal now.

[@Johannastairwellstudio]

Run

[@kyotojoel]

I found a safe, supportive community in codependency recovery meetings. I did the recovery work on myself and got healthy enough to leave my toxic marriage. Counseling was helpful too. I wish you all the best. It is possible to be responsible to ourselves and change!

[@labaker3477]

It will never get better until you leave. If you can, leave town altogether

[@kathy1001]

Thank you Tim. You are helping me to change my life. I'm forever grateful. ❤🙏 I get so much out of these Shame videos.

[@bronsonmcdonald5473]

This video helps me realize that I don't have to be so hard on myself for feeling ' it's so much work' to get through those bars, guards, and security systems. Thank you to Tim and to 'Jessica' for sharing your struggles in everyday things. Bless you both.💗

[@danielerubinetti839]

I used this analogy many times..the prison without bars, guilt, verdict, judge, guards, protecting myself from the world and the world from me, absurd, but very powerful

[@robertst.julian8265]

WOW ❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️. inter-generational shame prisons … keeping me “stuck”. This is so so resonating, My Mother, myself & my connecting with my brother’s youngest daughter who is wrestling with this shame & I am in denial…. and constantly stuck in this swamp. THANK YOU 💞

[@jobunny919]

The last bit was so heart breaking. I know that self imposed prison very well. Looking from the outside in, it's soul shattering witnessing someone punish themselves for doing something as simple as waking up. I've been punishing myself for so long.

[@gracemurrayart]

Incredible content as always Tim. Thank you for helping me realise the huge part shame plays in my life, which before I was completely unaware of.

[@emiliorodriquez5677]

Thank you so much. It was so uncomfortable when I started noticing my thoughts. I didn’t realize that this was something that I was going to have to go through. I also didn’t notice that God made us in a way that when we start noticing our thoughts the Holy Spirit inside of us starts working on them of his own accord.

[@russellheyns1846]

This has got to be one of the best series on KZbin. It definitely one of the main things that helped me get over my divorce and my work on my drinking issues. Great work!Thank you for everything.

[@Muck-qy2oo]

I have to train myself to think differently because this is exactly the problem.

[@Lyrielonwind]

Use your rational brain to shut up in defiance your inner critic. Changing is about being yourself and not what the inner critic wants you to be. It's not so much about changing and being someone else but using your rational brain to stop the tyrant in you.

[@ranc1977]

This idea to train ourselves is shame itself. It slithers like a snake. It infects everything with shame. Doing something or not doing - shame will be behind it, with torrent of inner criticism.

[@mr.increediblle7964]

I am 35 and hid away from the world due to massive amounts of shame for most of my life. I have done things that, if they were to come out, would make me lose friends and family (it is not illegal). I wish i found videos like this, had a mentor or youtube was a thing when i was a teenager. I have struggled for more than half my life and kept every single thing to myself, not sharing anything with a single soul. It all makes sense now because i am a perfectionist and try to control everything (someone said that it was due to childhood trauma and not being in control as a kid)

[@Mrs_PinkMarie77]

❤God answers our prayers of healing and freedom through this psychiatrist GLORY!!!

[@ranc1977]

Jessica's notes: "Big trigger shame which I can feel as conscious pain. I am in the way and worthless. I was right. Mind fills with darkness, eyes down, senses dull and lost in feelings of inferiority and rejection." This is Rejection Sensitivity Dypshoria. It is found also in ADHD and Autism where neurodivergents were ashamed since childhood repeatedly and being disciplined to become neurotypical that the amount of criticism is now became trauma of rejection.

[@alinebrandau3982]

Thank you! Great discussion 🙏

[@ayeayelwin2434]

Thanks for Your analysis on shame cycle

[@finnjai21]

Thank you very much! ❤❤

[@rababkhursheed]

How have you just described my whole life Tim. The Daily routine is mine.

[@CazalasMichele]

Thank you Mr Fletcher for your time that you share to educate all of us. Bless you!🙏💚😊

[@MsOrganic1]

I am only halfway through this video and love ❤️ every word Tim is communicating. I will have to listen to it on repeat.

[@liddellasya]

You letcions are absolutely brilliat, thank you

[@user-tv8si4mn6k]

Omg this is so powerful!!!

[@user-ok8yw4lj4o]

Just wanted to say this is an amazing video!

[@lisademers9581]

Thank you. 🙏

[@FreakyBr0]

thank you for putting your finger on exactly what I have felt for so long, too long. it's really hard to express in words myself but you've put the words together that nail how the past few years of my life have felt at the low points where shame was controlling me.

[@dreamstateshealing]

Tim expresses this so clearly!! Not only is this helping me it’s understanding my father that recently died of cancer what he bound by, so deeply and unconsciously… Alanon helped me break out of the people pleasing and Pete Walkers book on c-ptsd helped me understand it, make it conscious- but I’ve been working on it over a decade and it is such a prison! Even tho I’ve gotten out of the main cell, I still haven’t got off the property. This is so helpful I’m in tears, thank you…

[@josearcaya8570]

I am watching it again. I am relief for your clarification that it is long war or process. Sometimes I have felt like giving up. Thank you Sir. your work is so helpful. God bless.

[@andriyandriychuk]

Tim thank you you are a real pro in human souls

[@aliasgirl9]

That was great! I do hope there is a follow up video in the works on how-tos of dealing with or addressing getting rid of shame🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@JamesBond-xx1lv]

This is probably the single most helpful video I've ever found. Thank you ❤

[@silverly0]

thank you so much for this lecture, it was enlightening for me and allowed me to see my unconscious emotions in a new light

[@manleenkaur7942]

I didn't even realise that I had shame issues, till I started listening to this.😮

[@melissahay328]

Same.

[@silviaconjar1184]

Amazing. Mind blowing how evrything is so clear explaind and felt. Thank you.

[@manhwaqueen6061]

Thank you ❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@OG_lesliedixon]

It feels like you just spent a week in my head. Wow. The difference it makes to have language and reasoning behind what happens for me makes such a difference.

[@brolly414]

Thank you, Tim. You go into deep into the "resistance" spoken of in "The War of Art". And thank you, Jessica. You have expressed the way I experience things.

[@lemmetellyaboutit]

Hi Tim, i just recently found your channel and i am so thankful to be here. You’ve given me a pretty detailed roadmap to figure out how my life’s experiences have affected who I am. Shame and disappointment are probably my worst enemies. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wealth of insight.

[@nataliatrumpo3893]

How are you so articulate this shit SO WELL?! 🙏🏻🙏🏻💁🏻‍♀️ Thank you.🙏🏻

[@klu75]

I am going to listen to this one a few more times but I felt like you were describing me from start to finish-even the mother example at the beginning and the partner one too. Wow-it helped me just to hear those examples knowing I’m living them and to hear that it’s really not my fault is somehow freeing and all at once troubling to realize. Thank you for this video-truly helped me.

[@Evy78]

I'm impressed by your level of knowledge on shame. It's like your in my mind. Feel less alone but long IS the way but possible. Thank you Tim. You give Hope and help me to feel less alone on this journey.

[@jamiefischer6305]

I have seen more mental health and recovery specialists than I could list and recall. I had a good childhood, but it never admitted to traa but “the trauma I brought on myself. Of course I knew I had shame, but this complex trauma definition, coupled with the biggest harm of shame and repeated failures…This is the explanation I've been dying for for decades. I've been following you for some time, but this video. It's like youve entered my mind and are reporting back to me everything you see, things that I can feel but not express in words. Thank you.❤ Thank you.

[@Natalia-fr5pd]

Thank You so much! Because of Your videos I started therapy of trauma. Before I had 3therapies that were just touching the top of my problems. Thank You!

[@sharonharvey1547]

Whoa... Words to my thinking. Im shook

[@destanmilandris3651]

Thanks!

[@airflow8327]

Dziękujemy.

[@mrfacespace]

Tim. Recently I recovered feelings associated with a childhood experience. It’s like in a matter of moments, I saw how I had gone from a sense of shame, to a sense of humiliation, then hopelessness and confusion. As a child, it was more than I could handle, and it appears that I shutdown. Or, in other words, repression kicked in. I think it’s a good thing that it did, because as a child, I didn’t have the resources to cope with what I was going through. After the recovery of these feelings, I feel as if my shame has reduced considerably. I don’t think talk therapy, or reading more books or listening to more videos could have helped to alleviate my shame as effectively as revisiting the feelings associated with this childish experience On the other hand, in the last few months, I’ve watched many of your videos. Perhaps in some way watching the videos helped me get to the point where I felt safe enough to allow myself to open up to and face the memory component of a childhood experience that had for years been too difficult for me to allow to come up. I probably should add that I’ve been working with an empathic therapist who is a good listener I don’t know if everyone who has a shame based identity has to recover repressed feelings for real healing to occur. But in my case, I have a more significant understanding of how repression works, and a new found respect for this important defence mechanism My sense is that a repressed memory in regards to a humiliating childhood experience can imbue us with a sense of shame that informs all of our relationships in the here and now If you think that you may have had one or more experiences which were too much for you to cope with as a child, consider that there may have been a moment when it became more than you could handle on your own. You may need the support of a good therapist to help you get to the point where you are ready to recover a part of the experience which you had to block, or repress. In my case, I went through a period where I experienced a range of difficult feelings as I began to open up to an experience which had been more traumatic for me than I had been previously aware. Therefore, I think it’s a good idea to have the support of a therapist who really understands this process

[@HaakonOdinsson]

Ok, now I have tears in my eyes. This is so much like me. Thank you for this, this is a brilliant validating video. 🙏🙏🙏 Edit: I will be watching this multiple times

[@MarkThrive]

I've been following Tim's wisdom for about 2.5 yrs! I have seen a major shift in my behavior! Highly recommend finding a trauma therapist to heal the childhood CPTSD. If you find a good one that has survived their own CPTSD they will help you reparent yourself while addressing your daily triggers, flashbacks thru EMDR, or similar modality. Over time you will notice your inner parts integrate and emotions regulate... nervous system becomes more grounded and self compassion becomes a daily occurrence. The toxic shame and inner critic wont continue to direct our behavior in 4F's...Limbic brain. We will become more goal oriented in healthy self care... we will be more curious and compassionate toward self and others! We will develop a new purpose for living! Don't give up! You are resilient! ❤️‍🩹

[@darksky3703]

How can i solve my shame?

[@venusjoyce]

A very accurate description of my relationship with my husband. What made it really hard for me is when he accused me of being narcissist, he did it in front of others, especially those I care how they see me. What can I do to manage the way out of the being trapped by shame by ignoring him but also don't want those I care not affected by what he said? Should I argue back, I felt like I fall for the same trap again, arguing over a lie.

[@Kelli-ru7yy]

Thanks for this video. I'm very thankful. I think it'll be a great help for me. Even though my cortex was fighting to keep the shame under control, there's times when my limbic system would completely take over and I'd feel shame for this. I'd get past the bars, past the walls on the daily but then the prison guards would come along. And I'd spiral back into prison. There'd be days I would be tired of fighting. But now that I'm aware that this is an entire system, I think I'll be able to be consistent in my healthy changes. I've come this far with little changes. And those changes were good. So all's I gotta do is keep going. Doesn't matter if I fail. Just gotta keep going.

[@queunlimited4779]

Excellent 👍👍

[@heatherpratt1551]

Not the journal lol. Dang that was so relatable. This is really tough work !!

[@Dustin-jg6ms]

Sometimes you gotta fight with your fears,sometimes you gotta fight with your mind! There's a war going on that nobody knows about. War inside my head! Great band ST

[@grapplingunificationtheory3160]

It is a war to find happiness and peace. We struggle and overcome and thus are stronger than many normal folks

[@truthministry7462]

Powerful

[@xagon2012]

Most of these symptoms apply to me. I live in a prison of shame. I feel stuck. Absolutely. I try to break out but fear and shame keep me locked inside. I keep people at a distance and I have a tendency to want to regulate and "kill off" feelings I can't handle by self-"medicating" with substances. I am ashamed of my body and I am afraid of any kind of intimacy because I feel unworthy and don't want to be exposed. I have been doing therapy for several years and made some progress but I keep making the same mistakes or run into inner barrier after barrier that I just can't seem to get past. It is like a loop or a prison that I can't seem to break free of.

[@NeoHomoSapien]

Thank you very very much 🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@EricMHowardII-yh1rn]

Toxic shame runs deep for some individuals that can be hurtful inner critic uses name calling as a put down. Toxic shame is not healthy.

[@luckylex12]

I feel exactly as described in this video and relate with everything said, I’m conscious but I have no idea how to break these cycles! The same behaviours repeat especially in my love life, I will never know how to act with the person I love. If I am honest, it’s too much, I am over sensitive and way too much so I eventually keep it all for myself, it builds up and I totally isolate, so the relationship ends… When I’m not in a relationship, I can manage my own bullshit and feel alone but at least I know how to do this! I am a workaholic and have addictive tendencies, every 3 years or so I burnout, crash, change everything in my life and start all over again! It’s exhausting and I so wish I could maintain a loving relationship with my girlfriend, she’s an Amazing woman!

[@That1grI]

Thank you Tim ! I found you courtesy of Theo vonn and I love the mssg u send thank you for all that you do to feed the Lords sheep ! 🐑

[@stardustsiggy]

I really need to print out this powerpoint and put it on my wall.

[@michaelgarrow3239]

Tim- I just watched your talk from a few years ago 32/33 about self sabotage. It resonates in my life since I was 14(?). I have always tried to get past it. I had gotten away from the family. And was getting very good at manifesting. Then the undermining started. Then my girlfriend did some bad things to me, felonies if it was a man, it was physical; it involved lying to police. Then a psychologist with a phd stole everything. I couldn’t defend myself. Now I’m really broken. What can I do? Both of these women punished me when I self improved. It put me back 50 years. My life is ruined. This is serious and important to me. Edit: I have found out what a narcissist is. Never heard of it before. I have accepted, through therapy, that I had a lot of complex trauma in childhood.

[@fleabag6477]

that story with the mother resonates so hard with me except it was me getting upset that my mother would beat the shit out of me and my dad and siblings would tell me its bc she loves me anytime I ever dared to stand up, I conformed now but I resent her quietly.

[@black_sheep_nation]

Don't allow anyone to control your happiness. Even the passing stranger. You fought hard for it. The other day I heard two neighbors screaming at one another. Verbally abusive words flying freely. Over a property line. As I passed, I saw the anger escalate to rage, with police and lawyers being threatened. Even after they parted, he called her names from his ride on lawn mower for a good 20 minutes. I'm not belittling what the issue might be, legitimate disagreements happen. Nor am I saying I'm better. What time is wasted allowing another to control our happiness. I'm positive their lack of control is rooted in childhood trauma. But they aren't awake. And you, and I, are. And no matter how painful, it's a gift.

[@lauracapaldo1831]

In the end when the woman was describing how she got to the point of a panic attack I had to stop listening it had already brought on a, I can't breathe anxiety attack. Shame I should not have this response to someone else's story. Shame I recognize it could just as well of been my story. Shame will I ever get well.

[@Wingedmagician]

15:00 but my brain goes “yeah but… its actually kind of true for most of these” and I sincerely believe it. for most of these. Why is toxic positive thinking and delusional cope the answer? (thank you though. I really value this content regardless)

[@user-dd9wo9im6p]

Ever see a slice of cake at a deli that you've had before and know how great it taste so you buy it and just before you take your first bite your brain is expecting it to taste just as good as the last one you had but when you start to chew it you taste the worst thing ever? That's similar on how the wrong type of positive thinking/talking can harm you. Been through that with my kids by over complimenting them to make up for what I never had. It swelled their heads the wrong way. Looks great, sounds great, but the results are not so great.

[@moom81]

each of those beliefs listed are the delusional cope, though. what tells you any of those must certainly be true?

[@Lyrielonwind]

Toxic positivity is toxic. It's about knowing you can do better if you silence your shame like you silence a recording and whatever you do from resting to doing any task allowing you to say, I needed to charge my batteries or it's not perfect but it's good enough or next time I can do it better (when it's something creative or learning a new skill). It's about giving us the patient, compassion and support we never had during childhood. It's about not talking to yourself because you wouldn't talk the same way to someone you love. It's called self love but we need to create it from the inside using our rational brain. Have a great day ☺️

[@Mika-El-]

You have so overwhelmingly much material, almost impossible to ferret out a basic working strategy from them. Do you have a recommended basic playlist or structure to orient from?

[@annemarrie3895]

I'm struggling so much right now. It doesn't help that I'm also jobless trying to find a job and have absolutely nothing. I feel like I'm literally trying to keep myself from overthinking myself over the edge. I don't know what to do anymore. All mys solutions seem to have hit a wall.

[@Indrid_cold777]

Oh my God...... 😢

[@cody3504]

Wow this is insane to me. Im 28 and i really want to heal asap i want to do so much and i feel so limited.

[@emmasuo272]

After all this I am still trying to cope up with shame like it's hard man its a years of shame

[@HighVibe001]

The worst guilt trip that a parent, especially narcissistic parents, can do is to raise the child to believe 'god said to honor your parents'. They never say the rest of that scripture. This notion that setting boundaries and defending myself against my parent was 'disrespectful', I carried unnecessary shame. It has taken years to deprogram my brain. Thank you for this!

[@terrylynndelman]

Another guilt trip my Communal Narc Mom used to say was, “If you would stop doing this, God might be able to use you”. She is probably still teaching in her cult church. This is what the Lord finally told me and maybe it will help you, too. “We honor our parents by not enabling their bad behavior or allowing them to continue their abusive ways with us or any others under our protection. We honor them by giving them clear boundaries and consequences, if they are not remorseful, repentant and willing to work towards ending their abusive ways.”

[@ordinaryvalley]

In Dante's Inferno, the lowest layer of hell, also known as the Ninth Circle must be the prison of shame.

[@Staying_aliveforwomen]

Mr Tim.There is not much support avail to those who dnt fear escaping the prisons.the same cult exists in church community and workspaces.this reinforces the shame when u dnt comply to s/advances or conform just to survive.vulnerability attracts bugs that bite.many of us here know the horrors of this.

[@June-fe1jv]

I feel like Jessica all the time, I don't know how to get out of this pain.

[@jenndel4]

Tim! I need help so badly. I need to meet u I know u would help me heal and get better! U have helped me so much!! So I can only imagine if u were in person! How do I meet u??

[@susannluckmann7705]

Check out the info box. There is some information that might help.

[@lindsaypeek63]

Thank you Jesus for this message. I have taken steps and literally like in the beginning mother tried to stop me. I knew it was an attack from Satan. I will be outcast and outside of every single person in my family if need be but I will not be controlled by false guilt and shame to please others and hurt myself. I will give care to myself and Gods way. Following manipulation is not following Gods path. They can’t kill our souls unless we allow it. I will not conform

[@ImEverythingYouCrave]

i need help on defeating shame, it wont let me go and all i can think about is ending things

[@fido5067]

So what's the fix?!

[@joostvanherpen3138]

what is the reason we compare ourselves so much with others?

[@nataliatrumpo3893]

The actual, literal fear is RRRREEEAL!! I feel it in my body and mind. I try to rememeber: Fear is not of God… and pray to observe it, process it, NOT to just RUN with it. 🙏🏻

[@ranc1977]

This all applies to social anxiety, too.

[@melissahay328]

Which stems from trauma in my opinion.

[@ranc1977]

@@melissahay328 Yep. ACoA ACE. Exposure to untreated undiagnosed mentally ill parent - like Aspergers (that is very similar to narcissistic assault - with only difference there are OCD like routines and sensitivity to any kind of change and in 5 senses - like something is too loud and then hysteria about it).

[@teemadarif8243]

Is shame the appropriate term for this feeling ? Is it due to guilt being connected to shame? I thought it was moreso 'incompetent " or" unauthentic". Please break down shame in a nutshell

[@wolfthequarrelsome504]

💯

[@simplypositiveme]

The burden !!!!!!