When stress becomes overwhelming

[@dalemartindale5372]

I'm currently going through a major freeze. Just wanted to share that I got all of the trash taken to the curb before the trash pickup. You have no idea how profoundly proud I am of myself right now. I just learned that a small victory is still a victory even if I'm the only one who knows it. ❤😊

[@janetslicer3637]

Congratulations! That is a major accomplishment. I know I have been there.

[@Durtaz]

Yes!! Well done!

[@manalsammane193]

👊❤️

[@trudymeans3520]

That's awesome! Good for you!

[@acools07]

Good for you!!!!

[@Progressivelyyou]

Hey, today I worked out and cooked myself a healthy meal and broomed the floors. I havnt had the energy to do more than one (if any) of those things per day for the past months. So you know what? Yay me 🎉

[@DrScottEilers]

🎉

[@aoeulhs]

"You can't scare yourself out of something that you got scared into..." Words to live by when you're frozen that's for sure.

[@JenniferGearing-ng2cp]

I was taught growing up that praising myself or being proud anything I've done is bragging and having a big head. I recently saved a coworkers life by performing CPR. Everyone was making a huge deal out of it and I wanted no part of it. I felt like crawling in a hole hating the attention I was getting. No one can understand why i don't even want to talk about it. Starting to celebrate myself is a completely foreign concept. I will try though. Dr. Eilers, I think you're a truly wonderful doctor and am so thankful that I found your channel.

[@teddykgb9971]

I started making a list of "Wins" every day: things I accomplished, no matter how small. The more I've done it, the longer the lists have got, especially things I had been putting off. It works.

[@whitneyvise7911]

What a great idea! I need to do this myself.

[@Thalanox]

I used to have a habit of doing that. I had a couple years of daily journal entries of it. Now I get demoralized any time I look at my journal app, knowing that I lost a very big streak.

[@Devi-tg8fh]

It s a very powerful method, you ve got a rush of dopamine for each self validation. I ve tried that to stick to my intensive training, it works, I do it for 2 years

[@PixxieHaxx]

Actually in tears because of how much the sidebar about not knowing how to celebrate yourself spoke to me. This video is helping me battle for myself and i wanted to express my gratitude.❤

[@creativelady7]

I believe in another video Scott suggested keeping a victory journal and, at the end of your day, write down your victories for that day, even the smallest ones. I am amazed at how many things I actually accomplished each day, even the tiniest, that made a difference in my day. Maybe he can link it again under this video.

[@traciprovins3221]

Me too. I had no idea what this comment meant until I watched the video myself. So very, very true that nobody notices anything unless it’s a mistake

[@irishgirl1753]

@@traciprovins3221Traci how can we talk 🙏🤗❤️

[@monicaluketich6913]

I grew up with a narcissistic mother. Nothing I did was good enough when it came to my looks. I must have had a strong personality because I learned quite early that I DID things that were correct FOR ME. She may have had the gorgeous beauty I didn't have, but I had brains and learned how to use my smarts. My brother, I believe, had the some problem with her. We succeeded in spite of her. Yes, I get overwhelmed- I'm a crazy 67 yrs old city 'girl' who is retired from training high tech engineers and astronauts. I now run a meat goat breeding tiny ranch. Mom would have been mortified, but Dad would have loved it. I am proud of my journey through this life. And yes, I still hear her comments and those of bullies I dealt with throughout life - but I appreciate my small accomplishments. I canned 85 pounds of tomatoes this summer for pizza and pasta sauce! 😊

[@Yolduranduran]

I am SO PROUD of myself for being able to protect myself from toxic hurtful people in my life. I quit a job with a toxic boss once without a second thought. I had no idea that I would do so that morning but by 9 am I had already walked out to everyone's surprise. There was NO way I was going to stay in that abusive work environment. I was done. A month later I was hired in a much better job!!!!! Dont be afraid. God has your back. ❤

[@tedwilson1477]

Thanks for being the people's doc the people need! You've been there, overcome, and deal with all the things you talk about yourself. A doc who is the real deal with real world experience and advice, not just regurgitating crap you've just been taught or read. Respect ❤️

[@DrScottEilers]

Thanks! Love the avatar 😁

[@Dani-ICU-RN]

Yes,TY. Realistic,to the point, non judgement.TY. I commented below and it got lengthy sorry I was rambling. Everybody remember just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there. As an ICU nurse for 23 years I could see an x-ray I could see someone's pneumonia or their brain aneurysm on a CAT scan but no one can see or MEASURE your emotional physical or mental pain. The non-believers are what make these ailments so taboo. I can't see or feel the love that I know a Mom has for her newborn baby, yet I know it's there❤. Ty Dr Scott.

[@CarlosChavez-bi7zc]

The Rock came to mind after reading the people’s doc. “Can you SMEEEEEELLL what the Doc is cookin?” 😂

[@sharynmain2432]

Hi … yes regurgitating is my go to word in the last few years. I use it to express how I feel when I know a certain outcome that is set by some one else or group that dictates you have to abide by their rules… while you also realise yourself there are usually 2-3 other instant equal ways to get to the goal. Mostly it is a upper hand way of dealing with you …. And we all become cookie cutters (shapes) being the same. So that the other person gets their way…. And they haven’t extended or offered more than they needed to. When you do the same old same old you gets the same results. It is usually the outliers that offer something different, yet solid that can be if help and guidance. Think of those such as therapists who tackle the ‘eggs in a harder basket’ or the academic(lecturer) who has far more personality and gumption when teaching than most….. but get better results and let’s face it…. It means more to people that respond well to it and it’s a pay forward mentality. My musing for the day….😊

[@shawnettezaccaria2462]

@tedwilson1477 agreed!!!

[@grizzlybear4]

This is really good to know. I grew up with scarcity of praise mixed with lots of punishments and horrible verbal abuse. That was decades ago. Today I am living in an extremes stressful situation, and the old feelings of runaway shame, severe anxiety, and depression have resurfaced. I live in that freeze zone. Yesterday I took laundry to get done, left a message with a legal agency, and sent a form to a housing agency. These are things that took me days to work up to.

[@judywilson7822]

Boy, can I relate.....

[@sleepytime5518]

This was so liberating. I was getting stressed out because I felt like no one was appreciating me in life. But hearing you articulate that it’s not because I’m not doing enough... it’s more likely because everyone else is fighting the same feelings/their own battles... that took so much weight off me. And it really put into perspective the reason positive self talk is so important. No one is guaranteed to do it for you, but they are also not obligated to do it for you. But you are on the hook for you, and you owe it too yourself. It’s not being self-aggrandizing. It’s appreciating yourself and being your own advocate. Thanks so much for sharing this message.

[@sharynmain2432]

Well said. Another way I have come to feel about the topic of appreciation, either receiving or giving… is that if you are in a place/environment that you know that whatever you accomplish will never really be acknowledge or even appreciated… you may very well be with someone who doesn’t or can’t/won’t do that for you. If say , you went into a marriage per say and initially your looks and personality or ability to make money was a huge value to your partner… and something happened to change those traits… say a stroke or a mental health disorder that left you in a change state of being…. No matter what you do to show your worth… whatever dance or act you strain to do… that partner may very well never see you in the same light and therefore you learn that your ‘values’ mean different things to different folks. A sporting family may not appreciate a book worm or an academic family may not appreciate a creative person . You have to make peace with what round hole you will spend your life energy on … in trying to shove that square peg into. Go where your are celebrate…. Not tolerated 😊

[@carmony13]

Accidentally found your channel 2 weeks ago. I've learned more in 2 weeks than I have in 30 years. Hugely stuck in Freeze Mode for a long time. I live my life in permanent Fight or Flight (freeze) mode. Your explanation in the previous video made everything make so much more sense. Thank you for this video. I didn't comment on the last one, but I've been trying for two days to figure out what "celebrate myself" means and looks like. I'm sad to know there were many people like me. But at the same time, happy to know I wasn't alone in that. I look forward to learning how to get Amygdala under my own control instead of letting it control me. Thank you for sharing your knowledge in this way.

[@mwahha6965]

Yeh I’m new to the channel too. You can celebrate basic things at first like, small win, brushed teeth

[@Lino75]

What is the previous video you mentioned? I'm in your same shoes. Constant tension and stress.

[@DanniCohen-d7y]

I myself live with generalised anxiety disorder 24/ 7,stay strong !!!

[@bryanmccaffrey4385]

The fact you're focused on the "difficult cases is truly amazing. I've heard a few therapists now say they won't treat certain people because of what they struggle with. If they're not going to help, who will? Similar story. My little bro took his life 7 years ago. I stayed blackout drunk while working somehow for four years. Alcohol free for two now. Working to eventually get to my PsyD. My prof told me it's harder than getting into med school...I couldn't find anyone to help me either but cobbled resources together. Hoping to make it easier for other folks going through such a brutal thing.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

It really lets us know that those brutal times aren't wasted. Because he went through terrible depression and no one could help him for years, it helps him to help others even better. Now he's driven to want to help the hardest cases, that just seems amazing.

[@sharynmain2432]

Well done on the PsychD … I’m-reading that as Degree ? in psychology. Even with good intentions sometimes those who have had specific and challenging times are the very ones that can help others… a time to lean on them until they are strong enough to go it alone. Keep chipping away… if you feel it’s the right thing to carry on with…and you feel it in your bones… then keep going. Your brother would be proud of you and . ‘At the end of the day we are all walking each other home’ a profound saying I once heard. Kinda nice ….

[@gaylereid8264]

OH, my, YES !!! That IS nice

[@marywiggins7411]

Keep going

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

I'm very sorry you went through the painful loss of your brother. I trust you've come to terms w/ his passing now. I've struggled w/ suicidal urges quite a bit. Sometimes the depression was so bad, I didn't figure my leaving would even make much impact. Depression still there, but thinking less distorted now. It's often the only thing that keeps me hanging in, knowing I'd pass considerable pain onto others. Depression is a terrible thing. Like seems to be a sacrifice, no matter what. So glad you made it out of alchoholism, and that you have such firm life goals now.

[@dizshiz]

Your Freeze response video come along at the right time for me … Thank you … I have just lost my mother and already had a lot if complicated things going on in my life … i think i have just shut down … Been watching videos on grief and healing and your video was in my recommended list … It helped me to see that the accumulation of events has peaked and helped me to set about doing things to get myself out of this fog ❤

[@DrScottEilers]

This video is a continuation of that one so I hope it is just as helpful 🤞

[@sharynmain2432]

Hi … I’m sad to hear you lost your Mum… they are a huge role in our lives. Even if the relationship is mainly healthy or not it is a very large chapter closing and it can be a roller coaster of emotions. Wherever you are along in the grieving process…. Be kind to you and allow yourself to grieve in the moment. It can be hard and shitty sometimes … but this person nurtured you and you have every right to pay homage to a lost one.Take care.

[@Murrica2024]

I’m a “hard case.” Not even the threat of “punishment” is enough to motivate me anymore. It’s the weirdest feeling. I wish I could talk to you. I don’t have social media. It’s nice to know someone like you exists though. That alone gives me some degree of solace.

[@cindisowder2182]

Love this. I have struggled for years to tell myself I’m doing something well. I hear all the voices in my head saying I’m not enough and had too many controlling managers. The sense of calm this has created this morning is wonderful. Thank you.

[@kr1221E]

When you say controlling managers, do you mean the manager parts that Dr Richard Schwartz mentions in IFS?

[@cindisowder2182]

@@kr1221EI mean actual controlling people/managers. As an example, I had a manager tell me I would move a whole record center by myself in two weeks because they were selling the building I was in. It involved keying over 30,000 files to boxes as well as moving them and the boxes to a storage facility. She also wanted me to scan all of our promissory notes and keep up with all my other services and duties. Very unreasonable request for one person. I told her it wasn’t possible. She said I would do it and get it done. With my abusive background I felt I had no option even though I protested. I was already a very anxious person who has had one nervous breakdown. I did get it done by coming in at the crack of dawn, no breaks, leaving late, etc. I got it done but within a week ended up in the hospital with another nervous breakdown and of course the manager took no responsibility and actually gave me a hard time about my breakdown like it came out of nowhere. I understand some will just say it was my responsibility to maintain my mental health. I really didn’t understand I had the right to at the time. I now know differently. Having learned tools, I no longer let my old training run me and I think about my physical and mental health instead of treating myself as if I’m a robot or letting others do that to me. I have learned that it’s ok to say no or bring the matter to other people such as a director (who had no idea that was happening because I was off-site) or HR who would have come up with a better solution. Very hard lesson learned.

[@stevec404]

People, like me, who have been starved of affection...inner affection...need to follow your suggestions; speak and hear the inner praise and learn to accept and find joy in it. Then the negative dynamic of the past will be gone. Hearing that our tremendous efforts will start to 'sink in'...to the subconscious mind, is gold!

[@Curiosity1791]

💜Thank you, Dr. Scott! Please do keep coming back for part 77, 78, 100 if necessary...I'm up and down like a yo-yo! One day, I've got it all together! I'm floating on air, sailing through life like a pro. The very next day, I'm drowning in stress and anxiety. Overwhelmed by everything I need and want to do. I get so excited by my success on that one day, I overdo it, exhaust myself, and end up back at square one the next day, with too much on my plate. Please help me find my balance!🙄💜

[@Thoughtworld1984]

You have 'named that thing.' Your insight is inspiring.

[@hansonel]

Such a helpful video. Feel myself finally coming out of 6 - 7 year freeze response combined with depression. Had an incredibly toxic boss very much like you described (quit when she shouted at me when I wasn't working "fast enough") at 3:00 a few years ago which added on to my CPTSD and was starting to come out of it right before the pandemic... but he events of 2020 sent me (and millions of others) into an anxious/ depressive tailspin with my inner child going: "See! I told you the world is a scary place full of crazy people." Went into full out shut down mode during the pandemic but am finally digging out of all the trauma accumulated over my life and the weight of depression that comes with it.

[@amandaastbury2189]

The last few years im sure put many of us back. Financial issues make it difficult to feel like you are in charge of your own life too. Also that inner childs voice speaks so much sense 😉

[@ShinyaKyo]

I can relate to that inner child a lot. Good job on digging yourself out - having the courage to. (Because I'm there and don't feel like I do. More like helplessly flailing around on my back lying in a deep ditch.)

[@sharynmain2432]

I am sorry you had to endure that workplace and the unfortunate boss. So many people are not meant to be bosses…. Many think they are ‘leaders’ and yet they only take advantage of the power role they have to exert all of their undesirable… crap… onto others, their own crud that they will not take ownership for themselves. I refer to people who have traits that are corrosive and demoralising as ‘ a dime a dozen’ folks … as there are plenty of them with no risk of there ever being a shortage. 😊

[@freescot8035]

The pandemic was huge. As was everything that went before for you and for many other folk too. You are not alone. Be good to yourself and keep on healing =)

[@jennebeattie3168]

I lost my 14 year old son recently. Life is harder than hard. Been in bed for 3 days in a freeze response. I am up, make-uped and dressed every single day. The last 3 days, I just can't. I can barely lift my body. I hate living like this. CONSTANT pain. Mental and physical. Thank you for your video 🙏🏻❤

[@FreeBrunoPowroznik]

Be careful, Chick. I spent 9 months lying in bed 20 years ago when my sister died and it caused me all sorts of musculoskeletal and mental health issues (severe depression for 7 years). The doctor is right, you need to praise yourself for just sitting up if you are bed-bound, because that is akin to climbing kilamanjiro when you're in that sort of state! It's a really tragic thing for you to be going through and my heart goes out to you ❤.

[@jennebeattie3168]

@@FreeBrunoPowroznikin two years, this is the longest I lay in bed. I'm a fighter, for the sake of my remaining son ❤️. Was up today, went to the garden centre, ran some errands. Every step was difficult. Tomorrow I plan to do something in the garden. Whether I want to or not. I'm 47. No reason for me to lay in bed. I'm just so weak. Mind over matter tomorrow. Thank you for your response and I am deeply sorry for the loss of your sister. I bet you miss her every single day. My thoughts are with you and your family ❤️ 🕊️ ❤️

[@amberinthemist7912]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[@aegchannel]

Thank you so much, Dr. E.!!! I suffer from complex childhood PTSD and at 66 years old, still wake up in freeze mode everyday. I discovered your channel yesterday, watched this video and one other on small victories over and over again. Because of you, I was able to get out of bed this morning without turning around and crawling right back in under the covers for the next four hours. I cannot thank you enough!! Please continue to make this kind of content; you are literally a life saver. God bless you 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@j-sdassylva9232]

The worst part in freeze response is to let everything go because its too much, having PSI, and finally deciding to give life another try and having to catch up everything i let go, while being exhausted...

[@brendalg4]

What is PSI?

[@susanzoeckler4926]

I feel like I find my tribe here on your channel. The comments from all those who truly "get it" make me feel so much less alone. Those who know that tackling things as simple as the laundry, a sinkful of dishes, taking a shower, etc., can feel almost impossible -- these people give me hope. Thank you, each & every one of you. My To-Do-List mountain feels impossible to climb. No amount of effort could ever be enough. I feel like someone who has been placed in a medically enforced coma. I am in stasis. Any activity is a win.

[@ericajane5465]

Sending you many warm wishes ❤

[@VanillaButtercreamFrosting]

Absolutely!!!

[@peggymerritt9019]

Yes, be nice to have a safe community board where we could help, listen & support each other. Your words reflect 100% of my life. Thank you for sharing❤

[@loisannarter725]

I love it! We should also do the same for others. Search out, seek the good that they’ve accomplished instead of always looking for the bad.🥰

[@leigh5991]

No one. In my whole life. Has ever. Taught me how to celebrate anything for myself

[@daniellejones6339]

Me either, this is a new concept to me. My mother raised me to live for her validation. Messed me up. She was mean.

[@daniellejones6339]

I need more help with my crippling.Anxiety i'm in freeze for response With panic attacks!!! This helps so much as I have never been nice to myself, my mother would always gaslight any victories i had, so i learned to never trust myself and searched for outside validation. I have had so much trauma in life, I have done some e m d r therapy that helped with some things but i'm still working on things.

[@Rayan-hd1xe]

This is brilliant !! Its been 4years that i am getting treatment for anxiety and depression and I am still in freeze state. Your video brought tears.

[@christinebrady6842]

You know, as an elementary teacher, I did that for my kids all the time. Never, ever thought that I could benefit from some self praise. Thank you.

[@acools07]

The talk of celebrating after your John Madden story made me cry. I just tuned in a few minutes before this part. I can't wait to watch this from the beginning. You going through your own suffering has made you an amazing practioner!

[@lizaC0001]

I agree with you that Dr. Scott is an amazing practioner because he has suffered with the same things he is helping others with. I once listened to another online counselor who said that you cannot judge or help anyone unless you have walked a mile in their shoes.

[@Thoughtworld1984]

I want to say how good this is us and how much I appreciate it. I will add that there are a lot of bad-willed people out there who go out of their way to put others down. It's just true. And thats all the more reason to advocate for ourselves, and each other, and celebrate our small accomplishments nobody else will ever know about.

[@youtubename7819]

Today I got up out of bed and had some breakfast. I wrote down my work plans for the week. I took care of some scheduling changes. I remembered that I need to do the laundry today! I’ll do that later while my code is running. I’m also dealing with some family vacation planning. Wow, look at that well roundedness. The footwork is impeccable.

[@sentaleuck8101]

Getting out of my 4-year freeze response. Feels good! Also feels scary as eff, so thanks for all the support! I got this. I grew up with Oprah cheering her audience & guests on, so I’ll try having her as my cheerleader. 😂 Although I do remember Madden and his 5 legged turkeys on Thanksgiving. 🦃 He was a lot of fun.

[@margaretdonovan1649]

It is scary! Do you know what happened for you to start coming out of your freeze? I think for me it was 2 years of DBT and 2 sessions of TMS.

[@sentaleuck8101]

@@margaretdonovan1649 Thanks for sharing! I’m excited for you. I’ve heard of both of these therapies, even did a DBT group through Kaiser. I’d love to learn more about TMS. I’ve tried so many things to get back to work. EFT, journaling, yoga nidra, medical hypnosis and breathing techniques (which are all very helpful and I still use them), but it’s EMDR that’s been serious relief. And also the info on this channel, such as creating a daily routine around self-care & management of symptoms. Game changer! I wish you the best! So happy you’ve found relief.

[@jodinash3619]

I am so happy for you

[@margaretdonovan1649]

@sentaleuck8101 Thanks. Yes, I feel pretty good about TMS. It is very expensive. I am interested in EMDR. I am not very consistent with journaling and self care and I know I'd feel better if I could make the commitment.

[@sentaleuck8101]

@@margaretdonovan1649 Sounds like you’re doing great with your commitment to healing. I know it’s a journey. Mine definitely hasn’t been a straight line. I’m doing Virtual EMDR, which is great & inexpensive (69 USD/month), but read up on it to see if you’d prefer doing it with a therapist. Just to know what to expect & what to do if you feel overwhelmed. My side effects have been brief & manageable & well worth the positive impact. I just felt very agitated one day and of course crying is to be expected!

[@leigh5991]

I've come to this channel as I find myself at the absolute end. My mother passed away from end stage COPD. The last months were horrifying and before I got her into frail care, my was her primary carer by night and worked in the day. I was not able to sleep. There was resentmemt. Some of the last words we spoke to each other were angry. Now I am left to wi nd up the estate. I am living alone in her old house, and estranged from the rest of my family. The Court will probably take the house where I have now lived for decades if cannot come up with the millions to cover the debt and tax. I was diagnosed with PTSD. I had a thyroid storm last week and was diagnosed with stage 4 endometrosis concurrently. I am drowning in stress. I don't even look like myself anymore.

[@just_another1]

Thank you being so open about what's happening. I would like to celebrate the fact you are watching this video. You are worth the effort you put in yourself and your healing. This comment touched my heart, I am cheering for you. Celebrating you are here. Sending your love and healing vibes.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

Wait, you said, millions, not even 10's of thousands to cover debt. I hope that was a typo somehow, and that if you sell the estate, you will come out some profit and settle the debt. I'm sorry you are going through all this. Please be kind to yourself about how you and your mom had some angry words at the end. You obviously loved her, as you were her final caretaker and you took on the task that no one else did. So you know you did that, and you know you loved her. People that you love the most can get to you the most too, so it's normal to have some sparks fly. Please let yourself off the hook about that. You have enough to deal w/.

[@Di-Pi]

Same here-living in my paren’s condo that is falling apart as I write. The whole house is cluttered w/ all kinds of 1980’s junk as my mother was a hoarder. I hit the wall after working on it for 4 yrs. Now I’m in trouble with the mortgage and piling up debt. I’m 71 but look like I’m 90. I am so in overwhelm. Went to an intake appt. and got the wrong address and was driving around in a fog looking for the dang place. Finally came home and found this video. Whew! 😵‍💫🫣

[@ColinCowan]

Hi I to cared for my Mom in the last 5 years of her life other family members to busy with there own families not really care about me or my Mom families all gone there own way as far as I am concerned I got no family just be strong my friend you get there no one else can do this only YOU. CAN ​@@saintejeannedarc9460

[@deidredaly1386]

You helped me a lot by reminding me I have been sober for 10 years--just when I was starting to think about having a drink.

[@billypirone7960]

I needed that comment. Thanks

[@sarathguttikonda4065]

Much needed video for one who was battling depression since 4 years and place where i was overlooked , overworked and left alone in my life . i was suicidal for couple of years and when i opened up my friends left me alone while i was battling through all issues

[@MarianneMcVeigh-xz2yv]

Thank you for another great video, Dr Scott. I had a messed up childhood with a punitive, abusive father. Thank goodness for my loving mother and that i modelled her kind, caring behaviour. However, I am self critical due to my Dad"s punitive voice and harsh judgements lingering in my psyche. I very rarely reward or praise myself but now I'm going to make a conscious effort to praise my achievements each day. Thank you. ❤

[@MsLadyhorse]

5 years at my latest retail job. Managers don't say a word to me, unless something didn't get done. I made myself physically sick dealing with customers who were treating me like a servant, and co-workers who I was picking up slack for who never seemed to notice. My doctor finally diagnosed me with fibromyalgia, put me on painkillers that I only took a few of, cuz that only made it worse, and told me there was nothing else she could do. I gave up. And I DO NOT ever want to do that again. But what else can I do? I need pay of some kind...

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

You could look into another job, but I think retail/ service jobs are pretty similar that way. I notice most customers are pretty polite to retail people and will usually say please and thank you. So many of us started out retail, so we remember what it's like. There will be some people who don't treat you as well, but the most important thing is that you treat you well and give yourself credit. It is a service industry, and we are there to do a job. We can give ourselves credit for putting the effort in, day in and day out. We can change our expectations. If your managers are generally not complaining, then you're doing your job. It is their job to speak up when things slip, so if you can expect that, then it won't be as hard on you. The managers often have the worst and longest shifts, and are blamed if things aren't running smoothly, or their store isn't profitable enough. So it helps to give grace to others as well as ourselves. Please find a way to nurture yourself. Fibromyalgia is no joke. It took me out of the workforce decades ago. Some can muddle through and still manage to work. Hopefully the doctors are wrong, and it's more stress related and can be rectified, before the condition worsens and becomes entrenched.

[@carolcasey5441]

Don't give up. ❤❤❤

[@MsLadyhorse]

@@saintejeannedarc9460 I can't work anymore. I left that job in 2017, and still get vertigo and muscle spasms in my lower back and thighs that make it very hard to move. I now crochet and knit, and spend my Saturdays at our local flea market, selling my crafts. But winter is on its way, and that will close down for the season. My son is currently picking up the slack for me, paying my car insurance and getting my dog's food when I haven't made enough, but I don't want to be totally reliant on him. I'm working on it, but it's just so hard some days. All I want to do is cry.

[@sharynmain2432]

Hello I am sorry that you had that experience. Losing our health to those who only take can be devastating. There are resources who may shed some light on fibromyalgia. One is a Brit psychologist Alex Howard ,when he was a bit younger and newer in looks… who suffered from this himself. It is a matter of just putting feelers out and connecting with those you resonate with. Good luck.

[@kathyglass2922]

I'm freezing chronically. Just find your voice and instructions to unfreeze me a bit. Need massive doses of something to calm my amygdala down. I avoid like crazy. And everything seems more important to do than the task. And they are important, but the schedule isn't working.

[@faithevolution552]

Thanks! You saved my mental health today. You have a solutely forced me to mind my own business and be my own coach...59 years of what you've spoken about in this video..thank you 💖🙏💖

[@DrScottEilers]

Thank you so much!!

[@bernadettebockis4120]

All I can say is I have to follow this one by the letter. It's make or break, right now. The bills are due, and I must perform some tasks.

[@leahzaloudek6978]

Here it is. I found it. The one that made me cry the right way.

[@AndreaSwiedler]

Thank you for all these videos. Even if i may not be completely frozen all the time, i do freeze up. I was listening to this and thought, what can i celebrate about myself, there isnt anything to celebrate. You are 100% correct, I was not taught to do that. And the thought that i cant do anything worth celebrating actually made me chuckle. Thank you.

[@sharynmain2432]

You took time out to watch the video Andrea… you are helping you get healthier which is great… it allows you to then add even more to the world. In a collected way … as a caretaker of yourself and others- (not as in a commercial/economic/money making way).😊

[@daniellejones6339]

You actually care that's so sweet

[@corylemons7242]

This is me with 6 months of stress. Hair thinning and had a full head of hair before. No life and nothing but regrets. Feeling a bullet is all I have left.

[@stevec404]

"...to be the John Madden of your life..." How many, like myself, just teared up. Frustraion, anger, anguish, psychological pain, inner sorrow, uncountable failures.; the list goes on. To heal from all that is possible. The journey is exceedingly difficult; and we do it anyway to save what we can of our lives. Feeling deserving of self worth and praise is difficult with a history of rejection and isolation. I'll try the John Madden thing. Thanks.

[@rhonmc2782]

I am one of those HARDEST Cases you talk of. 70 yrs old, Major Depreesive Disorder resistant to over 12 meds, ECT, DBT and so many psych programs I could write a book. Yet I'm literally crippled with the anxiety that was added at least 6 yrs ago. If I was an animal you would have me put down for compassion to stop the pain and suffering. I look forward to hearing your talks. Grasping at straws. Giving up daily. I live in literally terror with freeze response . Being completely socially isolated is perhaps at the core of why I can't escape, especially when so many stresses are actually terrifying because I am unable to do them alone

[@fattidiliberta]

I so much relate to this.... 😢

[@rhonmc2782]

@@fattidiliberta 💜

[@ericajane5465]

Sending you both love and warm wishes ❤

[@rhonmc2782]

@@ericajane5465 ⚘️

[@traciprovins3221]

I was too embarrassed to ask how to celebrate myself. Even at 37, I asked my mom. She didn’t seem to know what I was talking about at all. Acted like I was crazy.

[@yhwhtlc9217]

In 2014 I was dx with Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome, aka high level of prolonged stress...late stage 4, my body had began to shut down. It took me 4.5 years working on myself and finding new coping mechanism, I still have issues including insomnia, but the biggest thing I learned was to say the word NO, to ppl who criticized, degraded me, abuse, and to put the responsibilities back to who it belongs to

[@cynthiapetro8708]

Thank you for sharing your compassionate heart and the very helpful "John Madden technique". Lorette LaRoche gave me a similar tool that I call the "Ta Da Cape". As a stay at home mother my chores and activities were often invisible. LaRoche advised, imagine yourself in a beautiful velvet cape, magic wand in hand. Grab your husband and walk through the house pointing at the things you accomplished that day, saying "Ta Da!" Even my husband has learned to use this technique after he has corrected a plumbing problem or cooked and cleaned the kitchen, he'll say, "Can I show you my ta da's?" Eventually, just verbally listing them can produce the same feeling of accomplishment.

[@vivianeprudentiabuelens9142]

YEAH YOU ARE RIGHT ON IT NO MOTIVATION, NO DOPAMINE ! 4:31

[@MICROJMC1952]

I have been watching your channel for about a year now. Thank you for all the ways you have helped me. This episode is phenomenal. I grew up with constant criticism, so that is all I do in my head (criticize myself). After 71 1/2 years on this planet, you have given me this important insight. It's so worth a try. Thank you.

[@TexasAries4]

Thank you so much for these videos. This is so new to me. I’ve never celebrated myself, never felt like I deserved it. But I’m going to try although it feels weird.

[@EEMASProductions]

There is this thing therapist recommend that you journal the good things that happened to you every day and things that you are grateful for. I never saw the point in that. Today I learnt it is because no one ever taught me how to celebrate myself. While I did achieve great things the world never rewarded me for them so I always thought: Well, I suck, I am not good enough. I will try the celebrate yourself approach from now on.

[@AlsoSprachCiarathustra]

This was lovely. Informative and compassionate. I am exhausted by constantly fighting myself (or so it feels). Now I feel I can reframe it as a part of my brain in overload.

[@Theeruditehomemaker]

I’m new to your channel and just wanted to congratulate you on how good it is. I’m from a psychology background and have to say, your work is impressive on many levels, particularly in terms of how relatable it is. Now, if only I could get my loved one, who needs to hear your stuff, to listen to it! 😂 Any chance you’d foster a gorgeous 20yr old man, who is a very very lost??? Asking for his long-suffering, but ever-encouraging mother 😜 Keep up your important work. It’s making a difference.

[@sharynmain2432]

Had to chuckle to that. 😊 Yes a foster parent role. I think a lot of males would benefit from sound advice… and no it is not a gender competition… but very few people stand out for their solid down to earth common sense and I would think it fare to say males may feel seeking guidance as a more shameful act that those of females… but we shall step back from that debate😊 . You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. Your son might appreciate it though from a different degree… sometimes someone that is purely a bystander with no gains or perspectives to align with can be more ‘non threatening’ Or ‘pedestrian’ and seems non bias. Too close to the trees to see the forest kind of thing. Just a thought.

[@juliezzz444]

This was a great part 2 about being frozen. In fact it felt perfect.

[@matthiusantonin2652]

Wow, did I do good in deciding to watch this video. I’ve never heard something like this. The value and wisdom in the message is enormous.

[@purplecyanblack3805]

I've come to realize I was in a long freeze response, recently. How long that response lasted, I really can't say. Feels like at least five years, to be honest. I was having the hardest time adjusting to the realization that I've been in this response. This last week has been utter hell, because of it. Trying to come to terms with where I am in life while trying to not spiral into a vortex of negative thoughts was exhausting. But then I saw your video, and it really turned things around for me almost instantly. I immediately celebrated the fact that I got out of bed, ate a light breakfast, and just have been relaxing to recover from the last week. Thank you for making this video. It's a good kickstart to my new life.

[@sharynmain2432]

Well done… it’s the small things…. They get momentum and it leads to more.

[@cindybriden372]

Thank God for social media for real!!! I learn more from social media, people like you, then I do from therapists. I deal with issues of narcissistic abuse and through social media I have grown to learn more about narcissism then the therapists do. I digress. Thank you so much for the video!!

[@universaltruth2025]

You’re describing my Presbyterian minister father. That’s how he was my entire childhood. Highly critical or nothing. So damaging for a child. And I did get shut down into an almost permanent freeze response. It’s been really difficult to change this programming and I resent him for having shut down a lot of my life force. That is literally what it felt like he tried to do.

[@rnt45t1]

You should do a video like the "mourning a loss of something you never had" except focused on the countless men who will never get a date, laid, let alone married and a family. Despite working as hard as they can to improve themselves.

[@Theeruditehomemaker]

I am sorry if you are in that space.

[@rnt45t1]

@@Theeruditehomemaker been 7 years since a woman even so much as looked at me... 13 since I've had a girlfriend. I work out everyday, make 6 figures, and I'm tall. I cannot be the only one in "this space." This HELL is more like it.

[@judylandry302]

Hey guys, I want you to think about this before you react. Women need to feel respected, emotionally safe, and heard as equals. 70% of divorces are initiated by women because of abuse, and infidelity. The religious Evilangelicals and the misogynistic far right Republicans (not all Republicans) have successfully legislated to force onto women that their needs are not important and that even their bodies are not their own. Women feel oppressed by men. No one wants to be owned or controlled. Women are not property or possessions. They are not sperm receptacles, brood mares, servants or subordinate. Women like to be mentally and intellectually challenged, just like you do. A woman needs to respect you, to develope an emotional connection with you. Women need to be appreciated, before they appreciate you. If your goal is just sex. Hire a hooker. If your goal is some one to take care of you. Hire a house keeper. If you need someone that loves you, unconditionally, get a dog. Relationships are hard work. Are you willing to do improve your self? Or do you want instant gratification? Even the most physically unattractive men can and are highly desirable because they are genuinely kind, honest and caring.

[@msbeecee1]

​@@rnt45t1 join a social club & get out there.

[@TheGiveittomeall]

Hey, good men are still valued. Keep your heads up and power on. Good women are out there. Keep searching.

[@wutz4tea]

"We are not that much more complicated than Pavlov's dogs." I love it! I love your shirt, too, btw... 😊

[@michele0324]

Your knowledge, insight and experience coupled with your delivery is perfection! ❤

[@deek6115]

THIS ONE😭😭 Thank you! Dr. Eilers....saving lives one KZbin video at a time.

[@RajeevRanjan-ge5ew]

You are such a blessing to make pinpoint problem solving videos ...thanks to all psychologists they are protectors of our fragile minds .

[@deep_diver6694]

I don't know how to say this, I don't know that there exist a correct way. *My disclaimer* If you are reading this and are in rough waters pls stop reading now. But when I tune in I am finding this channel INCREDIBLY helpful with this amazing gentleman dedicating his knowledge/wisdom towards helping others. However, every single time I see his face I see my real life therapist for they are identical in appearance, style, and demeanor. Unfortunately it was 1 month ago that I learned that this wonderful soul who helped me so much took his own life. I can't begin to explain how tornadic my mind becomes when I think about this. The gentleman above and my therapist look identical...I want to continue tuning in but without the avalanche of emotions. Thanks for listening...

[@Gypsy680]

Hi Dr Scott I listen to you often but only just discovered this video Thank you so much It can be so hard for us to celebrate ourselves in this overwhelming and sometimes terrible world Someone once told me to try and smile at a stranger once in a while Do please try it You don't have to compromise yourself in any way and most people will smile back! Sometimes it really is all you need to get to the next moment And this seemingly insignificant act just might be helping someone to reach their next moment That is indeed something to celebrate Take care

[@nobodysgirl7972]

Thank you so much. "You do amazing things every day" wow, thanks for the reminder. So much appreciated. I always struggle expecting too much of myself so this was really helpful. Its still hard to believe that what I do is enough. Okay, today's achievement was goong to work, doing a good job there, not crying endlessly and taking some time to watch this ❤ Love your channel

[@MattWiggyWiggins]

"John Madden yourself" is 1000% my new favorite saying. Thank you. (And as a looooong time John Madden fan, I can totally hear his voice in my head doing it, too. In fact, I'm pretty sure he's gonna be drawing Xs, Os, & routes all over my memories while I do this. lol)

[@deannadolan5119]

When we are raised in that type of situation, we seek it out in almost every area of our lives as adults because it's familiar and we equate familiarity with safety. So we repeat the cycle even though that situation doesn't actually create safety. Changing the narrative in our minds feels like climbing Everest when we're in freeze mode. It's imperative that we learn how to do this. Thanks for your channel.

[@jds6964]

This has helped me out. A close personal friend of mine passed away unexpectedly on Saturday October 23rd 2021. I have not been the same since. He was always pushing me to improve myself and my situation with work and with life. Now that he is gone I just do not know what to do to improve my situation. I hate my job and I hate my life. About the only reason why I have not killed myself is that if I did that then I would never see my friend / boy again on what comes next when we die.

[@visenya8]

On the question on how to celebrate oneself, i found something simple and a bit silly that works for me. Just choose a song you like that you associate with victory. It could be a soundtrack from your favourite movie that played when the hero saved the day, or a song with a very uplifting lyrics, etc. Let this song be your victory theme and everythime you accomplish something however small, just play your victory theme and let yourself enjoy the feeling of "I did this."

[@malcolmmortgage]

I don't know you but I love you. I'm so glad to have discovered you. It's like you know me without knowing me. I've struggled with the "freeze response" all my life, not even knowing what it is or why I act this way. Thank you for enlightening me on this. I've always felt that I'm okay in my own head but then I venture out into the world and the world seems to tell me so often how not-good-enough I am and I've struggled with the discrepancy. I've mostly come to believe the world is right, that there is something wrong with me and I'll never be good enough to make it. Now I have John Madden; I'm going to give that a shot *fingers crossed*

[@Faith_First001]

I’m that hard case you speak of. I’ve had this crippled anxiety for 2 years now since I stopped drinking. It was bad before,but now the fog and inability to speak full sentences some times-THAT Is what is scaring me. If I had money I’d try therapy again. I’m just broke,considering ending it,but I don’t have a plan because I know I couldn’t follow through with it. Still, I’m the drive to NOT deal with this anymore is strong and unwavering. I’ve dealt with this my whole life,just not to this level or timeline. Then,out of the blue I’m good. I have a full week of feeling ok. Ok,or really good. Supplementing B12,D3 and Magnesium Theronate has helped,but still not enough. Your channel is awesome. If you ever find time,I’ll pay you for a zoom call. I think it would help me feel encouraged. I’m lonely and when I quit drinking had to lose all my friends

[@mike_qbik]

Guy Pierce helping me out. Perfect. Thank you Scott.

[@eldante4139]

One thing I would add, and perhaps you have discussed this elsewhere, but sometimes physical strains or tension can be translated into stress by the body. An example of this is that if you sleep badly you can suffer neck strain, your mind then picks up that you have stress in your body and can generate reasons in the mind why that stress exists. When there was no underlaying stress aside from the tension in your body. I know that you understand this a LOT LOT more than I do but I wanted to add my experience. I often sit in bed far too long as I have suffered from stress, anxiety and depression over the past few years and it’s been extremely tough but I am trying to move forwards from there. Thank you for your content and for helping others. Oh and the neck tension and stress goes back to the ‘Bridge’ analogy that is often used in CBT etc

[@visualapologetics4891]

Thank you for doing another video about the freeze response!! I have listened to the other several times now, and I am sending it to so many friends. This is such a good information!

[@stevec404]

I drowned in college. Started out with (new) friends who truly liked me. When they realized how fast I was drowning, they dumped me. Can't blame them. It's been many many decades since my college years. It still hurts. I've learned to let go and move on. For the most part. It taught me to treat others with grace.

[@sharonsteindl9093]

I never write comments but this content is so helpful and inspiring !! THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!

[@beatricewhitcombe]

I wish had more words or ways to express to you just how helpful you’ve been to me. So I watch your videos and never skip ads, in the hopes it’ll help you even a smidge as much

[@DrScottEilers]

You're the best!

[@fevah26]

In learning about freeze response, I was annoyed at first but tried to look at it differently and see the beauty in something outside my awareness trying to save my life, even though often counterproductive in this day and age, how could I despise instinctual self-preservation? That's actually pretty cool built-in feature and took a very long time in course of human history to become instinct and fighting it all the time even when ineffectual, is just a human being trying to figure out how to evolve... we're working our evolution and that's so damn hard. But there's beauty in that struggle bc we're all still here, still trying and I try to bring that back into my awareness, to celebrate my own complexity .. and hope others realize just how beautiful and badass they really are as well .. I see it in others now, more than I ever did before.. My childhood was pretty rough .. abusive dad, invalidating depressive mother. She cared about me bc I was her kid, but never really for who I was. Finally came to terms with that, realized their flaws and failures never had anything to do with me.. that's a reflection of their insecurities, struggles, traumas, not mine. I'm not inherently unworthy, just misunderstood and that's on them, not my child-self. So I tried to visualize removal of all the psychic crap and characteristics that didn't belong to me and returned it to sender, which helped me separate myself from what belonged to me and what I was simply carrying. It was very hard to do at first and quite confusing. I really had to get to know myself... slowly... eventually developed better appreciation, compassion, understanding of my own value and my own flaws and that allowed me to do the same for others.. trauma and depression made me very self-absorbed, I don't mean superficial, just super self-focused, it was a narrowing of perspective, and I wasn't upset with myself for having done that.. bc I needed to (and later realized so did my mom, she couldn't be there for me in the way i needed but I forgive her bc I forgave myself). The only way out, was in. And I quietly remind myself it took a lot of courage and dedication to do what I did .. I'm still learning, still making mistakes and will until the day I die but I try to be proud of myself for it all ... if you're reading this, I hope you're proud of yourself too, even if it feels weird at first, keep going bc it's real.. let it be allowed to exist. You're a badass anyway, whether or not you know it so you might as well celebrate.

[@elizabethwall8063]

This is great advice, and I love the John Madden analogy! I’ve always struggled with low self-esteem and I’ve tried hard in recent years to love myself more, but actually appreciating myself and all the things I do and have overcome is a new tactic for me. I’ve been doing this since your last video about getting out of the freeze response, and it really is helping. Thank you so much!! ❤

[@computernerd5009]

I would like to see a video on exercises on dealing with stressful commutes of over 2 hours when there is a road closure in my area.

[@Peace4All57]

I subscribed to you several weeks back but admittedly had not listened to an entire presentation until this one caught my eye. I won't divulge my age because it would be embarrassing that my life has brought me to this point of depression but just as in one of my favorite flicks, What About Bob, I'll say what the character 'Bob' ,played by Bill Murray, stated to Dr. Leo Marvin, played by Richard Dryfuss, stated, "I think you can help me." Thank you, and now I'll be watching many more of your 'sessions' with us out here in video land, all the way through. Thanks again.

[@islandprincess9666]

Thank you so much for making this video. Hour channel has been so helpful to me. I have been going through the freeze response. One of my coworkers is so condescending and cruel to me. I do things to help her that I don’t have to do but she doesn’t appreciate it or see that. She does what you said in the video when I am doing something right she doesn’t say anything but when she perceives that something is wrong she will yell at me and make me feel bad the whole day and complain about me to everyone she can. She is a toxic draining person. Even when other coworkers say don’t worry about it she will still put me down and complain. I am so motivated to work for myself so I don’t have to deal with people who make me feel bad about myself.

[@michele0324]

10:55 Me at 48 and hearing this for the first time. 😢😢❤

[@brookechang4942]

It occurs to me that, if you're concerned about how much time you'd have to spend appreciating yourself, it implies you're doing a lot of things to appreciate.

[@samleuzzi3088]

The tone of your voice is calming and I could listen to you talk about this all day. Every example, point u make, and the simplicity of how u explain it is what keeps me doing so well. ❤ your are here to share your knowledge. From one sage to another, I will share your words with the ones in my life. And hope it has the similar experience its had on me. ❤

[@Wanda-fi6mj]

I'm so happy I found your channel. Thank you. This is so helpful. I think you are brilliant!

[@lindabrown7720]

I have PTSD from 15 years as a carer, I have started EMDR, but freeze response is my nemesis, I have constant panic attacks in my sleep for no apparent reason and wake up in the freeze response I'm left feeling dreadful for the rest of the day, numb, shaky, sick, depressed, how I wake up is how I spend my day

[@pokeballz2502]

I just recently found your channel, your videos are made for me. Thank you

[@JF098]

COVID really did a number on me because I stopped receiving constant external validation at work now that I work from home. I already met my career goals. The only thing left for me to do is not fuck everything up. I kind of see why it's so hard for me to do my work now.

[@Mach11976]

I'm so pleased that I have run across your channel. You have some very awesome followers. Thank you Brian.

[@57auxmoines]

Threats currently happen daily in life in real time. People around us sabotage or threaten in so many different ways. It isn’t a reaction to predatory animals in other epochs. It is a clear and present danger. We see the threat by all of us as addicted, abandoned, ostracized on the street or in prison. In milder form we see us canceled, mocked, sneered, laughed at, passed on for better opportunities or opportunities at all. Just because it is reactionary does not mean we are safe in reality. Fears are valid. This channel is a great help.

[@Yolduranduran]

Moving away from punishment and moving towards a reward. Got it!!!😊

[@aegchannel]

Dr. E, Thank you so much for this video No one ever taught me to celebrate myself or my achievements, so I have gone thru life achieving basically one thing, a career that affords me the ability to be able to keep a roof over my head and put food on the table. Because I was taught as a child that i was not worthy, my life has been nothing but an uphill struggle to survive. I have been in and out of therapy for 40 years (I am 66), and no therapist or psychologist has ever talked to me about celebrating small wins as a way of making it through the day, much less through life. Stumbling upon your video was a godsend, and if you were accepting patients I would be the first in line! Thank you so very much for your help, and please continue to make videos in this series; you are saving lives. God bless you. 💓

[@taniamartin6978]

I have nothing special to add to these lovely comments, but I thank you deeply for this. I found you about a week ago, and I believe I found you when I was meant to! I had a nervous breakdown a year ago and I finally feel like life is coming back. I follow alot of narcissistic abuse/recovery channels but it keeps me locked into anger. I think your videos release that. I dyed my hair today for the first time in a year- major victory! I am like a seed in poop, just struggling to rise up! Thank you friend.

[@alecolson8360]

You have helped me beat my addictive personality (for now) and now I’m seeking to help others the way you helped me, thank you so much! ❤

[@BridgetteDunagan]

Thank u for yhe hope u provide. Ive been in an 8 year freeze depression. And keeping hope alive keeps me going. Thank you !!

[@PJB-To-be]

So beautifully applied, that we must love ourselves to love others. To be genuinly happy we must love ourselves too. In world that wants us to deny and really hate ourselves we gotta fight back! We can't begin to live, or give without loving ourselves. Matthew 22:39, Mark 12:31, Luke 10:27 Inspired by God advice. Even if you didn't know. Thank you dear.

[@jricket1]

This video hit me at the right time in my life. I am feeling VERY underappreciated right now, but I need to remember that everyone else has their own struggles. They don't owe me a thank you. I don't do good for the recognition. I do good because I AM good. I can share my talents and help others and they don't have to care. It won't stop me from being a kind person.