When the Narcissist Loses You

[@JoSpring]

I left. 25 years later, he still acts like I'm completely invisible (as he hugs all my friends and family). He loathes me. While we were going through our divorce his biggest anger was that he was better than me and he should've left me. Booooo hoooooo. 😂 He fought me for custody four times and he couldn't beat me there either. I will say, however, even though I went no contact, I made sure my children had access to him because I knew they were safe and usually with his wealthy family. They didn't have enough influence over my children that they could brainwash them. I never said bad things about them to my children. I was playing to win. For them.

[@tuppence4176]

That was me too, 22 years ago. Same scenario now, we barely acknowledge each other when we do meet at a family function. Luckily, it doesn’t happen very often. Like you, I ensured that our children spent time with him as often as possible. They don’t know half of what has been going on and I don’t see any need for them to ever know. It took me a very long time to find my confidence again. Happy and content now with the way I look and am 😊

[@eshaibraheem4218]

Well done, Joanne.

[@nancydoll6768]

It was exactly the same for me but I lost one of my two children to him, and now years later which child do you think grew up to have a good moral compass? My ex husband was born from a narcissistic mother and his siblings are the same too. I’ve written off going to my daughters wedding or birth of a grandchild as I can’t be in the company of him and his family. People make comments like ‘get over it’ or ‘you both need your heads banging together for the sake of your children.’ I am over it but I can’t allow myself to be catapulted back into a place in time we’re I was very sad. My son had regular contact but was treated differently because he favoured living with me eventually at the age of 17 he decided he wanted nothing to do with his father and his family. Unfortunately he had to be exposed to some cruel behaviour from his father and his family and eventually made his own mind up, and of course…. I am to blame for them not having a great relationship. By the way I tried to inform social services that my children were being exposed to emotional harm when I was fighting for my children hence why they should both be with me, but they weren’t interested. At 12 and 14 they are allowed to choose who they want to live with, therefore as a parent I had no power or say regarding where my children should be living. My daughter chose him and received everything materialistic that a 14 year old desires, phones iPads designer clothes money etc etc. My son got nothing, but he is far richer in my opinion as he has a greater understanding of how humans can behave and I’m proud to say I’ve brought a thoroughly nice human being into the world. To anyone going through this at the moment my heart goes out to you and you will heal I promise keep strong.

[@JoSpring]

@@TudorMeSoftly when my daughter was 20, I overheard her telling a friend that I had permanent bite marks in my tongue. It was then I knew I had done the right thing. 💕

[@JoSpring]

@@tuppence4176 me too! Good for us!

[@tfrazie]

Hell hath no fury like a narcissist scorned. I’ve seen it.

[@Threemore650]

All I did was beat the old bat at Chinese Checkers. She was a horrible cheat and I could never beat her as a child. I should have enjoyed her crestfallen look as she poured yet another mug of Cinzano Bianco, but instead my squishy Empathic heart felt really bad for her. I wished I’d let her win. The next day she told me something so dreadful about my past. Something I clearly had amnesia about... it was her Tsar Bomba. I spent most of the next 6 years having a nervous breakdown. Still sweeping up bits of glass to this day ......

[@lgempet2869]

“Possession” is the perfect word…..the narcissist treats people like possessions: like pawns on a chessboard in order to achieve their aims.

[@ravinp371]

I think I've posted this on another video but listening I'll say it again with more context. One day my now ex husband came home from work with the yellow pages. I wasn't giving him attention. He finally said hey you gotta find somewhere to go this isn't working. I said ok. I went to my grandparents house. I came back and the yellow pages were opened to divorce lawyers. Next to it sat a box of family pictures of me with the children. He legit took them off the wall. Our daughter's 2nd birthday was a week away. I wasn't gonna cancel the party. With all my family there the night before I thought he's not gonna act up. I was wrong. He disrespected me in front of all my guy cousins and brother I begged them not to hurt him. As I cried my cousin looked at me and said is it always like this? I just shook my head. The party went on but you could feel the tension in the air. His sister arrived took one look at me and said what did he do. I told her I'm just tired. My cousin's didn't look at him. We didn't say a word to each other. The next day everyone left. My mom and brother stayed because my grandfather was admitted to the hospital. I played a song by the jets "look what you've done". He apologized and said I'll try harder. A couple days later my mom left. That evening while my ex was working my brother was getting ready to go and he looked at me and said the word's that changed my life "do you wanna come with us" It literally took 2.5 seconds for me to say I'll grab our stuff. As my brother packed the car I wrote him a note and said "you told me to go. So I'm going." I ended with the line "look what you've done". I opened the yellow pages back to divorce lawyers and put the note on top. I grabbed my box of photos and left.

[@shahnazbi8346]

Good on you girl. I hope you're having a good life now.

[@cyndigooch1162]

@ravinp371 It's a year later now and I just read your incredible, albeit heartbreaking, story, then was about to write a similar comment to the other person! I can still mention that I'm so glad you grabbed the opportunity to leave with your caring brother and hope your healing is progressing well, even though I'm aware that it's not easy at times. ❤

[@natalielovesall4800]

It doesn't matter if you leave or go no contact. They seem to disregard your requests to leave you alone; they leave items at your door and constantly drive by your home on different occasions; They don't care about the fact you put a restraining order or called the police on them; they go to every place you frequent or work to speak with anyone that will listen playing the victim; They get friends and family to harrass you; They just won't leave you the frick alone. Why is that...to me it seems more like they are psychologically crazy.

[@bluespangle]

After the raging, he started bad-mouthing me to all his friends. I did not care, because they were all his friends - he had cut off all the contact between me and my own friends. In the end, he lost his friends who got tired of listening to his victimhood. Soon, he got another woman, and I got a new lease of life.

[@tamasitarod3176]

Mine always said that he was a good man🤣

[@samanthajames2032]

Mine too! I'm a good person 😅

[@louisemagill8295]

"I'm just a simple guy" is another one

[@danatate8803]

HG, you are by far my favorite psychopathic narcissist. You've helped me understand a great deal. You will leave behind a powerful legacy. 😊

[@leighharrell8953]

This was invaulable information, but now I'm even more afraid to leave the Ultra here.

[@LauraSfiat]

Thanks to HG I have escaped 3 narcissists, my ex husband, my brother and my best friend (I thought he was) I’m soo happy my life is great since then. Zero contact regime 100% win. Thank you HG it feels great. I don’t even care if they are wounded or upset, or whatever. Their existence is zero to me. I don’t care at all. I’m not even hurt anymore. I see them as cardboard people. It some sense ridiculous and comical even, to see myself in the past falling for this shit. This is true freedom.

[@cyndigooch1162]

@LauraSfiat Good on you and I've managed to break away from many highly narcissistic, or worse, individuals, as well as groups, including a religious cult, over the years! I recall feeling guilty about leaving two abusive exes without them knowing, yet there was no need to and it didn't take long for either to meet someone else anyway. I could've lost my life due to one of them, so the guilt wasn't appropriate at all in that situation. ❤

[@gibbybot]

This terrified me, but I am so glad I watched it. Thank you.

[@FibreMagick]

I was lucky to escape, through police intervention. 🎉

[@enidcronin9704]

I have learnt so much from you HG thank you. I was married to a narcissist and escaped he was not happy. He had another woman unbeknownst to me and following a car accident the facade crumbled. He had no excuses and I refused contact I wouldn't do mediation because I was concerned I would forgive him. My son did visit him and he showed him a voodoo doll which supposedly was me with pins in. I realised how unimportant I was to him. I wish you were around 20years ago I wouldn't have blamed myself so much. However you were probably a school boy then. My attitude to life is so improved with the knowledge you impart.

[@anncrosby6157]

I was forced to discard while seriously ill but he came back 7 months later with the hoover I nearly did not make it HG physically from the abuse he inflicted I blocked him on all social media to heal and break the trauma bond he thinks he is the victim and the smear campaign it continues I did not fall for the hoover he is still angry from feedback I know he came back to start the cycle all over again he was high on the spector scale from a therapist specialising in narrissistic abuse and what I told her__ it is about his childhood trauma that he inflicted on to all his supply's all that you say is accurate 💯thank you for your knowledge 👍

[@mirandajsummers]

I observe this kind of behaviour when the narcissist loses their pet. They claim they are grief stricken but it looks more like a rage-fuelled quest to find a replacement and they won't be anywhere close to civil to you until they have succeeded.

[@coly4ever]

After a year I had a moment of clarity and realized that is how the relationship will be if I stay. Listening to your videos every day helped me to keep my decision and not going back to him.

[@nikkie5912]

"Kitty has claws" lol

[@valentinesouthest2806]

Very well explained; ThankYou HG💜🍀✨

[@Chesleigh1970]

My husband is a MLSomatic and it explains his reaction to the divorce papers I sent him.

[@ad6417]

My middle mid-range ex's reaction to the domestic violence restraining order was to divorce me. Thank goodness.

[@An-ux2fq]

I left quitely a year ago. It took months of preparation. He must have been in shock but reacted really cool. We had a house and a business together. I blocked him but unfortunately as of last week he knows my new address. I am still afraid of some sort of revenge…

[@bonnie_gail]

MOVE

[@forestnymph8401]

Jesus! It’s hard for me to believe my ex was a greater or ultra but you described him to a tee!!! He manipulated me to not toss him out for a year then he lived within a mile of me for years and we “were friends” up until I got remarried….then all hell broke loose. Although I very much doubt he knows he’s a narcissist.

[@NinjaOrchids]

I became a project & 3 months after no contact, my ex had me back with a false marriage proposal, which I thought was legit at the time. 5 years later we still weren't married & I left,... after which I became a target and yes, he did destroy my life. I have retained one thing though, I have my reputation in tact. He destroyed everything else. Still trying to rebuild

[@nikkie5912]

Hello, seeing your comment a year later. I hope you've managed to stay away and that your rebuilding is going well!

[@pipilotta110]

Narcissistic rage. Normal to narcissistic injury.

[@deborahosborne9426]

Your still human and mistakes are made, even by you. From you I have learnt to put titles to behaviours and comprehend the incomprehensible thinking. I'm a type (yes I know that's the wrong wording,) of Empath, your assessment. This video makes me laugh in delight 😄. Not because I knew what I was dealing with at the time, but I actually did incredibly well. Not only did I throw it out from his own home and nothing worked anymore, I cut him dead. I humiliated him in Crown Court, Family, Financial & Magistrates Courts. All public, even made the local paper. His mistake? Trying to control me, he mistakenly hurt our 9 year old son and I heard our child's primeval scream. Rediscovered I'm a rather intelligent real mommy bear. He was a midrange, his very wealthy father an upper. I am so proud of myself 😁.

[@RaHB7]

I did dare, and I don’t regret.

[@katharper655]

THANKS TO THE KNOWLEDGE I RECEIVED FROM THE ULTRA...I LEFT. But the vengeful sonofabitch made off with my guitars, my car..a lovingly restored '74 'CUDA GRAN COUPE..grrr😂!

[@NicoleDicarlo-r5g]

Mine stole my Bass guitar. He had bought it for my Birthday. Stole it behind my back. Thinks he's entitled to it. What a great guy he was

[@janet8418]

Then, I hope the evil one leaves first.

[@aliciaallegretti1470]

Thank you!!!

[@joywebster2678]

They call you up post discard, they dump all over you, hang up on you. Then call in the middle of the night to "apologize and make nice". Forget it bud. As you say you can feel the hateful acid behind every communication whether the words are "nice" or " mean". I jeep asking if you hate me so much why do you keep coming back? If he could hide the hate he'd be more successful. Ugh.

[@gunita83]

Can you do video on how to deal with narcissistic siblings?

[@assyrianempress7401]

Love it!!!

[@pipilotta110]

Love this voice! Tudor - you must do those reading sessions.

[@i8dan]

What are the prime aims? Housing, food, money, etc.?

[@patricksicard_psy]

I have an idea. Let’s throw a pity party for our narc ex’s. I I I me me me the perpetual victims. Toxic, no core, no insight, no empathy. Hate machines.

[@ireneharrisonbond3652]

All the way through that I reversed he for she.

[@sofiahadyk5946]

I'm curious, what do you call someone who is empathetic that suffered narcissistic abuse their whole childhood and then underwent many years of therapy to learn boundaries and self worth ?

[@AChippendale]

A survivor

[@healthnut1665]

Empowered

[@narcicide8814]

A warrior.

[@SkylarK_x_bk_0]

Thinking laterally after having processed this video, if one was to use cars as an example - a car that has been driven hard so that the engine is hot (the fury of the narcissist) - a Lesser = radiator of the car explodes; a MRN = the radiator of the car overheats but does not explode; a Greater = the radiator gets really hot but not enough to stop the car from operating safely because the cooling agent is the 'calculating' and aware mindset of the narcissist. Thanks HG, great video 🤍🤍🤍

[@SkylarK_x_bk_0]

@@amyemerson thank you 😊

[@vanteylingenbrickfilms2427]

❤❤❤❤❤