Where does the INFJ Stare come from?

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[@RensRoom]

Links to purchase my book on the INFJ are provided in the description box. Thank you for your support ♥

[@dr.maddiestarr8769]

You know what’s really fun when you’re bored? Stare at the back of someone’s head or someone walking down the street until they turn around… They can feel the stare...

[@Martin-zr2tb]

Maddie Starr stop undressing my soul with your eyes 🙀

[@jamiemori3729]

I did that once to an INTP, and they turned around and told me they "felt that"

[@rylee8609]

I know right!!!? 😂

[@rahoofsl]

Gosh I can feel it even if I am sleeping. I’m intj

[@peaceglory5973]

Had a night stalker for 3 years. I would wake up feeling his presence outside, just on the other side of the bedroom wall. (INFJ here)

[@billy.g3597]

I find that when I'm in a conversation with someone I listen and watch with great intensity. As an INFJ I place just as much attention to the words being spoken as to how they are being spoken . Every breath , pause, inflection and the cadence is noted. At the same time my gaze is fixed to their face. Watching for every blink, twitch, nostril flare and curl of the lip. All this information is processed subconsciously. Our intuition flags warnings if anything seems wrong or out of place. Liars beware. We read people like books. Some people find our gaze attractive as we appear to be attentive emphatic listeners. But some are uneasy with the gaze. You notice this instantly as the conversation becomes awkward. A few find it repellent. I wish I had a pound (£) for every time I heard the phrase " Quit staring Billy Weirdo "

[@Nikitahuda]

We should all unite and figure out the universe!

[@earlonaweary9155]

@@Nikitahuda I think if we did get together we would only come to the conclusion that the universe can't be figured out! Lol

[@dagnabbitt1158]

I just don't want to be that guy------- where the woman says ( Hey, my eyes are up HERE )

[@rylee8609]

I wish I had a dollar every time someone said “Why are you looking at me like that?!” 😂

[@yvonnecampbell7036]

I can look someone straight in the eyes while they are telling a story seeming to be in the moment and engaged but be totally somewhere else in my mind because of particular word they said. They just reminded me of something or I could be dwelling on some existential questions I have that have nothing to do with the conversation. I'm most of the time not even aware that I'm doing this.

[@Angel-nk4jm]

Yvonne Campbell true I always do this 😂 I day dreaming while looking like I’m listening attentively

[@mohamed-kd9wm]

teach ME!...

[@yvonnecampbell7036]

@@mohamed-kd9wm Well....it sometimes gets me into trouble because I seemed to have missed about Halve of the conversation XD. Seems so rude.

[@mohamed-kd9wm]

@@yvonnecampbell7036 am not talking about intimidating look, i actually made a lot of agressive enemies and bullies because of that gaze .and that gave me so much trouble... i just want to learn your technique because it seems different and interesting

[@ruthjeffery2539]

I learned a long time ago to avoid direct eye contact unless I mean it. Even casual eye contact with strangers in public seems to appear as an invitation of some kind, probably because I automatically smile at the same time. Only when I'm lost in my mind do I get the startled or defensive looks that tell me I've been blankly looking at someone without realizing it, no smile, just a piercing gaze that has unintentionally unnerved them. This is why I love my shades - they protect us all.

[@IterDux]

I definitely have the 'stare' and try to make an intentional effort to tone it down so I don't make people uncomfortable. I think it's part of how we gather so much information about others. We naturally pick up on how others are feeling by focusing on them as they speak, so we're listening and looking at with more focus than they are used to. And speaking of language, your English is excellent!

[@merypoza738]

I'm infj & I never knew I had a stare when I was younger except for people telling me. It showed up when I was being creative, or talking to someone I was trying to understand, or when I was tired. But in pictures, and like in public I would hide that side of myself. I think people are uncomfortable w/ it for 3 reasons. 1. Infj's attention is directed towards people- at some level, every infj is trying to understand people and is thinking about why people are the way that they are, and people are usually uncomfortable when they are being watched, even if it's not directly. Plus, infjs can understand people very deeply & quickly, which is often not matched by the other person, & I think that can be creepy to people, and understanding shows a lot in the eyes. Also, as you mentioned, each person seen is not an end to a means for a infj, but a chance to see another piece of the whole, and I think people can feel that, which can seem calculating to someone if they don't understand it. 2. Ni doms are not very common, and people are uncomfortable with the unknown. 3. I've noticed that I can pick out other infjs often bc I notice that someone looks kinda cross-eyed. 😀When I am in ni, well, not hiding it, I look this way also. Infj eyes can look out of focus, which I think can seem weird to people. An infj can look like they are focused on the distance, when they are looking right at you, which gives the impression of looking through a person, and I think that that, together with them understanding you so well without really even knowing you, can feel pretty unsettling to people. I can't help but wonder if this distant focus is because Ni is a future-oriented function, which the infj brain has correlated with being something distant. My sister is intj, and I don't see that with her. But her attention is primarily on systems, not people, so maybe it just doesn't show when she's with people? Or maybe in the infj it is because of the unique interaction of Ni with their other functions. Who knows?

[@merypoza738]

Ugandomane DOC hahaha

[@cherylbecker3167]

Very well put Merypoza! Couldn't have said it better myself😊

[@kimberliebyington5245]

I think "the stare" is our brains processing everything. I know for myself my brain is memorizing everything I can all the time (I have a "photographic memory") it plays like movies in my head. Always wondered if that's INFJ or just ME thing lol

[@yvonnecampbell7036]

My memories also play like movies in my head. When I get to a point that I can't remember I just rewind the movie to where I can and let it play for a while. Most of the time I can remember more details and I rewind again as far as I can before the last point I got stuck and let it play again and so on. My way of digging everything up.

[@kyliehemnes602]

For a long time I thought the INFJ stare was one of the only things I couldn’t relate to but then today during dinner my mom was like, “are you ok?” And I’m like, “ya I’m just thinking.” Like five minutes later she was talking to me and asked if I was ok again and I’m like, “yA, I’m fInE.” What does she say? “thAts vErY DisTurBinG.”

[@45Seconds2Mars]

When my infj daughter was young, she would stare off into space often. Had to keep on her to focus her attention on schoolwork etc. Thought maybe she had a form of ADD but doctors said no. As she became older, she was able to focus on the moment much better by herself and work alone. After finding out her type, I realize now that it was probably Ni at work. I had a high school girl ask if I had a problem with her because I was staring at her. I said no. We were sitting at same table with mutual friends and didnt realize I was staring. In my view, I was just looking and listening. She was an aggressive female who later became mother of my cousin's child. Years later she confessed that she was scared of me but got to know me better. I was surprised by that. Fe may be welcoming but I think NiSe can be confusing and psychologically threatening for some people. I think the people who tend to lie to themselves and others find it most threatening as if they sense we are picking up undercurrents of their psyche and motivations. To have someone know them better than they know themselves or want to admit to can be unsettling and they may feel defenseless. Thought you would like to watch this vid. I dont think all INFJs are melancholic. I think my INFJ daughter resembles ENFJ Fe more. But I think many INFJs can have a more somber tone if heavy in Ni Ti analyzing. I can be somber and playful smiling depending on the moment and the person. An ENFJ told me I could come across flirtatious but she knows I'm just being playful and no serious intent on my flirtations of pursuing further as such with her boyfriend. I tend to be more serious and logical online but more playful with in person. I get complimented on my smile. Been told that I have a smile that could light up a room. My daughter has a similiar smile. I used to work in customer service so that was an asset. When somber and quiet, I am probably more intimidating. kzbin.info/www/bejne/nJSxmoylrdaanq8 I also think sp/sx and sx/sp can add more intensity to a type versus other instinct stackings such as sp/soc or soc primary.

[@45Seconds2Mars]

@PumpkinsnBlackcats INFJ stare hahaha kzbin.info/www/bejne/sHK4dZp9pJytrac

[@45Seconds2Mars]

@Daan58 Not sure on exact age but want to say about 4th-6th grade so about 10-12 years old?

[@arianekveldjaks7689]

As an INFJ, I found that my INFJ gaze disturbs many people. It is what it is and the fact that it is both intense and "vague" at the same time, makes people very uncomfortable. As a result, I try to avoid looking at people directly, since it triggers, most of the time, my INFJ gaze! I also learned to rely on the energy that surrounds people.

[@nararabbit1]

I’ve definitely been described as having a penetrating gaze; never aggressive or mean though. If anything I think the intimacy of it makes people uncomfortable. I enjoy the intimacy of conversation and for close friends, I enjoy looking at them as they talk, it’s a sensory experience for me.

[@RommyFallas]

This gaze comes alive in my jiu jitsu training all the time. Most of the time I realize too late that I'm doing it

[@silentgrove7670]

I had coffee with an INFJ today and "the stare". I rather like it. It feels like I am being paid attention to in a very real and connecting way. I feel visible and real when this occurs. I am not intimidated by it at all. It's rather captiving. I haven't noticed it yet with another INFJ I know. I think eye colour helps see it as the person today has light coloured eyes. If I had to guess what is happening on the other side I would say it is a combination of curiosity and awe. Of course I cannot know what another is feeling though that is my guess from an Fi perspective.

[@yvonnecampbell7036]

I always try to get at "sense" of someone. Subconsciously picking up how they talk, how they move, the way they sit or walk. What kind of things do they tend to look at and react to. How do I come across to them. Linking them to other similar people ans subgroups of people constantly categorizing in my mind. No wonder I'm always exhausted when I've been out the door......

[@rylee8609]

All very true. A lot of people say that us INFJ’s walk very “calculative” And are precise with everything we do. I think that comes from watching other people, and subconsciously picking up on things like that. Hopefully that made sense 😂

[@rmcd823]

INTJs and INFJs stare in this way. In my view, it's because we go deeper than just purely the material world.

[@some_oldsoul1129]

I've always wondered why people avoid eye-contact, which only added to the generalized feeling of being on the (outside) of every social situation. Good information, thank you✨✨

[@cristiangabimaty]

This year I found out that I'm INFJ. I remember when I was a child that when my parents or other adult was verbally agresive with me I was staring at them, I was disconnected from the emotions and not thinking at anything but remembering what I saw and hear. Most of the time they were saying "Why are you looking at me and not saying anything!". I recently had an episode like this and because I'm learning about awakening and meditation I may say that staring is similar to meditation. During awakening I can feel the emotions expressed by my body and the person in front of me but is my choice to react in a specific way because the emotions do not influence my thinking. It's like I can compensate negative emotions that my body express and get to equilibrium (internal peace of mind) because I know that I'm taking bad decisions when I'm in a negative state of mind.

[@brittonybriscoe6496]

I think the INFJ stare has to do with the fact that we like to look for the truth (both consciously and subconsciously) in other people and the world around us. I believe it is more of a conscious effort whenever we are speaking with or listening to someone whom we interact with regularly, someone we care deeply for, or someone we genuinely want to know better. At that point we are fully engaged with said person, and it is perhaps easier to glean both truth and understanding in what they do and do not say: what their eyes, tone of voice, body language, and even the leangth of pauses between sentences. I personally try to tone the stare down more around strangers, especially when I see a look of discomfort on their face that wasn't there to begin with. That makes me realize that I probably caused that discomfort, and being an INFJ, I like to keep peace and harmony whenever I possibly can.. An environment in which the other person can feel safe in. Now if it is someone I myself don't feel comfortable around, my diplomacy will not last. If someone pushes hard enough, I will go from my gentle Ni-Fe side to my blunt Ni-Ti side in a split second. I hope all of that made sense. I know I went off on a little rant, but those exact words are what went through my brain just now.

[@RensRoom]

It does make a lot of sense, thanks for sharing!

[@JonasAnandaKristiansson]

It all made perfect sense!

[@teresacarle294]

Starting not to feel like such a freak watching all this INFJ stuff. I naturally find myself looking with intensity. In ordinary circumstances, I try to curb it. Men have taken it as flirtatious, but it's really not. My male bff constantly tells me to stop staring @ him, but I find I am simply drawn to look at him when we're communicating sometimes. It doesn't always have to be something of substance, but sometimes I feel compelled to look & absorb. He finds it intrusive, but I can't seem to help it. I certainly don't mean any harm. I also had a long time Aussie roommate to whom I had grown close. When she decided to return home everyone scoffed, but I knew instantly she was speaking her truth & was devastated by the impending loss. After that she'd catch me staring & ask what was up. I said I was trying to memorize her & these moments. However mundane, I knew those precious opportunities would soon fade. Sure, we'd keep in touch, but it would never ever be quite the same. I'd never felt so sentimental. Luckily she accepted me & my eccentricities. Years later I went to see her & meet her family. It was an amazing experience. She's passed away since that time, but I'm so thankful for having known her. Annie was an exceptionally high quality woman. Absolutely beautiful inside & out. 🖤

[@MariaBM1]

Thank you so much for clarifying where my bluntness comes from. I seem to shock people a lot because yes, I'm normally fairly gentle and sensitive and then suddenly I come out with something super blunt that gobsmacks people. I'd never twigged it was the shift from NiFe to NiTi before, but that makes huge sense to me. Duh!

[@Everlong8640]

I used to think it was something about me people didn’t like that made a situation uncomfortable, later realizing it was me looking to deeply into their eyes/self. I have learned to observe people in shorter periods of time. Sometimes it gets away from me and I stare too long. I’ve learned also to observe people by looking near them instead of directly at them and listening closely. Like a peripheral stare lol!

[@bananabreadloaf]

I’m very much the introverted intuition type of INFJ, and know from photos of myself and being told so that I have the intense gaze, I feel like I’m looking into people, not just at them. And I have another gaze similar to that when I’m in deep thought, I also tend to mirror the facial expressions of the people in videos or movies as I watch them. And sometimes I get swept up by the emotions of the characters if they’re done realistically enough. I never used to, but can get a strong feeling of the emotion I’m witnessing if a subject moves me enough. It’s like not just watching people but feeing what they feel for myself to understand it better. I figure this is something of a skill you can get better at based on my experiences.

[@Neiljjm]

Hi Ren. I think you hit on a number of points that are quite fascinating while also crucial to understanding the INFJ stare. By the way, in English a "stare" is much more purposeful and intense than a "gaze" is softer, which is more diffuse and non-intrusive. You mentioned the "being" of the INFJ, which is the full sum of their contemplative nature and mind as well as the gentleness (Fe) with with they are in the world. I see the "stare" as an expression of this full state of being when the INFJ is 100% present and when something or someone has caught their attention. Not sure about other INFJs but, ironically, I am always trying to see the world through the eyes of others so as to completely understand their experience. I also look at people as phenomena that are in a constant state of unfolding. Perhaps the "stare" or "gaze" is an expression of taking in or participating in this evolution of the person's being which can only be achieved from the depth of our contemplative nature. To this end we have to marshal the full force of our own being when participating the moment by moment unfolding of another person. I also think INFJ have the ability, if they chose to develop it or not, to be able to "see" as Goethe did in regards to the archetypal plant, the Urpflanze. Also because INFJ have the ability to participate phenomena, they are able to step into a mode of perception that enables a type of vision that is "renewed" a la William Blake and his ideas of cleansed perception.

[@JonasAnandaKristiansson]

I.Love.This.Comment.YES!

[@peaceglory5973]

This explains why I love reading. Books. Books & people.

[@arthurarcelli647]

Wonderfully put, Ren. I appreciate your practical approach. So many INFJ videos are just iterations of the same narrative “We’re so edgy and unique; let’s enjoy the sick thrill of being beautifully misunderstood together.” I’d like to propose my experience for your consideration-maybe see what you think if you have time-I feel like I may have two different gazes: 1. My common, natural gaze during normal function- A focused and perceptive gaze driven by the internal intuitive computation you describe (as I gather all the data and put the pieces together). In this version, I believe I’m primarily motivated to focus on the target because other data is distracting and irrelevant to the task at hand (i.e., figuring them out as an individual AND part of the whole, in that given time, energy and space-just as you describe). And I do sense it makes some people uncomfortable, especially, for some reason, if they think I’m trying to be seductive. I have blue eyes. I know some people with colored eyes try to manipulate them. I HATE that. Sometimes I’ll consciously break my gaze and present myself more passively to avoid such misinterpretations. 2. When I’m stressed or feel physically vulnerable/threatened- I believe my operations shift to a much more intense sensory function, and I FEEL my eyes open up like a floodgate. In this mode, I’m more...animalistic. My eyes stare fearlessly into the world around me, still collecting data, but in an *immediately actionable* way. The way my Ni operates is generally slow and methodical when it comes to people. However, the beauty of intuition is in fact it’s ability to rapidly process disparate, complex data into rapid, relatively reliable conclusions. When I’m stressed, such as when learning a difficult new technical skill I feel the slow Ni speed to keep up as my requirements shift to more practical matters. My eyes pierce the data, fighting against my natural function to comprehend in a new way. Similarly, when physically vulnerable or threatened, my eyes will quickly assess a person or persons’ posture, their focus (like whether they’re sincerely disinterested in me or if it’s a ploy), alliances between individuals, etc., and it will gauge the physical space to inform my threat/reaction system. During this MO, I know my eyes make people uncomfortable. They’re searching. They’re intense. They won’t back down from a challenging gaze. My whole energy shifts in these scenarios, and the eyes are definitely the gateway. I’m wondering if that’s anything you’re familiar with or could speak to. Cheers.

[@Nikitahuda]

Wonderfully put, yourself.

[@peaceglory5973]

As to the 2nd, I've experienced something similar a few times. It's actually called hypervigilance, according to my Navy Seal friend. At least what I experienced. My senses are acutely aware of every sound, the slightest movements, & everything seems to be in slow motion. During that time it feels like my reflexes are ninja-like. It is really trippy. But afterwards, after the danger passes, I am extremely tired. But when I was reading your comment about the 2nd, it occurred to me that what you described could by our INFJ shadow, which is ESTP the exact opposite of our regular functions.

[@sherryedwards695]

Very educational. Yes, I've been told that I have a stare that makes people uncomfortable. I do notice that in conversation with someone who has brown eyes I cannot define their pupils. So I am searching for their pupils. I don't know why. Perhaps bad habit. When a person has blue eyes I can see their pupils and I can trust and believe them or not. Also, when I am snobby and do not want to acknowledge someone I do not look in their eyes. And, sometimes I shield my eyes so that people can not see my pupils. This works good in the Summer while wearing sunglasses.

[@grumpyschnauzer]

Hmm, interesting. My sister refers to my “stare” as “the look” or “death stare” but in the English language gaze would refer more to longing or romantic endearment. The intensity of an INFJ look is what describes or defines “stare”. I know of an INTJ or INFP (still figuring which one he is) that has more of a “blank stare” because his mind is always running about work stuff. You could be in a back-and-forth conversation with him and all of a sudden you see a blank stare in front of you as he checks out of his mind... it’s frequent lol but not intimidating like an INFJ Stare. There is a girl in my class who is also an INFJ (we were required to take tests and share our results so that’s how I know) and she’s also got “the look” and it does seem intimidating but she is actually pleasant to talk to.

[@peaceglory5973]

Schnauzers are awesome. I've got one. And a schnauzer/yorkie mix.

[@christinadonnelly781]

You described how I feel about people perfectly! I see individuality in every person but it cannot be separated from universal humanity. I love to celebrate the district unique qualities of each person I am speaking with but always tend to be trying to put the person in context with everyone else I know.

[@thena7358]

I've been very self conscious about my stare because of that one time when i was staring around in class and it just so happen that one of my guy friends connected eyes with me, he almost look startled by my stare and then just blurted “stop flirting me with your eyes,” in class and everyone heard it, mind you, he was way farther from where i sat, i was sitting near the door of the class and he was at the opposite near the windows, almost everyone heard him and looked at me which made ME startled and looked away, embarrasedly. Ever since then, i try to not look around or stare at things because it will just bring more attention to myself

[@anushka3528]

Something similar happened to me in 8th grade. That guy misunderstood my stare and thought that I'm in love with him. I felt so embarrassed :(

[@saraamnadis4218]

I understand you completely!!!! Thank you very much for this video!

[@TeraHammer]

Beautiful way of putting it: alignment of the spheres. "What you are you looking at?" "Oh, I'm just aligning my spheres" :D

[@tofusamurai22]

I'm glad I found your videos! --> They have been the final straws that made me certain of being INFJ, and not INTJ. :P

[@peaceglory5973]

Do you care about people's feelings or nah?

[@vinobanks263]

I agreed with the gaze instead of stare. Sometimes we DONT want to see things and can brush them off and keep moving. A stare is more of an intentional look & sometimes it’s things that we don’t even want to see or entertain

[@vinobanks263]

A gaze is more neautral I don’t need to stare to process information

[@manager-nim2623]

People always comment about my eyes because they're big and intense looking, some of my extroverted friends were intimidated by me because well I have a resting bitch face and I'm really quiet, but when I'm listening to someone speaking to me, especially if they're opening up about something or if I'm trying to understand their personality I can feel myself looking at them differently than usual, I'm very focused and look straight into their eyes to see through the layers of their soul, so I guess I have an infj stare/gaze as well.

[@BoomerTelly]

I have a couple stares. I have one that's like a mask. A sort of pleasant, close mouthed smile. It hides everything I'm really thinking and I'm more likely to wear it when I'm in a peace keeping, or mistrustful mode. I also have a stare of fascination when I'm either listening to something that interests me, almost a glow. And I also have a look of sort of "Is this guy serious?" Skepticism when I'm listening to something that I disagree with, but I'm sort of just holding back and analyzing the speaker.

[@RensRoom]

We’re very similar with respect to our stares.

[@thoughtsnacks7961]

the way you speak in metaphors is so similar to my own style of communication! thank you for sharing this insight. i look forward to watching more of your videos.

[@michelledavidson7167]

Yes. I do the same. Like a quick mental picture you get and you interpret it into words so the other person gets what you are saying. I make analogies to get my point across. Makes me wonder. Jesus always spoke in parable form...just a thought. When like him..you know the truth...you know when someone isn't ready for it but you want to lightly tap their mind to get their subconscious mind to start seeing more.

[@rowanstree]

I'm not suw if I have an INFJ srare-unless I trust someone, I find eye contact to be difficult to sustain. But I definitely feel like I have an Ni based perception in the world. It's an interesting point about the way in which all the perceptions of an INFJ can be said to operate in this Ni mode, but stares are generally the most expressively apparent.

[@JefferyFrisone]

An INFJ. I've been told that I have a far-away gaze. A dreamer gaze. So many people feel I am absent but in reality I am following the exchange but dreaming at the same time. And that combination disturbs them.

[@danishbutter1847]

typical INFx behavior and they called them dreamers for a reason.

[@gabriellahoffmann9127]

The explanation was perfect man, you don’t need to worry about it. I’m glad that I’ve watched your video, beatifully detailed👌🏿

[@NdoNosCI]

Thank you, I enjoy your videos as I'm exploring why I do what I do

[@devonrexcatz]

I'm a watcher; not a starer. Analysing a person during a conversation, or from afar, I can quickly ascertain their meaning and/or motives even if they are trying to convince me otherwise. There isn't much that escapes me and this has caused many psychological conflictions during my 64 years xx

[@donatello9482]

I’m in my 20s and this in what I go through now. Nothing escaping me, Psychological conflictions. Deep mistrust of others or eventual thoughts of betrayal. It’s not fun at all

[@kangkankrishnasarmapegu7789]

Yea the essence of their being and the universality of their existence. I hate eye contacts but when i do i make people feel uncomfortable as if theyve been exposed. Ive seen that happen with my professors who will face an another direction to avoid the gaze but they also know not its not malicious. Its like i am figuring them out in real time which makes them feel vulnerable. Yes the examples of the spheres alignining, feeling all the time as if in floating state...all sounds true..its also the most honest and accurate descriptions of Ni by far. For a long time i thought this was Ne auxilliary coupled with Se PoLR. But i now see that i think all the time. But its mostly images and abstract things. And it takes time to explain these thoughts to others and i feel a struggle to accurately explain how it is actually like. Universality and archetypes always appealed to me. Now i know why. Its because i am not trying to be creative like Ne. M more of trying to seek for the essence of everthing. The truth that is. Or most accurate description of my truth is the Ni truth of core essence.

[@jenstoddard6179]

This stare is the easiest way to stop a conversation

[@alexandriareynolds6372]

My English teacher has pointed out countless time that I'm giving him the stink eye when I'm just looking and listening, I get what he means now

[@JonasAnandaKristiansson]

I love watching your videos Ren! So many valuable things to say. Love how the Ni works with the Ti. I always get new and freshed up ( lol ) insights and perspective during and after a video. Rare stuff.

[@JonasAnandaKristiansson]

We are sooo connected to the subconscious, consciously.

[@vonthadentubes]

Yes, your explanation was intense and also wonderfully insightful - my stare can be contemplative but sometimes very intense. . . I am and INFJ, yet I have developed beyond my personality type. I like to say the personality type does not make the person, and I want and do transcend culture and set the intention to transcend my personality type, which is fitting for our introverted intuition. We do not use society to tell us right from wrong. I have also created and developed my own core values and rules to live by, which was not easy to conclude.

[@ryanmusser5557]

The realty is that often I’m processing on multiple layers and can seem, while intent, at the same time, distracted. My stare, it’s evolved to be measured, calculated, intentional. I arrange my face in a fashion that is kind, I think.

[@Elfen41]

Your description is perfect!!

[@peaceglory5973]

It's like reading the soul of the person speaking to me, when I'm actively listening. I don't do this with everyone. In fact, I avoid eye contact with most people I do not care to engage with. Too much info coming in. So when I'm tired or peopled-out, I just don't have the desire to connect with people through gaze. At that point I'm in energy saving mode can't wait to get back to my cave & relax, take a nap. Naps are powerful at synthesizing all of the accumulated Fe-Se through Ni-Ti. 20 years ago in college, before I knew about MBTI, I called them my think naps.

[@ColleenSikel]

Wow you described this so well thanks for making this video...

[@crischansan]

Yes, it's not the aggressive staring but I experienced before that people get intimidated by it, like I'm peering into something hidden, so I'm conscious of it if I can help it. I do it when they're not looking _(should I not say that? haha but it's true)_ but some still feel it and pinpoint the source which is me. I think it's my way of making sense of people and their actions and emotions. I gaze with *fascination, curiosity and intent. * "I can't see my own eyes" but I get what you mean, making sense of things, connecting the dots, putting the pieces together and AHA! there it is.

[@glenbopa]

Thanks Ren happy new year

[@aprilparker7151]

Hmm. I don't know if I have a stare. I feel those things you described when "listening" to people talk, but I don't know what I look like while I am constantly in my own head trying to piece together all the minute details of the person so as to make sense of them and "judge" them in my head. That is in quotes because I don't mean I'm being judgmental, it simply means that I am trying to understand them on a deeper level and to form an actual opinion of them, but to do that, I need MUCH more information than what they are saying. So while listening, I take into account their body language especially, and their own stare, their facial movements, their passion, their past if I know it, their intentions if I know them.. etc. And because of that, I may appear focused, but usually, I find it very hard to keep eye contact, and may squirm or move nervously, but I try to hold eye contact anyway in spite of myself, and my eyes always dart to their mouths because I want to get affirmation of what they are saying, to make sure I am hearing them correctly, I read their lips too. I know that some will be able to tell that I am "in my head" but nobody has ever complained, or said anything to me about it.

[@Koffent]

Yes I have a stare. I don't notice it often. Usually when I'm people watching and see that subtle uneasy response in whomever peaks my interest, do I realize I'm staring. Many people have told me I stare when talking to people. I'm always registering the person as a whole, body language, facial expressions, the subtle change when someone is trying to lie, or when someone is being truthful. Always thinking does this person want something from me, am I trying to be coerced into thinking something, is this person ok, etc. I also take note of the person's behavior. How someone naturally acts, how they talk, what words are used, do they prefer to be close, or far, do they look at me or the surroundings, etc. I can typically gather enough information to tell what this person's about and/or their intentions. I don't know when I'm doing it. It's usually subconsciously done, unless I feel threatened, then I consciously read the person to diffuse the situation. I only notice I've done it in a recall state. When they do or say something out of character I can vividly recall what that person should've acted, done or said in a normal situation.

[@jaimeflor4181]

When I was 16, I was lost in thought and a girl that noticed me called me a deep thinker. My aunt says I'm introspective, so I think I'm an N type. I've also struggled with Ni-Ti loops as well.

[@RensRoom]

If you're struggled with Ni-Ti loops, you're definitely an N type. :) To deal with looping, try to Fe as much as possible!

[@jaimeflor4181]

@@RensRoom Thank you for the advice!

[@peaceglory5973]

@@RensRoom Would Se help with the looping?

[@basmaksaibati5996]

People have asked me why am I staring at them in the middle of our conversations, it hsppened multiple of times and its kindaa awkward cuz I wasn't. I was just too focused into what they were saying...I wish I get rid of it cuz people get intimidated ...they also say that I stare as if I know things about them and I bet it makes people quite uncomfortable especially if they don't know me. lol just remembering this I feel embarrassed 😅😅😅😅

[@kammusiccc6166]

When they continue to ask you if you're ok haha

[@mandyvincent1439]

I tend to do two things. Either I have the 'stare' or while someone is sharing theories or information I have not heard before, I tend to look up or down as if I am processing. I am such an odd INFJ

[@vadae-san7550]

J'adore tes vidéos même si ça ne fais pas très longtemps que je regarde ta chaîne. Tu es très captivant P.S: j'avais deviné que tu étais français avant même que tu l'aies dit ou que je voie ton nom

[@theflash5523]

I can always tell an Ni dom by the way they stare at things. But I just stare back to challenge them.

[@arthurarcelli647]

The Flash challenge accepted! Haha.

[@nmjr547]

Beautiful illustration!

[@abelinkinxvi1735]

I definitely have a stare. Great explanation!

[@eminacabarloc9373]

Being INFJ are used to be more eye-catching for strangers. It always happened a stranger smiles at you whenever an INFJ falls immensely in their own thoughts 😂Sometimes it creeps to both parties.

[@jessinamarenga2953]

The alignment analogy was on point👏👏

[@shiori808]

I wonder if 'staring' someone for too long has different cultural interpretation for different places. I noticed most of the comments of INFJ peeps are getting called out because some people find it weird. I'm a southeast asian and i don't really find people here saying if i stared at them for too long is weird (A good thing for me, maybe 😅). Here in our place we have to stay focused to someone talking because if not, then that's a sign of disrespect. I agree that at most conversations we tend to zone out, probably because we are constantly identifying patterns or connections with the people we are conversing with. Sometimes it's deep, sometimes it's shallow, but we got to store a lot of info that might help us figure out what to expect next for this person and would really help in establishing connections. The extraverted Feeling I think plays a big part with our 'stare'

[@shiori808]

And yes in my experience i usually don't stare at someone who's practically a stranger to me. That's just plain weird (unless they have something on their face 😂)

[@light9623]

The inner eye sight is connected to the Archetypal Emperor card who is the King. He is the Ruler of your world, your interior world and some of which is your exterior world because it somewhat has a play on how you see the world as your subconscious mind plays out its interior condition in the exterior world of experience (your world is what you create it to be). So Plato of course would be correct seeing the eyes as the King of the senses but perhaps he was speaking of a slightly different type of eye sight....intuition.

[@Coneman3]

The eyes are the windows of the soul, so probably part of the INFJ stare is a result of the ‘special’ function stack, especially Ni Dom, and good balance of feeling and thinking. I am sense my own perception is my eyes when in the presence of certain people. It is of course not just a still shot of the eyes, it is how the rest of the face is set and how it plays out over time. You have very nice eyes Ren, and with that beard you’d look good in a western as a 🤠 cowboy 😉

[@Lady_Jewels]

I have a stare

[@careglow7669]

I do not notice so much myself having a stare but I know people close to me will tell me when they talk to me especially something interesting to me or important information about a complicated relation/family problems, I will do that I will look slightly right next to the person and may look as of I am absent but in reality I am most engaged and concentrated at what they tell me. when they talk about themselves and their feelings I will look at them directly and sometimes It may look like I am clueless but in reality I am connecting with these emotions and try to feel what they feel. and try to validade. are there others having experiences like this? or understanding this? sorry I have to correct of ten because of my 'auto correct' it helps me and also creates problems😋

[@theblackhole05]

Infp stare is very unsettling

[@vinobanks263]

I like what you said as an INFJ I understood it in color #salute

[@vinobanks263]

The fact that this happened to be uploaded today as I searched INFJ is insane..the chances

[@beckygreen6367]

I have the stare, and I believe that it comes from the intensity with which I am absorbing all that is the essence of that person, and the exhaustion that it finally causes in me.

[@missmiawallis706]

People have told me at different times in my life sometimes jokingly, sometimes not that they feel as though ‘I am staring into thier soul’ so I try not to look too long when speaking with people, meeting people, ect.

[@kacake]

I wonder what function we are using when we do this? Is it NI FE TI or SE?

[@jenniegust9982]

Yes..I innerstand

[@wackoffflores7647]

How do I stop the stare. People don’t like me cause the stare.

[@RensRoom]

It's likely that the stare is not the main cause here. You shouldn't stop being who you are.

[@rylee8609]

I don’t know what type I am yet but I think I could be an INFJ or an INTJ, maybe even an INTP. I think I have the stare though. People always ask me “Are you okay?” Or “Why are you looking at me like that?” And I’m like “Yes, I’m fine.” And “I’m not looking at you like anything!”

[@RensRoom]

Thinking back, I think we perhaps make a bit too much fuss about the INFJ stare. Let’s say that I have found it more common in INFJs (and INTJs) than other types. But that doesn’t mean other types can’t have “stares” as well.

[@Esperanzaaa]

Honestly i caught myself doing this when I went out to a club & i found myself walking to the bathroom & a man was looking at me & so we caught eyes but i noticed myself looking at him with great intensity to figure out what was going on in his mind meanwhile im sure I had a emotionless express on my face because im just thinking in my head of his facial expressions lol

[@sshawross1281]

I am not sure if I am an INFJ or an INTP or some derivative but I have been accused of having a blank stare. This would happen when I was working and when my mind would be trying to intuitively sort out a situation.

[@charlesmyers1253]

gaze is definitely the more accurate word IMHO :)

[@RensRoom]

Thanks Charles, good to know!

[@z1pp0m4n]

Inquisitive stare... 😂

[@kaszandrajames653]

Agreee on your video. I have an INFJ stare absolutely. I’ve seen it lol. 😶

[@lindateuling7862]

I have a rather baleful one and sometimes it's unintentional

[@RensRoom]

Do people tell you that they find it intimidating?

[@lindateuling7862]

@@RensRoom Yes - definitely!

[@lindateuling7862]

@@RensRoom I have people tell me that it can be intimidating. I have a typical infj quandary. People tell me I'm too laid-back and too soft-hearted until I get mad and they see my stair, and then they don't like that either.

[@prschuster]

I have to be careful not to come off creepy, because my stare might be mistaken for the "male gaze" when I'm talking to a woman.

[@fatimazohrabechlaghem7680]

Thanks for video! A question that's a bit off topic, do you think an INFJ is most compatible with another INFJ than another type? or it's possible that they'd be more compatible with another type than an INFJ

[@RensRoom]

Hi Fatima, I think we are potentially compatible with any type. My girlfriend is INFJ and we get on superbly well :-) But INFJs are all known to be compatible with certain extroverted types, like ENFP and ENTP. Hope this helps!

[@dujestancic7758]

You seemed to have it a couple of times while producing this video. I am an ENFP and to me it seemed like you were angry. Got to be careful cause sometimes the stare can be a sign of a schizoid personality disorder or npd, especially with intj

[@anne4443]

I am called out all the time on it lol.

[@heatherwhatever7714]

I don’t do that. 😬

[@heatherwhatever7714]

Haha. I do.

[@rahoofsl]

I’m intj and people usually tell me a lot about my eyes and how they look, but the thing is that I want to see how my eyes really look 😂 I have never met intj or infj before so I can’t identify that stare.

[@janeofthejungle4]

My kids have laughed at my stare so hard. I have an adult INTJ son and his Ni stare is super intense, intimidating and actually COOL looking, unlike my own ridiculous looking Ni stare/gaze. Sorry if this offends any INFJs but I’m just being very honest and real, here. Plus I’m talking about myself. I doubt ALL INFJs have as funny looking a stare as I do.

[@RensRoom]

Well I'm sooooowie but my stare ain't ridiculous! Haha, I'm joking. I see where you're coming from ;-)

[@janeofthejungle4]

World of Philosophy - yea, I tried to be careful not to make my comment seem as though I was speaking for all INFJs. I truly was not. However, I have been working on showing my not so perfect sides. I’m an INFJ and that stare is a part of what I love most about myself, despite the fact that it sometimes make me look a little bit odd. Lately, I’ve been learning how to love ALL the misfit parts of myself. I want them ALL to be included, loved, and used kindly and purposefully. I feel that doing this will make me a better, stronger person. I use humour and light-hearted ness when exploring the strange things about myself because it makes my feel less awkward about confronting all of my perceived oddities. Many people get very scared and don’t bother with this sort of self work. I believe you and most other INFJs probably have beautiful INFJ gazes. Mine just isn’t so mystical looking. I guess that’s more the point I was attempting to make. For me, not all the “cool” things about us INFJs are actually all that cool. Sometimes it’s just funny.

[@1031coolman]

What if one can make themselves be perceived as one personality? But with INFJ in retrospect we can see through there facade like a real G ... right??? Cause

[@bryanbradley8252]

Your soul. is mine lol

[@darkhorse7460]

People are saying we're idiots because we don't utilize see or the bottom stack😒