Being an INFJ: Healthy vs Unhealthy INFJs

[@DirectlyHere]

Do any INFJ's here feel like they forget others are not as intuitive as they are and get super annoyed? I find myself mostly forgetting this when I go out in public to more crowded areas like the grocery store or something. I can't tell you how ticked I get when I am consciously planning my walking route so that I do not inconvenience anyone and then a whole family just steps right in front of me and stands, blocking my way, through an aisle or something. I have talked to a few other INFJ's and they say they feel the same way. We all agree that it's not really a rage thing it's just more of a "what the hell, why are you inconveniencing me while I try so hard to NOT do that to other people" thing.

[@rinrietyunlihag6045]

INTP here. I feel the same. Probably a Ni aspect.

[@Nerine98]

yup, pretty much :3 at least it doesn't happen often for me

[@khyati7733]

SO TRUE

[@jayjay-dl8gy]

In moments like that, I just hope the ground opens up, swallows them, then throw them back up after a minute. I then like to think that they would learn a lesson and realize that the world is not centered around them. Hahahahahaha Forget all that and learn you are different. It is a pain

[@MoreSummersAhead]

Oh my gosh. Hahaha I’ve never seen something like this typed out before, but yes! I do that a lot. I’ve had to force myself to stop putting others first on that way (Ik that sounds goofy lol). It’s tough when doing things like that are literally your instinct.

[@hopeinhumanity.]

When INFJ’s are around healthy minded/ growth orientated people, they can really shine and use their strengths for the good of humanity.

[@boogieman9817]

I see u INFJ ...u gave yourself away with one word. Which one?

[@mandanicole6294]

I couldn't agree more. I recently met a fellow infj, who I would actually consider a good friend. He is honestly one of the nicest people I've met, and so positive and encouraging. I've found that it helps to have someone very growth oriented, they can help give you that little push you've been needing for so long.

[@greeneyedparadox6609]

@@mandanicole6294 yeah, i got out of a relationship over a year ago. All the complaints and no forward momentum... me pushing and getting called negative. Spending all my time ALL of for them. Let it suck me dry a bit. This quarantine has helped me.

[@Musician_Robert]

Agree.

[@reynoldscf95]

@@greeneyedparadox6609 My bf and I broke up around the time the quarantine started and honestly... living alone in an apartment has been such a growing experience for me. Like... oh. This is what *I* enjoy doing; this is who *I* am when I'm on my own.

[@sarahofer4368]

"Doing a job they love and helping people": the essence of our INFJ career choices.

[@Alreadyfamous549]

Wow... this is soo me!!

[@asmaemansori5047]

Annnd struggles .. cuz it's not that easy to have them both

[@calebcaminiti6861]

Well said. Hit the nail right on the head with that one

[@unknownherrscher]

this is why i excel in support in every game... like lol hahaha even if my role is an assassin, mage or any role that doesn't need to support, i still insist on either using all my assets to save my dying team mate or sacrifice myself as a distraction so the team can live 😂(in LoL im the kind of person who uses evelyn's charm just to scare off enemies who try and chase my low hp team mate or that person who would still stupidly block the bullet of caitlyn's ult even at low health 😂)

[@jyothilakshmi369]

I don't know from where..my heart always echo one thing always "You should help others. Only you can do it"it's so contradicting with my actions 😭 I wanna be my best self ❤️

[@lazynoran1084]

unhealthy INFJs can be very neglecting towards their physical health i think

[@tmc1373]

YES, I recently had to cut a plug out of my hair because I allowed it to get so matted up.

[@sylvial1985]

Those INFJ eyes though.... are gorgeous. INFJs have a vibe of elegance

[@SA-kv3pi]

Yea my bf is an infj and i love his stare. Kinda like sad and delicate blackhole tbh lol

[@ruthlessfairy]

My dad (who is an INFJ himself) just told me yesterday that for my whole life I have thoughts in my eyes, restless and always active.

[@rogerf7229]

@@ruthlessfairy synchronicity. Happens to me a lot. I call it timing. Being in the right spot in the right moment. So here you are, the eyes have it. There was a girl, kinda in my circle of contacts. We never spoke. The last time I saw her, in her car, (TIMING, again) her eyes portrayed so much thought, I could see the INNER MOTION of thought going on BEHIND HER EYES. I believe I've seen that before, a really long time ago.

[@karltastisk]

How is it possible to make a 30 minute long video where you just talk. And still have my complete attention and interest the whole time!?

[@ClayArnall]

karltastisk I’m actually not sure!

[@devinanderson9520]

He has such a aesthetic face and voice. His words are captivating. Man could be a orator if he wanted,

[@uynicole1075]

Are you an INFJ?

[@Nerine98]

I think it's also an INFJ's quality. I can talk with someone all night and still never get bored :3

[@yeswing10]

He's counceling us about ourselves. We never get the spotlight....keep talking !

[@mmwoodcockart]

I've always tested as an INFJ until once I was marked an INFP. I questioned everything! (Sound familiar? being uncertain of who we are?). But one thing that confirms to me that I am an INFJ are the unhealthy traits. Being uncertain of who I am, allowing others to mold me into whatever I think they need from me, setting the bar too high for myself only to call myself a failure, constantly feeling ambivalent internally, needing affirmation, fixating on the future but never being present, etc. I'm finally reaching a age of learning. Learning to be more present. Learning to focus more on what i DO accomplish and not what I don't accomplish. Learning to actually analyze my self-awareness/reflections- not just recognizing it but actually thinking of ways I can change it and do better. It's been a life-long struggle, but when it's time, it's time!

[@Nerine98]

Same here

[@murasaki1417]

Same here my fellow Infj, I was doing a personality test and then I got Infj, I was at first happy about it and stuff like that But there is this feeling inside me whether this is true or not, Am I the rarest personality type or what, Even reading the type and stuff like that got me thinking is this who I am or? This feeling kept on saying is it real. I am just happy that I did some improvement on my self before this or I would've doubt everything about myself Even yesterday I was scared to get another test (in my head what if I get another personality traits and this was just a lie) even today I had some But I have been trying to improve myself What helps is the feeling of actually being understood and that's my motivation in learning self development I hope you are getting better too :)

[@greeneyedparadox6609]

i show up an INxx I think it really depends who I've associated with that day/week/month. Certain people provoke rational thought and order and others invoke whimsical meanderings.

[@bostonrachel7396]

I completely 'connect' or resonate w/this & it's new to me...But how do you take a test?!

[@nubianqueen8500]

What it means always tested infj but once ENFJ BUT WTV I BELEUVE IM ALL LOL BUT NONE MORE TYPE HUMANITY CANT WAIT TILL I GET OUT N BECOME WHO i always was N belong N it starts with A selflesss relationship Within mind And building a wall up to block of ALL NEGATIVE INSECURITY THOUGHTS CURING WITH PURE LOVE WwwwwoooooooWWWWWWW

[@TomOscarM]

Ugh. Almost in tears just hearing this description of my own mind out loud. In a way that I could never describe properly. Thanks it really helped with my journey of figuring out who I am.

[@katiemarie8899]

Just wanted to say I really appreciate your videos. It is very clear that you are a healthy INFJ- you speak very eloquently and seem very calm, confident, and wise. I’m younger than you and it feels really good to see an example of an INFJ who has really achieved balance and acceptance of self. Your advice is extremely valuable to me, thank you!

[@isabelle1976]

Yes, "old" INFJs rock ! 😁 46 myself 😋 Though maturity and healthyness can come early to some. And i guess it always stays a work in progress.

[@joyreinhardt7621]

@@isabelle1976 I am what appears to be a 'late bloomer'; !

[@purblueple]

I need confidence AND self discipline.

[@CaitMcCormack]

Performance anxiety... yes. As a child I remember having to memorized and recite a poem to the class. I have a great memory and knew the poem, but when it was time to recite it I completely clammed up. Hands were shaking, face turned red and my teacher felt so bad for me she gave me a passing grade. Now I’m a yoga teacher and all I do is public speaking. I also love karaoke. I guess I’m a healthy infj in that regard 🙃

[@sandidbouha3886]

so what you're basically saying is that we should all go out there and act against our nature ? and everything will be alright just like this !

[@CaitMcCormack]

Sandid Bouha lol no... just my own experience. I still get social anxiety but it’s improved.

[@sandidbouha3886]

@@CaitMcCormack good to hear, good luck

[@random_meta]

@@sandidbouha3886 it also means she believes in herself now. If she has to do something, insecurity/uncertainty don't hold her back

[@joelebanks2057]

So you're saying when you stood up infront of the class your palms got sweaty, your knees weak and arms were heavy?

[@tkx86]

35 STILL SINGLE (Just found out literally 2 months ago I was an INFJ after all this time thinking I was just mentally unwell.) and still live at home due to fear and anxiety and the cost of buying a home in Sydney is out of reach due to sky high property prices.. I have just given up alcohol... I was a really unhealthy INFJ and you ticked all my boxes for an unhealthy INFJ. It does not help when my job has toxic whinging people in it who come and unload on me with all their problems.. I come home and ruminate on it and beat myself up then get drunk. I have spent so much time in my room just playing video games and telling myself no one can ever love me. Sober 1-1-22 I pray I still have time at 35 to become a good man and find a good woman to share my life with and start a family. But I am fearful that I will end up leaving this world. It can be absolute hell Ruminating.

[@christineferoli1750]

Omg, so true about performance anxiety, i think because we are such perfectionists. Helpful info, thank you. Confidence grows with maturity and this helps overcome a lot.

[@chansuy1805]

so...i've been really confused these days. Like i just suddenly stopped caring for people. I've grown tired of trying to help people with their right and wrongs, no matter what i do to try to help them, they neglect to help themselves anyway. then one day i just said to myself that it's best to just leave them be. I need to accept that not everyone is within my standard of what is right and wrong. I'm confused if its healthy or not

[@Yab0yblue__]

Infj here, I find that being sort of a mechanic is fulfilling for me. There are an astonishingly large number of people who have no idea how to change a tire or really do any maintenance or work on a car so I’ve always fancied the idea of being the guy to help those who don’t know what they are doing when it comes to automobiles. Really thinking about it, you can help a lot of people that way. Guess I’m just putting this here to justify me not taking on a job like a doctor or a psychiatrist. One can help in so many ways it’s incredible.

[@Appolloscott]

You are right my friend, I too am a mechanic, aircraft and heavily into tech and engineering. I love troubleshooting and fixing things but I seem to spend most of my troubleshooting time helping someone fix their personal problems. I don't want to be a counselor but I somehow always end up doing that.

[@jyothilakshmi369]

I want more of this person's.. .rare doesn't mean special 😂 It means extra struggle 🙂

[@Shmyrk]

I agree with you about the loyalty check being unhealthy behavior *but* It may also serve, at times, when dealing with a possible narcissist. It’s an extreme tactic which I’ve used quite a few times in my younger days, but the conflict between intuition and wanting to see the best in people can be excruciating. In some cases the “loyalty check” can lead to a rightful “door slam” and we can truly be better off because of it. But yes, certainly to be used sparingly and with caution.

[@annarehbinder7540]

Datman Jupp, totally saved me a time or two or more come to think about it. Don’t do it regularily but When My stomach says something is wrong. And My brain is wtf ?

[@jollyroger1009]

that's a good point. It should be a strength against narcissists (they're pretty much our arch-enemies). In fact, I'd go so far as to suggest that coming off second best to narcissists develops the paranoid tendency.

[@jerseystotler3615]

I learned in college many years ago that I was INFJ threw a Briggs Meyers test. In my spare time I think of ways to help the downtrodden masses. I know weird to always think of ways to uplift mankind. Since I am older now I pay no attention to the opinions of others. Where when I was younger thats all I wanted was good feedback now I plan to put my ideas into practice to benefit mankind. With age comes Wisdom🦋 Thanks for your channel🦋

[@sleepyllama9776]

That's wonderful, I wish you all the best x

[@charleywalton7802]

I’m an aspiring INFJ filmmaker and have always dreamed of being a youtuber but I never actually end up making anything for that exact reason. People don’t seem to understand how I can have a passion for something but never try. #4 explained it perfectly.

[@madisonaubrey6076]

Once in a blue moon I’m drawn back to your channel in an almost feverish need to understand myself. How do I forget who I am time and time again? So funny. Tears well up as you describe me in raw accuracy. I feel understood in a deep, moving way. It’s like arriving home after a grueling trip. That sigh of relief as my keys unlock the door to sanctuary (my inner self). Thank you so much for creating this content. Know that you make a huge difference in many INFJ lives.

[@polsondemott16]

"We're better at reading other people's emotions and feelings and almost feeling their feelings and emphasizing with them, than we are at feeling our own feelings." Woah! I can 100% relate. Sometimes I feel like it takes me a good 6 months to truly know how I feel about a given situation. I need to spend at least this much time finding & thinking through all of the possible opinions, and then cutting out what I think is crap.

[@joyreinhardt7621]

Sounds so much like myself !

[@mandanicole6294]

I can't even explain how much I relate to everything you're saying. I can honestly say I'm not a very healthy infj, but since discovering this, I'm trying to work on understanding myself and my struggles. Thank you for your videos, you are truly so insightful.

[@vslsk8605]

I am a 17 year old INFJ its only been a year since I found out about MBTI. This year was tremendously bad like i never experienced this before. I had terrible insomnia and anxiety and when i thought that it passed it came back again when i had finals. I experienced earworms too. Its been a month since i finished high school and i still have earworms and trouble sleeping i feel very bad. I ve tried some activities but they offer a short lasting happiness. Its pretty sure i am unhealthy type and i dont even know how I ended up here. I am in the mood only to cry 😑. Your videos are relly helpful for understanding myself. Thank you!

[@jesslove83]

One thing that I had to learn over time was that I didn’t need to help everyone, because there are a lot of people that really don’t want it. There were times when I saw that someone needed help and when I tried to help them or stand up for them they actually got upset at me for it. So I had to let go of my need to help and just let others fight their own battles and learn/figure things out on their own. Very hard to do.

[@Earthboundhavens]

I feel so called out. I have gone through a really toxic relationship, and wow, I had done almost every single one of those unhealthy behaviors in the aftermath. I am learning though, and getting much better with knowing myself and finding a balance.

[@INFJcircle]

I started laughing when you were talking about “proving your work”, the bane of my existence in math class! Also, bookkeeping…horrible! Lol. I must say that it has taken me many many years to get healthy on a lot of these and I’m still working on some. But that’s what all this info is for. Great video Clay.

[@sadece.humeyra]

"My standards may be little high for myself" (14:10) This is so accurate for me. When I want to do something I can't even start. Because I'm afraid of making something not perfect. I try to make a perfect piece of work, I think every angle and that is exhausted. At the and of the day it seems not worth to start. I know that's really dumb but I can't help it. That's why I feel less confident most of the time. I have to work on that

[@LenaBjarskog]

Love this!! Both avoiding the rabbit hole, and people pleasing - can require confrontation, which is SO HARD for me as an INFJ. I’m currently watching clips to learn about confrontation, because I avoided it for most of my life, which is a non-solution too. For example I was manipulated by a partner, and my intuition knew, but my fear of confrontation held me hostage in the relationship for years. Also I have a dream of going into politics, and if so, I’m definitely gonna need to handle confrontation 😆 Thank you 🙏🏽

[@ClayArnall]

Thats interesting because I’ve heard from numerous INFJs saying they have trouble with confrontation. For me I grew up with very strong people in my family and I learned quite early that I had to fight a bit now and then to survive. Best of luck on your journey!

[@solaniamorgansteign]

I'm an INFJ, I also have been diagnosed with GAD. I'm going back to school this year to learn how to help people like myself with brains that are not the normal communicate with people whose brain are considered neural typical and viscera. I have had the option to just give up and let my anxiety rule my life but my need to help people and do the things will not let me stay in that place of no action

[@LifeDIY]

One more comment here. As an INFJ, I know we aren't all the same. When it comes to doing projects and certain things, I can understand the aspect of doing so much or preparing so much that you almost don't get started. It can be very overwhelming. I tell myself to just knock it off and get going and to stop trying to be perfect as I never will be. You mentioned some people just say they're going to do things on a whim and they figure it out and it's great. I am that way - some would say it's a bit impulsive, but it works and you make mistakes and learn through it. I don't seem to have the trait you mentioned where you feel worthless or not good enough to start, etc. without more time and expertise. I just get into it and start a project when I have energy. I will do a little research or just do it along the way and I love doing things like that. When I have a good amount of energy I get going on any and every project I can. I am still a perfectionist but I usually jump into something that isn't well-known, feeling apprehensive but just go for it and it always works out in one way or another. It can be intimidating at times but feels great when you learn something new.

[@BarbaraMerryGeng]

I enjoy listening to this segment again & again. > Life is short. I don’t want to waste it on boring stuff. Why should I push myself to do boring stuff ? Why should I push myself to be with boring people ? > Why should I bore myself ??

[@amydickerson4122]

I feel like a bird freed from its cage... Clay, you’re an AMAZING INFJ coach! I was raised by a physically, verbally, spiritually and emotionally brutal father and my mom was the poster child for bipolar disorder yet AMAZINGLY talented. My father is NOT accepted in society yet my mom was LOVED. I’ve been searching for ME for YEARSSSSS... I have certainly found me now. I’ve never been like anyone in my family. That’s been so hard being the oddball. Never knew about personality “Types” until recently. The mere fact that I am even commenting on this is crazy because I have ALWAYS stayed in the shadows. I hate attention yet must have respect or I’m out... I feel so contradicting in my mind...I’m certainly going to work on becoming a much healthier INFJ! Your information gives me a platform to work with! I’m 49 and it’s been a horrific life walk. I pray this helps me to break free completely...

[@jollyroger1009]

I hope you are enjoying your discovery journey!

[@Candyliz2003]

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My empathy and intuition were very strong as the eldest child who felt responsible for calming the chaos and protecting everyone (I was parentified). Being so aware of other's feelings became painful -- I could sense the pity and felt a lot of shame. My reaction? I shut down my intuition. I also became a people pleaser. Boy did this attract the predatory users and abusers! I did finally get help through my desire to understand why I was attracting the bad people. I also learned that I'm an INFJ, that when I'm not living as my true self (including my super-empath) then I will attract and allow the people who will be bad for me into my life. *AND* -- I became a "fellow traveler" in ACoA.😘

[@reajanetorio4831]

Im crying while im watching this...i know im unhealthy INFJ ..specially the part of reassurance of other people "the loyalty check" cause i dont have any information or having a good research thats why i over think everything ...asking why they doing this to me ,while im understanding them than mine...also people r saying that im good at everything but for me i feel worthless and dont know what im good at and what im feeling because i always put other people feelings first ..thank you for reminding me everything specially to set up a boundaries and have a self respect.. By the way you're cute,i didnt get bored while watching and understanding everyword you r giving. I hope you notice me :)

[@LifeDIY]

In a way I feel that I do know myself well, though I really struggle with understanding or knowing my feelings as well. It can be confusing. I wrote a poem in 2014 that I think relates to not only this struggle, but some struggles INFJs might be able to relate to. Or, it's just me! You guys can let me know. I have never posted a poem I wrote to a comment section before, but here goes! It reminded me so much of this topic that I thought I should share it. ------------------ I question it all, inside and out here and there who and why which or where. I get lost, inside and out heart tethered to this body and mind trying to rewind or be present in this time. My heart wrestles pulls away attempting to be just as it is or was or longs for freedom from this war. Oh logical mind trying so intently to box it all up and around perfectly bound. Breaking away from the torturous battle of myself - allowing to be, to love & live without restraint fully, & free.

[@tomsonow]

That is nice!

[@ScottRiddleArtist]

I just had a fascinating experience. Because I do everything with conditions. And I definitely approach people conditionally. Often when I take on a big project. If the end result isn’t exactly what I imagined or to perfection. I process it as a failure. And after years of doing this, it has pushed me further and further away from my potential. So recently, I published my first book. I fully illustrated the book and even did many of the fonts by hand. In a modern Victorian style. To try to be healthy. I told myself. This is your first book. There’s gonna be a lot of learning curves. So it’s not about how many you sell or how great the book is consumed. but the exercise is just to complete the project and get the book published. And I did that and I was very satisfied. And I’ve kept my promise to myself, not looking at how many copies the book is sold, or how much the royalty checks have been for. But then this happened. Less than a month into publishing the book. I noticed that not one of my friends or family members has inquired about how the book is doing? And you have to understand I invest a lot of time into my friends, families and acquaintances! Always probing deeply into their lives, passions and individual personalities. So when no one inquired about the book? I went into a spiral. I started loyalty checking. I started my typical misanthropic spiral. But it was this experience that literally lead me to the possible understanding that I could be an INFJ.

[@MCPanda-bl3nc]

Interesting. I'm an Infj but I'm kinda backwards. I had to learn to allow myself to use Fe the way I should bc it's a part of me while before realizing that Fe is not a weakness, I mainly used Ni and Ti frequently. The way I grew up, I already felt like I had all these thoughts in my head and I formulated my own opinions from constantly observing the people around me since at the very least I had a strong sense of what I myself considered wrong vs right. Even in kinder at church I would find inconsistencies in what they say and I questioned religion thoroughly. I'm the cautious type I suppose and don't immediately feel at ease with strangers (had to work on that to be more friendly). When I am first presented with something, I refer back to what I've observed before and meld it into my overall thinking process for current and future situations. From all that observing people and understanding them, I was able to apply all of that to myself. Let's say I know what a jealous person is supposed to be like bc I read a book in the past that had a jealous person in it. If I found myself having a certain feeling and I could tell how I would act bc of said feeling, then I immediately understood what emotion I was feeling according to the data I accumulated in the past from experience. I've always had a sense of self which is mainly why I feel like I was a backwards Infj. It wasn't until middle school that I was like: [I can't keep putting on a strong facade for no reason. I helped this person for literally no reason other than helping them bc I wanted to. I need to allow myself to show the side of me that understands people and would go through several lengths just to help them without expecting anything in return. It wouldn't be a weakness to me bc I also know my own worth and know my limits and I despise being taken advantage of.] For a long time, to me, being empathetic was more of a weakness bc no one understood me while I could understand everyone by observing them. Showing empathy could backfire if you put your trust in the wrong place. Because of these kinds of thoughts, being very cautious so that I could be myself apart from people, bc frankly, I could care less about humans, I've always been able to separate myself from others and just be me. My earliest memory was in preschool and the school bully pushed me off the swing while I was using it. A teacher came by and made her sit in the swing and told me to do to her what she had done to me. I didn't want to and then the teacher said that if I didn't push her off the swing, I would get detention. Roughly, she said that I would be walked over in life if I didn't stand up for myself. But frankly, even as the preschooler that I was, I knew I didn't agree at all with her method of handling that particular situation. I kinda cried and pushed the girl off the swing bc I knew that I was too young to ever be taken seriously and the last thing I wanted was to get detention bc in my eyes, an adult wouldn't have believed what I had to say, even if they were my own mother. That early memory of mine was probably the first time I felt so morally compromised. Essentially, I think that if a person regardless of their personality has a strong moral compass, they can form a sense of self from knowing what they themselves would do in regards to morality. I think I've always understood that I'm an individual bc of how different I am to other people. When I was small most of my cousins were older and they wouldn't let me hang out with them much so I became no stranger to being out of place. It was annoying bc I knew I was more mature than them mentally yet they just labeled me as a young kid who wouldn't understand. Sure, I wouldn't understand their weird phases completely bc frankly I understood far too much about people and what I liked to do for fun was a lot different to them, but I just wanted to have fun and be part of the group period, even if I wasn't girly like them and my thoughts were more complex than theirs AND I was younger (back then they just exiled me bc of my age, to them I was a little kid who would just get in their way bc usually younger kids are less mentally developed than older kids but in this case, I was more mentally mature than them which is the real reason it felt like a sick joke to me through my childhood). I think that such experiences and being the way that I am, as a product of my parents and an individual, I never lost sight of the fact that I am my own person and bc I grew distaste for people in general and understood that they are just another person like me. I mainly cared for myself and worked towards building myself up to the person that I want to be rather than just wallowing in despair that people are idiots (I can be like an intj sometimes lol). I never cared about other people's opinions and just let myself be me. I mean, if an Infj is to use their stack to their advantage, "researching" leads to having more data which leads to the necessity to synthesize and apply the data to people and situations which leads to insight on how people and feelings work which leads to eventually being able to apply that knowledge to yourself as you would to other people. "I'm feeling like this and I acted like this today/I have the strong urge to do this. Wait, but I know that this pattern meant a particular feeling and it makes sense for my current situation. How should I handle this?" - Congratulations, you are 10x closer to understanding yourself as a person and remembering that you also are just another person with feelings and if you have feelings, you are able to have opinions if you think about it - Also, to me personally, a sense of self = a person's view of the world. For me, it was easy to question the world around me and people, so I suppose I quickly gained the need to mold my own opinions apart from everyone else to answer my own questions bc often when I asked questions, people gave me the answer I already knew instead of what I was looking for. I simply observed and synthesized until I could fully understand myself and what I stand for. Pretty much self growth, becoming someone I want to be, and having a decent life is my aim. I just do what I want. If I wanna help someone I will. If I wanna stand my ground, I don't mind conflict. I'm Mexican, so it's IMPOSSIBLE to avoid conflict. I ended up adapting to handling conflict by detaching myself and observing as a neutral third party to understand both sides. My sister has a harder time with conflict as an Infp. My mom is Isfj so if you google Infp vs Isfj, go to images, and click on the fourth image, you can see what I mean by conflict being a part of life. I have a friend who I constantly fought with through middle school bc we had almost every period together and would get on each other's nerves. We naturally took a break from each other after that for like a couple yrs probably and then became closer again and we are part of the same main friend group now. Result: better relationship overall. She's Infj too. Edit: btw, I didn't know about mbti until my teacher in senior yr of high school who's an Infp told me about it and months later I finally went for it. Learning about Infj, it was like WHAM. This is why you're you and you finally got used to using Fe more clearly. That's where all that empathy comes from. And that's why there were a few times you suddenly took on the feelings of people you felt you just couldn't understand and didn't feel like yourself. Maybe the more you deny the existence of a feeling from someone else, the more you subconsciously want to understand ;~;. Though, there was one time it happened for completely no reason as soon as I got near a certain person -.-"...

[@alexwalksinnature]

I am an unhealthy INFJ and because of that I am now in my 2:nd burnout. Peoplepleaser but not listening to my own needs... I really hope that I can change my mindset this time and get healthier. Thanks for a great video about this topic!

[@ScottRiddleArtist]

Another story is when I was recently in New Zealand, and went to the glowworm caves! The caves are way underground. You have to walk through these caverns. And then no photographs no cell phones they put you in a boat and you are gently floated through an underground river underneath where the glow worms habitat is. The guide explain to everyone very thoroughly no talking, so this could be a really beautiful, intense experience. There was a family with several young children. And even though the child was nestled right against his parents. He started to whine and cry about being afraid of the dark, and he wanted to leave. and I thought to myself? Jesus kid if you can’t find any kind of safety or comfort when you’re glued to your parent, you’re gonna be a real mess when you get older. Lol! And I also thought to myself. Don’t these people know that their children are afraid of the dark? Why would they put them in that position and us?

[@nancieliles9342]

This is excellant! Thank you. I remember when I had a healthy side, but it has entered a very unhealthy side that is exactly what this video describes. My therapist has now directed me to a more intense therapy of resetting, and I am so ready to get back to what I was before I allowed so much influence make me miserable.

[@HealingMelodies]

"You're better than you think you are" - So true!!

[@kisslena]

With theories comes testing… and more testing. It’s very unhealthy. We should just observe and journal our feelings. And if we note a pattern of behavior that appears to be disrespectful THEN pick a non confrontational way to discuss. 💛Great Channel!⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ You’re tapped in to our experience in a deep way that’s helpful and wise. Thank you!

[@willowithywindle]

I have been an INFJ for over 6 decades now. What a ride! The struggle to be healthy is real but WORTH IT! I love this type. It is a potential to grow into. Self realization is valuable and I feel so blessed. I found this INFJ lens very challenging though when I was younger as it it not mirrored in this culture. I bonded with an INFP who has the capacity to listen to me and value my insights. This positive relationship has given me stability and I feel I have been 'of use' to him. There is the chance for very real existential suffering with this type but we have the resources to find our way through the deep dark forest. The world NEEDS this type even though it comes with particular hurdles. Being a mature INFJ is wonderful in my opinion. My life has been very difficult and being this type has not made it easier but it has served me on a deep level and I am grateful for the blessing.

[@ClayArnall]

Thanks for the encouragement! it seems like most healthy INFJs have come from a place of struggle and have overcome.

[@advancedhypnosisllc7726]

INFJs are rare. Serial killers also are rare. Being INFJ to me while also having a genius IQ means that I'm even more rare and often irritated when I forget that people just don't get what I'm talking about intellectually. Doesn't mean the INFJ is unhealthy when I get irritated. Live your entire adult life having intellectual conversations only with 3 year olds and maybe you will get an idea of what I'm talking about. I looked but can't find the quote I'm thinking of. Basically the quote says that if you speak ten percent above their level of understanding, they will feel inspired. If you speak 20 percent above their level of understanding, they will feel irritated. If you speak more than 20 percent above their level of understanding, they will hate you enough to kill you. Many people feel stupid around people who are smarter than they are and they will hate you for being smarter, bully you for being smarter. Those people are not rare.We all know people who hated the ones who easily got straight A's in school and they didn't change when they left school. Maybe the reason why so many INFJs feel imposter syndrome is because there are so many people with whom we can't be ourselves but try to fit in instead so much so that we spend most of our lives pretending to be someone we are not just to fit in with our families who spend all their free time watching sitcoms or playing video games, coworkers who are only talking about last weekend's ball game, church groups at the potluck, etc. How many times men have advised me to not let boyfriends know how smart I am "because it intimidates them". How many dates I've been on where I can't keep dating him because his lower intelligence becomes a problem when he needs to be right all the time and wants to be the "man who wears the pants in the house" making all the important decisions. How many guys have told me they have a hard time keeping up with my conversation subjects when I thought I finally found someone I can talk to about things that are important to me. We should start our own internet dating site, seriously. I was invited to and joined an internet dating site for people with higher than average IQs but wasn't interested in the only two guys from my state on there who are attracted to intelligent women. I agree I'm unhealthy in my ability to have more patience in explaining things to people who just don't get it. Like recently when I had to take about fifteen minutes to explain to a guy why asking someone to immediately post a photo of themselves holding today's newspaper or holding anything you just asked for is one way to prove that photo really is a photo of the person you are messaging on an internet dating site. He kept asking "why would that prove it's really their photo and not someone else's photo they're using on the internet dating site?" Every date for me has conversations like this. In summation, INFJs are not unhealthy. It is our rarity which means we are stuck on a planet with mostly people not like us and preponderance is considered the standard for "normal" here. Unhealthy has become "normal" here. Point out a commonly accepted "unhealthy" which is now considered "normal" and watch everyone attack you online for it. Facebook is building this kind of society where truth is discarded in favor of tolerance and "safe places'.

[@FunnyguyMs15]

Crazy how much I resonate with all that you're saying Clay. I am in the computer programming field and I love my work. But the best part of my day is generally when I get to really help someone through a problem. Great Video!

[@melindamassey14]

Ive done both, been up in my own head comming to conclusions and doing research and putting together patterns or clusters of information. And this video is so spot on! Thank you!

[@sallyw.2204]

I really need more confidence in my intuition. Setting up boundaries and learning how to listen to my feelings, would also help a lot. And i am really bad at delivering information. It seems like it really likes to sit inside me and not get out. Thank you for another great video :)

[@tisiphone466]

I am here because my best friend asked me to watch this video. She is INFJ and I do recognize her in every point, as we know each other very long, I think in both - healthy or unhealthy manifestation. I really wish people could try realize and accept these features of INFJ and help them develop and grow, because that is what really matter - enduring deep learning something/someone you really love. And for everyone: Please, believe in yourself :)

[@dahliadoll1110]

I'm literally working on bookkeeping on a spreadsheet right now as I'm hearing you say we aren't great at it 😂 I feel like taking on this kind of work has helped me develop into a more rational and analytical person as an INFJ; however, I'm definitely not planning on doing this forever lol

[@leewiltshire111]

Hi Clay, great video as usual, I can relate to everything you say. I didn't realise I was INFJ up until maybe 8 months ago.. when I was 63..!! It was quite a revelation to say the least.. but a good one, knowing there are actually people out there like myself struggling to understand why am I like this..!? why am I so different to other people..!? I could come up with another hundred or even more reasons..but you already know what they are..! So I would like to give you some words of advice.. and I think I'm in a good position to give it to you having come this far in my roller coaster of emotional life . 1. Never change yourself just because you want to fit in.. it will be lying to yourself.. and we're not very good at doing that. So always stay true to yourself.. trust me your time will come. 2. Always remember you're in this life for a reason.. when I was younger I used to question everything.. over analysing..! Then as you get older you get wiser and more mature and you come to realise that worrying is just a complete waste of time and effort. ! 3. Always and I mean always.. listen to your intuition.. it will never let you down. 4. Never be afraid to take the Crooked Road.. other than the straight one.. that's for none INFJ..😉 the Sheep.! Ok I'm going to wrap this up now.. hope you find this informative.. to all you young INFJ.. of the world.. so stop worrying and go out and enjoy yourself.. always think positive.. we only account for 1%.. that alone tells you how special we are.. ask yourself this one thing.. why on earth would you want to associate yourself with the 99 percent ..The sheep.. when we are Lions..!!! Thank you for taking the time to read this.. sorry it was a bit long.! Lots of Love to you all in the INFJ community.

[@ClayArnall]

thanks for the encouraging comment!

[@cazbee6126]

Performance anxiety - reminded me of when I was a little kid and we had a hat parade at school. There were only 3 categories, but I was sooo anxious I'd miss mine that I got up with the second group... the pretty hats. Mine was a big KFC bucket painted to be a brick wall. I don't know which category - but it weren't pretty. As an adult I get stressed trying to find the correct door to go in, especially for pubs, but really anywhere they don't make it obvious (like when there are endless sheets of glass all along the front of a building and you don't know which one isn't cemented (ie, the door). Loved the vid thx

[@sattva11]

One of the best INFJ videos I have listened to. Thank you. Definitely not “rambling.”

[@Teddybeloved]

Omg, I am so thankful now to have listened to this & watch as you explained something that has plagued me for years; why I couldn't shake the critique perfectionist inner parent that wants everything right or not up to a imaginary standards. I thought it was because my own parents wanted things a certain way until I grew up and it stayed even still. I knew as kid doing favors for friends or chores or whatever; even just getting compliments, even until this day seem impossible to accept unless I felt truly worthy or the person was creditable and sincere. Its annoying and its hurtful to those that care and try to help. What is crazy I put others as you mentioned through this loyalty check shit to some extent and I know it is bullshit for some that were good people, but I can't help it. Now I just rather walk away than deal with that aftermath of emotions. Actually dealing with irrational or intense emotions, especially my own kinda makes me uneasy. So I assumed they had it wrong with the test to label and F when I'm more safer in logic, and observing emotions than experiencing them, particularly others. I cannot set myself up to be put in such positions unless I intended to go the mile. Plus its hard to fully understand always my own motivation but I do know its always usually sincere. Sometimes though I suprise myself as others with things I am able to grasp an understanding or do, but have no way to explain how I do it, I just do. I have always had a love hate for myself and blamed it on my zodiac. I learned early on I was different and understood things in a unique way and cared strangely given what I said earlier. I learned early about sacrifice and humility. Also love the part about rare. Personally I don't care to be, and I see some wish to be and I find it daunting and more confusing. Being a loner or different by choice is a right to all, but one by circumstance who only wants to be at peace and not truly alone is another. How can one communicate one's struggle if its being treated like a fad. Authenticity is nice, and appreciated. I loved the end best though about confidence & boundaries. Anyway, rambling on. Thanks for a fine video.

I can only say that YOU are absolutely amazing! I love your videos. You're very good at this. I've recently found out that I am an INFJ and I am still in disbelief that there people out there with the same values and struggles.😅 The way you deliver all the information is absolutely inspiring.

[@AM-rs1nz]

I've been watching a lot of INFJs videos, and Ive noticed that all the people in them have these big beautiful eyes. Anyone else notice this?

[@drraziashahine8160]

Yes . I do now .

[@danielmeyer6883]

Yes, I've noticed that too! Even my GF (infj) has them, you can almost tell they're infj's from the eyes!

[@somethingaboutnay6019]

jobs for INFJ-forensic computing, police/investigator, music producing, massage therapist- these are things i hope to do once i become heathy infj again lol

[@tasiagraham3474]

Healthy INFJ here, I’m an professional artist, my authenticity stems from my work, friends, my home and I feel very confident in who I am as a person and my morals. I had to move out on my own to figure this out, but I’ve never been happier. Good luck to you! 💕

[@sabixi23]

OMG, i would rather jump off a bridge than working as a massage therapist. I have awesome friends and dont want any new customers/ extraverts involved. They bring drama often and i am too much of an empath. On top mostly they immediately want personal contact and try to find their way into my life. Tired of them. Recently i got in written contact and the guy wanted to do a phonecall. We chatted nicely, but i had no intention of doing a phone call with an unknown person. After explaining i am an intravert and about my struggles with calls, he declared himself as a great person to talk to and continued. So i just took a deep breath and blocked him. Covid makes the extraverts crave for contact and i care for my friends and family

[@khankhalifa8555]

When I feel misunderstood I just come here and listen to you put it all into perspective! And 99% of the time I feel as though everything you discuss about INFJs is literally me. And I have a good laugh. So good!!! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Very valuable.

[@tinahunley7301]

I agree with almost everything you said except the bookkeeping, spreadsheets, etc. I very much enjoy those things.

[@rachelmaxwell5953]

This feels like the missing piece in the puzzle of my life! Thank you Clay!!! ❤

[@Partytime08]

As an INFJ - I really like your videos, they have helped me a lot with how to approach myself and helping me communicate with better terms how I work. I always assumed I was like everyone else (they were like me) but as Ive grown older its became very clear they are not. Its so hard being isolated since a child, people think they know how it feels to be truly introverted because of the pandemic. True isolation is being surrounded by people, listening, seeing, hearing friendships, happiness and reading a book because they only hurt and make fun of you for being intelligent. (i write how I speak)

[@yewduyouhxh4334]

being concious of yourself so that you don't attach yourself to other people really need you to grow on your career. with a career you have an identity. something you do, something you love, something you grow on. thats how you are concious of yourself.

[@haleemasadia9681]

20:00 i paint kind of better when i am alone,, and my painting is really worst when done in front of people(its like that 10 years old kid has painted) ...

[@chabboyaysen5460]

that loyalty check thing is so true. once the loyal and communication patterns fall out i drive myself crazyyyyy.

[@ayukiholmes5514]

Hey, as an INFJ living in Australia, I can see what you mean by that. I was hurt, used, manipulated, and abused by people left, right and centre for a number of years. And as a result of that, I had to try the extreme "loyalty" tests towards people to prevent myself from being hurt again. Eventually, I had to learn that I do have self respect and that I could trust people and help them in a way that would make others feel better and happier about themselves. I know that I have a long way to go before I fully become confident, less critical of myself and reassured of my abilities to continue helping others. You managed to hit a lot of points that resonated with me. I am trying my best, but I know that it'd take a while before I land in a job that makes me happier and helping others in the process. It's odd that I'm currently in a job (health insurance) that helps people but I don't enjoy it for reasons that I won't list here. Does that, in a way, make it an unhealthy INFJ trait? Also, would being a fictional author (which I love doing) and help entertain/making people smile be a thing? Not only I love to write novels and create worlds and my own imagination, but I do want to put my creations out there without being afraid of others tearing it down and make them smile when I was a child reading books, which would explain my procrastination half the time. Anyways, thank you for the video, will note these points in mind and become a better INFJ for it :)

[@luhardchristiaanpotgieter3904]

Tou have a very comforting way of delivering your messages. I appreciate it. 🤗

[@crystalcoby]

Hearing all this just makes me realise how far I have come in developing healthy thinking. Something that I keep reminding myself is that perfection takes twice as much effort as performing satisfactorily. I can also relate to the benefit of observing others. Good stuff.

[@babette217]

Love it! This was wonderful! Especially the part about having an effective delivery, I need to work on that. Thanks for the great INFJ videos!!!

[@ulvfdfgtmk]

This is really helpful. I liked especially, about the paranoia part, that you were so honest about it and said that you are trying to get a handle on it. This, to me, makes life more realistic. Its not like "oh everyone else has this figured out already and Im the only one who cant do it". By being honest you gave me a realistic picture. Also the fact that you mentioned that even healthy INFJs might still be prone to go down this rabbit hole but find a way to navigate around it was really motivating. It´s not like the general notion of "you are wrong, fix yourself", but rather goes along the lines of: "here is what you might be doing wrong and here is how you can adjust some things to be better at it, without totally changing who you are". I really liked that. EDIT: I also wanted to mention that I wholeheartedly agree with your conclusion that confidence is really imporant and I wanted to take that opportunity to say thank you because at times your videos really helped me with this. I think a very important step for an INFJ in developing confidence is accepting ther INFJ nature and yea at difficult times your videos helped me do that. So thank you!

[@ellan1664]

with the whole thing with Te and having difficulty showing your work in school, this was also such a confusing thing to me in elementary school, but eventually i came up with a systematic way to organize my Ni thinking so i can actually put down on paper in a logical order my abstract connection based thought process. now, i haven't had any issue with this in years, and teachers even comment on how my thoughts are organized when it comes to things like math tests and english essays. when it comes to verbally explaining why i think things tho... oh boy thats a whole other story. im a rambling mess when im put on the spot

[@evideus]

I might be wrong, but the way I think of Te trickster is when someone else speaks up their Ti you get that uneasy feeling to correct them because it clashes with your Ti. If you just catch yourself in that moment and let someone else's Ti make sense to you without comparing it to yours then you have conquered Te.

[@ClayArnall]

Hmm interesting... Good though!

[@ayezichi]

It hurts so much that almost everything I say and stand for is misunderstood by literally everyone and I have to withhold most of my opinions in fear of being misunderstood and then everyone thinks that means they can impose their opinions on me. I find it so exhausting when I can’t communicate my mind with words and when I do try, everyone disregards it or doesn’t bother to understand and I end up frustrated and most times cry when I’m alone.

[@ClayArnall]

I know what that feels like. My advice is to stop hanging out with people of lower intelligence and try to find some smart people to be around. You'll see drastic improvements.

[@jofussh.2103]

Great stuff. One thing I have found, is that having a clear understanding of perfectionism is key, in other words, knowing standards and being capable of tolerating mistakes, failures, setbacks, shortcomings, etc. This has been key for me (personally) as an INFJ.

[@thezodiacalracist110]

Thank you so much for your videos....I can relate so much to most of what u say......when I found out I was an INFJ I felt like I have accomplished and understood a lot but over the years I know I haven't....being an INFJ in a very unhealthy situation, you really help me thru it by helping me understand myself and others. Thank you

[@bellafashiongirl]

This video was extremely helpful for me. I am 22 years old and just beginning to uncover what it really means to be an INFJ. I definitely feel that I lean towards being an unhealthy INFJ, and I'm grateful to this video for helping to uncover that. I was wondering if you could do a video going into more depth about how to 'fix' being an unhealthy INFJ? Tips on how to build confidence as an INFJ? Have you struggled with being an unhealthy INFJ? Thanks for the video!

[@agentredfox]

Definitely recognize and have participated in both sides of each of these arguments. Argh, the perfectionist/worthless aspect is my hardest struggle.

[@ammarshahid7643]

Just a quick reassurance u are aaamazinggg and time flies listening to you. I have struggled with unhealthy behavior for a lot of years and there were alot more issues at play besides the complicated INFJ personality i was developing as i was growing up. So like upbringing and other issues like bullying, physical and sexual abuse from a family member, shaming, being misunderstood by parents and to top it all my sexual orientation which wasnt what we call normal and living in a very conservative culture and developing country. It was hell. So cut it short. The INFJ trait which can really hold us back most of the times is this urge and desire of being perfect and this haunts me today too of i leave it unchecked. But back then that was only one thing that has helped me getting out of all those unhealthy behavior and the darkest place i was living in my head. I knew there was something massively wrong and i need to fix but i couldn't understand it. The only thing i knew even in my most dark times that i have to be better than this. I have to be better i have to progress and evolve everyday. The perfectionist streak was at play all the time. So the trait what hinders most of us really helped me when i had no clue. There are solutions for ourselves within ourselves.

[@nicolehughes6650]

I hang on every word you say.. They are truly, GOLD.. And ignore all the negative comments please.. I'd love to think that a TRUE INFJ wouldn't ever really feel ILL about anything that you said.. You really know your stuff and are sooo incredibly level headed..

[@falmustafa6851]

Great content Clay 👍🏻 I got INJF but rejected that and somehow INTJ appealed to me yet I knew in terms of F I wasn’t truly one. I have few INTJ Friends where we just click in a weird way on mental level.. bouncing ideas can truly takes days and we both wouldn’t notice time From my experience, if your care giver is another Fe, an INFJ might just be challenged more to know their feelings.. an Fi driven types as their most strong function, there is learning curve going since childhood to talk about their feelings as first steps to acknowledge it Another way that works to strength an Fe is running an inner dialogue and weed out is it something I picked up.. we are like emotional shoppers of feelings as I say (our empathy) Accepting that will help us cleanse the noise and get to know ours Btw, I found my fear or anxiety or even doubt manifest in the most Weird outlet > I just become quiet .. and one day I just asked myself loudly could it be fear and my energetic response was “YES at last” > 6 years ago and sense then I had to make space for me and soul to have that intimate talk so I don’t leave me at the back Ni works best when we just accept ourselves even if we start in less healthy space.. building boundaries and experience that over time will show us by experience that things aligned for us when we don’t compromise our accessibility so much just because we are empathetic Spot on for imposter syndrome part 👍🏻 we are so self critical - 👌🏻 You are just mirror a lot of what we experience; thanks for that Clay The most dangerous thing is reassurance shipping and sometimes it can come across as insecure and that just invites more of that to your sphere 😵🤧 All the best Fatima :)

[@ClayArnall]

good point about the Fi or Fe caregiver. I hadn't thought about that before, but I can see how that could affect an INFJ growing up. Or any personality really.

[@דיןהיכל]

You nailed it. Great informative video. Thanks to the wisdom I’m learning from people like you and CS Joseph, I know who I am and why I have struggled. I was raised by an ISTP Narcissist that died in 2013 and seven years later I’m becoming healthy for the first time in my life. Healthy enough to fix all the damage that I have done due to being an unhealthy INFJ.

[@suyates7851]

Wow this is great to hear your thoughts & I agree with some things meanwhile others I don’t resonate with & thats okay! For ex, what I do agree with is having high expectations for the self but not always others! I feel like this is what helps us to keep ourselves motivated and not become lazy! I’m not fully sure but speaking for myself after reflecting on this that this is my take! Also, I agree with before tackling things I want to collect all the info abt something so when I do it I know how to tackle it! I’m not good at going through something not knowing anything and figuring it out along the way! What, I don’t resonate with is un-necessary attention from others unless I love or care abt the people! In addition, Reassurance every once in awhile is lovely only to make sure I’m still on track doing my job right nevertheless, the empathic part of me get pretty drained by energies around me and not realizing it all the time until its too late and I’ve no energy left! I agree we can be amazing people just like other personality types but, I agree with the poor delivery process at times not bcuz, we want to be mean or say it wrong I think its possibly bcuz, we tend to be pretty open-minded with ppl in the sense when I talk abt a topic some ppl have said I sounded opinionated when tbh I’m totally just brainstorming ideas or trying to help give a differing perspectives food for thought so to speak but, if a personality type doesn’t think abstractly or open-minded then I can see how maybe they think I’m opinionated or set in stone in my words! Also, constructive criticism within reason I believe infj’s embrace it from time to time to learn and evolve, improve & change whereas, sometimes its easy to forget other types may not like constructive criticism! Idk is thats bcuz, we love learning and are inquisitive minded or not but, I like you am learning more abt different types! I appreciate your insight I always appreciate it! Lastly, The way you explained to those who took your words personally & maybe them thinking that your saying we are above others which Is not the case I think you explained well what you were thinking & I hope never take ppl’s negatives personally bcuz, some ppl will always find fault no matter what others say! So thank, plz be well & happy talking! 🙏💯✌️

[@joyousprairies9313]

Rare does not mean best...I think folks see rare and are immediately irked thinking we are saying we are best. Glad to know I am mostly healthy. As a younger woman I was mostly unhealthy. No boundaries, felt worthless, chasing validation ect. I still struggle to know my own feelings and who I am but that is improving. I feel confident and strong in myself most times. I am a barber/cosmetologist, have been for 20 years. I make people beautiful and listen to their troubles as well. I love my job, even though my body is starting to break down from it. I am alas no longer 25 years old. Great ramblings, I loved it.

[@chrissieasmith]

OMG so true, confidence changes everything, and the people you surround yourself with :-) With Covid I've realised my intuition is good in a crisis cos I'm concerned about people's wellbeing, not BS and bureaucracy... and also that people trust me and believe in me... crazy!

[@oceanah7317]

Ah great video! That's a good list of healthy vs unhealthy behaviors. I agree. I think overall, gaining confidence is key for infjs. I know for myself I've had to develop (and still is trying) self-confidence and trust that I am capable! Considering I'm athlete, this development has been very crucial to my growth as a player. In a way, for me, I think the feeling of unworthiness created from the critic Fi, drives me to work harder to improve myself/achieve my goals even if i won't ever feel fully satisfied. I hope that makes sense lol.

[@ClayArnall]

Yeah it’s a good point. If you feel inadequate, it can sometimes push you to be better for sure. And sometimes that’s a good thing if we really do need to improve in some area.

[@Apollo_777]

People always ask me what I want, or what do I feel, I don't really know, I never knew, and I don't think I ever will

[@Mr.Phoreskin]

Im an INFJ metal fabricator. I make tools to help people in a production setting and I maintain all the plant equipment. Before that a diesel technician doing road service and shop work. Before that, I was learning to program 😂 I can literally do anything if I can feel valued doing it.

[@shannon1242]

I hope I've become more "healthy". I'm a UX Designer / Researcher and luckily I've always adored research and the design tickles my problem solving and artistic side. Even watching this video is doing research on what an INFJ is and how I can work on things I emotionally struggle with. I want to help people have a good experience by designing good products and really enjoy challenging my own preconceptions with data by seeing how users are actually interacting with a product or design. I love being proved wrong. My thought process also lets me spot potential problems easily...the problem is convincing others of my theory and trying to describe a conclusion that came in a non-linear way is tricky. Things I've worked on over time were finding that sense of myself because I would have these extreme reactions to things and not understand why so I would analyze my own thoughts to death. I've fallen into the trap of being in toxic friendships with narcissists. I think I overcame imposter syndrome by going way overboard on overlearning things and being over-prepared. I feel good about my work now and even if it could always be better I think it's fine for what it needs to be. I used to have bad social anxiety but now I can do public speaking, improvise, and crack jokes in front of a crowd. The paranoia hits and is something I need to improve because I'm always door slamming all my work friendships. Barely any survive by the time I leave a place.

[@TheCosmicGypsy]

The loyalty checks and performance anxiety are definitely two things that I deal with personally very regularly. I wasnt really even aware that was an INFJ thing until now. As always, thank you for bringing me awareness Clay!

[@sayusayme7729]

So grateful for your posts, finally shining up this this gem 💎

[@smyliejo]

I got infp on the test when I first took it but what made me think I was infj is that when I look in the mirror every morning I have no clue who I am, I don’t understand me or my feelings all that well. I have feelings and I’m very good at feeling others feelings but I never actually understand my own. I have to sit down or go for a walk and internalize and think about it for a long time to truly understand them and why I had them in the first place. Others feelings take president over my own and it has always been that way

[@fernandocastro3531]

Lol, as an infj myself I feel the same way after every meeting with my counselor, like did I just ramble her head off. But I enjoyed the video it is very informative. I just broke it to her I'm an infj so I'm doing research to help better understand myself and where I lack work thanks though and keep them coming.

[@gggumdrop3335]

Introverted INtuition. Great way of putting it. That totally makes sense, especially about the people pleaser part!!!!!!

[@christawiederhold9210]

Another exelent video,Clay-your authentic way of speaking makes even a heavy topic like this pleasant to watch.I value your work very much.BigThx from Germany*)

[@mrfiero1451]

As an INFJ, a mechanical engineer and someone who loves cars and mechanical things i fit the logic/technical thinker and absolutely hate doing book keeping and hate talking to people on the phone. After transferring techincal fields a couple years ago I have realized I love being an expert in an area rather than bouncing between technical fields. As for confidence. It is very critical that I am confident in myself or my abilities otherwise I will end up back into the dark side of the INFJ where I will become a doormat. I also need time alone to separate my mind from the world around me to sort through my emotions and problems.

[@DV-kd6hn]

this has definitely hit home. It's one thing to read horoscope-y sounding articles about personality types, and another when you have a human speaking about their own experiences that end up mirroring your own.

[@MCPanda-bl3nc]

I'm an Infj but I'm interested in studying accounting. My mom is Isfj and she studied something along that field for a while too, she just couldnt finish the degree bc of english. In a sense, I have her smarts. I like math but I detest something like engineering. On the other hand, I could do accounting if I try. It's really all I've got lol. I could also do something like writing, but the work schedule for that is not for me and frankly, I don't mind doing math work. I'd taken advanced math classes since elementary and algebra is my strong suit. My act scores implied I would be best at something like finance/accounting. I'm good at writing but if I do write something, I'd rather it just be a side thing I did for fun than a job. Y'know, like I may only have the patience to write one book if anything. I'd rather get consistently paid for doing something like accounting. Ever since elementary showing my work wasn't that hard because frankly, they show you how to show your work in school, it's not hard to do, just an extra step, whatever. Going into much higher math, showing work is important and there are times where I even got a bit creative in showing my work to make it easier on myself. It became like a default for me to show my math work and even now, I'm used to letting my hand go through a math problem as I think about it. It's helpful to me for harder math problems bc you can easily make a mistake in your mind while getting to the answer and seeing it on paper can make the mistake more obvious. Vice versa is also true though as it depends. I like numbers but I thought I'd never do accounting because it seemed really boring. Now I realize that there is good variety in that field and it even doesn't have to be limited to always staying in the same office (though I don't think I'd mind either way at this point). Sure the job might get monotonous at times, but I still like dealing with numbers and I'm pretty good with money. My goal is get to being a CPA because that way I have a lot more say in which way my career goes. I've never been good with probability, I do have trouble with charts to a degree, but accounting doesn't deal so much with the level of math that probability deals with so I think I'll survive. I know an ENFP who is also going to study accounting, though their goal is to do something else like business/real estate and be their own accountant lol.

[@caddieohm7059]

Infj are rare and I'm so lonely with that. I'm really desperate to be understood.

[@KevinStarkey]

Hi Clay, I'm really enjoying your videos; I just discovered your channel a few days ago. I discovered I'm an INFJ a couple of weeks ago and it's been great to discover others out there like me, it's helped me feel less alone in the world, if not less of an oddball. I'm one of those people who cuts people out of my life. I did it to my dad a number of years ago, for over a year; we're in touch now. I kept wanting things from him that he's just incapable of ever giving, and it was only once I stopped expecting to ever get that from him that I could find a way to have a relationship with him. My mom on the other hand I cut out of my life ~5 years ago now, and I can't foresee ever allowing her back. That's a longer story, but basically I only ever got extremely negative things out of the relationship, and life's too short of that much toxic negativity. My relationship with my sister is a whole other story. I was emotionally/psychologically abused by those closest to me growing up, and so I built a wall around my 'Fe' (extroverted feeling), and pushed people away for many years. Allowing people to get close to me was opening myself up to being hurt, and in order to avoid that, I shut that function down, for the most part. Now that I'm becoming aware of this, I'm starting to put effort into repairing that damage and allowing my 'Fe' out of the box a little bit; it is quite the challenge for me. As a result of that abuse, I developed extreme social anxiety (started in high school); I've worked on it some as an adult, but it's been tough, still have a ways to go. The thing I've learned about shutting down one of your functions is, the other 3 get extremely strong and dysfunctional. I'm often stuck in the Ni-Ti loop; tho I've learned how I can use Se to get out of it. I love puzzles of all kinds, I think because they involve a lot of Ni-Ti looping along with Se. I started college as a Fine Arts major, but ended up switching to Computer Science (I've been a programmer for 25 yrs). I struggle with art I think from the creativity end of things, which I think has a lot to do with my suppressed 'Fe'. I've been feeling like I'd like to start doing videos on INFJ, and my experiences/struggles with being one. I look forward to watching more of your videos; hope you keep making them!

[@ClayArnall]

You should definitely make a video. I find it a surprisingly therapeutic process. Post a link when you upload it!

[@ayansaid8551]

It was very useful 👍 thanks Clay but I'll be honest for the first second I thought I may be INFP 😀 but now watching the whole video I reckon I'm still an INFJ 🙂 over the years I worked on my INFJ weaknesses that I could be mistaken with another personality type but then again everytime I watched INFJ related material I'm like yeah still INFJ. Thanks again, I feel like I wrote you a letter 😃

[@flormorena3778]

I’m definitely learning so much about myself with this video. Thank you for sharing.

[@lilmagill58]

Clay, I actually just want to express gratitude for your videos because they've helped me clarify that I'm an INFJ instead of an INFP. (Tests have gone both ways.) Your INFJ/INFP video helped me realize that my logical thinking clearly puts me in the INFJ camp. But viewing this video on Healthy/Unhealthy traits cinched it. I realize that my Ni is very strong, so I do tend to know myself more today than in my youth, so perhaps I've raised my Fi bar with age. (I was such a people-pleaser when I was younger!) I do still struggle with obsessively focusing on tasks, and I need to work on being in the moment, as you suggest. However, the big bugaboo for me is loyalty testing as a result of that Ne nemesis-- especially if I've has one glass of wine too many. ;-) And I've never been able to master spreadsheets-- so that TE Trickster bit made me guffaw! Finally, I'm glad you added your #9 point about poor delivery and coming off as too critical. (I like to think of myself as discerning!) Though I can be a wonderful cheerleader, I do truly struggle with delivery and diplomacy. Again, it's gotten better with age, but I do envy folks who can manage difficult conversations easily. In short, my point is that recognizing these areas of weakness really helped me nail my INFJ "diagnosis" with a prescription for things I can actually work to overcome. Thanks so much!