Which narcissist magnet are you? I PART 1

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@bobspamail]

To me forgiveness does *not* let them off the hook. I can forgive but I won’t forget. I’m with Tutu on this. I don’t want to carry around toxic resentment because that is like taking poison and hoping the other person gets sick. I have forgiven the narcs in my life but I will do my level best to keep my distance from them. In my world forgiveness does *not* leave the door open to future abuse. Healthy boundaries are essential.

[@saloni2117]

💯💪🏻

[@windysmith7367]

Yes, this is the healthiest belief.

[@lorettanericcio-bohlman567]

Tutu and Dalai Lama!

[@6reynoldsgajsjk]

I agree! Not forgiving is a heavy resentment to bear. I think forgiving is confused with excusing behavior. I can forgive all day long, and not excuse or be ok with the behavior.

[@davidm4566]

You're right. We have to forgive for our own health and peace. Forgiveness means you don't retaliate for someone dumping trash on you and act like it never happened, but it doesn't mean you have to let them dump trash on you again.

[@Brooksedge]

The work you do on Narcissism is very important to recognize , reconcile and recover a sense of self. The life path I traveled is littered with poorly equipped counselors at recognizing the effects of parental narcissism. Please don’t stop helping the next generations. I deeply value your work, you’ve helped me redefine what deeply empathetic means by giving me the wisdom to fend off and recognize, past, present and future narcissists in my life. At 60 yrs I’m feeling at my best self.

[@lynnsonmor4330]

Well said! You are a quick learner , it took me until 66 w Dr Ramani help . I have never been so much at peace . I am so happy some of us at least can enjoy out senior years in a safe environment. The very best of luck to you 😊

[@Brooksedge]

@@lynnsonmor4330 So very true! Best of life to you too!

[@maevebutler4641]

@@lynnsonmor4330I so agree with you!

[@allywolf9182]

I'm destroyed and trying to regroup after cancer and being abandoned at my diagnosis. I was raised by one so my life has been a nightmare... they find me instantly

[@susantalebzadeh9741]

And I am sure you are beautiful in so many ways!

[@sw6454]

Knowledge is definitely the key. I am a very empathic person but since learning about Narcissistic people, my eyes have been opened and I am walking away from my 30 year marriage.

[@DJH97]

Good for you. I walked away also after 30 years of insanity and degrading and sarcasm and pride and arrogance and sneakiness and being used. I was exhausted both mentally and emotionally.

[@maevebutler4641]

Congratulations!

[@sararichardson737]

Glad to hear it. I too have woken up from the nightmare of the nightmare. it hurts but at least now we know. Knowledge is power.

[@sararichardson737]

Brilliant exposition. Vis childhood: “red flags are all you’ve ever known”. And yes I have walked away from potentially “good enough”. Relationships in favour of dysfunctional ones. You’ve flicked the switch Dr Ramani and the light is on. Friends, lovers all dysfunctional all abusive. And yes, I created an alternative childhood.

[@sw6454]

@DJ I think if anyone asked me what the hardest part of this whole situation was to get over, I would say for sure the unfairness of it it all. I can see now that the only revenge or justice that you can get is moving on and having a better life. I still slip back into the how unfair it is mode, but I can definitely see a shift in my thought patterns. Listening to the KZbin videos made by Dr Ramini and Dr Carter keep me sane and make me learn to trust my intuition again.

[@crashdisco1808]

Doctor Ramani, you saved me from a 3 year narc relationship. I had no idea what was happening until I found these videos. I got out a year ago and I’m a trillion times happier. I’ll never be able to thank you enough.

[@debbiewhitman5455]

I was unable to accept the draw to a healthy relationship because I was never felt good enough, therefore fixer-uppers became my thing. I did not understand how dysfunctional my family was till 50 years of narcissistic fog became overwhelming.The fog turned to a complete blackout which gave me the desire to uncover the truth and speak out. I have discovered my family hates the truth, and me for finally exposing it.

[@heatherbaker5035]

Here too.

[@anniewang9723]

Same here. 51 years with a toxic narcissistic family.

[@westieyolowinston230]

Same here; I know it’s not recommended to call them on their crap but I did tell my mom to pray about her anger & there is so much to be grateful for & she got even angrier. Oh well

[@soniahathaway1]

Me too 🙄🤗

[@CaraMills0106]

Dr Ramini, you nailed me. I am a people pleaser, a rescuer and I give 2nd, 3 rd and 4th chances. My narcissistic grand-daughter has used me and gaslightd me for years. Because I love her I am easy and she uses me as an ATM, she steals from me and throws hissy fits. I put up with it because I am also guardian of the most wonderful person I know, this narcissistic addicted grand-daughter gave me a beautiful great grand-daughter who I love & have custody of. Since Christmas 12/22, I am doing a tough love by drawing boundaries around my life. She is not allowed in. Your videos help me. Thank you.

[@catherinepraus8635]

Hang in there your the only light that baby will see is you stay strong

[@sirena9167]

How old is this grand daughter? Is she a child in which she may need discipline or is she an adult in which she will not listen to reasonable expectations?

[@aubreyj.tennant1123]

Great to hear you know why this is happening. Imagine how many poor souls at this stage in life - blame themselves bcs they’re blind to the narcissist personality. Leave your mark on your great Granchild! Take care 😊🤗

[@deborahedelman7866]

Sounds very challenging. God bless you and your family ❤️.

[@CaraMills0106]

@Sirena My grand-daughter the mother, is 30 years old. She was abandoned at 13 years old by her mother and father with me. She is now drug free but will not leave a toxic relationship with her boyfriend from the 9th grade who is father to my great grand-daughter. When he got out of jail I offered my grand-daughter counseling and help but she chose him, I gave them up to raise my great-grand-daughter who is 14...

[@SophieBird07]

Finding oneself in repeated narcissistic relationships is sooo true. I was in four over the years…(I’m 70 now and done!). But though I managed to extricate myself, I fell into yet another. My narcissistic mother was disgusted and blamed me for just not being able to get along with anyone. My real friends don’t think that way. “Too soon old, [almost] too late smart.”

[@realhealing7802]

The narcissists in my life kept me stuck using my empathy and religious teachings against me. You have to forgive and forget if you are a good person. I was so naive in my toxic family system. I have the freedom to choose who I want and don't want in my life.

[@IrinaVanRonkel]

It’s simply hard to believe that people can be so cruel and cunning. I still struggle with the question “maybe they were not so bad?” Yes, they were.

[@sudhakhristmukti1930]

Yes. They were cruel, cold, calculating.

[@McSpaddenator]

That's what my dad says about my sister. My nickname for her is Chickzilla.

[@catherinepraus8635]

Ya that benefit of the doubt clouds up the truth and thats when the Pounds Pounds

[@denisedevoto5703]

Yesterday, I went into the DMV and said to the guy at the counter, "I need to remove Satan's name from my pink slip, I mean my ex husband's." He laughed, and of course it was a joke, but, really, calling him Satan isn't that far off of what he was.

[@bm3211]

I still want to dig deep and find out why they are so mean and what happened so bad to them for them to think it's okay to treat people the way they do. I had a bad child hood and I'm not a narcissists. I finally understood that I will never know. They are evil and heartless. Whats even worse is having a kid with one and knowing they will never be unconditionally loved by their Dad.

[@joshuaanzalone2060]

I will never feel guilty ever for putting my needs first and cutting off narcs.

[@erinwalsh6803]

Self- empathy first and foremost... Forgiveness does NOT mean automatic reconciliation... remembering without allowing repetition, thank you! 😊

[@RobinSpeer]

Everything Dr. Ramani spoke of in this video is me, me, me! Until most recently, I thought if I tried harder and gave more, I could somehow make the unhappy people in my life happy but I realize now that I have surrounded myself with toxic, unhappy, narcissistic people my entire life and there is absolutely nothing that I can say or do that will ever make any of these people happy for longer than a millisecond. I'm trying to pivot and make myself happy and all those grumbly puss people can sit with their own misery and keep it.

[@ParadiseLoading]

It's almost 1 a.m., and I have to stop at about 22:00 into this video. But My Lord... I am really seeing myself in most of what I have heard thus far. 😳 It's embarrassing that I'm over 50 years old and I'm just recently coming into this realization. It's a relief to know this valuable information is out here, but I'm also saddened because I feel like I should have seen this sooner. Dr. Ramani, I thank you. I needed to hear this. I'll pick back up with the rest as soon as possible. Peace to you all

[@messue428]

It’s never too late to learn give yourself some credit

[@soniahathaway1]

How would we know if it is all we have known? Took me till I was 60, and yes I feel similar. But the joy of knowledge and the chance of a more toxic free future is exciting. 🤗

[@sarag1158]

this video really hit home! every single part of it my ex even told me that one of the things that he liked about me is the fact that I forgive so easily. in hindsight I realize it's just a lack of boundaries and a fear of being alone and the trauma of breaking up.

[@garysmith4796]

I understand. I have those fears too, so I am leaving her slowly with a well thought out plan (before leaving, during and after).

[@iammammyafrika]

So accurate. Was caught up in the overly empathic situation until I finally got it and now I'm quite alert and eyes wide open. Thank you for what you're doing, Mama. ❤️✨❤️🙏🏾✨

[@shaktiroseyoga742]

I completely agree w/Dr. Ramani about the “forgiveness” piece; our Western Christian cultural value of “forgiving those that trespass” is our own undoing. It continues to allow these people & their ilk into our lives. Holding that boundary is about self-love & respect, not about being a person who lacks ethical values.

[@sunnyed1]

Dr. Ramani, you are so right at all points. I was raised by a a narcissistic mom . Honestly, my mom and dad's entire community had a lot of narcissistic, chauvinistic and autocratic attitude cloaked in Christianity.😕😕😕 I'm not sure how I was able to sense that something wasn't right but I've run from the worst and therapy has been my life line. But at 60+ I'm still learning what happened to me and learning the red flags. My mantra, "Not bitter, but better". Unfortunately, I am willing to be single, quit my job and have a very selective small group of people. No disrespect to others but You're the best.!!! Thank you again❤❤❤

[@renzlo9747]

My brother isolated me from family starting at the age of 8. I have no chance to connect with extended family... i had to endure a smear campaign as a child and i deeply internalized the feeling of being wrong and defective

[@erikavaleries]

I used to be Pollyanna and people pleaser types, but sometimes now I don't recognize narcs, as t's my normal baseline to be surrounded by arrogant narcs & obnoxious enablers. I need to pay very close attention with new situations and people, especially high stress and conflict environments. Familiar feels easy but should be bad, but my brain can go on coast and autopilot.

[@gottabme]

Yup!

[@antiantipoda]

As a child I was told by my narcissistic mother "Be more like Pollyana". It hurt so bad. When I was adult I told her "Pollyana was a masochist! People starved, neglected and were mean to her and she smiled and looked on the bright side. I will never be Pollyana because I will defend myself." There might have been a reference to anal sex with sand and cracked glass up in there, for emphasis. :) I do believe that most people are good most of the time. Evil is the exception. And I am entitled to defend myself.

[@jodiwhitfield1483]

i am a total narc magnet. I finally broke down and joined an online facebook narc abuse recovery page. I made 2 posts. On both posts someone attacked me.. i posted that my daughter is keeping my granddaughter from me. This person posted that my daughter is probably trying to protect my granddaughter... this with no background info except for the fact that I joined the narc group and said my daughter was the narc. This is why I don't suggest support groups. It's just more pain from more ignorant people. I do love your videos, though Dr. Ramani. Thank you.

[@skywalktriceiam]

💜

[@leilagomulka5690]

So true. My friends say I’m a drama magnet , when all along I’m hiding from it.

[@SendItForward]

Thank you Dr. Ramani. I only had time to listen halfway through your video, and you might have already mentioned it, but as an empathetic person I can say that I am used to sacrificing...my needs, my wants, food, my time. The N doesn't seem to be able to do that without a "you owe me" mindset (my mother/brother). I was always the person behind the scenes orchestrating events and setting up "the domino's" so to speak so that everything went right for the N ppl in my life so they could have the credit. I still, to this day, look past the glory-grabber to see who is working in the shadows.

[@huzzah590]

True, I find glory grabbers suspect. I think who are you stepping on? 🤔

[@lynnsonmor4330]

So Powerful Thank you! I have watched all of the videos and they have really hit home and have helped me keep my distance from my family member that terrorized my mothers funeral. They had “gotten to” many of my closest family members resulting in my isolation and total loneliness at the funeral. Your videos keep me strong to not go back. However I was missing this one piece on WHY I kept taking it ,forgiving and putting myself in harm. This Empath knows now and I see my childhood was the training ground in giving until there was nothing left and still not being enough. It’s hard to have the words to thank you Dr. Raman you have changed my life ❤

[@charlotterodgers9168]

The timing of this video is impeccable,😂 just left my narc after 7 years

[@Kidziel]

Had I only heard this like 20 years ago. By now I've grown more similar to the people I've been attracting.

[@barbaraviniegra]

Dr. Ramani you truly are the best. Thank you for sharing your knowledge, validating us and empowering us.

[@catielove5096]

Thanks for this: "self-preservation is a right."

[@Handle70770]

The moment that you said “in a world…” I absolutely expected you to movie trailer narrate. I need you to do opening narration through my life😂

[@higherconscience5942]

Thank you so much for these videos Dr. Ramini! I had NO clue I was with a narcissistic man until I watched your videos and now I’m starting to realize that I’m not the crazy one.

[@RaggedyA]

if you realistically look at the balance of light and dark energies, you come to accept that both will continue and you have to make a choice, generally to allow that person (the narc) to live out their life course. I once thought myself responsible to save my family, but honestly there is a WORLD of knowledge out there to make a courageous choice to change themselves. Insecurity IS the baseline ....be a victim...or be victorious over the addictive patterns.

[@ClaV-b5s]

I'm late diagnosed autistic,and my hyper Emphaty has caused me a lot of pain and sorrow,i have been a total magnet for them all my life,and my lack of TOM doesn't let me read ppls intentions, so I'm very naive and used to take ppl by face value, and i understand their childhood traumas so i forgave over and over, bcs i wanted to fix them too ,and i couldn't abandon my vulnerable narcissist ex bcs he was so miserable and lost and it felt cruel to abandon him even tho he could break my heart over and over ,thank you so much for sharing all your knowledge,this videos should be taken in middle school so kids can start learning early about NPDs ,i wish i learned this when i was a child .

[@dollyalexandratorres2031]

EXCELENT POINT- THESE QUALITIES ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED BY SOMEONE WHO IS HEALTHY, NOT A NARCISSIST.

[@dinky-diridgy-didge636]

I think you said in another video somewhere that total acceptance that they are never going to change was something I knew on the surface but really hit home. It was like a HELLO moment for me. I've stopped being a people pleaser just recently stopped trying to rescue others because it was drowning me. I'm healing slowly sort of hermit mode to those that I was helping but at the same time draining me. It's my fault for giving so much of myself willingly. I've got people in my life that are no hassles we are all busy and the communication is different and peaceful. The constant invalidation, jealousy snide remarks the put downs the criticism from the same people you are helping is a huge slap in the face. I've got happy loving friends that I'll put effort and enjoy spending time with, not the catty, bitchy, gossipy child like playground friends they all getting the talk to the hand response from me now.

[@ziziphofrancis6070]

Thank you so much Dr Ramani for validating my reality you are literally my safe space❤️❤️keep up the good work 💯

[@sherryripepi6024]

Knowledge is power, and understanding is wisdom. Radical Acceptance is Key. Doctor Ramani, you are saving lives both literally and figuratively. Thank you for your wonderful and understanding educational videos. I have prayed and prayed to the universe all my life for a teacher like yourself. You are a blessing and a miracle to many giving and showing us how to love and understand ourselves and others. Thank you for Being.

[@happyjmc]

You pretty much simplified my life in this video…

[@moedrapes]

It took me years to understand that my ex was a narcissist. Years after I finally divorced him! On the few years I have followed Dr. R, I have learned the words for my experiences and can now trace it back to my father. Thank you Dr. R for this latest insight into why I have been a magnet for these people. 🤯

[@natsmipla]

Thank you for this video! I've been following you for a few years now, and this video has probably given me more clarity and self-reflection than all the others. The clouds have parted. The light bulb is burning brighter. I've been treated poorly by the narcissists in my life for years, including my own husband. I've often blamed myself because I foolishly thought I must not be "enough" for them in order to treat me so badly. I now understand why they have used me and taken me for granted. It's who they are. I'm thankful that I have empathy and wouldn't trade it for the world. I can still be who I am, but with a little more self-awareness and knowledge to move forward and cut ties with those who aren't serving me.

[@tinabrooks4397]

I’m not very forgiving, I hold on to the idea that if I forgive my husband/minister/narc I will set myself up for another lie, manipulation.

[@tinabrooks4397]

My husband is very self righteous to the point of unbelievable. I believe that forgiving him would just feed that ego and pride that he so lives in.

[@frannygrace2191]

Thank you! I should have seen the red flags when I kept telling everyone that my boyfriend (now husband) was just like my mom, but at that time I didn't realize that she was a narcissist or even what it was.

[@Feribrat99]

yep, I didn't know much either then, I saw him as like my father and that should have been a flag, but I still had not a clue as to why it should. Live and learn. Mine is the victim covert type and an enabler for his mother and relatives all over the place. he is 70 and still gets valentines from his mother, LOL. What a piece of work she did to him and he has no clue and does not want to see it. Not even when he saw how my mom was and how she treated me. It is all over his level of comprehension is what I have realized. That really sucks to not even have a single connection but retirement in my instance. If I leave I also have to leave the acres I have loved for over 40 years. All the choices have a level of sucking it out of you. Looking back is easier than see what is going down sometimes since they are experts at the diminishing of your own spirit.

[@terriwhalen3618]

Again spot on! I love your videos, thank you!! For me since I had been around narcissist folks most of my life, I found it felt familiar without realizing it. As though I was somehow trying to fix the past. My emphatic nature, being naive, people pleasing, feeling not good enough, low self esteem, list goes on , I discovered the hard way these traits within myself attracted narcissist people and controlling people be it friends or romantic partners. I also was unaware of my own toxicity. I am thankful for your videos, Dr. Romani, and grateful to be on a more healthy path that will continue until I leave this world. 🙏

[@rllght]

Thank you for this in-depth clarification, Dr. Ramani. Every word of yours is wisdom and worth listening time and time again to remind myself not to fall again. I feel seen and lifted in a way, and deeply relieved to be able to gain this level of insight.

[@shannonhodges5621]

I'm so thankful that you addressed forgiveness when dealing with narcs and how it actually enables them.

[@lilianat7533]

I’m one of those empaths you are talking about and I have learned to setup boundaries with the narcissistic men I attract Thank you for your video, I have been listening to you for a while now!

[@MegaRose1958]

Dr. Ramani I love how you explain things!

[@privateeye2490]

Lots of time there are abandonment issues, beliefs in scarcity, and fear of being alone. So much codependency and social conditioning against strong, independence singles for decades. Once you figure this out, you're a lot less susceptible to falling for the narcissist bull so they can't suck you in as easily. Not involuntarily shining like a beacon marking blood in the water is a whole other task, though...

[@juliadplume3097]

My weakness is a natural inclination to want to be helpful to others when they really need help, someone to hear them out and offer some suggestions to solve their problems or some kind of sympathy if I can’t. My strength is that I can’t stand listening to chronic griping from people who seem to not be looking for any rational solutions to whatever alleged issues they are having. People play on my sympathetic nature. The chronic griping or some form of trying to get my sympathy is the red flag.

[@robinchilds7492]

I had a narcissistic childhood. Then I married a covert narcissist and stuck that out for 38 years. And my recent relationship was with....wouldn't you know it.....a covert narcissist. It took me 65 years to see this. Had it not been for you and your awesome videos I would still be in the dark. Thank you !!!

[@jonathanwest3062]

I was taught to forgive and forget as well as the Golden Rule, do unto others as you want them to do unto you. I think I was more forgiving as a child but once I got into my 20s, I started becoming less tolerant. I would forgive, but I wasn't giving a second chance to disrespect or abuse me, I started turning my back on them. While I was doing this with everyone else in my life, I failed to treat my narcissistic mother who I kept giving unlimited chances. I'm an intuitive empath. It doesn't take me long to know what I want to know about someone but I keep getting hook by narcissists. I can read the obvious narcissists but it's the covert ones that get me. I was becoming more secluded because I am really tired of being used by these type of people. I'm finally learning about what a narcissist really is and am presently doing therapy. I liked the interview with Dr Carter that you did, he's one of the other voices on KZbin that I'm allowing in my head. I'm interested in really learning why I keep playing the fool when it comes to narcissists.

[@PreethiPriscilla78]

I can so relate to this. As part of my Christian upbringing I was always asked to forgive and treat others the way you want to be treated. This lead me to believe that I was used by god to change my narcissistic husband.

[@messue428]

@@PreethiPriscilla78 this was me as well. Look up savior complex… it will explain so much

[@rosedominguez3682]

Thank you Dr Ramani I was blind for 24 years and your podcast has helped me understand what I was going thru you were so on point in everything you said about being hipper empath is been a year since I left him and no longer make excuses for him thank you I love listening to you❤️❤️

[@deborahcaldwell9775]

Thank Goodness… you’ve reached over a million!!!

[@suem3862]

Thank you for your continuing education on this subject it helps so very much to navigate going forward

[@Eowyn77]

It's important to distinguish between forgiveness and reconciliation. If the other person doesn't change his or her hurtful behaviour, then forgiveness is better practiced from a safe distance. Forgiving means to refrain from taking revenge, and on the inner level, not to dwell on negative feelings. It does not mean to become a doormat for abusers. Reconciliation can only happen when the other person is willing to change. If that doesn't happen, you better distance yourself and forgive from afar.

[@shellybatchelder2157]

In my family, my parents always made me apologize but nothing was ever their fault.

[@PreethiPriscilla78]

So true…. It took me 15 years and a particularly cruel incident when he broke birthday presents the children got him from their pocket money, that they had spent so much time to pick up something so special for him and he just threw them on the floor. It was this incident that broke me. I could no longer forgive and find excuses. I am still with him but I no longer fool myself into thinking that he’s just “miss understood “ or that he’s had a difficult childhood, or that his heart is in the right place, . Now I see through him and I see him for the cruel monster that he is.

[@chanteynk7324]

Thank you Dr. Ramani. I used to forgive and forget. But now I forgive to be above toxicity and it is my way of giving the other person the chance to receive forgiveness and love in order to change their ways if they truly want to. I am now aware and more careful. I forgive but if the other person does not appreciate being forgiven, they will set up a pit for me and fall in it themselves because I will watch out of they appreciate being given a second chance. I forgive but I no longer forget.

[@Kidsbelike123]

Weak boundaries, empathy, agreeableness, cooperation, conscience, and just trying to see the best in people are traits that are taken advantage by narcissists. They are emotional vampires

[@mthomas3547]

I use to believe that all relationships deserved a reset, and now, because of Dr Ramani, I ask myself if the relationship is moving in the direction of growth, or if it's simply looping in an endless direction of guilt, confusion and shame. As it is right now, stepping away from toxicity makes complete sense. Focusing on myself and the things that make me who I am is essential living.

[@elainesmith5313]

My time spend Alanon, taught me about urealistic expectations. I believe now looking back, that through my awareness of his problem, which I did not know it was NPD, I did what you call Radical Acceptance and just held on because I had so.much invested financially and in my children. I did protect myself over time. Setting aside moneys so whrn the time csme I could sussessfully move on. I did not expose myself to unecessary harm by his Narc Family or him.. And I did mive forward with a new career and business. It was a Transactional Marriage and I accepted that. There is no win anyway you work it as I look back. He died and that was the End of the physical part. But there is the Emotional end to deal with. I have done the deep dive and reality is present. Have mived on and am happy with my life now. Freedom from him and his Family. Thank you Dr. R. Your videos have done alot if good. Please keep them coming.

[@deborahcaldwell9775]

This is so wonderful that you’re doing this series. You would be very proud of me for yesterday’s activity. I made an agreement with a new artist in our artistic town here that he would give me lessons in my old age because he’s kind of starting in art himself … he’s doing very well but he doesn’t have friends in this artistic town yet…just his partner. Mondays and Tuesdays he’s closed and he said i could join him as a student on Tuesday.. He forgot me. The door was closed. I called him. He apologized and said I could come the next Tuesday. No thanks. There’s more to it than that for the conversation but I just wanted you to know that I was able to understand manipulation and self-centeredness because of your thoughtful work. Saved Thank you thank you.

[@egrace3738]

Totally support you in this. I'm in a new town, and I don't play games anymore.

[@danielstutz8310]

I used to get upset when I would go on a date and get told that she didn’t feel a “romantic connection.” I still do to a degree, but it’s sort of different now. The last date I went on, we went for a walk for 45 minutes and she said that, and I got a little upset because 45 minutes didn’t seem like much time to build that connection, but it was upsetting having learned about this and realizing that she probably has unhealed traumas, even as a drug counselor. Now, I almost view it as an nonverbal compliment that I didn’t trigger those traumas in a way to create a “spark.”

[@juliekeener9730]

@DR_Ramani. You've been reported

[@Amberleiful]

This is my reality. Also, autism spectrum vs narcissism...... I've been working on radical acceptance, but I cannot accept it. Ive lost my health, autoimmune disease, ankylosing spondylitis, and the physical pain plus the emotional pain is killing me. Im coparenting at different addresses, but I am having a hard time with boundaries since I need help with a lot.

[@Feribrat99]

I hear you. It takes much time and if you cannot distance yourself from the crap at the blast point for any period of time it seems more insidious.

[@musicandpoetry_8]

I do understand the grudge part, I get that if someone does you dirty, it’s hard to forgive but they NEVER move on and keep being passive aggressive wtf

[@majakolonja4266]

To put it lightly, everyone has a type.

[@davidrael8624]

One of your best videos Dr. Ramani.🎉 Thank you!

[@jinisanjay5529]

What an eye opener! Everything you say here is so validating. Thank you for saying we empaths are worthy of happiness

[@garysmith4796]

Amen. and worthy of respect too.

[@angelajimenez4148]

You are so helpful, Dr.Ramani. I feel like I'm in a maze I can't get out of. You are a beacon of light. I have multiple narcs. that I'm trying to get away from. Thank you for this channel. You help me so much. Thank you so much. Thank you for this knowledgeable information.

[@mahee08]

Amazing Dr.Ramini how step by step you entangled this embedded belief system in generations & messed w/good hearted individuals! Thank you for this beautiful work it has helped me becoming my own self guided not by guilt but by self awareness & thinking twice before letting my empathetic nature trusting others but pausing & seeing who they’re as they’re! 🙏🏻💗✊🏻🤲🏻🥹

[@melissahutton2586]

I am recently separated from my husband but keep giving him the benefit of the doubt because he had such a hard, neglectful and abusive childhood. He would cry when talking about some of the things and it would break my heart. So there was always that underlying “reason” and excuse for his violent temper at the smallest of things and even nothing. Also, there is another reason I keep letting him back in because I have seen him demonstrate empathy, although it IS limited and I have seen him USE empathy to gain something. I have greatly struggled with the question, does he have BPD or NPD?? That gave me a false hope that he could change if he does indeed have BPD. The reason I separated from him was his violent temper, regular abuse and threats on my life. I decided that it didn’t matter what he has, he was so abusive if I didn’t leave I would surely die. I would LOVE to understand more about how narcissistic traits show up in BPD and if one shows so many of these traits, do they fall within the callous, using others bracket outlined in NPD. Is anything say sincere?? These are questions I struggle with everyday.

[@nonnaham1962]

Thank you Dr Ramani 🙌. This vid brought about recent memories of whilst I was married for 40 years to my ex husband I kept going to church and asking god for one thing only and that is more forgiveness🙈. Little did I know at the time that he was a Narc😂

[@phyllistouchstone7136]

I had let something’s go. She called my Christmas presents junk in front of my grandbabies before they even opened them. I didn’t say anything but I’m no contact with this what ever she is.

[@CindyPowers-nv3zl]

This describes me perfectly. I'm very empathic and am a narcissist magnet. Dr. Ramani you touched on something I would like to hear more about in a future video. I was married to a narcissist for 23 years. I had 2 children (boys). Towards the end of my marriage I noticed that my boys would often take their father's side in disagreements and they started treating me the way my husband treated me. Now my children are in their early 30s and my relationship with them has become strained. I'm setting boundaries with them and they're not happy with that. I absolutely will not allow anyone to be abusive to me. Not even my children. I've suffered enough. I haven't spent a lot of time explaining the abuse I've suffered to them. I'm not sure what to say to them. I don't want to come off as bad mouthing my ex to them. Hopefully you have some tips for this situation.

[@cnunex1766]

Forgiveness is one way. Reconciliation is both ways and needs trust in the other person. I stay at forgiveness.

[@MLTDPT]

Perfectly stated

[@VMorgenthaler-yp6yz]

Thank you, Dr R. I am in my late 60s. I have known what narcissism is for a long time. I believed it was the grandiose/malignant type. And that it was always and only that type. I am 2 months out of a 14 month relationship. She was, as far as I can ascertain, an avoidant personality mixed with neglectful and covert narcissism. She comes from a wealthy family, so there was grandiosity here and there. She has a lot of weapons. The part I still puzzle over was her sexual aggressiveness in the beginning, which doesn't go with avoidant personality. I guess horny beats avoidant. So, I am grateful to you for clarifying so much for us escapees from these relationships.

[@yehmen29]

Just the video I needed. The other day, I had booked a bed in a youth hostel (in a dorm). The check in process took over an hour, because the system had attributed the same bed to 2 different people. I was told that they were sending an email to the other lady to 'head her off' but they still struggled to attribute bed to me. The next morning, I met the other lady. She hadn't received the email the hostel had sent her (she was on a cycling trip) so she turned up at the hostel just to be told there were no vacancies. As she didn't have enough money to pay for a hotel in town (it would have cost as much as 5 times what she'd paid for the bed in the dorm) she ended up sleeping on the sofa in the sitting room. She was, understandably, very upset by her experience, and I felt guilty so I chatted with her. Unfortunately, she was a narcissist, so she started asking me very personal questions (about my family, where I was living, what I did for a living etc.) and oversharing (about her health, her family, her religion, her political opinions etc.) Her religion and her political opinions were very important to her (she was a church going Roman Catholic, into miracles, signs etc. and she was also a far right white supremacist and went on a rant about the number of 'non French', i.e. non Caucasian, people who live in Paris, so you have to move to rural areas if you want to live with 'real French' people etc.) and unfortunately I am an atheist and I am left wing. I ended up 'chatting' with her for 2 hours, mostly listening to her talking about herself, and refusing to answer her very nosy questions about me, or making up answers. Eventually I managed to run away. When I came back to the dorm in the evening, same routine, she just wouldn't stop talking to me, asking me about my day, telling me about her day... Initially I tried to read a book but I couldn't focus. At one point another lady who was travelling alone checked in, so I was hoping she'd have another target but unfortunately she didn't find the other lady as interesting as me so even though I had opened my laptop and put earphones in, she resumed talking to me, demanding to know what I was doing on my laptop etc. It's amazing, she just latched on and acted like we were best friends and shouldn't have any secrets from one another. Also, she criticised me several times and tried to start a verbal argument. She kinda ruined my stay, especially as, on the second evening, there were 2 young women who were travelling together and who were also chatting and laughing together, until nearly midnight. I think the lady who felt 'attracted' to me felt that she had to show off that she had a 'friend' too, and chose me. She did try to chat with the 2 young women, but they were half her age, whereas I was a little older than her, so I guess she found me more interesting. What I found particularly interesting is that she thought God would send her signs and she would hear Him talk to her (when she was praying, visiting a church, on a pilgrimage etc.) and that she'd also asked Him for a miracle in the past (to 'cure' a health condition) and was hoping that the 'miracle' would take place. How very narcissistic, to have a special relationship with 'God'.

[@mikawayu1413]

I had a colleague who was "overly empathic" in her case it wasn't good. Whenever she had a client, she would get a psychosomatic form of whatever ailments they were having. For ex..diarrhea, back pain, ear ache etc..She did the work to learn how to shield herself from such extremes. Afterwards, things were OK.

[@theresathompson4719]

Definitely a pattern I would like to break. No more covert narcissists for me I hope. They are horrible and dangerous people.

[@heleenloubser9072]

Yes, having a psychopath father and alcoholic mother, I walked into an abusive marriage. For 41 years I tried and let him destroy Al my dreams and our family. I know now that he is evil and at the age at 64 ,I am going through a divorce!

[@gitarani9269]

Despite your parents, you still aren't narcissistic or a psychopath. Proves my point that a bad childhood doesn't lead to narcissism.

[@katg8773]

Thankyou alot of help, I look forward to the next part of this series.

[@misshobbyhomemaker8376]

Dr. Ramani, you got me pegged! I'm in awe!

[@misshobbyhomemaker8376]

I married a neglectful narcissist and then adopted a family members children who came with a host of issues that I thought love could fix. I've learned the hard way that love is not enough. I'm broken. I don't know how to fix it.

[@amac2573]

I enjoyed watching your recent link up video with Dr Les Carter. Hope you both will do a link up with Darren F Magee at some point in the future.

[@esmeraldaw5089]

They know exactly what they are doing, notice how they can behave so well when they are in jail or around people that do have power over them.They are a.holes who prey on the weaker as they see empathy as a weakness.Therefore in the presence of a narc put yourself always first, act a bit arrogant if you must.They flee very fast, you'll see.

[@hollywright3610]

The only way to stop being in a destructive relationship I learned to not allow the relationship to form. I spent my whole life letting the guilty go free and that is why we’re drowning in narcissists so I did my work and they blame my lack of empathy… but I don’t hear them and have peace.. without you all I would be suffering without being heard. Thank you and we can thank Dr R for a better world .

[@inspirationalempressoflove220]

Thank you Dr. Ramani! This one was very helpful for me better understanding why I seem to keep attracting these types of people. I am definitely the overly forgiving....compassionate.... empathic soul...and have been that way since my childhood...and grew up in a family dynamic of the complete opposite just as you described. I will continue my healing work with this deeper understanding of myself you've now equipped me with of knowing WHY it keeps happening.

[@mariellanelson3414]

I keep attracting narcissists and other poisonous creatures. I even tell them out. I am not even talking about personal relationships, but in every day life in my narcissist invested neighborhood.

[@Cleomauser]

It is more the lack of knowledge on narcissism and being confronted with narcissists at work learning reveals what was behind other relationships , but you learn how to deal with this over time. And the flying monkeys I will have to avoid which I did in the past already unless it is a temporary aspect and was a good relationship before.

[@DeepWinterQueen82]

Thus is why I am in therapy and am staying single for a year. To heal from the ex husband who is a narcissist

[@MegaSudjai]

Without "empaths", there exist no narcissists , as both parties rely on each other for validation. One self sacrifices; one takes. Both exist on the insecure end of the Ego spectrum. Both types are destructive: to themselves and to others.

[@d.froggiez369]

Dr. Ramani, Would you be willing to make up a curriculum for educating our youth? I want to get a group of people together to essentially lobby an important foundation to see if we can get their help & support to get some laws in place to teach about this & Narcissistic abuse, right along with s3x ed. This is a dream of mine, even if we have to start with local areas & not federally. I truly believe education is key. Educating myself is how I finally realized what was going on & took steps to free myself.... Anyhow, I truly appreciate you! You've been a Heavensent for me & so many others! Thank you!! 💚🕊️

[@J.M..]

I can’t wait until the next episode of this series comes out. I have been wanting to learn this information for so long. Thanks Dr. Ramani ❤

[@charlotterodgers9168]

Thank you so much dor this vital key for protection

[@olafelsberry420]

I'm fortunate to have gotten an out from my narcissistic mother, my sister was not so lucky although she didn't get abused in the ways I did. My mother had a few tactics one was fear another shame, but I will digress. This sweet old man in my profile picture taught me how to be cynical enough to not take the abuse willingly.

[@Rosewood21502]

As someone who grew up with two half siblings one a narc. my parents (especially mom- dad followed moms lead.) taught me that there was no point in fighting back or arguing with my sibling. I was groomed to take it as did my mom which I watched happen throughout my life. The only reason I can think of that my mother tolerated this behavior is because she felt guilty for the divorce with narcs biological father. Enter me who was born to my moms second husband. Now there is a large age gap-13 years and 16 years between me and older siblings. Definitely not a normal family dynamic during the time of which I was born- early 70s. Now I’m left with what remains of the damage from all of this as mom and dad are no longer alive. Lots of resentment that I feel because of lost time that I could have spoken up and changed the course of my life.

[@Leader460]

Awesome show yesterday with Dr.C,love you both✌❤

[@amandabray4012]

This sounds like empaths that are not fully aware of who they are and have a hard time reading people. An aware empath knows something is off with someone rather quickly and doesn't employ toxic positivity. The problem we need solved is to keep narcissists from targeting us in the first place, and draw real humans with brains and empathy instead.

[@sabrinamohammed9778]

Thank you!!!!! Dr ramani😊 I truly appreciated this video as well as all the others they're alll GPS to navigate through these types of personality traits 😊 Thank youuuu!!!!

[@kylielogan8771]

The pick up on your openness, empathy, kindness, generosity unfortunately. I found once I confront they usually blame shift, continue lying and or rage! You can’t communicate in an honest mature manner with these people. It is hurtful and you cannot give even second chances because it just opens the door to further abuse or toxic behavior.

[@windysmith7367]

Kylie, you are correct. The first time you see these behaviors you know. I gave my recent ex narc boyfriend too many chances because I wanted it to work.

[@lindamast3351]

Great video as usual, really learned a lot from you . Thank You so much 🌹

[@windysmith7367]

The problem is with coverts you don’t see their patterns right away. I was married to one for 29 years and recently dated another one for 2 years (broke off after I saw the red flags). I am not an enabler nor codependent. I have been single 15 years. I swore never to be with a narcissist again. I realized I am attracted to what I am familiar with. I was with my ex husband for over 30 years. The dating relationship was not near as severe, as I saw the red flags sooner so I could end it. It was hard.. very charming, lots in common, funny, but emotional abuse including rage became evident. Now working on watching myself on being attracted to what is familiar to me. ( their good characteristics ex narc husband and ex narc boyfriend were uncanny similar). 3 months no contact. Thoughts? Thank you for your education and sharing it with the world.

[@catgreto3169]

Thank you dr.Ramani! Have been in relationship with n.person for almost 30y. Now then my teenage son said, we should have move as far as possible from him long time ago already, i finally start to understand the seriousness of situation. Now taking small steps everyday to make it possible asap. Not easy but at least i have my childrens full support and understanding, it's really encouranging Feel so sorry for my already grown up daughter that she had to rise in emotionally unhealthy family😢