Why Adaptability is Your Biggest Advantage in Today's World

[@HealthyGamerGG]

Get 20% off DeleteMe US consumer plans when you go to joindeleteme.com/HEALTHYGAMER and use promo code HEALTHYGAMER at checkout DeleteMe international Plans: international.joindeleteme.com/, coupon HEALTHYGAMER #ad

[@bekhaddaderrar2111]

Please dr k, I didn't get you well! That means if I hate a police job and in the same time I'm doing nothing in my life, and someone comes telling me to try being a police I try it?! But I dislike this job (with my respect of course)? Plz answer me 🙏

[@RikusLategan]

perfect cake

[@GrammeStudio]

i need to show this to 90% League players... who cope with their losses by deluding themselves they're in rigged Loser Queue

[@AIAnno_Devin]

Well you can use whatever setup you were born with in order to set up events for yourself preemptively based of frequency Hz or rates but going faster. Get it done faster and less torture.

[@AIAnno_Devin]

The perfect game is the Game of Life that we're all forced to play irl, with a ton of minigames in it.

[@isaweeb]

My summary: People are getting worse at adaptability because they constantly seek perfect solutions. Adaptation is crucial for success, but several factors hinder it: - *Black and White Thinking:* - Decreases adaptability. - Notice all-or-nothing thoughts and consider the other side. - Most of the time, these thoughts are objectively wrong. - *Cognitive Flexibility:* - Don't immediately counter what you hear, even if you disagree. - Consider other perspectives. - Strive to understand others deeply. - *"This Does Not Work for Me" Mentality:* - Realize that no one will create a perfect solution just for you. - View challenges as obstacles to solve, not reasons to give up. - Ask yourself, "How can I make this work for me?" - *Make It Work for You:* - Adapt solutions to fit your circumstances. - Embrace the mindset of making things work for you, enhancing both personal and professional outcomes.

[@robinkholmes7127]

💯

[@varski76]

Thank you for this one

[@Ryan-cb1ei]

Good summary. I’d like to add that I think people are becoming less adaptable because there’s too much noise, too much information out there at their disposal these days. Information is way too accessible now and people overthink instead of honing in and practicing a skill or mindset technique or whatever in the real world. A little bit of analysis paralysis as well.

[@davidjoay6114]

Thank you so much

[@mike.delia26]

Thank you, king!

[@Elvira_Axen]

As someone on the autism spectrum the black and white thinking aspect used to be such a setback. After working on my ability to be okay with vagueness, unawareness, and accepting that multiple opposing instances can be true at once, I can very much say that it's easier to live and I'm also a much more likeable person! ✨

[@Mellon_Musk]

1stly, as an anxious parent of an Asd Adhd child, could you tell me, . How did you come to your current level (eg writing typical comments) that imp thing that changed you

[@rionaprimavera98]

I'm so happy for you! /genuine I'm also autistic and I still am working on that and I can see that the more progress I make, the easier that my life become!

[@bonkchoy5544]

"a jack of all trades---master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one."

[@joec9239]

“I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.”

[@bonkchoy5544]

@@joec9239 so does that mean to just specialize?

[@Koozomec]

On the other hand one punch from 10 000 people...

[@commissarkitty3553]

Geralists make more than specialists because they tend to specialize on more than one thing. ​@@bonkchoy5544

[@thomaslayman9487]

@@Koozomecdoes that mean each one of 10,000 person punches you once, or 10,000 people each punch you 1/10,000th of a time

[@Nanorooms]

Nah, I’d adapt

[@Zackarius]

I swear mahoraga is my role model these days

[@LFanimes333]

Jujutsu Kaisen truly plagued the Internet And I love it

[@dizking743]

2 week break lobotomy kaisen in full effect

[@qweasd9153]

throught the heavens and the earth, I am the adaptable one.

[@qontroL]

Stand proud, you were adaptable!

[@destroyerinazuma96]

Old tale: a rabbit was getting sick of always being cowardly and running away. "Make me stronger! Give me a lion's teeth!" he yelled at the sky, and heavens gave him teeth like those of a lion. Except he was still cowardly, he still ran away from everything. And one day, the rabbit thought to himself: "What I need is not a lion's teeth, but a lion's heart."

[@MonkeyNeuronActivation]

And then got eaten?

[@Journey_to_who_knows]

The teeth is what will decide if your actions are cowardly or strong. Nobody would take a toothless rabbit sized lion roaring seriously. So genetics win….again.

[@IronDisulfide]

​@@Journey_to_who_knows If you send a rabbit with teeth at me I'm going to kick it across the room. If you send ANYTHING the size of a lion at me, I'm probably going to walk away. The teeth aren't useful unless you can actually use them.

[@IshratJahan-dh3ev]

Pretty ironic considering the lesson is about working with what you have instead of always wishing for the “perfect” thing you don’t have

[@dumdfighter8254]

i like how the story doesn't have the rabbit wished the heavens for a lions heart, or even imply that get one is easy/within you all along.

[@goldofox5111]

I would love to see you talk about how academic success at an early age creates a huge lack in cognitive flexibility. In other words, how school as a rigid system robs us of our innate flexibility.

[@blondequijote]

Not quite what you're suggesting but you might want to check out his video "Why gifted kids are actually special needs". It talks about the unique difficulties smart kids encounter as they go thru the educational system that isn't designed for them.

[@goldofox5111]

@@blondequijote Thanks for the recommendation! yes, I already watched that one and I agree with his analysis on many fronts. But, if I remember correctly, he didn't focus much on the cognitive flexibility part. I also enjoyed and learned a lot from his discussion with the 5 gifted kids on " Why Potential is Paralyzing | Burnt-Out Gifted Kids Interview ", it would be nice if he could bring them back to see where they are at.

[@Jake38nine]

So schools have always been a scam and a way to indoctrinate people? YOU DON'T SAY *Insert sarcasm here* Just like how society hammers in college right after highschool, but how is an 18 year old going to pay for college that doesn't have a family in the top 10%? STUDENT LOANS!!!!!!!! Funny how it all circles around to prove how much school is a scam. Parents pay for kids to be indoctrinated and then kids pay the government back in student loans to be indoctrinated, and then the cycle is passed down to their children. Honestly, we need doctors, scientists, electricians, ect... Yet they need to pay for their schooling to go and do a job that is NEEDED in society. Seems so backwards. You should be PAID for becoming something needed in society. Therefore, school should be paid for. The only things you should pay for are careers that aren't necessary in society. So arts and the such should be the only schooling that you have to pay for. Everything else that is desperately needed in society, pay students to go to school for those things. And then have rules that if you dropout or what not, THEN you have to pay it back. But if you go to school to become a doctor or electrician or into IT, then you don't owe a single penny back to the government for graduating.

[@susanh-bz5qv]

See Carol Dweck, Stanford psychologist, on Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset. I think the issue is that kids who can perform at a high level without much effort start to think that success is an innate ability and then when they reach a point when they are more challenged, they do not have the mindset to adapt and grow.

[@karolusmagnus3992]

Wow I didn't think of that, that's so true! I could just brute force all my problems with sheer intellect, but once I got out of such a rigid system that didn't work anymore, and I struggle a lot now. This video and your comment have made me realize I'm probably not very cognitively flexible, time to research this more and find ways to be more adaptable!

[@ProfoundFamiliarity]

Delete Me is an unfortunate name for the sponsor of a mental health channel

[@joedinkens]

😭

[@nimnim4699]

I was looking for this comment 😂

[@jennadee6761]

😂😂 Was thinking the same thing!

[@Shreya...1]

😂😂😅

[@lilymulligan8180]

Hahahahahaha

[@omarzakaria7572]

I saw a video of Dr. K from 4 years ago. Really interesting how different he was 4 years ago to now. So much growth. Not really a huge change in his knowledge. He was knowledgeable then. But a huge change in his approach. I noticed a lot. You've really come into your own in this area Dr. K, its awesome to see someone else growing alongside his community.

[@animatedmvs8818]

"Perhaps...just changing my tactics, my actions, aren't enough to find the strength that I'm after? Then... instead of my actions, I need to change my thinking. Getting caught in how I was has been holding me back. In order to change, I need to discard how i was so far."

[@akitadakid6326]

I read this in Nolan’s voice

[@ithinklikeawesome]

Is the blue lock?

[@animatedmvs8818]

@@ithinklikeawesome yes

[@zethstar3475]

Isagi?

[@janangeloayco6882]

as im watching this the scene with isagi adapting to barou flash in my mind lol . good one

[@AspieMemoires]

Being born on the spectrum, I naturally came with a weakness to adaptability at a biological/neurological level. This however led me to actively work on it as well as other issues I have. This then allowed me to realize the very thing you are talking of right now, I even mentioned it to my coworkers (and in my own thoughts about my coworkers) that “man people sure aren’t adaptable anymore, it’s like they can’t be autonomous” Then you make this video. Thank you for helping organize this the observations better.

[@SPyoutube42069]

I relate to this .. felt good for a while, but my last job required me to take it too far, masking required getting into a borderline hypomanic sort of flow state every day to pingpong between unpredictable demands all day long and it eventually put me in a hellish burnout I'm still not out of

[@harrisondorn7091]

Thank you for putting it into words! Very easy for us to fall into black and white thinking, but being aware of that is a strength. During the rare times where being as stubborn as a rock is the moral/right/best thing to do, you can count on it! I am doing that right now finishing my degree and I can see the end in sight, it makes me happy to have a goal. But yeah I can see that after graduation, most of life is predicated on going with the flow and trusting that things will work out, and that's frankly gonna be really hard to feel okay with. It's one of the things that NTs seem to do effortlessly that can make me jealous. But the real fact is, there is a time to be stubborn and a time to be flexible, so we all have a lot to learn from each other regardless. I try to be flexible when I can, but some things don't get compromised without a good reason - stimming, sensory peace, and special interests - and anyone who has a problem can go straight to hell, kindly. I do those things so I can push myself in other areas and grow as a person, not stagnate as a masked socialite living for others.. Sorry for the rant hah.

[@ChaoticNeutralMatt]

That was my last job. It was definitely a bit much.​@@SPyoutube42069

[@AspieMemoires]

@@SPyoutube42069 Oh when did you start working at my job too? 😂 Kidding, but genuinely you just described me in my current job, that I also just quit for a new job. Extreme burnout from pingponging is exactly it.

[@AspieMemoires]

@@harrisondorn7091 ‘I do not wish to stagnate as a Masked Socialite living for others’ 🤔 wow yeah that’s, both comments to mine are spot on the money with their own phrases. I’m using these, it fits so well.

[@euniesdabus]

As someone who lost a close family member, and then my job for reasons out of my control and had to entirely switch my major and circumstances to survive as well as attending therapy, this was really validating. My therapist told me that most people tend to think in absolutes, especially when they get older, but shes mentioned that when bad things happen to me, by the next time i see her, Ive come up with solutions to make something "work for me". To be fair, its probably bc Im terrified of being homeless or in a bunch and of schoolastic debt 😂 as well as being a street rat originally from LA lmao But anytime Ive ever failed at anything or had horrific circumstances, Id allow myself to be upset and then try to make small changes so I can be better or feel better. While Im still ways away from everything in my life being normal, I think not thinking in absolutes or black and white is an excellent thing to tell people, it does get better even if shit still sucks at the moment. I know nobody wants to hear that, but as someone who's been suicidal, depressed, had shit self esteem and has social anxiety...If an idiot like me can pull through this, then lots of other people can. Remember its not a race and success, love etc all that comes when its supposed to. You are the one who determines what you will and will not be or do. Some things are unavoidable, but you gotta make it work for you. Thanks for doing your best to help people Dr. k!

[@yerpderp6800]

100% Pretty similar in some respects too. Worked in tech, realized it wasn't for me so I quit, then the layoffs happened and it's hard to find a job in the industry again. I swallowed my pride and applied for a job I thought was shitty in a completely unrelated field, ended up enjoying it more than I expected, and now I'm not interested in the tech industry anymore (with AI I don't think it's a stable field either). I just recently quit that job after working ~7 months for a few reasons I'm not going into, it has taught me though that my old idea of NEEDING to work in tech to find success was wrong (even if it was at the expense of my happiness which I also realized I'm not fine with). So now I'm applying to a bunch of shit, got interviews for an apprenticeship in the trades, soon I'll be taking community college courses for nursing, and other job related stuff. Obviously I can't do all of them, there was a switch that flipped in my head though that I fucked up by having all of my eggs in one basket in terms of my skills and job opportunities available. If you're young with zero to few responsibilities then experiment, diversify your skillset, open as many doors as possible so that you're not screwed if one slams closed in your face. And even if you're older or have a family you should still look for sacrifices you can make and start working towards another opportunity, even if you have to take baby steps each day to get there. If you do nothing to improve your situation then you will still be screwed 5-10 years from now, maybe even be worse off. Understanding that everything in life requires effort and thus you must be the one to pour it in to get what you want was an eye-opener for me, now I'm beginning to develop gusto towards putting in effort because I now know it leads to consequences (and if done right those consequences will be beneficial for me). Have a victim, powerless mentality and you will keep being a powerless victim 🤷🏻‍♂

[@AlexJ1]

I used to be extremely lacking in adaptability. The turning point for me was removing "should" from my vocab. It really is the most dangerous word in the English language.

[@cliftut]

Also, the word "if" combined with an aim can help. And replace should with could, and generate options: If I want to meditate more, I could try and force myself to follow the script perfectly, but I know I won't or haven't, so instead I could modify the script like _this_ . And learn. Once you know even small sessions of meditation can help, you know you can start small without ruining the endeavor, and you're that much closer to a _could_ you can manage, and build on later.

[@gritcrit4385]

Also "deserve".

[@spectrum910]

What do you mean by removing should. Example?

[@AlexJ1]

@@spectrum910 By thinking about how things "should" or "should not" be, it keeps you stuck. "My boss shouldn't keep adding my workload!" isn't helpful. "I should be a better friend" isn't helpful. "I should marry the kind of person my parents would approve of" is potentially life-ruining. Any 'Should' statement can be replaced with an important question: "How can I get my boss to respect my time?" or "What action could I take right now to be the kind of friend I want to be?" or "What kind of partner would I be excited to do life with?"

[@williampan29]

or "aught" in essence: dogma

[@knucklejoe8]

Before I even watch this video, there is something that immediately comes to mind for me: the world that we live in (that is, western and urban mostly) drastically favors specialization in almost everything, whether it's passive interests like hobbies or active cultivation of careers/work. Maybe this gets addressed, maybe I'm off-base with this, but I'm going to continue watching to see.

[@knucklejoe8]

Ok, looks like it was both kind of getting addressed and being off-base? Society may ask an individual to be more specialized, which can turn people away from opportunities because they are not, but perhaps viewing them as avenues of _becoming more specialized_ and taking those steps to do so will lead to better outcomes. Though I'm mostly parsing the video through the lens of career building.

[@robertsandlin366]

Adaptability is not solving the problem of what to input into yourself (here is a process, get it done) to get the desired outcome, it is likely more changing yourself for outputting what feels right to do, to get the outcome you now might want (here is a process of doing the right thing for you by changing you, get it done). Therefore, being told to input a solution such as a side hustle (in which you decide rigidly for one possible side hustle at a time) to get the desired outcome of extra money works less well; than being told to change yourself with the words "specialize in that which you will stay with" so that you get the desired outcome of money, but realize you actually wanted a fun, liveable job far more. The specialization then results in the problem where people do not adapt to the new work situation, so instead of having the problem of what to want outputted, they see money and they specialize in one thing that doesn't work with themselves, producing problems through dislike of their work, because what you can adapt to become the best worker is different than adapting to have the most money where the critically important self is ignored.

[@knucklejoe8]

@@robertsandlin366 I'm not really sure if I'm interpreting your comment correctly, but what you're saying is: in this scenario, that is, "someone is not making enough money", using adaptability to adjust for increased workload (i.e. working more jobs, getting a side hustle) does not change the root of the problem, which is "this person is not making enough money to survive on a 40 hour work week at this job." The dissonance from not working itself, but rather the reward for doing the work, which then spreads to the work itself after. Though I wasn't really speaking about income in my original statement, I was coming more from the perspective of "you need x years of experience in x" requirements in job listings. Though it is tough to apply to those positions when there are no lower level/entry level jobs to even get experience in (i.e. 4 years in chat gpt 4 api experience... which has only been around for a single year).

[@Ryan-cb1ei]

This is true. When I struggled to find jobs out of college I started questioning what I really wanted to do. I thought I had to specialize and focus on a few skills (and I did that way too hard), thinking I needed a certification in XYZ and needed to show certain skills on my resume. But when I actually got jobs I realized there are many skills you need, especially soft skills, and some of the things I was focusing on were not even worth it. This isn’t really a point about adaptability, just that I noticed and agree with your comment that we’re so focused on specialization and possibly to our detriment. I’m thankful I did eventually get what I’d probably consider my dream job, and they vetted me based off general problem solving skills, creativity, and the likes, not by me fitting the job skills to a tee, so I’m thankful for that. I adapted and learned the skills required for the job anyway.

[@og_danksouls7822]

The content you have produced for the past week has been so good! Please keep it up, it has changed my life!!

[@garyboyles5762]

I live by this code: Don't let the Illusion of a Perfect job stop you from doing a Good Job. Bring smiles to those around you. Support those you see who aren't smiling, even if its just being in the same room, sitting quietly. Stay in the Now and build on that, because that's going to help in the Later.

[@beginnersguide4556]

If you can't change the outside change the inside.

[@TheOneGreat]

My mum literally drilled that into me as a child. Back then I didn't understand. Today I'm grateful.

[@imthinkingthoughts]

so true

[@rickicherry9073]

I think I see this in the workplace to the opposite tune, where folks who are willing to adapt but set reasonable boundaries, and find it difficult to have porous boundaries basrd on their personal circumstances, and it’s unreasonable to conform entirely to every ask. Reasonable Boundaries are sometimes interpreted as saying “this doesn’t work for me” and not being adaptable, when in reality you can’t adapt to every demand, you have to be able to maintain some boundaries. This info can be weaponized unintentionally as a way to get through boundaries.

[@jjkpilapil]

i hope dr. k address this in one of his next videos

[@BizzUK]

That's why a boundary is a boundary, it's a mutual agreement upon a line in which you do not cross. If someone says they have a boundary against something because it doesn't work for them, then that person either needs to accept that the boundary is too much, compromise their boundary in some way, or leave the scenario with their boundary intact. The problem is people try to adapt in the wrong ways, in that scenario the only viable way to adapt is to change your own behaviour. If it doesn't work for you, and it doesn't work for them, it won't work.

[@rickicherry9073]

@@jjkpilapilme too, doctor K- would love to learn more about this!

[@TALE5music]

Identity plays a huge role as always. How can you adapt if you are completely confident in your lack of adaptability? How you view yourself is a mirror into the future, as your identity shapes your daily life which in return compounds into huge results before you know it, good or bad.

[@Kassidar]

Yeah people who think they're God's gift to humanity and expect everyone and everything, law included, to bend to their wants might have you on that one. Apparently when your identity conflicts with reality enough we call that narcissism and consider it a pathology.

[@Anonymous-tk7tm]

I'd say identity is malleable. With time I've developed some form of awareness to be able to distinguish whether am holding on to an identity that serves me/no longer serves me.. Not fitting in a conceptual box. Always knowing that I'm a persona who's capable of morphing

[@Bertinator-nm9ld]

You gotta start to lessen the strength of that confidence. Start to let go of that identity. That's a process, in and of itself, but it's doable. And it's what's needed to succeed.

[@itistheway6893]

This is exactly what my daughter has been struggling with for years! Now I know what help to look for. Thank you! 🙏

[@sspectre8217]

This is something I forced myself to learn years ago when I was suffering from depression, anxiety, low self esteem and anger issues. Last year I figured I overcorrected for most of those (except the self esteem, I think I nailed that one actually) since I was smothering out those emotions so I’ve been practicing feeling, expressing and acting in those emotions without them spiraling out of control. Right now my priorities are working on my ability to focus and my sense of time, though the more I’ve been working on those two the more I suspect I may have ADHD

[@Rueian]

The last part is the important part. There is no guarantee of success. I have tried, over and over and over again, various different ways that others have found success, but it has not once shown me any bit of progress. I'm listening, I'm putting in effort, more than people will give credit, but it is just not enough. I dont improve my skills, I dont make closer relationships, I dont find better work, I dont feel better about my situation. I just drudged along, one foot in front of another as everyone around me sprints forward leaving me behind. Stagnant in motion. I know that stopping is the only way to guarentee that i cant succeed, but the longer i go without any positive reinforcement, some morsel of progress, the heavier the weight became to the point that I just find it unbearable.

[@iluxa-4000]

I feel you, bro. And what I would suggest is diversify in a different way. Instead of trying to achieve the goal you desperately wanted to achieve in different ways, instead try to find something that you will be successful at, and spend your energy there. In my example - I used to be mediocre at best at everything, and all my hobbies kinda sucked, I wasn't really engaged with anything because I couldn't find success. But one time I stumbled across a chess app, and wouldn't you know it - 1,5 years later I'm better than 98,4% of people, without even studying much, I was just playing the game. And I bet you can find something like that in your life. And when you'll find success, when you'll feel the positive reinforcement, you can give your problems another go. Or even approach them from a different angle. If you're painfully single, maybe you can find a hobby that you would be passionate about, and find a relationship through it in time

[@msmcfly]

You summed up everything I wanted to post here. With the exception that I am most of the time genuinely excited to find new approaches / ways of trying things. BUT when the vast majority require so much emotional/time/cognitive investment and any benefits you get are consistently poor or mediocre, it becomes extremely hard to justify the effort needed to maintain the momentum to keep on trying. Tldr : there's only so many times you can get kicked when you're already down, before the effort of getting up again becomes too much. There is just nothing left in the tank but you don't want to give up and just throw in the towel.

[@msmcfly]

Unfortunately, "I'm still here" doesn't get you very far in this world, even if it's a major achievement in itself.

[@yerpderp6800]

and just like he said, how much is really "over and over and over again"? Just try 5-10 minutes a day without structure to the effort for a year, if even that? Have you read books, dissected recordings of others that are accomplishing what you want, have you recorded yourself and dissected your own sayings and movements to find the differences? I don't know what exactly you're trying to improve at, you didn't specify, but if I'm getting it right I also get the impression that you cast such a wide net where I'm not sure how much time you're really pouring into ONE thing. If you want to get better at something you typically have to focus on that one thing...focusing on something like 10 things at once won't really cut it. Where are even your goalposts, how are you measuring success? If you're trying to find a close relationship then making a close friend, while nice as a long-term goal, doesn't help for the short-term. Can you instead aim for a conversation that lasts at least 15 seconds vs 5? How many questions did the person you're trying to get closer with ask? Were they actively listening to you, and if so then for how long? On what topics were they paying attention to you? Were YOU exercising your active listening skills? There are so, so many things someone can do on one thing alone; just how many routes have you really tried to improve yourself? Success isn't guaranteed for a goal but you can certainly ADAPT and look for different measures of success. And sure, maybe you are going to be hardcapped for something. Part of adaptability is also knowing when to give up so you can better use your time for other ventures you have more success in. But it's important to learn when you're doing that for prioritization of time vs as an escape from trying.

[@Rueian]

@@yerpderp6800 Years of repetition for most goals, actively researching, trying to mimic/reverse engineer, asking others for help, coaching, etc. I'm not just doing the exact same thing every single time and saying that is me trying. My life has just continued to build evidence that effort doesn't produce results. Its gotten hard to even muster the will to try anymore since there doesn't seem to be a goal I can reach that is in any way meaningful. Just another replaceable/disposable/forgettable cog in the machine of the world.

[@arghya_333]

When people say that adaptation doesn't work in 'extreme edge cases', yes that might be true. But what they fail to is that by trying to adapt, they find out why exactly that approach doesn't work, and then iterating this knowledge with different techniques which don't work (after experimenting) will help you make your own solution. So adaptation helps you regardless.

[@Ryan-cb1ei]

Yeah, people see problems as a hindrance preventing them from achieving something when they should be viewing them as something that’s automatic, they will happen, and as opportunities to learn, overcome, and be more adaptable in the end.

[@norude]

If at first, you don't succeed, lower your expectations to the point that you're a success

[@romansdump]

after you succeed you may want to rise your expectations a little at some point haha

[@amandamadaci7797]

Or change the desired department 😂 It happened to me 50% from my own state of mind of where should I switch my focus to and 50% from the employer's perspective of what are their needs and my abilities or at least potentials. I found a job I would never thought of myself and it turned out to be a surreal experience. And it gives space for growth or to say promotions. We don't know everything that is out there, the market is too wide and complex. And so are we. Some people really actually want one specific job or field and would not accept anything else. Some take what they can. But I believe most of us have a variety of skills, talents and knowledge that we can use in many occasions

[@CryptidBuddy]

That’s just insane, is Chris Chan a success then

[@yerpderp6800]

@@CryptidBuddy they're clearly joking 🤣

[@Dave_of_Mordor]

​@@romansdump no don't raise it. You'll forever be a winner this way

[@damienkphoto]

This video felt like it was tailored to me in so many ways. I dropped out of school 8 years ago, I'm 25 now, been working a lot of shit jobs (some prestigious in name but otherwise cooked), and have lots of experience working in retail/hospitality, but I finally decided to get back into school. I've also been playing guitar as a primary instrument all my life. My current dilemma is feeling like I'm sacrificing the potential of having a music career for the sake of going back to school to study something more STEM/healthcare related. Like all the years I worked toward my guitar chops gone because I let life and the dire need for job security ruin my life. What I truly want to do is be on stage again. Nothing gives me the feeling and validation than going on stage and playing for people. Hopefully the job market won't be too bad 4-5 years down the line and I make stable income to support my gigs and GAS. Good luck to all

[@lilacdust540]

Adaptation and cognitive flexibility is one of my most cherished personal values alongside pragmatism and practicality. Thank you so much for this.

[@winkletter]

This reminds me of the constraints-led approach to sports training. Instead of learning isolated technique, you practice adaptable skills using constraints to explore the problem space.

[@Ryan-cb1ei]

Is this like cross training or hybrid training? Where in order to improve in one sport you do another form of sport/training? I’ve been seeing a lot of people talk about how good this is, and I’ve tried it myself and it really works. In my case, I started running (realized I do actually like it) and it’s given me so much more physical and mental energy and even better physical capabilities to lead better work outs (lifting weights) and be more consistent. It has even translated to other areas of my life. In my friends case, he started lifting weights a bit and swimming to help his running and improve recovery and his muscles.

[@womanonselfimprovement]

Hello Dr K! Just want to say thank you for your work I’ve looked a lot at the maladaptive daydreaming topic as we’ll as anxiety and it was very useful. Thank you! I’m a 23 years old and I’m starting my youtube because you inspired me to change a big thank you. If some people out here are interested I will talk about shyness, social anxiety, mindset. Hope to see you there.

[@harrisondorn7091]

Improvise! Adapt! Overcome!

[@msmcfly]

My personal goals are a little lower: Adapt! Improvise! Find a reason to keep going for 1 more day! ❤

[@jasminstich1376]

Dr. K: stay flexible, don't think in black an white. Also Dr. K: so there are two groups of people. Flexible and inflexible people

[@walker9893]

This is such an ironic comment because this demonstrates the insurmountable perfectionism setback thing he was talking about. You have to move past this mindset Hes creating short format content, he needs to be clear and laconic in his descriptions. You have the time and headspace to realise he was talking about the ends of a spectrum

[@zirakguzder3764]

@@walker9893 ur a smart guy

[@jasminstich1376]

@@walker9893 it was just meant as a joke 😅 I know that it was just simplified to keep it short and easily understandable. But you are right of course if you take my comment seriously

[@Hexanitrobenzene]

​@@jasminstich1376 Poe's law: someone on the internet will definitely take your sarcasm at face value. Remember, we don't hear nor see you, so nonverbal cues are lacking. Include smileys, at least :)

[@vngelsvnddemons5292]

All your content is gold, Dr. K. This one in particular was one I needed to hear/remind myself of. Thank you for everything.

[@RahulSharma-oq2ut]

Drk about to summon mahoraga in this video

[@BeanMann]

Drk any time someone has anxiety "With this sacred tresure i summon..."

[@Gym-Stin]

Dr. K Video idea here. Up- and downsides of tracking. I mean what track people these days: steps, calories, sleep, gym plans, other to do lists… You mentioned in this video the brain keeps track of a lot of things and regulates accordingly. How do these external trackers interfere with the natural regulation of the brain. Other aspect: trackers for a false sense of control or feeling of accomplishment without doing anything.

[@RikusLategan]

indeed

[@Bertinator-nm9ld]

Good question! One thing I would point out is that the brain's internal trackers and regulators don't always work perfectly. A good example was my weightloss journey. Tracking calories definitely modified my's internal trackers and hunger regulatory systems, over time. But that was a good thing, because my natural inclination was to overeat by a significant margin. Now that I've spent a lot of time giving my mind feedback from calorie trackers, it has become better at giving me accurate feedback and regulatory signals. Now I no longer need to use a tracker, most of the time. Thanks to those external apps that I relied on for several years.

[@v9b23j]

It takes emotional intelligence to exercise cognitive flexibility. Seeing things from other people's perspectives with curiosity, when we see them differently, disagree with them, or even when their facts are wrong, will allow them to feel validated. Criticizing their feelings and correcting their misconception will make them feel invalidated, leave them feeling unseen, unheard, not understood, and prolong any conflict. Only by putting ourselves in their shoes, can we have a healthy debate, find a common ground and resolve conflict. Or we can simply agree to disagree while respecting each other's differences.

[@marissahicks3529]

I see you’ve met my parents

[@newtinabox]

What happens when you listen to the other person's perspective, you understand what they think and how they got there, so you know just how wrong they are, but they still don't come around? And what if you also could not simply agree to disagree? Some people have views and ideas that are so terrible that we can't ethically agree to disagree, and you don't even have to think too hard to come up with examples of views like that, either in history or current times. If you can't "respect their differences" and they're unwilling to change, what do we do then? Being a centrist doesn't always work, and seeing from their perspective isn't always enough to bridge that gap. What else is there?

[@blondequijote]

​@@newtinaboxYou have to make that honest effort to understand their perspective in order to find out if it's them or you being close-minded. I think we also have to be willing to admit there's things we can't understand just like there's things other ppl won't understand. Most religious ppl I Potterselytize to won't understand that Harry Potter is the true magical savior for our modern times, but maybe as I understand more about their faith I can market the magical new religion of Tadaism more effectively. I know that anti-magic religious propaganda keeps them from opening their minds, but the Holy Text has counters to a lot of that stuff. Even if they won't meet me halfway, we can agree to a game of quoting our respective Holy books back and forth. That helps them see similarities.

[@walker9893]

​@@newtinabox this demonstrates the inflexibility. You have been convinced by the internet, that it is somehow impossible for you to interact with (lets say a neo nazi) without you trying to change their political perspective. This is a human being, despite their idiotic views. They may have severe emotional damage from trauma, they may not be cognitively functioning correctly, or they may have just got a very closed minded view that has allowed them to become brainwashed. You absolutely can agree to disagree with this person, your desire to challenge everything is rooted in insecurity and feeling the need to socially signal how 'good' you are.

[@tavishr3194]

Before anyone chooses to read my words, I want you to watch the video because I am the kind of person who would in some cases fall into this camp of people arguing against this idea, especially with the last few points. Regardless, I would ask that before you make a judgement please watch the video in full. Now for the musing. Personally, I get the feeling that it's really really easy to tell people to be more adaptable, to tell people to be more cognitively flexible but, in practice i don't quite know if it's always the right option. DR. K even mentions some of those cases like an abusive relationship and even mentions how it would be black and white to say adaptability is always the answer and that it will allow you to always win. I agree with some of the points that Dr. K makes about how challenging your own rigidity and becoming more cognitively flexible has you better adapt to the circumstances around you, however I... find it difficult to want to agree with this sentiment that you are the one who needs to change if someone's advice or tip doesn't work for you. I don't quite believe it's fair to see that every single time you are challenged or made uncomfortable by something that it's a sign of you need to change. Sometimes there are just some things that are such obvious forms of discomfort that it's better not to engage with them and I feel like the video could do a better job of explaining those cases instead of only portraying cognitive flexibility as the solution. I just feel like we're demanding too much of people this way. We're demanding too much of people to constantly adjust to their circumstances, when fundamentally some of the stuff they're going through shouldn't even be there! I conceded that adjusting to a problem solving mindset instead of an obstacle to quit mindset is a more conducive way to handle problems and to generally do better in life but to imply that one needs to do this every time? Wouldn't that just run right back into the black and white thinking of this one perfect solution will improve everything? Shouldn't we be giving more room to the other side of the argument? I feel like this video is lacking some things. I'm not fully sure what those things are but, I don't quite think that purely adaptation alone will be what fixes the problem.

[@snow86241]

I don't think he meant it as always use cognitive flexibility for everything. But as a tool to try for whatever example problem you're facing. I think every time he has given advice it's always like, he doesn't guarantee anything will work 100% of the time but it's still worth a shot, and even if he's wrong or if it doesn't work for you, that's still leaving you with more information and experience than you had before. So in that lens I do think that cognitive flexibility is a tool worthy of merit. But again it's general advice and it's not suited for everyone and every circumstance, for that you'd have to consult one on one with a therapist or a psychiatrist or a "coach." I also think that regarding this line " fundamentally some of the stuff they're going through shouldn't even be there" he has said that there is no such thing as to deserve or not to deserve, and I had a tough time understanding what that actually meant. I think it's okay to feel that it was wrong for someone to have done x y or z to you. But in the lens of trying to fix the problem, thinking "I didn't deserve to be treated this way" does nothing to fix the current predicament. It's a lament about a past that is not changeable. And more over in the most general sense the earth owes you nothing, society tries to create a framework where people are treated fairly for the most part, but even then you aren't guaranteed a life without childhood trauma, adulthood abuse, and many of the other things that happen that "shouldn't have happened in the first place." So I think what he is trying to get at is, instead of being stuck on how you were given an unfair shake, realize that the past is unchangeable, the only moment you have any power over is the present, not the past nor the future. Instead of lingering on "if only this hadn't happened" lets accept that things have happened and how can we work best with what we have to work with to get to where we need to go? At least that's my interpretation of what he's said after binging through 10-20 hours of his content up until now XD.

[@DarkHorse0]

I don't mean this as a dig but this also feels like an example of black-and-white thinking to me. My first thought about the (fairly valid) arguments you put up is that adaptability is not mutually exclusive to changing bad/problematic circumstances. One might try adapting to a situation first, and if it just doesn't work, maybe then they could switch gears to trying to change the situation itself. The main benefit of adaptability seems to me to be that a person would be capable of changing their approach instead of only ever considering one approach in the first place. It's not that adapting to a situation is the silver bullet and the only approach that every person should try. It's that adaptability offers people the ability to try out an approach, see if it works or not, and then switch approaches if it doesn't work. The problem as Dr. K points out is that most people don't really seem to change their approaches very often and stick to an approach even when it clearly doesn't work for them, and reject other potential approaches almost on reflex instead of actually considering them. Applying this to an example of let's say, a person in an abusive relationship, I don't think the takeaway is that a person that's in an abusive relationship should just adapt to the situation instead of leaving the relationship. To me, the takeaway is that the person should think what their current approach is, and evaluate whether it's really working for them, and consider alternative approaches. I'm relying on what I've personally seen/heard instead of statistical data here, but people in abusive relationships are often almost blind to the possibility of leaving the relationship or very reluctant to even try. Sometimes, they have very good reasons to think so (I know of some horror stories about what can happen to women that try to leave an abusive relationship with a violent partner in the US, for example). Other times, they might be overly focused on the worst case scenarios when it's not actually very likely to turn out that way from the perspective of an unbiased third party, let's say. At least in the latter case, being cognitively flexible and considering the approach of leaving the relationship would help the person more than rejecting any approach other than staying in the relationship. The former case is a lot more complicated but even then, there might be approaches that could have decent chances of succeeding, and rather than rejecting all approaches that don't perfectly resolve the situation, perhaps considering and accepting an imperfect approach might be the "right" option, i.e. a good enough compromise. To summarize, you're right that adapting to a situation isn't always the right answer, but I'd say that that's not exactly what the video is advocating for. More generally, the video advocates for being cognitively flexible and considering different approaches to solving a problem. Oftentimes, people look for perfect solutions to problems and want change to come externally instead of internally, when the external situation isn't even that bad (people who have trouble finding relationships but who also never try to meet new people in the first place, for example). For these kinds of people, trying to look for something they can change internally would likely have better results than trying to hope for external change that's beneficial to them (continuing with the previous example, hoping for other people to come up to you instead of you ever going to them). For people that genuinely are in a terrible situation, I don't think the video necessarily says that they should just figure out how to adapt to the situation and stay in the situation. To me, it seems that the takeaway is that changing or getting out of the situation is valid strategy and falls under "adapting", in the broad sense. For a somewhat grandiose example, kinda like how humans started doing agriculture rather than just accepting famine and starvation due to not being able to hunt and gather food. That seems like it would fall under adaptation to me. Maybe the video could have done a better job of explicitly presenting adaptability as much, but I also sympathize with them that they can only cover so much ground and trying to cover every single viewer's problem would reduce the overall impact of the video. Who knows though, maybe they'll figure out better ways to do this going forward.

[@domninin]

I think that is where the stuff about emotional awareness Dr. K always talks about comes in. Maybe it's not a good idea to adapt always, but you can try and if you notice it starting to deteriorate your emotional state, see what you can do about that next. Maybe at that point you realize what you did before wasn't so bad or you find another solution to improve both the first aspect you wanted to change and the emotional aspect.

[@susanh-bz5qv]

Leaving an abusive relationship is adaptation for survival.

[@Bertinator-nm9ld]

That first paragraph sounded an awful lot like you might be focusing too much on edge cases. A problem which was addressed in the back half of the video.

[@Straga_Severa_]

If everybody adapted to circumstances, instead of forcing them to change, there would be no progress in the world. "Adapt. Don't challenge the mainstream narrative. The problem is you, not the world. Adapt." I understand that K does not say this explicitly, but in order to protect the audience from this logical conclusions, the video should be more nuanced, including points where you should NOT adapt. As the famous Russian song says: "It's never worth it to bend for the whimsical world - One fine day it'll bend upon us!.."

[@VioletEmerald]

Taylor Swift has a few powerful lyrics around this topic. "Bend when you can, snap when you have to" is the main one that comes to mind ;) she also discusses: "That old familiar body ache The snaps from the same little breaks in your soul You know when it's time to go". Good points I think.

[@anveio]

You're doing the thing. Arguing against a basic, well-supported idea by extrapolating into some extreme counter-example instead of engaging with the heart of what he's saying.

[@Straga_Severa_]

@@anveio This is an extreme example to highlight the problem with his rhetoric. In fact, there are many reasons to NOT adapt to circumstances and instead adapt them to your will - this example is just the most glaring one. He should have mentioned the cases when it is good not to adapt - and he did not, therefore the "hear of what he's saying" is deliberately misleading.

[@coolbreezeinsummer]

@@Straga_Severa_ the problem is that you can’t change the world if you don’t change yourself first. To push a heavy object, you need stable footing. Adaptability is that stable footing.

[@Asnerlicious]

I love this. I wasnt sure where you were going with it by the title, but its what I needed to hear. Great primer for nondual thinking as well. I think an important characteristic of ppl struggling with this concept is this idea of placing labels and dividing things mentally into concrete categories. Ask yourself "do I have a need to understand people by sorting them into a category or attaching labels?" Its convenient and easy to do and it leads to making false assumtions.

[@susanh-bz5qv]

Ah yes. I see that compulsion to "sort and classify" in a lot of people. It stunts intellectual and emotional growth by assuming that everybody else is also incapable of adapting or changing.

[@bridgetmoore1588]

So good and right on time as always!! Thank you Dr. K!!

[@zero3281]

Watching this from my hometown in the Himalayas 😊

[@trappart9209]

Cool 😁

[@TheEtoneKapone]

Whats funny is the first half of this video. My mind was fighting what he was saying, "he doesn't get it theres just certain things I cant and wont do." Then the second half im like.... But have I actually tried long enough to even allow change??...lol

[@harrisondorn7091]

yess the plot arc begins

[@TheRealLeesyKate]

It's so nice to watch one of your videos and hear that an attitude (decision??) I embraced in order to thrive as a ND person from childhood (diagnosis in adulthood btw) is scientifically backed. Hooray neuroplasticity :D I was just talking to someone the other day about how, if I try hard enough, I can convince myself to like certain foods or get up earlier or pick up new languages really quickly. And then while I was receiving the wrong kind of treatment for depression and anxiety, that all went out the window and left me stupendously perplexed. It's amazing how much stems from belief. Now to convince myself that I am a billionaire 🤣

[@FantabulousVideos]

This is exactly what I needed to hear! Thank you!

[@Oscar_Lagrosen]

The ending was so powerful! Thank you Alok for everything you do

[@Robert.Marshall]

I have a couple questions: 1. What is the best supplement stack I should take to perfect my cognitive, psychological, and behavioral stats? 2. What meditations should I do to perfect my adaptability skills? 3. What are the best games to play to meet my perfect mate?

[@hamsteratemyhomework618]

A way of wording this that works for me, "What can I incorporate from this and make my own, and what is unhelpful and needs changing or outright shedding from the advice?" As an autistic, I was very hesitant to make certain changes to my life based on Dr. K's videos, because it felt like masking (which it was for me a lot of the time) and so, instead of directly making changes to myself - I would change the WAY I incorporated advice and how I looked at it and in turn, that would effect me, which is kind of the anti-thesis to masking (artificially changing yourself and your persona to fit in with others in a way that is unnatural and easy to see through) in some regard. For instance, "Do some rote activity to process negative emotions." Instead of planning to do the dishes (which is difficult for me) I'm thinking of making that activity separate from the "rote activity" and it occurred to me recently that stimming IS my "rote activity" So rather than forcing myself to do an activity that is ironically stressful to process negative emotions, I will instead take the advice and re-apply it to my life in an individuation of the advice that's more efficient than trying to mold my capability around the advice; Molding my capability in another area to help ME perform in another. I.E. lowering my stress through stimming to be relaxed enough to to the dishes, rather than trying to do the dishes to lower my stress (which is kinda an oxy-moron)

[@msmcfly]

Great comment. I'm really liking his videos but having trouble to apply the concepts to my life, being ND and schizoid personality disorder (SPD). I do not have black and white thinking,.but everything is a cost /benefit reward calculation. Which isn't super helpful a lot of the time. E.g. his paitent with BPD who wants to unalive. Having SPD I can rationally calculate the physical and emotional cost of maintaining life vs. Current and potential future benefits. Doesn't help when for many many years it has not been worth the cost. And ... as an additional note, his comment about people asking for help and not being flexible to use the advice. It's hard to hear this when you are being told by multiple mental health professionals that they don't know how to help you anymore /run out of treatment options. Sorry to rant. This video just really hit me hard.

[@msmcfly]

Btw ... what's your most comforting but "non- productive" stimming behaviour? Mine used to be knitting (very badly!) but now it's just stretching and flexing my ankles & calves when I'm at work. And at home it's cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.

[@hamsteratemyhomework618]

@@msmcfly Hm, I guess it's moving just my open palms up and down on my leg while keeping my fingers resting when sitting down. Though the classic side to side rocking while standing works best I think. I wish it was cleaning, that would help a ton. My room looks like a pit. Also can't do any stretching, it makes me anxious for some reason. Might be because I sense it becoming an OCD compulsion. Interesting how stimming behaviours can vary so widely between people. I wonder what influences that or if it's something tied to the person's natural consciousness, rather than something picked up from experience

[@msmcfly]

But also, I feel like my house is always a mess anyway. Its just a good distraction from my brain /real life issues to want order to the chaos and know that things 'appear' hygienic.

[@hamsteratemyhomework618]

@@msmcfly Same. I "organize" my room and whenever I leave for a long time on vacation or something it's like I returned to my grandparents attic or something. It's hard to see it objectively because I'm always around it.

[@gabbya2468]

As a nurse, I see this everyday with my colleagues and especially in new grads! The best nurses I know are adaptive in their mindset and don't negate immediately what a patient has to say. The most difficult nurses to work with are the ones who are stuck in their ways, though new best practice guidelines come out. For the new grads that are traumatized by one event and leave bedside, it breaks my heart and their heart too. They've spent four years studying to get to this position and to leave.

[@newgothwhosdis]

So instead of saying: "I'm a weed smoker, meditation wont work on me" I should be saying: "IF I want to meditate, Ill have to cut smoking to the week ends, so that I can be sober during my meditation practices" Am I getting this right?

[@latheefshaik5824]

No "I will make mediation work for me. I will make it work"

[@Chosen-_-]

I'm turning 19 in exactly 30 days and I really needed this, my strict divorced parents situations is also not helping me at all. Thanks a lot again doctor

[@AlexJ1]

There's IQ, EQ, and AQ. Adaptation is so fundamental to a life worth living. Doesn't get talked about enough.

[@gambit_elstar]

Is AQ a corruption though?

[@shivangisharma8749]

Please keep making accessible videos such as these which is really helpful for others, I cannot afford to help you right now to makes mental health accessible for others but I really am looking forward to be able to do so even when it's in really less numbers 😊

[@prateekprakash6558]

Adapt. Improvise. Overcome.

[@Tayleron]

Excellent, I needed this. I think I always knew it, but having it spelled out changes everything

[@RikusLategan]

Chasing perfection is just chasing.

[@pixelbrushcafe6531]

I'm flexible in my flexibility. Will I try it X, Y, Z out for a problem space? Yes! That's the adaptability. Am I going to grind until I'm a nub over and over again when it really isn't working out thinking that I'm not adaptable enough? No! It's the serenity prayer: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

[@A_Yk.]

nah, i'd adapt

[@qweasd9153]

are you adaptable because you adapt or you adapt because you are adaptable?

[@wincelet]

@@qweasd9153 I adapt, therefore I am

[@DarkHorse0]

@@qweasd9153 Is a tautology a tautology?

[@popo0129]

This reminds me of a work meeting I had. The owner thought we could somehow target a whole country like he "did" when the business took off (he really just got buyers from three states). I told him you cannot depend on this strategy and honestly, you did only target three states. There was one other that we could had targeted really well if we took some measures to do so. A plan yes but more at least attempting something there to get results then adapting based on the feedback from the results. We have yet to even start targeting the other country and I don't know why. I was all for it, would be a fun challenge.

[@OtakuOG]

OOO! I like this! I'm grateful to hear this now because I am looking to get feedback to my debut novel and we know, sometimes people don't like hearing negative things about their creations, even if it's meant to be constructive feedback/criticism. Anyway, I'm glad I watched this because I now have a useful "tool" in my mental arsenal to help receive feedback in a respectful, non-egotistical, and adaptable manner! Thanks Dr. K!

[@williamspirralafton3143]

Thanks for all of the advice you gave to me and many other people!

[@kazziodex9561]

Seriously, why didn't you talk about this 5 years ago? I really needed to hear this. I am so grateful for this. Thank you dr.k

[@logancain]

I definitely used to be inflexible, and it's something I'm still working on, but so far, literally every piece of Dr. K advice so far has worked for me 😂

[@user-em4vn4kt4q]

As I was watching the video and making notes, I was absolutely amazed by the way Dr. K was able to link multiple topics and present everything, and thought to myself how I will never be able to do such things. But I quickly snapped out of it, going along with what Dr K taught about Black and White thinking........ This man is the GOAT

[@ryanbarker3978]

Adaptability and ethics are an intriguing conversation

[@msmcfly]

I have no idea if this was the intent of the video (which I thought was really good!), but I thought that adaptability and boundaries are only real and empowering if they are enforceable. E.g. the school bullying example. Great in theory, and I greatly regret standing up for myself (and therefore making myself stand out), but what happens when "standing down" and the other person / boss /parent just percieves this as a weakness and doubles down on their behaviour? And as a genuine question, at what point does this version of covert 'passivity' become detrimental because it's inauthentic to your core beliefs and feelings? I would like to try this approach in my workplace, but am unsure as how it would be percieved (I.e. being a push over /weak / not ideal for leadership). Especially being a gender queer person in male dominated mining industry. I want to try this version but it's too risky.

[@shneakyshlala]

This came at the right time for me. While journaling yesterday all I thought was, well when my partner does these things, I know it's not to make me feel bad, and I can't always be asking people to adjust to me, so how do I react differently? This video gave me the vocabulary to describe exactly what I was trying to figure out: how to adapt. Thank you

[@genericplayz6470]

You sound passionately frustrated with some aspects of our society, and I feel it.

[@alexandramaclachlan7597]

I noticed a whole snowball of thoughts almost immediately after you began speaking after the ad. "If I change myself to fit society... am I letting "them" win?" Them? Win? What does that mean? I intuitively assume that actions = identity, so if I perform against my inherent drive... then I'm not being authentic. If I adapt to the situation, it's not simply a costume I can wear for the particular circumstance... it's as if I have to embody that thing, heart & soul.

[@lilymulligan8180]

I've done a lot of things over the past few years to transform from a loser into a happy, successful person - and a big one is adopting an experimental mindset. I very much used to live in black and white thinking, rejecting every suggestion that anyone made to improve my life. I have a rebellious streak, and don't like being told what to do, so here's how I adapted adaptability (lol) : "Oh yeah? Prove it." Oh, you don't think that a calorie deficit will help you lose weight? Prove it. You don't think that you can do the splits if you stretch for just a few minutes every day? Prove it. You don't think you can get better by going to therapy? Prove it. Important note about proving it, though: you have to actually give it a full effort, and I recommend committing to a certain amount of time, maybe 30/60/90 days. If you try the diet, but you don't fully commit to it, or you don't stick with it long enough to see results, you HAVEN'T ACTUALLY PROVEN THAT IT DOESN'T WORK. You have to actually adhere to the protocol. At the end of your experiment, if your new practice truly doesn't work for you, then you get the satisfaction of being right. If it DOES work for you, then you get the satisfaction of improving your life. Win/win?

[@TES-541]

This has been huge for me. as someone raised by an all or nothing, black and white thinking person who struggles with depression and can't go with the flow, I've already felt lighter a day later after hearing this and doing a lot of things I"ve been putting off. When I feel a bit stuck, I just tell myself adapt. Often I'd do great for a whole day, and screw up, by say, eating an extra 100 calories which really doesn't matter but I'd feel like a failure and binge eat. But adaptation is like the middle ground between resilience and discipline. It's resilient enough to go with the flow, but while also recognizing a lot of the things we feel the need to be resilient for, is really just rigid thinking in our own mind. And discipline, but whereas discipline normally feels like a drill sergeant, adaptation can be a bit friendlier. So you missed a morning workout? No big deal, you can do it tonight, or run a few extra minutes the rest of the week, or just take a day off because it's no emergency. Thank you, Dr. K!

[@Taylor-ot3rk]

Personally I’ve attributed a lot of success in life to adaptability. It’s sometimes challenging to balance this and healthy boundary setting- speaking from someone who can be a bit of a doormat but getting better!

[@orangetruckman]

I can’t remember where I heard this from, but it goes like this: “Those magazine articles that have 101 ways to improve your life or relationships and we try 1 or 2 of them and give up on the other 99 ways.” Hearing that struck me to the core and really challenges how I think of things. I’d high encourage other to try listening to the motivational speeches on KZbin for awhile. After a week or two, I would bet that something will have a similar response as I had. Good luck and don’t give up 💪🏻

[@actasifitisimpossibletofail]

This is sooo good. Feeling grateful.

[@Schecterman777]

To be fair, a vampire city builder sounds pretty dope

[@inquisitionagent9052]

Try out a game called Infection Free Zone if you're interested.

[@trevoraremu6658]

This might be the most important video I’ve seen from this channel!

[@_Chessa_]

How do I adapt to demeaning comments and bullying from my mother? And yelling and constant screaming of cruel words from my father without crying? Is there a way to adapt to this? I’m actually truly wanting to adapt because I’m living with them and it’s hard some days to do things I enjoy because I’m afraid to come out of my room. Im actually afraid to just sit at the table when my mother and father are there and I’m 30 and I’m afraid of my parents. I really want to learn how to be able to not hear the words and not take it personally. I want cry so much when it happens but I’m told not to cry. Can this be achieved so I can focus on getting a psychologist and a job for myself without feeling afraid? Thank you Dr K. ❤

[@HELLRAISER02]

I wont say too much, but im seeing this after the gifted kid video I always try to not get trapped by black and white thinking and try to stay somewhat adaptive but when sometimes i put in lots of work into something and its not successful, it can be really hard not to be overwhelmed by overly hopeless thoughts, it can be a struggle

[@knucklejoe8]

I believe myself to be adaptable and I think that's a good thing. However, there are certain things that I refuse to be flexible for myself, such as morality... Granted, that's why I don't currently have a job, which is not what most people consider "successful", but overall I'm much happier as a result.

[@janosd4nuke]

That's a great clash and mix. Better be successful in being a good man, than being successful in the rat race. If you have the savings and support network to afford temporary lack of job that adaptability can help you even career wise in the long run. Showing you can make tough tradeoffs, find a way to success and grind hard while being true to your standards. Another hair splitting tho: you should be adaptable in the application of morals too, just not their basis. Every situation likely has unknown circumstances and hip firing moral judgement may lead to that sub optimal black and white thinking instead of actual constructive solutions. But yeah, non-negotiable are essential too for a strong foundation.

[@inquisitionagent9052]

Morality is subjective. What good is your so called morality if its made you jobless and miserable? At what point does it just become self imposed shackles?

[@janosd4nuke]

@@inquisitionagent9052 I didn't see miserable until you slided into the thread. Granted there is merit in your stance regarding morality. But there is also fulfillment and strength in holding yourself accountable to higher standards. Gotta pick them wisely tho. The journey never ends.

[@JerDrey05]

I just discovered this channel, and I already think it is one of the best things that happened to me. Thank you

[@aishssue]

Wow, i literally needed this today.

[@Jake38nine]

I am an adaptable person. My problem becomes when someone else continuously tells me to or tries to forcibly make me change by threatening me or gaslighting me. I have so much trauma over "friends" telling me to change this or that, I change it, then they want ANOTHER thing about me to change. And I've come to the point over the last few years to be extremely tired of adapting to other people, only for nobody to adapt to me. So this conversation did spark a trigger in me because of that. I am adaptable, but I don't want to be all the freaking time because then I feel like I'm not me or I can't be me and that's where a lot of my depression and purposelessness comes from. Like all things in life, adaptability/change is good in MODERATION. Do not adapt too much. Ironically, I don't think Dr. K recognized this, but he had a bit of black and white thinking when talking about this subject where he was basically telling you to be adaptable without telling you the CONS of being adaptable all the time. So be careful when someone criticizes you for your black and white thinking when that person criticizing you is projecting their own black and white thinking onto you.

[@susanh-bz5qv]

I don't think the issue is quantity ("do not adapt too much") but quality. Adapt in order to be more successful, happier, better. What you're describing is a situation in which you're not happy or successful. A possibly better adaptation might be better develop a stronger sense of who you are. A possibly better adaptation might be to learn to notice when someone is gaslighting you and to deal with it in a more assertive manner. Best wishes.

[@karna6634]

changing urself to fit with your "friends" that threaten and gaslighting you isnt what being adaptive is about . adaptive is working as to why these people able to threaten or gaslight you , are they really friends ? am i not setting up boundaries properly just to be with friends with them ? am i easily push around ? am i the person having a hard time saying NO ? then work on it

[@AdaraFukuchi]

I had to learn this the hard way. i think this is the greatest live changing advice I've heard. i was very different before I learned to be adaptable.

[@PeterSelie001]

Thank you for making the guide, It's slowly but surely changing my way of thinking and thus my life.

[@sirenachantal471]

I’m a woman gamer recovering from gaming addiction. Would you let me know why every guy in my life puts my body down? I’m not obese, have an average weight, and this keeps happening. Is it something I’m doing to cause this? NPD father. I had anorexia growing up and again in my twenties. Why do guys do this? These are good people. I’m confused and discouraged.

[@JanaXV]

Because they know that's what hurts you the most. Even if they don't exactly know from you, putting a woman down because of her weight/body was/is so common, that 'everybody' does it. I doubt they are good people. What matters the most is that your body is healthy and strong as its got to carry you through life, maybe try to see it that way and if people still decide to put you down ignore them and look for other people.

[@brayheart-b1n]

This video is gold, thanks Dr k

[@r3ttgaming177]

13:54 So what you're saying is if I want to get better at LoL I don't need to practice, I just need to see a psychiatrist. Got it, thanks! : )

[@CyberCaliber]

i needed this.

[@LFanimes333]

With this treasure I summon

[@prakharanand7012]

fellow cultured kana enjoyer i see 🗿

[@chillwithcharles]

I can't believe I waited to watch this until I finished my latest video only to find out that you're making basically the same point I made but way better 😭😭😭 Amazing as always, Alok!

[@michaelpage8295]

Any tips on determining when to follow advice you're given vs when to reject genuinely bad advice? How do you identify which is which?

[@ramenface_________________]

I won't adapt to a gf, what if she cheats or does some relationship ending actions? lol no thanks. I remember i adapted to art school, i was depressed af now i make art that i like and its so fun.

[@wakkatidus1234]

Love this shit. Tearful even at work in my little cubical cause so true and seeing it play out in my life this week where support coping skills group called me out on exactly this shit and my subconscious attempts to only accept negative about myself and not acknowledge the positives. I love it being called out, sometimes we need a good well meaning ass kicking to really jar us outta these things. It is so hammered into me and potentially having BPD I don't even see when I am doing this shit but feel the troubles in all areas of my life from this shit though lol. Thanks man. Great way of getting this message across.

[@Kloops]

My ex husband told his attorney that I was diagnosed with BPD and actually I never was. So they were sticking to that story though trying to weaponize it against me. He was so good at manipulating me that I started to believe I was diagnosed. The only mention of it while we were married was our marriage counselor said I had traits of it but she couldn’t diagnose me with it. And my new therapist said that I have CPTSD from my childhood and from my marriage and the symptoms can overlap and some people with CPTSD are misdiagnosed as having BPD. So I just wanted to point that out there for those who have been diagnosed or suspect they may have it. It can be something else instead of BPD or you could have both. But I know for sure I don’t have BPD. They were going to try to keep me from having fifty fifty visitation/custody of our daughter because they were going to say I am not a good mom because of BPD. Which is so painful and wrong. I have severe trauma from him and it’s taking a long time to get through that. Great video and I do my best to stay adaptable and trying to have a great relationship with my daughter and teaching her how to be adaptable as well.

[@BananaINHELL]

Dr.K, thank you so much. You guided meditation videos have helped me extremely, the "take action " one helped me so much. You last video about pornography is really genius, i started giving a pass after 24 hours of no pornography that i can watch however i want, after i watch i have to wait more 24 hours, i'm building so much hope that i can control my self, next week i will change to two days without porn after i watch. Reminder, i was extremely addicted EVEREDAY i watched and i'm trying to stop for year and year. THANK SO MUCH YOU VIDEOS IS HELPING ME. Also, English is not my first language, sorry for the broken English

[@BananaINHELL]

For example, on Monday, I can watch porn, but on Tuesday, I can not watch just on the next Wednesday. This is the battle that I can get for now and is helping my self-confidence

[@Shadowkitty360]

Adaptation is a super important skill to have. At the same time, sometimes the best way forward in life is to know what does and does not work for you. For example, I have a learning disability and I tried to get a 4 year degree in a STEM field over the course of 8 years. No matter what I tried or how hard I tried to adapt to what was required of me in college, I just cannot learn advanced topics in a three month period. I had to give up on college when I could no longer afford to go, but I did adapt to one thing. I learned how to teach myself anything. Now I'm picking up skills on my own and at my own pace for a unique carrer that doesn't require a degree. Yes, I adapted to the circumstance of my learning disability, but not because I continued to just blindly adapt to college. I first had to acknowledge that college wasn't right for me in order to find what did work for me. I think adaptation and experimentation surrounding what does and does not work for you go hand in hand and we shouldn't discount the need for one over the other.

[@alicergicwonderland]

Please consider doing a video on alexithymia and anger in women with fibromyalgia, psychosomatic illness, and possible remediations!

[@fira3381]

Question (haven't watched many of your videos, so maybe there's answer somewhere but instead I'm asking here) - Why do I have to force myself to do anything (including waking up, eating, studying, ect.) I kinda have some knowledge about dopamine role in here, but besides that - is it even possible not to force yourself? I only experienced something like that when I was a child, but after so many years only by forcing myself I can complete and in general do things. Is the reason for my state only in the lack of motivation or there's something deeper? I personally feel that it's not only about motivation and dopamine but my only conclusion is - there's something wrong with me, and not wanting to do anything isn't normal. Also I have a problem with sticking to do things that I picked up, for example I was so fascinated and into my field of collage for a whole year and then bum... I started to look for something different, I slowly abandoned it for the interest in playing guitar, learning about stock market, film editing, learning spanish, japanese, working out, ect. but again after some time I also abandoned them. Some time past and I started gardening and my interest in stock market is here again. After +/- 8 years of living like this I'm in constant loop. I don't want to abandon my college cuz I used to love it so much, but now I'm forcing myself to be here and ending it (only 2 years left). Right now I want to force myself to learn for my exam but at the same time I struggle to force myself to start forcing myself to do it hahaha. I do not believe the problem is addiction to social media - I uninstalled them all from my phone almost a year now (only using YT on my computer maybe twice a week mostly for your videos and songs to play on guiter). My escape now is Grey's Anatomy, anime and some spanish series (kinda have a hard time giving up on them too). But what's the problem? Do I isolate myself from people too much? Is it luck of friends and social interactions? Do I spend too much time in my house? Is it lack of joy in life? Am I depressed? (Well probably going to therapy would help, but I do not have money for it, so not gonna happen). Is even asking why gonna help? Does knowing about something (I just had deja wi, nice) is enough to make your life improve? (Well I already know the answer, I'm just frustrated that's all). Sorry for so much to read... I'm just gonna go keep forcing myself

[@user-vr3gr9ex1l]

I think that these short video lectures lack nuance. Saying "you should do this otherwise you won't succeed" is too one dimensional. Having more options, less black and white so to say will be much more helpful. I really enjoy the streams and oftentimes different solutions are presented for different people there based on what they struggle with. I think the lectures will benefit greatly from adding this variable approach for different types of people. Not everyone is the same.

[@wagonet]

Ive been working in an office type setting for over 15 years. What hes saying is absolutely true. Office work is not black and white. Things happen. The people who are too rigid in their ways often find themselves shown the door

[@isekaitruckkun]

Black and white thinking is extremely popular in the fitness industry. coaches will have an advice and will tell you that this is the only way to improve (E.g full range of motion when lifting). and will also demonize the other ( partial reps). but at the end of the day, BOTH tend to work in certain conditions or work to some extent.

[@SWRDFSH3850]

“You can see it Dr. K, you can see my meditation technique!”

[@aellalee4767]

As much as traumatic situations suck, I definitely made it through them by adapting. Still working through bits, but I feel like they're things I can overcome with practice. I don't want to be rigid. I've seen how that goes and it's not for me.

[@Czardd]

Taking a calculated risk is a good thing if something seems cool I ask myself two questions does it harm me or something/someone and why not