Why Are We So Lonely? - Glad You Asked S1

We often make assumptions about the things that make us lonely. But research shows that the amount of time you spend with other people, and the quality of our social skills don't really make a difference. So why is it that nearly half of the U.S. population reports feeling lonely regularly? Glad You Asked hosts Alex Clark and Christophe Haubursin set off to discover what causes loneliness, how it affects our health, and what to do to address it.
Resources for help:
Crisis Text Line
www.crisistextline.org
U.S - text 741741
Canada - text 686868
U.S. National Suicide Prevention Hotline
suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
1-800-273-8255
IASP International Crisis Center Resource List
www.iasp.info/resources/Crisi...
SAMHSA Health Treatment Services Locator
findtreatment.samhsa.gov/
Thanks to Bumble BFF, the app Alex used to find friends:
bumble.com/bff
And to ROMEO Clubs:
romeoclub.com/
AARP Community Connections Locator
connect2affect.org/find-help/
Key Sources:
Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Human Connection / lonelinessunited
States Congress Joint Economic Committee Report - All the Lonely Americans www.jec.senate.gov/public/ind...
Cigna’s U.S. Loneliness Index (2018) www.multivu.com/players/Engli...
Social Relationships and Mortality Risk www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2...
American Enterprise Institute Report - A Loneliness Epidemic? www.aei.org/research-products...
Toward a Neurology of Loneliness www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
Social Network Size in Humans courses.washington.edu/ccab/Hi...
You’ve Got to Have (150) Friends www.nytimes.com/2010/12/26/op...
0:00 Intro
1:15 Loneliness
2:29 Dating
3:46 Social Circles
5:50 Dunbar’s Number
8:31 Romeo Club
12:07 Evolution Of Loneliness
15:42 Paint Date
17:48 The Delilah Show

[@Vox]

Big thanks to everyone in this episode who opened up to us about loneliness. It’s a feeling that can take many forms, and it isn't always an easy thing to talk about. If you’ve dealt with loneliness before, what’s helped you the most? We want to hear in the comments. Keep an eye out for new, free episodes of Glad You Asked every Wednesday. And don't forget to subscribe to our channel and turn on notifications (:bell:) to get more Vox videos: bit.ly/voxyoutube -christophe & alex

[@danielh2599]

Vox Loneliness to me is basically this challenge that you have to get over with. I am not so sure how long I have dealt with it but I am pretty sure to say that its something that would eat you up. It was very difficult to find help and people to talk to about it since most of the people I have met just basically go in about a week or so. It took me awhile to realize that I shouldn’t rely on others to help me with it since they just make me more vulnerable and desperate for a friend. I learned to cope with it by giving myself some time to think about my needs and I also distracted myself by doing activities that I enjoy doing. In my end, it wasn’t really that bad. Looking back at it, it was just an awful year. I have met a new friend and I feel like Im starting to bond with my parents and relatives. I am glad Im able to comment this and I really hope someone reads this whole thing and just appreciates it. Thanks..

[@GuineaPigEveryday]

I’d really like to know the app you use in the beginning of this episode, would probably help a lot of people with an easy option to make friends and would really appreciate it.

[@davidbeaulieu4815]

Well my best friend drowned and washed up 2 days later in epping. My girlfriend cheated on and left me with a guy at work that looked to be up for a promotion which he got and promptly promoted her. My cat died of cancer and my ex is coming to cush me with more child support. This is all within the span of 3 months. I only get to see my daughter every other weekend and my family doesn't speak to each other unless forced. So ya im lonely and depressed and suicidal.

[@laraoneal7284]

Thank you for this upload. I too have loneliness issues. My only contact with ppl is on live-streams which I love and has literally saved me, I think but I do need more.

[@laraoneal7284]

David Beaulieu David wow, I’m so sorry. What state do u live in? If you would like to talk with someone, let me know. I could be a sounding board at least for you. Your choice. I have lost all friendships bc they proved to be narcissists and not trustworthy for me. Long story. Authenticity is huge in my book.

[@chonkeydonkey]

The worst kind of loneliness is when you’re around people but still feel like you’re completely alone..

[@juyyuinuiyb9870]

It's hard to get social relationships, but at certain point you will be able to make good friends, don't give up!

[@isymdvr]

Its OK i will be your friend :)

[@lonewolf-oc9vr]

I actualy feel less lonely when i am all by my self,its the only time i can do what,how,where and how ever i want

[@ghostofsilence2697]

We are phantoms... Ghosts with nowhere left to haunt

[@fie4621]

I think being completely alone it's worst for me.. I mean , no one to talk to, no one being around me, man that hurts Edit:I thought she was talking about people around you who cares about you like friends and family but still feel lonely whoops

[@cursedex3755]

Bruh KZbin recommendations are getting too personal now

[@nadzirsenna7495]

their algorithm's are getting too good eh

[@ultimatexi7491]

For me its better because its help some people how to live in a Good way

[@ruthegan8524]

Embrace it or flee.

[@socialitenoel]

word... this came on right after another video and wasn't related at all.... You tube how do you know that I have no friends?

[@Hellbunnyfelicia]

Feeling attacked lol

[@evelynmartin5570]

I’ve read that loneliness is not feeling you are alone, rather it is feeling that nobody cares about you, and I agree.

[@davewaters9203]

I've always been kind of a loner to some degree. S I find that some people go out of their way to create tension when you are around them. So on that respect I prefere my own company.on the other hand . Yeah I like the company of certain people's who I can relate to.. but lucky for me I can operate on that level of understanding... thanx for listening

[@davidlafleche1142]

I try to care, but get very little response.

[@izabellamelquiades7138]

But, do you wanna carr me? Call me.

[@ThatGuy-bh9qh]

@Not Convinced keep blaming something other than yourself little buddy

[@beakamon]

Yes. So true. This.

[@elleocampo1334]

'If you're super comfortable alone, you're probably in danger.' Me: *chuckles in danger*

[@fakeapplestore4710]

why is this?

[@RetractedPieces]

the same reaction I get

[@nla5307]

If you allow just about anyone in your life because you want friends, you are in danger of people taking advantage of you, draining you of your energy and wasting you time. People dont want to be alone they WANT companionship but they cant even be alone with themselves first.

[@TyFhoonBoom]

@@nla5307 The fear of being taken advantage of is one of the main reasons people are lonely in the first place. If you're not willing to take that risk, you deserve to be alone.

[@hutaobestgril6612]

I was supposed to make this comment, you beat me to it hahaah

[@headshotparty5608]

It's sad that "attempting to make friends" is considered weird...

[@nakatosophia1478]

Joseph Lewallen that’s true

[@gr1mmers]

especially as we get older

[@sananth59]

Its considered odd because it's like someone is admitting that they are lonely and these days people dont want to lower their ego's by admitting weaknesses in themselves. But yeah it's a shame.

[@camxl1931]

Joseph Lewallen tbh I feel scared to be alone I try make as many friends as possible because my own thoughts haunt me

[@marygonsalves2323]

Yeah

[@coffeequoh5487]

Ironically, I feel less lonely knowing that I'm not the only one.

[@katherinefotopoulos9244]

Your positive comment made me feel so much better

[@Thisiswellmalik]

yeahh

[@crabcakes7784]

Hmmm that’s an interesting way of seeing it 🤔

[@Simplifier123]

Thats exactly what I was thinking.. but Im feeling that most people wont admit it and will just laugh at you or something

[@mateiteglas7997]

That's good

[@vanessaspatty]

"Loneliness is the one kind you can't solve by yourself. We need other people and other people need us." That hits me hard wow.

[@Sunidhi.90]

Is it true?? 🥺 That means I need someone I feel like I need someone but I feel like nobody will understand me 💘

[@titteryenot1136]

no your wrong,being alone can be turned into a positive ,,to practice spirituality,its all about your mindset,

[@RosheenQuynh]

​@@titteryenot1136 Being alone and loneliness are two different things.

[@ponipepper115]

I've been lonely for so long, I don't even know how to make friends any more. I just feel dead inside.

[@jon-xt6mo]

me too!!!!!!!!

[@ama2065]

How are you now?

[@ponipepper115]

@@ama2065 I'm still lonely, but not as bad. I have come to realize i have to heal my attachment and abandonment issues

[@krisztinakovacs2604]

Dale Carnegie - How to win friends and influence people

[@estefaniarivera9324]

Welcome to the club

[@charlottebennett639]

8-15 close friends?! Wow great way to make me feel lonely 😂

[@thomasjannoordman1564]

I think they more mean like people who are more that just your coworkers. So people you would go out to the movies, have a board game night or do fun things together. So not your coworkers which who you would talk to to distract yourself from work, but also not your best friend which you would tell everthing

[@charlottebennett639]

Thomas Jan Noordman yeah I still don’t have that many people to do those things with 😂

[@lenn939]

@Thomas Jan Noordman And it’s normal to have people like that?

[@andso2152]

@@thomasjannoordman1564 Yeah that was what I was thinking about... Still depressed

[@cielo6644]

I don’t even have one 😐

[@warrenvanwyk6249]

I once had a friend I could say "I love you bro" to. We were friends for almost 20 years but he died in a car accident a few years ago. I miss you Lorenzo, & I still love you bro... R.I.P.

[@lexframes5335]

I'm sorry to hear that and wish him good rest in peace. Hope you can still remember the good times forever :)

[@alimurad6322]

I am so sorry to hear that. I am positive he would’ve said the same thing about you.

[@DonnaSnyder]

My condolences . I am sorry.

[@C2G2]

🙏🏿

[@AlJalandhari]

Sounds like a great guy. I’m sorry for your loss

[@nibblesd.biscuits4270]

KZbin makes me less lonely, it's the only place I can find people who are talking about stuff that interests me and lights up my soul. Sadly I watch it alone and it only talks but rarely listens. Still sometimes you write a comment and people like what you said and there's this sense of connection. No matter how insignificant, it's a small success.

[@chuachua-hj9zd]

I agree!😊

[@na-jg8ej]

When lockdowns began, I went on a 100 mile hike on the Arizona trail. I found myself feeling less lonely “all by myself” in the middle of nowhere, compared to not connecting with not many in my immediate physical location. That space to be with myself with nobody to answer to and nowhere to be really helped when I returned to society. Society has a way of making us feel lonely while surrounded by millions of people. The ego mindset of “I got this” and “me first” is what I find causes me to feel loneliness.

[@AVI-lh6rm]

Sitting outside in silence just listening to the wind and looking for small animals, i've never felt lonely. Yet all the time when i'm around other people, I feel only lonely..

[@siopao8137]

“Everybody needs a friend, even a tree.” -Bob Ross

[@piper888]

What's better ,is even getting a little bush🌳 👙

[@paulohagan3309]

Actually yes. Scientific research shows that trees are impacted by having trees around them felled.

[@dutchgala826]

Depends on one's definition of friendship. However, yes, humans are social beings.

[@bipin3639]

But such a thing as friendship doesn't make sense itself! Humans can never truly become each other friend

[@strikersoccer9535]

Then there is "Earth"🤔🤨🧐

[@palakbhatt3658]

Sometimes being Lonely is okay than having bad company by your side

[@JL-ox1gx]

💯

[@juliansync4159]

True

[@sallylemon5835]

Not sometimes but all the time

[@WaveHeartSoulArt]

Exactly!

[@samueljr.2026]

Correct

[@jeannetterecord5207]

Trust is an issue in our society. Reaching out could mean being used or being hurt. It doesn't have to be that way, but it's definitely a concern. Still.....think of what you're missing out on.

[@malissahyatt2425]

People leaving me is what I'm missing out on. NO. THANK. YOU!!!!!!!!!

[@filhademaria3326]

Such truth

[@AxlAX]

Exactly! Trust and being used or being hurt by others.

[@grizzlybear4]

Bad roommates. Pure ugh.

[@soldemujer17]

Me he encerrado, tengo miedo de seguir siendo rechazada por fea, por no ser muy inteligente y por pobre, ahora la vejez está llegando y vivo muy deprimida de pensar, qué va a ser de mi, sin trabajo, sin dinero y sin salud, quiero morir pronto y rápido y no ser más una molestia.

[@jbell3662]

Seeing these two guys do a paint together made my heart so happy. This is the way every bromance should be

[@NotADoctor]

I have no friends because once my school ends I dont talk to them no more.

[@hectordecugniere9283]

Same as me, we are alone together

[@DivisionJay]

Same for me. It's harder making friends the older we get.

[@aawishkhan]

I will suggest you to call all of ex class mates and invite them to your place for a mini party or reunion. Ask them about what's going on in their lives. Maybe some of them reciprocate the action and call you back someday or maybe even invite you to their place. Hopefully, you will end up with some friends and find common interests.

[@campkira]

Because they no longer friends... in today world.. they just to had someone to talk to when bored and a friend on Facebook... a lot of friends I had like 2 years care more about their part time job...

[@nrlsysyfrzn4557]

Same here.. 😢

[@alsimanche]

For all of us that have dealt with it, we know that socializing wouldn't really help that much, because what we need is probably to get actually connected to other people, that's not something that we can get easily, like when i talk to people, it might seem that we have this conversation, but there's always that empty feeling remain there because you don't really care about what you're talking about, or because you can't really connected to that person.

[@evelynwinters9395]

Pagan Poetry so true. I have exactly the same thing.

[@rogelioespinosa8079]

yeah, it's not about talk to somebody it's about the connection

[@alexc9278]

I have the same feeling. Then there are these persons with who you naturally click and you can talk about weird stuff and feel great. I'm not really into meeting new people tho

[@alexbalatr]

I love Aurora!

[@jamaicafox]

Yup. Socializing (for me) is worthless if it’s empty/done with people that I do not actually connect with. There’s an instant natural chemistry that either exists btw people or doesn’t. I hardly feel it, and know that I’m not going to with most people. But when I do, it’s incredibly rare and special so I do my best to hold on to it.

[@millan7983]

My ex girlfriend distanced me away from my friends and social life, the worst part is that she also made me feel lonelier inside our relationship. Guy’s, be careful out there with those partners.

[@janel342]

No she didn’t dear. You allowed it to happen I guess.🌹

[@GoodSteveningeverybody]

Narcissist's playbook 101. Been there. Don't look back, man!

[@glonkd]

@@janel342 he allowed it to happen because he didn’t know better, she still did it. You are victim blaming.

[@misssunshine7408]

You’re not a kid that she treated you like her child. Grow up and do you and feel happy, live and let live! ✌️

[@zeddee3868]

@@misssunshine7408 👎

[@reynab7297]

30 seconds in: "we're actually in the middle of a loneliness epidemic" *uploaded Jan 8, 2020*

[@lizzielay8043]

It’s so refreshing to hear men talk so openly like this. I appreciate their honesty.

[@guga0004]

Men feel a lot of loneliness. Much more commom than people used to think

[@georgiod.3555]

Men are lonely people...and less talkative and expressive than women...also men experience loneliness in relationship section....women have become strange nowadays

[@RaikenXion]

As a guy when im lonely i just find some quiet corner in a pub and drink, it helps until i stop and sober up. I have a binge drink problem, even right now its a sunday here in the uk where i live. Im in bed flicking through all these videos and i feel anxiety alittle, thinking about things too much i hate it.

[@treeladder5338]

@@RaikenXion go for some kind of walk sir and quit drinking

[@arindamdeb4143]

@@RaikenXion hey, I just hope you are doing great in your life. Try to reduce your drinking habit. All the best. A lot of love from a 24 yo random guy from India.

[@audieh]

Me watching this at 11 alone in my dorm room eating chips for dinner: “Yeah, why am I lonely??”

[@cthulhutheendless1587]

It’s 10 rn on the east coast, so you must be in the middle of the Atlantic.

[@audieh]

Jack Timothy or Canada

[@agiie615]

5AM here. Guess where I am? :)

[@audieh]

Jason Bourne Spain??

[@agiie615]

@@audieh Wow, you got the timezone correct. Im from Holland though, pretty close 👍

[@prime_comando]

Make a second episode. This is truly one of the largest epidemics of our time that no one is talking about. Being in tech and the future will bring this to the forefront for so many males coming up. I’ve also tried apps to make guy friends.

[@saloonnee]

I'm honestly loving this series. Not only am I learning so much, it's also fascinating to see that they do such deep research on topics that are often ignored 😁

[@HelgaCavoli]

My theory is: friendship takes time. When we're kids we spend time with each other, get used to the company, naturally exchange personal info, go through some life events along with the other person.. for me this forms friendships.

[@keeplearning4L]

very true. going thru life with someone makes a huge difference.

[@HelgaCavoli]

When we grow up it's much harder to build those friendships, but not impossible. I recommend some course to do, a subject of your interest and of your future friends: pottery, 2nd language, dance.. also there's [positive] endorphin involved. :)

[@angiebyars5030]

That’s a great idea. I also think that some people make friends more quickly than others. Unfortunately I take a lot of time to make good friends and I’m part of a military family so that isn’t ideal. Generally a soon as I finally feel comfortable somewhere where we’re living, we have to move again and start all over. I also think that as you get older making friends become harder. When you’re younger you are in school(unless you’re homeschooled) which gives you many opportunities to make friends with other students. As you get older you generally have less time to spend with friends. Once you’re done with school your options for friendship decrease too.

[@plutonianpretzel3802]

Very true, I've known my closest friend for years now. I can't remember a moment in which I didn't know her. I also think that friendship lies in trust. If I can't trust a person I can't be their friend. If these two theories are combined I can say that I trust my friends on varying levels. My best friend, I trust her with my life. The less time I've known my friends the less I trust them. Same goes the other way around.

[@krazyninja954]

I stopped feeling lonely the moment i stopped thinking what people will think if they knew I had no friends.

[@maluokram1170]

I socialize with people to not to feel lonely but it makes me feel more lonely.

[@nc7182]

Then maybe you’re not socializing with the right ppl

[@buzzyblue]

I Guess because these interactions are not meaningful for you 😔

[@kaichey2976]

Yeah I get u. Sometimes I feel lonely so I try and talk to people but then I realize just how disconnected and different I am from them-further increasing the deafening siren of loneliness.

[@annehey5624]

Often times I feel lonely cause after a night of socialising, I go back home to my lonely apartment. That contrast makes me feel even more lonely. Also, even after a nice night with friends I ruminate over the things that I might have said or done wrong. So the effects of a fun socialising event are overshadowed by my own judgement and fear.

[@SN-wz5ls]

Malu Okram ya, that’s what happen to me in My k l after years when I went back to college!

[@samipso]

I’m introvert and typically don’t need others to feel okay, but sometimes I surprise myself at how easily I get along someone I literally just met. One time someone else asked me if I were friends from before meeting him, because apparently we talked as if we were long friends..

[@Abitibidoug]

I've had that experience many times also. Maybe long periods of solitude (not loneliness) helps clear your mind so you're more sociable when you do meet someone in your travels.

[@barryb.benson7100]

This is one of my favorite videos on here. The one romeo's advice was so valuable: every transition has the potential for loneliness. It's on you to make the difference. Makes me think of when I first moved out from home. :)

[@carolinatapiac2124]

I think I lost every friend I had, they made their own lives, followed their careers, made other friends. I'm an introvert and my social skills are terrible, I don't have any problem with being alone tho, I enjoy my own company, but sometimes hurts feeling like everyone's lives would be the same without you.

[@MarcoPrevedello92]

I read myself in your comment!

[@maxinef6654]

I’m an introvert too and most times I just don’t feel like being bother with.

[@abouttogiveyasomefacts5574]

Carolina Tapiac same

[@ashishmagar3407]

Same. It hurts me to think that no one would be affected by my presence or absence. It's terrifying, the fear of actually ending up lonely in life and not amounting to anything and not meaning anything to anyone.

[@pranaygurnule5666]

Wow I thought I was the only one with anxiety I hate being in crowds

[@IMOMENTOI]

You know you are getting old when every next year there are less and less people who wish you happy birthday.

[@tehpanasmanis5662]

Vinica yup and this year there's only 4 people saying to me happy birthday. Thats sad but yeah im okay with it.

[@IMOMENTOI]

Alfi Zodhy Well yeah. I’d rather my friend wish me happy birthday than 100 of random wishes instead. But still kinda sad tho.

[@BharatReacts229]

@@tehpanasmanis5662 happy bday in advance alfi...wish u have amazing future ...god bless u...

[@danielmino1690]

Alfi Zodhy happy b-day with anticipation, i hope you make more friends and more people wish a good life, you're not alone💗

[@brianhale7258]

True

[@Heritagesagayoutube]

I'm from India and man we're so much surrounded by our own people that most of us need our own time and yes it's amazing that we don't feel that lonely like other culture

[@Derlet30]

This is a beautifully executed production! I have been consistently pleased and impressed with the research team behind "Glad You Asked," but this video takes that satisfaction to a completely new level. I am so happy that you guys are taking on subjects of deep social impact and even sharing resources to help people in the community. Mental health and access to community resources have been topics dear to my heart since my late college years. I volunteered to mentor teens and provide them with resources where they could meet others to discuss issues related to mental health (divorce of parents, body image issues, bullying, academic anxiety, etc). It's one of the most meaningful types of work that I've ever done and it makes me soo happy to see your team doing the same with the broader community. Keep the great work up and congratulations on each of your productions. They are fascinating!

[@brendanclake]

Romeo's club is so wholesome

[@bilgeakaln6335]

IKR they're amazing ı wanna join them

[@dandelionkisss]

My grandpa needs that so much

[@martimramos5834]

Ironically, I feel lonelier around people than when I'm alone.

[@vishaltaker9101]

Then try to be with people with whom you would be more happy than when you are alone. It's difficult to find people like that.

[@mariaana7204]

me too

[@vishaltaker9101]

Why

[@ineedsleep4071]

@@vishaltaker9101 because it hurts more when the fact that you're an outcast is rubbed onto your face every single day.

[@r.saridewi2568]

I have been lonely since 2014

[@vivienlegeisha3425]

Thank you! This video sheds light why we are feeling so lonely and takes the shame away from admitting that we are lonely. This is, bar none, the best video on loneliness I have come across.

[@phasmata3813]

"I tell them they need to form a real relationship with someone who needs them." Spoken like someone out of touch with the struggles of loneliness and social isolation. For many of us, this is exactly what we want and are trying to do and cannot achieve. As if struggling with loneliness isn't hard enough, we have people whose only answers for us so often are some form of blaming us. Even if someone is to blame for their own loneliness, just blaming them isn't answer and isn't helpful.

[@wearesatellites91]

No one is blaming. That statement is objectively true- once you form a connection, you will feel less lonely. To be honest though, as long as you choose to see yourself as a victim instead of an active agent within your own life who has the power to make changes, you will continue to be bogged down by that limiting belief. From there it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy… you believe you are a victim of loneliness, so you become even more lonely.

[@phasmata3813]

@@wearesatellites91 "No one is blaming." Proceeds to blame.

[@wearesatellites91]

*ignores the point and proceeds to act the victim*

[@syomaster3611]

Nothings more lonely than being with the wrong group of people Edit: deymmm never expected this to blow up, but hope everyone would be better :))))

[@zehar9]

Yeah i feel that since my first grade school....

[@bestever2682]

Yeah.. I know the feeling

[@syomaster3611]

@@zehar9 awww :(( hope you find other people that your comfortable with...

[@user-nl9ds7cm4b]

True i was in this situation before a week for 2 yrs and i just couldn't predict it ( now im 11 grade)

[@friedlemons5201]

@@user-nl9ds7cm4b Hope you're doing well now

[@gallimead]

We are lonely, as we have problems with social skills, in a physical situation. The anxiety of doing or saying the wrong thing, and the awkwardness of dealing with the consequence. So it's easier not to do in the first instance. Social relationships can be held at arms length on smartphones, for some people. And some people, it's the ONLY way to talk to others.

[@brentduanefoster]

in other words, we’re afraid to be imperfect. We think we have to do, say, and be without flaw at all times.

[@utsavimishra106]

That hit close to home... Ur words reflect my life..

[@sutiknoulam4771]

@ . .. . . .

[@ljb5163]

gallimead exactly

[@wheeliementos1608]

@@utsavimishra106 on god

[@ruan0408]

Thank you guys so much for this video. I feel like people dont really talk about this, even though lots of us feel that pain.

[@tai9165]

I had a large group of friends, quarantine happened I don't talk to a single one anymore, we've all grown apart.

[@alsimanche]

When i feel lonely, i just try to accept it, because no matter what i do, i just can't seem to get rid of it, so i usually just wait, accept the fact that i'm lonely, and be aware that this is not something that'll last forever.

[@marylouirick7316]

It's so must 2 do in the USA. Ck it out. Start off going 2 Church.see what u can do there. U got 2 learn how 2 be friendly.Praises The Lord.

[@heidyozuna6693]

Yes that's true but it doesn't hurt to try to make friends.

[@kayaeki]

Yeah, I just dont know anymore. I draw a lot so thats cool

[@luoyicheng8594]

Exactly thats how i cope

[@khathamatbaebsawat99]

Being lonely is different from being alone, even when you’re not alone you can still feel lonely. It’s a sad truth that most people failed to recognise.

[@lenadengel2145]

beeing lonely is a terrible feeling and the worste part is you can be surrounded by many amazing people who love and care about you but the feeling is still there and won't go away

[@GohBustin]

lena o'connell this hit me hard

[@hmsdemolition8588]

Especially when you are the baby of 8 kids !!!

[@MrUnknown-wf1xf]

Very true

[@ilhamluqmanazmi8851]

Is that true, can we be a friends?

[@kiwii7425]

add me on discord we can be friends : TWM KiTi2G#6885

[@maureenwilliams3568]

There is a lot of fear, you don't feel safe an you become isolated, IAM turning 75 an I have a son who is the only person that visits me, but IV just recently met a new neighbors. Two who have been very kind to me, and IAM beginning to trust them with my feelings of lonlyness, we used to have a lunch club were I lived and it was marvelous to be out twice weekly, it stopped because of COVID an never started up again, so I don't know how bad my health would have got if I didn't have my son and these two neighbors now, it's a terrible thing lonlyness you get more unhealthy so IAM glad you put this up god bless you.

[@NurArmando]

Let's appreciate the dedication and the work that's presented to make this video. It's wholesome, especially the Romeo part. I feel less lonely when I know I'm not alone feeling lonely, thanks

[@tee_savy100]

People's ego are too high... everyone has these fantasies of dating or being friends with someone super attracting to the eye instead of being realistic instead of having a normal relationship with people. making friends now days also feels complicated because it's always that feeling of being judged...

[@alexc9278]

LOUDER for the people in the back!! I totally feel you..maybe because I've met this kind of people before.. when I meet someone I'm always thinking" what would they think about me,what if they would judge me for the way I look or dress "

[@Thisiswellmalik]

Agreed

[@PoisonDwarf28]

Absolutely

[@imthecoolestguy]

too true :(

[@brentduanefoster]

ABSOLUTE FACTS!!!!

[@Droneacharyas]

The fact that so many people are lonely proves that we failed as a society.

[@pianistawms]

As a society and as humans individually.

[@ZacGolus]

Remove God and proper families and there you go!

[@wattlebough]

Aditya Narayan “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”- Proverbs‬ ‭18:24‬ ‭ESV‬‬

[@ryandeschanel6925]

This is not the purpose of society. It did not fail because it did not try.

[@ianfitchett2768]

Not really. Things can be infinitely worse than they are now. Loneliness is not even close to how bad it can get. Although it does tend to make people dramatic and self-aggrandizing and make statements like this, acting like they know suffering better than anyone else.

[@vankhanhkhong4212]

I remember that there's a saying: "Loneliness is to be avoided, solitude is to be sought". Actually we can sometimes stay alone but try not to dissociate ourselves from the outside world.

[@cevhermuftuoglu]

that was amazing to watch. felt blessed to have the guts checking that video out.

[@tarajh]

The little pep talk before the "friend" date was adorable.

[@djork6518]

‘if we’re all so lonely, why don’t we just talk to each other?’ i ask myself, then i wish it was actually easy like that

[@helpwanted134]

Justine most of the people that feel lonely start to get used not to talk to other people. This makes it harder for them to socialize, and they become more shy, or introvert

[@priyal8532]

Hi Justine

[@driss3456]

Once you feel lonely you no longer have the desire to talk to others

[@serafinaobi]

Nah it is that easy.

[@tomwilliams8591]

@@serafinaobi Yeah I'd say so too. When you're in that state of mind it's easy to think the world is shut off to the idea, but there's plenty of people out there who are happy to reciprocate if you just try to engage them.

[@tracystoermer9638]

I love your content. Thank you for taking the time to explore so many interesting, important topics!

[@JO-so1dk]

Thanks for covering this topic! This is so important and glad to know I'm not the only one

[@rohansth]

To anyone feeling lonely, I send you a virtual hug.

[@machduel]

[@byehello8258]

Really needed one

[@josealvarado8842]

Right back at you buddy!

[@suzimonkey345]

🤗😘🤗😘🤗

[@not_So_Random-Dude]

This is the comment we needed.

[@karencarney7595]

I never even had more than 4/5 associate-friends at any given time. I'd be ECSTATIC to have 1 close friend, IMAGINE 2 close friends!?

[@morningsareforcoffeeandcon1946]

I can be your close friend.

[@mugananonymous7388]

Tbh, I have loads of close friends Well this backfired, by "loads of close friends," i mean around 10.

[@karencarney7595]

Freeendz!

[@BarackBananas]

Karen Carney can we be friends?

[@nenidetic]

I used to have two or three close friends, but I moved away, and now I don't really have any.

[@artemsahaidak9052]

Guys, your work is just phenomenal. Thank you so much for creating such meaningful content.

[@Lifeangel2908]

I can totally relate everytime they said “loneliness is even bigger fear than death”!! It’s even not about having no friends or no family!! For me it is having no one to call your life partner!!

[@SK-yf6ho]

Same 💙

[@janel342]

YOU be your life partner!!🌹

[@Nellysa]

"Those who are lonely are more susceptible to social cues and often misinterpret signs as negative"... Been there so, so, so many times.

[@nebulousisgod]

Especially on weed, right! That’s kind of a human thing. Y’all aren’t unique in that regard. Take comfort in that.

[@corvettedm1]

Yes. Exactly. I’m in a new neighborhood where I’ve been for 5 years. Why don’t kids play outside? I never see anyone out there. A brand new parks sits right in the center of the housing development but it stands empty. Before I came here I never sat down. Now there is nothing to do; the house is done, everything where it’s supposed to go. I’m homesick for the place where everyone knew me. I rarely leave the house because I hate not knowing where places are. I want to go home.

[@akleemamahmood3167]

very trueee

[@tarsierontherun]

It also explains school shooters. Not that I'm defending them.

[@WaveHeartSoulArt]

Fear and trauma bring loneliness, and loneliness brings more fear and trauma.

[@raelarken7839]

I feel lucky to be live in my country, in countries like Greece, Italy, Turkey feeling lonely is harder because people are so lively, nobody is afraid of meeting new people, I have many close friends that I met in bus, tram, shopping mall, Cafe... we don't afraid of showing our affection so I can't even imagine how hard to find friends in Nordic countries, they don't even sit next to each other in tram or bus, or they can't talk without beer.

[@carmenvance5303]

I would like to experience those friendlier countries. Im in the USA. We don't talk to others either.

[@darwinadvincula4758]

Oh if only I could come there and experience this type of friendliness.

[@user-ee1jw2hk4l]

carmen vance the funny fact is that lot’s of people say that american are very open and friendly ...so..what the issue?

[@nairabee245]

••• who told u America was open and friendly? They may have stretched the truth a lil there😬

[@alonbechor1842]

I do not totally agree with your claim. You can live in Norway and have a great social life or live in Eygpt and be agonized by life of loneliness and isolation. It primarily depends on your closet social environment and who you're with most of the time, but in general you made a point.

[@1WithCreator]

Just one word, AMAZING! YOU GUYS DESERVE 10 OUT OF 5.

[@bumble8588]

That was AWESOME! YOU are adorable! I got so much from your interviews with all those people. The first is I am not alone. Second, need to identify groups that bond and have intimacy - I think that is important in creating deep bonded loving "extended family" where you can be yourself and appreciated. I also learned that since we all move around from place to place....it is harder to stay connected with friends we make along our life. Hopefully this year has taught us the value in reaching out to friends via Zoom calls, and get creative in how we connect; my favorite is happy hour or giving tours of DIY projects in our home, or showing hobby projects.

[@ElaineT223]

Him: “I had 8-9 friends in college” Me:”you had friends in college?”

[@dhabinuisance3643]

Elaine T FACTS!🤣

[@dhabinuisance3643]

By the way I like your “old skool” mix MC Hammer😂🤣

[@teabooks2291]

Lol! Same!

[@youarereadingmyname]

I do, it's like just when you're in HS.

[@averythebutterfly]

Facts 💯

[@DH___]

I don’t feel lonely I feel mentally alone! It’s hard to find someone that understands your mind

[@chileanmuslim16]

You put in words what I could not. Thank you.

[@imfamoustran]

The funniest part is that we feel the same things. It has been universal since recorded history.

[@hangukhiphop]

Sartre even says that's impossible

[@evernightrose5152]

That's what loneliness is

[@juansinaga901]

Thank you for this, Vox! It's feels good knowing the scientifical reasons behind my problem, especially for this one. I often and am currently feeling lonely. It's exhausting physically and mentally, but that's just how my body tells me to socialize more. Well perhaps my social skills is the reason I struggle to make friends. I'm currently adapting in a new environment. New school with all new people. The schools is 45 minutes far away from my house so there is no school friends in my neighborhood, I think that it's one of the factor too. I also want to hangout with friends like my old school friends do. They constantly making instagram stories about their fun time together and it's make me feel even lonelier. (My old school is also far from my house, but I friends with them since I was a kindergarten so I have no problem having friends there. Hope that I can be more open and socialize more.

[@ahmedalqassem]

I'm so lonely that I'm watching a video about loneliness. In my early 20s I had more than 10 very close friends and around 30 good friends. Now in my late 30s, I'm married, moved to a few new countries, lost contact with almost everyone and can't say I have any friends now. Only people I interact with are my wife and 2 kids. Went back to university, but it's all online. It is sad and it's making me depressed. I thought sharing might make me feel a bit better

[@kx250cc]

I know the feeling bro

[@BumbleBeeLovePeace]

"Loneliness is a greater fear than death " That one got me

[@AirPowered]

BumbleBeeLovePeace Perhaps one of the best modern quotes of our time...

[@migo-migo9503]

Having grown up in a small village, I don't think I've ever felt loneliness. It wasn't until I moved to a large city when I realized it can be pretty lonely. Even though you're surrounded by so many people it's pretty cold. The bigger the city is, Tokyo or London, the lonelier it feels. Playing team sports has definitely helped. When you're with a group of people with one goal, you develop this camaraderie and it's a pretty nice thing to be a part of.

[@kayodeokuneye2189]

I feel in love with Vox as a channel doing general research, but very consciously realised that there’s a humane way they analyse things that are ubiquitous and make them wholesome almost how I would treat an enquiry and come to a point of satisfaction or where it becomes more clearer and that’s absolutely amazing!

[@nailbakiev8914]

Thank you very much for the awesome video you've created. I believe that remaining lonely for a while might help one to reevaluate one's values, principles and priorities. In order to seek answers, one might find them in books or films produced by wise authors with great experience. Some people seek answers in their religion. As soon as the answers have been found, one is ready to start building new relationships based on a new perception of the world.

[@BuzzLiteBeer]

This hits really hard for me. I've had horrible social anxiety and a predisposition for anxiety/depression starting in high school. It's only in the last few years that I've started going to therapy, meditating, and challenging myself that I've found the courage to put myself in uncomfortable social situations and came out with social circles that nourish my social/emotional needs. It took several failed starts (went through 4 seasons as a free agent in intramural sports, multiple Asian-American meetups, and reaching out to old acquaintances to arrive at 3 social circles I enjoy and feel included in), but I never gave up. This piece by Vox really highlights that most people probably feel the same way as you to some degree and are aching to connect. It just takes someone to have the courage to be vulnerable and put themselves out there. Why not you?

[@Miquelalalaa]

Z Z I really need to do this, but it’s so difficult. I struggle to reach out and rarely get invited to things. I feel pressured to get Instagram because that’s where most organising of social events happens among my generation, but the reason I deleted it in the first place was because it lowered my self-esteem and I have privacy concerns about it. It’s a never-ending cycle. I can’t break into a friend group, I only have individual acquaintances who I only meet because I attend the same College as them. What did you talk to people about when you were breaking into friend groups? Most of the time average people talk about things like their social life, or activities they do. But the problem is I don’t have a social life or the courage to partake in activities so I struggle to talk to people, and I can’t find a group of intellectuals to discuss philosophy with either lol.

[@andrewaviles7970]

Your friends are lucky to have a person who appreciates them as much as you and people who feel the way you felt would be lucky to come across your comment which shows them that a change in attitude and the support of family can get them where they want to be.

[@OrangeLater]

That's great to hear. Hope thing's are going good for you. Really good advice as well for anyone else out there struggling.

[@OrangeLater]

@@Mariana-kc3ms That's a hard situation to be in. Do you think it'll be possible to try and get more connections outside of school? I'm sure there are still people in the school who will be willing to have that sort of "college experience" social life. You deserve the best. Good luck.

[@OrangeLater]

@@Miquelalalaa I personally feel it was a good idea to remove Instagram. It harmed you, and so it's good that you did not keep it for that reason. I personally would suggest volunteering, there, you can meet groups of people, and it isn't too direct. And about philosophy, I know this sounds a tad odd, but, there are people online who I know share that interest. Either it is on Reddit, Discord, heck, even facebook, those little groups (Although they aren't as "Direct") still should be a good way to channel that interest. Good luck. You deserve the best.

[@mikekoscielniak9753]

I only have friends when THEY need something, otherwise I don't exist.

[@michaeljames6737]

Same

[@travissearles23]

I'm sorry! Humans can be such jerks by using others! Getting used isn't a good feeling! It's usually temporary for me so i hope it is for you too!

[@asherujudo7383]

Get better friends.

[@donnacabot3550]

U exist to me. Most of all u exist to the most important person and is u and ur higher power. Cheers.

[@zee5057]

I feel you so much. 😭 If without my faith I would have gone long time ago.

[@skintalk22]

I'm sharing this on fb Most imp things for humankind are forgotten so easily Nice work👌

[@SirOee]

This is a really important and also wholesome video! Thanks for asking and answering!

[@Anurag7376]

Kinda ironic how much hyper connected we are supposed to be in 2020

[@viz4884]

We are hyper connected. That is the irony. The more connected we become the more lonely it gets

[@cynthianovakthompson9726]

The more connections we make, the more superficial and meaningless each connection becomes.

[@krunkle5136]

Only virtually. Not the same.

[@brandon9172]

Just wanted to say. But the loneliness isn't the result of hyper connectivity and internet. It's a result of the highly individualistic and consumerist culture we've been brought up in. Another product of late stage capitalism.

[@krunkle5136]

@@brandon9172 Don't conflate hyper-individualism with the free market (using a different word than the vague capitalism). If it wasn't for the internet, people would be forced to face each other in person to interact with the free market to get what they want.

[@argentium3596]

In Turkish There is a saying that "Why are there lonely people while there are so much lonely people?"

[@mrfurio875]

Arda Güçlü that’s a saying 😂

[@Shouko91]

@@mrfurio875 I think he just translated it wrong ?

[@youngistaann]

Arda Güçlü 👌🏻

[@argentium3596]

@@Shouko91 Actually it has deep meaning in Turkish but when you translated it can lose its meaning because of differences of languages

[@Shouko91]

Arda Güçlü can you say it in turkish?

[@coreyanderson1815]

Just hearing this being addressed, and learning how some things happen or realizing why other things happened the way they did.. already helps that isolated part of me see things for what they are.. Thank you guys🙏

[@NforNatalie]

Thank you for breaking the stigma about loneliness. I feel better now that I’ve learned it’s a normal human thing.

[@Victor-iy1bz]

The problem today is everyone "pretends" they have many friends to not seem lonely or to make them seem higher on the social scale. Beacuse of this people make it seem that they arent close, and create toxic relationships. If only we could embrace this lonliness and be more open to one antoher life would be so much easier.

[@user-nl9ds7cm4b]

Accept your opinion bro and because of this before days i ended friendship with someone ( i mean boy cuse im also boy) cuse he was toxic pearson

[@ianfitchett2768]

Yeah but unfortunately it's also unattractive to admit that you are lonely, and doing so can increase the odds that social groups reject you

[@foxtrotecho9530]

@@ianfitchett2768 I try to say that I sometimes feel lonely but not all the time, so I look honest but not anoying (sorry for my english)

[@porfidiavelasquez2037]

@@foxtrotecho9530 . mi

[@jesscortez111]

“...sometimes I feel a loneliness so intense that my rib cage hurts and it just feels like I don’t even want to get up in the morning or move” Relatable

[@christophertucker4917]

That's a symptom of depression isn't it?

[@jetgamez643]

@@christophertucker4917 yes it is, source; me

[@detax-san3662]

Have that at least once a month..

[@alanamcconnell2977]

This was amazing, thank you Vox!

[@nenes24]

I'm used to feeling lonely every now and then, actually. I'm normally the comic relief friend, the silly one, and I do tend to overshare a lot - it's my way to try and make others feel confortable around me. The pandemic is making me self reflect about this loneliness a lot. I judge it often, telling myself im just being needy and greedy for attention, and then I judge that judgment, telling myself that we all want to feel...heard, loved. It shouldn't be weird, or shameful. Reading has been helping me calm myself and find some sort of peace these days, as I try to reach clarity. I might start listening to radio every now and then too - in fact, I once dreamt of hosting a show ahah. I hope all my lonely pals out there are holding on tight!!! And great video!!!

[@rebeccamd7903]

I’ve studies loneliness my whole life. At nearly 50, I still don’t fully understand it. I will say that I notice a lot of people who are lonely, tend to have a lack of trust with their closest inner circle and even themselves. Unconditional acceptance of another person is probably a great way to advance personal relationships and increase both confidence and trust. Just a thought.

[@CutieZalbu]

I’m like that I don’t trust my inner ⭕️ but smh when it comes to strangers I just trust them,Idk why Ahahaha & it’s true I don’t have trust in myself either

[@CutieZalbu]

I also would want unconditional unacceptace but I wouldn’t be able to give it,Basically what I’m saying is I’m a walking paradox

[@beedebawng2556]

What does trust in one's self mean?

[@shawnhampshirehick101]

Trust issues & social Anxiety make a larger problem to get over. Put that phone ☎ down and Try get Out & meet people.

[@CutieZalbu]

Elisa Lazar wdym?

[@chan-chan1364]

I'm starting to doubt myself...I find myself always with no friends without even falling out with anyone or anything. We just end up keeping distance and i'm really bad at keeping intouch with people. The more I get older i find myself being less intresting being social

[@mementomori5388]

I feel you man...

[@andreas1864]

Ooh yes I found my soulmate here 😂

[@nanaefyabonsu9748]

Story of my life

[@deeeboo-]

I know, I always blame others but it's me who puts up a wall, I feel so detached from people, even family

[@jackrourk6484]

I know exactly what you mean. And thos could be a part of a bigger thing. I was always thought to s7ck it up. Never talk about feeling. Never heard the people who adopted me tell me they love me. You could have depresion. I've never taken meds for it even though the military diagnosed me with it right before my discharge. But I just heard that there are triggers for depression. As u can tell I never even looked in to it. But with my niece in the hospital for over a week now from swallowing a bunch of antidepressants I looked stuff up for her.

[@wellnessweek3912]

Excellent episode! Thank you men for speaking about this.

[@tonydelerme4039]

Great story telling. I thoroughly enjoyed this episode.

[@oogabooga9573]

You know your really lonely when you would rather get a seating arrangement in school than being able to pick seats

[@eunac3037]

Oh my goodness that's so true

[@dicksdrugsanddebutantes9305]

Or assigned partners

[@moiseskahulugan6661]

So trueee

[@sammyletsplay]

O_O das me

[@Hellbunnyfelicia]

Or assigned groups😂

[@theonetrueking3612]

no one cares about anyone, that's one of the reasons why loneliness is so high.

[@jorge7246]

Exactly

[@luzdivinawerner3772]

No its dosent need to be that way. Lonelynes is Always part of our life ,but u have to do something to make you happy..Life is too short,. We have to injoy Life that we have, in every precis moment...💜💜💜

[@margaretburke8788]

@@luzdivinawerner3772 YES IN A GOOD WAY 💝💕

[@user-tt8hn3bu1t]

Why "boyka" and not "boyko"?

[@luzdivinawerner3772]

@illegit well u dont have to Care about My openion... I just Care People who need some Little advice or some Comfort...😵

[@gamdanyunizar7849]

you guys are easily one of the best channel on youtube

[@055aniketsoman9]

That was very well made. We need other people and they need us. So true

[@judilynn9569]

I read a study today that said most people avoid lonely people - because they're lonely. They fear lonely people will be clingy. So, that's not helpful to lonely people, is it.

[@TheBlackSheepDiaries]

It's true. Can be a result of oversharing. I've touched upon how this has affected myself. Take a look if you get time. Great observation you made there.

[@nezinezi7825]

What article did you read? I would love to read it too

[@elizabethbennet4791]

@@kellydarrius so you reject them? thats cruel and not worthy of friendship

[@thetrickster9885]

It's true. I am a lonely person and I avoid other lonely people

[@hittingyouoverthehead]

A lot of things in life are like that. The people who are most desperate for love are the ones who don't find it because potential partners find their desperation unattractive. The people (assuming they are qualified) who desperately need a job because they are poor are the ones who usually don't get it because companies think they are not in demand in the market. The parents who really want the best for their kids and sacrifice everything are the ones who get the least attention from their children. The small businesses (again assuming they make quality items) who desperately need more customers to stay in business get less customers than a big chain who has an established brand name.

[@samworth23]

Okay stop, this is where we draw the line. This hits too close to home

[@zaradin4711]

W

[@hannara566]

This video makes me think a lot. I know how they feel and i’m getting the sense that many people empathized to this. I think we can’t help feeling lonely, living. So, it’s important that we keep learning how we handle it and enjoy it. I don’t know for sure! Who knows~? But I’m sure being afraid of loneliness is going to make it very easy for us to feel depressed. That’s the way life is! I want to tell you this ‘Let’s see some action!’

[@ry.hoshiko5482]

Completely answers the 'i have people around me so why do i feel lonely' question. This just shed light to why I felt lonely all these years. I don't have siblings, my parents are too busy working when i was a teenager, my bffs were in a different school back then and did not made new friends or meaningful relationships because i was bullied in school and had depression which affected my ability to socialize and form new relationships. I spend way more time with myself. Yup sounds like a perfect recipe for loneliness.

[@ilynpayne7491]

VOX: human beings feel more lonely in 2020 january COVID 19: hold my beer

[@anishpawar]

it's also called 'corona' which makes more wanna actually hold its beer XD

[@matthewm2528]

Covid: hold my corona

[@pascalbohm2456]

Omae wimou

[@doit3328]

I love Corona 🍺 started drinking it when Covid hit...I was afraid they would lose business.

[@afdalridwan3813]

@@doit3328 i would afraid to announce my veins boiled too overheat that i could stage a coup anytime i want Y'all American should be afraid tho

[@FightsRightsAlways]

The Japanese need to have this conversation. They are literally dying of it.

[@jethro3395]

Like one ang khong siao

[@gamechep]

The Indians would be dying of it and you would not even feel the impact of it. Same for my Chinese brethren, except they are busy with the whole Corona thing, sadly. 😔

[@ttrr7615]

Im not a japanese....but i feel this comment is uncomfortable. Dude care about your self before care about other contury's people

[@TheYahmez]

​@@ttrr7615 I think this for this problem, with their particularly isolationist culture - that's to say; in accordance to leaving each other alone ("politeness" -> loneliness) - they could be at the forefront of solving this issue, with it being particularly prevalent there, to be unseen and unheard. Psychological studies, statistics and informed cultural change /Could/ help solve this phenomenon. I would say it's arguable that their nut is on a whole new level of uncrackable. So maybe solve for that case, solve for many?

[@Sabbathtage]

@@ttrr7615 They're refering to "Kodokushi"; It literally means "lonely death". It's a well documented, growing problem Japan and it's heartwrenchingly sad.

[@beatamichalska6220]

Oh man, this is really needed. It encourages me to sign up for a meeting next week. Thx

[@kalain8970]

I knew I was lonely when someone asked me to tell my best friend's name. I was mostly rejected by people whom I conversed with, because I was different. It's not that I chose to be lonely but I was made to feel lonely. Hardly anyone would come and ask me why I feel low. Even if I am in a big crowd, the lack of conversations make me feel loner. Realised that I feel much happier being lonely than craving for societal acceptance.

[@davidlafleche1142]

Are you from India?

[@samueltoralli352]

It’s ok to socialize but there is nothing wrong with being alone sometimes on your own... I know I love it .

[@maureennjeri2577]

Sure

[@yourkingandqueen]

Big difference between being alone and being lonely though

[@stephanies_diary]

When he drew that extra bird buddy for him 😭

[@kid903i]

Salam😁

[@wendyberrios5957]

Omg that was soo pure 😭😭😭

[@o0oitsme]

I shed a tear at that part

[@StongePWilde]

It was absolutely beautiful, it kind of represents the interaction that they were having on that moment.

[@_pudu661]

This made me very hopeful, thank you for sharing