Why Avoidants Always Come Back When You Stop Chasing Them?

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[@belindaclevenger4759]

Love your content! The avoidant I knew discarded me over a year ago, came back and then discarded me again 6 months ago. I really liked him for who he was but he was so distrustful and suspicious of me and everyone. I'm glad I finally broke free from my addiction to him and his intermittent contact. I had a secure attachment but became anxious. I hated the push/pull. It was the most unhealthy relationship I've ever had. I'm a very independent person and was happy to give him space but he never gave me a chance. I'm still sad that he's gone but glad I'm not in that toxic dynamic.

[@MannysVisionStudio]

Honestly after what I went through with my ex avoidant, I never want to deal with these people again. Whether she comes back in 6 months, tomorrow, a year or never. I’m done with her. She had a chance to make it right with me and she chose to let me and what could have been a great relationship go. I can’t return to anyone that is so eager to throw me and our relationship under a moving bus.

[@AlexisFriedlander]

@@MannysVisionStudio if this is how you feel. Then there is someone out there who will make you happy

[@MannysVisionStudio]

@PuddyKatMan exactly and I just don’t need that. I can’t do it. Maybe there are people who can understand them, I just can’t and honestly I won’t. I have my own traumas I work through and I’ve done well over the years I don’t need a woman who is worse off than me. She can figure it out on her own

[@1968chooch]

Showing them emotional independence and detachment just makes them saddened that they aren't able to control your emotions like they once did. I saw it in my exes face when he realized that I wasn't as attentive as I used to be. I was friendly but not as focused on him. He was moping but I didn't give in like I would have before. He loved my attention but would be okay with not speaking to me for months. I finally decided enough was enough. I'm glad I did and started to focus on myself. It took a few months but I feel so much better.

[@ingeweisenborn8729]

If Avoidants only want to live happily and never deal with, firstly their own emotions, any of life's pain or be a real support in a relationship, while being convinced that they need to search for 'The One' why would they come back to someone they threw out with the trash?

[@marguskiis7711]

Female avoidants almost never come back. They hit the Tinder instead.

[@shinoharuv2519]

Validation and see if you're an available option still. They know that you've been good to them and you treated them well so they don't want to lose you entirely.

[@marguskiis7711]

​@@shinoharuv2519 womn just do not have this logic. They see the good men as the disposable crap.

[@ingeweisenborn8729]

@shinoharuv2519 I hear you, and if he does come back he will be shown right to the door. I am not putting myself through what I went through for a second time. He is however now 3.5 months later still refusing to give my things back and I have to pester him which I am sick of having to do. He wanted the break up after all so him holding on this way is pathetic.

[@maureenm6137]

Yup the come back. Just long enough to reel you in, and break your heart, yet again. 0/10 do not recommend. Run.

[@DDartlover8888]

This is good advice. I stopped trying because I was not interested in being with someone who wasn’t interested in me, and it did seem to improve things. Not sure if I am willing to reconcile but it’s a possibility.

[@michaelod324]

Great video, and right on time, it’s been one month and few days of no contact, it was a pretty bad break up. I was feeling a little weak and thought about contacting her, but she’s avoidant so I’ll stay in no contact, especially since I’ve already gotten through Thanksgiving and Christmas, I might as well get through New Year’s as well lol.

[@lilbit6251]

Lol... me 2!!!! Good luck to you. It's about to be 2 months soon

[@cindyd3769]

💯 I did what Alexis advised. Worked a bit on my own anxious type, focused on me and what I enjoyed..more activities and my sp ..avoidant returned. 2x. 1st time 4 months 2nd 10 days. Now working on things, both are. Everyone has issues old new. Only you know what is in your heart. When I'm patient, give space...make no decisions/reaction when I'm upset..I win. Thank you Alexis. And I scored high on the quiz.

[@michaelod324]

@@lilbit6251 yeah I figured I’ve done all this work, I might as well allow a healthy amount of time, before I even consider reaching out lol

[@michaelod324]

@@cindyd3769 I appreciate this, that’s what I’m mostly trying to do, just trying to shift my focus and energy to myself, better myself and just allow time to do its work.

[@ingeweisenborn8729]

You also just said something there that's quite interesting: 'Relationships are very simple you just need to meet your partners needs'..... Interesting that the avoidant don't seem to see it that way....

[@ingeweisenborn8729]

@@palmiccz Of course! We must bow to the avoidant

[@karenpierce4909]

It is not like this for every situation

[@jasnavarcakovic6716]

Well explained. Thank you

[@jessiejane3]

This was extremely helpful! And very much appreciated!

[@cindyd3769]

Yes. Brilliant. Amazing video. Alexis you're breaking out w/ an amazing channel. All the Best for 2025.

[@melissamorton9280]

Thank you so much for this. Very insightful and helpful during my bresk up with my avoidant husband after 13 years. He's a good man but he's been triggered. I love him and want us to work together with our attachments. I'm anxious preoccupied

[@monikasmyk4007]

Nooo it is not working, 4 months after NC I'm not chasing and situation is still the same- more emotional topic and he disappears for days "I was busy" yeah right. He is not opening up, not trusting more, not want to meet. So just giving space is not enough

[@adrigsi]

Exactly

[@marguskiis7711]

When you find another man he will come back.

[@nrt6]

Can you do a video on avoidants and suddenly ghosting you and what to do, if they’ll come back. Thank you so much.

[@DavidArden-j1f]

And if they come back then what? You’re the back up plan? Lol you likely worked on yourself and got more secure and the silly avoidant does whatever the hell they do and when they feel like it they come back? F that. Being pursued is pressure fear of abandonment is pressure, relationship is pressure, everything is pressure lol let them have all the space they want far far away!

[@Flufero23]

Who wants them back? Not me. I have moved on. I am secure . I wish him well, but never again.

[@Loversinadangeroustime]

Even if you chased/fell for bread crumbs for 10 months? I’m done now, he won’t hear from me… I’ve been working on my anxious attachment like a SOB. yet he said he’ll reach out. Nobody can seem to answer this, maybe you can. He’s FA.

[@cindyd3769]

It worked for me 2x. Wasn't easy at all. Change breeds change. I'm anxious very. Patience. Do the work, just as Alexis advises. They will feel that energy/power shift. You will ultimately 🏆 win for an amazing you.

[@Loversinadangeroustime]

@@cindyd3769thank you!

[@Loversinadangeroustime]

@@cindyd3769Thank you!

[@Loversinadangeroustime]

@The_Whimsical_Avoidant❤

[@marguskiis7711]

​@The_Whimsical_Avoidant men go back, women -- almost never

[@beverlygarcia6475]

If they crave closeness then why is it that they run they ghost you I don't understand what minute they want clothes in the next minute they don't

[@guywithahelmet9597]

After 10 months? Nope haha not always brother

[@Loversinadangeroustime]

It can take a year or even two.

[@Atanasisa]

Are you still in any form of contact with them??

[@guywithahelmet9597]

@@Atanasisa nope. Absolute zero contact

[@guywithahelmet9597]

@@Loversinadangeroustime eh doesn’t really matter much at this point haha

[@axlrose2335]

​​@@guywithahelmet9597 then i wonder if they really had feelings for you or u did something bad. Otherwise they come back 99%.

[@SketchybrainD]

I don’t want her back. I’m crazy and think that she can fix it. I kept telling her I cant get in a relationship cause I finally got my head under control and i was terrified of losing myself again She chased and pushed for six years.

[@GoodTimeGirrrl]

Do avoidant person can even love? Do they feel anything?

[@haihai5293]

Good video.

[@nimishapathak199]

Mine never came back. Though he was responsive if i ever texted. But bare minimum. It was so hurtful when I cared so much.

[@beverlygarcia6475]

But do they go to that stage if the other person broke up with the avoidance

[@petrabuschhausen3129]

Do they come back when they told you they never will? And why don't they give you the closure? I bagged to tell me why never got the answer

[@AlexisFriedlander]

Closure is something you will have to find within yourself. I don't know your relationship or your ex so I cannot tell based on his words.

[@rednvocal]

My avoidant is a workaholic, and made himself sick from nit hetting much sleep, abd working. He says he can't commit time, even though after no contact for 4 months, we got close, he was surprised I wasn't sick of waiting for him. I said I need contact once/week and he said he can do it, offered to communicate every day, but then pulled away. As if he had not said the things he said. Then said he would rather have me walk away before we get deeper involved. Now he projects onto me what his previous girlfriends wanted - for him to be home every day. I've told him I won't want that, that Im infeoendent, that I want us to find our own rhythm, not a traditional commitment. Can you help me?

[@msdreamliner787]

Not all of them come back. There are really severe cases

[@p4160]

ate down ty

[@w-asabi2784]

But what if she went back to her ex of 4 years after we’ve been together 4 months I feel like I was a fool

[@AlexisFriedlander]

@@w-asabi2784 perhaps you were the rebound

[@w-asabi2784]

For sure I was so no contact won’t work nothing won’t work I see ur videos and I think shit these are for him not me

[@JoseCastillo-l5n]

Wheres the jingle?😂

[@AlexisFriedlander]

@@JoseCastillo-l5n oups ;)

[@joancollins3457]

They don’t and if they do you don’t want them to come back to repeat the same cycle anyway. When they go they need to stay gone, don’t entertain this BS game playing of theirs. You will only end up hurt.