Why can't I speak? Selective Mutism

[@pajge9005]

Finally an adult with Selective Mutism. Thank you.

[@ChrissyBShow]

You're welcome. She was very brave and did a great job. :-)

[@amyj8496]

Why is it soooo hard to find other adults with this condition???

[@mage4516]

@@SatanenPerkele lmao 😭

[@victort.4798]

I think some people try to treat it as children so not as many have it by the time they become adults, or at least not as severe

[@teentraveler1790]

I have it too as an adult. And peeps just see it as me being very serious person. It's like my only method to appear normal. Which at least it's a step up from my school life when almost everone saw me as a stuck up prick.

[@ibraheemtalash5094]

It's not hard.....I am here. I have this too

[@aaryaparr9219]

@@SatanenPerkele send me request

[@pityparty9955]

I become mute when I’m afraid. I can’t defend myself when verbally attacked, corrected or criticized by anyone. I can’t even think clearly.

[@sangeetharavindran87]

where you verbally or emotionally abused as a child making you feel like your opinions doesn't really matter? Freezing up and not defending oneself is very common pattern in such individuals. That pattern is coming up from our unhealed inner child but for sure you can overcome it by being conscious about why it is happening and by healing your old inner child wounds. Once that healing takes place, you become liberated from that freezing up and your subconscious will realize that you have the power within you to defend yourself.

[@pityparty9955]

@@sangeetharavindran87 Hostile social environment. Passive introvert bookish, living mostly in my head. Clannish town, surrounded by loud rude dominating peers, with different interests of sports, horses, beer busts etc. Geographically distant from others, don’t disagree or criticize and keep their sneaky secrets. Just don’t talk to them it makes no difference and they won’t respect you.

[@autonomousAcquaintances]

@@pityparty9955 This is a really similar situation compared to my own childhood. I've had times in my life where I've lost my words. Sometimes it was easier not to speak and sometimes I just couldn't. I'd move my mouth but the words wouldn't come.

[@tanj15]

@@sangeetharavindran87 that makes sense coz its exactly what happened to me. I wouldn’t speak in fear of my mum because having an opinion or chatting back was disrespectful which was met with emotional abuse

[@Comewithmeifuwant2live]

The school environment is psychologically detrimental to children undiagnosed. As a child, (and I imagine it's like this for everyone because a lot of teachers just don't get it) I couldn't speak when asked a question, and so I was humiliated in front of a room full of other children by a number of teachers throughout my schooling, making it feel like a prison sentence. I also had no agency or comprehension to tell people that gave me such a hard time where and when to get stuffed!! I could have left this environment if I had behavioural or disagreement issues, but I wasn't like that as a child. I did what I was told as I was terrified of adults. I hid, I suffered, and I just about survived. I have Autism and ADHD. Sometimes I wish I could speak to those teachers now and maybe they would understand, but then I realised it actually doesn't matter... there's no excuse to treat children like that and my explaining it isn't necessary for the abuse I received.... A very distant second to that was a childhood crush. Singular. One is one too many. Situational mutism... more like the George McFly syndrome 😂

[@tmcfootball96]

I have selective muteness, which has negativity effected my social interaction with family and friends, love life, and my work-life.

[@teentraveler1790]

Same dude. . .

[@ARMa-hy8gi]

Mmm, makes me think if this is why I have no relationship to my relatives (unwanted).

[@Angel-ej4ui]

Me too what's your age btw? I'm 14....its really hard for me to say anything more than "hmm"😭😩

[@AZ-zz7xo]

But how is it affecting your love life?

[@coorkie]

Social anxiety sucks... Ive also always been labelled as shy and reserved.. It feels good to find videos that resonate with me so I can work on myself.

[@honeybat8803]

I just wanna make sure you know selective mutism is separate from social anxiety. Though most of the time people with selective mutism have social anxiety, people with social anxiety don’t commonly have selective mutism. U know? I can totally agree though, social anxiety is a horrible thing to have. And I’m glad you can feel some comfort and resonate with these videos, I feel the same. I just wanted to be clear, because people who don’t know may come across this video and mistake social anxiety for selective mutism. So yeah, just wanted to prevent the spread of misinformation ! Hope this didn’t come off as rude or anything, if so, I’m sorry, as that wasn’t my intention at all. Hope you have a great day, and a positive recovery in regards to your anxiety disorder. ✨🦋✨

[@kemi182]

Me too. When I went to college they all thought I would be fun and social but they labeled me as shy and timid. I hate the word timid too it has so much negative connotations

[@ambarvalia9757]

some take advantage of my selective mutism while i cannot speak for my self

[@Pepperonipizza248]

I had no clue other people went through life like this too. I'm in a state of shock but I have hope now.

[@trendonthetrack7767]

I've had SM since I started school. In 1st grade I didn't talk to anyone in class at all. It got better at around 7th grade. To this day I still suffer from in most cases. Surprisingly I didn't have problems making friends, the friends I had understood my made up sign language. Im still remembered as the quiet kid. I can't seem to go anywhere at work even though I got qualifications and is very conscientious. The problem is obviously my personality and it eats me up every day bit by bit.

[@sarahfellows3074]

I had it when I was 4 and 5, I didn't speak at all in school. Teachers used to say:"you're the girl who won't speak" 🙄 which made me feel ten times more anxious. People referred to me as quiet. Sometimes now, I still think I have it in group situations. I try to force my self into a lot of situations where I have to talk. Expose your self to it if u can

[@teentraveler1790]

This is touching because I really understand you.

[@mikaelacarmela2773]

I'm 15 yrs.old now, but still i can't speak or talk. Even one words, it really sucks.

[@dieunguyen9474]

@@mikaelacarmela2773 hello. My daughter is 12 and can’t talk at school and public. She had SM since 4. It is very frustrating. I am trying to help with a lot of hope that she is soon to talk to others . I can totally understand how you feel. Just trying to expo yourself to friends and relatives. As you are growing you are more mature and confident you don’t want to miss out a lot of things in life because of not talking. Try your Best to help yourself. You can beat that anxiety . It’s hard but you can do it. Good luck 👍

[@pixierabbit112]

Yeah I had it since 1st grade and now I'm 17 going in my senior year. I have friends that I really care about and they do too and I found someone irl who also has it! I like to think I'm getting better at talking :)

[@Eli_16_07]

The most I can do is say "Here" when my name is called in school and answering small questions, talking to people is so hard and even saying 1 word is so draining mentally and even physically

[@bobbiebuckle9805]

I remember being terrified when I had to yell “here” palms sweaty heart racing lol omg

[@JennieAddams]

@@bobbiebuckle9805 me too

[@Comewithmeifuwant2live]

In school we had to say "here" in Irish. You got used to the one word, which is easy, but the waiting around to get it over and done with was agonising.

[@fridalig7283]

I'm thankful that I finally started taking medication for my anxiety disorder because it embarrassed me to not be able to talk in a lot of situations when I'm a full grown adult. It made me feel like a frightened child and the shame made it even worse.

[@user-cg3vr1dd2q]

Does anxiety medication help a lot? I have a lot of difficulty public speaking ever since I was little and when the spotlight is on me in situations.

[@fridalig7283]

@@user-cg3vr1dd2q I'm not sure if I can speak to public speaking anxiety per say. My medication has balanced out all the physical symptoms that I had to anxiety, so while I can still be worried or a bit embarrassed, I don't get nauseous or become overly aware of how loud my heartbeat sounds, I don't dwell on emotions for near as long, I haven't felt a painful lump in my throat keeping me from talking, even the tenseness of my back muscles has seemed to relax some. That is to say, I no longer just shut down. Everyone's experience with anti-anxiety medication or anti-depressants is different and I feel fortunate enough that my experience has been mostly positive, so it's best to actually consult a psychiatrist or doctor about what the best step is for you. Some people benefit from therapy alone and some may have a chemical imbalance that requires supplements like SSRis (like me) to kind of give them a helping hand. Some friends of mine have done poorly on ssris and instead benefit from lifestyle changes or maybe another type of hormone supplement. Similar symptoms don't always point to the same cause.

[@user-cg3vr1dd2q]

@@fridalig7283 thank you :) I've never been to a doctor about my social anxiety. I put it down to shyness at first but something like presentations really debilitates me, even months before the actual event my mind stresses me out. Have you ever tried beta-blockers???

[@fridalig7283]

@@user-cg3vr1dd2q Never felt the need to. I noticed my pulse never actually increased but it would feel like it was pumping harder and I could hear it. Like a hyper awareness. Very little seems to actually quicken my heartbeat since it's pretty slow and steady naturally. My fear responses are just everything else like a cold sweat and really loud mind. I would recommend going to a doctor/therapist/psychiatrist before settling on a treatment as some symptoms can be shared between people with different causes and it's best to truly know if your problems are external like traumatic events or internal like chemical imbalances. Also good to ensure what those imbalances are. A friend of mine recently started developing anxiety symptoms similar to mine, but our treatments are very different as I have low serotonin uptake and she has PCOS. Both of us experienced crippling anxiety and depression, but the chemicals and hormones behind them were different. My roommate also had a year long period of depression but his ended up being external as he says that once he removed himself from the environment he was in, he realized he wasn't clinically depressed and had just not realized how negatively the events around him were affecting him until after. His treatment was just getting away from the triggers.

[@fridalig7283]

That being said, attempting to manage symptoms with medication without knowing the root cause could exacerbate the problem and maybe add more issues. I've known a lot of people that have had to switch medications fairly regularly for this reason. The very best way to proceed is by going from the bottom up: See if your health needs are being met (sleep, food, exercise) as a lack of these things can affect mood and mental fortitude, see if there are external stressors that could be putting you in these places like financial concerns or maybe parental pressures, see if you are allowing yourself time to pursue your hobbies as play is important at all stages of life. Depending on how you see these things, the next best step would be to seek therapy so a trained professional could help you determine if learning coping skills or building confidence through actions would benefit you or if perhaps the problems are truly internal. Once that has been established, then seeking out a psychiatrist to officially diagnose you or taking a hormone level lab test to diagnose you is a good option. If you don't make a lot of money, check your public resources to see if there are any clinics that offer services based on your income. I am currently paying a monthly fee determined off my income until ai am able to enroll in my company's insurance policy to cover those expenses for me. Learning about these local resources pulled me out of years of struggling and I'm glad I took steps to make sure that medication really was what it took for me to finally feel mentally healthy, but if the first steps aren't addressed, medication alone wouldn't be able to help me. My sleep, health, and social life are still as important as my medication and neither would truly work without the other. Addressing both have made doing both a whole hell of a lot easier :) sorry for the long read. Best of luck to you ❤️

[@mottony]

Wish my parents actually thought about selective mutism I'm not quiet because I'm lazy, I'm quiet because I find it really hard to speak to anyone new, or friends I'm not rude, I'm struggling with speaking to people in general It's getting a bit better but starting college after a levels since I didn't feel like going uni since it wasn't really for me, its hard explaining to my parents how hard it is But all I get from them is "Youll do awful in life if you don't talk to people" and "it's not that hard" and "if you don't talk to people within a week of starting, nobody will talk to you" Sometimes I wish that my parents actually acted like parents that cared, because I'm finding it hard to believe they actually care about me anymore To anyone else with selective mutism or feel like the might be suffering from it A lot of shy people can do fine in life, being pressured into speaking cannot really help alot and I hope we all end up finding what makes us comfortable and coping with selective mutism

[@ChrissyBShow]

Hi there. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. It's good to know how people feel and why. In our experience, we often find that when people don't understand an issue, they can say some really hurtful things. Many are just trying to help or be encouraging, but out of ignorance, they can end up making things worse. Regarding your parents, maybe you can share this video with them to give them an idea of what you've been going through. Just a suggestion. :-)

[@ARMa-hy8gi]

My mother actively facilitating me to speak when I was uncomfortable to do so was so horrible

[@smalldewdrops]

This video has been so validating to watch. I grew up having what I called "quiet days" where I couldn't talk to anyone. I felt physically unable to use my voice despite wanting to talk. The part about being so frustrated with it and eventually learning to adapt to it really spoke to me, because I (and the people around me) just took it to be a part of my mood swings, when in reality it's always felt like more than that. I needed this so much. I want to cry so badly knowing that there are people out there who are like me.

[@StrawberryCoke]

Omg this is me as well and Im an adult. It seems to be a symptom of my severe social anxiety. Sometimes I go whole 12 hour work shifts without saying more than 10 words, and when I speak my voice is hoarse from not talking. Thing is I want to speak sometimes but it's pretty much impossible.

[@caramellohoney]

My daughter 18 has SM diagnosed @ 17. She is getting support. As an adult myself I now remember when I was 13 and went to highschool, I had this massive wave of social anxiety. But also remembering instances in primary. I couldn't talk to fellow classmates even when they tried. It's like I remember being afraid of everyone in my class. My friends where mostly in the grade lower then me. So my first year of highschool was scary, I left my friends behind. I never really made friends the first year I couldn't wait for the next year to see my friends come to highschool. Even when I tried to speak it wouldn't come out right. I thought I was just ridiculously shy, I hated being like that. Eventually I found new crowd I thought where my friends.. other then my old friends. But unfortunately they where all highschool drop outs with no future goals and began to disrepect me anyway. They didn't treat me right, they bullied me eventually. Till now I felt I never really fit in school and no real friends except family. Even outside of school. As an adult I've now realised I'm still a bit like this. Happy bubbly around those I feel comfortable, if someone new tries to have a convo with me. It's short and sweet. When I speak it doesn't come out right what I want to say so eventually I shut up and say nothing. And then there's this awkward silence, and the person stops talking to me. It's terrible. I can understand what my daughter is dealing with now.

[@a_random_dragonet1514]

Some people don’t realize that this isn’t always a major issue, I have mild selective mutism that only shows itself when I’m in super embarrassing situations or any social situation like that

[@TaiReverie]

i really wish my parents weren't alcoholics and neglectful so i could have gone to therapy early into my life. i've struggled with this my entire life and it's affected me negatively. i don't have much friends, if any at all. there are people i talk to here and there. i wish i can get the help i want so i can live the life i want to

[@ChrissyBShow]

Hi Tai. Thanks for your message. Please email info@chrissybshow for us to send info regarding where you can get help. :-)

[@Quitumbe954]

You're not alone

[@Lovely-vd5ss]

I have Sm never diagnosed...it really is frustrating...missed out on alot

[@amyj8496]

I'm going to answer myself and guess it's because of the nature of the condition - people like us tend to avoid public interviews. A lot of adults are embarrassed to admit living with this condition.

[@sarahfellows3074]

I had it and still have it in situations

[@jclyntoledo]

I think mine is mild or reserved for group settings and language learning. Interviews just make me tremble and lots of heart palpations with some sweating 😬. I might lose my train of thought if I don't prepare. I'm constantly prepping to socialize 😩. I feel bad for anyone who has it worse than me.

[@whitneyseebaran5860]

Thank you for sharing. To know that there are other people who has been living with this problem and there is treatment to get better is very reassuring.

[@Lena-hj7vm]

Idk if this happens to anyone else but when i have less human interaction I don't speak much and forget how to be social

[@joannebywaters4154]

Oh my this is such a relief!!!!!!!! Finally an answer!!!! Thank you for this video!!!!!

[@NaliNube]

SM makes life incredibly difficult. I dread everytime my team at work wants to get together or whenever I hear the word networking with other departments in my company (I know I will always be the quiet one, even though I am almost 30 years old). Not to speak about the opportunities that I miss out due to being incredibly self conscious and unable to speak. This is extremely painful to have as an adult 🙁

[@gonnfishy2987]

I want the terminology to be changed from “selective mutism” this conveys it is a choice

[@RoseRedThorn]

Believe it or not, they already did. It was called "elective mutism" until the 1990s.

[@KhushiSingh-vo9nf]

its also called situational mutism

[@gonnfishy2987]

@@KhushiSingh-vo9nf becoming “non-speaking“ is a way that i hear most autistic presenters refer to it nowadays. I think this is the best option

[@amycampbell9403]

I've had selective mutism since I was a toddler and I still have it as an adult, but all the information out there is about children. My former psychiatrist even told me I couldn't still have it because it only impacts kids. Sigh.

[@brihappy4683]

I go mute with most people. It's really hard, it's like I can't think of anything to say. And I talked non stop as a child. As an adult I've had some mental health struggles, I have a lot of social anxiety, adhd, major depression. Sometimes I wish I could be silent and people would let me be but you have to talk in this world. But it feels like the less I talk the worse I am at socializing. Which just makes me feel worse about myself. I feel like I'm boring, like people think I'm rude, or like I don't like them. How do I fix this?

[@mike36mm]

I am just learning about Adult Selective Mutism . I relate to your social anxiety/ depression and peoples negative read of your periods of silence. it seems a little different for each person. I've heard the further we retreat from interactions, the harder it is to overcome. Of caurse knowing this doesnt make it any easier to push yourself to speak up, speak out, speak often but we need to try. I talk but find my throat my brain my voice shuts down when it matters most. I freeze. Im just learning about this myself. In a world that favors those quick to be loud it 's seen as unreasonible to expect patients and nonjudgement but Dont give up

[@kide123]

Thank you thank you thank you❤❤❤

[@richardh2o84]

I'm 37 and finally figuring this out.

[@emmy_cara713]

I have it as a 15 year old and I literally avoid every situation I’m expected to speak

[@sarahfellows3074]

I had and sometimes still do

[@gamesps9562]

What do you mean "sometimes?" Maybe it's just social anxiety, because if you do not talk, you do not talk in front of certain people. It's mutism, and nothing but.

[@sarahfellows3074]

@@gamesps9562 I go mute in certain contexts

[@gamesps9562]

@@sarahfellows3074 Understandable.

[@debbiecurtis4021]

I've decided to become mute due to constant bullying. I'm sick of being told to shut up.

[@JanetCJj]

I have this and am 22 nearly 23 next month

[@Quitumbe954]

I'm 26 had this problem My whole life

[@gy9793]

She's so brave

[@varuns9723]

How did Jane treat her condition?

[@deyaa7916]

Could you send me the website of the charity please?

[@ChrissyBShow]

Hi there. It's www.ispeak.org.uk/ but unfortunately their website doesn't appear to be working. :-( It may be updating so perhaps check periodically.

[@ihavenoidea2805]

@@ChrissyBShow wow it's amazing that you responded after a few years!

[@heidirodriguez3809]

I am exactly like her

[@louiseniriain]

Thankfully I can relate, its not your own voice, she said. I get that. I detach it sounds like someone else.