"Copy & Paste’ - Hidden Asperger’s-- Girls with Aspergers | Niamh McCann | TEDxDunLaoghaire

16 year old Niamh McCann is passionate about many things including ballet, the plays of William Shakespeare, the environment and public speaking! Her talk looks at the challenges of the high-functioning end of the Autistic Spectrum for girls. Niamh is a quiet, sensitive girl who studied hard, got good grades and not one to cause trouble. She researched the reasons why girls on the spectrum are often misdiagnosed or have late diagnosis. Her hope is that through her talk and sharing what she has learnt, all girls on the spectrum will feel freer to embrace who they are and that those who are yet to be diagnosed are not afraid to do so. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@pichu459]

He bent over backwards... she was on the ball... "what you probably didn't imagine" *she shows exactly what I imagined*

[@adapple7518]

Yeah I think about it literally before I give it context.

[@Isansnes]

Me too haha

[@sonja7halcyon]

Yeah I don't think she explained here what she meant very well, most people do imagine it before they put it into context but people with autism tend to stay stuck on the literal meaning without understanding how to put it into context. They, we, think instead of saying "he bent over backwards to get it for her" why doesn't she just say "he did everything he could to get it for her".

[@NeekieBonakdar]

LITERALLY SAME AND THR

[@linojakobsen7737]

Me too. Even when it is a metaphor I always imagine what it would look like for real.

[@AAABBB-iy1ro]

I’m a Japanese girl with asperger. I really understand what she mean, “Copy and Paste”. Copy and paste was an only way to behave like others when I was a teenager.

[@enderlegasov]

Just be yourself. You'll never do well with people you can't be yourself around.

[@tomcat3946]

But how do I know who i am?

[@gummyrabbit1099]

Ikr Every time I chat my mind goes blank

[@saragarofano9727]

You country is not good for Asperger's

[@caiomarastoni1031]

@@tomcat3946 I'm not asperger but your question actually got me...

[@ernievonvutenhauger7207]

It's exhausting acting normal. Being aware of everything you do and how you do it in public situations can cause a panic attack.

[@pollianapavloski7911]

I'm just realizing now that most of my panic attacks last year happened at school and that was probably the reason... I almost quit studying because of it, omg

[@tatianalee4131]

I always have to remind myself to make eye contact and not do weird things with my hands I was made fun of for it in the past.

[@captainswan3079]

Oh definitely!

[@munchocrisps]

FoggyBoss Channel I never had panic attacks in public, so is that normal for Aspergers?

[@Catitalaratoncita]

And social anxiety

[@ruthrogers9115]

i'm autistic and one phrase that stresses me out a lot is "by the skin of my teeth." my dad says that a lot and it creeps me out so much..

[@IronAngeline]

I literally shuddered just reading that.

[@blktauna]

lol i rub my teeth when someone says that

[@dancehulahoopjump]

I cringed reading that phrase lol. I’m autistic as well

[@adaon2282]

What does that mean anyways?

[@blktauna]

@@adaon2282 it means “by a very slim margin “ omg im rubbing my teeth again 🤪

[@rebeccashields9626]

“Superficial social competence.” YES. And it’s so tiring to be acting all the time. Every interaction. Trying to mathematically calculate how much eye contact, where to put your hands, how much space to leave when talking. And then it causes so much anxiety.

[@queenofscrolls7585]

Uggghh yes it's so much to keep track of while trying to seem like you're not paying attention to everything

[@BreukelenAmatz]

Oh my..... This.💕 I have a daughter with autism and non verbal, and I am really mind blown.... 35 years of me thinking I am a failure but never asking myself if I could be on the spectrum as well. Her older sister has adhd as well. I am soul tired but am so grateful to know that maybe I have an even bigger reason to be kinder to myself and family. I just started really looking into this a week or so ago. Have a great summer!

[@colinmacdonald1869]

My daughter has an autism diagnosis so I feel I can stick my oar in here. It's often said that autism is underdiagnosed in girls, because their feminine traits seem to allow them to "pass". In other words they are able learn strategies to fit in, to be one of the girls etc. Here's the problem with this. A diagnosis of autism is based purely on behavioural traits, to my mind a fairly arbitrary collection of traits. There's no blood test. No structural abnormality of the brain. And if we're going to diagnose girls not because of behaviour but on what they report are... what? Feeling different? I feel different from you? Not actual behavioural differences but purely what you say is in your head. I know theres a lot of nonsense in psychology but really!

[@naomipask9956]

I can see so much of my child in this. She has learned to mask in social situations but it is exhausting for her. At home, in her safe place, She can hibernate in her room doing her own thing for as long as she needs in order to recuperate. This by no means she isn't social with those she knows and trusts.

[@moragmacgregor6792]

@@colinmacdonald1869 A very lawyerly response, but you describe a real problem. The speaker is correct: the problem is with the diagnostic tools. Male subjects were over-represented in medical studies in the 20th century and I'll wager they still are. Same thing happened with heart attacks.

[@AimeeV11]

We hear that “sociopaths” mimic personalities to gain trust and acceptance, knowing that’s what we’re doing too. Being high-functioning means you’re fully aware you’re a bit of a fraud, which can exacerbate existing anxiety and depression.

[@TheLaughingDove]

Ouch. This hit too close to home.

[@fuscia13]

Aimee Valle omg yes, I often fear I’m a psychopath, but my intention isn’t to hurt or gain, just be accepted and hopefully safe

[@Michelle-zv8wk]

Sociopaths have no regard for others and use their ability to mimic to deceive for their own personal agenda. Those with autism do have emotions and their own unique way of conveying their thoughts and intentions but are aware that their way is not the socially acceptable way of doing so, and therefore they must find an alternative means to convey their message, hence the mimicking behaviour. Sociopaths and autistic individuals are not the same.

[@linojakobsen7737]

@@Michelle-zv8wk Nobody said they were the same. Even though there are big differences, it must be OK to point out similarities. Even though I have very strong emotions and feel a very strong affection for a few people Ican still use knowledge and acquired techniques to build social relations with people I know. In other words, I use a cdrtsin method which often makes otbers like me. That is what a sociopath also might do. Then I can decide if I they mean anything to me. That is where the difference is, because the sociopath probably wouldn't care...

[@christyt1723]

The difference here is that Aspies mimic personalities to fit in and function with society in a positive way. Sociopaths do the mimicking behavior to fit in in order to take advantage of others in society in a harmful way. Most aspies that I know are very caring individuals that just don't function as well on a communicative level. They are bright, funny and inquisitive. They just have difficulty relating on an emotional level with people who are not on the spectrum. I am glad she spoke on this because women on the spectrum do not get diagnosed as early due to their uncanny ability to mask.

[@solitudeguard5688]

She’s 16 years of age, delivering ridiculously insightful speeches and unleashing her insight. I wish I had her confidence.

[@AmandaGDumas]

Completely agree. She speaks so well / formulated her presentation so well - I was surprised to find out she was 16.

[@gblargg]

It was kind of tiring, like a Greta speech, excessive intonation. "Aspergers is three times as common in boys so diagnostics are focused on that. Girls tend to be better at masking it. I experienced the consequences of late diagnosis and I'd like diagnosis in girls to be improved."

[@jebediahhonker-tonker5901]

"When I was younger, I would mimic my favorite cartoon characters." I started smiling at this part. I did the exact same thing when I was a kid. I still do it sometimes

[@iminsideyourwaIls]

I do that too

[@bethanienaylor]

If I watch a show long enough I start to act like the people, inside and out, and it doesn't take long!

[@wasabiANDkimchi]

I've done that too....

[@BurdenErnie1]

Don't most people do this?

[@samanthers]

Hello to my fellow Aspergirls ❤️ I'm a female Aspie in my 30's but no one believes me when I say that I'm on the spectrum. Her speech is spot-on - we are great mimics

[@coloringwithd]

samanthers - I'm 54 and I have been saying it for years. No one believes me so I. Have all kinds of issues and take meds to cope daily. I'm so done.

[@BeatrixOnyx]

I'm in my late 20s and I get the same reaction because I live "normally" and seem "normal" (live independently, have a full time job, etc). I'm too good at hiding it I guess. It's exhausting.

[@aliap.2527]

I am so sorry that you all are going through similar struggles :( I'm 16, a very strong student at a competitive high school and outwardly quite an extrovert... I just took an entire day to rest without doing schoolwork because that's how tired the week made me. My school perfectionism combined with my socially-emulating behavior (which comes naturally now) drains me. I was surprised the other day when I told someone I was on the spectrum and they said they had guessed already. But it figures that they are an online friend. People from school, on the other hand... same reaction as you guys had. Hang in there; hope is really difficult to have...

[@toyotasupra97]

I just started bawling my eyes out halfway through the video. I’m on several different meds and constantly battling my mental health, I think I’ve just realized why. I’m 32 and I think my life could be so different if I had support and therapy and a proper diagnosis.

[@jewelrose6622]

I'm in my twenties and I only guessed at having this after watching the Good Doctor and finding I relate to Dr Murphy somehow. then I did some research and found I have High functioning autism. it explains so much. I am so grateful that I am not alone bcos I knew something was wrong just no one believed me.

[@nutmegmacadamia6730]

I learned sarcasm in high school, after being accepted by an extremely sarcastic group of kind girls. They were always sarcastic so the guessing was taken away and I could just enjoy the humour without confusion. Other people aren't so obvious so I hear insults where there aren't any or I think an insult is sarcasm. I miss those constantly sarcastic girls.

[@AlexaFaie]

I'm actually really sarcastic pretty much all the time and thought that I don't have trouble identifying sarcasm. The thing is I do, its just kinda in reverse in that I assume people are being sarcastic when they actually are not.

[@pollianapavloski7911]

@@AlexaFaie that's totally me

[@charlotteai2818]

I'm really sarcastic but unfortunately sometimes one slips out that is way past sarcastic and perceived as really vicious. This is probably the main place theory of mind fails me, understanding how hurtful what I'm about to say is. Usually it's to people I don't like but sometimes even to people I do. It's quick draw humour and I can't stop it. My only remaining friends are the ones who know I'm not saying it to be mean to them.

[@juliab7934]

Luckily I learned sarcasm pretty early on because my family is really sarcastic. With people outside of my family it can be hard to tell sometimes.

[@katwebbxo]

@@AlexaFaie Same here

[@bkwesterlund4968]

i've felt overwhelmed & tired my entire life, always after social interaction. i laughed it off as simply being an introvert. my mother would always say she thinks i have aspergers, but i would never take her seriously. now i'm sitting here, after one week of researching & finding myself in every little text. this speech made me cry. i don't know what to do with all this information yet, but it feels like information i should have needed a long time ago. thank you.

[@infjelphabasupporter8416]

"What you probably didn't imagine, was this:" *Proceeds to show what I imagined.*

[@red-sv2qf]

copied

[@infjelphabasupporter8416]

@@red-sv2qf Actually no. It might be a coincidence, but it's true.

[@red-sv2qf]

@@infjelphabasupporter8416 fine i believe you. there was this dude named charlie d who commented the exact same thing 2 years ago.

[@kelseyarciniega5319]

Same

[@chocolatehaveeyes]

All my life I thought I was just socially awkward... this is creepily accurate to how I communicate...

[@couldntthinkofacoolname9608]

It's important not to base a self diagnosis off of one KZbin video. But definitely, now that you're aware of it, mull it over. Do some research, see about getting a professional diagnosis. There are communities you can join on social media, things that I wish I'd had when I was diagnosed. If you are autistic, you at least will be in good company.

[@MuseCatherine]

I told my aspie daughter to "wipe that look off your face"! (before I knew she was aspie) and the poor darling literally wiped her hand across her mouth. It was funny at the time but now it breaks my heart.

[@liannapfister8255]

Catherine Louise still funny I’m picturing it

[@amandachapman4708]

When I was six (fift-six years ago) my teacher told me to hold my tongue ... I did just that.

[@laartje24]

In kindergarten my teacher gave me a dice and said: "The one with the highest trow gets to go first." I trew mine all the way up to the ceiling and was pretty proud but was met with a very angry teacher.

[@CarlyBoothheartsmovies]

If it makes you feel better, when I was in 3rd grade my teacher was like "okay kids get out a checker" (as in a pen or highlighter to check your work) and I went over to the board games and literally got a piece out of the box of Checkers! She looked at me like I was insane.

[@classicnobody9872]

When I was 6 I taught there was a cat in my teacher bag she said :"Don't let the cat out of the bag "

[@darshanamaya]

My sweet mother was 92 years old, and I was helping to care for her in an assisted living apartment, while also caring for my dad there - when my boyfriend said, "I think your mom has Asperger's, like my nephew" - who we both knew. It was amazing! He was exactly right! All the things I had thought were odd about her, was just because her brain worked differently. I was an only child, and struggled feeling like my mother always held herself back from me - which was painful, as I am not very Asperger's - though I have some qualities I learned from her, as any child is a sponge with their mother. She had used sarcasm, which was her sense of humor (she also loved puns), when she was trying to connect with us. But my dad and I would feel hurt by her sarcasm - it seemed so pointed, not loving. Once I learned to see her as different, I came to her from a very tender place, and I guess she could feel that, as she was never sarcastic again. We had a very sweet last year. I bless my boyfriend for seeing her clearly - I was too close I guess. She's been gone 5 years now, and sometimes I still wish I could have known much earlier, and been there for her more, instead of feeling hurt by her for never getting hugged or kissed or getting tender looks from her, or even never being complimented when I had done hard things. But that was really not my job, and all I can do is weep for us both, and forgive us both, and love us both.

[@juanitahardy8583]

Thankyou, I am 75, Asperger's and never knew why my mother never hugged, kissed or shared affection with me. Someone once told me knowledge will come to you when you need it but I wish I had known this years ago and forgiven her.

[@toasterquestion8057]

There's so much to say with so little time. I'm 22 years old and a male that was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 3 years old. I completely understand the struggle of trying to find where I am in life. There's so many jobs I have done since I was only 16 and I've understand there's so much more. I have to learn to connect with others. The struggle for me and for others. I bet it's being able to communicate in a way where others can understand you when there's just a wall right in front of you. Others can walk through it but you are the one with the confusion of questioning can't. To me Asperger's is like a tornado. There are good and bad mixes to it. Being able to describe the emotions you have, what one point and having so much noise around you either. That makes you fall asleep or makes you say anxious is a sense of survival. When you think of cartoon characters, I think the people I respect in real life. I may go on tangents. I may not spelled out random facts. I may just tell some puns out of my jokeness. But no matter what background you come from, Asperger's allows you to understand everything in little bits of pieces around you. Just like the world around us, Asperger's or not. You never know what comes across to you and the end of the day. There's so much what makes up a person. They're political views, religion views their education views, just who they are as a personality, how they were raised. I was raised to speak out by a wonderful grandmother who's been dead for almost 11 years now. Just sent everything. She tried teaching me that no matter how hard things get speak out no matter how hard it gets. And I'm lucky to say with confidence that I am still struggling but having fun. At the end of the day, entertainment is what drives us to learn. If you were bored on a subject on any subject that you were teaching in school, whether it be outside or something else, you wouldn't be invested into something. Find something you enjoy in life and respect. No matter if you were a man, woman, or whatever the world brings you today the way who you are. Respect yourself and challenge yourself to do better. Whether it be not confinement to understanding but to be something of confusion. It's all right to be confused. You don't need money to help others just go there and help them with others'attributes. Is currently almost 4:00 a.m. for me, I don't care if the world sees me in a different light or not. There are billions of people in this world and we act to try differently on others. Time to be ourselves with Asperger's and helping others. The stalance is that we give is what we truly challenge. Another big influence is technology around us now. The ability to communicate with so much power. 90 years ago people with dreamed to have the power of what we have now on our phone's computers, TVs, radio, etc. let those sacrifices of those people who made it possible for us to communicate learn about each other's emotions and respect. This message is likely going to be hard to follow but if you understand it. Thank you. You're not alone and if you ever need someone to talk to the internet, the real world is here. Thanks!

[@BreMue]

The worst part is when you get so good at mimicking you doubt yourself having it And have a lack of identity when not around others. I didnt know my true personality for most my childhood life

[@abbeybattle8637]

I love the title "Copy and Paste" Because this is exactly what I did when I started using social media and hadn't the first idea of how to interact with others through these media.

[@Cellottia]

Are you in the UK? Have you ever been to Battle Abbey, site of the Battle of Hastings in 1066, where William of Normandy and his army did their thing and poor old Harold (Godwinson? I think) got an arrow in his eye? It's just that your lovely name brought all this to mind... Distractible? Me? -- Never!

[@margicates553]

Same

[@Felix-ol8eq]

I didn't know until I got interested and started learning about autism. But I do this everytime even in real life I put a 'mask' and act. Like characters from a book or series.

[@McVaerk]

Everybody is copying and pasting all the time. Mirror neurons - people can't help it.

[@anaaa5161]

I copied and paste conversation to make friends in 9th grade after that I really had freinds for first time in my life and I was happy

[@marynordseth2788]

brilliant I'm nearly eighty -- Asbergers without question. But, because of these blogs, I am coping, less than 10 yrs now, I feel like myself. many thanks.

[@janieraskin1955]

Mary Nordseth I just realized that I have Aspergers and I’m 74 years old!

[@janieraskin1955]

I’m 74 and just found out the why’s of my whole life!

[@castlebrookbooks1037]

I thought I might be autistic at the age of 68. I took an online test and found I was 1 point away from being autistic. It's like the kaleidoscope of the meaning of my entire life shifted into place. Since then I have felt much less anxiety and less critical of myself. Life has become more enjoyable. When we seniors were children, I don't think there was much attention, if any, on milder forms of autism--who knew anything about it. I see signs of it in other members of my family as well, going back a couple of generations or more--all highly intelligent, and a few geniuses.

[@saraboglecrayne86]

Me too. 75, been figuring it out for about a year. Knowing it is a nerodiversipy makes it much easier for me to accept myself and my needs.

[@kathleenfitzsimons3388]

Mary Nordseth Ah no Mary. I thought I had the record at 67. Seriously though I hope it made life easier for you.

[@thepurpleenigma]

Holy wow… as a 44 year old I’m just now piecing it all together that I have been an “Asperger girl”… everything you described as masking is what I have experienced… it is immensely exhausting- especially when you’re working with colleagues and you’re doing your best to not take them so literally and then if you ask for clarification and they get annoyed as if it’s so obvious… you get either put down or patronized or a combination of both… so you just learn to shut up and struggle in silence for fear of being ridiculed or ostracized.

[@lunastarot]

That’s exactly how it is and feels. It’s very exhausting .

[@lexyprice4753]

I feel this. I'm also mildly dyslexic.

[@greintje6941]

The main problem is people like you (Autists) are only able to focus on themselves. That's why they are called/diagnosed Autists (meaning literally extreem self-centered). This core-disability, which is essentially a brain-abnormality, blocks them to see or feel views of normal people. It's also called mind-blindness to others. I would rather call it 'feel-blindness' to others. They have no 'feeling' clue to relate to others. They are mostly completely self-absorbed. Which shows in an awfull lack of empathy towards others and often a lot of entitlement to their own views and goals. Often bordering on Narcissism/NPD/Sociopathy. With lots of manupilation involved towards partners and other close relationships. You clearly take here the victim-position with your Autism 'diagnoses'. Wonder about the damage you left behind in your wake to others. It must have been huge. But do you ever consider? I think not if you are an Autist. It will be always about your self. That's what an Autist is about at last.

[@elforce7857]

I hope you will answer this I have a very intelligent 11 year old daughter who I think has Aspergers/high functioning Autism. i am scared if I get her a diagnosis she will have to take medication or that people/teachers etc will treat her differently. She is wonderful and amazing as she is but she struggles socially and is about to hit puberty. Am I harming her further by not getting her diagnosed. What would the advantaged be for her. above all I want her to be happy.

[@felisfelidae6113]

@@elforce7857 1) Not all people w/autism take meds 2)Meds are usually for comorbid conditions (seizures, sleep disorders, depression & anxiety 3)Getting evaluated (& possibility diagnosed) helps identify challenges 4) Developing strategies & coping mechanisms 5)You & your daughter are not obligated to tell anyone. However, a teacher that can observe well would not be surprised & depending on the school, might be have tools that would help your kid. 6)A therapist can help support her w/stress & social anxiety 7)If nothing is done, your daughter might be ok, but possibly won’t. Kids who are twice-exceptional (gifted w/special needs) don’t get the intellectual stimulation that they need or the social/emotional/academic & sensory issues addressed.

[@stephaniea1185]

I was diagnosed with severe ADHD at age 52. I'm female. Looking back it is painfully obvious. It makes me so proud to see you up on stage so eloquent. Thank you for your kind words.

[@Icyyddoll]

I think I cried once to one of my friends and told her that I wasn't sure whether the persona I portrayed of myself was even me. That I'm scared I'm just changing myself depending on who I'm with. It left me feeling like I'm not my own person and wondering what person I really am. But she comforted me and that was the end of that discussion.

[@terriwarry1472]

I completely understand that

[@tomcat3946]

That's me! But no one ever believes what I am saying. Probaly because I'm very gullible and believe in almost anything you'll tell me. But I seriously sometimes wonder if I have aspergers or something!

[@katrinaxo2472]

Sol Garcia this is so relatable x

[@joekinsella2643]

Sol Garcia could be a calling for your self to look inwards, Think that’s why I went to meditation when I was younger to discover who I was because I kept asking who I really was since all my behaviour was like an act impersonal to me, then when I found the empty self it made sense and I accept the behaviour for what it is and the need for a persona is gone

[@migenamollosmani1561]

This is so me. I can change like chameleon

[@barbaraeisenhardt4948]

The more I learn about autism, the more I start to ask myself: Should we realy call this a disorder? It seems to me very much like society putting a label on a lot of people who just aren't like the majority. Sure they need support, because society is not changing any time soon. But I also think, that the diagnosis often implys, that there is something wrong. When truly they just think differently. Who am I to say, that my understanding of things is "correct" and another one isn't?

[@fuscia13]

Barbara Eisenhardt I agree, same with OCD and ADHD. Let’s drop the disorder label and make it spectrum or merit-type. We are not broken or defective, we have a different neurological set up which has unique and valuable ways of handling and processing information

[@dakotadenali]

this is exactly what i was thinking. thank you for sharing!

[@juliadixon4810]

Thank you. I agree, and I also hate the label. I'm 54, my superpower is words, I should have studied linguistics but studied drug abuse instead, and was diagnosed last year. No one at my menial bookbinding ( paperback) job comes close to 'getting' me, and if I had some other way to describe what ails me instead of that big red A word, I might be able to make peace with where I am and the weird road I took to get there. Yes, the name needs changing and "disorder " must go.

[@veiligheidspeld]

There are many talks by people on the spectrum but none by"normal"people. My theory is that in history we had a clas society and the rules were a lot clearer. You learned to behave according to your position: servant versus master. Our society is more complicated and the rules obscure to a lot of people. Question is are we a minority with a disorder or just behind in evolution and adapting slower to the changes.

[@princesseuphemia1007]

Those have been my thoughts exactly, especially since it is so common. What if it's just another genetic mutation that a certain portion of the species have? What if something about it actually aids our survival in the long run and that's why so many people have it?

[@kathleenfitzsimons3388]

Thanks Niamh. I masked for 67 years. That must be some kind of record.

[@InoDrums]

how did you react when you found out? I am 38 and it absolutely put me in shock... totally overwhelmed by it.

[@ozok17]

@@InoDrums great username.

[@ChopLabalagun]

that copy & paste is such a good reference. i have been faking my whole life

[@MT-kx7ff]

I tend to either mimic people I look up to and admire, or people with voices I like. Usually I'll take up their speech patterns, word usage, and even accents, and I'll use them for different emotions and situations. It reminds me of the Kenku race from Dungeons and Dragons. In case anyone's unfamiliar, Kenkus are raven-like creatures who, upon betraying their master, were stripped of flight and original thought. They possess the ability to mimic any sound or voice they hear, giving them ways to communicate words they cannot speak. They'll basically just mimic any conversation they overhear when communicating with someone else. Don't get me wrong, I have creativity a-plenty, but sometimes it's hard for me to say the things I want to say, so I'll just mimic other people's words and such.

[@CaptainsMorning]

Yes! I also pick up accents. I teach English in Taiwan so spend a lot of time around South Africans, English, Aussies, etc. My accent is always changing.

[@ViktoriaMagrey]

>.< This is what I do too! That's how I learned English.

[@user-sr3xy4gg7j]

Kiri on Critical Role!

[@Catlily5]

@@CaptainsMorning My boyfriend gets angry at me because he rents out rooms to foreign students and I start talking kind of like them without meaning to.

[@jessicacarron8117]

100% this. I picked Kenku to play because of this. I have some words I say in certain ways because that is how I liked the word when I heard it and a lot of how I speak is hobbled together in this manner. I spent my childhood not really understanding other kids at all

[@Aluithil]

I've been told quite a many times how I sound exactly like my mother, which wouldn't be very strange if they were just talking about my voice. When I'm not comfortable in a social situation or have to be all public-polite, I slip into this emulation of her, from her speech pattern to the fake little chuckle and even facial expressions. I only became aware of this when I started work in retail.

[@taylacourtice]

Lily Island I’m exactly the same! Everyone tells me I’m a little mini version of my mum. And it was only when I started working retail that I realised I was literally just repeating the same exact phrases my mum has always said to people in front of me. I was only diagnosed last year, a couple months after starting my first job. So this suddenly all made sense to me!

[@Aluithil]

@@taylacourtice Congratulations on getting a diagnosis!

[@paulgoogol2652]

I don't see why this should not be considered normal. We learn from our parents, friends or idols and try to be like them if we like them, less so if we don't. We as humans, not autists.

[@goodluck8618]

@@paulgoogol2652 One thing is learning from others and being inspired by others so much that you want to be like them - a completely different thing is not being able to cope with a social situation without "copy-pasting".

[@paulgoogol2652]

@@goodluck8618 I don't consider myself autistic and I can't cope with them anyway. It depends on your mental health, personality (i'm very introverted) and experience how well you can deal with social situations. So in difficult situations Lily Island seems to use her knowledge she gained from her mother. Again I am not too surprised people look similar and have similar voices and other traits when they are very closely related. I would just not pathologize this "copied" mannerism. When I really liked somebody, I would not be able to tell them but notice myself saying their common phrases or showing similar factial expressions. I don't think I am autistic just because of that.

[@omgisithotinhere]

I’m nearly 23 and today I found out I was diagnosed with asperger’s. I learned such a great wealth from my psychiatrist, and nearly everything they asked on all of the screening questionnaires sounded like someone was watching me secretly all throughout my life other than myself. I grew up with the extra stigma of mental illness and I was afraid and “masked” due to the people around me. I’m now doing research about women with asperger’s and came across this video. Thank you for making me feel less isolated and alone in the world!

[@shayovertherainbow953]

You are not alone and you are enough ❤

[@fionahope5358]

I'm 53, got diagnosed this year with Aspergers. (2019) It's never too late.

[@sonnyca]

Some don’t want to be diagnosed because they don’t want to attach a label that says something is wrong. How did getting a diagnosis help you?

[@crystalshadesoflightworker]

@Fiona Hope I’m 50. I got mine this year via a clinical psychologist. My GP doesn’t believe it and sent me to a psychiatrist that said I couldn’t be autistic as I looked at him during our session. I guess, even if diagnosed successfully, we need to move on from those that have not updated their knowledge and opened their minds. I hope your diagnosis has brought you to all the tools you need to thrive. ❤️

[@pudner698]

@@crystalshadesoflightworker and Fiona Hope - I got diagnosed this year at 50 having been diagnosed with bipolar and borderline starting in my early 20's

[@denisemorrison876]

@@sonnyca Without a diagnosis, society tells you in every way that something is wrong, yet invalidates your experience in the same breath. One feels like another species. Realizing that there is a reason for this disconnect (being on the spectrum) is liberating, and having a diagnosis provides validation for those experiences.

[@inessamaria2428]

Sometimes I feel the doctors and psychology are not observing autism as an espectrum, they think it is just a box that you put a person, if they don´t fit properly, it is something else. They insist that anxiety and depression are disease, they don´t get that can be the consequencies of the autism that it is diagnosed yet. It is a hard and long jouney.

[@melodyirish7254]

I totally agree. I have a 21 yr. old daughter diagnosed ASD and a 16 yr. old who just went the 2nd time for diagnosis. I will keep having her tested because I know she needs support. Parents have to advocate until someone listens. It's very hard.

[@inessamaria2428]

@@melodyirish7254 Exactly

[@inessamaria2428]

@@melodyirish7254 Where are you from?

[@inessamaria2428]

@@melodyirish7254 Ireland?

[@katerinakaterinaki9143]

@newwzheng I am a greeks professor with master and I am very intelligent!Most aspergers are doctors ,phycologists , psychiatrists,professors ,mathematicians,physician s etc!!!

[@lydiaguy4017]

I spent my life copy and pasting until my son was diagnosed at 19 (10 years ago) and I finally understood why I was as I was. I'm 61 and have not tried for a diagnoses as I'm finally happy with who I am. This made me cry as I recognized myself - told to stop worrying as a child, called shy, made to stand up and do things at school that made me so anxious. Good grief - why were we all supposed to conform at school? I still struggle to fit in but accept myself for who I am now.

[@amandachapman4708]

At 62 I'm not bothering with a diagnosis either. Most neurotypicals don't believe me anyway. I've just in the last 2 years found the wherewithal to become on the outside who I am on the inside.

[@ithacacomments4811]

I diagnosed my daughter at age 44 as Asperger’s ...the same year ...at age 68...I realized that I am an Asperger’s woman. Her whole life struggles made sense and so did mine. She refuses to accept an Aspie diagnosis.

[@MsDidi38]

me too at 54 but told by professionals not to bother with getting a diagnosis because they assume my problems are all related to anxiety/childhood trauma

[@blktauna]

I feel you. I'm 60 and started looking into this by accident when 58. I saw everything I did (and still do) outlined very specifically. Fortunately I am a willful PITA and only conform when absolutely necessary. I didn't fall into a lot of the emotional and traumatic anxiety that some of my fellows have and I'm so sorry you guys had do deal with that. On the flipside, Strangers fear me for reasons they don't understand and getting hired is somewhat difficult because neurotypicals sense something off but don't know exactly what. Hopefully the up and coming will continue with the progress we've all contributed to and it become easier as time moves on.

[@hannak1001]

@@blktauna Almost 63 here and didn't start understanding my entire life until I watched a TED TALK on KZbin ( not this one). So frustrating to be called slightly narcissistic and sociopathic when all I was trying to do was to mask my real self. At this point I have no idea what my real self is.

[@alexandraembla]

I got diagnosed when i was 18. Nobody suspected I had Aspergers, not even me. It took my parents 18 years to even notice the so obvious symptoms. I took the same test, ADOS, and I got right under cut-off for autism. They said I didn't have it and therefore ignored all the signs I did. There really should be more resources and help to notice hidden Aspergers, cause if it goes untreated it can have serious consequences.

[@taliluna3746]

I realized, at the age of 54, that I have Aspergers. I think the reason that I went so long without knowing or understanding is that I'm a female that was brought up in the South where there are clear expectations of how girls and women should behave. My parents were very clear on these "rules" so I abided. I was also introduced to the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" which basically taught me how to be better at masking and how to write scripts for myself in social settings. As a result I became very skilled at analyzing social situations and masking and putting myself, my needs, and my emotions aside to ensure I was within the guardrails of the rules. It has been a life of anxiety, self doubt, and lost opportunities. Learning about Aspergers in girls and women has been freeing for me. While not a cure, I can now let go of my painful past and hug that young girl and tell her she wasn't flawed, and she didn't have a character flaw. She is just unique. This understanding also let's me know I'm not difficult or trying to be a "princess" when I state that something bothers me - sounds, certain light noise, textures, crowds. I'm grateful that there are so many people coming forward with their stories. What they share let's me know I'm not alone in this.

[@griseldaosorio9664]

I have also struggled so much in my life and I do not know what is my diagnosis. All I know is that when I am unable to do something or something goes wrong, I have terrible meltdowns. At 41, I hate that I cry like a little girl and all I want is to sleep and forget about everything. Then all the taughts of all the struggles through out my life come to my mind, for example how I have failed at many things like honors classes, being fast and productive, or being unable to land a good job after many many interviews... the only thing that really got me a job was seeing and imitating videos of how other people did job interviews and even after getting the job... I still struggle because I find that some tasks are hard to do and I need to see someone doing it .... I'm an imitator I learn thru watching and imitating what other people do and during the pandemic: working online it has become awful

[@NeoLithiumCat]

As a girl / young woman with asperger's, I'm very impressed at how well she carried off this public speaking. That amount of focus, outward presentation and above all staying on topic and within time! However well I'm able to do public speaking, I always face a big temptation to be distracted down a tangent which builds as the talk goes on. It's important to recognise that you can see masking in the way she gives the talk, too. She's ticking all the right boxes, but there isn't as much natural flexibility and variation as you'd see in someone neurotypical. She holds to a framework of behaviours, tone and phrasing as well. This is necessary to limit the mental energy required simply to present the information, let alone remember the presentation or stay on track. It's great to see someone getting across the case of women and girls who are on the spectrum. I'm glad I worked hard to not mask during my assessment. I think one thing she could have said about why masking becomes complicated is that the situations become less externally guided and more variable. You don't use the same masking with your friends as you do with a professional or higher educational supervisor. That's something I continue to work on

[@jmk1962]

Yes I agree, Niamh was brilliant, I'm neurotypical and could not have done that, but you can tell she has rehearsed it endlessly to perfect it, has learnt her lines and even her jokes so that she can do it and get her message across. That's what aspies do. They are clever and are usually perfectionists who like to get things right and that's why they get exhausted and need to shut down for days afterwards to recover from something so stressful. Well done Niamh, you are amazing and have helped to educate so many professionals/teachers/employers who should know better but don't.

[@sagedakotalmft7763]

I'm sure she had a script she was following.

[@aleksandersttem5734]

Who cares? She got her message across,and did brilliantly. I have NVLD/Asperger,and if everyone spoke like Niamh does,my life would be so much easier.

[@bellarose8511]

The higher the functioning the harder to spot/diagnose.

[@kristinar.6600]

What does "functioning" mean? Is it iq or what is it that makes us seemingly blend in.. but not really just enough to not get seen as autistic. Strength of will? Too harsh punishment as a child for autistic behavior? kindergarten locked me in bathrooms for screening 3 hours non stop quite a lot.

[@werewolvez]

Kristina R. you can almost think of it as a scale of how it affects the person. high functioning means it doesn’t affect them very much whereas low functioning would highly affect or interrupt their interactions & day to day living. They would need more help to cope or function

[@emmamushroom257]

Actually higher/lower functioning labels are no longer used bc an individual may struggle in some areas but achieve in others. An individual labelled low functioning may be underestimated while an individual labelled high functioning may not get the support they need.

[@ksthoughtpalace3042]

@@emmamushroom257 I really wish this were true, but too many people on the Spectrum abide to these labels as if they were Gospel....I don't think they realize these are new terms, created by people who don't know WTF they are talking about. I've had too many recent arguments on Twitter with these pp who claim to be on the Spectrum, yet call me a names for Refusing to use the terms 'high' or 'low' functioning.

[@allienby8964]

@Ben Hackett Accept yourself andd be true.These are how my aspie friends teaches me.

[@marykatekenehan9797]

I had to stop this video 5 times in the first 5 minutes to cry I feel so cheated. I’m TEXTBOOK and no one ever told me

[@Pigeon923]

I literally started crying when she said she sat under the table. That is EXACTLY what I did and nobody cared to help me for 10 years.

[@lindaoverholt8191]

I was 27 when i was diagnosed. I know no one else with autisme.and this made me cry. Not because it made me sad.but because it made me feel not so alone. And not insane and alone

[@dutchik5107]

You know em. You just don't know it.

[@alia3768]

I literally pictured a man bent over backwards and a girl standing on a ball. You silly humans and your strange phrases.

[@sarahebert2510]

i love that this implies you're not a human...

[@azsli2]

I hate the phrase "head over heels. " You are always head over heals. When you fall you are heals over head.

[@jodiebug1]

Well she primed us to think literally...

[@OnlyMichaelJackson]

@@azsli2 exactly i never understood that phrase at all lol

[@TheGitarrlillan]

I put the girl sitting on the ball instead (more practical) and the man was just "error, does not compute"

[@ladysknightthefamiliar]

This speech made me glad my mother noticed my strangeness when I was so young and took me to a doctor and she discovered I am high functioning.

[@sophiamikell7490]

Me too

[@spergsauce]

I guess I was the lucky aspergirl! I took the test and was on the 90-something percentile. When they say "woah, you've got some major Asperger's!" I had good doctors. I had long since given up on fitting in and was a social recluse living in a basement, and was told to "be myself" for the test. Don't act like someone else. People will learn to love us aspergirls. Just be friendly and wear it proud. We're all tired of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

[@vikitawindarwati4237]

He bent over backwards *like neo in the matrix*

[@adriantomo5688]

that was what I imagined

[@e.j.1656]

@@adriantomo5688 same

[@e.j.1656]

That's exactly what I pictured.

[@dontsubscribethanks]

dont drop the soap

[@elevenpoisons2484]

That's what I always imagine BAHAHAHAHAHHAAH

[@TheRainbowDragoness]

I'm 42 and was only diagnosed a few weeks ago. I grew up in the 80's and 90's, when it was thought that girls were not on the spectrum, only boys had autism. It explains a lot of my behaviours growing up and has helped make me an extremely resilient person. For those who are still camouflaging themselves, you don't have to; just be the wonderful you that's inside. It's such hard work to hide like that and I've actually found that people appreciate my perspective, I see things they can't. Our way of looking at the world is unique, and our strength.

[@HeronCoyote1234]

My 16 yr old stepdaughter is on the spectrum. She also suffers from OCD, PTSD, social anxiety, and depression. She is also brilliant, caring, creative, funny, the light of my life. Yes, we’re learning together to help her deal with being an Aspergirl.

[@HeronCoyote1234]

@Mp I’m glad what you’re doing for your child is working.

[@Hulachowdown]

Omg... yes! Copy and paste is exactly what I do. To the point where I pick up accents and mannerisms when I travel, and it makes me anxious that not everyone can’ blend’ . Also, I also would seem to always give the ‘right’ answer ( or I at least try to find the right answer). Only with my close friends am I myself, even if that is a little odd. My mother was baffled when I mentioned any of this to her, she admitted she was always questioning it but I wasn’t the stereotype so she just figured that I was just a bit quirky . It makes sense why people often have a hard time following my train of thought , I always figured it was just my quick brain skipping a few steps but now I realized that it is just that my brain connects things differently.

[@vbickford]

The description she provides is a perfect description of what I've been doing all of my life. It makes me feel so sad for young me.

[@kathleenfitzsimons3388]

Victoria Bickford I feel that too.

[@alissa...]

Same :'D

[@michellesovereign4564]

Same here

[@cyohe8643]

Same

[@glitterygecko594]

My mum calls me a sponge cause I pick up on and mimic the social behaviour of my friends

[@solitudeguard5688]

Glittery Gecko and because you absorb mass

[@rhin8228]

@@solitudeguard5688 .. d a m n-

[@sonnyca]

I have mimicked people too all my life. I’m male in my forties and never been diagnosed.

[@ttee2304]

I thought that was a completely normal thing. I still think tough. Like humans are social animals and that's what comes with being social. But I think the difference is that people with Asperger's are mimicking others intellectually rather than intuitively and that's what makes them different.

[@Catlily5]

Do some people mimic well enough to actually fit in? It seems like most of us just mimic enough to fit in on the edges but people still think we are weird.

[@D13Comics]

I just want to walk around, doing voices of characters from television and movies, sing, and talk to myself while going for long walks around fields of grass without a care in the world. That to me is absolute bliss

[@marijodelafuente3854]

She’s just described my childhood... I got really good at mimicking, had to learn to watch people in the eye even though it’s still uncomfortable, had to learn how to interact with others, didn’t understand why people’s emotions where so complicated and so absent of logic (ie: why get upset if it’s not true or if it doesn’t affect you or there’s nothing to do to change it), hiding when sounds became too much for me, avoiding bright lights, I still have trouble understanding the oral version of things preferring to read everything so as to understand better. Interpersonal relationships are too much for me at times, with everyone so clingy and attention starved. I had to learn how to give physical affection, as I hated it since I can remember (gave my first real hug, without being forced to do so, at 17 yrs).

[@hippomatrix]

I've had a similar experience. When I was in Elementary School I had some "odd" behaviors and traits, but I always did well in school and had friends. "Superficial social competence" is an excellent way to describe it. Yes, I can interact with people and come across as relatively "normal," but it's behavior that I've learned through trial and error over the course of my life. I only recently got the diagnosis, because symptoms can be masked. So I'm 17, and just now realizing why I've had depression and anxiety for over half of my life; I've had a lot of challenges that I didn't have a name for and thus had no resources to help me. Being on the spectrum isn't a negative thing, but for me having that label has helped enormously in figuring out why certain things are upsetting and how to better accommodate my own needs and take better care of myself.

[@FringePrincess]

Yes. This is the good that labels can do.

[@violetsnotviolence]

I've taken cues from television and movies as well. I subconsciously learned that the best way to win over people was to be charming and self deprecating. So as a teen I picked up mannerisms from watching interviews of celebrities that I liked and when I started dating by taking the best parts of the personalities of my ex-boyfriends. I unknowingly learned the appropriate way to approach self-deprecation from watching hours of stand-up comedy on Comedy Central. The thoughts themselves came from dealing with bullies and unwanted comments from people including everybody from my family, to my friends, and sometimes even strangers.

[@superymariowest2403]

I'm a male, a month from my 24th birthday on my final year at university and I just recently got diagnosed with Dyslexia and Dyspraxia. Still, an incredible amount of my weird mannerisms and irritating quirks are unexplained... Aspergers nearly perfectly fits what I went through going up, the problems I had, the problems I learned to mask, and the problems holding me back from a happy and healthy life. I guess the benefit of a diagnosis, which I should probably pursue, is to know your strengths and weaknesses, your triggers and your habits, and use them in your benefit while not feeling guilty for subpar performance in some aspects.

[@zaynab602]

I have Asperger's and this prevents me from communicating as if I live in a world alone

[@PrincessTatyanna]

I have Asperger's and I hate interacting with most people

[@HereIAm247]

One question though; do you hate it only because you need time for yourself to recharge, or is it also because you don't know what to do/how to understand them? (interaction is 'difficult' for you?) Because I found that working on my social skills really helped in enjoying social interaction more, and it became much less draining. :)

[@fuscia13]

Princess Tatyanna same

[@Mishima505]

Sartre had it right when he said: "l'enfer, c'est les autres.."

[@gratefulkm]

@@HereIAm247 you missed the "most" part

[@Firegen1]

@fluffleSings Omg perfectly said. For me, it was realising that my masking came from trying to help other people not to feel as alone or disregarded as I have always felt. Unfortunately, I have come to realise that my traits mean I can't read another's intentions well and I have been taken advantage of a lot. When kinder friends brought this up with me I completely withdrew from social situations.

[@elintiriel]

Fantastic speech! For me it wasn't cartoon characters I approximated in real conversations as much as characters from my favourite books. And I didn't just use them outwardly for communication with others, but also to build a kind of patchwork identity on the inside. When I had to be brave, I used this character, and when I had to be compassionate I used that one, kind of like a different sets of costumes (I still use this to navigate (social) situations sometimes.) That was years before I was diagnosed, or even suspected anything! I only got my diagnosis last fall, with 19 years.

[@alexc2265]

Fascinating! Jung would argue that we all have such personas that we put on, it’s just more obvious in some cases like ours

[@Siures]

Aye… ( would have answered 13-year-old me in my cool pirate phase).

[@purity4all]

OMG I did that most of my life. I have been wondering for about a decade if I am on the spectrum. I will be 49 next month. The only thing that held me back from trying to get diagnosed is my belief that autistics are good at math. I am definitely not that.

[@SignificantPressure100]

I wonder what fictional character that you would imitate when you're in fight mode

[@HarleyDalle]

At the age of 32 I told a doctor who had only ever seen me twice that I'm so tired of struggling. That I've always said I had no fixed personality and numerous other issues like aversion to noise, I wear headphone pretty much every waking hour. and having my "sleepy days" which are what happens after any stressful interaction. My intense frustration. My history of self harm. I told her I've been searching my whole life to understand myself and the closest I've ever found was asperger's and asked if this is possible. Her response "no, not possible. You're speaking to me right now, if you were asperger's you wouldn't speak to me" I was just defeated and left. She doesn't understand how hard it was for me to get to that point. I keep everything inside with everyone and I was desperate and finally asked for help. I wish I could have a doctor take the time to look into it.

[@katwebbxo]

Don't give up if you feel this is the underlying problem. I'm in a similar situation now as well. You can't just take her word as fact. It may take a few tries but eventually there will be a doctor or person who listens.

[@Anonymous-df8it]

Easy. Get someone to say that stuff for you!

[@amritarose5325]

Ohhh so wonderful to hear this talk. I'm 56 and have been trying much my life (and still work to have new friends understand) to get friends and family to understand that I am on the spectrum. It is exhaustig and I do hope that as we all speak out about this we can help younger women get diagnosed earlier.

[@lor9752]

I cried listening to her speak. I've been studying it for almost a year now, and finally have an assessment coming soon. I'm petrified of slipping through the cracks. My psychologist had been useless simply referring me to a support society instead of even telling me she didn't feel comfortable doing it. It makes so much sense, but I learn so fast after I make mistakes.

[@andreagriffiths3512]

Hope this is in time. If you’ve taken any online tests, take your scores in. It might give them something to consider. Good luck

[@TheMissnola]

I’m turning 40 in the end if may. I wasn’t diagnosed until a few months ago. I am one of those women who have been diagnosed with various mental health disorders, been on medication and been on very high levels of medication without them really helping. I also smile, shake hands and smile while greeting someone. I was not aware I was mimicking but you just opened my eyes to a lot of things I do every single time I’m around other people. It was actually a nurse who caught what might be going on and not any of the many psychiatrists I’ve seen in my life. Thank you so much for your TED talk.

[@elanaweinberg6251]

YESS! Thank you for making this video. It’s amazing how little people know about autism in women

[@briannahawkins7561]

I'm tearing up! It's beyond reassuring to know im not alone... And so heartbreaking knowing I'm not alone. Knowing that so many other women are struggling and may never find relief. 💚

[@oliviahensley7339]

This young lady is an awesome speaker and provides so much insight. My daughter is 9 and she is in process of being assessed. “Copy & paste” was heartbreaking and inspiring ❤️

[@alysfreeman11]

60, misdiagnosed...my gp finally spotted it in a conversation when he matched Irlens syndrome to other criteria I spoke about...he looked at me and said...Aspergers! Right you are getting tested...I have had several meltdowns all diagnosed from depression to BDP. Anxiety is my biggest issue due to socialisation, and have no friends, ruined relationships etc..ritual routines I adhere too rigidly to keep me stable, no dramas, avoidance, isolation, and masking? Had a long time to perfect that but always felt a fraud and not me. When my Dr said it, it was this first time I felt seen and I’ve been smiling ever since...someone noticed the real me after all this time.

[@Parkmanpranks]

My daughter was diagnosed at 13. This girl is spot on...

[@Dancestar1981]

Parkman I female and I wasn’t diagnosed until 23 and am now am 38

[@mowanamowana9424]

​​​@@Parkmanpranks Can anyone tell if i have Asperger's? please help🙏i want to know I am shy person..but i am not shy in front of my friends bt extremely shy in front of relatives I am very good in study.i am very emotional.i do understand other ppl emotiona..but some time i tell something that i should not tell.. later i realize and regret... I have no problem in touching, smelling,sound,taste etc. I always feel like there is disturb in my brain..i think weirdly.i feel like i am so much crazy..than everyone else...i always overthink everything...my father had brain stoke 1 year before my birth.and he had to take so many medicine .thats why i think there is problem in my head tell me if i am Asperger's or just i have problem in my head( sorry for bad eng)

[@mezlandia]

Beautiful speech. I believe this will help my family understand a little more... I am 31 and seeking, but unable to afford, an ASD diagnosis. I felt like I just hit a wall and like I have always had a crisis of identity... I had always wondered, "what was so different or special about me?" and why my interactions with people made me feel like an alien. It all came together, after finding out why I took speech therapy as a kid, after I just found out I was deaf in one ear and thought that I was dyslexic. My mother was the one who thought that I was dislexic but she didn't tell me that I was in the speech therapy program at my school because the doctors who came to test myself & peers had suggested that I had a "mild developmental disorder". My mom avoided telling me or any other doctor, after she was told that it was nothing to seek further testing for. This *was* because I seemed to "function normally" when I was examined again, shortly after the doctor's suggestion. But then I was diagnosed with ADD, and after taking Ritalin my food texture aversions became so severe that I did not eat my packed lunches. I chewed a piece of dry steak for 45+ min @ the dinner table because my father would not let me leave the table without eating the steak that he worked so hard for. This was not filet mignon, which I tolerate now. I surprised myself when I cried, after I stumbled upon the "What women with Autism want you to know" video (on YT). I cried because I found my people.

[@nyar2352]

Karmarie I felt the same when watching the video you mentioned. *offers noncommittal hug*

[@queenofscrolls7585]

The funny thing is Id seen that video floating around for MONTHS before I watched it, and so many things clicked.

[@sonjak8265]

How would a diagnosis help you?

[@Miah2018]

@@sonjak8265 medical confirmation helps when explaining to others who are in disbelief

[@jasminer.6721]

@@sonjak8265 it also makes us feel relieved, like "wow there isnt anything wrong with me, im not abnormal"

[@alinedasilvafrost7720]

wow, we are so similar! your descriptions and stories are spot-on for me. thank you so much for the talk, and for raising awareness about girls "flying under the radar" !

[@victorstle2087]

Brilliant talk. Thank you so much for speaking out with love in this screaming and fearful society, sharing such an underrepresented and crucial situation in detail. It’s bizarre that despite 7.5 years at diverse, world-class universities and thinking a lot about the subject, I’ve never met anyone who could, or would, actually speak from their own experience about this. We’re at the cusp of a cognitive revolution and I’m so grateful and happy to see the confirmation and side I’ve been missing. Thank you 🙏🇳🇴🇮🇪🕕👫🍎

[@andreagriffiths3512]

Diagnosed at 40. The number of doctors, male and female, who didn’t believe me was dreadful. One even told me I couldn’t possibly have Aspergers because I was female and I could talk. So I got diagnosed with depression (true), anxiety disorder (true), social anxiety (true), agoraphobia (maybe but I’m not afraid of open spaces but this one was because I don’t enjoy shopping...go figure). I tried telling them that these were the results of Aspergers and that that was the hidden root. They didn’t believe me. I had counseling which didn’t help and I got another label - OCD also true. In the end it felt like I got the diagnosis because I insisted. I still don’t feel believed by the medical profession. I feel that they are humouring me and I distrust them because of it. I ought to have taken all the results from online tests in, I wish I had.

[@memphishoe6577]

Andrea Griffiths omg I’m having the same sort of experience. I went to the GP and after about 2 mins of talking to him he said “I don’t think you have Aspergers because you can hold a conversation” and that I “seem normal”... I felt like asking him if he even knew what it was. I was told I had depression and anxiety which I knew for years. Don’t know what to do now. But I’ve always felt different and have always had difficulty socialising.

[@warrior100girl]

Your story is similar to mine.

[@Dancestar1981]

I received all of those diagnoses until I was 23 and properly diagnosed with Aspergers. I’m a 39 yo female Aspie

[@katwebbxo]

Sounds like what I'm going through currently.

[@jiznimore]

My own mother doesn’t believe me (while I’m well over 30) and won’t hear about “this nonsense”. “It is just trendy now, stop saying this, _you are normal_”. This doesn’t even make me really sad anymore. We are not in an English speaking country, things are a bit slower here, still awareness grows and young people seem to get help. But even now I don’t feel seen enough, and my childhood could have been so much brighter

[@someonerandom256]

Can relate 100%. Diagnosed with sensory issues at 4, and ADHD at 10, after an "Abnormal brain scan," which showed that I "processed information differently than other people." Never a diagnosis of Aspergers (which first appeared in the DSM the year after my ADHD diagnosis). It wasn't until I studied students with exceptionalities during my (since abandoned) masters degree in teaching, that I realized that I actually have Aspergers. Being boys didn't help my brothers or my father receive diagnosises though. Two of my three brothers had substance abuse problems. Two of the three have had mental health issues. Two of the three have had issues with insomnia. None of them have ever had a successful relationship. My dad is like me. He has been able to have a relatively successful and mundane life. Because of all of the years of feeling like I was outside looking in, and because of all of the issues my siblings have had in life, when my youngest son started having issues with peers, I sought a diagnosis, and he is the first one in my family to get a diagnosis. I couldn't live in denial like my mother, and pretend like his problems didn't exist. I've seen what that does, and I don't want that future for my son. I don't want him going down the same dark paths. Realizing why I am the way I am, and accepting it, even without a proper diagnosis, had made all the difference in my life. I know who I am, and I know why I'm different. Finally. No idea if I will ever seek an official diagnosis for myself, but I'm open to the possibility.

[@classicnobody9872]

Conversations are so confusing , no wonder I FEEL so ALONE 💔 I have no friend who understands me . I LOVE U ❤❤❤

[@faria_syed]

I love you too 😍

[@kpbergey]

My wife might have this. She take these colorful sentences literally all the time. I try to explain to her but she gets so confused and asks me not to speak like that because it confused her so much. She is gifted with a strong memory, too -- like total recall of date, time, and can recite what people say word for word. I never met anyone like this before. She is constantly reading. She has Ph.D and a slapstick of designations. She can function no problem in the world but socially awkward and I fear she can be easily taken advantage because she seems to trust people too easily and can't read those subtle nonverbal ques. She has been ripped off way too many times.

[@shannahbanana]

My daughter has some "development delays" that are all social. She's four, and in a good preschool now, but couldn't handle a regular preschool and they couldn't handle her. I need videos like this, and information, so that if she was on the spectrum, she doesn't get lost in the standard school system. So that she doesn't crash. Because she is bright and brilliant and I adore her just as she is.

[@second0banana]

This is exactly where we are at with my 4 year old. She is so good at masking sometimes, but it is clearly hard for her. We are getting her formally evaluated soon, but I am very very worried she will be overlooked for help.

[@simplyshannon71]

48 & recently diagnosed. Seems I can only mask for about 3 months before having a meltdown. I spent many years in abusive relationships because I thought people told me the truth and went along with what I was told. I always knew I thought different than everyone else, but I thought I was the only one till I found out about Asbergers and suddenly all the pieces fell into place.

[@ginasings4him]

How did you get diagnosed? Struggling to find any help for my daughter since she is over age 22. No local mental health agency will pay for an assessment.

[@mistycaledonia]

You are such a lovely teacher and yes if they saw me at your age I could have done what you just did. I’m 56 now and only know now what you and my 13 year old daughter already know and I am now grateful… young ones like you can and will do so much 🙏

[@TheParaxore]

I relate so much to her story, many boys and men also have this same experience even though its generally associated with the female experience. Just now at 28 getting looked at for ADHD and ASD. It's nice to have the community though

[@C_HelloThere]

I agree with all of this as a fellow girl with Autism/Aspergers who got misdiagnosed I fully agree with this facade that you describe many of us presenting.

[@Patate7Frite]

The best part for me, is that I've always known there was something so different to me, but was always denied it. My parents, even now that I am 25, keep on telling me "No! you've always been like that so it's not a trouble! You just think differently. But you have good grades so you definitely not have a problem!" Yeah... Even though when i've learned of asperger's i've immediately known for sure that was it. I was 14. Still, no one except my lover, also diagnosed asperger's (who did trick the test "on purpose"). But hey! you have a stable relationship, one or two good friends, real friends and you can keep a job and get a diploma! you have nooooooooo issues AT ALL IMPOSSIBLE!. Yeah.

[@freddiesbycicle3876]

I can totally relate to copying and pasting and feeling drained during social situations. I think I learned most of my knowledge about socializing from books or copying others. I know how I’m supposed to act during social situations at school, for example, so I act that way. It isn’t natural for me to act like that, though. I often feel uncomfortable, partly because I’m worried about doing stuff wrong and partly because I often have to talk to people who don’t know me well. I have a big need to fit in for some reason, so my fear is people thinking something is ”off” about me. I sometimes wonder what I’m actually like as a person, because all I do around the people I’m not comfortable with is act the way I think I’m supposed to.

[@agrotta1650]

I had the same experience when i went for autism testing recently! Thank you so much for this!!

[@Radishals]

As a girl with Aspergers, this really helped me. Thank you

[@Lexekon]

I find her story of interest, being a male on the spectrum, as I learned her 'copy & paste' trick through comparatively artificial means. That is, I read a lot of books as an escape, mostly fictional, often of fantasy or science fiction. I learned to emulate the character's behaviors when real life put me in situations where I had no go-to response to use. Dungeons & Dragons reinforced this role-playing concept with me, which had me able to mask my own aspergers from casual notice by the time I was in high school. I never even knew I had aspergers till I was in my late thirties, between 2005 to 2009. Knowing what I am, now makes me feel less isolated from the world.

[@WeCreateMore]

Lexekon Thanks for sharing! Your experience goes along with a thought I've had since I learned girls often can't be diagnosed the same way as boys, but some do have the stereotypical "male" traits that get them a diagnosis early. I wondered if there were also boys who were undiagnosed because they had traits that were the stereotypical "female" autism ones. If that's true, it boggles my mind how many undiagnosed people there must be out there that are on the spectrum.

[@AlexaFaie]

I don't know if you know about it, but there was some kind of kickstarter (can't remember on which platform) which was creating a D&D style roleplaying game with the purpose of helping teach social skills to autistic kids, teens and adults. You might find it interesting to look up (wish I could remember the name) as its designed to be a fun playthrough with a detailed world built for it that just happens to also teach social skills (not saying you need more help) and since you mention how D&D helped you, you might like to look into that too because you'd probably enjoy it if you like roleplaying anyway. :)

[@pwk22]

I believe it took a great deal of real-time masking on Niamh's part to deliver this talk.

[@andersen6422]

I masked for 45 years before anyone recognized the symptoms of Asperger's. The struggles that I endured without any one even NOTICING was remarkable. I'm glad young girls are more likely to get the help they need these days. BTW, I still have no support.

[@Yetilise]

I was diagnosed Dec 2018 at age 34. It had been brought to my attention some 8 years earlier as a possibility but all the online resources at that point were specific to men and I didn't fit the mold. I wish I had known much much earlier.

[@juliadixon4810]

Same. 54.

[@katerinakaterinaki9143]

Same 34!!!I deal with panic attacks mostly and shut downs!!!!

[@willkroon3372]

I’m almost 24 and I only just got diagnosed. Because I mask and I have a high IQ it just didn’t get past a maybe she has autism stage for my parents. At 15 I got diagnosed with social phobia and a generalized fear disorder. I got put on antidepressants. I got better then I got worse then better then worse until finally I couldn’t even take care of myself properly anymore and we decided to see if anything else was going on. Just having a name for what’s different about me is already such a relief. We’ll see what the future holds.

[@raisethebridge]

how can one know? how can one be sure? how can you be sure? ive been diagnosed with 5 separate mental health disorders, and yet all of what you said is extremely relatable. Particularly what you are saying about social relationships - “every conversation is like a math problem” that quote hits me hard. But here I am taking a wagon full of meds everyday for a problem no one seems to be able to identify. this is why I find it so hard to be sure, and I wish I knew how to be sure. I’m sad that you’ve had this experience, I’m sad that many women have, I think this talk really highlights the importance in doctors having better protocols for giving out diagnosis. I think this talk shows that diagnosis’s are thrown around like their nothing- yet they are so crucial and important to accurately identify for the well being of the individual.

[@idahansson3555]

Thank you. You basically described my life & it made me feel less alone at a time when I desperately needed it

[@jaSama02]

A lot of that reminds me of my struggle with ADHD! I it's no wonder people call them sibling conditions

[@eman_dotti9371]

Immediately visualised a guy literally bending over backwards. But then i remember this is a metaphore and internally remind myself. The ball one, yeah that was tricky picturing that but then i remember the phrase about being on the ball or on a roll so... YESSSS!!! THANK YOU

[@nexcenent.3331]

I’m eleven this year. A few days ago my dad told me that I had aspegers. I’ve always had trouble interacting, and most of my free time I’ve either spent alone, avoiding my peers. Coping with the loud environments in classrooms had always stressed me out, and I always asked myself one question: Why am I so weird, and why do I have to be so different? At times I had been suicidal because of my differences, up until the day that I was told about aspergers, but unlike many other people who were diagnosed with it, my family had known since I was four years old. I’m still trying to hide my differences and I feel like a fish on land. Thanks for helping me understand more about myself.

[@ec4910]

Idk if this helps I’m 19 and I’ve found reading tones of fictional books have really helped me understand how to interact socially.

[@ferncat1397]

@@ec4910 I second this. I only worked out how to read facial expressions and body language when I realised I could describe what someone was doing as if it was written in a book, then cross reference with what book characters were thinking when they acted that way. It's rather laborious but it helped me interpret people's actions better, which helped me to be less scared because I could predict their behaviour a little better. Now I've had more practise it comes easier, but I'm lucky to have found friends that I can be blunt with and just ask what they mean if I'm confused and I know they'll tell the truth.

[@SoapboxEntTV]

I as a person who has been fascinated in this topic I feel like this is something I have fought with for years. As a person who as struggled with friendships and relationships my whole life I had no clue I was mirroring. But it was a struggle I can truly see how many people going through this may have taken their lives. More studies and information needs to be out to people. It can save lives honestly

[@Phoenix_flame]

"Every conversation becomes like a math problem" holy cow. I know a lot of people with Asperger's, but I think the only female with that is me (unless some of my friends just weren't diagnosed with Asperger's) so it's pretty cool to hear things that apply DIRECTLY to my life, while most of the world doesn't even understand it. Everyone has dreams, for example, but if that weren't the case and you were one of the rare people who had dreams, it would feel pretty nice to know someone else in the world has similar dreams with the same weird logic. Idk, I just like knowing that my struggles aren't entirely my own :3

[@frontotemporal]

Thank you so much for this wonderful talk!! :) I myself am a 27 year old woman on the autism spectrum and I struggled for almost 25 years, including several misdiagnoses and severe bullying at school and at work. What a fantastic speech!!

[@juliadixon4810]

Oh, those bullies. Wish an Aspie would do a comic bit on that to give me something to think about while it was happening.

[@stephanie3848]

I remember 7th grade was like...BOOM! I suddenly felt left behind. It was a terrifying feeling that I had never felt before. Now I think it was because everyone else was a teenager while I was still like a little girl inside. I was just growing more slowly emotionally and socially. That's just me, my experience, I can't speak for anyone else. I totally understand the sudden feeling of isolation when adolescence hits.

[@stanleyhood4343]

I have Aspergers This was found out after I reached my 70's. To know is a blessing. I have a reason for my situation and behavior. I can look forward to learning to live with this condition.

[@ksthoughtpalace3042]

OMG she just described my life out loud...all of it...

[@buddhafx5973]

Holla K !! I have the bell ticked with you ! The internet is vast but for sure there is crossing roads along the way! :-)

[@ksthoughtpalace3042]

@@buddhafx5973 hahahah sychronicity or shared interests...... both!?

[@buddhafx5973]

@@ksthoughtpalace3042 I'd say shared interest and state of being (AS) brought us a lil' sprinkle of sinchronicity! :-) * I watch all of your videos! I like your quickies style. Right to the point. Clear. see ya there!

[@hayleybourgault4114]

My granddaughter has aspergers, she seemed fine until around 18 she changed so much! She livez with me and sometimes i go to bed crying!I feel for her sooo much! It's heartbreaking she can't seem to find her niche in life.She's 22 now, and i don't know how to help her.She's been to numerous psychologists , been given meds with no success! We are both lost!

[@rachael3265]

15 years to be diagnosed with ADHD, 16 years it took for me to be diagnosed with Aspergers. Previous to this I was diagnosed with dyspraxia (incorrect i think) and anxiety (diagnosed 8 years ago). I have had the diagnosis of Aspergers for a day. And of course I haven’t stopped googling and watching videos (think thats the ADHD talking now). I loved this TedTalk, thank you. I can relate on so many different levels x

[@ganage6599]

It is so true. I could cry. thank you, that was liberating. This is exactly, what I'm doing. It's so exhausting

[@clairealexander1346]

I LOVE to see an eloquent Irish speaker. Especially one I identify with, so beautifully, God Bless.

[@heartminer5487]

COPY and PASTE! this is exactly what I did and it was exhausting...

[@UnderstandingNothingness]

Thank you !!! I can finally understand myself and my life ... I or YOU may or may not be depressed, but trying to quit being like other people ... and engage in activities that require social ... pretending.

[@dmtdreamz7706]

"My first impression was a very strong one," repeated the prince. "When they took me away from Russia, I remember I passed through many German towns and looked out of the windows, but I didn't trouble myself to ask questions about them. This was after a long series of fits. I would always fall into a sort of torpid condition after such a series, losing my memory almost entirely. Even though I wasn't entirely without reason during these times, I lacked the logical power of thought. This would continue for three or four days, and then I would recover myself again. I remember my melancholy was intolerable; I felt inclined to cry, sat and wondered uncomfortably. The consciousness that everything was strange weighed heavily upon me; I could understand that it was all foreign and unfamiliar. I recall waking up from this state for the first time in Basle one evening; the braying of an Aspergers woke me up, Aspergers in the town market. I saw the Aspergers and was extremely pleased with it. From that moment on, my mind seemed to clear." "An Aspergers? How strange! Yet, it's not so strange. Anyone of us might fall in love with an Aspergers! It happened in mythological times," said Madame Epanchin, casting a wrathful glance at her daughters, who had started to laugh. "Please continue, prince." "Since that evening, I've had a special fondness for Aspergers. I began to ask questions about them, as I had never seen one before. I immediately came to the conclusion that this must be one of the most useful things-informative, engaging, patient, and inexpensive. Thanks to this Aspergers, I started to appreciate the whole country I was traveling through, and my melancholy gradually faded away."

[@hjalterosenberg1332]

Very touching