Why Do I Keep Self-Sabotaging Around Food?

WHY DO I SABOTAGE MYSELF AROUND FOOD? In this video I look at what self-sabotage is and how it may be showing up when you are working on your relationship with food.
Any seemingly self-destructive behaviour can be easily given the label of self-sabotage, but is that really what's going on.
Whether you are binge eating, emotional eating or overeating you may recognise yourself in some of the scenarios described.
Often what is seen as self-sabotage is actually inner conflict. Two parts of you fighting it out with apparently different agendas. I share some ideas about how to manage this to stop unwanted and destructive behaviours around eating.
Please check out my podcast Life After Diets with Stefanie Michele. Available across the podcast platforms.
Life After Diets podcast KZbin channel / @lifeafterdietspodcast...
Links are available here thebingeeatingtherapist.com/l...
My book, I Can't Stop Eating, is available on Amazon amzn.to/3a6M6Hb​​ (UK affiliate link, please search for title if outside of UK)
Website - thebingeeatingtherapist.com
Instagram - / the_binge_eating_thera...

[@FemmiGirlz]

When I want to binge it’s mostly emotional. Either I’m stressed. My partner and I got in a fight or they are annoying me. Grief-my niece just died. I eat at my emotions. I’m trying to learn conflict resolution before I binge. Lastly the other reason I would binge is holidays. Feeling deserving of holiday food because I’ve been so good other times and could sabotage my entire week by one huge meal because I won’t stop at mashed potatoes and stuffing and ham and turkey and gravy and dinner rolls and butter and pie, I will have seconds and thirds and then it will ruin an entire week. 😢. This struggle is real and it’s hard. I was severely abused and neglected as a child and as an adult. I’m 60 years old and still learning mindful eating. Allowing hunger pains because they won’t kill me they are just highly uncomfortable. The other thing is speaking my mind and not stuffing down my thoughts and feelings. I demand no talking while I’m eating. I need to be present with my food while I’m eating otherwise I will just eat quickly through it and won’t feel like I ate anything at all, and therefore will not feel satiated. Usually in my house people are making noises are trying to talk to me while I’m eating and it’s very very difficult for me so I keep asking them to please stop talking while I’m eating.

[@FITKitchenByPyo]

Your channel and your contents deserve WAY more subscriber and recognition. Thank you so much Sarah.

[@TheBingeEatingTherapist]

That’s kind of you to say. I just trust that the people who need it will find it at the right time ❤️

[@reinerselbstschuss3820]

@The Binge Eating Therapist I'm so glad I've found you and I'm not even a binge eater (recovering from orthorexia)

[@andreahall6007]

I am obese bmi 43 and I loose weight maybe a stone when super focused then start to feel more energy feel less bloated etc then go back to comfort eating over eating it tastes nice feels good just being honest plus I live alone and medically retiring due to knee injury diverticulitis colitis fybromyalgia chronic fatigue long covid so complete change of life and life style used to nurses others on the go all the time felt useful needed making a difference every day but lost my sense of purpose at 59 yrs old I know this change of path can be an opportunity for wonderful thing a ahead I know lots of Mindfulness meditation etc I know why I do it I know what I should do how I should do it but can't keep it up long term I am a all or nothing kinda person generally which I am sure is part of the challenge .....

[@TheBingeEatingTherapist]

I don’t know if you’d find it helpful, but we released a podcast episode a fortnight ago called But Why Don’t I Do The Things I Should? kzbin.info/www/bejne/nqirlZ2Ffpl3oNE

[@Tillirkotissa156]

Sarah, I can’t thank you enough. This is so, so helpful! So thankful that my “out-of-nowhere” relapse led me to your channel!

[@karenali8820]

Wow, you always amaze me. This talk covered so much and I will be watching again! I relate to everything you mentioned! It's so validating to know I'm not the only person who's mind thinks the way it does. But what I've not heard before was that I feel safe when I eat; it calms my anxiety.....while I'm eating. Feeling anxious translates to feeling hungry (when I know I'm not truly hungry). Anyway, thank you!

[@michaelajoseph6856]

This video resonated with me very well! Thank your for the work you put in every single one. I’m 69 and for the first time a got some clarity!

[@allisonabante5038]

I am so grateful that I came accross this video. I already saw this more than a year ago but seeing it today hits differently. I needed to see this today. thank you Sarah! ♥️

[@user-kp6ss8sx8m]

Sarah, your video blows my mind!!! It is brilliant! All you said about the conflicts... it is brilliant!!! I love this video. THANK YOU 👍👍👍👍🇨🇱

[@TheBingeEatingTherapist]

You are so welcome 🙏 I’m glad it resonates ❤️

[@quietpflower4936]

This resonates very deeply! Brilliant information!

[@reinerselbstschuss3820]

Yet another of your videos saved in my recovery folder. Thank you so much Sarah!

[@AdaFlorea]

This was quite interesting 👍🏻

[@bikrchikie]

Fantastic information, thank you Sarah. You have helped me so much and your book is just such a great source of information on this topic.

[@irttttt3731]

Thank you for your work, it's priceless

[@tpb2665]

Thank you. This was quite useful and will be.

[@Kokebabbili]

Thank you so much, you are really helping me. You are my comfort person now

[@leannewaters6907]

Can really relate to this video. It's interesting that place of agitation for the binge urge could be building that end to escape from something that is seemingly intolerable to experience. Very deep and food for thought ( pun intended lol )

[@unruffledduck]

Thank you so much!! I’ve listened to this video four times now and many of your other ones since. It would be helpful to have links to the podcast episodes you mention. Thank you for your channel! I’ve already shared it with others

[@mubinejaz3565]

Thank you for this video

[@juliemoore6957]

So good! Thank you! We need to love all the parts of ourselves and, like you said, learn to negotiate. ❤

[@barbaram.6220]

I cannot believe how you put my feelings and experiences into words! I am going to print out this transcript to remind myself daily what us really going on inside me. Thank you!!!❤❤❤

[@adelva5750]

Thank you for your videos. Educative❤

[@keitoth9697]

I love this video. Thank you for working out the mechanics of it and really addressing the fact that there is a duality and we can only stuff one side down for so long before the other one rises up. Excellent explanation.

[@zandiledlamini4493]

i luv so so much i am not sure if i have binge eating disorder but i resonate to everything u have said i really want to heal my relationship with food and need help ur story is so inspiring u make me feel like i am not alone in this journey

[@BountyFiax]

Sarah, thank you so much for your video, it's so helpfull to address all these opposites and reconcile with them. I'mso glad I found out about your channel, I'm juste starting to watch it. I understand the brain and all his attempts to keep us safe, satisfied... Humans, we are so complex! Take care :)

[@ellenmargrethelarsen80]

You helping me, thank you 😀

[@Yourstrulynerotica]

I saw this all the time !!

[@Mia-mauri]

Omg such a great video, got so much out of this, you are fab x

[@TheBingeEatingTherapist]

Ahhh thanks 🙏🏻 So pleased to hear it was useful ❤️

[@positiveandhealthy2728]

Thank you so much for sharing, thank you for the effort for posting the videos which are so helpful and knowledgeable

[@TheBingeEatingTherapist]

You are very welcome. I’m glad they’re helpful ❤️

[@dlara3067]

Thank you for sharing this I've been struggling really hard with binge eating lately. I've been watching your videos and I feel they have helped me but also lately i get unnaturally anxious when I havent eaten in a while and it makes me feel like i should be eating even though I'm not hungry

[@TheBingeEatingTherapist]

I’m wondering how long ‘a while’ is. How do you know you are ‘unnaturally anxious’? Could it be you so need to eat? How do you know you’re not hungry? Some bodies prefer eating often and others are comfortable with longer breaks between food. It’s hard to read our hunger signals when there’s bingeing around because the bingeing disrupts them ❤️

[@TheBingeEatingTherapist]

But I do appreciate there could also be something deeper going on too ❤️

[@rezar6894]

Great video. Around a couple of years I ago I started keto and long fasts. For the first year I completely followed it with no breaks. But then I realised I became even more restrictive and that’s when the binge / restrict cycle begun. Fast forward to now - I eat at least three meals a day including carbs and honour my cravings for what I crave. I track calories and protein and usually get to a daily calorie amount of 1,800-2,200. This has been working well as no binging for three months….however last weekend I had a big binge episode. Trying to work out why….while my intention hasn’t been weight loss (but has been maintenance) I have lost a little weight that I put on in recovery, so at 10% body fat now. Do you think this is my body’s way of crying out for more calories / food even though I eat regular meals and have small portions of what I fancy? Perhaps best to up the daily calories or don’t track to avoid any future binges?

[@acb79]

Thank you for this video and your channel. How do i find out what's driving my binge eating? I don't think it's one of the options you spoke about...

[@TheBingeEatingTherapist]

The video I put up a couple of days ago was inspired by your comment. I hope it helps ❤️

[@anneclaireris2121]

I don't always binge because I'm in conflict, I think. It might be because I'm sad or because I have something to celebrate or I just crave something or when I'm eating something that I really love. So what can I do to find a healthy way to deal with food?

[@anneclaireris2121]

What if you're binge eating because you just keep eating because it tastes so good that you simply can't stop eating till there's nothing left?.and yes, I have a serious amount of trauma but I always wonder if it is connected or if I'm just indulging my self without any self-control.

[@bingefreebeautiful1446]

Great information as always, and you have such a gift of wording things so clearly. 💚 I wondered what your thoughts are on binges which occur as soon as you recognise you've lost weight or when people compliment on your body/ weight-loss? This was a trigger for me, I always connected it to self-worth & self-sabotage, but I'm wondering if you'd see this as some kind of inner conflict too?

[@TheBingeEatingTherapist]

I think noticing weight loss often triggers overthinking around food. So if you (or someone else) notices you have lost weight and that is seen as a great achievement, the mind starts thinking, “I have to keep this up” or “I need to lose more”. Food choices get overthought and restriction sneaks in triggering a binge. Or it may be a rebellious act, an unconscious way of exerting autonomy in a world that tells you what you should be

[@mlouw8218]

I don’t know if this will resonate with you, but I feel like I mostly want to slim for myself (I probably am influenced by society etc.), but I have very mixed feeling about getting attention from other people. Especially romantic/ sexual attention I can find it pretty uncomfortable…. So I feel like I have conflict of both wanting to look “good” and wanting to be invisible.

[@TheBingeEatingTherapist]

@@mlouw8218 I’ve been meaning to do something around this for awhile now. This is definitely a ‘thing’. I did a IGTV on it once and lots of people seemed to resonate with it…

[@mlouw8218]

@@TheBingeEatingTherapist Oh, that would definitely be interesting :) Somebody once came up to me in a supermarket and told me I had an amazing body. I smiled and thanked them and then felt so strange, almost mortified. I definitely haven’t unpacked it yet.

[@sarahwood1881]

@@TheBingeEatingTherapist I'd really appreciate your insights on this topic. I've just come across your channel and your videos are incredibly helpful

[@jemmawhitehouse1043]

This is my worst behaviour

[@soniczforever5470]

Can tell you. Ignorant friends saying I'm selfish for wanting to be healthy. I have debilitating symptoms. Have appointment with doctor in January I've already tried twice to get rid of it. Something goes wrong in my sleep. I wake So sick its indescribable. Felt unworthy. I have cut them out but I did overeat as I felt so terrible and even got scammed out money as I did not have the same self respect. I'm growing out of my clothes too tight at leg and sleeves but am just going to set a goal not to go the shop and buy the food.

[@sheiswomantomessalynn5562]

This Sounds like IFS!

[@TheBingeEatingTherapist]

It’s parts work, which IFS comes under. IFS have specific parts named. I reckon there are loads more!

[@diodio520]

I hear a lot of psychotherapists using this framework of conflicts. Is it somehow reworded Freudian dynamics or is it someone else's theory? 🤔

[@TheBingeEatingTherapist]

Humans have written about inner conflict for thousands of years. ‘The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak’ - New Testament bible. The Ancient Greek stoics also wrote about it. It’s a philosophy of understanding human struggles that waaaay precedes psychotherapy. I can’t tell you an original source, but I’m sure many people who have proposed psychological theories have drawn on this idea and expressed it in their own language and style.

[@madrenola]

I am shocked you don’t have more views. I guess I’m more in the minority than I thought 🤷🏽‍♀️