Why do narcissists abandon you when you need them the most? | The Narcissists' Code Ep 760

why do narcissists abandon you when you need them the most? when you need them more than ever they dip out and sometimes are extremely disconnected or hard to find.
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Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.
The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.
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Thank you so much

[@RBNY]

They abandon you when you need them because they are not givers. They are takers and a person in need has little to offer for the taking.

[@robinmcintyre3472]

@RBNY That's my take on it... Turns out, they didn't sign on for you to ever need Them, particularly in scenarios like a health or emotional need(but really it can translate to anything) like helping to take care of you..even temporarily.. Oh, no no no! Now, if They get the sniffles, or feel miserable from the common cold, let alone the flu - 'Well, why haven't you brought me/done for me what I asked you for 30 secs ago?! I'm dyin' here!' 🤦 That's only a very slight exaggeration of their attitude. And sometimes it's spot on. He truly is like a miserable 3 yr. old, carrying on when he's tired, he has a headache, a cold, someone bugged him at work.. you name it. And I'm just naturally a very empathetic person. But when it comes to me having a need? Heaven help me!... I have skin cancer and need Mohs surgery on my face by my eye.. 2 yrs later, my husband still insists we can't afford to pay our part of the surgery(about $2k) and tho walking on egg shells all the time, the occasional time I bring up it up or my fears in letting it go, the headaches I've been having daily the past few months, my husband actually gets angry at me.."Why do you bring that up?!! What do you want me to do.. $&#t money?!😡 Yet, he continues to buy gadgets & gizmos or tweak his beloved truck. Usually I get "Yes! We Know.. You have Cancer!" And then mimics playing a tiny violin. The one that was so completely surreal was when he said.."Oh, Cancer-Schmancer!! Give it a rest!" For all who are no doubt asking me.."And Why are you still with him?!"(As if to imply I deserve what I get at this point for "staying") I'm not "staying" anymore than a prisoner "Stays" in prison. Without going into all the tedious, 'too sad for me to rehash again' details, suffice to say that at 64, on permanent disability(yes, I was when he met me) & he has had control of ...everything, tho I did my best to keep as much control as possible. Thankfully I never did let him onto my personal bank acct & never will.. I've lost my house, my car, personal possessions... At this point, I simple have no where to go once I walk out the door. And I just don't see moving onto the streets as a viable choice at my age & health. *If you're reading my comment pls keep in mind that my therapist (a psych nurse) and I have worked tirelessly over the past 2+ yrs to try and find me anything, anywhere .some place I could go, but to no avail. I know that's difficult for many to believe- I can even understand someone feeling that way, disbelief . "She must not be trying very hard!", "I'm sure if she looked hard enough, long enough, she'd be able to find Something!" But we haven't; and the only comfort I take is in knowing that God knows the truth of what I've shared, inc. my diligently looking & working hard with my therapist to find answers, help, a place to go that I can afford - SSDisability just doesn't pay that much, and you then, don't qualify for state Aid, at least here in Wa. Again, we've researched, gone in for interviews more than a few times in case something's changed. I am not being picky, I just want a roof, some food to sustain myself, the ability to get healthcare/meds (like my blood thinner for blood clots & AFib)

[@eadithcsiby1071]

Not they are not takers they are cruel,My narcissist ex a doctor: he always used my hot water , it was in the middle of February when he invited me to his place he gave me a covid I had fever , and he did not let me to take a hot shower only the cold water. I had a narcissistic father too, i brocke me leg and anckle and my father closed me, I had no simcard nobody could come to me after2 and half month I was brought to the dooctors when I already did not felt me leg.I was told if I arrived later I would remain without my left leg. They are inhuman.

[@SuperBikeRacer7]

Because it's harder to feed off of you during a period where you have less to offer

[@purplerain0517]

It's also a great time for them to finish growing and healing so they can get their life back on track. Sometimes both parties...don't realize how codependent they are on each other. Life is hard. Love is hard. Loving ourselves while trying to love others is an amazing adventure. But I do believe all are worth the effort. That's why I pray like crazy.

[@oilinmylamp]

You nailed it there! 💯

[@MentalHealness]

interesting

[@cc1k435]

​@Sherry Can't always do that together, though...😢 But I agree, that probably has something to do with why they bail in those moments, and it is a time for some of the most important personal growth you're even going to do, provided you intend to actually do it.

[@purplerain0517]

@@cc1k435 I absolutely agree! To an extent.. Because there are so many people out there who would take advantage of the vulnerability and good nature of others, that it's absolutely essential to have a healthy relationship with God. That way you can get those little nudges, or promptings that would help to keep you and your loved ones safe. (Like a "Do NOT go to Idaho with this person") and sometimes He's waiting to bless us with someone who will understand us better than we can ever imagine. Little promptings like "You should grab your writing journal ...you haven't written in ages.." can help you understand yourself in ways you never thought possible, and give you the clarity and hope you've been needing desperately your whole life.

[@rhondagrant9388]

They like to kick you when u are down. They are mean and empty.

[@MentalHealness]

😞

[@cherylm.6448]

They are taught to believe vulnerability equates to being weak, that is spot on.

[@MentalHealness]

🙏

[@angelablaney4575]

And yet they are the needy, weak ones

[@JensJubilee123]

When my beloved granny was dying, he was giving me the silent treatment and I was sleeping on the couch. Then he never gave me a hug after she passed. And yes I’m insanely jealous of my friends with strong relationships! I’d do anything to have a normal spouse

[@Ren602]

I’m really sorry to hear that love😕I hope you’ve moved on to someone that will emotionally support you.

[@minoozolala]

You need to leave him. Only then can you find a good partner.

[@BrendaBaBoom]

You deserve so much better. 🌸

[@Empress711]

🙏✨🦋✨🙏

[@seanmcphail936]

That honestly warrants a divorce

[@latoyacunningham6940]

Life is too short. Forgive yourself for believing a narcissist's lies and move on. If someone gets a kick out of your pain, that person will burn in hell if he/she doesn't repent. God will set it all right. Live out your purpose and live a life of joy!! Blessings!

[@Everydayheros]

Best answer

[@Everydayheros]

Best answer

[@BrendaBaBoom]

🎯🎯🎯

[@goldenlady1213]

Thank you for your post !!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@parklady4233]

Amen 🙏🏾

[@stoft4590]

They want to scar you so you never get over them… then that damage always leaves the door open. They know what they do is complete destruction to you. Be defiant heal and one day you will look at them and feel nothing or feel pity for them because they destroy the best things in their lives.

[@MaroonRose3216]

🎯

[@roccafille]

💯

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

It's true. My ex from five years ago who has narcissistic traits is a distant memory for my now. Now I'm reminding myself of this as I face my trauma bond with my latest ex. I remind myself that it doesn't last forever and there will be a day they won't matter to me.

[@WorldOfARandomVegan]

100%!! I was there for him at his lowest, and when I was in a situation where I needed him the most--I was in the hospital--well, guess what? He was nowhere to be found. I can't tell you how much pain that caused me.

[@Empress711]

🙏✨🦋✨🙏

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

I found out my narc ex had previously had a serious relationship with a woman who got in a terrible car accident that causes disfigurement. He broke up with her while she was in the hospital.

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

Didn't visit her once.

[@kellyanne4207]

I went through a pretty serious health situation almost two years ago yet was constantly degraded by my narcissistic partner who felt I wasnt grateful enough that my diagnosis was not fatal. Yeah. Read that again. So did that mean I shouldn't be the least bit upset over what WAS happening to me? It wasn't pretty. And then when I was still experiencing some post surgical discomfort, he asked me if I was faking to get sympathy from him. Wow. You can't make this isht up. He's going to hell for the lack of compassion he showed me during that time in my life. And when he gets a frigging cold, he needs all the attention of a newborn.

[@kellyanne4207]

Edit: "...that my diagnosis was not fatal".

[@SouthernGirl-ce7ws]

They do it because they are paying you back for something you have done in the past

[@keishamc5228]

Yep they will kick you when your down and then get mad when you rise above them and come through it better without them !

[@SpiritDwellSacred]

It has something to do with their feeling that you’re not available for them. There is a sense they resent your attention isn’t on them. They don’t see that you trust them with your emotions. They desert at the precise moment needed most.

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

Mine used to always pick fights and rage when we were in public places. He did this to make me nervous and to watch me bow down to him because of the embarrassment. I finally understood that he loved leaving me when I was the most vulnerable because it's the most amount of power he can feel.

[@juanderuano8969]

Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me,i still love her and most times i cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, i love her so much, i dont know why i am bring this here for, i cant stop thinking about her,

[@juanderuano8969]

@jay pritchett wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach her?.

[@juanderuano8969]

@jay pritchett Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@lannybackes1053]

I've been going through the same thing. I could share the stories with you you but it would be a multi chapter book. I loved my wife unconditionally. I knew the story of her childhood, the abandonment, the physical and emotional neglect she suffered. I wanted nothing more than to love her through to a place in life where she could let go of those things that created the BPD/NPD she was suffering from. I went through several years of intense physical pain with a broken vertebrae in my lumbar. Although she took care of me to a degree, there was always an emotional disconnect. The thing that got me through was holding on with all my might to a dream that I would someday be healed and able to walk again normally and be able to sleep at night. I did all the cooking and at least half of the house chores that I was able to do, despite the pain it caused and the length of time it would take. After my second back surgery and subsequent recovery, I went back to work, made good money, took over the finances, and she left. I had finally reached that day I had dreamed about. I was working, providing for my family, hiking almost every day, getting back into shape, it was a dream come true. And she walked out. Then for the next two years she played a game of "she loves me, she loves me not." I didn't really know what was happening. Her words and actions contradicted herself all the time. She would say she loves me, then go out with other guys knowing full well it would rip my heart out. Then she would go into a rage when I would challenge her behavior and a day or so later she was back to apologies and saying she loved me again. This cycle was extremely hard to cope with. I just wanted to fix the things in me she was wanting me too. Working, being physically capable, emotionally stable etc. Then she found a new supply. A much older guy, very overweight, unattractive, and morally bankrupt. He didn't care at all about her being married, showered her with many nights of expensive dinners and drinks and concerts and was very good at catering to her selfish desires to party and play like a twenty something chick, instead of the 42 year old mother of three and married.... Did I understand any of it? Of course not. To me it was like we went through stage 4 cancer and beat it and she wanted to commit suicide following it. It made no sense that we went through such a hard time together and to get to the day where hope could legitimately be restored, that we could have a promising future together and her just leave. I still don't completely understand it, but watching these videos along with many others, I'm starting to. Lee, thank you again. Just learning to comprehend her mental state has helped a lot. I felt so much guilt, and took all the blame she poured on to me and I knew in my heart she was wrong but I knew I did make things hard on us. Not on purpose of course. I didn't choose to have a broken back or the other health problems that came with it, nor the depression caused by losing my physical abilities. I didn't choose it but she blamed me as if I had. I'm learning to let go of it, I'm learning to let go of the love I have for her too. I was incredibly emotionally invested in her. I had forgiven her so many times for the angry hurtful words that destroyed my heart, and even the hearts of my two children I brought into the marriage from the previous one. I forgave her infidelities, too many to count. But like Lee has said in so many videos, she was looking at me like, "ok, you're not going to leave? You're going to forgive me and let me do it again? Well then that's your fault!" Although a normal person would say I was crazy for staying, someone who loves their narcissistic mate the way I did would understand, you don't leave when you're that heavily invested. You want to try and stick it out and hope that someday the stock starts to rise and the dividends are paid. But at the end of the day, I'm writing it off as an unrecoverable loss. I'm selling the stock short and walking away. It hurts like hell, it really does. But there's nothing left to do at this point. My feelings don't matter to her, my future happiness doesn't matter to her, she won't acknowledge the hurt and suffering she caused me and only blames me for all of it. She will often say "I don't want to hurt you anymore!" And I say, "then don't, it's a choice!" She knows it is, but yet she's just incapable of having empathy, or remorse and is 100% unwilling to put any work into changing so that she won't hurt me again, or so that we could have something good. It's been an emotional one way street for too many years, I have nothing left to give and she does nothing to help refill my love tank and like Lee said, I'm just empty now. Best of luck to you, I hope you can learn to let go too. It's hard as hell, but "With God, all things are possible." Albeit, this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, if not the hardest.

[@moniquevanleeuwen6514]

Look up the word ‘codependentie’…

[@moniquevanleeuwen6514]

@jay pritchett You’r using witchcraft to keep the narcissist with you? You could not be doing a worse thing than that.. 😑

[@octoberdawn1087]

I'm realizing because I'm stronger than them. They all abandoned me atvmy worst. Turns out it was when I was my strongest

[@carissajo90]

Im currently 19 weeks pregnant and my ex, we also have a 2.5 year old together literally let go of my hand and left me at the hospital after verbally abusing me the entire time as soon as the doctor came in and labeled me having a miscarriage..I don't think I'll ever get over the pain of that moment. I'm currently finally on my 9th time of leaving him after he was arrested for domestic assault on our son and I. I'm struggling so hard in every way possible. Our son went for a autism testing and they had to put in another referral because they couldn't tell what was PTSD and what was autism. On 2 months of living on my own, with our son in our own place and I ask myself the title of this video a million times a day. He literally lives on the same street and doesn't even acknowledge the PLANNED pregnancy or our 2.5 year old until an hour before his weekend visitation starts. He still has yet to acknowledge the baby. It effing sucks. It's lonely. It's scary. I'm barely scraping by. He could care less, and all my heart does is wonder towards him and question everything. It makes for one hell of a miserable existence.

[@SuperBikeRacer7]

🙏💕

[@ging-a-roo2429]

I’m so sorry. Be strong.

[@oilinmylamp]

Oh wow honey, I certainly hope you find the love and support you need to stay out of that horrific relationship. I hope you draw on strength from Jesus as well for yourself. Between trusting in the Lord, receiving His love and healing for you emotionally and mentally, along with a peer group of loving friends and family, you can make it and you can truly heal and be free. ❤❤❤ Don't give up. Fight for yourself and your babies! You are loved and valued. Psalm 103. God bless and keep you, sweetheart.

[@thill5108]

When God wakes you up every morning that’s a blessing. Find your purpose in life for you. 🙏🏾

[@carissajo90]

Thank you all for your replies. I know my children and my faith in God are what keep me going. But loneliness is blinding and I'm trying to understand how to live a real life without bounds and fear and stop looking back. ❤️

[@maryw3989]

Its a test to see if you will prioritize them over your loss because they want to have that much control over you and your emotions.

[@swissherbgirl2917]

I remember that standard excuse: I don't have capacity. He overused that phrase for every little thing that came up.

[@MentalHealness]

That sucks

[@patreceperkins5929]

Facts… yet they will expect you to be there for them at their lowest. It’s ALWAYS a negative equity situation with a narcissist.

[@BrendaBaBoom]

Yup, they mete out negative exchanges and expectations yet they expect YOUR undying loyalty. 🧐

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

They expect you to be there for them even after You've Discovered that THEY'RE CHEATING. They will try for your sympathy.

[@correenmills3377]

Right,after you become aware of it things change within you permanently. Like I cannot sympathize with them because of the intentional damage caused to my mental,something in me refuses to give them sympathy. I am too aware of the games they play.

[@DivineNurturingLLC]

I was dating a NPD. He was going through a death. I was bringing him groceries, checking on him and his family, bringing him things, running errands for him literally putting myself into situations that I could’ve put myself into some real danger for. He didn’t work he ran the streets. While I’m working hard on my own business taking care of my brother’s incarcerated and my sisters who don’t have babysitters-friends who needed me. I felt the energy draining the hell out of me. I got into a accident dude said “wow that’s crazy” dropped him like a hot pocket. I wasn’t about to be a victim of his life. I refused. Then when I did confront him dude said “refrain from talking to me”😂 you definitely have to heal from this type of energy properly or you’ll be messed up forever. Glory be to God for always being with me and giving me the wisdom and knowledge to escape! Glory! Hallelujah!

[@normastone1044]

It cracks me up how you keep saying "I'm not trying to get you to feel sorry for the narcissist". We don't. We understand their capacity for giving emotional support is extremely limited.

[@MentalHealness]

💯

[@judyyates2763]

He left me at emergency room when I thought I was having a heart attack

[@labazoops]

Obviously he wanted to save his energy for himself or a hit of new supply. He was unable to give you emotional support as that would take energy and vulnerability! Remember they are not good at communication either. 😢

[@normastone1044]

Because you are there to serve their needs, they are not there for you.

[@MentalHealness]

😞😞

[@witch6in6the6womb]

I witnessed a shooting a week and a half ago, right in front of my window. I saw a man get shot at almost 30 times and shot twice in the head and once in the neck. I am extremely traumatized. My sister, who I have been there for and protected my entire life, have me about a day of support and dropped out. I asked her if she could be there for me, that I was struggle so badly, and she got extremely angry. She spent two days texting me from fake numbers to end my life and that I enjoyed the sexual abuse I suffered as a kid. My family did nothing to help me. She convinced the police I was crazy. I've been in bed since trying to be ok. That shit hurt.

[@minoozolala]

Whoa. That’s awful. So sorry for what you’ve been going through. Your sister is insanely jealous of you getting any attention. She’s dangerous and would like to see you seriously hurt. No contact will protect you.

[@aprilmorgan909]

Lots of interesting points. Why I often hid my grief, tears and pain. I think I still do... Far too often. Sadly you're right, some of them absolutely do not care. 😓

[@cherylthompson2731]

Having a narcissistic mother will make you a Borderline. The dismissiveness is emotional murder.

[@laurenmarie2369]

You are 100% right.

[@RealLadi228]

Thankful I dodged that bullet personally However my first love was and is borderline personality a horrible experience I survived and left after 7 years....a long time ago 😢

[@michellelippincott6097]

Wow When my father passed away it was about a week after and we were at one of our children's sporting event, and I was very fragile and grieving and in a lot of emotional pain. My mother in law---"Ever since your dad passed away you haven't been acting right!" ---- I guess looking back that she was a narcissistic! I couldn't believe I was being attacked for grieving! When my best friend died there was no empathy, forced me to attend a family picnic and showed NO condolences or concern that I was hurting. Wow reflecting on this behavior has opened my eyes. The sentence got messed up, "Ever since your father passed away you haven't been acting right!"

[@Universaltruth333]

I’m sorry ❤ the narc I was with broke up with me a couple months after I miscarried. Told his sister it effected me more than him. 💔 now I’m pregnant now and he wants to be involved. No contact for the win!

[@BrendaBaBoom]

But they NEVER act right tho ….

[@UteNagel]

Sounds like a psychopath!

[@Seraphim7]

So True. Experienced this. Oh My God. “They don’t Only kick you when you’re down, they will Bury you.” 🤯😱😱🎯💯💯 They’re so Jealous. Devils. Pure Evil

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

Once they know you're hooked and trauma bonded, they won't mind flat out ignoring your requests for help. They may even see your problems as being "attention-seeking" since that's how they operate. It'll be like, "But your Dad has been dead for two months!" They will let their mask slip during these times because the performance of empathy is draining and not worth the effort. They resent you for even leaning on them.

[@frankiegoestothecircus]

I was having a really hardcore PTSD flashback because of the terrible treatment he showed me all day, and he couldn't take five seconds to support me, instead he was complaining about where he would watch the sunset 💔 he walked away, left me curled up on the sidewalk. Thankfully a veteran came along and helped me.

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

They break you and then complain that you aren't working right.

[@frankiegoestothecircus]

@@dr.jenniferma3914 exactly. Thank you.

[@Simply_sincerely_me]

He cussed me out on the day of my dad’s funeral…he was in rehab at the time. Then cussed me out in front of my family the next day. It was all about him….how he felt and he could care less about what I was going through. I’ll never forget that.

[@naledismith3726]

Your family his enablers?

[@Vanes218]

Describes my mom. She always yelled at me for crying and being depressed after my dad's suicide. She forced me to return to school too soon after his passing, where then l dealt with teasing. My high school years were all bad because of this.

[@Empress711]

🙏✨💛✨🙏

[@kia517]

🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@FeistyMommy]

Married 13 years to my husband, and after watching some of your videos and shorts i think he definetely has some narcissistic traits. We have 2 kids one being special needs and literally everytime i need help, am overwhelmed, etc hes not available and is usually sleeping and just not emotionally available. Whenever im sick and dont feel good, he falls asleep in his room without a care because hes "tired" and i have to tough it out and do everything. So im fed up and not happy and once we sell this damn house, we are seperating! Im so over it and refuse to live the rest of my life stuck in an unhappy marriage, of course he blames me that i want to seperate and then divorce him.

[@cathynykolaishyn8926]

I’ve moved on and your videos answer some questions that I have had. This was one. Been through this. Thanks.

[@MentalHealness]

You’re welcome

[@carolinekamya2339]

Because they want to trigger you to your downfall - they want a reaction - any reaction

[@mshlim]

Me calling him 4 times in a row after finding out my best friend is dying from cancer. It’s 7pm. He gets off work at 5pm. 🙎🏻‍♂️ why are you calling? I’m at work! *hangs up* (He was with another woman) *went to the hospital to visit my friend * 🙎🏻‍♂️*calls me 4 hours later to yell at me* Why are you constantly bother me when I’m working!!! 👩🏻*ugly crying driving home* leave me TF alone! My best friend is dying! *hangs up* 🙎🏻‍♂️*calls back* Well WTF do you want me to do about it! Just a selfish human.

[@denisseabreu0112]

This made me really sad and I really appreciate you sharing this. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in March. He started acting very supportive then after my first treatment he completely disassociated. It was hard for a week however I had already been through multiple break up’s so I was mostly immune. I was ready to let go. I am happy I broke it off for my own health and sanity. I am not sure I would be capable of going through a break up in the middle of chemotherapy Right now. Thank you for sharing this seriously so helpful. 🙏🏾

[@nantnissen]

Yep, the "Can't you see how stressed I am. If that's not enough, there's nothing I can do, I have nothing left to give" Yet you are asking for basics and the bare minimum.

[@leighbeltramemarkon8899]

My husband made me feel selfish when I had a huge mental breakdown and wanted to check into the hospital because I was in a very dangerous space to myself. He was upset because he would have to take time off work to stay with the kids. That's when my relationship for me broke right down. I lost so much respect and love and everything for him. I got myself out of that with the help of my friends but to feel like I was selfish because I needed help was the end for me.

[@amberlorraineOG]

Yep. Mine said that I was just trying to get out of my “responsibilities”. 😑

[@jacquelinesmith5022]

Everything you've stated today is correct. When my dad and brother died I was going to the graveyard on veteran's day he says what you going to see a bit of dust for its only a carcass they're not in there. It hurts when I'm feeling upset and he's not there for me. Our granddaughter died in New York was only 2 weeks oweeks old i.has just flown home from seeing home as I get off my flight on my way home 3 hours later her parents call to tell me she's gone, I call him crying no words of comfort he says ok. I flew back to New York on my own.

[@pinkfabulous248]

They just don’t care 😞🌸

[@OldFordTaurus]

Happened to me. There was a period of time when I was having trouble finding somewhere to live and I was abandoned and ghosted by my ex. He straight up told me “ I don’t want to deal with you anymore. You’ve let me down so many times” like it was my fault the apartment building I lived in had to be evacuated due to it being built over a sink hole.

[@Universaltruth333]

They talk about themselves to you 😂

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

But if he was hoovering you, he would be the first to help.

[@OldFordTaurus]

@@dr.jenniferma3914 yeah or if it was anybody new. He’d bend over backwards to help them out

[@adifferentcookie]

That kicking you while you are at your most vulnerable just sent me off the edge with the loss of my heart dog. The straw that broke the camel. Grateful to be off that rollercoaster. 😵‍💫 Thanks Lee. Youve been instrumental in getting off that ride.

[@mfcmxtt6490]

awww 😢 not the fur baby, soul dog. Sod him (the ex narc) I think your soul dog wanted to show you who he (Mr narc) really was ..their final act of spiritual love and protection and grace for you ..always giving and serving right up to their last dying breath

[@adifferentcookie]

@@mfcmxtt6490 😭😭😭you moved me to to tears. God works in mysterious ways. I wouldn't be surprised. Better for me to deal with life alone than be building a life with someone incapable or unwilling to meet me at my lowest. 2 weeks after my pup's death I filed.

[@JP-db8dy]

He always accused me of intentionally kicking him when he was down. Your comment helped me realize that this too, was projection.

[@tracysprenger8622]

My ex husband used to say "stop your balling". I never cried in front of him again when I left 15 years later he was crying.

[@julieb750]

One of the best descriptions of what it is like being in a couple with a person who has NPD.

[@Chris-jo8tm]

Married 7 years we got along good had no fights that got to any yelling or anyone leaving. My father passed and two years later my mom passed. I didn’t need or want anything from her emotionally but I wasn’t giving as much to her anymore as I was depressed for a few months after I lost my mom. The day before our anniversary she discarded me and moved in with guy she had started cheating on me with. She morphed into someone I didn’t even know. She definitely wanted to bury me alive and seemed happy finally seeing me emotionally vulnerable. I learned a lot and pray for her to become more self aware and repents. As for me I enjoy my peace and quiet. I am accountable for who I allow in my life and can’t point any fingers c’est la vie

[@chandelle_glee]

I totally get jealous when I see what other people have, knowing I can’t have it. He just broke up with me after 11 years last week but we’re still living together. I am getting even more jealous seeing happy families. I hate myself for feeling this way, because I want to be happy for other people and usually him it inspires me to know there is hope for me. I don’t like the headspace. I’m in right now.

[@ging-a-roo2429]

I can’t make it for the live. I believe they have no empathy or sympathy. In a strange way, they cry, bereave through you. It bothers them when something hurts because they honestly don’t know how to act (allow their emotions out). It’s almost disturbing when I look back because I always made excuses for him.

[@mintjulius275]

Love yah Lee. Yeah my narc abandoned me when I needed them most. Grappling with mental health issues and substance abuse (probably exacerbated by the cheating I knew was going on and being gaslight about), and she left me with a 'seek therapy lol bye'

[@purplerain0517]

That's awful. ... I'm so sorry. Please know all the "Lol" s are part of the mask. I know my ex husband was devastated beyond understanding when I told him I wanted a divorce. He always would be able to argue his way out of it, or convince me to change my mind. But when I told him I prayed about it...THAT was when he knew - And the look on his face will haunt me forever, because that was when he knew...I was not going to change my mind.

[@amberlorraineOG]

@@purplerain0517Thank you so much for this ❤

[@agapewithadot]

You are so right about them lacking the ability to be vulnerable. One thing that permanently altered how I view my father is when my godmother passed away 10 years ago, that was my first and most difficult loss. She was like a second mom to me and she was a very close person to me, my mom and my dad, so I was so hurt when my dad, not only skipped her burial but showed up late to her wake, drunk with a bucket of chicken. He asked me to meet him outside and he could clearly see how distraught I was and the mf said, “Don’t be sad. Life goes on.” Like I had to be the strong person for my mom and let her cry on my shoulder and let all her grief out. Because of his comment about not being sad because life goes on, I internalized all that grief and the first time I allowed myself to cry was a year after my godmother’s funeral.

[@Baggydawg1]

I cannot express how much I appreciate these videos - and especially your detailed 'bits' of interactions typical for those afflicted with narcissistic personality disorder - e.g. how narcissists can literally sometimes run out of the emotional battery required for the pursuit of relating to (even their close partner's) intimate struggles. The impressions of each scenario that you do hits the nail on the head. Thank you for releasing these videos, and giving such a detailed (and empathetic) look into the narcissist's mind. A lot of people often treat narcissists with instant hatred. Such videos help ameliorate the hostility caused by the common 'alien-like' perception of common folk towards narcissism.

[@theymacrypto]

My grandmother died of covid and he told me if I kept acting the way I was, it was going to push him away. Jerk.

[@MentalHealness]

Oh my goodness

[@kia517]

🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 My ex did that when my grandad passed

[@gennacalvaresi422]

My mother is like this. She has no love in her heart. Thanks Lee, I've been mad as hell at my mother bc I went thru a major health issue amd she tells me there's nothing wrong with me, I'm letting the drs tell me what's wrong and I believe them... 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ huh ? How ignorant.. I made it thru my issues and am finally on the good side of my disease. I could have got thru it alot faster but bc of her not going to the dr wirh me. And she would tell me I AM NOT GOING TO THE DR WITH YOU!!!! 😒 I've had graves disease for 20 yrs. And when I needed her and my children the most they all turned their backs on me. And she does addd to everything in a bad way... uugghhhh I've put up with it for 51 yrs. And thank you for doing what you do!! ❤

[@1stwastheword893]

yes ! my narcissist kicked me while I was down & eventually buried me when I was down please delve into this why ♡ thank you

[@jillburstein2066]

I appreciate your candor. It helps those that have empathy, or being the target understand WHY and helps to not take it personally

[@MentalHealness]

🙌🏾

[@stacy7990]

I found out my grandma died on my way to his house and told him when I got there. He said I'm sorry and just stared at me. I knew better than to cry in front of him, so I waited until he fell asleep and went in the living room to cry.

[@c.p.6028]

Surprisingly Lee, you used the same word as my ex: "to feel weak" when vulnerable. As English is not my first language, not sure if that's an common expression that everyone uses, or its more a "narcisist expression" ... 🙄 Looking backwards, l rarely had him when l needed him. One of our breaks, was only 2 weeks after my mom passed away 😔. I finally decided to finish with him when he took 15 hours and a half to answer a message where l was telling him l needed to return to emergencies as l thought that what they diagnosed in a first moment was wrong, and it was more serious. I even took to hospital a bag with things because l thought l might need to stay in, or even have a surgery, as l was feeling really bad. 6 months of 0 contact since l then.

[@ashleetoth6715]

I needed this video so bad today a family member has died and he hasn't stepeped up to support me or my kids in anyway all he has done was share videos of himself catching sea food and laughing at very insensitive posts on Facebook. I blocked him again.

[@mariemm6032]

You always hit every scenario on the head!

[@Smoothbrocolony]

Mine left wen she seen i was depressed and down bad. Before my brother died it got really rough. Everyone around me including her left. She tried to make me jealous n everything after. Months later the week my brother passed she txt me out the blue giving her condolences saying "prayers to ur fam this n that but i didnt reply. Crazy they know exactly when and how to hit u w that. She didn't really care she jus thought that was a perfect way to get a reaction out of me or talk but i blocked it. Thank God.

[@kadlacdixon-thedrawmylifep3293]

3:37 When my mother died my narcissistic aunt made it so much harder and neither my aunt or my narcissistic cousin was there at all for me... It was so hard and once I got better they both claimed they were there for me, when they wasn't...

[@theanikiforovich]

Triggering, is happening exactly like you say

[@MentalHealness]

😔 stay strong

[@GodsGirl85]

I definitely found myself not being comforted, hugged genuinely or even held when I’ve been down and out. Being able to be covered and have my emotions protected..is priceless. Never settling again.

[@nikkygage]

I wanted to thank you so much. I thought I was actually losing my mind! When I found your videos everything clicked and you have helped me immensely understanding what is happening to me. Thank you for what you do😊

[@Riley-le7zw]

This is so true they were at home anything to give them but if you have something to do is pick up unlike Larry it, Aries doesn’t wanna go like that Coronado green circles neglectful now he’s alone no money no where to go no Chi don’t call me no no the 0:00

[@moniquetammenga3468]

My brother had a indonesian friend who died at the age of 38 on oktober 14 th 2004. A few years later my father died at the age of 82 on september 28th 2011. Back in those days I had experienced grief. I felled enormly tenced, I started to get pain on my chest that I had to see my docter. I started to buy books about the relationship with parents and books about grief and relaxsation. When COVID started the griefing came back. I started to think back at the times that I had spent with my friends brother and my deceased father. I started to collect memories about them and realised that I never got over there loss. 😢 My mother and sister had seen the memories. One day I had to stay in a clinic because a psychiatrist had concluded that I was in a depression. When I got back from the clinic I had controlled the rooms in my house and realised that a couple of earrings were gone out of my jewellerybox an all the books about the relationships with parents and about grief were also gone. Now, I have seen this video I know what had happened. Thank you for this explanation. 😢

[@cherylmoschitto_outwardsilence]

EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE

[@yehudabarnett7575]

Just started my self help journal…so simple yet so helpful and thought provoking. And it’s interesting because I hear your voice and affirmations as I go through the daily words and affirmations. Thank you Lee for your postings and help getting through this tough time of getting out of a toxic relationship

[@MentalHealness]

💯🙏🏽

[@amyjeanette8675]

Needed this one as I’m battling an illness based on my environment; 16 months together and instead of cordially breaking things off he left me with an impression he was going to just go “visit” his dad but 2 days after he got there he blocked me online and when I reached out for answers+closure, one of his family members wrote his “closure” email for him and used God+religion+healing for leaving me on my death bed. I’m fighting for my life and sickened by the thought of him smearing me to his family (that I never got to talk to myself or meet, he would call them while he wasn’t in the same room as me) makes me wonder if he was ever the person I thought he was. I never did anything like that to him and it’s really sad to say the least.

[@tnt01]

be thankful you were only together for 16 months. he did you a favor. you deserve love and respect. take care of yourself. hugs.

[@robpriv3014]

A lot of the problem is that narcs are emotionally immature and hate responsibility. When their partner has problems they just don’t want the responsibility of cheering you up, supporting you, etc. If they can do it at all, it will only be for a very short time before their patience runs out.

[@labazoops]

Narcs don't want to be vulnerable!!! Vulnerable = Not feeling safe. It's a trigger for the neglect/abuse they endured as a child perhaps.

[@kellyanne4207]

I had the misfortune of fracturing my wrist which somewhat conflicted with my plans to see my narcissistic partner. He was outraged when the doctor recommended that she see me foe three consecutive weeks post incident to assess things. He was furious and invited my fracture WA no big deal since he had so many as a young man, etc etc blah blah blah. Key words a YOUNG man. I'm almost 60. He figured, doctor just wanted to see me for billing purposes and probably couldn't care less if I showed up or not and that the three consecutive weeks of post accident x-rays could be obtained anywhere since after all its just an xray...I could go to urgent care (in another state mind you). No regard for my well being whatsoever. Need prayers for strength to leave a toxic demon once and for all. Its been 20+ years and his selfish narcissistic ways are getting worse.

[@dumpmail-xz2qp]

My ex narc had very little to offer and that was fine. For years I was "supplying" her while she kept going through constant depressions but god forbid when I am going through something stressful. She started to give to other supply and people all the time and attention that even 10% of that could have helped me out to get through the phase but instead she was just pretending to be there for me, encouraging me to speak my heart out while behind my back, she was just constantly looking down on me in a disrespectful manner. It isn't really the neglect after we had a close bond that had me move on, it was the dis-respectfulness and flexing that had me stop viewing her as someone worth my time and energy

[@MentalHealness]

😞😞

[@Vigil314]

People abandon me for good reason I think. I have struggled with drug abuse on and off for years. And just recently got out of a 3 month meth binge (high functioning) I still have a job, still pay my bills, still met all my obligations...But it seems my family and friends for the most part see that I am struggling with addiction, and just put me into the loser category...and who can really blame them? They want growth and success in their lives, and in their minds, I will only be holding them back if they continue to talk to me. Which kind of messes me up, because the thing i need the most is connection/ interaction with people I am starved from in that time. And even when I am back to normal and stone sober, it's like they just see the "drug addict" in me, weather it's current of former, it just doesn't matter. So the only people i can really trust just dismiss me as some loser, and makes me want to go use again...Pretty wack man....

[@magpie9223]

This was explained well, thank you. My father died recently Narc response: Cheer up you are a downer. Awesome.

[@MentalHealness]

OH WOW! Sorry about your dad

[@magpie9223]

@@MentalHealness Oh thank you. It really brought home how toxic things are, this was such a profound example. Keep up your good work!

[@jadecolbert4286]

Thank you soooo much for keeping it 💯

[@MentalHealness]

You’re welcome

[@ladyvirgo013]

So true. My husband cheated on me 14 months after my son passed away. Fast forward to now, he cheated again. I'm DONE. The divorce should be a mess

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

Mine cheated the very month my father died.

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

They resent that someone else matters more to you.

[@ladyvirgo013]

@@dr.jenniferma3914 so brutal

[@karlippo]

Mine actually asked my upfront before getting into tje relationship: Are you often ill? Like: Do you have a drivers license? Completely incapable of handling his own ir Others emotions and needs .. Dont expect anything from me was the most used scentense. And You have to do the grieving all on your own. Or after a small encouragement and hug saying Okay lets not dwell on the negatives you have to enjoy enjoy!! Just after my kid was hospitalised… They cant and wont and they panic when the more complicated painful emotions are involved

[@MajorieRoyal]

I confirm this is very very true... .thank you sooo much for this video. You don't know how much this helps me.

[@christinamorgan8398]

This REAL!!! My MOM died, and my Narcissistic boyfriend (of 3yrs.) dumped me. Then immediately got a new girlfriend. I was devastated. Then he kept harassing me to tell me I was the problem.

[@mfcmxtt6490]

diabolical !! absolutely beyond normal comprehension !! That must have been incredibly painful especially while you had just lost your Mum. I thought I had it bad with how intentionally he hurt me kicked me while I was facing a major work transition in life and was giving him less energy..cheated and switched me out once he had secured the new supply.. But amidst grieving loss !! smh!! its criminal !! they need to be sent to a prison island

[@tashawaters89]

Thanks, Lee. I don't know what to do. My dad told me to get over my depression when I needed him the most, and he convinced me to live with them because I needed them in 2017... Now he's trying to hoover me while he's on some weird family/business trip, by acting like driving in the snow is a NDE... So he's playing chess with me and I lose either way. It's all an act. He doesn't have time for me unless he's traveling, and needs someone to text. I'm really freaking out because it looks like I'm abandoning him when he "almost died", while I'm resisting breaking no contact.

[@tashawaters89]

I've abandoned friends because I don't know how to do the intimacy thing when say their dad died. I guess this started before the alien nonsense..... Thanks again. I'm living on my own and he's always on the instrumentation tip. I pray he remembers who he is, and gains clarity.

[@AugustSun_3]

You are exactly right, and I've experienced this without placing any labels on those who treat(ed) me this way. Problem is, it's made me a bit cruel in my reaction toward them. I don't give them any of my emotional energy any more, when I used to be very generous (even though it makes me feel guilty). Really need some experiences that can turn this around.

[@leviwhite3553]

That guilt is a heavy burden and makes me think of something I said to my mom the other day when talking of burdens. We all carry invisible burdens. We carry them up the hill of life and sometimes the top is more terrifying than the fall. I understand you and there are so many that do. It is difficult to see other people's comments with the same thing you went through. Yet you still feel like no amount of knowledge will get you through. No amount of talking about it eases the mind. Those invisible burdens are something we will always carry now. Be gentle on yourself as I am trying to be on me too. My hope is in time the feelings of all that giving finally gets released. Because you are a beautiful soul and expressing yourself was denied to you. The anger at the end is just the frustration and a trigger that is now on a hairs breath away.

[@AugustSun_3]

@@leviwhite3553 Thank you for your beautiful, thoughtful comment. Being gentle on ourselves is very important.

[@SeaFlower38]

What about when they abandon you when you are presenting them with a mutually beneficial situation?

[@A_Birds_Nest]

this is why its best to be there for yourself and not depend on other to be there for yourself.

[@Enlightened77777]

Most narcs run when you need them because they love seeing you hurt. Why would they try to pick you up!!!

[@keretiachikowe3840]

Very real thanks Lee, naked truth😂

[@moniquevanleeuwen6514]

Don’t worry, you can never make me feel sorry for a narcissist.. Sick people.. 😏

[@MentalHealness]

😯

[@moniquevanleeuwen6514]

@@MentalHealness Sorry but not sorry, that’s how i feel!

[@angelalilly2220]

10:22 What is the most hardest part of this in a relationship is when your partner don't want you to get that emotional connection from anyone else either because then they'll get jealous and accuse you of cheating. Someone would be fulfilling you in a way they can't. They actually can have joy that you are unfulfilled because your at their level then and thats where they can get to you mentally. Like Lee said some will kick you while your down and this is why. They don't want to inadequate... Period!

[@janellesiegenberg7216]

My ex loved (loves) when people die(d) and funerals. He used them to perform to convince people how empathetic and kind he is. He even took over a funeral to put up a slide show of what HE was going to honor the person.

[@MentalHealness]

😫😫

[@karlippo]

I could see the panic in his eyes when I would get emotional or grieve or be sad. It was like his shame of KNOWING his inadequacy of empathy and comfort was creeping up on him, and the lashing out at me for making HIM uncomfortable and confronting him with his inadequacy I think its this

[@Rasublaq]

My daughter died and my ex straight told me , I'm young I can have another , and wen my mom died she said she was getting old anyway . I was like wow

[@kia517]

💔🙏🏾

[@Js-wd6dr]

They are not a helpful kind of person.

[@TheMoonkelly]

Yet the narc expects you to be there 24-7 coddling them constantly if they experience rough times. Unreal.

[@BenOnuMuDiyorum]

The question my brother asked when I called him to be a companion at the hospital was: "Should I take a leave of absence, what should I do now?" 😶 When he decided to come, guess what happened? After my operation he got sick and lied there whole night. The nurse was helping him.

[@MentalHealness]

😞😞

[@robbiewooden5067]

Thank you so much for sharing this video.

[@gglehteswhtemnAdChrstns]

So accurate, you described my ex wife like you knew her. Thanks.

[@ms.j.7095]

Lee Hammock! You are telling the real truth!!! LOL. so true!

[@IMTinaMarieJ]

Everything u spoke on is what I experienced when I lost my dog months after losing my mom and losing my mom 2 year after losing my grandmother. Also when I lost my dad back in 2004. Losing my mom & his treatment towards me during the process of as the final straw for me and I left

[@RealLadi228]

Thanks for the reminders....I forget about certain behaviors because they always come left field...keep telling myself to stay right when it comes to these behaviors...I struggle with flesh of my flesh...the rest a piece of cake once awareness arrived.

[@cherylmoschitto_outwardsilence]

Yup that accident was years ago you still talking about it.. You bringing it up again... others bring stuff like it up it's fine though😢 But he can go to sleep while I'm crying idk how?!!!

[@naledismith3726]

One of the reasons I left I started being jealous of relationships around me and I had never felt jealousy before in my life at 42 I was like I don’t wanna be a jealous person. I’m out

[@110311DONTWANTCHANNE]

i needed help taking out the trash after cleaning out the garage, and he had a meltdown.....i am physically disabled and struggle to take one bag of garbage out and he can't be bothered to walk down the block to help me...but will not hesitate to ask me to do a favor for him that takes physical exertion...he wants me running back and forth and up and down stairs doing for him....but he won't do for me when I can't...and invalidates me and gets mad at me when I can't physically do for him....

[@AwesomeMe47]

Yes, my ex-husband gave me 6 months to heal after my father passed away. No time given for a cousin and best friend. I was abandoned a lot. Thank you for clarity

[@amandasparks2770]

I was married for 18 years to a narcissist. The second my only child passed away 2 1/2 years ago. He Completely Completely changed on me for the worse . It wasn't his child she was mine. He literally said I gave you 2 years to mourn her death. And after 18 years of marriage he left me moved out and got his own place we're getting a divorce. He wasn't there for me on any level when she passed away

[@JP-db8dy]

I hope your healing and celebrating your daughter’s beautiful life.

[@JP-db8dy]

*you’re