Why Do People with Dementia Lie

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Explore our Care Collective for personalized support, live Q&As with dementia experts, and a supportive caregiver community: careblazers.com/for-families

[@BrendaJBarNett]

Everday i need to rewatch this, because it is a continuous struggle.

[@janiegrate2158]

Lets talk sometimes Sis, I can't handle it.

[@dudewhathappenedtomycountr9099]

You and me both.

[@Scotty-Z70]

amen!

[@568843daw]

Excellent video. I am grateful to you for your sagacious direction. Currently I am reading “Floating in the Deep End” by Patti Davis. She also wrote another book “The Long Goodbye”. I will read that too. I am open to learning how to be a mindful, understanding, supportive and loving caregiver. My mother has been such a splendid and healthy example of womanhood throughout my life. My father was so fortunate to have married such a gem, but he is gone now and he requested that I care for her. I just never thought the care would be for dementia. My endgame goal is to remain healthy throughout this sojourn while maintaining a healthy marriage. Boy, what a challenge.

[@elisabethm9655]

Yes, maintenance of your own health must remain a priority.

[@janstanley538]

Thank you for sharing this! You have spoken about much of this before and I have heard it but I need to be continually reminded about it! I hate to be lied to or deceived and I get so angry with my mom sometimes. Afterwords I feel guilty and ashamed. Trying to get this deep inside of me so I don’t take it personally and say hurtful things. 😢

[@suzanneedmonds1566]

A point to remember is that for the person with dementia often what they are saying is their reality and we need to acknowledge that rather than correct them.

[@elizabethwutzke9040]

Amen! ❤

[@caroljones5986]

I needed to hear this. I know I'm not supposed to argue back, but it is so hard. Thanks for sharing these informative videos each week, Dr. Natalie

[@DAB148]

Yes, it is a struggle, but I found what worked for me, when I was taking care of my father, was that when he was engaging me with conversation, I would just listen. Yes, a lot of times he was not speaking truth, but I just went with the flow. I truly got to know and love my father even more while I was caring for him in his final years of life.❤😊❤🥰

[@RhondaKW]

Thank you for this video! My mom had a mini stroke in 2013 and her short term memory was affected. I was informed this day would come and it has. My mom is currently 73 years old. I always thought she would dream about things and then ask me what time are we going to my nephew’s house for the birthday party. I honestly don’t know how to answer those questions because I feel like anything I say she is going to get mad about it. I have learned not to say she must have dreamed it because there isn’t a birthday party scheduled. I guess I could tell her it has been postponed. Also, I have been trying really hard to redirect but I don’t seem to think fast enough on my feet to come up with something to redirect to.

[@yvonnejackson1696]

This is especially difficult when someone “lies” about things that could put their life in danger-I can drive, cook, go for a walk, handle money, etc. I lived in constant fear my mother would try something like this while I slept or was otherwise occupied.

[@Levandetag]

I am grateful, my mum, stopped driving 4,5 yrs ago, after a short incident, where she got sunlight in her eyes and stopped in the middle of a small road, since then she felt really frightened she her self, said I cant drive anymore. She still am, and get very afraid of some things. And she is in the stage, she knows and gets angry on her sickness. I´m the only child, and its me she gets angry with, since, som caregiving institutions, do believe in the sick person has to make their own way, with dec, asking a dementisick person, questions, as if they always can answer, they just say Yes or No to almost everything, in decisionmaking. Never, or just sometimes, an Inspiring or Motivational approach, where we live. Them doing the decisions, and disregarding relatives input, it is like being in a dictatorship claws, with my older mum. I get rumours on me, from people who have no clue to what my mother decided many years ago, with me. It is wacky as h-ll to also get that, just to take down relatives, so they can do as they wish, with older persons. And she, only shows her true feelings to those she feel she can feel safe with, and sometimes, I do not know how to help her overcome these sad moments. I take her anger, no one else. And its hard, to know, how I can help her accept some things, and stand up for her, and say stop, to caregivers with disprespecting every part of requests from me, which has to do with how she shows me what she is afraid of. They just dismiss it, its really crazy-making relatives here! Terrible. I get terrified of becoming older in my own country, after seeing the bad stuff, more than the good. It affects me a lot right now.

[@nigelwylie01]

Reasons: 0:54 Dementia often affects memory 1:21 Confabulation 1:44 Anosignosia 2:13 Self preservation & emotional needs 2:36 Altered Perception of reality 3:11 What not to do 3:32 What to do

[@Woofers4]

Thank you! 🥰 Unfortunately, for me, the really hard part is that my mother has ALWAYS done this.. Even Years before her diagnosis. 😢She never talked about her feelings etc and always told everyone "I'm fine, things are good" among other "little fibs" now it's just more prevalent. It definitely does get frustrating at times😤.

[@KactusKM]

Mine too. I believe it was always cluster b personality disorder where dementia just lost the social masks. If she just had dementia I could understand this better but it doesn’t apply to my mother. She made false accusations to officials in various areas and I was investigated. She uses her obvious dementia as a pity play then behind their backs (and not just me) she destroys any kindness or compassion they may have provided. And many were hospice people who know how to deal with dementia. Unfortunately the sad truth is that she’s been doing similar things to me since I was her child.

[@elisabethm9655]

100% great advice. My husband finished his dementia journey almost three years ago and this channel was a great resource back when he was still with me. Yes, it’s not lying and I think the most important thing to remember (for both you and your loved one, because you are their memory) is to create a kind and loving present tense in both your lives. This will create for yourself a future when this chapter is over, that has minimum regrets and pleasant memories of your own. And now, when it is challenging, you create a positive environment for everyone by accepting and redirecting with joy all the good things that life still has to offer.

[@triciagumbrecht6338]

I agree with you totally!! After going through this with both my parents and now my husband and sister in-law the truth has become secondary in importance ( as long as there is no danger involved or large consequences of course ) ! Creating a positive today , and a loving atmosphere will benefit all involved.

[@kristirose2289]

I think your prior relationship and their pre-dementia personality play a role here. I went through this with my father in law, mother in law and now my husband. My father in law was always so sweet and his fabrications during dementia were so wild and fantastical it was pure entertainment. My MIL, however, had always been deceitful so when she started telling untruths it felt more manipulative and it was harder to push aside her past behavior. My husband has started telling untruths, but he has never been someone who lies. That makes it easier to see that this is something he believes really happened, even when I know it didn’t.

[@winterwunderland]

So very well stated. Thank you for the clarity.

[@LAppleDumpling]

💯 BULLSEYE 🎯 ♥️

[@dmf5rn]

This really helped. Thank you.

[@amymasi9110]

My mom does all of this and more. The confabulation has become extremely detailed false memories, often traumatic, and 1000% not true. She gets angry with me when I can’t remember these “memories”, claiming I was there or that I told her about them, and then berates me for breaking up the family because I am unwilling to arrange funerals or I won’t let her call the “surviving relatives” to talk them. I empathize, hold space, acknowledge the emotion associated with what she “remembers”, I repeat back what she says, then she flips a switch and takes the opposite viewpoint and will argue with me more. It’s like she just wants to fight with me and I am at a loss for how to manage it.

[@AnneRault1]

Take a five minute break in the toilet and do some deep breathing. I used to find the Serenity Prayer helped. God grant me the Serenity To accept the things I cannot change (everything) Courage to change the things I can (myself ) And Wisdom to know the difference.

[@paulazemeckis7835]

How about recording your interactions on your phone? Then she will hopefully know the truth.

[@amymasi9110]

@@paulazemeckis7835 if you spend time with dementia patients you know this is pointless and just makes them more agitated which makes both our lives more difficult. Excusing myself for a few minutes to “go do something or I have to go talk to the (nurse, director, activities coordinator)” seems to be the best way to manage it right now.

[@amymasi9110]

Aaand one month later, after getting curious about what is motivating her behaviors, I think it’s fear and anxiety. I am experimenting with keeping my visits short and more frequent (almost every day). This seems to lessen her overall anxiety. She is still belligerent and accusatory, but I think it’s because she can’t communicate how scary it is not to be able to understand what is going on around her on a daily basis. She has slipped cognitively in just a month, so that going out to eat, once a cherished weekly treat is now beyond her, as is helping me cook a meal in her facility’s common room.

[@emilyhope9537]

The confabulation is happening with my Mom. I am so stressed out. I'm her only child and My Dad died when I was 17. She has yet to be properly diagnosed. This is so hard

[@LAppleDumpling]

❤❤❤

[@kumabear3529]

This couldn’t have come at a better time. Except, my mother has ALWAYS had trouble with “confabulation “. It’s just getting worse. It’s gotten to the point where it’s hard to have a conversation with her without her bringing up “fantastical” situations and stories that never happened. I have to be with her for most of the day. She is not allowed to have a phone because of calling 911 and making false reports ( the last one involved her claiming that one of my brothers was holding a firearm to the head of another brother, neither has a firearm to his name in reality, she lost her phone privileges that night.). I do her shopping, fix her food, Do her laundry And I have a phone in case of emergencies. The hardest part is not being able to reassure her that “fantastical things” that she conjures in her head are not real. I can’t , as her grown child, reassure her like a parent does a child, that her nightmares are not real. Also, I worry that I will go through the same thing at that age ( she’s 81). I’d rather not😢

[@LindaOdlum]

You hit on everything I’m experiencing with my Mother.. looks like I’m doing the right thing by listening and redirecting when possible. Patience is key always. Thanks for this information!

[@JudyGoldthorp]

Very good video. I've been experiencing several of these issues recently with LOWD. I try not to argue, but try to be comforting.

[@csillaczako1582]

Everyday I have to remind myself it's not their fault, they don't know what they are doing. Just accept it is what it is and stay stuck with your life.

[@angimurphy4434]

11-3-24: I have been watching, learning and providing compassion to my Brother, who has dementia, but I was totally unaware of the extent until I stayed with him 16 months ago. To make a very long story short, to summarize, my brother went from living at home into a memory care facility. After watching numerous videos of your knowledge and expertise in this field, you have personally touched my life by your knowledge and with suggestions helped me and my family to deal with a loved one who is suffering with dementia. Jim has not been diagnosed with ANOSAGNOSIA although I believe he does have that because he fits all the behaviors. He has been put in memory care, does not understand why he’s there or when he is going home. He looks at the people and says he has nothing in common and feels he needs to be back home. has that because he fits all the definitions of that part of dementia. I’m in a desperate pursuit to help him acclimate to the memory care. He does not understand why he is there, he looks at all the , and feels that he is not one of them, or has anything in common with the residence, he wants to go home, and he simply is confused, upset, feels he doesn’t belong. What can I do. How long is this going to take and or can you refer me to specific videos on KZbin? That can help me and my family. I’m also on Roon. Love and concern, Angi Murphy

[@Windsingerful]

I feel your pain, Angi. My mom’s next step is a memory care facility, and I’m dreading that transition, because I know she will fight it every step of the way, but I can’t live with her forever, with my own life on hold for years, away from my own home, 5 hours north of where she lives. My sibling has left it all on me to take responsibility, and I’m worn out. Sad and most difficult situation!

[@buelan.6525]

@@WindsingerfulPrayers to get you through. 🙏

[@enoughcorruption5975]

Great topic Natalie! It's not intentional! It's just part of the process:( Use and summon all your patience and kindness ❤ Redirect as Natalie states! Thank you all Careblazers for the caregiving you do:) Thanks Natalie ❤

[@enoughcorruption5975]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️💯👍 Thanks for the Badges:) Jeff......

[@edennis8578]

No matter why they do it, it still destroys families. My boss's mother told her brothers that my boss was stealing from her and they believed it. The family still isn't speaking to my boss. This is a common thing with dementia patients because they don't remember what they do with stuff and then think they're being robbed. My mom did that, too. She kept giving away her stuff, then later accuse the recipient of stealing. Stupid stuff like paper plates. Nobody wants your paper plates, Mom.

[@buelan.6525]

It was powdered sugar for my mom. And she knew it was the Nextdoor neighbor.

[@ScarlettRose7221]

Thoroughly exhausting though sometimes I can look at it as entertainment on a budget and just play along. 🤣🤪❤️

[@csillaczako1582]

Avoiding arguments, always agreeing, altering the lie or accusations towards another topic is straight forward mental decline of caregivers.

[@eldin14]

Oh how I agree 😂

[@CindySchumacher-h2q]

She lied her whole life and lies about everything now. I have tried to set boundaries but we end up arguing every time. She thinks she is perfectly fine and is desperately trying to regain control over her treatment and her affairs. I see all her issues and I know it's not going to be possible for her to be successful at taking over. She's 95 years old and lives in an adult family home. I do have full power of attorney. But the lying lights me up like nothing else. Makes every dealing with her so stressful.

[@gpower9572]

My father lies sometimes but it is because he is bluffing, he will start talking about something and lose track and I will say oh are you talking about will the weather be nice today and he will say yeah as it gives him somewhere to land. I don't know your situation and what the lies are about but for example, my father might say he has done something and I know he might not have but really in most cases what harm. If he is showering once a week that will do. I let it slide because why make him do something more frequently and cause stress. Kids lie all the time too and dementia is a second childhood. Your Mom would probably lie to everyone else too so don't take it personally. Everyone has been lied to at sometime or another and we've all done it so mostly it's best just let it go. All the best.

[@triciagumbrecht6338]

I totally get what you’re saying ! Because it’s a life long struggle with your mom it is different and sets off old memories and feelings within you. You are human and are dealing with not only the difficulties of present time , but also ( like a time traveler) are being given triggers from your past. 😢 when it happens to me … I remember to be compassionate also to myself , as the caregiver. A whole different subject. Wish I could give you a hug . ♥️

[@elsands9774]

My mom has lied her whole life also, and the lies have increased. At times I am confident she knows she’s lying. In a very sick twist way, I believe she gets some form of pleasure in upsetting me or getting me to argue with her. Being calm, gentle, patient and kind with her only seems to anger her more. Honestly I think there is something about me that angers her. It has been this way always, dementia has made it worse. She’s so different with her other children, always has been.

[@Scotty-Z70]

my dad is being deceptive. He tells me he is going for a walk. hours later he was riding around with a friend. He tells her i won't take him anywhere, when i often ask him if he wants to go somewhere. I feel like he's just constantly trying to make me into a villain.

[@ritasmith9553]

Hey Nat! When my Mom would talk about someone who had passed coming by to visit, or talk... I would always just say "Really? What did they have to say?" Or how was your visit, or what did you do, etc. etc. Because it DID HAPPEN. In her mind it did, and I want to hear about it. She didn't exactly have dementia; her meds made her act that way though. It seemed like the best way to handle it, and let her enjoy the visit, or help her deal with anything her mind may have filled in that might have been 'bad'. Sometimes that happened, too. And I wanted to help her.

[@Auggies1956]

Early stage D here and aside from the physical issues I haven't gone to lying.

[@LAppleDumpling]

Where's Niko?! Like someone said I need to rewatch this weekly!❤

[@charlottedunaj5170]

This was excellent! Thank thank you. 🎉

[@TTGIFT]

Thank you for clarifying an important issue🐱❤️

[@jenniferb8301]

I love your videos. Thank you so much. I work in Alzheimer's research. If you want to help with Alzheimer's, please participate in research and also my mother is just diagnosed with it but I know what her brain looks like and it is crushing my heart. She will be told soon that she has Alzheimer's and I know it's going to go downhill even more. Maybe use that as a topic? How do we cope with when they're finally told that they have Alzheimer's?

[@patriciaoshiro3841]

I can't thank you enough.

[@carolynmccartney5088]

Thank you so much for this insight

[@angelareimann6433]

Thank you. ❤

[@andersonpawn100]

I see what a lot of people are commenting here and it rhymes with my situation. My Mother also has heart issues and bladder cancer. She has refused treatment for the cancer. She has lost a ton of weight and getting her to eat is a constant battle. She goes from being a sweetheart to incredibly hateful in an instant. I am caring for her by myself for the last year. This has been heartbreaking to watch my beautiful Mother deteriorate and by far the most challenging time in my life.

[@edwardb7811]

Some very good suggestions!

[@lole2497]

What should you do if the dementia patient accuses you of lying because they don’t believe what you are trying to tell/explain to them?

[@lindawhitler6323]

My husband also accuses me of things he misplaces or forgets where they are. Generally I try to help him find them. Unfortunately, sometimes it really gets me when he’s particularly angry and if I am not up to my usual self that day I will get angry myself until we find whatever he’s looking for. I think this stems from my taking his keys and afterwards I told him I had. Not a good way to address the issue. 🙁

[@chriskiefel7735]

@@lindawhitler6323 I understand this. I get the brunt of his confusion and anger. I put a post it note up that says: "It's not my problem. It's not my issue. It's not about me." And sometimes I walk over and look at it and just breathe. It pulls me back to groundedness. It is hard not to get sucked in when you are weary of the journey with them. And I don't tell him that I do some things. "If I see your keys, I will let you know..." I don't ever see them, because they are put "away". His latest thing is setting his phone down randomly at the store with the ringer off, and somehow it's because I "distracted him". Same with leaving his coat. I can't always keep track of every little thing, and sometimes I don't know what he has with him. Then it's a big challenge and a hunt. I send you a big hug.

[@winterwunderland]

Book: The 36 Hour Day, A Family Guide.... The book is regarding dementia, Alzheimer's, etc. It arrived just a few days before we were hit with Hurricane Helene here in western NC. I am eager to dive into it but the current crisis prevails.

[@elsands9774]

My mom has always been a liar, and the lying has increased with the dementia. Every negative behavior she has, has increased with dementia. She was a physically abusive parent, and I’m thinking physical abuse is the next thing dementia will bring.

[@dimpsthealien333]

Thank you!

[@donnameahl4516]

Off topic but I do need help. There is a woman at my church, we have become good friends, who lives at a independent living center that happens to be next door to our church. She is getting more confused each week she comes to church and she realizes her memory is not what it is. How can I support her and help her? Do you have a video for those of us who are not caregivers exactly but friends?

[@jodylarson4697]

Keep in mind that you are not the only one who has noticed this. Staff at her independent living center have probably also taken note, as have other residents. You don't have to report this to anyone. Just continue to be her friend. I live in an independent living residence and have experienced people going through these changes.

[@donnameahl4516]

@@jodylarson4697 I know the staff has noticed this and that I do not have to report it. I just wondered if there were any suggestions for support. We help her as much as possible and include her in as many activities as possible.

[@donnatinberg7008]

@@donnameahl4516 It sounds like you truly want to be helpful. Please be sure you are communicating with her family and respecting their wishes. Someone "befriended" my mom in a similar situation but refused to honor boundaries we had set (i.e., that she doesn't leave the facility with anyone other than a family member.) This new "friend" created increased anxiety for my mom by offering tempting field trips, and unnecessary stress for the family simply because she thought she knew better than the rest of us what would be good for my mom. We finally had to block her visits.

[@donnameahl4516]

@@donnatinberg7008 I am in contact with the facility. Both of her sisters live out of state so I only saw them once and they thanked me for including their sister in activities. The care home is next door to the church and she usually walks over on her own if something we are doing interests her. I just need help on how to help her when she gets confused or upset because she can't remember how to do things she used to do, like look up scripture in her Bible. When my husband died he had dementia related to Parkinson's so I have some skills but need more.

[@janebrant5218]

I think you are wonderful However I would appreciate a you tube in managing that chaos for example I often set my husband up for dinner or bathroom and he walks off . I find it amazing that logic and truth don’t work so info on that would be great .i find if I do an activity nearby whilst waiting for him to cooperate it goes smoother

[@TheRedStateBlue]

ya... wrong. when we took my dad's driver's license from him he objected to the point that he claimed to have spoken to an official in Texas who said he could keep driving. He knew it was a lie. We knew it was a lie. He'll be going into the VA home as soon as they have a bed available. I can't take care of him anymore.

[@helperboy5020]

thank you

[@JimPapenfuss-p6b]

My wife, diagnosed 6 years ago with Alz,”lies” at times, trying to make sense of her very chaotic world. I think her brain is trying to reason with so much unusual information, as her brain destruction progresses, it’s the best her brain can do. To me it’s a bit like seeing objects or animals in the clouds… our brain tries to make the best of it.

[@kathymurphy7434]

Have been a care giver for over four years 24/7, recently my patient fell out of bed and cracked vertebra in her back, she is now in a nursing home, while there she forgot that she couldn't move but fell out of bed and broke her femur by the hip, can you explain why she doesn't feel pain , dementia going on 7 yrs and talks to dead people.....

[@lightrwrite]

Thank you for your amazing advice! What if their confabulation borders on slander in what they say to others?

[@bobbiecaress4736]

I think my sister and I suffer from this.

[@robmccann2217]

What if the person accuses their careblazer of something that isn't true?

[@mz3228]

What if they tell others lies about you?

[@seattlecommenter]

This is a big one. I have watched a ton of dementia-themed videos and it is never addressed. I worked in this field and saw families torn apart when the lies the patient told were BELIEVED by other family members. These accusations can cause resentment that lasts for generations. Many family relationships never recover from the lies/confabulations/accusations. Now I'm living it: mom is in a wonderful facility, but she frequently accuses the staff of not giving her medications, not doing her prescribed exercises with her, etc. Often she says a caregiver was "really mean," when they simply and calmly asked her to stop doing something unsafe. Or she says they left her alone, as if the entire staff just abandoned her there. I know for a fact none of these allegations are true because I visit frequently. She calls my aunt (who is not able to visit much) and my aunt believes her. She no longer speaks to me because she thinks my mom is in some "awful place" and it's my fault for putting her there. I had no choice, in part because she said the same things about the in-home caregivers...and they kept leaving because these negative and untrue statements made their dealings with my aunt very contentious. Even when my mom later says: "The caregivers have been wonderful, I never said XYZ," the damage is done. Before that, she told everyone that her doctor's "never tell me anything" even as I sat and listened to them try and explain her meds/condition, etc. for nearly an hour. So, my aunt believed I repeatedly took her to incompetent/malicious providers, and kept suggesting new doctors because "None of these people are helping her! Where are you finding all these terrible doctors who don't communicate with her?" My aunt even left bad reviews for doctors who did nothing wrong--all based on what my mom said! It might not be their fault, but we all know many of the lies are not harmless like the ones addressed in most videos. No one is hurt by a patient who says their dead spouse visited recently, but what about when they say things that may cause negative consequences for others? How in the world are we supposed to deal with family members who refuse to educate themselves about dementia (and therefore don't understand confabulation or anosognosia) and simply take what the patient says as fact?

[@lenoredavi6137]

This is where most people struggle the most. The lesson for us is to learn to hold on to our internal knowing when everyone around us believes something else. There is no easy answer.

[@PamDarby-z3b]

Is there a video I can watch that talks about "telling or reminding the person they have dementia"?

[@kathleensullivan7343]

This was very helpful Natalie. My brother, 73 and living alone, definitely has Anosognosia and will not allow myself or his other 2 brothers to help (ie. Visiting Angels, food delivery etc) because he is "fine." He confabulates often, believing that a brother was just there taking his car keys or that I stood him up for dinner (we both live in other states and were not there). I try to not question him and redirect as you have suggested. BUT how will we ever be able to get him the help he needs as his disease progresses? Ideally we want him to stay in his home with some daily care but he sends the care person away and refuses to let them in. Any suggestions for future help as he will get worse. Thanks.

[@susanwhite655]

My mom would swallow the last bite of her lunch, plate still in front of her, me sitting there eating with her, swallow, then say, "im so hungry, i havent eaten all day. Mom, u just ate a full meal! No, I didnt, that wasnt me!" And if i got more upset, trying to prove that she did just eat, then she starts to think she has done something wrong, so she says, "thats not my plate! I didnt touch that!" If I stayed calm, and just ignored her comment, and said something like, "yea lunch was good today", then she'd start ranting, "i havent eaten at all today. Im so hungry. Why are YOU lying to me?" Over the years, I found the best policy was silence and try to smile while im picking up the plates.

[@henkmeiring01]

So all off my friends have dementia.............sounds far better than habitual liars

[@donnaallgaier-lamberti3933]

My 79-year-old husband has ADHD and cognitive decline and he lies so that he does not get into trouble...He denies many of the things he does.... However I see him do the, them with my own eyes so I know without a doubt that it just happened. First come the lie and then comes the blaming (of me) if i say anything. I recently made the decision to stop trying to tell him the exact thing that will help him in a given situation because when i do that he goes into yelling rage, screaming at me. Then the blaming of me starts even when i am not involved in any way. So now I zip my lip and walk away into my bedroom to stop the "temper tantrum" rather then add fuel to the fire. Probably not the most effective thing to do but at least the raging at me is less. Yesterday he came in from walking our dog who can be very strong and somewhat stubborn = when she saw me she tried to get to me and he tripped and fell right onto the floor, face first. He does not want to be told what to do BUT he wants to be 100% taken care of. He screamed. yelled and raged. I remined him gently that he needed to tell the dog what he wants her to do (so that these accidents could be prevented. Honestly the dog is not perfect but the issue is 50% the dog and 50% him for not having her under control. (I trained her myself so I know that saying, sit, stay, wait, calm girl etc. works well with her as this is what she has been trained to do.) He fell. He screamed at the top of his lungs and yelled and raged yet again. Either he cannot remember to use his words or with her or he would rather get angry with me and take it out on me than work with her in the way she needs. He takes no responsibility for anything he does. My goal is to help him to stay as independent as possible and to keep walking as this is what his physician have told him to do to keep the blood flowing and oxygen going into his brain. Otherwise he lies in bed playing with his phone all day every day. He refuses to do puzzles, he refuses to use a cane. Also to be 100% honest, I need his help with the dog at times since I have no other help in the home. I have my own health issues and I am totally mentally and physically exhausted every single day and my body is crashing at 3 and 4 p.m. Senior daycare here is $90.00 a day and not in our budget. My priority right now is to pay off our mortgage so we can keep our condo. If I lose this condo I will be on the street - my greatest fear. If he goes onto a care center they will seize his SS and his pension and I will not have enough money left over to survive. Our retirement savings will be running out in 8 years. Yet currently we "qualify" for nothing due to assets and his income. It's a lose/lose.

[@jodylarson4697]

As the spouse living in the community, you would be allowed to keep a certain amount of income. The government does not intend to put the spouse into poverty! Please look into the rules further. Talk to someone at your state's Medicaid office.

[@Levandetag]

This, is, terrible for family to hear, since.... also beceuse, it is a huge danger for abusive caregivers centers, to not telling the truth, and even, with-holding, things that could be really abusive for a dementia sickness. As letting a male person in the personel, do cleaning after toilette, when an older woman, already very afraid of having men, close to her naked self. As if abuse cannot happen to a dementia sick woman. The same shit all over my country, seeing, drugged older persons with dementia, into being as any drugaddict, with drugaddicted chewing symtoms, induced in them, and not much of a care for those who do not like to be drugaddicts, in their last years in life. Cheaper that way, but it is nothing more than BAD!!! Just Sorrows, we cant do elder-care, better than that, in my country! And I feel as they just ignore, relatives input into, their caregiving, as "It doesnt matter" for the dementia sick person. Terrible every time I see those disrespectful persons, claiming their authorities powergames, over older women, and men. It is really bad for the frightened parts of those who are not well, just who have to, accept, total disrespecting of their body! And just be as the caregiving institutions wish. Older women already, so, intrenched since birth to just be a very pleasing persona. It is such a sorrow, to see how bad we treat elders, with sicknesses, as an expensive cost, no more, here.

[@lisagreenlee]

It's not fun

[@jodylarson4697]

This is an example of confabulation. I live in a senior independent living residence. A woman here came to the dining room one day with a huge bruise on her head and face. She was telling everyone that a man came into her apartment and assaulted her and then took some of her jewelry. Many residents were upset by her story, thinking it was what had really happened. I think that she had probably fallen and hit her head and possibly lost consciousness, and this story was how she filled in the blanks. Of course, I wasn't there---however, this is a secure building and all apartments have individual locks. It doesn't make sense that an intruder, assuming they could sneak in, would target her apartment, have a key to get in, and attack her just for a little jewelry.

[@lolitawatson2269]

My mom keeps calling her health insurance company to get more coverage and than gives me the phone to straighten out the situation afterwards. What do I do to stop her from calling them so much . Do I take the phone away or disconnect it . She on it because she loves KZbin but when she hears advertisement of insurance benefits. She calls and tries to sign up. Can you help me, I'm at a loss.

[@lenoredavi6137]

If your relative starts dialling emergency repeatedly, like mine did, you may have to take away access to the phone. We bought a dementia phone with photos of several people that she can dial. Some dementia phones are controlled by an app on your phone, where you get to adjust the settings for what is visible and accessible on her phone. Every country has different rules about the features on their dementia phones. Good luck.

[@joycemelvin6430]

what do you do when they talk way too much and won't stop

[@csillaczako1582]

Nothing's intentional right?...

[@lenoredavi6137]

Sometimes it is intentional, but you won't ever be able to really know. My mum often says " l'm going to make your life hell, nobody will ever believe anything you say" .... but the truth is, she has always been like this. The stories, confabulation, have always been present in her life.

[@csillaczako1582]

@lenoredavi6137 exactly, selfishly expecting us to give up our lives....

[@ljvangoor-ty7uc]

My 79 yr old husband expounds on the original details of a story when starting conversations while we shop for groceries. He loves people and after COVID find folks more attentive to their personal space. Limited to fist bumps now! 👊👈 😁 ❤🫵🍎