Why Do Programmers Feel Like They're On Their Own?

Many programmers are stuck in their career today, but they place the blame on everyone else. Yes, there are some difficult things going on in the tech industry. But one of the biggest reasons programmers stop growing, is they don't get help.
In this episode, I'd like to share the things I've learned after coaching over 100 software professionals that keep us from getting the help we need.
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CHAPTER MARKERS
0:00 Introduction
4:56 6 Reasons Why Tech Workers Stay Stuck
5:06 1. Skepticism of Marketing and Sales
8:28 2. False Sense of Uniqueness
12:43 3. Knowledge-Inflated Pride
14:45 4. Fear of Relational Intimacy
17:10 5. Internet Addiction and Distractions
20:57 6. Opportunity Cost of Inaction
#programmers #programmer #programming

[@HealthyDev]

Have you ever faced internal resistance to getting help when you’re struggling in a tech job?

[@samgould8567]

Yes, mostly empty promises from management.

[@nicholaspreston9586]

Yes, but not in my Jr. level job. I had a wonderful boss (I was the lazy sh1thead who wouldn't show up on time) who'd go out of his way to explain things to me, even if I was dumb and couldn't understand the architecture or the problem. The man had "saintlike" patience. In one of my last roles, I felt I could ask for help, but was overwhelmed with how much info was coming at me. I was fired for not understanding their code, which was such an unregulated, undocumented, disorganized mess of spaghetti, patches and quick fixes, I had to make multiple passes at the code and tried to navigate through the "architecture", not knowing which way was 'up', it was so unnecessarily deep. Keep in mind, this was a web project, which are usually 2-3 layers deep in .NET. I could not count how many layers I went to from Controller to Repository, as there were so many patches and aggregators. And that wasn't the part I failed. My first task was to add a series of configuration vars to like 5 or so different SQL files. I tried asking for help with the relations (shouldn't configs be flat or JSON?) but couldn't wrap my head around it partly because of how fast my boss and my coworker talked, and partly because I really, really wanted to clean up and refactor that spaghetti.

[@rodschmidt8952]

It is a reflection of external resistance

[@creamdreamer]

As someone who has absolutely no problem seeking help and in fact look forward to scheduling coaching or mentoring sessions with those more experienced than me; I'd like to note some things that helped me help others help myself. 1. Don't be afraid that the person you're reaching out to will respect you any less. I would be willing to bet the opposite will happen. Reaching out shows the person you know where you struggle and that you are actively seeking to improve. Reaching out to them with your questions will also likely make them feel all warm and fuzzy (unless they are on the toxic side, but you should be able to judge these things...) 2. Come with a plan. I generally try to note down what I have done so far, where I am stuck, questions I have to get myself unstuck and/or potential solutions that I think could work but I am not 100% sure and would like to run by the coach/mentor. This shows some initiative and makes it clear you're not just going to someone so they can do your job for you. It also helps them understand where you're at exactly, what your train of thought is, etc.

[@SCBiscuit13]

I've been a dev for 9 years now. Got laid off by a company because of a toxic manager. Once I stood up for myself I was no longer "productive" enough. Going through interviews grueling. Last week I was grilled for 2 hours with live coding and tech questions. Despite the fact I've got 95% of it right I probably will get rejected. The industry is tough right now even for senior devs. I'm aware that I need to put in more work leef code, algos, design patterns recited in my sleep etc. If you guys are struggling, stay in there it will get better.

[@ChristopherCricketWallace]

What if it's not about YOU at all?!? In so many places you can't say "I don't know" or "I need help" without tarnishing your reputation and risking a raise at tour next performance review. Most problems are social--especially at work

[@HealthyDev]

Good question. That's some of what I talk about in the episode. It's common that we can't get the support we need on the job, so we need to find it outside the job. Unfortunately many people don't even consider that a possibility. I was just like that for the majority of my career. I figured if people at my company couldn't help me, I was just screwed. It never occurred to me that I could find a mentor or coach outside work.

[@russellf]

Firstly, you are right and they are wrong. Keep being honest in your questions and be strong out of your humility. Keep professional and if you don’t get respect work somewhere else that appreciates your honesty.

[@HealthyDev]

@@russellf this is a common response I hear from people. Unfortunately, it's not a solution. There are more workplaces that disrespect people than those that do. So we've got to start looking for solutions that help us despite the broken system.

[@russellf]

@@HealthyDev I respectfully disagree. You have to seek out these workplaces. They are out there. I see too many younger devs having to play silly games to please unprofessional colleagues. It’s simply not necessary to put up with it.

[@chaoscarl8414]

@@HealthyDev "It's common that we can't get the support we need on the job, so we need to find it outside the job." I hear what you're saying, but I can't quite see how that would help. Many of these problems, at least in my experience, originates within the company. Seeking outside help won't - indeed, can't - change the fact that your boss is an idiot and your colleagues are all looking to backstab you at every opportunity to further their own career... Okay... I might be exaggerating a bit, but I think the point still stands. When the problem is with the workplace itself, that's where the problem need to be solved.

[@lucasterable]

1. School imprinting 2. Ego 3. Judgemental environment

[@chancepaladin]

if I could do it all over again, image management would be #1. everyone knows me as "the guy who fights against everything" so they ignore me even when my concerns are absolutely legitimate, and not me simply trying to question things to figure out the theory behind direction changes.

[@HealthyDev]

That's exactly the reputation I got a couple times. "The dev who cried wolf" so to speak.

[@Erik_The_Viking]

I've been there. Never fun. I agree that image management is important - I ended up getting ignored because I was considered "hard to work with".

[@aslkdjfzxcv9779]

if you're here, in all likelihood you have the ability to unstick yourself. do the work. be patient. laugh at stuff.

[@slimjimjimslim5923]

there will be repercussions if the work env is toxic. In my old group, we had a ticker number tracker, everyone, every group can see who had the highest ticket and who had the lowest at the end of each quarter. It's not public shaming but it's pretty freaking close. It sucks when we have to write up report to manager and have 1 on 1 about why we had the highest ticket number. 0.0 it just made people afraid to pick up hard projects or large projects.....

[@TypingHazard]

I'm not sure i do tbh. I've been a dev for 6.5 years and I'm moving up pretty slowly. I'm watching people come through this company, start lower than me, depart far higher than me, and I'm still scratching my head over trying to understand problems I've had in front of me for weeks. I dont know that I have the mental capacity to achieve more than this.

[@MartinTimothyTimko]

If a programmer knows anything, it is that "we are a team". If the programmer does not know something, then "you are alone" :)))

[@renegadeprime3871]

The lack of humility is a huge barrier to progressing past a blocker, it's okay to not know everything and seek assistance from the rest of your team, sadly I see a lot of developers with inflated egos that refuse to do so.

[@andgoedu]

Not always , bro its some times the mentor , when he/she says google it .

[@kenttorres9465]

EXCELLENT information. Thanks for the vid 👊

[@farukdee7502]

I know one thing for sure that has generated a lot of internal resistance within me was seeking help from people who didn't even know how to help themselves. They'd tell me, casually, that I just needed to work harder, I take that advice and then i'd burn out some more. The cycle repeats.

[@NicoleTedesco]

Related to avoiding the analysis of opportunity cost, also consider whether you need to leave the profession and do something completely different. “Sunk cost” fallacy can keep people in the game when they really would be happier doing something else.

[@devid6799]

Hello from germany! You're actually helping me a lot. Thanks!

[@HealthyDev]

You're very welcome! I hope to make it to Europe someday.

[@pavloburyanov5842]

I like to listening to your videos during doing my work. Some kind of meditation for me. TY❤

[@darthkreggles3798]

Programmer culture says you're inadequate if you ask questions. Figure it out yourself. Google it. Read the documentation. All things I have heard people say. There is a lot of ego out there. It probably won't change, but the whole industry would be improved if we encouraged more mentorship. Sometimes you need to read documentation and learn a wide range of concepts for yourself. But when it is 1 little detail that you worked on last week and you already know the answer, you're wasting company time and resources with an attitude like that. But I think a big part of the problem is the corporate culture that encourages competition over collaboration.

[@ShimoriUta77]

I hear you talking about this discord community, but there is no link to it :(

[@HealthyDev]

Check the video description. There's a link to sign up for the KZbin membership or Patreon. If you sign up for either one you can get into the discord server.

[@metsatroll]

Here's some positivity. I recently found your channel and have been viewing your videos and i think they are very good.

[@HealthyDev]

Thanks for the feedback. It helps me know I'm moving in the right direction.

[@SolidWorksMastery-hr4sg]

could you talk please about junior dev working as solo dev (no senior ) in startups and wearing multiple hats ....what is the benefit or drawback form this scenario

[@HealthyDev]

I'm sorry but I help more experienced developers. In that situation you have a ton of great opportunities for learning, but it's also going to be especially difficult due to the nature of how much of it is new and the opportunities for failure. With the right support and culture it could be fine of course.

[@TravisHi_YT]

You need to work with someone that is more senior imo. Depending how smart you are, you could easily get stressed out given the complexity and impacts of your actions for the startup.

[@mwffcrown]

Valid: TOC(Total Opportunity Cost) I like it...

[@Jubei-vy1tg]

I used to ask for help over and over again from friends, supervisors, online.... nothing. Now, Im really good at getting things done, but when I get the chance to explain to people the information I didn't get to obtain, they normally ignore it because it's too boring for them to understand...

[@Th3T1redPanda]

I ask for help, it's awesome way to figure out with whom I work. A-holes: dumb questions often block you, ask the dumbest questions. the reaction will show you with whom you're dealing with. Fake mentors -> instead help you get mentoring. FYI avoid people calling themselves a mentor. Total incompetence -> Wanted to be a team player, I described issue I found, the lead helped me by saying "It works on my local". solved issue in 30 minutes. turned out it was an issue blocking them for 6 months.

[@thydevdom]

Was extremely fortunate with my first job they allowed me to really focus on learning and were expecting me to be clueless about some of the libraries we were using. I know for many that’s not the case. I understand you need to earn your wage but some of the stories I’ve heard with others in my class was sad.

[@rodschmidt8952]

At Mentor Graphics, I was told: "Roger is going to be your mentor." Roger completely failed to do that part of his job.

[@bmiller949]

I asked for help and got little one line statements from Stack Overflow. My manager was being a dick, because I was asking for a more complete answer. Sometimes you need to be shown the big picture and not the outline of a shadow on the pavement.

[@AliciaGuitar]

Stack Overflow is the number 1 reason i dont ask for help.

[@pengurrito7136]

Because StackOverflow and tech subreddit responses are predominantly "rtfm" and "sounds like a skill issue"

[@lasselasse5215]

HAL comes to mind

[@alanforrester9766]

I'm not addicted to the internet. *Watches another youtube video.*

[@ffatheranderson]

The answer to the question in title of this video is simple - programmers are expected to solve all the problems in their area of responsibility - because we are paid to do so and the only way to handle our responsibility is to overcome all obstacles we meet, because if we do not overcome them, then nobody will do it for us.

[@luckyluc9972]

What do underemployed and undereducated developers do? Being self taught is a marketing nightmare

[@HealthyDev]

I never completed my associate's degree and was self taught the entire way. I know the industry has changed, so this isn't an apples for apples. But what I did personally is try to learn the most in demand, marketable skills and be able to demonstrate them with side projects. Nobody cares about your education if you have something amazing you've built you can show them that's in line with their business goals.

[@panosdotnet]

It's a slaughter house out there.

[@HealthyDev]

What's the most distressing thing you're facing?

[@mage3690]

Honestly, the biggest reason I don't want to seek help is because I see the sort of messages put out by people seeking help, and all too often, I don't want to be that guy. Most messages seeking help are fine -- great, even. I know I won't be That Guy™. But I'm still kind of terrified of being That Guy™.

[@HealthyDev]

I'm not totally sure what you mean here. What kind of messages? What "guy" are you so concerned with being?

[@mage3690]

​@@HealthyDev the "hey I live in , , any opportunities?" messages. I see them, I cringe, and I just don't want to be the sort of guy who elicits that reaction in others.

[@HealthyDev]

@@mage3690oh I see you mean getting a job. Yeah people go about it completely the wrong way. I teach people to get to know hiring managers first before their interest in a job is ever brought up. It’s a requirement to diffuse people these days to get through to them.

[@GuilhermeTeixeira]

I absolutely love your content in the same intensity I hate your clickbaity face in the thumbnails. It's almost like your wanting for more viewers disrespect the intelligence of the ones who made your channel grow to this point.

[@HealthyDev]

Lol! My "clickbaity face"? What would you prefer I do in the thumbnail, stare straight ahead?

[@GuilhermeTeixeira]

@@HealthyDev Man, the intention is not to offend your work. Your content is top tier here. Your thumbs are just ~low effort. You know exactly what I mean.

[@HealthyDev]

@@GuilhermeTeixeira no, I don't know exactly what you mean.

[@GuilhermeTeixeira]

@@HealthyDev Then google 'stupid thumbnail face' - or just stop being cynic. You're not an idiot, you know exactly what I mean. You're just refusing to understand what's the point here because these attitudes are that will earn your channel more money. I respect that, even if I disagree with the method. But just don't act like you don't understand what I mean when I say that you disrespect the intelligence level of the audience that brought your channel until this point.

[@HealthyDev]

I've been making videos for 7 years. I know exactly what clickbait is, and what I'm doing is not it. I create emotion through facial expressions in my thumbnails. Responses like yours are exactly the attitude I'm trying to fight against. This idea that you know everything about a topic because you can back up your opinion with a random article, when you don't do this yourself. A little humility would go a long way in offering feedback to creators on here. I'm going to give you this one warning. Stop lecturing me on how I should be using KZbin, or you will be banned from participation in this community. I asked you simple questions and instead of providing answers, you continued to question my intentions and assume my intelligence. I don't tolerate that, regardless of how much you say you appreciate the content.

[@personalbranddata]

I used to enjoy some of your older videos but the past year or so you're just constantly complaining and even making up non-issues. By doing so your channel doesn't help people with improving their mental health.

[@HealthyDev]

Can you offer something substantive like specific issues with specific videos? I can't take action on feedback that's a generalization. If you really feel the issues I’m addressing over the past year don’t exist, I’m glad you’ve found apparently a really healthy company!

[@l1f07bscs0035]

Bro you have to be weird to think he is doing it for mental shi* it's all about KZbin views and easy money. We all know it is not easy to be developer people look for easy money and an extra income stream

[@HealthyDev]

@@l1f07bscs0035 you do know I don't monetize ads on my videos right? I make exactly zero off views. I make a living off career coaching now. I've been a developer for 27 years. If that makes me a "shill and sellout" to decide to help other devs after two decades, I don't know what to tell you. If I wanted easy money, I would help other people than developers. They are the HARDEST group of people to help. I have been at this for 7 years, trust me lol.