"Why Do You Want There to Be Something Wrong with You So Bad??" | The Neurocuriosity Club

Gods above, I hate this question.
But I get it all the time, so I figured it was time to answer it.
I don't want there to be something wrong with me. I've just always known I'm different, and dammit, I want to understand why and what that means for me.
And I'll be damned if I allow anyone to shame me for that.
And I'll be damned if you allow it either.
You're a good, interesting person with every right to explore your identity, whatever that looks like for you.
For me, it looked like obsessing over the DSM for over a decade.
And hey, maybe that's okay.
P.S.
Want to work with someone who understands what it's like to feel different all your life?? Book a Discovery Call with me today and we'll see if I'm a good coach for you!
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😊 Hi, I'm Megan Griffith, I'm an auDHD life coach for the neurocurious, meaning I love helping people who know they're neurodivergent, but aren't quite sure specifically where they fit yet.
🚨 DISCLAIMER: I am a life coach, not a therapist or doctor. I cannot diagnose anything, especially not from a KZbin video. Please use my videos as informational, rather than diagnostic. 🚨
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[@TiffanySoulbird]

I don't want something to be wrong with me, I want answers for why I'm struggling. People can stand to learn how to ask better questions.

[@midwinter78]

One thing someone said was "you're going to be labelled as _something_, and quite frankly I prefer the official terms better".

[@RowanRiverstone]

"Gosh, why do you want your arm to be broken? It's just sharp, debilitating pain when you move it or try to carry things. You're too sensitive. You're just making excuses. You're such a drag on kayaking trips." The same people who can see how beyond ridiculous that example is often can't see it's equally ridiculous with conditions of the mind. People want a diagnosis so they can gain evidence based treatments to ease their suffering and help them to cope in a world that is hostile to their existence. This resonated strongly with me. I used to mask desperately and literally nearly put myself in the ground because of it. These days, I don't pretzel myself for anybody. I communicate what's going on and anybody who can't accept that I don't get overstimulated or overwhelmed on purpose, or that I'm not careless and just not paying enough attention, doesn't get to be part of my life for long.

[@sandratirado447]

Wow. This resonates with me. My personal favorite: Why is there always something wrong with you? Like anyone actually wants that to be true? They don’t really understand or actually care to - so I’ve just let those relationships fade away. I’ve also experienced the sense that I don’t exactly fit a DSM category, which is also irritating when you just want a correct answer once and for all. We’re not crazy - we’re exhausted. Thanks for what you do - validating the invalidated with kindness and clarity.

[@TheNeurocuriosityClub]

I'm sorry that you relate but also really glad I could help you feel seen ❤️

[@njkellie1]

People ask me why I wanted to have ADHD or why I want the results of my autism journey to show that I do, in fact, have autism. It's not that I want there to be something wrong with me. But I want to know so that way I have an understanding of why I handle things or react to things the way I do. Or with my ADHD diagnosis I finally received in November, I was able to start medication to help and work on figuring out what will work for me in my life when dealing with ADHD

[@elvwood]

Yup. The way I would put it is, we already _know_ there's "something wrong" with us (at least by most people's definitions): we've a lifetime of experience making that abundantly clear. We're just trying to gain a deeper understanding in order to help us manage our "wrongness" better. I recently discovered something about meltdowns which I passed on to my (also-almost-certainly-autistic) wife, who responded "oh, that makes me feel so much better about myself!". A little bit of hurtful guilt chipped away around something she can't help doing that she knew was "wrong". That's just healing.

[@EsperLunaria]

Yes! Exactly this. I had these questions asked to me by my parents and this (though not quite as eloquently put as you have here) was roughly my answer.

[@NotTheFirstNoel]

Love this! I have been diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety disorder, and there are people close to me who still don’t believe it because I have been so good at masking my whole life. I haven’t even mentioned that I now suspect that I’m AuDHD and I’m sure they would discourage me from pursuing a diagnosis. But guess what? I am who I am and my struggles are real. I want and deserve to be happy, and understanding myself and validating my experiences is the only way for me to become my best self. What I’ve learned about neurodivergence has already helped me grow and improve my general wellbeing.

[@3rdeyegoogly]

I watched this on mute with captions bc my spouse shuts me down like this. (He is wonderful in other ways.) He shares the belief with my parents that there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just a little weird, stubborn, dramatic, and all the other labels I've been saddled with my whole life. The only friends who ever made me feel truly understood aren't around anymore. (There I go again, being dramatic.) This resonates with me a lot. Subscribed!

[@Nashleyism]

That sounds invalidating, lonely and painful. I'm so sorry 🫂 I'm glad you are taking care of yourself by trying to find the answer and that you found this channel 😊

[@EsperLunaria]

I'm sorry that the people around you are making you feel invalidated. You are worth the research, care and accommodation it takes to take care of yourself ♥

[@fintux]

Also some: "You're not different" and "Maybe those are all just your personality traits" in pretty much the same breath. So do I have those traits or not? An analogy to the question, do people go to the doctor because they want to be sick? Or maybe after all because they want to get help?

[@TheNeurocuriosityClub]

EXACTLY

[@Nashleyism]

Unfortunately there are many people (including doctors) who will say 'you just want to be sick'. If they can't see something then it doesn't exist. Doesn't matter if it's a mental health problem, pain, some feelings in the body, low energy or else. If there's no swelling, broken bones, temperature or shallow breath, nothing easily measurable, then clearly nothing's wrong

[@HannehYA]

Being at war with your own personality and the split personality (without being DID) part just resonates so much for me. yes I feel that struggle every fucking day.

[@cloudex8127]

Good video :). There is something wrong with me. What I want is to find out what so I can help myself grow with all the information.

[@HeatherLandex]

Judgement for the labels too. I also am aware that I was hyperfocused on the topic for several months so they just wanted me to stop talking, as in their minds " its no big deal".

[@wompusslompus5424]

This was deeply powerful and profoundly validating. Thank you for seeing me and for sharing. You found the words that I have struggled to find, and now I can share this with my loved ones.

[@MaryKDayPetrano]

One of the biggest problems with Autism is that Neurotypicals viewpoint is that there is something "wrong" with the person. Whereas, Autistic people have a totally different viewpoint, that there are very real differences about us that get attacked, bullied, misunderstood, and abused by Neurotypical people and we want to understand WHY. We also, prior to diagnosis, don't have the words to described and conceptualize these differences, analogous to how we can't name emotions we are experiencing. Autistic people typically don't view Autism as there being "something wrong" with us And, therein lies the diametrically opposed conflict in viewpoints between Neurotypical and Autistic people. It is a solid divide, and Neurotypicals don't want to budge. because they think they are always right and superior to Autistic people.

[@sarahritt.creates]

DEEP, deep resonance here--thank you for the beautiful self awareness and empowered clarity you're bringing to the table. I just happened upon your video, and I know this question (and all of its dysfunction) SO damned well.

[@VanessaDayleRaeWaggoner]

Weird you posted this today because my pastor told me today there’s nothing wrong with me so now I am wondering if I am imagining there’s something wrong with me… that’s why I searched “what’s wrong with me” in KZbin and your video came up

[@EsperLunaria]

It's a good time for some introspection and research! Regardless of whether you have autism, adhd, something else or are just struggling in life, there is nothing "wrong" with you. Much love in your journey ♥

[@healthyhappyyoga]

This is why you're a fantastic advocate for neurodivergence in general, and for yourself and your clients in particular. And this is the message I'm sharing with parents of neurodivergent kids, so that they don't have to carry that shame and suffering like we did growing up. Wouldn't it be amazing if our kids could have self-confidence and ownership of their differences? We could create a more inclusive world in one generation!

[@BilliesCraftRoom]

I love your honesty and vulnerability her, I resonate with so much of what you talk bout. Over 50 years of gaslighting. Passing you the softest of blankets to use in whatever way feels safe. Thank you s much, feel so seen heard and validated, watching this. So thankful for all those sharing their lived experiences as it helps people learn more, 🍪👍🏆

[@GrowingByDegrees]

I relate so much to what you said, and also to many of the comments here. What many neurotypicals don't understand is that labels are a validation for ourselves. We are not just odd or stupid, there is a real reason that we have the quirks and challenges we do. Once we know why, we can take steps to help ourselves whether that it through medication or strategy changes, or even just laughing at ourselves. I was over 50 before I connected the dots together and it has been very liberating.

[@kvltkat]

I got diagnosed with autism and ADHD less than a month ago and it was so validating after years of struggling, suffering and begging people to believe me when I said something was wrong. Unfortunately a lot of people in my life still refuse to acknowledge it and say I’m looking for attention

[@TheNeurocuriosityClub]

Yup. We just have to find our people elsewhere sometimes.

[@MrDuckDrawz]

YOU GET IT, I’ve never met anyone else in the world who just GETS IT as much as I do

[@alittletrickery]

Hello!!! Everyone, idk if it will work for your, but the library is a life saver for me. 1. People working hard in there motivate you 2. Use visual timers because you can see the sun set 3. You can build momentum with little easy homework’s :D I’m actually so glad I found something that works and just want to share.

[@TheNeurocuriosityClub]

I also loooove the library!

[@MaryKDayPetrano]

I never thought I had depression or BPD or OCD, that's just it. All those misdiagnoses came after the State Bar of California outed me as Autistic in objecting to my bar admission. And, all those misdiagnoses came mostly from doctors / psychs who never bothered to read what the State Bar was indicating I had and without bothering to take ANY childhood history of my childhood.

[@merileekapfer2769]

I get asked this question every day multiple times a day. But the person asking is actually myself. I am the voice that is invalidating myself and who isn’t seeing the struggles as bad enough to deserve a label.

[@insightfuldreamer9146]

Wow, bless you for being able to articulate this so clearly and with such authenticity. I only came across your channel today and I have never felt more seen and understood. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and knowledge so openly.

[@MissingScaffolding]

Big relate. I started illustrative journaling to help integrate and tell MY side of the story with the new clarified lens after diagnosis. I lost every single colleague, my career, hobbies, and friends as I was forced into unmasking by way of burnout. I realized the original wound of not being mirrored back properly, nurtured, or developed into a full separate human is still affecting me to this day. I’m unable to receive conditional love from people who won’t relate or meet me where I’m at. I don’t believe in the double empathy divide or ToM concept- we have significant cognitive and effective empathy and spend 95% of our time in NT world whereas they may possibly engage with us 5% of their time and will extrapolate their limited reality onto us. I painted a good visual of this. Short cactus next to tall cactus against a big wall. Short cactus says the sky, birds, sun don’t exist since it can’t see over the wall. Tall cactus looks over and says, “but you can see right there you have a shadow so the sun must be real.” They will still deny it. Gaslighting sleepwalkers. Awareness and consciousness levels are different by design.

[@shawnaford5540]

Sharing some aversions from childhood (cigarette smoke) and being interpreted that they are simply preferences. And if having a choice regarding our sensitives. It does impact preferences after the fact as in I do not have friends that smoke or go to places where there is smoke. Fortunately nonsmoking environments are easier to find. I think that while I am now aware of and getting comfortable with my neurodivergence, others have not had to challenge their beliefs and assumptions. Now I know I am not “too sensitive” and I am simply sensitive. My choices are valid for me and I also have learned that there will be push back when I decide what is best for me and also wisdom in what is best for me is not also best for everyone.

[@TheNeurocuriosityClub]

Omg, yes, this is wisdom at its finest ❤️

[@felinefurkin4275]

Despite having not had that question specifically, this resonates hugely. The big one in my life has been “are you working?” cos that’s been an obvious rollercoaster (up, down, big breaks between). Was a bit confused by the ad popping in like that though I well understand KZbin and engagement, who watches to see it at the end etc. The seamless transition made it hard to realise straight away it wasn’t the next bit you’d been leading to, even with the change in setting and clothes.

[@linellcorban4194]

Thank you. You have described my child (grown) whom I love & accept but also so often hurt by saying the 'wrong' thing. We do talk frequently (we live across the country from each other) but I often trigger negative? reactions (not a full meltdown) by accident. I don't want to do this! I am probably (most likely) nurodivergent myself; how/where can I learn how to not say something hurtful ? We do have a good relationship but I fear causing them more pain...

[@koalamama2]

Maybe Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication work would be helpful.

[@TheNeurocuriosityClub]

To be honest, I'm not sure. But I just want to say that, just realizing and owning all of this is HUGE. You're on the right track, sending love ❤

[@linellcorban4194]

@@koalamama2 Is this a book?

[@user-sb2sz1xb5k]

I agree with Koala Mom. Nonviolent communication teaches you how to find ways to meet your needs and the needs of the other person. We all have values ​​that are important to us and we want to realize them. Because we have different values, the process of finding an appropriate agreement can be called nonviolent dialogue. It is also a process of exploring what you and the other person want. I'm still studying NVC1 level, so the explanation is lacking.

[@user-sb2sz1xb5k]

​@@linellcorban4194 ** Marshall Rosenberg Introduction to Nonviolent Communication Part 1: Purpose of Nonviolent Communication; Expressing Observations and Feelings 1. kzbin.info/www/bejne/qIeTe6iLfc2aosk 2. kzbin.info/www/bejne/bILMpaKueKtqfNk 3. kzbin.info/www/bejne/qqa3hH1oqL-UsJI 4. kzbin.info/www/bejne/nKHEeZWEmd5_h7M Part 2: Expressing desires and requests. 5. kzbin.info/www/bejne/e3-4YYJsjL1pZ6s 6. kzbin.info/www/bejne/pmapg4CGqN-JjqM 7. kzbin.info/www/bejne/a6S1fmtoequGaNk Part 3: Listening with empathy 8. kzbin.info/www/bejne/j3PSm5JuqKinn5I 9. kzbin.info/www/bejne/Z3KTYqOnosyNmNk 10. kzbin.info/www/bejne/jXjcdGuEbdGNoq8 11. kzbin.info/www/bejne/fnOXcnutbceoeLM Part 4: Asking questions and expressing and accepting gratitude 12. kzbin.info/www/bejne/Z3KTYqOnosyNmNk 13. kzbin.info/www/bejne/r3_Md6mepZV3fas 14. kzbin.info/www/bejne/iofEd2acmN-HoJI

[@EsperLunaria]

Oh my goodness. I'm chronically terrible at explaining certain things, especially emotions and the way I feel about things (thanks, alexithymia), so this puts into words very nicely things I've been wanting to tell my parents, some friends and even a therapist at one point. Thank you so freaking (I wanted to use a swear here) much. I've had the same issue with "why do you want a label" as an extension of this question. Luckily I was able to answer that question semi coherently and wasn't asked about it again. My parents have supported my self diagnosis, even if they don't fully understand it. Thank you thank you thank you for this resource.

[@choosegreaterhealth]

I get the wanting to know why things feel wrong. I took benzodiazepines and SSRIs for most of 12 years (the prescriptions kept getting renewed, until they didn’t) … that and all the non communicating multiple prescriber craziness+near fatal interactions could have been avoided by an in-depth look and action on the nutrition situation. I didn’t have clinical anxiety so much as clinical gut microbiome (and gut-brain axis) dysfunction.

[@misspatvandriverlady7555]

The same mother who suggested I was “Aspie” at 21, I should “get disability for autism” when I was 31, and asked “Is there really any doubt in your mind at this point that you are autistic?” when I was 41, also suggested many times that “labels” are something to be avoided, for myself AND my kid! Guess she wants to be able to label and dismiss us, and assumes that’s what everyone else will do, too! 😒

[@kernanandrews3374]

Great video Megan. I really hear you!

[@marcymarino9803]

Thank you. I needed to hear what you had to say today. This video really struck a nerve.

[@xAwareWolfx]

Thank you for uploading this and putting what I've struggled to verbalize for so long, into words ❤

[@megandoveton2967]

Thank you for this, you've summarised a lot of my feelings and thoughts in a way that feels very validating and have given me resources to help me explain myself to my loved ones

[@bhutjolokia6990]

I hate that there is something wrong with me but flaunt my autism/adhd because it makes me more comfortable to be me!! I have autism all around me and did not recognize it until my 7 days of hell and rewiring in my head. My 5 year old granddaughter Ana was diagnosed with autism young and she helped unlocked my secret. Nothing is easy for me🤔 unless it's a beautiful day and i go for a hike in nature that is the only place i can go and feel as one. We want to know what's wrong with us but don't want to be neuro-spicy. We just need validation. My life makes sense now and raising 4 neuro-spicy kids was no easy task. People who ask these types of invalid questions lack a very important human quality and that's empathy. If people are looking for understanding of what we go through then ask with empathetic questions, simple!! 👍😎👻🤪🌶♾️🙏

[@robertabarnhart6240]

My go-to answer is (and yes, I say this to their face), "Because otherwise I'm just lazy, stupid, crazy, and flaky!"

[@theCailleach]

Eeeexactly. Thank you 💛

[@DavidSilverman-darktoad]

You are awesome and I appreciate you so much

[@AmarisFrede]

Yes, thank you! Finally someone sums it up.

[@donnaw4725]

How can I understand what’s going on without knowing what I’m dealing with?

[@Justmeke23]

👏

[@AutisticlyRose]

This was the most annoying question I got when talking to people about thinking I had autism, and it didn't come from loved ones, it came from councilors and therapists who were not knowledgeable about autism & adhd at all. Do you mind if I clip a few minutes of this and make my own video on the same topic taking about my specific experiences with this? I'll link back to this video of course, but I want to ask anyway.

[@TheNeurocuriosityClub]

Thank you for asking! Yes, please do! We always need more examples of lived experience ❤

[@WickedB_13]

❤❤❤

[@Eilanina]

❤

[@pavlova717]

If you are struggling, then something IS wrong. It doesn't mean something is wrong with YOU. And neurodivergence isn't something wrong.